#but idk how i'll live without school
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pxrplepolkadots · 3 months ago
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Tomorrow is officially my last class day of my college career and I'm freaking the fuck out about it.
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apocalypticdemon · 3 months ago
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hmm. spiraling. fun.
#i live in a very sad state of 'never allowing myself to hope for or get excited for anything-'#'-because i will only be disappointed.'#every goddamn time i get my hopes up i get kicked in the teeth. so i don't let myself do it.#this is the first time in. at least 3-4 years i actually *hoped* for something.#and it's triggering all of my everything as the dream of being able to label what's going on and ask for help crumbles to dust in my hands.#as it has every other goddamn time before.#i am not allowed to hope for things. nothing good ever comes of it.#plus now I'm having like. stolen valor bullshit.#for finding words and approaches and experiences relatable and useful.#'hey i actually feel like calling my long-term interests something other than 'obsessions' helpful'#like it now feels illegal to relate to the adhd/autistic experience bc this test deemed me ineligible.#even if relating to those experiences has been helpful. this whole experience has validated the goblin that lives in my brain#that tells me i AM an impostor and don't deserve to be in any of those spaces.#it's validated the voice that says that i'm a fraud and a liar and a con for finding ways to describe my life useful#because i don't have a piece of paper. because my psych decided that the mild anxiety i have is the explanation.#'no the fact that you barely function outside of school is just anxiety. you might have some sensory issues hut we can't help with that.'#'have you tried therapy?' as if i haven't been in therapy for almost 7 years. as if my therapist didnt REFER ME.#idk. i'm sad. i'm no closer to answers. i feel like i haven't been listened to.#i am in a lot of pain trying to function most of the time and it feels like i should just resign myself to it.#nobody will listen. this is the second time ive had something written off as anxiety. the fact that I'm in distress doesn't matter.#i'm just destined to be in pain without help. and then one day I'll die.#(I'm not like. suicidal. i just. feel like nobody will help and I'll just be Mystery Distressed as my social anxiety never improves.#despite therapy.)#idk. I'm sad and im angry and i feel like a liar and a fraud for even daring to think i knew how my brain worked.#every nd person I'm close to was surprised by this. i just feel empty and worthless.#sorry. venting. i'm sad. as the post said. spiraling.
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starpros-sunshine · 3 months ago
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Boys will be like "I don't have issues I'm fine" and then be scared to leave the house because they might run into their mother
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onrainynights · 6 months ago
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🕯️manifesting my promotion🕯️
#ack it would just be. so incredible for my life. not only would it be a full time job I could do sustainably without being in pain#but I know I like the company and get along ok with my coworkers (and certainly am capable of playing nice when I don't)#and I make the most sense as a candidate. I really do. the only point against me is I don't have my licence yet#but my driving test is 9 days away and I'm not very worried about whether or not I'll pass it#I just. please let this happen. this would let me have an actual career and a job I could live on. I'd have financial independence#for the first time in my life#plus I'd be making more money than I ever have in my life and it would give me management experience#so if it doesn't work out for whatever reason I'd be able to get other management-level jobs#but I hope it would work out because again I really like the company and id rather stay there than work for a bigger company#like could I probably get a management job at like walmart or a fast food place? yes. but I wouldn't want to lol#but yeah I'd go from $11/hr to $17.50/hr and I'd work about 22 more hours per week#plus I'd get bonuses and paid vacation days and all of that which would be very nice#apparently there's a $4k sign on bonus for the position too (bc they've had such a hard time filling it if I had to guess)#so I'd have that to look forward to whenever it got paid out. Just generally I'd be in a much much better financial situation#and so would my whole family#right now my income makes a big difference and I'm only making like $500/month rn#so if I was making over $2000/month? my parents would be so much less stressed#idk I've just felt more fulfilled at this job than I ever have before and I feel like I belong at this company honestly#like as far as part time jobs go I got extremely lucky. it's a very lax culture where as long as your tasks get done#they don't care if you spend half your shift on your phone. there's no meaningless busy work#I'm allowed to sit when I want to and I'm very mobile otherwise and it's great for my pain#I'm in very minor pain at this job. less pain than high school caused me in terms of physical demand on my body#I can see myself being able to build an actual career at this company. and considering I spent most of last year struggling#to find employment at all? and then spent a few months in my own personal hell? the possibility that this might really happen is incredible#I've built so much confidence at this job in only 3 months and I would not have even thought myself capable of management a year ago#it's incredible what being surrounded by people who treat you like a competent adult person can do for your self-image#(you will see yourself as a competent adult person actually. crazy how that works)
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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 1 year ago
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Heylo my maggotsies... I'm sorry to do this but I have a thing that I really, really need to do (thank you Ash for helping me realise that) but I'm terrified to. so well. I'm going to make one of the posts (Neil reblogged me a couple of days ago so I feel pretty safe making one now since he only lurks by once in two weeks so this is as good a time as it gets to make a post and not expect many notes, yes I'm an overthinker and I'm actually scared of this getting notes).
Sigh. Here goes.
...I'm scared of even typing it.
Nope okay I can do this let's go.
If this post gets 1k notes, I'll look up jobs in design and film making that don't need a college degree.
2k notes, I'll sign up for an Alliance Francaise course so I can have another language on my CV, and I'll find a course that teaches me how to use design software.
5k, I'll look up distance learning alternatives, because just talking about physical college yesterday made me spend the whole morning and afternoon today in and out of nightmares screaming. Fuck.
10k, I'll tell my mum that I can't do the offline college. She's been talking to me about it, but I've been dodging because I'm not well-off and I really need to be earning and idk how to do that without college and I feel so guilty.
15k, I'll officially back out from the college (does that count as dropping out, if it hasn't begun? maybe half. i am a college and a half dropout, my 11th grade self would hate me and my 10th grade self would refuse to believe it).
I don't know what I'll do then. I don't know how to live as trans here in India, I don't know how to earn enough to be able to help my family, I don't know what I'm good at and I'm so fucking terrified. But. I spoke to @random-doctor-on-the-internet last night (I love you Ash you're such a fucking amazing human) and they made me realise that well maybe landing in a hospital with steroids to relieve an allergy attack because of exam stress isn't normal and so.
Well. Here I am. I know I can't do it, but I'm scared to risk everything, it's just not something people do here, dropping out. But also (TW s**cide statistics mentioned below the cut)... And so I've just. Got to do it, got to save myself and say no to college (cue say no to school, kids joke). Somehow be brave enough. And yeah.
To quote a financial express article: "In an alarming situation, a total of 7,62,648 suicides were reported in India between 2018 to 2022, Of this student suicides account for 7.6% at 59,239". Maybe if more people did say fuck you to the system here, that wouldn't be the case. That number could have been 59,240 (aside from everyone who wasn't counted and hushed up), that could have been me, and I don't want to put myself in that situation again. You know? Yeah.
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rynwrites4fun · 1 month ago
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Across The Hall (9) | Michael Robinavitch x Neighbor/Teacher ! Reader
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Michael Robinavitch x F ! Neighbor/Teacher ! Reader
Summary: You and Michael now live parallel lives—close in distance but distant as strangers. After a school field trip to the zoo, you get injured and are rushed to the Pittsburg Trauma Medical Center, straight to Michaels ER.
Word: 4971
Warnings: Age Gap (Mid 20s/Early 50s), Head Injury (Factured Skull), Bleeding from the ear, and Vomiting
Authors Note: Hello! Thank you for all the love on the last part. Lol I love seeing your guys comments and reactions. They crack me upppp. Couple more parts and this fic with come to a end🥲. Depending on season 2 maybe I'll write a spin off/Continuation of some sort 🤨??? or maybe I'll leave a good thing be. Idk this is all up in the air and just ideas. If I did continue it won't be until next year YIKES. Long way from now. But if you guys want it i'll prob do it lol very much a people pleaser 😭 also determined to finsihed eyes on me lol okay anyway. enjoy!!! - ryn
3 Months Later
Since that day—that morning where it ended—you and Michael had kept your distance. It wasn’t easy. Living across the hall meant you still saw each other constantly. You crossed paths in the elevator, passed in the lobby, caught glimpses through cracked doors. But it was different now. Cautious. Careful. The warmth was gone.
It was like reverting back to how things were in the beginning—only worse. Not acquaintances. Less than that. Strangers.
There were no more lingering glances, no more easy conversations or shared errands. No more moments where he helped you without being asked, like he just knew. Now it was all stiff nods and the occasional muttered “hey” or “hi,” as if everything between never happened or existed.
Your lives—once a single, tangled line—had split. Still running close, still crossing the same thresholds, but no longer connected. Now they moved in parallel. Close enough to feel, never close enough to touch.
You missed him. Not just being around him—but him. The version only you knew. The one who stayed late, who looked out for you, who let his guard down when it was just the two of you.
Now, it was like he barely looked your way. Just quick hellos, if that. And even those felt heavy.
Still, every time you saw him, you wondered if he missed you too.
And maybe—just maybe—you knew he missed you too.
But neither of you said a word.
Michael had been the first person to remind you what it felt like to be truly cared for. Losing that connection hurt deeply. But even without him, you were learning how to stand on your own. You are in a better place
After years stuck in a toxic, neglectful relationship with Aiden, you finally chose yourself. No more waiting to be seen or heard. You were rebuilding, piece by piece—stronger, quieter, more certain.
It was something Michael said the last time you saw him that stayed with you. His voice was calm but firm: “You need to figure yourself out. Really figure it out. What you want, what you feel… why you push people away when they treat you the way you deserve. Because if you don’t, you’re just going to keep hurting the people who care about you.”
Those words gave you the push you needed to walk away.
After breaking up with Aiden, the silence was deafening at first. No shouting, no blame, no empty promises—just quiet. And for once, that quiet felt like space you could breathe in, not suffocate.
You weren’t completely free yet. There were days when memories clawed at you, when loneliness crept in like a shadow. But with each morning you woke up without him, you felt a little stronger. A little more whole.
And Michael? Seeing him after everything—it wasn’t easy. There was a tension, a distance between you that hadn’t been there before. You still felt guilty for how things ended with him. But beneath it all, you knew one thing: his words had helped you find yourself again. Even if your connection had changed, that truth remained.
This morning, you had left your apartments at the same time, walking side by side in silence. No words. No eye contact. Just the sound of your footsteps echoing down the hallway—too close, too quiet.
He let you step into the elevator first, then slipped into his usual corner—like always. The space between you felt heavier than it should’ve in such a small box.
And every time you rode the elevator with him now, your mind drifted back to that morning. The one where everything shifted. The one where he had looked at you like he couldn’t wait another second. Where his hands trembled on your skin and nothing else existed. That morning where—for a moment—you both stopped pretending.
Now, you only pretended. Pretended not to miss it. Pretended not to look at him out of the corner of your eye. Pretended he wasn’t right there, close enough to touch, but choosing not to.
Then, suddenly—you don’t know why—you turned your head and glanced at him over your shoulder.
