#did i also submit this as a final project in one of my classes? ...maybe

[secretlyofthefeywild]

The Creation of the World

In the beginning there was only the Universe. She was infinite in her vastness, in her stillness, in her silence. She existed before existence himself. She was complete, but she was alone. She spent her existence in still, silent, never-ending darkness. 

Eventually the Universe decided that she would create a companion to share the space within existence. The Universe in her infinite vastness, stillness, and silence, spent a great while thinking. She did not know where she came from, but she knew that she had been alone since her first memory. In this thinking the Universe created her first son, Time. Like his mother, Time was infinite and never-ending, constant and unchangeable. But unlike his mother, he was not still. He was always moving, always flowing, always progressing. 

Pleased with her first child, the Universe began to craft the next. She collected rocks and dirt and worked them together, willing the mixture to come together until she could shape it. She suspended the mixture in space and thus the Earth was created. The Universe studied the Earth for a long time, thinking. Eventually she took the Earth in her hands and blew onto it, breathing existence into the packed dirt and rock, and thus the Earth Goddess was born. She was full of life and wonder, restless but also calm. She was quite unlike her mother and brother, but they both loved her immensely. 

The Universe thought for a while. She had created Time who was so much like her and was content to simply exist. But she had also created the Earth, who had such a lively soul and should not be condemned to such a fate. And so she began to craft a third child. The universe thought of the pride and love she felt for her children and felt a sense of warmth. She followed that sensation, the edges of it beginning to manifest. As it came into being it grew warmer still, and for the first time there was light. And thus, the Sun was born. She was radiant and resilient, full of determination and strength. 

The four of them existed together in peace and harmony for a long time. Of course, they were not idle during this time. The Earth and the Sun loved each other immensely, in the way the only sisters truly can. They spent their early time playing together and imagining what it would be like to have the power that the Universe did, the things they would create when they were old enough.

As time passed, the Earth began to come into her full domain. She created plants, full of her very own life and wonder, from the tallest tree to the smallest sprout. She created plants to survive off the available resources, the fresh water, the clean air, and the abundant rays of her sister’s light. For the first time, something had been created by hands other than the Universe. A new precedent had been set, suddenly anything became possible. It is no surprise green became the color we associate with hope. 

No one was more awestruck than the Sun. She begged her sister to teach her the secrets of creation. The Earth smiled at her sister's determination and agreed to help her. She suggested that they make something together, something they could share. The Sun noticed that the plants that the Earth had created reacted to the absence of her rays as much as they did to the presence of them. She knew that her rays were necessary for the plant's survival, but she also knew that she could not be everywhere at once, all of the time. She mentioned this to the Earth and together they created the four seasons, Summer, Autumn, Winter, and Spring. Summer was energetic and warm, full of the Sun’s rays and the Earth’s enthusiasm. Autumn was cozy and calm, full of the Sun’s kindness and the Earth’s comfort. Winter was quiet and cold, full of the Sun’s resilience and the Earth’s strength. Spring was joyful and bright, full of the Sun’s radiance and the Earth’s wonder. 

The Earth was enamored by her plants and the way the new seasons worked. She began to spend more and more time with herself, tending to her plants and watching the way the seasons worked in perfect harmony. This caused the Sun to begin to grow lonely. She knew that they were growing up and taking on responsibilities, but she missed having someone to play with. 

The Universe saw that the Sun was beginning to withdraw and become sad. She immediately began to think of ways to solve her daughter’s loneliness. She thought of the Sun, full of light and determination, strong and caring. She thought for a long time and eventually something began to take form. She was bright, but not in the same way as the Sun, her glow was more subdued, more calm. And thus the Moon was born. She was kind and soft, full of serenity and peace. 

The Sun was immediately enamored by the Moon. They complimented each other perfectly. The Moon was soft where the Sun was bold, protective where the Sun was resilient, forgiving where the Sun was determined. It was no surprise when the two fell in love. 

The Sun and the Moon played together, their joy lighting up the Universe. The Sun loved to chase the Moon, and the Moon loved to be chased by the Sun. In their play, they made the Day and the Night. The Day followed Moon, arriving with the Sun and bringing the promise of the Night. The Night followed the Sun, arriving with the Moon and bringing the promise of the Day. From the space between the Day and the Night came the Dawn and the Dusk. They were transitional and fluid, bridging the gap between the known and the unknown. 

The Moon and the Earth also became fast friends. The Earth loved the Moon’s calming effect and the Moon loved the Earth’s sense of wonder. The Moon enjoyed playing in the Earth’s water. It was hard to not feel comfortable around the Moon and slowly the Earth began to play again. They would splash water at each other as the Moon passed through while being chased by the Sun. In their play, the Earth and the Moon created the Tide and the Current. 

The Earth loved the Moon and cherished her as a sister. But as she watched the Sun and the Moon, in their relentless play and desire to see the other one happy, she began to feel alone. She knew that she was loved, and could feel that love all around her. But it is difficult to look at the way the Sun and the Moon are so clearly made for one another, and not feel a little left out. 

Determined to not appear jealous or unhappy, the Earth decided to busy herself. Her planet was really coming together. It had plants and seasons and now even the water had tides and currents. She sat with her brother, Time, and watched everything for a while. Time was a nice companion to sit and think with. He was never still, but he was constant and dependable. Eventually she realized what her planet was missing. It needed things to play with one another. It needed life that was free to run and roam, and not rooted in the soil. With this idea in mind, the Earth began to create. 

The Earth created Animals. From the smallest flea to the largest whale. From the gophers burrowing under the dirt to the eagles flying high in the sky. From the solitary tortoise to the pack dwelling wolf. Soon the Earth was full of Animals. 

