#conversation with omarandjohnny

[blmpff]

Hiii @omarandjohnny 💞❣️

I'm currently in my jrock era after a conversation with @mikuni14 <3 so let's shuffle that playlist:

D'espairsRay - Human-Clad Monster

2. the GazettE - FADELESS

3. NOCTURNAL BLOODLUST - SHOWTIME

4. Girugamesh - chimera

5. ACME - RISING SUN

[asdfghjklmpff]

Hope the tattoo trip went well today! You got me motivated to finish cleaning up the design for my piece I want done in November 😁

Hi! It was great, thank you ^^ 8h of getting two others touched up, and one entirely new one done 😁

That's so cool! I hope it ends up everything you want it to be, good luck!

[i-got-the-feels]

It's 2023!

Its officially been one year since I started making and posting stuff and talking to people on tumblr. And here are the few people who made this hellsite not so hellish with their kindness, talent, sense of humor, friendship and acceptance with which you guys made a safe space for me.

@morathicain @ommited-miscellaneously @dangermagnetstrand @omarandjohnny @snimeat @gooseras @tians-heart @dimpledpran @liyazaki @gooseras @isvisomewhere @ardentlytess @oswlld @talays-portkey @sotaaoki @smittenskitten @nanons @natahjikio @boysbeloving @seawherethesunsets @stillqueerstillhere @prapais @youdontloveme-yet @daikunart @super-powerful-queen-slayyna @surajmukhis @domsaysstuff @wanderlust-in-my-soul @moonlightsdream @guzhu-furen @lanzhans @laowen @junghaesin @namchyoon @dusiks @pharawee @moonlightchicken @billlkin @ashinlae @fitfmybeloved @pannakorn @hidden-joy @leedongwook @koreandragon @freensrcha @bisexualhedgehog @catboypranparakulisaro @benkaaoi @baijingting @bellepark

I thank you guys for filling my 2022 with kindness and love and I hope 2023 is kind to you guys as well :) I wish I could tag you guys but the tag limit sucks </3

And to my moots I interacted only once with or with whom I haven't interacted because I was awkward to begin a conversation or perhaps yall were shy, please know your presence made me smile :)

[rainbowcolored7]

I posted 7,268 times in 2022

That's 6,285 more posts than 2021!

432 posts created (6%)

6,836 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@omarandjohnny

@nattaphum

@smittenskitten

@maleficent-cannoli

@negrowhat

I tagged 6,763 of my posts in 2022

Only 7% of my posts had no tags

#kinnporsche - 2,099 posts

#kinnporsche the series - 1,241 posts

#vegaspete - 521 posts

#beyond evil - 328 posts

#mile phakphum - 297 posts

#😂😂😂 - 288 posts

#apo nattawin - 267 posts

#kinnporsche art - 249 posts

#kinnporsche cast - 237 posts

#jeff satur - 210 posts

Longest Tag: 121 characters

#baby chay comes out to porsche and then years(?) later porsche gets to come out to chay and that's soooo💗😭😭🌼🌸🌈❤🌸💕

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Kim is the most terrifying brother and nobody can convince me otherwise. The way Jeff's eyes emote such violence and vicious danger??? I'm obsessed.

297 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

#4

Okay, now that I've had some time to rewatch and mull over all the information we have so far, I'm going to try and lay out my thoughts. It's gonna get long, I'd meant to do a strictly novel analysis of the scene before it aired, but life got in the way as usual. But I'm kind of glad, 'cause now I can compare the two.

There will be discussion of both the show and the novel below the cut, so if you're not interested in the novel or spoilers please pass this post by.

I'm going to start this off by saying that I am truly happy with the changes they've made in the show when it comes to the consensual aspect of the story between Kinn and Porsche. Also, as a warning, I'm going to be pulling personal experiences out to try and get my thoughts across properly. And, I don't do posts like this, like ever, so sorry if I make zero sense or talk way too much. I just have a lot of thoughts, and on the rare occasion my brain allows me to comprehensively share those thoughts, I need to take advantage.

Let's start this off from the beginning of episode 4. Porsche wakes up in Pete's bed, knows he kissed someone, can't remember, and spends the rest of the first half of the episode trying to piece things together. I know we like to joke about Porsche having a single braincell (and honestly sometimes boy... lol) but he's not an idiot and he does know how to read people. You can't be a good bartender or survive taking care of your family, young and alone, without having a decent grasp on human nature.

I think when Kinn called him up to the balcony and started asking him questions he left that conversation with a flickering of oh, I remember something happened and now Kinn is acting strangely (a theme he vocalizes later in the sauna). I think he's thinking, what did I do this time to make Kinn act so strangely (soft and flirtatious and joking around) towards me?

