#but like...my afab sibling and i also have learning disabilities

[monarda-citriodora]

tbh i really do struggle to understand how the treatment of trans kids is any different than the treatment of gnc cis kids bc ime, it's the same. i have trans siblings and myself am trans right? and my observation is we got the same exact shit that gnc cis kids did but the main difference is our parents never punished us for it and since we never went to public school, we were able to be extremely nonconformist without the same level of social shame/pressures that many gnc kids experience that temper their nonconformity as they grow. what i find interesting is we only came out as trans after each one of us was "introduced" to society & rigid gender roles personally, whether that a stint in public school or starting college. even now we dont fit our preferred gender's roles either, existing between the binary in presentation and action

[cryptias-space]

I finally finished it!

Welcome fully to the world, human Lord's in Black!

My favorite design is probably Blinky and Tinky. The only one I'm not 100% happy with is Wiggly. I wanted to give him more detailed tartan pants but I just gave up. He has Christmas colors though, I thought it was funny. Nibbly having tanlines was a completely random choice. I think him having a bagel in his mouth gave me too much Aoi Asahina vibes and I was compelled for the tanlines lol

The story so far is that Webby got tired of her brothers wreaking havoc and decided they needed to see how hard it is to be human. She sent them all to Hatchetfield, with Wilbur Cross in toe to keep them in line, as human teenagers. She left Wilbur a book of everything they need to know, including new names and semi new human forms. Along with these new fully human bodies comes with human issues, like disabilities and mental health issues. (AKA more headcanons I can force onto them lol)

Individuals and more info under the cut

First up and shortest at 5 foot 4, Nibblenephim.

Nibbly is now named Nikolai Phillips, or Nicky for short. He is the only one of the LiB to have been put in an AFAB body due to his genderfluid identity and more feminine leaning nature. He does not mind this at all.

When Nicky goes to school he decides on joining the Culinary club, desperate to learn how to cook since Wilbur is so garbage at it. He is constantly being hit on by everyone at school and he takes advantage of it to make them take him to Pasqualli’s to get free food.

With Nibblys design I wanted to steer away from the classic Hairstyle. Everyone has his eyes covered, and while I do love that design so much, it would get in the way of his cooking and it isn't practical. I personally hc him as genderfluid and afab so I had to do it to him lol

The "human issue" I'm giving Nicky is ADHD and really bad memory issues. This is going to cause people to tease him for being dumb and while he jokes back about it, the teasing does get to him.

Second in at 5 foot 6, T'noy Karaxis.

Tinky is now named Tobias Kelly, or Tobi for short. Despite being 18 his goatee often makes people think he's older.

Tobi joined band, specifically as a trumpet player (iykyk), as well as joining the robotics club. He spends most of his time clinging to Peter Spankoffski and breaking into Theodore Spankoffski's home and workplace. He is constantly getting in trouble at school for being a class clown.

With Tinkys design I was going for a sort of extremely simple pastel goth or harajuku. Originally I wanted to give him way more of a Decora fashion but I didn't want him to look too complicated. He compulsively buys and plays with rubicks cubes (the colors are supposed to reference the Spankoffski brothers) also, notice the Tobi ♡ Peter friendship bracelet... Peter won't wear his lol

The "human issues" I'm giving Tobi is Autism and BPD. I feel like Tinky being autistic in any way makes sense, so Tobi is autistic with a special interest in puzzles and electronics (and the Skankoffski's but he won't admit that). With extremely sensitive ears and autism, he tends to have meltdowns often. And these meltdowns tend to be in public, causing people to judge him and think of him as a child. The BPD comes in with quick changing emotions, Ted and Pete being his favorite persons and getting extremely jealous and territorial. (I have BPD so I had to force this on him lol)

In the middle and completely average at 5 foot 10, Wiggog Y’Wrath. (He says he's 6 foot)

Wiggly is now named Waylon Webb. An obvious reference to the Waylon's and a painful reminder that Webby is the one who did this to them.

Waylon joined the chess team and quickly became the best player, and the leader. He also ran for student council president and won. He used his siblings skills to make sure he won. He bribed the student body with Nicky's food, annoyed the competition with Tobi's trumpet playing, and took amazing campaign photos with the help of Benjamin (Blinky). Percy (Pokey) refused to help him.

