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dysfunctionalnerd · 7 years ago

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prof lay zelda au??

i,,,, dont know how to add a cut so like,, sorry if this gets long I'm making this up as I go

I guess hersh is link cuz hes like courageous? and hes got like main character syndrome

or maybe zelda cuz hes wicked smart

fuck it hersh is zelda

uhhhhhhhh luke is link?? whacking all this moblin bastards cuz some power crazed thot decided to kidnap hersh cuz hes smart and got a yellow triangle

London hyrule I guess (lorule lol)

it's like hyrule except big Ben and bricks but like castles too I guess

hersh is like a prince but like only in title bc he actually gives all his money away and just lives in this little flat I guess and tries to live his best life despite having this lil yellow mark on his hand

and one day he comes across this like kinda roudy luke kid who at first hes like g od this kid is rude but like then luke brings him like a cuccoo egg bc somehow he learned that that's his fav produce ???????? point is he sees this kid has a big heart and grows fond of him and like adopts him I guess

but then Ganondorf!!!

but it's not ganondorf its ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, uh,,,, don Paulo

except hes like a fake ganon (think zant) but regardless he thinks he can rule everything and he wants that triforce!!

hersh feels the disturbance when don Paulo is like at it and hes like luke I'm gonna go see what's up cuz like technically I'm still a prince

but luke is like i!! wanna go with you!! and BAM yellow light and holy shit hes got a triforce piece too

and hersh is like wHAT

and like idk hersh is like u cant get involved I dont want u hurt so he like,, leaves without telling luke

turns out his fencing skills fall short of don paulos nast magic given to him and he get Kidnapped like a Loser

and the adventures of luke begins I guess

so like luke is out there solving puzzles and fucking up ancient temples n shit I guess and he meets emmy!! who gives him his horse!!

but it's a donkey

anyways they're best friends now

oh along the way he meets some random ass dude called randall?? luke nonchalantly tells him everything bc hes a roudy kid and suddenly this weirdo is super interested and worried?? weird

luke noticed randall is like Not So Suddenly following him but by the 3rd temple he figures this guy isnt actually getting in the way so it's like whatever I guess

but still creepy so he confronts the guy and hes like Hey!!! What the Fuck!!!

and randall confesses that when hersh and he were kids they lived in a big castle together and were best friends!!!

but then hersh hated the bougie 1% castle life and left without telling randall. bummer!

and Randall's been like searching for him since

now we know why hersh always absolutley refused to give his name to the papers!!

also hes a prince that would totally suck if the media knew it was him

anyway so luke and randall team up now and face don paulo

turns out randall ain't shit at fighting but he does know where some cool ass sword is (think of him as like navi or midna. he provides info)

luke has some generic but kinda powerful sword now yay ! time to fuck up some temple bc randall thinks that's smart

in the temple luke gets some kind of magic violin then??? and he can like,,,,,, aquire the power of the animals r some bs like that

time to head to don paulos

theres this big dialogue where luke is like gIVE ME BACK MY BEST FRIEND and don paulo is like Haha u ain't shit kid

turns out he is and don Paulo gets fucking destroyed

but????? no clue to hershs whereabouts when this fool falls???

and suddenly BAM luke gets taken by the hand by this weird but oddly familiar guy in this funky top hat and top hat man just fucking tears luke away from the now crumbling castle room place

luke is like hey What The Fuck

and top hat man is like you have a terrible fate ahead of you but you must save the prince

did I forget to mention luke doesnt know hersh is a prince

so luke is like prince????????

and top hat man is like yea so now u gotta go to this one shithole village nobody knows of and speak to the one the call buffoon

and the top hat man vanishes in a cryptic wave of leaves I guess

randall was there I guess but he only saw top hat man for like 1 second at the end and just fucking sCREAMS

and luke is like what the fUCK is going on

and randall is like do u not know??? r u serious??? but figures it's best he not know yet if this is what top hat man intended

so they go to shithole village and ???? it is not a buffoon, but flora!!

and this time flora is IMPORTANT and VITAL to the plot

flora is like hello they call me buffoon but I'm actually just a lesbian girl everyone here is just home of phobia

and luke is like wow hey cool literally the rest of London hyrule doesnt care pls leave shithole village

and flora is like I cant!! I'm protecting the master sword!

the master sword

floral like dont fcking touch it

luke touches it like an idiot

so luke pulls that shit out and darkness sweeps over the place

and oh dear heres the root of don paulos power!! turns out is Descoganon behind it all

luke tries to fight descole but like too powerful so he gets a Defeat

descoles like buahahahahaha u fool this isnt even my final form and he fuckin dives to finish off luke

but!

top hat man!

he like appears in front of luke and is devoured but descoganons darkness

but before that his top hat falls off and !!!!!!!! wow what a surprise its hersh

luke is like NO I was a FOOL I was too BRASH!! I am not courageous, but dumb!

and Randall's crying I guess but hes like it's not ur fault

and floras like I'm mad at u for pulling out that sword but I mean hes right in order to defeat descole u need to strike him with that sword

so of to descoganons we go!

oh yeah flora joined the team bc turns out shes a fucking BADASS magician

also she constantly gives randall shit for not being able to fight

you thought you heard the last of Emmy but no!! shes back again bc I said so!!!

she wants to join the team too and luke is like cool more horses

everyone's has a cool ass horse except luke who has his dumb lil DONKEY

hes pissed but also grateful he doesnt have to walk by foot but also a fucking donkey???? seriously???

and emmy's like fucking deal with it you whiny ass man

so yeah master sword and magic violin in hand luke calls upon the animals to aid him in battle and it's off to descoles we go!!!