The Universe watched with pride as the Earth created Animal after Animal. She watched the Earth take breaks to play with the Sun and the Moon and to sit with Time. Even through all of this love, the Universe could see that the Earth was sad. She knew that Time was content in his solitude, that was why she had made the Sun in the first place. But now the Sun had a wife and once again, the Earth was alone. 

The Universe sat and thought about the Earth for a long time. She thought about her daughter's determination to live, her sense of wonder, her ability to be everywhere and nowhere at once. As the Universe thought, something began to take form. He was calm, but not in the same way as the Earth, he was not like the calm before a storm but like the calm that follows after destruction. And thus Death was born. He was disastrous and beautiful, never-ending and final. 

The Earth was immediately enamored by Death. They complemented each other perfectly. Death was still where the Earth was restless, patient where the Earth was strong, understanding where the Earth was determined. It was no surprise when the two fell in love. 

The Earth and Death began to play together, their joy lighting up the Universe. Death loved to chase the Earth and the Earth loved to be chased by Death. In their play they created the Life Cycle and the Afterlife. Just as the Earth and Death chased each other, the Life Cycle and the Afterlife chased each other, running throughout the world giving plants and animals alike the beautiful gift of mortality. 

In her joy, the Earth continued to create. She loved her animals more than she could ever express, but she felt the need to make something more. Once again, she sat with Time and watched everything. After a while she realized what was missing. The animals were alive and they could play, but they couldn’t communicate the way that the gods could. She set out to create new animals, ones that bore a closer resemblance to her and her family. She created a variety of new animals that were bipedal. Some were shorter and preferred the dark, others were taller and preferred the light. Some had wings and could fly, others had gills and could breathe underwater. And thus the Earth created Dwarves and Elves, Faeries and Mermaids. She gave all of her new children the gift of spoken language, so that they may worship the gods in their play. 

The Earth came alive in a new way. All of the different races lived together in harmony, basking in the Sun’s rays and splashing in the Earth’s water. They lived off the plants and animals and shared their joy. They gave thanks to the Earth for their creation, to the Sun for her warmth, to the Moon for her tranquility, to Death for his comfort. These early beings did not fear Death, they honored and celebrated him. Death came at the end of a long and beautiful life, to die meant that you had lived. 

Everything existed in peace and harmony for a very long time. The Earth, the Sun, the Moon, and Death spent their time playing together. Their laughter and joy filled the Universe with warmth and comfort. The Earth even got Time to join in their playing every so often. A great many things were created in their play, and it’s often hard to discern who should get the credit for what. Not that anyone was worried about receiving credit, these things came from all of their play, and that was enough for them. Slowly the Universe became more and more populated as their play left a trail of Stars and Planets. The Sun and the Moon became the ones to tend to these new creations. 

After a while, the Earth went to sit with Time again. She was full of love and pride for all of her creations and enjoyed watching them. After a while she got the desire to create something new. She wanted to create something that had all of the strengths of her current creations. She made them not as short as the Dwarves, but not as tall as the Elves. She did not give them the Faerie’s wings or the Mermaid’s gills, but instead gave them the desire to fly and to swim. She made them as resilient as the Sun, as kind as the Moon, as beautiful as Death. And thus Humans were created. 

The existing races welcomed the Humans with open arms. They showed them how to hunt and gather, how to bask in the Sun’s rays and splash in the Earth’s water, how to worship the gods and welcome Death. 

But the Humans did not want to live as the others did. They did not understand why they should have to worship the gods or welcome Death. They began to see themselves as superior to the older races. That superiority soon bled into hatred. The humans began to imprison or kill the older races for practicing the old ways. Terrified, they prayed to the Earth, their creator, to help them. 

The Earth heard the prayers of her creations and began to weep. How could such a beautiful creation have turned so bitter? She knew that something needed to be done to protect the older races, but she couldn’t bear to turn her back on the Humans. Weeping, she turned to her mother and begged for her help. 

The Universe could not bear to see her daughter in so much pain. She hugged her daughter tightly and promised that she would think of something. After a while the Earth’s sobs began to taper off and the Universe began to think. She was far more fond of the older races, and would have been content to destroy the Humans, but the Earth loved them as well. After a while an idea came to her. She would simply hide the older races from the Humans. She could not bear the thought of condemning them to a life outside of the Earth, nor a life of fear of being found by the Humans. The Universe did something she had not done in a great while, she created something new. 

She took the Earth and created pockets and folds in reality. And thus the Hidden Realms were created. These Realms were just like the current world in every single way, except that they were too confusing and complex for the Humans to access. The older races could come and go from them as they pleased, living in harmony once again. It was not impossible for the Humans to access the Hidden Realms, but it almost never happens, and those that are able to access them must have the correct type of soul to find them.

Upon seeing what the Universe had created, the Earth began to weep again. But they were tears of joy now, because all of her creations were able to continue to exist. 

And this is how the world as we know it came to be. 

[deadpanjisung]

✧ the collective muse ✧

⟢ pairing: graphic designer!lee know x journalist!afab!reader x graphic designer!han

⟢ MDNI!!!!! (please make sure you have your age in your bio)

⟢ wc: 11.5k

⟢ genre: smut, angst, a lil fluff, colleagues to friends to strangers to lovers (you'll see when you read it)

⟢ warnings: unconventional relationship dynamics, talks of depression/ antidepressants, jealousy, kind of cheating-ish, mentions of pubic hair, threesome, boys kissing <3, breast play, fingering, oral, unpr0tected sex, creampies (lmk if i missed any).

⟢epilogue

♡ likes, comments and reblogs are so appreciated

Co-founding a digital magazine was not in your plans when you started studying a B.A. in Journalism. During your last semester, you were assigned to create a digital magazine for one of your core courses. The magazine was your only assignment for that particular course. The difficult part was that it would be a group project. For that, you were thankful to have met Jisung earlier. 