With Wiggly's design I wanted to go very simple and stick with the letterman jacket he had in NPMD. However... I had to give him red pants, I needed him to be Christmas colors lol I wish I spent time to figure out how to do his pants but alas, I am dumb. He wears the crown all the time, and it often gets stolen by Max Jägerman to tease him for being short

The "human issues" I'm giving Waylon is NPD. He views himself as better than everyone, save for a few specific people he views as equals. He struggles with self esteem and even if he would never admit it, what others think of him really matters. He often goes into crashes if the people around him ignore him too much, and he will go into highs when he gets too cocky. When he's in one of these crashes, Waylon gets extremely depressed and either isolates or desperately seeks attention. (I also have NPD so I had to force this on him lmao)

The second tallest at 6 foot 1, Bliklotep.

Blinky is now named Benjamin Thomas, or Benji for short. While he does have a face, his eyes being green if you're curious, he almost always has a phone or camera in front of his face.

Benji joined the photography club as well as the school newspaper. He writes almost exclusively gossip columns but the school eats it up. He does however take amazing photos for his siblings when needed, and also seems to have a strange obsession with amusement parks. Speaking of strange obsession, much like Tobi, Benji is often breaking into the CCRP building, but no one is quite sure why. Whenever asked he just says "an old friend" works there.

Blinky is my favorite design of the group I think. I knew I wanted him to be kinda feminine and lanky, but not as feminine as Nibbly and not as twink body as Pokey. His eye motif worked so well for the overalls and I feel like I managed to make eyes and overals not feel like The Minions lamo I also love the orange hair with the purple in it. The boots are supposed to be the knee high convers but in all magenta. I should have added the white on the toe but I forgot lol

The "human issues" I'm giving Benjamin is Hallucinations. I'm not knowledgeable enough to specify what disorder he has that's causing them, I'm leaning towards Schizophrenia, but again, I don't want to label it until I do more research. He often sees, hears, and feels things that aren't there. Most frequently he sees creepy, disembodied eyes surrounding him. When he hears things he often covers his ears and shouts to get them to go away, causing people to stare at him, which only makes him panic. His tactile hallucinations are almost always the feeling of bugs on and under his skin. (This is the type of Hallucinations I deal with so I had to force it on him lmao)

And lastly but definitely not least, the tallest of the human Lord's coming in at 6 foot 3, Pokotho.

Pokey is now named Percy Martins. He is the tallest and also has the deepest voice of the siblings.

Percy joins the drama club, obviously. He actually manages to get roles despite being a new student. He spends almost all his time in the auditorium practicing for auditions or the roles that he gets. Surprisingly he latched onto Richie the same way that Tobi latched onto Pete. Percy constantly asks Richie if he can come over to his house, and seems to know a surprising amount about Richies uncle. Just like Tobi and Benji, Percy is also constantly breaking into the CCRP building. When asked he will say "his muse" works there. He also has a deep seeded hatred for coffee bur refuses to elaborate on why.

With Pokey's design I wanted it to be comfortable but also elegant. To me he's giving Howl from Howls Moving Castle lol I was really determined to give him locs and honestly? I think I did a really good job for my first time! He has little jewels hanging out of them and also has his own mask as a necklace. The cane is very functional for him, but he definitely should have a different type of cane, possibly a different aid in general but he refuses to use the others because he thinks they're not fancy enough.

The "human issues" I'm giving Percy is chronic pain, POTS, and autism. The POTS and pain is what makes him need the cane. He often has to sit or lie down because of how light headed he will get. Also, he always has lots of water and salty snacks in his bag. He's autistic, special interest in musical theater. He has really bad sensory issues with textures, and much like Tobi, gets easily overstimulated. However, unlike Tobi, when he gets overwhelmed to any degree, he goes non speaking. This is really annoying to him, as he loves the sound of his own voice and hates not being able to speak. This causes him a lot of distress, which only makes him more overwhelmed.

That's it! I'm really proud of these designs, and I really hope to keep writing this fic idea. I love these fuckers so much

[scarletwelly-boots]

Books Read 2018

I read 20 books in 2018, about 15 fewer books than last year (I work longer hours and have a further commute is my excuse). Technically I’m not even done with one of them, but I have like an hour or two to go of it and it’s an audiobook so it’ll be read faster than I could read it.

This is the third year I have done the Reading Challenge, which lists a number of categories to read books under (there were 40 categories this year, so I got a solid 50%). You can find the challenges I’ve done at least last, this, and next year, on Popsugar. (I don’t remember if I got the 2016 one from the same site). I also took some liberties with the categories and even changed a few to entries from last year’s list.