wow this place is DARK

and also the iconic castle that everyone cherishes is now in ruins

and in the most concentrated area of darkness is hersh trapped, glowing just a little bit but fading fast

and luke is like FACE ME DESCOLE U COWARD

and he does

and hes like boutta lose again and flora is like NO! I awaken ur full power!!

and his triforce glows!!!! he is powerful! full of courage!

but descole starts fucking tearing appart in laughter

hes glowing too! he has a triforce too!! he has them all

if you've ever played any zelda game ever this is when descole turns into some pig

but alas by the power of the magic animal violin and the master sword he is defeated

flora dealt the most damage and at the end she was like luke u gotta stab him now and he was like uh ok I guess

voila!! hersh is no longer trapped in darkness!! nor is the rest of London

oh yeah Randall's gay for hersh duh first thing he does is run to him being like remember me???? doesnt matter I'm nursing you to health now

bc I SAID SO

oh but first luke runs to him crying and hugs him and is like pls dont ever leave like that again dad

and hersh is like did.... did u call me dad??? and he cries too and they hug

(except halfway through hersh collapses and luke is struggling to try and keep him from falling. how did this weak boy defeat such an all powerful being?????)

yeah hersh and randall get married flora gets a gf and happily ever after

oh and claire is like the goddess of London who made the damn triforce bc why the fucking hell not

so anyways yeah uhhhhhh someone tell nintendo to fucking hire me

#long post #professor layton #the legend of zelda #zelda au #hershel layton #luke triton #emmy altava #flora reinhold #randall ascot #ranlay #sorry its 6am i havent slept yet and i got struck with a goddamn stroke of fucking genius #im not making this fanfic tho someone else can do that if they want i guess #claire foley

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dndfuckhouse · 6 years ago

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a warlock and a thief walk into bar

Summary: Psalm and Henrick have a third meeting by chance. And then a fourth. And then a fifth.

Notes: This is canon divergent(?) Yeah but also set after the current events. It's dialogue heavy bc I like dialogue and didnt feel like expanding sorry.EDIT: I’ve apparently grossly mischaracterised Han… Poki only leaves crumbs for me so I did what I could based on my knowledge of her from Psalm’s perspective. Wcyd?

Psalm should know by now that things never tend to go well when he's on a mission with the others. Han and Rokka were too nosy for their own good, something he still hadn't quite adjusted to yet but no longer got mad about. Well, except for right now. Right now is entirely their fault, and once he rids himself of the angry bandits on his tail he's going to make them wish they’d kept their mouths shut. With force if necessary. They just had to go and piss off an entire group of bandits.

The rational part of his mind tells him that there’s literally no way he could take either of the major brawn in their party in a fight one on one, let alone at the same time, but the thought of chewing them out helps to soothe his annoyance at least.

A dagger whizzes past his head.

Stop daydreaming and focus, Ghester’s voice rings in his head, it'd be a waste for you to die here, and at the hands of some low tier goons no less.

“Is this your way of saying you'd miss me?” Psalm responds both in Infernal and his usual monotone. It's hard to sound deadpan in Infernal, which is mostly just a lot of hissing and growling, but he makes the effort. Of course Ghester responds with his usual dry laughter. No surprise there.

Psalm ducks around a random corner, not bothering to check if the bandits are behind him. He supposes part of this is his fault. He usually offered to divert the enemy so that the others could escape, but he bit off more than he could chew this time. He wasn't expecting his charm spell to wear off so quickly.

In a rare moment of good fortune, the alley isn’t a dead end. The goons are still behind him though, so he doesn't slow down.

Eventually he comes across an alley with a small crevice between two houses, and wonders if it's a good idea to duck in there and hope they don’t notice. He hears them gaining though, and in a split second decision shoves himself into the nook and pulls his cape around his face for good measure. Red skin tends to stand out.

The goons run past the nook without even bothering to check, and he hears one of them yell “Where'd he go?” before the rest of them run off. Psalm waits for a couple minutes, and then a couple more just to be safe before he exits. It's a tight fit, especially with horns, but somehow he manages to squeeze himself out.

“Oh, it's you again,” a voice says.

Psalm reacts immediately. Ghester appears as a shortsword in his hand in seconds as Psalm turns and holds the weapon out in front of him.

If he'd been thinking more clearly, he would've realised that the voice was somewhat familiar, but the adrenaline from the earlier chase was still rushing through him. It takes him a while to put it together in his head, not his fault, they’ve only met twice. Psalm blinks once, mostly in surprise and then breaks out into a genuine smile at the man in front of him. He can’t really help it. Not only is it not someone that had been trying to kill him earlier, but someone he's actually quite pleased to see. Henrick, looking just as scruffy and worn out as always, gives Psalm a small, sort of half assed smile.

He eyes the shortsword wearily. “You gonna put that thing away or…?”

“Oh, right. How rude of me,” Psalm says as Ghester disappears from his hand. Being able to summon Ghester at will is not something he reveals to people too often, the less ways to identify him the better, but he figures it doesn't matter right now. The action puts an even wearier look on Henrick's face though, which Psalm finds amusing.

Henrick looks around a bit, for what, Psalm isn't exactly sure.

“Not to be cliché,” Psalm says while Henrick does this, “but we should really stop meeting like this.”

Henrick pauses and gives Psalm a confused look. “Whaddya mean?”

“You're with the group after me right now are you not?”

A look of understanding dawns on Henrick's face.

“You're the one everyone's been chasing after? I couldn't really tell from a distance, but it's not like I can go against the boss's orders y'know so he had me out here searching too.”

Rickert's goons again? What are the odds… Psalm thinks. Shorewater is clearly not as big as he'd once thought.

“You're still working for that tyrant? What was his name again? Ricken… Rackam?” Psalm pretends to think hard about it.

