#ct : centaurstesticle

[homestuckreplay]

chumhandle etymology pt.3

Today on Rose and Dave's computer we saw the presumably final seven of the twelve trolls - Jade has counted twelve (p.1000), and between the twelve trolls and four kids all two-letter combinations of A, T, C and G are represented. These are the letters representing DNA bases in both real-world DNA sequencing and in ectobiology, as practiced imperfectly by Rose and her mom (p.934)

I wrote about the beta kids' chumhandles here, and the first five trolls (CG, AG, TA, TC, CA) here - now here's a quick overview of the rest of the set.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] – execution by hanging, or the structure made for it, and an instrument used as a reference to check that similar instruments perform accurately, or the person operating that instrument. So this is the person who ensures the gallows are used correctly, a real middle manager who doesn’t order or carry out executions themself, but enables them still. Possibly like a Jack Noir or a level below him.

arsenicCatnip [AC] – a toxic heavy metal used in car batteries, bullets, semiconductors and pesticides/herbicides, and a plant related to mint that is loved by many cats, or colloquially anything that is irresistible to someone. This evokes environmental destruction, Famine in the horsemen of the apocalypse, or more generally someone who is trying to kill or make toxic things that are enjoyed.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] – a shallow water squidlike mollusc among the most intelligent invertebrates that was once valued for its brown pigment, and a person who kills animals for population control or to eliminate rejects. This is a ruthless person who believes in survival of the fittest and their own intellectual superiority, and only cares about other creatures in terms of what they can personally gain.

centaursTesticle [CT] – a mythical creature with the upper body of a man and the lower body of a horse, also a small solar system body between Jupiter and Neptune, and a reproductive organ in male mammals. Someone who is obsessed with physical strength and prowess, has likely internalized toxic masculinity, perhaps the sort of gym bro who takes questionable supplements to increase muscle mass. Does not seem like a super online person, so this one is surprising. Also my initials are CT and I can’t believe this is the character I got.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] – serious, foreboding or gloomy, and Latin for a female assistant or helper. This is someone in a service role who either takes their job very seriously, or their job itself involves working with dark and forbidding forces, like the person who translates the melodious chirps and tongue-clicks of NRUB'YIGLITH, SHAMEBEAST KING OF GROTESQUERY, WRITHE-LORD OF THE MOIST BEYONDHOOD (p.303) to the general public.

apocalypseArisen [AA] – the final destruction of the world or a world-altering event capable of causing this, and something that has begun to occur, become apparent, or gotten out of bed. This one is the most passive of all the handles (alongside twinArmageddons) and basically says ‘the end of the world is about to happen, or is happening now’ which it’s hard to argue with based on the story so far. Could be a highly religious person who sees themself as an agent, prophet or herald of a higher power.

adiosToreador [AT] – Spanish for goodbye, and a participant or performer in a bullfight. This person knows five words of Spanish and thinks they’re really cool because of it. They also see themselves as the bull in the bullfight, a more raw and animal strength instead of the fighter’s honed technique, and are probably a counterpart or rival to centaursTesticle.

Much like the first five, all of these names have negative connotations, although these vary between physical pain, disease and toxicity, dark bureaucracy, and cosmic-scale catastrophe. These are definitely names chosen to be hostile or intimidating, it just doesn’t work well on Rose and Dave who are plenty capable of appearing hostile and intimidating by themselves. But for people more susceptible to being trolled, these chumhandles definitely feed into the abrasive personas these kids(?) are crafting.

[catghoul31]

Purrfect

Equius has a gift for Nepeta. More than one, actually.

(i don't think i've ever seen anyone talking about the implication's of nepeta's cat clothes being indigo. so i have come to fix that!!)

my first homestuck fic and it's about. the platonic ship of all time. i have NEVER wanted to tear out my hair over two fictional characters so much in my life!! never i SWEAR!!!

(no cws)

Read it under the cut, or on AO3!

It was a wonderful, beautiful day in Alternia. Mostly for Nepeta Leijon, anyways, since Equius was coming over to hang out today! Maybe she’d convince him to RP this time, or maybe it’d be a losing battle like every other time. Regardless, she’d have a great time. As aloof as he could seem, Nepeta could easily smell that he was always happy around her, and that was enough. 

As per usual, she spent the minutes before her arrival staring intently at the messages they sent each other beforehand:

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT] --

CT: D--> Hello, Nepeta.

AC: :33< *nepeta runs over, hopping onto his workbench and meowing at equius* hi eq!! what’s up? *her head tilts curiously* 

CT: D--> For the last time, I’m not going to entertain your te%tual antics. I am trying to have a serious discussion with you

AC: :33< ofc this is serious! you never text furst unless it’s supurr serious business :33c

CT: D--> Indeed. If you are available, I would like to come visit your hive. If you can even call it that

CT: D--> Those b100d stains on your walls are deplorable living conditions, even for you

AC: :33< they’re not stains!! they’re drawings of my favorite hunts and friends!!

AC: :33< you’re just changing the subject anyways x33 just say you wanna hang out!! 

AC: :33< i won’t bite! or purrhaps i might… >:33

CT: D--> Absolutely not. Not even the lowest of lowb100ds would think of such behavior

CT: D--> Stop fooling around and answer my question

AC: :33< of course you can come over!! i’m never not available for u

CT: D--> As e%pected. It seems like you never have anything better to do than constantly act like a feline and needlessly kill precious creatures

Nepeta hadn’t answered that last text, too busy preparing her cave for when her best friend showed up. Especially since Equius had asked her! She was always the one who wanted to hang out, and Equius would always begrudgingly accept, so this was exciting! He had to have something planned… What if he finally wanted to go hunting with her? It’d fit, after all! He’d finally get to use his bow and arrow for something!

Just as she was about to start pawndering over his plans, she heard a loud thud ring across the walls of her cave. Was Equius really knocking before he entered? She couldn’t help but giggle, smiling like an idiot. He insisted on knocking, and her cave didn’t even have a door. It was so funny to her! For someone so serious all the time, Equius was the silliest person she’d ever met. And she would treat him as such…

She didn’t answer, instead getting into a hunting crouch just at the edge of the entrance. Any minute now, he’d be within tacklepounce range, and she had to be prepared! It took quite a few minutes, but eventually, Equius walked in front of the entrance to peer into the cave, but the moment Nepeta could see him? She shuffled for a moment, her eyes widening, and she bolted straight for him, knocking him to the ground and making him yelp in surprise. 

EQUIUS: D--> Nepeta! What kind of terrible greeting is that supposed to be?

NEPETA: :33< hi equius!! *she batted at his face playfully, happy to see her best furriend after such a long time*

Equius scoffed, his brows furrowing when she verbalized her roleplaying attempt. 

EQUIUS: D--> Get off me. That is an order, Nepeta

Despite his clear disapproval, Equius didn’t push Nepeta off or try to wriggle out from beneath her. Laughing excitedly, she stood back up, her paws sticking up close to her face. 

NEPETA: :33< what’d you wanna s33 me for eq? you’ve gotta have something in mind!

He didn’t answer her question at all, moving past her quickly and straight for the smoothest, least drawn-on wall he could find, grimacing as he stepped over all the animal pelts. Curiously, she sniffed at her paws- eww, they were damp! The entire cave was gonna smell like his sweat even after he left…

EQUIUS: D--> Just... get over here

He gestured over to Nepeta, who obediently crawled over to where he was sitting. It was then she noticed the hand behind his back. He was hiding something… or he brought something for her?

NEPETA: :33< *nepeta sniffs equius all over, trying to sense what he’s trying to k33p away from me!*

Equius shuffled away from her, huffing in annoyance. 

EQUIUS: D--> I’m not going to roleplay with you, Nepeta

EQUIUS: D--> We’re not even te%ting right now. There’s no reason for you to be narrating your actions like that

EQUIUS: D--> These… they’re for you

Swallowing heavily, Equius slowly pulled the things he was holding out from behind his back, as if the blue- or b100, teehee!- fabric in his hands was as shameful as the horse images he collected. 

