#captains-log-reviews
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horrorlesbion · 1 year ago
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i roll my eyes so hard whenever someone reviews a piece of media with dark/upsetting/sensitive themes with "why do we need more of this theres already one good book about humans being evil why would anyone create more..." idk girl why are there 28573 brainless romcoms in every bookstore i walk into!! maybe people enjoy reading these books!!! maybe there are subtle differences noticed by people who actually enjoy the genre!! if you dont then get the hell out of here!!!!
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every-captain · 6 months ago
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2024 Year in Review! Some thoughts about the year under the cut ~
I did more zine pieces this year, but not all of them are here. April is a zine piece, and July is a tarot card! Unfortunately my zines were all mostly due in April and May, so I had to make a choice. That means I'm nearly at 20 zines under my belt! Proud of myself for that, and I intend to do at least one or two this year.
My cousin died this year, and I wasn't able to make it up to Washington for the funeral, so that's her portrait in May's slot. It was the only contribution I could make for the funeral, but when I went up to visit in December, I was told that there's a framed copy of that picture in my aunt, my mother, and my grandmother's homes. It was really nice to be able to make that kind of gesture for the family that was appreciated like that. It was nice to be able to contribute to the family even though I wasn't there.
In February i did my usual outfit of the day challenge for the year, but I didn't make it too far. Only seven pictures, and I opted not to use it in the review this time since I wanted something that looked more complete.
I did artfight again in July! I've been doing it something like 8 years now? But the tarot card illustration I did was definitely something I was more proud of, so none of them are pictured here either.
In August I did a fat art challenge and did a handful of drawings for that as well!
Sometime around the spring I got REALLY into Dungeon Meshi, and by the last few months of the year art had really taken a back burner to the fanfic that I've been writing with @avoidcrow that everyone is probably tired of me talking about. Which is why there's three months straight of drawings of Chilchuck, ahaha...
In 2025 I'm hoping to continue the fic, but get a bit more art out into the world. I'm also really hoping to stream again! I don't think I streamed more than a day or two the whole entire year, and I'm really missing it. Here's to more fic, more zines, more art, and more streams in 2025!
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youcouldbewonderful · 26 days ago
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... ok.
i fear a whole lot of this was not a very good episode. bringing back the rani and omega just to sideline them for a completely new plot... nostalgia bait and not in a good way. i'm sure the rani will be back but there was absolutely NO reason one for her to bigenerate and then immediately have her regeneration killed off, and two no reason to bring back omega at all. absolutely useless cameo. i can't tell if we've retconned timeless child or not. why was jodie whittaker there for a minute? was that just rtd trying to redeem her writing a little bit? not the worst thing ever but like. hello? also suddenly making belinda a mother in the last episode and retconning all of her previous episodes so that she was actually talking about her daughter the whole time and the doctor just forgot... just say that you forgot to develop your characters. there is nothing more i hate than a woman being turned into a mother at the last second.
ncuti gatwa getting only two seasons of 16 episodes total was certainly a decision and not one i like. i did not expect him to regenerate in this episode because it's so absolutely CRIMINAL that he doesn't get more time than this. i don't know if this was ncuti's decision or rtd's or the production or whatever but it was not a good one. i LOVED ncuti's doctor. he deserved more. and finally. i love billie piper. i LOVED rose. but to sideline ncuti's doctor out of getting at LEAST a third season to shock everyone with some more nostalgia bait? listen i've been defending a lot of rtd's writing for the past year but we need someone fucking else in the writer's room. i really really wanted to like this episode. i liked quite a lot of the last two seasons. i will miss ncuti's doctor.
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king-ludwig-ii · 17 days ago
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There’s a certain intimacy to having someone on goodreads. Sure, I can see you post about the character 400 times in an hour and liveblog your spiral on tumblr. But where else am I going to see you add 20 books about fascism and the fall of democracy to your ‘want to read’
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ad-ya · 2 months ago
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captain-harpo · 2 years ago
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quintonreviews is my right hand arm. man. confidant best friend silly rabbit. go subscribe so i can have a 30 hour archival documentary about shitty 2004 nickelodeon sitcom drake&josh
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snowtamale · 4 months ago
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i got a raise today and i was ready to just keep doing my normal thing, but i think therapy might be working because instead i'm going to treat myself to take out and a new video game.
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starsaroundmyscarsblog · 10 months ago
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"All my ramblings in one place. Archived for a fellow galaxy traveller to see."
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tinyreviews · 2 years ago
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From the start, it felt off. That the log had font-perfect words and the ink failed to run, and the paper was waterproof, under the rain.
The Last Voyage of the Demeter (also known as Dracula: Voyage of the Demeter in some international markets) is a 2023 American supernatural horror film directed by André Øvredal and written by Bragi F. Schut Jr. and Zak Olkewicz. It is an adaptation of "The Captain's Log", a chapter from the 1897 novel Dracula by Bram Stoker. The film stars Corey Hawkins, Aisling Franciosi, Liam Cunningham, and David Dastmalchian. 
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the-bagelbitch · 2 months ago
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today's affirmation: i am a reasonable person and it is okay to speak up for my needs
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every-captain · 6 months ago
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10 years of Art! :D
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sightseertrespasser · 27 days ago
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Odds of Survival part 10 Finale
First contact, take two.
Go check out @keferon as the creator of the AU!
———————————————————————
Prowl stared at the lifeless body on the floor.
Visor dim, chest closed. Were it not for the absolute silence it offered, one might, without listening closely, assume it was merely an unconscious mech.
He ran the numbers again.
Odds of Survival 17%
The edge of his desk pressed a hard line against the backs of his legs and the palms of his servos. A steadily growing back log of frantic comms messages plinked across his processor like marbles rolling down a flight of stairs.
Red Alert: 13 messages and counting.
Velocity: 2 messages.
Elita One: 3 messages. . . 4 messages.
Odds of Survival 15%
Knocking- no, banging at the door. Red Alert, 76%.
Muffled, “Prowl open the door!”
“Answer your comms!”
“What’s happening in there?!”
Red Alert, 99%.
Slowly, Prowl moved his doorwings in a slow arch, quadruple checking that everything in his office was exactly where he needed it to be. Maximizing his chances.
“Open the door. Now.”
Elita (98%) was still speaking to him and not physically breaking into the room by force.
Odds of Survival 20%.
Without looking away from the body, Prowl unlocked the door to his office.
Guarded and cautious, the captain and security officer entered the room. Elita had a weapon drawn, but kept her blaster aimed at the floor, locking onto the body with an iron focus.
Conversely, Red Alert sucked in a vent at the sight, immediately raking his optics over every visible surface, searching frantically for signs of danger.
“What happened-how’d he get in here-who’s he work for-why’d you stop responding-where has he been-WHAT HAPPENED?!”
The mech was practically bouncing off the walls, static crackling with enough excess charge to diffuse the room with a heavy scent of ozone. The only reason Red Alert wasn’t currently tearing the place apart already was the way he looked at every object like a potential improvised explosive.
Ignoring the smaller mech, Elita ordered an answer, “Prowl. Explain. Now.”
His fans were audibly running high. Prowl did nothing to mask the obvious sign of stress. He carefully recited his script.
“Roughly one cycle ago, I rescued an unconscious mech from deep space after he’d fallen from a quintesson gate tear. He was friendly, albeit very unfamiliar with his surroundings. Including some of the very common alien species on board our transport.”
Calmly, Prowl looked up to read the other mechs reactions so far. Elita was remaining mostly focused on the body, but sent a sidelong glance aimed towards the tactician. Meanwhile, Red Alert looked ready to burst, about to interrupt Prowls script.
“You may search my office as I explain.” The security chiefs engine practically growled by the fourth word of being given permission, and dove behind Prowls desk for frantic inspection.
The captain nodded her head for Prowl to continue.
“Over the course of our short time together, I collected more unusual details about this mech. Compiling them in an effort to better understand “Jazz” as he refers to himself.” With a flick, Prowl brought up the conspiracy board for Elita Ones review.
The blue glow helped illuminate the dimmed office interior.
The alternate Functionalist Creation Theory was already deleted, leaving just the alien theory.
“On route towards the pick up location, Jazz, through somewhat clunky common, explained he was built specifically to fight quintessons. This claim immediately became verifiable when we were attacked by a not inconsiderable quintesson force.”
His doorwing twitched another scan.
Without turning around, Prowl knew the exact moment Red Alert discovered Jazz’s shoulder piece he’d stashed in his desk to be found. The sound of sudden disgust followed by a dropped clunk was reassurance enough.
“He then saved my life, multiple times and at significant injury to his own frame, as you are no doubt aware of Captain.” She did in fact look more closely at the fresh welds along the shoulder she’d seen barely clinging on not forty breems ago.
“After sustaining these injuries, I assisted Jazz with some basic field repairs. During which I discovered they had no previous experience with anesthetic and generally seemed to expect significantly harsher treatment than what I would consider “normal or ethical” medical care.”