1. Jurassic Park, by Michael Crichton (A book made into a movie you’ve already seen). ‘Kay so. I liked it, of course I did. I like the movie and I’m in love with Ian Malcolm. It was interesting because it provide some context fro scenes in the movie or left out of the movie that I didn’t get when I watched it. It was different from the movie in a lot of spoiler-y ways that I won’t get into. Most of these differences were good with one exception that really upset me. I would recommend to read it anyway.

2. Leah on the Offbeat, by Becky Albertalli (The next book in a series you started). This is the sequel to Simon vs. The Homosapien Agenda and I’m gonna be honest. I LOVED it. Was it better than Simon? No, probably not. But the representation made me really happy. I’m also a fat bisexual and though I’m not always a woman, I was raised AFAB, so it was still really relatable to me. There were some plot holes, because I’m pretty sure Albertalli decided Leah was bi after Simon was published. I thought it was really cute, though, and I definitely recommend it.

3. Weird Ireland, assorted authors (A book involving a mythical creature). A very small, independently published book about paranormal, supernatural, and extra-terrestrial sightings in Ireland. It was okay. I finished it in two hours. I knew everything that was in it, and some of it they even got wrong. Even if you’re crazy-obsessed with Ireland like me, you can skip this one.

4. Wild Irish Women, by Marian Broderick (a book set in a country that fascinates you). This is the kind of history book I like. Each chapter follows the biography of a different person and provides some context about the time period in which they lived. I learned a lot about Irish women I had never heard of, learned more about women I already knew about, and reread what little is known about my hero and historical crush, Grainne Ni Mhaille. One shortcoming of this book was their inclusion and insistent misgendering of Dr. Barry, an Irish physician who made great strides in natal care for women and who at this point is pretty widely believed to have been a transman. As a genderfluid person, this frustrated me so much that about three sentences into his entry I grabbed a red pen and actually corrected the pronoun usage. All the same, I recommend the book if you like women’s or Irish history, or los dos, like myself.

5. A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeleine L’Engle (a book with a time of day in the title). Hey, it had the word ‘time’; I say that counts! Guys, if you have never read this book, you need to. Even if you watched/sobbed during the movie. Dear god this book is so good. The theoretical physics is confusing, but that’s to be expected (my fifth graders were like ‘wth does this mean’ and I was like ‘you got me; this is why I teach elementary’). But it had some of my favorite themes, and Meg does her job as the oldest sibling, which as an oldest sibling, I respect and expect. (Never bring up the movie The Wind that Shakes the Barley with me; I am very, very firm about my Oldest Sibling Job responsibilities.) Anyway, read this goddamn book please.

6. Heart of the Fae, by Emma Hamm (A book with a villain or antihero). I am a sucker for all things Beauty and the Beast and all things Ireland, so when I saw a recommendation for this independently published Irish retelling of Beauty and the Beast on tumblr, I ordered it immediately. I really loved it. It’s also the first in a series and listen, the only thing better than a Beauty and the Beast retelling is a TRILOGY of a Beauty and the Beast retelling. I started the sequel but I haven’t finished yet. This book is so good. I highly recommend it.

7. The Upside of Unrequited, by Becky Albertalli (A book with alliteration in the title). This was...okay. It’s a companion to Simon vs. the Homosapien Agenda, and it follows Abby’s cousins. In a way, it was gayer than the others, because her cousins have two moms and one of the cousins is gay. But it’s from the POV of the straight one, so not as gay. Plus I really like the characters from the first two, and we didn’t even get very much Abby in this one. You kind of have to read it like its own novel with a couple cameos from Abby. As a standalone, it wasn’t bad, but as a series it was a bit of a letdown.

8. The Once and Future King, by TH White (a book about time travel). Look, Merlin ages opposite to the passage of time, so it counts as time travel. I have been trying to read this book for ten years. I liked most of it. I had a few qualms but given the climate in which it was written it makes sense for the time period (not that that should excuse some of the cringe-worthy parts). The last like fifty pages White waxes poetic on the capitalist system and it’s like, we get it, you’re a white man from the middle of the Cold War, but read a goddamn book. Additionally, at least three men were raped by women with some not-so-subtle victim blaming which pissed me the fuck off. But the overall story, the legend of King Arthur, was good. It’s definitely a cornerstone in the Arthurian saga. I might try to read Le Morte d’Arthur next year and see how it compares.

