#derekwrites

[ozhoopsdrek]

Flew Bonza earlier this month- they serve some unusual routes, but if their schedules and destinations suit you, you might find them a welcome (and affordable) alternative to the Big Two.

[mapleleaf1998]

Good old days.

It feels good when you are sober. Because you are finally free in this kind of hell hole that you are experiencing for years. But as days, weeks, months and finally a year of soberness, I started to realize that I can finally live my life without you, I can finally fix my broken pieces of my life without you, and I can finally start my own career without needing you. But on some point, I also feel sad because I realized that on the very start, we are on this together, we started to dream, fight, fail together, and believe that one day our dreams will turn into reality. But in the middle of our journey, there are conflicts that never resolved, pain and suffering that makes me cripple for years, and unending arguments that can resolved easily if both of us will set aside our egos. And until the day that I can finally stand up and live without you. But suddenly I miss the feeling of the drug flowing into my head down to my soul, the pleasure from the drugs that I know it will destroy me, but it feels good anyway. I just miss everything. The feeling of comfort, love, lust, acceptance, and your caring. I started to miss that feeling. That when I’m high, I can do anything that I want without any restrictions, I can even express my feelings to others without thinking about their reactions, and lastly I can feel the warm feeling that I finally feel when she’s hugging me because it makes me feel safe and secured.

But as I think about it again, it always reminds me that letting you go is the best decision that I’ve ever made. Even though it’s very painful, and even right now I still miss the feeling, but letting you go makes me the person that I always wanted to be. And I can finally live my life without depending on you.

[k1k1chan]

HI DEREK!!!!

derekwrites liked your photoset: NOPE!

[ozhoopsdrek]

New blog post! In some areas, Jetstar's long-haul service may be better than its big sister's- and I'm not just talking about price. Recently I flew on a #Jetstar Boeing 787 to Japan, and can update my review from a few years ago.

[mapleleaf1998]

A prayer for my dear grampa

Dear God, thank you for everything, for the gift of life, for the love and forgiveness that you gave to me and continue giving me. Father please forgive me for I cannot fight my own demons. It’s so hard to live a righteous life and to be devoted with your word. I really want to live a peaceful life. Because everytime I search for You, I found peace. Please help me to become the better version of myself. I really can’t do this anymore. To be a better man, to be a better son, and even to be a better friend. I’m praying for my grampa’s health. I know liver cancer is very deadly. That only miracle can save him. And on some point I feel pain and regrets because I think I didn’t give my whole heart to this person because I just have a fear of loss. A fear that if I got attached to a certain person then suddenly leaves because of some reason that it is very hard to understand. It destroys me. It destroys my whole self. The pain of loss is more painful than the pain of failures, physical pain, mental pain, and emotional pain. That’s why I’m asking for Your forgiveness if I never become a good grandson to my grampa. Sorry gramps if I show less emotion and affection to you because of this fear and I really hate this fear. But somehow I’m happy because on some point I shared my life to you. You got to know me, and I got to know you. Watching movies together, telling stories about your childhood and many more. That’s why on some point I’m happy because God made me feel on having a grandfather. Maybe you’ll never witness my success anymore, my future girlfriend/wife lol and my future career. But I know one thing. That you never wished anything but your grandchildren’s success and happiness. Thank you for everything lolo. I still pray for your fast recovery even though it’s too impossible for you to survive. I love you so much lolo. I promise to be a better man Lord. Just please help me to be consistent in everything and to be a goal driven person. And lastly help me to give love to the people who deserves my love. And thank you again Father. In His most powerful name, Amen.

[mapleleaf1998]

Huy alam mo ba......

