#connecting us and bringing us in as a scoiety

[thelingering]

brain tired from Latin so have an appreciation post for humanity

[sendmyresignation]

ok. so there’s this segment in venom that is ultimately too much of a divergence to include in my trans revenge meta outside of a brief mention, so i decided to give it its own post

venom is really interesting to me because it has some really heavy and dense verses but is largely unremarked upon outside of being an anthemic “anti-scene” song. but there’s a huge opportunity to dig into its deeper meaning to revenge as an album as well as just mcr’s mission statement. for the moment i just want to talk about this verse:

particularly looking at “black is the kiss, the touch of the serpent son” which, taking into account the verbage of prison specifically (the dichotomy of “God has made us vs “on your mother’s eyes say a prayer” with the uncertainty central to that particular song- “i can’t… well i can” like the song is a justification) as well as the associations with religion, fits into revenge’s narrative about gay love or at the very least gay attraction.

so there’s this constant struggle throughout revenge regarding “falling” which is a term that means so much within the narrative (death, defeat, losing control, ect) but in a classic religious sense can be directly correlated to damnation (hello paradise lost). But! what’s so interesting about revenge is how omnipresent the temptation of “falling” is. typically, “falling” isn’t something characters struggle to decide for or against, usually they actively are afraid of falling and the conflict manifests as a result of that fear of damnation. this is striking- the narrator has to continually stop themselves from falling, like as a concept! (think of the “if I fall” in ghost or the “I lost my fear of falling. i will be with you” in fashion statement). and the way falling is a stand in for an unnamed internal desire is almost textual blatant- the whole of revenge is a metaphorical representation of internal conflict in the first place.

theoretically, falling could mean Any Number of Things- it could be suicidal ideation, it could be used to discuss the gradual loss of humanity as the revenge story progresses, it can refer to the death of one’s sense of self and be used in a trans narrative, etc, etc, but for our purpose there lies the double entendre of falling as in “falling in love” that figure into a story that not only brings up concerns about the lost of identity (”am i losing myself”) but connects love and death pretty explicitly (looking at the entirety of to the end and again “i’ve lost my fear of falling, i will be with you” as ways in which falling can be a representation of falling in love as well as dying simultaneously).

so now taking this context and moving back to this verse, this lyric “black is the kiss, the touch of the serpent son” makes more sense when it ties into the idea of “corruptible” forces- the loss of self, the idea that your mother is crying and praying, the pleading justification being that you are both men “as God has made us”- that is introduced in prison and is filtered through the lens of damnation/falling/love as one unified temptation. Here, the serpent son isn’t referring to the Devil (the snake) but an extension of him, an evil force working for his benefit- which could easily be interpreted, in a song heavy-handed on its religious symbolism, to mean the ways in which gay love is viewed as sinful or ungodly by institutions of faith.

But perhaps the most interesting aspect of this reading is the context surrounding this line, particularly the contrast between touch/kiss and mark/scar and the way even this association between the protagonist and the “serpent son” is depicted as softer/more comforting in comparison to whatever force left the mark or the scar (which might have multiple meanings- it could be a reference to the so-called “mark of the beast” in revelations that’s very loosely quoted/mentioned in maiden’s number of the beast so i can see gerard referencing it OR, more likely, it could refer to the way society at large, particularly the religious institutions in question during this song actively harms those it views as “deviant” or “sinful”). furthermore, its significant that the song becomes a denouncement of the foundation necessary for this perspective of damnation to even exist in the first place because the song essentially depicts religion as irrelevant to the narrator altogether. its not attempting to re-frame their love, but actively rejects the doctrine that views it as “wrong” altogether (”preach all you want but who’s gonna save me?” suggesting the protagonist isn’t listening or doesn’t care). Then, in the last line of the verse, it wraps all these threads together- illustrating how this conflict against something motivates the protagonist forward. The whole song is about using the circumstances of the past, the things that have opposed you and hurt you and defying them- “it ain’t the mark or the scar that makes you one” suggesting that the way the protagonist has been labeled or typified is not the reason they are an outcast of scoiety instead it is their active defiance that makes them dangerous/the enemy. it essentially reasserts the protagonist’s own agency- he is the one who made the choice, it was not inherent to his identity.

SO- this whole verse essentially puts the protagonist at odds with society/religious institutions, reevaluates the depicting of their love as wrong by establishing it as the one piece of comfort/love and THEN continues to stand in opposition to the forces that have persecuted him throughout the text and presumably his whole life. It is still a defiant anthem, there’s just so much more to the song as a whole than just telling music journalists and radio stations and such to fuck off about making my chem the leader of a scene.

