#c: abdullah mackenzie

[ccnsenescere]

when: post drop w/ @espionisms & @flcralhaze (can be a group thread or a muse of your choosing)

where: a palace corridor outside the courtroom

the trembling started prior to the violence. for awhile, abdullah had been able to pretend that all was well; his sisters were among safe courts, he and cailean were well on their way to developing something more solid; his advising the stuarts, while troublesome, had allowed him to influence their decisions for peace rather than its opposite. yet, the world they lived in would never cater to such a thought; to peace. where once he would've ran toward cailean for comfort, the sight of knuckles meeting eye amidst the struggle had made him walk in another direction. the reckoning had ruined his courage, he is reminded of it by his own thoughts and by the way startle causes him to jump when another closes in on him. "do you believe we will ever live to see this world fall into peace instead of chaos?" he asks, his sigh holding weighty emotions and dead-end thoughts. perhaps, he thought, running away might be the solution to his weariness.

[ccnsenescere]

although abdullah had never been locked inside of his own home for protection, he understood what it felt like to feel caged. perhaps, metaphorical 'stuckness' was lesser of two evils, paling in comparison to the physical detainment that the princess spoke to, however, they were not much different in premise, merely practice. a subtle, watery smile graces his features, he takes a breath, and in return, for her honesty, he gives her, his. "unless i wish to be jailed, that is, unfortunately not an option for me." abdullah's chuckle is bitter. "i resigned from my position as their commander not two days before the reckoning. of course, the remaining sharmas believe i did so on purpose, to leave them defenceless against the rebels. i...simply wished to leave for love, mostly, and for myself, not for such violence. however, in the chaos they found that i had forged documents to gain my position." a shrug lifts and flattens his shoulders. "they do not know that those documents were not as fake as they believed - after-all, they were using my true credentials and the name my biological parents gave me at birth. all that was a lie was my place of origin." a breath. "so unfortunately, as much as i wish your words to hold truth, if i ever find myself in india again, at least while the current sharma line survives, i will, perhaps, find myself in the prisons i used to guard - i am sorry that your parents made a mockery of your early life, however, it seems to me that you now are free to do as you please, i implore you to take it and run with it."

it was always a gamble if someone was going to ask her why she never left versailles or if they were just going to assume she was a pampered princess who dare not leave her shining castle. aurora smiled softly at the question, at how gently it was asked. “ i was not allowed. i . . “ she paused for a moment, wondering how detailed to get. “ — i ran away once, gone for a week on the streets of paris. “ aurora murmured, looking out at the waters as black as the night sky. the memories were happy, despite the consequences she faced after. “ i loved it, seeing the city and enjoying it as just another girl — the sweets, the dancing — but . . my parents did not. i was found, by the royal guards who took me back home and . . . “ she waved a hand towards nothing, “ versailles went from being home to a gilded cage in a matter of a night. “ the princess sighed, turning her head to look at him and give a soft smile. “ but — enough of my tale of woe, it’s boring anyway. “ she laughed.

“ india was lovely, i do not blame you at all for holding a place for it in your heart. “ she said with a nod, though she did not understand the rest of his words. “ — i am sorry, for whatever may have happened. perhaps someday you can return. “

[succiducus]

( during the leak & sometime after / @tormxntum )

a familiar name in accusation by the french echoes in the hallway. the commander feels a tremble start in his chest, it's quick travels lead it to his hands and knees, which weaken under the pressure of grief even though for the time being it seemed they had no solid proof of it. still, abdullah watches the heavy shoulders and bright curls of the holder of that name from the back of the hall with a certain mixture of fondness and helplessness. an accusation of treason against the scottish king was, in fact, no laughing matter - and if cailean was truly working with the rebellion, there was nothing that he could do to stop that inevitability. his eyes widen, except for one thing. "balfour, write my mother on my behalf, tell her that...i apologize for what i intend to do if proof comes to light." he whispers to his left. "finnian, set me a private meeting with the princess and then find my sisters. ensure that if this blows back on them, that you get them to safety." he instructs his right, pushing forward into the crowd. like a snake, he sheds his armour in the middle of the crowd like skin, hiding it out of sight, untucking his shirt from uniform pants, shaking hair free of its neat position with fingers so that natural curls start to foil in the absence of structure; he couldn't be commander hasan where they would go, not if he wished to keep his promise of keeping their heart safe in his hands. slipping a hand into cailean's, with one finger over his lips as a suggestion not to ask questions until they were out of ear shot, he motions silently for them to follow his lead.