9. All the King’s Men, by Nora Sakavic (a book with song lyrics in the title). Humpty Dumpty is close enough to a song. This is book three of the All for the Game trilogy, and holy shit you have to read this. It’s the best book in the trilogy. It is a series about a college sports team who play a made up sport called Exy, which is basically a more violent version of lacrosse. I’m not a huge sports fan, but the way she writes Exy matches had me on the edge of my seat. The team is made up of all “at-risk” students, the main character being a kid on the run from his mob boss dad. Trigger warning for the series for violence, sexual assault/rape, abuse, drug use, I may be missing some things. It was so good though.

10. The War I Finally Won, by Kimberley Brubaker Bradley (A book with an LGBTQ+ protagonist). This is a really great sequel to another children’s book. See below for the synopsis.

11. The War that Saved My Life, by Kimberley Brubaker Bradley (a book about mental health). Okay, I don’t know why that is the category I put it in, other than the protagonist was told by her mother all her life that she was mentally disabled even though it was just physically. This book and it’s sequel above were AMAZING. It’s about a little girl and her brother in World War II England. The girl has a club foot and spends her life locked away in her abusive mother’s flat in London. She teaches herself to walk, and then she and her brother run away to join the other children being evacuated to the country. They are taken in by a woman who doesn’t want to care for them but in less than a day becomes totally ride-or-die for them (I love that trope). The woman is heavily implied to be gay and is grieving the death of her companion (hence the category above). I loved both books and highly recommend them.

12. Norse Mythology, by Neil Gaiman (a book by an author of a different ethnicity than you). British isn’t that different of an ethnicity from my pasty ass, but I was hard-pressed to put this wonderful book in a category. Apparently my disaster wife Loki is a dumbass and they just look clever because the other gods are stupider than they are. I loved all the stories but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t just pick this up exclusively because I’m fucking in love with Loki. I do really recommend it though.

13. Alexander Hamilton, by Ron Chernow (a book that is also a stage play or musical). I’ve been meaning to read this for ages. It was really interesting, and a lot of it didn’t make it into the musical since it’s like 600 pages long so I learned a lot. I’m still reading it, and I’ve reached the duel so I’m almost finished. Thank god for audiobooks; if my slow-ass self were reading this, I’d still be on page like 100 and I’ve been reading it for a month. If you liked the musical I recommend you read this.

14. Go Set a Watchman, by Harper Lee (a book that you borrowed or was given to you as a gift). I had a hard time following this book. Lee went back and forth between the present (Scout in her twenties) and the 15-or-so years in between the end of TKAM and the beginning of GSAW. It wasn’t bad, but given the stories from Scout’s high school years that were really amusing and the most engaging of the whole book, I’d have preferred if the sequel took place during those years. I think this is the proof as to why most classics don’t have sequels. Read it, but don’t expect much.

15. Making Thinking Visible, by Ron Ritchhart, Mark Church, etc. (a book by two authors). I had to read this for work. Meh.

16. Fence, by CS Pacat (a book about or involving a sport). This is a comic by the same author as The Captive Prince trilogy. I’m behind in issues, but I did really like it. It’s about fencing, which I love, and it’s supposed to be gay eventually. And I’m pretty sure there’s a genderfluid or gnc character which I was super excited about. I recommend it.

17. The Orphelines in the Enchanted Castle, by Natalie Savage Carlson (a childhood classic you’ve never read). Okay, don’t tell my mother, but I don’t remember anything about this book. This year (at twenty-four) was the first time I read this old, old book that I have had since I was six or seven (don’t tell my mom that, either). It was from my mom/the tooth fairy and she loved it as a kid. I guess read it if you can find it and remind me what happened in it?

18. Simon vs. The Homosapien Agenda, by Becky Albertalli (a book you meant to read in 2017 but didn’t get to). Obviously I really loved this book if I also read the sequel and companion books. It was really good, and I definitely cried. If you liked the movie, read the book. It’s different in several ways. I think if you’re thinking in terms of trueness to the book, the movie was maybe not as good, but they’re both good as their own standalone things. But I highly recommend both.

19. Because of Winn-Dixie, by Kate DiCamillo (a book that involves a bookstore or library). This book is so good. It was interesting to reread it as an adult when I last read it as a third grader. I think I understood more than I did then and got different things out of it. I think everyone should reread books from their childhood because the books can still impact you, and they’ll probably affect you differently than when you were a child. So if the last time you read this book was as a young child, pick it up again. If you’ve never read it, still read it.

