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salty-tang · 2 months ago

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The Suit Problem™

Congressman!Bucky Barnes x Congresswoman!Reader

Summary: someone commented, and i quote verbatim "I can't imagine Bucky in a suit without thinking of him flexing & accidentally ripping his sleeves. Just to share that imagery."

Warnings/ tags: MATURE THEMES, Original Characters galore, political tension with feelings, lots of tension, suit kink (very heavily implied), emotional restraint and physical damage, making out in federally inappropriate spaces (the bathroom), clothed intimacy

Word count: 3k

off the record masterpost || AO3 || congressman bucky masterpost

The First Time It Happens

It’s a standard afternoon hearing – oversight – dry, procedural, and criminally under-attended. Some poor GAO witness is walking the committee through a line-by-line breakdown of federal allocations for energy storage grants. You’re barely following. The numbers aren’t the problem, the problem (as is with many other things in life these days) is Bucky Barnes.

Specifically, Bucky in the third chair diagonally to your left, rolling back his shoulders and shrugging his jacket up higher on his frame like it isn’t already fighting for its dear life. Like the seam at his right shoulder isn’t straining with every millimetre he moves.

You’ve seen the shrug before. He does it when he’s bored. When he’s too warm. When he knows you’re watching.

It makes him look younger – unruly and a little too charming for your peace of mind.

Normally, you can take it.

But then –

riiip

A soft tear. Audible, but just barely. Right at the seam where his sleeve meets his right shoulder. Not the metal arm.

The flesh one.

You don’t mean to look. But you do, reflexively.

The fabric’s split open like a bad alibi, pulled too tight over muscle he has no business keeping in that good of a shape. The shirt underneath clings and you can see the edge of his bicep where the cotton’s pulled taut.

You freeze.

Then you blush.

And then you realize you’re blushing, and you nearly drop your pen.

He looks over. Of course he looks over.

He knows.

And his mouth quirks up like he’s won something, and perhaps he has.

You tear your eyes away and pretend to reread your notes, except that your entire mental slate has just been wiped clean by the sight of one extremely illegal shoulder doing irreversible things to navy wool blend.

Mills, three chairs behind you, texts the group slack in real time:

He BROKE THE JACKET. That’s the REAL oversight. my kinsey score will never recover

You press your lips together. You do not react. This is a federal setting.

But somewhere in the back of your head – right between this is wildly inappropriate and I did not know this was a thing for me – there’s a voice whispering: not even the metal arm. Jesus Christ.

In the Hallway Immediately After

You catch him just outside the hearing room. You're clutching your notes to your chest – mostly to hide the fact that your hands are shaking slightly. From frustration, obviously.

“Barnes,” you call out.

He turns, slow. Too slow. His suit jacket’s slung over one shoulder now, exposing the ripped seam like it’s a war medal.

You narrow your eyes. “Do you enjoy making my staff reconsider their sexuality during active committee meetings?”

He bites down on a smile. "It was an accident."

A pause.

Then – lower, silkier, “your staff, or you?”

You go still.

It’s not fair, the way he says it. Like he’s just asking a question and he isn’t the living embodiment of every problem you’ve ever sworn to ignore.

Your jaw tightens. “Don’t test me, Barnes.”

He smiles properly now – wolfish, pleased. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

You take a step closer. That’s your first mistake because he smells like cedar and clean soap and faint Capitol dust, and he’s still doing that thing – head tilted slightly, mouth soft at the corners, like he knows exactly how close you are to either slapping him or kissing him.

“That’s a campaign funded jacket,” you say, voice low. “You keep destroying them like this and I’m going to have to file you under infrastructure damage.”

“I’ll expense it,” he says, deadpan. “Line item 22: legislative tension.”

You exhale sharply. “You know you’re not supposed to look like that in public. It's unbecoming of a Congressman.”

He leans in, just a little.

“You keep looking at me like that,” he murmurs, “and I’ll break the other seam too.”

Your breath catches.

He sees it and smiles.

“You’re impossible,” you say, weakly.

“You’re flustered.”

“I’m not.”

He shrugs.

Again.

The sound that comes out of you isn’t quite verbal.

Somewhere behind you, a staffer coughs awkwardly.

You straighten up and smooth your blouse, all while pretending that your entire blood supply hasn’t migrated somewhere wildly inappropriate for federal property.

“I’m telling Mike to order you three new jackets,” you say, already turning to leave.

“Better make it four,” he calls after you. “Just in case I sit down too fast.”

You don’t give him the satisfaction of looking back, because you're smiling.

The Fitting

The tailor is a compact, fastidious man named Victor. He works out of a discreet Dupont Circle storefront and has measured no fewer than four Supreme Court justices and at least one war criminal. Nothing rattles him.

Enter Bucky Barnes.

You are only here because you know Victor personally. That, and because Mike flagged Bucky’s latest jacket incident with a single phrase in your shared calendar:

URGENT: Barnes needs congressional-grade tailoring before someone loses an eye.

Victor gestures for Bucky to step onto the platform. “Try lifting your arm.”

Bucky rolls his left shoulder back in a deceptively casual shrug. The fabric of his shirt pulls like it's being winched over a steel cable. You hear it before you see it – a subtle groan of resistance from the sleeve.

There’s a long, painful pause.

"Okay," you say slowly, eyes fixed on the fabric. "So that’s a no."

The tailor clears his throat. “We might need a reinforced seam or – pardon me – structural adjustments for… exceptional anatomy.”

You hum. “Exceptional anatomy. That’s generous.”

Bucky shoots you a look, half mortified, half amused. “You dragged me here.”

“Because you tore your third jacket in two months,” you say, very calmly. “You can’t keep walking into committee hearings looking like you lost a bar fight with your own sleeves.”

He mutters something about deadlifting and polyester. You don’t respond. You’re too busy watching his biceps test the limits of a very expensive shoulder seam.

“I could just wear the old black suit,” he offers.

You raise an eyebrow. “The one you ripped open lifting a box of printed memos?”

"...It was a heavy box."

You shake your head as you pace about the store. You’ve chosen to pace because you will not be hovering while Bucky shrugs in and out of suit jackets like a Calvin Klein fever dream.

Victor starts measuring. Professional, focused, barely blinking until he gets to Bucky’s shoulders.

Victor sighs. “Sir, I’m going to need you to relax your shoulders.”

Bucky grins. “They are relaxed.”

You do not look over.

You will not look over.

Behind you, Jenna – assigned to ‘observe and document’ this appointment – is standing by the sample books, typing into her phone like a woman possessed.

#suitwatch (active)

[Jenna]: she just said “exceptional anatomy” out loud. in public. to his face. [Micah]: this is a First Amendment violation and also the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard [Devon]: sleeves are a construct. arms are forever. [Mills]: he’s looking at her like he’d say yes to anything even the double-breasted one even charcoal pinstripes

Victor measures in silence, muttering every now and then things like “This cannot be standard”, and, as he loops the measuring tape around Bucky’s chest, “I’m going to need heavier thread for the buttons.”

Bucky glances at you through the mirror with a smirk. “Enjoying the show, Congresswoman?”

You cross your arms and lift your chin. “I’m imagining filing a workplace complaint.”

He grins wider. “About my arms?”

“No, about your attitude.”

A pause.

Then, quieter, “though the arms are definitely a secondary violation.”

Victor drops his pen.

Victor retreats into the backrooms to retrieve a reinforced thread spool, muttering something in Italian that sounds less like measurements and more like final blessings, and you drop onto the edge of the leather bench to watch Bucky undo the last jacket with surgical precision and barely restrained biceps.

"Out of curiosity," you say, elbow on your knee, chin in hand, "how much can you bench?"

He glances over, mid-button, brows raised. "Why?"

You gesture vaguely at the battlefield of defeated suit samples around him. “Trying to figure out whether the problem is vanity sizing or the fact that your upper body mass violates OSHA standards.”

He pauses for a second to think. Then he shrugs one shoulder – very carefully, this time.

“Dunno. Probably a Hummer H1. Full bed. Loaded?”

You blink. “The military one?”

“Yeah.” He nods at you, expression infuriatingly mild. “Yeah. The old diesel kind. Not the electric one.”

You don’t dignify that with a response. Just press your lips together and mutter under your breath, “exceptional anatomy, my ass.”

Behind you, Jenna makes a strangled sound that might be a laugh or a quiet breakdown. You're not sure which.

Three weeks later…

The tailor’s delivery arrives at 10 am on the dot – three full suits, pressed and wrapped, with Victor’s signature scribbled on the invoice like he is issuing a personal challenge. Devon brings the garment bags to your office with a look that says I know everything and I’m telling the group chat the moment I leave this room.

You thank him, barely.

It’s sheer coincidence, of course, that the floor’s scheduled a major vote for the afternoon, the kind they put on banners and b-rolls. C-SPAN and Politico have already parked their crew outside the chamber. You yourself are already dressed for the day in a sharp navy suit, statement earrings, and subtle heels. You’ve been on camera twice this morning and will be again before the end of the day. You've barely had a chance to have your coffee.

And so it is just a function of practicality that Bucky Barnes shows up at your office just before noon with the sleeves of his day shirt rolled up and his tie stuffed in one pocket.

"Victor delivered?" he asks, already loosening the collar of his shirt as he toes the door shut behind him.

You gesture toward the rack. “Personally. Go with the charcoal pinstripes and try not to break it before the cameras roll.”

He unzips the garment bag and glances back at you. “Want me to change in here?”

“I don’t care where you change, Barnes,” you reply without looking up from your tablet, “as long as the jacket makes it through one vote without structural failure.”

He shrugs. “You staying?”

“I’ve got too much left to read," you say quietly, eyes still on the tablet, "and nowhere better to be.”

You keep your gaze fixed on the screen. You will not stare while he peels his shirt off like a man who has never once had to worry about being perceived.

You do not register the sound of buttons slipping free.

You do not notice the rustle of fabric, the stretch of muscle, the quiet exhale he lets out when the collar loosens.

The section header on your screen reads: Summary of proposed appropriations for FY26.

You’ve read the page four times. You would not be able to repeat its contents if your life depended on it.

He buttons the new shirt slowly, leisurely. You can hear it in the way he moves.

When he reaches for the jacket, you’re already standing.

You don’t say anything as you take the jacket down from its hanger, brush the shoulders once, and hold it out for him.

He pauses in front of you but doesn’t reach for it.

“I can do it,” he says softly.

You shake your head. “Let me.”

He turns without comment.

You slide the jacket up over his arms, settling the weight of it across his back. It fits like it’s supposed to – no pinching at the shoulders, no strain at the seams. You smooth it over his frame and let your hands linger just long enough to tell yourself you're just feeling for tension along the stitching.

You circle in front of him, new tie in hand. You adjust his lapels and button the top button of his shirt yourself, slow and firm.

Before you can speak, he asks – mildly, almost carelessly, but not really at all, “you gonna tie it for me?”

You respond by sliding the fabric around his neck, slow and deliberate, letting it settle against the collar of his new shirt. It fits – too well. Clean lines, pressed seams, nowhere to hide.

“You could do this yourself,” you murmur.

“Sure,” he replies. “But your approval ratings are better.”

You don’t rise to it, not out loud.

Instead, you start the knot.

Not fast. Not businesslike. You take your time, fingers grazing the hollow of his throat, the soft scrape of new cotton against your knuckles. He exhales – shallow, quiet, controlled.

You don’t finish it.

Just as the final loop would tighten, you let the tie fall slack in your hands and take a step back.

His brow lifts, amused. “Giving up?”

“Letting you contribute,” you say, tone dry. “God forbid you show up to a vote half-dressed again.”

He chuckles low in his chest, but finishes the knot with a flick of his wrist. His eyes don’t leave you. “You like the charcoal?”

You brush a speck of lint from his lapel. Let your palm settle there for a beat too long.

“Victor’s best work,” you murmur. “If you break this one, I’m filing that workplace hazard report.”

“I’d like to see that paperwork,” he says, leaning in. His voice drops. “Will it mention how close you’re standing?”

You tilt your head. “Only if you wrinkle the jacket.”

He smiles – sharp, wrecked, beautiful. You ignore it.

"You’re ready,” you murmur. It’s meant to be a statement, but it comes out feeling like a dare.

“Are you sure?” he asks, voice lower than it needs to be.

You straighten the line of his collar and let your thumb graze the base of his throat like you have the right.

“Don’t ruin it until after,” you say, adjusting the knot at his throat like it’s the only thing you still have control over.

He leans in. “That a dress code policy or a personal plea?”

You say nothing and ignore the way your face heats up.

He lets the silence stretch, inordantely pleased.

Then, while adjusting his cuffs and grinning. "Either way, I'll try not to disappoint."

You step back. “You have five minutes to make it to chamber,” you say, tone even. “Go be legislative.”

He nods, heading for the door. But he does glance back once, shameless. "I'll do my best."

And then he's gone, leaving you standing in your office, adjusting the cuffs of your own jacket lilke it might keep your hands from shaking.

~*~

Recess is called five minutes into the session. Some kind of procedural delay – something wrong with the roll call, something about a faulty vote counter.

You’re not listening.

You’re watching him.

Bucky hasn’t looked away since you adjusted his jacket fifteen minutes ago. Since your fingers brushed the collar like you were daring him to keep it together. And apparently, he can't.

He waits until the chamber begins to thin before he moves – silent, clean, intentional – and you follow.

Neither of you speak.

You end up in one of the hallway bathrooms – technically gender-neutral, technically a staff washroom, technically not a place for professional misbehaviour.

But the moment the door clicks shut behind you, it stops being technical.

He turns and you’re already there.

Your hands immediately go to the lapels. Again. But not to fix them this time.

This time, you pull.

“You look like a problem,” he mutters.

“Then solve it.”

The kiss is not sweet. It’s not soft. It’s been months in the making. Every ripped seam, every stare across committee hearings, every time you told yourself you could handle the sight of him in a suit he doesn’t deserve to wear this well – it crashes down like a tsunami.

He grunts when your mouth meets his, and he crowds you into the counter. His hands are everywhere – hip, waist, jaw, anchored in your blazer like he has no intention of letting go.

You fist your hand in his tie – new tie, freshly pressed tie – and drag him closer until he groans into your mouth like it hurts.

“You said not until after,” he breathes against your neck.

“You waited,” you kiss him again, just to punish him for it. “Congratulations.”

His mouth curves into a smile, but it’s wrecked. “You gonna yell at me for the wrinkles?”

You grip the lapels again and pull.

“Try me.”

He laughs – low, feral, ruined– and kisses you deeper, hungrier. The jacket groans in protest under your grip. One of you knocks something off the counter that falls to the floor with a crash. You don’t even bother to see what it is.

He palms the back of your thigh and mutters, “still going strong. You stress-testing for structural failure?”

You kiss the edge of his jaw. “No,” you whisper. “I’m trying to cause it.”

His hands go under your blouse. Yours slip beneath his waistband like a threat. He grips the counter behind you like it’s the only thing anchoring him.

He shrugs. That goddamn shrug.

Your knees nearly give out.

“You’re going to ruin me,” you whisper.

“You’re letting me,” he says, somewhere between reverent and fucked.

Your phone buzzes with your two minute timer.

You pull back first. Barely, just enough to breathe.

Your lipstick is gone. His tie is a disaster. Your blouse is askew. The shoulder of his jacket is unmistakably wrinkled.

He touches just beneath your lip. His thumb lingers. “You should touch that up.”

You glance down. At the tie. The crease in the jacket. The faint imprint of your grip still visible across his chest.

"You won't fix it?" you murmur.

“I want them to wonder,” he says slowly, entirely unrepentant.

You hold his gaze for a beat longer than necessary.

You open the door and walk out first.

He waits exactly ninety seconds.

And follows.

A/N: I need to touch some grass!

A/N (again): there's now a continuation! Benchpressing a Hummer (for Charity)

off the record masterpost || AO3 || congressman bucky masterpost

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yyokkki · 2 years ago

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The Prefect's Laugh

Dropping this monstrosity i wrote in September 2023 because I feel like I'm never going to leave this fandom.

First Years x gn! Prefect

Warning: I haven't played chapter 7, Prefect has a distinct personality so it doesn't really count as x reader but some people could find them relatable, a jumble of canon and non-canon events, mild cursing?

Divider by @saradika

It wasn’t that the Prefect never smiled. In fact, they may have smiled a little too often. It could be as simple as a wordless greeting or as complex as a way to cope with fear, but there was one particular expression the first years saw only once in a blue moon. The smile that comes alongside a fit of laughter.

The first time Ace saw the infamous Ramshackle Prefect smile like that was not too long after they had first met. It was a day or two after Heartslabyul’s housewarden overblotted and they’d finally gotten the rose garden in order.

While chatting about that day’s happenings, a rather embarrassing detail was brought up (embarrassing to Ace at least).

“Can we, like, NOT talk about this anymore??”

“I mean, the housewarden was really going in on you and you just stood there and took it but as soon as he said those things about the Prefect’s parents you didn’t even hold back. It’s weirdly sweet of him, right?”

Deuce looked towards the Prefect for their input to which they replied by fervently nodding their head.

“Wow, who could’ve guessed that maybe THE Ace Trappola cares about his friends??”

“…Honestly would’ve believed you more if you said you did it just to prove you could.”

“Pfft-“

Ace’s head whipped to the side, and he stared at the blooming smile on the Prefect’s face. Crinkled eyes, a hand in front of their mouth and slightly flushed cheeks as they tried to hold in their chuckles.

He wanted to make a snarky comment, something like, ‘I’ve been trying to make you laugh for the past two weeks and THIS Is what makes you break?’

Instead, what came out of his mouth was… Silence.

Maybe the new expression was too shocking as he just stared, five parts confusion, three parts embarrassment, two parts bashfulness. The most he could get out of them even with the most well-crafted jokes were slight smirks and yet something Deuce said without even intending to be funny made them crack.

He felt wronged.

And flustered.

…Shit, why are they kinda cute.

Going back to before the overblot, a day that Deuce personally considers more traumatising than his own housewarden’s mental breakdown.

Sorrowfully gazing upon the carnage of eggshells, whites and yolks jumbled up in the plastic bag branded with the words, Mr. S’ Mystery Shop, Deuce gave out another wistful sigh.

“I just hope those chicks can rest in peace.”

“…You know those eggs don't hatch into chickens, right?”

Shocked, flabbergasted, gobsmacked, stunned, stupefied, bowled-over; all words that could be used to describe Deuce Spade’s current state of mind.

“Wh- WHAT??? YOU’RE KIDDING.”

While Deuce was having an epiphany about the eggshell-shocking revelation, he noticed the Prefect’s slightly hunched over back and trembling frame. He was about to go comfort them when he saw their face…

And heard their laughter, ringing out like the sound of wind chimes swaying with the summer breeze, despite it being mid-September.

“YOU’RE LAUGHING???”

He looked at them with five parts feelings of betrayal, three parts despair and two parts anger. He was so offended that he immediately stormed off with the grocery bags in hand, huffing and puffing as he went on his unmerry way.

It wasn’t until later that the Prefect started feeling guilty about their reaction to the incident. It kind of felt like telling a little kid Santa wasn’t real…

They apologised, got him a book about the evolution of egg production, hugged it out and all was forgiven.

It wasn’t until much much later that Deuce Spade realised, he had only seen the Prefect laugh a handful of times, that incident taking up one of the spaces.

It had grown to become one of his favourite sounds in the world.

Jack Howl was never one for bad jokes or witty banter. Whenever he and the Prefect stood together, besides looking like a sturdy tree next to a swaying flower, they didn’t look friendly- much less like friends.

Only the two of them understood the solidarity that came with the silence. They were each others go-to when the other first years got too rowdy.

Truly the mom and dad of the group.

They would occasionally engage in conversation. Somehow when they were together, asking about each other’s day would lead to which parts of home they missed most now that they were away or embarrassing childhood memories, they hadn’t told anyone else about.

It was on a day like any other, a long while after the deep sea overblot.

Jack and the Prefect had finally started speaking to each other comfortably, yet most of their time together was spent just existing in the same room, doing their own thing.

It wasn’t awkward, at least not to the Prefect. But they had to ask just in case.

“Hey, do you ever feel like we don’t really talk when we hang out?”

“…Well, we are at the library.”

“I mean at other places too.”

Jack looked up from his notes, glancing at the Prefect with a little apprehension tracing his features.

“Why? You find it weird?”

“No, I like it a lot, just- I’m not used to it you know? Whether it’s the friends I’ve made here or my friends from back home they’ve never been the type to let the room stay quiet for over five seconds.”

They shifted slightly to cast an inquisitive glance over at him, “I can’t tell if you mind or not.”

Against his very own will, Jack’s tail started flowing slightly. So, they like being around him?

“I feel the same as you. I like our time together.”

Realising he sounded a little too soft, he immediately started backpedalling.

“Not that that means anything. I enjoy spending time with many people, doesn’t make you special.”

After finishing his piece, Jack looked back down at his notes, playing it cool. His tail, however, betrayed his feelings.

"Pfhaha, so cute, it’s like a helicopter-“

“…”

Not knowing how to defend himself, Jack got up to sit across the Ramshackle Prefect, blocking their view of his tail but giving him the perfect angle to catch all their expressions.

…It may be a little too late for him.

It all started with a godforsaken game of PG rated chicken.

Epel Felmier didn’t know whose dumb idea it was to hold a competition like this among all the first years but damn was he killin’ it.

It was almost too easy. It made him feel conflicted. Should he be happy that he’d somehow reached the finals? Or mad that it’s all cause of his face and build?? Either way, the prize was too good to pass up so he was gonna win.

So far he’d been flyin’ through with direct eye contact and a smile or two if his opponents were tougher but the final round had been filling him with a weird sense of dread, so he decided to prepare a little somethin’ special this time.

