#career aggregation

[preheville]

In all seriousness, here are a few resources I think are helpful with regards to understanding just how thoroughly Henry Kissinger screwed the world over:

Kissinger by Behind the Bastards. This is a 6 part series done by the podcast Behind the Bastards, with the hosts of The Dollop on as guests. It's super funny and a very accessible foothold into understanding the scope of Kissinger's vast career.

Kissinger's Shadow by Greg Grandin. This book provides an in-depth analysis of Kissinger's tenure in the White House, covering both how he got into office, the changes he made in office, the policies he put forth, and their repercussions on the world.

ETAN's category on Kissinger. The East Timor and Indonesia Action Network has long been an outspoken critic of Kissinger's, and they've aggregated a lot of helpful articles here.

The Trial of Henry Kissinger by Christopher Hitchins. While Grandin's book focuses less on the specificities of Kissinger's crimes, Hitchins has no such qualms and details each of them in depth.

I truly think understanding Kissinger, the way he thought, and the things that he did, are all indispensable when it comes to understanding the modern political climate and how foreign policy works in America and therefore, by necessity, in the world at large. The sheer amount of damage he was responsible for should never be underestimated.

[meazalykov]

terror arrives

barcelona femeni x female!pugh!oc

margaret (margo) pugh breaks through world class stars to score goals. so what happens when she transfers to barcelona after knocking them out of the champions league in the previous season?

the woman’s name had always been a heavy topic for opponents.

mallory pugh was the darling of american soccer, the golden girl. the one who followed the well-paved path, the one who did things the right way. 

a good youth career, senior national team. nwsl. the poster child for what a career was supposed to look like.

the younger sister… margo? margo had never done things the right way.

she is the younger sister, the shadowed talent. the one who took the road less-traveled. she is the one who was always chasing after something, even if she did not yet know what. the one who ignored the noise, the expectations, the comparisons to her older traditional sister, and ran her own race. 

literally, because margo pugh was not just fast on the pitch, she was terrifying.

tonight, the best team in the world learned just how terrifying she could be.

barcelona had confidence, as they always did. they had won the first leg 1-0, and even without alexia in full form, they were still the most dominant force in club football. 

lyon, the sleeping giant, had stumbled this season. margo? she had missed the first leg due to a minor injury. without her, lyon lacked their usual bite.

now she was back, and she was hungry.

from the first whistle, margo was a nightmare. she did not just move…she exploded. the ball stuck to her feet as if tethered by an unseen force, her low center of gravity allowing her to slip through tackles with a grace that should not have been possible at such speed. 

at just twenty-one, she was already different and already unpredictable, already rewriting the narrative that had been crafted for her due to having a sibling already in the ranks.

barcelona’s midfield, patri, keira, and aitana, were accustomed to dictating games. 

against margo, they could only chase.

at minute 18, margo picks up the ball just past midfield. she turns sharply, a half-second quicker than walsh, and she is gone. aitana reaches out, tries to pull her back…too late.

one touch. two. three. the ball moves like it is an extension of her. she slices through the space between irene and ona like a hot knife through butter. she takes a touch with her right, steadies herself, and buries it past coll before anyone can react.

1-0.

barcelona is stunned. the catalan stadium, roaring just minutes ago, falls into an uneasy silence while the away crowd goes wild. 

the aggregate is tied.

in minute 36, lyon’s press forces a mistake. renard wins the ball, flicks it to diani, who sees margo already running. she knows better than to hesitate. she sends the pass forward, and like clockwork, margo is there. 

she takes the ball in stride, past ona, past paredes…again. one-on-one with coll. this time, she fakes right. cata bites. margo drags it left, rolling the ball into the net with the ease of someone who has been doing this her entire life.

brace. 

before halftime. 2-0.

barcelona looks at each other, shaken. they have never feared a player like this before. they have never feared a twenty-one-year-old with only two years of european experience after leaving the states, but margo?

they fear her.

in minute 74, barcelona fights back and it seems like the best team in the world will have a comeback. they know one goal will send this into extra time. they push, they press, but lyon cannot break. we,, at least until fridolina gets a penalty, which she scores.

2-1.

in minute 82, the final dagger. lyon counters. margo, once again, is at the heart of it. she receives the ball at the halfway line, faced with two defenders. 

she stops. one touch. a step-over. she is gone again, but this time she does not go for a goal.

she lifts her head. she sees van de donk, waiting at the top of the box. a perfectly weighted pass splits the defense, and van de donk does not miss.

3-1.

barcelona is done.

when the final whistle blows, margo does not celebrate right away. she stands still for a moment, watching as the best team in the world lowers their heads, as their fans sit in stunned silence. 

then, she turns, running toward her teammates, arms outstretched.

the headlines will follow. of course the spanish, french, and american media will explode. for now, in this moment, margo pugh just smiles.

she is no longer the shadow, because she is the storm.

the thing is that margo had always known lyon was temporary. when she signed her two-season contract at eighteen, fresh out of high school, people questioned her decision. 

skipping college, heading straight to europe as an american teenager, it was bold and reckless some had said. however, margo had never been the type to follow expectations. she carved her own path away from her older sister who will never play in europe. 

now, at twenty-one, that path was leading her somewhere inevitable.  

when she lifted the champions league trophy with lyon, gold confetti falling around her, sweat still clinging to her skin from the 2-1 victory over chelsea, she knew this would be her last moment in a lyon jersey. 

she had done what she came to do. she had proven herself. 

she had stood on the biggest stage in club football and shown the world what she was capable of at such a young age.  

first, she had business in the states.  

the national break meant time with mallory, time with the uswnt, time to settle back into american soil before returning to europe. she didn’t talk much about what was next since her contract expired, but everyone around her already knew.  

margo had loved barcelona for as long as she could remember. long before she became the player she was today, before she was tearing through midfielders and breaking defensive lines like they were paper, she was a kid watching el clásico matches with wide eyes, heart racing every time barcelona scored. 

she had been obsessed with their style of play, the identity, their magic.  

there were pictures to prove it. old ones, dug up by the media as soon as transfer rumors swirled. 

margo, no older than five, standing next to mallory in an oversized 06/07 barcelona kit, sleeves drowning her small arms, her sister wrapping an arm around her shoulders. the picture was taken in 2010.

the jersey was so big on margo and it looked like a dress, but margo had worn it with pride.  

so when the news finally broke, almost no one was surprised.  

well, except for the barcelona players themselves.  

they had seen firsthand what margo could do, and to say they were impressed would be an understatement.  

there was a reason lyon had beaten barcelona in the champions league semifinals. a reason the best team in the world had been sent home before the final. that reason? margo pugh. 

she had run circles around them. she had been relentless. she had made even the most experienced players look slow, out of sync.  

now, that same terror was about to be on their side.  

alexia had spoken about it first. she had watched margo closely, studied the way she moved, the way she read the game. she admired it. she recognized that rare spark, the kind only the greats had. she’s special, she had told a few of her teammates, and there was no disagreement.  

some, like patri and pina, had felt something else…something dangerously close to jealousy. barcelona had been the team for so long. the standard. the team with the best midfield in the world. 

now? now a twenty-one-year-old was arriving, and she wasn’t just talented, she was a force that nobody stopped last season. not a single soul.

when margo finally landed in barcelona, the entire club felt it.  

the signing was no ordinary transfer. 

this was a statement. a warning. a shift in power.  

this time, the storm wasn’t coming for barcelona.  

it was here with them.

next part to this: 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ

masterlist

[engenlvr]

i miss you, i’m sorry | alexia putellas

pairing: alexia putellas x mila crnogorčević (oc)

summary: years ago she messed up the best thing that ever happened to her and now it's back in front of her she won't make that mistake again

tags: angst, fluff, acl's, firstlove!alexia, past relationship, exes that haven’t seen each other in years, orange coloured text means that it is spanish and blue is swiss german. i hate writing games so it will probably be written horribly.

word count: 10k+

it was match day.

an el clásico to be exact. barcelona vs real madrid. champions league quarter final. you’ve been to many of these when you moved to spain from switzerland when you were fourteen.

football was your favourite sport growing up your dad was huge on it he even tried to get you in the sport but it was horrible and you quit immediately. you traded playing the sport to taking pictures of it.

you cousin ana-marie was the whole reason why you were here today, sat next to your friend bella. you were beyond proud of the girl and everything she’s achieved in her career.

today she was going to play in front of a world record crowd for women’s football. thousands of people in one stadium to see the team’s kick a ball around.

when you were offered an invite to see her play you couldn’t decline it wasn’t just a big moment in her career but also yours if you could capture the right moment. there were times where you’d see her play and the stadium barely had any people but today was the stadium was basically full.

the two girls were sat in their barcelona shirts with the name crnogorčević on the back of it. the game was just about to start with just the whistle needing to be blown.

and when it did the twenty two players began to run up and down the pitch. the score was already 3-1 on aggregate but it didn’t stay like that for long with a lovely cross from barcelona’s number four in the seventh minute.

there was something about el clásico no matter what, they were entertaining the rivalry between the two clubs causing that. then came the penalty due to a hand ball which only added to the game. it ended up going in real madrid’s favour with it barely slipping passing pass the goalkeeper fingers.

but it wasn’t till the second half when you got really invested, it wasn’t your cousin getting subbed on the pitch that the game really started to interest you. and a goal from the opposing team, a goal that was a beaut even thought it was hard to say with your barça heart.

but with that goal you knew it was only going to motivate them more and it did. that goal drove the home team to get a few more in their name. but it wasn’t the second or third goal that caught your attention it was the fourth that did.

the way they played was so familiar but you couldn’t place who it was or if your even knew them. the confidence in their movement and passes, their confidence full stop was too similar. the was she bowed to the fans as they all cheered for her. you didn’t have the clearest of views from where you were sat but with that being said whenever you were taking pictures you don’t really pay attention to their face everything was blurred out.

the rest of the game was a blur all your thoughts on the teams number 11 who seemed to be everyone’s favourite and it wasn’t until the final whistle that you snapped out of that trance.

“that game was amazing, i mean all the goals was beautiful” hanna blabbed in excitement over the game as the two of you made your way down to the pitch now that everyone was gone “i mean you have to show me all your photos”

looking at the girl “you always see my photos before anyone else” if there was one thing that the spanish girl loved about you was that you knew someone on the team meaning that you could get her tickets.

the two of you met about three years ago and have been best friends since and it wasn’t until a year in your friendship that she realised that you knew ana-marie but that you were actually family.

“ana! i’m so proud of you” pulling the girl into a hug and not letting her go till she started to pull away to hug hanna.

“you were amazing” the spanish girl complimented completely in awe at the swiss girl’s performance today.

the three girl continued to chat about the match that happened, from the goals to saves that happened. you listed nodding every now and then to the teams number 10 caught your eyes.

“jenni?” eyes full of confusion as you walked to the dark haired girl “what are you doing here? you know when we met and you were all secretive about your job i didn’t know it was because you were a footballer” she pulled you into a hug completely shocked that the girl she thought about a lot after they last saw each other months ago.

“what am i doing here? i could ask you the same thing. i can’t believe your here” her eyes looked at you “you know ana she’s my cousin and she asked me to come see her play. i’m also a sports photographer and it was worth coming i mean it was beautiful to think so many people came to watch you play. but i don’t blame them”

“are you flirting with me?” she joked remembering how you where when the two of you met on holiday “your family is looking at us well more me but still”

you looked back at your cousin and friend who glanced at the two of you “i think she just shocked that i know another footballer i mean she was shocked when i told her that ana was my cousin like she screamed cause she she loves this team”

“and you? do you love this team”

“i guess i do i’ve lived here since i was fifteen and been to may of these games and my shirt” spinning around to show her the your name ( ana-maria’s name ) on the back “love everything about this club, in fact i know everything about it”

“well since you love this club so much out of the kindness of my heart i’ll give you my shirt” pulling the fabric off her body and handing it to you “and the team we’re going out tonight to celebrate the win you should come”

“i don’t want to intrude” shaking your head no “you won’t i promise i want you there and the team will love you”

jenni heard her name being called “look i got to go but please come”

“hanna how do u feel about going to a party tonight”

so that’s how the two of your found yourselves in the club full of professional footballers “not to sound like i’m using you or anything but i love the fact that you know footballers especially barça ones. but how do you know jenni” the dark haired spaniard asked while dragging you to the bar to get shots number, well she didn’t know.

“err, we met on holiday”

her head shot around “you slept with her” the words jumbled up in your throat trying to come up with lie but nothing worked and you knew that she could see right through you so you stopped “no, okay so maybe i did, but it was months ago and a total coincidence that i met her today. i didn’t even know she played for barça”

“well i’m happy that you know them cause girl this place has been booked out for months”

the swiss girl humed in agreement before picking up the shot and downing it clearly needing it after her best friend integration.

the footballers were scatters all around across the club. you have yet to see everyone on the team, only really talked to ana-maria, ingrid, mapi and of course jenni.

“i don’t blame you, she’s really hot”

“thank you, hanna. i’m gonna steal her for a dance” pulling you alonge with her before you could say by to the girl.

“you’re a hard girl to find” she whispered in your ear from behind, the way she spoke with such confidence in everything that she does.

“well i’ve been on the dance floor or at the bar”

your body up against hers, the way her hand run up your bare back due to your backless crop top you wore. the touch that caused goosebumps to appear. maybe it was the alcohol that enhanced all that you felt but you didn’t care, both of you didn’t.

