#c: wormtongue

[poop-flying]

so I've been buying dragons like a MANIAC that Interesting AH Dragons thread is LETHAL

In the line-up (not in order), we've got a novice gladiator who's trying a make it big, a self-taught surgeon who more or less knows what they're doing, a paladin getting crushed by the weight of his own ideals, another gladiator who keeps accidentally poisoning herself, and a Normal Cook.

[warrioreowynofrohan]

LOTR Newsletter - September 20

The first of our days using in-universe time!

But I’m going to hop back a couple of days of in-universe time to recap some events.

Gandalf is rescued from Isengard by Gwaihir on the night of September 18th-19th. But there's a very interesting version of this in "The Hunt for the Ring" in Unfinished Tales that gives us a lot more insight on a potential characterization of Saruman.

In Version C, on the other hand, the Black Riders arrived at the Gate of Isengard while Gandalf was still a prisoner in the tower. In this account, Saruman, in fear and despair, and perceiving the full horror of service to Mordor, resolved suddenly to yield to Gandalf, and to beg for his pardon and help. Temporizing at the Gate, he admitted that he had Gandalf within, and said that he would go and try to discover what he knew; if that were unavailing, he would deliver Gandalf up to them. Then Saruman hastened to the summit of Orthanc – and found Gandalf gone. Away south against the setting moon he saw a great Eagle flying towards Edoras. Now Saruman’s case was worse. If Gandalf had escaped there was still a real chance that Sauron would not get the Ring, and would be defeated. In his heart Saruman recognized the great power and the strange ‘good fortune’ that went with Gandalf. But now he was left alone to deal with the Nine. His mood changed, and his pride reasserted itself in anger at Gandalf’s escape from impenetrable Isengard, and in a fury of jealousy. He went back to the Gate, and he lied, saying that he had made Gandalf confess. He did not admit that this was his own knowledge, not being aware of how much Sauron knew of his mind and heart. [Footnote: Earlier in this version it is said that Sauron had at this time, by means of the palantíri, at last begun to daunt Saruman, and could in any case often read his thought even when he withheld information. Thus Sauron was aware that Saruman had some guess at the place where the Ring was; and Saruman actually revealed that he had got as his prisoner Gandalf, who knew the most.] “I will report this myself to the Lord of Barad-dûr,” he said loftily, “to whom I speak from afar on great matters that concern us. But all that you need to know on the mission that he has given you is where “the Shire” lies. That, says Mithrandir, is northwest from here some six hundred miles, on the borders of the seaward Elvish country.” To his pleasure Saruman saw that even the Witch-king did not relish that. “You must cross Isen by the Fords, and then rounding the Mountains’ end make for Tharbad upon Greyflood. Go with speed, and I will report to your Master that you have done so.” This skillful speech convinced even the Witch-king for the moment that Saruman was a faithful ally, high in Sauron’s confidence. At once the Riders left the Gate and rode in haste to the Fords of Isen. Behind them Saruman sent out wolves and Orcs in vain pursuit of Gandalf; but in this he had other purposes also, to impress his power upon the Nazgûl, perhaps also to prevent them from lingering near, and in his anger he wished to do some injury to Rohan, and to increase the fear of him which his agent Wormtongue was building up in Théoden’s heart. Wormtongue had been in Isengard not long since, and was then on his way back to Edoras; among the pursuers were some bringing messages to him. When he was rid of the Riders Saruman retired to Orthanc, and sat in earnest and dreadful thought. It seems that he resolved still to temporize, and still to hope to get the Ring for himself. He thought that the direction of the Riders to the Shire might hinder them rather than help them, for he knew of the guard of the Rangers, and he believed also (knowing of the oracular dream-words and Boromir’s mission) that the Ring had gone and was already on its way to Rivendell. At once he marshalled and sent out into Eriador all the spies, spy-birds, and agents that he could muster.

This is intriguing on several levels. Firstly, that Saruman actually considered changing his mind and begging Gandalf for help after having kept his as prisoner for over two months. I feel like this gets at something important about Tolkien's writings. Many of his evil characters are not completely devoid of good impulses; but those are only impulses, not convictions, and when any barrier or temptation comes up (often, as in this case, related to pride), they don't follow up on them. It's choices, not impulses, that define them.

Secondly, the fact that the power of Saruman's voice actually is - or was, before the events of The Two Towers - enough to con the Lord of the Nazgul, and to convince him (temporarily) that Saruman is a loyal and prominent ally, and that he got the Shire's location out of Gandalf (rather than already knowing it himself). And also that he's still got Gandalf captive.

Thirdly, the fact that Saruman's already sending wolves and orcs into Rohan on raids. It really gives a sense of how stressful the several months before The Two Towers would have been to Éomer and Éowyn (and Théodred) - they know perfectly well that Saruman's a danger, but they can't get Théoden to agree to do anything about it.

And the last line confirms what is only suggested in the books (but outright stated in the movies): that the flocks of crows that fly over the company in Eregion are indeed spies of Saruman.

On September 19th Gandalf comes to Edoras, and Théoden refuses him admittance on the advice of Wormtongue; on September 20th Théoden tells him "Take any horse, only be gone ere tomorrow is old!", and refuses to listen to his warnings about Saruman.

So, by September 20th, when Frodo's goods are sent off to Crickhollow, the Ringwraiths already know where the Shire is, and are on their way there. The clock is ticking...

[fleetwaystcmybeloved]

I hated so much what It did with Metamorphia that I took the wiki and slap It on the text box just to get something canon out of It.

Seriously how do people let this do their homework and not correct nothing?

---

Metamorphia: The Shapeshifter’s Redemption

Metamorphia was created by Grimer Wormtongue on Dr. Robotnik’s orders, an artificial lifeform with the power to shapeshift her body into anything she desired. Whether she assumed the form of a terrifying beast or mimicked Sonic the Hedgehog himself, her ability made her a deadly adversary. But despite her vast powers, Metamorphia had a singular focus: to win Robotnik’s approval. She believed that, through her constant efforts to destroy Sonic and the Freedom Fighters, she could prove her worth to him.

Her first attempts at defeating Sonic included luring him into a trap disguised as a sweet bear girl, only to fall into the Grim Zone’s fiery pits—though she survived by transforming into a fireproof form. She returned in the guise of "Cosmic the Hedgehog," a rival hero with a cape and a bold challenge to Sonic’s title. Her plan was to isolate Sonic from his friends during a race in the Emerald Hill Zone, but Sonic, irritated by her posturing, easily defeated her. Metamorphia’s betrayal came when her own Badniks turned against her, and once again, she was defeated.

Metamorphia’s next scheme saw her taking the guise of "Tonic the Hedgehog," a spiky, brown hedgehog who claimed to be Sonic’s long-lost twin brother. Sonic was suspicious, but Tonic, playing the role of the innocent brother, tried to convince Sonic and the Freedom Fighters of his legitimacy. When Tails uncovered the truth, Metamorphia dropped the disguise and was swiftly outmatched by the Freedom Fighters once again. But this time, her failures were not simply a personal defeat—Robotnik showed his displeasure by sending her back to the Grim Zone, deeming her a failure.

But Metamorphia's journey didn’t end there. In time, she was assigned to destroy Shortfuse the Cybernik during "Mission: Cyber-Kill," and after a brief victory over him, she failed again when the factory she had helped defend was destroyed. Robotnik, infuriated by her failure, stripped her of her shapeshifting abilities and intended to process her into a Badnik. However, before the transformation could take place, Shortfuse stormed Citadel Robotnik to rescue Tekno, and Metamorphia was once again defeated, now powerless and rejected by Robotnik.

Then, something changed within Metamorphia. When she was next encountered in the Grim Zone, Tails was attacked by a Badnik version of her, only for the shell to be destroyed, revealing the real Metamorphia. This time, instead of continuing her villainous ways, she made a surprising declaration: she had grown tired of being manipulated by Robotnik and hated him for how he had used her. She turned her back on the evil she once served and, for the first time, sought to live a different life—one where she could be free from manipulation and failure.

Metamorphia’s decision to leave Robotnik’s side was not easy. She knew that it would be difficult to earn trust, especially from Sonic and the Freedom Fighters, who had seen her time and again as an enemy. But this time, she was determined to prove she had changed. Though reluctant at first, the Freedom Fighters allowed her to join their ranks after seeing her desire to redeem herself.