After he sees Kinn with his escort, realizes Kinn is gay, remembers what happened on the pier, and that what happened wasn't something he did but Kinn kissing him, he asks Pete if you should kiss someone you don't like (and the subtitles changed so don't at me...) , or aren't in a relationship with (or perhaps intentionally pursuing because you like them). Now, obviously, you can kiss people you don't like, but perhaps are just physically attracted to, and I'm sure something is lost in the translation. That or I'm just reading too much into it and Pete saying you only kiss people you like, 'cause baby boy, that ain't true. Side note, I have a feeling Pete might come to realize it isn't true when we get to the point of him with Vegas, but that's an entirely different egg to crack open. (I have also not read that far.)

Now, here, is where I want to point out just how differently Porsche reacts to what happened and how fucking ecstatic I am that they changed it completely. In the novel, Porsche struggles with a lot of internalized homophobia, though he's okay with Yok, who is trans, he mentions it took him some time to be okay with her, but he still recoils at people he thinks might be gay or someone of the same gender expressing interest in him. He frequently compliments men's looks, not just in a friendly way, and thinks about how attractive some men are, Kinn especially. In the novel, once he really realizes he's physically and sexually attracted to Kinn, Porsche has a fucking meltdown of an internal crisis over it. He even goes as far as hitting on all his guy friends trying to reason out why Kinn would be behaving the way he is towards him, and why he kind of likes it (but doesn't, but does, but doesn't etc.). The boy is a mess and in complete denial.

I'm assuming a lot here, and reading between the lines, but how I interpreted it was, Porsche had, at some point in his youth, like a lot of queer youth, gotten a lot of negative feedback about same sex attraction that really dug into his bones, and so whenever he feels anything more than friendship towards another man he freaks out and tries to bury it, all the while wanting it so badly he can't stop himself. i.e. kissing Kinn back and allowing Kinn to essentially do whatever he pleases while being vocally grumpy about it. In the novel, he doesn't know who he is when it comes to his sexuality, he's deep in denial about being bi, and actively fights against it.

The show ripped that all away and gave us the true chaotic bi king we love and adore, and who he should have been in the novel imo. Show Porsche is open, honest to a fault, accepting, understanding. Now, we haven't gotten verbal confirmation that Porsche is bi in the show, but from everything I've witnessed so far I feel safe in saying he's bi, pan, or just plainly doesn't give a fuck as long as he's getting pleasure from his encounters. He seems open to Kinn's attraction as well as his own, though to say for certain we will have to wait until episode 5, where I'm hoping they touch on this subject some more, and I hope it's on the good side in line with the changes from novel Porsche we've gotten so far. (I'm down for some turmoil about him having sex with his boss, but please keep the biphobia out please please).

As much as I'd like to get more into the lead up to the real juicy stuff, I just don't have the energy. So, let's get into the gritty of it, shall we? The drugging scene. We finally made it here. A lot faster than I was expecting? Absolutely. Does it still feel organic after the previous three episodes? If Kinn hadn't said Porsche had been at the compound for a month, yes, but since he did, no.

Porsche has been with Kinn, Khun, the other bodyguards, for a whole month. He's been learning, adjusting, actively trying to become a better bodyguard. The reasons behind his change of heart seem to be him finally coming to the realization of what a serious situation he's landed himself in. It's life or death, his life isn't the only one on the line here, it's everyone around him as well. He's clearly beginning to really care about the well-being of his fellow bodyguards (mainly Pete, Arm, Pol) and Khun and Kinn.

Also, after episode 3, it was clear to me that Porsche finds Kinn physically attractive, and I do believe wanting some kind of approval from Kinn was another motivator. He's curious about Kinn, he's attracted to him, he's leaning into it.

Kinn, poor baby, is having a beautiful emotional crisis, and a lot of that I think is thanks to Mile really pouring his entire being into fleshing Kinn out and turning him into a "well" rounded person rather than the power hungry, totally domineering, bastard asshole, very surface, no depth, Kinn we have in the novel. The changes they've made to Kinn are fucking delightful, and I'm adoring the added depth and emotional vulnerability they've given him.

In the novel, Vegas sexually assaults Porsche. Without penetration, but Kinn does find him in his underwear with marks all over his body. This was one of the parts I was most worried about them adapting in the show. (I will note here, I have not read past the official translation of 1/4 of the novel--which ends with my favorite spicy scene so far and god I hope they give it to us!--the rest I have sought out from fans so it's not a complete picture). The change they made was nice (as nice as beginning to assault someone can be...), and I'm glad we didn't have to go that far. They've clearly changed Vegas a bit, though how much is yet to be seen. I'm holding my judgment for now.