Huy alam mo ba hanggang ngayon ikaw padin ang bida sa mga panaginip ko. Huy alam mo ba kinikilig padin ako everytime you show some concern to me kahit wala na tayo. Huy alam mo ba nakakainlove padin yung beauty mo everytime you post some pictures in Instagram, twitter or facebook. Huy alam mo ba namimiss na kita, miss ko na yung mga movie marathon nating dalawa, yung tatambay sa coffee shop whole day just to watch some movies hahaha kahit kumukulo na tyan ko kasi kape lang yung laman ng sikmura ko oks lang kasi ikaw naman kasama ko. Huy alam mo ba gusto ko sabihin lahat ng to sayo, gusto ko sabihin sayo kung gaano ako kasaya sa big change na nangyare sa buhay mo, gusto ko sabihin sayo na “my ankles my ankles ang ganda mo mygad marry me huhu” or “huy, luv u” I missed them all bro but sadly I can’t say those words to you anymore because there is someone else already in your heart and ako, well I’m just your loving bestfriend who keeps on cheering you up everytime you feel down or what. Yes I admit mej masakit to know that you’re inlove with someone else already, but seeing you sooo happy makes me feel happy na din legit happiness to ha! haha! And now here I am nagpapaka papa jack sa mga friends ko na may love problems, sharing my experiences to them, or minsan kung hindi taga advice, dakilang wingman naman na nag eend up sa happily ever after na relasyon HAHA or minsan taga bigay ng mga tips kung paano ligawan si ganto or taga turo ng mga moves sa isang girl HAHA! ewan ko ba ang sarap tumulong sa iba, ang sarap Makita yung iba na masayang masaya dahil natulungan mo sila. But at the end of the day, I will look myself in the mirror or sometimes papasounds ako ng sad opm songs asking myself, “eh ako kelan ko matutulungan yung sarili ko to find the right one?” “or kelan ako sasaya ng bongga kasi I met someone and onti nalang kami na hehe.” Well wala eh that’s life, I admit malungkot, sobra Lalo na seeing others so extremely happy dahil may iba ng nagpapasaya sa kanila. Pero if you let yourself be sad nalang parati dahil wala na si ganto or may iba na sya or what, well never ka talaga sasaya nyan. Because for me having a romantic relationship is an add on in your life. Because you can be happy by yourself lang naman eh, you don’t need to rely on your happiness to others kasi deliks yun! So eto ako ngayon, crazy to say this pero minsan I love to do some crazy things alone like watching a sad or a heartbreaking movie alone by around 12am onwards (kasi tulog na lahat sa bahay para walang estorbo HAHA) tapos iiyak iyak ako magisa kasi legit naman na nakakaiyak yung movie, or minsan kakain magisa sa mcdo then magseselfie sa food tas dradrawingan ko nalang yung picture ng stickman figure ng isang girl telling *insert ..... here HAHAHA and next week baka matuloy plano kong manuod nalang ng sine ng mag isa. hahaha because I learn one thing in life, di porket wala kang girlfriend or boyfriend it doesn’t mean wala ng nagmamahal sayo. Dude remember who loves us first? It’s the one who created us and si God yun. Everyday I'm deeply inlove with Him even tho I commit mistakes or sin everyday, still I feel home everytime I pray or I read the bible. And second is your family, friends and love ones. And lastly sarili mo. wala kang choice bro kundi mamahalin mo yang sarili mo kasi kasakasama mo yan hanggang sa mamatay ka hahaha! That’s why everyday kahit sobrang lungkot ko, I still choose to be happy :) And hoping and believing that one day, there is that “Someone” “ka sparks” “zing” “dream girl” “happy crush turned into seryosohan na HAHA” na makikilala ko and I know that if God gave me that person I’m sure she’s definitely worth it! Because I'm too specific pa naman sa isang tao. eh naniniwala ako na “ask and it shall be given” so libre lang mag ask edi sagarin mo na malay mo makuha mo diba. parang before si ex, lahat ng hinigi ko sa Kanya nandun sakanya as in for me I was like “man literal na answered prayers” pero la eh things went wrong saying. Pero still hoping padin malay mo nasa tabi ko lang pala di ko lang namamalayan or malay mo di ko pa nakikilala soon pa daw. madaming chances bro, just enjoy the moment and be happy lang parati yun lang masasabi ko =)

[mapleleaf1998]

Am I enough?

