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flslp87 · 7 years ago

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This story and others can be found in the CSSB Vol 2

This story is a collaborative story written with @allofthismatters@flslp87 @ilovemesomekillianjones and @ohmakemeahercules and the art was created by @hopeandbeans

The Best in You

Summary: An introspective look at both Emma and Killian's thoughts from the time he leaves after not telling her anything about Ursula to the time her parents catch them. Rating - K

After leaving Pinocchio with Marco, Emma planned to make her way back to the station to continue looking through the ATM videos, but somehow her thoughts took her a different direction and she found herself at the docks. They had become a place that she gravitated toward whenever her thoughts were muddled and she needed to sort through something. Today, it seemed there were multiple situations that needed her attention, but none more so than her conversation. or lack thereof with one close-mouthed pirate. When he arrived at the station with her lunch, and she had immediately tested him about whether he was bringing her french fries or onion rings, she had wanted to kick her behind for continuing to put him through hoops; but when he had grinned and rubbed her shoulder, she had relaxed and silently promised herself to behave. Why then had she immediately put him on the spot about Ursula? Was she jealous? No, that didn't feel right, but something about his reticence to talk about Ursula immediately brought all her insecurities to the surface.

As she watched the birds fly over the water she thought about how free they looked and wished she could be as free with the giving of her trust and of her feelings. Her past still had a hold on her and those walls, while she knew they were falling down a piece at a time, and much of it was due to Killian's persistence, she also knew that there were some instances when it appeared to be one step down and two steps back up. Today's conversation with him left her feeling very unsettled as it was so different than most of their conversations had been recently. He was usually the one trying to get her to open up and this time, he had shut her down with, "I don't know what else to say." Why had she crossed her arms over her chest, her body position exuding mistrust and not shown patience with him like he has always shown with her?

~~~cs~~~

It was times like this that Killian longed for the familiarity of his ship most. He needed refuge from the onslaught of shame over the most current disaster he'd brought upon Emma, in the form of a sea witch who was only a danger because of what he did to her.

He sat on the beach and dug his nails into his scalp. He should be used to past misdeeds seeping into his present by now, but somehow, he was not.

He'd never get used to the way she shrank back into herself when she knew he was hiding something, how she stopped looking at him like he was safe, like she was preparing to be hurt beyond measure again. It undid him and made him want to hold her face and beg her to understand that he loved her so much his bones ache with it, that he'd spend his life proving he could be counted on, if only she'd be patient while he processed all this himself first.

But how could he think he was deserving of anyone's trust or patience, after what he did to Ursula?

He's committed horrors of all kinds, but his wrongdoings against the young mermaid made him feel especially unworthy of Emma's confidence. He'd made Ursula a promise, looked her in the eye and vowed that she could rely on him. And instead, he'd stolen her voice like it was nothing. He'd felt genuine respect and affection for her... her fire and ambition had reminded him of Milah a bit, and he'd turned her into nothing but a pawn in his own depraved agenda. Hardly better than the Dark One himself.

He needed to tell Emma, and he hated it. Hated that in his most recent conversation with her he'd been so evasive because she'd caught him off guard, and he simply had no excuse for what a monster he'd been in his long life. He was fairly certain she would forgive him, because she was so fiercely good, but whether he deserved it is another story. He wanted to be more for her than a constant parade of old sins needing absolution.

Sighing deeply, he stood and headed back to the station.

~~~cs~~~

A feeling of chagrin stole over her as she realized that she had treated him unfairly. He didn't deserve the brunt of her insecurities, he already had to deal with townsfolk not giving him the benefit of the doubt. She knew there was nothing going on between him and Ursula now. She also knew that no matter what had happened between them it would have no bearing on the man she knows now. It wouldn't change how she feels for him. In fact, of that she is positive, because no matter what, she's certain there is a line he wouldn't cross where a lady is concerned.

Thinking back on the conversation she'd just had with her parents it dawned on her that she needed to take a page out of their book. If they could choose to see the best in everyone, including villains, then it is the least she could do for Killian. Deep down she already saw the very best in him, she just needed him to know that. She'd let her self-doubt and emotions shake her faith in him.

Shit, she thought. She needed to fix this and fast, who knew when the next crisis was going to rear its ugly head. Emma took a deep breath of the fresh ocean air to center herself. Digging her phone out of her pocket she dialed Killian, then held her breath hoping he would answer. By the fourth ring she was losing hope that he'd accept her phone call.

"Hello."

"Killian!" she exclaimed into the phone.

"Is everything okay, love?"

