#cubfan135 me.cpp

[redorich]

So Bad is just in a prison built by the hermits, and they knew that the egg was a parasite so a hermit must've either done tests or recognised it from somewhere, it's shown in Tales from the SMP that the egg is old though it's unspecified how long ago that story took place in.

The Hermits know enough from what Puffy (and to a lesser extent Hbomb) has told them to pick up on the fact that the Egg is magic, and it's No Good. In the end, that's really all they need.

After Xisuma's dramatic announcement that he plans to return infinite respawns to everyone(??), he nudges Grian.

"Take care of the Egg, will you?"

Grian frowns. "What, like..." He makes a little motion of covering his eyes, then pantomimes removing a mask.

"Yeah, that," Xisuma answers.

"Watcher powers drain ambient magic, not personal magic," Grian says hesitantly.

In response, Xisuma shrugs. "Once the parasite is gone, there'll be a surge. Don't worry about it."

Grian stands, allowing a purple mask to materialize on his face. It's a plain thing, with a single rectangular symbol on it. Without any fanfare, he disappears.

/tp Grian %̵̨͚̺̫̎͝m̶̧̹͕̈̕ͅ@̸̬͕̥̼͖̗̀͐͒̋a̸̩̎͛͛̈́͛̀̋̎͝g̶̥̾ŕ̴̛̺͂̓̑͝n̶̜̲̹̜̮̈̀.̵̼͎̜̗̠̳̫͉̜̀̌͒̑́͋4̴̧̮̥̱́̈́͑a̶͙͙̤̯̗͗̕ͅ

/gamemode creative Grian

<%̵̨͚̺̫̎͝m̶̧̹͕̈̕ͅ@̸̬͕̥̼͖̗̀͐͒̋a̸̩̎͛͛̈́͛̀̋̎͝g̶̥̾ŕ̴̛̺͂̓̑͝n̶̜̲̹̜̮̈̀.̵̼͎̜̗̠̳̫͉̜̀̌͒̑́͋4̴̧̮̥̱́̈́͑a̶͙͙̤̯̗͗̕ͅ> left the game.

/gamemode survival Grian

/tp Grian Xisuma

Grian reappears in the meeting room, takes off his mask, and sits down back in his chair.

"Well," he says. "That was easy."

Bad's wails can be heard faintly from the basement.

[redorich]

(Hermit Canyon AU)

Eventually, the Hermit seems to get attached to Puffy. It makes sense- it's been trading gifts with her for months now, and has even shown itself to her a few times, albeit while invisible.

The other SMPers don't think much of it at first. The more curious members ask Puffy questions about The Hermit sometimes, but she knows little, so they quickly give up. Occasionally someone will try to explore the ridiculously trapped town, but they give up once it's obvious they're not getting in.

The trades grow more and more valuable, and one day Puffy opens her barrel to find a beacon, and enough iron to fully power it. She's stunned, naturally. To think the Hermit is so capable it can kill a Wither just to give a beacon away- she can barely believe it.

(In actuality, they cheesed it on the Nether roof, but she doesn't know that)

She does try to hide it, but word gets around, and after another few failed raids on the town (and some rumours that the Hermit can teleport), things settle down again, as much as they can on the SMP.

Then someone steals Puffy's beacon. {You decide who, because I. don't actually watch DSMP, admittedly.}

Puffy, naturally, is devestated- she can't imagine the work the Hermit put into getting it for her in the first place (the most time-consuming thing was getting the Wither skulls, and it wasn't even that bad). But there's not really much she can do, so she carries on.

Except, the next day, the thief wakes up to find their house full of chickens, Puffy's beacon missing, and every single empty space in their chests filled with strategically renamed light grey stained glass panes.

They go outside to find the entire contents of a cave spider spawner on their front lawn. Alongside a ravager. With speed potions. Renamed Pamela's Revenge.

(Cue half the SMP trying to find out who Pamela is)

Puffy, meanwhile, wakes to find her beacon back in its rightful place, and a beautifully terraformed garden outside her house (Scar accidentally detonated a creeper and naturally had to fix the hole...and then went a little overboard. But it's fine.)

op i want you to know that i considered just posting your ask, because it’s already So Good and practically a fic on its own, but i really wanted even more content so i wrote it myself. ANYWAY here’s sapnap’s terrible horrible no good very bad day xD

It’s risky, doing anything on the wide open Nether roof where anyone can see. Hell, using a beacon at all is risky for the Hermits. Still, they’ve got all sorts of farms and copious amounts of materials at their fingertips. They’re past early game, stuck in mid-game while they wait for Etho to scope out more locations, while they build the second Upside Down (which Grian has named the Upside-ier Down), while they build their joint bases miles out from civilization. 

Having a beacon would make the process faster, they reason to themselves. They certainly aren’t risking being discovered just because they’re bored and getting a beacon is an excuse to do something. And hell, Tango made that giant, super-efficient wither skeleton skull farm right next to his double blaze spawner farm, so they might as well mass-produce Nether stars by killing multiple Withers. It’s not that difficult.

On another note, it’s after they gift Puffy one of their many beacons, in addition to a kit of iron blocks for powering the beacon that the Hermits realize that while their gifts are increasing in expense, Puffy’s are... not. So, if Puffy’s around average in the Dream SMP economy, they’ve figured out where most players meet their limit. She hasn’t stopped dropping by, though, which is nice. Her gifts become increasingly handmade, in lieu of upping the ante on material wealth. The Hermits suppose that hand-crafted items have a value that extends past money. Each and every one of them has something that she’s made for them, whether it be a shawl, a blanket, a set of earrings, a bracelet, or a pair of socks.

Apparently the beacon is more of a Big Deal than the Hermits thought. After all, the rainbow castle has several. However, the Hermits realize that they’ve been shortsighted. While it is true that the rainbow castle has several beacons, the castle is the only place that they’ve seen any beacons.

Sapnap steals the beacon. He doesn’t particularly need it, but he wants it, and stealing is fun. Maybe if he’s lucky, he’ll even start another minor war over it. He hasn’t fought Puffy very much. He wonders if she can put up a good fight.

Puffy’s-- not distraught, but she’s upset. That was a gift from the Hermit, a friend who she’s been pulling out of its shell. She doesn’t have much use for a beacon, but then again, neither does Sapnap; he’s just a dick. Just in case, Puffy leaves a note with the rest of the items she leaves in her barrel:

Dear Hermit,

I’m very sorry for losing the beacon you gave me. I made the mistake of keeping it in a normal chest instead of an Ender chest, so Sapnap stole it. I should have seen that coming. I’ll try to get it back, but if I don’t, please know that I didn’t throw it away.

Thank you,

Puffy.