During her time with the Freedom Fighters, Metamorphia began to experience emotions she had never felt before. She found herself developing a small crush on Tails, the young and ever-positive Freedom Fighter. Tails, with his kind nature and sharp intelligence, reminded her of a time when she admired Robotnik. But this admiration was different—it wasn’t about power or dominance, but about genuine respect for his intelligence and courage. She began to look at Tails not just as a teammate, but as someone she wanted to protect.

Her infatuation with Tails, though small, was a reflection of the change she had undergone. She was no longer the cold, calculating creature desperate to prove herself to Robotnik. She was someone who could appreciate kindness, loyalty, and the bond of teamwork. Although Tails remained unaware of her feelings, Metamorphia was content simply being by his side as an ally—someone who had gone from being a weapon of destruction to a protector of Mobius.

Metamorphia’s journey wasn’t without challenges, though. She still had moments of doubt and struggled with her past, especially when faced with the specter of Robotnik, who would never truly accept her betrayal. But with the Freedom Fighters, she found a new sense of purpose. She wasn’t just fighting for approval anymore—she was fighting for a cause she believed in.

In the end, Metamorphia became an unlikely, yet valuable member of the Freedom Fighters. No longer the villain who failed to destroy Sonic, she was someone who had learned from her mistakes and sought redemption in the most unexpected of ways. And while she would never forget the past that shaped her, she knew that her future lay with those who truly cared for her—not because of her abilities, but because of the person she was becoming.

---

This version of Metamorphia’s story IS what I wanted. So at least this did It good.

[guesst]

kirio wormtongue n iruma denethor do u c my vision

[hrair-metal]

In the horror franchise "Chucky," the voice of the titular haunted doll is the actor who played Grima Wormtongue in the LoTR franchise.

His name is Brad Dourif, born 1950 and 1 of 6 siblings, whose father died in 1953. His mother then got remarried to William C. Campbell, a Princeton grad, a WWII vet, and a 6'4" professional golfer.

I say "professional," because at least one Wikipedia page labeled him as such but more because he stated he never liked the idea of going pro. Instead, he ran his family's insurance firm for almost more than 50 years and did a whole bunch of public service roles while dabbling in politics.

More accurately, he was the one of the most distinguished amateur golfers of all time. He qualified for 19 Masters Tournaments and played in 18 of them from 1941-1977. In '56 he earned the Bob Jones award and in '90 inducted into the World Golf Hall of Fame. Guy was accomplished.

He was also from Huntington, West Virginia.

You know who else is from Huntington? The McElroy brothers.

You know, the ones with the segment called "Haunted Doll Watch?"

Like Chucky?

Who was voiced by the actor who played Grima Wormtongue in the LoTR franchise.

His name is Brad Dourif, born 1950 and 1 of 6 siblings, whose father died in 1953. His mother then got remarried to William C. Campbell, a Princeton grad, a WWII vet, and a 6'4" professional golfer.

[nochd]

Oh, there's toxic masculinity in there all right -- but it's always presented as evil. Mostly it's found in dialogues between Orcs, but there's also the way Gríma Wormtongue creeps on Éowyn, and in the Silmarillion there's Eöl keeping Aredhel prisoner and Maeglin betraying Gondolin to Morgoth because he can't have Idril.

Tolkien's attitude to women stands in stark contrast to that of C. S. Lewis--- but I won't go down that rabbit-hole just here.

One thing I really think doesn't get enough attention about Tolkien's work is how this crotchety Catholic man born in 19th Century South Africa wrote books far more free of toxic masculinity than just about anything I can think of by a modern author.

[frodo-with-glasses]

No art today, so in the meantime:

*specifically an individual person, distinct from any larger group, who a) is not dead, b) said/did a single thing in the story before disappearing entirely, and c) was never given a specific title (such as “Warden” or “Sherrif-leader”) or a name

[the-worst-bracket]

The Worst Round Two

The first round is over! Our first round losers have been released into the wild, where they will decimate the local songbird population!

New Bracket under the cut, all times are in CDT

Bracket A (5/3 - 5/10)

Mineta Minoru (My Hero Academia) vs Iago (Othello) 11:15 AM

Mimic (Dark Souls) vs Dan (Dan Vs) & Pink Diamond (Steven Universe) 11:30 AM

Jurgen Leitner (The Magnus Archives) vs Zeus (Greek Mythology) 11:45 AM

Steve Cobs (Inanimate Insanity) vs Alex Eggleston (Yiik) 12:00 PM

Jerry (Undertale) vs Old Man Who Snitched on Haru (A:TLA) 12:15 PM

Ashfur (Warrior Cats) vs Mr. Burns (The Simpsons) 12:30 PM

Octavian (Heroes of Olympus) vs Gendo Ikari (NGE) 12:45 PM

Walter White (Breaking Bad) vs Medusa Gorgon (Soul Eater) 1:00 PM

Bracket B (5/3 - 5/10)

Jin Guangshan (The Untamed) vs Michael (Wii) 1:15 PM

Mitsuhiro Higa (Danganronpa) vs Creek (Trolls) 1:30 PM

Manfred Von Karma (Ace Attorney) vs David (Animorphs) 1:45 PM

Mayuri Kurotsuchi (Bleach) vs Cronus Ampora (Homestuck) 2:00 PM

Micheal Tritter (House MD) & The Director (Red v Blue) vs Lila Rossi (Miraculous Ladybug) 2:15 PM

Lord Henry Wotton (The Picture of Dorian Gray) vs Jodie Foster (Dungeons & Daddies) 2:30 PM

Bill Hawks (Professor Layton) vs Izaya Orihara (Durarara!!) 2:45 PM

The Dark Lord (Miitopia) vs Cybelle (Carole and Tuesday) 3:00 PM

Bracket C (5/4 -5/11)

Admiral Zhao (A:TLA) vs Rachel Berry (Glee) 11:15 AM

Darth Maul (Star Wars) vs Jessica (The Bastard Son & the Devil Himself) 11:30 AM

Pong Krell (Star Wars: The Clone Wars) vs Gamzee Makara (Homestuck) 11:45 AM

Dorodoron (Futari wa Precure Splash Star) vs Tate Langdon (American Horror Story) 12:00 PM

Izzy Hands (Our Flag Means Death) vs Spike (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) 12:15 PM

Orin Scrivello DDS (Little Shop of Horrors) vs Minecraft Skeleton (Minecraft) 12:30 PM

Major Frank Burns (M*A*S*H*) vs Carter Pewterschmidt (Family Guy) 12:45 PM

Borsolino (One Piece) vs Pennywise (IT) 1:00 PM

Bracket D (5/4 -5/11)

Pierce Hawthorne (Community) vs Whirlpool (Wings of Fire) 1:15 PM

Thaddeus Campbell (Dishonored) vs Takumi Ichinose (Nana) & Heimskr (Skyrim) 1:30 PM

Gale Weathers (Scream) vs Ianthe Tridentarius (The Locked Tomb) 1:45 PM

Director Ton (Aggretsuko) vs Odalia Blight (The Owl House) 2:00 PM

Kyubey (Madoka Magica) vs Dr. Gregory House (House MD) 2:15 PM

Rachel (Tower of God) vs Miki Kawai (A Silent Voice) 2:30 PM

John Winchester (Supernatural) vs Hippeux (Animal Crossing) 2:45 PM

Saint Charlos (One Piece) vs Dr. Janet Lubelle (WTNV) 3:00 PM

Bracket E (5/5 -5/12)

Martin Blyndeff (Epithet Erased) vs Calico Jack (Our Flag Means Death) 11:15 AM

John Gaius (The Locked Tomb) vs Crawlings (The Mysterious Benedict Society) & Liza Lotts (Scott the Woz) 11:30 AM

Zolf J Kimblee (FMA) vs Nandor the Relentless (WWDITS) 11:45 AM

Logan Roy (Succession) vs Fermet (Baccano!) 12:00 PM

Emperor Belos (The Owl House) vs Jar Jar Binks (Star Wars) 12:15 PM

Stuart Little (Stuart Little) vs Bibble (Barbie: Fairytopia) 12:30 PM

Grima Wormtongue (Lord of the Rings) vs Balloon Boy (FNAF) 12:45 PM

Felix (Red v Blue) vs Bro Strider (Homestuck) 1:00 PM

Bracket F (5/5 - 5/12)