Prowl vented, nodding towards the screen. “Bluestreak can verify the accuracy of these statements. There are some transcripts of our conversations on the board as well.”
Faintly, Prowl could hear Red Alert mouth the words, “ -don’t always die either, sometimes they just go crazy??” in quiet horror.
Odds of Survival 25%
The increase steadied Prowl slightly as he continued. “On our way to the medbay, Jazz expressed some anxiety over being treated by a professional. He-“
The praxian swallowed.
Prowl couldn’t really act, but luckily he didn’t have to. “He requested not be restrained or sedated, and gave- permission, to use force against him if he did become.. ungovernable.”
For the first time, Prowl released a servo from the desk and used it to gesture broadly to the whole situation.
It fell somewhat limp at his side.
“Velocity preformed the necessary repairs, noting a sudden decline in Jazz’s language capabilities as well as strong evidence for prior medical abuse.”
“Shortly afterwards, Jazz temporarily fled the medbay.”
That eleven letter word was a load bearing component of Jazz’s survival.
Some of the tension returned to the room as they were all reminded of the inciting incident. Prowl had significant practice in withdrawing his emotions, and now more than ever did he need to appear neutral.
“Jazz escaped by utilizing a strong magnetic grip to both damage the locks as well as scale the ceiling through the blind spots of the cameras. He traveled only a short distance into Rune’s office, where the therapist was able to talk him down somewhat. Jazz then sought to “tell me something important” encountering Whirl along the way.”
Red Alert had finished tearing apart Prowls desk, and was now carefully inching his way closer to the body still on the floor. Hesitantly, as if it could strike without warning.
Prowl resisted the urge to tense.
“Both mechs can corroborate the timeline. Shortly after, I discovered Jazz lost in the halls and brought him to the nearest room I had control over. My office.”
Inspecting the frame for subspace pockets it didn’t have, the security chief crackled lightly with frustration.
Snippily, Red Alert snapped at him, “So the oil pot got you alone, in your office no less, under the pretenses of distress JUST like I said he would.”
“Red Alert.” The smaller mech jolted but looked his Captain in the optics. Elita One held a steady, cold Calm over the room. Her field not to be overruled. “Have you found anything yet?”
“Well, no. But I haven’t looked everywhere.”
The Captain silenced him with a raise of her hand. “Then finish your search, and Prowl will finish his report.”
She nodded for them both to resume their parts.
Odds of Survival 33%
The tactician nodded gratefully in return.
“Jazz was behaving irrationally. Nervous. Confused. He made statements that didn’t make sense and given his helm injury, I had strongly suspected he was crashing. Or his species equivalent to it.”
Prowl watched very carefully as Red Alert finished his search, faster than expected. The total lack of any signs of life coupled with the mention of crashing made the mech’s optics go impossibly wide. “Did he- is he?”
Prowl passively waved his servo at the body. “He’s not dead, although by cybertronian standards it may appear that way. This state is relatively normal from what Velocity has noted.”
“So if you thought he was having a medical emergency, why didn’t you call for help?” The captain didn’t quite relax, but did seem to accept Jazz wasn’t going to spring up at any moment.
No no no no. Please god no.
Prowl snapped out of the memory. Once more resetting his optics.
“He. . asked me not to. I chose not to risk agitating him or his injury further.” Prowl’s wings twitched minutely, tracking Red Alerts movement towards Greens habitat.
“And then?”
“He confessed to me he was an alien.” Prowl stated mirthlessly.
For the first time Elita took her eyes off the body, cycling her optics and turning towards Prowl, who could only press his mouth into a thin line.
“Jazz was totally unaware he was completely isolated on an unknown alien vessel. At least until very recently.” Prowl finished.
There was a flicker of some other emotion through Elita’s field. He’s had enough people pity him to recognize the sensation.
A yelp from Green’s habitat had both Prowl and Elita One rounding on Red Alert. The mech was clutching his servo like it’d been lacerated.
“It tried to bite me! It tried to bite me!”
Sure enough, a low throaty hiss emanated from the top of Green’s enclosure. The flyt glared down over the edge of her highest platform at the short mech. Her crest and throat were flushed a dark purple with territorial fury.
“An erratic mech is forcibly intruding on her personal space. The urge to bite is a sympathetic one.” Prowl growled, stood in the center of his completely overturned office.
“Leave the damn flyt alone Red. Prowl, get to the fragging point.” At last, Elita holstered her weapon, glowering at them both.
Odds of survival 45%
The tactician turned back to the captain, “Between the shock, exhaustion and his injuries, I believe Jazz went into his species version of an involuntary shutdown. I have done everything I can to stabilize him from crashing.”
He rubbed his helm where his own would-be crash had wanted to form, “I have the relevant experience.”
Elita One studied Prowls face with a piercing gaze. Narrowing slightly.
“Why did you stop responding to comms for almost a full breem?”
His fans still running on high, helm burning and sensor net itching, Prowl put all his will into suppressing any exhaustion born sass.
“I nearly crashed.”
“You nearly crashed.” Elita reiterated.
Prowl nodded.
The captain considered this for a time.
“Red Alert, I want this ship deep cleaned. Full search and scan from top to bottom. Get the ceilings covered and figure out something for the locks to counter the super magnet situation.”
Optics brightening to luminosity of head lights, Red Alert stammered in reply, “E-even your quarters Captain?”
Elita looked like she was contemplating the taste of a fistful of nails, rolling her optics as she grit out, “Yes. This one time, and you explicitly do not have permission to place any form of surveillance inside.”
Red Alert saluted so hard he left a dent.
“YES CAPTAIN I WON’T MAKE YOU REGRET THIS CAPTAIN THANK YOU CAPTAIN!”
“Go!”
The red mech had his sirens blaring before his tires even hit the ground. Leaving the remaining mechs almost alone.
The sound of Elita One’s peds clacking against the metal floor made Prowl’s wings twitch.
Arms crossed, she stared the praxian down.
“Tell me everything you just redacted.”
Prowl did not immediately respond, still staring down at the body on the floor. His doorwings rotated satellite slow.
Without a word, Prowl took his weight off of the desk, walking up to Greens enclosure, where he gently pushed the flyt aside and collected what was hidden beneath her.
“This-“ Prowl cupped his servos around a small white and blue form, “is Jazz.”
——————
The logic cascade nearly consumed him.
Prowl was holding Jazz’s spark.
Jazz.
The mecha’s chest plate had opened. Revealing only the faintest glow within, washed out entirely by the harsh overhead lights of Prowls office.
Irrationally, Prowls higher functioning stalled out and his processor defaulted to some spark deep coding to make sense of what was happening.
He’s exposing his spark. He’s showing me his spark and he’s still crashing.
He’s going to crash and die with his fragging spark out in my office Oh fragging Primus Not here not like THIS.
A ringing.
Shrill and strangled. A dissonant sting.
An EM field.
Jazz’s EM field.
Faint. Faint but sharp, like an almost invisible shard of glass that only becomes known once it’s lodged itself beneath your armor.
The scream warbled and popped like a blown radio speaker. Some-thing fell forward from Jazz’s chassis.
His spark his spark his spark is falling out of his chest.
Jerking forward on instinct, Prowl cupped his servos and caught what wasn’t a spark- that’s not a spark this is NOT A SPARK.
A body, limp and silent. Tissue paper light in the way only non-metallic life forms can be.
It’s in his servos it’s in his servos it’s in his ser>%$.
Prowl was static. From his mind to his body. Pure static. Frozen yet screaming internally on his knees, staring down at everything that made Jazz alive.
He held the Spark-body-organic-not spark- Spark-SPARK-SPARK-ITS NOT JAZZ-NOT A SPARK ITS \#}>%*!? JAZZ-IT IS JAZ%-IT IS-IT IS- in his servos.
Gently.
Sparks Organics were very fragile.
He knew that. Prowl held onto that. Gently. Very gently.
He slotted the simple equation into place.
How to keep Jazz not-spark alive.
Odds of Survival. . .
——————
The weight in his palms felt imaginary. Too small to be real.
Yet here was Elita One as his witness. Thrown Off was a look seldom worn by the Captain and it was clearly an uncomfortable fit.
“This is Jazz?” She echoed Prowl, reaching out a servo to the unconscious whatever Jazz was.
The praxian stiffened, manually canceling the move to pull Jazz away from the other mechs reach. He didn’t, however, quite manage to cancel his vocalizer, a “Please be careful.” busting out despite himself.
Elita shot him an affronted look, plucking Jazz from his servos. “I know how to not kill an organic Prowl.”
She turned her servo over, using her thumb to roll the alien onto its back. “You let me hold Green.” She muttered.
“Green is much larger and I actually know what she is.” He was hovering, Prowl knew he was hovering and that Elita hated it when people hovered but it was really just a race to see who pissed off who first right now.
“Okay, okay, so what’s wrong with.. this one?”She gestured with the digit she was using to prod Jazz, closely examining the unconscious organic.