Despite the fact that they were covered in sweat, just as Equius was, Nepeta snatched the items out of his hands before he could even fully let go of them. There were four things in total, and her eyes widened in shock as she looked them all over. In her hands was a soft hat that looked exactly like Pounce de Leon’s maw, complete with kitty ears. And he made her shoes with kitty paws underneath them. And a tail…?  

EQUIUS: D--> If you’re going to act like a cat, you may as well look the part

EQUIUS: D--> At least then, other trolls won’t instantly assume you’re not actually an animal

Nepeta couldn’t care less about why Equius made them. They were immediately the absolute best things she’s ever owned. Instantly after she put the hat on, she pounced on him again, hugging him tightly as her eyes welled up. 

NEPETA: x33< ahhh!! thank you so much equius these look amazing!! i’m never going anywhere without these ever again x33

Squeezing him even tighter, she rubbed her head against his shoulder- which might’ve been a mistake in hindsight, as that made it even more sweaty than it already was. Oh, screw it, his sweat didn’t matter right now! Equius earned this hug!!

Her friend remained silent despite her happiness, and Nepeta could tell he was stunned into silence. His scent didn’t lie, and it was telling her that Equius was overjoyed that she liked her gift. But what did he expect? She was gonna get into character better than she ever had now! This was amazing! After a moment, though, Equius stiffened within her arms. 

EQUIUS: D--> Are you done hugging me yet, Nepeta?

NEPETA: :33< oh come on, do i have to stop??

EQUIUS: D--> No. That was a question, not an order

It took a moment for Nepeta to realize what he meant by that, but when it sank in, she decided that no, she was not done at all. Equius actually liked her hugs! He was never, ever living this down, no matter how hard he tried to deny it. And now that she had his permission, maybe she would just keep him here forever! Mwa ha ha…

After a moment, she felt a bug or something in her hair. Her ear twitched slightly, trying to get it out- before she realized it wasn’t a hair at all. Was that… Equius? It did, in fact, feel exactly like one of his fingers was just barely petting the stray hairs around her ear. Nepeta blushed hard, and her heart felt like it was going to fly right out of her chest. This was the closest he’d ever come to actually touching her, and she could barely contain herself. For the sake of making this moment last, though, she stayed right where she was, hoping he wouldn’t change his mind and stop doing that.

EQUIUS: D--> How are you purring

Was she? Oh- yeah! She was. 

NEPETA: :33< i just am!! i’ve always been able to do it, i’m surprised you’ve never noticed!

Equius sounded so shocked by it, and way quieter than he’d ever heard him. Nepeta shot a quick glance up at his face, and it was exactly as she expected. His eyes were wide in awe, and his entire face was drenched in sweat. He was anything but relaxed, and he seemed to be putting all his energy in not letting his hand any closer to her head. She wished he didn’t have to worry so much about that, but since he’d broken every teacup he’d handed her after barely picking it up, she understood where his worries came from.

As nice as this was, as much as Nepeta wanted to stay like this forever and not question anything, she had to tease him. Just a little bit. 

NEPETA: :33< are you feeling ok eq? If i didn’t know any better, i’d say you looked purretty pale! teehee :33 

As if she was one to talk. To her, Equius was her moirail in every way, except officially. But this was Equius after all! With all that talk about the hemospectrum and trying to be STRONG all the time, she doubted he’d want to be anything more than just normal friends with her. Just because he texted her every day, always told her to stay away from things that turned out to be really dangerous, and went so far as to make these cat clothes for her…

EQUIUS: D--> Nepeta.

She immediately turned her head away, as if she was never looking at him in the first place. But that wasn’t what Equius was concerned about at all… 

EQUIUS: D--> I can’t deny how much I appreciate the time I spend with you 

EQUIUS: D--> Even though you’re one of the most ridiculous trolls I’ve ever met 

EQUIUS: D--> You are also one of the kindest

EQUIUS: D--> Too kind for your own good, but kind nonetheless 

EQUIUS: D--> And admittedly, I don’t know what I’d do without you

EQUIUS: D--> So no, I can’t help how pale I am right now

EQUIUS: D--> For you, I mean

Nepeta was buzzing with joy and excitement before Equius was anywhere close to done, and she cut in the moment he was done talking. 

NEPETA: x33< you really wanna be my moirail?? oh my gosh yes! 

NEPETA: x33< yesyesyesyesyes ahhh!!! 

NEPETA: :33< i’m pale for you too eq, i just didn’t want you to be weirded out if i told you furst! <>

She was chirping out of pure happiness now, rubbing her face all over Equius until she felt big drops of sweat hit it. Eww!

NEPETA: :33< okay, hug time over

NEPETA: :33< i’m getting you a towel, stinky!!

She got up to grab a fresh towel, tossing it lightly at Equius, who seemed quite glad to finally dry himself off. Once she was next to him again, he responded to the last part of what she’d said earlier.

EQUIUS: D--> There is nothing weird about quadrant relationships, Nepeta 

EQUIUS: D--> It is imperative for all trolls to find partners, especially concupiscent ones

EQUIUS: D--> As a highb100d, it is my duty to ensure my quadrants are filled, so that I may provide my genetic material to the mother grub

Before Nepeta could ask Equius to please talk about literally anything else, he continued on, clearly passionate about this subject.

EQUIUS: D--> Moirallegiances are equally important, however

EQUIUS: D--> With my unfathomable STRENGTH, it would otherwise be highly likely for me to a%identally kill any of my future partners in a blind rage

EQUIUS: D--> Therefore, your gentle presence is necessary in order to keep me stable

NEPETA: :33< stable? that’s a horse pun isn’t it! heehee :33 

Equius scowled, but it did nothing to quell Nepeta’s stupid grin. 

EQUIUS: D--> Of horse- ugh, of COURSE not. 

She chuckled, flopping over onto Equius’s lap with her belly up. Predictably, he was refusing to look at her after that telling slip-up, but he eventually turned his head toward Nepeta once again. 

NEPETA: :33< that was a lot of boring and gross words you used just to say you love me, eq

Though he never responded to that, Nepeta could see his expression soften. His blush only intensified, and that was the only answer she needed. 

NEPETA: :33< and fur the record i love u too my purrfect meowrail <>

Once that feelings jam was over with, she felt content to stay here all day, not doing anything but looking into those eyes behind his broken sunglasses all curled up on his lap, basking in the warmth of their brand new moirallegiance. Could anything be better than this?

Besides trying out the new gear Equius got for her, anyway! Nepeta scrambled to her feet excitedly, putting her new shoes on and clipping the tail to the back of her pants. He got up when she did, and she grabbed his hand gently, noticing that her tail was sticking up as if it was attached to her! He really was the best moirail ever… 

NEPETA: :33< *nepeta flexes her claws, purreparing fur the greatest hunt ever, now that equius was finally coming with her!*

EQUIUS: D--> I never agreed to that. And no, I will never engage in such debauchery

NEPETA: :33< yes you will!!

EQUIUS: D--> No, I won’t

He would. And he did.

[astoundingly-awful-aus]

AU where Equius finds Eridan before Gamzee (hold onto your asses, this isn't gonna be a normal post, oh no, it's a whole-ass fic)

CarcinoGenetecist began trolling CaligulasAquarium. CG: ERIDAN. ERIDAN, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, YOU ROYAL SHITBAG. CG: GODDAMMIT ERIDAN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE. CA: if i answwer you will you leavve me alone CG: JEGUS FUCK, NOW YOU ANSWER. CA: im a little busy right noww kar. its sorta important. CG: NEWS FLASH, AMPORA. OUR FRIENDS ARE DEAD. EXPLAIN TO ME EXACTLY HOW WHATEVER BULLSHIT WIZARD ASSBAGGERY YOU'RE UP TO IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT. CA: wwell i dont see howw youd understand, bein a peasantblood n all CG: FUUUUUUUUUUCK. FINE. JUST GET BACK UP HERE BEFORE HE FINDS YOU. CA: didnt i just say i wwas busy CA: and wwhat does that evven mean exactly CarcinoGenetecist disconnected. CA: kar?

