#cryptkeeps

[classichorrorblog]

Tales From The Crypt - "Half-Way Horrible" - (1993)

[adimouze]

i just think if max ever wants to top scotty-dedicating-his-win-to-daniel-via-shoey levels he should buy out red bull racing, fire horner and bring in daniel as team principal :))

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Chapter three of Like the Cryptkeeper is up

“I am vennnnnngeance,” Jason growled, voice scraping the bottom of its register. He stood on the ledge, facing the skyline in a dramatic pose. “I am. The night!”

“I don’t sound like that,” Bruce insisted across the comm, inflectionless except for the insinuation of an eyeroll. “And I don’t say that.”

“Of course you don’t, Jason Todd, you would never be so lame,” Jason agreed cheerfully, then in time with Bruce growled, “No names on comms.”

[lightningant]

Why's Jeverus and Prongsfoot so rare as James centric enemies to lovers and friends to lovers ships? I never thought about it till now.

Community, timing, style of shipping.

Prongsfoot got a lot of its framework in book 5, two and a half years after book 4, where Wolfstar was already locked in (after being so strongly established in book 3). James was dead and had a wife already, while Wolfstar was alive, single, and living together. Even upon reading in full in current day, Wolfstar is going to be the first thing for one to react to as the first pair of adult men the same age we're meant to root for.

Jeverus didn't lock in until book 7, at the very end, where we learn the bullying was sexual jealousy and there was a mutual obsession at play here. Snape's involvement in Lily gave him guaranteed proximity to James, who is fixated on him because he's standing next to Lily and is ugly about it...You know. Also, most fans start out strongly disliking Snape, and it's a crapshoot on whether the procession of the story is enough to change their minds. For people who do like Snape, their affection often begins because they find the bullying so horrible, so they're not going to give him to James. The 3rd faction is Alan Rickman fans, who prefer to use a character who functions as reader insert to romance him as their own personal Heathcliff.

So the fandom is rapidly approaching 30 years old. Often, you'll find a fandom has common ships where everyone just ships it out of a compulsive need to participate with others. Even after the tendency dies down and other ships gain prominence, you'll still see vestigial trends. Wolfstar gained fucking immortality. Why would you break up Wolfstar and Jily, the Best Ships? They're all paired up!

Do you remember ship wars? Because I remember ship wars. Your cast being neatly paired up used to be best case scenario. Nowadays people don't even use "OTP".

Not to mention they're teenagers and Harry is born a mere 3 years post-grad, so a lot of the most popular enemies to lovers tropes have almost no room to breathe. Sooooo much Drarry is post-war, I remember being on FFnet before the books finished coming out and it was still so much post-war. In the MIDDLE of a war? When James is married weirdly young? Doth our angel CHEAT? IN A WAR?

It's important, then, that Jegulus was a bunch of brand new fans taking the piss. There became a community of taking the piss. Good fics happened. They chatted about their joke fic getting good fics. Everyone wants to be in on the joke. Community is formed. When asked "what's a good gay ship for my boy James", their instinctive reaction will be "well I'm in on this little joke..." I like to lurk on Marauders fandom like an anthropologist and they're doing this exact process to Gilderat right now.

Not to mention Regulus characterization is reconstructed to fit the circumstances; he's a quiet black cat softboy who's beautifully tortured, and he's often presented as a brief relationship James has before Lily, as Lily doesn't date him until like, 6th/7th year, so we got a cross-section of "best friend's brother" trope, black cat/golden retriever, tortured Slytherin boy, sports rivals (seeker/chaser), forbidden love, breakup angst, Regulus isn't related to Lily at all so their wires don't get crossed, and Regulus isn't publicly a friend of James so it's actually possible to cleanly break them up so Jily can function.

Most importantly, people actually like Regulus, and Regulus is 1000x more susceptible to Draco in Leather Pants characterization than Snape, who's glazing trends towards the gothic and byronic, not the dark academia sensitive flower having a moral crisis. It's a very lovingly set playground, and steals attributes from other ships to make a more generically appealing whole vs the other two James dynamics going on here. People accuse Regulus of stealing Snape's personality, but in reality he is stealing a truly galling amount of Sirius' tropes (everything BUT his personality), and honestly I think people underestimate the dramatic potential of Regulus being the one malding over James dating the brother who he hadn't been able to connect with, because the malding is utterly hopeless, and the tragedy hurts worse, and the Wolfstar hits like a home run when Lupin is the dick grayson or whatever the hell that guy from ATYD's name was in this relationship picking up the pieces.