Not for the first time that day, Prowl rubbed a servo over his head, “I-I am unsure. It’s incredibly faint but he is breathing. I did mean it when I said I think he fainted from shock and possibly exhaustion. Organics typically require rest and fuel much more frequently than us and Jazz was extremely active for a highly extended period of time.”
Prowl cleared his vents, “At least, compared to a flyt. I do not have many other data points for comparison.”
Considering this, Elita frowned at the aliens inorganic casing and then at the motionless mecha on the floor. Definitely an aesthetic match. She considered something for a moment, frowning.
“Do you- Ew, ew, it’s twitching. Take it. Take it back.”
Not quite panicking, Elita effectively half-tossed half-dropped the alien back into Prowls anxious servos.
For several long and ancient clicks, neither mech moved, holding perfectly still as the alien shifted in Prowls servos.
Holding him like this, Prowl can feel Jazz’s field again. Faintly, like the sound of rustling branches on the edge of conscious hearing, the field tickled his palms. Unlike the mecha, Jazz’s visor wasn’t opaque, allowing Prowl to see the faint scrunch of his face and the way it smoothed out again once back in Prowl’s care.
His field dropped back into a near silent whisper.
Prowl made a ball of his servos, sealing off Jazz from anything else that might happen.
“We can set them up in a holding cell or something.” Elita said quietly, flicking her hand in exasperation. “Maybe under a glass bowl. I’ll arrange for someone else to handle questioning.”
The praxian straightened up at that, looking back to his captain, “Sir, I am the best suited to question Jazz.”
Arms crossing, Elita One gave Prowl an appraising look. “You said so yourself that you nearly just crashed. Why can’t anyone else do it?”
Nodding in understanding, Prowl pitched his counter argument, “As it stands, I have the best rapport with him. The only other mechs Jazz has met is Bluestreak, Velocity and yourself.”
“Jazz gets along with Bluestreak, however my brother is not well suited for interrogations.” Which wasn’t entirely true, Prowl kept to himself. Subjecting detainees to Bluestreaks small talk for several groons frequently made said individuals much more receptive to questioning by subsequent officers.
That currently didn’t help however.
“Velocity is a medic, which Jazz is terrified of and has zero experience with interrogations.” The knowledge of where this chaos began was still fresh. Fresher still was Prowl’s memory of Jazz pleading to not wake up on a table.
“And I mean no offense captain, but the last time Jazz saw you, you had threatened to rip off one of his arms and beat him with it.” Elita shrugged and gave Prowl a “Fair Enough” look.
“Statistically speaking, Jazz is most likely to answer honestly to someone he considers an ally. Regardless of how others may view my reputation, Jazz did specifically choose me to explain himself to before he lost consciousness.”
Venting, Elita considered the facts and stepped slightly closer. Prowl held his posture as formally as he could despite how his servos were positioned. The harsh look in his captains optics softened only slightly hearing his fans continue on high power.
“Are you sure you can handle this? Medically speaking?”
In a rare break of form, Prowl let his doorwings sink to a less physically taxing position. “The initial shock has passed. I will not crash.”
Probably. 67%.
Breaking eye contact, Prowl stared at the mess of data pads now scattered on his office floor. 85% of which was commissioned work directly from Megatron.
“I do not know how long it will take for Jazz to wake up. I do know I will not be very effective at my job until this is resolved.”
Finally stepping back, Elita had the look of someone using comms. “Officially, I’m putting you on medical leave for the next couple cycles. Megatron will have to make his own poor decisions for awhile.”
She paused by the body. “What do we do with this?”
It was heavier than it looked. Prowl knew now from experience. The mechs needed to remove it would add to the list of possible loose ends to an already sensitive situation.
“We can leave it for now. I will not allow Jazz access to it until I am more certain of his intentions.”
She hummed in response. Eyeing where Jazz was currently contained, Elita made her way to the door, “I need to go do damage control, alert me the instant their condition changes. Yours too.”
“Understood. And thank you. For listening.”
Awkwardly, Prowl looked anywhere but the captain, and Elita wordlessly waved him off. Both mechs quickly abandoned the moment of mutual care and thankfulness in favor of their usual personas.
Soon enough, Elita was gone.
Cracking open his hold, Prowl peeked at his alien charge.
Still sleeping.
Almost imperceptibly, Prowl could make out the slight rhythmic expansion of his chest. Limbs tucked close, Jazz was loosely curled on his side into a ball, showing no signs of waking.
Odds of Survival 63%.
The gauntlet was over, now it was all up to Jazz.
——————
Prowl lay slumped over on his desk.
His arms fenced in a pile consisting of every instant cold pack he kept in his office, which were currently arranged to completely bury his head.
After two and a quarter groons, the packs were mostly room temperature but the way they blocked out most light and sound was nice.
The door to Green’s habitat was left open. It was a risky move but a pleasant surprise that the flyt chose cuddles over consumption in regards to the small alien. Prowl hadn’t counted on her getting protective over the fellow organic, but it was certainly a relief.
Placing Jazz back in Greens nest seemed the safest option at the time. Soft but contained. Green certainly had no qualms and arranged herself as she saw fit. Prowl figured she must know more than him about this and let her be.
Currently, the flyt had started trilling happily. Prowls doorwings twitched. Scanning the room for the umpteenth time before relaxing again.
The only other sounds were the noises the Lost Light usually produced and Prowls own body functions.
It was quiet. As quiet as his office normally was anyways. The flyt continued her quiet song.
Actually, Green was trilling very loudly right now.
Then, Prowl picked up on a second, much stranger pitch.
Speech. Specifically speech in the tone of cooing.
Rising from his mountain of maladaptive coping, Prowl lethargically turned his helm to the habitat. The cooing continued unawares.
Standing now, Prowl looked into Greens nest to see what was going on.
The flyt had her beak almost tucked against her belly, forehead pressed against Jazz’s chest.
Awake, and lying on his back, the alien was reaching around the flyts comparatively massive head to scritch and scratch at the back of her neck. Paying special attention to the crease where Green’s crest met her head, causing the flyt to trill like crazy.
All the while, the alien matched her vocal tone, speaking absolute nonsense in his native language. {D’aww you like that big guy? Yes you do! You’re just a giant love bug aren’t you?}
It took a couple tries, but after several resets Prowl believed his optics were working.
The alien noticed him at last and smiled at him from around Green. “Oh hey Prowler!”
“Are-“ his voice clipped.
Resetting his vocalizer this time, Prowl tried again, “You are remarkably calm right now.”
Not stopping his ministrations, Jazz hummed nonchalantly, “Well yeah, s’not like this is real.”
Prowl felt he had underestimated Jazz’s capacity to screw with his head.
“What.” He searched for any signs that he had fallen into defrag. Finding none.
“You think this isn’t real?” Prowl asked incredulously.
Jazz raised an eyebrow, smiling at the tactician.
“Prowl. Babydoll. I’m petting a {dinosaur.}”
He said with the most “you serious right now?” look reserved for only the most ridiculous of questions.
Prowl, might, kill Jazz himself.
Very hide-able body.
Very feasible.
He’s hidden bigger.
Instead, Prowl schooled his emotions. He would not, under any circumstances, allow himself to loose control like he did during Jazz’s confession.
Bringing his servos together as if he was a praying mech, Prowl calmly asked, “Why do you think this isn’t real?”
Jazz shrugged, “I mean, which is more likely? That I fell through a space spanning portal only to be rescued by some handsome alien who’s entire species just so happens to look exactly like mechas? Or that going through that portal permanently damaged something in here?”
The alien pointed at his own head for emphasis, carrying on, “And this is all some end of life {hallucination} my brain came up with where I’m actually fine, dinosaurs are pet-able and robots turn into cars.”
Prowl stopped Tacnet before it could take the prompt. Because it would calculate those odds, it would agree with Jazz, and then Prowl would crash for real this time.
“Well then can you at least pretend this is actually happening?” He was getting angry. He was getting angry again and he needed to stop before he did any more damage.
His doorwings and servos shook from how tightly he was holding them. He would stay calm. He would stay calm.
His field was seeping out again, but Prowl now knew from experience that trying to stop it now would just cause whatever hold he had on it to break loose.
[PROWL]: Jazz is awake. I am handling it]
[ELITA-1]: Keep me appraised]
[ELITA-1]: If Jazz turns out to be a liability he’s gone, and you’re going to scour the outside of the shop for all those “listening devices” Red Alert is now freaking out about]
The cold packs had done wonders earlier and Prowl was about to undo all the good they’d done.
He let the anger stay but cool into something usable. “Listen to me.”
Prowl leaned in just close enough to feel the bare hint of Jazz’s field. It was still incomprehensible but maybe he’d understand Prowl’s.
“My boss is currently demanding to know what you and your intentions are, and if I can’t provide a satisfactory answer we’re both going out of an airlock.” Prowl hissed.
Jazz stilled.
He looked over Prowl again, then back to Green. A melody Prowl hadn’t been aware of juttered to a stop, and that reedy dissonant sting reappeared. The alien looked down wide eyed at Green, slowly raising his hands away from the massive animal.
