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[pauline-sunshine]

Suchwidate

Part 1

Part 2

Pairing: Min Yoongi x female actress reader

Summary: After being a guest on Suchwita something bloomed

Genre: fluff (like tooth rotting fluff…I warned you), slow-burn (maybe?)

Warnings: they are shy and idiots but kinda adorable

Word count: 1,5k

Author’s note: I apologize for any errors! English is not my first language. Thank you so so much for your comments and likes..i literally cried. Not so happy with this part but I decided to post it anyway. Also, it’s quite unedited, sorry!!

After the Suchwita episode was released the comments section went wild:

‘So we definitely just watched them on a real date trying to act like it’s an interview’

‘They are so grumpy x sunshine coded I caaan’t’

‘My head: they’re performers, my heart: they’re soulmates’

‘If these two ended up together it would be one of the greatest entertainment love stories ever’

‘Pls go on a date without the cameras and fall in love and don’t tell anyone about it and just live happily ever after u both deserve it’

————

Your day was about to be busy as you were invited to the fundraising charity event. That meant waking up at 6 am, getting ready and- ‘Wait, no,no,no, why is it 9 am?’ The grasp of realization, ‘I SLEPT IN’. And just like that the hunger games of getting-ready-and-arriving-on-time began.

“Hey,” you opened the door of your apartment and let in your manager and stylist in.

“Why do you look like…” the woman was unsure what words to use.

“Like I just woke up? Because I did,” you covered your face in embarrassment.

“Y/N, you will be the death of me. Let’s get you ready,” your manager sighed.

Make up and hair were done, it was time to choose un outfit and the selection that was offered didn’t make you happy. You decided to go with an elegant strapless mini black dress.

“I’m not sure,” you were staring in a mirror, “Isn’t it too..revealing?” You wanted to feel comfortable and confident especially on important events like this.

“I think it looks great on you, besides you didn’t like any other dress. So, you kinda have no choice,” the stylist scanned you once again from top to bottom.

“Black dress it is then.” You faked a smile. You were running late and there was no time for tantrums.

Everything seemed to be going wrong at that point: sleeping in, the dress, running late except one little text that you received while driving to the event. It felt like a ray of sunshine peeking through stormy clouds:

Yoongi

Hello, Y/N. Again, thank you so much for coming to my show. The feedback is good. I heard that you were also invited to the charity event. See you there.

You

Heeeey!! hahhah, The pleasure was mine!!! Yes, I will be there too! Didn’t know you were going though…But yeah, see you there!!

‘Why did I have to put so many exclamation marks. Aggghh, Y/N, you’re a certified idiot,’ you thought to yourself.

Yoongi’s body was present and sitting in a big concert hall of the event next to other six members but his mind was elsewhere. He was scanning the crowd for what felt like a hundredth time just in hopes to spot the girl that has been on his mind since the day of the interview.

“Yoongi, what do you think?” Jungkook tried to include Suga to the conversation.

“What?” Obviously he wasn’t listening. He frowned and made a slightly unhappy face as though he was distracted from something important.

“Where are you flying? I said, what do you think— It’s her! Guys, it’s her!” He called attention of the other members while slightly pointing at you across the room.

“What are you talking about,” the irritation in Yoongi’s voice started to rise.

“Look!” Jungkook pushed Yoongi in order for him to turn and at that moment all his worries melted because he saw you.

Obviously, the minute you left the studio that day Yoongi texted to their group chat how professional, talented and kind you were, but they all knew what he really meant behind those words. And now you were interest number one for all of them: they wanted to see the girl who turned Yoongi into a ball of fur.

You were accompanied by a stuff member who was showing you the way. Because (guess what) of the fact that you were late your seat was kinda assigned to other person.

“Is it okay if we sit you right there,” the stuff member pointed to the further part of the sector.

“Anywhere will be fine. I’m so sorry for the inconvenience that I caused you.” One thought was running through your mind: never EVER to be late again.

“Don’t worry, just follow me. Judging by the scheme, there are a few seats left in the second row, next to the band BTS. I’m afraid I can’t accompany you that far because of the cameras but just follow that luminescent line on the floor.”

“What is happening? Where are they taking her?” Yoongi watched as you were passing by other guests and bowing along the way.

“Hey, hey, calm down. Look, I think they’re leading her to…us?” Jungkook tried to reassure him.

“Thank you.” As you turned to say that the stuff member was gone and you were, well, lost. ‘Where the heck is that line? My dress is killing me! Shall I just leave? Second row? BTS? Oh god, am I gonna sit next to BTS?’ The panic was growing inside you.

“I think she’s lost” as Jungkook turned to say that he only saw an empty seat and Yoongi’s back moving further away.

“Hey, Y/N. Are you okay?” A familiar voice on your right brought you back to life.

“Yonngi, thank god, how did you find me. I’m such a mess. I’m so lost. I arrived late and they said I had to change my sit and-“ you were chattering and twisting your fingers because of the nerves.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he gently placed both of his hands on your shoulders to calm you down and bring you back to reality. “What did the stuff member tell you? I will help you to find your seat,” he said in a calm deep voice accompanied by his soft eyes. That moment he swore he would do anything to protect and comfort you.

“Oh, well, he said that there was a seat. In a second row. Next to BTS.” You murmured the last sentence quietly and slightly turning away from him because the feeling of his soft touch on your skin left a blooming blush on your cheeks.

“Then, we have to go because the show is about to start.” That moment he thanked every single deity for this chance to spend time with you although he didn’t show it. He just let go of your shoulders and led you.

“They’re coming! Act cool!” Jungkook ordered to others.

“Say that to yourself,” Taehyung laughed at him.

When you both reached your destination Yoongi introduced you to the boys.

“This is Y/N, my…special friend.” He looked at you and his gaze softened.

“It’s such an honor to meet you guys,” you bowed your head to them and they did the same.

As you and Yoongi sat you noticed Hobi poked out behind Jungkook in order to talk to you. “Y/N, please tell me there is a second season of your latest show. They had no right to end it like that without making an announcement of a sequel!” He whined a little bit.

“Well, my contract doesn’t allow me to talk but maybe there is something coming soon. Or maybe there isn’t,” you laughed a bit. He perfectly understood your hint.

“Ahhhh, I can’t wait,” he smiled being very pleased with your answer.

Yoongi was following every single movement you made while you talking to his friends.

The show began. You and Yoongi sat together and discussed performances and every unfunny joke that hosts made. You both felt how natural it was to be real around each other and that was precious.

“I’m glad you came,” the whispered and subconsciously slightly leaned toward you.

“I thought this would be another dull event but I’m glad I have this awful habit of being late,” you laughed and turned to him. The distance between your faces was small and you noticed how his gaze shifted from your eyes to your lips and back. Your heart made a backflip and with the speed of light you turned your head back to face the stage. Yoongi slightly chuckled.