Despite being younger than you, Jisung was also coursing his last semester at university, majoring in Graphic Design with a minor in Journalism, hence the common courses. You had met him on your second year of studying when he started taking some of your core courses with you. It wasn’t until you were forced to work with him on another group project that you got to know him.

To know Jisung was to love Jisung. You quickly became good friends. Knowing Jisung also meant inevitably meeting Minho, another Graphic Design major getting a minor in Journalism. When assigned this particular project, Jisung recruited both you and Minho to be a part of his group. You didn’t know Minho as well as you did Jisung since Minho usually went to class and left to his apartment almost immediately while Jisung walked you to your car and occasionally invited you to eat dinner or watch a movie.

“So…” Jisung started, as you and Minho walked with him towards your car. “Any ideas for the magazine?” You nodded, Minho just stared at whoever talked.

“I think we should focus on art.”

“Like paintings art?” Minho asked. 

“Yeah, like, we can visit a few galleries and write about them. We could write a column about classic artists too.”

“I like it.” Jisung commented, grinning widely. “But, I think we should write about music too. Maybe a multi-media art magazine would be cool.”

“That could work. Do you have any ideas, Minho?”

“Ah, I kind of wanted to write about the cuisine.”

“Food is art too.” Jisung said. “So, a magazine about food, art and music? Think anyone would want to read that?” He chuckled. You mindlessly continued walking, in an attempt to spot your white Hyundai SUV.

“I’d probably read it.”

“Yeah, me too.” You added, finally identifying your car amongst the sea of similar vehicles. “So, meet up at my place tomorrow at noon to strategize?” Minho and Jisung both nodded. 

What had started as a uni assignment, became acclaimed by professors and classmates alike. You, Minho and Jisung put in the extra mile for this magazine. Your bond strengthened amongst the frequent reunions, visits to museums, galleries, restaurants, concerts, and album listening parties. Your magazine, The Collective Muse, became a popular topic around the university. Your mentor was the first person to recommend the pursuit of making the magazine a job. Writing and designing felt like second nature to all of you. You were required to present three issues but you submitted eight of them. 

“I can see that you’re passionate about it. It’s very current, very relevant. The students love it, too. You could publish a few of them, as a test run.” Your professor motivated you. 

The test run went as well as had been expected by your classmates.  Soon enough Minho and Jisung went from being your friends to being your colleagues. 

Once you graduated, you rented an office space. Initially, The Collective Muse was a side-job. You wrote the occasional article for a newspaper and worked at a call-center so you could pay the bills. Minho and Jisung worked as independent graphic designers, making more use of your office space than you did. Nonetheless, every afternoon you met at your office to brainstorm and design the new issues for The Collective Muse. 

The magazine became your sole work-flow within six months of graduating. You and Jisung had the initiative to translate the issues to other languages, and The Collective Muse became an international success in record time. 

✎ᝰ ‧₊˚ ⋅ 𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅ ♬⋆.˚ Two years later ⋆.˚♬ ‧₊˚ 𓎩⋅‧₊˚ ⋅✎ᝰ

The magazine was still going strong. The diversity of the topics mixed with your individual sets of skills were the essence that kept the magazine relevant amongst pop culture; especially for teenagers and young adults. 

“Hey.” Minho came into your office. 

“Hi. I thought you’d be home by now. What’s up?” You asked, concerned at his worried expression. 

“I need to talk to you… and Jisung…” He started, “Can you come to my office when you’re done?”

“I’ll go now.” You said. “Are you okay, Minho?” He looked away from you. You met Jisung as he entered Minho’s office just before you. 

“So… I don’t know where to start.” Minho sighed. You and Jisung looked at each other and you could feel your hearts simultaneously sink. “I was offered a job… a full-time position… with another magazine a few months ago…They called me again today….” Minho gulped as he looked from you to Jisung for the first time since he started talking. “I’m taking the job. I’m sorry.”

“Hold on. Are they offering you more money or something?” You asked coldly. 

“I don’t care about the money, Y/N. I think I outgrew this company. That’s all. I want to write for a magazine that focuses on food and dining.” He answered. “Don’t worry. I have all you need until summer. You can find someone to replace me by then.”

“But, Min. It’s not the same without you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. You’ll do well. I know you will. Excuse me.”

Minho left you and Jisung confused that night and he never returned to the office. Maybe if you and Jisung hadn’t been so disoriented with the news, you would’ve noticed that something else was going on with Minho. After he left, he stopped answering your calls, and your texts, and your letters. You went to his apartment a few times, only to be told that he moved an hour away, back to his parent’s house.

Losing an essential part of your team was the only the first incident that led to The Collective Muse’s downfall. When summer was over, and Seo Changbin took over the cuisine section of the magazine, your readers weren’t too keen on it. Changbin was a great storyteller but they, understandably, missed the prose that Minho provided them. The Collective Muse’s subscribers reduced significantly after Minho left. You and Jisung, as the heads of the company, had to make the difficult choice to close the office and continue publishing virtually. 

Thus, Jisung became your housemate in order to save money on rent. Changbin worked from his house. And you inevitably regressed to having a second job in order to fund your lives. You considered putting an end to The Collective Muse once and for all. Yet, it felt like the only thing in your life that was worth fighting for. Your nine to five job only brought money to the table but no real sense of motivation to create, to express and to be yourself. Jisung, on the other hand, joined a graphic design company that only allowed him to make plain menus and banners for local coffee shops. Changbin worked as a car salesman during the day. Needless to say, you all needed The Collective Muse in order to keep a part of yourselves alive. So you, and Jisung and Changbin worked long nights in order to fund the magazine and its ever declining ratings.

✎ᝰ ‧₊˚ ⋅ 𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅ ♬⋆.˚ A year later ⋆.˚♬ ‧₊˚ 𓎩⋅‧₊˚ ⋅✎ᝰ

“Okay. We’ll just go over to him and make him take back his boxes and his desk.” You reassured Jisung.