“Oooooh Fuck me this is actually real.”
The wonderful scritches having suddenly stopped, Green clicked unhappily and shoved her forehead more forcefully against Jazz’s chest.
The alien wheezed as all the air in his body was forced out, eyes bulging and panicked. Jazz began rapidly tapping Greens head, trying to speak without breath, “Help. Help help help help help.”
“Green! To me!”
The flyt thankfully followed the hurried command, only needing to flap once to clear the distance between her nest and Prowls pauldron. The sudden gust of wind had Jazz jerking into a ball at the gale force buffeting.
Lightly keeping one servo on his flyt, Prowl leaned in close as he could to check Jazz over for damages.
No bodily fluids leaking, no screaming, still breathing. Good.
Jazz uncurled slowly, making intense eye contact as he pulled air back into his body.
He coughed, “Uh, hi.”
“Hello.” Prowl unconsciously copied the motion, clearing a vent, “Are you hurt?”
Jazz patted his chest in a few places, “Nothing broken. A little dizzy but I’ve felt worse.”
A little bit of relief went a long way right now, and Prowl pretty much sagged with it. “Good. Right. Now, if you could describe what insane circumstances resulted with you, inside of that, I would greatly appreciate an explanation.”
Prowl waved his free servo over to the mecha still on the floor. He didn’t miss the way Jazz’s eyes lit up seeing it and the following look of concentration as he suddenly realized how high up he was.
“Right, right. Okay, I’ll try.” Jazz swung his legs over the side of the nest, needing his arms to keep himself upright.
Idly, Prowl pet Green to keep her content on his shoulder, as Jazz centered himself to try and bridge the gap of misunderstanding.
———
About a decade and a half ago, my world started to end.
Giant fuck-off aliens descended across the Earth, destroying everything in their paths. They didn’t know the difference between cities and savannas, just plowed on through from one to the other. Maybe they actually did but it just wasn’t a difference that mattered.
That all changed once we fought back.
Conventional weapons worked at first, but then they started sending bigger, faster and meaner motherfuckers. The first wave didn’t care, just dug around in random places.
But the second wave?
We were fucked.
The biggest problem was that the thing’s barely cared what was attacking them. Civilian casualties skyrocketed. Fighter planes couldn’t keep their attention and tanks couldn’t maneuver well enough through the shattered landscape.
There was one thing the fuckers never seemed to ignore though.
Statues. Big ones.
Christ the Redeemer, The Statue of Liberty, if it was huge and human shaped the invaders would B-line for them.
One day some genius pitched the idea of J-Boy and Lady Libs bitch slapping some aliens, and most of the world was at the “Fuck It” stage anyways.
Next thing we know, there’s this, gigantic, fuckin’ robot stumbling around the West Coast.
The first ever mecha.
Built from hopes and dreams and I think a couple decommissioned battle ships, the Vanguard had one real job.
Draw away the invaders, take hits and probably blow up.
Story goes that one of the pilots decided this wasn’t going to be a suicide mission anymore.
They fought, and they won.
San Francisco. The first city to have more living than dead after an attack. My home.
After that day? The mecha program was officially formed. More mechas were made, more pilots were trained, and ten years later we’ve fought the invaders to a standstill.
Someone finally suggests taking the fight to them, and bada bing bada boom ya boy Jazz is getting shot into space.
———
“Then a, what was it, a quintessential showed up.”
“Quintesson.” Prowl corrected through his servos.
“Thank you! I kicked it in the face, we fell through the tear into some kind of command center. Everybody freaked out, somebody reactivated the portal machine thingy and well, you know the rest!” Jazz at last stopped emoting with his hands, letting them come to rest on his lap. His story complete.
Prowl had to get a chair halfway through.
He was not going to crash.
He fragging wasn’t.
The fact that his face was buried in his servos and that Green was anxiously trying to preen his chevron meant nothing.
He listened to Jazz say one insane thing, and put a pin in it. He then heard a second insane thing, and added a second, larger pin.
And so on.
There where quite a lot of pins at this point and Prowl wasn’t entirely sure how to grab just one without poking himself on another.
His fans were on again.
The tactician wiped his servos down his face, “Who- who are your allies? How many planets does your kind control?”
Meeting his gaze, Jazz frowned. “Do you mean alien allies? Cause no, it’s just us. One people, one planet.” He said holding up a solitary finger.
Currently Jazz was sat on the floor, leaning against Greens nest. Earlier, the pilot had tried to stand briefly but nearly collapsed. Waving off Prowl’s concern with an “I’m fine! This is normal.”
One. More. Pin.
“Hell, you’re the first alien I’ve ever met that didn’t want me dead.”
Shaking his helm in disbelief, Prowl started cutting back logic branches that’d surely result in a cascade. “This, this is a lot to process.”
Jazz had the audacity to laugh, “Hey, you’re tellin’ me.”
Eyes roving Prowl’s frame, Jazz sat up a bit straighter as they realized something.
The alien rubbed the back of his neck, “Uh, I’d like to also apologize. For what happened earlier.”
Resting his elbows on his knees, the space around Prowl’s optics tightened, “Yes. Well, I did not behave in a manner I will ever be particularly proud of either. I assure you I do not usually loose control like that.”
“I hope you can forgive me.” Staring at the floor between his peds, Prowl’s doorwings fell low in apology. He was so caught up in his own self righteous rage he’d screamed down at a mech who’d needed him. Who trusted him.
Jazz however, just seemed confused. “What? You didn’t do anything wrong, I was the one getting all handsy on the bridge.”
The praxian snapped up straight.
“Right. That. I also, yes. That.”
“In my defense,” Jazz raised his hands and bowed his head, “I thought you were a guy in a suit like me. Didn’t know I was actually grabbing the real you.”
Resetting his vocalizer, he spoke much more quietly. “Yes, well. It was an understandable mistake.”
“Still would though.”
“What?”
“What?”
They stared at each other in silence for several clicks.
For all his expressiveness, Jazz had a way of totally shutting off any visible tells the second he wanted to. The only tell of any kind was a practiced deceptively neutral smile beneath his visor. His mouth twitched.
The silence finally broke when Jazz growled.
Immediately leaning back defensively, Prowl wrinkled his nose when Jazz started laughing like crazy, snorting a bit before finally loosing steam.
Taking deep breaths, Jazz closed his eyes.
“Sorry, sorry, that wasn’t directed at you. My stomach does that when I haven’t eaten in a while.” He rolled his head over to look at Prowl, eyes peeking back open. “Could’ya help me back to my mecha? I’ve got some rations in there.”
Prowl was already moving his servo inside before he could think better of it. From there, Jazz did not so much climb as he did roll over onto Prowls open palm. Sitting crisscrossed.
Something faintly like a pleasant hum touched his field.
Once out of the enclosure, the tactician studied the now conscious creature curiously. Bright eyed and without hiding it, Jazz studied him as well. A melody he didn’t recognize played against the pulse of his wrist.
He found that if he turned Jazz just the right way, the light from the theory board would turn his visor opaque. Every time he turned Jazz back, the visor cleared, and the subtle shock of sudden eye contact had him repeating the motion. Prowl got lost in trying to find the exact angle where Jazz was halfway between hidden and revealed.
Every time he did, Jazz would shift almost imperceptibly. Hidden and revealed again at his own discretion.
They stood there together, longer than either had expected.
Eventually, it was Prowl’s turn to break the silence, “You trust me. Why?”
Finally moving towards the mecha, there must have been some proximity sensor on Jazz’s person that triggered the chest plates to open.
Wings fluttering, Prowl subconsciously averted his gaze as Jazz scooted off his servo and into the cavity. The sound of tiny boots clanking.
Still not looking, he heard Jazz answer, “Breaking it down into three layers, there’s number one: I don’t exactly have any other options.”
A quick doorwing scan revealed the incredibly complex interior of Jazz’s suit, which somehow felt even more inappropriate than openly staring. Prowl pinned his wings together and stared resolutely at the ceiling.
“Number two: If you were going to kill me, you would have by now.” The sound of Jazz rustling around in their mecha abruptly stopped as the pilot spoke to Prowl more directly. “Hey, you good?”
Determined not to address this right now, Prowl simply shook his head. “I’m fine. Continue.”
He could almost hear Jazz thinking at this point, “Oooh right, the open chest cavity is probably pretty gross for you huh?”
Prowl squinted harder at the ceiling, “Not. Exactly.”
Jazz made some sort of noise of interest but thankfully choose to leave it for now. Instead, Prowl felt him clamber back onto his servo and heard the chest plates close back up.
Prowl finally looked back down at the human who’d gathered a backpack full of supplies. He carried him back to his desk and sat, releasing the small alien and leaning down low to look him in the face.
Jazz smiled back at him, “Reason number three: I like you.”
Prowl reset his optics and swore that made Jazz smile even harder. “Why?”
“Beats me.” Jazz shrugged, pulling out some ration packages.