Sapnap wakes up in the middle of a lake. His mattress is floating, and when he tries to paddle back to shore (once he’s done screaming), the mattress tips over and he receives an unpleasant fishy wakeup call. He trudges into his house for a shower, and finds that the showerhead, as well as all his faucets, have been stuffed with ramen noodle seasoning. 

He looks in his chests for a bucket of water. The first chest he checks is not only full of light gray glass, but also trapped. When he opens it, pufferfish fall out of the ceiling and bounce around. He dies to their poison twice before they finally die. The next chest he opens also has light gray glass, no water buckets, and a trap. This one, though, only releases a metric fuckton of chickens into his house. It’s fine. This is fine.

As he looks through his chests, he realizes something. They’ve got glass in them, sure, and they’ve been raided of water buckets, but... the beacon is gone. None of his other items, like enchanted netherite tools or literal diamond blocks, have been stolen. Just Puffy’s beacon.

Whoever pranked him missed a bucket, so he promptly dumps it over his head in an effort to smell less like pond scum and spicy chicken noodles. It takes the whole day to get his base back in order: he’s got to clean out all the faucets, empty all the glass from his chests, throw out all the dead pufferfish, and slaughter chickens by the dozens.

He can’t sleep. Are you fucking kidding. He can’t sleep. A soft hiss catches his attention, only audible now that the quiet of night has fallen. Is there somehow an unlit cave under his base?

Nope. As he steps outside onto his front lawn, he sees a daylight detector near the door that he missed when he came inside this morning. The daylight detector seems to have released approximately fifteen bajillion cave spiders onto his lawn, and they’re all angry, so he shuts the front door in their faces and goes back inside. That’s a problem for tomorrow’s him.

Horns spear the wall right next to where Sapnap was standing five seconds ago. He yelps. What the fuck is a ravager doing on his front porch? And why the FUCK does it have speed potion particles?!

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Sapnap hit the ground too hard whilst trying to escape Pamela’s Revenge>

<Sapnap was slain by Cave Spider>

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Georgenotfound> who is pamela’s revenge

<Sapnap> ;RVAER

<Sapnap> HELP

<Sapnap> RAVEAGER

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Georgenotfound> good night sapnap :)

<Sapnap> GEORGE OYU BITCH HLEP ME

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Georgenotfound> zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

-------

Puffy sees a whole lot of nonsense in the chat when she wakes up in the morning, and promptly decides to ignore it. She goes about her morning as usual, heading out to her front porch to sip a cup of coffee in peace. 

She... has a garden now. Hm. That wasn’t there before. And come to think of it, neither was the beacon she lost.

“Thanks, Hermit,” she says with a smile.

-------

Stress sips a cup of tea, having breakfast in Grian’s rustic sitting room with a few of her fellow Hermits.

“D’ya think we went overboard?” she says.

“...Nah,” Cub says.

[redorich]

Question for Hermit Canyon! Are all of the Hermits known legends in some way? We know that at least Doc is, so what about the others? What stories do they harbor? :0

Most of the Hermits are a part of history in some way or another. :D

Scar and Cub have vex powers as seen in seasons 5/6 of Hermitcraft.

Doc was the first mob/player hybrid. He also fought a god and won in order to secure rights for every other hybrid that came after him.

Etho's redstone pioneering impressed the gods to the point where he was offered anything he could possibly want. He decided to take an IOU.

Grian is a Watcher, which basically translates to "every now and then I go into creative mode to prank my friends which I think is very cute and fun of me"

Impulse is the first human ever. He is literally Steve.

Joe is Herobrine. :)

Keralis????????

Of course Mumbo is in the redstone textbooks but he is also a vampire because of that one line from season 7. Also I think it's funny. <3

Tango isn't a blaze hybrid, he's a blaze prototype.

Beef is known for UHC, among other things.

Xisuma is an admin of old, and also known for Bed Wars.

Zedaph is the World Chewer, a proto-dragon from the Void. Even the other proto-dragons are scared of him, despite the fact that he is currently having an I Am Squishy And Humorous arc.

[redorich]

I really hope that if Wels finds a way to go to HC-7 that Ghostbur can go with him... Ghostbur needs some friends ;w;

They stand in front of the Infinity Portal, and Ghostbur grits his teeth, trying to pretend that he can't hear trains passing him by from through the portal. He does not want to do this, fuck he doesn't want to do this, but Wels is smiling so bright and he's so eager to go through and see his friends.

“See you on the other side,” Cub says, and hops through without fanfare.

Wels squeezes Ghostbur's hand. They look at each other, and it feels as though an entire conversation passes through their eyes alone. It feels redundant to speak, but they do it anyway.

“Are you sure we have to go?” Ghostbur says. He'll deny to his grave how pitiful he sounds.

“We don't have to,” Wels says. “I won't force you. But I want you to be there. We'll build a house by the river together, remember?”

“I remember.” Ghostbur looks straight ahead at the portal, tension in every line of his body.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Wels says. He takes both of Ghostbur's hands in his own. “Whatever it is that you're afraid of, I'll be there with you. It's alright.”

“It's alright,” Ghostbur repeats, and lets go of Wels's hands. He walks forward toward his new world, his new beginning, and looks back as he rests his hand and the portal’s diamond frame. His smile wobbles, shaky and scared, but he gives Wels a salute and passes through the portal.

-------

The windows of the train are black. Ghostbur looks through them intently, but he can barely make out any motion, much less scenery. The noise of the wheels on the tracks below jitters the train slightly; the sound is familiar, but the feeling isn't. Ghostbur's never been on a train before.

Every bench seat is upholstered with cheap gray fabric, slightly rough under Ghostbur's fingers. Between the benches are tables, one on each side of the aisle. Ghostbur cranes his neck around, trying to see the front of the train car, but it seems to stretch on for eternity.

“You shouldn't be,” says a man with red eyes blown wide.

Ghostbur jolts. “Shouldn't be what?”

“You're destroying this place,” the man intones. His face flakes and crumbles, dissipating into dust. A gust of cold wind blows through the train, and the world shakes violently.

“Who are you?” Ghostbur asks fearfully. He holds onto the table for dear life as the train is wracked with shudders. His vision dims, slowly getting blacker. He's only barely hanging on to consciousness.

“I'm like you-- a shade of someone better. Die.”

-------

It burns, it melts, he is drowning in agony--

He's drowning in water.

Ghostbur's lungs flood with liquid anguish. He can't see, can't hear but for his own muffled underwater struggling, can't breathe he can't fucking breathe! His skin is melting off his bones, he can hear trains, he can hear--!

“Oh geez, Doc, help!”

Glass breaks, Ghostbur is pulled out of the water, and everything goes silent.