“We’ll just go over to him and make him take back his boxes and his desk.”Jisung repeated. You had been hoarding Minho’s belongings since he left and you closed the office. With both of you living together, the space that Minho’s things occupied was desperately needed. 

“If he doesn’t want them, we’ll give the desk to your brother and, I don’t know, burn his other things or something.” You affirmed. Minho and Jisung’s families lived relatively close to each other. When Jisung’s nephew was born, you decided that the road trip was necessary both to see the baby and to let go of the things Minho left to haunt you for a year.

“This is it.” Jisung pointed to a house and you parked in front of it. You sighed. It had been a whole year since you had seen Minho. The only indicator that he was alive, were the articles that he wrote for his new job and the occasional social media post promoting them. Jisung looked even more nervous than you did. He was sweating profusely.

“Hey, Ji.” You put your hand on his cheek. “We’ve got this. It’s just Minho. We can handle Minho.” He grabbed your hand and squeezed it. 

Your relationship with Jisung was… complicated. You weren’t just colleagues or friends but you weren’t quite anything else either. You were aware that Minho had feelings for Jisung; he didn’t have to tell you. You also knew that Jisung had feelings for you. You and Jisung hadn’t crossed the ambiguous and imaginary friendship line because you respected Minho too much. You wanted Minho to feel comfortable with you despite the feelings that were involved. You thought it would work out. You and Jisung grieved together; you and Jisung found comfort in each other, too. Living together facilitated the process, and it made being just friends quite more complicated. 

You found yourself next to Jisung, in front of Minho’s door. Jisung rang the doorbell, you didn’t fail to notice how his hands had a slight tremble as he did. The door opened to reveal a sleepy-looking Minho. His hair was disheveled, he had dark circles under his eyes, he was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. And, despite that, he still looked as mesmerizing as ever. His eyes widened upon seeing you, shifting from you to Jisung.

“Hey.” You greeted as casually as possible. Seeing Minho again, to you, felt like seeing an ex-boyfriend. You were so angry at him, yet you wanted nothing more than to wrap your arms around him and ask him to get back together. 

“Hey, Min. We’re sorry to pop up randomly. You weren’t answering our calls. So we couldn’t really let you know that we were coming by.” Jisung chuckled nervously.

“Uh. Okay. Come in.” Minho replied as he made his way inside. “Close the door or the babies will run away, okay?” You nodded as you stepped inside, closing the door after yourself. 

“So, um, it’s good to see you. We’ll be quick. Your desk and some boxes are in the van and we were just wondering if you still wanted them?” You asked, trying to concentrate on Minho rather than on searching for one of the cats. 

“Oh, you could’ve just kept it in the office or something. I have a desk here already…” Minho answered. “Want some water?” You shook your head. Jisung nodded. 

“That’s the thing though. When you left, we kinda… closed down the office. So your desk’s just been living in the workspace at our apartment…” Jisung added.

“Oh… I’m sorry to hear that. Are you still publishing or…?” Minho asked, his expression was genuine, still you couldn’t help but felt pissed off at him. He didn’t even check if you were still running. What a friend…

“Yeah. It’s been hard to, though. People really miss your columns…” You replied. 

“I bet that’s not it…”

“It’s part of it…” Jisung countered. 

“You two are finally living together?” Minho was quick to change the subject. 

“We couldn’t really afford rent ourselves either. We compromised by me moving to her apartment.” Jisung cleared up. 

“Yeah, it’s only until we have some financial stability.” You said.

“Oh. That must be nice.”

“It is!” Jisung confirmed. “It’s been pretty healing, to live with your best friend, collaborating with other people too. It hasn’t been all bad….”

“Ji…” You interrupted. “We kind of have to get going.” You directed your attention to Minho, who was playing with the strings of his sweats. “Are you sure you don’t need your desk?” Minho shook his head. 

“No. If you know anyone that needs it, feel free to gift it forward.” Minho answered, you and Jisung nodded as you stood up. “Jisung-ah, Y/N-ah… Seeing you has been nice… I really meant to call you back. I’ll give you the home phone number, okay?” Jisung nodded, with no intentions of actually using it for anything. Minho handed him a piece of paper with the number written on it.

“Nice to see you too, Min. Good luck.” Jisung said whilst putting on his shoes. 

“I’m sorry about what happened…” Minho apologized with a sigh. 

“That’s water under the bridge.” 

“See you. Take care. Get some rest, okay?” You said.

“Thanks… Good luck. Stay healthy.” Minho bowed as you and Jisung exited his house. He stood in the doorway for a few seconds, staring at you and Jisung. His heart dropped when you kept walking without even glancing back at him. 

Jisung sighed as he entered the van. His eyes met yours and he leaned into you and pressed his lips on yours. The kiss took you by surprise. It, of course, wasn’t the first time that he kissed you. But, kisses with Jisung were intimate; you never kissed in public. His lips were familiar, they were chapped despite him doing his best efforts to moisturize them.

“Sorry.” He chuckled nervously as he pulled away from you. “Seeing Minho was too much like seeing an ex. I kinda needed the reassurance that I still have you.” You chuckled at him.

“Loser.” You grinned. “I get it, though. The vibe was so… weird. It really felt like seeing an ex after a hard breakup.” Jisung grabbed a hold of your hand. You started the van again and drove past Minho’s house, failing to notice that Minho was still standing outside, looking over at you. 

“It was nerve-wrecking for me.” Jisung added. “Minho looks tired. More tired than he looked when he was writing for The Muse. I hope he’s not working himself to the bone.”  You nodded.

“Then again, I bet we look just as exhausted to him as he does to us now.” You noted. 