“you look beautiful, your top with that small skirt of yours i love it” her fingers grazing the price of clothing as she named them “it reminds me of that night in kos. you at that club in that tight red dress that compliments you so well” pushing you hair to the side “i still think about that night, how good you were for me all night” her lips meeting your neck peppering kisses on it.

you finally looked away from the girl and looked at the table in front of you. your movements halted as you saw her, you saw alexia after all these years. after ten years you saw her and she was looking directly back at you. those eyes you used to wake up next to, those hazel eyes you loved looking at.

after ten years and she still had the same effect on you as if the two of you still knew one another. god you hated that she did, you hated that she looked more beautiful since the last time you saw her.

looking at her and you suddenly were a teenage girl and in love with girl and the two of you were in her room kissing each other every chance you had.

“i’m sorry, i’ve got to go” running out the club ignoring the calls not only from jenni but from hanna and your cousin as well.

you didn’t remember how you got there but there you were at beach the two of you used to always go to. looking at the rock which had the initials of the two of you and drawings that the two of you have put.

you felt a figure sit beside you, not even having to look as that scent was so familiar. the midfielder sat down beside you and the seconds she did you got up to walk away.

her hand grabbing your wrist to stop you from fleeing.

“no ale—alexia no. you don’t get to come here and touch me like nothing happened. you were horrible to me i stuck with you through everything the highs and the lows but then you took out all your anger on me and i tried to stay but it wasn’t just that. you never showed up. i was there at every important event of yours but you never came to mine even if i told you weeks in advance there was always something to stop you from coming but that night was it. i just couldn’t do it no more”

seeing her just brought everything up again, everything that you thought you had healed all those years ago but it didn’t, it still hurt.

“i don’t blame you” her voice sweeter than ever it still sounded like pure heaven to you but how couldn’t it. it was the voice that told you that she loved you and that she was gonna marry you and so much more. you couldn’t stand that fact that it still did “i would of done the same thing, walking out on me. i was a horrible girlfriend not just after he died but before as well. my need to just be the best ruined what we had and after years of having you by my side i was so used to having you there and i took it for granted and i thought you’d stay, no matter what but i pushed you too far but losing you made me see everything that i done and how wrong i done you. the trophies mean nothing if your not by my side”

her eyes were on you but yours were focusing on the waves and the sound it made it helped you slow the tears falling down your face “seeing you with jenni, my best friend. how close she was to you, her body up against your whispering in your ear and kissing you. i don’t ever want to see that. i used to be the one to do that to you and i want to make things right. there hasn’t been a day no a second where i haven’t thought about you and i’m going to make it right cause losing you made me realise how much i love you and need you in my life”

her words caused you to look at her for the first time since the club. you had a chance to really look at her alexia had changed her hair now blonde it complimented her but you miss her brown hair.

you often thought about what would of happened if you told the girl straight up how you felt whether you’d be at the match for her instead of ana-marie. whether you’d be there after every win and lost. whether you’d still go her family’s house chatting with her mum or going out with alba to gossip or if you’d still be with her.

“alexia i— i don’t think that can happen” her eyes looking a bit sad at your words “no mila i will make us us again i’m not gonna give up on this on us”

standing up from where the two of your were sat, slowly moving away till you were by the right of her to say your last words to her “i’m glad you got everything you ever wanted” walking away but not before glancing back at her one more time.

those words hurt her more knowing you thought that she couldn’t fix this or that you didn’t want her to try at all but she had changed losing you changed her for the better “not everything” she whispered sadly looking directly at you. she let you slip away once but she wouldn’t let it happen again.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

october 2009

it was your first day at school in spain obviously you were beyond nervous, how could you not be in a place where the language wasn’t you first and only understood basic phrases.

if it wasn’t bad enough that you were the new kid you had to be the new kid who joined midway through the the term. everyone already had their established friendship groups and you would be there all alone.

your dad who was a football coach moved us here as being the coach of barça was something he couldn’t turn down, so that’s how you found yourself in barcelona. ever since finding out that you were moving you tried to learn spainsh and catalan but it was harder than you thought.

the halls were crowded with friends walking around making their way for lunch, while you walked in the complete opposite direction. lessons weren’t necessarily bad but you felt like the odd one out everyone speaking rapid spanish while you could only latch on to maybe a few words if lucky. having the teacher speak to the class and then you, which wasn’t to hurt you or make you feel separate but it did.

you had found a secluded space, the football stands. despite not being that good at the sport you felt comfort there. your dad often took you with him when he practiced. though you had never been here, every stand felt familiar and brought you comfort.

everywhere you went you had a camera always ready to capture a moment whether it was a person or scenery, taking pictures was what you were meant to do. your love for sports photography began with all the training sessions your day would take you to. when you were younger you would always complain about how boring it was but then your mum had the idea to give you a camera. and to their surprise the pictures you took were great, great enough to even be used for promo.

a brunette walked on to the pitch with a ball in her hands before going to do some football drills. the girl obviously didn’t notice you seeing as she continued to move effortlessly with the ball.

you could tell she was popular as every time someone walked pass they wave to her or have a conversation with her.

it was beautiful.

a scene worth capturing. she looked beautiful and confident in each stride. so you picked up your film camera and took multiple pictures of the girl who moved gracefully on the pitch.

she was perfected each stride except for the last which went straight for you and totally would of hit you if you hadn’t of ducked “i’m sorry, i didn’t see you there” she apologised profusely while running over to you. the language of that spoke from her lips confused you for a moment completely forgetting that you weren’t in switzerland anymore but spain “it’s okay” you face full of confusion as you didn’t know if you had said the words right.

and she continued apologising well that’s what you thought she was saying as you were completely lost and your face displayed it.

“your the new student aren’t you” finally switching to english which calmed your nerves completely “yeah, i’m sorry i’m trying to learn catalan but i’m not that good yet”

reaching for the ball behind you, grabbing it and handing it to her. you could finally look at the girl, hazel eyes which complimented her brown hair so well. “so why are you here and not eating lunch”

“i don’t really know anyone here. actually you’re the first person to really put in an effort to talk to me” shrugging your shoulders

“well you know me now”

the words spoken with a smile “alexia” putting her hand out for you to shake.

“mila”

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

present day

fate.

that’s what alexia liked to call it whenever the two of you seemed to bump into each other. at the coffee shop, in the middle of the streets, your weekly food shop and more.

obviously she was happy about seeing you but after you hadn’t seen her for ten years it was weird seeing her this often.

you slammed the door shut as you entered your flat which hanna was currently in “mila what happened for you to slamming that poor door?”

glaring at the girl with her comment “ugh i hate her why can’t she just leave me alone”

“who”

“i mean everyday i bump into her and she’ll be all happy acting as if nothing happened. asking me how my day was”

“again i don’t know who your talking about”

“it’s just why do i have to see her practically everyday—“

the spaniard grabbed your shoulders shaking them to stop you from talking “mila who? who are you talking about?”

“alexia” the words coming out slow “okay alexia who alexia jones, alexia smith. mila who’s alexia? i don’t know everything”

“alexia from the bar”

a look of realisation appeared on her face “alexia putellas!” you nodded “you know alexia what did you sleep with her or something how do you know her? why is it you who knows all the barça player and i don’t” whispering the last bit to herself.

“i kinda know her”

“yeah i’ve got that but how?”

“well i kinda used to date her” hanna’s face filled with shock cause if she was in your position she’d be telling everyone she knew “i know i should of told you but the break up was so messy we were so messy in the last few month’s. when we first met it was perfect like i was so in love and it only grew as our careers did. i’d go to her games and she’d go to my events everything was perfect. then her dad died and everything went down hill she’d start arguments over anything i did that showed that i cared. she missed my events and then i just left, couldn’t even tell her to her face or else i wouldn’t go through with it so i left her a silly letter, i left her when she needed me most”

“you used to date alexia putellas, the the caption of fc barcelona” completely ignoring everything but the first sentence

“yes hanna” slight annoyed at her for being up her name again “okay just making sure we’re talking about the same person here”

dropping yourself on the sofa and grabbing a pillow of yours to squeeze. at first hanna was going to make a joke about the two of you but she saw the way you looked over you bumbing into the captain and how much it really effected you in more ways than you wished.

“you want my opinion” looking at you and waiting for a sigh but you stayed still staring at the view form your window “okay well i’m gonna give you it anyway. well it’s clear that she still means something to you wether you want it to or not but you still love her and miss her and what the two of you had. well i don’t know alexia personally but i think if she really didn’t care about you and didn’t feel sorry she wouldn’t talk to you each time she bumps into you. i think you leaving really showed her how wrong her actions were and i think the reason she didn’t reach out is to respect your boundaries even if it hurt her.”

“all i’m saying is that it won’t hurt to at least talk things out so that the both of you can move on” pulling your head to her chests “just think about it okay”

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

february 2010

you learnt very quickly that alexia practically bleed blaugrana. you figured that out practically the first day you met.

at your old school when people found out who your dad was they would always ask for favours. like to meet the players and get stuff signed for them. so they never really wanted to be your friend.

so when you heard that you were gonna move to barcelona you made the choice to go by your mums last name instead of your dads.

though you didn’t want your mind to go there it did. you thought somehow she found a picture of you online and that’s why she started talking to you. but as the days went on she never asked for anything infact when she saw your face when she talked about the club she’d stop.

slowly you realised that maybe she was friends with you solely cause of you and not for your dad. that she actually liked you for you. most of your friends were ones from your childhood other than that you didn’t make any.

normally you wouldn’t use your dads connections for your own personal use. but it was alexia you were talking about, your alexia and seeing the smile that would come on her face would be so worth it.

alexia was gutted that she couldn’t get tickets to that game barcelona vs real madrid seeing as the game was a day after her birthday.

“alexia i have one more gift for you” pulling out the bag for behind you “mila i told you that you didn’t need to get me anything, you being here is enough” seeing as you already got her too much stuff in her eyes from new football boots which she instited that you took back and the only present she truly accepted was the necklace you bought for her.

your face could barely keep your emotions in as you were smiling so much “i know but you’ll love it i swear”

“open it please” pushing the bag more towards her. you watched as she hesitantly opened the bag and her face filled with excitement as she read what was on the paper.

“no you didn’t” she repeated before throwing herself your arms causing you to fall backwards on the floor “mila, i love you. best birthday present ever” she said while placing kisses on your cheeks which caused them to heat up.

her parents watched as the two of you hugged on the floor while her sister picked the piece of paper and showed her parent which only made their smile widen.

you were exactly what alexia needed. sure she had others friends that they thought were good enough for alexia but seeing you with her only made them realise that what they saw before was nothing like what the two of you had.

“but these were sold out how could you possibly get them and the first row” pulling away to look at you through her tear filled eyes before hugging you again “i have my ways and we even get to go on the pitch afterwards and talk to the players” you were meant to keep that last bit in but you couldn’t help it. seeing alexia happy makes you happy

“what did i do to deserve you”

what you didn’t know was the you buying the tickets was the best thing to ever happen to the two of you. after the game which barcelona won of course alexia’s words. you didn’t just get tickets for the two of you you also got tickets for her mum, dad and sister.

the lot of you made your way down the pitch. the clothes you wore which were simply a t-shirt and a pair of jeans and alexia said you should of worn the barcelona top she got you seeing as everyone but you wore one.

dragging her hand as you went on to the pitch and to your dad which she was yet to know was your dad “dad” shouting as you ran and hugged him “hi, i see you we’re finally brave enough to tell her who your dad is” whispering in your ear.

“ale, come here pls” telling the girl who stood confused next to her parents. she was really confused about her her mila knew the head coach of barcelona. “ale i’d like you to meet my dad”

“it’s nice to finally meet you alexia” bring the girl into a hug where she stood still in shock

“your dad. he’s your dad. the head coach of barcelona is your dad” pointing between the two of you “i’m sorry i should of told you but at my last school people only wanted to be friend with me cause of it and i just didn’t want that. i wanted to be sure that you were friend with me cause of me not cause of my day”

she stood still for a second her face emotionless, no tell of what she was feeling “no i get it, i’m glad that you trust me” pulling you into a hug. before you dragged her to meet the players.

safe to say that she need a minute after meeting the players. she pulled you into the bathroom, you immediately sat on the sink as you watched the girl just pace back and fourth thinking about the event that happened in the previous hour.

“mila” finally breaking the silence “i can’t believe that just happened. i always thought about how i would act if i met the players but i didn’t really think it would happen”

she stoped pacing and moved between the the gap of your legs. alexia knew that what she felt for you was stronger than her other friendships. She knew she loved you even at the start of your friendship. whether she meant it in the way she loved her friends or more she just knew that she did.

everyone your age had boyfriends, alexia claimed she doesn’t have one as she didn’t see the appeal. you on the other hand, had boys ask you out which you always declined. that was something that annoyed alexia but she’d never tell you why not that she knew why she hated it. you hadn’t been in a relationship since your boyfriend back in switzerland.

she loved you. your hair, your eyes the way you’d smiled or how you generally were intrigue in the silly stories she tell you. maybe it was the little to no distance between the two of you or the high from meeting her football idols that made her do it. but she did

alexia’s hand went to your cheek which you leaned into. her eyes flickering between your eyes and lips.

her lips were suddenly placed on yours moving but it was your turn to stand still in shock. when you didn’t reciprocate she moved away “mila, i’m sorry that was a mistake. i hope i haven’t ruined this—” placing your lips on hers showing her that you felt the same. your hand wrapped around her neck pulling you closer, wanting to feel more of her on you. the two of you seemed to forget that this was a bathroom as the two of you were lost in each other.

kissing your ex never felt like this, like you were on cloud nine.

“best birthday present ever” alexia spoke between kisses and went to deepen the last when a knock stopped it from happening. causing the two of you to laugh.