“Good morning,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, a small, uncertain smile on your lips.
Michael stood there, sunglasses on, coffee in hand, AirPods in. He didn’t respond. Didn’t nod. Normally, he’d say hello—or at least acknowledge you—but today wasn’t one of those days.
Maybe he hadn’t heard you.
But he had.
Because the truth was, he missed you. Every time he saw you, felt your presence so close yet unreachable, it tore at something inside him.
But talking—to break the silence—meant opening a door he wasn’t sure he could close. It meant risking everything he’d been trying to hold together.
The silence in that elevator was suffocating.
The doors slid open.
You stepped out first, heart pounding, words caught in your throat. By the time the two of you made it through the lobby and out to the street, you found yourself saying, “Have a good day.”
Still, he ignored you.
Without a word, he turned and walked in the opposite direction.
—--
It had been a good day.
There was a field trip to the Philadelphia Zoo, and the fifth graders had been buzzing with excitement since they got off the bus. They darted from exhibit to exhibit in loose clusters, calling out animal facts they half-remembered from class, pointing at the gorillas, giggling at the flamingos, and dramatically gagging when they passed smelly enclosures. 
You smiled through the chaos, constantly scanning the crowd, reminding them to walk—not run—while answering a steady stream of “Can we go there next?” and “Do we have to stay with our buddy?”
By the time the group began gathering near the exit to prepare for departure, the kids were hot, tired, and still somehow full of energy—trading animal facts, snacks, and complaints about the long walk back to the bus.
You turned to check on one of your students—and your foot caught on a backpack left sprawled across the pavement.
You didn’t even have time to brace yourself.
You went down hard.
Your head hit the ground with a sickening crack.
Everything went black for a moment.
You passed out for a few minutes before slowly waking up. When your eyes opened, your other 5th grade teachers and your students gathered around you, worried. 
A sharp pain pulsed through your head. When you touched the side of your face, your fingers came away wet—your ear was bleeding.
You tried to sit up, but your body felt heavy and unsteady. Panic flickered in your chest.
“Are you okay, Miss?” a student asked, voice trembling.
You forced a small, shaky smile. “I’ll be okay,” you whispered, though you weren’t sure.
One of the teachers noticed the blood coming from your ear when you touched it. They knew something was wrong—you needed to get to the hospital.
You tried to protest, insisting you were fine, but the other teachers wouldn’t hear it. Their concern was firm—they knew you needed medical attention. They called an ambulance, and took care of your kids as you headed to the hospital.
“Okay, we’re headed to PTMC,” the driver said to his partner in the back with you.
Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center. No. You didn’t want to go there. Michael worked there.
“What? N-no, can’t you take me to Allegheny?” you asked, your voice shaking as you glanced up at the paramedic trying to stem the bleeding from your ear.
“Miss, PTMC is closer. Allegheny is too far,” the paramedic replied, his tone calm but unyielding.
Suddenly, a wave of nausea hit you hard. Before you could stop it, you threw up—your body reacting to the pain and shock.
The paramedics quickly handed you a bag, their expressions gentle but focused. Your head throbbed fiercely, and the thought of seeing Michael at PTMC made the room feel even more overwhelming.
You swallowed hard, gripping the stretcher tightly as the ambulance doors shut and the vehicle started moving. Outside, the world blurred past the windows, but inside, your mind spun with pain, fear, and an ache far deeper than the injury itself.
—-
It was busy in the ER today—loud, chaotic, the usual blur of motion and noise. Monitors beeped steadily in the background, gurneys rolled down hallways, voices called out orders and vitals in clipped tones. The scent of antiseptic clung to the air, mixing with the sharper tang of adrenaline and urgency.
Michael worked hard and efficiently, his hands steady and his voice calm as he checked charts, issued instructions, and answered questions. Every task was precise and practiced. But despite his focused exterior, his heart wasn’t fully in it today. Beneath the surface, his mind drifted elsewhere.
For some reason, you were heavy on his mind—ever since he saw you that morning in the elevator. Though he went about his work with his usual efficiency, every time he glanced up or caught a quiet moment, his thoughts slipped back to you. That brief encounter stirred something beneath his calm exterior, making it harder than usual to focus.
Even as he moved through the chaos of the ER, you lingered in the corners of his mind—a quiet weight he couldn’t shake. Each task felt automatic, mechanical, like he was running on autopilot 
At the nurses’ station, Dana glanced toward Michael as he passed by, pausing briefly. His eyes scanned the triage monitor for a moment before he continued on his rounds.
“What’s his vibe today?” Dana asked, peering over the top of her glasses as she flipped through a stack of charts.
Jack didn’t look up from the computer. “Full-on rain cloud.”
Dana let out a quiet laugh. “That bad?”
Jack finally glanced up. “Yeah. Barely talking. Just doing his rounds like a ghost.”
Dana frowned slightly. She hadn’t had a real catch-up with Robby in a while.
“I don’t think I’ve heard him say anything beyond patient loads and charts in weeks,” she murmured.
Jack leaned back in his chair. “Yeah. He’s been keeping things tight. You can tell he’s holding something in… and it’s not just stress.”
Dana sighed, looking up from the computer. “It’s been—what? Three months since they stopped talking?”
“Yeah,” Jack said, watching Michael enter an exam room. “He’s doing okay. Better than a few months ago, for sure. But I think today’s one of those days where he’s really missing her.”
Jack added quietly, “It’s hard to tell with him sometimes. He’s always been good at hiding what’s really going on.”
Dana didn’t respond right away, distracted by the faint sound of sirens growing louder in the distance.
“Looks like a bus just pulled up,” she said, glancing toward the ambulance bay.
Jack turned, following her line of sight. Through the glass doors, he spotted the rig backing in, its lights still flashing. The paramedics moved quickly, unloading a gurney from the back, getting ready to wheel someone inside.
“I got it,” he said, already moving toward the doors.
“Alright, what do we got?” 
Jack reached the stretcher as the paramedic began briefing him. 
“Mid-20s female, teacher on a zoo field trip. She tripped over a backpack and hit her head on the pavement. She lost consciousness briefly after the fall. There’s blood coming from her ear. She vomited on the way here and reported dizziness and nausea and is currently somewhat disoriented.”
“Exam Room 13’s open!” Dana called out as she overheard part of the paramedics’ briefing.
The gurney rolled past the nurses’ station in a blur of motion—wheels rattling, footsteps fast. Dana glanced up from her charts and files to get a quick look at the incoming patient… and froze.
Her eyes widened, recognition flickering across her face as she stood up straighter, instinctively stepping out onto the floor. Her heart skipped. Her eyes narrowed, trying to make sure she wasn’t seeing things.
It was you.
You looked pale, out of it—a plastic bag clutched in your hand, vomit on your shirt, and a smear of dried blood trailing from your ear. But it was unmistakably you.
The same woman she’d seen, playing around with Michael in aisle 9 of the grocery store fighting over cookies. 
Jack was already directing the paramedics to Exam Room 13, calling for trauma supplies as he moved alongside the gurney.
Dana stood abruptly, eyes darting around the ER. Looking for Michael.
Shit. Where’s Robby? Which wing did he go? She thought.
“Jack!” she called, rushing after him. She fell into step beside him as they wheeled you. 
“What?” he asked, not slowing.
“It’s her!” she hissed, voice low but urgent.
“Who?”
“The friend-neighbor-almost-something-—her,” Dana said, eyes wide. “Robby’s girl.”
Dana watched as Jack’s head whipped to face her. His expression shifts—from confusion to clarity, then to something dangerously close to dread.
Jack stopped short, turning just in time to see the gurney disappear into Exam Room 13. His expression changed instantly.
He looks at Dana again “That was her? Are you sure?” 
“Yes!”
“Shit,” he muttered under his breath.
“What do we do?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Jack didn’t hesitate. “We need to tell him.”
Dana’s brows knit. “Are you sure? After everything… you know how torn up he was…well still is” she trailed off, uncertain. “I mean, do you really think that’s a good idea?”
“Yes,” Jack said firmly. “He still cares about her, still feels things for her. You know he does.”
Dana hesitated, lips pressed into a line.
“He’s not over her, Dana. Not even close. No matter how messy the fallout was, he’d want to know. And if he finds out she was here and we kept it from him…”
“He’d never forgive us,” Dana finished, already nodding.
Jack’s jaw was tight. “Exactly.”
“Look I’ll take care of her, find him as soon as you can and tell him. Okay?” 
“Alright” they quickly went off in different directions. 
The harsh fluorescent lights overhead felt like too much—too bright, too sharp—cutting through the fog in your skull. Your stomach churned again, sour and unsettled. You’d already thrown up in the ambulance, the evidence smeared across your shirt, and the nausea still clung to you, heavy and unrelenting. It was like your body couldn’t decide if it was in pain or panic.
The nurse—Princess, according to her badge—helped you onto the exam table from the gurney, guiding you gently as you sat down.
“Let’s get you settled,” she said calmly.
You nodded, though the movement made your head throb and your stomach turn.
Princess moved with calm precision, wrapping a cuff around your arm to check your blood pressure and attaching monitors to track your vitals. She was already prepping the IV, her hands steady, practiced.
“Pressure’s a little low,” she murmured, mostly to herself, then offered you a small, reassuring smile.
You closed your eyes as the needle slid into your arm, trying to focus on her calm voice instead of the pounding in your head.
She grabbed a damp cloth and gently began wiping the vomit from your shirt, doing the best she could to clean you up while keeping you comfortable.
“You’re doing okay,” she said softly. “Just stay with me.”
Princess noticed the shift in your expression—the way your face paled. Without a word, she grabbed a plastic basin and placed it gently in your lap.
“Just in case,” she said softly.
A moment later, the door opened and a man stepped in, wearing navy scrubs and a calm, focused expression.
“I’m Dr. Jack Abbot,” he said as he approached. “I’ll be taking care of you today.”
Jack
The name stood out. Michael’s friend—he’d mentioned him a couple of times. Quick stories, casual references. You never met him, but the name stuck.
Now here he was, standing in front of you. And suddenly, it all felt just a little more real.
To Jack, you were more than just another patient. You were her—the neighbor, the teacher, the one Michael couldn’t stop thinking about. The one who shattered him.
He was torn. Part of him wanted to resent you. Another part couldn’t help but feel sorry—for both you and Michael. It hurt watching Michael suffer in silence, burying his feelings under layers of composure. But there was sadness for you too—because Jack knew you were still clinging to something broken. A relationship that should’ve ended long ago.
But none of that mattered now. He needed to take care of you—not only because it was his job, but for Michael. 
You and Jack locked eyes. Neither of you spoke, but something passed between you—an unspoken recognition. You both knew each other through Michael, even if you’d never met before. And in that silence, there was a quiet acknowledgment of everything that wasn’t being said.
“Let’s get you checked out,” he said gently.
“Can you tell me what happened?” He pulled on a pair of gloves and waited patiently as you gathered your thoughts.
“I tripped over a student’s backpack. I fell… hit my head on the side,” you said, your voice a little shaky.