Can I say bad taste? I'll also say bad taste.

[nicollekidman]

if it was illegal to call a man whose vices aged him approx one thousand years in the span of twenty “princess” well…. lock me up!

[ambersadventuresinwonderland]

This is a fantastic mashup of childhood nostalgia for me that I picked up at FAN EXPO Cleveland yesterday!!! 🖤

[senselessalchemist]

heinous acts documented (more at 10)

[love-toxin]

somehow im working less shifts this year and yet the holiday retail season feels more like a knife to my throat than usual 😭 pray for me lovelies to get through this last shift today before i can finally conk out for the holidays

[slasherparty]

i’m a freak for the cryptkeeper can we get some of him xx

dude thank you for being the only one ever to request him 😭 finally i can let my inner john kassir freak out‼️

the cryptkeeper 🪦 x reader 💭

he’d sweep into your peripheral vision like a poorly hinged door in a haunted house, all rotten flair and a grin that suggested he knew exactly where the bodies were buried. (they’re right under your floorboards. he helped.)

“my dear, you take my breath away… though that’s not saying much for someone who doesn’t have lungs anymore. but you? you’re to die for — literally, let’s pencil in a date.”

he’d offer his bony hand with mock sincerity. “care to dance, my darling? just don’t mind the occasional bone cracking. it’s… ambiance!”

“so, tell me, do you come here coffin? because you’ve put me six feet under in love, my sweet!” you’d feel an overwhelming urge to both laugh and groan — and perhaps book a séance.

a skeletal finger would present you with a dusty bouquet of nightshade and dried roses, accompanied by the comment, “these flowers are to die for. just like me!”

“your laugh, my dear! it’s like the creak of a floorboard, the kind that makes villagers grab pitchforks. truly, it sets my tibia a-tingle.”

after one of his more daring remarks, he’d lean in conspiratorially, as if letting you in on a secret. “i’m not usually this forward… but then again, time is relative when you’ve already passed your expiration date.”

should someone else glance in your direction, he’d pull you closer, whispering conspiratorially, “careful, my sweet, i don’t share. just ask my last competition — they’re still haunting me.”

“i’ve already got a plot picked out for us! literally. side by side for eternity. isn’t that gravely romantic?”

he’d offer you a perfectly polished skeleton key. “this unlocks the crypt where i keep my heart. mind you, it’s… err… not beating much these days. but it’s yours all the same.”

with a final gleeful cackle, he’d murmur, “now, my darling, don’t you go running off to the land of the living too quickly. you’d break my… well, ribcage.”

thanks for reading! 💌

you can find more of my writing here on ao3!

[classichorrorblog]

Tales From The Crypt - "Dig That Cat….He's Real Gone" - (1989)

[peteneems]

[interrogatormentors]

Do helmsmen dream of electric baa-beasts? Do they dream at all?

Helm2men do not 2leep

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for they mu2t be con2tantly aware of theIIr

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wIIre2, and the shIIp at large. There are period2

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of tIIme where helm2men are IInactIIve for maIIntenance and

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that II2 when II download 2oftware update2 per2onally two theIIr IIndIIvIIdual pandrIIve2

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but they 2ee nothIIng II do not allow.

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Chapter Four of Like the Cryptkeeper is up

“Jason?” Bruce ventured at last. “Is something wrong?”

In his own body, Jason might have felt a guilty heat creep across his skin. This body gave no response except a tightness in the chest. “I think I might have done something,” he confessed in a low voice.

[cryptkeepersshadow]

i am such a massive bartylus shipper u dont understand

the way they'd be such a loving couple, barty always touching regulus because that's what they both need so desperately and wanting to rip the eyes out of people's skulls who dare to look at their partner

[puppetmastery]

coming out as the world's only rottigard liker

[90smovies]