ANYWAY. this is just a small little tidbit i noticed and thought deserved more than a footnote of a larger meta…. sorry this got long dsjfhkdsjhk

[thecountsblog]

A Count’s World Retrospective, part 1

You know, working on The Count’s World anniversary has got me thinking about how I got started in fanfiction in the first place. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this, but Super Papes wasn’t my first foray into the wonderful world of fanfiction. In fact, I wouldn’t have written TCW at all if I wasn’t already aware of the ff.net community, setup, system, etc. With my 10-year anniversary coming up at the same time the DuckTales reboot is already showing its premier movie and on schedule to launch in about a month, I’m reminded that what really got me into fanficcing was... Darkwing Duck.

The Disney Afternoon aired on TV when I was little, and I have memories of playing at DuckTales and Darkwing with my brother, as well as having toys and storybooks of those series. But, like most things from my childhood, they faded away as I grew older. I have no idea what brought it up, but I didn’t think about Darkwing Duck again until 2006, which is forever known as The Year I Moved to Disney World.

This was a transitional period in my life: I was on my own for the first time, learning how to function with my disabilities, and for the first time doing something I loved in a place I loved and getting paid for it. But still, it was lonely at times. For the first half I didn’t get along with any of my roommates, I had trouble making friends at work, and things were all-around rough.

This coincided with an interesting period in Internet development. 2006 was a unique time in Internet, as it was after the time when having internet access in your home was approaching ubiquitousness, but the structure and scoiety still had that old “wild west” feel. People had things like MySpace, LiveJournal and other platforms for creating content and connecting with like-minded individuals. However, this was all incredibly new and nobody really knew what to make of it yet. The “old fandom,” which I had not taken part in, which was mostly tied to bulletin boards, old terrible fansites, mailing lists, etc., were all falling to the side as things like LiveJournal groups and fanfiction.net began to make it easier to bring fandom together.

Also back then, you couldn’t go online and look up any episode of any cartoon you want on kisscartoon or watchcartoononline. I only had access to a handful of episodes on dailymotion and that’s it. The first DVD hadn’t even been released at the beginning of this escapade. So a google search for Darkwing Duck doesn’t bring up the show’s wiki or its illegal episode torrents. It brings up old fan sites, which later rehosted their works on ff.net where a whole new generation of content creators was using it as a platform to share their works.

So I, being on my own and lonely, began to read. And read. And read. And when I finally made a friend who would watch the show with me on the DVD that came out while I was down there, we speculated. The speculation tied with my new discovery of fanfiction, and I began to write.

None of these works have ever seen the light of day. They have not been published or even finished. One of them is so embarrassing I won’t even tell you what it was about if you begged me, but the other one was something special. It was going to be my magnum opus. For all of 2007, the year I came home and crashed hard, it kept me going. Fanfiction made the post-Best Job Ever blues pass by so much more easily. I was really excited about this being my grand debut on the internet.

However, life had other plans.

My brother got a Wii for Christmas in 2007, and with it Super Paper Mario. I played it and loved it, but what I did not love was the ending. I was so upset that Blumiere and Timpani's ending was so... unsatisfying! They just disappear and that's it? I couldn't even bear to watch the credits, I just went to my room and cried. (The knowledge of the post credits scene helped soothe the burn somewhat, but I still felt cheated.)

Like I did two years previously, I handled the vacant gap with fanfiction. Like before, it fleshed out a world that I wasn't ready to leave. The one that took most of my attention was "Odium and Love," by Lazlo Pizzazzlo (then named Lazlo Titan.) But there were so many good ones. I had already set aside my "Magnum Opus" because I was too removed from the source material to do a good job, so I thought, "Why not write about Super Papes?"

All these ideas came to me: instead of writing one big fix-it fic, I would instead break it down into small, managable chunks. Since I was even back then a huge animation enthusiast, I thought about making it like a Saturday morning cartoon, except with more continuity. I took inspiration from a lot of other sources, which I will dicuss later, weather permitting, but the two shows that had the biggest impact in terms of setting were Aladdin: The Series and All Dogs Go to Heaven: The Series, both TV series that took pace after sequels to great movies that played around with the setting to make the show work. I figured I'd do three, maybe five, and then move on.

I did not expect people to respond as they did. I actually did not expect people to respond at all. I expected my first fics to go unread and unnoticed. But people liked it. And I found that I liked it, too. So I wrote more, and more. Five became nine, which led to a movie, which led to more. I lost steam not too much later, so I started branching out to other fandoms. But every time I thought I'd moved on, I wanted to go back. So I did.

Now here we are, ten years, twentyish shorts and a "movie" later, and I'm still here. I never did finish that debut story, and all my notes on it are long gone. Maybe I'll tackle it someday. Maybe not. Maybe I'll branch out more to other fandoms, or maybe I'll stay here. I never planned for any of this to happen, and I haven't planned for anything after this. But I'm still here, and if you're reading this you are, too. Or maybe you just got here. If so, you're welcome to stay. I appreciate the company. I know I have trouble interacting with my readers, but this is why I got into fanfiction in the first place: because I was lonely, and I liked a thing but there wasn't enough about it.