[Karkat's POV] okay, Karkat. you can do this. you'll be okay. someone will come. someone that hopefully isn't Gamzee. they'll come before he hurts them. they have to. suck it up, idiot. you need to get up, get Sollux. try to get ahold of someone else. you can do this.

CarcinoGenetecist began trolling CentaursTesticle CG: HEY BOTFUCKER. CT: D --> what is it, Vantas? CG: I NEED YOUR HELP. AND YOU BETTER NOT TELL ME YOU'RE BUSY TOO. CT: D --> i'm not busy i suppose CT: D --> you require my assistance? CG: YEAH. LOOK, GAMZEE'S GONE TOTALLY BATSHIT MURDERCRAZY AND IS THREATENING TO KILL US ALL. I NEED YOU TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE GETS BACK TO THE MAIN ROOM OR ELSE HIDDEN SOMEWHERE. CG: AND MAYBE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE MURDERCLOWN WHILE YOU'RE AT IT. CT: D --> oh CT: D --> i couldn't do that CG: WHY THE FUCK NOT. CT: D --> well he's my superior you see CT: D --> and i would appreciate if you could refrain from using such 100d wording CG: OH MY FUCKBATTERED THINK PAN, NOT THIS CASTEIST BULLSHIT AGAIN. CG: JUST...GO FIND ERIDAN, AT LEAST. HE'S ACTING REALLY SUSPICIOUS. I WANT TO KEEP AN EYE ON HIM. CT: D --> well, you see... CG: OH MY GOG I CAN'T WITH THIS RIGHT NOW. CarcinoGenetecist ceased trolling CentaursTesticle.

[Equius's POV] well. that was odd. it is not every other day that that Vantas seeks you out, though he did seem rather on edge. the highblood wouldn't really have attacked anyone, would he? it isn't time for him to do that, right? well, if it is true, it would probably be best to follow Vantas' instructions and find the others.

(about an hour later) following Vantas's instructions may not be as easy as previously thought. wait. who is that over there?

Equius: D --> Nepeta? is that you? Nepeta: :33< hi Equius! Nepeta: :33< what are you doing down here? are you looking fur anyone in purrticular? Equius: D --> Vantas has in%ructed me to locate the other members of our group for reasons i don't completely understand but am compelled to accept. Nepeta: :33< what is it? Equius: D --> Vantas has informed me that the highb100d has lost control and has begun his predestined hunt. he told me to make sure that the rest of you were safe. Nepeta: :33< oh no, that's pawful! i hope Karkitty is ok... Equius: D --> he seemed unsettled, but otherwise unharmed for now. Nepeta: :33< i think purrhaps that i will go find him, to make sure he's ok Equius: D --> do take care of yourself, Nepeta. Nepeta: :33< you too! but i'm pawsitive we'll see each other soon!

please be safe, Nepeta. of course, she can take of herself, but this is not a normal situation. maybe the highblood will ignore the lowerblooded trolls and start higher on the hemospectrum. in which case you might be in trouble. it would probably be wise to keep moving. perhaps you should look for Ampora. if the highblood starts targeting the others the way you thought, he is also in danger, more so than yourself. and the nobility must be served.

[Eridan's POV] this whole magic thing (or rather, ironic science magic) is getting easier. Kanaya deserves a thank-you. or she would, if you hadn't killed her. a shame, really. you honestly feel sort of bad about it. however, you've got more important things to do. after "borrowing" Kan's computer and looking through her exchanges with the human sorceress, you've developed a plan to win everyone's admiration. and save the universe, you guess. too bad it involves interacting with the dumb windy human. ughhhh. wait. what's that sound?

Eridan: hey Eridan: wwhos there Eridan: its fuckin dark i cant see you Eridan: ...

is that...

oh no.

Gamzee: HONK.

[Equius's POV] this meteor is awfully big. you aren't sure how you're supposed to find Ampora in this labyrinth. oh dear. you just heard a honk. that can't be good. well, you should probably investigate, despite your reservations. someone could be in danger.

someone is indeed in danger.

Gamzee: welcome to the party, motherfuckers. Gamzee: HONK. Eridan: wwhat are you standin around for, PUNCH HIM ALREADY, isnt that wwhat youre good at Equius: D --> well, you see your Majesty Equius: D --> the highb100d is also my superior... it would be cons- Eridan: land-dwwellin christ, i outrank him, Eq, noww PUNCH HIM

POW

Gamzee: honk

[Karkat's POV] oh god oh god oh god Kanaya's gone. this is even scarier than before. you hope it wasn't Gamzee. better Vriska than him, which is saying a l- HOLY SHIT WHAT'S THAT- oh it's Equius. and... oh hell no.

Karkat: WHAT IN ALTERNIA IS HE DOING HERE? WHAT EXACTLY PROMPTED YOUR SWEAT-STAINED THINK PAN TO BRING SHITHIVE DEATHCLOWN IN HERE? Equius: D --> well Equius: D --> i was asked to Karkat: REALLY, ERIDAN? AND JUST WHEN I START TO THINK YOUR STUPIDITY PILE COULDN'T GET ANY HIGHER. Eridan: wwell i- Karkat: JUST- PUT HIM SOMEWHERE SECURE. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING ELSE GOING WRONG.

[Kanaya's POV] you feel awfully strange. you only vaguely remember what happened, something with Eridan, and... the Matriorb. oh no. you must find him. you'll have to figure out what happened to yourself later.

[an hour later] it's a good thing you memorized a map of this place. otherwise you wouldn't have found your way back to...

Karkat: K-KANAYA?? Karkat: IS THAT YOU? Kanaya: Yes, I Believe It Is. Kanaya: Is Eridan Here? Karkat: YEAH Eridan: kan, i knoww wwhat this looks like- Kanaya: Eridan, I Have A Few Words To Exchange With You- Karkat: HOLD THE FUCK UP THERE. I GET YOU'RE UPSET, BUT ALLOW ME. THIS ASSHOLE NEEDS SOME SENSE KNOCKED INTO HIS SHALLOW THINK PAN PROPERLY.

[about an hour and a half of furious profanity metaphors later]

Kanaya: Karkat I Do Believe What You Have Done, While I Do Not Fully Condone It, Has Injured Him Far Worse Than What I Was Planning To Do Karkat: GOOD. NOW PLEASE, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. I HAVE A MORAIL TO CHECK ON.

[Karkat's POV] you have no idea what you're doing. there is no fucking way this is even safe. and yet... you feel like you owe it to him. he deserved better from you.

Karkat: GAMZEE? YOU OKAY? Karkat: LOOK, I KNOW I'VE BEEN A SHITTY MORAIL, AND A SHITTY LEADER, AND PROBABLY THE WORST FRIEND ANYONE COULD HAVE, BUT... Karkat: I WANT TO FIX IT. Karkat: ASSUMING YOU DON'T HATE ME, THAT IS. Gamzee: hOnK Gamzee: wHaT... tHe MoThErFuCk ArE yOu TaLkInG aBoUt, WhY wOuLd i HaTe YoU bRo Karkat: HEY, THERE YOU ARE... Karkat: BEST FRIEND. Gamzee: :o)

i have spent WAY too much time on this stupid thing...

sorry that Nepeta and Kanaya's text colors are the same, not much i could do about that

[wild-fae-trickster]

I forgot Eridans chumtag 😭😭😭 anyway yeah Homestuck chumhandle poll vote for the best chumhandle

Part 3: Equius vs Eridan

[pesterloglog]

Nepeta Leijon, Equius Zahhak

Act 5, page 2162

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

AC: :33 < *ac twitches her friendly whiskers at ct*

CT: D --> Hi

AC: :33 < *ct purrplexes over where he put that important wrench that he n33ded for building a fancy robot or something*

AC: :33 < *he says, now where did that silly old wrench go??*

CT: D --> 100k

CT: D --> What are you e%pecting to accomplish with this

AC: :33 < *but oh look! ct p33ks around the corner to find that a very playful kitty has stolen the robot wrench and is now kicking it vigorously with her hind legs!*

CT: D --> This is f001ishness upon one hundred thousand prior, equally unsolicited f001ishnesses

CT: D --> You'll stop now

AC: XOO < rawwrrrrr

AC: :33 < youre so lame!

