#dealingwithsadness

[happycoloredmarbles]

I guess I underestimate myself....

After writing that post this morning about crying for 2 hours when I woke up and being unable to go for a run due to my desperation---I WENT FOR A RUN.

I decided to just go. That I would feel worse (or no better) if I didn't go. And that I only would feel better (definitely not worse) if I went. So I dragged the dog out of bed and we went out into the heat for a 3.5 mile run to the park and back. (I think I need to start writing when I wake up every morning. Get my feelings out, feel sad and mourn. Then move on with my day, knowing I can always write more.) I am so glad I got out and went for a run.

And it was a good run. It was a hard run because of the heat and humidity, but the dog kept me going with his smiling happy face. He's just happy to be alive. I love the simplicity. He didn't care that every now and then along the run, I cried a little bit. He didn't care if I needed a walking break. He was just there with me. Just what I needed. And now I am refreshed feeling and more confident I can meet the needs of the day.

One day at a time....

[charliebirdphotography-blog]

#charliebirdphotography #stonemountain #365project #dealingwithsadness

[happycoloredmarbles]

Went for a super slow 2 mile run after lunch today. This afternoon run was a bit hotter than yesterday but definitely fun running at a different time of day, with different traffic patterns and people everywhere. Makes for an interesting run. I needed the break from work anyway and my dog was getting restless. I did manage to write around 5 pages of my dissertation proposal as part of the revision process. I also managed to read three relevant articles. Still a long way to go but I'm making progress! Cooked up some vegan Mexican pizza for dinner and now relaxing and watching Homeland. I can honestly say that I am looking forward to meditating tomorrow. We'll see where the day takes me!

[happycoloredmarbles]

Back in Buffalo

The two weeks spent in my hometown have finally ended and my husband and I have returned back to Buffalo. We spent the two weeks just helping my stepmom get the house ready to sell it. We spent every day going through documents, pictures, clothes, trinkets, collectibles, valuables, etc and deciding what to keep, what to donate and what to throw away. I did find lots of amazing treasures that mean a lot to me (mostly writings and photos of my dad). Most of the time it was just my husband and I working on the house during the day while my stepmom worked. But then family would come over during evenings and weekends to pitch in on carrying things. My husband also took care of all the needed yard work. And we took my dad's car to the dealer to sell it. I also cooked pretty often for my mom and brother too, to make things easier for them.

Really a busy, emotional two weeks. I am still pretty shocked by all of it. My stepmom and I seem to be the most affected, since my little brother (age 20) is trying to be strong. We did all get tattoos together to memorialize my dad, so that was cool. And my stepmom and I really did take some steps to mend our relationship that has always been tense due to a rough childhood (wicked stepmother/redheaded stepchild situation). We have gotten pretty close. 

Glad to be back in Buffalo though. But it's hard to be here and no longer in Baltimore helping my family. It's also hard being here and realizing that other friends and in-laws seem to think that things are back to normal for us. People seem to expect us to drop everything for them right now, not realizing that we dedicated our past 2 weeks to dealing with my father's death and throwing out all of his stuff.  And that he has only been dead for 1 month. Man, this is definitely a long road.

Hope to go for a run tomorrow or the next day. I have taken the past several days off from working out, so I am hoping to find some peace once I get back into the routine. 

[happycoloredmarbles]

Back in my hometown...

Arrived back in Baltimore yesterday. So sad not having my Dad here anymore. Made for a stressful drive but we made it. The next two weeks will be spent helping my mom get rid of stuff in an attempt to get ready to sell the house. Without my father's income, she has no choice. Its sad, but I feel that this will be helpful in the end to help her move on with her life eventually. The pup and I went for a 2 mile run this morning around the hilly neighborhood. It was very hot and muggy and rainy. But it felt great. I had wanted to do yoga outside while I'm here but the rain had other plans. I did some standing poses though. Hoping for better weather tomorrow. This afternoon we're hoping to go for a bike ride at Druid Hill Park and then make some delicious vegan dinner for my mom and brother.