[succiducus]

{uraz kaygılaroğlu, 34, agender, he/they/she} We are so glad to see you safe, ADVISOR ABDULLAH MACKENZIE of SCOTLAND! It’s dangerous out in the world these days, but I hear that you are CALCULATIVE and DEDICATED enough to handle it. Just don’t let your RECKLESSNESS bring you down! Stay on your guard, because with your secret being at risk for exposure, you wouldn’t want everyone to find out after the reckoning your heart is no longer in the rebellion.

b a s i c s //

birth name: murat abdullah mackenzie

nickname: abby

birthday: march 31st (aries)

occupation: royal advisor to the stuarts

orientation: demi-romantic / pansexual

status: single-ish

languages: english, scottish gaelic (native). persian, hindi, japanese (fluent). german, amharic, sanskrit (conversational).

character influences: brian kinney (queer as folk), link & ganondorf (tloz), aragorn (lotr), indra (the 100), uchiha madara (naruto).

tarot card: strength

p r o l o g u e //

crooked by nature, they have always had a knack for manipulation and persuasion - nurture worsened it. selfish; power-hungry; proud; a perfect canvas for the pursuits of the family that they'd been adopted into and admittedly for their own gain. freedom granted them invisibility and they remain clutched onto that to this day. they've slipped into and out of many empires, left impacts, bought loyalties but as chaotic as they are, they're not simpleminded. they make calculative decisions and take well thought out actions for the gain of themselves and the mackenzies. prepared, intuitive, controlled - sometimes they seem outwardly unapproachable, they led their army with a strong hand, charm their way through awkward situations, and work hard regardless of their reasonings for doing so. they have two faces and only those loyal to the mackenzies know which one is real. they will stop at nothing to attain what they want.

a c t i : l a l q i l a //

The Mughal Empire had always been, to him, a means to an end. After his discharge from the Scottish military, being reassigned to a new empire to help aid the rebellion in any way that he could, he thought that settling in Delhi was temporary, that he would not grow attached to the people, sights, and sounds that surrounded him on a daily basis, however, that was far from the case. Assuming a new identity, working his way through the ranks of their military, making connections and friendships (even if surface level), and getting acquainted with a culture that his birth parents had fallen in love with after leaving Scotland wasn't supposed to leave a mark on him, but it did. The Grand Memoriam; reconnecting with Cailean and his sisters; hearing the loud accents of the Scottish court in the dining hall; followed shortly by invasions, political fights, chaos, and watching his heart face death once more pushed Abdullah from a state of clarity into one of complete and utter exhaustion. He decided to resign from his position as commander, swear fealty to Claire Stuart, and return home. The Reckoning shook him far beyond exhaustion; it cemented his love for the empire in his heart.

t i m e s k i p //

Grief was not new to Abdullah. He had been mourning Scotland and his place within it for years before The Reckoning took the rulers of the Mughal Empire from him. However, the loss struck him harder than he thought it might. Grown accustomed to serving them, to his every thought encompassing their safety and safety of their empire, suddenly being without all of it made guilt trickle into the space between his ribs. He struggled with this for the majority of their journey home, tried his best to smile when he was supposed to smile; one might say that his years of pretending came in handy when asked if he was glad to be home by fellow clansmen and their family friends. It was interesting, he supposed, how being back on the moors of Scotland didn't remove the sting of having to leave India behind. With news of it's descent into chaos reaching him, the guilt of leaving it defenceless when he did, lingered. But, somewhere between training with his mother in the halls of Castle Stuart and sliding into bed next to the youngest Fergusson, his grief disappeared and was replaced by a warmth that was often threatened by the thought of what those he cared about most were doing behind the scenes. You see, even with the new reign among them, the rebels that he had once proudly stood with were strong, perhaps, even stronger than ever, and in the land under Stuart reign, whether by one monarch or by four, rebels careless enough to get caught were hung. Once a thought that made him chuckle, the reality of losing those he cared about to something they could choose to refrain from started to make him weary.