“It’s probably a bunch of little things all added together. Super smart, fun to piss off, likes animals, can hold down a job, didn’t freak out and squash me like a bug. Hard to say for certain, but yeah, I like you.”
That was an exceptionally rare opinion to hear.
Gradually, Prowl began to feed all the information Jazz had provided into Tacnet in an effort to focus on more productive things.
There was an alien species capable of monumental destruction currently at war with the quintessons. Jazz liked him. Jazz held a favorable opinion of Prowl and could possibly be convinced to view Cybertronians in general with similar affability. Jazz was a fantastic ally on the field. There were multiple other fighters like Jazz on his home planet. They might also be convinced to “like” cybertronians.
The entire reason Prowl had been in deep space that cycle was because he was on a mission to find potential allies with other alien civilizations.
On the transport back, Prowl had written the mission off as an abject failure. Organics generally either hated Cybertronians, or feared them to the point of uselessness.
And yet.
Prowl crossed his arms on the table, getting more comfortable.
[PROWL]: My original mission has become a tentative success]
[PROWL]: Jazz has been cooperative so far, and if we can verify everything he’s told me, we could potentially form a highly favorable alliance with his people]
[ELITA-1]: He’s not freaked out about being tiny and squish-able any more? How’d you get him to talk?]
[PROWL]: I simply listened. He’s a shameless flirt]
[ELITA-1]: What]
[PROWL]: I will elaborate later. I am technically on medical leave still]
[ELITA-1]: Prowl what]
A rare sense of smugness filled Prowls field. He watched as Jazz played keep-away with Green for his limited rations. To give him some peace, he recovered the flyt, and Prowl set his mind to finding this Earth as soon as possible.
———
Jazz folded his hands behind his head, staring blankly at the star map.
“So?” Prowl prompted.
The human looked relaxed, maybe almost disinterested, however that dissonant ringing sting was back in his field. “I have no idea what I’m looking at.”
Fine. Fine. This was fine.
The map probably wasn’t formatted in a way Jazz was used to viewing. Prowl skipped around through a few other maps, landing on some deep space photographs instead. “Okay, well, what’s the farthest your species has traveled into space?”
“Our planets moon.” Jazz smiled in a tight-eyed sort of way with too many teeth.
Prowl stalled out, “I- How?!? How does your species have the technological development to create drivable weapons shaped like people but you lack the technology to reach past your own moon? What method of space travel are you using where the moon is the limit?”
“Big missiles.”
The tactician slowly raised his servos to his face.
“Jazz.”
“Yeah Prowler?” He said with faux casualness.
“When you said that you, and I quote, “got shot into space.” Prowl took a long deep vent. “You were being literal?”
At the very least Jazz had the decency to look sheepish. Risking a glance, he saw Prowl’s irises spinning like crazy again.
The tactician brought his chevron back down to his most used pillow, his desk. He crossed his arms over his helm for good measure, willing his helm to not explode.
What kind of demented species was so overly specialized for combat that projectile explosives were considered a reasonable form of transportation?
. . .The same kind that can hold off a Quintesson invasion by themselves.
He needed Jazz. The whole Decepticon movement needed that alliance with his people. They were spread too thin. Too many enemies. Not enough support.
Megatron barely approved Elita-one’s proposal to attempt to establish trade relations with known organic civilizations. And only under the condition that the trade heavily favored the Decepticons.
But these were fellow combatants. For all the high command’s xenophobia, they at least respected exceptional acts of violence.
It was a solution just out of reach.
Earth was presumably located on the edge of the Quintessons territory. Given the necessity of using rifts to approach the planet, there was likely a dedicated Quintesson Gate Station somewhere within the Human’s solar system. When asked to describe the type of Star his planet orbited, Jazz answered with a less than helpful “Yellow.”
If roughly 18% of the average galaxy had yellow stars, then that would still be around 80 billion stars. Even excluding stars without Earth sized planets, that’s easily still twenty billion different stars in just one galaxy. If they could somehow accurately survey up to 8 planets per breem, it would take a little over 761 Vorns to finishing sweeping one galaxy under Quintesson control.
Assuming the Quintessons didn’t kill them first that is.
He’d need to find another way.
The human blew a raspberry after Prowl didn’t move for a good forty seconds. “Are you calculating our “Odds of Survival” again?”
Peeking through his forearms, the praxian squinted at him, Tacnet whirling away, “No. Just yours.”
“Ah, gotcha.” Jazz, who was feeling much better after eating properly, expertly slipped past Prowls barrier a breath away from his face.
“Is it more than zero?” He said leaning back against Prowls arm.
“It’s a decimal point.” Prowl muttered. “With many, many zeroes before the point.”
And now those damn sounds were back again.
It had to be Jazz’s field, there was no other correlation.
It was always on the edge of perceptibly, like a song playing in another room. Prowl had to constantly check he wasn’t imagining things, because EM fields did not make sounds and yet here was Jazz, breaking everything he knew about what was possible.
Currently, the field brought to mind a steady smooth hand on a bowed instrument. A couple notes plucked in a major key.
“Then I’ll survive.”
Scrunching his brow, Prowl pulled away so he didn’t go cross eyed looking at the little impossibility. “That’s not how this works. Your odds of survival are microscopic, Jazz.”
“Buuut there’s a chance yeah?” Jazz pulled himself up to sit on Prowls forearm. “It’s more than zero, and I’ve worked with zero.”
Prowl tapped his digits, “We’ll have to convince the captain and her crew to keep you aboard.”
“I’m effortlessly charming.” He winked.
“Everything will be dangerous for you here.” Prowl pointed out.
“Everything already was.” Jazz shrugged.
He wiped a servo down his face, not even sure why he was arguing with him, “It’s going to be statistically impossible.”
“Prowl.” Jazz stood, “I am impossible.”
The silence ran to the Earth and back.
Neither broke the eye contact, waiting for the other to break first. Desperately, Prowl needed something to keep Jazz from making him crash. This could not become a pattern.
Quickly, he considered every data point he’d collected on the pilot, and compiled it into an extremely temporary equation.
<< Jazz + [Odds of Survival] = 99% >>
Something in Tacnet wound down finally, and Prowl actually relaxed. It was a lie. But it was a lie that Tacnet didn’t need to know about. For now.
Automatically, Prowl held out a servo and Jazz hopped on.
“Finally believe in me?” He said, lightly grasping his thumb as a hand hold.
“No, but it will literally kill me if I don’t try.”
Prowl turned down the hall, trying to ignore the subtle auditory hallucination of an energetic leitmotif. Picking up a little speed despite himself.
“Before anything else can be done, we need to make our case. Are you ready Jazz?”
“This is something straight out of a TV show Prowler. Hell yeah I’m ready.”
Together they would face the music.
———————————————————————
Coda
———
Humanity’s Finest: “Yeah we don’t know why but for some reason these things just fucking hate giant metal people.”
Jazz, being introduced to Cybertronians: “I have a theory.”
1 Breem = 8 minutes
1 Groon = 320 minutes or 5.3 hours
1 cycle = 16 groons or 3.5 days
1 vorn = 50 years
Well how about that. What was started as a four parter evolved into ten.
This’ll be where I’ll leave Jazz and Prowl off for a time. Other stories wait in line.
Thank you to everyone who’s followed along for this and a special thank you to @keferon for laying the groundwork for the story and for @glitchgh0sty’s absolutely amazing fanart of Odds of Survival.
Still crazy to me how much talent and care random folks can put into things to share with one another.
Also huge shoutout to the people who leave comments! You guys are awesome and hearing about all the stuff that sticks out to you or made you go crazy really does help me as a writer! I learn things! Woo!
Thank you all for reading, and I wish for each of you a very high Odds of Survival.
-SSTP
<- First
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ad-ya · 3 months ago
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kaiist · 3 months ago
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-.- .- .. .. … -
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𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑 : 𝐌𝐈���𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒
⋇ Status ⋯ Docking Complete ⋇ Location ⋯ 𝐊𝐀𝐈𝐈𝐒𝐓 Orbital Station ⋇ Access Level ⋯ Authorized ⋇ Launch Code ⋯ 280325
𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄, 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐑. ∹ You’ve successfully docked at 𝐊𝐀𝐈𝐈𝐒𝐓, a terminal floating amidst the cosmic expanse. Whether you’re here for classified mission reports, encrypted transmissions, or to send a request through the interstellar network, all data logs are available below ⋯ navigate wisely—adventure awaits.
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𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍
⋇ Designation ⋯ Captain Kaisa-19 ⋇ Rank ⋯ Chief Archivist & Storyteller ⋇ Mission ⋯ Documenting celestial encounters and stellar romances across the cosmos. ⋇ Terminal Note ⋯ All transmissions are encrypted and monitored by the central AI, and I’ll later review it in my command quarters. For further inquiries, send a request through the Incoming Transmissions channel.