CT: D --> I'm not

CT: D --> I'm fine

AC: :33 < no! lame

CT: D --> No I'm not

AC: :33 < lame

CT: D --> No

AC: :33 < youve never played a fun purrtend game with me ever even once!

AC: :33 < even karkat does it sometimes, even if he does mean it in a grumpy and insincere way

AC: :33 < but at least its still fun!

CT: D --> Yuck

CT: D --> Don't pol100t my incoming data stream with his name, or any sort of e%cremental language you pick up from his ilk

AC: :33 < i s33 right through your stupid act, who are you trying to kid!

AC: :33 < look how you go out of your way to use words that have x's in them so that you can use your silly purrcent signs

AC: :33 < or use these absurd words that you can shoehorn a '100' into, even if its not strictly replacing 'loo'!!!

AC: :33 < you are so transpurrent

AC: :33 < i can tell you like to play games, d33p down you are a guy who likes to play games!

AC: :33 < i can smell a guy who likes to play games from so fur away with this nose, you have no idea X33

CT: D --> If you're 100king for a 100phole through which you may e%tract concessions from me, you'll have to 100k elsewhere

AC: :33 < s33! what the hell???

CT: D --> Nepeta, what did I say about that awful language

CT: D --> I won't stand for it, and you'll stop

AC: :33 < oops

AC: :33 < sorry :((

CT: D --> Your fraternization with the base classes have 100sened your morals, can't you see this

AC: :33 < no! i dont care, they are fun

AC: :33 < and i dont know anything about classes or bases or blood color, it doesn't matter!

AC: :33 < what does gr33n blood even mean! it doesnt mean anything to me and it shouldnt mean anything to anyone else!

CT: D --> Well, green b100d is ok, but it's not great

CT: D --> But that's why you're lucky to have me to 100k out for you

CT: D --> Because you don't know better, and you can't fight the role the mother had in store for you

AC: :33 < rawrgh, you are such a hypurrcrite!

AC: :33 < you pretend to be so high and mighty but i know you're not and i know you like games

AC: :33 < look at that silly little bow and arrow you always type!

AC: :33 < its always there, you never furget

AC: :33 < why would you do that if it wasnt a playful fun thing, i am so on to you!

CT: D --> My bow and arrow are highly dignified symbols

AC: :33 < lol! bs!!!

CT: D --> Archery is among the highest and most e%ceptional crafts, held in tremendous regard by the most a100f classes for centuries

AC: :33 < you suck at archery

CT: D --> No

AC: :33 < yes

CT: D --> No

AC: :33 < yes

CT: D --> No I don't

AC: :33 < yessssss yes yes yes

AC: :33 < have you ever even successfully fired an arrow?

AC: :33 < like actually got one to leave the bow??

CT: D --> I think

CT: D --> We need to stop talking about archery

AC: :33 < nuh uh

CT: D --> Yes

AC: :33 < no

CT: D --> We will stop talking about archery

CT: D --> The topic is making me

CT: D --> Sweat

AC: :33 < eww

AC: :33 < youre so gross

CT: D --> No, you're the one who e%ercises distasteful practices

AC: :33 < nooo, thats you

AC: :33 < everyone knows youre a weirdo and a cr33p!

AC: :33 < thats why youre lucky to have me to k33p an eye on you

AC: :33 < no one else can stand you!

CT: D --> You e%terminate beautiful, innocent creatures by the hundreds

CT: D --> I can't condone such wretched behavior

CT: D --> Beasts are meant to be 100ked upon with adoration

AC: :33 < but

AC: :33 < i eat them!

AC: :33 < i dont kill anything i dont eat, that would be mean

CT: D --> I guess that's basically acceptable in principle, but I still find it a bit unsavory

AC: :33 < well i think YOUR habits are unsavory!

CT: D --> No they're not

AC: :33 < yuh HUH

CT: D --> You're wrong about me, Nepeta

CT: D --> I do like to play games

CT: D --> But they must be e%tremely important games with very high stakes

CT: D --> Not the kind played by trans100cent green wigglers who let 100se an e%cremental surge hard in their wiggler-bottom diaperstubs

CT: D --> As it happens I have arranged to play just such a game tonight

CT: D --> Aradia and I have a private engagement to be co-leaders of the b100 team

AC: :33 < oh yeah??

AC: :33 < *well just by purrchance it happens that ac has a private and sneaky engagement to play this game as well!*

AC: :33 < *and by a purrsnickety twist of fate, she will be on the R33D TEAM, with her other great friends who like to play their childish diaperpoop games!!!!*

AC: :33 < :PP

CT: D --> Absolutely not

AC: :33 < absolutely :PP

CT: D --> I forbid this

CT: D --> You will take your position on the b100 team with me

AC: :33 < yeah right! i will take my purrsition into this funny pounce ball and tackle you!

CT: D --> That's nonsense, you're nowhere even remotely within my pro%imity that would be necessary to e%ecute such a maneuver

AC: :33 < *ac rolls her eyes almost as hard as she is rolling around in this really interesting smell*

CT: D --> The thought of you fraternizing with and abetting those stink-b100ded h001igans strikes me as scandal beyond measure

CT: D --> I'm afraid you're too delicate to withstand that sort of corruption

CT: D --> It's forbidden

AC: :33 < nuh uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh

CT: D --> Yes

CT: D --> You won't

AC: :33 < no

AC: :33 < i will

CT: D --> You won't

AC: :33 < you cant stop me!

CT: D --> I am telling you not to

CT: D --> And you will be on my team

CT: D --> That's final

AC: XPO < bllllraaaaaawwwwwlllllrrrrghgghghgh

CT: D --> Quiet

AC: :33 < why do you do this, why are you so confurdent about your stupid commands?

AC: :33 < dont you know you cant ACTUALLY tell me what to do??

AC: :33 < its not like you even have any special mind pawers or telepurrthy or anything!

CT: D --> No

CT: D --> I do not

CT: D --> And yet

CT: D --> You will do as I say

AC: :33 < yes well we will just s33 about that!

CT: D --> Yes we will

CT: D --> You will join me on my team shortly

CT: D --> Stand by for further instru%ion

AC: :33 < hisssssssss!

CT: D --> You're angry, and I appreciate that

CT: D --> But it doesn't matter

CT: D --> Di%ussion over

AC: :33 < :((

[badlydrawnequius]

centaursTesticle (CT) began trolling allTumblr (AT)

CT: D -- > Hello

CT: D -- > It has been brought to my attention that all of my contemporaries have "askblogs" on "grumblr"

CT: D -- > And I've decided to join in

CT: D -- > After all, how wrong could it possibly go?

[equiuspanels]

Equius: Let her know the deal. // PANEL 2278

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

[thewertsearch]

You prowl the wilderness for GREAT BEASTS, and stalk them and take them down with nothing but your SHARP CLAWS AND TEETH! You take them back to your cave and EAT THEM, and from time to time, WEAR THEIR PELTS FOR FUN.

I still can’t tell if Nepeta is doing all this by choice. 