p r e s e n t d a y //

Exhausted by his days in the military and the monotony of daily life now that he's back home, when the opportunity to put his mind to use once more approached him, he took it. From Mughal Commander to Royal Advisor, Abdullah is settling into his position comfortably while still training under his mother's guidances to become Duke after her retirement - the most prominent issue? He's starting to see each Stuart as people and not monarchs, an issue for the once rebel still lurking under the surface. For now, he's keeping up appearances for the sake of his parents and lover, however, he's come to the realization that the exhaustion from years of pretending is finally catching up with him and if he had to be honest? He simply wished to wake up to the sun illuminating red hair, the loud purr of Mor, and the smell of grass fluttering in through the open window of their bedroom. He supposed, being so close to love and it's beauty had made him soft - he could no longer stomach the rebellion and what it had the potential to take from him.

c o n n e c t i o n s //

cordelia mackenzie (sister) - to be written

karolina mackenzie (sister) - to be written

cailean fergusson (soul-mate) - they have been caught in a dance of cat and mouse for decades, unable to shed their emotional attachment to one another. they fall apart, put distance between themselves, however the universe brings them back together, often stronger than the last time their souls tangled. once on the same side of the coin, they now faced the unique challenge of being on opposites. its led to countless arguments and skirting around the topic of the scottish monarchy yet underneath all of the anger and frustration, they make moves toward one another and for each other out of love, even if they cannot admit aloud quite yet.

[succiducus]

FULL NAVIGATION ~ BIO & CONNECTIONS ~ DIRECTORY

{uraz kaygılaroğlu, 33, genderfluid, he/they/she} We are so glad to see you safe, MILITARY COMMANDER ABDULLAH HASAN (MACKENZIE) of THE MUGHAL EMPIRE! It’s dangerous out in the world these days, but I hear that you are DETERMINED and COURAGEOUS enough to handle it. Just don’t let your UNETHICAL NATURE bring you down! Stay on your guard, because with your secret being at risk for exposure, you wouldn’t want everyone to find out [that you lied about your identity to get close to the rulers for your family].

b a s i c s //

birth name: murat abdullah mackenzie

alias: abdullah zahir hasan

birthday: march 31st (aries)

occupation: military commander

orientation: aromantic - pansexual - aplatonic

status: single

languages: english, scottish gaelic (native). persian, hindi, japanese (fluent). german, amharic, sanskrit (conversational). chinese (stop them before they start a war)

p e s o n a l i t y //

crooked by nature, they have always had a knack for manipulation and persuasion - nurture worsened it. selfish; power-hungry; proud; a perfect canvas for the pursuits of the family that they'd been adopted into and admittedly for their own gain. freedom granted them invisibility and they remain clutched onto that to this day. they've slipped into and out of many empires, left impacts, bought loyalties but as chaotic as they are, they're not simpleminded. they make calculative decisions and take well thought out actions for the gain of themselves and the mackenzies. prepared, intuitive, controlled - sometimes they seem outwardly unapproachable, they lead their army with a strong hand, charm their way through awkward situations, and work hard regardless of their reasonings for doing so. they have two faces and only those loyal to the mackenzies know which one is real. they will stop at nothing to attain what they want. character influences: brian kinney (queer as folk), link & ganondorf (tloz), aragorn (lotr), indra (the 100), uchiha madara (naruto).

c o n n e c t i o n s //

zehra mackenzie (sister) - to be written

karolina mackenzie (sister) - to be written

cailean fergusson (flirtation-ship?) - to be written

[ccnsenescere]

her energy was contagious. it pulls a softness over him that allows him to chuckle playfully. abdullah did not enjoy dancing as many other's did, he thought it was pointless, odd, yet here we was under his mother's orders, learning the ropes of such things (or, he supposed, putting up with it). "see," he grins. "while i am not always right, i am right about such comforts - for the sake of imagination, what book would you read? if you were not on a dance floor."