“we should go” you murmured kissing her and dragging her out of the bathroom.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

present day

unblock alexiaputellas

unblocked

unblocking was first thing you done since your talk with hanna. you told yourself that you were doing it to finally move on but part of you done it to i guess see her but at the some time not. watch her life from afar.

the second you pressed that button you saw ten years worth of memories that you could of been part of. her first cap for her country, days out with her family, winning the league and the one that hurt most her signing for barcelona. the one you promised to be there for.

milacc

hey

the notification on alexia’s screen caused her to drop her home phone in the changing room once she saw it. gaining looks form all her teammates especially once they saw her face.

alexiaputellas

hi

milacc

we need to talk

i know you have a team meet up tomorrow can I meet you there???

if not we can find a better date

alexiaputellas

no that fine

i’m sure all my teammates will be fine with you coming

milacc

perfect see you tomorrow

alexiaputellas

wait

how do you know about tomorrow?

milacc

ana-maria told me

alexiaputellas

how do you know ana

milacc

she’s my cousin

alexiaputellas

she’s the ana you said you always missed

makes sense now she’s exactly how you said she was

milacc

yeah

anyway i’ve got to go work is calling

bye

alexiaputellas

bye

see you tomorrow

when you texted her yesterday the meet up it was meant to be at a cafe, but once that heard how many people were coming they said the party was too big.

so you got a text from ana-maria saying that it was being held a alexia place. arriving at her place didn’t really setting in till you went inside.

hesitantly you knocked on the door, rocking back and forth on your feet. when the door finally opened it revealed alexia.

“hi” putting her into a small hug a hug in which she missed more than words could describe. she would of held on a little longer if you hadn’t pulled away when something fluffy ran towards you.

“nala, my baby. oh how i’ve missed you”

picking up her dog which couldn’t contain her excitement in your arms and kissing you’re face. now you’ve known nala since alexia first got her. she claimed that she got it for her but she also knew how much you loved dogs.

when nala was little she spent most of her time with you so she got very close to you and you would also joke saying that you were nala’s favorite ( you were ) even though alexia would never admit it.

obviously it wouldn’t be that bad seeing as you’d have ana-maria here with you so if you needed a break you’d could just go to her.

once fully being inside her place you muttered a quick hi to the other girls and giving jenni a small hug before sitting down and the only seat that was left was next to alexia.

once all the greeting and introductions were done you took a sip of the coffee that alexia got for you and it was exactly how you liked.

she remembered after all these years.

“so mila how do you know ana-maria?”

the two swiss girls looked at each other “she’s my cousin” they all looked between them and only then saw the similarities between the two.

you liked the girls they genuinely seemed like nice girls and you got on with everyone. alexia smiled while she watched you talk to her friends and imagined that this was the everyday norm. she imagined that you were her girlfriend and this was normal.

made her want this back even more.

while talking to the girls you had a proper look at her place. you noticed things that the others wouldn’t like the candle holder, the swiss book that’s you loved, flower pot and many more.

after years she still had your things littered around her place as if it was ours. alexia knew that it was wrong but she didn’t have you in her life and this was the best she would get.

jana came back through the bathroom door with a video camera in her hands and a sneaky smile “you’ll never guess what i found?”

alexia looked over at jana and what she was holding and launched herself at jana to grab it but failed “this has old video of alexia”

“jana no” giving the girl a serious look but that did nothing seeing as the girl started to play the video on the tv.

it was video that you instead on taking documenting you and Jaume’s journey to her games. it was a tradition every game you’d vlog your journey.

the clip was half played and you were stood in the stands cheering as alexia’s father recorded the two of you. alexia scored and instead of celebrating with her teammates she ran over to you and kissed you, a type of kiss that makes you lose train of thought.

your eyes stared at the video, frozen in place. you hadn’t seen this video since the two of you broke up.

the next clip cut to after the match where he was recording the two of you whispering sweet nothings to eachother sneaking in a kiss every now and then. so stuck in your own world you didn’t notice the camera turning from you to him saying ‘if alexia doesn’t marry this girl, i won’t believe in love. they’re made for each other”

then the screen went black.

you were stuck in your seat, you have never seen this clip before. did he really think that? that the two of you were made for each other. cause if he did he’d be shocked at how the two of you were now.

“what?” you questioned as jana looked at the you and the the scene repeatedly “the two of you look a like”

the realisation finally settling in for her and just as she was about to ask more questions the door opening stopped her. but what came next answered her question anyway.

“alexia you forgot your phone at my place” a voice called taking the phone from her bag, finally looking up to see you.

“mila”

then her sister shouted in joy before running over to you and wrapping her arms around you, completely forgetting about why she originally came here.

obviously you thought about the possibility of bumping in to her family but somehow it never did.

you loved alba with all your heart and missed her at lot more than you’d like to admit. the two of you got on so well it annoyed alexia seeing as her sister would always steal you from her. but it wasn’t just her you missed it was her family in general especially her mum. her food, her hugs, talks and so much more.

“i missed you so much. why didn’t you call or text i missed you so much but that put aside does this mean that you guys have sorted this out seeing as well in the same room together. oh i can’t wait to talk to mum, she’s misses you so much”

you tried to intervene to stop her from basically telling everyone what you didn’t want them to know but it was to late.

“alba, we’re not back together”

the joy slipped from her face sadness now replacing it. thought the two of you were speaking catalan most of girl’s definitely understood everything.

jenni looked at you, the scene from the club making sense. you walking out once you saw alexia “wait you and alexia were a thing?”

“she’s the alexia that broke your heart” ana on the other hand heard everything when the two of you broke up and let’s just say she didn’t want to be face to face with the girl.

“yeah erm we used to date when we were younger back at school and ana don’t start anything please” seeing the glare that was sent to alexia.

things started to click them for mapi “wait she’s the girl” whispering quietly to her best friends which she only nodded a yes to.

now mapi knew everything from the way the two of you met to how you guys broke up. she was the only one who knew why alexia would reject every girl that came her way, why she was extra quite and sad on your birthday.

grabbing the younger putellas sister and pulling her into the spare bedroom “i’m so sorry, i spoke without thinking. i was just so happy that i saw you two together i just assumed. i’m sorry”

“i’m not mad at you okay. i know you didn’t mean to say all that” smiling at the girl weekly.

sitting down to the bed that seemed to be alexia’s. you thought that your stuff outside her room was a lot but in here there was so much more, even some pictures of the two of you.

“she still loves you, you know” stinging next to you “she knows she messed up, trust me”

you finally looked at alba “you know i was the who found this place. we were looking for places for when barça finally signed her and i fell in love with this place the second i saw it” a small tear falling from your eye’s

“i thought that i could do this, be around her. but i can’t, i don’t know how to anymore”

alba pulled you back into the hug holding just like you held her when she first got her heart broken all those years ago.

and the two of you stayed there for a while, as you didn’t want to let go. her hugs always made you feel comfortable and you needed that right now.

finally re-entering the room with your makeup touched up. the room was a little tense with all that has been uncovered.

“so i slept with the both of you” were the words that finally broke silence. both yours and alexia eye’s widened.

you looked at jenni “oh please tell me your joking” she slowly shook her head no. everyone was quiet expect for alba who found the whole funny minus the part where they were talking about her sisters sex life.

“well at least tell me i was better” telling a joke trying to lighten the situation but jenni couldn’t tell that it was a joke and answered truthfully tilting her head towards you.

“jenni i was joking you didn’t have to answer that i was just trying to lighten the mood”

alexia didn’t think it was as funny mumbling some words in catalan “what” the words slightly harsh.

“it’s just that i taught you like everything” looking at you as if her words were factual “you taught me everything. no alexia who was the who was a virgin when we met not me, you. also i wasn’t the sex crazed one you were”

“no i remember it otherwise but what do i know plus i have proof” her words to the rest of the girls sounded like nonsense and to you as well till it all clicked “omg don’t tell me you still have that, ale. tell me that you deleted it”

the two of you seemed to forget that it want just the both of you and the rest of the team was there as well and well most of them understood everything.

“i forgot, okay”

alba who was currently sat in your lap finally spoke up making a joke as usual “well don’t tell me it was a sex tape?” laughing seeming as it was something that you as well as her sister would never do something like that.

but with the both of you stilling and looking around away awkwardly not meeting her eyes “your joking right”

“it was accidental” was the only excuse you could come up with. but it wasn’t a lie you only put the camera there so you could film her reaction but then one thing led to another.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

june 2010

from that day forward the two of you where inseparable always at each others house. you were always at ale’s games with her dad no matter what. you were there when she made her debut, there when she scored her first goal, there when she won games and there when she lost.

you and alexia were in the best place you’ve ever been. always staying at her place and kissing when ever the two of you were left alone. you didn’t know when you guys changed from best friends to girlfriend??? but the day after that game things changed since then.

you didn’t know what the two of you were but you loved it. the lovesick girls layed on alexia’s bed, with her head in your lap and you stroking her hair.

it was moments like these that you lived for the simplicity of them as all the two girl could think about was each other.

now since then your spainsh and catalan had improved immensely due to alexia who helped you every day with it. the truth was that alexia loved hearing you speak her language it made her love you even more.

“you know no matter what you the most important thing in my life” the brunette girl confessed.

“more important than football” jokingly already knowing that she’d choose football as it was such an important part of her life.

twisting her body to look at you directly at you “yeah, you come first no matter what” you’re face softening at her words that made you love her more if possible.

“really”

“yeah really”

moving up to kiss you, which slowly started to get more heated as she started to pull your shirt over your head and you doing the same to her.

the kiss getting more eager before alba walked in screaming in schock at what the two of you were doing, before covering her eyes. the two of you jumping away from each other and rushing to get your tops on so you were decent.

“the two of you” her finger pointing between both of you “you and alexia. mila and you” still in shock at the scene in front of her which was you hiding your blushed face in her pink pillow and ale glaring at her sister.

yes there was a you and alexia but at the same time there wasn’t as the two of you weren’t exclusive.

“yes alba me and mila. now please leave!”

“oh i’m so telling mum and dad”

“alba!!!”

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

present day

the girls finally left alexia’s home, leaving you alone with her. something that you dreaded being alone with her, something that use to be so normal and comforting for the both of you. but now it was the opposite unfamiliar and uncomfortable.

none of you have said a word for about twenty minutes, just looking at the wall looking at all the things that used to be yours.

“mila” your hands moving up to tell her to stop which she did.

“i don’t even know why i asked to talk to you.” laughing slightly at the situation “i can’t even be in the same room as you anymore without feeling uncomfortable”

alexia eyes filled with hurt as that was never something that she wanted to make you feel.

“hanna said i should listen to your side of this so i can move on. cause she says it’s killing me now.”

killing you

those words rang through her head.

she looked up at you “okay” her words very weak and sad

“i was a shit girlfriend, i remind myself of it everyday. alba reminds me as well and if she doesn’t someone else in my family says how badly i messed it up with you. you were— no you are my everything and i hate the fact i lost site of that. that being the best clouded what mattered most to me. you.”

tears started to fill your eyes even though you really didn’t what them to.

“before he died, and i’m not saying this is an excuse but i was under so much pressure and i just wanted to make him proud before he died. but in doing so i treated you so bad and im so ashamed of it and i deserve every bad thing that comes my way and more”

“he would of been proud of you no matter what alexia. he was so proud to call you his daughter”

tears finally fell from her eyes hearing you say that, cause if you said it it must of been true. on top of that you always knew what her dad thought, the two of you always got alone so well and that was one of the reasons alexia loved you.

twiddling your hand in your lap “why didn’t you ever try to reach out”

“i wanted to respect your boundaries even if it hurt me not to and i really wanted to but if you wanted to talk to me you would of and you clearly didn’t”

“i love you enough to leave you alone if that’s what you want”

and it was. at least that’s what you thought you wanted. and any time you thought otherwise you remembered exactly why you left all those years ago. but that wasn’t really her and you knew that but what’s gonna stop her from acting like that towards you again. so you said that even if you didn’t truly mean it.

“yeah that’s what i want”

the words not sounding convincing to any of you but neither of you said a thing. you got up and went home free of any thoughts of alexia and she only ended up having more thoughts of you even though every bone of her body tried not to.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

july 2012

everything slowly went downhill with the more goals she scored and games she played, the more she changed. while alexia career was growing so was your as you stated to post your photos online as it got recognition.

at the start she was happy at every achievement you had seeing just how happy it made you. whenever you had an exhibition and if she was free she was there and if she couldn’t her family we always be there no matter what.

slowly she would start missing them even if she had a day off and it was fine at the seeing as she had a packed schedule and was probably tired but after the fifth time it just became annoying her family would ask you where she was a you would have to come up with some stupid excuse seeing as you didn’t even know why.

then her dad died which expectedly changed her seeing how close she was to him. his death hurt you as over the years the two of you created a bond going to alexia games together. you kept it together until she was out, but instead of crying as everyone else did she took it out on you.

“ale, it okay to cry. it’s a natural thing to do you don’t need to hide that from me”

“god mila! why can’t you just leave me alone twenty four seven your on my case. i can never have a moment to myself. your always there even when i’m out your texting me every second trying to see how i am”

the words coming out of her mouth with no look of regret in her eyes or an attempt to apologise to you. “sorry, i’ll just go for a walk” your words said small and barley to be heard if it wasn’t for her being right next to you.

you tried to play this off as a one time thing but it wasn’t. it happened every day and a you put up with it until it was all to much.

you had to leave.

so while she was with her family one night you packed all your things leaving behind all the photos that you put up of the two of you, the decorations that you found and put up to fill the rooms and make it feel like home.

only leaving behind a letter.

alexia came home late that night going straight to the bed and stopping agh the door seeing as you weren’t laying in it, her eyes roaming the room to look for a sign of you only to see the wardrobe empty of your clothes. she rushed through their place searching every room for a sign of you but each one she saw less with each piece of your stuff being gone but a letter addressed to her.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

present day

it was late when you got the call. the ringing jolting you awake from your sleep. at first you were annoyed, who would call you at this hour but then you saw the contact name.

my albs 💞

she hadn’t called you since you broke up with alexia, so it must be important right? her words sounded all jumbled up due to your tiredness and the only words you got was.