-------

art by @3lsmp :)

[redorich]

Hey what if the Hermits got to see Tommy’s version of war. Someone mentions going to war but it’s the friendly hermit kind of war. Tommy while he seems calm is internally panicking. He grinds just like Techno in the neather. No one sees him for three days and then he grabs a few people on his side and says, “It’s finally done come on- well not totally done but good enough to show.” And he leads them to a far off hidden base with chests of top tier armor, golden apples, over a dozen full stacks of tnt and one full stack of wither skulls. Tommy even shoves a sharpness 3, burning, looting, and unbreaking sword into Grain’s arms while talking battle plans -🐍

The thing is, Impulse thinks, none of this is impressive to him. Well, relatively. Tommy's eyes shine at the elaborate secret base he's built, but he doesn't even have a redstone door. It's just a block in the ground that he mines up and replaces every time he wants to get in and out. There's enchanted netherite armor for everyone, and yeah, the stuff's not easy to get, but Cub has a whole room in his pyramid made of ancient debris. Impulse knows that Iskall has an insane gold farm, so golden apples come cheap. The very specific eleven and one half stacks of TNT are pocket change to Impulse, who regularly steals from Tango’s creeper farm. The damn thing’s so efficient that Tango doesn’t even notice. Impulse himself has a wither skeleton farm so efficient that he sells beacons for dirt cheap.

But here’s the thing.

Tommy doesn’t have a wither skeleton farm. He has no creeper farm, no gold farm, nothing. Every farm he has is small scale, so early game that most of the hermits barely bother with them: a wheat farm, a pit with some cows in it, an afk fish farm. (Tommy doesn’t even know that fish farms are out of fashion, now that 1.16 has nerfed them.)

For Tommy, what he has is the pinnacle of grinding. He’s spent days preparing for war. He comes from a poor server, everyone is aware but is too nice to say. He hoards shulker boxes like they’re 12 bamboo, hides anything he doesn’t want stolen in his ender chest even though he trusts the hermits now. How long has it taken him to accumulate this much? How much time did he spend mining away in the Nether, all alone save for his determination? How many times did he die to a creeper trying to collect its gunpowder? How long has he spent underground, mining away at gold ore?

It scares Impulse. Tommy’s a motivated person, yes, but this level of material preparation? It makes Impulse think that Tommy doesn’t quite understand what the hermits mean by war. Impulse looks at the young man, really looks at him. His coat is even more raggedy, meticulously stitched back together. His body language betrays the exuberance in his voice; the boy is dead on his feet. If Impulse were to remove Tommy’s smiley mask, he knows he’d see deep-set bags under Tommy’s eyes. Impulse thinks that Tommy is so tired he might just let Impulse do it.

Tommy understands war a little too well. He is familiar with it, has personally danced with the devil in a way that few hermits have. Impulse puts his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Tommy,” he says softly, “I don’t think we have the same idea of what war is.”

Tommy tilts his head in silent confusion.

“Don’t get me wrong, this is all very impressive,” Impulse sighs, gesturing to all the accumulated weaponry, “but Hermitcraft doesn’t do war like that. No one’s going to be in danger.”

“But it’s a war?? Danger’s kinda-- it’s kind of a requirement, innit?”

Impulse tries a different tactic. “Remember when you were new here, and you explained to us what a ‘canon death’ is? And how Xisuma told you that you’re always allowed to respawn?”

Tommy nods warily, so Impulse continues. “So if we’re always allowed to respawn, why would we kill each other?”

“Is... Is Hermitcraft war about suffering, then? If you can’t kill your opponent, then you make them suffer while they’re alive, right?”

Impulse is horrified. As soon as he’s done with Tommy, he’s going straight to Zedaph’s base for a hug and possibly booze. What the actual fuck, Tommy is so young! And he genuinely believes that the hermits would... Tommy must have been a child during whatever war he’d seen, participated in! Is he even an adult now? Is he still a kid?

Impulse has been silent for too long; Tommy can sense he’s said something wrong. He doesn’t correct it, though. Xisuma rolled back the server to give him his compass back once, after he died in lava. Xisuma will do it again if Impulse kills him.

“Hermitcraft war isn’t real war, Tommy,” Impulse says softly. “It’s not about hurting other people. It’s about winning. It’s about having fun. We solve our wars through minigames, and PvP matches, and pranks, and IOUs. We’re all friends here.”

“I don’t understand.” Tommy’s reverting back to the quiet, contemplative young man that he was when he first showed up, the man they know now that he is not. Impulse has to stop this before it gets worse.

“We call it war, but it’s just a competition. I appreciate the amount of effort you put into trying to protect us, but we were never in danger.”

The masked young man says nothing, but sits down on the floor heavily. Impulse sits down with him.

“Hey, it’s okay. Let me tell you a funny story from the Hermitcraft Civil War of season six...”

It’ll be okay. It has to be.

[redorich]

May I have some post- hermit canyon hermit!Puffy please?

"Cub!"

The Hermit looks up from the predicted 1.17 changelog he's reading just in time to catch Puffy as she barrels through the main hall of the canyon. He'd thought that since the other Hermits have been moving out, there would be a much lower risk to do one of his favorite hobbies: reading and walking at the same time. Cub lets out a little oof as Puffy smacks into him.

"Cub, did you guys really fix the server? You can go home now?" Puffy demands. She looks... Not as happy as one would think she'd be.

Cub puts the changelog away in his back pocket. "Yeah, we stabilized the magic drain enough that we could get outta here, but Xisuma really wanted to fix the canon life system."

"So it's true..." she says. "Are you-- When are you guys leaving?"

"Ah, I don't know," Cub says, shrugging and leaning against the carved-stone wall of the hallway. "We all decided it would be a good idea to stick around for a bit while the server stabilizes. The Era Three guys might have questions, yanno? Plus, a lot of us have started building megabases and we can't just leave them half finished."

Puffy scuffs the ground with a hoof, eyes narrowing as horizontal pupils search Cub's face. "So you're... not leaving?"

"Not yet, anyway," Cub says. Sensing that something is upsetting Puffy, Cub does what he does best: he avoids the topic by talking about literally anything else. "By the way, do you like the new skin?"

Cub gestures to himself, neatly parted black hair and clean tie and rolled-up sleeves.

"...Yeah," Puffy says awkwardly. "You look like an e-boy."

Cub tilts his head. "What's an e-boy?"

Puffy snorts, ruffling his neat hair with one hand despite his protests. "You. You're an e-boy."

They stand in awkward silence as Cub fusses over his hair and Puffy pretends to find the door to the kitchen very interesting. It's weird, being in the canyon when it's so empty. She keeps expecting Bdubs to pop out of the kitchen any second now.

"...I'm gonna miss you," she finally says.

Oh, Cub thinks. He understands now. "We can always talk over our communicators; I think some of the other Hermits are going to do that. They've made friends here-- we all have."

He hesitates. "Y'know," he begins slowly. "You're a good builder, and a good fighter, and you get along well with everyone."

Puffy's cheeks turn pink at the compliments. "Thanks..?" she says, not knowing where Cub is going with this.