She smiled warmly, appreciating his courteous demeanor amidst the swirl of nobility and intrigue. "Good evening," she echoed softly, her voice carrying a hint of empathy for his sentiment. "Bed does sound inviting, especially after the spectacle tonight." As they swayed together, Leonor felt the rhythm of the music, she adored dancing and how it made her feel alive. "I find myself captivated by the dance of it all—the laughter, the music. But I must admit, I wouldn’t mind trading this revelry for a quiet night in, perhaps with a good book and a glass of wine."

[ccnsenescere]

abdullah loses all sense of their surroundings, simply focusing on the warmth of cailean's breath and their close proximity to one another. beautiful in candlelight; illuminated by the morning sun; vibrant when no eyes were on them, in every moment, cailean rendered him speechless. the ex-commander hums, snaking arms around the other's waist to pull them closer - he feels his entire system flood with a sense of relief, safety, and most importantly, love, as their embrace continues. cailean's rough shove sends an anticipatory shiver down his spine but their voice in command on the air confuses him. his open eyes flit from cailean toward the slightly cracked door where he could see the curl of fingers on the frame of it. abdullah's sigh is long, exasperated, hinting at the frustration that was now built in his stomach. "i'll kill him." he says through gritted teeth, unserious in his threats yet partially the opposite and the look in brown hues wild and chaotic. however, cailean's worry issues a roll of eyes and a move to close the distance between them again, this time, the heat of their moment gone and replaced with underlying care.

his hand finds jaw. "we're on the same page about this," abdullah assures as context for his next sentiment. "but fraser's an old drunk, everybody in the highlands knows it. we've been close since we were young, lamb, i hate to break it to your ego, however," his voice lowers, mouth finding just below cailean's earlobe again. "half of 'em already know and say nothing, the other half, well, they can't tell a sheep's head from its -" with a look over his shoulder at the door, he presses a kiss to the commander's cheek. "we're safe, cailean. i'm safe." abdullah stresses, tugging them close. "though perhaps desire should be saved for our private quarters."

They needed to think straight. Ever since Kaiden, the damn fool, was arrested, Cailean had been walking on a tightrope, waiting for the moment eyes of suspicion would turn to them. One wrong move, and they would be thrust into the whirlwind of accusations of being involved in the Reckoning, and what would that mean for Abby? Would he be dragged into it as well? If they knew what Cailean had to witness during the Reckoning, they would never accuse them of having anything to do with it. After that night, they swore they would never do anything which might hurt Abdullah; yet here they were once again. They needed to think straight, but their mind was clouded, swimming with the undeniable need to have Abdullah even closer to them.

Their fingers curled around the soft fabric of his shirt, using it to pull him closer until his chest was against theirs. Their breath hitched in their throat when their lips brushed against Abby’s. “Desire…” Their voice trailed off, their mind on nothing but Abby’s lips, his touch, his breath brushing against their skin. They would never be able to think straight while he’s near them. All too suddenly, they were thrust back into reality when the door creaked open. Their heart broke as they instinctively pushed Abby away. They didn’t want to hide him. They wanted to tell every single soul in the damn world that they had been lucky enough to find the person who made them feel alive, but they couldn’t. Not after what happened during the Reckoning. Cailean cleared their throat when a young soldier peeked through the door, face pale. For a moment, they worried he had seen them, but they quickly realized he was merely a young soldier terrified of interrupting their private meeting. “Give us a moment, please.” While Malcolm would have hastily scolded the poor lad for interrupting them, Cailean’s voice was gentle, as if they were speaking to a friend.

They held their breath until the door closed, and only then could they breathe again. “That was far too close.” They stood still as if their feet were planted to the ground, yet every atom in their body begged them to go to Abby, to hold him, to kiss him while they still had time. “One day we’re not goin’ to be this lucky. What if that Fraser fool had caught us? He wouldnae hesitate to use it against us.”