“alexia, she’s hurt. please come”

and how couldn’t you, not when alba sounded like that, so you got on the next flight to england. your bags had clothes that didn’t even match due to how you just chucked your clothes in there.

when you got to the hospital, you saw both alba and eli standing outside of a room. the second alba saw you she ran into your arms holding you tight making sure you wouldn’t leave. the second you pulled away you immediately pulled eli into a hug from the first time in over ten years. that hug only made you realise just how much you missed her.

“what happened?”

“she’s done her acl” you paused when you heard that, obviously you knew how bad an acl was, ana knew a few people who did theirs and she would talk to you about how severe it could be. how it was something no footballer wanted to do in their career.

alba looked at you with guilt all over her face “i know that you said you wanted her to leave you alone, but she doesn’t want the surgery and we can’t convince her. she’s saying she deserves it and i don’t know why she would think that. but i know she’ll listen to you and do it if she asks you”

glancing through the glass at alexia who was sleeping and well she looked peaceful. she looks the same as she did when she was younger and you two would sleep at each other.

looking defeated “fine, i’ll do it. but only cause you asked”

opening the door and you were just about to enter when a hand grabbed your wrist “thank you mila” eli spoke softly really appreciating what you were doing even though she knew it wasn’t easy for you.

sitting on the edge of her hospital bed, gently grabbing her hand and whispering her name sounding hesitant which you were. you said you never wanted to see her again and here you are sat beside her going to convince her to get the surgery just to leave again.

after saying her name a few times her eyes started to open, blinking a few times to make sure she was really seeing her and it wasn’t the drugs she was on.

her voice was weak, barely to be heard “mila”

“yeah i’m here alexia, im here”

hearing these words she finally broke down, tears rolling down her cheeks as she collapsed in your lap.

“do the surgery ale, please” she immediately shook her head no “alexia please just do the surgery. you need to get it done okay”

“i can’t mila, i can’t. i deserve it okay i deserve this acl for every bad thing that i’ve done in my life” finally looking up at you “for everything i’ve done to you, this is my karma and im okay with that”

“alexia just do the surgery please. i’ll never be able to live with myself if you didn’t do it cause of me ale. so don’t do it for yourself do it for me please?”

she nodded weakly she could never say no to you even when you were teenagers. she held on to you tighter than even scared you were gonna disappear if she ever let go. but after a while the drugs did get the best of her making her fall into a sleep.

outside the room alexia’s family were met with some of her teammates who came to see how she was doing.

mapi was the first to speak up about what everyone was thinking “so she’s the girl alexia still in love with. also how’d you get her here cause last i heard she wanted nothing to do with ale”

“she doesn’t. i begged her to come because i knew she was the only one who could convince her”

their gaze fell on to the two of you. your hand stroking alexia’s hair as she rested in your lap. to alba and eli they just saw the teenage version on you guys, as they’d always catch you two like that. and to her teammates it looked like two girls who are still very much in love.

gently you picked up alexa’s arm trying your hardest not to wake her up. once free you glanced at her seeing her stir around for a bit then finally settling again.

alba and eli looked at you with a little hope in their eyes “so, did you get her to do it?”

nodding yes “she thinks she deserves it because of what happened between the us.”

“thank you, mila. i know this isn’t ideal so thank you for convincing her to do it” eli hugged you tightly to show her thanks.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

july 2012

dear alexia my love,

i’m sorry.

i tried to stay strong and stick with you but i couldn’t. each day i leave the house and i dread coming back knowing that the second i walk through that door your going to complain about something that i’ve done or that i annoy you to much and care about you to much. i’m sorry that i make you feel that way all i wanted to do was try and give you some sort of comfort in this hard time.

i don’t think in knew that i was gay when we first met but i knew that you were going to be an important part of my life. i think that i’ve loved you since that day.

i miss when we’d actually go out for dinner or even go to your parents so i could see your family who i’ve grown to love over the years. i miss when i’d got to your games and it would be care free seeing you balance me and football.

losing your dad was the hardest thing you’ll ever go through and i miss him to i haven’t show you as i try to stay strong for you but i miss him and i feel guilty saying that seeing as he’s your dad and he was only ever i guess my girlfriends dad. but i miss our weekly drives to your games where we’d laugh about anything and he’d teach me some more phrases in catalan as i’m still not completely fluent and in return i’d teach him some swiss german and even though his pronunciation wasn’t the best his heart was in a good place and he put in an effort.

in a time where you need me the most and need the ones you love most around you, well i think i’m one of them at least and i know deciding to leave you now of all times is cruel but i can’t go on like this.

i wish i could stay strong and make it through this rough patch but we weren’t good even before he died you’d miss my exhibitions you said you were going to and wouldn’t even tell me why and i’d have to lie to your family as to why you weren’t there but i can’t do this anymore i’m so sad in our relationship. i really did try to push through but every day i do something wrong in your eyes and i just let you shout at me.

that not healthy.

so goodbye ale i wish you the best in your life and i’ll love you forever. i really wish we could be better but maybe we’re just not meant for each other and that okay. in another lifetime we got married and had kids, you’ll get every award for club and country ( i still think you can do it in this one ) and i’ll be right by you’re side. but it’s just a dream, a what if.

i’ll never regret meeting you.

love from

your mila or just mila now i guess

and for the first time in weeks alexia cried.

she cried for you at first but slowly it was for her dad and then for her actions towards you. she saw it now and in the time where she needed you most to hold her and tell her it was alright you weren’t there and it was all her fault and she knew it was.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

present day

not that any of you guys saw it but alexia tearing her acl had one good thing come out of it and that was you talking to her again.

at first it was checking up on her, seeing how she was even making some food for her on her worst day.

you were the only person she let see that side of her.

being in her life again made it all worth it in her eyes. you actually smiled at her again instead of groaning in annoyance whenever you saw her.

the world finally saw alexia in love in her documentary. they saw the genuine smile that you brought to her face. they saw a side of alexia they’d never seen before, her being in love.

it showed you two just doing little things nothing that would indicate that you were together, but enough to know that she cared about you deeply.

the fans fought it made sense alexia ‘dating’ the coaches daughter of the men’s teams. it made sense to them why he’d always had a closer relationship with alexia, how he sent her a birthday wish or even how she’d be seen at the men’s game more than the others.

you’re dad never talked about her not after the first time where you burst out crying.

one episode stood out to her fans specifically it was an evening at eli’s place the two of you sat next to each other your head resting on hey shoulder. alexia whispering some joke about her sister in your ear which made you hit her saying that it was rude. then there was a clip of you dancing with one of her nieces while she looked at you like a lovesick fool.

it was late at night when she said she wanted to take you somewhere.

“is the blindfold really necessary” you laughed while alexia hand guided you making sure you didn’t trip or fall. which was no help as you still managed to do so.

“yes now shush”

you finally came to a stop “okay perfect”

she gently pulled the blindfold off and place was too familiar. it was where you first met her.

looking at the pitch and seeing just how much has changed since you’ve last been here “how’d you ever get us in here”

“i said i’d come one day and talk to the team” you both knew how much she hated public speaking but if this worked it be worth it.

“so any reason you took us here of all places. we both know how much you hated school” and she did the only positive about going was that she got to see you.

and then she said it.

“i did it on purpose” you looked at her completely confused about what she was talking about “i kicked the ball at you on purpose”

“i saw you sat up there and you looked so cute and i just wanted to talk to you and the first thing that came to my mind was to do that cause then i’d have to come up and apologise”

you busted out in laughter at the confession and her rosey cheeks “i know” causing her face to be full of embarrassment.

“what”

“i’m not dumb okay. i saw how controlled you were on the pitch you wouldn’t make a silly mistake like that if it wasn’t on purpose. i just never said anything cause i knew you would be embarrassed”

her gaze was now anywhere but you. all these years you knew and you never said a word till ten years later. if alba found this out she’d be dying of laughter at how awkward her sister can be at times.

scratching the side of her neck “i thought i was was slick about it but i guess not”

“i found it cute” making her checks go ever darker “but i’m still confused as to why we’re here”

“yes i nearly forgot” talking a deep breath in to calm her nerves “give me another chance”

your eyes widened. sure you thought about alexia like that again since the two of you started talking but what if that happened again.

“i know that our story hasn’t been the easiest but your the love of my life okay. being without you all those years was torture and seeing you with my family only makes me want to be with you more. but i don’t want to rush you, i wanted to show you that i’ve changed and that i’ll never treat you like how i did before”

“so mila crnogorčević please be my girl again”

option one ) you could say yes and do what you honestly wanted to do since talking to her again. you were still very much if not more in love with her than ever. it would end with the two of you would get married and have kids or breaking up again but then at least you’d know it wasn’t meant to be.

option two ) say no and keep your heart safe from what you felt all those years ago.

you were torn you wanted to say yes but at the same time you didn’t.

but the truth was that you missed her. you missed when she’d grab your hand when she could tell you were nervous. you missed waking up from her kissing your back. you missed when she’d run straight for you after a match. you ever missed her annoying you over the littlest thing.

you just missed her.

“mila—” she didn’t even get to finish the sentence before your lips placed themselves on her’s exactly like her’s did in the bathroom in camp nou all those years ago.

“so i’m gonna take that as a yes” speaking between kisses not wanting to stop at all “yes alexia now shut up and kiss me”

and she did without a second thought.

[a-pute11as]

starting XI - jana fernàndez

word count - 1.1k | MDNI 18 + - suggestive themes

"jana, you’re starting this week."

your hand rested on jana’s thigh as pere called out the wolfsburg lineup, but the moment her name was announced, you felt her body tense beneath your touch.

pride swelled in your chest. she had worked so hard, proving herself time and time again, and now she was finally getting her moment. but her reaction had you wondering if she was as excited as you were. 

pere continued his pre-match talk, going over tactics and unavailable players, but your focus drifted. jana’s fingers tapped rapidly against your hand, her leg bouncing anxiously.

when the meeting ended, you made your way to the changing room. a minor calf strain had sidelined you for this match, leaving you in recovery for the afternoon while jana prepared for a full training session.

you settled into your girlfriend’s cubby, waiting as she chatted with alexia, who was undoubtedly telling jana she deserved this start and how important it could be for her national team career.

glancing at your phone, you smiled at your lock screen, a picture of jana from your lastest coffee date. but when you looked up, the same girl stood before you, her usual bright smile replaced by an unfamiliar nervousness.

“amor, what’s wrong?” you asked, tilting your head slightly, not wanting to assume her nerves stemmed from the lineup.

“nothing, nothing, i just- what if i play badly? they never start me for big games,” she sighed.

you extended your hand, she instinctively laced her fingers with yours. gently pulling her between your legs, your hands found their way to her waist as you looked up at her with a soft smile.

“jana, you’ve played so well. you deserve this,” you reassured her. “i believe in you, ale believes in you, and so does everyone else on this team. you’re more than capable of this.”

her face softened at your words. she was quiet for a moment, her gaze drifting, before she looked back at you with a small, grateful smile. “thank you, cari. i appreciate you.”

she tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear, her fingers lingering as she rested her hand on your cheek. leaning down, she guided your face up to meet hers in a light, lingering kiss before pulling away with a wider smile.

“oye, save it for your home!” pina groaned, launching a balled-up sock at your arm.

“joder, asshole,” you muttered, grabbing the sock and hurling it back in her direction. it barely reaching the floor in front of her.

pina giggled, “loser,” she teased.

you narrowed your eyes, scanning for something else to throw.

“chicas, stop being children and go where you need to go,” alexia interjected, preventing any further chaos.

you stood up, wrapping your arms around jana before pressing a small kiss to her cheek, ignoring pina’s exaggerated gagging in the background. with a middle finger sent pina’s way, you left for your recovery session.

match day arrived quickly. since you weren’t on the bench, you watched from the stands alongside kika and ona, cheering on the team like the fans. your camera was out, capturing moments of your girlfriend whenever possible, your grin never fading as your eyes followed her every move.

when the final whistle blew, you made your way down to the pitch, giving jana space to shake hands with the opposition but as soon as her eyes met yours, she sprinted toward you.

“mi amor, you played so so well and pere kept you on for the whole game!” you beamed, wrapping your arms tightly around her as she did the same.

“thank you for believing in me,” she murmured into your shoulder, squeezing you so tightly your feet lifted slightly off the ground.

you pulled back, cupping her face with both hands, “always.”

with her arm wrapped securely around your waist, the two of you joined the team huddle, celebrating the dominant 6-1 win. the squad buzzed with energy, knowing that making it to the semi-finals had been expected, but doing so with a 10-2 aggregate made it that much sweeter.

back in the changing room, the energy was electric. you sat beside kika, who was stuck in a chair with her boot, watching as jana, vicky, and salma pestered alexia to film a tiktok.

this had become routine. they always asked. she always said no. but today was different.

“fine,” alexia sighed, much to their collective shock.

armed with a trending tiktok, your girlfriend excitedly set out teaching alexia the dance. twenty minutes and ten failed drafts later, jana was finally satisfied enough to post one. watching the painful process unfold had been an experience but at least it was over.

as celebrations wound down, jana grabbed her things, and the two of you headed toward the car, hand in hand.

the drive home was peaceful. dim streetlights cast a glow over the now quiet streets of barcelona, soft music filling the space between you. your hand rested on jana’s thigh, thumb tracing lazy patterns against her skin as you hummed along to the songs.

stepping into your apartment, you both kicked off your shoes and made your way to the kitchen. you filled two glasses of water when a pair of arms wrapped around your waist from behind. jana rested her chin on your shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to your skin. you melted into her touch, setting the jug down before turning in her embrace.

your arms draped around her neck, fingers absentmindedly playing with the baby hairs at the nape as her ponytail remained intact.