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𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐘𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐌
✛ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐒 ⋯ Mission Reports & Archived Transmissions [ All Writings ]
✛ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐄 ⋯ Galactic Records [ Masterlist ]
✛ 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐀 𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒 ⋯ Research & Classified Files [ Personal posts ]
✛ 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐎𝐂𝐎𝐋 𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 ⋯ Operational Directives [ BYF / DNI / Requests ]
✛ 𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 ⋯ Open Comm Channels [ Ask ]
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© main · ao3 · theme · divider · characters belongs to developers
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lay-z · 9 months ago
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dollhouse | 1 (prologue)
Based on personal experiences. This will be fun 🥰
Pairing: Cpt. John Price x AuPair!F!Reader Warnings/Info: 18+ MDNI | smut (male masturbation); humor; age gap; cussing
Synopsis: John Price needs a trustworthy nanny to take care of his precious baby daughter. Signing up as a host parent on an Au Pair agency website, he eventually matches with you.
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When John finally accepts the fact that he can’t possibly do it alone any longer, he caves in and starts researching various Au Pair agencies. 
He reads reviews, experiences and even has Laswell investigate some of those agencies, before he eventually decides on one – Cultural Care Au Pair – and signs up as a host parent/family, looking for an international nanny. 
A whole process goes into signing up and getting approved as a host, a good amount of money and paperwork too, but John appreciates the agencies' effort to make sure the host families as well as the Au Pairs backgrounds are thoroughly checked. 
It took him long enough to accept that he will need help with his precious baby girl soon, so now he must make sure to find the most absolute trustworthy and perfect nanny for her. 
And it takes for fucking ever. 
His standards are quite high, he admits that; his Au Pair needs to have decent English skills and must have enough driving experience if she is to be trusted with his princess in the backseat, she needs to be in her mid-twenties at least and preferably has worked with children before. 
“A nice rack an’ bonnie face would be plus points eh, Cap’n?” 
John clicks his tongue in disdain and furrows his dark brows as he shakes his foolish Sergeant’s words from his head and keeps scrolling through profiles on his laptop instead. 
Oh, his bloody team of menaces had a proper blast when they found out their Captain is looking for an Au Pair to host; a young woman he’ll provide with a roof over the head and a weekly allowance in exchange for her services as a caretaker of his precious daughter. 
It does sound like the setup of a bad porn movie. He knows that. A single dad/military man looking for a young woman to live with him to take care of his child? 
He’s all too aware of how wrong it sounds, Thank you very much, MacTavish. 
Even this feels wrong somehow – checking out the Au Pair’s profiles, reading through their motivational letters, previous work experiences, hobbies, looking through their photos... 
John is sitting in his spacious living room, laptop perched on his lap again while he’s sitting in his favourite armchair, feet propped up on the matching footstool, browsing through profiles of young females, 17+.  
It’s even more bugging and tedious, because both host families and Au Pairs can only be matched with three profiles at a time – so no one can get overwhelmed, which means John is even more reserved with the matches he makes. Then again, the cards to find a good match are stacked against him as it is, being a single dad in his late 30s. 
He’s already figured out that most Au Pairs don’t want to work for a single dad, no matter how tame he looks in his profile picture, no matter how fancy his house is and no matter the fact that he will pay way more than the necessary allowance if it means his daughter is well taken care of. 
Bloody hell –  
John is about ready to call it a night again, log out of his profile and push this task to the next day, when your profile picture suddenly pops up on his screen, making him nearly choke on the sip of bourbon he just took. 
Your sweet smile, those sparkling eyes looking right at the camera, the way you’re holding that chubby baby in your arm, perched on your hip –  
He reads your name, says it out loud a few times and tests it on his tongue approvingly. 
And in a burst of vanity and rashness, John clicks on the ‘match’ button before he even realizes what he’s done and yet he doesn’t regret it once he’s practically studied your profile. 
It’s almost too good to be true, really. 
But then he looks through the other pictures you’ve uploaded to your profile; pictures of you with family, friends, at a café all casual and – there's that selfie of you in a white sundress, flashing another bedazzling smile and showing off a hint of your womanly curves – and John knows he’s in trouble when his cock gives a twitch of interest in his underwear. 
He shouldn’t be doing this; shouldn’t be looking at you with any other thought in his mind than ‘This could be a potentially good nanny for my sweet daughter’. 
“Fuck–” He grunts quietly, shifting in his seat as he sets his glass of bourbon down on the vintage side table to his right, because as much as he hates himself for it, he is currently looking at you with other intentions in his mind. 
The alcohol has turned his insides all warm and now the sight of you in that sundress is already burned into his retinas without his conscious consent; it’s not your fault, no – Gods, no.  
It’s the fact that John hasn’t seen a pretty and friendly-looking thing such as yourself in such a long time. It’s the fact that John wasn’t bothered to look at another woman since his ex-fiancée and mother of his child cheated on him and then disappeared to fuck knows where with another man. 
And now John’s large, calloused hand is already palming his half-hard erection through his slacks absentmindedly, working up that steady blood rush south while his eyes are trained on your picture, until they flicker briefly to scan around his dimly lit living room, almost expecting Gaz and Soap to pop out from behind the drawn curtains, pointing their fingers at their perverted Captain – laughing at him, because they were right in the end. 
“Fuckin’ hell,” John curses again, shaking those thoughts off his tired mind, because he needs this now and he’s going to indulge this once. 
Once. 
And then he will withdraw his match request with you before he loses all his self-restraint, because there is no way he can be trusted with you potentially living in his home. 
John keeps the laptop steady on his lap with his left hand while he rucks up his shirt enough to expose his buff chest and the dark coarse hair covering it and then he pops the button of his slacks open with ease, pulling the zipper down before his other hand dives past the waistband of his boxer briefs. 
An almost pained, low groan escapes his throat when he finally touches and frees his throbbing cock from his pants. 
He should feel ashamed by the sight of his leaking cockhead, knowing he’s getting this worked up because of an innocent picture of you – a young woman who has signed up on a website to help families take care of their children and definitely not to help some perverted single dad and soldier get off – but instead of stopping, he swipes his thumb over his slit and spreads the pearly slick along his thick length, using it as lube while he gives his cock two, three slow pumps. 
The musky smell of his own arousal hits his nostrils, and it only confirms the need to revoke the match again, to stay away from you at all costs, because he can’t remember the last woman who had this strong of an effect on him, but it was surely not his ex. 
John lets out another low groan when the image of you kneeling between his thighs and smiling up at him eagerly is conjured up in his mind against his will while he fists at his cock in faster and firm strokes, and then he finally lets go – lets his mind run free for a moment. 
He imagines what your voice might sound like, soft and angelic, perhaps a little raspy and sultry, calling him ‘sir’ or ‘Mr. Price’–  
His eyes flutter shut and his head lolls back against the headrest of his armchair, his chest heaves with a wanton moan, “O-oh... F-fuck –” 
And then, his blistering orgasm nearly catches him off-guard when the tension coils rapidly in his gut, his balls draw up taut, the muscles in his abdomen flex uncontrollably and John barely has time to cup his palm over his tip before he makes a complete mess of himself; thick, hot cum leaking through his scarred knuckles onto his dark happy trail while his hips keep bucking up into his own fist. 
Now, John is breathing heavy, his cheeks flushed uncharacteristically sheepish beneath his thick beard while he catches his breath and post-nut clarity begins to settle in. 
He feels like a complete degenerate and more than ashamed as he looks down at himself with a disdainful click of his tongue, poking it into his cheek as he assesses the situation. 
His cock is still hard in his grasp while his milky seed already threatens to dry up and become all sticky on his skin – so he needs a shower and another wank if he plans on sleeping peacefully tonight. 
John clenches his jaw when his eyes flicker back to the laptop screen on his lap, where your picture is still in full view, and his cock throbs meekly in his hand once more with a dirty mind of its own, and John exhales a huff through his nostrils. 
This is pathetic.  
It’s Friday, way past midnight, and Captain John Price has just knocked one out over an innocent, single picture of a beautiful woman on his search for a nanny for his daughter. 
No one could ever waterboard this information out of him. Ever. 
With his right hand a mess, John uses his weak hand to scroll, bids his non-verbal goodbye to your pics, albeit reluctantly, and goes back to your profile to un-match with you after his debauched deed just now. 
But then, his eyes narrow briefly before they widen, brows raising up to his hairline, when he realizes that he cannot take back his match request any longer. 
Because you have already accepted it. 
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translatemunson · 7 months ago
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file 002 — brand new bar, same old problems
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chapter two of death defying acts
previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter
cw: MDNI thank you, fem!reader, afab!reader, no descriptions of reader (i'm really trying to keep my descriptions of her and her background to a minimum so i can be inclusive to all people, but let me know if i can improve), no use of y/n, reader has a call sign (i had to pick one, it makes sense for the story), innacuracies about the navy, topgun and army (i did my best guys), this takes places after the events of the movie, yes don't kill me but reader has a fling with another aviator won't say who, implied smut.
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If surviving Captain Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell and the Dagger Squad would be required for you to be sent overseas, you were not sure there was gonna be a lot of you left to fit in a plane seat.