Princess, at the computer nearby, typed quickly, capturing every detail.
“You passed out? For how long?”
“I don’t know. No more than 5 minutes?”
“And you feel nauseous?” Jack takes notice of the dried blood from your ear. 
“Yes” He brought his hands up, feeling your head, and then he felt it. A squishy part on the side of your head. 
Shit. 
Jack’s eyes narrowed as he gently pressed around the swollen area, careful not to cause more pain. His mind raced—without a CT scan, he knew the injury was serious. How severe, though, remained uncertain.
“Okay, stay still for me,” he said, his voice calm but firm. “We need to get a CT scan to find out exactly what we’re dealing with.” He says to the Princess, but also to you.
You nodded, swallowing hard, the dizziness and nausea pressing harder with every breath.
Princess looked up from her computer. “I’m alerting neurology and radiology now.”
Jack forced a steady breath, trying to stay composed though inside, worry tightened its grip.
Your stomach lurched, and you vomited into the plastic basin Princess had handed you earlier. Jack stepped back slightly, giving you room but keeping his eyes locked on you, watching for any sign of worsening condition.
Princess moved quickly to help, she handed you a clean towel and quietly assured you as you wiped your face.
Princess stepped over, grabbing a pair of gloves and a warm saline wipe.
You flinched as she dabbed gently at the dried blood near your ear, trying not to let it sting. 
“Sorry,” Princess murmured, careful and quiet.
Jack watched closely but because the signs were impossible to ignore. The dried blood near your ear, the squishy spot on the scalp, the nausea and dizziness—they all pointed to something serious. Possibly a skull fracture.
Until the scan came back, there wasn’t much he could confirm. But in his gut, he already knew this wasn’t minor.
He reached for a chart from the counter, flipping it open and beginning to write. His pen scratched quickly across the paper, but he kept looking up every few seconds—checking your breathing, your pallor, the way you struggled to keep your eyes open.
Princess adjusted the bed slightly, propping it up so you could sit comfortably. She hands you a new plastic basin. She takes the used wipes and throws it in the trash along with her gloves and goes to wash her hands. 
You glanced at him, searching. “Did��� did Michael send you?”
Princess moved to gather the extra materials they hadn’t used, placing them neatly on the supply rack. Her movements were quiet, efficient, but her attention never strayed far. She listens closely. 
Jack shook his head. “No. Robby doesn’t know you’re here… at least not yet.”
At that, Princess froze for just a moment. She didn’t know the full story, but it was clear you and Michael were connected. Her eyes flicked to Jack, widening slightly. A silent exchange passed between them—brief, but unmistakable.
Jack sighed inwardly. He knew exactly what she was thinking—the bet she and several other staff had made a few weeks ago at the bar about Michael having a girlfriend. Now was not the time.
His eyes locked onto hers, sharp, silently warning: Don’t even think about it. He shook his head slightly.
You hadn’t noticed the exchange. Your eyes closed, feeling dizzy, your head throbbing. The words slipped out before you could stop them. “That’s the last thing I want.”
Princess gave an innocent, almost playful raise of her eyebrows, but beneath it was something calculating. She grabbed a chart out of Jack's hands and scurried out of the room, leaving a faint echo of footsteps behind her.
Jack remained still, watching her retreat. His jaw tightened, mouth pressed into a hard line. In the ER, whispers traveled faster than code blue alarms—money and rumors would be swirling in less than a few minutes. 
Jack exhaled slowly, closing his eyes for a brief second. He’ll deal with it later he tells himslef.
Jack leaned back against the counter, arms crossed. For a moment, he didn’t say anything. Just studied you—pale, clearly worn down.
You swallowed hard, the dizziness still buzzing faintly at the edges of your mind.
“I don’t want to make things harder for him.”
“He’ll know,” Jack said quietly, his voice flat with certainty. “He’ll come rushing in here once he finds out—I guarantee it.”
“He likes you—a lot, cares for you deeply” he said, matter-of-fact, like it was the plainest truth in the world. “I’ve seen him talk about people before—patients, colleagues, even exes. But never like this.”
Your eyes flicked open. Jack wasn’t looking at you anymore.
You didn’t interrupt. His words caught you off guard—soft but heavy.
“With you… it’s different,” Jack said. “He’s not the guy who makes big declarations. But his actions? Loud as hell.”
He stepped closer, eyes searching yours—not confrontational, just honest.
“That day—after everything fell apart—he barely said a word.”
Jack’s voice dropped. “He didn’t say much. But I’ve known him long enough to read between the lines. Michael’s the silent type. Shove it down, suffer alone. That’s always been his way. He doesn’t fall easily. And he sure as hell doesn’t bounce back quickly.”
And didn’t you know it—you ruined what you two had. You looked down at your hands.
“I didn’t mean to hurt him,” you said.
Jack finally met your eyes. There wasn’t anger—just a tired kind of clarity. “Maybe not. But it still happened.”
There was no heat in his voice. No judgment. Just the truth.
“He’ll handle it. He always does.”
He backed toward the door.
“My instinct is to tell you to continue stay away from him... keep the distance. To protect him.”
A beat.
“But even with all that… there’s a part of me that still hopes it works out between you two.”
He held your gaze.
“If there’s even a small chance you feel the same—don’t waste it.”
Then, firm again, “But don’t show up in his orbit unless you’re sure.”
“I’ll be back to get you for the CT scan. If you need anything, press the call button.”
And with that, he was gone.
Dana had spent the last several minutes searching—looking for Michael. The constant rush of the ER had kept her moving nonstop, priorities shifting by the second as new cases rolled in. Between the noise, the pages, and the demands of back-to-back emergencies, she hadn’t had a spare moment—until now. Finally able to look, she peeked into each exam room as she passed, also scanning for Michael.
Finally, she spotted him. 
Standing in the doorway, she called out, “Dr. Robby?”
Michael was looking up from the chart he was filling out while Victoria Javadi, the med student currently shadowing him, checked the patient under his supervision.
“Can… I talk to you outside?”
Michael glanced at her, then back at Javadi.
“Hold it down here. I’ll be right back,” he said, giving her a nod before stepping out into the ER floor with Dana.
“What’s up?” he asked, arms crossing over his chest.
Dana swallowed. “Robby, she’s here. Exam Room 13.”
“Who’s here?” His brow furrowed, clearly not understanding.
“She’s here,” Dana said again, slower this time, her eyes locking onto him.
Then it hit him.
His stomach dropped.
You’re here.
“W–what?” he said, hard and sharp, disbelief cutting through his voice.
“The bus pulled in a while ago-"
“How long ago?!” His voice rose, sharp.
“Half an hour—she hit her head. Took a fall during the field trip—”
Michael’s heart skipped, then kicked into overdrive. He didn’t wait for the rest.
He turned on his heel and bolted, weaving through the ER, past gurneys, staff, and startled patients.
He barely registered people calling his name.
Didn’t care about the chart he’d left behind, the patient waiting for him at 7 with Victoria, or the conversation he’d been having seconds ago.
All he could hear was Dana’s voice echoing in his head.
She hit her head.
His hands were already trembling. Thoughts circled like vultures—loud, fast, frantic. He didn’t know how bad it was. Was it minor? Maybe. But probably not—Not if the ambulance brought her in.
And then another thought struck—hard and bitter.
He’d ignored you this morning.
You’d smiled at him. Said, “Good morning.” Told him to have a good day.
And he hadn’t said anything back.
He’d brushed past you like you didn’t matter. And now—now this.
His chest felt tight. His feet moved faster.
Room 13. Room 13. Room 13.
Nothing else mattered. Not now.
Because you were here.
And you were hurt.
 He rounded the corner too fast, nearly slipped—caught himself—nearly crashing into Jack as he stepped out of Exam Room 13.
“WOAH!” Jack exclaimed, throwing an arm out to steady them both.
“Robby—”
“I gotta get to her—I” Michael said breathlessly, trying to push past him.
Jack grabbed his shoulders, holding him in place. “Stop, she’s gone.”
Robby froze. His heart plummeted, eyes going wide as the blood drained from his face. He couldn’t breathe—he just stood there, stunned, like the ground had been ripped out from under him.
Jack’s eyes widened as he realized. “Oh—shit—no! Gone as in, not in the room! I took her to her CT scan!”
Michael’s breath shuddered out of him. He stumbled back a step, dragging a hand down his face.
“FUCK, Abbot!” he snapped, voice hoarse. “Next time, maybe lead with that!!!”
Jack winced, “Yeah. Okay. Fair. Sorry!” He says quickly.
Michael looked like he was about to break. Without hesitation, Jack grabbed his elbow and pulled him inside your exam room, closing the door behind them.
Jack softened. “You want to sit for a second?”
Michael shook his head, jaw tight. “No. Just… give me a minute.”
His chest rising and falling like he’d just run a mile. He turned away from Jack and leaned heavily against the wall, one hand braced flat against it while the other gripped his thigh. For a long moment, he stayed like that—bent slightly at the waist, eyes squeezed shut—trying to catch his breath and slow his racing heart.
Then, with a trembling hand, he reached under his scrub top and T-shirt and pulled out the gold Star of David necklace he always wore—small, worn, and mostly hidden. He rubbed it between his fingers, clutching it tight in his calloused palm like a lifeline.
With his eyes still closed, he drew in a shaky breath, as if trying to summon strength from somewhere deep inside—something steady, unyielding.
Jack said nothing. He didn’t need to. He just watched, quiet and still, letting Michael have the space to come back to himself.
Michael straightened slowly, collecting himself.
“She’s okay?” Michael finally forced out, his voice barely above a whisper.
Jack exhaled through his nose, rubbing the back of his neck. “She’s conscious. Talking. But I’m pretty sure she has a skull fracture—I just don’t know how severe yet. We’re gonna have ro wait on the CT to tell us more.”
Michael’s face went pale. His jaw clenched, but he said nothing.
Jack softened his tone. “Listen, Robby… I know this sucks. It’s scary, but you’re not alone here. We’re doing everything we can, as fast as we can. She’s tough, and she’s got the best care possible.”
He paused, then added, “It’s us. This team, this hospital—we make it work. You know that. You’ve been part of holding it together more times than I can count.”
Michael’s jaw twitched, but his eyes flicked up—just for a second—as Jack continued.
“She’s in good hands. Our hands.”
“Okay,” he breathed. “Okay.” But there was no real conviction in his voice. 
Jack glanced at Michael, his expression firm but not unkind.
“There’s nothing you can do right now, Robby,” he said quietly. “I know that’s the last thing you want to hear, but it’s the truth.”
Michael’s eyes stayed fixed on the floor, jaw still tight, hands flexing at his sides.
Jack’s voice softened. “And as much as I hate to say it… you’ve got to pull it together and do your job. For now. Until she comes back from CT. We’ll know more soon.”
Michael closed his eyes for a beat, breathing through the heaviness in his chest. Then he nodded—barely.
“I know,” he said. “I know.”