The official part of the ceremony was over and it was the time for the after party.

“I see you later, okay? We need to do an interview,” Yoongi explained almost as if he was sorry.

“It’s fine. I also have to find my manager,” you smiled. Neither of you wanted to go but duties are duties. You bowed to all of the seven men and reunited with your manager.

“Are you ready? I have to introduce you to a lot of people.” The manager asked while you both were on the way to the after party area.

“Do I have a choice?” You sighed and only wished to see Yoongi as soon as possible.

[powderpinkprincess]

Little Dark Age I. [Lando Norris x reader] 18+

description: Lando thought you cut all contact with your dealer, yet he catches him texting you again. warnings: mentions of past substance abuse, a few bad words

You and Lando were invited for lunch with a few of the guys on his team. As usual, he was driving while you settled in the passenger seat, fixing your lipstick in the mirror. He checked his phone, seeing that Oscar had texted him the restaurant's address. Lando has never been there before. He quickly looked it up on Google Maps: it wasn't too far away.

You were already on your way, stopping at a red light when Lando opened the holder between the two seats and rummaged through it. "Damn it," he mumbled. "Can you check the glove compartment? I can't find my charger."

You did as he asked, but you couldn't find it either. "It's not here," you shook your head.

 "Seriously? I swear I put it in there last week-" Lando looked at his phone with a frown as he started driving again after the light turned green. "My battery is on, like, 3%."

 "You didn't charge your phone again?" you raised your eyebrows. He just never learned. You always charged your phone at night, while often, he was just too lazy to plug his in when he was already lying in bed. He simply just charged it while he was doing his morning workout in the gym. However, this morning, he skipped the gym part of his routine, so he forgot to charge his phone as well.

 "Hey, I was busy this morning," he mumbled, then he let out a deep sigh when the phone went off due to low battery. "Ah, goddammit. We still have like 15 minutes until we're there. I'll never make it."

 "Just use mine. Do you remember the address?" you asked, grabbing your phone from your purse.

Lando nodded. "Yep, I do. Thank you, baby," he said as he reached out for the phone. He held it with one hand while he drove with the other, punching in the address on the map.

You rarely used each other’s phone. Both of you knew the password, but only because you saw the other typing the code in so many times. Yet, naturally, each other’s phone was a part of your privacy, and it was fine for the both of you.

He drove in silence, tapping on the steering wheel impatiently when he caught the third red light in a row. He glanced at the GPS again to see which way to turn, but then a WhatsApp notification on your phone came up.

It was Toby.

Lando's eyes darted to the screen, noticing the notification from him, the man who had been selling you drugs for over a year. They locked onto the name, and his grip on the steering wheel tightened.

He thought you cut all contact with Toby after you quit.

His gaze shifted to you, taking in the way you were staring out the window, completely oblivious to the fact that the notification had just appeared. His mind was racing a million miles per minute, filled with a mix of agitation and concern.

One of Lando's biggest fears was that one day, you would get tempted again and slip back into your old habits. It wasn't only about the addiction itself but about knowing that the thing could be laced with whatever without you being aware of it. And that could kill you so easily.

In that split second, all his rational thoughts, all the logic, were gone. Anger surged within Lando, and a wave of fear washed over him as the notification appeared on the screen. His mind was clouded by a rush of emotions, and before he even realized what he was doing, he swiftly pulled over, the sudden halt causing the tires to screech.

 "What are you doing?" you frowned, turning to look at him.

Lando ignored you, his mind still racing. He couldn't focus on anything other than the fact that he needed to find out what Toby was texting you about. He snatched the phone out of the holder, trying to prevent you from grabbing it back. He was completely ignoring the way your eyes widened in surprise.

 "What are you doing?!" you repeated, this time louder and more forcefully at his unexpected actions.

Lando didn't even turn to look at you, his eyes glued to the phone screen, scanning through the messages. He could feel his heart hammering against his chest, the emotions overwhelming him.

 "I'm trying to understand what you're still doing with this guy," he said after a period of tense silence, his voice tight and low, as he scrolled further up.

 "What, Toby? He just wanted to ask how I was doing." The anger and defensiveness immediately flared up in you. You reached out to snatch back your phone from his hand.

Lando held the phone above his head, away from your reaching hands. "Why the hell would Toby care about how you're doing?" he snapped. "He was basically feeding your addiction for over a year. And now he's suddenly checking up on you? That's bullshit!"

 "Lando! He was a friend! Give me back my phone!" you demanded.

 "A friend, huh?" Lando retorted, still holding the phone out of your reach. "This guy made money off of your addiction, all the while pretending to be your friend. He was taking advantage of you, can't you see that?!"

 "Lando, please! This is so disrespectful! Stop going through my phone, are you crazy? When did I ever do that to you?" Tears of frustration and fear filled your eyes. Your heart was beating out of your chest now. Lando’s anger got through to you.

 "I'm trying to keep you from relapsing!" Lando finally exploded. "You promised me you wouldn't get in touch with that guy again, and now he's texting you out of the blue? Can you even understand how worrying that is to me? Especially since you're obviously keeping it a secret from me!"

 "He doesn't want anything from me," you retorted.

Lando's grip on the phone only tightened further at your response. "And you know this because...?" he asked, his voice dripping with scepticism. "Have you two been talking without me knowing? Because that certainly seems like it, given the fact you didn't even tell me he's texting again."

You didn't respond to that. Toby texted you after you shared a picture on your private Instagram that you would accompany Lando at his home race. Toby saw that you would be in England in two weeks, he liked your picture and texted you. But you were sure he didn't want anything from you, seriously. He didn't mind you getting sober. Why would he? You used to be friends. He didn't want anything bad for you.

Lando's expression darkened at your silence, realizing there was more you weren't telling him. His grip on the phone loosened a little.

 "You haven't answered my question," he said, his tone quieter now. "Have you been talking to Toby behind my back? Or was this the first time since you quit?"

 "He only texted me a few days ago to ask how I was doing," you mumbled, swallowing thickly.

Lando let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair. "A few days ago, huh?" he said, his tone strained. "Why didn't you tell me about it? I thought we agreed to keep each other informed about anything related to your sobriety."

 "Cause I knew you would hate it," you answered, desperately trying to force back your tears. "This has nothing to do with my sobriety. An old friend just asked how I was doing. There is nothing more to it, I swear."

Lando exhaled deeply, the tension in the car palpable. "Do you realize how this looks from my perspective?" he asked, his voice tight. "You've been sober for three years now, and suddenly this person who used to be a part of your dark past decides to check on you. Of course, I hate it. How am I supposed to believe there's nothing more to it when you're keeping it a secret from me?"