“you played so well, baby,” you murmured, brushing a slow kiss against her cheek before pulling away slightly.

“i’m so glad i had you cheering me on, mi amor,” she sighed contentedly, “i just wish you were on the pitch with me.”

“soon,” you promised, not wanting to dwell on the subject. leaning in, you whispered, “but there’s a reward waiting for you, if you want it.”

pulling back with a smirk, you watched as her eyes widened slightly.

“i need to shower first, but after, yes yes absolutely,” she blurted, instantly releasing you and making a beeline for your bedroom, the door half-closing behind her.

chuckling, you grabbed your glass of water and collapsed onto the sofa. the tv flickered on, displaying highlights from the match you had just been at. your eyes lingered on the screen, watching jana’s smooth touches and sharp plays with admiration, but it was nowhere near as good as watching the real thing.

“guapa,” jana called, peeking her head out of the bedroom, hair now cascading over her shoulders. wearing significantly less clothing, “join me?” she added, a smirk across her face.

your jaw dropped slightly at the unexpected sight, your brain short circuit at the view in front of you, “y-yeah yeah, of course,” you stammered, scrambling to your feet.

maybe the real post-match celebration was coming sooner than expected.

[earpskeeper]

Word count - 2k

Trigger warnings - panic attacks, minor injuries, anxiety

Daphne had come back from international duty with more than just physio instructions and wrapped ligaments. She’d returned quieter. Heavier. Like a part of her had stayed on that pitch, curled up in pain, surrounded by medics while the world watched in slow motion.

You found her in the bedroom, lights off, the evening sun spilling faintly through the curtains. She sat at the edge of the bed, her injured ankle propped on a pillow, taped and fragile. Her fingers were clenched around her phone, screen dark, jaw tight.

“They’re saying I’ll be out at least two months,” she spoke without looking at you.

You walked in slowly, standing in the doorway until she acknowledged you. “They said that as a maximum Daph, it could be way sooner than that baby.” 

But it was like Daphne wasn’t listening to you, or she couldn’t as she let out a hollow laugh. “You know what the worst part is? It didn’t even happen in some big moment. Just… a simple dive. Routine. And something gave way.”

You heard the strain in her voice, the way she was holding back more than just physical pain. You came closer, sinking onto the bed beside her, careful not to move her leg.

She was trembling as she shoved her phone aside.

“I keep thinking I should’ve seen it coming. I should’ve moved differently, braced better. Just done something.”

You looked at her, really looked. She wasn’t just hurting. She was ashamed. And it made your heart ache.

“You don’t get to control everything, Daph,” you said gently. “You’re not weak because something broke.”

She shook her head, eyes glossy. “I’ve spent my whole life being reliable. In control. A wall. What kind of goalkeeper can’t even trust her own body?”

You reached out, brushing your fingers lightly along the curve of her shoulder.

“The kind that’s still human.”

She let out a breath, shaky and uneven. “They were counting on me, they still are counting on me, and now I have let them all down.” she managed to say whilst wiping her eyes. 

“They will still rely on you Daph. This isn’t career ending baby.” you said, voice firmer now. “No one’s asking you to prove anything right now. They just want you to heal.”

Daphne finally looked at you, and for the first time since she got back, you saw it, the fear behind her eyes. Not of missing games. Not even of the pain.

Of being forgotten.

“I don’t want to disappear,” she whispered.

You slid closer, your hand finding hers, thumb tracing soothing circles over her knuckles.

“You won’t,” you said. “Not from your international duties, not from your team. Not from the fans. And never from me.”

She swallowed hard, blinking quickly, but the tears came anyway. You shifted until you were beside her, letting her lean her head into your shoulder, her breath warm and shaky against your neck.

For a while, there were no words, just the quiet weight of her grief, held gently in your arms, and after some time had passed and your girlfriend's breathing had calmed down you whispered into her hair. 

“You’re not just a keeper, Daph. You’re a fighter. And when you’re ready, you’ll come back stronger. But until then… let me hold while it hurts.”

She nodded against you, a silent, fragile promise that maybe, just maybe, she’d let herself be vulnerable, just for now.

Because she didn’t have to stand tall tonight.

She just had to let herself be helped.

The crowd was a living, breathing storm.

Champions League semi-final. Second leg. Tied on aggregate. Extra time gone. And that only meant one thing.

Penalties.

And Daphne van Domselaar stood alone at the center of it.

You were frozen on your sofa, fists clenched against your chest, every muscle in your body tight with dread and hope. Her eyes, so calm from a distance, gave nothing away. But you knew what this moment meant to her. What it cost her to be here. The worries she would never play at this level again. The worries she would be forgotten. 

The first shot rifled past her—unsaveable.

1–0.

Arsenal converted their first. Then their second.

2–2.

Then it happened.

The third taker stepped up for the opposing team. A fast, low almost perfect shot. But it went wide. 

And the noise of the stadium permeated through the TV and into your shared living room. 

Your heart exploded at the sight of your girlfriend and her team slowly realising they held the advantage. 

You stood before you realized you had, breath caught somewhere between a scream and a sob, and then…

Arsenal scored again.

Now it was down to the last shot. One save, and it was over. One save, and they were going to the final.

The striker ran up, aiming low again—but this time, she did it. She made the save.

Full-body dive, arms outstretched, ball hugged to her chest as she hit the ground.

Saved.

Arsenal were through.

Her teammates stormed the pitch. Everyone was shouting, jumping, grabbing her in celebration.

And then—

Your stomach dropped.

She didn’t get up right away.

When she did, it was slow. Controlled. Her right leg bore weight, but her left… dragged slightly.

You knew that limp. Subtle. But real.

Something was wrong.

Even as she smiled, even as she threw her arms around her teammates, you saw what no one else did—how her mouth twitched just slightly when she walked, how her gait wasn’t clean.

Panic bloomed cold and fast in your chest.

The flash of cameras was blinding, but Daphne smiled anyway.

She stood in front of the Arsenal-branded backdrop, a mic in her face, lights glaring. The Champions League final loomed on the horizon, and she had just saved their place in it.

And everyone wanted to talk to her. How could they not, afterall she made the winning save to send Arsenal to a champions league final for the first time in 18 years. 

“Daphne, incredible performance. You looked fearless in the shootout, how did that feel?”

She kept her shoulders square, her voice smooth. “I just focused on my training. Trusted my instincts. We’ve worked hard for this moment as a team. I’m proud of the girls.”

“Any injury concerns after that dive? You looked a little uncomfortable walking off…”

A pause. A smile. It was subtle, something nobody else would be able to pick up on. But you saw it. The way she grimaced in pain ever so slightly and the way she hesitated before answering as if to carefully plan her answer. 

“Just a knock. Nothing serious. Part of the job.”

Laughter. Nods. The cameras loved it.

She gave them what they wanted: the hero keeper. Calm. Composed. Unshakable.

But as soon as the interviews were over and she stepped out of frame, the smile fell like glass off a shelf.

The hotel room was quiet.

Too quiet.

Daphne sat on the edge of the bed, one sock off, ankle gently elevated on a folded towel. The ache was deeper now. Not unbearable, but insistent. Reminding her of last time.

She held her phone in both hands, fingers trembling just enough to miss the FaceTime button twice before it finally rang.

You answered in seconds.

Your face filled the screen, eyes soft, the familiar warmth in your expression nearly undoing her.

“Hi, baby,” you said, not knowing what kind of headspace she would be in. But that was it. Those two words had the ability to completely unravel Daphne’s tough persona, and something in her cracked. 

She tried to reply, but the words caught in her throat. Her chest tightened like a vice. Her hands trembled harder now, and the image of your face began to blur.

“Daph?” you asked gently. “Hey. Talk to me. What’s going on?”

She shook her head, lips parted, breath shallow.

“I I can’t” Her voice broke. “It’s, I don’t know why I can’t breathe!”

She pressed her hand to her chest like she could slow the thunder in her ribs. “It’s fine, I told everyone it was fine, but what if it’s not? What if… what if I tore something again and I’m just lying to myself because I wanted this so bad and I can’t go through that again, I can’t”

“Daphne,” you said firmly, voice grounding her like a rope thrown into stormy water. “You’re okay. You’re safe. Breathe with me.”

You were persistent in your efforts to calm her down but nothing seemed to be working. 

“In… two, three… out… two, three…”

Your voice didn’t waver once, but you knew the moment the situation escalated. 

Daphne’s breathing wasn’t just ragged, it became erratic. Her words jumbled, collapsing into shallow gasps. Her hand disappeared from the screen, and the phone began to tilt wildly, the image shaking. You saw the hotel room ceiling, then nothing but muffled sounds.

“Daphne?” you said, louder. “Hey Daph, look at me!”

No response. Just the sound of her panic spiraling.

Your heart slammed into your ribs. You couldn’t reach her, couldn’t hold her, couldn’t do anything from this side of the screen.

You didn’t hesitate. You ended the call and immediately opened your contacts.

Kim Little.

She picked up after two rings. “Hey, is everything okay?”

“No,” you gasped. “It’s Daphne. She’s not okay - she’s having a panic attack. She’s in her room alone. She was on the phone with me and I I think it’s bad, Kim. You need to go now.” You spoke out, breath catching. “Please hurry.”

“I’m going. Stay on the line.”

You could hear everything.

Kim knocking, then unlocking the door with the team key card. The scuffle of footsteps. Then her voice, urgent but gentle.

“Daph? Hey, hey it’s me. You’re okay. I’m here.”

More movement. A dropped phone. A gasp.

“Jesus someone get the physio! Now!”

The next few minutes were agony. You were still on the line when the team medic’s voice came through, strained with concern.

“She’s not calming down, heart rate’s through the roof. We need to give her something to calm her down.”

You gripped the phone tighter, nodding even though they couldn’t see you.

“She’s scared. Her… Her ankle’s hurting again.” you managed to speak out, though nobody heard you. 

And then your worst nightmare happened,  the line went dead.

An hour later, you got the call.

“She’s asleep now,” Kim calmly spoke to you. “The medics gave her a mild sedative to help her body calm down. She’s okay. Shaken, but ok.”

You exhaled for the first time in what felt like hours.

“Can I speak to to them?” you asked, voice trembling, but not from panic this time, rage was rising in its place.

“The medics? Of course.” Answered a slightly confused Kim as she passed the phone over. 

You didn’t even wait for a polite greeting before speaking your mind.

“How the hell did you let this happen?”

A pause. “We didn’t know”

“She was quite clearly in pain during that interview. She was barely walking off that pitch and you all smiled and called it a knock. And now she’s hyperventilating in a hotel room and you’re acting surprised?”

“She told us she was fine!”

“Because she was fucking scared! Because she’s brave and proud and desperate not to disappoint anyone! And your job isn’t to take her word for it, your job is to protect her. You’re the medical staff, not the PR team!”

Silence.

“She’s not fine. She hasn’t been since she came back from that last injury. And you let her walk out onto a pitch with fear in her chest. And now you’re telling me it’s her fault for not speaking up?”

“No, no one’s blaming her. We’re going to re-evaluate her in the morning”

“You should’ve evaluated her the second she came off that pitch!” you snapped.

There was nothing else to say. You hung up before they could offer a sterile apology.

That night, you barely slept. Your phone stayed beside you, screen dim but open, waiting for her name to light it up again. You kept picturing her, curled up, breathing shallow, brave face crumbling the moment she thought no one was watching. But the worst part for you was the fact nobody had stepped in. not until it was too late. 

But you would. You always would.

She might be in a different city, even in a different country. She might be surrounded by staff and teammates and cameras certain to scrutinise her every move. But when it came to her health, her wellbeing and her happiness it was you. 

You were the only one who saw past the brave face. The tough mask she wore in front of everybody else. 

And you weren’t going to let her fall alone again.

[glowettee]

hi mindy!! i was just scrolling through your page and wanted to ask on tips for searching for scholarships/preparing for my senior year of high-school? i've been stressing a bit because of my grades and want to at least get a bit of a boost before my senior year starts! any help you can provide is greatly appreciated!!

✧・゜: scholarship hunting & senior year prep: :・゜✧:・゜✧

hey lovely! ✨

thank you so much for your ask! i remember that pre-senior summer anxiety so well, that weird mix of excitement and complete terror about the future. first of all, take a deep breath. you're already ahead of the game by thinking about this now instead of scrambling in october (like i did, classic me behavior).

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ scholarship hunting secrets ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

let's talk about finding free money first, because who doesn't love that?

𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘭: the absolute best scholarships are often the small local ones! check with your:

community foundation

parents' employers

local businesses

religious organizations (if applicable)

civic groups (rotary, kiwanis, elks lodge) these typically have way fewer applicants than national scholarships!

𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘦: make a master document with:

your activities/leadership positions

community service hours (with specific impact numbers!)

awards/honors

special circumstances or hardships

career goals having this ready makes applications so much faster!

𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘶𝘱 𝘢 𝘴𝘺𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘮: create a spreadsheet tracking:

scholarship name

amount

deadline

requirements

status (applied/pending/rejected/awarded)

essay prompts (many can be recycled with tweaks!)

𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘭𝘴:

fastweb.com

scholarships.com

goingmerry.com (my personal fave, it aggregates and lets you apply to multiple at once)

your school counselor's list (they often know about local ones not listed online)

𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴: there are scholarships for duck tape prom dresses, being left-handed, having the last name zolp… seriously. the more specific and unusual, the less competition!

𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘴: those USD 250-500 scholarships add up and often have way fewer applicants.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ grade rescue mission ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

about those grades... i've been there too! here's what helped me:

𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘸: before senior year starts, email them asking if there are:

summer assignments you can get ahead on

extra credit opportunities

specific areas to focus on for improvement teachers love proactive students and are more likely to help you!

𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺: many schools offer summer courses to replace bad grades. check if yours does!

𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘱 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴: if you know what you're taking, watch youtube videos on the subjects now. even 15 minutes a day gives you a huge advantage.

𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘺 𝘴𝘺𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘮: senior year is chaotic with applications, so create a sustainable study routine now before the chaos hits. i have soo many posts about studying + routines for studying.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ senior year prep checklist ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘧𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵:

2-3 reach schools

3-4 match schools

2 safety schools research their specific requirements now so nothing surprises you!

𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘴:

register for fall sat/act dates now (they fill up fast!)

use free resources like khan academy for test prep

consider whether test-optional schools might be a good fit

𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺:

approach teachers before senior year starts

provide them with a "brag sheet" of your accomplishments

give at least 3-4 weeks notice (minimum!)

𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨:

the common app essay prompts are already available

jot down meaningful experiences/challenges/growth moments

draft a skeleton outline before school starts

𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵:

focus on depth over breadth

highlight leadership and impact

consider what story your activities tell about you

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ hidden senior year wisdom ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘴:

complete the fafsa as early as possible (opens october 1st)

use the net price calculator on college websites

consider applying to schools known for generous aid

look into tuition exchange programs if your parents work at a university

𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘴𝘺𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘮:

identify an adult who can proofread applications

find a senior-year accountability buddy

join application-focused discord servers or groups

schedule regular check-ins with your counselor

𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯:

senior year can be overwhelming

create a simple routine that helps you decompress

schedule application-free weekends

remember that your worth isn't tied to acceptance letters

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ my personal tips ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

keep a "wins" journal where you document every tiny achievement or proud moment, perfect for scholarship essays and fighting imposter syndrome

create email templates for reaching out to schools, teachers, and scholarship committees

set calendar alerts for deadlines 1 week and 3 days before they're due

find your application soundtrack (mine was taylor swift's folklore, don't judge me)

reward yourself after completing applications (i used face masks and boba tea as motivation)

remember that this is just one chapter in your story. i know it feels like everything depends on this year, but i promise you'll find your path even if it looks different than you expected.

sending you all the good vibes for senior year! you've got this!

xoxo, mindy 🤍

p.s. if you have specific questions about certain scholarships or schools, feel free to send another ask! i love helping with this stuff.

[bitchslapblastoids]

been thinking about the line you wrote it in pen, i got the tattoo so much

not pencil, not sharpie. not permanent, but not erasable. just pen. it might fade, but it sure won't happen quickly.

all the comments and speculation, everything we ever said about them. yeah it's been online so technically it is going to last, but it was all written in such momentary fashion. the nature of online conversation is how it's always moving onto the next thing; we rattle off our reactions and theories as soon as they come to mind and then it's gone. but for them, for better and for worse, our comments rattled off in 'pen' became their tattoos. the retraumatization caused by speculation became imprinted on dan, the straightjacket of an audience's expectations of who you are and who you should be really burrowed its way into both of them, but then so did the understanding that we loved them and that they'd helped so many of us and that being queer was something to celebrate. that became a tattoo too!

And then everything that they have said and done over the years that they probably didn’t think much of; just quick jots, how they felt in any given moment. sketching out and then posting a self-contained video before just moving on to the next. rattling off a formspring reply, making an instagram caption, writing an early days dailybooth description, talking about your stupid sims.... we took all that language and that storytelling that they'd written 'in pen' and we made it permanent. we archived it and locked it into our collective memories and said the words again and again; have the courage to exist the most fun i've ever had it was more than just romantic hello from the editing zone fuckiiiiing meteors that was lion babe did you like it you loved it you want to do it more i want to be there so you don't have to be brave etc etc etc

And then obviously there are the meet and greets where people ask them to write something in pen that they will then put on their bodies forever. this fleeting moment of brief interaction is totally loaded with all the expectations and appreciation the fans are bringing to the m&g, and dan and phil speedily write what you ask them to write or draw their little doodle. for them it's one of thousands of similar interactions, but for you it's once in a lifetime. and now that moment and those pen marks are going to be permanently on your body. all they have to do is exist, and we mythologize it and turn the mundanity into something worthy of a lifetime on our bodies.

and yeah, for them that m&g moment was probably totally forgettable on its own, but we know that in aggregate, all the face-to-faces with their fans over the years has meant so much to them. seeing their fans irl has been its own tattoo for them of what matters in their careers.

And of course the cat whiskers. they may have started as markers on skin but now they come from within, and this shit's terminal !!! this thing we were all doing on here that may have always just felt sorta silly has instead become something enduring and lifelong in a way, both for them and for us.

[way2manymen]

Put Pyotr Kochetkov in Net for the ECF

I am a Canes fan. After Game 1 of the ECF, I was talking to someone and said, "They should've put PK in. He's unreal against other Russian tendys." I didn't have the numbers to back up what I was saying, I was just kind of going off of the eye test and vibes, but I looked into it and... Yeah. Pyotr Kochetkov is actually unreal when facing another Russian goaltender.

The outcome of Game 2 has solidified my belief in this.

I'm sick right now and don't really have it in me to draw out graphs (sorry. eventually I'll update this with some. maybe), so I'm just going to be throwing a bunch of numbers out there. I'll try to be as coherent as possible.

Pyotr Kochetkov Career Numbers:

Regular Season: 2.47 GAA; .905 SV%

Playoffs: 3.54 GAA; .873 SV%

Bit of a fall off there, but the playoffs are the ultimate group project. I personally don't think Pyotr Kochetkov has individually been holding the Canes back from winning any playoff games.

Anyway! Back to my point that playing Kochetkov is the move for this series against Florida.

Against Sergei Bobrovsky and the Florida Panthers, Kochetkov is 2-0-0 with a sv% of .986 and a GAA of 0.50. I know the sample size is basically nonexistent, but he has allowed one goal against Florida (during an away game on January 2, 2025).

And here's some more numbers of Pyotr Kochetkov vs other Russian goaltenders in the metro division.

Igor Shesterkin (NY Rangers): 2.18 GAA; .924 SV%; 4-2-0 record.

Semyon Varlamov & Ilya Sorokin (NY Islanders): 2.74 GAA; .893 SV%; 5-2-2 record.

I do have aggregate data on the difference of Kochetkov's play when he faces non-Russian goalies against when he faces Russian goalies. I'm still putting this together (re: I'm sick), but it's quite funny and I'm looking forward to finishing it up.

Freddie has been an elite tendy for the Canes this playoff run. Since his confidence is a little shaken because of the last two games, to give the Carolina Hurricanes the best chance to win, the net should be Kochetkov's in Florida, at least as an experiment.

[atefingersdagger]

DISTRICT CULTURE!! Can be any district

I LOVE THIS TOPIC

District 2 is the one I have most headcannons on, so we'll start with them vs. going in numerical order!

District 2 culture is warrior-like, as we know, but it's also deeply rooted in loyalty. While some of that loyalty has been used for the Capitol, it truly goes back to District 2 at heart. I headcanon two symbolic gestures: a grabbing of each other's arms and a reciprocal squeeze that dates back to the Dark Days (and is supposed to be banned, but many use it in private). The other is something that ancient Romans used to do: put their thumbs into their closed fist.

It looks like sheathing a sword, i.e., showing mercy. There is even a Latin phrase for it, "pollice compresso favor iudicabatur," which means "goodwill decided by compressed thumb." (This is a recent one, so I sadly only have this one in a draft somewhere). This would be used as a sign of respect.

Eespecially given to district partners after killing them. District 2 tributes are expected to kill their district partners with utmost respect; not killing them in their sleep, only mercy killing of they are vulnerable. Otherwise, it's not considered a fair fight nor honorable. There's a Latin phrase for that, too. Something about a fight requires two people. They need to show loyalty to their district by not betraying their partner (one exception in my fics is a victor no one likes and is like genuinely scared of)

Another headcanon that I'm working on in a draft is that training centers and quarries have Latin phrases written on their doors/entrances. (Yes, I do have 30+ notebook pages on Latin phrases along with translations and another notebook with correlations for Cato + Clove.)

A main quarry is called "The Aggregate," which has its own song I wrote for it as a form of cheer and comradery for shared labor (found in my fic "Of the Fitest")

District 2 is also split up into two large towns named after rock-related words. Karst, the north where it snows and Clove is from, and Ashlar where Cato is from that's more south. The former specializes in Peacekeeper headquarters and main training. They also make weaponry more than other places. However, Ashlar is richer due to their construction work and ability to sell more goods.

Peacekeepers in the novels aren't allowed children, but I headcanon that is only the case for one's who have to travel to other districts. Low ranking ones are allowed marriage and children. Hence why Clove's father is a Peacekeeper in my main fic, and he's low ranking.

District 2 actually gets the best sex Ed as well. Their trainees have the option to have implants at the age of 17 (could be underground, but Snow knows and turns a blind eye) as these are the tributes most eager to volunteer so them being pregnant could throw off the Games for many reasons. Along with their need for Peacekeepers and their restrictions on families, they are given comprehensive sex Ed in order to avoid any "mishaps."

I think other districts have it rather awful with that (think deep red, southern american states and their sex education vs. blue states, high teen pregnancy rates, etc.). Katniss describes Cato as "cursing like a fiend" when falling from the tree. This leads me to believe that District 2 is a lot less chaste and more open in a culture of sexual education with less moral division on "appropriateness."

Something else that's been talked about a lot but is a headcanon I've had for a long time is that District 1 has many descendants of Mormons. Geographically, it makes sense and would explain why many of the tributes have blonde hair and somewhat less diverse range described in the novels (I think District 2 is the most diverse).

District 7 at one point was a contender for a Career district but didn't have the funding or government love to train their kids like how District 2 does. However, the tributes from there in earlier Games were often asked to ally with the assumption of axe welding. District 7 also does put a lot of importance on teaching children (even those too young to cut down trees) on using axes and saws for the Games.

District 3 has a specific region made for medical equipment (the boy from 3 in my fic is from there, names Caesi, which is short for an element used in x-ray machines). They used to manufacture medicine too before the Dark Days, but after the war, the Capitol ceased that as District 3 had been supplied medical aids to troops. That area is called Idhes, named after a technology philosopher but also an institute for economy. It's located where Chicago is today in my fic.

I have more, smaller ones, but this post is already long enough. However, if there's a different district(s) you'd like to know more about specifically, please ask! I absolutely love babbling about all this stuff. (Also crossing my fingers someone asks for headcanons on the muttations)

[meazalykov]

abnormal

barca femeni x reader

summary: nobody can know this about you, not unless you wanted your career to end

warnings: alternate and unrealistic universe

you’ve always felt like you didn’t quite belong, like there was a hidden thread connecting you to something no one else could see, relate to, or feel. 

ever since you joined la masia, you focused on one thing: football. your love for the game, the thrill of defending against the best forwards that other teams could offer, the camaraderie—it was everything. football grounded you. it gave you purpose when your reality felt so strange. 

strange because deep down, you carried a secret no one could ever know.

it wasn’t something you asked for. you weren’t bitten by a radioactive spider or hit by lightning. one day, when you were barely eleven, you kicked a ball across your backyard, and it didn’t just roll. it stopped. mid-air. it hovered for a moment, trembling, before flying back toward you. 

your jaw dropped. you tried again, staring harder this time, and the ball moved without you touching it. the fear and thrill of it coursed through you like nothing else.

at first, it was exhilarating, like a private joke only you were in on. however, iit didn’t take long for fear to creep in. this wasn’t normal. no one else could do this, at least not anyone you knew. you stopped experimenting when strange things began happening without your control—your mom’s coffee cup exploding off the counter when you were upset, a book tumbling off your shelf after a nightmare. 

you quickly learned to suppress it, to shove it deep down where no one could find it.

yet, as much as you hated it, you couldn’t deny it gave you an edge on the pitch. when you moved to barcelona and began training at la masia, your abilities became harder to ignore. you’d watch a ball curl just wide of the post and feel an ache to pull it back. 

you’d see an opponent break past you and have the urge to drag them back, not with your body but with your mind. 

you never let yourself. never once. 

well, almost never.

tonight, in the second leg of the champions league semi-final against chelsea, you broke your own rules.

the game had been relentless. chelsea’s attack was aggressive, and you’d been stretched thin keeping up with their pace. 1-1 on aggregate, and the clock ticking toward the 90th minute, the tension on the pitch was suffocating. the stadium packed, the crowd being loud with every touch of the ball, but you barely heard them over the sound of your heartbeat pounding in your ears.

lauren james cut around you with a burst of speed you couldn’t match. she was lethal tonight, her movements unpredictable, her energy endless. you sprinted after her, desperate to close the space, but she was already setting up her shot. you glanced toward cata in goal—she was positioned, but the angle was tight. if lauren’s shot was on target, it’d be almost impossible to stop.

panic gripped you. time seemed to slow as lauren struck the ball, the power behind it undeniable. 

before you could think, before you could stop yourself, you did it.

you reached out—not with your hands, but with your mind.

the ball veered sharply, impossibly, skyward. instead of heading toward the goal, it soared over the crossbar and into the crowd. the stadium fell into a stunned silence for half a beat before erupting in confusion. even lauren looked bewildered, turning to stare at the ball’s trajectory with disbelief written all over her face. 

for a moment, it seemed like everyone thought the ball had gone in—it had been that close. but when it didn’t, the tension shattered.

you took a deep, shaky breath, your chest heaving as the adrenaline surged through you. your head started to throb, the telltale sign of your powers taking their toll, you didn’t care. the ball hadn’t gone in. barcelona still had a chance.