“Rickert. You forget or something?”

“Well Henrick, I must admit I don't make a habit of remembering the names of people I'm not interested in.” An obvious lie, but it serves its purpose when what Psalm has said dawns on Henrick and the man nervously fiddles with the neck of his scarf.

How fun, Psalm thinks.

You really seem to enjoy playing with people, but to what end? Ghester says in his mind. Psalm ignores him of course. He won't very well respond in front of Henrick right now anyways, and Ghester knows that.

“What'd you do this time?” Henrick asks, choosing to ignore Psalm's earlier comment. Psalm begins to answer, but is cut off by the sounds of shouting. The goons are coming back. Psalm curses himself internally for sticking around and making small talk instead of getting the hell out. Before he can look around for a means of escape, Henrick steps into his personal space.

Psalm raises an eyebrow. “What are you doi-”

“Shhh,” Henrick hisses and backs Psalm right back up into the crevice where he'd hid before. Psalm gets the message, and tries to hide as much of himself as possible. He's taller than Henrick, but hopefully that won't matter too much as Henrick stands in front of the crevice and blocks Psalm from view.

Sure enough, the men from earlier return.

“Henrick! What’re you doin’ standin' around like an idiot for? He got away!”

“If he got away there's no point in running around like this then is there?” Henrick sighed.

“He got away cuz you were being a lazy shit I bet.”

“Yeah? Who was the last guy that saw him before he ran off because it sure as hell wasn't me. Should I tell Rickert who lost sight of him?”

Psalm watches as best he can as the two bandits argue back and forth about Rickert. As entertaining as it is, it's definitely too cramped in here and he wishes the goon would hurry up and leave. He considers just firing off an eldritch blast and ending things himself, but attacking Henrick's comrades was probably not in his best interest.

Eventually Henrick chases the guy off, and after a couple more minutes Psalm is free yet again.

“Should be alright now,” Henrick says.

“Thank you,” Psalm says, “I'm afraid I’ve become the reason for your boss poking a fresh set of holes into you though.”

Henrick shrugs. “You get used to it, and it’s not like it'd be the first time anyways. He was pretty mad that one time back in the market.”

“Damn, and here I was thinking we'd been lowkey.”

“Eh, he can sniff out money.”

Psalm ponders that response for a minute but has no answer. Who is he to question one's choice of management?

“I could always have a friend get rid of him for you, if you'd like.”

The statement only serves to make Henrick more fidgety. It seemed that Henrick had at least some reservations about it, but Psalm supposed someone who'd been willing to help the enemy twice now could be expected to be a bit of a softy.

“I dunno…”

“It'd be no trouble. She's been kinda eager to, let’s say “have a chat”, with him again.”

Henrick shudders. “You mean the big one?”

“Mhmm.”

“Yeah, hard pass. Who knows if she'll stop at just Rickert.” Psalm laughs. He knows Han would, but the fact that she's scarred some of Rickert's men is pretty funny. Speaking of, he'd best return to the group soon. His diversion had taken longer than he'd expected. He hopes the others have made it back to Vinny's shop by now.

“I'll give you some time to think about it, but in any case, I'd best be on my way.”

“No gold this time?” Henrick jokes, and then not a moment later looks awash with regret at what he's just said.

“My pockets aren't as deep as you might think,” Psalm says. At that, Henrick, quite unexpectedly, starts to blush.

“That was just a… can you forget I said that?” he says.

“Hmm, maybe not,” Psalm smiles.

“I honestly just, don't remember your name…” Henrick trails off.

“That's disappointing,” Psalm says. He looks around the alley, and for good measure, checks around the corners too. The bandits are gone, thankfully, but maybe it'd be best to avoid using the alleys just incase they were still crawling around.

“You don't sound like you care much.”

Psalm turns back to Henrick after his thorough search of the alley. “I thought that we had something special going on, but clearly I was wrong,” Psalm sighs.

Henrick looks confused. “Huh?”

“But it's fine. I'll reintroduce myself next time.”

“Next time?”

“Well a good deed can't just go unpaid.”

Henrick fidgets with his scarf. “I was kidding ‘bout the gold.”

“Well, I wasn't. But really, let's save it for next time.” Psalm gives Henrick a perfunctory wave, he's not one for excessive good-byes, and heads off down the opposite way of the bandits. He doesn’t look back.

It's all very calculated for you isn't it? Is that how you usually make friends? Ghester pipes up once there's no one around.

“Who said anything about making friends?” Psalm grumbles back in Infernal.

About two weeks later, Psalm finds himself again wandering the alleys of Shorewater. However, this time, it's both he and Plum that have been separated from the others. They'd split into three teams, Han and Keva, Rokka and Cimmorro and he and Plum. It was a simple fetch quest, nothing serious. To put it simply: one of Vinny's cats had gone missing again.

“If this leads us to another thieves’ den I'm going home,” Plum says, obviously irritated at the idea. Psalm is inclined to agree.

“We could get Vinny to pay extra if that happens though,” Psalm points out, “try thinking a little on the bright side of things.”

“Don't wanna hear that from Mr.Broods-a-lot,” Plum mumbles.

“Haha, funny.”

They head to the market square again, the only difference from the first time this had happened being that it's night time now. The market takes on a different feel at night, less lively but still busy enough to feel comfortable. Plum and Psalm go around questioning some of the vendors, one of whom mentions having seen the cat a bit earlier skulking around the fish stalls. Go figure.

“You think Team Rokka/Cimmorro has found it yet?” Plum asks as they make their way over to that section of the market.

“One can only dream.”

Sure enough, when they get there, the cat is nowhere to be seen. One of the fish vendors informs them that the cat had been there though, having made off with one of his fish earlier.