She does seem to be enjoying living wild, but again - she could just be making the best of the situation that her blood has placed her in. 

Your best pal of all is A LITTLE BOSSY, and people wonder why you even bother with him. But someone has to keep him pacified.

We’ve seen five male trolls, and Karkat is the only one I’d describe as bossy. Nepeta hasn’t shown up to pacify him, though, so I don’t think it’s him. 

This ‘pal’ is someone who scares Nepeta, and from what we’ve seen of him, centaursTesticle is a good fit. 

Homestuck’s symmetry calls for exactly one more troll to be male - unless there’s some gender variance among the cast, which would be a nice surprise. 

POUNCE DE LEON is the best kitty cat. You and she go on adventures together in search of the FOUNTAIN OF CUTE.

A fool’s errand. You seek a wellspring of what you already posses. 

You saunter over to your DRAWING TABLET COMPUTER. You use this to draw... on a computer!!! It would be cool if this could somehow be adapted to serve as a fetch modus as well.

I did think that was the Pictionary Modus. She can probably alchemize one pretty easily, using this as the ingredient. 

CG: KARKAT MYSTIFIES IN INFINITE BEFUDDLEMENT OVER THE FACT THAT YOU ARE PRESENTLY THE BEST REMAINING CANDIDATE FOR THE RED TEAM.

Karkat, Terezi, Gamzee and Tavros are on the Red Team - and GA has agreed to join later. 

Sollux, Aradia and AG are on the Blue Team.

Karkat thinks CA is an asshole, which leaves Nepeta, CC, and CT as the remaining candidates. CT feels like he’d be... difficult to work with, and CC is a complete unknown. 

Wow, we’re really working our way through the trolls, aren’t we? We’ve got names for seven of the twelve!

CG: I HAVE GA LINED UP FOR THE RED TEAM BECAUSE SHE IS ONE OF THE FEW REMAINING SANE ONES LEFT TO PLAY CG: OK, THE ONLY SANE ONE.

Good ol’ GA. I’ve been waiting for her intro page all month.

CG: BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO CONNECT YET BECAUSE OF SOME MYSTERIOUS BULLSHIT, SO I WAS LIKE WHATEVER, WHAT ELSE IS NEW.

I assume this is more predestination stuff. GA is ‘supposed’ to enter later on, because of reasons, so she’s compelled to delay her entry.

Round and round the time-loops go...

CG: TEREZI SAID SHE HAD YOU LINED UP TO PLAY BACK WHEN SHE WAS THE FAKE LEADER, SO I SAID FINE. CG: SO JUST CONNECT TO TAVROS AND LATER WE'LL WORRY ABOUT GETTING YOU IN.

Something funny I’ve noticed is that every time a character’s name is revealed, people immediately start using that name in Pesterlogs, despite the fact that it was never used before.

Karkat jumps from GA to Terezi without batting an eyelid - and as soon as we her GA’s intro, we’ll almost never hear ‘GA’ again. 

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Okayyyyyyy we just spent a bunch of time w/ some crackhead and now we're back with Karkat :D love this guy anyway we got a bunch of pesterchum/chumproll username thingies

apocalypseArisen (AA)

adiosToreador (AT) (already met this dude, pretty sure he tYPES LIKE THIS)

twinArmageddon (TA) (also already met this guy although it was p brief, pretty sure he type2 liike thiis)

carcinoGeneticist (CG) (pretty sure this is our boy Karkat)

arsenicCatnip (AC)

grimAuxiliatrix (GA) (met this fella, Types Like This)

gallowsCalibrator (GC) (thats the leetspeak gal yall, possibly Vriska but Im not sure)

arachnidsGrip (AG)

centaursTesticle (CT)

terminallyCapricious (TC) (ayyyyyyyyy thats our crackhead Gamzee)

caligulasAquarium (CA)

cuttlefishCuller (CC)

Honestly, Im pretty nervous at the prospect of having to keep track of all these fellas but eh. I'll manage

Right now Im pretty sure that GC is Vriska, but if she isnt I predict that its gonna be AA

[luminescentlyricist]

♌ Tea Cups And Tenderness ♐

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

AC: :33 < *ac smiles at ct, swishing her tail and waving in a welcoming meownner*

CT: D --> Hello, Nepeta.

AC: :33 < *ac pounces on ct, glad that her meowrail is here to k33p her company*

CT: D --> I am glad you are here too, you make for e%cellent company.

AC: :33 < *ac asks ct how his day is going, hoping for a pawsitive answer*

CT: D --> I must confess that I am rather lonely.

AC: :33 < *furrowning, ac asks why, dropping off his back and nuzzling his cheek comfortingly*

CT: D --> Because you are not here in person.

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

~~~~

Equius knew that his love for the catlike troll was... morally wrong, just as his feelings for Aradia had been. To a lesser degree, yes, but to have feelings for a lowerblood of any level felt distinctly unbecoming, as did having feelings for a higherblood. He felt as if he had his place in the world, and he was determined to keep it as it was. He had feelings for no 'b100b100d', however, and thus was conflicted.

Nepeta stared longingly at her shipping wall for periods of time, often ones that were considered troubling. She was almost obsessive, the way she cared about the more-often-than-not imaginary relationships she had constructed and displayed, displayed as her pride and joy. She cared for Equius so, so much. But she couldn't shake the careful drawing that she hid from view, the one 'ship' that she wished for more than anything. She knew that the other didn't reciprocate feelings for her, but she persisted in her daydreams nonetheless.

~~~~

The two were moirails, and they couldn't have been better for each other.

Equius was strong, strong and steady. He was a protector, and though he could come off as too strong, almost... disgusting in his ways, he loved her and wished her the best.

Nepeta was soft. She was loving, understanding and the gentlest of souls. She helped him as much as she could, and although many cringed at her fascinations, she loved him and wished him the best.

They were capable of becoming more, so much more, but the roles they held in each other's hearts and eyes was enough. It made them happy. The joy that they felt could far surpass any doubts they might have had, shatter any negativity as long as they kept close. When they were separated, they had Trollian, but it would never be enough to satisfy their need to... be with each other, to have physical closeness.

The tea had been brewed in a hopeful, happy manner, as Nepeta had thought everything was actually going to be fine, despite the encroaching gloom. Equius' comforting, warming darkness was the only one she had expected. The catlike troll was ever the optimist, however, and that would serve to help her through the next events.

"Oh no! The Purrl Grey has been on for too long! It'll taste pawful!"

She hissed, tail lashing about - as opposed to its normal gentle sway - and running to check the lilac pot with a worried expression. She couldn't believe it had been steeping so long! She was so careless. Her tail slid motionlessly across the floor, shifting only when she herself moved. She felt downcast within moments, as she had tried so hard to make everything so, so perfect for Equius in her land.

She checked for a supply of sugar in the small dwelling she had made there, as she liked her Cameowmile nice and sweet, before giggling to herself. She was going nuts, being alone, surely. She spun around, gazing at the hills and mounds of Little Cubes, her eyes bright and filled with a childlike wonder. Even though it felt like she had seen it all a million times, it never failed to amaze her time and time again.

"Silly Nepeta! Your land is made of sugar!"

Nepeta murmured to herself, walking out of her dwelling and looking around. She soon collected a basketful of sugar cubes, and bent down to the green tea river running like veins through her land. Sticking her tongue out, she looked around just in case Equius had been able to come to her land so soon. She didn't want to make a fool of herself in front of him. Happily, as she did most things, she bent over and quickly lapped at the green tea.

It was bitter, and she stuck her tongue out in disgust. She decided that she'd have to topple a whole hill worth of sugar into it later; it would give her something to do while Equius wasn't there, and it would be a lot of fun. Sweetness, as well as being sweet, really improved everything, or so she thought. She stood from the banks of the tea river, humming to herself as she licked the sticky residue of the sugar off her hands.