"Yes," she said breathlessly. She'd held her breath a little longer than she'd intended to, and now she was feeling a little dizzy. It wasn't just the lack of oxygen though. It hit her then that she'd been more worried than she thought. Worried that this would be the time that Killian had finally run out of patience. That he was finally going to decide that her walls weren't worth scaling. She shook her head, refocusing and shooing away the negativity. "Would you be willing to meet me at the station?"

~~~cs~~~

Just as Killian resolved to set the record straight with Emma, his phone buzzed in his jeans pocket. "Bloody hell," he growled. He'd never get used to the sudden interruptions phone calls caused. Especially when he was in deep thought or concentrating, like now. He survived hundreds of years without being instantaneously accessible and quite frankly could do a hundred more.

Once he'd recovered from the shock, he glanced at the caller i.d., Emma's name appeared. He sighed. This was too coincidental. How did she know he was about to confess? Could this woman read minds, too? Don't answer it. Give her a taste of her own medicine. No, she deserves to know the truth at all costs. He drew a breath and answered, "Hello?"

"Killian!" she blurted out. She never said his name that way. Something was obviously bothering her.

He frowned. "Is everything okay, love?"

"Yes," she replied.

No, it's not Swan. You're worried; the anxiety is prevalent in your tone.

She continued, "Would you be willing to meet me at the station?"

"Umm, sure. Any particular reason?"

"I've had a lot on my mind today, and need to talk about it with you."

Uh oh, the dreaded 'we need to talk' line. In all his encounters with women over the years, he'd learned that phrase rarely meant good things, and the subject matter would be serious in nature. "Like what?"

"Certain expectations and being honest about them."

Now she's playing the evasive game, huh? "Okay."

"Just come over here as soon as possible. I'd rather talk in person."

"As you wish, Swan. I'll be there shortly."

"See you then."

Killian groaned as they hung up. One step forward, five steps back with Emma. Maybe she'd decided he wasn't worthy anymore. He was too broken, too far gone, too much of a monster to consider loving. Even if this was the end, he wanted to finish on the side of good. Damn, why did he have to be honorable now? Sometimes it was much easier to burn bridges and never think about the issue again. Alas, this was the path he'd chosen. Heroes always tell the truth.

He glanced up at the night sky. I hope you're proud, Liam. I'm becoming the man you believed I was. Now was the perfect time to prove him right, and Killian didn't intend to pass it up.

~~~cs~~~

After Killian had promised to come by the station, Emma hung up the phone and shoved it in her back pocket. Her palms were sweating and her pulse was racing and just sitting behind her desk made her feel she was going to jump out of her skin. Standing, she paced. Ten steps forward, ten steps back, over and over again until she heard the front door to the station open. Needing to look busy, she hurried to the filing cabinet, grabbed a file and pretended to look through it as she listened to his footsteps coming down the hall.

Taking a deep breath for courage, Killian rounded the corner into the station, "Well, Swan, why did you summon me?"

Here goes nothing, she thought as he posed the question. Making it her motto, she repeated, don't screw this up several times in quick succession before turning to answer him. "Because I know there's something about your past with Ursula you're not telling me..." she began.

She's right, he thought, and once I tell you what it is, you will no longer wish to have anything to do with me. A possibility that had been eating at his insides since their earlier conversation.

And finished, "And that's ok." She noted the hopeful expression on his face and continued, "What's not ok, is you lying to me about it." She watched his face, seeing no change in expression except to note that whatever had happened, was not something that he seemed to want to discuss. Which when she thought about it was odd, as he had never been one to shy away from any of his villainous deeds, owning them completely.

His first thought when she said that she didn't care about this past had been that it was a trick, for that wasn't what had happened with women in the past. But then again, he should have known that Emma Swan was no ordinary woman and when you are in a relationship with a woman such as her, all rules were new, often being made up as the relationship progresses. Hearing that she is ok with my past as long as I tell her about the past is a new and unique experience. What to say?

"Aye, love, you're right."

She wasn't sure if he'd continue, and it almost startled her when he did.

"I haven't been entirely forthright with you."

Her gut churned at the mere words, an automatic response. How many times had she heard words like that only to have her life promptly uprooted and left in tatters because of someone's dishonesty? Enough that it drowned out the part of her that felt safe and sure of his devotion to her.

She fought down the cold panic creeping up her neck and wrestled away the persistent, cruel mocking in the back of her mind. You thought this one was 'different', didn't you? What good have you ever been at picking out the ones that'll stay?

"The truth is, I remember my history with Ursula. It was early." She tried to focus on his voice, but the pounding in her head only grew as he approached her. She steeled her face and threw the question at him without thinking.

"Did you break her heart?"

The question was so quick and direct that it felt like whiplash. He heard her real question: Are you about to break my heart? He hated having her look at him like that; like she was still afraid, after all they'd been through, that he'd turn on her. It left him with a sudden flare of red-hot frustration-what in hell was it going to take to make her understand how much he loved her—that was quickly quelled by compassion. If she was so willing to forgive his unspeakable deeds, he could certainly be patient with her freezing up and shutting down. In a way, yes, he did break Ursula's heart, but not in the way Emma meant right now, so he gave her the honest, plain truth.

"Worse."

He let the word linger in the air, and forced himself to meet her eyes and study her face. He looked for fear or disgust, but simply found resolve.

"Look, whatever you did, you're not that person anymore. It's not gonna change anything between us."

The enormity of her words didn't escape him. It was her heart and her blind trust, laid bare for him with a bravery that made his heart ache with pride in her. It was a gift which he both desperately wanted and wasn't sure he could ever deserve. Killian opened his mouth to speak, then paused, trying to comprehend what he was hearing. "That's quite a lot of faith you're putting on me, Swan," Killian pointed out. He shook his head as though doubting himself on Emma's behalf. Did he even deserve to hope that she might actually mean it?