[succiducus]

something genuine flashes in his eyes. it's nothing more than a flicker of pride and longing; two years was a long time, after-all and despite once believing that he was crooked in nature, unable to feel much for the people who had raised him, coming face-to-face with karolina and now zehra, he realizes that he was fooling himself. "enough about the stuarts -" he says in finality. "what has happened in the life of zehra mackenzie since i've been away?"

briefly,  she  contemplated  telling  him  about  the other piece of information she'd gleaned from the stuarts, but for now she'd keep that to herself. it wasn't necessary. not yet.   ❝ they do, don't they? ❞   pride filled her voice. in the presence of her brother, zehra needn't hide her delight at how effective she was.   ❝ i'll see how receptive he is to the idea. given what has happened, writing to his father isn't unreasonable. ❞

[succiducus]

looking into his family's secrets might've done it, he supposed, but playing hero to the commander's life had given him leniency; or at least, it had accidentally 'proved' his loyalties to the king despite his curiosity of what he held dear like many kings did. of course, abdullah wouldn't be the one to tell anybody that, especially not calan or his siblings. "would you expect less of them? it has and always will be written in the biological codes of their kin." the commander agrees, sighing longingly. "i have but they've been brief, unfortunately. as for the commander...i'm afraid that he's...not particularly fond of my presence at the current time." he lies. "how does your skin fare in this climate?" abby teases.

Calan could ostensibly understand why the commander might not wish to speak to him; he still did not understand why his father had removed Zehra's brother from his position. "Who wouldn't hate them? I mean they strut in here proud as peacocks, pilfering like pirates, under a thin veneer of diplomacy. We all know why they really are here and that's to try and salvage their broken system by seeming big and tough." The hatred of the French was as natural to the Scots as breathing. "Come all the way to the Mughal Empire and we still have to deal with them intruding on business that isn't theirs." For a second he paused and then he asked in a softer tone. "Have you gotten to see Lady Zehra and Lady Karolina? How about the commander? I am sure that they will all be happy to see you."

[ccnsenescere]

with a shuddering start, his day began. shortly after breakfast, when the sun was merely a speckle on the floor of their shared quarters and cailean had left him at the door for a meeting that they had called with the band of rebels who had accompanied them to brazil, tremors shook his hands with such a ferocity that he had worried, for a moment, that he, much like the poor woman during the pre-tribunal, had been poisoned as well. the truth was far worse. to poison, there was antidote - to terror, there was only more of it. normally able to evade such troubling thoughts and actions with the quick grasp of his lover's hand or the gentle tuck of his head into their neck in feigned sleepiness, abdullah had decided not to attend the meeting himself, leaving him alone and vulnerable to his own thoughts. like demons in possession, it did not take long for his judgement to cloud, the dark heaviness in which cailean's smile or quiet grumpiness in the middle of the night could banish crept in. abdullah's breathing had been laboured, jaw clenched, stomach rolling, but the reassurances that cailean's presence promised had led him from his spot and down to where the meeting was said to be held. what he'd found was not the comfort he'd been searching for, instead, in the middle of the scottish common room, he'd overheard the latest scandal in the scottish court; their military commander had been arrested. in his already triggered state, such a comment had convinced him that such a thing meant cailean would hang, even as the person in question's voice echoes in a fond yet curious whisper from behind him; abdullah cannot think of anything else nor reason with the terrified part of his mind. his hands keep stuffing items into his rucksack, tattered from years of use, stained from accidentally sloshing wine onto it in laughter a couple of months prior when he and cailean had made up after a long time of being apart. "we're not goin' anywhere -" his words are quick, distant, had he been thinking straight, he might've known cailean could see the sweat pooling at his hairline and feel the terror in his aura. had he been able to meet their gazes, he might've realized that fact had truly been fiction "i...i'm leaving. for watching you hang for the pointless causes you have invested in might as well be doing the same act to me. only i..somehow, will be the one who suffers more. i would ask you to come with me, to avoid your arrest once more, however, i know it will be in vain, it seems that, regardless of intention or character, those aligned against the rebels will always lose...whether metaphorical or literal. i refuse to be apart of such nonsense...."