He doubted he’d have to use it though; he didn’t think very highly of the kids at NRC in this specific department…

That being until he got a text from the organiser telling him who his opponent was, that being: the Ramshackle Prefect.

Well shit.

He knew they never judged anybody, including him, for their appearance, and he’d always appreciated them for that. But in this context, it would make ‘em a tough nut to crack.

Not even mentioning, they knew his weakness when he didn’t have theirs.

He immediately pulled down their chat and started typing ferociously.

‘you. me. ramshackle lounge. after school. please?’ And send.

Might as well get a practise round in to scope the waters.

Luckily, the Prefect considered him a friend and wasn’t overly cautious, so not long after the text was sent an ‘ok’ was promptly sent back.

As soon as school let out, Epel ran into the Prefect in the mirror chamber, and they embarked towards Ramshackle dorm together.

He’d informed them of his intentions while on the way, so they got started after arriving.

First, he tried his usual techniques despite knowing they wouldn’t work. As expected, the Prefect didn’t so much as flinch.

Then they smiled warmly at him.

“Your training has been working out really well, I can see a little more definition on your arms. How do you even do it? What you lack in a natural constitution is already being made up for by your will and perseverence! It's really rare to find people like you out there.”

Shit, a genuine compliment about his mental and physical growth! That’s critical damage, how could they be so dirty, using his weakness against him?

Well, if that’s how they’re gonna play it.

Epel held up his two hands in front of him, forming a heart with his fingers.

The Prefect looked unfazed. They just smiled at him, mockingly (Epel’s perception).

Fine. He’s been left with no choice but to pull out his secret weapon.

“I-If you were a fruit, you’d be a FINEAPPLE!” Absolutely humiliating.

But also absolutely effective.

The Prefect’s mask started cracking at its seams.

“F-fineapple? I never thought I'd ever hear you say anything like that- Pfft hehe-“

He'd won, but his face was as red as his namesake as the visage of his Prefect’s tinted cheeks and choked back giggles entered his heart.

On the day of the competition, he lost miserably. The Prefect ended up passing the prize onto him, claiming they were only participating for fun, but he wasn’t really upset.

It’s for the best that no one else sees that face anyways.

Sebek Zigvolt’s sole purpose for living is to serve his young master as a reliable retainer.

In order to be reliable, he must excel in both academics and athletics. Athletics weren’t worth mentioning and he found all academic subjects easy enough.

All except for art, that is.

Making use of a medium to place your creative vision onto a surface sounded simple, yet the product had never lived up to his expectations, creating a habit of casting fire spells to burn the causes of his shame.

After yet another round of sweeping up the ashes of a canvas, he’d decided enough was enough. As unbecoming as it was, a good retainer would ask for help when he really needed it.

And he really really needed it.

His next course of action was to head over to the staff room and inquire with the Art professor for private lessons, only to be told that she had no empty slots in her schedule.

“If you don’t mind learning from another student, I recommend asking the Ramshackle Prefect to tutor you. They’re one of the best among their peers and I’ve seen them offering help to other students during my classes so I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”

That magicless human? He’d only ever spoken two or three sentences to them, and he couldn’t stand the uncouth beast following them around every hour of the day, but if they truly were one of the best…

Thus started a deal he would come to regret in the future.

The Prefect wasn’t a bad teacher. They’d gotten him to start on the basics before even thinking of the elaborate portraits he’d always been hellbent on doing.

Once he’d finally grasped the techniques needed, he immediately jumped onto the opportunity to paint his young master, using one of his sacred wallet sized photos as reference. The Prefect stood beside him the whole time, pointing out mistakes and fixing any parts he deemed unsatisfactory.

The only qualm he had was that they’d protested to his idea to paint a wall sized mural, stating that it was too advanced.

With a beautiful portrait in tow, he returned and hung it up near his shrine. It couldn’t compare to his young master’s radiance but it had been the best thing he’d ever painted and he was felling pleased with himself.

An idea came over him. He wouldn’t have been able to do this without their help after all…

And that was what led to him showing up at Ramshackle outside of lesson hours with a small canvas nervously clenched in his hands.

“Human. It didn’t turn out as well without your guidance, but this is a little token of appreciation for your help these past few weeks.” He pushed the portrait into the Prefects hands, ready to accept criticism.

“…”

“Human..?”

“…Pffhehe-, I never expected you to do something so heartfelt for a ‘dumb human’. Heh, I guess I really grew on you!”

“Why are you laughing?! ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME??”

If he had his sword on him he would be unsheathing it right now.

“No, no, thanks man, I love it.”

The brightest and most genuine smile he’d ever seen from them blossomed.

He felt his face burn and his heartbeat rise to an abnormal degree as the Prefect’s warm gaze felt as though it were boring into him.

…I must inquire with Master Lilia what hex this human has placed upon me. Right this instant!

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absolutelynothoughtswhatsoever · 1 month ago

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Headcanon that some point in the 14 months, John has a huge crashout over not having any real hobbies or interests.

Like all of the thunderbolts got put into therapy (for obvious reasons) and were encouraged to cultivate their interests to help manage their trauma.

Bob reads/watches movies/does puzzles

Ava takes up gaming/tai chi/watches soccer

Yelena paints/also watches movies

Bucky also reads/knits/watches baseball

Alexei binges reality tv like its a fucking olympic sport.

And John?

He quickly realizes that he doesn't really have interests or hobbies in anything. When he was in the military, he had hyper fixated so hard on getting everything right that he never really learned how to unplug other than by scrolling on his phone.

And yeah he played football in high school, but that was mostly because it was what his family expected for him growing up in Georgia. And it's not like he kept it up after he had enlisted. Other than football, he mostly just did whatever Olivia and Lemar wanted to.

But now? Lemar is gone Olivia left him all he's been able to do is endlessly scroll on his phone. Which he can't even do anymore because Yelena somehow installed child locks limiting his screen time when he wasn't looking and he can't seem to get past them.

So now he has to find something to fill his time in between missions.

But, oh god he can't think of anything.

He tries to watch movies with Yelena and Bob, but can't seem to focus on them. Same with trying to watch sports with Ava and Bucky--like he can follow along, but he just doesn't care about the game at all. He is not gonna even try to watch tv with Alexei lmao

John keeps trying on more and more hobbies but just can't seem to get into any of them. And then he starts getting anxious about the fact that he is failing the most basic fucking task of just liking something.

Time for an existential fucking crisis where John questions whether he is even a person at this point.

Eventually everyone realizes that he is having a whole ass mental breakdown over this (it takes a hot minute, bc it is not something any of them expected).

Cue the thunderbolts gently helping john realize that liking things doesn't have to be a thing™ and eventually john gets his beret :)

#basically he has the most toxic mix of adhd and gifted child syndrome #this came from me trying to think of a skill that he would have that is not military/survival/expected of him and struggling hard #thunderbolts headcanons #thunderbolts*#thunderbolts #john walker #yelena belova #ava starr #alexei shostakov #bucky barnes #bob reynolds #john walker headcanons

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liedownquisition · 5 months ago

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Every time someone, whether in-universe or in meta tries to say that Jason's a "loner" I think about two things:

First of all, the fact that Bruce is frequently referred to as a loner, both in universe and out, as if he doesn't literally constantly have his emotional support child and a rotating cast of lovers (sometimes multiple in any given story at once). In this instance, it's used to try and make Bruce seem "cool," which whatever ig.

Batman #359, which, is so fucking funny to me because this is before Batgirl and Talia showed up in this story. Catwoman too. It was a real fucking ensemble. He's berating himself for snapping at Dick, and sending some civilians (The Todds btw) to die, against Dick's advice, because he's being bitchy about Catwoman. Like, my man, you have a mental breakdown every time you're truly alone. You're not a loner but maybe you should be.

Secondly, is Jason a loner or is he just always alone and isolated? Is he a loner or does he just not know how to be any other way? Jason consistently through both pre- and post-crisis express a lot of desire to be around other people/build connections, as well as referencing factors that isolate him from them. (I'm not sourcing every incident here but here's Jay trying to bond with Bruce right after he gets taken in, and some stuff wrt Jason at school)

Detective #527 (Pre-Crisis)

Batman#395 (Pre-Crisis. This is him being jealous of Catwoman, sure, but given how often in this arc it's referenced that he's isolated from the other kids in school- despite being on some kind of presumably sports team. I think it's baseball? I'm trying to find the exact issue that it actually SHOWS him on said team but it is referenced in the issues leading up to when they switch over the histories.)

Batman Annual #12 (This is Post-Crisis)

In Brothers in Blood Jason's trying to reach out to Dick. I'm not saying he did it the right way or that Dick was wrong for rejecting that, but he did literally expressly say that he was trying to reach out to him. in his brief period that he worked with the Titans, it's explicitly stated that he'd had to sneak out from under Batman's nose to join up with them. Jason has a sparse few interactions with mostly adult heroes in Pre-Crisis and the only hero his age he gets to meet is Kid Devil/Eddie Bloomberg and that's nebulously canon or not since Pre/Post-Crisis was a soft, slowly rolled out reboot where they changed a lot of things in retrospect but also implicitly kept others. (N52 was also like this but I get the impression Crisis was marginally more organized.)

UtH was Jason reaching out to Bruce for connection. Again, not really the right way to go about it but he pretty obviously/expressly wanted affirmation that his relationship with Bruce DID matter to someone other than himself because he felt it had been stripped from him and false.

Someone who keeps reaching out to other people, but gets rejected because they did it wrong, is not a loner.

When those attempts fail and he reaches out less and less, that's not loner behavior, that's lonely behavior, maybe even a dash of self-loathing. When he starts sabotaging his relationships further he thinks they're already fucked, that's not loner behavior, that's bad coping mechanisms for childhood trauma. I don't care that they state it exactly that he's some kind of "loner," his actions don't agree with that statement.

Is his status something of a self-fulfilling prophecy at this point? Yeah. I keep seeing people refer to him this way and, jesus. y'all wanna ostracize him so badly sometimes. You don't want him here you don't want him there. You use the "loner" rhetoric to enforce the idea that his isolation is a good thing that he wants. They use it IN UNIVERSE from the mouths of characters who have biased views about him.

If he's such a loner why does he keep going back? Why does he answer every call? Like a beaten, but unfortunately faithful dog that can't help but return to their abusive master.

#ax rants #Mashing Meta Bones With Axel #Jason Todd #Despite the fact that I DO study a lot about psychology and do generally view Jason through lenses that align with various disorders.#I'm reluctant to use the exact diagnoses in my own metas. Other people like Glitter-Stained & so on have written that so much better than I #And I've had such a stressful week so far I fear I would be utterly incomprehensible and say something that interprets wrong.#I could probably say more but I have to leave for work now oops #Got too invested #I keep having this issue where I'm worki9ng on one meta and then I go off on tangents about something else and making that a separate post #while I'm still not done with the first one lmao

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16ferrari · 2 months ago

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War wounds (1/2)

ꔫ pairing: thunderbolts x reader, little bit of Bob x reader.

ꔫ summary: back from a mission, the team needs fixing up. luckily you’re there for them to help them be put back on their feet

ꔫ warnings: mentions of blood, light pining between Bob and reader, petnames, mentions of wounds, mental breakdown, fluff/hurt, some foul language. Reader is affectionate with the team. Inaccuracies of medical care because i suck at writing about it, but i tried my best. Terrible ending. This is also long as hell. edited but maybe some error’s missed because tumblr was messing up.

ꔫ a/n: praying this doesn’t flop, I’ve helped too hard on this 🙏 anyways I loved writing this and I have a LOT of thunderbolts fics coming out!

You stood by the elevators anxiously pacing back and forth, hands clutching onto the med bag that hung around your shoulders tightly. You hated this part, hated when they were gone Longer than usual. Hated seeing them come home bruised, bloody, tired or some sort of bone broken. But it was your job to see them broken, only to be patched up and put back together by you.

“It’s not good when you’re like this” bob, who was left behind while the others fought wars and battles, suddenly spoke softly from behind you. He came to stand beside you, a gentle hand stroking your arm in comfort.

you sighted, running your fingers through your hair, “i know, but they’ve been gone longer than usual” your voice came out unusually low and sharp. Bob nodded in silence, he knew you were more than beyond worried, probably more than him, because he knew your history with them went way more back than him and them.

Bob dropped a arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. “Maybe, they stopped to get groceries”

bob tried to get you to smile, but whined in embarrassment when it didn’t linger around long for it to hit your stressed and anxious head. So instead of saying anything else, bob stayed there with you, holding a gentle hold on your body, in hopes it might ease some of your stress, which it did. You felt a sense of calmness that time he held you, his touch was warm and gentle kinda like holding a little heater.

He kissed the side of your head, “they’re okay” he whispered into your ear. You nodded throat becoming tight with tears that wanted to fall down, but you swallowed then up and put on your best brave face.

It wasn’t easy, this job. Before you were recruited to work in the tower, you had worked at a hospital, a hospital that was near the tower and sometimes when a injury wasn’t that serious, the fighting hero’s would stop by just for a quick patch up and they would leave.

Over time, you saw and helped than regularly, they talked with you about their wars stories they were allowed to share and some stories about their own lives, separate from their line of work, whether they were true or not you listened and heard them. Loving the fact they were comfortable enough to open up with you.

Eventually though, they stopped coming to your hospital and were fixed up at home by someone else. until john had come to your place of work and complained that the person, who fixed him at the tower, messed up his stitching and probably had a infection, which he was right, he indeed had a real bad infection, but with the right treatment and medication he was good as new.

You thought that was the last time you would see him, seeing as they hired somebody else to take care of their wounds. But to your surprise that night john had stopped by your hospital he left a note on the hospital bed, call this number, we would much prefer you helping us and not a random. You were suspicious of the note, but the many nights you spent fixing their wounds, making you laugh, even going as far as to bringing you lunch from time to time just to see you, the suspicions you had were thrown out the window and you called the number.

And now, three years later, many patching them up and laughs later. You had a whole floor to yourself, a little hospital, you would put it. You even hired a couple doctors and nurses you trusted, but the team still refused their help and went directly to you when they needed patching up. You would scouted them about that, saying you couldn’t stand to see them basically standing in a line waiting for one another to get done with you so they could be next in line to get ‘healed’ by you, as they would call it.

Now, The mission they were assigned to was supposed to be simple, stop the bad guys, get the important information needed, and get out.

However That was four days ago when they were assigned to the mission. Within those four nights you tossed and turned around on your bed, a nasty feeling in your stomach that something went wrong.

So when Val stopped by your floor and told you she got in contact with them again after going radio silence for those last four days, you immediately felt a relief fill your body, but it was replaced with those stress and anxious thoughts, that prevented you getting a good nights sleep, when she told you they were more than beyond bruised, cuts, and scars.

In her words, “it’s a miracle they survived” she chuckled as he walked out. You wanted to punch her for that, and you would have, if it wasn’t for bob who grabbed on your bailed up fist, shooting you look that said just leave it alone.

The silence that filled the room from Bobs failed joke, was too much for you to handle. So when You dropped your head on his shoulder, you decided to add a light humor to the dead silence “we needed milk, maybe they stopped for that” you took a peak at him and saw a smile spreading across his face. You both broke out in a light laughter.

“Yeah, we did, john used the whole milk carton last night, “ he paused for a moment his body shaking as a laughing filled his stomach, “trying to make cookies for the guys’’ you looked at him funny, john walker trying to bake, that was new.

“John, baking?’’ Your head fall back a loud laugh erupting from your mouth, “oh, i would have loved to see that”

Bob wiped the tears that filled his waterline from the laughing, “imagine him in a apron, baking”

“God that would’ve been a sight to see” your continued laugher was covered by Bob pulling you back into his side, his arms wrapped around your back holding you place as you both stood there in front of the elevator waiting for the team to come back.

Once the laughter died down, you full came to the realization that you were embraced by bobs touch and warmth, “thank you, for this”

Bob hummed, pulling away and staring into your eyes. “Somebody always needs a little laughter to cope with the bad stuff that surrounds them” you nodded in a silence agreement.

The staring contest between you two broke, once you heard the elevator start moving, you looked at the number above the elevator doors and saw it was going up towards your floor. “Shit, they’re back” you awkwardly cleared your throat and straightened up your back immediately putting your gloves on, opening your med-bag just in case.

Bob snapped out of his glaze and looked around to call for help, but panicked a little once he saw it was just you both on the floor alone. ‘’shit, w-what can i do, y’know, just in case” Bob caught the gloves you threw at him and put them on.

You grabbed onto his arm and quickly pulled him to stand put by the operating table, where you had already cleaned the table and put fresh sheets down. “Stay here, and I’ll guide you if someone comes to you”

Once those doors opened, you stopped for a second and took in a sharp breath. They looked horrible, more horrible than you’ve ever seen. They were out of breath as They held each other up as best as they could.

They walked off the elevator path and headed straight to you. “Fuck” you said under your breath as you walked up to john, who was holding up Bucky. “Shit where’s his wound” you threw bucky’s good arm around your neck and lead him to the operating table.

John hunched over, hands on his knees as he caught his breath. “Side, Did my best at patching him up” john spoke breathlessly, you took a quick peak at him and saw the tiredness and hurt in his eyes.

Each member of the team walked to the empty beds falling on them with cries and groans.

“Okay, you did good. Follow bob and go sit down.” immediately bob appeared by your side and walked john to the different hospital bed that were ready to use.

You picked up scissors and cut open Bucky’s shirt, there a white bandage covered his side like john said. You slowly pulled the bandage down and saw the pretty bad stab wound to his side.

“Damn” you muttered. You were glad the stab he’d gotten didn’t hit any major arteries , or else he might not have made it because of were he was stabbed at.

Through his groans and gurgles, Bucky spoke with a pained voice. “Hows it look, doll?” You rolled your eyes at him and continued working on clearing the wound just enough for you to stitch him up.

“Pretty bad, buck” he cursed you out as he felt the head of the needle pinch his skin, “not nice”

He sent you an apologetic smile and whined in pain, “doesn’t exactly feel good”

You continued fixing his wounds, gave him medicine to help his pain and soon enough he fall back on the bed comfortably closing his eyes finally chasing that exhaustion sleep he’s been needing.

You took one last look at him before walking to the next rooms.

“Where’s your guys wounds at” you put on a fresh pair of gloves and watched as Ava lifted her suit with a shaking hand and showed you her big cut at her side that met her hip-bone, Next yelena showed you her back, you whined in response to the massive damage done to her back, some cuts and some burns, the burns, your eyes got wide with concern and curiosity but she sent you look that simply said don’t ask.

alexi waved you off like the big tough old man he was.

“Injuries not that serious” the girls and john groaned in response from their own beds.

“He was stabbed in the leg, got maybe some glass pieces in his hands.” Yelana glanced at her dad with an angry look for trying to get of getting help, again.

“Okay.’’ you muttered under you breath and looked over to john, who was just staring at the ceiling, hands clasped together over his chest like he’d just been put in a casket, “john, you good, over there?!” You yelled standing beside Ava’s bed attending to her wounds.

John gave you a thumbs up, “good doc, just resting my eyes” you shook your head at him, the rush of adrenaline flowing through your body seeing him like that, going away a bit, just a tiny bit.

“Don’t fall asleep john, might have a concussion that i Need to check You for.’’ John hummed throwing another thumbs up. You sighted frustration setting in, and the sweat starting to cover your body wasn’t exactly fun to combine with it. “okay, bob, come’’ bob immediately approached your side again, looking lost, fumbling with his fingers nervously looking between the injured team.

You noticed that and grabbed his shoulders gently, “Bob you good to work”

Bob nodded, but you needed more ensuring than that, “speak bob, please’’

“I-im good, what do you need’’ he looked a little more relaxed than before, so you pointed to where yelena was laying down at on her side.

“Yelena’s got some cuts and burns that are pretty bad, but shes gonna be fine’’ you saw a reflection of relief leave his eyes at you telling him she’ll be okay, “there’s some medicine in the med cabinet that i use for cleaning burn wounds, go get that, and get her some pain medicine, she’s gonna need it’’ he nodded to the words you told him and before he could fully walk away you grabbed his hand pulling back towards you.

“You remember how I taught you to clean wounds right?”

he nodded, but saw your face. “Yes I remember’’ he confidently said.

“Okay, now go stitch her up and come back to me when your done”

By the time you were done patching up Ava’s wounds, which she gave you many curses and insults for fixing she was almost as good as new. you left her alone to get rest and wandered over to john’s bed. You hissed looking at the dried up blood on his head, and the pretty big cut that the blood was coming from “What’d you get hit with, walker” you carefully inspected the cut.

“A pretty big rock. Doc’’ he spoke way too cheerfully making a light smile appear on your face, despite the insane amount of bloody towels and rugs surrounding you.

‘’do you feel nauseous, dizzy in the head, can’t see straight’’ john nodded to all those words you said, “okay, then you’re probably concussed, the cut on your head isn’t too big, and you have a few more cuts across your, well, whole body, that I’ll need to clean, can you take off your shirt’’

John scoffed playfully , “geez at least take me out first’’

You gave him a stern look, “john..’’

He lifted his shirt above his head and tossed it to the side. Once you got to work on cleaning and patching up those nasty cuts, bob approached you again, “she’s all good, what can i help with next” he looked at john and gave him a light smile which john gave back.

“Doing good, Bob’’ Bob muttered a thank under his breath and looked away from him.

“Okay, alexi has a pretty nasty cut, can you finish up cleaning john, and I’ll go patch him up’’ you looked at bob and handed him the cleaning kit you were using for john

“Y-yeah, of course’’ you raised your eyebrows at his sudden nervousness behavior, but you understood his shyness when it came to john.

You patted his shoulder as you walked away, “you got this’’ you whispered as you walked passed him

“Alexi, dude do you feel” alexi gave you the middle finger a smile lingering on his face at your stupid question.