“You gonna pay up?” the vendor asks, as if that were the logical conclusion to the situation.

Plum makes up their face. Psalm steps in before they decide to make things worse.

“I apologise, but it's not our cat. When we find her we can inform our employer and he'll reimburse you. Please wait until then.”

The vendor grumbles but agrees, and Psalm congratulates himself for avoiding that situation. The congratulations last for all of about one second before a man goes barrelling into the cart.

Psalm and Plum jump back immediately. Thankfully, the vendor is unharmed, but his cart has definitely seen better days. Psalm looks up to see Han, because of course this has something to do with her, and a hooded figure in the middle of the square. There are people rushing about, some trying to get out of Han's line of fire, others carrying on like nothing had happened. It's hard to see exactly with all the people rushing about.

Psalm considers ignoring the situation and carrying on with his current mission, but the next thing he knows his feet are carrying him over towards the commotion.

“Han, what are you doing.” It's not really a question.

“Stopping thief,” she says, as if she hadn't just hurled a man halfway across the square. “You expect me to stand by while this man and his friends steal from innocent people?”

Psalm presses his head into his hands.

“Right now I think you're doing more damage than the thief,” Plum says, having followed Psalm over to the middle of the square. They point in the direction of the fish vendor's cart.

Han looks over, confused, and then winces.

“Oops,” she says, and then, “Vinny can pay for it.”

I’m so sorry Vinny, Psalm thinks.

It's then that Psalm notices the hooded figure that Han had been engaged with is trying to make an escape. Unfortunately for them, Han notices too, and before he can get away she reaches down and hoists him into the air by the back of his hood, revealing his face.

Of course it's Henrick.

Psalm quashes down a small wave of panic. Of all the people Han could’ve possibly gotten her hands on. Psalm wishes she had found Rickert instead, because he didn’t care one way or another what happened to him. Before Psalm can say anything to salvage the situation though, Plum reacts faster, surprisingly.

“You're that guy that was with Ricke-!” they start to say, but before they can finish Psalm gives them a swift kick to the leg. Plum turns and glares at him.

“What was that for?”

“What was what for?”

Han narrows her eyes at at the both of them. “You know this thief?”

“I’m not a thief,” Henrick says, “or well, I didn't steal anything just now.”

Han ignores him, eyes trained solely on Plum. Psalm considers that a small blessing for the moment. There’s no way Han isn’t going to recognise Henrick once she actually gets a good luck at his now unhooded face, Plum points at Psalm. “Not me. This guy. They had some kinda shady deal going on. It was kinda gross to witness.”

Leave it to Plum to throw him under the bus in a moment like this honestly. Han already didn't trust him a good percentage of the time, and now this. It’s then that Han finally turns back to Henrick, and of course, recognises him instantly.

“You’re one of Rickert’s men?” she all but yells.

Henrick raises his hands in defense. “Yeah, but not willingly,” he says. While this is happening, Psalm is not quite glaring at Plum, who is making a point of ignoring him.

Psalm, annoyed, turns to Han instead. “Could you put him down? You're causing a scene.” Technically she's already caused one, but Henrick looks like he's about to pass out from fear while Han manhandles him, and Psalm can't really blame him. She did spear one of his friends.

“Like this, I'm stopping him from running away. Why is Plum saying you know this man, Psalm? Are you working for Rickert?”

Psalm tries to think of an answer that isn't suspicious. He’s currently drawing blanks as to ways to avoid making the situation worse. He quickly peers over at Henrick, who, despite being dangled several feet in the air like a doll, looks somewhat pleased.

“I remember,” Psalm hears him say, “it's Psalm.”

Now is really not the time for that Psalm thinks, but he can't help feeling a little endeared anyways.

“We spared his life remember? And he just so happened to be there when we were gathering information underground during that whole fiasco with the ball,” Psalm says, “Did I not tell you? Whoops.”

That was a mistake of course, riling Han up, but his excuse was that he was quickly losing his patience with the situation. That and he was just flat out starting to panic.

Of course, once Han realises what Psalm said she glares even harder. “You're working for Rickert aren't you. You've been fooling us the entire time.”

“I have not, in fact, been working for Rickert. He tried to kill me too remember? Now if you could just put my friend down and maybe not kill him, that'd be great. Wonderful even.”

“I don't kill,” Han says. Out of the corner of his eye, Psalm sees Plum turn and look at the man currently lying unconscious on top of what used to be a fish stall.

“Just put him down and let him explain himself already Han, seriously the guards might come at any time now and I'm sure you don't want to go to jail.”

Han grumbles at that, but eventually let's Henrick down and the group of them exit the square into a small alley a little ways away.

As soon as they get there Han slams Henrick up against the wall of the alley. “You will explain.”

Psalm watches this unfold with a vague sort of empathy. I understand, he thinks, I've been there too.

Henrick looks to Psalm for help. Psalm shrugs. As much as he would like to, things are honestly out of his hands at this point. Still though, he does kind of owe Henrick so he might as well try.

“I think you're scaring him.”

“Good,” Han says. She turns to Psalm as well. “Don't think this means I trust you.”

“Wouldn't dream of it, but I don't think we're getting anywhere like this,” Psalm tries but Han ignores him. Psalm resists the urge to beat his head against the wall. Why is she so stubborn?

Psalm turns to Plum, not that he's expecting them to be of any help. Of course he's right, Plum has already resumed searching for the cat in the alley they're in.

“What did you steal?” Han asks.

“I didn’t,” Henrick says, looking exasperated.

“You're lying.”

“I am not.”

This kind of questioning could go on all night, Psalm realises, so he tries to step in again. He looks Henrick in the eyes.

“Did you steal anything?”