Jack glanced around. “It’s busy today. You know how it is—we’ve got to stay on top of everything, keep things moving.”
Michael knew Jack was right. As much as it tore at him, there was nothing more he could do right now.
So he did the only thing he could—he took a deep breath, straightened his spine, and began to shift the panic into focus. Into control.
He would see you when you came back from CT. Until then, he’d do his job. Just like he always had.
Tags: @im-nowhere-but-also-somewhere @beebeechaos @antisocialfiore @delicatetrashtree @xxxkat3xxx @homebytheharbor @woodxtock @letstryagaintomorrow @livingavilaloca @elkitot @annabellee88 @hagarsays @emma8895eb @the-goddess-of-mischief-writing @jazzimac1967@lafemme-nk @kmc1989 @whos6claire @harrysgothicbitch @trustme3-13 @qardasngan @silas-aeiou @k3ndallroy @ohmystrawberrycheesecake @ay0nha @404creep @dantemorenatalie @obfuscateyummy @steviebbboi @alliegc28 @catmomstyles3 @ardentistella @madprincessinabox @circumspectre @the-one-with-the-grey-color @thatchickwiththecamera @violetswritingg @valutfromlune @baileythepenguin @galmorizethechaos @capj-1437 @airgoddess @nah2991 @interestellarprincess @laurensfilm @peachjellyy @aj3684 @sorryimstupidrn @escapingjune
Across The Hall | (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)
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thewritingfairy · 3 months ago
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↪ au: Poetic justice
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Alternative ending to 04.1 Jason's crime I'll be honest I kept this one short mainly because this is a little bit darker then I usually write and idk if I should use a mature tag, because my original plan for this side story is a lot darker (I turned it down a lot). It might become a multiple part side story, depends if you guys like it. trigger warnings: medical + physical + emotional neglect, guilt, character death (semi-graphic suicide), gn reader (just pretend Reader is out in this au) main m.list          series m.list
‘I’m sorry mama.
It hurts, so much. I can’t take it anymore. It’s all too much, I can’t go on like this, but I know you didn’t me to turn out this way. But I can’t go back. This is the end, and all I do is listen to them.
I am scared of what will happen if I don’t, I’m so terrified mama. I can’t go on like this, but if I do this, isn’t it the easy way out? Especially for them? Wouldn’t I just be giving them what they want? A life without me? Oh, mama, how I wish you were here to guide me, to teach me, to talk me through this. To tell me what I can do.
At least I did what you taught me, I documented everything from the moment I could grab my phone. I took pictures of the injuries he gave me, I did as you taught me, but having these like a card up my sleeve isn’t enough. I want to die, but not just kill myself and leave a note. No, I want to explode this all in Bruce’s face. I want him to feel the hurt I feel.
I want him to burn here on earth and on hell.
That is the justice I want, it’s the justice I need. So I made a plan, you’ll be mad when we meet again. I know it, but you’ll understand. Won’t you, mama? I tried for so long, and this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Once I am done I hope the find this diary. I hope that they know that I am dead because of them all.’
You sigh, you hadn’t written in your diary for a while, not since the attack. But today your ‘family’ isn’t here.
Today you are doing what you should have done the day your mama died. But you aren’t leaving before pulling the manor down with you, you had created a social media account that quickly garnered followers. Mainly from school, they all wanted to know more about you. They want to know why you aren’t attending classes, and they’ll learn.
It will shatter their hope to know that the Wayne family isn’t as squeaky clean as everyone thinks they are.
You will shatter Gotham’s perspective the moment your timed camera and social media posts hit the decks. You just need to move fast, you had already gotten everything ready, Jason’s clothes are sturdy and make for a good make-shift rope, and won’t it be poetic? Beaten to the point that scars have already began to form, and now you’ll die at the hands of his clothes wrapped around your neck.
Just like his hands were that day.
But this time it won’t be in your room, no, even if your room was now a creepy replica of your original one, you won’t defile it. You’ll do it right here in the living room, the room your family met up in the most and the room you avoided the most.
Your hands shaking as you stand up on the stool, there is no time to turn back.
You close your eyes and as you feel life slip away from you, and when you feel it get closer? You smile.
The Bat Family knows death like it’s their closest friend, Jason specifically, having been in heaven after all. But when he arrives at the manor, waiting for a debrief, he realises he’ll never go there again.
Because here he stands frozen, in front of the sibling he had harmed, they were just hanging there. Oh god, what has he done? Tears roll down his eyes as he walks towards them. Completely unaware of his surroundings, not even noticing that a camera is rolling, that sirens are slowly surrounding the manor. He should consider himself luckily that he had already changed in sweatpants, no sign of his Red Hood gear. Otherwise he had to explain more than just their wounds.
The closer he got to them, the more his surroundings seem to disappear. The more he doesn’t notice, the others had rushed in the room after hearing the sirens and getting an alert from Barbara that (Name) leaked the situation on the internet, with proof. Bruce had lied to her, he said it was just a small situation. Shouting over the comms to demand the truth, is it all true? Did they truly do this her? But it doesn’t matter, Jason did this. He pushed them to their death.
“Oh God,” he chokes out, as he finally reaches his arms out to touch your body. As he finally takes in your expression. You’re smiling, as if you are glad. As if you are finally safe. He did this. He did this to you. “I’m sorry, what have I done….”
He falls to his knees, his head touching the ground as his sobs echo in the room. But his pity party didn’t last for long, no. Before he could reach for your body and beg for forgiveness Tim pushes him away from your body, angry tears streaming down his face. “You don’t get to touch them.” His voice was shaking, his body rigid and tense. He was on the defensive. Tim seems deluded as he shouts, pointing at them all; “None of you get to touch them!”
Tears streaming down his face as he screams once more; “What have we done?!” (Oh, would this have been him if Bruce hadn’t saved him?) His thoughts torture him and all he could do was pull on his hair, almost tearing it out as he swears he can see your body move. Your smile turning sour the longer he looks at your face. As if you’re telling him; ‘Oh, Tim, couldn’t you do this for me when I was alive? Couldn't you have defended me before?’
Then Tim’s eyes widen, what if you can still be saved, what if he can still turn your faith around?
If you were saved, would his complicity be forgiven?
He works quick, taking your body down as he tries to save you. But your body is already getting cold, it’s too late, but he doesn’t care. He needs you to open your eyes, he needs to ask for forgiveness, he needs to turn your faith around.
You needed someone in your corner, he shouldn’t have been complicate, he should have saved you. That's what Red Robin's for, to protect those that couldn't protect themselves. And he had left you behind, the person that saved him, the person that could relate to him the most. And he never let you in.
He didn’t even notice he was hyperventilating until Bruce pulled him away from your body as paramedics rush into the room. Bruce holds Tim in a bruising hug, almost as if he's terrified Tim would die too. His eyes shot up to where his other siblings were, their eyes terrified. Their eyes looking at your body as if it was all a dream.
Then it all became real.
You are pronounced dead.
And a dread settles upon them all.
They, who are Gotham’s protectors, killed a civilian.
They were the cause of a death of someone they vowed to protect. All because of their own ignorance.
as I said before if you guys like this I'll make it in a bigger side story, but it would get a new taglist and it's own masterlist. For this chapter I'll use the taglist for Nobody's child.
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taglist (Nobody's child): @prettiest-thing-in-the-morgue, @bunniotomia, @devotedlyshamelessdetective, @princessbonnie-bell, @seemee3, @pix-stuff, @venomsvl, @amber-content, @stove-top96, @frank-vanderboom, @leeiasure, @1abi, @shadowytravelerlover, @chericia, @lithiumval, @lingxio, @cssammyyarts, @marsmabe, @foolishseven, @kore-of-the-underworld, @bunbunboysworld, @homeless-clown, @miashico, @alwaysholymilkshake, @1cxndy, @kittzu, @rtyuy1346, @exactlynumberonekryptonite, @hopingtoclearmedschool, @artistwithcreativeburnout, @alishii, @vanessa-boo, @holylonelyponyeatingmacaroni, @91-kya, @ryuushou, @jjsmeowthie, @justthere1956, @depressed--therapist, @xzmickeyzx, @cheappremingerfromdelululand, @plsfckmedxddy, @itsberrydreemurstuff, @trashlaternfish360, @leogf, @dirtydiavolo, @lilyalone, @welpthisisboring, @kenman00001, @nxdxsworld, @icefox8155, @ironsaladwitch, @holderoflostmemories, @asillysimp, @wisefuncherryblossom, @eyeless-kun, @marina27826, @muggleloveralways, @ironsaladwitch, @shyenemyperson, @iamaunknownsecret
469 notes · View notes
plethorawrites · 5 months ago
Note
I love your fics sm 🩷🩷 Could I request a f2l au with Clark, where him and reader are super touchy n comfortable with eachother that everyone thinks theyre dating even though they say they aren’t. Then to stop the rumours, reader goes on a date w someone else and Clark gets mad jealous? Could also be nsfw if you want 🙏
Yes, yes, yes, I absolutely can! (Idk if this will live up to your expectations because it's like 2 am, but I hope it's okay!)
---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---_
Clark Kent grew up in the Midwest, obviously. In doing so, he was raised to be hospitable, polite, and yeah, he's a little touchy. It was how his parents were with him, always hugging him and swinging him around and how he was with you, always ruffling your hair and letting you lean on him when you were tired or bored.
You were his best friend, like you had always been since childhood. He remembered all the times you fell asleep on him during movies and made him carry you when the shoes he told you not to buy started to hurt your feet. You recalled the times you'd trim his hair for him or smack him in the back of the head for doing something stupid.
And of course, there were the times where you lost your aunt and he consoled you, holding you tightly and bringing you comfort only he ever seemed to manage. You brought him comfort too, though, when his powers grew and he panicked. You were the only one who could calm him down, who he trusted to come near him when he felt like he couldn't control himself. That stupid super hearing made everything ache, but your voice always brought him back.
Because you were his best friend. Even if half the school thought you two were dating. He never quite knew why. Guys and girls could be friends, couldn't they? Not everything was romantic.
Except...then he saw you, talking to one of the football players, the ones you always mock and loath.
"Uh, no," you told him, rummaging through your locker. "I don't have a date for prom yet. Probably just gonna go with Clark."
His super hearing picked up the conversation from down the hallway and he was relieved to hear you turn the guy down, until he kept pressing you.
"I thought you've been trying to convince everyone you two are just friends?" He teased.
"We are," you reminded him, finally pulling your books from your locker.
"Well then why not go with me?" He suggested, taking you books, holding them so you didn't have to. "I mean if he was smart he would have already been putting a corsage on your wrist. But since the guy's clearly an idiot...maybe I could have the honor?"
You didn't like hearing anyone call Clark that, of course, but you knew he made a valid point. "I don't know," you muttered, leaning against your locker as it shut. "We go to most of these together and it's sort of tradition for us—"
You were cut off as he brushed a piece of hair out of your face and Clark's jaw clenched from all the way down the hall, the subtle gesture sending a rush of frustration through him. Who the hell did this guy think he was to have the nerve to touch you like that?