You looked at Jisung next to you. He was beautiful, of course he was, big round eyes to match his round cheeks, his gummy smile, you never missed the way he cocked his eyebrows or the way they furrowed when he was anxious or frustrated. You had his face memorized, etched in your soul. It was so easy to fall in love with him. He had dark circles under his eyes too, his bright blue hair was a faded baby blue now and he had a stubble from not shaving. Jisung examined you too; you had dark circles under your eyes, your natural hair color had begun to show in your roots, you didn’t wear too much makeup anymore (he loved your bare face just as much), you had removed your piercings… you were everything to him, but you did look tired.

“We’ve been overworking ourselves, huh?” He pointed out. “It’s easy to recognize on another person, not so much on yourself.” You nodded, keeping your eyes on the road; the sun had already set. 

Mrs. Han welcomed you with open arms every time you went to visit them. She invited you inside but you denied, guilt-ridden. You didn’t want his family to get the impression that you were a couple, you didn’t want to get their hopes up.

“Oh, don’t drive home this late, Y/N. Please stay here.” Mrs. Han said as she packed you a bowl of rice.

“Don’t worry. If I leave now, I’ll be home soon. Thank you so much for the offer, though.” You replied, taking the bento she served you. Jisung accompanied you outside. 

“Are you sure that you don’t want to stay?” He asked. You shook your head. 

“I’m good. I was sick last week, remember? I need to have work done by tomorrow afternoon.” You answered, it was an excuse and he knew it, yet he didn’t fight you on it. 

“Give me a call when you get home, okay?” Jisung added, giving you a peck on your lips. “I love you. Drive safely.”

“I love you too, Ji. Have fun tomorrow.” You blushed and gave him another kiss. 

“Thanks. Bye, Y/N!” He waved you off. 

The drive was only about an hour and a half long. You had left Minho’s desk at Jisung’s parents’ house and took the forgotten boxes with you back. About ten minutes into the drive, your phone rang. Minho. A name you hadn’t seen in your phone in a long while. You debated answering him, but you did.

“Minho? What’s up?”

“Hey, Y/N. Sorry to bother you. I called Jisung but he didn’t answer… I wanted to ask about the boxes you said I left…”

“Oh, sorry about that. I forgot to give them to you. I’m on my way home. Can I drop them off at yours?” You asked.

“Yeah. That’ll be perfect, actually.”

“I’ll be there in, like, five minutes.”

“Okay. Bye.” 

You hung up.

You cursed at your forgetfulness. Seeing Minho once was tough, seeing him twice and being alone would be harder. You tried not to bad mouth him in front of Jisung, but you couldn’t help to resent him. Minho took a part of your dream when he left. A part that you would never get back. You felt angry and betrayed and disappointed. When everything spiraled, you cried and cursed at Minho when you were alone. You knew it wasn’t fair to blame him. Still, it’s difficult to go from relative success to barely eating to be able to sustain yourself and your passion. 

When you pulled up at Minho’s, he was already outside. He smoked a cigarette and put it out as soon as he saw your car. You saw his figure walking up to you; a familiar sight, just like when you used to pick him and Jisung up to work on your magazine a few summers ago. His hair was cut shorter now, he put on a bit of weight too, which didn’t surprise you. But, when did he start smoking?

“Hey. Sorry again.” Minho apologized. “It’s really humid outside tonight. You’re alone?” You nodded. “Do you want to come in?”

“Ah, I shouldn’t stay long. It’s late already.” You answered. 

“That’s the thing. I kind of ordered a lot of food and my parents are traveling so…” Minho said and looked at you expectantly, “I was wondering if you wanted some.” You stared at him blankly, this wasn’t like Minho. Minho was direct and blunt, he didn’t make mistakes. He was always so detail-oriented. “Please.” A year had passed and you still couldn’t resist his charm.

“Fine.” You answered as you turned the car off. You walked alongside Minho, the faint smell of cigarettes plaguing your nostrils. “Since when do you smoke? Weren’t you all about health?”

“Ah, you caught that? I don’t do it often, only when I’m really anxious.” He replied, looking at you. “I know the smell makes you nauseous, I shouldn’t have done it.” 

“It’s okay.” 

“You still like bibimbap, right?” He asked you whilst taking off his shoes. 

“Yeah, it’s still my favorite.” You answered as you took off yours. “Are the babies here?” He nodded. 

“It’s been a while since you haven’t seen them. Dori has put on a lot of weight. He’s healthy though.”

“Ah! You know I love when kitties have a big primordial pouch!”  You noted when you saw Dori at the top of the stairs. “He looks so adorable.” Minho chuckled at your reaction. You walked up the stairs and sat next to Dori. He took his time sniffing you but still cuddled into you. Unbeknownst to you, Minho was fondly staring at the interaction from behind the kitchen threshold. 

“Sorry to break this up but bibimbap isn’t quite as good when it’s cold.” Minho said, and walked back to the kitchen. You gave Dori a last pet and walked to the kitchen. 

The colorful bibimbap that was served illuminated the original dullness of the kitchen. Minho’s kitchen was beige but still Minho-esque, adorned with cat towels and little kitten salt and pepper shakers. You sat down next to Minho and started eating. It felt weird to be back at Minho’s house after your college days. It felt even stranger to eat bibimbap with your ex-colleague, who had been ghosting you for a year, at 9pm in his childhood home. Soonie stepped into the room, followed by Doongie and jumped up on the table. Minho stood up and took out a cat food can from the fridge and served their plates next to the table. 

“Sorry about that. They get feisty when they’re hungry. Eomma has them on a tight feeding schedule but I’m a bit more lenient.” He commented. “Do you want a beer?” You shook your head.

“As tempting as it sound, I’m driving so water is fine, thanks.” You replied. Minho placed the glass of water next to you.

“I guess we’ll have to see each other again over some beers, then.” 

“Ah, I’m not much of a drinker these days.” You clarified. “I’m on mood stabilizers and alcohol kind of reverses their effects.”