Han looks indignant. “I'm doing the questioning!”

“We’ll be here until dawn if you do the questioning. Just let me do it.”

“But you're working for Rickert,” she shouts at him.

“I am not,” Psalm shouts back, “God, I can even help you find him later if you want to kill him so badly, but can you please just let me do this so we can finish up here?”

He's not sure what about that placates her, possibly the offer to kick Rickert's ass down the line, but eventually Han eases up off the wall and crosses her arms instead.

“Explain everything later or it's not just Rickert I will want to kill so badly.”

“Yes, yes, hurt me all you want later. Now, some silence please.” Han huffs.

Psalm sighs and turns back to Henrick. “Do me a favour and don't resist please.”

Henrick looks confused, and then his eyes glaze over. He looks at Psalm, and a dopey smile forms on his face.

Psalm turns to Han. “I've charmed him, are you happy now?”

Han knows by now what a charmed person looks like, but she still seems a bit suspicious.

“How do I know this isn't a trick?”

“What could I possibly gain from getting in the way of you and Rickert, who I don't give a rat's ass about, at the cost of possibly own life? This man's innocent Han, don't drag him into it.”

Psalm doesn't actually know if he's innocent or not. Everything he's saying right now is a gamble. He hopes Henrick hadn't been lying earlier.

Psalm turns back to Henrick.

“Did you steal anything at the market just now?”

Henrick thinks for a couple seconds, and every single one of those seconds is a year shaved off of his life he thinks.

“Nope,” he decides. Psalm breathes a sigh of relief. Hopefully, Henrick isn't the type to lie too much to his friends though, not that Han needs to know the details of a charm spell right now. Still, just to be on the safe side...

“You're not lying?”

“No point lying to you. You're nice to me. Nicer than Rickert for sure, not that that's hard to do.”

Han raises an eyebrow.

“I paid him ten gold for some information. Don't read into it.”

“Yet I shouldn't be suspicious?” Han says.

“It's more gross than suspicious I think,” Plum pipes up, having given up on the search for the cat at the moment.

“No one asked,” Psalm says.

“Ask him where Rickert is,” Han says. Psalm is not totally opposed to finding out this information if it means getting Han to trust that they're not affiliated. He does feel bad about getting the information out of Henrick this way though. It was yet another way Psalm would've gotten Rickert in trouble.

Something to worry about later though, when he didn’t have his own reputation to clear.

“Henrick you wouldn't happen to know where Rickert is at this very moment would you?”

“Nah, he left the city about a week ago on some mission. Said it was too important to tell the likes of me and the others. Dunno when he'll be back either.”

Han just barely manages to contain her frustration at that answer.

“Are we done here now?” Psalm asks.

“Do you have a base? Somewhere you meet up?” Han pushes.

Henrick regards her curiously. “Not since you guys trashed our first one.”

“I think we're done here now,” Psalm says. He turns to Han. “What now? You want to play detective with me too? I assure you I have nothing to hide.”

Regarding Rickert anyways, he thinks, but of course he leaves that unsaid.

Han looks conflicted. “You never give me good reason to trust you.”

Psalm clutches at his heart in mock hurt, but responds in his usual monotone regardless. “After everything we've been through together?”

Plum interjects again. “Is he just gonna stay like that?” Han and Psalm pause and turn back to Henrick, who is currently staring off into space.

“Regrettably, I don't know how to end the spell. It'll wear off after an hour,” Psalm says.

“I don't want to watch this guy make googly eyes at Psalm for an hour,” Plum says, disgust clear as day on their face.

“Plus we have cat to find,” Han says. Psalm stares at her.

“You sure changed directions quickly.”

Han shrugs. “I'll beat it out of you later.”

“Yes well, if I'm not halfway across the continent by then.”

Now it's his turn to get pinned against the wall by Han. Somehow, he's surprised he didn't see this coming. He has a vague suspicion she just likes to flex on him where possible.

“What was that?” Han says sweetly.

“I said ‘I can't wait’ of course,” Psalm says.

“Good.” She gestures to Plum. “We should go find Keva. And the cat.”

After the two exit the alley Psalm sinks to the floor and stretches his legs out in front of him. Henrick is still standing nearby, zoning out, so Psalm snaps at him to get his attention.

It's only been like what, fifteen minutes? Henricks eyes are still glazed over.

“This back and forth of owing each other is bad for the soul I think,” Psalm says to him. Henrick just stares before joining Psalm on the floor. Psalm just sighs.

I must say that was quite entertaining, Ghester says.

“I’m not in the mood to talk to you.”

That would imply that you are normally would it not?

“Good point.”

Psalm has no idea what to do while waiting for the spell to wear off, but he can't just leave the man charmed in a random alleyway at night either. Then all of his hard work would've been for nothing.

He entertains the idea of getting some information out of Henrick while things are like this, but it feels a bit underhanded, and there isn't really anything in particular he wants to know anyways.

“I'm starting to think this was a mistake.”

You're like a child. Are you really telling me you can't sit still for less than an hour?

“I can't help it if I get bored.”

Childish.

“Whatever, I'd rather chew threw my own tail than listen to you insult me.”

You've no choice in the matter really.

“And I'm the childish one?”

“Who are you talking to?” Henrick asks from beside him.

Psalm nearly jumps out of his skin. Henrick's eyes are back to normal. He'd forgotten that elves were more resistant to charms, especially full blooded ones. It hadn't been a full hour yet. The shock must've registered on his face, because Henrick starts to backtrack immediately.

“Well I don't know if that was talking, actually. Not to be rude. Don't really get to hear Infernal all that often so, uh...nevermind.”

Psalm stares at him in amusement. “I was merely practicing some spells is all,” he lies.