"You fit in well with us," he continues. "If you want, we'd be happy to have you."

Puffy gasps. "You mean-- you guys want me to come with you? Become a Hermit?”

Cub nods, watching her response keenly. Puffy looks so elated, but all at once her face falls.

“But I’m just… me. I’m not a redstone genius, or a master builder, or a super powerful magic being. I’m not like you guys, I’m just Puffy.”

“You deserve a space with us just as much as I do!” he insists, then catches himself. “That is to say… If your answer is no, we’ll all respect that, but-- you’re not just Puffy. It doesn’t matter how good at something you are, as long as you’re part of the family.”

She blinks away tears, to Cub’s alarm. Fuck, he doesn’t know what to do about that--

Puffy hugs Cub so hard that for a moment he thinks he’s been tackled.

“Sooo… Is that a yes?” Cub says.

“Of course it’s a yes, dummy!” she laughs wetly.

Cub raises his hands in surrender as best he can when his arms are pinned to his sides. “Just making sure we’re on the same page here.”

When Puffy finally lets Cub go, he smiles at her brightly. “Welcome to the family.”

[redorich]

for the hermit canyon, i humbly request:

Etho messing with Karl and maybe like, Lazarbeam or Fundy, by pretending he’s moth man.

Quackity stalks through the woods, blissfully unaware of its other inhabitants-- not that he would care, if he knew. No, tonight, under the full moon (because it's romantic) he makes his move.

The Hermit, as Quackity is completely sure of, is a beautiful young woman with long flowing hair as white as snow. Because she is a creature of untold power and beauty, fairy tale logic obviously applies. Therefore, if Quackity can steal her clothes, she will have no choice but to marry him and they will live happily ever after as big booty bitches in love.

Nodding to himself, Quackity feels assured in his logic. He's wearing his favorite assless chaps, his best pair of knockoff Yeezys, and no shirt. He is ready for what is to come.

---

Karl lurks deep in the forest, illuminated only by the moon. He leans against a tree, taking care not to disturb his outfit-- he is camouflaged as a bush. Dangling strips of green and brown fabric cover his body, and his limbs are completely hidden in the costume so long as he stands still. It's a daunting task, standing still in the dark, dangerous woods at night. Nevertheless, Karl knows that this is what he must do.

"Triclops Mothman, my beloved," he whispers into the night. He will find Mothman, and he will marry Mothman. There is no alternative.

---

Far away from both Karl and Quackity, though still in the same spruce forest, Sapnap angrily prowls. Well, he'd describe it as a prowl. Truthfully, it's more of a pouty stomp. He knows that this forest has had multiple "Hermit sightings", and Sapnap wants-- no, needs what he's after.

"Hermit!" he screams into the night. "Come out and fight me, you little bitch! Man on man!"

To emphasize his point, he bangs a pot and a pan against each other several times. Sapnap is getting his revenge for that little ravager prank, one way or another.

---

Deep within the canyon walls, the Hermit complex looks like an overturned anthill with all its activity. It's Halloween night come early.

"I'm not wearing a dress," Etho insists.

Grian whines, "But Etho, I made it just for you! It matches Stress's outfit."

Stress, upon hearing her name, looks up from her book and waves. Cleo is currently fiddling with the thick mane of synthetic white hair Stress is wearing, styling the wig into a princess-y type braid.

"I'll say it again," Cleo says, looking very intently into Etho's eyes, "I could take your place."

"No," Etho sighs. "If what Puffy said about these guys is true, you'd probably bite someone's face off by the end of the night."

"You're no fun," Cleo huffs, but acquiesces.

"At least put on the wig," Grian demands.

Grian and Etho have a staring contest for a solid ninety seconds before Etho snaps his fingers in front of Grian's face, causing him to flinch and blink. "You cheater--!"

"I'll wear the wig," Etho interrupts Grian. Instantaneously, Grian loses his outraged moue.

Cleo sighs. "They're the same wig, right? Do I have to braid Etho's hair, too?"

"I think I'll be fine with my new flowing, luscious locks," Etho says with a humorous crinkle to his eyes.

They all laugh as Etho dramatically flips his fake hair, whipping himself in the face with it in the process. He also receives a thumbs up from Joe, who is in the process of searching for his contact lenses because "Herobrine doesn't wear glasses", according to Bdubs.

Night falls, and the Hermits are prepared. They hope their victims aren't.

---

Quackity catches a glimpse of silver-white after so long searching in the woods. With a little gasp, he eagerly pursues it. His beautiful maiden, ethereal and distant like the moon, darts between trees and leaps across creeks like she is flying, like her feet barely touch the ground.

He follows her to a clearing, but when he bursts through the brush into the open space, she is nowhere to be found.

“Mi rey!” he wails, “Fantasma hermosa! Come to papi!”

Etho, hiding in a tree about five feet away, has no clue what any of those words mean. He affects a terrible falsetto and throws his voice. “Hello, Quackity.”

Quackity jumps, looking around wildly for his beautiful girlboss queen. “Hermit?! You know my name?”

“Of course, Quackity,” Etho says, hefting a large rock in his hand. “Come closer, I have a cask of Amontillado we can share.”

Quackity turns toward Etho's voice just fast enough to catch a glimpse of the Hermit's mask, his (fake) long white hair, his decidedly not female appearance. Quackity looks the Hermit up and down. Etho has never felt more Perceived.

"What's a place like you doing in a guy like this?" Quackity says, flirtatiousness dripping from his voice.

Etho eyes the man's assless chaps with distaste from his crouched perch in a tree. Quick as lightning, he chucks the heavy rock in his hand at Quackity's head, knocking him out instantly.

Etho jumps down from his tree with a huffed sigh. "Well," he says, grabbing Quackity by the ankle and dragging him, "time to get to work."

---

"Pspspsps," Karl whispers, "heeeere Mothman..."

The sound of a twig snapping to his right makes Karl freeze, then turn ever so slowly. There's no one there. Karl holds his breath for what feels like an eternity, but is eventually forced to admit that the noise was probably just an animal. Surely, a creature of Mothman's size would make more noise when he walks, given the weight of his strong legs.

"Mothman," Karl says. "I wrote you a poem!"

Joe, who was up until this point hiding behind trees and ominously snapping twigs, feels a twinge of morbid curiosity. As a poet, he absolutely has to know what Karl considers an adequate love poem for Mothman.

With red cheeks, Karl professes his love:

"Your feelers make me feel so sweet

Your hindwings set my heart aflame

Fern-like antennae make me melt

And Mothman, you're to blame."

Despite himself, Joe is a little bit impressed. It almost makes him feel bad about what he's about to do-- almost.

A soft eerie glow seeps into the forest, catching Karl's eye. He investigates, creeping forward until he turns around a tree and sees glowing white eyes. He screams, but there is no sound, and the forest has disappeared. Only those eyes remain, and they too flicker out of existence.