 "There is nothing more to it," you repeated firmly. "I know Toby. There is nothing more to it."

Lando groaned, his frustration evident. "You 'know' Toby, huh? Let me remind you that this is the same guy who was feeding your addiction for a long time without any remorse. Now he's conveniently checking on you just as we're going to England. Don't you find that suspicious at all?"

You shook your head stubbornly. Lando's jaw clenched as he saw the expression on your face. He could see that you were refusing to understand his point of view, and it was driving him crazy.

 "You're not even trying to see my side of this," he said, his voice strained. "I'm not trying to control who you talk to. I'm worried about your safety. Can't you understand that?"

 "We're going to be late for lunch," you replied, crossing your arms in front of your chest. If you kept talking, you would most likely cry, and you didn’t want to arrive to his team looking like a madman.

Lando let out a frustrated huff. "I don't give a damn about being late right now," he said, his grip on your phone in his hand tightening once more. "You need to understand that this is a big deal. You can't just be communicating with this guy behind my back and expect me to be alright with it."

 "I understand that," you looked down.

Lando studied you for a moment, trying to gauge your sincerity. He could sense you were just trying to end the conversation. He closed his eyes briefly, frustration etched on his features.

 "No, I don't think you do," he said, his voice tight. "You're minimizing the situation. I don't want you talking to Toby anymore. Period."

 "Lando, he was just asking how I was doing! Do you expect me to be rude and block him or what?!" Your eyes widened in disbelief.

 "Yes! That's exactly what I expect!" Lando exclaimed, his voice rising in frustration. "Can you not see why this is a problem? Toby is bad news, and you've been clean for so long now. Why do you even feel the need to talk to him?"

 "Cause-" You couldn't finish your sentence. You couldn't give him a good reason.

 "See? You can't think of a good reason," he said, his voice quieter now. "Because there is no good reason."

You didn't reply to that.

Lando ran a hand through his hair again, frustration etched on his features. The car was filled with an uncomfortable silence.

 "Look," he began, his voice a little less tense. "Just delete his number from your phone, alright? Block him. You don't need him in your life."

 "I just miss my old friends sometimes," you whispered. "It's so unfair that when we moved here, you could keep your life from England, but I couldn't keep anything from mine. I had to start everything from nothing."

Lando's expression softened as he heard your words. He had been so focused on how Toby's appearance in your life could trigger a relapse that he hadn't considered the larger picture.

 "I know, baby," he said, his voice gentler now. "It must have been tough for you. But I thought we had built a good life here together. And we made new friends."

You sniffled, wiping your eyes.

Lando reached out hesitantly, gently caressing your cheek with his thumb. "I don't want you to feel lonely or isolated," he said softly. "But Toby isn't the solution. You have me, you have Sasha, and you have all the friends we made together. You don't need him."

 "Can we please just go?" you hiccupped. "I don't want to talk about this right now when we're about to meet your team."

Lando's gaze softened, and he nodded. He could see the emotional toll this conversation was taking on you, and he understood that it wasn't the right time to continue.

 "Alright," he said, offering a gentle smile. "We'll talk later, okay? But please, can you at least promise me you'll consider blocking Toby? For my peace of mind, if nothing else."

 "I'll see." You took a tissue from your purse and blew your nose.

Lando sighed, knowing that was as close to a promise as he was going to get at that moment. He leaned back in his seat, his mind still filled with worry. But he decided to focus on the lunch ahead, putting this issue aside for the time being.

find part two here

[empressofthesunwriter]

Beauty Is A Curse

Queen B.

Beauty Queen.

Wear your mask, don't let them see.

The Girl underneath.

Hide, hide, hide under snide and pride.

Use a sharp tongue to make them bow.

You are the Queen of this school.

Beautiful, so beautiful, yet deep down, you feel so vacant.

You scream inside and no one hears.

They love your face, but what about your soul?

Beauty is a curse for sure.

Two

Dash party came like a present from heaven.

Not because she was invited, Paulina would rather stay home and watch some old movies, but because he invited Danny.

DANNY!

Her crush.

Paulina had to play it cool.

She could finally get close to him, maybe show him some of her real self, yet she still had to keep her mask as Queen B on.

So she just greeted him with a wave and smile.

Yeah, she got this.

The next day she asked Danny at school if he would like to hear her new CD.

It was so crunk!

She...she didn't use her own nerd language, did she?

Oh no she did!

Stupid!

Thankful, Danny didn't seem to mind and joined her with a smile.

Okay, Paulina, you got this! she encouraged herself.

They listen to the music, doing idle chit-chat.

Paulina felt like on cloud number 9.

They liked a lot of the same music artists!

They discussed Dumpty Humpty's latest album and how much more rock it was than their last.

Oh yeah, she got it.

And she wasn't making a foul out of herself.

The Latina couldn't wait till Saturday!

(*)

Paulina did wonder why Dash changed the dress code on Saturday for the party from cool to loser chic.

When she saw Danny arrive in the cool baggy clothes, she had a feeling that Dash had lied about being short on money to buy the cool clothes, and that's why he changed the dress code.

Bullcrap.

Dash was loaded.

This was to embarrass Danny.

Nervous Paulina rubbed one of her arms.

She knew what she had to do...shune Danny like everybody else.

But...

She looked around.

A lot of her friends were either drunk or high and the rest made out with each other.

Maybe she could...?

Determined she walked up to the sad Danny.

"Hey Danny.", she greeted. "Didn't get the memo, huh?"

God, this was so lame!

Yet Danny just gave her a little smile.

"Yeah...you look nice.", he complimented her.

"I wear the stuff your little Goth friend wears?"

Danny blushed adorable, gaah, Paulina wanted to kiss his cheeks.

"I-I know...you look just better in it."

Well, his friend surely wouldn't like to hear this, but it made Paulina happy.

She gave him a sweet smile, making him blush more.

"Come, let's get out of here.", she suggested.

This surprised Danny.

"You...You want to leave with me?"

"I will not have Dash have the satisfaction of humiliating you. Also, I rather hang out with you than with this drunk, high and horny crowd."

It was then Danny realized what was going on around them, making him blush a bit more.

How could someone be so adorable?

"Yeah...I get it."

Giggling Paulina took his hand, which earned her a huge smile from Danny, and led him to the backdoor of the house, so no one would notice them leave.

(*)

They found themselves all alone, beside the employers, at the fast food restaurant Nasty Burger.

They eat to their heart contented.

"No Paulina!", laughed Danny, holding his Onion Rings away. "This are mine!"

"Aww, you are so mean, not even one?", giggled Paulina, still reaching for the Onion Rings.

"You already eat mine and your fries!"

"So mean!"