“Oh, I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay. You couldn’t have known. A lot of things have changed since you left.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’ve been beating myself up for that all this time. I didn’t answer you because I was embarrassed…”

“Min. It’s fine. What’s done is done. We’re working with what we have and that’s enough for now.” You cut him off. His eyes were glossy. You had never seen Minho cry before. “It’s okay, Min, really. I understand your decision. At first, I was frustrated but I understand why you did it and that it doesn’t mean that you hate us or that we did anything to make you feel weird or out of place….right?”

Minho looked at you and bit the inside of his cheek. Something Minho tended to do when he was embarrassed or about to lie. 

“Oh, shit. What did we do?” You asked.

“Well, um…It wasn’t necessarily something that you did… but, my feelings getting in the way… a-and you and Jisung…” He replied, staring at the carpet under the table, avoiding your eyes at all cost.

“Min… I’m sorry…”

“No. It’s not your fault.” He affirmed. “I couldn’t separate my personal feelings for Jisung from my professional life. And then I saw… forget it…”

“You saw what?” You questioned and he looked up at you and sighed.

“At our New Year’s Eve Party last year… Jisung walked you out, and then I decided that I wanted to see you out too… and I saw you… kissing…”

“Fuck. Min, I’m so so so sorry about that.” You pleaded. “I didn’t mean to get in the middle of you two. I held back, that was the first time and last time that we kissed until we moved in together….”

“Y/N, it’s not your fault. Jisung obviously has feelings for you and I can see that you like him too. You two are my best friends. A part of me thinks it’s wonderful that you love each other in that way. But, it wasn’t so easy to see it.”

“It’s complicated.” You said. “I didn’t want anything to happen with Jisung because I didn’t want to hurt you, but also because it makes working together harder. I wanted to avoid a situation where someone left The Muse…”

“Y/N, I-I’m so sorry about that. Could you please not tell Jisung?” You nodded.

“We both have things to be sorry for, I guess. I know that Jisung’s sorry too.” You added. “For what it's worth, we’re not together together.” He took a sip of his beer and you finished the rest of your meal in silence. A little awkwardly at first, but it became a comfortable silence. 

“Thanks for the meal.” You broke the silence. “I should really get going. I hate driving when it’s super dark out.”

“You can stay here, if you want.” Minho offered as he took your plate. He walked over to the sink and washed the dishes.

“I have some things to do at home tonight.” You replied after you answered a text from Jisung. “Thanks for offering, though.” You grabbed your purse and stood behind Minho as he dried his hands.

“Are you sure?” He asked, scanning your face for any indicator. You nodded. Minho walked with you to his front door. You laced up your shoes while Minho curiously stared at you. “I missed you.” That took you by surprise, making you halt your movements.

“Me too.” You smiled at him. 

He stepped closer to you and wrapped his arms around you. Minho’s embrace was unusual, he hadn’t hugged you much in the past. He nuzzled his head into your shoulder and sniffled, you then understood what the hug really meant. You wrapped your arms around him. You stayed silent, your eyes betraying you as they watered against Minho’s shoulder. In that moment, you forgot all of the anger and frustration you had felt towards him. Once he pulled away, you cupped his cheek. His eyes were teary, his lashes were wet, his nose was a pink color from his sniffling. 

“I love you, Min. I hope you know that what happened during the last year doesn’t change that…” You said. He smiled at you. 

“Thank you, Y/N.” 

You pondered about what had just happened during the rest of your drive. Seeing Minho almost a year after he left was gut-wrenching and knowing that you had a part on him leaving was even worse. You couldn’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if you and Jisung hadn’t kissed or if Minho hadn’t seen you two. Would you still be working together? Or were you always meant to part ways? 

You texted Jisung to let him know that you arrived to your apartment. The night was silent where you lived. When Jisung was there with you, the apartment felt small yet when you’re alone it appeared so empty. You cried yourself to sleep that night and you dreamt of a world where you hadn’t made stupid mistakes.

You didn’t regret kissing Jisung per say, but you did regret hurting Minho, especially when you had been so careful to not act upon your lingering feelings for Jisung or for Minho. Before you knew that Minho had feelings for Jisung or that Jisung had feelings for you, you were drawn to Minho. Deep down you knew that that was probably the main reason why you resented him for leaving. Though, you were also aware that Minho was the reason that you couldn’t make your relationship with Jisung official. A part of you felt that you were betraying him for being with Jisung already. 

A call from Jisung woke you up the next day.

“Good morning.” His voice rang.

“Hi, Ji. What’s up?” You asked, followed by a yawn.

“Nothing, I think I’m heading home soon. You got there late, are you okay?”

“Weren’t you staying for a while?” You asked. “I’m fine, I just dropped Minho’s things off at his.”

“I have a lot of stuff to do for work. I saw my nephew earlier anyways. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“See you. Bye.”

After hanging up, you were surprised to see a text message notification from Minho that read: ‘Thank you for last night again. I’m going to be in the city this week. Do you want to have dinner with me?’  . You stared at the message, pondering what to respond. Did he ask Jisung the same thing? Would it be just us two? You replied: ‘sure, just let me know when’.

You ate greek yogurt with honey and strawberries, a minimal effort breakfast that kept you full enough until you finished writing the column that you were writing for the magazine. You had visited a charming intimate art exhibit in Seoul from a local artist last weekend. You offered to write a piece on it and the artist was very receptive, asking for your number and for you to promise to text him when the new issue was available. It took you a while to get into your writing zone, scanning the pictures of the exhibit once again for some inspiration. You barely even noticed when Jisung arrived, only his bad habit of slamming the door shut giving it away. 

“Hey.” He popped his head in from your room’s doorway. “My mom made us lunch before I left. Take a break.” You nodded in defeat as you had been stuck on the closing paragraph for a while. You followed Jisung to the kitchen, sitting on your somewhat designated seat as Jisung served the food.