Skipping, she made her way back to the dwelling, humming softly. Equius would arrive at any minute, and she wanted to be there when he arrived. She was looking forward to seeing him, very much so, but also wanted to make sure that his often untameable strength didn't cause him to break the door as well. She'd worked on the small hut for a while, if only to keep her fidgety 'paws' at bay.

The troll soon arrived, beads of sweat trickling down his face relentlessly. She walked and got him a fresh white towel - those she had stocked up on for this reason alone - from the cupboard. He walked into the door of the hut, taking the towel from her. Equius almost seemed too big for the small dwelling, but Nepeta wanted it no other way. His size bought her comfort. He wiped his face gratefully, a broken-toothed smile coming to his lips.

"Thank you, Nepeta. It is good to see you."

Equius stood in the hut, looking around at the home Nepeta had made for herself. He was proud of her for doing such a thing, even though his head grazed the roof when it sloped down on occasion. Judging by her shorter-than-average size, and the fact that sugar grains crunched under their feet at every step, she had used the stackable cubes as leverage. She would have spent far more time than was necessary on the dwelling.

It made his hardened heart full with warmth and his gentle smile stay, unwavering, to know how much effort his Moirail had gone to, even if it wasn't specifically for him. She obviously had a real passion for what she was doing, and her fingers were still sticking together due to the baking she had done. She had set everything up just so, but she had been rather busy. She had only just had time to clean up a little before he came.

"Just a meowment, please, Equihiss."

Nepeta chirped, scampering off and to the little sink. She hummed some more as she washed her hands. Her short fingers saw the light for the first time in a while, as her bright blue paw-gloves nearly always obscured them from view. She had liked baking, as well as licking the bowls when she was finished, but didn't particularly enjoy washing up properly. She usually took her time with it, nonetheless, but she hurried because she wanted to get back to her blue-blooded friend.

She slipped her gloves back on, wiggling her fingers in relief. Although her skin was grey, and was already rather light in colour, her hands were noticeably more pale than the rest of her skin because of her habit of wearing them. She had dyed the tail and gloves when her moirallegiance with Equius started, wanting the blue to remind her that he was always with her, even when they were not together in person.

Soon, the troll bought the things she had baked to the small table, setting the plate of steaming hot muffins down and setting out a couple of placemats so that the teapots wouldn't scorch the table. She had left the Cameowmile to sit and cool down a little while the Purrl Grey steeped further, as Equius had told her that he liked his tea 'E%TREMELY STRONG'. She didn't want to burn her mouth, however.

It was evident that she had used too much sugar in the muffins, presumably to try and deplete the supply that was naturally given to her by the Land Of Little Cubes And Tea. She hadn't known that the supply was nearly infinite, so as to prevent sugar-based land degradation from Nepeta using it all up. She liked everything she had nearly as sweet as she was, which was copiously, overly sweet. That said, Nepeta wasn't a stuck-up, and her positivity always seemed to be genuine.

She padded over to the long-brewed tea, bringing it over to the table and setting it down after pouring a cup for Equius. She had reinforced the cup somehow so that he wouldn't crush it, and the tea was piping hot. She had even added some of Arthour's milk to it, as Equius had bought it over with him. He said it kept his bones strong, and she didn't doubt it, but she thought to herself that he didn't need any more calcium. He was already too strong for his own good, and for others'.

Nepeta cherished him and appreciated him far more than most, despite his almost debilitating strength and his sweating problems. There were a lot of negatives to Equius, but most tended to forget about him completely. She had reason to believe that he was seen in a negative light by most of the other trolls that bothered to acknowledge his existence, and considered that extremely unfair. Even Vriska seemed to dislike him, and Aradia hold the blue blood in her robotic veins against him, even though he had done them a courtesy and replaced their body or body parts.

They talked over tea and muffins, and joy radiated from the two trolls. They had never shown such happiness unless they were together, and even then Equius had been... apprehensive about his feelings for Nepeta. In this small hut in an expanse of sugar, they had found cause to believe that they truly were moirails, and that they were perfect for each other. The guardian and the helper, the stoic and the empathetic.

Equius soon left, his hands clutching a basketful of muffins, the likes of which Nepeta absolutely insisted he take. She claimed that she couldn't eat them all herself, but he knew that it was a lie, and simply an excuse to share what she had made for him. It was lighthearted, and she watched him go with a small and satisfied smile lighting up her cheeks. Nepeta knew that she had made him happy, and that, in turn, made her the most gleeful troll in the whole of Alternia.

But that had been long ago.