They giggled together and Danny finally gave her an Onion Ring.

This was so amazing.

Like a little date.

Paulina could stay forever in this moment.

Sadly it ended.

Out of nowhere, Danny shivered, Paulina even swore she saw blue mist coming from his mouth, and told her he had to be home.

"Oh.", she made a sad sound, before she gripped a napkin and a pen. "Here. This is my number. Give me a call?"

Danny looked at her as if she gave him the Holy Grail and Excalibur in one.

"Yes. Yes! I will totally call you! Bye, Paulina!"

"Wait, Danny!"

As he turned to her back she gave him fast a little kiss on the cheek.

"I had fun with you..."

Dreamily Danny touched his cheek, staring at her with big sky blue adoring eyes, making now her blush.

"I had fun too...Bye."

Her kiss had made him drunk or how else could you explain how the poor boy smacked against several tables before he got out of the fast food joint?

Paulina smiled a bit.

Danny was so cute.

(*)

She was back at her hide-out, curled around her phone.

Why didn't Danny call her already?

Did he forget?

Before she started to cry, finally her phone rang.

"Danny!"

"Paulina, I'm so sorry. I had a family situation and could call just now. Did I wake you up?"

She smiled shyly at her old friend the moon who shone down on her.

"No, no, I'm still awake."

"Oh good."

"I hope all is good with your family."

"Yeah, don't worry."

"Thank you, you called...I thought you forgot me."

"I could NEVER forget you!"

This made Paulina laugh softly.

"Charmer."

"You know Paulina...and please don't take it the wrong way."

"Mmh?"

"You were tonight so sweet to me and seemed...happy. I have never seen you laugh this much."

Paulina bit her lip and played nervously with the string of her hoodie.

"I'm a girl with a lot of mysteries, Danny."

"Then...then I hope you will trust me one day enough to show them to me."

Oh...!

Paulina felt tears well up in her eyes and a big smile forming on her face.

This boy...this sweet kind boy...he was way too good for her!

"One day, Danny, I promise."

They talked for a bit before they said good night to each other.

For the first time in a long while Paulina felt lighter in her heart.

Danny did her good.

He seemed to accept and enjoy her true colours.

Sure she hadn't shown him anything tonight, but it was a good start.

So this meant one thing...she had to be courageous enough to keep him in her life.

She lay down like a starfish on the rooftop and looked at the moon.

Could she rip off her own Queen B Mask?

Would it be worth it?

Yet when she thought about the feelings Danny made appear in her...yes, she had to rip off the mask.

Maybe not all in one go, but showing her so-called friends that Danny was under her protection.

Yeah...this could work.

For Danny and the small blossom of love between them...she could do it.

She had to do it!

Paulina nodded to the moon and made her way home.

Tomorrow her war would start.

She needed all forces.

[pruchnicadventures]

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[neondiamond]

🪩 Recently Read Fics - July 2023 🪩

These are all the amazing fics I read over the past month (from shortest to longest). Don’t forget to leave kudos and comments to show the authors your appreciation if you read any of these! 💛

🪩 I’ll Get You Through by @hellolovers13 (1k, G)

Louis will always pick up when Harry calls.

Always.

🪩 a life that’s lived without you by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed (1k, T)

In all of his 116 years, Zayn has never quite felt this way about anyone. Liam is so incredibly human, in the worst and best ways. He’s fragile, even when he pretends not to be. He’s soft and kind, clumsy at times. He’s strong and full of life, full of love even when people around him give him cause to be anything but.

He’s sunshine and happiness and Zayn watches because he can’t not be drawn to him, to this boy that personifies those things that he has been missing out on for over a century.

🪩 rain makes the flowers grow by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed (1k, G)

Some people are able to hide it. The way they’re feeling.

This boy at Harry’s work is not one of them.

He’s the boy with his head in the clouds.

🪩 Yours and Mine by @allwaswell16 (1k, T)

Louis goes to the library with his favourite people, his boyfriend Harry and his son, Max.

A Bitter Ends Turns Sweet timestamp

🪩 Everything Is Batter With You by @red-pandaaa (2k, T)

Harry comes across a fun baking TikTok and convinces Louis to do it

🪩 In Time by @allwaswell16 (2k, M)

Harry's uncertainty about their relationship began before he ever stepped foot on the plane to Amsterdam.

A prequel/timestamp to the fic Bitter Ends Turn Sweet

🪩 Timeless by @babyhoneyheslt (3k, G)

After visiting an antiques shop, Harry gets transported through time, and discovers that he and Louis are Timeless.

🪩 Take Me To Another World by @babyhoneyheslt (5k, G)

After escaping from the neighbouring kingdom, Harry finds himself on land for the first time. Despite knowing he should go back home, he lets his curiosity get the better of him.

When a mishap with discovering socks happens, he meets Louis who takes him out for coffee, and finds that Louis doesn’t quite meet the stereotype of humans.

🪩 On That Note by @allwaswell16 (6k, E)

Louis’ office job on an omega only floor would be absolutely fine, if not for the alphas he and his friends have to deal with in the building. But although they’ve never met face to face, the friendly notes sent between him and Harry in Purchasing help him get through the day.

🪩 I Want You to Linger by @insightfulinsomniac (7k, E)

A friends-to-lovers fic in which oblivious alpha Louis courts his best friend, nests with the gifts he gets him, and is faced with the reality that sometimes telling someone you love them doesn’t go to plan (but turns out better in the end anyway).

🪩 Blue Moon by @pocketsunshineharry (20k, G)

What happens when Louis moves away from the busy city life to a small village in the middle of nowhere and meets Harry, the sweetest and most understanding Alpha?

Will Harry be able to get Louis' walls down? Will he be able to adjust to the slower pace of life in the village and open up to Harry's love? As they navigate their new relationship, will they be able to overcome the obstacles from Louis’ past?

🪩 Paint a Rainbow Inside My Heart by @cyantific (22k, T)

A story about hiding in plain sight and the journey to revealing your truth, told in six acts.

Or, the five times Harry queer coded with actions, behaviors or clothing and the one time he was too proud to hide anymore.

🪩 ‘cause I want you (for the worse and for the better) by @absoloutenonsense (26k, NR)

When Louis gets invited along to Anne's wedding, Harry is prepared to let people think whatever they want about their relationship. That's what Louis said -- let people think whatever they want. That changes when Louis sees his ex, who turns out to be Anne's future husband's son. Now, Louis wants to prove that he's an omega that an alpha could want, and Harry wants to get through this weekend without letting his best friend figure out he's in love with him.