There is a dim corridor ahead of him, narrow and lit by redstone torches. At the end, there is an iron door. He runs to the exit, but as soon as his hand touches the door it disappears and he is engulfed by swirling purple-- like a Nether portal, but so much more terrifying.

The purple is gone and he can just barely make out the menacing image of a man with glowing white eyes T-posing in the blackness. Karl opens his eyes and wakes up on the forest floor, prone and sore.

"Right," he mutters breathlessly to himself, "Mothman is not interested."

---

"--YOU BITCH ASS PUNK, I'M GONNA RIP YOUR LEGS OFF AND STICK 'EM ON YOUR HEAD!" Sapnap screams, banging the only pot he owns against a non-stick frying pan he stole from George.

"Well, that's not very nice, innit?" says a feminine voice. Sapnap looks left, right, behind him, up in the trees... then down.

Big brown eyes peer up at him through white bangs. A displeased pout set into a moon-pale face attached to an equally moon-pale woman chastises him without words.

"...You're the Hermit?" Sapnap says disbelievingly. He has his doubts that someone as small and pretty as this woman could wrangle a ravager onto his front lawn.

"You wanted a fight," she huffs. "And for the record, you totally had it coming, with Pamela's Revenge-- remember, the rava--"

"Yes, I know the ravager was named Pamela's Revenge! There were like eight hundred million death messages in chat about it, you jackass!" Sapnap snaps, trying to cover up his unease. It's not that he's hesitant to hit her because she's a girl; he would deck the shit out of Niki or Puffy with absolutely no provocation whatsoever. It's just that... she looks soft. Like a non-combatant. It would be too easy, too cruel--

Stress punches Sapnap in the jaw with a wicked right hook. "Stealing is wrong," she says.

While Sapnap is dazed and quite possibly mildly concussed, Stress follows up with a brutal kick to the shin. Sapnap makes a genuine effort to fight back, and he’s no slouch, but he’s been taken so thoroughly off guard that the best he can do with his head spinning as it is is to swing with a wild haymaker and hope it hits.

His fist makes contact with something soft and squishy. He hears a grunt, but Stress shoves him over onto the ground and dumps a bucket of glitter over his head. It burns his eyes, but more importantly it burns his pride. He doesn’t remember at what point he dropped his pot and pan (he must have at some point, because he punched the Hermit with an empty fist), but he’s angry enough to open his watery eyes through the magenta glitter and snatch George’s frying pan up off the forest floor, hurling it at the Hermit with devastating accuracy. She yelps, blocking with her forearm at the last moment.

“Knew I shoulda let Etho...” Sapnap hears the Hermit mutter. What’s an Etho?

Stress irritably bonks Sapnap on the head with the pan he threw at her. He goes limp like a ragdoll, and Stress sets about maneuvering his body into a sitting position leaned against a tree so she can do his makeup while he sleeps.

“Hope I don’t poke his eye out!” she says. “Ah well, he’s got two anyway. Now, should I go for a cute, summery look, or a dark evening look?”

---

In Atrium 1 of the Hermit Canyon complex, Puffy laughs loud and clear, clutching her paper cup tightly so she doesn’t spill her fruit punch. "No,” she chokes out, “he didn’t.”

Cub, holding a similar paper cup, waves his hand in a vague gesture. “Yep. That’s Etho for you. You know, one time he got Doc to run around with a snowman head on, eating spider eyes?”

“Oh man,” Puffy sighs, wiping a tear of laughter from the corner of her eye. “I’m so glad I snitched on Karl, Quackity, and Sapnap. I can’t wait to see their reactions!”

Cub grins evilly. “Stress got pictures before she left.”

Puffy gasps, stars in her eyes. “I’ll bake you a whole cake if you get me a copy.”

“I’ll bake Cub a whole cake if he gives them to me instead,” Grian interjects from across the room. “I don’t need them, I just want to take them from you.”

“Nooooo!” Puffy wails melodramatically. “Grian, please spare me!”

“Five diamond blocks,” Grian makes his demand.

Puffy continues to fake-sob, pretending not to notice Scar sneaking up on Grian until Scar drops an anvil on Grian’s head, like a Looney Tunes episode but slightly to the left. While Grian is distracted, Cub slips the pictures to Puffy, who puts them in her inventory without looking.

Etho walks into the Atrium, now dressed as his normal self, including his natural hair, which looks like an angry wet cat perched atop his head, just the way he likes it. Everyone cheers.

“So, how’d it go with Quackity?” Puffy asks with a smirk.

“Well...” Etho says.

---

Quackity wakes up with the sun in his eyes. In front of him is the public Nether portal, and standing right in front of it is a wide-eyed Sam, staring directly at him. Quackity looks down.

He’s naked, covered in half-dried honey, and tied to a pole like the world’s sexiest flag. And he’s got the world’s worst hangover-- it feels like he’s been hit in the head with a large rock.

“Not again,” he groans.

“...This happens often?” Sam asks.

“If I had a nickel for every time something like this has happened,” Quackity says, wiggling his way out of the ropes tying him to the pole, “I’d have enough money to go buy myself a pair of pants.”

Sam averts his eyes to the sky, abruptly aware of exactly why Quackity would feel the need to buy a pair of pants.

“Damn it,” Quackity says. “Those were my favorite pair of assless chaps.”

“Were they now,” Sam says numbly. The sky is quite blue today, it’s rather beautiful.

Quackity huffs in aggravation, finally having freed himself from his binds. “Yeah, they just don’t make ‘em like they used to, you know?”

“Not really, no,” Sam says slowly. “I wouldn’t know much about-- assless chaps.”

The naked man shrugs. Haltingly, Sam unclasps his cape, pulling it off his shoulders and offering it to Quackity.

“Nah,” Quackity says, “I’ll just streak.”

“Please don’t,” Sam says with pain in his eyes.

[redorich]

... hi red, I just... though of the worst way to make a hermitcraftxdream smp crossover. I dont even know hermicraft that well...

So, an unknown player appear in the smp, and instantly start working on the crater that was lmanburg, constructing and remodeling and making it their base. Neither the smp players or them know where they came from or their past, but now everyone is used to seeing creeper holes being filled and constructions being up in simple days and seeing them looking for something that no one knows or looking up to the sky as if missing something up at stars.

Maybe Grian shows up, and builds a little hobbit hole into the side of the canyon near bedrock. Maybe Scar is the one who gets sent over, and creates a cute little post-apocalyptic village down at the very bottom, with charming rustic bridges criss-crossing the canyon. Maybe Cub makes a militaristic nuclear bunker base with an advanced redstone elevator. (People see it ascend and descend sometimes, but no one ever sees Cub. That’s just how he likes it.)