"Maybe it's time for a new tradition," he suggested, tucking the piece behind your ear and letting the back of his knuckle gently graze your jaw. "One where I get to compliment you and you hopefully give me a smile for it?" You huffed, your teeth barring slightly. "Yeah, like one of those..." He mumbled. "It's pretty."
Clark's fingers dug into the metal of his locker door, bending it without even realizing it. When he thought it couldn't get any worse, you nodded.
"Yeah, alright," you agreed. "I'll go with you. But I expect a corsage now that you've brought it up."
He grinned. "In whatever color you want, baby," he promised, tilting his head towards the hallway. "Can I walk you to class?"
Baby. Baby? Was he joking? There was no way you were actually buying into his bullshit, were you?
"I already said yes, you can stop flirting."
"Where's the fun in that?" He teased. "Besides, I already have your books."
That was true, you supposed. With a slight shrug you took his arm, walking down the hallway to him towards your next class.
Clark didn't know if it was on purpose or if you were just messing with him, trying to get back at him for something he didn't even know he did, but either way you didn't even look at him when you walked by.
That's when the hinges broke off his locker.
Everyone, aside from you and your date, who had already walked off, abruptly stopped what they were doing to stare. He cleared his throat, looking down and walking away quickly.
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n0vazsq · 5 months ago
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Love looks pretty on you | AL4 x Reader
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pairing . . . arvid lindblad x gf!reader
summary . . . Your first time visiting a race is certainly the best one, since your boyfriend wins his home race
request . . . yes!! based on this request!
word count . . . N/A
warnings . . . none!
faceclaim . . . girls from pin and sarahli!
alexavia yaps . . . erm not my best and its kinda short but yeah </3 opening my reqs after this (probably) so yes!! ITS SO SO SO SHORT AND SHIT IM SORRY BUT I COULDNT COME UP WITH IDEAS! NOT PROOFREAD!
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yourusername
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liked by arvid.lindblad, yourbsf, maxverstappen1 and 89.1K others
yourusername going to my first race weekend?! i <3 being a wag
click to view all comments
username1 IM SO HYPEDDDDDDDDD TO SEE YOU THERE
username2 y/n paddock appearance?! LETS GOOOOO
username3 SO PRETTYYYY
username4 holy fuck im going to be there too
username5 gorgeous
username6 mothered so hard THE max verstappen appeared in her likes
username7 my GOD shes stunning
username8 MAX???
username9 i cant wait to see the y/n race updates
arvid.lindblad if i win then youre coming to every race
yourusername ill get expelled from school
arvid.lindblad become homeschooled
yourusername HOMEschooled not F1PADDOCKschooled
arvid.lindblad the season is nearly over and its the SUMMER HOLIDAY
yourusername well NEXT season i'll be in school
arvid.lindblad just admit you hate me
yourusername the thing is i dont
arvid.lindblad i love youuu
yourusername love you more
username10 how does it feel to be a goddess y/n
username11 their conteractions im sobbing
username12 had me on my KNEES
username13 screaming crying throwing up
username14 im giggling at their comments
username15 i need more ASAP
username16 can arvid fight
yourusername prolly not
arvid.lindblad ???
username17 PROLLY NOT Y/N ILYYY
username18 man im itching to get love like this
username19 im never shutting about this for like another 18 centuries
username20 watch her disappear for like 2 more years just to appear in the paddock again and get arvid a win
username21 stop why is max in the likes
username22 never beating the older brother allegations
username23 MEOW
username24 whos arvid im here for y/n
username25 hes her bf and the guy in the pics
username26 some random racer idk hes not important y/n is
username27 i need to know when where shes going to be so i can attach myself to her
username28 oh to be in a relationship with her
yourbsf if only i was a wag then we'd be together
yourusername sigh i know
olivergoethe hey
yourusername fuck off
arvid.lindblad LMFAO
olivergoethe this is what i get for being nice
username29 WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF
username30 DIED. DECEASED. GONE. ROTTING.
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arvid.lindblad
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liked by yourusername, pepemartiofficial, yourbsf and 97.8K others
arvid.lindblad DOUBLE HOME RACE WIN!!!!!
click to view all comments
yourusername IUHDYGHJSD MY BOY!!!!! CONGRATS I LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH 🤍 🫶
arvid.lindblad THANK YOU!!! I WOULDNT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO THIS WITHOUT YOU 🤍 I LOVE YOU MOREE
yourusername IMPOSSIBLE 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
username31 THIS IS SO CUTE WF
username32 brbr going to hang myself
username33 MAMMA MIA IM CRYING
username34 living the dream
username35 CONGRATS
username36 sigh i wish i was her
username37 SWEDEN RAHHHHHHHH
username38 BRITIAN RAHHHHHHHHHHH
username39 INDIA RAHHHHHHHHH
username40 ARVID RAHHHHHHHHHH (i just wanted to join in)
username41 FATHERRRRR
username42 woah
username43 he ate. licked the plate clean. swallowed the table even
username44 can't wait for the next race weekend ahhhhhhhh
username45 imagine if he wins again
username46 then y/n is his good luck charm
username47 sigh i want to be as pretty as her
username48 STUNNING.
username49 they ate up everyone frrrr
username50 SPRINT AND FEATURE WIN?? THE GOAT
username51 ONGGGG
username52 FRRR
username53 the next it wag and it driver
username54 when i sleep i see them in my dreams
username55 WE NEED MORE Y/N IN THE PADDOCK FOR MORE ARVID WINS 🔥🔥🗣
username56 guys dont forget us when you become the no.1 racing couple
username57 THE SECOND PIC IM SOBBING THATS SO CUTEEEE
username58 id let him hit me with his car
username59 i'd let y/n hit me with his car
username60 mama y papa
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yourusername has posted three new stories !
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caption 1: HE DID IT RAHHHH // caption 2: won twice and thinks he wons the place // caption 3: love looks pretty on you 🤍 still love him sigh
fin.
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taglist . . . @barcapix ,, @f1lover55 ,, @ilovebarcaaaa ,, @httpsdana ,, @paucubarsisimp ,, @justaf1girl ,, @awritingtree ,, @freyathehuntress ,, @chilling-seavey (lmk if you want to join the taglist!)
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jammydodger3579 · 1 year ago
Text
Young Lust
Summary: Reader is an ex-widow. She escaped with Yelena and lives at the Avengers compound, though she denies being one. The X-men have been working with the Avengers quite closely lately. (I plan on making this a series so that's all the context you get for now hehe)
A/N: so this is the first piece I've put out in a long time so pls be kind, feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive. idk when I'll post the second chapter so enjoy this for now. Also couldn't stop listening to Young Lust by Pink Floyd and Closer by Nine Inch Nails while writing this iykyk ;)
18+, for mature audiences only.
1000+ word count.
Warnings: smut, p/v sex. cursing? I'm really bad at writing smut so apologies
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It wasn’t the first time they’d met, it was just the first time he’d noticed her. Her hair, messily curled. Her makeup, strikingly bold. It suits her. Y/N noticed him too. Drink in hand, leaning against the kitchen island. He seems to have put effort into his appearance for this night. His hair was done, his beard freshly shaven. He even wore his nicest jeans and jacket. Y/N was half listening to a conversation between Kitty and Yelena. Something about how Kitty had come to be at the mansion. They all got along, especially since the Avengers, and their associates like Y/N and Yelena, wanted to bridge the gap between them and the X-men.
Professor Xavier had come to the compound around 3 months ago to discuss with Stark the future of the X-men and how they should all work together. They were practically already neighbours, Stark remarked, the Avengers compound being only a 20-minute drive from the school. Logan had visited that day, sparking up a conversation with Y/N and Bucky.
“So you’re an avenger?” She looked up and smiled at the large man. 
“Only by association. They give me a place to live, and I help them out with missions” She shrugged and stood up. Compared to her, Logan towered over her. “So you’re an X-man?”
“Only by association” Logan nodded and noticed the Professor leaving Starks office. And with that, he was gone. Y/N sighed. Bucky stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. 
“Guess we’ll be seeing more of them,” He said. He was right, Y/N would be seeing a lot of Logan. She wanted to know more. 
The X-men had successfully worked with the Avengers for a series of related missions, Y/N only onboard for some of them, so as a celebration of their success, Professor Xavier hosted a dinner night for the Avengers. Y/N parted ways with the woman and walked over to Logan. She leaned over the counter and poured herself a drink. 
“Enjoying yourself?” They’d only spoken a few times during their missions. They seemed to work well together without talking. Logan nodded and took a sip of his drink. “I’ve never actually been here before, it’s nice” 
“It is, have you had the tour yet?” Logan pulled a cigar out of his pocket. “I need fresh air anyway, so I can show you around a bit” Y/N nodded and followed him out of the kitchen. They walked through the dining room and a living room. One of a few, Logan had said. They made their way outside to the back of the building. Y/N watched as Logan lit his cigar and she took this opportunity to light herself a cigarette. Logan scoffed slightly. “Didn’t peg you for a smoker, bub” 
She smiled and shrugged. “Sometimes you just need a cigarette,” Logan nodded, understanding. He couldn’t help but notice her face, under the moonlight. Her makeup making her features more prominent. He’d recognized she was naturally pretty before, but tonight was different. She was wearing casual, nice clothing. Not her usual tactical gear. Her hair was down unlike how she usually had it. She looked almost regular, someone you wouldn’t expect to have a gun tucked under her skirt. But she was raised to be prepared for anything. “Tell me, how does the Professor feel about his teachers smoking on school grounds?”
“What he doesn’t know won’t kill him. Besides, it’s a stressful job” Y/N was drawn to him, especially tonight. Maybe it was just the alcohol or the moonlight. Something in her stirred. She needed more. His massive body, his arms around her…
They’d had a moment, about 3 weeks back, a one-time thing. Logan was at the compound with Bobby and Kitty, discussing some information they had with the team. Y/N wasn’t a part of the conversation, she had just been training with Yelena. As she walked into the room, the conversation died down. Stark called the meeting there and everyone piled out of the room. Except for Logan, he stayed behind. They made small talk, but there was tension between them. He’d seen how she’d fight, still looking gorgeous after each punch. Even after she’d been training, she barely looked bothered. Logan was collecting files from around the table when he leaned past Y/N, brushing past her shoulder. He held his breath, fearing something would happen if he moved. 
“Good workout?” he finally said, breaking the tension. 
“Could’ve joined, y’know, since we’re a “team” now” She replied calmly, leaning against the table. “God knows I need a new training partner, Yelena is relentless” 
“You guys are very close.” Logan was still standing right next to Y/N. He extended his claws out to retrieve the last file on the table. 
“We were raised together, in the red room... We escaped together, and when she found her sister, she offered for us to stay here. We were family, shared trauma and all..” she trailed off, shaking her head “Sorry, I shouldn’t be dumping all this onto you” 
“It’s okay, I get it” Logan looked over. He saw a vulnerable woman, not the same snide-commenting one he’d gotten to know on the battlefield. His gaze flickered between her eyes and her lips, hurt washing over her face. And then it happens. Y/N had leaned in and kissed Logan. By instinct, he pulled back, shock all over his face.