[rainisawriter]

Little Starfish – Floyd (PSF #23)

PSF Ficography | H&F Flash Ficography

Genre: Fluff, soulmate au

Prompt: Trinket (@flufftober) / Never have I ever… taken a bike ride through the woods (@slumberpartybingo Fall Flash)

Word Count: 3,315

Pairing: Reader x Floyd

World: Twisted Wonderland

───── ⋆⋅🍂⋅⋆ ─────

You groaned, letting your head fall back to stare up at the ceiling of your classroom. It was lunchtime so most of the students had retreated to the cafeteria but your head was hurting too bad to deal with the noise.

Kazu, your childhood best friend and fellow degenerate, entered the room with an armful of snacks and drinks. He made a beeline for your desk, dropping off his haul onto it before sitting the wrong way at the desk in front of you.

“I managed to get some goodies today. Look at this!” He grabbed a bag of combos, waving them at you frantically. “Every single time, they’re out of combos because of Billy in class C. Today, I finally beat him!”

You scoffed, sending him a look as you grabbed your favorite drink. “Only because he’s not here today.”

“Hey!” He pointed a finger at you, his ring glinting under the bright lights of the class. “A win is a win, no matter the circumstances.”

“Uh huh, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night, my guy.” You leaned forward, scanning the pile of snacks for something that looked appetizing. You would have preferred to get lunch from the cafeteria, but they didn’t allow you to take food out of the room, much to your annoyance. 

“By the way,” he popped a twizzler into his mouth, talking as he chewed. “Did you hear that they finally reopened the Coral Cove trail?”

“Yeah?” You quirked a brow, your interest peaked as soon as you heard the name. “Did they catch the murderer?”

“Nope. Dad says they’re still completely clueless,” his nose wrinkled in annoyance. “It’s been months, they can’t keep the case open forever.”

“Isn’t it against police code or something to talk about cases outside the force?” you wondered, snatching the pizza-flavored combos before he could.

“Oi, those are mine!”

“Says who?”

“Says me!” he scowled, smacking his hand on the desk.

For a moment, the two of you just stared each other down, daring the other to give in. His eye twitched and you grinned, slowly leaning forward. Finally, he broke.

“Damn it, fine! Don’t say I never do anything for you.”

“Sure, sure.”

“Anyway, do you wanna hit the trail this weekend? We haven’t been allowed to ride there in ages and it’s not like we have Halloween plans.”

“Bold of you to assume I have no plans.”

His eyes widened as he sat up straight. “What? Did you get invited to something?!”

You snickered, turning your gaze to the window. Despite being nearly one in the afternoon, the sky was covered with grey clouds, the sun nowhere in sight. 

It truly did feel as if an age had passed since you were last on the trail. After a bird watcher spied a body floating in the lake, the cops completely cordoned off the lake, the trail, and the surrounding forest. It seemed a bit overkill to you, especially since there were always cops guarding the area.

You and Kazu had been caught sneaking in a handful of times when they first closed it off. It was a shame because the trail was quiet and peaceful, usually devoid of other people. Growing up, the two of you spent more time there than at home.

“Oi~” Kazu pouted, resting his upper body against the desk, pushing the snacks closer to you. “Answer me.”

“No, I didn’t get invited to anything. I’m as big a loser as you are.”

“Good,” he nodded, seemingly satisfied. 

“Wait for it,” you whispered to yourself, watching as realization flashed across his face.

“Hey, I’m not a loser!”

You just laughed, leaning back in your chair.

───── ⋆⋅🍂⋅⋆ ─────

The day of Halloween was cloudy and grey, rain falling from the sky as a fine mist. The wind was strong and chilly, something you thoroughly enjoyed. Most people didn’t want a rainy Halloween but, for you, it was perfect.

You threw your leg over the bike, stifling a yawn as you started down the quiet street. Most of the people in your neighborhood were older couples, so only a couple of houses had Halloween decorations up. It honestly hurt your soul, though you couldn’t judge – there were none up at your house, either. Not because you couldn’t be bothered but because you didn’t have the money to spare.

Kazu was waiting at the start of the trail, taking shelter under the seating area on the right side of the parking lot. When he noticed you approaching, he stopped sipping on his Kool-Aid Jammer to scowl at you. “What the hell took you so long?”

“I was enjoying the rain,” you shrugged, coming to a stop in front of the seating area.

“Your love of rain is bordering on unhealthy.”

“Your love of Kool-Aid Jammers is, too.”

“Hey! It’s a delicious drink for all ages.”

“Keep telling yourself that. Let’s go!” You started to bike down the dirt trail, tall pine trees towering over you on either side. Despite being autumn, the needles of these trees didn’t change color, remaining a rich dark green. It was a shame, really, because it made it feel less like Halloween.

“Move it, granny!” Kazu grinned, racing past you, his legs pumping as if he were being chased by Satan himself. 

You rolled your eyes at him, continuing your leisurely pace down the path. You just wanted to take in the nature around you since it had been so long since you were last here. The trees blocked most of the rain, though every minute or so a large drop would hit the top of your head. 

After about fifteen minutes, the path started to veer toward the left, right up against the side of the lake before following around its length. As you started to ride beside the water, you caught sight of something glinting just beneath the surface.

“Oi, Kazu -” you turned toward your best friend, only to find him halfway to the other side of the lake already. Shaking your head, you climbed off your bike, resting it against a thick tree just off the path. It was doubtful that anyone else would be riding by, but better safe than sorry, you supposed.

You squatted down at the water’s edge, squinting your eyes to try and make out what the object was. It appeared to be a necklace of some sort, with a round pendant stuck in the dirt. You reached out for it, hand sinking into the ice-cold water, but the tips of your fingers just barely scraped it.

You should have just given up and returned to your bike ride, but something was compelling you, whispering to you. You needed that trinket. Shifting onto your knees, your palm pressed into the dirt, water coming up to your elbow and lapping against the t-shirt you wore. You stretched your body as far as you could, reaching desperately for the metal chain.

The dirt gave way beneath you and you cried out as you fell face-first into the cold water, fingers curling around the chain and yanking it free from the dirt. The pendant sent a ripple through the water before it started to glow a bright blue, forcing you to close your eyes. There was a sudden yanking sensation, as if you were being sucked into a drain or something.

When the light faded and you opened your eyes again, you were surrounded by inky darkness so thick that you could barely see your hand in front of your face. You glanced upward but couldn’t see the surface of the water.

Your need for air was growing so you started to swim upward, sure that it couldn’t be that far off. The lake was only about twenty-five feet deep at its deepest section and you had been right at the edge and yet… no matter how far you swam, the surface never came.

Your heart was racing in your chest as your lungs started to burn, desperate for air. You were trying not to panic, knowing it would only make things worse, but what other options did you have?

A long shadow darted through the water to your left and your head snapped toward it, eyes frantically searching for the source but it was too dark. Was your mind playing tricks on you? You whipped around when you caught sight of it again, this time behind you but again, there was nothing there.