“Well, I’m hurting’’ you hummed and wasted no time in getting him all fixed up.

“Thought you didn’t want my help” you joked

He laughed loudly, “pains getting worse”

“This mission was intense, huh?’’ He whined as you dabbed rubbing alcohol on his wounds. “never seen you all this badly hurt’’

He sighed, mouth opening and closing debating on whether he should tell you what happened on the failed mission.

“You don’t have to tell me” you spoke softly, knowing he was the main person out of the team that didn’t like scaring you with the horrors and pain that came with the job.

When he opened his mouth to speak he kept it simple and lighthearted, not wanting to go into fully detail then he needed to.

“everything that shouldn’t have happened, happened. We got trapped underground no way to contact help” he paused momentarily. Not longer whining in pain even when when you opened his wounds on his hands to pull out the big glass sherds that were stuck deep beneath his skin.

‘’They tortured us for information that we were supposed to get from them’’ he blinked slowly, memories flowing from behind his eye’s making a glossy look fill them.“ bastards used something on us so we weren’t the strongest people there” he finished off clearing his throat trying to fight back those memories.

You were left stunned and silenced. After that You just carefully attended to his wounds in pure silence not wanting them to suffer anymore from you trying to pride information out of them.

You finished up patching him up and softly played with his hand, a single tear fell down as he closed his eyes to finally get sleep.

Your heart ached for them, and you didn’t know to help them out instead of attending to their wounds.

“See you getting lost, sweetheart’’ john spoke from across the room, still getting treated by bob. “Nothing you could have done, we’re re the fighters, we’ll move along peacefully and forget this ever happened’’ you crossed your arms as you walked back over to his bed, standing right beside him.

“Been here for three years, almost four. never get used to seeing ya’ll come to me all bruised and hurt”

He used his good hand and played with the ends of your hair, something he said he used to do with his sister when she was young and she couldn’t fall asleep. “It’ll take a long time, y/n. But just remember, we’re tough and strong. We will always come back’’

You nodded, he was right and you needed to start believing that.

Once bob had patched him up, the very long and bloody night came to an end. Everybody was patched up and sleeping or watching some tv. You checked on them on last time before excusing yourself to go to the little kitchen your floor had, for a break, a break away from the injured heroes, a break from the bloodiness, a break from seeing the people you cared about so much hurt and broken.

You poured yourself a glass of water and sat down on the barstool, head in hands and deep breaths leaving your mouth. “You okay” you jumped looking behind you to see bob standing there still in his bloody clothes, which you told him he could change out of already, but like you he hadn’t gotten to that yet, seeing as he double checked everyone, like you. Making sure they were okay and no more blood was spilling from their wounds.

“Shit, you scared me” you patted the barstool next to so he could sit down, “I’m fine, nauseous and tired, but fine. How about you?” You saw a dead stare in his eyes, confused, tired, lost.

“How do you deal with this” he played with his hands that were on the counter in front of him.

You shrugged, “still trying to figure that part out. For now, i just shove it to the back of my head and hope to forget it”

Bob looked at you with concern, “isn’t that somehow making it worse, by not dealing with it firsthand?”

Again you shrugged, “i cope with things wrong, i guess’’ you laid your head on his shoulder, beginning to fumble with your hands the same way he does. “Also, i think I picked up quite a few habits from someone when it comes to coping with stuff” bob looked at you messing with your hands, and also saw that you took in a habit of biting your nails. Two of the habits you scouted him for having and doing.

He grabbed your hand, observing the now ruined skin around your nails. “Interesting”

“Shut up” it went quiet for a moment. Just the two of you enjoying the silence and the comfort of holding one another after the bloody day you both experienced.

“Thank you for your help today, you did good bob.’’ you looked at him only to see him staring at you already. “Couldn’t have done it alone”

bob’s face flustered red, he broke eye contact with you, the kitchen cabinets in front you suddenly looked very interesting. “I think you could’ve” he spoke low and slow. “You’re amazing at what you do, y/n”

now it was your face that beamed red. “Thank you bob” you said, standing up from the barstool quickly. A bad (good) ideal formed in your head, you leaned down and placed a quick kiss to the corner of his lips and made a run for it.

“Hey you cant do that!’’ Bob called out, but you were long gone behind the glass doors where the injured hero’s were at.

Your heart was beating fast and uncontrollably. “Shit” you ran a hand through your hair, stomach getting sick with butterflies. You shook your head, hoping to forget you did that and walked over to Bucky who was now stirring awake.

“How you doing buck?”

Bucky cleared his throat a grunt leaving his lips as he sat up a bit on the bed. “Feeling like i got stabbed” you chuckled, placing a hand on his covered wound making sure blood didn’t leak through the bandage.

“Well, crazy news flash you did” you joked back.

“How the other’s?” His joking voice was gone and replaced with concern.

You sighted, crossing your arms as you leaned against the pillar, “in bad shape, girls suffered major wounds, stab wounds to be exact, but they will be fine with basic medical care, john has a concussion, but he’ll recover fine, same for alexi’’ Bucky exhaled sharply, his body relaxing comfortably on the bed.

“And you?” You titled your head confused, “how are you feeling?, doll”

You shrugged, “fine, used to this already” you lied through your teeth and Bucky saw that.

“You’re not” he spoke with confidence. He patted his bed so you could sit down beside him, which you did.

“I’m not, but I’ll get use to it eventually” your hair fall down as you looked down at the bed. He pushed the fallen hair behind your ear, and gilded his hand down to your chin pitching it so you could look at him.

“It’s a tough job, deadly even. But you know we’ll always come back” you nodded, it was true, you did need to start believing that because they were strong, way stronger than you. And were professionals, they knew what they were doing, knew how to fight, kill and survive. But considering they were the last family you had standing strong it was hard for you not to feel a Sickening feeling when they went out to fight battles nobody would ever know what its like to fight.

“Always gonna worry about ya’ll” he picked up your hand, placing a kiss to the back of it. “You guys are my family”

His eyes gleamed with understanding and love. “I know doll’’

You moved his hair from his eyes and leaned down placing a kiss to his temple. “Try to get more sleep buck, you need it” he looked at you one last time before closing his eyes again letting sleep consume him.

You got up from his bed and walked out his open, quietly closing his door. You walked room from room checking on the other hero’s, making sure they were safe and good. Once you saw they were okay, you shut off the lights on the floor and quietly walked to your room.

You sighted as you sat on the edge of your bed. It was quiet. Way too quiet. You could hear your racing thoughts from which corner of the room, you covered your ears hoping to make those thoughts quiet. But it was no use, you could still hear them.

Your vision soon became blurry, your normal breathing turned to deep shallow breaths that hurt you to breath. You put a hand to you chest clutching your shirt, “fuck, fuck” your chest soon became tight, like somebody had put a big rock on it. “Fuck, it hurts” you didn’t know who you were talking to in the very dark room. But it was probably to the voices that wouldn’t shut up in your head.

Tears started to leak down your eyes that you couldn’t control, and soon enough you had curled into a ball and cried out into your knees. it was too much, too painful, too heartbreaking. The brave wall you put on to your family had came down and you couldn’t stop it.

in the mist of your breakdown you didn’t hear bob’s voice calling out your name, not until you felt a warmth of a body pulling your shaking and crying body into their embrace. You knew it was bob them.

“It’s too much” you finally admitted out loud to him. “Pretend i can handle it, but I can’t”

He softly stroked your hair, his other hand sliding up and down your back. Your tears stained his shirt but he didn’t care he held onto you until your body stopped shaking and soon your tears turned into dried up ones, the only sounds you made were sniffles.

“It’s okay to break down, its what keeps us strong and keeps us from going insane’ he whispered into your ear, “without breaking down we would lose ourselves, make bad decisions, have bad thoughts. So don’t think you’re weak for this’ he gently cradled your face, your red and puffy eyes faced him.

“You help them daily, help them get better, see parts of them your not supposed to see. But you do, you help them get through their pains and sorrows” bob moved you the hair that stuck to your face from crying. He leaned forward pressing his forehead against yours. It finally went silent, just the sound of your heartbeats were the only sound you could hear.

through a rough and tumbling voice you softly spoke, “thank you bob” he knew you meant that sincerely.

He nodded pressing a light kiss to your forehead, “don’t have to thank me”

“You need to change.” He leaned back and took in the sight of you still in your bloody clothes.

Vision still blurry you looked down grabbing at the hem of your shirt, thumb brushing over the dried up blood. “Yeah i do” your voice was barely above a whisper. Bob took in the fact you weren’t doing anything to get rid of the clothes so he got up from your bed and wandered over to your dresser, he pulled out a pair of shorts and a tank top.

Walking back to you, he took ahold of your hand and guided to the edge of the bed. “I’ll turn around while you change”

You grabbed the clean clothes from his hands and watched as he turned around, eyes closing tightly to give you more privacy. You pealed the clothes off your body and threw them to the side, you quickly slipped on the shorts and tank top.

You tapped bob on his shoulder, “you can look.”

Bob let his eyes wander over your frame making you go shy, “that looks better” you hummed agreeing with him.

Another staring contest formed between you, waiting for one another to make a move but the long dreadfulness of a night made you break the eye contact which bob wouldn’t admit out loud but he was disappointed, that is until you spoke up in your shyfulness voice, “will you sleep with me tonight?, don’t feel like being alone”

His heart started beating fast when you took his hand and guided him to the side you wanted him to sleep on. He happily got underneath the covers and waited for you to join him. When you did, bob pulled you close to him, one arm underneath your head and the other holding onto your hip. without thinking much bob placed a kiss to the back of you head and pulled the sheets tightly around you both.

You took ahold of his hand on your hip and tugged it against your chest, intertwining your fingers. “thank you again, bob”

“Stop thanking me, I’ll always be there for you”

When sleep overtook your bodies it was like somebody snapped their fingers and turned it morning quicker than usual.

The sounds of birds chirping in the background woke you up to face the sunlight shining into the once darkened room. You blinked a few times confused and hoping to wash the sleep away from your eyes, you took a look at the clock on your bedside table and saw it was eight in the morning. You groaned, head pounding like you’d gotten blackout drunk yesterday. You looked back and saw bob still in the same position, hand still holding yours while light snores left his mouth.

You unlocked your intertwined hands and slowly got up from the bed, cursing when the bed creaked underneath you. ‘’shut up” you muttered underneath your breath, hopping over the dirty clothes on the floor making your way to the shower that you so desperately needed after yesterday’s event.

The warm water felt like a blessing against your skin, you cleaned, washed your hair, exfoliated yourself good enough to were you finally felt free from the events that followed you from yesterday. Getting out of the shower however felt like a curse, you shivered goosebumps coating your skin. you quickly wrapped your robe around your body and walked out the bathroom.

“Interesting” you muttered to yourself when you saw bob still sleeping on your bed except he had turned to lay on his stomach, head slightly turned to the side as his arms were buried deep underneath the pillows his head was resting on.

You took in the quick fact he had gotten rid of his shirt and now the only thing that was covering him was your white sheets. You shook your head at the sudden thoughts that formed when you saw a glimpse of his back, and instead distracted yourself by running to your closest to pick a outfit. Once your changed into the outfit you had walked out of your room and went into the direction where the sleeping heroes were at.

You took in a deep breath when you came face-to-face with the glass door that opened and lead you to them, your hands hesitated pushing them open that is until you heard laugher filling up the floor expecting them to be asleep still, or dead. you were confused.

“There she is!” Bucky cheered, hands clapping loudly When he saw you enter the room. “Good morning, doll” you looked at each one and saw they were all sitting up on their beds, chatting and laughing like nothing had happened to them.

You crossed your hands as you walked up to them, “though for sure i was gonna lose at least one of you” you joked, a smile of relief covering your face.

They dramatically gasped, “can’t get rid of us that fast sweetheart!” Yelana yelled unexpectedly loud from her bed, making the others cover their ears.

“Like i would want to” you walked up to Bucky first to inspect his wound, “how do you feel Bucky?” He jumped slightly when you touched his bandage checking making sure blood didn’t leak through.

“Feel better now that you’re here” you rolled your eyes.

“Too early for the flirting buck” you pushed back his hair from his eyes and looked at the cut underneath his eye making sure it didn’t get worse overnight. “Well so far you look good, I’ll need to change your bandage in a minute, but first I’m gonna check on the others’’ Bucky nodded, grabbing onto your hand before you could walk away from him.

“Told you we would be okay”

That time he told you that you actually believed him.

“I know Bucky”

From the background you could hear the others making throwing up sounds and fake gagging causing you both to laugh, “enough flirting kids, there’s still injured people back here, doctor!’’ Ava yelled at you.

You walked over to them, giggling when you saw them sitting so politely and giving you oh-so sweet smiles. “I’m here, how do y’all feel?”

They shrugged, kicking their feet like kids underneath the blankets that were still covering them “shouldn’t you be checking us to know that” yelana said.

You sighted, “well yeah, but i need to know ya’ll’s pain level” you looked at Yelana’s wounds, whining in pain with her when you pulled down the bandage on her back that was covering her burnt up back, you saw it still looked bright red bits of skin missing and replaced with white puss, “back still looks bad, I’ll need to clean it extra deep, which may hurt.’

Yelena nodded like an was ordinary task, “okay” you gave her a look.

“I’ll need to give you lots of painkillers, which may knock you out for a while’’ you opened the pill bottle on her bedside table, popping out three pills.

She took the pills with water and leaned back against her pillows, re-getting herself comfortable. You gave her one last look before leaving her side, turning your attention over to Ava who now looked uncomfortable adjusting herself on the bed. “Star, how’s the side and hip?”

“Darling, honey, I’m hurting still” she sarcastically said through a painful smile.

“Well, I’m gonna prep you for surgery this morning, so you’ll have to get used to this bed, hon” she groaned, “in the meantime I’ll give you some pain medication, that should make you forget about the pain for awhile” she sent you a small smile and accepted the pills you gave her. You played with her hair and talked for a while trying to calm her nerves down about her surgery she was gonna have, the others occasionally joined into the conversation you both were having also trying to make her less stressed out, when it worked, you quietly left her alone while she was talking to Yelana and wandered over to john.

“How’s the head walker?”

“Hurts a little less than yesterday” you hummed, putting a pair of gloves on so you could change the bandage around his head. “Where’s renold at” your hand came to a halt at unwrapping his bandage, face suddenly turning red as a tomato. John chuckled at that, a wide smile spreading across his face. “Oh…oh?” He wiggled his eyebrows a knowing look in his eyes.

“No, john” you already knew where he was going with those eyebrows wiggles, “just comforted me..’’ you sighed realizing that sounds way worse. “Don’t even” john just broke out in a laughter which made you slap his shoulder for.

“Comforted you??” You ignored him, hands working on changing his bandages. “So, where’s he at”

You gave him a look, “sleeping in my bed” you put your hand on his mouth shutting him up before he could get those words out, “nothing happened!”

“Sure, sure” his words were muffled.

To make matters even worse, bob just so happened to appear right behind you. “Morning john” you dropped your hand from his mouth and turned to look behind you. “And good morning y/n’’

You cleared your throat, “morning bob, I’m gonna check on alexi” you rushed out the room, unluckily for you bob was hot on your tail following you around.

“Could have woken me up” he tugged on your arm pulling you back towards him.

Your grew wide when you realized the distance between you both and slowly took a step back, “figured you needed sleep after yesterday” a blush creeped to your neck. “You know after helping me with these guys’’ you paused, “and girls”

“Right..” it went quiet between you two, a part of you both hoping those lines between you both would be crossed, but you made no move either did he. “So, um, what do you need help with today” Bob scratched his neck awkwardly.

“Why don’t you make breakfast for them, and I’ll finish up here”

Before he could say anything else you rushed away from him, making a beeline to Alexi’s room. “How you feeling old man?”

He showed you the middle finger, “not that old. But I’m not in pain”

you chuckled, “thats a first” you checked the wounds on his hands and then his legs, his wounds didn’t look even remotely good.

Seeing your concerned face, he knew something wasn’t right. “What’s wrong doc”

You re-patched up his hands and legs and moved to stand at the edge of his bed. “Considering i just fixed up you up yesterday, your wounds don’t look the best, so you’ll have to be bedridden until you’re able to fully use your hands, because” you placed a feather light touch to his hand and saw him hiss in pain, “you’re hands will take a long time to properly heal, same for your leg”

“Time to retire?” He jokingly asked.

You snicker, “oh you’re far from that’’

He suddenly got serious, “i will get to use my hands and leg again, right?”

Your gaze softened at him, you nodded. “Of course you will, I’ll make sure you recover right”

Once everybody was checked, changed bandages and looked good enough to be on their way. You stepped aside and watched as bob walked into each rooms, handing them plates of food. A smile grew on your face as you saw the hero’s shoving the food down with laughs and chattering filling the room once again.

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wisecura · 8 months ago

Text

Sheets

megumi fushiguro x fem-reader

p.1

p.8 ⁭ ( ⸝⸝꩜ ᯅ ꩜⸝⸝;) p.10??

p.9

AN: this took a minute, but I was finishing the outline for a few of the other chapters and a few other works I've been doing. I was off from work for a bit, went back, had a set of traumatic back to back days. and well, writers block is one hell of a thing, y'know? aaaand with the seasonal changes I'm just tired maybe a bit down. but thank you guys for your love and support!

warnings: this story may cover sensitive and uncomfortable topics. please read at your own risk, violence, lashings, blood, mental breakdowns, yandere, obsessive behavior, possessiveness, mommy kinks, mommy issues, arranged marriages, forced marriages, angst, eventual smut, clan politics, age gap (5 years from meg, and a little over 10 with toji), toji aint the best dad, mentions of child abuse, slowww build.

Short summary: Your arranged marriage to Toji Fushiguro had been sudden and unexpected, but now you found yourself living under his roof alongside your moody stepson. Your only directive from your clan head before moving in was clear: keep a close eye on Toji, the notorious Sorcerer Killer, and his son, a potential sorcerer prodigy.

threats and cwuddles

an: i said what i said

How utterly pointless.

There he was, standing before the pathetic excuse for a man—the one you called uncle, the so-called leader of your disgraceful clan. The ridiculous get up had him holding back a joke, as the man seemed to sneer down at him. His expression oozing disdain—as if he wasn't even worth the effort of a proper glance.

Toji nearly laughed at the sheer audacity.

This man, puffed up with self-importance and brimming with hollow authority, presumed to have the upper hand?

Absolutely comedic.

Toji let his eyes drift over the man slowly, deliberately, as if assessing a weak opponent in a fight he knew he’d already won. Everything about him screamed mediocrity wrapped in false power—his carefully pressed robes, the practiced tilt of his chin, the way he held his hands behind his back as if it really added weight to his presence.

But Toji saw through it all. He always did.

Authority like this was a farce. A staged act meant to instill fear in those who’d never known freedom. And Toji? He was already a foot out the door. And he didn’t play by their rules. Not now. Not ever.

He could kill him in seconds...if he really wanted to.

"So," Toji said, his voice dripping with derision. "This is the man in charge, huh? Can’t say I’m impressed. You look more like an angry little chihuahua guarding a bone that isn’t even yours."

Your clan leader's sneer faltered for a second at his blatant disrespect. It wasn't often someone so ill-mannered showed their face in his estate, let alone had the audacity to open their mouth in front of him.

But they were all the same to Toji—weak, predictable, and utterly worthless.

Toji wasn’t the type to be a hero—never had been, never would be. Kindness just wasn’t in his nature, and every decision he made came with a price. He didn’t hand out favors for free, and he certainly didn’t involve himself in someone else’s mess out of the goodness of his heart.

So why was he here?

The answer was annoyingly simple.

you.

Maybe it was because, technically, he was your husband. Sure, it was only in name, but the fact remained. Or maybe it was because of Megumi—his dumb, lovesick son—whose actions, if not his words, made it painfully clear just how deeply his affections for you ran.

From the surface, Toji could make excuses, just how he may have when he first picked you up from this clan. But deep down, way below—in the dark recesses of his mind, Toji understood the real reason.

It wasn’t about obligation or some half-hearted attempt to help Megumi.

It was the moment you'd broken down in his arms.

Sobbing, so uncharacteristically vulnerable, your back covered in those deep, fresh lashes—five if he counted correctly. Clinging onto him, in a way you hadn't ever done before, even when Megumi had been ignoring you. And he could see the scars from previous lashings. Some faint, a light pink indention, and others a solid light purple.

He wasn’t good at comforting people—really. And what good was an assassin in that situation?—but something in that moment had made his head snap. And a mix of different memories and bottled-up emotions compelled him forward. He'd never made impulsive decisions. And Toji Fushiguro was never one for kindness.

But now, here he was. Standing in front of your uncle, the so-called leader of your clan, ready to do something he knew was reckless. Something that could potentially mess things up for both you and his son. A defensive action like this could easily hint at a deeper relationship between the two of you, which was not something he really wanted. These geezers weren't brand new to mind games, but neither was he. And, sure, he could just kill the guy, but that seemed like way too much effort. A few choice words should handle it.

"So, tell me...why is the Toji Fushiguro bothering to grace me with his presence? I can’t imagine you're here to meet the in-laws?" He was fishing, hoping he would rise to the occasion, hint at any personal glimpse into the killer before him.

Toji didn’t take the bait. He just stood there, calm as ever, his face giving nothing away. God, did he hate these clan politics. His dark eyes casually swept the room, clearly bored—not impressed by the fancy decor, not intimidated by the guards at the doors, and definitely not by your uncle. Honestly, he'd rather be back home, digging into some of your homemade yakitori. This whole thing was turning out to be a real drag.