“Oh.”

Then silence. Psalm tries not to find it a bit awkward, which he usually doesn't, but fails. Henrick is apparently thinking the same thing, because he starts speaking again.

“Your friend’s kinda scary.”

Psalm resists the urge to chuckle, because it's the truth when he's on the receiving end.

“I won't deny that.” It's a short reply. From the way Henrick starts to fiddle with the handle of the dagger in his belt, Psalm assumes he'd been expecting him to carry more of the conversation. Unfortunately for him, Psalm is feeling a bit worn out, and maybe just a little bit too amused at watching Henrick squirm a bit. But he isn't a bully. Not really.

“I suppose if we’re going to continue this pattern that it's your turn to save me next,” Psalm says.

Henrick laughs nervously. “I hope you're not asking me to get in the way of you and your friend.”

“Are you saying I'm not worth the trouble?”

Henrick pauses, caught off guard.

“I-.”

“That upsets me to hear,” Psalm says. He rests his head on his knees and looks up at Henrick.

Henrick continues to scramble for an answer. “Ok, but-”

“I mean it's ok if you don't feel that way, as I'm obviously just messing with you. Only a madman would get in Han's way.”

Henrick lets out a frustrated noise, and leans his head back against the wall.

Psalm laughs.

Henrick glares at him, albeit weakly. Psalm assumes that's as intense as someone who looks as worn out as him will get.

“Is it fun for you to do that?” Henrick asks.

Of course, Psalm thinks. “Do what?” he says.

“I dunno, screw with me?”

“Ah, not quite. I believe the word you're looking for is flirting, yes?”

Henrick's eyes widen and he pointedly looks down at the floor. “That's not what I meant.”

Psalm smiles. “But isn't it though?”

“Is that why you kept that note? And the dagger?”

That makes Psalm pause. It's not that weird a question, given that he'd asked about it last time as well, but he'd never thought hard about why.

Henrick notes the lack of response, but doesn't look up. “I'm just curious is all. Don't get any funny ideas.”

“Bit late for that,” Psalm says, and to his endless amusement Henrick rolls his eyes.

“If you want the truth though, I was just clearing the crime scene. And you left the dagger behind. Who am I to turn down a parting gift?”

“That's all?”

Psalm lifts his head and leans in slightly. Even while sitting he's still taller. “You were expecting something else?”

Henrick leans away. “I was just curious,” he repeats.

“I believe you.”

Henrick snorts. “No you don't.”

“I've no reason to lie to you,” Psalm says, and it's sort of the truth. If there's one thing Henrick has more or less proved repeatedly, it's that he poses absolutely no threat whatsoever to Psalm. Weird how not wanting to kill him has endeared this man to him. Psalm wonders where the hell he went wrong in life for a brief moment.

Despite his (mostly) sincere answer, Henrick eyes him cautiously, obviously not believing him. Now Psalm's the one rolling his eyes.

“If I told you I kept your note to prove you'd owe me later would that make more sense to you? Keep in mind I can't see the future, so there's no way I'd actually know whether I could cash in on that or not.”

“It's just weird that you're so nice to me when my boss and I tried to kill you I guess? It's not weird for me to find this weird right?”

“Oh? What's “this”? There's a “this”?” Psalm says. Henrick places his head in his hands and let's out a muffled yell.

“You're really frustrating to talk to! D'yknow that?”

“So I've been told.” He watches Henrick get to his feet, but doesn't bother moving himself.

“Next time it's your turn to save me, alright?” Psalm says as Henrick turns to leave.

“Yeah, yeah. Ugh, I should just leave you if that happens.” Despite this, Henrick turns and waves before leaving. Psalm waves back, and Henrick retreats out of view.

Psalm sits for a couple more minutes in silence. He's not really sure what to do now honestly except return back to the inn. As he stands up, he hears a small meow from further down the alley. When he goes to investigate, he discovers Vinny's cat, huddled under a small fort of crates.

Psalm scoops her into his arms.

“Well aren't you cute?” he says to her.

More honest with animals than people are we?

“Are you going to do this every time?”

Yes.

The group are at the tavern in the Swallow’s Perch celebrating a successful escort mission some nights later. Although, to call it a celebration when two thirds of the party hadn't been interested in attending was generous. Of course it had been Rokka and Han's idea. The two had somehow managed to get the other four to participate. Between Rokka's innocent cluelessness and Han's stubbornness, it isn't like they could've said no.

Psalm watches from a safe distance as Keva goes around pickpocketing strangers while Cimmorro distracts them, and wonders what'll happen if Han notices.

He's not really in the mood to drink right now, but he empties a few tankards anyways for lack of anything better to do.

Rokka comes over and sits next to him.

“Why the long face roomie?”

Psalm raises an eyebrow. “This is how it is normally.”

“Oh ok. Plum said you looked like you wanted company, so I thought you were sad or something but if you're not, that's good too!”

Psalm is pretty sure Plum just didn’t want to be on the receiving end of Rokka's attention, but he refrains from saying that. Plum cuts their eyes at him from across the counter, and Psalm wonders what exactly he's done to incur their wrath this time. Probably nothing, if he's honest, Plum is just kind of a nuisance without really meaning to be.

“Well since I'm perfectly fine, how about we both go let Plum know?”

“Good idea,” Rokka says, clearly pleased at the idea.

Plum does not look as pleased when they look up from their drink and realise that not only has Rokka returned, but Psalm is one step behind him.

“Not this,” Plum says, “anything but this.”

Rokka takes the seat next to them. “Not what?”

Psalm takes the seat on the opposite side of Plum.

“Heard you were worried about me. I'm touched.”

“I'm not worried,” Plum says indignantly, “you've just had a dumb mopey look on your face since the other day. Did your boyfriend dump you?”