“Oh my god, I’m so sor-” Y/N was cut off by Logan's lips crashing against hers. His hands dropped the files and moved to her waist, pulling her in flush against his body. He was rough, his lips chapped. She was comfortable, her lips soft. Y/N lifted a hand into his hair. That caused Logan to pull away again, second-guessing what he was doing. 
“No I’m sorry, you’re upset and I’m taking advantage.” Logan grabbed the files off the table and left the room, leaving Y/N alone with her thoughts. It felt like second nature, the act itself feeling so normal that it left Y/N feeling confused. Why had she done that? Why did she open up like that? Logan was an X-men. They should be working together, not getting together behind closed doors. 
“You’re cold, here” That snapped Y/N back. Logan removed his jacket and put it around her, his hands lingering on her shoulders. Y/N leaned in and kissed his cheek without thinking. Stupid. Logan smiled and kissed her forehead. It was instant. Y/N put her cigarette out, took Logan's cigar away from his mouth, and kissed him. It was hungry, desperate. To her surprise, logan leaned into it this time, putting one hand around her waist and the other on her face. Then he pulled away. “I wouldn’t take a man's cigar away from him, sweetheart,” he said, taking it back. 
“What are you gonna do about it” The words escaped before she could think about it. Then, without warning, Logan took her hand and pulled her inside the building. This was exciting. He found an empty broom closet and the two went inside. Before she could ask what was happening, Logan had her pinned against the door. They could hear talking and laughter. Logan locked the door, just in case. Y/N was drinking in his scent, the cigar still burning between his lips. He removed it, put it out against his hand, and placed it back in his pocket. He was thinking about it, a suitable punishment. 
“Let's see, what would a dirty woman like you deserve” he snarled before kissing her again. It was heated, sloppy. Y/N had been waiting for a moment like this for months. Before this, it was stolen looks and glances towards the other. He would casually ask if she was okay during their missions. Constantly checking in. This was different. This was heading somewhere. Finally.
She moved her right leg to wrap around Logan’s left leg in an attempt to bring him closer. He kisses her roughly, poking his tongue inside his mouth to show whos boss here. Logan’s hands roamed her body, smiling when he found the gun she had hidden for emergencies. He removed it carefully before returning to explore Y/N’s body. He left marks down her neck, causing a loud moan to escape. Logan placed a hand over her mouth, the other returning to her leg. She leaned into him, desperate for him to feel her. She could feel his growing erection against her. She muffled something against his hand quietly. He moved it away.
“I need you” she panted, she was eager, he’ll give her that. He wanted to devour her. He pulled down her underwear and traced her clit painfully slow. 
“So wet for me already,” he purred. Her hips moved closer, wanting more. Her hands roamed his chest, then moved down to his belt. She started to unbuckle it, fumbling as she was very distracted when he stopped her. He moved away slightly, taking in his view. He quickly took his belt off with one swift tug and then freed himself of his pants. Y/N’s eyes widened at the sight, daunted by his size. Logan smiled and returned his lips to hers. He placed his hands under her thighs and lifted her onto him slowly. Y/N moaned against the contact. “Shh, I’ll need you to be more quiet sweetheart” 
Logan got a good rhythm going before returning his lips to a special spot on Y/N’s neck. She whimpered, not wanting anyone to hear her get fucked against a door. Her legs wrapped themselves around Logan's waist, not wanting him to leave. His hand covered her mouth, not wanting any noise to escape. He nibbled and licked and kissed all along Y/N’s neck. Her hand reached into his hair, holding on for dear life. She was already close to her end. She bit the inside of Logan's hand. This made him speed up his thrusts, knowing she was almost close to coming undone around him. 
“Such a dirty girl, taking me so well,” Logan growled against her skin. His movements were getting rough and sloppy, also close to his climax. Lust filled his eyes when he saw the pleasure on Y/N’s face. He became animalistic almost, kissing her, dominating her mouth. Y/N could feel the build-up coming, moaning against Logan's mouth, no longer caring about the possibility of being heard. He placed his hand back over her mouth as she came around him. Logan continued until a deep grunt left his mouth, coming undone inside her. Y/N felt him fill her up, and it drips around Logan's waist. They're both breathing heavily and kissing each other sloppily. They rode out the high together for as long as possible before Logan placed her back down. Her heart was racing, she couldn’t believe what had just happened. Logan pulled his pants back up and adjusted his belt. He didn’t know what to say. Y/N was still trying to catch her breath when he handed her gun and underwear back to her. She put everything back into place when Logan broke their silence. “I hope we can do that again sometime bub” and before she could reply, Logan had left the closet, returning to the dinner night.
Part 2: here.
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lurkingshan · 8 months ago
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Hey Shan!! IDK if you're planning to do a BL wrap up or superlatives or anything like that this year so this question might be a bit too early but um...what has been a few of your favorite first watches for 2024 bls?
Hi Eboni! This is actually pretty good timing for a list because most of the shows that will end within 2024 are already over! The only two I could see maybe making my list that have not ended yet are Love is Like a Poison (Japan) and Blue Canvas of Youthful Days (China), so I'll mention them here (fingers crossed they end well and stay favs).
That said, here are my favorite completed BLs of 2024 (alpha order)!
At 25:00 in Akasaka (Japan, Gaga)
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Two actors who first met in college are cast in a bl together, old feelings resurface, and the lines between their professional and private lives start to blur. This show is super beautiful and moody.
Cooking Crush (Thailand, YouTube or WeTV for uncut)
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Ten and Prem are my favorite of OffGun's many couples. Ten is a med student with food issues who wants to learn how to cook, and Prem is a chef in training. Their romance is super sweet and I also really like the side couple and friend groups in this one.
Cherry Magic Thailand (Thailand, YouTube or Viu, requires VPN)
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I still can't believe this show happened. How on earth did GMMTV manage to make a superior version of Cherry Magic?? Tay Tawan had a lot to do with it, along with a very smart adaptation. It's so sweet and funny and perfect (if you just pretend ep 8 doesn't exist).
City of Stars (Thailand, iQIYI)
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I was surprised by how much I liked this charming little Thai pulp. It had an interesting story with strong writing and the pair was very good together. More people should watch it!
I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama (Japan, Gaga)
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This is a short and sweet and note perfect BL comedy about two actors falling for each other while making a BL. Loaded with meta jokes about the industry and stan culture and very loving about it.
Knock Knock Boys (Thailand, Gaga)
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I am obsessed with this excellent Thai BL that not nearly enough people watched. Two couples, both compelling and sexy and fun, and amazing friendship dynamics. I want everyone to watch it!
Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo (S Korea, iQIYI)
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My top BL of the year. It's a second chance romance, you see the characters both in high school and later as adults and I don't really want to spoil anything else about it. It's beautiful, the characters are so compelling, and the story is masterfully told.
Love for Love's Sake (S Korea, iQIYI)
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This one is special and quite unique, and I also don't want to spoil much about it! It begins with a basic isekai set up that then goes to some unexpected places. Really, really beautiful show.
Love Sea (Thailand, iQIYI)
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Definitely my favorite spicy romance of the year. I really loved a lot about the story for this one, in particular the class dynamics that defined the characters and their relationship, and Mahasamut (played by Fort) is on my list of favorite drama characters this year.
Marahuyo Project (Philippines, YouTube)
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We didn't get much from the Philippines this year, but they did drop one absolute banger in this show about a fierce and proud gay kid who gets booted out of school in Manila and sent to live with his grandma and mother on a small island. He makes friends and enemies and starts an LGBTQ+ club, and falls in love along the way.
Mr Mitsuya's Planned Feeding (Japan, fansub)
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An excellent age gap romance about a young editor and the chef who writes for his magazine making food together and falling in love. Lots of fun side characters, too. I loved every minute of this show.
Perfect Propose (Japan, Gaga)
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Two old friends meet when one of them is in need of housing and one is on the verge of a nervous breakdown from a soul-sucking corporate job, and help each other heal. This one is short and sweet.
Ossan's Love Returns (Japan, Gaga)
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This one is technically a sequel, but you can enjoy it without having seen the original (and might like it better that way, tbh). One of the funniest shows of the year and featuring a main couple that is a personal fav and are now on my ride or die list.
Takara's Treasure (Japan, Gaga)
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This one is a simple story but so, so sweet. A cute little bean follows his mysterious idol to university and joins the hiking club to get to know him better. They get to know each other slowly and fall in love.
Unknown (Taiwan, Viki)
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ALMOST my favorite bl of the year, but we had a few issues on the back end. Despite that, I still loved it a whole lot. A family drama and a love story about two chosen brothers whose relationship changes over time. Easily the best BL Taiwan made this year.
Looking at this list, I am realizing how absolutely invaluable my Gaga and iQIYI subscriptions have become; it's where nearly all my favorite BL is airing.
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ms-demeanor · 10 months ago
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Knowledge Fight anon again - thank you for the list and recs! I look forwatd to checking them out. I was excited to see there's a West Wing podcast because I enjoyed that show, but yourself and the hosts hate it so maybe not for me lmao. Though I will still give the first episode a listen - very curious to understand why our feeligns about the show differ so vastly. And if you -want- to rant about why you hate TWW - feel free! I'm genuinely curious - I'm European, have never lived in the US, so for me it was one of the biggest tools of learning how US politics work, which made it absolutely fascinating to watch.
Anyways! I'll be looking at the other podcasts as well, they all seem very interesting, and the common-denominator format you describe them having does jive with me. Thanks again!
My very republican father and sister very much wish that all democrats would act like the democrats in the west wing. It's touted as a point of honor and a great example of compromise when Democrat Jed Bartlett appoints a republican justice to the Supreme court, any time there's an environmentalist or a union supporter on the show they're painted as extreme and uncompromising, in the later seasons the Jimmy Smitts character is running as a democrat on a pro-school-vouchers, anti-tenure/union (so anti-public school, basically) platform, the show as a whole is against entitlements (free college especially is something the ostensible dems in the show aren't even interested in enough to lament).
Idk at a certain point it gets frustrating to see anti-abortion, anti-gay marriage, anti-healthcare republicans being praised as the mature compromisers in the room with complicated motivations and good points when every time a leftist protest shows up it's a warehouse full of people without enough message discipline to talk to to cameras without erupting into a shouting match and getting brushed off as whiny babies by toby zigler.