Count Olaf (ASOUI) vs Phillip Anderson (BBC Sherlock) 1:15 PM

Drosselmeyer (Princess Tutu) vs Hiram Burrows (Dishonoured) 1:30 PM

Vriska Serket (Homestuck) vs Marty (Steven Universe) 1:45 PM

Norman Osborn (Marvel) vs Stregabor (The Witcher) 2:00 PM

Barney Stinson (HIMYM) vs Griffith (Berserk) 2:15 PM

Lionel Luthor (Smallville) vs Shadow Weaver (SPOP) 2:30 PM

Rand Ridley (Inside Job) vs Fire Lord Ozai (A:TLA) 2:45 PM

Joseph Sugarman (BoJack Horseman) vs Kylo Ren (Star Wars) 3:00 PM

Bracket G (5/6 - 5/13)

Ross Geller (Friends) vs Junko Enoshima (Danganronpa) 11:15 AM

Evil Do-er/Dark Blue (Animation vs Minecraft) vs Clint (Stardew Valley) 11:30 AM

Colin Robinson (WWDITS) vs Ghetsis (Pokemon) 11:45 AM

Billy (The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy) vs Servantis (Ben 10) 12:00 PM

Elias Bouchard (The Magnus Archives) vs Tingle (The Legend of Zelda) 12:15 PM

Trishna (Papa Louie) vs Unparalleled Innocence (Rain World) 12:30 PM

Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts) vs Suzy Johnson (Phineas and Ferb) 12:45 PM

Dr. Hotti (Ace Attorney) vs Sarah (Ed, Edd, and Eddy) 1:00 PM

Bracket H (5/6 - 5/13)

Barney the Dinosaur (Barney and Friends) vs Andy Bernard (The Office) 1:15 PM

Caillou (Caillou) vs Gideon Gleeful (Gravity Falls) 1:30 PM

Joshu Higashikata (JJBA) vs Touga Kiryuu (Revolutionary Girl Utena) 1:45 PM

Ambassador Udina (Mass Effect) vs Father (FMA) 2:00 PM

Akio Ohtori (Revolutionary Girl Utena) vs Kray Foresight (Promare) 2:15 PM

The Worst (Ben 10) vs Hisoka Morrow (Hunter x Hunter) 2:30 PM

Tony Stark (MCU) vs Clay Puppington (Moral Orel) 2:45 PM

Bling Bling Boy (Johnny Test) vs Enji Todoroki (My Hero Academia) 3:00 PM

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read the Hobbit! Chapter 7

The next morning Bilbo woke up with the early sun in his eyes. He jumped up to look at the time and to go and put his kettle on—and found he was not home at all.

Guess my joking predictions of last thoughts of home are dashed.

After a good while the eagles must have seen the point they were making for, even from their great height, for they began to go down circling round in great spirals.

They're lucky Bilbo didn't hurl.

"I may look in on it again before it is all over, but in the meanwhile I have some other pressing business to attend to."

I assume he's trying to ruin the lives of some other innocent people, but this is a very silly assumption to make because of course he's going off to deal with the Necromancer's fortress of Dol Guldur. He's also probably got to recruit Galadriel because she wasn't chilling around Rivendell except in the shitty films, I think.

Then they took off their clothes and bathed in the river, which was shallow and clear and stony at the ford.

Nine hours of film and not one bit of gratuitous skinny dipping. Simply shameful on Jackson's part.

“And why is it called the Carrock?” asked Bilbo as he went along at the wizard’s side.

Because the Celtic root word for Welsh "carreg" and English "carr" is an anomaly that doesn't match the normal sound-changes of the language, which got Tolkien's attention.

“He called it the Carrock, because carrock is his word for it. He calls things like that carrocks, and this one is the Carrock because it is the only one near his home and he knows it well.”

Or that, I guess.

“What! a furrier, a man that calls rabbits conies, when he doesn’t turn their skins into squirrels?” asked Bilbo. “Good gracious heavens, no, no, NO, NO!” said Gandalf.

I don't even think Gandalf snaps this way at Pippin later, which is some credit to the young idiot. Bilbo clearly doesn't know enough about furries. I mean wargs. I mean skinchangers.

He keeps hives and hives of great fierce bees, and lives most on cream and honey.

I'm not a nutritionist by any means (or is it dietician that's protected? I'm not whichever one is protected and am totally the one that belongs to shysters and other disreputable sorts, please send 17 payments of $19.99 to hear my dietary and/or nutritional advice - anyway), but is cream and honey really a great diet for a person or a bear?

They were bigger than hornets. The drones were bigger than your thumb, a good deal, and the bands of yellow on their deep black bodies shone like fiery gold.

Well, I'm out of here. Fuck bees of this size.

"Bombur is fattest and will do for two, he had better come alone and last."

Come on, Tolkien. Just... come on.

“I am Gandalf,” said the wizard. “Never heard of him,” growled the man.

I admire anyone who can stay away from celebrity culture.

“I have heard of you, if you have not heard of me; but perhaps you have heard of my good cousin Radagast who lives near the Southern borders of Mirkwood?”

"Cousin" is an interesting way to describe their relationship, but in a way virtually any family relation would be eyebrow raising for one reason or another.

“I was coming over the mountains with a friend or two...” said the wizard.

The way Gandalf shamelessly lies to most everyone makes me wonder why he's particularly welcome anywhere. Makes me think that Wormtongue's castigations had more basis in reality than Gandalf wanted to admit.

"...(son of Thrain, son of Thror, I believe)..."

You don't know Gandalf but you do know Thorin's family tree. Is there a really weird and selective "Who's Who in the North" getting published?

“Troop of ponies? What were you—a travelling circus? Or were you carrying lots of goods? Or do you always call six a troop?”

Beorn, buddy, stop giving him chances to overwhelm you. It's so obvious he's got a host of dwarves with him that even an actual bear would be able to see what was up at this point.

"Fifteen birds in five fir-trees ..."

This is your reminder to listen to this song every chance you get. There's not much more to say with this chapter - it's a lot more obviously for kids than most of the others, as only children would delight at Beorn's slowly and excruciatingly getting strung along like this.

He refused to wait five minutes, and followed immediately after the other two.

Good for you Bombur, don't be fat-shamed.

Inside the hall it was now quite dark. Beorn clapped his hands, and in trotted four beautiful white ponies and several large long-bodied grey dogs.

I forgot that Beorn was a Disney princess. Good for him.

(Also this whole sequence is quite nice even though it's still pretty kiddy.)

There they had a supper, or a dinner, such as they had not had since they left the Last Homely House in the West and said good-bye to Elrond.

Sadly, the dinner itself is not described, but it clearly must be more than cream and honey since knives are involved. Maybe Beorn's a regular vegetarian?

The wind was on the withered heath, / but in the forest stirred no leaf: / there shadows lay by night and day, / and dark things silent crept beneath.

Such an upbeat song for after dinner. Still better than elf bullshit though!

Bilbo wondered what it was, and whether it could be Beorn in enchanted shape, and if he would come in as a bear and kill them.

It's definitely Beorn buddy, but it sure as heck ain't the case that he's gonna eat ya.

Just before sunset he walked into the hall, where the hobbit and the dwarves were having supper, waited on by Beorn’s wonderful animals, as they had been all day.

Another day passed and not a menu described. It's stuff like this that GRRM resents far more than tax policies and resurrections.

They must have looked very queer from outside, popping out into the air one after another, green, blue, red, silver-grey, yellow, white; big ones, little ones; little ones dodging through big ones and joining into figure-eights, and going off like a flock of birds into the distance.

Gandalf says "Gay rights!"

...he had eaten two whole loaves (with masses of butter and honey and clotted cream) and drunk at least a quart of mead...

Aha! Beorn and his animals bake! This explains everything.

“Little bunny is getting nice and fat again on bread and honey,” he chuckled. “Come and have some more!”

Gosh maybe Beorn is trying to eat him each night.

So much they told him when he forced them, but he guessed there was more wickedness than this afoot, and that a great raid of the whole goblin army with their wolf-allies into the lands shadowed by the mountains might soon be made to find the dwarves, or to take vengeance on the men and creatures that lived there, and who they thought must be sheltering them.

Note again that so much of this chapter is just about setting up the final conflict. It's good to have downtime after all the intensity, but this is one of the books' largest chapters and it's just kinda going in circles. This middle section could really have used some overall tightening.

"And in the dim shadows of that place I don’t think you will shoot anything, wholesome or unwholesome, without straying from the path. That you MUST NOT do, for any reason."

Guess what happens when they get there? Still though, this is a better use of this chapter's word count than other things have been. Foreshadowing goes a long way.