“You look peppy, sleep well?” You asked. He handed you your plate. 

“Kind of. It’s a bit refreshing being home but I kinda missed being here.” He chuckled. “So, you went back to Minho’s?” You nodded.

“Yeah. He asked if I could bring his boxes back.” You answered. “He fed me bibimbap too.” Jisung’s eyes widened at that. 

“For real?” He asked with a mouthful of rice.

“Yeah. Weird, right?” You answered. “It was nice, though. I felt his humanity again.”

“Did he tell you why he left?”

“Kind of…” You replied, avoiding eye contact with him.

“Aish. I know that look. What did we do?”

“Nothing. I just think it’s a conversation that you and Minho should have alone. I don’t want to be Hermes for you two.” You replied and kept eating.

“Are you really doing this to me?” He pleaded.

“I am, sorry.” He rolled his eyes and resumed eating. “Are you pissed at me?”

“No. You’re right. It is a conversation that should happen between me and Minho.” He answered calmly. He stood up and placed his place and glass cup in the sink. “I have to do a few things for tomorrow and I might as well start now. We can go out for dinner.” You looked at him. “Or we could stay in and order food, watch a movie or something?”

“I’d like that a lot.” You replied. He smiled widely. 

After you finished eating, you resumed attempting to redact the conclusion to your article. You checked your phone, Minho had answered and you had a new text message from the artist of the exhibit. ‘Hi, Y/N. I’m looking forward to reading your article. Would you like to talk it over dinner this week?’  You contemplated not answering him either for no fault of his own. Ultimately, you did reply that you’d love to have dinner with him. A half-lie. He was a sweet and interesting guy so in any other life you would love to have dinner with him; but, in this life, you had become a kind of hermit. You worked from home and rarely left the apartment if you didn’t absolutely have to. Jisung worked from home on occasions too so you weren’t exactly always alone. You grew to love the quiet coziness of your home. For a while, it was the only non-turbulent aspect of your life. 

Truth be told, you had your own desk and workspace but you still preferred to work on your bed. After an hour, Jisung entered your room and sat next to you with his computer on his lap. This was the other reason why you didn’t usually work in your office. Jisung was clingy and distracting and so were you. You realized you couldn’t work next to each other. Occasionally Jisung would sit on the bed next to you, but only if he was nearly done with his project. 

“Soooo, Whatcha writing?” He asked, leaning on your shoulder to take a peek at your computer. 

“My piece for the art exhibit I attended last week, remember?” You said, he still leaned into you. “I just finished writing it. Do you want to read it over?” Jisung nodded and took your computer from your hands, pushing his own to the side of the bed. You got up and walked away, it still made you uncomfortable when people read your work. You washed the dishes while Jisung read your article, then you swept the floor.

“Y/N!” Jisung exclaimed from the other room. “You’re here? Weird. There were a few grammatical errors but I edited them. It was great, as always. I wish I could’ve gone with you now…” You chuckled.

“The artist asked to read my article before the magazine came out. Do you think it’s ready to send?” You asked. 

“Send away.” He replied as he grabbed a snack from the refrigerator. “So, can we watch One Piece now that you’re done?” 

“Sure. Can we order pizza or something unhealthy?” 

“Of course!”

Artist: Hwang Hyunjin Exhibit: Timeless “His pieces spoke to me in a tantalizing melody. Piece by piece and then, all at once. An exhibit worth a lifetime. A captivating tune of brushstrokes and oils. Mr. Hwang expresses himself like music, like a dance, he conveys emotion like a pirouette. The movement in his paintings is compelling. It calls to you, and you listen. A visual definition of timelessness.”

“Minho? What are you doing here?” You asked as you opened the door, expecting to see Hyunjin instead. 

“Oh. I told you that I was coming around this week.” He replied. “You look nice, are you ready for dinner?”

“Ah, Min. I told you to let me know. I have plans today.” You said, gesturing for Minho to come in. He slipped off his shoes and entered your apartment.

“You have plans? My bad. Is Jisung here, then?” He asked. You rolled your eyes but nodded. You knew that during the last few days Minho and Jisung had been communicating but the casualness of Minho arriving at your door made you feel weird. Nostalgic even.

“Ji!” You called out to him and he immediately entered the living room with a scowl on his face. 

“Do you have to go to dinner with him?” Jisung asked, ignoring Minho’s presence. “Oh, hey.”

“Is it a date?” Minho inquired looking from you to Jisung. 

“It’s not a date. I’m going to dinner with an artist whose exhibit I reviewed.” You answered.

“You don’t go to dinner with other artists, though.” Jisung pointed out. You crossed your arms and rolled your eyes. You heard someone clearing his throat behind you and looked back to see the familiar blonde buzzcut sported by Hyunjin. He was handsome, there was no denying it. He stood so elegantly, even if he wasn’t dressed in his finest clothes.

“Oh! Hi, Hyunjin!” You greeted as you walked over to him. He smiled at you. “This is my roommate, Jisung and our co-, uh, friend, Minho.” You signaled to each of them as you introduced them.

“Nice to meet you.” Minho said and shook Hyunjin’s hand. Jisung hesitantly followed. 

“You too.” Hyunjin added. “Shall we go? The reservation’s in 20.”  You nodded.

“Have fun, boys!” You said whilst grabbing your coat and purse. “I’ll see you two later.” You stepped out of the apartment, followed by Hyunjin as he closed the door after himself. 

Jisung and Minho stepped closer to the door and faintly heard Hyunjin say something along the lines of “Y/N, you look great, by the way”. Jisung scoffed when he heard that. He plopped down on the couch, Minho sat down beside him. Jisung turned on his PS5 and continued his latest loaded game of Spider-Man: Miles Morales. 