"Oh, we need CJ to look a little loopy, let's have her agree with these cartographers who are pointing out that the mercator projection privileges the global north." "Oh we need to present something that's a ridiculous waste of money, how about a wildlife crossing that would prevent keystone species injuries in an area of urban incursion, that's bullshit that we shouldn't spend money on." "Oh, we want to explain why big pharma can't provide free HIV meds to african nations in 2003, let's suggest that it wouldn't matter even if they did because *Africans don't have clocks and can't take meds 12 hours apart.*" "this hollywood producer is pushing too hard for gay marriage in 2007, let's lecture him about how you need to slow down and respect the process instead of being an activist about it"
There's this interview with Aaron Sorkin where he's saying "America used to be the world's heroes, when my dad was a soldier people would say 'thank god, the Americans are here' and they don't say that anymore and it's because of Donald Trump" - Sorkin totally ignores US imperialism and the way that people in Vietnam and Iraq and Afghanistan wouldn't say 'thank god, the americans are here' to an extent that is genuinely startling, and that shows up in the show. At one point in the show president bartlett okays the assassination of a foreign leader and says 'today we enter the league of ordinary nations' as though the US hasn't backed coups or assassination around the world, as though the CIA isn't a thing, as though Henry Kissinger isn't a thing, and it's *bizarre* from a show that is supposed to be politically aware.
I'm actually super hesitant to recommend the west wing thing to general audiences because i don't always agree with the hosts or their guests but as an analysis of the surprisingly right-leaning politics of the show it's a worthwhile listen.
It's honestly something i could rant about for way too long because I had early warning signs about it. My sister *loves* this show and its politics. She's got a "my president is Jed Bartlett" sticker that she keeps next to her signed copy of one of Ann Coulter's books. If my sister thinks your liberal character is reasonable and level headed and has good policy positions, your liberal character isn't all that liberal.
The show is steeped in American exceptionalism and imperialist apologia but it's got a tearjerker soundtrack and maybe the best and most charming cast ever assembled so you ignore it when CJ wants to brush off constitutional protections against illegal search and seizure or cruel and unusual punishment (she's a huge fan of cops and intelligence agencies and not a fan of oversight) or when she shits on affirmative action (she believes her father lost his dream job to a less qualified candidate who was selected due to minority status, and that that job loss led to his mental decline - CJ Craig thinks that DEI hiring practices killed her father) because Allison Janney is an incredibly talented and charismatic actress who is elevating the hell out of her character.
But, you know, it would be kind of fucked up if a Democrat president's chief of staff was cheerfully on-record about the fact that she thinks intelligence agencies are more effective when nobody knows what they're doing so we should leave them to their own devices.
Thank you for the opportunity to rant i cannot fucking stand this show and i kind of want to do an episode-by-episode breakdown of various flavors of bullshit but there are much better things to do with my time so i don't but it's nice to have a chance to yell about the stuff that makes me crazy off the top of my head.
That said: if you want a podcast that is less vitriolic but does actually get into how parts of the US political system work, check out 5 to 4, which is a podcast by 3 lefty lawyers talking about Supreme Court decisions. It's great!
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lavandaea · 2 years ago
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smooth talker, powerful supernatural beings who are fluent in sarcasm and graduated from insufferable school being in love absolutely fucking whipped will always be my kind of thing.
I'm actually feral for that concept. Fight me if you dare.
Plus points if their partner it's as strong minded and colorful vocabularied/ eloquent as them.
Plus plus points if it's a love-hate relationship, full of bickering and unwanted feelings, DENIAL.
PLUS PLUS PLUS if they are a sad broken black cat (or smug orange, I won't complain) who has lost all faith in humanity and could not care less about anything than themselves but actually the only thing they want more is some love and hugs and kisses. This being with or without their knowledge.
And then, their partner comes into their lives like saying "let me remind you how wonderful it is to exist"
"Everything changed after I met you. My world used to be gray but thanks to you it became so colorful!"
Quote from Dan Da Dan.
"Because I love you!"
"wait, WHY AM I JEALOUS?"
"what in the name of FUCK IS THIS APPARENTLY NAMED FEELING"
"Me?" points at themselves "with them?" looks at them doing the most weirdest thing. "Nah, there's no way".
"Who did this to you?" AAAAAAAAAAAA
The unbeatable "you are useful to me for this reason"/ I'm keeping you alive for this reason". At first it's true, BUT time goes on...and feelings are developed, they start using it as an excuse to protect them, to keep them close. To hide the undeniable truth.
UNTIL. THEY. DON'T. It's the moment they just want to be with them and have absolutely no fucks to give about what anyone says about it. They love this person and they want to make them happy.
It will always, always, always melt my heart the moment when A and B are looking at something really pretty, really nice and A says or asks "It's beautiful"/"Isn't it beautiful?"
And B that at first may have been looking at it says:
"Yes"
And then turns to A with that look of "I've loved you since the day I met you" to continue with
"It's beautiful"
I'll tell you, it never gets old for me.
PAST LIVES
SLOW. BURN.
SHARING HOUSE
SHARING BED
PARTNERS IN CRIME
TENDING WOUNDS
HAVING👏 EACH OTHER'S 👏 BACKS
THE ABSOLUTE LOOSERISM. I already kinda said it, but this is important shit.
GOING FEEERAL FOR THEIR LOVED ONE BEING HURT/ IN DANGER/ LOOKING FOR THEM (if I'm feral for this whole trope, I'm feral, for this one in particular) bonus points if glowing eyes, then you got me. Entirely. I'm at your service, at your command.
AND THEN ANDTHENNN
when they go feral, primal, maybe even animalistic and don't have control of themselves or/and their powers and everything seems lost because they are idk, about to kill the one who hurt their darling to put an example. AND THEN THEY GET CALMED DOWN BY SAID DARLING.
"It's okay" "I'm okay" "Let's go home"
SHIT LIKE THAT AAAAA
"I'd let the world burn for you" type of shit is what fictionally gets my fingers twirling around my hair like a highschooler.
Being a soft squishy ball full of love but only with them. Fuck everyone else.
The two kinds of looks:
"Oh shit, I'm in love with you" look.
"I love being in love with you" look.
Please do and recommend more of these kinds of shows/films/comics, I will never have enough of them.
Oh, the hopeless romantic in me.
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abyssalaquarist00 · 8 months ago
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hiiiii im rly enjoying ur occultist posting :3 i have a wuastion that it seems you might be in a position to answer: does it make sense in your opinion for him to be wearing a turban or is that just orientalism? and/or do you have a headcanon for him related to that? from what i understand it rly isn't that common for arab muslim men to be wearing them at all times, and while the characters' backgrounds/worldbuilding is ofc v vague, it kinda seems to me like they just went off a bunch of stereotypes without bothering to put further thought into it and that's why he's designed to be wearing one but if there's a way to adopt that design into sth that makes sense and deepens his character a little bit i wanna hear it :3
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i finally get to talk about this
thank you for the question!
the turban style is less common today but it WAS a popular style in the middle ages. its believed to have originated in mesopotamia give or take 4000 years ago.
Golden Middle Age has a good video on this! we also have some examples in historical art (check out ibn sinna, the islamic golden age and also like almost every ottoman ruler)
i personally theorize that lovecraft's abdul al-hazred was inspired by ahmed al-buni (author of shams al-ma'arif/"knowledge of the sun") and other golden age scholars considering that al-hazred canonically lived sometime during that era. i like Lets Talk Religion's video on shams al-ma'arfi.
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here are some of my headcanons for DD al-hazred and how he might wear his kufiyeh. while lovecraft's al-hazred is yemeni, i headcanon DD al-hazred to be from like. a fantasy al-andalus (with fantasy yemeni and syrian ancestry). (ive kind of always seen the DD world as Not earth)
so, for history's sake it's accurate headgear! there's many ways to wear a kufiyeh, and nowadays the turban is less popular among arabs but i think thats really recent and it could be dependent on the amnt of industrialization.
here's a photo of the omani sultan's family in the 1950s
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(source, this site contains historical pictures of oman and includes pictures of prisoners and slaves. worth noting for educational and informative purposes, proceed at will)
i do have some things about the rest of his fit, that i mostly chalk up to the fact he went to school in fantasy england but still prefers to wear a robe and kufiyeh (i can relate except not the england part). the things that i can say are Really Delightful for me to see personally
the dagger
the waist wrap
robes
leather braces (im not sure if this is an arab thing to be honest. i think this might be a goth thing for me)
BUT i do have some critiques also
waist wrap should be UNDER the robes, over the tunic
that tunic also looks weird to me wrt that cordage. thats kinda giving me orientalism
the necklace??????
no opinions on the pants or the shoes. again chalking up some of the design choices to him adopting things from his time in fantasy england + i think he's fairly well traveled. im sure he has a sirwal and a pair of these bad boys that he will Not be wearing into the dungeon
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i wouldnt want him to be wearing these in the dungeon either but they get an honorable mention because this evolved into a historical/cultural fashion post.
i like his DD1 design!
now DD2 on the otherhand..........
idk whats happening there, thats a whole different story. he shouldnt be an egg imo. i kind of dislike his dd2 design LOL. but he's otherwise a pretty solid design even with the critiques i have.
on topic of kufiyehs, i like kufiyehs that are tassled bc theyre so fun and fashionable. that's a personal preference and i have drawn him that way before (its somewhere on my blog)
i have the nablus kufiyeh from hirbawi and it's my favorite.
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i hope this covers everything!
i'll be happy to answer any more questions if you have any :-)
also some research tips if you're curious to look more into it:
i highly recommend looking up archival / antique photos of different countries to get a sense of what that particular culture's fashion looks like. these countries also often have museum pages or heritage websites available in english (machine translate is also an option)
i would avoid french and british art. you can actually filter by place and time on most digital collections like the met, the british museum, or university of chicago (UC doesnt get specific though rifp)
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h0estar · 1 month ago
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What do u think is the difference between the Apothecary diaries world and our current world's reality? Is the modern world we live in now, capitalistic as a primary? What do you think Jinshi and Maomao's position would be in our world? I mean regarding on their circumstances— I have a scenario like Tamaki and Haruhi from Ouran Host Club. But still, our world is more complex and diverse in technology fields than Ouran Host club world. And given the revolution of artificial intelligence, coming next 5 years would be totally different.