As the light faded Bilbo thought he saw away to the right, or to the left, the shadowy form of a great bear prowling along in the same direction. But if he dared to mention it to Gandalf, the wizard only said: “Hush! Take no notice!”

Protection, or Beorn's last attempt to eat Bilbo? You decide!

It is no use arguing. I have, as I told you, some pressing business away south; and I am already late through bothering with you people.

Off to Lothlorien to get the rest of the council ready for Dol Guldur? Or did Elrond take care of that and it's straight to the Necromancer? Did I already make this note? Will this chapter ever end?

“What about the horse, then?” said Thorin. “You don’t mention sending that back.” “I don’t, because I am not sending it.” “What about your promise then?”

"Just because Beorn can wreck your shit doesn't mean he can wreck mine," said the wizard.

"You have got to look after all these dwarves for me..."

Sure, Gandalf is laughing about this, but it's also pretty much true that Bilbo has a much better chance of keeping the dwarves alive than vice versa thus far.

Stick to the forest-track, keep your spirits up, hope for the best, and with a tremendous slice of luck you may come out one day and see the Long Marshes lying below you, and beyond them, high in the East, the Lonely Mountain where dear old Smaug lives, though I hope he is not expecting you.” “Very comforting you are to be sure,” growled Thorin.

Dammit Thorin if you hog all the snark what am I even here for? It's not like I have much else to say about this overlong chapter. The scene setting was nice but we've long passed foreshadowing and I feel like Tolkien was just including a few of these things to entertain himself while he told this tale to kids.

Then he galloped away and was soon lost to sight. “O good-bye and go away!” grunted the dwarves, all the more angry because they were really filled with dismay at losing him. Now began the most dangerous part of all the journey. They each shouldered the heavy pack and the water-skin which was their share, and turned from the light that lay on the lands outside and plunged into the forest.

And so ends another chapter. This middle part of the story is a lot more uneven than I really remembered. It does pick up again but when I compare the amount of detail and words spent on this section compared to the visit to Rivendell - which by all accounts should be the superior vacation destination, as it were - I have no idea why they're so lopsided as they are. It IS important to have levity between the caves of the Mountains and the spiders of the Mirkwood but this again derails the flow of the plot compared to the quick and breezy first few chapters.

Next time, another really long chapter with giant spiders, so in theory I should hate it but we'll see I guess!

[tolkiengenerator]

concept: gordon ramsey and wormtongue

[morwensteelsheen]

Chapters: 12/29 Fandom: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Éowyn/Faramir (Son of Denethor II) Characters: Éowyn (Tolkien), Faramir (Son of Denethor II), Boromir (Son of Denethor II), Denethor II Additional Tags: Not a tragedy despite what is implied by the title, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Impatient author tries her hand at slow-ish burn Summary:

Two years before the War of the Ring, Éowyn is sent to Minas Tirith.

CHAPTER 12 ENDNOTES BELOW xx

Gondor heat based off of this weather map and also my years of having survived Washington DC summers. You cannot convince me that the W h i t e  C i t y was not acting like a massive heat sink in the summertime.

The descriptions of the streets of the third circle is inspired by Dickens’ Hard Times.

‘Ferthu baecere hal’ is old English for like, ‘blessed by thy spirits, baker’ or whatever. Sorry, I promised myself that I wouldn’t be the kind of LOTR fanfic writer to shove old English in despite literally not remotely knowing it, but they do use that phrase in ROTK (I think) and I thought it had kind of a nice ring. Forgive me.

The cake Éowyn’s after is based on Hevva cake from Cornwall! Recipe here.

The name “Entnasí” is a Sindarin compound of the words for “they” “are” and “here”, which is roughly how  Hevva cake got its name!

Gandalf coming to Minas Tirith is timestamped in the books as around the summer or autumn of TA3017.

Éowyn’s scepticism to him was actually not something I initially expected to write given that she would have been out of Edoras for so much of Wormtongue/Saruman’s manoeuvring re: Gandalf. However, I do think Wormtongue calling Gandalf Stormcrow (and it having been picked up so readily by others in Edoras) is indicative of some extant seeds of distrust. I don’t buy that everybody in Edoras was so easily swayed by Wormtongue’s shit — as evidenced by both Éomer and Éowyn seeing right through it — so I think it must have had some legitimate basis in Rohir attitudes towards Gandalf before, say, 3018. Also I think Éowyn would have very much been put off by the sometimes-curt way that Gandalf chooses to engage with people who aren’t immediately useful to him.

If you know anything about sales or trade deals or contract law please God do not look at or judge me. I’m so sorry. I made my partner explain it to me and it made no sense, so I just said things that felt like they had good vibes lol.

The book magic trick is a reference to Altariel’s beautiful ficlet.

[wayward-bagginses]

LOTR or Star Wars for the fandom ask :)

Gonna do both, because why not :)

Send me a fandom and I’ll tell you my:

Lord of the Rings

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most): Boromir 😢

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped): Bill the Pony? I want to pet him.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave): Faramir

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week): Haldir my beloved <3

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave): I guess Gollum?

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason): Wormtongue, the way Brad Dourif played him always gave me the creeps haha.

Star Wars

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most): OG trilogy-wise? Han Solo. Newer stuff - Cobb Vanth

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped): It's gotta be Grogu

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave): Lando Calrissian

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week): Wedge Antilles!

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave): C-3PO? I know some people find him annoying. I just relate haha.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason): Bib Fortuna

Thanks for the ask Jennifer!

[kendrixtermina]

Observations on the evolution of Maeglin’s character

One interesting thing is that while Maeglin’s role in the story had remained exactly the same (ie, being the dude who betrays Gondolin) since the very first draft version, his actual ‘character design’ underwet various radical changes everything from personality, appearance, background & his position in the city. 

Maeglin Version 1.0 (Lost tales)

Appearance: Swarthy, unattractive

Personality: unlikeable, greedy, no fun to be around

Status: From a prestigious noble house that had somewhat lost its influence as of late, but unpopular for being a jerk, it was considered to make him related to the feanorians  (who were at this point separate from the royal family and also just straight up scoundrels, at least the sons)

Backstory:  Rumored to be part Orc. Had asked Turgon for Idril’s hand but Turgon kinda suspected that he largely wanted her cause she’s his only heir

Circumstances of Treason: Basically offered to betray the city as soon as he was threatened to “buy his freedom”, telling the orcs to take him to their leader cause he#d be more useful alive

So thus far a fairly unremarkable minor standard issue Slimy Villain à la Grima Wormtongue. Pretty boring. Only the idea that he’s a miner really survived from this stage

Maeglin Version 2.0 (Sketch of the mythology/Quenta)

Appearance: Still swarthy but distincly good-looking now

Personality: quite the opposite from before he’s now charming and a skilled sweet-talker, manipulative

Status: Because of the above charm he’s now actually rather respected in the city & Turgon likes him

Backstory:  Here’s where his father first becomes one of the moriquendi, at this point a sindarin deserter of the war. Was one of the last few ppl to be allowed refuge in Gondolin (either alone or with his mom)

Circumstances of Treason: Got apprehended threatened. It’s stated explicitly that he wasn’t a coward or weakling, but this version was already plotting to overthrow Turgon before that happened

By this point he has at least become a cool villain

At this point Tolkien probably realized that he already had very many “charming silver-tongued schemer villains” (Morgoth, Sauron, Curufin...) and decided to give him another overhaul

Maeglin Version 3.0 (Final)

Appearance: Still good looking, but markedly pasty (to go with the new backstory of growing up in lightless dark wood)

Personality: Sort of intense, taciturn introvert, perceptive

Status: Still respected & popular but in this case it seems more deserved like he really worked his way up, cause he’s no longer a sweet talker but noted to be a brave warrior who marched out for the great battle, the gist is less “everyone was fooled by this jerk cause he was smooth” and more “if only he could’ve been content with the sucess he already had”

Backstory:  You know this one already, the whole thing where he escapes from Eol with his mom only to get pursued & witness their deaths

Circumstances of Treason: Explicitly did get tortured & cracked eventually (at least it’s phrased that way in ‘Quendi and Eldar’)

Not coincidentally this is when Aredhel finally gets some characterization beyond “gets kidnapped” & emerged as this cool, likeable tragic character which probably made it seem only right that her kid get some reedeeming features as well  (though this was probably also when he decided to make the elves more idealized as a whole, the lost tales have a lot more starring as episodic villains)- now he’s actually brave & did well enough as a lord, and initially just wanted to be free, get to know all those relatives he was always told about & learn more stuff. So a lot more distinctive than just some basic villain archetype. 