"What’s the matter? Are you just here to puff your chest and waste my time?" He's getting antsy now,

Toji’s lips twitched into an almost imperceptible smirk. His gaze razor-sharp, locking onto the older man. There was a pause as your uncle locked eyes on Toji's. Unmoving, unflinching, before Toji took a deliberate step forward, closing the distance just enough to make the clan leader stiffen. "You know," Toji said, his voice casual, almost conversational, "it’s funny. For a guy so full of himself, you’re awfully quiet about those welts you sent her home with."

Your uncle's eyes widened—but only for a moment, leaning back with mock nonchalance. "Welts? I have no idea what you're talking about. And what's it to you anyway? Don't tell me you've actually caught feelings for her?"

"Feelings? Don’t kid yourself. I’m not here to play hero, and I’m definitely not here for her." Toji shrugged casually, tossing his head to the side and leaning back to give him some room, his eyes flicking over the clan leader, as if taking his question seriously. "But let’s be honest—she doesn’t look as hot in bed when she’s got all those welts. Kinda ruins the mood, you know?"

Stunned, the clan leader chuckled uneasily, trying to regain some semblance of control. He shouldn't have been too surprised given the Sorcerer Killers stellar reputation for the debauched lifestyle. You were technically his wife afterall, "Ah, well—that makes more sense. Using the whore for what she's worth, I guess." Toji could practically hear your resale value dropping by the second, as the clan leader processed this thought before continuing in an almost thoughtful murmur. "Just here to make sure your toy stays intact."

"Call it whatever you want. I don’t care. But if you think I’ll let you mark her skin up again, then you’re even dumber than you look."

The clan leader’s sneer returned, though his eyes betrayed a flicker of uncertainty. Much like a petulant child, not getting his way. "And if I don’t? What then, Fushiguro? You’ll kill me?" Now lets not go putting ideas into his head...

Toji let out a low chuckle, shaking back in laughter at the fear creeping into his voice. "Kill you? Nah. You’re not worth the effort." He paused, feigning a change of heart as his voice dropped, leaning in again for the kill, his words a hefty weight. "Actually, maybe I’ll stick around. Tear this whole place apart just for fun. I hate this sorcerer bullshit anyway. Watching your precious clan crumble might actually make my day."

The clan leader’s face twitched, his bravado faltering again under Toji’s unrelenting gaze, his words hanging in the air-message loud and clear.

"Fine," he muttered, waving a hand dismissively. "If it means that much to you, no more marks. No need to make this a bigger deal than it is."

Toji smirked, satisfied. He stepped back as he turned toward the door. "Good. Glad we could see eye to eye," he said oh so smoothly.

With that, he strode out, leaving your uncle in an uncomfortable silence. Toji knew the man wouldn’t see him as anything but a threat, and that was exactly what he wanted. As long as they kept their grubby hands off you, he didn’t care what they thought—or what he had to say to make them believe it. And hopefully your home clan wouldn't go around making decisions on this calculated move alone.

Now, it was time for some well-deserved meat.

Thankfully, your clan visits were few and far between.

The trip home that day had been nothing short of brutal, and your clan head’s disdainful disregard for how you might explain the aftermath to your husband lingered in your mind like a bitter aftertaste.

The weeks dragged on, and before you knew it, the seasons had shifted. Fall gave way to winter, winter melted into spring, and eventually, summer arrived again. Yet, Megumi’s absence remained a constant despite the seasonal changes.

Determined to stay connected despite the distance, you’d picked up a cell phone not long after Megumi left. Toji had handed over both his and Megumi's numbers with his usual air of indifference. “In case of emergencies,” he’d said, tossing the paper onto the table like it was no big deal. But to you, it was. Your focus had been on one number only: Megumi’s. He was the hardest to reach anyways.

What would you even say? Hi, how are you? Too formal. I miss you already. Too much. The hesitation gnawed at you. After a few moments, you settled on something simple and sent it off, heart pounding in the silence that followed.

Megumi’s replies, however, had been scarce—short, distant, and frustratingly neutral. You tried not to let it sting, reasoning that he was busy adjusting to his new life at Jujutsu Tech. He had training, studies, and an entirely new world to navigate. But the lack of insight into his world left you feeling unmoored and oh so helpless.

Did he eat well? Was he overworking himself? Did he even want to hear from you? The unanswered questions piled up, an invisible weight pressing on your chest.

When his birthday came, you’d agonized over whether to call, but the fear of interrupting—or worse, being brushed off—kept your fingers from dialing. Instead, you texted him, wishing him a happy birthday in a message that felt far too impersonal. Hours later, his reply came: a simple thank you.

It was polite, but it wasn’t enough. It didn’t tell you if he was happy, if he’d smiled at your message, if he’d even thought of you beyond that brief acknowledgment. The distance between you felt larger than ever, and you couldn’t help but wonder if he was slipping further away—or if you were.

You hoped—prayed—that he’d found some happiness at school. That maybe the time away had helped him grow, helped him heal in ways you couldn’t. You wondered if his sharp tongue and stubborn attitude had softened enough to allow for real friendships. Did he smile more? Did he laugh? You pictured him in that new world, surrounded by people who might understand him better.

As summer approached, anticipation and unease twisted in your chest, a slow, suffocating knot that tightened with each passing day. The thought of seeing him again stirred a mix of emotions—excitement, yes, but also a quiet fear that plagued you. Would he still look at you with that same guarded expression? Would the distance he’d created remain? Would he persist with questions you couldn't answer?

His parting words haunted you, echoing in the quiet moments when your mind wandered too far. You replayed that last conversation over and over, dissecting every syllable, every pause, every look. The unspoken questions lingered like ghosts: Had you done enough? Said enough? You’d wished, countless times, that you’d found the right words to ease the tension before he left.

Now, with the summer sun creeping closer, you could only wonder if it was too late to mend what had been broken—or if it had been broken at all.

And then, one quiet afternoon, he came home.

The sound of the door creaking open sent a jolt through you. Without thinking, you found yourself halfway down the hallway, your heart pounding in your chest.

When you saw him, you froze—and so did he.

He stood in the doorway, his tall frame outlined by the golden glow of the late afternoon sun. A faint breeze followed him in, tousling his hair and leaving it slightly messy, adding to the disheveled charm he carried so effortlessly. His piercing eyes locked onto yours, and for a moment, the world seemed to fall away.

Neither of you spoke. The silence stretched, laden but charged, his gaze lingering on your face as if he were trying to memorize every detail. He looked different—older, his features sharper, his presence more commanding. You still found yourself struggling to recognize him each time you saw him—such a common occurrence now that it was almost expected. There was something in his eyes, something softer, more vulnerable. He looked like he wanted to say something.

“Megumi,” you whispered, full of hesitance. Your voice almost broke under the weight of the moment, a flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm you.

He didn’t move, his hands still gripping the straps of the bag slung over his shoulder. For a second, you thought he wouldn’t respond. Then he exhaled, his shoulders relaxing just a fraction as he stepped further inside.

“Hey,” he said softly, the warmth in his voice wrapping around you like a balm. It was a simple word, but it carried so much—a mixture of relief, uncertainty, and something deeper—something unfamiliar, that made your chest well up.

You’d missed him more than you dared to admit. More than you’d allowed yourself to feel during the long months of silence. And now, standing here, the space between you felt both impossibly vast and achingly small.

For a moment, neither of you moved. Then, without a second thought, you closed the space between you and wrapped your arms around him in a tight hug. He stiffened, caught off guard, before slowly, his arms came up to hold you, and to your surprise, he hugged you back. Not hesitantly or awkwardly, but fully, his arms wrapping securely around you and pulling you close, almost flush to him. His head dipped down, his nose brushing against your hair as he held you firmly against his chest.

“Welcome home,” you murmured, unable to keep the brittleness from your tone, your cheek pressed against him. The words felt fragile, as though the moment might shatter if you spoke too loudly.

He didn’t respond immediately, but you felt him exhale, a deep, contented sigh that seemed to come from somewhere buried deep inside. His nose pushed further into your hair, and his grip tightened just enough to knock the breath out of you.

“I missed you,” his voice so quiet it was almost lost in the stillness. You hadn't expected it, the sentiment not lost on you. It'd been too long, the texts too short, and the emptiness of the house too loud. But the way his arms enveloped you, strong and protective, took away all of those negative feelings.

Your arms tightened around him in return, head still laying on his chest. The words slipping from your lips, practically dripping with affection. “I missed you too.”

Finally, after what felt like both seconds and forever, he shifted slightly, loosening his hold just enough for you to pull back. When your eyes met his again, you couldn't help the small smile plastered on your face. He looked at you like you were the only thing in the world that mattered, and it sent a bittersweet ache through your chest, a feeling you didn’t quite know how to name.

The corner of his mouth twitched, “You text a lot, you know that?”

A soft laugh bubbled out of you. “And you’re terrible at replying.”

“Dinner’s already started,” remembering the pan still on the stove. “You’re probably starving.”

He didn’t let go immediately, his hands lingering on your arms as if reluctant to let the moment end. “Yeah,” his voice low, as a faint flush crept up his cheeks, he finally stepped back. “Starving.”

You gave him a warm smile, brushing your hand lightly against his arm before turning toward the kitchen. Even as you moved away, you could feel his gaze lingering on you from behind—heavy, unrelenting, and more present that he previously was. Whatever walls had been between you before—whatever distance he’d tried to create—seemed to crumble in that quiet, intimate moment. Just what happened while he was at school?

Dinner that night was warm and comforting, a feeling you hadn’t experienced in what felt like forever.

“So, how was school? Are you making any friends?” you chirp, pacing around the kitchen, so aware of his eyes tracing your every movement. The excitement in your tone was impossible to miss, a lightness that hadn’t been there in months. After so many quiet dinners with only Toji for company, the thought of someone else at the table made you relieved. Even if the two of you had been getting along better recently.

Megumi glanced up from his plate, pausing for a moment before answering. “It’s...fine,” he said, his tone clipped but not unkind. “I’m focused on my training. That’s what matters.”

You hummed, a small smile tugging at your lips. You don't miss the evasiveness of his answer. “Still, I hope you’re finding time to enjoy yourself, even just a little.”

He didn’t respond right away, fiddling with his food, his gaze briefly dropping to his plate.

“Make any friends?” you try again, gently.

“A few,” he admitted, his tone reluctant but not dismissive.

“Really?” you hum out again, glancing over your shoulder at him. You wanted him to open up to you, but with his nature it wasn't exaclty going to be easy to get him to talk. “Anyone special?”

He shrugged, eyes still downcast. “Not really,” he replied, his voice neutral but you saw the way he trailed off, lost in his own thoughts.

You paused, raising an eyebrow at him, deciding to press a little more. “C’mon, Megumi,” you teased lightly, turning back to the stove. Your tone intentionally unserious. “I know you’re not that antisocial. You’ve got to be opening up a little, right?”

His lips twitched, almost forming a smile, but the expression didn’t quite land. “It’s fine,” he groaned, though his tone softened slightly, as if the question hadn’t entirely annoyed him. “I’ve been busy.”

You hummed again in acknowledgment, not pushing him further, but your smile lingered. You were just glad to have him here, back where he belonged. Actually talking to you. Even if he wasn’t saying much, his presence spoke volumes.

Your questions continued easily—about school, his classes, his life outside of the house—and though his answers were typically grumpy and brief, you didn’t mind. It was the fact that he was answering at all, the fact that he wasn’t shutting you out, that made it all feel worthwhile. You didn’t dare bring up the tension from last summer, not wanting to risk spoiling the fragile good mood.

Toji was out for the night, leaving the house blissfully quiet, and Megumi made no comment on the food, though he cleaned his plate for the second time. It was a small victory, but it still left you smiling as you settled onto the couch afterward.

Megumi surprised you by sitting beside you. He didn’t say anything, just crossed his arms and leaned back, his expression neutral as you put on a movie. Sure, he'd sat near you before, but the long months that followed his absence made you tense a bit. He didn’t seem particularly interested in the movie you put on, but you heard no complaints.

At some point, exhaustion crept up on you. The day had been long, and the warmth of the room, combined with Megumi’s quiet, steady presence, lulled you into sleep. Without realizing it, you shifted slightly, leaning toward him, your head eventually coming to rest against his shoulder.

Megumi, of course, noticed immediately.

He stiffened at first, his entire body going rigid as he felt the soft weight of you curling against him. His breath hitched, his heart pounding so hard it felt like it would break out of his chest. His mind screamed at him to stay still, to not move or make a sound.

But then he glanced down.

You looked so peaceful, so utterly at ease with him, and it sent a surge of emotions through him that he could barely contain. Warmth, nervousness, longing—it all tangled together, leaving him frozen in place. The faint light from the television cast soft shadows across your face, and he couldn’t tear his eyes away.

You trusted him so much, leaned into him so easily, and it made him ache with something deep and primal. He didn’t know if he deserved this—if he deserved you—but he couldn’t stop himself from savoring the moment.

Tentatively, he allowed himself to relax, his shoulder shifting slightly to give you more room. His fingers twitched in his lap, aching to reach out and brush a stray strand of hair from your face, but he held himself back. He couldn’t ruin this.

He stayed like that, unmoving, as you curled closer, your breathing soft and even against him. Every part of him burned with the overwhelming need to keep you like this, to hold you, to never let you go.

When the movie ended, and the room fell into quiet stillness, he carefully reached for the blanket draped over the back of the couch. Gently, he pulled it over you, his hand brushing your arm as he tucked it around you. The brief contact sent a shiver down his spine, but he forced himself to pull away.

He refused to leave, wanting to be with you like this as long as possible.

p.1

p.10

come home

244 notes · View notes

berryunho · 1 year ago

Text

THE ANSWER: XXVIII

Kim Hongjoong doesn’t like the word ‘cult.’ He prefers ‘sect.’ pairing: ateez x fem reader genre: cult au, thriller, angst check warnings on AO3

← previous || next → || masterlist chapter word count: 14,305 chapter warnings: alcohol consumption

Your month drags on. Despite the heightened activity around the farm, nothing much changes in your day-to-day schedule. You wake up at the same time, listen to Hongjoong ramble for the same amount of time, eat the same meals with the same people, and eventually sleep at the same time. Even book club is monotonous, barely even happening— but that might have more to do with the fact that Seonghwa (who conducts most of your lessons) seems even less enthused about having to spend an hour talking to you than you are.

Which is strange— ish. Not that you expected much different from him, but you had thought that… or, well, at least, you weren’t feeling such a burning hatred for him anymore, so, maybe…

But that’s silly. Of course Seonghwa still doesn’t give a rat's ass about you, why would he? All you’ve ever done is be a pain in his side. Even when he’s… comforted you in the past… its been to relieve his own discomfort or guilty conscious, not to actually help you. Probably.

You truly have no idea. Seonghwa is an enigma.

In a way, though, you’re glad that he’s at least mostly off your case. Maybe due to your slight mental breakdown after seeing the… thing… Seonghwa seems to be less eager to poke fun at you. Not nice by any standards, but he’s certainly less devious around you.

Which also means that he hasn’t been prying into your personal life. Thankfully. With the secret of your escape looming over your every thought, it would be just like you to accidentally slip-up in front of Seonghwa and blow the whole thing.

Instead, he keeps things very formal. He doesn’t put his hands on you, he doesn’t stare at your face with that scrunched-up look, he doesn’t ask questions about you or your day or San or anything else. He talks to you about The Answer and lets you leave after.

Though the arrangement is a bit startling at first, you get used to it quickly. Hongjoong appears less and less at these meetings, not even making an appearance in the last two weeks of the month. You have no idea what he could possibly be so busy doing, but you’re not complaining.

Over the course of the month, there were several more rituals, similar to the tune of the one that you had participated in. Luckily, you were not called to participate in any of them, and no more— and your hesitant to even give whatever happened a name, but— Guardians appear to confuse and scare the everliving fuck out of you.

More and more, you find yourself absentmindedly reaching to touch the pins on the collar of your shirt, fiddling with them whenever your hands are free. You want to think that it has nothing to do with Hongjoong’s bullshit about the Sign protecting you… and it doesn’t! Not at all! That would be crazy! It’s just a habit. Like spinning a ring or twisting a necklace.

… You’ll go with that, anyways.

Occasionally, you still have nightmares about your encounter. What a horrible night that all was. Obviously, there still is nothing in you that can believe that Guardians are real. That would be silly. And insane. But it’s only natural that you’re still upset about the whole situation. Whatever had happened, it had scared the shit out of you. It affected you— it makes sense that your subconscious would be fixated on such a traumatic memory.

Right…? Or maybe you’re still actively thinking about that night and what the fuck had happened. Could it have been what Hongjoong said? Could he be right? Or were you blitzed out on some mysterious drug and everyone else was just lying about what they saw? Could Hongjoong manage that?

He probably could. It couldn’t be that hard for him to convince the entire cult into gaslighting you into believing that they had all seen the thing, too. But San… He wouldn’t lie to you about it, right? You find that very hard to believe.

Thinking on it, San had, of course, never outright said that he had seen the same thing as you— you had never spoken in detail with him about it… But he was disturbed enough to set your escape into motion, which must count for something. Maybe he had seen a Guardian and was terrified enough to run.

These sorts of thoughts dominate your month.

You had volunteered to help out with the harvest, almost pleading with San for something to do. You were sure that Wooyoung would take your help back in the kitchens, but Hongjoong denied you any opportunity that seemed to come your way. He wanted you with San, where he could see you.

Which is stupid, in your opinion. Hongjoong has the Followers, all of whom are incredibly devoted to him; any of them would give you up in a heartbeat if they saw you trying anything that you shouldn’t. He could assign literally anyone to watch you while you did a task, and it would achieve the same thing as having San at your side. But no. You were forced to rot in your apartment, glancing over San’s shoulder to his laptop on occasion, hoping to see something that could brighten your mood (or give you more information).

Most of the time, you watch out your window, hoping to snag another glance at Mingi. There are a few times when you can see him in the field, but the Followers make quick work of the harvest nearest the compound, and move farther and farther away as the month rolls onward. Sometimes, you swear you can see his hair in the distance, reflecting the sun so brightly. It gets harder and harder to remember why you fought. Why you were holding a grudge. Could you really blame him for having your best interests at heart?

Sure, he had been a little possessive and freaky, but, like, he was kind of telling the truth. And he was just trying to make sure that San wasn’t hurting you.

You’re probably just making excuses for him, now, as you miss his company. Here you were, a cult member, locked away in an apartment, all for him— and you don’t even have him. You can’t even speak with him freely. The irony isn’t lost on you.

Anyways, it doesn’t come as much of a shock when Hongjoong announces that the harvest is complete. Though the month might have been one of the longest of your life, watching the field workers get farther and farther away everyday at least gave you a sense of time passing. When even their tractors were tiny specks that you could hardly see without squinting, it was clear that the work was almost finished.

The announcement is met with much fanfare, though you’re not sure why. From what you make of it, Halloween is always the date on which the harvest celebration occurs. It shouldn’t be much of a surprise that the harvest is over, especially with the date looming so soon, but the Followers all seem overjoyed. Maybe they’re all just ready to relax after a long, toiling month.

That said, the day itself comes much faster than you anticipated. Hongjoong made the announcement of the end of the Harvest on the 25th of the month, leaving six days between the sermon for celebration and the actual ceremony itself.

Which left you with six days to finish your mental preparations for your escape.

San had refined your plan over the month, including making a timeline of the night and the places you should find yourself. He took over the entire plan, which you really couldn’t be more thankful for. His knowledge of the farm and the workings of the cult provided a level of security that you would have never been able to achieve on your own.

In essence, the plan remained the same. When the ceremonial party began at 6pm, you would have nothing to worry about… besides socializing for the next nine hours. Just follow the vibes, and you would be okay. San was sure that you would have free reign during the party, that you’d be allowed to be away from a higher-ups side once the alcohol was flowing. At three, you would meet with San near the front doors, trying to not be seen, and make your way into the woods beyond the compound, where San will have stashed your car in the days leading up to the ceremony (it was as he was telling you this that he admitted to having the keys to your car in his office this entire time).

Despite the simplicity of the plan, you figured that it would probably work. As long as you didn’t raise any suspicions in the coming days, and as long as everything went smoothly on Halloween, there was no reason to dwell on the possibility of it failing.

Another failed escape attempt was unlikely to be something that you would survive, you knew this. Even with Hongjoong’s delusional belief that you are someone important to him and his religion, you weren’t sure he could tolerate this level of disobedience— at the very least, it would be disastrous if you failed. At worst, you would be leading San and yourself to early graves.

Maybe Hongjoong’s twisted dependence on you would mean that he couldn’t kill you… But you weren’t going to count on it. He had threatened your life in the past, and you were quite certain that he meant it. He would be able to reason out a way that killing you made sense, if you pissed him off enough.

So. You simply had to make sure that you did not fail. Because you didn’t want to find out what Hongjoong would do with you if you did.

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

Much like the rest of the month, the few days leading up to Halloween also fly by before you can appreciate the gravity of your situation.

Your stomach churns all morning. You chalk it up to nerves, the most obvious explanation for an upset stomach, but part of you wonders if there wasn’t something wrong with your dinner last night.

Hongjoong announces the party to be held that evening during the morning service, like San had said that he would. You wring your hands together at San’s side, avoiding Hongjoong’s eyes. There’s a small part of you that is so sure that he would be able to figure you out entirely if he got a glimpse into your eyes. You just try to focus on the activity at hand, listening to Hongjoong with an impassive look on your face.

You must do an alright job, as Hongjoong allows you to leave the chapel with San at the conclusion of the service. You’re even able to eat breakfast in peace, which actually does surprise you. Though Hongjoong had been exceedingly busy over the month, he still typically made time to freak you out most days.

But San and you are able to sneak away after breakfast, back to your apartment, without a word from anyone.

As soon as San shuts and locks the door behind him, he asks, “Are you still feeling alright? Up to this?”

You blink across the room at him, hardly needing a moment to assure him that you very much still are ready to make your escape. You ask if he’s feeling the same way, to which he agrees.