Who: Cailean & Abdullah (@succiducus)

Their body ached, and their heart craved but one thing, to fall asleep in Abdullah’s arms. The one place where the world quieted, allowing the worries of their mind to ease enough for sleep. With a candle in one hand, Cailean traced their fingers along the wallpaper of the pitch-dark hall leading to their chamber. Would Abdullah already be in bed? Would he wake up as they entered, sleep-tousled and grumpy for being disturbed? Or would he be waiting by the warmth of the crackling fireplace? Their heart soared at the mere thought of him, regretting not leaving the meeting sooner to spend the afternoon with him. But the rebellion needed them; Scotland needed them now more than ever.

The sound of the door opening echoed in the silence of the night, causing the commander to curse under their breath in case he was already asleep. Yet, as they opened the door, they were greeted not by the inviting, sleep-tousled Abdullah. Nor was he awaiting their arrival by the fire. He seemed to be packing. With brows knitted together, Cailean closed the door behind them, shutting out the world.

“Are we goin’ somewhere?”

[succiducus]

"no, my lady. i meant no offence, i only wish for your mind to focus on far more important things." abdullah muses to stop a grin from overcoming his features as the princess mentions his sister; if he hadn't already known that zehra was good a good con, joanna's label of 'best friend' would've surprised him. he sucks in a breath despite his reluctance. "as i said, i am not the one you should speak to on this matter. commander fergusson is fully capable of giving you a briefing on this matter." a thought wiggles into his mind. "however," he concedes. "if you're truly interested - the guards on duty that morning alerted me to them as they pushed their way into our gates, as you know, i ordered teams to each set of apartments to assist you and other royals, we met them in the courtyard, they attacked, we fought - if you're curious about cailean specifically, with so few of us against the french, we were all overwhelmed at one point or another..." a thick swallow is noticeable in his throat; anger flashes in dark eyes; but it settles once he turns his attention to changing the topic. "the king, he has remained unharmed through all of this, yes? i'd hate for him to get caught up in with the french again. i'm sure he was shaken by it nonetheless" he says, pretending not to have heard of the king's return to scotland.

Joanna was a persistent one, at that, and after days of being humiliated by French and Thai forces, she was bound to stand her guard against anything less than that. "Be that as it may," she said rather coldly, the bitterness of abandoning their homeland, the very people she'd sworn to give devote her life to, "Do you truly think me so soulless of a person that I would not care for the well-being of one who is also the brother of my best friend?"

"I seek to condemn them for the wrong they've done," she couldn't help but keep trying to prove herself, keep showing that she could be just as good of a leader as her father, but better in every way he'd failed. After all, Cailean would give his sword for her, she very well couldn't back down now. "To do that, I'll need to know what exactly happened that night."

[succiducus]

abdullah envied them. although they were a mackenzie, they seemed far removed from the politics of their clan. sometimes, long before scottish nationals lay in their palace, he would wish for the same thing under the cover of night. to go home to the foggy moors of the highlands where the smell of freshly baked bread would waft through the hallways of their family home every afternoon and at night the crickets could be heard from the innermost rooms of it - that would be a dream. lal qila was beautiful, india was beautiful, and as much as he had learned that his birth family had made it their home, it wasn't his. a chuckle moves his shoulders, something akin to fluster shows on his neck; a memory of warm sheets and gentle touch flood his mind and regardless of how he tries to rid himself of it, it remains. "perhaps you and our sister are doomed in this sense - unfortunately for me, it is not that simple. besides," he swallows. "you know to whom my heart truly belongs, all else pales in comparison." he winks, his grin subtle but telling all the same.

"my sister," abdullah whispers, "if they make you feel as if you are royalty, whether they give you gifts or not is irrelevant to me. with that said, yes, it might sway my mind in the opposite direction - are they here? in the palace?"