it was cheating, but there were no rules about telekinesis in fifa.

cata quickly reset the play, kicking the ball back into action, and you forced yourself to focus, to push the incident from your mind. as the minutes ticked down and the final whistle blew, signaling extra time, you couldn’t shake the feeling that someone might’ve noticed. 

had anyone seen you? surely not—it wasn’t like you’d waved your hands around or made some dramatic gesture. you didn’t need to. your mind was enough. still, doubt bit at you.

the game ended with barcelona scraping through by the skin of their teeth. the celebrations on the pitch were euphoric, your teammates swarming each other with hugs and screams of joy. you joined in, smiling and cheering, but inside, you were terrified. 

what if someone asked questions about lauren’s shot? what if there was footage? would people think it was just an awkward miss, or would they start looking at you?

you brushed it off as best you could, but the thought lingered for weeks.

it wasn’t the first time you’d used your powers, and you knew it wouldn’t be the last. every time you did though, the stakes felt higher. what if someone found out? what would happen to you? would you be banned from football forever? would they test you, experiment on you, torture you? the idea made your stomach turn.

months later, during the new season, you came dangerously close to being discovered.

it was a quiet afternoon after training, and you were alone in the locker room. your water bottle sat on the far bench, just out of reach. you were tired, your muscles aching, and without thinking, you let your guard down. 

you focused on the bottle, willing it toward you quickly. it wobbled for a moment before lifting off the bench and gliding through the air, landing softly in your hand.

the relief was instant—until you heard voices. the locker room door swung open, and aitana and fridolina walked in, mid-conversation. you froze, the bottle clutched tightly in your hand, your heart racing. had they seen? you glanced at their faces, searching for any sign of suspicion, but they didn’t even look at you. 

they just kept talking, grabbing their bags and saying goodbye to you like nothing had happened.

you exhaled slowly, your hands trembling as you shoved the bottle into your bag. it was too close. far too close. you promised yourself, again, that you’d be more careful. you couldn’t risk it. no matter how much you trusted your teammates, no matter how much you wanted to share your secret, you knew you never could. 

this power—it wasn’t just a quirk. it was dangerous. it wasn’t just about what might happen to you if people found out. it was about what you could do. the temptation to use it in games, to bend the odds in your favor, was always there, lurking in the back of your mind. and the more you used it, the more the headaches grew, like your body was warning you that this wasn’t natural. 

you couldn’t stop. not entirely. 

for all the fear and doubt, for all the secrecy and guilt, there was something intoxicating about it. the power. the control. the ability to change the outcome of a match, to make the impossible possible. it was a part of you, whether you liked it or not.

as you sat in the locker room that day, alone again, you wondered how long you could keep it hidden. how long you could keep balancing on this knife’s edge, between the life you’d built and the secret that could tear it all apart.

you didn’t have an answer. for now, you’d do what you always did.

you’d keep playing. keep winning. keep pretending everything was normal.

and hope, desperately, that no one would ever find out. 

masterlist

[llovelyclouds]

notes on pyrrha dve

heres all the relevant info i took note of on pyrrha during my tlt reread, in one place!

(you can find all the other posts from this project here!)

PYRRHA DVE

titles:

Gideon’s cavalier, first gen, founded the second

greek mythological orgin of the name pyrrha

also, pyrrhic victory

notes from gideon the ninth:

G1deon & Pyrrha's room in Canaan house includes a drawing of a chimaera that Gideon describes as "familiar" and a picture on the wall of John and his pals (presumably) with everyone's faces scribbled out with a thick black marker. Also guns (gtn. pg. 205)

notes from harrow the ninth:

presumably lead the development of her and G1dieon's trial at Canaan house, as Mercy refers to it as "Pyrrha's trial" (htn. pg. 97)

 The reason G1deon is named the Saint of Duty (htn. pg. 177)

Asked Wake to kill G1deon quickly (htn. pg. 205)

Was most likely the one conscious in G1dieon’s body when Harrow caught her fucking Wake in Cytherea’s body????? (htn. pg. 216)

"I will remember the first time you kissed me- you apologised- you said, I am sorry, destroy me as I am, but I want to kiss you before I am killed, and I said to you why, and you said, because I have only once met someone so utterly willing to burn for what they believed in, and I loved him on sight, and the first time I died I asked of him what I now ask of you / I kissed you and later I would kiss him too before I understood what you were, and all three of us lived to regret it- but when I am in heaven I will remember your mouth, and when you roast down in hell I think you will remember mine" -Wake's note (htn. pg. 252)

All the lyctors and John loved her (and also thought she was super hot) (htn. pg. 274)

Augustine developed his smoking habit to impress her (htn. pg. 275)

Was ten years older than Augustine (htn. Pg. 278)

G1deon & Pyrrha liked Alecto despite the fact that the other lyctors (at least Mercy and Augustine) didn't (htn. pg. 479)

Mattaius Nonius fought G1deon, and seems to owe Pyrrha a debt (htn. pg. 455)

"We compartmentalised from the Eightfold Word, just like you and your girl- though I'm an accident, and he took more from me than got taken from you. I was able to go underground, even from him."- Pyrrha (htn. pg. 494)

notes from nona the ninth:

Used to be a cop, made detective, knew Gideon from "way back" (ntn. pg. 74)

"'You should be draining and replacing her fucking brain fluid,' said Pyrrha. 'When Gideon and I designed that trial, I used to crack his skull and sieve it myself, just as a control variable. It's aggregative. I doubt you're testing her white blood cell count either. The only other people I put through that damn trial were Mercy and Cris, because only Cris didn't mind being trepanned on the regular. Fucking around with souls is the problem, Sextus… you can't ever get data on souls.'" - Pyrrha, discussing when Cam & Pal "overlap" (ntn. pg. 84)

"I visited her hometown back before Anastasia got settled, and it was grim as fuck then. Just spooky caves all the way down…" -Pyrrha (ntn. pg. 86)

"'Do they still do gravid carry where you come from?' 'On the Sixth, only for research,' said Palamedes. 'I helped at a birth once. Theres a lot of noise and run-up before the real thing happens.'" -Pyrrha and Palamedes (ntn. pg. 121)

"P- was great, but like, Ministry ties or no Ministry ties, a big part of her career was going around to the local high schools and telling the drugs kids that they shouldn't be doing drugs. She'd won medals for competition shooting back north in Hamilton, but we're not talking Jesse James. We're talking Hamilton."- john (ntn. pg. 191)

"She chose us that day, not her career. I always loved her for that. She'd adored being a cop." -john (ntn. pg. 191)

"and it was P- of all people who said, First things first. If they're going to let us fix the world, you've got to make them take us seriously. Get some leverage. If they want to make you into a bad wizard, be a bad wizard. We can write the history books to say you were a good wizard. Or at least an okay wizard. They're not going to listen because we talk nicely, they're going to listen because we scare the shit out of them. He said, Which goes to show you that only getting to NCEA Level 2 isnt going to stop you making waves in life, right." (ntn. pg. 271)

"Nona had thrown exactly two tantrums in her entire life. She couldn't remember anything about the first one, but Pyrrha had told her about it. Pyrrha had been laughing with her mouth, but not with her eyes: her eyes had been very brown and distant and uneasy, as though this tantrum had reminded Pyrrha of something her brain didn't want to bring back." (ntn. pg. 275)

She mentions disco?? how does she know what disco is??? (ntn. pg. 362)

"Gideon… G-, you died for nothing." -Pyrrha (ntn. pg. 390)

“I remember P- behind a barricade… not dead yet… telling me, John, run.” (ntn. pg. 406)

Died pretty immediately after Mercy and Augustine, but before G1deon (ntn. Pg. 407)

“Who are you, foreigner, that you know the mysteries of the Anastasian?” “I was here before it was the Anastasian,” said Pyrrha absently. “Painted a nursery. Mint green.” (ntn. pg. 453)

“Cass and Mercy and I worked on cell thanergy- we need thanergy, fresh thanergy, to activate…” - Pyrrha (ntn. pg. 471)

“And Alecto said, Pyrrha, he laid me down as an appeasement to them; he fed you to them as an appeasement to them; but he has never appeased me, and now all he has done was teach me how to die.“ (ntn. Pg. 476)

[xaltius]

Unlocking the Power of Data: Essential Skills to Become a Data Scientist

In today's data-driven world, the demand for skilled data scientists is skyrocketing. These professionals are the key to transforming raw information into actionable insights, driving innovation and shaping business strategies. But what exactly does it take to become a data scientist? It's a multidisciplinary field, requiring a unique blend of technical prowess and analytical thinking. Let's break down the essential skills you'll need to embark on this exciting career path.

1. Strong Mathematical and Statistical Foundation:

At the heart of data science lies a deep understanding of mathematics and statistics. You'll need to grasp concepts like:

Linear Algebra and Calculus: Essential for understanding machine learning algorithms and optimizing models.

Probability and Statistics: Crucial for data analysis, hypothesis testing, and drawing meaningful conclusions from data.

2. Programming Proficiency (Python and/or R):

Data scientists are fluent in at least one, if not both, of the dominant programming languages in the field:

Python: Known for its readability and extensive libraries like Pandas, NumPy, Scikit-learn, and TensorFlow, making it ideal for data manipulation, analysis, and machine learning.

R: Specifically designed for statistical computing and graphics, R offers a rich ecosystem of packages for statistical modeling and visualization.

3. Data Wrangling and Preprocessing Skills:

Raw data is rarely clean and ready for analysis. A significant portion of a data scientist's time is spent on:

Data Cleaning: Handling missing values, outliers, and inconsistencies.

Data Transformation: Reshaping, merging, and aggregating data.

Feature Engineering: Creating new features from existing data to improve model performance.

4. Expertise in Databases and SQL:

Data often resides in databases. Proficiency in SQL (Structured Query Language) is essential for:

Extracting Data: Querying and retrieving data from various database systems.

Data Manipulation: Filtering, joining, and aggregating data within databases.

5. Machine Learning Mastery:

Machine learning is a core component of data science, enabling you to build models that learn from data and make predictions or classifications. Key areas include:

Supervised Learning: Regression, classification algorithms.

Unsupervised Learning: Clustering, dimensionality reduction.

Model Selection and Evaluation: Choosing the right algorithms and assessing their performance.

6. Data Visualization and Communication Skills:

Being able to effectively communicate your findings is just as important as the analysis itself. You'll need to:

Visualize Data: Create compelling charts and graphs to explore patterns and insights using libraries like Matplotlib, Seaborn (Python), or ggplot2 (R).

Tell Data Stories: Present your findings in a clear and concise manner that resonates with both technical and non-technical audiences.

7. Critical Thinking and Problem-Solving Abilities:

Data scientists are essentially problem solvers. You need to be able to:

Define Business Problems: Translate business challenges into data science questions.

Develop Analytical Frameworks: Structure your approach to solve complex problems.

Interpret Results: Draw meaningful conclusions and translate them into actionable recommendations.

8. Domain Knowledge (Optional but Highly Beneficial):

Having expertise in the specific industry or domain you're working in can give you a significant advantage. It helps you understand the context of the data and formulate more relevant questions.

9. Curiosity and a Growth Mindset:

The field of data science is constantly evolving. A genuine curiosity and a willingness to learn new technologies and techniques are crucial for long-term success.

10. Strong Communication and Collaboration Skills:

Data scientists often work in teams and need to collaborate effectively with engineers, business stakeholders, and other experts.

Kickstart Your Data Science Journey with Xaltius Academy's Data Science and AI Program:

Acquiring these skills can seem like a daunting task, but structured learning programs can provide a clear and effective path. Xaltius Academy's Data Science and AI Program is designed to equip you with the essential knowledge and practical experience to become a successful data scientist.

Key benefits of the program:

Comprehensive Curriculum: Covers all the core skills mentioned above, from foundational mathematics to advanced machine learning techniques.

Hands-on Projects: Provides practical experience working with real-world datasets and building a strong portfolio.

Expert Instructors: Learn from industry professionals with years of experience in data science and AI.

Career Support: Offers guidance and resources to help you launch your data science career.

Becoming a data scientist is a rewarding journey that blends technical expertise with analytical thinking. By focusing on developing these key skills and leveraging resources like Xaltius Academy's program, you can position yourself for a successful and impactful career in this in-demand field. The power of data is waiting to be unlocked – are you ready to take the challenge?

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved on our archive

Intense public pressure on teachers to "get back to school" during the COVID-19 lockdowns deepened an already widespread sense that they were undervalued, and left some actively rethinking their careers, research shows.

The finding comes from newly published research, following on from an earlier study with a small group of primary and secondary teachers during lockdown. Researchers from the Universities of Cambridge and York monitored the group for almost two years from March 2020, charting an overall decline in their wellbeing and mental health. In the new report, they show how this was linked to the portrayal of teachers amid wider debates about whether schools should lock down, and for how long.

While other frontline workers were lauded as 'heroes', teachers felt they were being left out of this narrative and even perceived as 'lazy', despite their key worker status, the study shows. In particular, continual news stories during mid-2020 clamouring for schools to reopen led some teachers to believe that parents, and wider society, thought they were neglecting their duties.

In reality, teachers were shouldering higher workloads as they adjusted to ever-changing government guidance. The researchers describe the aggregate effects of their public portrayal as "psychologically costly" and suggest it may have worsened a well-documented retention crisis in the profession.

"Although lots of parents may not have actually thought teachers were lazy, the nature of public discussion meant that teachers started to feel that was the case.

At the time, there was lots of praise for the NHS, delivery drivers, retail workers. Teachers were frontline workers too, but were often not part of the narrative. Constant headlines about getting them back to school made many teachers believe that people thought they were sitting at home doing nothing. This didn't cause the decline in teacher mental health, but it appears to have contributed to it."