So hello again tumblr! It’s funny to say this but I just tend to open this every time I have a severe problem in my life. Maybe it is a sort of depression or an anxiety attack. Well “Am I enough” is the title because I keep on asking myself that question over and over again. Because if I’m enough, definitely my girl won’t leave me anymore cos I’m enough. If I’m enough, my dad won’t always brag and comparing his degree and high grades during his days to mine and emphasizing that I’m a worthless son to him. I feel sad because why on earth I need to experience all of these shit in my life. At the very start I already know that my parents won’t give a 100% importance to me because they didn’t let me study in UST which it is my one of my dream universities in my life. Instead they let me study here in DLSU-D which a school that I hated the most. “Anak mahal kasi tuition, wala na kaming pera, etc.” Usapang tuition ba kamo? Well UST marketing management course is way cheaper than DLSU-D. Second, malayo? well my cousin has a condo in espana where I can stay and rent for a cheap price. Ano pa? Simple arguments palang to talo na kayo, what more sa iba pa. All I want in this world is to be loved and to be accepted of who I am and what I am that’s all man. But the fucking problem is, my request is so simple but it’s sooo hard for others to do it. Even asking something sa parents ko nahihiya nako because I always think that I am not enough for them. Even asking for a brand new laptop for my studies cos the old one sucks di ko magawa cos isa lang ang maririnig ko from them. “Anak ano ba yan gastos nanaman!” And that breaks my heart and cry inside the restroom para di nila malaman that I’m crying. I always pretend to be strong and happy to cover up my real and ugly self. I always ask myself “Am I enough?” Tomorrow is another social construct day that is so called “Valentines” but even though it is a social construct, I want also to celebrate valentines with someone who I do really loved the most. But sadly, that girl that I loved the most left me already 3 months ago already. Man it’s been 3 months already, but my heart and all the pain is still in here. It’s hard to let go especially to the person who you are 200% sure with, to the person that my whole clan was already attached with, to the person who knows all my vison and goals in my life and she is part of it, and to the person who accepted me fully of who I am and what I am. Actually to be honest, our 4 months relationship with my ex was my best moments in my life. Because finally I already answered my question “Am I enough?” Because finally someone says that “Yes D, You are enough” I felt so good and my happiness overflows outside my system. But suddenly all of these happiness gradually fades away. I always ask myself. If she said that I’m enough, why did she leave me? Yes I admit, I commit a lot of mistakes to her, I’m not a perfect boyfriend that every girls is expecting with, I didn’t treat her better and taken her for granted. But I do believe, everyone deserves another chance to change and to prove their worth to someone. And for the first time in my life, I finally do things that I never did in my entire life for her because it is all for love. But why after all the efforts I’m still not enough for her that she didn’t give me another chance and she decided to leave me for good. Dude ang sakit pare kung alam mo lang tangina! Hanggang ngayon andito padin tong sakit sa puso na iniwan mo sakin. I cried and ask God “when will I be enough? Especially to someone?” Yes I’m always thankful for what I have right now. But I all ask for one thing, acceptance, love and making me feel that I am enough. fia, girls like you is so rare that makes me feel so extremely depressed because I lose you. I wont act like this if you’re not rare. Because for the first time all character of a girl that I want ay nahanap ko lahat sayo na akala ko imposible nang mahanap sa sobrang dami kong gusto. And losing you makes myself guilty and i keep on blaming myself why I did this, and I did that na kahit yung friendship natin na put into risk na and from lovers to bestfriends and now it turned into strangers that having a conversation is barely to happen. I don’t know how to move on or how this pain will finally go away. But I ask one thing, and it’s for you to come back again. And kung di na talaga kaya, sana kahit yung solid bestfriends lang dati na kung saan anytime we want to talk, we can talk or kung nasa mood ka mag call mag cacall ka yung parang dati lang, sana maibalik yun, sana maibalik yung dating tayo. Gusto ko nang mawala lahat lahat ng sakit na nandito sa puso ko. I don’t know when this will end. But if this pain will finally ends sana maging masaya ka sa kung anong meron ka ngayon, cos I’ll be happy as well. And sana someday if we’re not meant to be talaga, sana may ma meet ako na someone na rare din like you and if nameet ko sya and naging kami, I’m definitely sure na di ko na yun papakawalan and I will treat her the way a queen must be treated. And I will make sure na itatama ko na lahat ng mali ko and all of my mistakes in the past will never ever happened again. Hope someday someone will say “D/Derek/Derek Matthew, YOU ARE ENOUGH.”

[mapleleaf1998]

Sino ka ba?