“Just a little nervous, I guess,” he explains, shrugging. “That’s normal, right?”

“Of course it is.” You’re sure that San is no stranger to Hongjoong’s wrath; you don’t need to wonder why he’s nervous. Once again, you’re struck by emotion as you realize what San is doing for you, what he’s risking and what he’s giving up.

He smiles. “What should we do, after we’re out of here?”

You sit down on the couch, thinking through your answer, “I think we should just show up on one of my friend’s doorsteps and freak the shit out of them.”

San laughs, rolling his eyes. “I meant more long-term, but we can do that, too.”

Oh… Long-term. You still hadn’t broached the subject about… well, blowing the whistle on this place again, ever since San flipped out when you suggested it. You certainly still planned on doing exactly that, and you really don’t think that you need San’s approval to do so, either. Like, if you escape and just let this be, aren’t you basically an accomplice to all of the crime?

The last thing you plan to do with your life is go to prison for Hongjoong, so you’re very much resolved in what you have to do… whether San agrees with you or not.

“Well,” you start, “when’s the last time you saw your parents? Where did you live before you came here?”

San sighs dramatically, making his way to sit next to you. “Sheesh, don’t remind me. They’re gonna kill me.”

“They’ll be happy to see you, I’m sure.” You think of your own parents, who will probably also be a little upset… but hopefully mostly pleased that you’re still alive.

San agrees with you easily enough about his parents, before adding, “Is this a bad time to mention that the Followers have been paying your rent since you went missing?” He asks, “So everything should still be there.”

You gape at him. “Are you serious? How?”

You know for a fact that your rent could only be paid through a pain in the ass portal with a very specific and strange ID and password.

He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “You had the info saved in your phone… so…”

Puzzled. You are puzzled. Why would they go to such lengths to just keep your shit in your apartment? You had long since assumed that your landlord had probably broken down the door and left your stuff on the curb.

Well, you remind yourself, it actually hasn’t been that long. Though it feels like you’ve been on this farm for the better part of your life, it has really only been… what, two and a half months? Maybe your landlord would give you some leeway, but… no need to worry about it, you guess.

But why would they even do that? It’s not like your rent was cheap. What would they gain from keeping your apartment intact? The illusion of life?

That’s probably it, you realize. Just a front to make it look like you, in fact, weren’t a missing person. Part of you wants to freak out at San, realizing that he must be the person that orchestrated all of this, but you’re too far past that. If you start being mad at him for doing his job, you’re going to have to be mad about a lot of things. Things that you can look past for the fact of what he’s helping you do tonight.

“Speaking of my phone, can I get that back?”

San, relieved that you don’t seem mad, smiles. “I’ll grab it tonight.”

“Can’t I have it now?”

He hesitates at that, inclining his head in question, “any particular reason?”

You shouldn’t need to give him a reason, so you shake your head.

“It’s probably best to keep it where it is, in case someone goes looking for it.”

… Ominous. Who would be looking for your phone?

But he’s probably right. And it’s not like there would be much to do on it, anyways. You’re not going to call the cops now, not when your escape is looming closer and closer with each minute that passes. You can’t jeopardize it now.

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

You’re a little surprised that dinner carries on as normal, without any extra fanfare. Though no one had mentioned one, you had kind of expected there to be another ceremony of sorts. But, no, dinner is normal. You sit with San and Wooyoung, the rest of the table almost awkwardly empty as the three of you eat in relative silence.

How is Wooyoung going to react when he wakes up tomorrow and you’re both gone? He’s going to be pissed. But, maybe, he’ll realize that you wouldn’t leave him here. Surely, after what he told you, he knows that you wouldn’t do that. You couldn’t have it in your heart to let him rot here, knowing what Hongjoong did to bend him to his will… or, at least, having an inkling of an idea.

Before you know it, Hongjoong is standing at the head of the room, commanding the attention of the cafeteria. The room falls into a hush, no one speaks as Hongjoong starts his speech.

“Everyone,” he addresses the room, “Loyal Followers of the Answer, it is with great joy that I officially conclude our harvest season.”

The room bursts into a polite applause, smiles shared around the tables as the Followers celebrate their leader’s message.

“Despite a rocky start, we were very fortunate to remain safe for the duration of the month.” Hongjoong, for the first time that day, finds your eyes. “I put my thanks in the faith of our Followers, those who kept our protections strong all month long. Though it may seem that there was no danger at all, this is only thanks to their courage.”

San reaches across the table to squeeze your hand, giving you a small smile.

“As always, we will celebrate our safety and our bountiful harvest— which Jongho assures me will last us through the winter and beyond— tonight. Everyone of age shall participate; I do not expect anyone to hold back on anyone’s account, especially not my own. This success is as much yours as it is mine.

“Please, imbibe freely, socialize freely, celebrate your victory over evil. We start now, and we will not stop until dawn.” Hongjoong grabs his glass from the table behind him, saluting the room with it before downing the amber liquid.

Again, the room applauds, though more raucously. Wooyoung excuses himself from your table, headed back to the kitchens. Soon after, Followers emerge with trays and trays of various specialty glassware, each filled with their respective (you assume) alcohols. Not long after, Wooyoung exits the kitchen with a rolling cart filled with, perhaps, more bottles of alcohol than you have ever seen in one place at one time (which was saying a lot, considering the bars you had frequented with Mingi in college).

Without anyone’s encouragement, Followers begin congregating at the front of the room, helping themselves to the multitude of drinks available. You’re even surprised to see that someone brought out a case of Coke, presumably for mixing. When was the last time you saw coke? They must’ve made a run into town recently, you realize, though it couldn’t have had the same importance as when San went.

You shrug it off. Not like it matters much, anyhow. San stands, offering his hand to you. You take it, graciously, prepared to get this night started.

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

There is an attempt to pace yourself, considering that you’re going to need to be at least a little coherent later tonight, but… well… it’s been a long time. And you are well aware of the fact that you have, like, basically 10 hours. That’s enough time to get drunk and then sober, if you play your cards right.

So play them, you do. San sticks to your side like glue for the first couple hours, watching you carefully as you put away more than your fair share of drinks. He drinks, as well, but nowhere near at the speed or quantity you do. You’re vaguely aware that you probably should slow down, but why would you, when you’re surrounded by… like, tons of dudes that would protect you, and you include Hongjoong in that count.

By nine, you are positively drunk, blissfully unaware of the worries from the morning. What is there to worry about? You’re having the time of your life, do you even want to leave? Why would you leave? The thought makes you laugh, not surprisingly.

You flit around the cafeteria, having lost San a while ago. Or maybe it was only a few minutes ago… It doesn’t matter. You talk to a lot of people, introducing yourself and smiling when they tell you they know who you are. It almost makes you feel a little guilty, but it mostly makes you happy. So many lovely people know your name and your face and they know that Hongjoong thinks you're so important. How amazing! Tomorrow, you probably wouldn’t be able to repeat a single one of their names, but that doesn’t matter.

The time flies as you keep talking to new people, your mind completely distracted from the plans you have for later. You do slow down your drinking, eventually, though that’s more so due to the fact that you’re too far away from the bar table to bother going back to it than anything else.

More than a few times, you find yourself staring at Mingi, and, more often than not, he’s staring at you, as well. Maybe he’s worried about you…? The thought makes you blush. Mingi… Oh, Mingi. He looks so handsome tonight, too. His hair is still red, still bright, and his outfit is beautifully fitted to his bulky body. Phew. You almost need to fan yourself.

Eventually, sometime, you’re not sure what time, you end up talking with Yunho. He is clearly not even a little bit drunk, you might even say he was stone-cold sober if not for the glass in his hands. Though you thought that he hated your guts, he still seemed a little amused by your presence, a small smile on his face as he has to catch your forearm a couple times. The drunk part of you wonders if you could get away with feeling his biceps, he’s just so tall and so handsome, but even you know it would probably be wrong to feel him up.

You couldn’t repeat a word of your conversation to anyone, not even seconds after it happened; not that you think it particularly matters. After Yunho, you find Wooyoung and Yeosang, and you can distinctly remember thanking Wooyoung for the incredible selection, but… yeah, that’s about it.

While you’re about to go talk to Jongho, who looks like he could use some company, a hand wraps around your elbow, tugging you backwards. Not one to argue, you spin around, ready to follow whoever it is. Seonghwa stares down at you, an incredulous expression on his face.

“Hi, Hwa,” you smile up at him, grabbing his free hand with yours.

His expression morphs from confusion to disgust. “Do not call me that. How much have you had to drink?”

You shrug, swinging your conjoined hands back and forth. “Enough to have a good time. What about you?”

“Certainly less than that,” he tugs you back toward the cafeteria tables that had, apparently, been mostly moved out of the way at one point. “Trust me, you don’t want to bother Jongho tonight.”

You hadn’t planned on bothering him, just keeping him company, but you figured that Seonghwa wouldn’t see it the same way.

“What time is it?” You ask him, only remembering that you’re wearing a watch after the words leave your mouth.

“10:44. Got somewhere to be?”

“Nope,” you pop the p sound, following his lead as he ushers for you to sit down at the table.

Time continues to fly by, though Seonghwa isn’t as good of a conversation partner as the other people you’ve been spending your time with. He also doesn’t let you drink anymore, instead insisting that you drink water, refilling your glass every time you empty it. Lame.

As the minutes pass, though, you can feel yourself coming back to reality. You definitely aren’t sober, very far from sober, but the lights stop being bright and you stop being amused by everything that Seonghwa says and does pretty quickly. You also excuse yourself to the restroom more than a few times, though you dutifully return to the same table each time.

The night progresses, and you find yourself making eye contact with Mingi more and more. Like, seriously, basically everytime that you happen to look at him, he’s already looking at you. Besides the one time you look over and see him engaged in conversation with Hongjoong, you appear to have his rapt attention.

You try to look around the room for San, but there are so many Followers and it’s kind of dark and you’re still not in your right mind, so you give up pretty quickly. You have no idea what it is that he could be doing, besides preparing for your escape, so you just let it be. Better to not ask after him and then have the others asking the same questions.

Though he had stopped you from drinking, Seonghwa had not stopped himself. He paces himself much better than you had, but he keeps drinking as the night wears on, eventually starting to open up a bit more with you. He also lets you get another drink, which you happily allow yourself, as you start to feel much too aware of your situation once more.

“You know,” Seonghwa mutters, leaning closer to you, “this is, essentially, Hongjoong’s birthday party.”

You pull away from him, confusion evident on your face. “It’s his birthday?”

“In a week.” He sips his drink, grimacing at the taste. “But he doesn’t make a big deal of it on the actual day, so here we are.”

You’re actually rather surprised to hear this, and from Seonghwa no less. It’s strange that Hongjoong doesn’t want his birthday to be a huge thing considering his, you know, enormous ego and narcissism issue. Maybe he doesn’t like everyone knowing how old he is. Kind of takes away the appeal, knowing that he’s… how old is he? He can’t be much older than you, just given what you know about him and Seonghwa (who you know to be the same age). You’d ask Seonghwa, but it kind of seems like he wants you to ask, so you’re not going to.

Instead, you sip your own drink, trying to look like you’re thoughtfully processing and tucking this information away for later. Why would you ever need to remember Hongjoong’s birthday, especially after tonight? Your stomach rolls over as you have this thought, the reminder of your plan being truly nauseating.

“When's your birthday?” You ask instead, propping your elbow onto the table.

Seonghwa looks momentarily taken aback, but responds easily enough, “April third.”

“Far away, then,” you frown. Another realization hits you. “You’re older than Hongjoong.”

He shrugs, “Believe it or not.”

For whatever reason, this is, in fact, slightly disconcerting.

But you ignore that feeling, opting to look around the crowded room. Hongjoong himself is mingling with Yeosang and Wooyoung, both of whom look incredibly pleased to have their leader's attention. Wooyoung is not shy with his hands, clutching the Hongjoong’s arm close to his chest as they speak. Vaguely, you wonder if he’s feeling okay. You’re still not sure how he can be so loyal to someone that apparently had him… what? Tortured? Who even knows. Stockholm syndrome is a real thing, you guess. For once, Hongjoong doesn't sense your gaze, staying completely unaware until your eyes shift away.

Immediately, perhaps unsurprisingly, at this point, you make eye contact with Mingi. You hold it this time, tilting your head in question as if asking him if he needs something. He’s certainly acting like it, with all this staring, but he looks away from you, resuming his conversation with a Follower you haven't met before. Like everyone else, he still sports a drink in his hand, dutifully sipping it every lull.

“Princess, can I ask you a question?” Seonghwa speaks across from you, calling your attention back to him. You incline your head in the affirmative, and he asks, “Why did it take you so long to come after him?”

The question takes you off guard, probably for the fact that you wonder it yourself. You take another drink, looking down at the wood grain on the table.

“Too personal? I figured.” Seonghwa takes your silence as an unwillingness to respond.

“No,” you're quick to deny him, “it's not that. I just don't know the answer.”

As horrible as it sounds, the real answer to the question is simply… you were busy. Life happened. You didn’t have any reason to suspect that he disappeared due to malicious circumstances. Finishing university was your top priority— plenty of your friendships fell to the wayside as you wrapped up your degree. And, by the time you graduated, it didn’t seem pertinent. You always figured that, if you reached out, he would answer. Hell, his mom told you where he was, if she knew about this place, at least to some extent, you couldn’t blame yourself for not knowing what it would end up being.

If you had known the truth, you think, you would’ve come sooner. Of course you would have. There is no universe where you let Mingi go through this terror alone… though that’s essentially what’s happened since your argument and the rift in your relationship.

Whatever the case, it seems silly to worry about now. You're here. There were a few months where Mingi was here alone, and the idea of those few months horrifies you. Knowing that Mingi went through a Choosing ceremony without any kind of internal support system makes you feel sick… but, you have to admit, he did pretty alright. Sure, he's traumatized and changed and brainwashed, but at least he has friends and a purpose and, well, he seems happy… ish. There's nothing you could've done if you had been here earlier, so it's no use dreading on it. You still would've been kept apart, and there still would've been the same circumstances.

You take a look at your watch, sighing as it informs you that the time is 11:52 p.m., not nearly as late as you were hoping that it would be.

Seonghwa huffs at your non-answer, tucking his hair away from his face to stare at you harder. “Sometimes I feel like I can hear your thoughts just from watching your expression change. Mingi wasn’t better off before you got here, if that is what you were thinking.”

It wasn’t, but, like, that’s kind of close.

You shake your head, sliding your drink across the table between your hands. “It’s not that I think he was better off… Just that he did alright for himself in the meantime.”

His face twists, though you’re not sure what emotion he’s trying to convey. “Do you even remember what happened when you tried to leave?”

Your eyes meet his.

“He had you back for, what, two days, and then completely broke down.” Seonghwa glances back over at Mingi. “I don’t think he’s been the same since you did that.”

“You can’t guilt trip me into forgetting my need for self-preservation,” you say, hoping your voice doesn’t betray any sense of, well, guilt.

He rolls his eyes, looking back at you. “In case you haven’t noticed, Princess, you are very much still alive.” He mutters something else under his breath as he picks up his drink, taking quite a few consecutive swallows.

You mirror his actions. Hopefully, you can keep it that way.

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

In a stroke of luck, Seonghwa let you keep drinking until you found yourself teetering between tipsy and drunk, again. He kept drinking, but he didn’t really keep entertaining you, instead wandering off to do his own socializing. You do try to keep yourself under control, though considering that it’s almost time.

You take a look at your watch, surprised to see that it’s already 2:15. Blinking through the haze of your tipsiness, it sure seems like 2:15 is an okay time to get a move on, right? Like, surely no one will notice if you slip out now instead of in, like, twenty minutes or whenever you and San had agreed he would grab you.

Plus, if anyone did notice, you could just say that you needed some air. It wouldn’t be hard to believe, looking at the state of you. You would quite enjoy a nice breath of fresh air. You could always come back inside if it felt like it was too early, or if you got a bad feeling. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to sneak off for just a moment.

In a brief look around the room, you don’t find anyone paying any particular attention to yourself. In fact, you can see Hongjoong and Seonghwa engrossed in conversation, about as far away as could be. Seonghwa’s hand rests on Hongjoong’s shoulder, a demure smile on his face as he listens to Hongjoong speak. Most of the other Followers in the room all seem significantly more drunk than yourself, with hardly a person meeting your eyes for any longer than a second.

No one will notice, you’re positive.

As you begin your attempt to shuffle your way through the crowd toward the hall, a hand grasps your elbow, stopping you in place, for the second time that night.

Despite the looks that he had been giving you all night, you’re still a bit surprised to see Mingi looking down at you when you spin around to see who the hand belongs to. Your plans to go get a breath of fresh air fall out the window at the sight of him. Why would you need fresh air when Mingi is standing in front of you? He has just about the same effect on you.

At first, he doesn’t seem to have anything to say, but, if you know anything about Mingi, it’s that he yaps when he’s drunk. And he clearly is, judging from the rosy tinge of his face and the awkward smile he wears as he looks at you, a smile that sends you straight back to college. It’s as if he’s completely forgotten everything that’s happened in the past couple months, forgotten the arguments and the anger and the time that has passed.

“Hey,” he greets you, having to raise his voice over the din of the party.

“Hey,” you greet him in turn, politely waiting for him to continue.

“Can I—” he stops, opting to lean his head closer to yours so that he can talk into your ear. His hand stays on your elbow, locking you in place (not that you would’ve moved away from him, anyways, being tipsy and all). “Can we talk in private?” He asks, his voice deep in a way that you had almost forgotten.

Nodding, you allow him to retract himself and lead you away, toward the hall that you had originally been aiming for. When the door shuts behind the two of you, the party sounds fade; the two of you isolated from the rest of the world.

Well, the two of you and a few other Followers that linger in the hall, but close enough. Mingi doesn’t seem bothered by their presence, and you really aren’t either. You’re sure that you haven’t had a truly private conversation with Mingi since before he went missing, given that he apparently seeks Hongjoong’s advice for everything. Anyways, the presence of a few stragglers doesn’t worry you.

Mingi drops your arm, awkwardly smoothing his dress shirt. “You look nice. Pretty.”

“Thanks,” you smile, leaning your back against the wall— partly in an effort to keep your balance. “What did you wanna talk about?”

He shrugs, observing the hallway like he had never seen it before. “Just wanted to talk. We haven’t talked in a looooooonnngggggggggg time.”

Part of you wants to ask him who’s fault that is, but that would be cruel, so you don’t. “It has been a while now.” You agree instead, glancing at your watch. 2:22… which is basically 2:25, which is basically 2:30… already. Nerves wash over you again as you clench your hands in front of you.

“If I’m being honest— and I always want to be honest with you, you know— Hongjoong said that I should talk to you because he thought it would be good for you to hear my thoughts about the situation and also because he said that he thought that you seemed bummed out that we haven’t been talking and that made me sad so I’m taking his advice and talking to you.” Mingi says after taking one deep breath, not stopping for a moment. “Also Yunho said that you still seemed kind of mad and I can’t take the thought of you being mad at me anymore so basically what I wanted to say was that I’m sorry.”

Blinking, a pout forms on your face at his explanation. He had been worrying about you and your relationship. You could’ve reached out to him at any point in the last month, but hadn’t out of fear that he was still upset with you. And here he was, apologizing.

“Mingi,” you wring your hands harder together, “it really isn’t important anymore. I stopped being angry a long time ago.”

He shakes his head, closing his eyes. “It is important, (Y/n), I don’t want this to go unsaid. I’m sorry for confronting you and acting like a douchebag, I’m sorry for scaring you, I’m sorry for questioning you about San, which was absolutely none of my business, I’m sorry for yelling and fighting him and ignoring you for weeks and sending San dirty looks whenever I saw him.” He pauses. “You probably didn’t know about that last one, but, still, I’m sorry.”

Your frown only grows deeper with each apology, your eyes starting to sting. You don’t want to cry, not when you’re sure that this night will steal plenty of tears already, but Mingi is making it hard. If you had known that he was beating himself up equally as hard as you had been, you would’ve apologized a long, long time ago. If you had known… isn’t that just the statement of your life?

“When you were attacked at the start of the month, I was terrified.” He swallows. “I wanted to be at your side, but Hongjoong wouldn’t allow it, and I was sure that you would be pissed if you woke up and I was there, so I left. But that solitude left me a lot of time to think, to think about who you are and what you mean to me.

“You might not think of me as your best friend anymore, but I value our friendship more than anything else in my life, (Y/n). More than Hongjoong, more than The Answer, more than all of this; you are what I thank God for everyday. If something happened to you, I don’t think I would survive it.” Mingi swallows again, harder, tearing up himself. “I’m so glad that you’re here. I know you still are on the fence about Hongjoong, but I need you to trust me when I say that he loves us and he lives to make us better people.”

Finally, you allow a few stray tears to spill onto your cheeks. Mingi’s confession is touching, truly, making your stomach do all sorts of gymnastics, but Hongjoong. How does he weasel his way into absolutely everything? Again, you’re struck by the thought that Mingi will be plagued by Hongjoong for the rest of his life. This… grip he has on Mingi won’t disappear overnight.

Thankful for the wall behind you, considering your dizziness, you lift a hand to wipe at your cheeks before responding. “Mingi, no matter what happens or how much we fight or if I’m here or not, you’ll always be my best friend.” You smile weakly, hoping that he doesn’t read too deeply into your words. “Nothing can come between us for long.”

Mingi wipes at his own tears, sniffling. “Can I hug you?”

Before you can fully nod your head yes, Mingi is pulling you away from the wall and into his arms, crushing you to his chest. You’re quick to reciprocate, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist, savoring the feeling. You hadn’t been able to hug him in ages, but his arms feel just like you remember them— if not a little bit more muscled. Inhaling deeply, you rub your face against his shirt, probably ruining the crisp-ness that he had been trying to preserve. His tears wet your scalp, but you don’t mind as you only squeeze him tighter.