"you can't tease me like this. it's embarrassing." once, such things were merely on a distant horizon. a maybe, a perhaps. with nothing occurring that bothered them, with the slights of abby's jokes and zehra's returned shouts, with the frolicking as though it would never touch them. karolina resents how much this has come to touch them. affect them. although life does carve its separate paths, they wonder what it would've been like had the siblings all managed to truly stay together. not like this. not with this looming as a threat. they wanted nothing more than for the threats to leave them alone. but such were the wishes of that petulant child they despised. even if abby and zehra had never held it against them, intending to guide them gently. "and i won't be telling you if we meet, if that's how you'll go about it."

karolina speaks around, and through, their memories, to prevent them from opening a greater wound. on some paths, there was no walking backwards. "besides. surely, in your time here, you've attracted a suitor, or five. we're doomed to do so." a flick of their hair in a makeshift, flirtatious pose. "and if i told you that this person bought me gifts, would that put them into your good graces?" they would tiptoe cautiously to the idea: telling abby that they feel entirely placed in the scottish court by this person. if, for anything, but the reassurance that they were overthinking it.

[succiducus]

they only belonged to one another when the moon rose. upon the first light of the sun, all quiet laughter and battle for sheets was merely lost to it's brilliance. much like the sun and the moon, they remained in perpetual chase of one another, dancing among the stars even after life had been shared between them for so long. the reckoning had brought him home but sometimes, the advisor could tell that he and cailean were still miles apart with very little knowledge on how to bridge the gap. as maddening as it was, to have them for short periods of time, to be able to bask in their reciprocity, it was more than abdullah could ask for.

leaning into their raking fingers, abdullah shrugs. "we were thinking of doing just that, skipping it" he admits cheekily, resting on his back to look up at cailean. "better to be assumed bean-nighe than to be it, lammy. you were cleared of your charges, if they say a negative word of you, they will deal with me - a more terrifying thought, this time 'round, they'll deal with cathair." the advisor chuckles, thumbing their chin. "besides, if anybody is being accused of anything, it will be me - commanding officer who fled just before lal qila was attacked and royals of all nations sent to their knees - always thought i'd be accused of having people on their knees, never thought people would have to die for the reputation."

Through the reflection of the mirror, Cailean watched Abdullah and Mór stirring as they had done nearly every morning since they left India, their eyes lingering on the bare skin, peeking from behind the blanket as he stretched. They couldn’t take their eyes off him, the memory of the softness and the warmth of his skin holding them in a trance. They looked away only when Abby’s eyes fluttered open and met theirs. They could feel the all-too-familiar warmth spread through their cheek. By now, they should know better. Even if they had shared a space, a life for months, they should know better than to get caught looking at him as if they had the right to marvel at him. They might share a bed, but they still did not belong to each other.

With a last scrutinizing look in the mirror, they shrugged their shoulders in defeat before turning to the man and the purring cat. “Are you two going to laze around all day?” Cailean sat down on the bed beside Abdullah. They had to be careful, Cailean told themself. It would be too easy to fall back into bed beside him. Sleep the morning away in his arms, but too much was at stake for them to miss the grand breakfast. “I wish we could skip this damn thing.” They mused as they raked their fingers through his hair. “But if other accusations are going to be thrown around, I want to be there when it happens. I wouldn’t want to miss the look on everyone’s face when I will be accused of being the Bean Nighe.” The harbinger of impending doom, it would be fitting.

[succiducus]

the disregard is what stings despite his lack of admittance to it. had abdullah been well-slept, had cailean's secret not been revealed, he might not have taken his sister's words so personally but he wasn't and it had. now, all he could think of was watching malcolm become a warning to everybody who thought twice of rebelling against the stuart rule. "please, lament to me your struggles! while you've been playing best friend to the princess and wooing her brother over tea, i have been here! lying to the faces of three rulers who do everything in their power to keep us all safe! my eyes are always over my shoulders, i have done whatever i must for this cause even if it made everything in me revolt yet what would ma say if i asked to step down, huh? if you asked? she has become exactly what we hate in graeme! power hungry, blind by cause, uncaring of the wishes of his children!"