In actuality, it’s all three of them, at least. There might be more of them living in the deceptive depths of the hobbit hole, or hiding away inside the bunker, or tinkering on the redstone elevator when no one’s looking, or occupying one of the many houses in Scar’s village. It’s a mishmash little settlement with three distinct styles, but it works.

Even when this reclusive creature/player is nowhere to be seen (which is usually the case, so they all call it The Hermit), evidence of its existence is plain to see. Creeper holes in the general area get filled, and the surrounding land is terraformed to be a little less devastated. The floating bits of what remains of L’Manberg are taken down and reassembled on the ground around the edges of the canyon. Under the cover of night, The Hermit takes down the entire obsidian grid. (Surely The Hermit isn’t a human player. It can’t be, not if it did that.)

The Hermit hides from them. Tubbo and Technoblade both visit the crater-- sorry, canyon-- and try to make an alliance with The Hermit. It’s never there. Puffy leaves The Hermit little offerings: dirt, saplings, a pig spawner she got from Ranboo. Nothing too gamebreaking, but items that someone who lives at bedrock level might not be able to take for granted. Her visits start being reciprocated. She never sees anyone, but The Hermit (who she’s starting to suspect is multiple Hermits) leaves little gifts in return: buckets of lava, handmade tunics, a stack of iron, enchanted diamond gear.

Puffy doesn’t tell anyone, but she considers it. 

[redorich]

I found your hermit!tommy AU on ao3 and I was just wondering what techno and xisuma’s interaction could be like based on the fact X invented Bed Wars and Techno basically perfected the art of playing it (I’m not sure if DSMP Techno knows about bedwars in canon tbh...)

wait, what?! so i googled it, and it seems like xisuma did in fact come up with the concept that would eventually become bed wars. that’s insane!

---

Technoblade’s home dimension is Hypixel. It’s not where he’s from, but it’s his home nonetheless. A new challenge comes along, one called Bed Wars, and he conquers it just to prove that he can. Really, though, that was years ago. He doesn’t think about Bed Wars much anymore. Except...

He’s having a nice night playing stat poker with a few hermits. Impulse invited him along, and the man is pretty much Technoblade’s only hermit friend. Techno hates crowds and groups of "friends” he doesn’t know, but, well-- Impulse invited him, so he goes.

Techno can’t even remember what the stat that started the conversation was. Beds broken, or beds placed? Something like that. Hypno smacks Xisuma across the back, and the tall armored man with bee-themed paint all over his gear laughs awkwardly and explains that he once made a little game called “Rush” that eventually became Bed Wars.

Techno is struck by how these hermits, for all their mild dispositions, are actually giants of the creative community. How many times has Techno suffered through listening to Wilbur rant about whatever cool build idea Grian’s posted this week? How many times has he patiently allowed Philza to enthuse about the wacky redstone contraption that Cub or Mumbo or Tango has created? Technoblade is interacting with people who have shaped the modern world as he knows it, and they respect him. It’s a weird feeling, but not unwelcome.

[redorich]

Dream goes investigate the "hobbit crater" and see what the hell is happening over there.

It was the worst mistake of his life and that's the first time anyone see the message of a death for Dream.

Early-game, when the Hermits’ post-apocalyptic village was still under construction and the bunker half-finished at best, they all agreed that under no circumstances should they allow themselves to be seen. Xisuma, out of commission as he was (and still is) from protecting his Hermits from the Split, would not be able to protect them from the server’s native admins, or respawn them very often.

Then Puffy shows up. Unlike the others who came before her, seeking alliance or offering protection, all Puffy does is poke around a bit in the seemingly empty village, before placing down a barrel and leaving some much-needed items inside. (The dirt, in the small quantity she left, is next to useless, but thoughtful. The saplings are mostly irrelevant, given that Impulse and Etho have set up a gigantic tree farm burrowed into the side of the canyon; however, Puffy included jungle saplings, which they had none of. The best gift, though, is hands-down the pig spawner. Cub loses his shit for a solid hour over the block’s existence, and in the meantime Tango gratefully stops trying to set up a hoglin farm while wearing unenchanted iron armor.)

So, the Hermits reconvene. Some say they should make traps. Doc seems especially in favor of this-- not out of any outstanding fear of intruders, but more just because he wants an excuse to build extravagant redstone traps. Grian, on the other hand, protests: he likes the idea of building mean little gremlin traps as well, but what if they hurt Puffy? She’s been nothing but nice, and every time she comes by she brings more gifts.

Stress speaks up, saying that she’s spotted Puffy wearing the cloak that Cleo sewed and Stress embroidered. Not only does Puffy wear it in the canyon, but she also wears it aboveground, as Stress has seen on her furtive seed-gathering trips to the surface.

The Hermits unanimously agree that it would be cruel to harm their kind visitor. At the same time, they do need to set up protections for themselves. They settle on a compromise: they leave the area surrounding Puffy’s barrel unprotected. When she next stops by, among their gifts for her is a written note warning her that the rest of the area now contains lethal traps, and should she venture far from her barrel while in the canyon, she will fall prey to them.

Dream follows Puffy. It’s what he does-- it just so happens that this time she doesn’t know about it. He wants to know why she’s been visiting L’Manhole so frequently. She stops in front of a barrel and pulls out an assortment of items: a diamond pickaxe, lightly worn but with mending on it; a piece of paper with writing he can’t make out from the distance he’s at; a stack of gold blocks; slimeballs.

She puts the items in her inventory and in their place she leaves new items. Dream can’t quite make out everything she’s doing, but he catches a glimpse of a netherite scrap, a handful of bamboo, and a bag of carrots among the items she places in the barrel.

Hm. The Hermit is trading materials with Puffy. Interesting.

Obviously, as soon as Puffy leaves, Dream investigates. Instead of inspecting the barrel, he treads off into the village up ahead. It’s warmly lit with lanterns-- a waste of iron that shouldn’t be affordable to The Hermit yet. Despite the lively appearance of the venue, it appears as though anyone who might have once lived here disappeared into thin air as soon as Dream set foot in their village not five minutes ago.

On a strange urge, he drops to the ground, flattening himself against the stone-and-dirt path as half a stack of flaming arrows pierce the air where his head was not a second prior.

“Shit!” Dream hisses. “I must have tripped a wire...”

The tell-tale noise of pistons gives him just enough warning to jump away, clambering up a beautifully cultivated tree to get away from the solid box of ancient debris tearing its way out of the ground and enclosing the space Dream would have been in. He finds himself morbidly unable to look away as the box of ancient debris gets lava poured into it by a dispenser hidden in the overhang of a nearby roof.

Dream’s head jerks to the side when he hears faint laughter. The Hermit! A spectral arrow embeds itself into his shoulder. He’s screwed now-- the Hermit will the able to see him even if he hides.