"I know," she answered lightly, "and there's a reason for it." Emma took her baffled pirate's hand and led him to the couch. She hated that she had put that look of self-doubt on his face, that she'd made him question his own worthiness. That's why she was going to fix this.

"What's that?" he asked, still quite certain that regardless of what she had to say, there was no way she was forgiving him this misdeed. His stomach churned with the memories of what he' done to Ursula, all in pursuit of his damned vengeance.

"My parents. I had this moment today where I doubted them… said they were going for a hike, and I actually thought they were lying to me." Emma thought back to her conversation with her parents. She chastised herself for doubting them, and doubting Killian. She had to stop this pattern.

Killian didn't miss the look of disbelief in her own actions that passed over her features, and he yearned for her to have the same faith in him. Wished he'd earned the same faith. "Were they?" he asked, already knowing the answer. Their royal highnesses were above lying, they'd have to have something to hide. Now there's a dubious concept, he thought.

"No, of course not, my parents would never lie to me," she said, almost like it had been silly to think otherwise. "But the fact that I could think that they would it reminded me that I have this tendency… to expect the worst of people." Emma couldn't help but think of just how true this was when it came to Killian. He might be the person who'd bore the brunt of her doubt in others. She'd started their entire relationship on that path when she'd handcuffed him up on the beanstalk. Even though her lie detector had told her he was genuine, she'd still chosen to believe the worst. Shame flooded when she thought about the time she'd wasted since them. Time that they could've been together, really together.

Killian heard the dejected tone she took on when she mentioned how she tended to view the world, and the people in it. It broke his heart because he knew exactly where those feelings stemmed from. He knew what it was like to feel as though you couldn't trust anyone but yourself, and that there was no one out there for you. He continued to listen as she explained herself, still in awe of her turnaround, and hopeful for what it could mean for them.

"My childhood, people were always letting me down, and I-"

"Hey," he interrupted, needing to tell her that she couldn't categorize him with those who'd broken her heart throughout her entire life. Anger coursed through him, directed at all who'd hurt this tough lass. He wasn't that man, if he did nothing else right in his long life, he'd do right by Emma Swan. It only took looking into her eyes to calm the quelling emotions. "I don't intend to let you down," he vowed.

Warmth flowed through Emma's veins. No one had told her that before; life had merely handed her one hardship after another. Killian had proved himself worthy several times over, even when she didn't give him credit. "I know. And I know whatever happened with that sea witch, you can tell me on your own time. Because no matter what, I'm gonna do what my parents always do. I am going to choose to see the best in you."

I don't deserve this amount of trust. But I'll spend my life assuring your faith in me was correctly placed.

He bowed his head and said, "And I with you."

The couple smiled at each other and leaned in for a kiss-

CRASH! Moment lost, Emma turned toward the station front. Her bemused parents stood in the doorway. Of all times to interrupt…. we were having a relationship developing moment. Could you have arrived five minutes later?

What the…? Perplexed her lips weren't on his, Killian opened his eyes and glanced at the intruders. Snow and David. While he respected the queen and king, they were the last individuals he wanted to see at the moment. Blimey, what's a bloke have to sacrifice for some privacy around here? Their firstborn child?

Emma smiled apologetically and mouthed, "Later."

Killian nodded. I'd like to have a word. No, this relationship is too new. I don't want to cast myself in a worse light than I already am or seem demanding. He bit his lips as Emma stood up and her parents walked in the room. David blatantly cleared his throat and Snow's cheeks flushed fresh pink.

"Sorry… we didn't mean to… interrupt," Snow stammered.

Emma's eyes narrowed. "So, you stood there awkwardly and stared at us the whole time?"

David sighed. "Sorry, but we have bad news. Cruella and Ursula were up to something. They've resurrected Maleficent."

"Wait. You mean that dragon I killed and took True Love potion from?"

The conversation shifted to Storybrooke's latest villain filled emergency.

Twenty minutes later, the couple was alone again. Emma noticed Killian was filled with tension. He wasn't the only one with unresolved business. To Hell with being the Savior, I want to kiss my pirate. "You okay?"

"Sorry Swan, I'm still vexed from earlier."

"I'm really sorry about that. I didn't know they were there."

"Not your fault. You don't control other people's actions. However, I worry it'll set a precedent."

Emma stepped forward, inches from his face. "What do you mean?"

"Say things continue to go well between us, it could escalate into more intimate activities. If caught, your father would give me a fate worse than death."

Emma nodded. She pictured her and Killian naked in her bed at the loft when David opened the door with a horrified expression. "Don't worry, I'll talk to them about boundaries. I'm sure magic has spells that soundproof rooms. Now, kiss me pirate."

"If the lady insists," he replied with a devilish grin. The kiss sealed the vows previously exchanged.

Afterwards, they pushed their foreheads together. "May I come back to your room with you?" she asked.

That can't be right. She's asking me. I should be asking her. "Are you sure, lass?"

Emma smiled. "I've never wanted anything else more."

~fin

#csff #captain swan ff #cs canon deleted #cssb vol2

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