Panic was beginning to rise because you knew you couldn’t hold your breath much longer, plus there was now something circling you, most likely waiting for you to run out of air so it could strike.

A pair of strong arms slithered around your waist, a firm chest pressing against your back. Lips pressed against your ear, voice amused as it spoke to you as if you weren’t underwater. “What do we have here? A lost little starfish~”

A man appeared in front of you, a frown on his face. His skin was blue-green in tone and he was covered in scales, the lower half of his body fading into an eel-like tail. Your wide eyes met his mismatched ones, lips parting in shock. This was a poor choice on your end as water invaded your lungs.

Your body tensed, hands grasping at your throat.

“Huh? What’s wrong, little starfish?”

“I believe they’ve run out of air, Floyd,” stated the male before you, bringing a hand to his chin.

“Oh, right,” giggled Floyd. His clawed hand gripped your chin, turning your face toward him before his lips pressed against your own.

Your body stiffened in shock and you wanted to push him away, but he was providing you with much-needed air so you refrained. It helped that his lips were plush and soft against your own, feeling as if they were made just for you. He felt it, too, becoming intoxicated by the way you felt against him. He gripped you tighter, tilting his head to the side and swiping his rough tongue across your bottom lip.

Jade frowned as he observed his twin, realizing that the taller of the two had just imprinted on you, claiming you as his soulmate without even realizing it. This concerned him for multiple reasons, the biggest of which being the fact that neither of them knew who you were. He couldn’t prove it, but there was a voice at the back of his mind saying that you didn’t belong in this world.

You shoved at his shoulder, trying to push him away but he was like a stone wall, unmovable. When you tried to pull away, he followed you, tail swishing back and forth in the water. Since neither was working, you did the next best thing – you bit down hard on his bottom lip, making him whine in pain and pull away, blood staining the water red.

“That wasn’t very nice, little starfish,” he scowled, eyes narrowed at you. “Don’t make me squeeze ya!” As if to prove his point, he increased his grip to an almost painful degree before lessening his hold.

You wanted to yell at him, to tell him to let you go, but you couldn’t speak underwater like he could. Instead, you clenched your fists and started to kick and punch him, eyes narrowed to try and communicate how angry you felt.

“Stop it,” he scowled, grabbing hold of your wrists so you’d stop hitting him. In response, you leaned forward and bit his slender wrist, tasting blood and saltwater on your tongue. He hissed in pain, jerking back from you and loosening his grip enough so you could slip away.

You turned, trying to swim away and up toward the surface, desperate to find air and safety. In the blink of an eye, he had swam past you, coming to a stop directly in front of you with narrowed eyes and a scowl on his lips. 

“You’re gonna drown, little starfish,” he pouted, reaching out for you again but you flailed wildly, trying to put some distance between the two of you. He moved easily through the water but you were awkward, barely moving at all.

You knew he was right. The need for air was growing again, your head feeling light and your vision blurring. Like it or not, he was your only chance at survival and he knew it.

Floyd grinned, showing off his sharp teeth. He held out his hand to you and you glanced nervously at his sharp nails. “Do you want me to save you, little starfish?”

You quickly nodded, squeezing your eyes shut tightly, lungs burning. A strangled sound left you and he quickly closed the distance, his lips finding yours again, filling your lungs with air that you accepted greedily. His tail shifted into the water, propelling both of you upward at a rapid pace. He passed twice the distance you had in just a few seconds.

You felt yourself break through the surface and you gasped loudly, sulking in air greedily as you coughed and sputtered. Rain was falling steadily from the grey sky above, creating tiny ripples on the surface of the water.

Floyd watched you closely, head tilted to the side and a grin on his lips. He couldn’t explain why, but he felt protective over you. 

More than anything, he just wanted to be close to you. He shifted closer and you quickly moved backward, eyes wide. Seeing the fear in your eyes made him frown, hurt and annoyance swirling in his gut. He had just saved your life, why were you acting scared of him?

“What… what are you?” you breathed out, eyes flickering to Jade when he broke the surface behind his twin.

“We’re eels, silly little starfish,” giggled Floyd, his tail breaking the surface of the water before sinking back under with a splash.

“E-Eels?!”

Though Jade couldn’t be sure that you weren’t from this world, he decided to bluff it and ask if he knew it to be a fact. “Do people like us not exist where you’re from?”

You quickly shook your head no and he hummed in interest.

Floyd frowned, glancing between the two of you. “Whatcha mean, Jade?”

“Your little starfish is from another world. One without magic, correct?”

You nodded, looking between the two. Your eyes were filled with confusion, a twinge of fear, and you looked exhausted.

“Come, we must get your starfish to land.” Jade swam past you with ease, dipping his head beneath the water.

Floyd swam closer to you with a grin. “Get on my back, little starfish~”

You hesitated, glancing around but you could see nothing but water. You had no choice so you slowly got behind him, your chest against his back and arms loosely around his neck.

“You gotta hold me tighter than that or you’ll fall off!” His fingers wrapped around your arms, tugging them tighter around his neck. “Hang on tight, okay?”

“Y-Yeah,” you replied shakily, swallowing hard as he shifted beneath you, his body easily sliding through the water. Though he hated swimming slowly, he knew you were already scared so he refrained from going too fast.

You felt relief wash over you when land finally came into sight and you relaxed against him, closing your eyes. A smile came to his lips when he felt the tension leaving your body. All he wanted to do was hold you tightly, to bury his face in your neck and mark you as his.

When he finally reached land, you slid off his back and pulled yourself up, the cold wind making you shiver. You wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to find some warmth but since you were soaked to the bone, it did little to help.

Floyd frowned, pulling himself up onto the earth with his tail still in the water. He held his arms open, motioning for you to come closer with his hands. “Come here, little starfish.�� 

You crawled over to him, teeth chattering. You honestly didn’t expect much warmth from him at all because he had felt cold under the water, but now that he was on land, his body was a bit warmer. You clung to his scaly body, trying to soak up what little bit of warmth he offered. 

Floyd held you tightly, a frown on his lips as you trembled against him. “Hurry up, Jade.”

The shorter twin stepped out from behind a tree, in human form and dressed in his NRC uniform. “Don’t be so impatient, Floyd.”

Floyd cupped your cheek with one hand, nuzzling his nose against the other. “I’ll be right back, little starfish.”

Confused, you watched him slip back in the water. Your eyes fell on Jade, brow furrowed. “How did you… you can change your form?”

“This is my human form,” he explained, eyes landing on a cluster of mushrooms at the base of a tree. He squatted down to inspect them, humming softly. “With the help of a potion, we are able to exist on land with very little trouble.”