Almost too long.

~~~~~~~~~~~

So, they sat together in the darkened lab, stoves and long-cold teapots providing a barrier to what lay beyond. The two had sought shelter from him as soon as they could, sought one another because they knew it would be even colder without that comfort. The two would have liked to meet like this in a more positive setting, but that was not to be. The time of tea and piping-hot muffins in a land of sugar was long gone. It was likely that they'd never experience such a thing ever again as long as they were trapped.

The clown was lurking in the cloaking dark, and that was terrifying to them both, but Equius didn't move a muscle as Nepeta shivered against him. His role in the moiraillegiance was to guard her to his dying breath, and to have an unwavering resolution and stoicism in the face of danger. He would fulfil that role to the best of his ability. However strong he was, when a distant smashing of a bottle was heard, Equius' fingers tightened around the wood of the bow that he held, and a crack rang out.

"Do not worry, Nepeta."

He murmured, feeling the troll flinch against his body from where she was curled, obviously scared out of her mind. Aside from this, he hadn't felt her move in a while. He thought it had been a long time, though he had no way of knowing. Equius had thought her dead, for she had become literally petrified with fright for some time earlier. Although he hated it, it was a relief to feel her shivering form. It was movement, at least.

He had left her sore in the back from his hugs many a time, and did not want to risk such a thing happening ever again, especially due to his moirail's emotional fragility. She already suffered so much, particularly in their current situation. A broken back would likely kill Nepeta, as she had not - and would not - gain the abilities and immortality that came with the highly coveted ascension to God Tier.

"I am here, and I will not let anything happen to you for as long as I live."

Equius spoke, though he expected no reply. He knew that she was feeling far too weak to even gain the energy to do so. All he had to go on, all the signs that she lived, were her wheezing breaths, and the gentle shudder of her every limb. He himself was fighting the urge to close his eyes, to slip into the comfort of fading away. The void that he held called to him louder and louder until it was a deafening roar in his ears, though he had no voices in his head as Sollux had.

The goldblood had never interacted with him, and he found that better than if he had. Equius was a troll who had followed the hemospectrum closely for all of his sweeps of life, and had thus forbidden himself from interacting with Sollux and his lowblooded... breed. Power didn't matter to him, though he was so fixated on his own, and paid no mind to the boy's psionic prowess, nor his hacking skills.  He wasn't self-absorbed, and he cared for those who cared for him, or that he felt he could trust.

One of the few people he felt he could trust was slowly, agonisingly dying against his body. Her breathing was so shallow that it became barely noticeable, and her chest barely moved. He provided her with all the warmth that he could, but had no idea if his efforts would be enough to save her. It was safer, he decided, for him to let her... he couldn't. He couldn't even think of the word. His Nepeta, dying. It was... preposterous. But it was better for her to fade in his arms than to die fighting that horrid, maniacal clown.

Equius brushed a strand of hair away from her face, his hands finally beginning to tremble. He didn't want her to die, even more than he feared death himself. He'd been lonely for so, so long. He'd finally pushed all that away and embraced his relationship with her, and he wanted to be safe and happy. With her. His stubbornness was a big downside when it came to socialising, but he refused to let her go even now, and it was sad that they were closest when she was so far away. He'd have his revenge, sure, but wanted to stay by her side until her very last breath.

She breathed it all too soon, and for the first time in his life, he felt a tear slip down his cheek.

[equiuszahhak]

Your name is Equius Zahhak, and you’ve felt like something is missing. You tinker on your machines, tend to your garden, and do very seldom see the midbloods that make up your social circle. Though, it’s hit you, there is a particular troll you’ve not reached out to in a few days. Maybe that’s it?

Equius pulls up Trollian on his palm husk, smiling when he sees a certain name. 

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling arsenicCatnip  [AC] --

D --> Nepeta D --> I request that you answer immediately 

[ @nepeta-leijon ]

[wild-fae-trickster]

Oh shoot forgot about the poll sorry y'all uuuuuuh ultimate chumhandle poll vote for the best chumhandle in homestuck

B7: Karkat vs Equius

[pesterloglog]

Equius Zahhak, Dave Strider

Act 5, page 2825-2829

-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

CT: D --> I'm attempting to determine what it is that ranks humans in their class stru%ure

CT: D --> I'd assumed the color of your b100d would serve as the basis for placement in the hierarchy, as would be e%pected and natural, but I was mistaken

CT: D --> I was similarly in error believing the color of what you type corresponds with the color of your b100d

TG: it does bro

TG: my bloods red

CT: D --> Well, obviously

CT: D --> I understand that now, I'm not a f001

TG: on earth class is sorted out by who can drop the most delirious flow

CT: D --> I see

CT: D --> So, in other words, a sort of b100d letting ritual

CT: D --> To assess whose pulse is steadiest and thus whose flow is the most STRONG

TG: no

TG: well yeah

TG: verbal pulse

TG: rap battles

TG: the kings of wordtech ascend to godhood and look down on us patriarchally like urban watermarks in the sky

TG: this is like

TG: our religion man

TG: its fucking serious business its like what our whole culture revolves around

CT: D --> Really

CT: D --> So your social e%elons are dictated by the noble artform of the ancient slam poets

CT: D --> Or the Earth equivalent

TG: yeah well

TG: used to be dictated

TG: til the rapocalypse happened

TG: i still believe though

TG: in my heart so long as it keeps thumping the righteous beat

TG: subwoofing out devotion every which way

TG: that he will come

TG: our savior

TG: was foretold hed come after meteors show up to drop it like its hot

TG: and hed gather up the ashes of our civilization and lift it like its heavy

TG: fuck im tearing up my ishades are gonna fry

CT: D --> I believe

CT: D --> That this is probably nonsense

CT: D --> I've already been hornswoggled repeatedly by your comrades, who I quite reasonably mistook for your superiors in b100dline

CT: D --> Your race makes a habit of deception, and I will not tolerate it

CT: D --> You will stop

CT: D --> I command that all verbal misdire%ion and hoofbeastplay will cease during my communications, is that understood

TG: hahahahaha

TG: douche

CT: D --> Did I say something entertaining

TG: if youre gonna spit that kind of bravado at me im just saying put it in rhyme

TG: lets hear what you got tooly mcsnoothole

CT: D --> I try to stay engaged with many aristocratic practices

CT: D --> But I'm not much of a poet

TG: come on

CT: D --> My poems are private

TG: whatever dude

TG: deprivatize them

CT: D --> If you're prepared to be particularly forceful about it

CT: D --> I may be suitably disgusted to comply

TG: just

TG: take whatevers in there

TG: that brorage lust youre feelin

TG: turn that bitch inside out like a broke ass millionaires pockets

CT: D --> Yes

CT: D --> Those are the sorts of assertive statements which could get me

CT: D --> Flowing

TG: alright

TG: weird but alright

TG: you sound wound up

TG: but my gears are airtight

TG: steer clear a the seer and the knight if youre scared of unfair fights

TG: youll drop like the staircase impaired, seein em spareds a fair fuckin rare sight

TG: for poor eyes like that millionaire whos pockets i mocked earlier

TG: hes paradoxically me but richer and surlier

TG: broke as his sword before his stock picks skyrocketed

TG: worth more than all the chests lockpicked and gold croc bricks and boonbucks i pickpocketed

TG: fillin folios with millions im milkin to pad out my pockets

TG: more chock full than sad trollian villains cloggin my blocklist

TG: so thoughtful to popul-

TG: -ate my slate with propositions to copulate to a spate of hemoerotic hotpix

TG: which i posit you got shit of that nature in spades

TG: as my shades got you locked in

TG: spyin a guy whos eyed more cocks and dicks than i got clocks and they got ticks

CT: D --> Just a thought. Let's mock a topic with less awfulness

CT: D --> If you'd use the e%cuse to be less culturally myopic, what are your views on abuse to the walking apocrypha

CT: D --> Would you choose if duly cued to put your bruising clop to a flock of naughty roboti%

TG: ahaha wow YES

TG: dont really understand that but yes

TG: ok hold that thought im gonna pull this fuckin sword out of the thing

CT: D --> Perhaps it's that it's martial tacti% that matter for status. Unless you redact this

CT: D --> I'd hazard in practice that it's a glass of what's lactic that would impact this

CT: D --> Pragmatic to presume? A human metric for grandness stands on fondness in honest

CT: D --> For wanton aplomb with strapping song smithing, ripping sonnets of STRONGNESS

TG: yes

TG: still no clue what this shit means but keep going

CT: D --> But perhaps

CT: D --> To divine class divides in unclassified swine is butchering time

CT: D --> Your fauna I find requires too little strength to savage in rhyme

CT: D --> I fear inferiors have monopolized my highest priorities

CT: D --> Let's eschew crude inferiors, pursue nude superiorities