Dr. Laura Oxley, Faculty of Education, University of Cambridge

The study arose from an earlier research project, 'Being a teacher in England during the COVID-19 pandemic' led by Dr Lisa Kim from the University of York. In it, researchers monitored a sample of 24 teachers, who were interviewed seven times between April 2020 - just after schools first closed - and July 2022. The mental health of the participants was found to have declined in that time. Alongside heavy workloads and ongoing uncertainty, teachers cited a creeping sense of "negative public perceptions" as a contributing factor.

In the new study, the team assessed whether this belief about perceptions was grounded in objective reality. They surveyed eight leading national newspapers, identifying 156 cases in which stories about COVID-19 and pre-16 education made front page news between March 2020 and January 2022.

These often either explicitly or implicitly suggested that teachers bore direct responsibility for school closures and other key developments in the education sector. Spikes in the coverage coincided almost exactly with when teachers reported sharp falls in their own mental health. While the decline was driven by the impact of events, the researchers suggest it was exacerbated by the news coverage.

The analysis focused on front page headlines because they reach a large audience, comprising both newspaper buyers and a 'passing' readership. Aside from stories about the handling of A-Levels, education made big headlines during the build-up to schools reopening in spring 2020, and the partial closures of January 2021.

Some explicitly criticised teachers for "demanding" that schools stay closed. More broadly, much-criticised national headlines called for teachers to be "heroes" by returning to schools while the health risks remained high, or reported the guidance of unions and doctors about whether they should do so.

The research suggests this constant discussion made teachers feel as though the public was waiting for them to make a decision about returning to the classroom, and that the longer they stayed away, the more they were seen to be 'failing' children.

Dr Lisa Kim, from the University of York's Department of Education, said: "There seems to be a relationship between the frequency of these headlines and teachers' own mental health. Though we cannot determine whether there is a causal relationship, it seems that it added to the pressure, particularly because some commentary seemed to be encouraging a blame culture."

This was confirmed by evidence gathered from the project participants and published in the preceding study. In interviews conducted in April and May 2020, for example, one told the researchers: "People think we're at home on full pay doing nothing, which is not great for your mental health." Later that summer, one teacher confessed: "There were times when I felt, and feel, that I've had enough. I don't want to do this anymore, because you can't see a light at the end of the tunnel."

Teachers emerged from the experience feeling underappreciated. In November 2020, after schools reopened, one told the team: "I was working really hard and it almost feels like what we've been doing hasn't really meant anything." They reported avoiding looking at social media because it was full of what one described as "teacher-bashing".

The researchers say these outcomes are a concern given the present teacher recruitment and retention crisis. Many teachers identify strongly with their job because they see it as rewarding and worthwhile, despite the modest pay. This was eroded during the pandemic, the researchers suggest, because of a deepening sense of being undervalued.

"It's striking that so little was said about the extraordinary efforts teachers were making," Oxley added. "The narratives we create matter, and we need to think carefully about this if we want to encourage more high-quality professionals into education."

The report is published in Psychology of Education Review.

Source: University of Cambridge

Journal reference: Oxley, L., & Kim, L. E. (2023). Newspapers’ portrayal of the teaching profession during the Covid-19 pandemic in England: A content analysis. Psychology of Education Review. doi.org/10.53841/bpsper.2023.47.2.41. explore.bps.org.uk/content/bpsper/47/2/41 (PAYWALLED)

[sarkariresultdude]

Law School Admission Test Result: A Journey of Persistence and Purpose

 For many aspiring prison specialists, it represents the first critical task of their adventure toward a career in law. Like many others, I approached the LSAT with a aggregate of trepidation and desire, fully aware that my score might play a good sized position in shaping my instructional and expert destiny. When I finally acquired my result, it was no longer simply various; it became the culmination of months of preparation, increase, and self-discovery.

Law School Admission Test Result California 

My journey to the LSAT changed into not a linear one. Initially, I underestimated the exam's complexity. The take a look at measures vital wondering, logical reasoning, and reading comprehension—competencies which might be crucial within the exercise of law but frequently underemphasized in traditional education. My early exercise rankings reflected my unfamiliarity with the exam's structure and expectations. I quick realized that fulfillment on the LSAT required extra than intelligence—it required method, area, and persistence.

The preparation system become severe. I enrolled in a complete check prep course and devoted to a every day study agenda. Mornings commenced with common sense video games, afternoons with reading comprehension passages, and evenings with timed full-length practice exams. I learned to assume just like the test makers, to identify styles in arguments, and to manipulate my time with surgical precision. The process changed into grueling, but it additionally woke up a new degree of mental stamina and analytical ability in me.

When take a look at day in the end arrived, I felt a ordinary calm. I had completed everything I should to put together, and now it turned into time to carry out. The exam become hard, as predicted, but I moved through it with confidence and cognizance. I had practiced beneath timed conditions so many times that the rhythm of the test felt almost familiar, even comforting. I walked out of the checking out middle no longer understanding my exact score, but certain that I had performed my pleasant.

Receiving my LSAT result was a second of both relief and revelation. My score changed into not ideal, but it become robust sufficient to make me competitive at numerous authentic regulation colleges. More importantly, it validated the infinite hours I had spent refining my abilties and pushing my intellectual barriers. The end result represented a non-public victory, now not only over the examination but over my own doubts and fears.

But past the rating, the LSAT taught me some thing more treasured: it taught me how to suppose. The potential to dissect arguments, perceive flaws in reasoning, and understand dense texts are gear that I will deliver with me for the duration of regulation faculty and my career. These are not simply take a look at-taking tricks—they are the foundations of prison evaluation and advocacy. In this way, the LSAT served as both a hurdle and a head start.

I also came to understand the wider implications of the LSAT within the admissions system. While some critics argue that standardized checks cannot fully seize a scholar's potential, I trust the LSAT offers a unique measure of preparedness for felony look at. Unlike GPA, that can range appreciably between establishments, the LSAT provides a not unusual benchmark that permits regulation schools to compare candidates on a good gambling discipline. Of path, it must no longer be the only criterion for admission, however while considered alongside other factors—together with non-public statements, letters of recommendation, and existence studies—it is able to offer treasured insight into an applicant’s readiness.

Reflecting on the complete experience, I am thankful now not best for the end result but for what the technique taught me. The LSAT driven me to develop new abilities, keep focus underneath strain, and trust in my potential to overcome highbrow demanding situations. These characteristics might be indispensable as I transition into the rigorous environment of regulation faculty, in which readability of concept and resilience are paramount.

Moreover, preparing for the LSAT reaffirmed my choice to pursue regulation. The analytical wondering it required mirrored the sort of trouble-fixing that lawyers engage in every day. Each logical reasoning query become like a mini case take a look at—posing a hassle, presenting proof, and difficult me to reach a defensible conclusion. It turned into in those moments that I felt maximum aligned with the criminal career and most confident in my selected path.

Now, as I put together to start regulation college, I deliver my LSAT result now not as a badge of honor, however as a symbol of ability—a reminder that with recognition and determination, I can upward thrust to meet any challenge. The score opened doorways for me, but the journey opened my thoughts. That, ultimately, is the real end result.

Looking ahead, I understand that law school will gift new and greater challenges. But the LSAT has already given me a flavor of the intellectual rigor I will face, and it has prepared me well. It has helped me increase behavior of precision, persistence, and perseverance—behavior that will serve me not only as a student but as a destiny suggest, advisor, and trade-maker.

[darkmaga-returns]

Last week I published an article discussing former Ambassador Chas Freeman, one of America’s most highly-regarded professional diplomats of the last half-century. Very early in his career, Freeman had been the personal interpreter for President Richard Nixon during his historic 1972 trip to China and meetings with Mao, and that country remained one of his areas of special expertise.

During subsequent decades, Freeman served as our ambassador to Saudi Arabia at the time of the Gulf War and was afterward appointed as an assistant secretary of defense. Then in early 2009, the Obama Administration nominated him as chairman of our National Intelligence Council, responsible for assessing and aggregating the findings of our 17 different intelligence agencies, and then providing the final report to our president and other top leaders. But the Israel Lobby regarded Freeman as insufficiently loyal to the foreign nation that they served, so their activists successfully mobilized to block his appointment.

Despite his very distinguished record of accomplishment, Freeman was rarely interviewed by our media so I was only slightly aware of him. However, over the last year he had become a regular guest on several YouTube channels and he greatly impressed me with his knowledge and acumen, prompting me to publish that piece quoting long sections of his extremely sensible views on our troubled relationship with China.

[karanfartiyal]

BSC Full Form

The Bachelor of Science (BSc) is a three-year undergraduate program designed for students who have completed their 10+2 education with a focus on science subjects. This degree offers a wide array of specializations, including Medical/Life Sciences, Chemistry, Physics, Botany, Zoology, Biotechnology, Microbiology, Biochemistry, Computer Science, Environmental Science, Food Technology, Electronic Science, Forensic Science, Biomedical Science, Physical Science, Operational Research, Statistics, and Anthropology.

The curriculum is structured to balance theoretical knowledge with practical application, fostering critical thinking, technical proficiency, and research skills among students. Admission to BSc programs typically involves merit-based selection or entrance examinations such as CUET, CUCET, NPAT, TS EAMCET, SET, BHU UET, and KCET. Prominent institutions offering BSc degrees in India include St. Stephen's College (New Delhi), Hansraj College (New Delhi), Hindu College (New Delhi), Presidency College (Chennai), Parul University (Vadodara), and Fergusson College (Pune).

The annual fees for a BSc program range from INR 20,000 to INR 2,00,000, varying by institution and specialization. Graduates with a BSc degree have diverse career opportunities in sectors such as information technology, education, healthcare, pharmaceuticals, and agriculture. Common roles include private tutor, nurse, food safety officer, lab technician, software tester, IT developer, agriculture specialist, and microbiologist. The average salary for BSc graduates ranges between INR 3 to 5 lakh per annum, depending on the chosen field and experience.

Specializations within BSc

One of the most compelling aspects of a BSc degree is the plethora of specializations available. Students can tailor their education based on their interests and career aspirations. Some prominent BSc specializations include:

Physics: Exploring the fundamental principles governing matter and energy.

Chemistry: Delving into the composition, properties, and reactions of substances.

Biology: Studying living organisms, their functions, and their interactions.

Computer Science: Focusing on computational systems, programming, and software development.

Environmental Science: Examining the environment and solutions to environmental challenges.

Biotechnology: Merging biology and technology to develop innovative products and solutions.

Microbiology: Investigating microscopic organisms and their roles in various environments.

Mathematics: Concentrating on abstract concepts, numbers, and quantitative analysis.

Each specialization is crafted to provide in-depth knowledge and hands-on experience, preparing students for diverse professional pathways.

Eligibility Criteria

Admission into a BSc program typically requires candidates to have completed their higher secondary education (10+2) with a strong foundation in science subjects. While specific requirements can vary based on the institution and country, a minimum aggregate score in subjects like Physics, Chemistry, Biology, and/or Mathematics is commonly expected. Some universities also conduct entrance examinations to assess the aptitude and proficiency of prospective students.

Admission Process

The pathway to securing a seat in a BSc program generally involves:

Application Submission: Filling out application forms of desired universities or colleges, either online or offline.

Entrance Examination: Appearing for standardized tests if required by the institution.

Merit List Announcement: Institutions release lists based on entrance exam scores and/or academic performance.

Counseling Sessions: Some colleges conduct counseling to guide students in selecting appropriate specializations.

Final Enrollment: Completing necessary documentation and fee submission to confirm admission.

It's imperative for aspirants to stay updated with the specific admission timelines and criteria of each institution to ensure a smooth application process.

Course Structure and Curriculum

The BSc curriculum is thoughtfully designed to balance theoretical understanding with practical application. While the exact structure can vary based on the chosen specialization and institution, a typical BSc program encompasses:

Core Subjects: Fundamental courses central to the chosen specialization.

Elective Subjects: Courses that allow students to explore related areas of interest.

Laboratory Work: Hands-on experiments and practical sessions to reinforce theoretical concepts.

Research Projects: Opportunities to undertake independent or guided research, fostering analytical and investigative skills.

Workshops and Seminars: Interactive sessions with experts to stay abreast of the latest advancements in the field.

This comprehensive approach ensures that graduates are not only knowledgeable but also adept at applying their learning in real-world scenarios.

Fee Structure

The financial investment required for a BSc degree can vary widely based on factors such as the institution's prestige, location, chosen specialization, and available facilities. On average, annual tuition fees for BSc programs range from INR 20,000 to INR 2,00,000. It's advisable for students to research and consider additional expenses, including laboratory fees, study materials, and other ancillary costs.

Career Prospects and Opportunities

A BSc degree opens a multitude of career avenues across various sectors. Graduates are equipped with skills and knowledge that make them valuable assets in industries such as:

Information Technology: Roles like software developers, data analysts, and system administrators.

Healthcare: Positions such as lab technicians, clinical researchers, and healthcare consultants.

Research and Development: Opportunities as research scientists, project assistants, and technical analysts.

Education: Careers as educators, academic counselors, and curriculum developers.

Environmental Management: Roles like environmental analysts, conservationists, and sustainability consultants.

Biotechnology and Pharmaceuticals: Positions in quality control, clinical trials, and product development.

The versatility of a BSc degree ensures that graduates can adapt to various roles and industries, making it a prudent choice for those passionate about science and its applications.

Top Institutions Offering BSc Programs

Several esteemed institutions worldwide offer BSc programs renowned for their academic excellence and research opportunities. Some of these include:

Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), USA: Celebrated for its cutting-edge research and innovation in science and technology.

University of Cambridge, UK: Offers a rich tradition of scientific inquiry and discovery.