Psalm frowns at the exact same time Rokka's ears perk up.

“You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend roomie!” he says, at a volume that was much louder than was necessary. Of course, it takes all of no seconds for the rest of the party to look at Psalm. This is what he gets for trying to harass Plum clearly. God has he learned his lesson now.

“I didn't tell you because I don't have one.” Not that he would've gone out of his way to if he did. Not out of any sort of ill intent towards Rokka, it was just that clearly he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

The others are suddenly crowded around him. Since when did they care so much?

“How'd you find someone with the same freaky kinks as you?” Cimmorro asks. Psalm can never tell when he's being serious or not.

“I'm not even going to grace that with a real response,” he says.

“I have to agree,” Keva says, “with Cimmorro that is. Also congrats I guess. There's a heart in there after all. Probably.”

“I'm shocked too,” Han says, “I just assumed one with no emotions like you would have trouble finding a partner.”

“All of you are rude as hell,” Psalm says, suddenly devoid of any desire to clear the misunderstanding. He has a small suspicion it wouldn't be worth the effort.

It's at that moment, that karma delivers the biggest fuck you imaginable. The doors of the tavern swing open, and Henrick walks in followed by two men, one of whom Psalm doesn’t recognise, and one he does because it's Rickert.

A lot of different things happen in quick succession at that point.

Henrick spots Han, because she's hard to miss, and immediately tries to make a U-turn out the door.

It's unsuccessful, as Rickert spots Han as well, pushes Henrick out of the way and is gone faster than should be possible.

Han spots Rickert and leaps over the counter towards him.

Plum yells “There's the boyfriend! Go bother him!” at Rokka, and points at Henrick.

Psalm contemplates jumping off the nearest cliff into the ocean. Or killing Plum. Whichever is easiest.

There's a lot of commotion after that. Ferrie looks slightly exasperated as she tries to calm the other patrons down. Rokka heads out the door as well, Psalm assumes to go back Han up, but not without sparing a glance over at Henrick. Henrick doesn't notice because he's too busy giving, Plum a curious look. It takes no time at all for Psalm to guess why.

Suddenly Psalm feels his sobriety evaporating into thin air as dread? Or maybe anxiety, he can't tell which, takes over. Curse his habit of over drinking.

“I think I'm done for the night,” he says, standing up. Better to avoid disaster completely, than attempt to face it while rapidly getting more intoxicated.

Plum gives him a look of pity and understanding. Keva and Cimmorro have left, possibly also to go help Han. Or maybe it's just the bounty they're interested in. Either way it's just he and Plum left.

“You don't have to go just because you got dumped,” Plum says.

“I am genuinely curious as to how you arrived at the conclusion that I got dumped, because you sound genuine and that scares me.”

“Is this seat taken?” a voice says to his right. Psalm doesn't turn around because he knows who it is.

“Be my guest.” There’s no escape as he hears Henrick pull back the seat beside him and sit down, but he tries anyways.

“I was just leaving anyways.” He doesn’t want to think about Henrick’s reaction to that. Maybe if he gets there in time, he can get in the middle of Rickert and Psalm’s fight and they’ll both kill him. The idea is incredibly enticing.

Before he can even start to move towards the door Plum pulls Psalm in by the front of his shirt and whispers at him.

“You can't leave. Look, he wants to sort things out.”

“There is no way you could be this stu- I mean mis-infomed. Seriously.”

“I don't get what you mean, but if you leave now it'll just be me and him, and I don't want that.”

Ah yes. Typical Plum behaviour.

“I don't care.”

“I'll tell him about your weird kinks.”

“Go ahead.”

Plum shakes him a bit. “Why are you being like this?”

“I’ve had too much to drink.”

“So you’re worried about saying something stupid in front of the guy you like?”

Plum laying it out bare to him like that makes him feel embarrassed.

“I don’t like him. I just think he’s cute.”

Plum gives him a disgusted look.

“Not like that. More of an ‘his reactions are cute so I want to bully him’ kind of way. Which is what I usually do, but now I don’t know if I can stop myself from saying anything stupid. Like I’m doing right now actually.”

“I see now why you want to leave so badly. You should never drink again. Ever. I’m serious.”

“Glad to see we’re finally on the same pa- where are you going?” Plum is in the middle of leaving their seat, but they stop to give Psalm an annoyed look. Not that the annoyed look every really left their face.

“I’m getting kind of tired of whispering, also you’re being dumb so I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” Before Psalm can stop them, they’ve walked off to a different section of the bar, effectively stranding him here with Henrick, who he hasn’t even formally acknowledged yet.

That problem solves itself the moment Plum is out of earshot.

“So... boyfriend huh?” Henrick says.

Psalm doesn’t turn around.

“If I searched hard enough I could find your boss and get him to kill me right? How far do you think he's made it?”

Henrick chuckles. “Dunno. You gonna sit back down or am I going to end up drinking by myself?”

Psalm sighs. There's no getting out of this one. He considers for one, brief, desperate moment, asking Ghester for help, but that has never proved to be useful the entire time he's known him.

“Can't have that can we?” he says instead, and sits down in the seat he'd been previously occupying.

There's a long silence as Henrick sits there and drinks, and with nothing else to do Psalm just watches him.

“Not very talkative tonight I see.”

“I don't really know what to do now that the tables are turned if I’m honest,” Henrick says. He scratches at his face sheepishly.

“You could consider just forgetting me or my idiot friends said anything. We could go back to square one? Hello, my name’s Psalm.”

Henrick smiles. “Are you drunk? It's kind of hard to tell, but it feels like you are.”

“I'm perfectly coherent thanks,” Psalm huffs.He battles the urge to pout for a solid ten seconds before he loses.