In just two days and one quick chat with Maverick, you had to recognize there was no easy task in front of you. Maverick didn’t show any enthusiasm in your work or questions on that quick meeting, which was somewhat discouraging. You had been spending your morning reviewing previous logs of all of the fighter pilots, your afternoons watching them live on radar, taking notes of their data, style and skills, your evenings analyzing all of your notes and coming up with plans for the simulation.
You were in bed way past your normal schedule on Saturday morning. Your belongings would definitely sit on boxes for another week or two if you didn’t do anything regarding it. You had the essentials out — uniforms, underwear, laptop, hygiene products, and a picture of you with your parents —, but that was it. Even your kitchen was getting appliances as you started to need them.
You grabbed a clean change of clothes, your bag and headed out to do groceries and get your mind out of work. There were a lot of things to get done before you were back to base on Monday: firstly you needed some real food in your fridge, including new tea blends and pasta for when you’re too tired to cook anything that takes longer than 20 minutes. Then you had to pick up more pills for your headache. Maybe some flowers for your living room would make the place livable — and also push you to unpack a few boxes with your books and portraits.
Also you had to call your parents and brief them on your first days. Well, maybe that was easier said than done: while you couldn’t share much details about what you were doing, you knew they were ready to pull some interrogation tactics or whatever to get all the intel. Your father was the one helping you with the moving — because he was free in between flight classes —, but your mom was the one texting people to know why now they wanted to transfer you to San Diego.
Once the call sign Maverick was brought to the table, your father did all he could to get you another opening somewhere else. And as soon as you got the bigger picture of why you were being moved to work with Maverick and his team, the puzzle made sense. Even though they were successful on their mission, they had one more challenge ahead, and there was no margin for errors or close calls for this one — you were gonna receive more information about it after the first few weeks.
Maverick and the Dagger Squad were definitely a lot to deal with. Excellent pilots, an amazing sense of a team — maybe almost being killed does this to a group —, but you could see some flaws slipping through the cracks of their personalities. Maverick still hated authority and being told to follow orders. Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin — not Bagman, unfortunately — could be a team player only if that benefited him, otherwise his wingman was the first to go down during training. Natasha ‘Phoenix’ Trace was an excellent pilot, and Robert ‘Bob’ Floyd as her WSO was a great combo, but if paired with someone else, it was a hit or miss — you asked to change pairings on Friday morning, just to check if there was margin for new combos. Reuben ‘Payback’ Fitch and his WSO, Mickey ‘Fanboy’ Garcia, were also a great combo, but they needed a strong flight leader to shine and succeed. Javy ‘Coyote’ Machado was a good pilot, but only on good days — and that was something you couldn’t risk on a mission. And Bradshaw was living for his call sign Rooster, even though he had amazing decision making skills, he was always waiting for the last second to make a move. And that, in the field, meant death.
And those were just a few observations you could get from a few hours in front of the radars and live data from their training exercises. 
You went through your shopping list in no time, stopping for headache meds and some flowers just after you got lunch. Back at your one bedroom apartment, you, once again, found an excuse to avoid a Facetime call with your parents, but you made sure to text them some pictures of your progress — and thank your dad for finding a good place for you to stay, a 20 minutes drive from the base, and also in a walking distance of the Golden Hill Park.
Clothes on drawers and hangers, cutlery in the right places, uniforms in the washer, books in the shelves. You were slowly bringing together the sense of home to San Diego. Your last few weeks in Nevada were crazy: you were back from one deployment in the Pacific just to be called for another quick job in Alaska. Thankfully your dad had a few weeks off to go to Nevada and help you pack, driving all your stuff three days before your arrival and saying he would take care of housing. All you had to do was sign a few papers, pack the stuff you could send ahead and get ready for a quick stop up north.
The sun was setting when you realized you were almost done with things. Maybe you should let some for Sunday, so you could also keep your mind off of work. You got up from your bedroom floor, took a long shower and checked your messages.
On Friday, you were able to catch up with Bob over lunch, asking him about his journey after training. You also got close to Phoenix, kinda relieved she was just as nice as you remembered. You got their numbers, they got yours, and that’s how you end up with an invite to join them at a bar called Hard Deck in an hour. If you were gonna be around for at least ten weeks, you might as well do something else besides working.
 So you went through your clothes, searching for a black top, some jeans and a jacket for when it got chiller from the autumn air. Just some casual clothes to share a few beers and a few more stories. Still getting used to San Diego streets and skyline, you drove like you weren’t in no rush to get to the bar, appreciating the change of scenery from the desert to the beachside.
You parked outside the Hard Deck just a few minutes late. For a Saturday evening, the place was pretty packed, and you could see some clients were proud to walk around in their work khakis — something you avoided as much as you could. After all, you were just a few minutes away from the station. Texting Bob back to ask him if they were already there, you didn’t even hit send before you were able to pick your new colleagues amidst the crowd.
Nat was holding a pool cue on the side of her body, explaining something to Mickey and Bob. Hangman and Coyote were trying to impress some ladies on the darts board — and you were very sorry for those two poor souls, if they knew everything you’ve been hearing while on duty. You stopped by the bar, getting yourself some bar soda and starting a tab.
“You’re sure I can’t fix you anything else?” The lady behind the bar asked you.
“I’m good for now.” And then you turned to your colleagues and thought better, “Do you happen to remember what they’re getting?” You pointed to them.
“Sure thing, they’re just having beers. Are you friends with the Daggers?”
“Not exactly,” you watched her grab six bottles, serve some ice in the bucket and hand it to you. “I was relocated here to work with them. I know Bob and Phoenix from previous training, but that’s about it.”
“Oh, so you’re part of Maverick’s team?” She definitely knew them, not just because they would be spending their down time on Hard Deck.
“I’m part of the Intelligence Team working with them.” It didn’t get easier every time you talked about it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”
“It’s Penny, honey. Well, let me know once you decide to try something else.”
“Thank you, Penny.”
You took the drinks with you to the high top table just on the side of their pool table. Your upbeat spirit died down as soon as you realized Bradshaw was there. After being lectured about Maverick and Goose, Bradley’s father, you weren’t looking forward to tolerating him outside of work. His short temper and slow decision making was something that got on your nerves easily. But you should’ve expected this, since he’s a long time friend with Nat.
“Look who’s out of that desk, guys.” And unfortunately, Hangman was the one to announce your presence. “I thought you were the type to wear your uniform everywhere since you’re a goody-two-shoes, Hyde.”
“Unlike you, Seresin, I have a life and personality outside of base.” You pointed to his khakis. “And don’t worry, I’m not writing down your lack of hobbies, outside women and pissing others off of course. I could already tell that based on your flight maneuvers.”
“Looking forward to reading the file you’re writing about me.” He reached for a beer, and you rolled your eyes. “Thanks, honey.”
“I’ll be surprised if you can actually read,” you bit back. “But I’m not here to work. And these beers are a peace offering. I’m not the enemy.”
“So you just like to point out our weaknesses for fun.” Mickey approached you, but you could tell it was more of a lighthearted comment than a critique. “Thanks, Hyde.”
“Thank me next week when you ace the mission simulation.”
You passed them their beers. There was only one left, but since Bradley was more concerned with his pool game than a beer, you moved the bucket aside and turned to Bob, asking “Is this every Navy favorite place to go?”
“Kinda. It’s close to base, and the service is nice and fairly priced.” Bob looked at his water. “How long have you been here?”
“I arrived this week. My father helped me move, but I had zero time to wander around.” But who’s fault was that? Definitely yours. “They are a tough crowd, I fear.”
“Don’t worry, they eventually warm up to strangers,” he explained. “We’re still fresh from last mission, and fresh blood always disturbs a little of a group’s balance.”
“I guess I would know that if I worked closely with fighter pilots,” you confessed. “Most of my missions consist of assisting with data and probabilities when tracing plans and assessing risks. Sometimes I don’t even know who is receiving my reports.”
“But you’ve been training with pilots, right?”
“No real missions, just simulations, mostly with graduates from Top Gun back in Fallon.” This job could be the perfect blend of what you’re good at and your passion, but even though you had extensive training with Air missions, you were stuck with assessing risks for admirals and captains to take charge. “It’s my first real chance to be on a mission where I’m able to build a relationship with the people I’m working with, not just being briefed on the mission and its goals.”
“I see. Yeah, I believe you’re gonna do a great job, not just because I know you, but because there’s still room for improvement and you’re gonna be the key for it.” Bob tried to cheer you up, and even though you wanted to believe his words, the first few days were tough on you.
“Thanks, Bob. But I’ve meant it when I said I’m not here to work,” you laughed, leaving the pressure of your relocation for another time.
“So you better start sharpening your pool skills, Hyde.” Natasha passed you her pool cue and smiled. “Do you even play it?”
“Who do you think I am, Phoenix?” You gasped, as if her words were the biggest betrayal you ever faced. “It’s been a minute since I last played, tho.”
“It’s ok, you don’t need to be good at everything you do, you know.” She joked. “Ok, cutthroat rules. You, me and Rooster.” 