An anvil falls onto the tree he’s in, crushing the pretty leaves and nearly crushing his head as well. Obviously, he has to keep moving. Dream hops down onto the ground, avoiding the pressure plates that he now knows are not just decorative. Firework rockets explode past him as he flattens himself against a building. His clothes get singed and his ears ring, but he dodges well enough to make it out unharmed. However, the wall he presses himself against must have a pufferfish on the other side-- or rather, from what his ringing ears can make out, multiple pufferfish-- because his muscles immediately tense in pain as a wave of nausea crashes over him.

Dream only closes his eyes for a split second. That moment is all that the Hermit needs. A netherite axe gleaming with enchantments bites into his arm. Choking back a scream, Dream is forced to drop the sword that he’d unconsciously drawn at the start of the violence. He looks around wildly, but he still can’t see the Hermit. Is it invisible, or did it throw its axe? Cold sweat runs down Dream’s neck.

That’s not sweat running down his neck. It’s sand. He looks up slowly, trepidatiously. He can just barely make out invisibility potion particles, in addition to a grid of scaffolding high in the air and a damning block of sand in the Hermit’s invisible hand. The two stand in a frozen stalemate for several heart-stopping moments, until Dream sees the sand start to fall and bursts into motion.

Dream sprints to the edge of the village, back where Puffy had placed her items into a barrel. If he can just make it there, he should be able to make it out alive--!

There’s now a maze of fucking cacti and sweet berry bushes. Shit. He turns back around, but steps on a pressure plate. His stomach sinks as he falls into a pit of... minecarts?

Oh shit, oh fuck, oh no, entity cramming!

<Dreamwastaken was squished to death>

[redorich]

what kinds of things does puffy make for the hermits? we heard about blankets and bracelets and stuff, but what else? has she made anything super large and/or complex? a guitar, as an example?

Puffy is good with her hands, and a bit of hard work never scared her off. She's competent at woodworking, crocheting, knitting, embroidery, toolsmithing, ship building, and more. Despite all her various talents, some things are still beyond her: a guitar, for instance. It's a complex thing, and if she were to spend a lot of time on it she could probably make the body of a guitar, but she'd have no idea how to make the strings, or which imperfections in the shape are supposed to be there, or how to make the guitar sound correct.

On the other hand, as much as Puffy knows that a guitar is beyond her ability to make, she also really wants to give one to the Hermits. Cub, one of her closest friends within the canyon, divulged at one point that some of the Hermits are musically inclined. One such Hermit which Cub mentioned was Ren, who had been moping all that day because he missed being able to play his guitar.

The problem is simple: Puffy wants a guitar. She does not have a guitar, and she can't make one.

The solution is just as simple: she returns to her roots, and embraces the time-honored tradition of the Dream SMP-- theft.

There are probably a few people who have guitars stowed away somewhere in their attics; they might have picked up the instrument once or twice in an attempt to learn to play it, then gotten bored and given up. If Puffy were to steal one of these, no one would even notice for months at least. However, that would be too easy.

Another option is to steal from Wilbur/Ghostbur, but that man is creepy as fuck and his guitars are probably haunted or something. With a sigh, Puffy admits that she may have to do the boring thing and steal from someone who won't notice it-- that is, until she remembers Quackity! He likes to play the guitar, right? In fact, just the other day Puffy recalls Quackity chasing George around while singing some very explicit song about George's mother.

"I can do this," she says to herself with a mean little smile. "This is going to be great!"

Puffy trudges out of the elevator and makes her way into one of the cottage houses, not even bothering to wait for someone at the barrel. The Hermits have been leaving the canyon, being spotted and all, so this is probably okay, right?

"Woah!" Ren says as Puffy enters the Atrium. "What happened to you?"

She snorts, shaking her head to dislodge glitter and slime. Thrusting the guitar into Ren's hands with a haunted look in her eye, she says, "Terrible things."

[redorich]

I love the Hermit Crater/Canyon AU!

Imagine what happens if Poultry Man decides to show up, and the Dsmp members just see a walking chicken head at random times, mostly at night-time.

And what if sooner or later Puffy just starts trading physically with some invisible person? The invisible Hermit doesn't talk or anything, just silently hands Puffy items near the Barrel.

Honestly, the only surprise is that it took this long. Of course Grian wants to compromise their secrecy to prank the Dream SMP natives. At this point, they all do. But of course, Grian’s so eager to be the first, to boldly go where no Hermit has gone before; he’s already got his chicken mask, has already bought several invisibility potions from the shopping district. He keeps them in his inventory, waiting for the right moment to strike.

(Poor Ranboo is minding his own business, trying to cross a river. When you’re an enderman, crossing rivers is harder than it sounds. A single egg falls from the sky and cracks on the ground. Weird, but maybe there’s a chicken nearby. He ignores it. Mistake. Stacks of eggs rain like poultry hail down upon him. Screaming, Ranboo runs back into the forest and decides he doesn’t really need to cross that river after all. A floating chicken mask lurks in the corner of his sight. It haunts him.)

Cub knows he should, as a general rule, drink an invisibility potion whenever he goes out to Puffy’s barrel. Really, though, he’s just going out there to put some items in real quick, so the potion would probably be a waste.

It’s not. He’s got several golden apples in his hands when he sees the elevator descending. In a panic, he drinks the potion and tries to put everything in the barrel as fast as he can. Damn it, why’d he make that elevator so fast?!

Puffy steps out the elevator and crosses the rubble-strewn ground, pausing about ten feet from the barrel when she notices the floating golden apples. The Hermit continues to place the apples into her barrel. She suppresses a smile so as not to scare the Hermit off. It’s revealing itself to her (even if it’s currently invisible); that means it trusts her! How sweet!

Cub is cool. He is calm. He is collected. His heart is not beating at five hundred beats per minute because he was stupid and got caught putting items in Puffy’s barrel. Yep. Just play this off like you meant to do this the whole time, Cub, he thinks, she won’t suspect a thing.

Puffy scoops all the Hermit’s offered items in her inventory and places some of her own into the barrel. Without speaking, she puts a cake down on top of the barrel and, with deceptive confidence, offers a hand-made blanket to the Hermit directly. She fears she’s messed up when the Hermit doesn’t take it from her hands after the first few moments, but sure enough, the blanket lifts into the air before her very eyes, disappearing into the Hermit’s inventory.

She smiles and heads off toward the elevator. Before she steps in, she turns around and calls over her shoulder, “See you-- well, not see you, but-- see you later?”

The Hermit doesn’t answer, but she doesn’t expect it to. She’ll meet it again. Maybe one day, she’ll hear its voice.

[redorich]

Haha it's me again, Fidget! Today you get two asks for the price of one!! (hope that's okay)

My first one was about sad philza, and how you hurt me, this one is just about all the ideas hopping about my brain.

Like, when did Scar get vex magic? Is that hermit Canon I missed? Was Cub there invisibly? Did cub bestow his fellow hermits with vex powers so they'd be fortified against the hardships of the smp? Pls, I need to know.