The moment could not be more perfect; reconciling with Mingi fills your heart with such a certainty that you’re doing the right thing. Knowing that he isn’t upset with you, isn’t harboring any ill-will any longer reassures you that it will all be okay. He knows that you wouldn’t just leave him behind— he’ll know that you’re coming back for him (if he ever even finds out that you’ve left).

That is, of course, ignoring the bit of his speech where he encouraged you to stay and adapt to Hongjoong, but, like, whatever. It’ll be irrelevant in a few hours, now. He’ll be thankful, eventually.

But no moment can be perfect and last forever.

A throat clearing from behind Mingi calls your attention back to the world. The two of you separate, though Mingi puts a hand on your cheek as you pull away, wiping away your tears with a tight smile.

San looks behind Mingi’s shoulder, his face hard as he watches the two of you. You could almost chuckle at his jealousy, but the seriousness of the situation suddenly rises into your awareness once again.

“I'm sorry, Mingi, you'll have to excuse us,” San says, despite the fact that Mingi hasn't acknowledged his presence.

Mingi leans close to press a kiss to your forehead. “Thank you,” he says, quietly enough so that you're the only one who hears.

Nodding, you untangle yourself from his arms, taking a few steps towards San before offering your hand to him.

He takes it, offering no final remarks to Mingi as he pulls you further away from the cafeteria. Further away from Hongjoong and Seonghwa and Mingi and the rest of them. Closer to the forest and your car and freedom.

Your heartbeat picks up in your chest again. Had you lost track of time talking with Mingi? Were you running behind? Why does it seem like San is in such a rush to get you away? It’s almost hard to keep up with his stride, your boots feeling heavier with each step that you take.

Vaguely, you find yourself worrying over if Mingi will get in trouble for being the last one to speak to you. Surely not… How would he know what you were planning? There wouldn’t be a way for him to… unless they suspected that you had confided your plans to him.

Which you hadn’t done, but if they were desperate enough to need a scapegoat… No. Hongjoong wouldn’t go that far. He may never even find out that you had the conversation in the first place. Mingi might mention it, but he probably wouldn’t have the opportunity to in the chaos that is sure to ensue when your absence was realized.

They were bound to figure out what had happened easily enough; they wouldn’t have to interrogate your friends to come to the most obvious conclusion: that you and San had run away in the night, without outside help.

Before you know it, San is opening the front door, ushering you into the night.

As you had suspected, the cool air does feel amazing on your skin. Lacking a coat, you know that you’ll grow colder the longer that you’re outside. It’s almost November, now, the air is almost strikingly cold after the stuffiness of the cafeteria. Even the hallway had hardly felt relieving compared to this.

Taking a few deep breaths, you allow San to continue wordlessly leading you forward. If you weren’t still rather tipsy, maybe you would question his silence. But it doesn’t bother you very much, if you’re being honest. He probably just doesn’t want to risk drawing any unnecessary attention…

He had assured you that there would be absolutely no one outside of the compound at this point in the night, though…

But, still, he has his reasons, you’re sure. Instead of continuing to walk in front of the building, he veers dramatically to the right, walking the distance until you both turn the corner to round to the side and eventually the back.

Though you had never seen the woods at the back of the compound directly, you had known it was there. The ancient, old-growth trees loomed from behind the building, their leaves able to be seen from a far distance, even from the road. To actually be in front of them was a new sensation, a new emotion. The sight of their trunks startled you into realization.

This is real. You’re doing this. You’re running. You’re getting out of here.

San stops at the edge of the trees, finally turning to address you in a low voice, “You still want to do this?”

Nodding, you squeeze his hand in yours, bringing your free hand to grip your joined hands as well.

He looks at the dirt, kicking a loose pebble at his feet. “Don’t look too hard at anything you might see in these trees, (Y/n).”

However foreboding that is, you agree with his request, “I won’t take my eyes off of you.”

San allows himself a small smile, squeezing your hands back.

Whatever it is that San doesn’t want you seeing, you don’t think you ever had any hope of being able to see in the trees, anyways. It’s pitch black outside, the moon doing little to help you as you walk deeper and deeper.

You’re almost kind of amazed that he’s able to lead you so confidently. He must not have consumed anywhere near the same quantity of alcohol as everyone else. Which actually makes quite a bit of sense, considering you hadn’t seen him very much at all following dinner. What had he been up to? Was Hongjoong not suspicious of his absence? He must’ve made something up… explained it away…

More than a few times, you stumble over a tree root or loose brush, twigs snapping underfoot with each step that you take. San holds you steady, slowing his pace when you need it.

After what feels like forever, but is probably more like a couple minutes, you reach a clearing. At first, you think that you spot your car right away… but then you realize that you can’t be sure. In the clearing, there’s no fewer than twenty vehicles, of all makes and models and sizes. Some look like they haven’t run in years, a thick, dusty coat over their windshields that you can even see in the dark.

San doesn’t pause to let you take in the clearing for very long, however. He quickly pulls you along with him, between a row of cars, before you’re able to find your own. It looks just as you remember it, albeit a bit dirty. Your heart leaps as you realize what this means.

You’re at your car. Your car. It’s right here, right in front of you. You’re going to fucking get out of here. Holy shit.

San lets go of your hand, fishing into his pocket before pulling out the keys and handing them to you. “We don’t lock the cars, but…”

Clutching the keys in your hands, you can’t help but smile. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

He awkwardly mirrors your smile, glancing behind you before pointing it out. You turn to look, not all that surprised to see that the clearing opens to a dirt road, leading back off into the trees. “We’ll go that way. It meets up with the main road after a couple miles.”

Nodding, you turn back to your car, almost giddy as you approach the passenger’s side door. Gently, you pull on the handle, hoping the door doesn’t creak too loud as you do so. Thankfully, it’s no louder than normal, and you eagerly sit yourself down in the seat. San stands in the door, his hands resting on either side of the opening. “Ready, then?” He chuckles as you settle yourself into the seat, adjusting the recline to lay back.

“Let’s go.”

He gives you a thumbs up, pushing himself off of the car before patting at his pockets.

His smile falls, his face paling.

Your heart drops into your stomach, “What is it?” You ask, sitting back up. “Is something wrong?”

San blinks, twisting to look back the way that you came. “I have to go back.”

“What?” You almost shout, “Are you crazy? You can’t go back!”

He shakes his head, leaning down toward you. He grips both of your shoulders tight in his hands, looking in your eyes, “It’ll be fine. I will be right back, I promise.”

“San, no,” you gape at him, “what could possibly be so important?”

San closes his eyes, shaking his head at your question. “It’s hard to explain, I— Just, I,” his eyes open as he squeezes you one last time before dropping your shoulders. “I’ll be back, I swear.”

“Let me come with you,” you plead, attempting to grab one of his hands as he pulls away. “Don’t leave me here, alone, please, San.”

Shushing you, he shakes his head again. “You’ll slow me down. I swear, (Y/n), it will be fine. I’ll see you in a minute.”

He takes a step back, shutting the door before you can come up with a response. You’re too dumbfounded to even attempt to open the door again, too confused to try and follow. What could possibly be so important to him? What if someone finds you here? How are you going to explain that, huh?

But the possibility of that is so remote. No one knows that you’re out here, how could they? Even if someone notices your absence at the party, they’ll just assume that you’ve retired to your room, right? And even if they feel inclined to check, that’ll take a few minutes, in which time San should return to you and get a move on.

Still, you find it very hard to swallow your panic.

What if this is it? What if you die because San had to go back for something that he wouldn’t even tell you about? Your breathing grows shallow with each new terrible thought that invades your mind. You can see it now, Hongjoong walking into the clearing, rage in his eyes, knife in his hands. Making you grovel and beg and plead with him only to end it right then and there, anyways. San would come back and find your still-warm body, soon to join you in death.

You try to blink away the images that flit across your mind, realizing that your eyes burn as if you’d been crying. Your hand flies to your cheek, unsurprised to find it wet. Taking a deep breath, you do anything you can think of to distract yourself.

The air in your car is so stale, your months old air-freshener doing little to help the dry, bitter smell. You fumble with the glove box, pulling it open while praying that there is anything in it that can distract you from the horror of the moment.

Papers spill out as you indiscriminately pull everything out, ushering it onto your lap. You throw aside the car manuals and your outdated insurance, searching for just one thing, anything that could remind you of what you were enduring these terrors for.

A brochure for The Bean slides out, your own face smiling from behind the coffee bar. Adam can be seen in the background. It almost makes you sick, that horrible reminder of the life that you had been forced to give up. You keep sliding the papers around, cutting your finger in your desperation.

Sucking your paper cut into your mouth, you realize that you're not going to find anything in the glove box. You make a half hearted attempt to shove everything back inside before deciding that it's not worth it.

Tears still pouring down your face, you reach for the driver's side sun visor, flicking it down to reveal the photos you kept in the sunglass clip.

On top is a picture of Jungeun and yourself, embracing with your faces pressed together. You quickly slide it back, knowing for certain that you have a picture of Mingi in the stack.

Seeing the picture will wake you up, you're certain. It will give you the courage to keep going.

Finally, a polaroid emerges. It's the first picture you had clipped to the visor, a testament to how much time had passed before you started looking for Mingi. How had you waited so long? You pry the polaroid free, it having stuck to the metal after so long.

Though your hands shake, you don't really need to see the photo in detail to appreciate it. Mingi stands in the center, a peace sign next to his eyes. He's not smiling, rather giving you a sour look. He wasn't pleased to be the first test subject of his gift to you. The second photo was of yourself, taken by him, you remember. The third was a selfie of the both of you.

You don't have either of the other photos, but you have this one. Something compels you to protect the picture, to keep it on you, so you slide it into your waistline and pray that your pants don't distort it too much.

A knock on the window almost kills you on the spot, with the way your heart leaps into your throat.

The shock of who you see through the window makes you gag.

No sooner after seeing his face does he open the door, falling onto his knees next to the car to be eye level with you.

Seonghwa is drunk, much more drunk than he had been when you were with him earlier, you realize this very quickly with the way his voice wavers as he asks, “What are you doing?”

You have no response. You open and close your mouth a few times, but only choked sounds of fear come out.

He grabs your hands, holding them in your lap. “Why are you crying? Are you leaving?”

He sounds so sad that your heart nearly shatters. Your heart should shatter, now, knowing that escape is impossible. But you can only focus on Seonghwa, on his knees, in front of you.

His bangs brush his eyelids. “You're leaving?” He asks again, “without me?”

Seonghwa hiccups, frowning. The question is so absurd you can't pay any mind to it. Why would you bring Seonghwa with you? His forehead comes to rest on your thigh.

“Seonghwa, go back to the party,” you manage to get out, clearing your throat after.

“I can't,” he pouts, “Hongjoong is mad at me. I can't tell why.”

You think Hongjoong always seems a little mad at Seonghwa, but you're not going to say that to him now.

“Please, Seonghwa, go.”

He shifts his face and blinks up at you, his eyes reflecting the moonlight so prettily it almost hurts. “Come with me, then.”

Seonghwa gets to his feet, but he doesn't release your hands. They dangle between the two of you, the height different causing yours to float up. “We can fix this. Just come with me,” he says.

You're shaking your head before you realize it. “I can't go back. I can't do this anymore.”

Seonghwa bites his lip, looking around. “This isn't going to end well; please,” he looks back at you, “just come back with me. I won't say anything, Hongjoong will never know, we'll both be fine. We'll be fine. Nothing has to change.”

“I can't go back.” Your heart beats wildly in your chest, you can feel its thrum. When San returns, what will he do about Seonghwa? How will he possibly get past him? Seonghwa won't let you leave, but you have to. To what length would San go to get you free?

You don't want Seonghwa hurt. You realize now, staring up at him, that you care about him. More than you would've ever thought you would. Who is Seonghwa if not the ultimate victim? Is he not just a reflection of yourself?

“Get in the car, Seonghwa.”

He frowns again, pouting his lower lip. “I can't leave Hongjoong.”

“Yes, you can. Get in the car.”

You don't give a second thought to your proposition, nodding your head toward the back seat.

“I won't leave Hongjoong.” Seonghwa clarifies, dropping your hands. They smack down onto your thighs, stinging.

You'd question him, start yelling at him if you could. But you can hardly form a coherent thought and every word feels like risking the contents of your stomach coming up. Instead, you frown, looking down at your lap rather than at his confused face.

“You can't leave Hongjoong, either,” he says. “Even if you run, he'll find you, always. You'd come back on your own, you won't know how to live without him anymore.” He tells you this eerily flat. “Just come back with me, he doesn't have to know about this.”

Seonghwa is speaking nonsense. Even your flurried mind understands this.

“Please.” He begs. “(Y/n), please.”

You shake your head.

He squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head as singular tears run down his cheeks. “I'm sorry. I tried to help you, I did.”

Seonghwa turns away from the car as the sinking feeling in your stomach solidifies into a rock of dread.

Of course, you knew what it meant to see Seonghwa out here. There was never any chance, not after he had found you. If he knew where you were, Hongjoong did, too. Surely, he wouldn’t risk you getting away. He would drag the moment on, though. Making Seonghwa come here, making him plead with you, what sort of torture was that? What was the point? Isn’t he just going to kill you, now?

Why is it that, when Hongjoong enters the clearing, you aren’t scared? You hardly feel anything. You knew this was coming. You knew that this would happen, didn’t you? There wasn’t any other possible ending to this night. You wanted to believe that it was possible, that you could escape, but it was futile. It was never a possibility. Even with San’s help. You knew it, deep down.

Like Seongwha said, there is no getting away from Hongjoong. You were foolish to think that you could, and you know it, now.

Instead of watching Hongjoong approach, you watch Seonghwa slink away. He doesn’t go far, stopping to rest his head against the roof of a car a few down from your own. You can imagine how good the cool metal must feel.

You snivel, wiping at your eyes as Hongjoong stops in front of you, standing where San had stood, where Seonghwa kneeled. He’s silent. You don’t look up at him, instead focusing on his hands as they hang at his sides. They’re empty, though clenched into tight fists.

“You have ignored every. Single. Opportunity. I have given you.” He emphasizes each word. “Chances I gave you to make the right decision.”

It’s not even worth your energy to respond, is it? Obviously, you should’ve known that the various conversations you had over the night were warnings. How else would everyone manage to bring up something that would make you want to stay? And Seonghwa…

How humiliating.

“I’m disappointed in you.” Hongjoong says, and it’s so much worse than if he had been screaming and violent. “I thought you were starting to fit in.”

You glance at Seonghwa, who still has his back turned to you. He seems to be shaking, but you find it hard to believe that, even in this scenario, he would cry for you. This has to be part of it, right? Part of making you feel guilty?

Looking at him is a mistake, though. Hongjoong harshly grabs your chin, forcing you to look up at him. “Look at me when I'm speaking to you.”

You still have no idea what to say to him. It all seems so stupid, in retrospect.

It's only as you look up at Hongjoong that you start to wonder where San is. If you asked, you'd surely get your ass handed to you. But the terrible feeling in your stomach only gets worse. What if he comes back to this scene? How will he react? Poor San, he was so desperate for you. How will he feel, with the plan destroyed? Does Hongjoong know the depth of his involvement?

So, you break your silence. It couldn’t get much worse, could it? “Where is San?” You ask.

Hongjoong lets go of your face, but only to bury a hand in your hair, yanking you into standing. Instinctively you bring your hands to his, crying out in pain. He only smirks, releasing his grasp on you.

You collapse onto your knees, catching yourself with your hands at his feet. Your nice pants, they're dirty, now, you catch yourself thinking. Like that's the biggest issue right now.

“Where is San?” He repeats your question, spitting the words out like they leave a vile taste in his mouth.

Reduced to a heap at his feet, you can't bring yourself to look up at him. This night has turned up just as your last failure had. You're not all that surprised when Hongjoong's boot comes down on your hand, though not hard enough to hurt. “Look at me.”

You do. From even further beneath him, he looks more Biblical than ever.

“Who do you think told me where you were?”

Ah.

Of course.

That makes sense.

Your face contorts, though with what emotion, you’re not sure.

You want to think that there might be an explanation, one that doesn’t involve San betraying you to a homicidal maniac, but you know that there isn’t. Instantly, you know.

He never meant to help you. He never cared about you. He had laid a pretty trap for you, at Hongjoong’s request, and had sprung it just as planned.

And he couldn’t even be here to see the fruits of his labor. Pathetic. Your mind swims with everything you had told him, everything you confessed to him, the times you had been warned about him. You fought with Mingi over him, you defended him to Mingi.

“Yes,” Hongjoong smiles down at you. “All of this has been planned since the day I made you live with him.”

You nod up at him, realizing that he must want something else from you.

“You must understand, (Y/n), that I control everything. You can’t trust in anything besides this fact.” Hongjoong kneels to meet your eye line, inadvertently crushing your hand under his foot as his weight shifts.

Gritting your teeth, you suck in any sound of pain that threatens to escape. The last thing you plan on doing tonight is letting Hongjoong realize the depths of your pain.

He tilts his head in question. “Do you have anything you want to say to me?”

Even in your haze of emotions, you can hardly resist spitting a few choice curses at him. “Fuck you.”

He grimaces, though he’s clearly not actually affected. “Not what I was thinking, Princess, but I’ll give you a pass.”

His hands are suddenly gripping into your shirt at the shoulders, yanking you onto your feet. He hardly allows you to catch yourself before he begins dragging you across the clearing, away from your car, into the trees, away from your last shred of dignity.

There isn’t a single thing on your mind as he pulls you through the trees and eventually back around to the front of the compound. He’s groveling under his breath, probably cursing you out in any and every way that he knows how. And you deserve it. You deserve every stumble of your feet, every tear burning your cheeks, every horrible thing that Hongjoong can fling at you.

You failed. Not only yourself, but everyone stuck here in this cult. You’ve utterly failed. No one is going to be rescued, no one is going to be saved. You cling onto Hongjoong’s blazer as he guides you to the barns, having no idea what could be waiting for you there.

Maybe this is it, huh? Maybe he has finally realized that you’re more trouble than you’re worth. For a second there, it had looked like he was going to keep you alive, but maybe not. That was probably just wishful thinking. He’s probably delivering you to Jongho, too disgusted to even deal with you himself.

Hongjoong releases you to throw open the barn doors. You have to catch yourself on the siding to remain standing, but Hongjoong quickly returns his grip on you, hauling you further inside the barn.

It’s the animal barn. He walks you into the center aisle, dropping you unceremoniously. You fall into a heap at his feet. Again.

You can hardly hear Hongjoong over the general animal sounds, but especially over the oinking of the pigs. “I’m going to leave you here,” he starts, glaring down at you. “When I come back, you’re going to still be in this building.”

Sniffling, you nod in agreement.

He scoffs. “You’re lucky, (Y/n), very lucky. If you had made it even an inch down that road, what do you think would’ve happened to you? To Mingi? Haseul?”

There isn’t anything for you to say. The pigs fill the silence.

“Selfish. Utterly, disgustingly, selfish.” Hongjoong spits. “Stay here— before you try and lure anyone else to their certain deaths.”

With that, he turns on his heel and exits the barn, shutting the door behind him. The overhead lights remained on, but you barely even found yourself capable of caring. The dark wouldn’t make any difference. You failed.

And Hongjoong was right. You are selfish. Even though you knew the truth about San’s intentions now, you hadn’t known before. You had thought he was risking his life to help you, and you had been fine with it. What was wrong with you? Why is this just occurring to you now? Had you really been so desperate as to involve another person? What’s the matter with you? Have you no shame? No consideration? Were you such a narcissist that you would put your freedom above someone’s life?

Your heart beats rapidly in your chest as you wipe your cheeks with your hands. The sensation is calming, allowing you to take a few deep breaths as you collect your bearings. As hard as it is, you should try to keep your head on straight… there’s still no telling how the night will end, and something tells you that it’s far from over.

One thing you know for certain, though, is that you cannot do this again. You can’t. No matter what. Something else will have to give. There is no more escape. There is no more saving yourself. How the fuck could you, after this?

Standing, you brush your hands off on your pants. Hongjoong hadn’t said anything about not moving from the spot. Might as well look at the animals. Animals can be calming, right? Therapeutic? Maybe?

Wishful thinking.

Your tears keep flowing, but you find your breathing to be coming back to your control. You stumble with your first step, but quickly regain your balance, tottering over to the nearest animal pen— which happens to be the pigs.

This is where you had confronted Jongho about Haneul. How long ago was that, now? That horrible confrontation lingers as you grip the metal fencing keeping the pigs in place. The bar is cooling, demanding your attention. You realize now that the air itself, though warmed by the animals' presence, is getting rather chilly, as well.

Tugging your sleeves lower over your hands, you peer down at the animals. Some of them are sleeping, but most of them aren’t. Each sow is separated from the next, in neat, orderly rows. Last time you had seen them, there weren’t individual pens. Jongho had been feeding them in one huge, disorderly mess. It had been rather disgusting.

You had also fought with Mingi, that day. About so many things that just seem stupid, now. What was there to even be mad about? Mingi is just Mingi. You can’t fault him for being a victim.

And the fact that he was just looking out for you, and, in fact, turned out to be absolutely correct.

As you turn to walk to a different pen, the feeling of the polaroid at your waist recaptures your attention. Stopping in place, you fish it out of your waistline, cupping it in your hands.

Thankfully, it doesn’t seem to be damaged. You stare down at it once more. It couldn’t have been more than thirty minutes since you had put it in your pants, and, yet, here you are. Completely changed.

Mingi’s face frowns up at you, but your eyes catch on something outside of the photo. Your own expression melts into a frown as you lower your hands, shoving the picture back into your pants.