Floyd burst out from behind the tree, his uniform messy and half-heartedly thrown on his body. He, too, was in human form, a grin on his lips as he rushed over to you. The air was knocked from your lungs when his body crashed into your own, arms tight around your body.

You wanted to complain, but he was so much warmed now and you found yourself leaning into him, much to his delight. He placed his jacket around your shoulders before returning his hold to your waist, face buried in the crook of your neck.

“Floyd,” said Jade sternly, sending his brother a look. “We should return to Night Raven.”

“I don’t wanna,” he muttered, lips brushing against your skin when he spoke. You were glad that you were already trembling because the action brought goosebumps to your skin.

“Do you want your little starfish to get sick?” Jade quirked a brow, holding back a smirk when his brother’s shoulders fell. He chose not to mention that NRC was probably the only way you were gonna be returned home.

“Fine~” He pulled away, bringing you to your feet with ease. “Ne, little starfish?”

You offered him your name and he tested it out before wrinkling his nose and shaking his head.

“No, you’re my little starfish!” He pouted, resting his forehead against your own. “Promise me you won’t ever leave me. If you do, I’ll squeeze ya!”

You didn’t know what that meant and you really didn’t want to find out so you hesitantly nodded. The bright smile that took over his face after this surprised you. He grabbed your hand and started to run through the woods, giggling like a boy on Christmas morning.

Despite your current situation, his carefree laughter brought a smile to your face and you soon found yourself laughing along, your worries temporarily forgotten. 

Jade sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. This whole situation was quite messy and he knew Floyd wasn’t going to take it well when it was time for you to return to your own world. He was the last person that Jade would have expected to imprint on someone, especially upon just meeting them.

Of all the people to be his soulmate, why was it someone from a different world? It made no sense to Jade. He started to follow the two of you when something caught his eye, glowing softly among the grass. Curiously, he leaned down to pick it up, eyes widening when he realized what it was.

What was the Jewel of Mamoten doing there? His eyes narrowed at you, a feeling of worry settling in his gut. It was no coincidence that both you and the trinket had appeared at the same time, he knew. This might get more annoying than he had originally thought.

───── ⋆⋅🍂⋅⋆ ─────

-> General Taglist: @asterhaze, @mrskenpachizaraki

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[wolfiethedestorur]

iris-clan, prologue.

(based off an rp from clan gen, all characters have been randomly generated.)

The night hung sweetly in the air as quiet-lark padded discreetly through the forest. Quiet-lark had been facing a cloud of stress the past few moons- with her only son brindle-paw recently becoming an apprentice and her newly appointed job as deputy, she had been yearning for a good night of relaxation. Which is what she assumed her mate, marsh-song, had in store for her..

He had recently invited her to meet him at the stretch of land across from the river, it dipped into owl-clan territory, but she hadn’t bene hesitant- quiet-lark had been often praised for her quick fighting skills and knowledge in her clan. She felt the cold earth slowly become more solid as she moved slowly into the place her mate had said for her to meet him. She looked over at marsh-song, his ears flattened as he was leaned over, as if inspecting something. He was a Smokey-gray Tom with an often soft demeanor, something him and her son had in common. But marsh-song only looked over at her with an etch of worry screwed across his face.

“quiet-lark, thank starclan.” He mewed, standing up- revealing what he had been oh-so-closely inspecting.

a small kit, orange, curled up at his paws. Marsh-song didn’t leave her, instead gestured quiet-lark over.

She stood still, her nose curled up a bit. “Whose kit is that?” Quiet-lark inquired. “Did you steal one from owl-clan?? We have enough mouths to feed in iris-clan as it is!” She snapped, and marsh-song looked down at the kit with a guilty expression on his face.

“No, she’s mine.” He shook his head, a sense of remorse creeping in his tone of voice. “I.. I’ve been lying to you, quiet-lark. Im not the warrior you thought I was. Nor am I the mate you picture me to be, im sorry.” Marsh-song apologized. “This.. is Ruby, please, she’s aspens kit, uh- aspen is a rouge, I.. Ive been meeting up with her but.. that’s.. it’s besides the point.” He was discombobulated with his words, tripping over them as he desperately tried to explain his motivation for bringing quiet-lark to see this wretched half-clan kit.

“I think she’s sick,” Marsh-song sounded distraught, as he sniffed at the tiny kit- it didn’t move, but it was breathing. “please- please, take her back to forest-breeze and shy-paw, I.. I can’t.” He looked down, shame was written all over the Tom-cats face. Quiet-larks tail lashed as she took in the news, not only had he been unfaithful to her- but now he was asking her to take in his mistakes? “Your its father, not me.” Quiet-lark snapped at her mate. “It’s your responsibility, I didn’t run off and break the code for some lowly rouge. You’ve betrayed me! Why should I do ANYTHING for you?!! And how will you explain this to your clan? OUR son?” Quiet-lark reprimanded, as marsh-storm avoided her gaze.

“im not going back to the clan.” He said softly.

“what? Marsh-storm-“ quiet-lark mewed, shocked at the idea. “You.. you have responsibilities there! Your a warrior and- brindle-paw needs you there!” Quiet-lark exclaimed, her tail calming down as she approached marsh-song.

“I can’t go back to the clan knowing what I’ve done, I still love you, and brindle-paw, but he doesn’t deserve to know his father was a shame to his clan.” Marsh-song broke, his head dipping as he held back tears.

“I screwed up, lark! starclan- I know I did.” He choked out. “But this kit- please, I can’t screw her up too.” He begged. “Take her to the clan, raise her to be the faithful warrior I never was, please.. and tell them I died a warrior, fighting. Brindle-paw doesn't need to know his father was.. was a coward.” Marsh-song pleaded.

quiet-lark hesitated, she felt as if she had just been crushed by a tree. The kit let out a quiet sneeze, and marsh-song chuckled sadly. “She’s a cute one, I think Ruby really fits her. Like the gem.” He said sadly. “Aspen won’t take care of her.. she’s ran off somewhere and.. starclan, this cold just won’t go away for her..” marsh-song sniffled. Quiet-lark sighed, and finally nodded. “I’ll take her back to forest-breeze and see what she can do.” Quiet-lark said hesitantly.

“but if I catch you ever trying to step foot in iris-clan territory again, I won’t hesitate to claw your fur off.” She said coldly.

“Ha.. your first exile as a deputy, I have a feeling there’s a lot more coming.” Marsh-song tried to lighten up the mood through his tears, though quiet-lark could only manage a cold scoff. She bent down to scruff the kit, before marsh-song shook his head. “Can I say goodbye first?” He begged.

quiet-lark scooted over so he could bend down to the sniveling kit. She watched as he lightly licked the top of her fluffy head, and whispered something out of her earshot. Her heart twisted as she remembered distinctly how he had often did that to brindle-paw when he was a kit. She had to look away for a second, before picking up Ruby in her jaws.