That said it’s an overlooked aspect imho that he’s still ambitious, like its noted that he gets very interested once he hears Aredhel mention that Turgon is very rich & has no male heirs. Which is prolly why they made for Gondolin &not the much closer Feanorian territories cause those are just spartan war outposts & Celegorm has heirs a-plenty with his younger brother & nephew right there; (though part of it is probably that while Celegorm is fun to party with, Aredhel might’ve wanted to go to her reliable reasonale brother now that she’s in a real pinch, or she thought she wouldn’t be found in a more secret location) We’re also told that he very much pursued power & influence once he got to Gondolin (perhaps as overcompensation for having no luck with Idril)

Personally I’d say that wanting to be a respected influential leader isn’t necessarily bad in itself as long as it’s not pursued by crooked means (though some might disagree there) though it’s a character trait that I feel gets forgotten cause it’s not conductive to woobiefication. 

Still, for the final version it seems unlikely that he would have done anything worse than quietly simmer in bitterness over being jilted and being a bit of a jerk to Tuor if Morgoth hadn’t got his hands on him; (Consider that Morgoth had a huge grudge against his grandfather, too) It’s not his fault he got tortured and while he did have exploitable character flaws you can see how if he’d had a better life he might’ve been as heroic as all the other nolofinweans, so he’s a lot more tragic. 

Bit of a waste that he never got to meet Fingolfin or Gil-Galad though they were alive at the same time. (though he could’ve conceivably have met Fingon at the pre-battle strategy meetings and C&C while he & his mom were making their escape, probably Celebrimbor too if he did wind up in Gondolin. )

Must’ve sucked to be the only one who didn’t personally know Fingolfin when Throndor dropped off his body & there was presumably a funeral. I’d also speculate that part of the reason he didn’t like the “Flee to the Sea” plan was that he had no idea what Valinor is like (probably feeling left out when Idril, Turgon & the other lords talked about it) & feared he might lose what influence he had if they got there. 

[paradoxcase]

After Gandalf heals Theoden (in the book it is described as healing, there is no scene where Saruman is actually in possession of Theoden or where he personally battles Gandalf), he suggests that Theoden should send Eomer out to defeat Saruman (in the book Eomer was a prisoner at Edoras at this point, freed when Theoden was healed) and lead the rest of his people to a safe place.  Theoden says,

‘Nay, Gandalf!’ said the king.  ‘You do not know your own skill in healing.  It shall not be so.  I myself will go to war, to fall in the front of the battle, if it must be.  Thus shall I sleep better.’

There’s note on this piece of dialog in the companion, where basically, where someone wrote to Tolkien to complain about all the archaic dialog in the Two Towers, to which Tolkien responded, a) it’s appropriate to complain about people who use affected archaism without actually knowing how archaic English worked, but Tolkien is a linguist who studied the Anglo-Saxons and most certainly does know how archaic English worked and always uses it correctly, b) Tolkien has actually spent so much time studying Anglo-Saxons that he’s actually more comfortable with archaic English than with modern English anyway, and c) really, it could be much worse, Tolkien could have made the dialog even more archaic.

Then he provides some translations of this piece of dialog, first into “even more archaic”:

‘Nay, thou (n’)wost not thine own skill in healing.  It shall not be so.  I myself will go to war, to fall...’ etc.

And then into modern English:

‘Not at all my dear G.  You don’t know your own skill as a doctor.  Things aren’t going to be like that.  I shall go to war in person, even if I have to be one of the first casualties.’

He then wonders, what would come next?  He suggests “I shall lie easier in my grave”, but claims that no one who speaks modern English would say such a thing and thus it would sound out of place.  (It was only at this point that I realized that when Theoden said “thus I shall sleep better” he doesn’t mean literally that he will sleep better at night, but that his soul will rest easier after he dies.)

Anyway, I’m not entirely sure what Tolkien means here.  It’s not true that we don’t talk about resting or sleeping in death or the idea of being at peace versus not at peace after death, because we say “rest in peace”.  It is true that we don’t generally consider fighting in battle to have an effect on our souls after death, like I think the full weirdness of how medieval people regarded war is not fully apparent to us because all that stuff is dressed up in this medieval aesthetic which we’ve learned to regard as romantic and valorous.  Like, if a modern-day seventy-year-old army general unretired and decided to go fight on the front line of a war with the other soldiers because it was brave and valorous, in spite of this not being tactically beneficial and maybe it even being tactically a bad idea, we would think he was nuts.  But this is exactly what is happening in this scene with Theoden.  And yes, if you strip it of the aesthetic, it seems weird.  But this is fantasy, characters talk about things which seem new and strange to us as a matter of course.  Like, what type of dialog or aesthetic would you suggest for Mr. Weasley talking about how amazing and neat everyday modern technology is, or for the descriptions of Diagon Alley or other fantastic elements of Harry Potter?  Tolkien is obviously going for a particular time period here, as the companion frequently reminds me by continually explaining how everything about Rohan is really just Beowulf in Middle Earth, but I think there’s no reason you couldn’t express medieval ideas in modern English.  It’d sound odd, but isn’t that the point of fantasy?

Also:  In the scene where Theoden casts Wormtongue out, they do use some of the book dialog, but the movie is much more direct about it.  This is how it goes down in the book (if I may be pardoned by our lord and savior Tolkien for paraphrasing the dialog in modern English):

Hama: I found your sword, my lord, Wormtongue was keeping it in a locked chest, we also found a bunch of other stuff he’d stolen from other people in there, too.

Wormtongue: That’s not true!  Anyway, Theoden gave me this.

Theoden: And now I’m asking for it back.  Anyway!  Guess what?  We’re going to war.  And so are you.  Hurry up, you just have time to clean the rust off your sword.

Wormtongue: Oh please, my lord, please don’t send your loyal servant from your side!

Theoden:  I’m not.  I’m going to ride into battle too!  And you’ll come with me by my side.

Wormtongue: ...don’t you need a trustworthy steward to stay behind and keep the castle up?

Eomer: If this pathetic request doesn’t excuse you from war, what more degrading position will you accept instead?  Maybe you will offer to schlep grain to Helm’s Deep, if anyone would trust you with it?

Gandalf: No, no, you don’t understand what he wants.  He’s trying to find a way to continue working for Saruman.

Wormtongue:  That’s not true!

Gandalf:  You say that a lot.  Anyway, you’ve been a very good stooge so far, and Saruman tends to forget about nice things people have done for him.  Maybe you should go back and remind him what a good boy you’ve been so you can get your reward?  You see, Theoden, there’s a problem: we’ve found a snake.  It’s dangerous to take it with you, it’s dangerous to leave it here, it’s sensible to kill it but we probably shouldn’t.  So, give him a horse and let him go wherever he likes, and make your opinion of him based on what he chooses.

Theoden:  Ok, Grima.  Here’s your choice: you can come with me and ride to battle, or you can go off somewhere else.  Think carefully.  If you make the wrong choice, we probably shouldn’t meet again.

Wormtongue:

Slowly Wormtongue rose.  He looked at them with half-closed eyes.  Last of all he scanned Théoden’s face and opened his mouth as if to speak.  Then suddenly he drew himself up.  His hands worked.  His eyes glittered.  Such malice was in them that men stepped back from him.  He bared his teeth; and then with a hissing breath he spat before the king’s feet, and darting to one side, he fled down the stair.

Indicidentally, when most people hear Wormtongue’s name they probably think of worms.  But actually, it’s from wyrm, which is Old English for serpent (Rohirric is, basically, Old English).  He’s named that because he’s deceitful, not because he’s icky.

Minor shipping note: Apparently Tolkien originally intended for Aragorn to get together with Eowyn, and only added Arwen to the story later.  So, he didn’t actually plan for there to be a love triangle, he just changed his mind while writing the story and I guess didn’t want to get rid of the Aragorn/Eowyn UST in the new version.  Arwen does definitely seem like a character who was added at the last minute - in the movie she has actual scenes and dialog, and is an actual character with a personality, but in the book if you blink you miss her existence entirely.  Aragorn occasionally says things that have subtext related to Arwen, but if you’re reading for the first time you’ll completely miss this unless either a) you’re the kind of shipper who shipped Blaise Zabini before even knowing what gender he was, or b) you already read the appendix that’s about Aragorn and Arwen. 