Wiping your tears again, you kneel down to the ground next to the pen.

What had caught your attention was a scrap of white, so starkly bright against the packed dirt floor of the barn.

You reach out to grab it, suddenly overcome with an even worse feeling of dread. Your scalp goes cold, a shiver spreading across your body as you touch the… fabric.

Fabric.

Blinking your tears away as fast as you can manage, you pull, feeling your stomach drop as the piece grows into a cuff. Buttons and all. A white cuff.

There’s nothing that you can do to stop yourself from thinking the thoughts that come— attacking you at nearly instantaneous moments.

It’s Haseul’s. This is from Haseul’s shirt. What did Hongjoong say would happen? About the pigs? The pigs? Haseul? This is Haseul’s shirt? It can’t be. She’s in her room. She’s been in her room this whole time. This could belong to anyone. This could’ve been cut off of anyone’s shirt. It doesn’t have to be hers. It could be anyone’s. Why would it be hers? It isn’t possible. San said she was fine. He failed, but she was fine. Hongjoong said she was fine. Mingi said— what did he say? Did he say something? Anything? It doesn’t matter. San said—

“You shouldn’t be in here,” a familiar voice calls from behind you.

You fall onto your butt, forgoing your pants. They were ruined, anyway. Clutching the cuff in your hand, you don’t even reply to Jongho’s warning. Your breathing is out of control, again. Each breath you take is tighter, harder, less satisfying, more panic inducing. The fabric in your hand burns with the tightness of your grip.

Jongho grabs your shoulder. “Can you even hear me?”

A fully-fledged sob leaves you as you look up at him.

His eyebrows furrow in some emotion— probably disgust— as he frowns at you. “Get out of here.”

Shaking your head, you try to say even a single word about Hongjoong telling you to stay here, but you can’t get anything out. If anything, you cry harder, shaking your head back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, shutting your eyes as tightly as you can.

This cannot be real. This can’t be happening. It can’t be Haseul’s shirt. Even if it is, it doesn’t mean that she’s—

No, you won’t even think it. You just keep shaking your head. It can’t be. It cannot be.

Jongho’s hand leaves your shoulder.

“This is your punishment, (Y/n).” Hongjoong’s voice booms from behind you. It’s so shocking that you open your eyes, spinning around in the dirt to face him. He’s not alone. Seonghwa and San are with him, both of them looking incredibly uncomfortable.

Seeing San doesn’t relieve you at all. Seonghwa’s face is puffy, his clothing disheveled and dirty. Neither of them look at you, instead looking at the ground in front of them. Jongho remains at your side, seemingly caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.

You don’t know what Hongjoong means, though. Or, rather, your mind completely refuses to see what is in front of it until it is irrefutable. There is still hope, now. There is hope. The cuff doesn’t mean anything until Hongjoong says that it does. There is nothing in you that can accept this until…

“Haseul is dead.” Hongjoong says. “And San killed her.”

The wind is completely knocked out of your lungs as you fall onto your hands, heaving.

Though you can’t see San, you can hear him. His protests are immediate, “What? Hongjoong, why would you say that? I didn’t do that. I didn’t even touch her. I swear, (Y/n), why would I lie—”

“Not to mention that he orchestrated your entire escape attempt at my request,” Hongjoong’s voice cuts through San’s pleas to be heard.

The reminder calls you back into your body. Hongjoong had to say it in front of San, you realize, he had to make sure San knew that you knew of his betrayal. You look up at the three men in front of you as you gasp for air. The cuff lays in the dirt before you, momentarily forgotten.

San is gaping at Hongjoong, his hands outstretched as if he was in the middle of trying to reach for you. “Are you fucking crazy?” San barely squeezes out in his apparent anger.

“I am, in fact.” Hongjoong replies, though he doesn’t bother to address San. He smiles down at you instead, watching your facial expression change from one of despair to one of hatred.

Your eye twitches as you stare at San, who starts to plead for you to hear him out once more.

“I swear, (Y/n), it wasn’t like that! You heard him! He’s crazy! He only has something to gain if you don’t trust me, right? Why would I ever do that? I love you, you kno—”

San had been crouching down to your level as he made this speech, which was probably a horrible idea. Using your hands as your leverage, you launch yourself at him, toppling him over into the dirt.

Pinning him to the ground with your weight, you stare down at his (very surprised) face.

It takes you all of five seconds to realize what you couldn’t in the past month.

Hongjoong is right. Again.

Your tears drip down onto his own face. San tries to speak, but evidently can’t think of anything to say to you.

Hongjoong laughs at your side.

You pull your hand back, bringing it back down and slapping San as hard as you can muster across his face. The smack rings through the barn, your hand stinging all the way up your forearm.

San tries to clutch his cheek, but your knees keep his arms at his sides, and he instead looks up at you, stunned.

“Say something.” You demand, finding your voice.

He opens and closes his mouth, grasping for anything to say. “He’s lying to you— I swear it, I had nothing to do with Haseul, and I would never set you up, I would never, you can’t trust him, can’t trust anything that he says, (Y/n), really—”

You hit him again. This time, he exclaims in pain as you feel your hand go numb. Seonghwa flinches in your peripheral vision and Hongjoong laughs once more.

“Fuck you.” You blink, more tears falling. “Fuck you.” You lean back, freeing his arms, which immediately come up to rest on your waist. “Hit me.”

San’s face contorts, confused, “why would I hit you?”

Absurdly, you smile. You smile wide. “Hit me. Do it.” You hit him in the chest, though lighter than you had his face. “What? Are you a coward? You can kill my best friend, but you can’t hit me?” Your voice raises, reaching a shrilling quality. “Come on! Hit me! Do anything!”

San’s hands remain holding your waist, not moving.

“Hit me so that I don’t fucking kill you! Hit me to show you at least think your miserable life is worth living! Hit me! Hit me! Hit me! Hi—”

“That’s really enough, (Y/n),” Seonghwa’s voice cuts in as he grabs your arm, keeping you from landing another blow to San’s chest. “You’re being childish.”

You scoff, but it devolves into a laugh. “Childish? I’m being CHILDISH?” You wrench your hand out of Seonghwa’s grip. “Tell me, Seonghwa, please, how is someone supposed to react in this situation? What is the normal reaction? Enlighten me, please!”

When Seonghwa doesn’t respond, you stand, turning your full attention to him. San’s hands easily slide off of you, though you remain hovering over him. He finally starts cradling his red cheeks.

Seonghwa looms over you, his back to Hongjoong as he stares over his shoulder at you. You feel guilty for lashing out at Seonghwa, somehow, but it doesn’t stop you from fanning the flames. There’s nothing that could stop you, not in this moment, from bringing anyone else to your level.

You make eye contact with Hongjoong, who has his arms crossed nonchalantly, an enormous smile on his face. You imagine that this night is just going peachy for him. Just how he wanted it to. Maybe, just maybe, you can ruin his fun.

At Seonghwa’s expense. You hardly feel bad about it, though, as your eyes snap back to Seonghwa’s.

“Without turning around, take a guess. Is Hongjoong watching you, his perfect little whore, or me, the spoiled brat who doesn’t behave?”

Seonghwa sneers, a small laugh escaping him. Of course, he plays right into your hands. He exhales one shaky breath before grabbing your shoulders, using the grip to shove you as hard as he can, sending you falling back to the floor. You practically land on top of San, your legs resting over his waist, but you can only laugh.

Seonghwa falls onto his knees in front of you, crawling until he can reach your legs. He grabs you by your calves, pulling you off of San until you’re practically underneath himself. You’re sure that he’s planning on strangling you, there’s a sweet little look in his eyes that tells you everything you need to know.

And you’re excited, you want him to kill you, you realize. Your laughing becomes intermixed with your sobbing as Seonghwa puts his weight on your stomach, the fury in his eyes blazing harder with each sound you make.

Before you can truly get your way, though, San is grabbing Seonghwa by the back of his shirt, using all of his strength to pull him off of you. You hear the fabric rip as Seonghwa sprawls onto his back in front of you, and San takes the same position that Seonghwa had just had on you.

You can’t find it in yourself to sit up, so you opt to just turn your head until you can see San. Vaguely, you can hear the sound of him hitting Seonghwa as you had just pleaded with him to do to you, and this only makes you cry harder.

You turn your head in the opposite direction, and you’re greeted with the image of Hongjoong, still sitting contentedly. He glances down at you, but he doesn’t betray anything.

“Can’t you just kill me?” You whisper to him, hoping the others can’t hear it, “won’t you please just kill me?”

Hongjoong frowns, then, slowly rising to his feet to come to your side. He holds his hand out, waiting for you to take it.

You don’t at first, opting to continue looking pathetically up at him. From this angle, with the blurriness of your tears and the extreme perspective, Hongjoong really does look… ethereal. Angelic. Godly. Whatever the word is. You take his hand, allowing him to heave you into a sitting position just in time to see San land the punch that you’re sure breaks Seonghwa’s nose.

It’s only in this moment that you realize San is screaming at Seonghwa, mostly incomprehensible phrases of anger. Seonghwa is trying to fight back, his hands clenching onto San’s shirt, slapping at his shoulders and face, thrashing underneath him, but San is too pissed to let any of it stop him.

Hongjoong squats at your side, resting one of his knees on the floor. He doesn’t drop your hand, instead using it to pull you closer to him. He puts his face next to yours, making sure you’re watching the scene unfolding in front of you.

“Doesn't this make you feel good? Seeing what San would do for you? Even after it’s all over?” He whispers so close that his breath tickles your ear. “It could always be like this. Everyone could love you like this.”

Love? This is love? Your ploy to upset Hongjoong by including Seonghwa failed. If there isn’t love lost between the two of them, then what on earth about this is love?

Still, your heart skips a beat.

You had completely forgotten (or, maybe, ignored) Jongho’s presence until Hongjoong turns to give him some sort of look that must tell him to stop whatever is going on. In the next moment, Jongho is resting a hand on San’s shoulder, barely having to pull at him to get him to cease his movements.

Seonghwa turns his face toward you and Hongjoong, blood pouring from his nose and split lips.

A sob escapes him, this time, before he turns to face the other direction.

You really hadn’t meant for Seonghwa to get hurt from this. You just wanted to goad someone into giving you what you wanted, and he was easiest. You avert your eyes from him, wanting to give him the privacy he clearly desires.

Hongjoong doesn’t care. He drops your hand, standing to go to Seonghwa.

You look at San and Jongho. San is also sobbing, his knuckles torn to shreds in his lap.

You don’t feel bad for him. You don’t feel anything for him. You’re sure the upset will come in the next few days. The bomb will drop, the emotions will explode, but now, in this moment, you couldn’t care less if he lived or died.

Frankly, you couldn’t even care less about your own life. Haseul is dead. She’s dead. And she’s never coming back. You’ll never see her smile again, never text her that you’re bored at work, never hear her complain about her parents arguing again. Her parents. Her own parents. They’ll never see her again, and it’s your fault. Entirely.

You look back at Seonghwa and Hongjoong just in time to see Seonghwa slap Hongjoong’s hand away from him, groaning as he turns his body to fully face away from his God.

That can’t be a good sign.

Hongjoong sighs, crossing his arms over his chest before turning on his heel to come back to you.

Great. Just what you wanted.

“Is she really dead?” You can’t help the question, squeezing your eyes shut as they fill with more tears.

Hongjoong sits beside you, taking both of your hands in his this time. “She is.”

“For how long?” You don’t open your eyes.

He takes a few seconds to answer, as if contemplating whether you should hear the truth or not. “She died the day she arrived.”

You’re not sure if this is the best or the worst news that he could’ve given you. You’d believed lies for weeks, but at least she hadn’t been suffering the entire time, like you pictured.

“Was it really San?” You still had a hard time believing it. Could San kill? Had you really shared a bed with him for over a month, not knowing that he had killed Haseul himself, believing that he hadn’t?

“No,” He admits, letting go of one of your hands, using his newly freed hand to rest on your cheek. You open your eyes, feeling your lips quivering with… every emotion on this goddamn planet. Anger. Fear. Sadness. Whatever. “Jongho killed her, and humanely at that. But San helped with the mess. I didn’t want it to be like this, (Y/n), I warned you.”

And what could you say. He warned you. Very plainly. And you had disobeyed him. And look at what it cost.

Hongjoong moves his hand away from your face, using it to wrap around you and pull you back into a hug.

There's nothing to do anymore. Nothing to say. You cry into his shoulder, finally wrapping your own arms around him in acceptance.

He rocks you, there, on the ground. “It might be hard to understand now, (Y/n), but everything I do, I do for you.”

You nod. “Please don't make me see him again.”

Hongjoong knows who. He strokes your head, smoothing your hair, “Of course, love. Of course.”

Though you know that this is all because of Hongjoong, you still find his words comforting, his embrace grounding. You squeeze him tighter to you, appreciating the feeling of having at least one person on your side. He’s right, he’s so right, you can’t trust anyone else, not when this is how it turns out.

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#ateez angst #ateez series #ateez x reader #kim hongjoong x reader #park seonghwa x reader #jeong yunho x reader #kang yeosang x reader #choi san x reader #song mingi x reader #jung wooyoung x reader #choi jongho x reader #the answer #update

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geeky-politics-46 · 3 months ago

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Fluffy Sinister Stephen Strange Headcanons

Random thoughts I have about fluffy Sinister Strange. I separated them into SFW and NSFW. These may be elaborated on and expanded on later. If there is a specific headcanon you really want a story about, let me know in the comments or an ask.

SFW:

He wouldn't tell anyone, but he's more of a cat person than a dog person. They are quieter, and he thinks they are smarter.

He has a specific place for everything, but it is an organized chaos. Stuff is seemingly everywhere, but he can tell you exactly where everything is down to the most obscure item.

He is a terrible cook. Every now and then, he gets the idea that he will surprise you with dinner. It usually ends with lots of crashing sounds and swearing.

When you are cuddling, he likes to be the little spoon more than the big spoon. You often go to sleep with him as the big spoon, only to wake up and have him in front of you as the little spoon. You always hold him a little tighter when you find him as the little spoon.

He hadn't really cared much about grooming before he developed feelings for you. In fact, he had stopped looking in the mirror almost completely. His first real hint that he had it bad for you is that he starts caring how he looks again.

He's incredibly touchy feely once you are together. He loves to have you in his arms and will often go out of his way to be in the same room as you just so he can touch you in some way.

He genuinely thinks you are the most amazing creature in the multiverse. Sometimes, he catches himself studying you, trying to figure out if you really are a human or if you are some kind of siren or goddess turned flesh. He does not know what he did to earn your presence or if he just got insanely lucky, but he swears he will never take you or your love for granted. Not even for a single second.

The first time you have an argument, he practically has a full mental breakdown. He's sure you hate him now and that his reason for living is gone without your love. He doesn't mean to be such a drama queen, okay maybe he does a little, but everything in his world has been life or death for so long he doesn't remember any other way to be. Once you get him calmed down, he becomes very aware that he overreacted very quickly.

He hates apologizing and you may never actually hear the words “I'm sorry” without explicitly telling him he needs to say them, but he will go out of his way to show you he's sorry. Flowers, other gifts, holding doors for you, doing chores, etc. He will eat crow in his own ways, but he really would prefer not to actually say the words.

At first, after you arrive, he will occasionally get so caught up in his own work and in his own mind that he forgets you are there. So you have made Mr. Big Scary Sorcerer nearly jump out of skin on several occasions just by giving him a cheery “Howdy.” After all, no one else has been there for the longest time.

He didn't realize how much he had started talking to himself until you arrived. He suddenly became self-conscious of it, changing his full volume speaking to mostly murmuring under his breath. He is aware that actually makes him look crazier.

NSFW:

Thanks to being trapped in his universe alone he is incredibly sensitive the first time you have sex and he has to try really hard not to cum almost immediately. He still didn't last very long, and it definitely embarrassed him, but he was ready to go again almost immediately.

He also hadn't really felt much need to masturbate until he found you and you showed up there. After a while all thought of sex had just stopped. Suddenly, he felt like a teenage boy again. Everything you did got him aroused. You were the only thing his fantasies revolved around. He had a lot of wet dreams about you after you arrived and before you got together.

He was also a bit of a peeper once he discovered how attracted he was to you. Trying to catch glimpses of you getting dressed or undressed. Shamelessly staring at your ass if you bent over. He even debated “accidentally” walking in on you in the shower or the bath a few times. If he thought he might have heard you touching yourself, he absolutely urgently needed something from your room at that very second.

Definitely has a copy of the Kama Sutra in the Sanctum library and definitely wants to try every single position in it. In fact he has it marked with colored post it notes based on which ones he wants to try with you first.

He has magically hidden all of your clothes on more than one occasion to try to convince you to either spend all day in bed with him or just walk around naked. He's okay with either one frankly. He always gets a cheeky smile when he's busted but never pretends he isn't pleased with himself, because he is very pleased with himself.

He worries a lot about how he compares to your former lovers. So when you start having sex he tries his absolute hardest to make sure you cum hard every single time. The first time he can't make you cum he nearly has a meltdown.

Definitely has his kinky side, but more than anything he actually really craves vanilla love making missionary or cowgirl position sex with you. It's an intimacy and a comfort level he has not felt in a very long time, and it nearly brings him to tears.

Is a big fan of mutual masturbation. He just loves watching you. The way your breathing changes, the way your back arches. It's like art to him and almost as erotic as touching you himself. He also likes to study how you touch yourself so he can expertly do the same later.

Thanks to his universe being completely barren and destroyed he will take you whenever and wherever he wants, but he has a soft spot for taking you against the large window bearing the seal of Vishanti. He likes the idea that someone could see you, but they won't because there is no one else there. He's not sure he could actually handle someone else seeing you that way.

Like the other Stephen's, he has a lingerie kink and loves gifting you all sorts of pieces to wear. Some more demure and innocent, flowing nighties in soft silks and satins. Some barely cover anything at all and are intricately made of delicate lace in rich deep colors. He will pay attention to which pieces you like and wear the most, but some pieces are pulled right from his naughtiest fantasies.

His favorite position is you on top riding him, but he does like to plant his feet and thrust up into when he gets close. He gets the best view in this position, seeing every inch of you, but still gets to help set speed and pace. If he's feeling really soft he'll pull you down to lay flat on his chest as you grind on him and he thrusts in and out of you. He also loves that when you're on top and he hits that spot just right he can literally watch your eyes roll back in your head.

--------------------------------

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Stephen Strange Taglist: @starkiller-queen @glitterylokislut @verycollectivecreator @chatampr @maskmare931 @lovecleastrange @wheredafandomat @mkixx @evelynrosestuff @katefullerrr @littlepinknightmare @foofarny @stygianoir @moonroyalt @saturnsbabe69 @blaxdet @blackrose-92 @ironstrange1991 @rindulacre @nancy-thompsons @wolfatheartandsoul @dangerouslittlefairy @n0obmaster-69 @oliveoilthoughts @onebatch--twobatch @yourmajesty13 @blondekel77 @lil-sweater-slut @gwephen @taramaria @sinceimetyou @slashersrus @coeurgrenaty @cc13723things @just--a-magpie @supervengerslock @strangelockd-library @dont-feel-so-good-peter @kingsmanperfecthartwin @ghost-lantern @inlovewithloki16 @thefalconandthewinterwidowshield @itssmaugtheterrible @katherinemaximoff @veryfancydoilies @cute-angi @mochacake2016 @prix19 @alexfanficnook @anotheroddfish @namor-is-the-way @xourownsidee @baes-x @dreamingsmile @negar77rd @imaginesfreetotake @ppatricia34me @rougepetale @tis-vereon @divinearchangel @sherlux @hiddlechive @ginnykate @thatesqcrush @friendofplenti @yuugenmomo @holdmyowos @the-royal-petals @lokislov3 @captaincarmel164 @lucimorningst4r @mydearalmira @petalcranberry @singhfae @emotionsareforuglypeople @trappedinlimbo15 @veryladyqueen @icytrickster17 @kentucky-criedfricken @briefhandsstudenttoad @calamityismyspecialtty @sinisterstrange616 @patbrdac @trojanaurora @azu21 @massivehahaao3tree @strangesgirl @tobios-shawty @asgards-princess-of-mischief @rmoonstoner @aphroditesdilemma @aoi-targaryen

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chimken-nugget · 23 days ago

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Marshmallow's Grave

blurb:

If Marshmallow's life could be described with one word, it would be: uneventful.

Only after his death does his story truly begin...

From the day a kit opens their eyes, their nursery days are filled with stories of Great battles and that of the benevolent StarClan. Everyone wants to end up in StarClan! At least, that's what's to be expected...

What then happens when one is not content after death? That is the dilemma Marshmallow finds himself facing.

Perhaps there's more to life and death than the six clans...

Cover for @harriertail 's cover competition :))

This is supposed to be a novella cover, but official en novella covers are pretty simple, so i took some creative liberties there

Click keep reading to see my creative process and what Marshmallow's story is all about :))!

Symbolism and Plot Summary:

If I had to describe this book cover in 1 word, it would be 'juxtaposition'.

The juxtaposition between night at the top and day at the bottom, between the more serious drawings at the top and the doodles at the bottom.

The juxtaposition between StarClan!Marshmallow being in cool shades of white and holding himself up, whereas Falling!Marshmallow is falling (lol) and is on fire, between Starclan!Marshmallow having lost all his defining features (representing a loss of identity within Starclan), and Fallling!Marshmallow retaining his distinguishing features (such as his 1 unique paw).

The juxtaposition between a goofy name like 'Marshmallow' and the more serious word 'grave', between the fact that Marshmallow is wearing forget-me-nots when his status as a side character means he will inevitably be forgotten from the narrative very quickly.

To make sense of why I've included all these contrasting elements, is the novella's contents and its relationship with the main story.