he nods, hands raising in concession and apology; his sister didn't deserve anger meant for their parents. "after the invasion of the french, i have no business asking for favours." he admits quietly. "why? have you come up with something?"

try  as  she  might  to  contain  her reaction, zehra rolled her eyes, lips pressing into a thin line.   ❝ don't speak to me like i'm a child, abdullah. not when i have been living in close proximity to the king and his cruelty for years, ❞   she hissed. she'd seen how the king's actions impacted the people of their homeland, all while holding her tongue save when whispering poisons in calan's ears. perhaps if she'd been tasked with infiltrating another nation she'd feel differently, but she hadn't and so she did not.   ❝ the king is not currently here. it will take him time to travel if he decides to grace us with his presence. so instead of wasting that time whinging, we should be planning. help them find asylum if you believe staying in scotland is untenable. you have sway with the sharmas, no? ❞   getting cailean away from the stuarts grasp was something they could agree on.

[ccnsenescere]

abdullah's nod is merely sympathetic. under different circumstances, he might've felt empathy for her situation, however, as mightily as his attempts to steer clear of his home had been, he'd always wished never to have to leave it behind. the ex-commander wondered if that was simply due to scotland being home or if home truly resided in the arms of a certain commander "why is that?" he asks quietly, hoping not to overstep boundaries or offend her in any way. "i've traveled a bit." a shrug moves his shoulders. "everywhere i found myself, i felt the same sort of wonder but never did a place feel like home except for one - india holds a special place in my heart, even if it's heart no longer beats for me..."

" i know, " she said with a laugh. " it very much is boring of me , but . . . i suppose it's different when you've only known the same walls all your life. i find wonder and excitement rather easily. " aurora mused softly. france was as much of a stranger to her as the rest of the world was, and she wanted to see the beauty of it — and everywhere else.

the princess nodded her head, " close, the one to india was my first. this is my third. this last year and some months has been my first time out of versailles in . . . fourteen years. " aurora sighed. " have you been many places? where was your favorite? "

[ccnsenescere]

off in the distance, the hollow, pained screams of his heart echo in his memory. he stands in hopes to rid himself of nervous energy but the drain of his blood into his legs has him seeing copper and smelling iron. a swallow moves through his trachea, his shoulder finds the nearest archway - abdullah's eyes the distant room in front of him while his sister's words, although comprehensible, sound muffled and far away as if she truly were under water. "and in the mean time? should we allow rebels to murder people in the name of peace? to torture and take from us, innocent in our nobility, every shred of humanity we still cling to? rebels are not peaceful, cora, you and i are examples of such a thing, scotland is an example of such a thing." the people of the reckoning were an example as well but he swallows it with a sigh. "i am starting to realize that those who would sacrifice themselves in the name of love do not think of the person they protect; if you were to die for me, i would not go a day without feeling guilty for being alive at your expense." he understood it now, why cailean angered so quickly every time he stood between a sword and them; to have someone die in his honour would be similar to him being the one to deliver the final blow. it would feel like murder. "i apologize if my thoughts sting, sister, however, they are, after-all, only thoughts. after the reckoning, and this chaos, i am merely tired of the opinion that peace can only be attained through violence."

❝  you  mistake  confusion  for  anger.  ❞  yet  there was a sting born solely out of the knowledge that he would not care what happened to her, karolina, or cailean so long as he obtained the quiet life he spoke of. a harsh realization. the brother she'd viewed as a protector was seemingly no more.   ❝ if that's the life you wish for then i truly hope you will find it. ❞   a quiet life had never called to her, rebel or not.   ❝ but it's in part due to people with a passion for rebellion, who fight for change, that such a life would one day be attainable. i cannot forget how the late king's greed poisoned scotland, and i worry that his children have positioned us for a war of succession where people will be forced to fight and die simply so someone can wear a crown. ❞   words, lacking any frusteration, were spoken as barely a whisper. in the brief silence that followed, a lump formed in her throat.   ❝ and maybe i am hurt, brother, knowing i would risk my life to keep you safe but you would let me drown. ❞