Another note is that Wormtongue’s obsession with Eowyn is only mentioned in the above paraphrased scene as yet another thing that makes him awful, he doesn’t actually have any interactions with Eowyn at all, and presumably it is never important again because I don’t think Wormtongue is ever within arm’s reach of Eowyn ever again.

[thegreatdivorce]

There and back again...

This post is about a lot of things, but it’s mainly about my love for Faramir and Eowyn… and about how the book is always better than the movie. But we have to go back a lil before we can start. 

I read Lord of the Rings for the first time when I was 14 years old. It took me a long time to get through it. I think a whole year, maybe more. I had trouble for a few reasons: one, it’s a big story for a young reader, and two, my motivation was probably in the wrong place. I grew up on a healthy diet of C. S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien, my dad read the Chronicles of Narnia series to me as a kid and I read The Hobbit (on my dad’s special collectors edition) not long after that, but I never made it to Lord of the Rings until the films came out. And I only really read the books then because I loved the films so much. Let me repeat that with more emphasis, I loved. these films. so. much. I could recite lines from the movies, yes, but I could also recite lines from the commentary the cast created for each extended edition. I can still recall the jokes, pranks, and memories the cast hold dear almost as if I had lived through them myself as the 10th member of the fellowship. I still call David Wenham ‘Daisy Wenham,’ and if the word ‘wig’ appears in conversation my brain immediately goes to, “your hair changes dramatically from short to long… do you wear wigs?” If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you are not a true fan of the film series. It meant so much to me when I was younger that I think I started the books as a way to stay in that world a lil longer. And I guess constantly comparing the books to a beloved film series is not the best way to read because I didn’t enjoy them as much as I thought I would. To be clear, I didn’t dislike the books, Return of the Kings marks one of the few books to make me cry (Theoden’s death got to me), but the books didn’t impact me in the same way the films did. 

Fast forward some 13 years later and something, I’m not exactly sure what, convinced me to read the books again. I have a long book list, one that I am sorely behind on, so choosing a 1000+ page saga (one that I’ve already read before) while other books are waiting to be cracked open for the first time was probably not the most productive decision I’ve made, but I regret nothing. I still own the same copy of LOTR I owned when I first read the series and man, there’s something about the smell of a book that can bring you right back to where you were when you first opened it because that’s exactly what happened when I started re-reading it. There is something nice about feeling like you’re 14 again… feeling like your whole life is ahead of you, but the only thing you have to worry about is reading this one book. 

Although the smell of the book felt the same, other things felt different. Aragorn does not struggle at all with the idea of his kingship like Viggo does in the film, Sam feels a bit more of a simpleton in the books, and Frodo seems older and wiser than the 19-year-old Elijah Wood feels in the movies. All of these things are small differences and as I was reading book one and book two, I found I still liked the movies for what they are and tried to be (although that scene where Frodo tells Sam to leave just before Shelob’s lair, that he doesn’t need him anymore, will never make sense to me), but for the most part I liked both film and book fairly evenly. But entering into book three, I realized how certain characters got the short end of the movie stick. Particularly Eowyn and Faramir. I’ll be frank, I don’t know how you would have written more of them into the story without bogging down the pacing of the rest of the movie, but that’s kind of my point, Eowyn’s story is so good she needs her own dang movie so everyone can discuss how amazing and complex she is. And Faramir too, but we’ll get to him in a moment. 

Eowyn in the movie is played wonderfully by Miranda Otto. Seriously, the casting of this series is pretty near perfect. Her part is relatively small, but they touch on all the main points of her character. She’s a fierce warrior, but she feels stuck in a cage staying at home having to care for her people and the man she considers a father all by herself, she falls for Aragorn, he doesn’t return her love, she wants to ride to war, she does so secretly, she kills the Witch-King, she receives the honor and valor she has always wanted, she marries Faramir, bada bing, bada boom, done. It’s a nice lil package, but it’s the highlight reel because there is so much more to Eowyn than that...

So to know Eowyn, we have to know the people of Rohan. Faramir does a nice job summing them up when he refers to them while talking to Sam and Frodo in The Window on the West, “If the Rohirrim are grown in some ways more like to us (the people of Gondor), enhanced in arts and gentleness, we too have become more like to them. For as the Rohirrim do, we now love war and valor as things good in themselves, both as a sport and an end. We esteem a warrior, nonetheless, above other crafts.” Faramir continues to talk of war “as is the need of their day,” a necessary evil, but you can tell... he’s really not into it. This is shown in a few different ways throughout the books (his relationship in contrast with his brother/father as one example), but the place it really hits home happens earlier in the same chapter when he states this zinger, “War must be, while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would devour all; but I do not love the sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.” (Side note, Faramir is the best and I know everybody loves fawning over King Viggo Aragorn, but y'all are sleeping on the best man in the whole series! Faramir is where it is at. He’s far more complex than Aragorn and I will fangirl over him more later on, but we’re still on Eowyn, so I’ll continue.) So the people of Rohan are a proud, fierce, war-loving crowd. They actually sing songs as they are killing people in battle. Think “whistle while you work,” but fiercer and more insane. But Faramir is not dissing them; he is not implying they are war-hungry, or war-mongers, simply the Rohirrim believe proving themselves in battle is a right they deserve. 

Enter Eowyn. In contrast to Faramir, who seems to have a sober understanding of war and battle, Eowyn finds her worth in it. We can see this most obviously in her attraction to Aragorn. In the movie, their attraction seems to develop in a natural, innocent way. I vaguely remember Miranda Otto mentioning in some interview for the DVD special features that part of the reason why it’s so tragic that Aragorn turns Eowyn down is that he knows they would make a good match. Essentially if Aragorn hadn’t met Arwen first, Aragorn and Eowyn could be together. Honestly, with how the movie presented their relationship, yah, I get it. Except that’s not how it is in the books. Aragorn, in The Houses of Healing, looks to Eomer and says, “I say to you that she loves you more truly than me; for you she loves and knows; but in me she loves only a shadow and a thought: a hope of glory and great deeds, and lands far from the fields of Rohan.” Eowyn desires the great deeds of war, not like Faramir does: as a means to protect a people, but as a way to prove herself. Faramir seems to find an honor in all crafts and positions, but Eowyn, although protective of them, talks lowly of her own people, consistently stating she is not a “dry-nurse” or a “serving-woman” but higher above them as a member of the House of Eorl. Eowyn speaks of a hierarchy within Rohan, consistently placing herself above the other women who are care-takers or mothers. What makes this even more tragic is that it’s not entirely her fault that she has come to this thinking. Gandalf, again in The House of Healing, explains to Eomer, “Think you that Wormtongue had poison only for Theoden’s ears? ‘What is the house of Eorl but a thatched barn where brigands drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among dogs?’ Have you not heard these words before? My lord, if your sister’s love for you, and her will still bent her duty, had not restrained her lips, you might have heard even such things as these escape them. But who knows what she spoke in the darkness, alone, in the bitter watches of the night, when all her life seemed shrinking, and the walls of her bower closing in on her, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in?” It’s tragic. And what’s worse is Eomer’s shock in thinking about his sister in this light. He never really knew her. No one did. Eowyn has always been fighting alone. Which is what makes her conclusion so satisfying... 

Eowyn rides into the Battle of Pelennor and kills the Witch-king (with the help of Merry). As I mentioned before, this is covered very well in the film, there is the great “I am no man” line which is taken from the book and although Eowyn is injured it seems she finally got her chance to defend herself in battle, like the other able-bodied men, so we’re meant to rejoice at her triumph, which I did when I saw the film. Except, again, that’s not the point in the book. Obviously, it’s great that the Witch-king is dead, but that event is the rising action leading into Eowyn’s healing, not her resolution… because Eowyn still wants to die in battle. She survived the Witch-king, she is being forced to heal her wounds in the House of Healing, but all she wants to do is die. Die as King Theoden has just done in battle (crushed by the body of his own horse) because this is the only way she can achieve the honor she feels she deserves. Because, again, Aragorn won’t give her that honor. And Faramir challenges this notion directly to Eowyn when they meet each other in the House of Healing, “You desired to have the love of the Lord Aragorn. Because he was high and puissant, and you wanted to have renown and glory and to be lifted far above the mean things of that crawled on the earth. But when he gave you only understanding and pity, then you desired to have nothing, unless a brave death in battle.” And it is only here, with Faramir, the first person to really see Eowyn and challenge her openly, does she acknowledge the truth, and her darkness (her desire for death) passes. It’s so beautiful. Eowyn exclaims, “Behold, the shadow has departed! I will be a shieldmaiden no longer, nor vie with the great Riders, nor take joy only in the songs of slaying. I will be a healer, and love all things that grow and are not barren.” And if you find a sadness or a disappointment in Eowyn’s proclamation of a life of peace than you are not paying attention to what Tolkien is putting down.  