Sino ka ba? Yan ang tanong sa aking puso na matagal ko nang gustong malaman ang kasagutan, Sino ka ba? Bakit tila pag kausap kita nararamdaman ko ang pinakamasayang parte sa buhay ko, at kasabay doon nararamdaman ko rin ang pinakamalungkot na parte sa buhay ko. Magsimula muna tayo sa masaya tutal yun naman ang gusto ng lahat, ang maging masaya. Masaya ako pag kausap kita, kahit madalang nalang tayo mag kasama ang pakiramdam ko tuwing kausap kita ay tila parang ayoko nang tapusin ang araw na kausap ka. Sa dinami dami ba naman ng mga taong nakakasalamuha ko araw araw. Ikaw lang ang totoo, ikaw lang ang may malakas na loob na sabihin sakin lahat ng mga bagay na dapat kong itama, Ikaw din ang nagpakilala sa akin sa Kanya sa pangalawang pagkakataon. At ikaw din ang nakapag bago ng aking pananaw sa buhay at kung paano mamuhay kasama Siya. Malungkot naman ako dahil punong puno ako ng pagsisi, pagsising sana noon palang ay di ko na nagawa para hanggang ngayon masaya parin ako na kapiling ka. pagsising sana noon palang naitama ko na ang mga mali ko para hanggang ngayon masasabi mo pa rin sa akin ang salitang “mahal kita.” Oo mahal parin kita hindi ko alam kung bakit. Gusto kong itago nalang tong nararamdaman kong ito sayo kasi alam kong wala na akong pag - asa sayo dahil may iba ka nang mahal. Kaya gabi gabi pinag dadasal nalang kita sa Kanya na sana mapunta siya sa lalaking karapat dapat sakanya. Kahit inaamin ko pinagdadasal ko pa din sa Kanya na sana magkabalikan tayo para maparamdam ko sayo ang mga bagay na di ko naparamdam sayo noong tayo pa. Malaking pasasalamat ko sayo dahil sa pangalawang pagkakataon niligtas mo ako. Kung noon niligtas moko sa aking matinding kalungkutan, ngayon niligtas mo ako sa pamamagitan ng pag salba sa aking kaluluwa para makilala at maging parte ako sa mundo Niya. Doon palang sapat na sa akin ang lahat ng meron ako ngayon. Pero gusto ko nang wakasan tong kalungkutan na meron sa puso ko. Pag tuwing kasama o kaya kausap kita lagi akong nasa gitna. Sa pagkakataong ito gusto ko mamili kung masaya ba o malungkot ayoko na ng gitna, mahirap, masakit, hindi ko na kaya. Gusto kong magpakatotoo sa huling pagkakataon at aminin sayo itong nararamdaman ko na oo mahal pa rin kita at ikaw at ikaw lang wala ng iba. Pero hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin sayo yun. Tawagin mo na akong torpe pero kung gaano kakapal ang mukha ko noon, ganito naman ako kalala sa pagka mahiyain ngayon. Kasi alam ko na agad sa sarili ko na HINDI NA TAYO BAGAY. Pakiramdam ko di pa sapat itong paghihirap ko ngayon sa dinami daming kasalanan ang nagawa ko sayo noon. Sana bigyan ako ng Panginoon na magkaroon ng lakas ng loob na sabihin sayo na MAHAL PARIN KITA, ikaw lang at wala ng iba. Handa akong mag antay sa iyong pagbabalik, mahal kahit abutin man ako ng pang habang buhay, handa ako kasi ikaw lang ang taong pinakaminamahal ko pero alam ko ang Panginoon ang may hawak ng mga puso natin at sa Kanya ako aasa kasi alam ko alam nya yung nararapat sa akin. Sana bumalik ka na ulit sa buhay ko, mahal. Mag aantay pa rin ako.

[mapleleaf1998]

Chapter 1: Where it all started

Back when I was a grade school I met this girl named Sophia people call her iya/Phia/sophia. She was my classmate during grade 6. Well basically she is just an ordinary girl, quiet, calm and mysterious so bottomline i just don't even bother talking to her. Kung nakakausap ko sya ang parati kong sinasabi sa kanya is "uy penge ng papel, peram ballpen and pakopya naman" it sounds funny but you already have some idea guys what personality I am in this story hahahaha! Then after I graduated grade school, naging mag classmates nanaman kami nung high school. So I wondered what's with this girl that caught my attention. So I tried to make friends with her, but damn she's so sungit and taray na di man lang ako napapansin. But it sounds crazy because dun nagsimula yung crush ko sa kanya hahaha! Until before the school year ends naging seat mates kami, so ayun mejo naging close kaso yun nga the school year just ended 😞 until 2nd year high school comes and guess what? We're classmates again! And yeah great naging ka cheat mate ko pa sya hahahaha lol we've closer friends than before. But suddenly things changed, nagkaroon sya ng manliligaw na itatago natin sa pangalan na Mike tagong tago ba? Hahahaha so that's it a new life and a new chapter for her.

[mapleleaf1998]

Final Chapter???

Alright! Sup folks it’s me Derek ang madrama at makata nyong blogger. Today i will share something na pag sino ang makakabasa nito panigurado maiiyak hahahahaha mala pang walang forever na movie ba kamo hahaha here it goes. I just gonna say thank you to tumblr for letting me share everything about my life through ups and downs, through fun, motivation or through sadness. I just really want to create a book even though i don’t love reading books lol sounds ironic right? But yeah that’s me but im starting to love reading books already because i love stories, movies and etc and also to expand my vocabulary in english. If i just had a lot of money just to create a book panigurado nakagawa nako. So the question here is. Is this my final chapter here in the tumblr world and in our relationship with the girl i doooo really love most! But suddenly things changed. I don’t have any idea if does she still loves me or not anymore? But thank you iya for introducing me this tumblr mas nakikala ko pa lalo ang sarili ko through this! So eto na wew handa na ba kayo guys? Is this the final chapter of our story or there will be an epilogue or a second chapter? Nobody knows but i will tell you guys our story here so enjoy!! 😊

[k1k1chan]

Is Derek Back? NOPE! Chuck Testa.

derekwrites replied to your post: HI DEREK!!!!

KIKI!!! HEY GURL HEY!! Word to muh memezies!