Also, god, Scar is so bad ass in that story. But we all know that he's also a giant softy, I mean, look at him - gestures-

Could he really look at Tommy, beaten, bruised and flinching at every noise and get himself to just.. Let him go?

I mean. He's pretty injured after he gets down into the canyon, probably. What if he can't quite leave after he wakes up. What if he has to stay a while and the hermits really get to see how done this child is. Maybe they could... Adopt ?

And lastly, you know this bit, I have yelled at you extensively in Dm's about it already but like.

Imagine Etho popping his head out of a tunnel to god knows where to explore a new stretch of land and just staring straight at Techno who just.. Stares back. Both of them don't know what to do now. Equal parts social anxiety, curiosity and sheer panic are waring with each other. It would be hilarious.

Scar and Cub were both a part of ConCorp/ConVex back in season six, so yeah they both have that canon vex magic. Cub and Scar did consider offering the possibility of that vex magic to other Hermits in the early days when the canyon village was still being built and no one was sure whether or not Xisuma would wake up... But they ended up not sharing the vex power. It’s got a cost, you know! Normally, the vex overlords that grant them their power only demand things that aren’t that hard to give: pranks, capitalism, and the like. However, in the dangerous situation the Hermits have found themselves in? No, that’s too dangerous to risk.

Oh yeah, when Tommy was found unconscious and near dead in the canyon village, there was a very intense debate over whether or not they were keeping him. On one hand, Tommy’s an absolute security risk, but on the other hand... He’s so young, and he’s hurt. In the end, though, the first group won.

As for Etho... He’s minding his own business, cave-crawling thousands of blocks from home, when he pops out of the ground to check the time of day. The sun is high in the sky when he peeks his head out of the ground, but there are trees all around; he must be in a forest. Behind one such tree Etho spots a flash of pink. Stress has been asking for some more peonies, he remembers, so he goes to take a closer look--

He freezes, still halfway in a hole in the ground. A piglin holding a horse’s lead and wearing a crown stares back at him. Etho slowly recedes back into his hole in the ground, never breaking eye contact.

“Chat, am I going crazy?” Technoblade mutters to himself once the Hermit is gone.

No, say the voices in Technoblade’s head.

“...I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that,” Technoblade says.

[redorich]

(HermitCanyon AU)

At one point, Cub's invisibility potion runs out. It's not intentional- Puffy's taken to chatting with him as they trade and it gives valuable insight into how the DSMP operates. He'd rushed out the door that morning, and hadn't realised he'd grabbed the three-minute potion instead of the eight-minute one.

He panics, looks Puffy dead in the eye, says "You saw nothing," and bolts. It's the first time Puffy's seen him, and the first time she's heard his voice, and while it's clearly an accident, she'll savour the little victories.

Cub has a minor nervous breakdown the second he's out of sight.

Puffy’s heard from Grian that a man named Cub is usually the one who interacts with her at the barrel. She’s never seen him, though; he’s been far away working on a redstone project in the Upside-ier Down.

Puffy stops by her little safe area, ensconced within the village. She still likes to bring them things, though now that she knows a couple of the Hermits by name she likes to make them more personalized little trinkets. Cub doesn’t know this. When his invisibility potion runs out, he bolts into the nearest village house and clutches at his chest, sure that he’s ruined something, that Xisuma’s going to have to waste his health respawning him.

Puffy follows. Gingerly, she takes the same path that Cub did into the village, and allows the door to open with a soft creak. “Cub? Is that you?”

He jolts. There’s no way she should know his name. He stands, though, to face the music.

“Hi, Puffy,” he says awkwardly, full of false confidence as he faces his sort-of friend properly for the first time.

“Hey,” she says back at him, for lack of any better words floating around in her head. “I, uh-- made this. For Xisuma.”

She offers up a folded blanket, made from soft purple yarn. “When I met him, he was wearing a different blanket I made, but I thought-- you know, this one’s better shaped for wheelchairs. I know that False said he’s not always in a wheelchair, but I thought he’d like something for when he is?” Puffy winces at the uncertainty in her rambling voice.

“...When did you meet the other Hermits?” Cub asks, taking the blanket.

“About a week ago. I found Zedaph with a broken leg and brought him back here. Now I’m sort of you guys’ man on the inside.” She laughs. “Woman on the inside?”

They stand around for a few moments, both reaching for something to say. Finally, Puffy breaks the silence.

“I have a book. Uh, here,” she says, and pulls out a written journal to give it to him. “It’s some information on the major important people in the Dream SMP. I haven’t gotten much more information on the egg or its vines yet... That thing is really creepy. I have to go, before someone gets suspicious... but it was nice meeting you?”

Cub’s shoulders fall from their tense position at last. With the free hand not holding the blanket, he accepts the book from Puffy. “It was nice meeting you too. Maybe next time, I’ll show you around?”

Puffy smiles. “Sounds like a plan.”

[redorich]

(Hermit Canyon AU)

Do the Hermits end up deciding to keep Puffy somewhere along the line?

They don't really intend to, but they do anyway. Without realizing it, they sort of... integrate her into the group. It's not hard; she fits in well. Puffy has a love for the aesthetically appealing, and a determination to get things done. She's easy to be friends with, and after Grian's implied invitation of joining their community way out in the Styx once it gets built (one that thankfully went over her head at the time), they've begun to include her in their number. Cub in particular likes to think that one day, when they leave the Dream SMP-- and he has faith that they'll make it out one day-- Puffy might like to come with them.

They don't talk to her about it, not yet. Not this early. The canyon is a starter base. One day, though-- one day they'll ask.

[redorich]

Hi, I've been binge reading your hermit!tommy au, and I was wondering, would Tommy ever make a mistake that he thought was really bad and run away so he didn't get hurt?

There’s nowhere he can really run to, but he can certainly make a valiant effort. Running away, he feels, is preferable to exile, because at least if he runs away it’s his choice. 

Tommy pranks Cubfan’s pyramid by building a giant shit emoji on top of it. He thought it would be funny-- it adheres to Grian’s Prank Protocol-- but he supposes he must have crossed some sort of line because he receives a note from Cub that reads, “This. Means. War.”

(He doesn’t know that Cub only ever intended to escalate the prank war by moving every block in Tommy’s base slightly to the left. Cub doesn’t realize that Tommy has a Thing about war.)

Equipped with an elytra and a riptide trident, Tommy makes it 40,000 blocks away before Xisuma teleports to his location. The young man is proud, but he is even more exhausted. He leans on Xisuma’s shoulder (just about collapses, really) while the admin explains that Cub does not, in fact, intend to burn Tommy’s home to the ground and kill everything he holds dear. The masked man nods tiredly. He doesn’t quite buy it, but if Xisuma says so...