“..thank you, quiet-lark..” he said sadly, quiet-lark could only shake her head, and ran off quickly to rush the kit to camp.

Quiet-lark panted as she sat the young kit down, yelling loudly as her exasperated lungs would allow her. “I NEED THE MEDICINE CAT!” She yowled, and forest-breeze groggily rose from her nest, in shock as she was met with the sight of the sickly kit. “Bring her in, bring her in!” Forest-breeze said quickly, and quiet-lark took the she-kit into the den; placing her down as the medicine cat began to get to work. Shy-paw quickly joined her mentor in assisting.

Cold-star arrived into the den, his ear flicking. “Quiet-Lark, what is the meaning of all this ruckus? Dawn patrol hasn’t even been set yet.” He hissed, clearly annoyed- as was everyone who had been awakened by quiet-larks howl.

“marsh-song.. he’s.. he’s dead.” Quiet-larks eyes stung with tears as she curled up to cold-stars chest, her tears staining his white fur. “Badgers attacked this rouge and her kits, this little ones the only one that survived- marsh-song died protecting them.” Quiet-lark sobbed. She knew she was lying straight through her teeth towards her own leader, but she couldn’t let marsh-songs name go down as a simple traitor, as much as she wanted to.

“Oh.. quiet-lark, I'm so sorry.” Cold-star quietly comforted her, curling his tail around her as she sobbed into his chest. “she’s a bit stuffy, but other than that she’ll be okay.” Forest-breeze sighed, looking down at the small she-kit. Quiet-lark looked down at the young one in a mixed feeling of contempt. Her nose curling up. “Now uh.. what’d you say this kits name was, darling?” Forest-breeze asked, as quiet-lark narrowed her eyes.

“..bitter, her name is bitterkit.”

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[blewming]

January 14, 2025.

My co-star says, “reach out to the person you used to be” —I watched the clouds turn pink today and the skies turn pastel blue while trying to finish my work when I read this. I thought to myself, how do I do that? I never liked myself before and I still don’t like myself now.

I was a bully. Yes, I admit. I realized I was one when I had to confront a classmate of mine when I was a freshman in high school because she made fake accounts telling me that I ruin everything. She had to transfer schools because of it. I never apologized for what I did. I bullied my best friend just because I was too insecure cause she was smart and I was not, she had all the boys she liked, like her back—I did not. I told her things she still remembers up until today and I realized I gave her the trauma a best friend should’ve never did.

In my junior year in high school, rumors spread that I was laughing and was happy when my “close friend” and her boyfriend, who was my best friend, broke up. I was there when it happened and I never liked being there. I still remember how I refused to go but his other friend grabbed me by my hand. I never did laugh nor was I ever happy they broke up. There were people we didn’t know who heard the whole conversation and I didn’t like what they were saying to both of them. I had to tell them off, as a good friend, I smiled..I smiled to those people. I only smiled to seem nice to them as I was telling them off. But I heard unwanted noises that weren’t true and I never got to defend myself for it. Why? We ended up together for a good 6 months–talk about girl code but I understood why.

We had a math fest at school and I still remember how anxious and heavy I was feeling that day. We were allowed to go home after lunch but I refused to. I had nowhere to go but I stayed in school. I just had this gut feeling that something wasn’t right. Hours passed, a friend texted me that she saw him hanging out with my best friend when he told me he was gonna go home. He even kissed my hand before he went. I cried. It was the most painful thing I ever received from a text. I told them I was never gonna forgive them. But I did. Months passed, he broke up with me, in front of our class. I knew he liked another girl while we were together. I knew because he started to listen to this song over and over again and I knew that it wasn’t for me nor was it ever about me. I never was the same again.

Back in college, I drank lots of alcohol and cried in front of friends because I still couldn’t accept the fact that I didn’t have the perfect family like they did. I had to live with $5.00 for a week or more until my parents could give me when they could. Everything was expensive while my friends were out and about eating dinners I could never afford and I wish I did and I wished I could enjoy it. I was always heartbroken and sad. I didn’t know how to accept life and be thankful for what I had. It was hard to be thankful.

I started failing my classes when I reached my 2nd year in college because I couldn’t understand Biochemistry for the life of me. I had another gut feeling the circle that I was in never liked me. They would always put me in a position where I would feel like I was never included. When I told a friend that we could study together in a coffee shop for midterms and asked if I could hitch, my friend said yes but bailed on me last minute. Next thing I knew they were driving around the city and passed by the coffee shop I was in and tweeted things that I knew was directed at me. Mocking me. I still considered them as my friend.

Then I had to transfer schools for failing two subjects in one semester. I also fought with the dean, so maybe I was kicked out along with my friends. Everything was going smoothly at my second school until this same set of friends did it again. They started inviting our friends to gatherings but never included me. I was hurt. I didn’t know why they did that. I never did say anything. I never demanded anything from them. But they did it so many times that I decided to stay away and just find new friends that were going to accept me and tell me straight in the face what was I doing wrong. I did meet them. For the first time in my life, I was thankful.

Then I met this guy on a random day at the beach. We had a mutual friend we were close with. A year after, we became official. My friends never liked him. I wish I listened to them. He cheated on me a million times but I forgave him. I was a drunkard. I was crying, every single day. I banged my head to the wall every time he cheated. I started to fail my classes. Even gave my fucking virginity to that asshole. I ruined myself for him. I was not the person I was anymore. I lost a lot of weight. All my 26cm-sized jeans and shorts became 22cm. It was the first time that ever happened. I used to share clothes with my sister but it looked all loose to me and I couldn’t fit into my jeans anymore. I even almost got arrested for falling asleep in a comfort room because I was too drunk and started to create a scene. I could never forget that. I still remember the betrayal, the hurt, the people involved, and what hurt me most is no one ever told me. Everyone knew and they were all laughing at me. I knew he was cheating but I needed the last straw so I could learn and decide to let go.

I think what the universe is telling me is, I need to forgive myself for the decisions I’ve made in the past. Everyone has moved on but I know I’m still stuck somewhere. Call me the girl who can’t be moved. I also think my old self needs the warmest and the tightest hug from my present self. I don’t know why but I think she might actually need it. I must admit that I could never deny the trauma is still wandering around waiting for a bomb to catapult and explode and trigger the chaos and noises inside of me. I pray it doesn’t happen.

What do I say to the person I used to be?

You’re gonna be fine. You’re gonna turn out fine. It may still not be the one you wanted but you’ll get there. I hope you learn to forgive yourself for the things you did and for the things you will do. You deserve the warmest hug and I hope you can finally shut the loud noise off when it’s time. You’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.