I designed Marshmallow (prefix Marsh, suffix Mallow) to be your average side character. He's the silly name you'd find in the allegiances, and he serves no real purpose to the main story besides the odd remark here and there. He exists just to be whatever the author wants him to be. That is, until he dies brutally (read: fridged) as a means of causing unnecessary anguish for the protagonist. The clan holds vigil for him, and he is then promptly forgotten for the rest of the series..

In his novella, Marshmallow reflects on his (quite frankly) uneventful life and begins to develop self-awareness towards how... *artificial* StarClan is. A big theme of this novella would be exploring individuality within StarClan, herd mentality, and whether anything lies beyond the StarClan borders. This would be in stark contrast to Marshmallow's yes-man, nothing-burger 'the prey is running well' side character personality he had whilst still alive. Only in death does Marshmallow begin to break out of the mould...

I'd like to think that this novella would end with him deciding to do the outrageous and leave StarClan's borders to go to the River of Spirits (yes this is Warriors canon). Eventually he chooses to live on in the form of a flower. Rather than wait to fade away, he finally has the autonomy to have the *choice* on what his fate will be and how he will live out the rest of his days..

This description isn't super polished (neither is the cover art tbh, i didnt have the time LOL) but id like to think the ending would be bittersweet (another juxtaposition !!) and a bit more unique in comparison to the tone of my 'series'.

if you couldn't tell, im a very 'the blue curtains symbolise sadness' type of person- putting my GCSE English skills to use LOL

Breakdown of the Cover:

Marshmallow ref:

i made this ref at the same time as the cover, so that's why the headshot looks so similar (they are 2 individual drawings, if u zoom in it's more obvious :,) )

FINAL Artist note:

MAn did i rush this LOL !!

im supposed to be on hiatus rn to focus on uni exams (which i am STRESSED over), but i decided to temporarily come back on here to make this cover during the short breaks i give myself. ill probably post this on instagram with Marshmallow's ref sheet after exams r done in August lol... Marshmallow is actually my first WC OC and i love the guy.. he literally just exists.

hope everyone is having a stellar week, cos im not unfortunately

hope to be back to posting my warrior cats and N art again soon

bye (again) for now :]

#warriors cover contest #pocket_tortilla #cw blood #warrior cats oc #wc oc #warrior cats #wc

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letmeoutofthebasementt · 8 months ago

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Hyunjin Jealousy

SKZ Jealousy series pt. 4: (when they're in a serious relationship do they get jealous at all? What makes them jealous if they get jealous? How do they act in a relationship? What's their response/behavior when jealous? How do they handle it?)

He’s jealous. EXTREMELY jealous. He is jealousy. Jealousy is him. Him and jealousy are like Bonnie and Clyde but more destructive and even CLOSER.

First off, this man is sensitive. He’s sensitive and he’s very emotionally mature since he’s been so in-tune with them all his life until he’s not. Until all of a sudden he’s having an existential crisis because his partner touched Chan’s arm so naturally the only sensible response is to end Chan’s entire bloodline. I’m exaggerating but you get the picture.

He gets very irrational when jealous. His jealousy stems from insecurity, pride, and being easily overwhelmed. He doesn’t like being jealous so he acts like he’s not. He puts up this facade of “Oh, you want my partner? Try and take them.” But inwardly he’s having an entire panic attack.

He’s also just very territorial and possessive on top of that which strokes the flames.

When he’s jealous he’s emotional. When he’s feeling territorial he gets jealous. When he’s feeling possessive he gets jealous. When he’s emotional he’s angry. When he gets angry he shows that D1 crashout I know for a fact is in there somewhere.

(Me and my bsf have decided Han is the Baby Kia to his Kendrick. If you get it you get it.)

He gets DEEPLY jealous. I’m talking this impacts his SOUL. When he gets jealous.

Oddly enough, when he gets jealous everything clears. He’s never patient. He’s not a patient person. But his jealousy is very patient. His territorial and possessiveness are all Aries. All mars. Fiery and loud and bright and quick to flare up but quick to go out.

But his jealousy? It’s an entirely different story. His jealousy is all Pisces and water and even has some Scorpio influences due to a few of his placements. His jealousy is quiet and all consuming.

He’s smart with his jealousy. Manipulative even.

Like oh, he sees his partner having a little too much fun with another guy. Laughing too much at their jokes and touching their arm a little too long during conversation.

So naturally, he comes up and doesn’t make it obvious he cares. If anything, it’s the opposite. He acts like everything’s fine and he’s confident and he doesn’t care. But he says little things.

Like “Oh, I didn’t know you were into charity now. Giving out free laughs for those who can’t work for them.” Or some BS like that in his S/O’s ear and they’re just like “😃😄😃”.

He’s very passive aggressive with the other person. He latches onto each insecurity he can sense and batters them in the nicest way possible.

Then he slowly gets worse and worse. Like; “You’re so brave for never succumbing to beauty standards. Like, you never got those braces you need so much. Or shaved your unibrow.”

He doesn’t act bothered. But he is bothered. Very bothered. He just smiles and laughs as if nothings wrong and he’s confident and normal and calm. But inside he’s a mess.

I think he’s particularly graceful when jealous. All ethereal and princely in a way that makes the other person feel like a worthless bum in comparison. And he knows it.

He tells himself that.

He tells himself he’s perfect and the best, and he’s obviously better than this person so really they’re not a threat. But he’s threatened. Because he’s insecure. Because he’s so scared of losing his partner to someone else. And that’s where all his jealousy stems back to.

His possessiveness and territorial ness are his nature. There’s no real root because they just are. His jealousy is a defense mechanism and a result of other things.

He gives them chances though. Opportunities to try to sway his partner. To prove he’s better even though he’s not sure himself and the entire time he’s on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Jealousy exhausts him. He doesn’t like it. But he’s helpless to stop it. Hell, it actively makes him feel helpless. Jealousy makes him sad, borderline depressed even. And after he’s in that situation he probably cries a lot.

A lot.

He hates being put in situations like those.

He also gets horny. This isn’t even just me saying stuff the cards and the stars have spoken he gets so fucking horny. Jealous sex is a thing. Honestly, with Hyunjin there’s sex for everything at this point the little shit but that’s not the point we’re not getting into that today.

He has a lot of self-pity during and after getting jealous. He’ll blame his partner regardless of if it’s their fault. And he will DURING the…Devil’s tango too. Is it still slut shaming if it comes out as sexy degradation? Yes. And he’s a D1 slut shamer when he’s jealous.

Definitely a conspiracy theorist when jealous.

And more sex with these cards. Trying to keep this PG-13 at least but Hyunjin’s a little special. Still love him though.

He also has a weird jealousy fantasy I’m not gonna think about the implications of let alone get into.

Definitely anxious attachment style.

The type to send a “Damn what position y’all in?” Text if you leave him on delivered for too long except he genuinely means it.

He thinks it’s intuition. It’s just anxiety.

Also sucks up to his S/O after getting jealous.

He gets jealous over everything. No one thing in particular, but just… Everything. He gets jealous quick and like I’ve said he gets aggressively jealous.

Jealousy definitely starts a lot of arguments. He says cruel things, gets cruel things said back.

Also did I mention he’s a D1 crashout? I know FOR A FACT if he catches his partner cheating or even getting like fondled he is CRASHING. OUT.

But that’s for another day

May the force be with you if you have the misfortune of being the cause of a crashout.

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thr0wnawayy · 1 year ago

Text

Midoriya's Delusion

This is post that builds upon my previous one, I've copied many of the points I made there to here. Albiet with some corrections and tweaks.

To summarize, I have a bit of a crack theory that chapter 430 isn't as real as we've been led to believe. (As for when this actually takes place, that's up to you but I like to imagine the start of his third year marks the beginning of his mental decline.)

(As an update, I find it dubious whether 8 years have actually passed or if that's also a part of the fantasy. I can see Midoriya becoming so attached to the lie that his reference of time begins to warp)

This theory mostly comes from some inconsistencies in regards to the hero rankings and some other things I've found.

Corrections:

It's left ambiguous whether Best Jeanist and Endeavor are still active. However the fact that people view these two in a postive light (especially after Dabi and the war) still seems absurd.

2. Midoriya wasn't outright abandoned, rather their busy schedules make it hard for their days off to coincide. This falls apart when you look at this panel

"The rate of new villains keep decreasing and the number of heroes have stabilized"

Besides Ochaco who's funding a quirk counseling project, the rest of the class should be able to make time. Again it's stated that they aren't actually fighting.

There's no real threat to face. Besides PR and Community Service there's bot a whole lot else (besides the occasional natural disaster)

One could argue it's because the scope of what heroes do is increasing, thus keeping them busy. But again, we see heroes doing exactly what they did before, PR, Advertising and (implied) Showboating.

This leads me to believe that the lack of contact is based in reality, to some extent.

Whether it was by choice or forced by their (1A's) respective PR teams to preserve their images (can't be seen around the "freaks" for too long, now can we?).

The lie comes in the form of busy schedules.

Now whether that's what Midoriya tells himself or what he's been told, I cannot say for certain.

Disturbia:

For those of you who didn't read my last post, you may be wondering, so what's going on?.

Simply put:

Midoriya's having a breakdown fantasy to cope with the fact that he won't be becoming a hero due to the loss of his quirk.

Im aware it sounds crazy but consider the following:

1. Midoriya subconsciously knows the way he's been treated was wrong.

This manifests within the escapists fantasy in Bakugo's drop in the rankings + the attitude surrounding him (as well as his damaged hand never fully healing)

He meets a kid who just so happens to be in a near exact same position as he once* was (and still is to an extent). One could take this as his mind's way of trying to cope and heal itself, by having Midoriya do what he does best and help others, henceforth working though his trauma by using the kid as a stand in.

*Even the kid's "bully" seems to be a warped version of Bakugo (perhaps this is how Midoriya tries to fool himself into believing how it was)

2. We see Kota.

I believe that here, Kota serves as what Midoriya thinks he could have been had he not failed. Kota is the idealized version of Midoriya here, the unobtainable.

3. A lesson ignored

Apparently people forgot the connection between Endeavor and Shoto. You'd think this would be a good thing as Shoto would be able to become his own person.

This falls flat when you remember that also includes people forgetting the reason and happenings behind Shoto's existence, it feels like Midoriya is trying to have his cake and eat it too

To elaborate, this is a major copout, it allows Shouto to be unaffected by his family's past bith career wise and emotionally. While also feeding into Midoriya's rather toxic belief that forgiveness is required to be a good person.

(The fact that killing Tomura violated this only adds to my theory that this whole thing is an escapist coping mechanism.)

(You can also add the idea that Tomura didn't forgive society for what they did to him and his friends. That likely broke all the "rules" that Midoriya knew.)

4. The Mech Suit is a massive cope, it's the dying whimper of Midoriya's childish hope that All Might will save the day.

This time there's no magic quirk, no garrish mech suit, no plot twist.

No. There's only Midoriya and the consequences of his, his classmates and hero societies actions. It doesn't matter how shiny and seamless the illusion, how sweet the lie.

You can't hide the blood.

Concerning Aspects:

That was mostly the revised stuff, let me introduce you to some new points

1. A Frozen Lake

Something I noticed was certain characters seem to be almost frozen in time, as if someone tried to continue a story using scraps of the original text.

The curious case of Rei Himura:

This scene seems almost stagnant, what was most noticeable was Enji's bandages still being on and Rei still being there.

It's as if Midoriya hasn't seen them in years (or perhaps doesn't want to acknowledge what happened). So his mind uses what he last saw/heard of them, creating a sterile, static scenario. Little better than props.

Those surrounding her (with the exception of Hawks) also seem to be stuck in the past.

It's definitely strange.

2. See No Evil, Hear no Evil, Speak No Evil

Shigaraki is a representation of Midoriya's repressed guilt and his fears. I believe deep down Midoriya knows that, inevitably the cycle will repeat, so long as the system is allowed fester and wallow in it's complancy.

I find the fact that he's behind Midoriya to be ironic, as if to say: don't look back, don't think about what you've done.

A Symbol of Stagnation:

I should warn you that it does get lengthy from here, however I think it's important to get the full picture. Even if I tend to ramble here.

It's implied here that Lemillion's the top hero. This is awful for a variety of reasons. Mirio is a horrible symbol.

All Might was flawed for a variety of reasons, but a majority of these were byproducts rather than directly being his own doing.

Mirio on the other hand, has such a cancerous philosophy that it actively harms all who interact with it.

Mirio is a follower, he follows orders first and asks questions never.

Eri is the best example of this. Even after Nighteye's death, Mirio never truly reflects on the damage his actions could have caused ( only saved by the narrative, seriously it's a miracle Eri trusts anyone besides Midoriya after being abandoned like that)

You see, the difference between Toshinori and Mirio lies in their actions and principles.

Mirio left Eri to die, all for the sake of the "mission".

For all the heroes knew, Eri could have been a trafficking victim and either have been killed or relocated. But no, appearances and "gotta catch em all" take priority even after knowing Eri is in the Yakuza's clutches.

Lemillion made the worst decisions possible. He followed a known murder into a secluded, restricted area (with a hostage mind you) bringing his pupil with him.

Willingly ignored blatant signs of abuse (just look at the girl) and played hooky with thre leader of a criminal organization, who is known for his short fuse and willingness to kill.

He did all of that, when he could have easily detained Overhaul at any point (his quirk being a direct counter)

Toroshinori would fight tooth and nail in that situation. Consequences be damned if it meant saving Eri.

Part of the reason Toroshinori was so effective as a hero was 1. His sense of justice and 2. His compassion.

Mirio is a symbol that can be controlled, a weapon if you will.

The fact that Mirio is at the top shows that things haven't changed and are even beginning to decline. So this brings me to my next point

You may be asking, if Midoriya's losing it in his own mind, what's the outside world look really like?.

Allow me to set the stage.

4. Speculation

Within Midoriya's muddled mind, Lemillion represents both his toxic optimism and a subconscious understanding that nothing has changed. It represents denial and acceptance, a dysfunctional middle ground that's easy enough for Midoriya to stomach.

The truth of the matter is, delusion or not, the reality is soon to sink in.

Something that I don't see discussed is the lack of reactions from other nations or really any insight into how they were affected by everything that happend.

Here's the idea: Most likely they are foaming at the mouth.

Particularly it's the countries who suffered under Imperial Japan in the past (Korea, China, Singapore etc), however this also applies to every nation Nedzu brow beat into aiding with the rebuilding efforts, albiet their reaction would be latent.

Not not only is the attitude painfully reminiscent of how Japan handles it's past atrocities, Japan has had them clean up their messes. seen below:

(you cannot tell me Big Red Dot over here is having a good time)

From an outside pov. The Commission never told anyone about AFO, rather they suppressed any information, locked him up in Tartarus and then sat on the whole situation until it blew up in their (read: everyones) faces.

He then proceeded to: kill over 8000 people (+ those killed during the Blackout period), kill the top hero of one of the world's most powerful nations and incite mass panic. Destroyed massive amounts of infrastructure and transport nationwide, broke thousands of criminals out of prison, destroying those prisons in the process.

Meanwhile the heroes:

Abandoned civilians in mass by quitting in the middle of a war.

Left the public in the dark for months and allowing crime and paranoia to grow rampant, even (forcibly) bringing someone they knew was being targeted by AFO and his forces to the one place they could find shelter.

Mutilated a seven year old girl. Who has a history of being mutilated for the gain of others and patted themselves on the back. (Also having no holdup on how that may effect her physically via her quirk or mentally via her trauma)

Mic: tried to kill a docile prisoner who could be considered in comatose, based off of his emotional attachment to a dead man + viewing it as justified if it meant Spinner couldn't get to him.

Used hospital staff and patients as meatshields (Central Hospital) during a riot.

Most had no qualms supporting a child beating eugenicist and implied marital rapist, even with his one of his victims exposed him and citing it as his main reason for turning to villainy.

Held an illegal questioning* with said abuser while ignoring his main victim (Rei, who is probably the most reliable source of information there)

(*which effectively is like conducting an investigation on yourself and declaring you are not guilty)

And so much more! (But this post is getting too long)

My point is by the time everything was said and done, it seemed everyone but Japan was paying for it.

It's outright stated that the US president risked national security by sending every hero they had to help Japan. (Impeachment worthy if you ask me)

Endeavor's little plan to kill himself and Dabi in a blaze of death ended up disrupting the weather. Very likely it'll end up resembling an El Niño phenomenon, only vastly off schedule and even more destructive than normal.

For Reference [https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/ninonina.html]

Very likely it'll lead to an agricultural drought in the northern America's and mass flooding in southern America's, likely starting at the west coast and bleeding inland. Leading to a domino effect where cost of living surges due to the sudden displacement of people and the rapid loss of products.

Worse still, because the US had no heroes (likely for months on end), crime has likely surged in the America's, which will further impact the rest of the world.

The rebuilding efforts likely emptied the wallets of most participating countries, leaving them unable to help anyone, including themselves.

Also keep in mind that Japan incriminated themselves with the Business Course footage. I don't think the general public (outside of Japan) is going to take too kindly to a known murder and abuse apologist being in charge of a system already known for it's corruption.

The end result is likely be a world that detests Japan, either from a moral perspective (Rei's treatment + the treatment of those society abandoned), a financial perspective (we can't afford shit and you contributed to that) or historical perspective (you do this everytime and ignore the consequences).

A world divided by struggle and united by an immense loathing for the Commission's Japan and the culture surrounding it.

Oh, don't forget there's no finding left for quirk research. Meaning that it's very likely no one will be prepared for quirk singularity to start manifesting in the upcoming generations (Thanks Nedzu).

_______________________________________

Update: Can I just say that Aizawa's lack of ownership infuriates me even though this is likely a fantasy and not grounded in reality.

Like what the fuck do you mean "with the way he talks, it was pointless" Fantasy Aizawa.

Because "Hey Asshole", You deliberately ignored his attitude and offenses!. And what? Now your just gonna shrug it off like it wasn't your fault. To hell with that you had two years, most teacher are said to only get one. As you so graciously mentioned at the start of this shit show of an epilouge.

Heres the moment I'm referring to btw:

While we're at it. Are you telling me it was too hard to get Momo some proper attire all three fucking years she was at UA for.

Not to mention Toru is still naked, how the fuck hasn't she died yet, she is literally exposed to the elements (and lord help her of she gets a cut)

Kirishima's costume is still his biggest liability considering it exposes his chest and back (also seeing as even when hardened he can't repell bullets)

Does Denki still fry himself with his quirk?

Before we move on Aizawa. How's that daughter you neglected, her horn still broken?.

Speaking of which let's look at the rescue team:

What the hell is this!?

Let's see, we got a guy who can only do damage (and his sweat detonates on contact, destroying whatever it touches.)

A brainwasher who only got into the hero course via nepotism and who can only brainwash people who directly respond to him!. A person trapped underneath rubble either frantic or groaning in pain isn't going to be able to respond or even just give consent.

(On a side note what are the laws regarding mind control quirks, does some sort of waiver have to be signed, can a person sue for being controlled against their consent?)

Oh, but wait there's more.

Midoriya running headlong with experimental tech that has, very likely never seen the light of day. Let alone preform in an actual high stakes situation before.

You're trying to carry someone and oops! Something malfunctioned or was miscalculated, now there's an even bigger mess (hooray!)

Who could forget Mezo "they'll come for your kids" Soji. Who climbed the ladder and pulled it all the way up.

Yeah forget that Heteromorph's were getting hate crimed long before the war, ignore the fact that you yourself were maimed by an angry mob after doing one of the most heroic things a person can do. Dismiss Spinner's comment about being sprayed with Pesticide for walking in public.

Nah screw it, let's all sing Kumbaya while the Creation Rejection Clan runs wild outside the reach of the cities, then ignore that the discrimination still is prevalent in the countryside and it's only a matter of time before somone gets fed up and takes matters into their own hands. (talons, claws, you get the picture)

But your a hero now Soji, you got your's. So fuck the rest of 'em

And don't even get me started on Hawks. Congratulations you ignorant bastard, way to kill time and by that I mean for everyone but the heroes.

"Yeah life is great!, everyone hates us, we're rapidly falling into debt from all that rebuilding 8 years back."

"Speaking of which some of those buildings are staring to fall apart due to being rushed to meet deadlines set within the month they were started."

"Social darwinism is on the rise and people are becoming more complacent that ever before due to heroes applying bandaid solutions on decade long, deeply ingrained problems."

"All so the average person doesn't have to think about what's festering beneath society's floorboards, so thank you Safety Commission. Here's your star of positivity ⭐️." - Some random anti-hero civilian

So much for greatest heroes, huh.

_______________________________________

UPDATE 2:

A dark thought I just had, is that the main reason Izuku killed Tomura was because Tomura broke the rule of "Forgiving Your Abusers makes you Good".

When Tomura refused to relinquish his hatred, when he stood his ground, that is when Midoriya decided he had to die. If not to "stop" him, then to preserve Midoriya's perception of the world .

Shigaraki + The LOV by their very ideals went against everything Midoriya has had beat into him by Bakugo and Aldera over the years.

Makes me wonder how'd he react to a person refusing to forgive their abuser. If he interacted with Natsuo or Rei, I could see that delving into a complete mess.

Now that I think about it, The Midoriya we know now, he would have never tried to hold onto Eri back when they first met.

Ironically, he became what he named himself after, a Deku. A puppet attached to thorns of liquid gold, glistening and burning hot.

A slave to his own biases and belief system, now trapped in a stage of his minds own making.

First bound by his past, then by legacy and finally, now by his own hand.

木偶.

#bnha critical #mha critical #hero society critical #anti bakugou #midoriya critical #just a bit #hawks critical #anti shinsou hitoshi #anti eraserhead #anti enji todoroki #anti endeavor #anti aizawa shota #anti aizawa #anti mirio #lov #league of villains

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