Kinn's internal monologue during the drugging scene is, well, rough to say the least. But that can be said for the novel as a whole. Reading it felt like reading a fic written by a teenager from the early 00's, and not in the good way. Kinn seems like a consent King, but after telling Porsche he'd stop if Porsche told him to, he doesn't. He fucks Porsche all night long, to the point of needing to take him to the hospital the next day because he's bleeding heavily and in a lot of pain. It has its hot moments, but it's rough and gross, and I'm so glad it's been changed in the show.

What the show gave us is stunning in comparison. What the show gave us is fucking beautiful imo. Porsche, after remembering Kinn kissed him, after witnessing him with his escort, after listening to Pete, Porsche takes all of that information and once again, leans into it. He goads Kinn, he flirts with him, he asks him questions not any normal bodyguard would ask. "If your brother didn't give me up, would you even think to take me back?" Any other guard wouldn't give a shit, but Porsche needs to know. There are so many reasons this could be, but I think the main factors are a need for approval, his newfound desire to protect this family, his attraction and curiosity for Kinn, and a need to prove himself as a competent man, which he is in all rights when he puts his mind to something.

There's also something to be said about an unspoken and underlying desire to be cared for, something Porsche has never really had for most of his life. He's always been the caretaker, for Che, for his uncle even. I know y'all noticed how good he is at taking care of Tankhun? It's because he's in a familiar roll, he knows how to do this with ease. Kinn on the other hand? Someone who doesn't need coddling and caring for? He doesn't know how to handle that, but after his initial rebellion, after seeing some different sides of Kinn, he wants back in. I think, subconsciously at this point, he sees how Kinn would take care of him and he wants it.

Yes, Porsche is drugged. Yes, being under the influence makes consent iffy, but it does not mean Porsche did not give his consent or wasn't able to. Porsche may not have given verbal consent, what he did do is give consent in every other possible way, and that is what Kinn responded to. Porsche joked with Kinn about wanting to see him naked, playfully slapped his hands away, and each time Kinn respectfully pulled back. Those examples are a clear lack of consent, and Kinn responded appropriately to them. But as soon as Porsche changed gears so did Kinn, still yet with reluctance because of Porsche's state and also his brewing feelings. It wasn't one-sided, it was a push and pull on both ends.

I know there will be some who disagree with me, and that's fine. I'm pulling from my own experiences here, and what I saw in episode 4 was consensual and not rape in the slightest. I've done a lot of things in my 30+ years that I'm not proud of, certainly, but even fall-over drunk, even sky-high on drugs, I was able to give and deny consent. Was it a good idea? Of course not. Do I have regrets? Some. But being young and reckless, well, me and Porsche seem to have that in common. I mean, Porsche is in his early twenties, and my early twenties were quite literally a blur of alcohol, drugs, parties, and bad (but fun) decisions.

Porsche was high as a kite, but he was also coherent. Porsche was the one pulling Kinn in. Porsche was the one verbally and non-verbally saying yes, please, I know you want this, I want it too can't you see? Let me show you. Not to mention, no sugarcoating, having sex when you're high is fucking awesome and, frankly, I don't think this is a first for Porsche. Also, I want to mention, and this is really important, if you throw up while you're high it does sober you up a bit. It dampens the experience and brings you back into your mind. I can say this with absolute certainty, I've done it several times.

Another thing I want to point out in regard to consent is Porsche never once told Kinn no. Never once did he tell him to stop. Porsche was smiling constantly, he was taking initiative, he was undressing Kinn himself, he wanted all of what happened. Will he regret it the next day? Probably. We will have to wait and see. But bottom line, the show changed this scene for the better, a lot better.

Anyway, this was less of an analysis and more of a thought word vomit 'cause I've been wanting to talk about this scene for weeks now, and I'm also sick and tired of people saying it was rape in the tags. Kinn did not rape Porsche. Porsche gave non-verbal consent, and yes it is possible to give consent when under the influence, even if it's not a good idea. This is not the hill we need to be dying on. Let's wait for VegasPete for that, shall we?

Please, do not fucking come for me. I'm down to discuss, but I will not respond to bullshit. Thanks. ❤️

305 notes - Posted May 2, 2022

#3

So, how long was Pete in Vegas' torture dungeon before they moved to the safehouse? How long was Pete tied to that pillar? When was the last time Pete took a shower? Mans has been sweating profusely for a day or two at least and Vegas just... licks him? Sir, ya nasty. Good for you.