This is important because I’ve heard this complaint before… Tolkien is not saying that it is wrong for Eowyn to participate in battle, to be a shieldmaiden, because she is a woman, (there are multiple instances in the book where Eowyn is described as a worthy warrior alongside her male companions. Hamma, may he rests in peace, nominates Eowyn as the person to manage the. whole. kingdom in place of the king when Theoden and Eomer leave for Helms Deep. So there’s that.) Tolkien is saying it is wrong to glorify battle, death, and destruction. full stop. No matter who you are. It is a point that is continually being made time and time again throughout the whole series by almost every character. And it should be no surprise coming from a man who fought in the first world war and then lived through the second. “I will not take joy only in the songs of slaying,” is really what Tolkien is trying to drive home here. Eowyn is still a warrior. Right after she accepts Faramir’s proposal and Aragorn is crowned king, Eowyn is like, “Faramir, I love you. I’m gonna marry you. But I have some important business to take care of back in Rohan with my brother, so I’m gonna leave… I’ll be back in like a month probably. Bye.” Yes, girl! That is the moment we should be applauding. Not the moment where Eowyn kills the Witch-king, but the moment where Eowyn realizes herself as a warrior but also a healer and there being a time and honor in both of those crafts if they have a proper foundation. It’s the moment when Eowyn finally sees and knows herself. And you know what Faramir says in response to Eowyn’s leaving? Nothing. He lets her go to do her thing because he is the best and I love him.

On to Faramir!

Ok. So. I’ll be brief here. Or I’ll try to be. One, because I think I’ve already shown a fair amount of Faramir’s great qualities, but also because I think his character in the film shows a stronger resemblance to the book than Eowyn’s. If we can all ignore that scene where Faramir drags Frodo and Sam to Osgiliath (because that never happens *eye roll*), and focus on the dialogue dealing with his dad, we’re getting pretty faithful Faramir content as pretty much all of the Faramir - Denethor dialogue is taken directly from the book, and it’s all golden. And when I say golden, I mean deadly. The, “‘Since you were robbed of Boromir, I will do what I can in his stead. If I should return, think better of me, Father.’ - ‘That will depend on the manner of your return.’” exchange between Faramir and Denethor is brutal. To say that Faramir has daddy issues is an understatement. But that brings us up to an important point. Faramir is just as broken as Eowyn is and their meeting is not so much so Faramir can save Eowyn but for them to find healing in each other. 

Faramir’s dad is insane. Literally. By the end of the book, Denethor loses his mind and tries to kill both him and his son by burning them alive. Faramir is not fully aware his dad is trying to kill him because by the time Denethor is building a funeral pyre, Faramir is slipping in and out of consciousness due to his battle wounds (to clarify, Denethor thinks his son is already dead, which is why he wants to share the funeral pyre with him. It doesn’t make it better, but it’s the facts). So the last thing Faramir hears, in full conscience, is that his dad wishes that he had died in his brother’s place and the only way he can prove his worth is sustaining victory in battle. Which he knows he cannot do. So Faramir goes to battle, is injured, and ultimately wants to die. Sound familiar? But he doesn’t. Aragorn calls him back to health in the House of Healing and he meets Eowyn. 

Faramir likes Eowyn from the moment they meet but can see she is struggling and doesn’t know the exact cause of her pain. So he talks to the best wingman in Middle Earth, Merry, and puts all the details together that Eowyn is still pretty hung up on Aragorn, and for all the wrong reasons. Faramir decides to gently pursue Eowyn which, if you think about it, is quite the courageous thing to do considering Faramir’s past. Faramir’s whole life consists of being left behind, the man that is not chosen. As we established above, his own father chose and loved his brother, Boromir, over him. Boromir was chosen to join the Fellowship of the Ring, not Faramir. It’s even in his job description to be picked over. Faramir is a Steward of Gondor, he’s to hold court until the proper king appears and then literally step out of the way. Here is another area where potentially someone is going to choose someone else in place of him. Faramir questions Eowyn about her love for Aragorn asking, “[I’m assuming] you cannot choose between us. Eowyn, do you not love me, or will you not?” Ugh, tragic. She admits, “I wished to be loved by another, but I desire no man’s pity.” Faramir clarifies, “I do not offer you my pity. For you are a lady high and valiant and you yourself won renown that shall not be forgotten; and you are a lady beautiful, I deem, beyond even the words of the Elven-tongue to tell. And I love you. Once I pitied your sorrow. But now, were you sorrowless, without fear, or any lack, were you the blissful Queen of Gondor, still I would love you. Eowyn, do you not love me?” 

It’s actually nerve-wracking when you leave out Eowyn’s response to this question; to know Faramir is asking someone he loves dearly for love in return, something he was rarely afforded in his life, especially in the beautiful way in which he asked it. He sees Eowyn for who she truly is, someone even she doesn’t fully recognize yet, and who she can be: a valiant queen. And not just any queen, Faramir says the Queen of Gondor, Aragorn’s wife. Faramir basically admits, “I know there’s a chance you could still be with Aragorn, but even if you did, I would still love you regardless.” It’s so courageous and beautiful, and in a lot of ways, the ultimate test to see if Faramir has really healed over the wounds his father has left. The wounds of being left unchosen. But Eowyn does choose, she chooses to be with him, and they ultimately provide healing and understanding to each other. 

And that’s all left unsaid in the films. None of it is really in there which is such a bummer because it’s so good. And this whole story has been waiting for me to re-discover it on my shelf for the past 13 years and I’ve finally made my way back. Can’t believe I almost missed it.

Anyhow, thank you for coming to my TED Talk on why Faramir and Eowyn are the best and why reading books is cool. 

I probably could write more, but I’ve taken a brief break in reading the dang book to write this essay and I still have a few more chapters to go to finish the whole thing. 

Good day.

[honourablejester]

An extremely elaborate and specific LotR AU fanfic I’ve had in my head for years but will never write or request b/c it’s a trope I’m extremely finicky about:

A Sauron-less AU where Saruman has become the secret villain off his own bat, playing kingmaker and destroyer among the kingdoms of men for his own amusement, and seeking to remake the long-thought-destroyed orcs and goblins to use as hidden pawns to set men and elves and dwarves against each other.

Which plot starts on the road to discovery when he starts sending Uruk-Hai secretly into the relatively undefended Shire to kidnap hobbits to convert into goblins or other creatures, and for use as slaves.

Specifically, they take Merry and Pippin. Because guess which part of the Two Towers was my favourite plotline as a kid.

So an injured Merry and Pippin are taken captive and brought to Orthanc as slaves, where they meet Saruman and Wormtongue, who is still fulfilling his canon role as Saruman’s mole in Rohan. Merry, who was injured in their capture, is fading badly by this stage, so Pippin tries to manipulate Wormtongue into taking him and Saruman into letting him, figuring that Merry has to have a better chance in Rohan than he does among Uruk-Hai. He largely succeeds, though not without some cost, and Wormtongue takes an only-semi-aware Merry back to Edoras as his personal ‘man servant’.

Pippin, meanwhile, is kept prisoner a little longer, until a delegation from Minas Tirith arrives in Isengard at Saruman’s request. A delegation led by Steward Denethor’s eldest son, whom Saruman seeks to briefly placate with a little gift ...

Meanwhile to all of this, Saruman’s orcs have been attacking strategic settlements and parties to drive up tensions between the races, most particularly between Gondor and everyone else. The attacks on all their homelands and rising tensions cause a gathering in Rivendell among the Northern peoples. And one particular hobbit and his gardener, inspired by his uncle’s tales of the fairness and justice of the elves, make their way across Eriador to attend the summit and bring the big races’ attention to his kidnapped kinsfolk.

Most basically, I wanted slave!Pippin in Gondor and slave!Merry in Rohan, doing their best to survive, bring Saruman to the attention of the powers around them, and at some point reunite with each other. Merry develops a fast and wary friendship with Eowyn, two people alone and under threat in the madness King Theoden’s court has become. Pippin makes tentative inroads with Boromir, who is horrified at the nature of Saruman’s ‘gift’ but too loyal to his father and his kingdom to overtly reject it, but it’s Faramir and Beregond who truly forge bonds with him in Minas Tirith, while Boromir is sent out to ready for war with the North on his father’s behalf. As the Northern forces descend unwillingly southwards and the threat of war rises, it’s up to two small and extremely battered hobbits to derail a dark wizard’s plans.