“It's kinda nice? Usually you're just like this,” and then Henrick makes a face that Psalm assumes is supposed to be an imitation of him. It just looks like he's constipated.

“A perfect imitation,” Psalm says.

“Oh shut it, you know I'm right. You're more honest too right now, I guess. You should drink more often. ”

“That is quite literally the opposite of what I was told a couple minutes ago. Funny how that works. Life in general is funny. Ha.”

God Psalm, he thinks, just shut it already.

“I think it's kinda cute?” Henrick says, and the takes a sip from his drink.

Psalm stares at him. The inebriated state of his mind isn't really helping to decipher the meaning behind that statement. Maybe there isn't any. He hadn't really thought that far ahead regarding his encounters with Henrick beyond, “elf cute, gotta tease”, so the reciprocation of sentiment on Henrick's part was throwing him off.

“Do you want to take a walk with me?” Psalm asks. He gets up from his seat. “I feel like taking a walk.”

Henrick makes a face like he misheard. “Uh... what? Right now?”

“You'd rather be here when Han comes back?”

Henrick pales. “A walk sounds good.”

It's a cool night, thankfully, because it'd been kind of stuffy inside the bar. There are just enough people outside in the streets for the night to feel lively.

“What are you even doing here? At Swallow's Perch. I’d figured it was too open a space for thieves,” Psalm asks once they're a reasonable distance away.

“Eh, boss was meeting up with a client here. Although I guess the job's shot if your friend kills him huh...damn.”

“You don’t sound all that concerned.”

“Well it's not like I like the guy...he pokes me fulla holes any chance he gets really. Although it would be a pain to have to find new work and- hey, actually can we not talk about Rickert?”

Psalm fiddles with the neck of his shirt. “Sorry I'm all out ideas. I'm afraid you'll have to take over.”

Henrick snorts. “Weird, you usually have something to say.”

“Yes well, right now it's harder for me. My head's a bit of a mess.” As if to prove his point, Psalm just narrowly misses walking into a lamppost. Henrick reaches out and pulls him out of the way.

Just kill me now, Psalm thinks, there's no need for me to suffer first.

“Maybe you should sit down.”

“Great idea.” The two stop at a nearby bench, just a little ways off from the market square. Psalm hopes that Rickert is keeping Han busy, or it's likely she'll pass by them on the way back to the inn.

Psalm sits down, but Henrick remains standing.

“Ok, I think we should probably stop beating around the bush,” he says. Psalm laughs nervously.

“The tables really have turned haven't they? Is that the liquid courage talking or are you being serious?”

“Actually it's both.”

“I see.”

“Ok just listen. I know this is kind of silly, mostly because you and your friends tried to kill me and my friends the first time we met, and it's been like, two other times since then and your goliath friend-”

“Han,” Psalm interjects before he can stop himself. He's definitely swearing off alcohol forever.

“Yeah her, yeah she terrifies me, but, the point is I think you're interested in me in the same way I am in you, and it'd be nice if we could see each other maybe not by chance?”

Psalm runs that last part in his head a couple times. “Are you asking me on a date?”

Henrick's sudden burst of confidence seems to be disappearing, because he suddenly starts fidgeting.

“Uh yeah? More or less. Unless I just completely misunderstood every interaction we've had so far. I did didn't I? Oh god.”

Psalm feels like he's on fire, but he puts that aside for now to stop Henrick from self-destructing.

“No, no you were right. Sorry I'm just- How about tomorrow?”

Henrick frowns at him. “You don't seem very interested.”

“Sorry were you expecting me to be blushing like a teenage girl? It’s not very easy to pull off with red skin, I assure you.” Psalm is actually doing his best not to rocket into space, but Henrick doesn't need to know that.

Henrick sighs and sits down on the bench. “Maybe I have a thing for assholes.”

Psalm raises an eyebrow. “Oh? I can be nice too I if you want.”

Henrick flushes. “What do you mean?”

“I can show you if you'd like,” he says, meaning in. Before he can make good on his comment though, there's a sudden noise like a stampede off in the distance. Psalm has a feeling he knows what it is, and sure enough as the sound gets closer he recognises Han's silhouette as she barrels towards them.

There's a distinct lack of blood on her, so he figures Rickert escaped safely.

“I think it'd be best if you escaped,” Psalm says.

“What makes you say that,” Henrick says as he leaps off the bench. He takes off in the opposite direction, but not before yelling “Remember tomorrow,” as he disappears into the distance.

Han, having lost yet another target, focuses her attention on Psalm, who she picks up by the cape not unlike she would a small child.

“Hello Han, having fun ruining my night?”

“That makes both of us. Why did your friend run off?”

“You spent most of tonight trying to kill his boss.”

Han scoffs as if what Psalm had just said was in any way unreasonable. “I was just going to gently persuade him to tell me location, nothing too intense.” She drops him to his feet (seriously, she must be doing this to flex on him or something) and begins to head back to the inn.

“You coming?”

Psalm falls into step a little behind her, and the two walk in relative silence for a bit before Ghester shows himself.

Quite a night, he says.

“I'm glad it’s over, if that's what you're getting at,” Psalm responds quietly in Infernal.

Oh? Looking forward to tomorrow I see.

“Something like that.” He realises somewhat belatedly that they hadn't really set a time or place. Oh well, they'd figure something out.

“Did you say something?” Han turns back to look at him.

Psalm smiles. “You must've misheard.”

#psalm/henrick #author: sarita #hellooooo #psalm brimdrorvi #henrick #that guy does not have a tag here #OTHER CHARACTERS MAKE APPEARANCES I'M NOT TAGGING HTEM OUT OF LAZINESS #fiction

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