346 notes - Posted June 24, 2022

#2

I have watched this an unhealthy amount I 🥵🥵🥵

366 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I just can't get this particular moment out of my head. It just keeps replaying again and again, and I lose my mind a little bit more each time because Pete is taller than Vegas but that moment after he first kisses him and Vegas kisses him back he drops down like his knees gave out on him. He kissed Vegas and it made him weak in the knees. He kissed Vegas and his knees gave out. He kissed Vegas and his knees gave out. He kissed he he knees he kissed Vegas and knees he gave out he

1,031 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[howellobrien]

🌸🌼 I think this fandom could do with some positivity so if you want to, why dont you pick 3 (or more) people that you dont normally talk to or havent talked to in a while and tell me one thing you like about them? Or if you feel uneasy about talking to new people just pick people you know better :) Then send this message to at least 5 other blogs that you like to keep this game up! 🌼🌸

Okay so I’ve gotten a few of these and you know my favourite thing is to shower people with love. 

@robertssofttouchxaaronssoftlad April is the loveliest human and even though we have spoken for a while I still loved all the conversations we’ve had and I always love seeing your opinion on things.

@dancingdingle Laura is wonderful and I love seeing you appear on my dash or in my notifications. I’ve loved the conversations we’ve had and I appreciate you a lot.

@letthebluerain You are an absolute delight and bring me such joy, I love seeing you on here and all your posts always bring a smile to my face.

@bartsugsy A blessing to this fandom and I enjoy every single post you make, and you just manage to make me smile every single time. You are amazing.

@thesnowyswan Rae is an absolute treasure, who never fails to write the most beautiful fics and I’m in awe of your talent. You are truly appreciated and you are just so wonderful.

@illgetmerope You are just so extremely talented and with every new piece of artwork you post, the more I love it. You and your art brings me such joy and you are just so great, I hope you know that.

@sugdendingleaddict Just the most lovely human whose posts I look forward to seeing. I love your gifs, I love seeing your opinion on things, I love seeing the asks you get and I love seeing your friendships with others on here. You are incredible.

Also shout out to all these other wonderful people that I love:

@prettyboysugden @dingletragedy @blondhairedking @iamarobronniffler @smugbisexualtrash @smugdensugden @heartneverliez @omarandjohnny @sleepysuggles @ravenclaw-hermione-of-district-4 @frecklysugden @cuddlyaaron @luststricken @dingles-sugden @sour-grape-s @dinglestocks

And a special shout out to:

@jonathanlbyers @itsrobertsugden @messedup21 for being a wonderful light in my life and I love all a lot. 

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💗

[rustandruin]

🌸🌼 I think this fandom could do with some positivity so if you want to, why dont you pick 3 (or more) people that you dont normally talk to or havent talked to in a while and tell me one thing you like about them? Or if you feel uneasy about talking to new people just pick people you know better :) Then send this message to at least 5 other blogs that you like to keep this game up! 🌼🌸

Hey Lucy! 

Sorry it’s taken me forever to get to this lovely ask. It’s just my ask answering anxiety was at an all-time high. First up, I just want to say that I’ve had a lovely fandom experience and that everyone I talk to (including you!) or have talked to has been really fun and a complete blast, but I want to showcase the folk down below because they’ve all enriched my life a little extra. 

Under a cut to spare you all my emotional ramblings. Apologies to anyone on mobile. 

@omarandjohnny Jonathan continues to be a complete and utter inspiration. He’s so insanely positive and supportive while continuing to love Halloween and monsters at a full 100%. It reminds me that growing up doesn’t mean leaving behind these things that I’ve loved all my life.  

@howellobrien Life can be shitty and your brain can be hard on you, but Holly is just out here spreading joy and positivity as much as she can, which is really how it should work. 

@searhythm I wouldn’t have really even begun to start writing, let alone contributing to fandom if it wasn’t for Mow’s spectacular energy. She’s given me the gift of confidence, laughter, dog photos, and perhaps, most importantly, encouraging me to be easier on myself, which, I really am not. I’m going to make you write that fic you’ve planned if it’s the last thing I do, because we all deserve that kind of goodness in our lives. (She’s also the reason why I spell rhythm correctly now.)

@blondhairedking Gemma is an utter ball of sunshine who doesn’t realise how talented she is, and I’m perfectly happy to volunteer as tribute to make that happen whenever she needs because the world needs more people like that. 

@getyourfaceoutofmyface Shauna has such a remarkably positive energy. I’m so excited to get to know her and read more of her writing. If you need someone to pick you up when your brain is at it’s most finicky, may I suggest her? Because my goodness is she one hell of a cheerleader. 