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okay, first of all, very interesting question. second of all, my brain isn't built for something like this but i will try to answer as best as i can. sorry if i don't answer it as well as you expect me to but i'll try!
i'm going to point out the obvious here and say our modern reality (esp for women) isn't as harsh as it is in the apothecary diaries' world. for one, women in their time had practically zero rights and respect (though that is still very much happening today in some places). however, at least most women irl have access to education, voting rights, vast career options, free will and speech, and generally just be able to live their life independently without relying on men. at least in our world, women have laws protecting them against violence and sexual acts, and it's no longer a requirement to marry, bear children, and live for your husband; that's just a choice out of many—something the average woman in TAD universe could never dream of experiencing.
i'd say capitalism is one thing both this fictional story and our current reality have in common. just like irl, characters (mostly commoners) in TAD are scraping by to make profit: maomao with her apothecary shop, granny with the verdigris house, quack's family with their paper business, gyokuen with his family and the WC, and we've got mentions of merchants a lot in the story. there's also a moment in the manga i remember where maomao was carting books to the palace and she planned to overcharge Jinshi (wringing him out for his money to gain extra profit. go maomao!), too bad suiren caught her lol. anyway, yeah, like IRL the commoners are doing what they can to survive, while the important and rich ones (the royalty and ministers) cozy up in the court and palace, completely indifferent to the state of small villages and townsfolk outside (the farming villages affected by taxes, women in the red light district, kidnappings, slavery, etc).
as for jinshi and maomao's positions in our world, hmm, this is purely imagination but if we follow their ages (maomao at 20 and jinshi at 21), that'd make them college students. maomao would definitely be a pharmacy student and might even go to medical school. she'd also own a flower shop 100%, or at least a botanical shop. jinshi would probably be studying economics, anything business-related, or international relations. that's as far as my imagination will take me.
and if they're going to be like tamaki x haruhi in this little modern world, then maomao might accidentally ruin one of jinshi's projects (in the name of science!) and she'd have to pay him back by working for him (idk how; maybe by being his personal medic or offering him tips on how to make business out of medicines lol). or maybe jinshi just might stumble in maomao's little flower shop by chance, and find her studying, completely disinterested in him (despite his popularity), and this throws him off, lol. either way, i'm fairly certain they'll still find each other in this world, and in many worlds.
the two of them would also be fascinated by technology (both their hypothetical degrees often heavily rely on it), but they would probably reject the notion of using AI in extremely simple, practical, or professional tasks. however, jinshi has a progressive mindset and maomao just goes with the flow. they might accept this technological advancement (as part of the world)—they wouldn't try to fight it—but they also wouldn't use it as often.
thanks for this question lol. sorry i took so long to respond, i haven't been on tumblr for 2 days oops.
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kookidough · 1 year ago
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analysing vance hopper because he lives in my head 24/7 !
tw for like. literally everything the black phone covers!!!!!!
also there's some special effects gore rather far down in the post idk just i feel like i should warn you just in case
okay so before anyones like "but bee!!!! he only had 6 minutes of screen time in a 102 minute long movie!!!!! he was only on screen for 5.8% of the movie!!!!!" and to that i say i Know it was a real tragedy so a lot of this will be built on personal interpretation and subtext and stuff said behind the scenes and whatnot
so firstly i wanna rot about what his childhood/upbringing might've been like..... i havent quite decided on something definitive but i think we can take one look at his character and realise that is glaringly obvious he had a bad childhood, in one interview the actor that plays him (brady hepner) says "the background i had set up for vance is that the reason he was the way he was is his home life was fairly difficult, you know maybe his dad was either not there for him or he wasn't supportive, maybe he was fairly abusive, and so that creates a hair trigger sense of rage in vance" hair trigger meaning his patience is literally as thin as a strand of hair it does Not take a lot for him to snap
there more to it after that which i'll get into soon but yea thats the gist of it it's clear he had absent/neglectful/abusive parents and that would certainly contribute to why he's so angry all the time, maybe acting so explosive was the only way to get his parents' attention, either good or bad, so he just internalised that. obviously rage and anger issues like vance's lead to violence (not in all cases but in his case it does) and i think a neglectful and abusive upbringing would obviously expose him to more violence than a normal childhood would, therefore normalising it and desensitising him to it, whether he's seeing it play out in his own home and/or on television or something like that (because i doubt his parents would be the kind to monitor what content he's viewing)
i feel like he has little control over his life and that only adds to his anger, which in his case leads to a fight when his buttons are pushed too many times. i think he probably takes great pride in being the toughest in town and whatnot and winning fights and being perceived as strong and scary is good to him and helps him regain control/power, something he doesnt have at home. the rest of the quote from the interview i mentioned earlier states "this pinball machine could have been the only thing that he has in his heart that's like, good, like 'holy cow i did this, i set the score,' so when someone comes along and messes it up for him, it takes away the only thing that he has. i think that that's when he switches to a 'now you're gonna pay for that'"
similar to what i said about fighting, the pinball machine and his high score is something he has control over and its an important part of his reputation/image like. hes literally pinball vance ! and the whole thing about that high score being the "only thing he has in his heart that's good" implies that hes. well. pretty shit at everything else, which is pretty much canon if you remember that gwen said vance was held back twice in school. makes me think that while he's not the brightest in school he's certainly street smart
moving onto ermmmmm him getting kidnapped era because im sure youre wondering "well bee if he's so street smart then why did he get kidnapped" so may i raise two theories (this is. literally all i got and its not even concrete, me and my friend gray (@staggersz) tried to figure out how this could even happen and this is the most plausible thing we've got. so shoutout to him real quick he has had to deal with me being unnormal about vance for like a year and a half thanks king couldnt have done all this without my rotting buddy)
so either he got taken by surprise (most likely option) or vance's trust was gained first via getting given quarters at the pinball machine and small talk and shit like that but this is unlikely because i feel like it'd take a loooooong time for someone like vance to trust a some random stranger adult man when he clearly has issues with trusting and respecting people older than him and people with authority (e.g. cops, his parents, or school officials) so yea being taken by surprise would probably be the most realistic option, i always see people on tiktok being like "how did the grabber kidnap vance hes so strong!!!!" dude its a 15 year old boy against like. a 45 year old man who's already claimed two lives its really not gonna be a fair fight here
before i get into the next part i wanna quickly address a theory i absolutely Hate and it is so easily disproven and that is the theory that vance is the grabber's son or is related to him in some other way and i see it Far too often on tiktok and i HATE it. from what ive seen this all stems from his dream sequence where he kicks open the fence to albert's house and, presumably, goes inside after being dropped off by the police after the grab n go fight. idk if some people just straight up didnt realise this but clearly in real life he is going to his Own House??? in the dream it's only albert's house because this is how he chooses to show gwen the house she's trying to find her brother in, the house that he himself was killed in??? i hate the theory i hate it sm
the dream sequence itself is interesting though as the ghosts seem to only be able to conjure up what theyve seen in real life (like how bruce can picture the outside of the house and show that to gwen but the house number is all flipped and not right beause he doesnt know it) so vance being able to picture the house and the number and the gate and every detail would imply that hes seen it before, but im going to explain that away as either he got out once before like with finney's failed escape attempt, or the house is most likely on the route he walks to school or the grab n go or something and he hasnt actually been there prior to being kidnapped
mini rant over now onto being kidnapped i guess, so i used the missing posters to try and estimate a timeline of how long each ghost boy would've been in the basement for (although the missing posters are notoriously unreliable for details such as looks/height/age/etc, the dates seem to all line up). so we know the order is griffin, billy, vance, bruce, robin, finney, right?? if we use the poster date then billy was taken on may 4th, 1976, a month and two days after griffin was taken (april 2nd 1976). vance was taken on september 23rd 1977, almost a full year later (stay with me im going somewhere with this), and after that bruce was taken on july 18th 1978, again almost a full year later
its established in the movie that the grabber stalks his victims before he takes them (canon because we literally see the van watching finney and gwen as they walk home from school early on in the movie) but we dont know how long he does this for since griffin/billy and robin/finney were taken such short distances apart and then the others were taken such long distances apart, also it's possible he could stalk his next victim while the previous one is still alive, etc etc lots of confusing factors, but if i've done the maths right then the absolute maximum time vance could've spent down there is 9 months and 25 days, or 298 days, so erm . let that sink in !
howeverrrr in the movie gwen states that vance went missing "last spring" and september is definitely not in spring, meaning he could've been down there for a year or even longer. an explanation or excuse i could think of for the movie and the missing poster saying different things (other than the missing posters being known for some areas being wildly inaccurate) is that maybe he was taken in spring but wasnt labelled as officially missing until september, when he was properly linked to griffin and billy's similar disappearances and the mysterious grabber? i can imagine it'd be very easy for law enforcement, especially in the 70s, to dismiss someone like vance as a runaway until they get solid evidence that he was taken. idk though thats just my personal excuse / angsty headcanon for the difference in information
not sure what exactly killed him but we do hear from vance himself that "he took his time with me" so it was probably blood loss from a variety of injuries, if we look at him in his ghost scenes we can see his hair is absolutely covered in blood which indicates head injury, he clearly has a broken nose and bruising around his eyes as a result of it, he has these deep cuts on his abdomen area (apologies for the image quality but i believe they're like. sfx pieces you would wear under clothing)
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and he also has just like. minor bruising (like the fingerprints on his arm) and other random blood splatters on his face and neck (assuming the blood down his neck comes from wherever he was bleeding on his head) so Yeah overall very unpleasant way to die obviously
okay now the part thats actually in the movie and it only took me 13 paragraphs to get here: vance as a ghost!! first thing i wanna point out is appearance wise i just want to say that when he's a ghost he's missing his choker and that fact Pains me. anyway personality-wise i feel like being violently murdered has, understandably, kicked his rage up to like. the highest level it could possibly go. he's insanely snarky and downright rude to finney on the phone, showing no empathy to the fact that finney is literally in the exact situation he was in
i feel like the whole "this is the nightmare end of your pathetic little life" and "if you knew what you had coming, you'd be fucking terrified" thing is definitely to scare finney on purpose and to get him to do something, vance might as well have just told him he's never going home cuz thats how it came across LMAOO, it is startling though because vance is clearly speaking from experience, that he was literally fucking terrified, and he is warning finney in his own weird way
the thing i think sets vance apart from the other ghosts is that while he does help finney, he does it for a different reason than they do. the other ghosts want finney to escape, to get out, to be free, to live, but personally i dont think vance cares about that. the only thing he wants is for albert shaw to be dead, for someone to seek vengeance, to do what vance couldn't. vance doesn't care if it's bruce or robin or finney or whatever boy could've come after that, he doesnt care as long as that man gets what he deserves after what he put vance through, and i see this through the scene at the end of vance's call where finney thanks him for his help and vance says, and i quote, "helping you? this isn't about you, fuck him! and apologies for being repetitive but to me it just literally proves that to vance, this isnt about finney or his escape, its just about revenge
we dont get to find out what happens to the ghosts once the credits have rolled, and i dont think we quite know enough about tbp's version of ghosts to guess what theyre up to, but i have a few theories :3 maybe theyre no longer bound to those two houses and they can now go anywhere they want in town? or maybe since their shared goal of stopping albert has been achieved, the ghosts can finally pass on to whatever is waiting for them next. i dont think vance would be content to pass on that quickly or easily as anger lingers, but i hope he'd be able to let go of it eventually, and hey we might find out in the sequel. i pray it mentions him cuz i will just die if it doesnt
sometimes, ok thats a lie, frequently i think about an au where he survived or escaped or whatever but ohhhh boy this post is already a train wreck so that au would deserve its own essay of a post :3 if u actually genuinely read this far then Wtf thanks for reading the ramblings of an absolute madman, only pure delusion could get like 20 paragraphs about a guy with 6 minutes screentime but hey thats how i roll, thanks again to my pal gray for letting me rot and thank u to my other pal ana for also enduring all this rot
hope u enjoyed my interpretation of vance hopper im going to crawl in a hole now and probably brainrot some more, thanks again for ur time :3
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