She reseted the table as she explained how it was going to work: she was protecting balls 1 to 5, you were in charge with 6 to 10, Rooster had 11 to 15 to himself. The goal was to pocket any opponent's balls while protecting yours. If a foul occurred, the other players had the right to place a ball back at the table.
Natasha breaks, and one of hers was pocketed right away. On her shot, she aimed for the 7-ball, but it lacked strength to send your ball to the pocket. You took a look at the table, spotting a chance to pocket the 12-ball. You walked to the other side, passing just inches away from Bradshaw, and sending his ball to the pocket. He looked unimpressed when you checked for his reaction. You tried to get one of Nat ball’s, but you picked the wrong angle.
Bradshaw fixed his sunglasses on the neck of shirt, assessed the table and went for the 8-ball. Everyone was tied on losses. He sent the 1 straight to the pocket. His third shot scratched the 6-ball and moved it to a dangerous spot, and you held your breath.
“Don’t worry, I’m on your side,” Natasha aimed for the 15-ball and sent it straight to the corner pocket. But it was still a risky position for your 6-ball, and you watched when she pocketed that one as well. “I mean, I took one of his first, which makes us even, right?”
“That’s not what I’ve learned on Math 101, but ok.” You shook your head. “What are you gonna do next?”
“I’m gonna,” she elongated her words, “maybe this one,” she pointed to the 5-ball, “or a small challenge with the 14.” She positioned herself, and missed the latter for a lot. “Your shot, Hyde.”
You sent the 14-ball straight into the pocket, then missed your shot. Bradley took the 3-ball out, followed by the 10, and missed the 7. Nat got the 9-ball, then missed. You tunnel vision on the 13, in the middle of the table, with a huge chance of error. The white ball hit all the wrong corners and you miss it. And it got the white one on the perfect spot to send your last ball to the pocket.
“It was nice playing with you, fellas.” You turned over your cue and crossed your arms, destiny sealed since Bradshaw was a way better player than you. You watched the 7-ball disappear inside the pocket. 
“Wait, Hyde, someone could get a foul, and you can come back,” Nat tried to pull you back to the table.
“I’m good with my loss, don’t worry. I’m not leaving, just wanna get something from the bar.” You took the now empty bucket — did Bradshaw get his beer or someone stole it? — to the bar and returned it to Penny.
“How is it going?” She smiled and motioned her head to the group.
“Could be worse. Can I have a tequila shot?”
“Sure, honey.” Penny checked something under the bar. “Is house tequila ok?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. Can you get me one water and two more beers as well?”
“Coming right up.”
You took your phone of your pocket, and checked your messages: you were setting the family group chat aside for tomorrow morning; Lisa, your roommate from Fallon, was sharing updates on the gossip you were missing — not even three days and they didn’t failed to surprise you — while in San Diego; Ashton, still unaware of your transference, was asking if you were free. Yeah, things would never change.
“Here.” She laid your order on the counter. “I know you’re an Officer, but do you happen to have a call sign?”
“It’s more common to hear people calling me by it than my own name,” you shared, and she laughed. “It’s Hyde, a character from a gothic novel.”
“Oh, I believe I’ve read this book in high school.” She pressed her lips together and stared at you, like she was trying to put the pieces together. “Do you need some lime and salt for the shot?”
“No, not really.” Maybe not a smart idea since you’re driving, but that was the Hyde in you: nice face, good manners, but short tempered and always down to some trouble. “Thanks, Penny.”
You balanced your shot and the water in one hand, held the two beers in the other and moved carefully between the crowd to your friends. Back to the pool table, you watched Rooster send Nat’s last ball to the pocket.
“Oh no! And I thought you were each other's lucky charm,” you pointed out between her and Bob. You sat by her WSO’s side and passed him a water. “Or do you want a beer?”
“Water’s fine, thanks,” he offered you some nuts, and you gladly took a few.
“Here, a consolation prize for you.” You slid a beer for Nat as soon as she joined the table. You looked over her shoulder, seeing Bradshaw walking to the piano. “Is he always like that?”
You looked over your shoulder to Bradshaw. He carried a lot of resemblances to his parents — you could tell after hours looking through your parents’ photos, and seeing Goose and Carole in a few, with a kid Bradley closer. This was way before you were transferred to San Diego or decided to join the Navy.
You thought Bradshaw was just like you, until your father told you what happened to him. Father died after a failed ejection, his mom died of cancer, Maverick pulled his papers and set him back. You felt sorry about it, but if he was raised by Pete Mitchell after all of that, you were expecting to meet the younger version of the captain.
“Give him some time, Rooster is not much of a fan of changes,” she explained.
“As long as this doesn’t interfere with my job, I’m ok with not being friends with everyone.” You drank the tequila shot without making an ugly face, and quickly moved to your beer.
“Do you happen to know anything about our next mission?” Nat asked.
“I’m afraid I’m just as in the dark as you,” you shook your shoulders. “I know about the uranium mission though, which was pretty dangerous. I would’ve done a thing or two differently.”
“What exactly?”
“I mean, they could’ve timed the missiles to hit a few SAMs as you were leaving the valley, and make your way out of there smoother.” They were already flying a dangerous zone on less powerful planes, and exposed the hell of their jets, so not having at least a few bombs to help out was a little dumb.
“You’re kinda right,” Bob threw another nut inside his mouth. “Do you think they considered it?”
“Nah, I bet 20 bucks Admiral Simpson was looking for an opportunity to get rid of Maverick.” You took a sip of your beer.
“That’s cruel. But hey, if you have the chance to make our mission less dangerous, you have my approval.” Nat smiled.
“I’ll remember that.”
“Hey, have you always been part of Intelligence?”
You and Bob shared a look. “No, I joined the Navy after graduating from college. My parents are from the Navy, and they gave me the chance to choose. So education, then enlisting. My records say I graduated from Flight School because I completed the training successfully, but I got in an accident during the last week. Then, because of my college degree, they gave me a spot as part of the Intelligence, and I liked it there.”
“Oh, I’m sorry for your accident. I bet you miss being in the sky sometimes.”
“Thanks, Nat. My dad is a flight instructor nowadays, and everytime we’re in the same base, he finds a way to let me fly for a few minutes.”
“So you’ve been keeping your flight skills in check? Why don’t you apply to Top Gun?” Bob inquired.
“I really don’t see myself doing what you guys do on a daily basis,” another sip, waiting for them to be convinced. You were way past that Top Gun chance now, anyway.
“A pretty thing like you fits better as a Top Gun pilot's wife,” Hangman came up to the table, a beer in hand.
“I rather crawl naked over hot tarmac than date an aviator, Bagman.” Maybe if the aviator wasn’t part of your team, but just maybe. “You guys are just trouble. Can’t keep your missiles in your pants, and flee as soon as possible.”
“You’re funny, Hyde,” he pointed his beer’s neck at you.
“Don’t let it fool you, Hangman, they don’t call her Hyde for nothing,” Bob warned him.
“Don’t have a lot of Jekyll going on, hun?”
“Oh god, you’re insufferable,” Nat exited the table as fast as she could.
“No wonder those girls left you hanging on the darts,” it was kinda undeniable that there was some tension in the air.
“If you’d excuse me, I think it’s the perfect time to call my girlfriend.” And Bobby was smart to take his cue to leave you two alone. He motioned to his phone, and you noticed the picture on the wallpaper: the WSO with his arms around a beautiful girl. But she didn’t look like anyone you’ve seen around at base so far.
“Needs babysitting, Bob?” Hangman teased.
“Should I remind you who fell for the feral koalas story, Seresin?” Bob biting back? That was a first for you.
You looked between the two men, intrigued.
“Go talk about pandas or whatever, Floyd.” Jake waved his hand.
“See you later, Hyde.” Bob walks to the external deck, phone in his ear.
“What did he mean with feral koalas?” You inquired.
“His lady is Australian, and one time she told us about how koalas got a disease and were attacking people, and she sounded very scared.”
“And you believed it?”
“I mean, there was a lady in distress!”
“Jeez, we should legally change your call sign to Himbo.”
“Him-what?”
You laughed and stared at Jake, “I’m dead serious about not dating aviators, tho.”
“Who said anything about dating?”
One thing led to another. Coyote left the bar with a girl on his side, Hangman was left without a ride. You offered to drive him there, since it was on your way home, but you were none the wiser after a tough week and a few tequila shots.
When the sun started to peak over the waves, you were far away from Jake’s bed and still very much sure of your promise. You were in San Diego with one goal and one goal only: earn that promotion. And nothing or anyone was stepping into your way.
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a/n: hello aviators! first of all, thank you SO MUCH for the support on the first chapter. yes, i wrote what i wrote and i don't regret it (hyde hooking up with hangman, but it was mostly implied so don't worry, it's almost like it didn't happened haha). also even tho we know who the daggers are, hyde is still getting to know them, i couldn't pass on a hard deck introduction scene (top gun: maverick movie style!). well, let me know what you guys think about this chapter, don't forget to reblog, vote and comment! see ya soon!
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