20. Six of Crows, by Leigh Bardugo (your favorite prompt from the 2015, 2016, or 2017 Popsugar reading challenges: the first book in a series you haven’t read before). This was so good. It was a really interesting book with characters I’ve already kind-of met since my DM recycled some names from the book into our campaign. But I’ve come to know Waylan with similar traits but in a different context, so it was fun to be reintroduced to him. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book where I was already attached to a character in a different context before reading the book, so that was new. I’m terrible at synopses, so if you want to know what this book is about, Google it I guess. And then read it.

[marshandmore]

i think i gotta go back to counselling, just for a little bit

well i THOIGHT i could do it all on my own but i gotta remind myself that even though my mental health isn’t INSANELY bad that i will still have rough patches and it is a big change transitioning especially while i am an incredibly damaged person with a lot to carry on my shoulders and it’s taken me so long to finally be able to say that, plus the added fact i want to put myself out there and be a performer while simultaneously hating most aspects of myself and my body and feeling like i’m constantly in an on and off switch battle of “i love myself, i hate myself”

here i am, having a nearly-midnight-crisis over wanting to switch to musical theatre but also wanting to just complete this course in full and audition for drama school / university at the same time as everyone else as it’s what i’ve been planning for a long long time and my autistic ass self can’t bear the thought of just throwing myself in at the deep end again but i really really have a passion for MT....yet i know my voice is going to change and i don’t want to be an awkward Trans Guy who is training a breaking voice in college Or even worse, UNI!!!! so maybe to fill the void i am looking to try and join a local MT group or take at leat a dance class this summer BUT, yet again, as to not be a disappointment to my dad i really need a job but i’m just so unprepared for everything and not ready for adulthood right now and i have NO money and i’m supposed to be saving for driving lessons/insurance and I CARRY THE ENTIRETY OF MY FAMILIES EXPECTATIONS FOR ME AND I GOTTA SUCCEED OTHERWISE I FEEL EVERYONE EVEN ME IS DOOMED TO FAIL and i gotta inspire my siblings as to not seem like i am wasting my life!!!! i gotta redeem myself out of a hellhole bc i feel almost estranged from my mother in some ways but also really out of place in my stepfamily and i just feel to dysphoric and fat and disguasting to be taken seriously sometimes here and i am emotional problems up to HERE and i’m fed up of feeling inadequate and like a weirdo and like i’m TOO obviously autistic in some people’s eyes but then just a bit weird in others and i can never admit how much my disability affects me and i hate being trans in the performing arts world but we NEED more openly trans people in theatre, ESPECIALLY MT which is PART OF THE REASON I WANNA DO IT but THERES SO MUCH I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN and i need to control my meltdowns in class because this cannot continue to happen and i’m just fucking crowded with thoughts of the past and people who knew me and i am embarrassed of myself for being me, and i will constantly be feeling like i’m simultaneously 5 years younger + 10 years older than i am because my peers all have this ability to to CLICK whilst i i am too socially inept yet have this desperate need to be around other people for energy but i just end up acting or seeming like a cold,sarcastic or just awekeard asshole because i can’t COMMUNICATE!!! like you THINK i can do it well, but i’m just so SHIT with people!!!! i need to become better!!! but i don’t want to have to mask my autism anymore than i do because then people don’t believe me and it’s gonna be even harder to get diagnosed! additionally, i am just so tired of my friend being all like “but ur just weird” bc i am able to just be weird around her and she makes autism seem like such a bad or justva meme thing and i love her to bits but it’s so hard to explain how autism presents itself around different people ESP as someone who’s afab...and im fed up of having my symptoms dismissed. i just...GOD i just have so much onmy mind recently and i have so much work to catch up on and limes to learn and i have No FUCKIBG MONEY nor the capacity to keep a job rn and oh god i wish my dad would understand me more and i can’t bear to take money off my mother again or visit my grans old house bc she has just hoarded it with bullshit and me and my brothers relationship is non existed and oh god i worry about him to much he’s got a ton of shit going on too i know he does but he just stays on his computer all the time and i do often worry about his opinions of me but dammit i hope he knows i am there for him no matter what and i constantly worry about mum’s influence and how hard it is to be the poor kid at school who is likely also autistic or dyspraxic/ ADHD bc it’s very apparent...

i just have a lot of feelings and things going on. but good thing tungler exists to spew it out hey friends