Things I also wanted somewhere along the road with this idea:

Merry developing a really weird hate/sympathy towards Wormtongue after the man essentially saves his life/prevents him from dying in Isengard, and doing his best to both defeat his goals but also find a degree of mercy for him later, even though Grima’s treatment of Eowyn rapidly erodes much of his sympathy

Gandalf, spurred by Frodo and Sam into suspicion, starting to investigate the kingdoms of men specifically, searching for the source of the hostility, and it’s Merry’s captivity and Theoden’s possession that clues him into Saruman’s treachery in this universe

Boromir sensing the stink of corruption from Saruman, but Denethor is too far gone to the wizard’s (magically-strengthened) manipulations for him to do anything about it, and Boromir cannot let Gondor fall to her enemies, no matter how justified he increasingly fears they might be

Faramir having so much less stomach for Saruman and his father’s actions than his brother, not least because he is so much closer and bears more witness to Denethor’s contempt and ill-treatment of Pippin, and feels torn in two between morality and this evidence of his own ‘disloyalty’ to his family

Faramir eventually breaking and trying to help Pippin escape, but by mischance or manipulation they happen to land right in the middle of one of Saruman’s escalating orc attacks in the attempt. They’re both captured, and Saruman leverages the incident to portray Pippin as having led Faramir into an ‘elvish’ trap, seeking to use it to incite outright war between north and south

Actual elves (possibly Haldir leading a Lothlorien band south to seek the truth) rescuing-slash-capturing them, but not before Pippin has gotten himself slightly chewed upon trying to protect Faramir in apology for the attempt to free him having gotten the man captured, and Faramir is completely frantic for them to save him.

(Rescued, because they’re elves and good and fair and not inclined to eat people, Captured because Gondor is technically well on the way to being at war with everybody and Faramir is Denethor’s second son)

They’re brought north to the elven/dwarven/dunedain/rohirrim war camp gathering in the recently-liberated Rohan

Merry and Pippin reunite, extremely emotionally, and reconnect with Frodo and Sam as well

By which I mean, Pippin spots Merry and practically falls out of Haldir’s arms onto badly-chewed legs to try and get to him, while Faramir shouts hoarsely for Haldir to let him go. Which, incidentally, causes several people to look quite favourably on him

Boromir leads his father’s armies north towards the border as well, hearing reports that his captured brother truly is a prisoner among an elven army, and believing reluctantly and guiltily that Pippin truly has let Faramir be captured in vengeance for his slavery in Gondor

Pippin adamantly defending at the least Faramir and Boromir to the Council forces, and the ordinary Gondorian people as well, because he has friends among them and they’re good people, and Saruman is manipulating people left right and centre, and you cannot go to war with innocent people because of one asshole

The Council (and Faramir) being a bit amazed at his vehemence, given the evidence (and Faramir’s guilty admittance) of how badly he was treated

Gandalf knowing that it’s because once a hobbit decides he likes you, there is no force in Middle Earth that can persuade said hobbit otherwise, though there needs to be cause in the first place to earn their loyalty

Pippin panicking at the thought of war and cooking up a half-baked scheme to run back south and try and head Boromir off, explain the truth to him somehow. Merry joins him, because they’re not being parted again, and Merry knows all about going off half-cocked to protect your humans by now. Frodo and Sam follow because sod it. It is the worst ‘escape’ attempt in the history of hobbitdom, not least because Pippin himself can still barely walk, and in the end it’s Eowyn who scoops them up and masterminds an actual exit for them all

Eowyn is coming, because a) it’s the absolute least she feels she owes Merry, b) hobbits are extremely prone to getting themselves almost killed in her experience, c) she’s been warming up to what she’s seen of Faramir in his captivity/guesthood and doesn’t want him hurt, and d) if Boromir so much as looks funny at those she’s pledged her personal loyalty to she’s going rearrange his spleen for him

Gandalf knows full well what they’re doing but lets them go, because there’s no one better for stopping wars than hobbits, given motivation

Elrond possibly also knows what they’re doing, but is willing to let them try

Faramir is absolutely horrified and terrified that Boromir is going to feel he has to kill or harm them, and that after everything Pippin’s death is still going to be his fault

Theoden and Eomer are also horrified, and if your brother harms a hair on Eowyn’s head, my son, you are going to be in deep shit. But, also, not your fault. Hobbits do this. Trust us, we’d know better than almost anyone

The hobbits and Eowyn are … not exactly captured by the Gondorian army after basically planting themselves stubbornly in their path, but they’re brought to Boromir under guard and not exactly friendly circumstances

Boromir has no idea how to feel about Pippin, angry or betrayed or frantic or guilty, and it’s so much worse seeing him among his own people, with Merry in particular, who Boromir knows Pippin spent all his time with them hoping wasn’t dead. But Pippin led to the capture and possible death of Boromir’s brother, and even if it’s their own fault, Boromir cannot forgive him that

It goes badly, it goes so badly, with shouting and violence and threats from all corners, until Pippin in a fit of tearful frustration rips one of his trouser legs off to show Boromir his wounds. Neither elves nor men leave teeth-marks when they hurt people. The orcs did this. Saruman did this. Boromir knows this. He’s always known it. Yes, Faramir is a prisoner of the northern forces, but they’re not the real enemy, doesn’t he know that, can’t he see it? You can’t let this happen, Boromir. You can’t.

And Boromir does know it. He knew it from the moment Saruman offered him a slave as a welcoming gift, and the moment his father not only allowed it but welcomed it. He’s known from the beginning that there was something rotten in the state of Denmark, but it was his kingdom, his father, what would they have him do? To treat with them would be treason, even to save his brother’s life. Beregond, back in Minas Tirith, is already imprisoned for what was believed to be his role in letting Pippin take Faramir. He is sentenced to death upon Boromir’s return

This nearly kills Pippin to hear. It nearly snaps him in two

Eowyn saves them. Again. She knows, she does know how Boromir feels. She knows what it is to have a father/father figure lost to Saruman’s control. She knows what it is to betray them to save them. But they cannot let this go on. To fight on Denethor’s behalf would only be to betray him in truth, and leave him, and his people behind him, enslaved to the wizard’s will. From what she has seen of his brother and him, surely they have more courage and honour than that?

And, in the end, no more than his brother, Boromir cannot ignore his conscience long. Not even for family. Not even for the father he loves.

Boromir agrees to travel with the group and a small honour guard north to meet with the Council forces, leaving his armies waiting under trusted commanders between Minas Tirith and any northern forces should he be betrayed and not return

They meet near the Falls of Rauros, because of course they do, where else would I have them meet?

Boromir reunites with his brother and, though hardened and guilty and suspicious of all around them, they meet in earnest with the Council to discuss evidence of Saruman’s treachery and the appropriate responses thereto

The bulk of the arrayed northern armies will turn towards Isengard, to destroy Saruman and his orcs once and for all

Theoden and Rohan will stand the bulwark between all forces, maintaining the peace until the threat is removed one way or the other. They have suffered under Saruman’s thrall. Of all nations represented, they will not bend to his manipulations again

Gandalf initially meant to go to Isengard as well, to guard their forces against Saruman’s magic, and to make Saruman answer for what he has done. However, another mission comes up concurrently which he believes requires him more, so he leaves Saruman to the justice of Elrond and Galadriel, in order to shepherd …

… four certain hobbits, two heirs to Gondor, one heir to Rohan, and perhaps a certain Hunters Three to Minas Tirith, because Beregond is sentenced to death, and Pippin will actually die before he lets that happen, and Merry and Faramir in particular will die before they let that happen, and everyone else is perforce along for the ride

And maybe, if they can, they might save Denethor from Saruman’s influence along the way

Also, possibly reveal and crown a new/old king along the way (hi Strider!), to draw Gondor forward from the pall of treachery and manipulation it has fallen to. Though for his own part, Aragorn sees little wrong with the heirs Gondor already has

… Yeah. I’ve not had this stewing in my brain for a literal decade, not at all. Can you tell which canon storylines bashed their way all the way inside my heart, way back when? Heh. It’s too big and unwieldy inside my head to ever be written at this stage, and I’m very, very particular when it comes to slavery in fics, but … I do sometimes wish I had the stamina for it. I really, really do.

(Who am I kidding, I never had the stamina for this, but a girl can dream)