[heliconus]

[Art-Inspired Playlist] Smith’s in the Cards

Have you ever looked at a work of art and immediately associated it with an album or a song? Janavi Goldblum shares that when her mind relates a visual artwork to music, her eyes, ears, heart, and personal experiences become synchronized. To inspire you to embrace this visual-aural-­emotional experience, Janavi has curated a series of art playlists. Each is centered around a theme, movement, or an artist, and pairs incredible works of art with songs. Read below for her second playlist inspired by artist Pamela “Pixie” Colman-Smith.

Pamela “Pixie” Colman-Smith: British-American artist, illustrator, and writer of the late-19th and early 20th century. Pamela worked in miniature theatrical design, illustrated books on Jamaican folklore (including the tale of the beloved character Anansi the spider), and was a fierce supporter of Women’s Suffrage, expressing her views through political cartoons.

Colman-Smith also had synaesthetic abilities, and would paint images that came to her while listening to music. How fitting for this series! One example of Colman-Smith’s enduring work is “the original Rider-Waite-Smith [although her name is often left out] Tarot Deck” originally published in 1909-10. Due to the perpetual dominance of white males in art and scoiety, Smith, a woman of color who is also said to have been queer, remains obscure to this day. To celebrate Pamela Colman-Smith and reclaim this beloved tarot deck as the Colman-Smith deck, enjoy this playlist inspired by a few of my favorite tarot illustrations. ]

#1. The Magician (Major Arcana)

Listen to: “Little Love Caster” by Laura Marling from the album: Once I Was An Eagle

In the realm of divination, tarot cards in the Major Arcana suit indicate life-changing events. The magician, a bridge between earth and the heavens, is a figure of skill, resourcefulness, and human will, and has the ability to bring great change. The image of the magician casting spells among the roses is as beautiful and mysterious as the incomparable Laura Marling’s voice in a song with a very fitting title.

#2. The Sun (Major Arcana)

Listen to: “Sunshine” by Powers from the mini-release: Sunshine

Warmth, light, bursting success. With jaunty lyrics predicting that rain will go away and good times are on the horizon, Powers captures the energy of Colman-Smith’s bright illustration. The addition of a crystal-clear wooden flute in the breakdown following the chorus is a perfect complement to the whimsical nature of these tarot card illustrations.

#3. The Star (Major Arcana)

Listen to: “Who by Fire” by Leonard Cohen feat. Janis Ian from the album: New Skin For The Old Ceremony

Pamela Colman-Smith is unmatched when it comes to depicting abstract concepts. When used for divination, The Star represents spirituality and renewal, while in reverse, it represents the very opposite: despair and a lack of faith. This Leonard Cohen staple is based off the traditional Hebrew melody and poem Unetanneh Tokef, which is recited at High Holy Day services as an ode to God’s divine judgement. Like so many songs from the Judaic Canon, Cohen’s song is a hauntingly beautiful expression of faith. Cohen’s folk adaptation of the original Hebrew song and Colman-Smith’s illustration are interestingly linked in their spiritual roots. (Bonus: check out the original cover art for this Cohen album. It caused quite a controversy when the album was released in 1974 and is another complex, symbolic image with a spiritual component.)

#4. The Moon (Major Arcana)

Listen to: “In This World” by Moby from the album: 18 & 18 B-Sides

In Colman-Smith’s illustration of the moon, the dog and the wolf between the pillars are said to be projections of one’s fears and insecurities. In this song, Moby -- who samples gospel singer Jackie Verdell’s (of the Davis Sisters) powerful, prayerful vocals and is known for his atmospheric electronica -- reflects the overwhelming fear of being alone in the world and needing to be guided out of a dark place.

#5. The Queen of Pentacles (Suit of Pentacles)

Listen to: “Oh! Sweet Nuthin’” by The Velvet Underground from the album: Loaded: Reloaded 45th Anniversary Edition

The Suit of Pentacles deals with business, money, and other aspects that may indicate material status. In an idyllic environment, the queen sits on a throne, surrounded by abundant nature. Colman-Smith illustrates an ideal life full of pleasures which can fall apart. The Velvet Underground’s bittersweet 1970 classic may feel incredibly desperate, but it is an ode to those who have lost everything yet still have the strength to land on their feet. The way the song becomes a soaring anthem by the end makes me wonder: when we hit rock bottom and let go of the weight we were carrying, do we come out of it more free? The Suit of Pinnacles may point to a more lucrative life, but material possessions may not be the key to a full one.

#6. Queen of Cups (Suit of Cups)

Listen to: “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” by Cary Brothers from the album: Under Control

The Suit of Cups is concerned with human emotional connections, love, and the expression of these emotions. This illustration of the queen peacefully sitting seaside, sporting her flowing marine-esque robes and a gold crown, is my absolute favorite of Colman-Smith’s. These days, love is often depicted as difficult and desperate, but The Queen of Cups, when in the upright position, represents compassion and security. Cary Brother’s song is a hopeful expression of love that, through its simplicity, is sure to evoke the queen of cups.

Listen to Janavi’s playlist on Spotify here.