#d.mif

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made a joke that i might be pregnant in my discord status and d texts me for the first time in a while like "what?!" and im like "yeah lol"

he genuinely fell for it so i told him i was joking and then he said

VERBATIM

"BRO I WAS QUESTIONING WHO WOULD FUCK YOU"

But it sounds like...

he thinks im unfuckable?

am i seriously that undesirable that you think i can't even???? have sex???

i cant wait for school to start to see if he finally left my fucking program so i can block him and never see him irl or online ever again.

HE ALSO SAID HES "been there before" ABT PREGNANCY SCARES SO IM GUESSING HE FUCKED HIS BOYFRIEND??? LIKE

wow

idk

jealous? ig im jealous but ugh

hes so dry too so i decided to be dry back LMAO

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there's a chance I may have to sit next to D at graduation today and that makes me want to kms so bad

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i need to stop falling for the bare minimum. i need to stop falling in love.

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thank you for putting up with me

it's nothing

maybe to you

and that's who you're thanking

woww so i mean nothing? (teasing) in this case not really no brilliant. makes me forgettable. i can get away with more stuff

whatever lets you sleep at night

lets see how i get 4 months from now (when I turn 18. I was hinting at becoming a sex worker) I'll be sleeping juuuust fine

(does not reply)

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He left school early so he wouldn't present his English presentation....

He lied to me lmao...

I know I annoy him anyways. It's fine. That's why I'm not texting him 1st anymore. His friend has been nicer to me lately, D always just looks tired. I don't entertain him anymore...

And then I get self-aware mid convo and start apologizing for annoying him and being boring and even then he gets a little upset that im always apologizing pfft ...

i dont even like guilty gear but atp trying to get good at it to feel better than that horny bastard who ruined me months ago makes me feel better

I'll shut myself in. No more socializing. Just me, hw, music and video games.

This blog will stary looking like a fucking zoo exhibit.

Come watch the internet vampire lose her mind!!! Real not clickbait!!!!

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How can I stop having an fp super quick speedrun?? No crying route???

I never want an fp again this is horrible why can't I see everyonr on an equal level...

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soon he will regret rejecting me i'm the least two-faced bitch in this whole school, I am the purest hearted yeah may be mentally unstable but that's just to balance myself so I don't become a mary sue!

i'm so lovable! i do all your hw, i bake for you, i write you cute notes, you become my muse for poetry, I pay attention to your infodumps, memorize them, recite them in my mind, indulge in your interests, take care of all you give me, collect them (I still got your pen you gave me when you took mine as a gag, even if the ink ran out! and the gum wrapper from the gum you gave me on SAT day!) and yet I can't collect your heart?

when you slobbered all over mine and scarred me with your presence? plunging those words deep, deep into my heart? one day you will regret rejecting me you'll figure out I was the best fit for you the most flexible the most considerate the most perfect the only one for you that's why we were born with the same last names

and not siblings

it was for a reason.

but that's why you wear thick ass lenses in your glasses.

you were always blind to the truth, and stubborn to ever be proven wrong.

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Me when I'm with my fp and I'm trying to figure out what to say to start a conversation but they aren't putting in the effort to talk to me either

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Caught that pig staring at me from the other side of the hallway.

fucks sake, I don't care about you anymore. go away.

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i think i'll get over him in the summer I just need to be on my best behavior so I don't lose him as a friend I need to focus on being silly and whimsical! and hopeful and hopelessly romantic! almost a month of officially trynna get over him but he's like the only person I talk to irl so I'm like mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

i feel okay today

like yeah my arm is covered in me trynna pokey pokey with nails but that's not too bad like idk

its usually at night when i start breaking

let's see how it goes

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he left school early today

but had THE NERVE the text me "i'm sorry" BECAUSE HE LEFT?? DOES HE SERIOUSLY TAKE ME AS THE TYPE TO CRY CAUSE I CANT TALK TO HIM?? HE THINKS IM CO-DEPENDENT AND CLINGY? the nerve! there is absolutely no way... he says im not annoying but to SOME extent he must find me clingy or stupid! like a fucking cold wet dog on the street!

I'm sorry? I'm sorry???? You're lucky I'm not in love with you anymore! Absolute AUDACITY to see yourself higher than me that you need to apologize to the cold wet dog you paint me to be in your head. i dont care if im overthinking! theres something totally off! i'm not desperate to be with you! look! im doing fine! i even presented my final individual oral WITHOUT you in the room! im so fucking independent. that pretty fuck deserves to not get any hw help for the rest of the year.

fucking last time it was "as a warning, i wont be here" now its "im sorry"

what a fucking joke

(i do appreciate it though. no. im being too mean to him. hes my favorite person. hes been so kind to me. hes being. . considerate? is that the word? hes just being nice. dont be bitchy to people just being nice. its just.... strange how he phrased it.)

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HE WAS ON A CALL WITH HIS BOYFRIEND WHILE TEXTING ME ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

AND HIS BOYFRIEND HAS HIS DISCORD STATUS AS "KISSING D RN" OH OF FUCKING COURSE

so nOW ITS CONFIRMED

HE LIED TO ME ABT NOT DATING ANYONE. LIED HE WAS A FRIEND. AND WAS LIKE "hey you chose to fall in love w me! nothing i could do abt it!"

and nONE OF MY FUCKING FRIENDS REPLY TO MY GOD DAMN TEXTS

i am ALWAYS THE FUCKING OUTSIDER

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS.

HES SO FUCKING CLINGY TO HIS BOYFRIEND. AND HE WAS TEXTING ME ALL DAY TODAY SO I THOUGHT HE CARED ABT ME ENOUGH TO GIVE ME ATTENTION

OH! NO HE DIDNT! HE WAS HUST TEXTING ME CAUSE HE SKIPPED SCHOOL TODAY AND COULDNT TALK IRL, AND ONLY TALKS TO ME WHENEVER HIS BOYFRIEND WASNT REPLYING IMMEDIATELY.

WE ARE JUST FRIENDS BUT THAT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH IM SORRY IDC IF THIS IS SUCH A SUDDEN FUCKING MOOD SWING I AM SO TIRED

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I JUST PUT D'S EMAIL THRU SPAM MAIL SITES AND 2 ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION CLINICS LMAO AND HIS PARENTS HAVE A MORMON VISIT SCHEDULES FOR NEXT WEEK <3

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i think it was d in that dream

but it makes no sense for me to still think about him

i havent spoken to him since august, and i even blocked him from everything

i still see him in the halls, but he's so chronically phone dependent he never sees me (which is good now...)

so why... why would i dream of him giving me affection? only to then do such disgusting things to me when i die?

it makes no sense...

get over him... he's not even pretty...

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Stalking his twitter and he replied "BASED BASED BASED BASED" to a video of Markiplier saying he wants a girl to crush his head in between her thighs

Why did I start crying

Its so disgusting

Its such a reminder I could never be his

why

why

why are boys so open to being gross

people see the shit you like and reply to, you know?

oh my fucking GOD why do I like the kind of boy I like when they always prefer what I never am

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ugh turns out his boyfriend likes 60% of the eng music i love (HAHA! NO ONE KNOWS WTF VISUAL KEI IS WHERE I LIVE! W!) I'm feeling v petty and wanna gatekeep the hell out of my interests now to d and be nothing like his bf so uh ig I'll go deeper into my rabbit holes also if anyone has obscure obscure obscure media they want someone to see so they can talk abt it w someone I'm talking requests loool