@robronsnuggles My amazing big bang artist. I’m eternally grateful they chose me but that they’ve also been so kind and patient while bringing my vision to life. I can safely say they’ve made me cry with their talent. I would also carry them to the very depths of Mount Doom if they ever asked. 

@notforonesecond Rach won’t see this but you guys need to know how hard she worked on her big bang, and how utterly patient and supportive she’s been with mine. More than that, she’s had to deal with so many stupid jokes, my insane ramblings, and a whole host of memes that one person shouldn’t be subjected to. I’m so glad we got to work together, but also to get to know her. 

@thesnowyswan Rae is a fount of wisdom, advice, and more importantly, very cool stories about dragons that I didn’t know about previously. Her writing is a constant inspiration and all sort of #goals, but I’m a bigger fan of Rae the person and everything I learn simply by speaking with her. I’ve become a better more ambitious creator, and just a more thoughtful person, and that is in some part, down to her. 

@persiflager I have a million and one theories about things at any given time, and Pers here is such an absolute blast to discuss them with. I love her deep cover knowledge of Emmerdale’s history. I learn so much and it just adds to the joy of speculating, and my enjoyment of the show. More than that, I’m just very, very grateful for all the advice she’s given me. I’ve become a better writer and beta just by association. 12/10. Highly recommend friendship. 

@illgetmerope Anna, where do I even begin? Like everyone else on this list, your talent is only superceded by the amazing person you are. You’re a constant inspiration with not only your attitude towards your art (because that is what it is), but just your general interests and the life you lead and the way you make everyone around you feel happy and special. If your lucky students feel even a ¼ of that, they’re the luckiest kids on the planet. If the universe ever does see fit to let us meet in person, just know I won’t be able to handle it. 

@whatdiknow  Oh, Marj. What don’t I adore about you? You’re wise, kind, understanding, endlessly patient, but most importantly, incredibly funny, with a wonderful capacity to indulge in silliness (especially with yours truly). Your dry sense of humour cracks me up regularly, as do your very astute observations. Do I deserve your friendship? Nah. Do I cherish it? Yes.  

@letthebluerain  Emma. There is so much I admire about you that I would need a whole other post, but I’m going to focus on all the things that give me the most joy. You’re so smart and incredibly funny, with solid, solid advice. But you’re also super silly, very encouraging, and secretly creative. I love all our conversations and the ideas they inspire, mostly though, I’m just proud I get to call you a friend. 

[havocinthebluebox]

Tag !

RULES: Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours. When you are done, tag up to 10 people and also tag the person who tagged you… and most importantly, have fun!

A) Age: 23

B) Biggest fear: I am not putting the biggest one here ; but crowded spaces are one of my kryptonites.

C) Current time: 22h24.

D) Drink you last had: Herbal tea

E) Every day starts with: Daydreaming in my bed before getting up, crawling down the stairs of my mezzanine, a cup of tea and 3 Choco BN as a breakfast. 

F) Favourite song atm: Where Dead Angels Lie by Dissection

G) Ghosts, are they real?: I dont know.

H) Hometown?: It’s tricky but let’s say it’s Rémire. 

I) In love with?: The sea.

J) Jealous of?: People with good social skills and no sensory overload don’t know their luck.

K) Killed Someone?: I am not that fucked up.

L) Last time you cried: 21 October 2016, exactly. 

M) Middle name: I don’t have one.

N) Number of siblings: I am an only child.

O) One wish: More books (not too far ahead a bottle of rhum and universal peace. In that order.)

P) Person you last called/texted: My friend Pierre. 

Q) Questions you are always being asked: Things like where are you from, how old are you, do you have a boyfriend/want children (which is very awkward coming from strangers.)

R) Reasons to smile: My friends and my cat.

S) Song last sung: Borders of Salt by Dan Ar Braz

T) Time you woke up: 14h30. My sleeping schedule is a fucking shipwreck. 

U) Underwear colour: Black (with Batman logo. Best. underwear. ever.)

W) Worst habits: My love for very bad puns, quoting films, movies or books whenever I can, poor social skills, frequently losing tracks in conversations, listening to the same song/album on repeat during hours, days or weeks etc.

X) X-rays you’ve had: Don’t remember.

Y) Your favourite food: Crêpes/galettes, pasta and falafels. And anything sugary.

Z) Zodiac sign: Aquarius.

I was tagged by @strange-gateways-beckoned​

Tagging : @tasha-lemon @sugarfilledforestdweller @omarandjohnny @holliarty and those who are willing to do it, only if you feel inspired ; si le coeur vous en dit !