CT: D --> Review z001ogical peculiarities, great stalking enormities

CT: D --> Fle%ing in unison, baying at moons within fraternal sororities

TG: holy shit

TG: what

CT: D --> Great musclebeasts tussle, bu%om in heft

CT: D --> With thunderous muscle, buttock to spec

TG: what the fuck

CT: D --> Connect blows to discover, how invincible pecs are

CT: D --> Venture low to uncover, his inimitable nectar

TG: oh god

TG: ok stop

CT: D --> Should song serve to placate one

CT: D --> And fortune holds he lactate some

CT: D --> STRONG hands tugging teat make great ambrosia collectors

TG: hahaha

TG: jesus

TG: ok maybe youre actually the worst troll

TG: im thinking none of that was actually ironic that was all pretty straightup wasnt it

CT: D --> What do you mean

CT: D --> Are you ordering me to conceal my poems again

TG: nevermind

TG: god dammit

TG: fuckin piece of shit sword

TG: wont goddamn budge probably useless anyway

CT: D --> It 100ks to be a legendary weapon

TG: its a legendary piece of shit

CT: D --> Giving up on the treasure so easily

CT: D --> It strikes me as an artifact rooted in universal lore of nobility

CT: D --> As valuable an asset as strength is

CT: D --> And as much as anyone with his wits is fond of being STRONG

CT: D --> Such weapons require finesse to operate

CT: D --> And surely in this case, to retrieve without damaging

CT: D --> Hence your no doubt frustrating restraint

TG: ok im kinda starting to wonder why youre bugging me now

TG: youre a fuckin creepy dude

CT: D --> E%cessive force will shatter such weapons

CT: D --> We both know this from e%perience

TG: what

CT: D --> The adult human who trained you

CT: D --> And taught you the ways of being STRONG

CT: D --> Remember

TG: you mean the guy who spent years beating my ass down with a puppet

TG: yeah i remember

CT: D --> Yes, and now, being learned in the ways of STRONGNESS

CT: D --> You like myself are unfortunately limited in the weaponry you may wield

CT: D --> Ironically the training which has ennobled you beyond others has made instruments of high b100d brittle in your hands

CT: D --> Hence the state of your favored weapon, hobbling your specibus

CT: D --> I know what this is like

TG: man

TG: im not that strong ok

TG: just cause i broke a cheap ass sword doesnt make me the fucking hulk

CT: D --> Oh

TG: what did you go around breaking a bunch of swords too

CT: D --> No

CT: D --> Bows

TG: how the fuck do you even wield a broken bow

TG: did you go around clubbing shit with the two halves

CT: D --> Yes

CT: D --> Sometimes

CT: D --> What are you doing

TG: whats it look like

CT: D --> Careful

CT: D --> About succumbing to these sorts of destructive

CT: D --> Urges

CT: D --> Addi%ion is a powerful thing

TG: so am i

TG: bow down before your new king bitch

CT: D --> I think

CT: D --> I need

CT: D --> Something to dry myself off with

[histaries]

==> Quit putting it off.

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT] -- 

AA: okay  AA: alright  AA: fine  AA: you want to talk i can talk  CT: D --> Oh good  CT: D --> I was starting to think you were ignoring me which is an unacceptable way to treat someone of my superior status  CT: D --> The attitude does not behoove you  AA: are we back to that again?  AA: what do you want equius 

CT: D --> To ensure you are alright  AA: that was a surprisingly earnest answer from you and i admire how far youve come to get here  CT: D --> You admire me  AA: thats not exactly what i said  CT: D --> Was there something wrong with the body  AA: what?  CT: D --> The chassis I created you  CT: D --> It was perfect was it not  AA: it was just that  AA: a chassis  AA: it wasnt my body  CT: D --> That never seemed to bother you before  AA: not a lot of things did  AA: but more so i didnt know any other players had the appetite to run the risk of what bringing me back could do to the timeline  CT: D --> And they expressed that  CT: D --> Appetite  CT: D --> To you  AA: as usual it sounds creepy when you say it but yes  CT: D --> Which  AA: what  CT: D --> Which players took issue with the body I built you  AA: does that really matter?  CT: D --> It was perfect  AA: thats not the point!  CT: D --> Nepeta tells me you’re no longer on LOQAM  AA: so?  AA: whats that got to do with this conversation  CT: D --> Where are you  AA: this is feeling a little intense equius and im not sure how comfortable i am with it  CT: D --> It is just a question  AA: maybe but everything you do seems at least a little intense to me now  CT: D --> What precisely are you implying  AA: you shouldve never put that chip in my chest  AA: you had no right to do that  CT: D --> You sound like the liquid e%cretion b100d now  AA: firstly thats a ridiculous phrase for the slur youre trying to use  AA: and secondly  AA: dont call him that  CT: D --> So it was him  AA: equius i mean it im not having this conversation with you yet again  CT: D --> This was his idea  AA: thats not the topic!  AA: right now were talking about what you did  CT: D --> Does he even know who you are any longer  CT: D --> Do you think you’re going to get what you want from him  AA: im just going to go back to not answering you if youre going to be like this  CT: D --> That sounds e%quisitely close to no  CT: D --> To change your entire e%istence for one person is f001ishness  AA: i didnt!  AA: i did it for me i wanted to be alive and im glad i did it  CT: D --> You are going to have to eventually recover your affections and move on from him  CT: D --> Aradia  AA: it isnt any of your business how i feel about him or what i do with those feelings that may or may not exist CT: D --> I was only trying to help  AA: i dont think thats true!  AA: and even if it were true you didnt help  CT: D --> I think you are 100king at this incorrectly  CT: D --> It is very fortunate for someone as low as your b100d is once more to have me here to e%plain it all to you  AA: is it  CT: D --> You should be thanking me for %ing your wires like I did  CT: D --> Now you know what it is like to ache CT: D --> With a burning passion  CT: D --> For somebody of such a high and more worthy station  AA: youre being repulsive and not in any remotely attractive way  CT: D --> Perhaps in time you will see  AA: i take back my earlier comment  AA: he was right about you  CT: D --> Does the goldb100d not like me  CT: D --> What 100d falsehooves does he spread of me  CT: D --> I  CT: D --> The one who knew your every inch in that chassis all those sweeps CT: D --> I who can care for you when this is all over in every way he cannot CT: D --> Now what ever do you think could he possibly gain from making you think poorly of me 

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT] -- 

CT: Aradia  CT: Fiddlesticks

[lettersofsky]

Small Little Pitch Thing

Fandom: Homestuck Pairing: Gamzee<3<Equius I’m tired and wanted to do a dumb cute thing for gamzee <3< equius because I like it so I did it. Text Log kinda thing cause that’s the format I wanna do right now.

terminallyCaprcious[TC] has started trolling centaursTesticle[CT]

TC: Yo TC: WhAt’S uP mY gOoD sTrOnG bRoThEr TC: HoNk :o)

CT: D --> Highb100d CT: D --> You have been absent from our daily corresspondents for a number of days CT: D --> I was being to grow concerned, not that one of my stature should feel such things of one of such high esteem, even if you do not live up to it in any way, shape, or form

TC: AwWw TC: WaS yOu AlL uP aNd BeIn CoNcErNeD aBoUt A mOtHeRfUcKeR bRo?

CT: D --> No, I specifically said that such feelings towards you were unfitting one of my status CT: D --> And could you please desist in referring to yourself in such a way

TC: I sUrE cAn BrO! TC: eSpEcIaLlY iF iT mAdE yOu HaPpY :o)

CT: D --> No wait, nevermind CT: D --> I have forgotten myself again CT: D --> Forgive me Highb100d

TC: aLrIgHt SuRe TC: WhAtEvEr YoU sAy BrO :o)

CT: D --> Hrrn CT: D --> Simply deplorable you are, an utmost disgrace CT: D --> I should not have hesitated to request the seadweller check in on you

TC: aWwW bRo TC: YoU wAs GoNnA aSk ThE fIsH bRoThEr Or SiStEr To ChEcK iN oN mE? TC: yOu ReAlLy WeRe WoRrIeD!  TC: :oD

CT: D --> I already informed you that I was not CT: D --> Please listen to me when I say that I was not concerned about you and did not heavily debate asking the seadweller to check in upon you before deciding not to risk him finding you in a vulnerable state in which you were vulnerable and easily taken advantage of CT: D --> A request, not an order

TC: aWwW bRo! TC: YoU’rE wArMiN a MoThErFuCkEr’S hEaRt Is WhAt YoU’rE dOiN! TC: bEiN aLl CoNcErNeD aBoUt Me WhEn YoU aReN’t In AnY pLaCe To Be

CT: D --> Uhhh! Highb100d yes please accept my STRONG apology for this transgression CT: D --> What shall you do to put me back in my proper place? CT: D --> If I may be so BOLD as to inquire?

TC: NaH

CT: D --> ... CT: D --> %cuse me? CT: D --> Highb100d?

TC: nAh TC: I aIn’T gOnNa Be DoIn No ThInG tO yOu

CT: D --> Oh, I see CT: D --> Yes, it was quite foolish of me to presume you would have decided to take your proper place in the hemospectrum

TC: YuP  TC: i WoUlDn’T dO sUcH a KiNd ThInG tO yOu, NaH TC: rAtHeR wAtCh YoU wOrK yOuRsElF iNtO a FiT oVeR hOw Ya NeEdIn To Be PuNiShEd WiTh NoOnE tO dO iT fOr YoU TC: hOnK hOnK! :o)

CT: D --> Oh CT: D --> Oh CT: D --> You deplorable filth-swizzlier of a Highb100d CT: D --> I CT: D --> I don’t know what to do in this situation

TC: :o)

CT: D --> Yes, well CT: D --> If you would %cuse me Highb100d, I find myself in DIRE need of a towel CT: D --> Good night

TC: tAlK tO yOu TomOrRoW sWeAtY bRoThEr TC: HoNk HoNk HoNk :o)

centaursTesticle[CT] has ceased trolling terminallyCaprcious[TC]

TC: <3< :o)

[equiuspanels]

Vriska: Be in cahoots with Equius. Cahoooooooots. // PANEL 2222

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

AG: Equiiiiiiiiuuuuuuuus. CT: D --> What