“You want to have a go?” He asked in realization of his rude welcoming. Minho nodded and Jisung handed him his controller. Jisung sighed. “I just don’t get why she’s going to dinner with him. Like, is he really that interesting? You know, handsome people are usually very superficial, right? Excluding you, of course.” Minho blushed at his comment, but Jisung didn’t take notice, being too focused on watching Minho play. 

“Do you think he’s interested in her?”

“Um…” Minho looked at Jisung, who was looking at Minho expectantly. It was a bit strange to him that you were having dinner with one of the artists too. “She’s Y/N, so probably. But, that doesn’t mean that she’s interested in him, right?”

“Yeah. He’s not really her type, I think. But…” Jisung whined. “What if he is? I read the way she talked about him in her article.”

“Dude, calm down.” 

“I can’t!” Jisung complained. “What if it is a date?”

“I don’t think she would’ve agreed to a date with him when she knows that you’re here. Trust her a little.”

“I trust Y/N with my heart.” Jisung asserted. “It’s the artist that I don’t trust, Hyunjin or whatever his stupid name is…” They stared at the gameplay whilst Jisung gave Minho some tips. 

“Can I read the article?” Minho suddenly asked.

“Duh. Let me pull it up.” Jisung searched for the article on his phone and handed it to Minho.

Jisung scanned Minho’s expression as he read the article. Minho furrowed his brows, he didn’t understand  if you were being biased throughout the article because you really liked the pieces or because Jisung was right and you and Hyunjin were flirting. He felt strange while reading your praises towards Hyunjin and his art, he missed when you complimented him. Those feelings confused him even more, why did he feel this particular way? It’s just you. His friend. His everlasting crush’s situationship, right? 

“So, what did you think? Absurd, right? Not the writing itself, but the way she expressed her admiration for him isn’t normal.” Jisung complained, Minho gave him his phone back.

“She usually doesn’t give out this flattery to just anyone.” Minho pointed out. “So, in that sense, it is strange. But, I don’t think she’d write such a piece if she were, uh, romantically interested in him.” Jisung rolled his eyes. 

“Hyung!” He whined. “She said I was her roommate. Just her roommate.”

“And what are you to her, then…?”

“Uh… Well… we have been, you know, intimate… a few times.” He answered while looking down.

“I know, I saw you kissing.” Minho snickered. “But you aren’t her partner, right?”

“Shit, I’m not… She’s totally going to fall in love him, Minho. I’m going to die.”

“Jisung, chill, please. She won’t. She respects you enough to, at least, talk to you first. I know that.” Minho remarked, his heart sinking as he said that, confused at his own feelings. “Plus, you are not going to die if Y/N gets a boyfriend that’s not you.”

“Agh! I hate this.” Jisung protested. “Do you want to play It Takes Two?” Minho nodded. Jisung handed him a purple controller that Minho knew was yours. 

✎ᝰ ‧₊˚ ⋅ 𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅ ♬⋆.˚✎ᝰ ‧₊˚ ⋅ 𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅ ♬⋆.˚✎ᝰ ‧₊˚ ⋅ 𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅ ♬⋆.˚

Meanwhile, you were having a great dinner at a nice, Italian restaurant with Hyunjin. Hyunjin was a perfect mix of intriguing, funny and charming. He listened to your stories intently and always had a thoughtful response. 

“I felt really honored when I read the article, by the way.” Hyunjin remarked. “You can ask my assistant, I blushed non-stop for, like, an hour.”

“Ah, it was nothing that you didn’t deserve. Your exhibit meant a lot to me.” You replied, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks. 

“Thank you, Y/N. I don’t usually go out… I’m really busy with work. But, I felt that we had a connection when we met. I think you understand me.” 

“I really enjoyed our conversation that day too.” You agreed. “I’d love to review other collections of yours if you have other exhibits.” Hyunjin blushed at that and smiled in a way that his eyes crinkled.

“I wanted to talk to you about that, actually.” He started, “It’s still relatively early but I’m planning on opening a gallery soon… and I’d love to start a magazine like yours but just about art. I don’t have a huge budget yet but I’d love to have you on my team…” You stayed silent, taking in what he had just expressed to you.

“Sorry if it was too much… I just… ah, I feel like a creep… I kind of stalked your other articles and I really liked your style.” He added. “I know you’re really busy right now. But, I also know that you’d bring so much knowledge to the team. I just had to take a chance..” You chuckled.

“Hyunjin, you’re flattering me too much.” You said. “I’d love to write some pieces for your magazine when the time comes. You don’t have to be so anxious.” He gave a sigh of relief. 

“Ah, Y/N. I practiced telling you like a million times.” He recounted. “My heart is beating so fast and my palms are crazy sweaty.”

“Please, I think you’d be helping me more than I’d be helping you.” You remarked. 

“Are you kidding? You’re amazing. I’m enamored by your columns. I wish I could write like you do.”

“I mean, I have a whole degree on journalism so it’s not really talent, just something that I developed through the years…” You joked, he giggled.

“I’m so happy you said yes. Once I have everything confirmed, I’ll send you a contract. I hope to have a bit more budget by then.”

“It’s okay, Hyunjin. I’m always happy to help out a friend.” You reassured. “It’s my pleasure, always.”

He smiled at you, genuinely. You enjoyed Hyunjin’s company, he had made a hell of an impression inside and outside of a professional environment. Your ultimate goal was to revive The Collective Muse, but it didn’t hurt to get extra income and work on something that you truly love and, consequently, enjoy. Plus, you had a mind full of ideas that would work best in an art-centered magazine instead of a multi-media one. 

Hyunjin insisted on paying for dinner and wine, which you drank a lot of after the work-related conversation. He walked you to your front door with promises of another dinner soon to talk about the gallery and the magazine. Hyunjin hugged you goodbye, his warmth felt nice against your tipsiness. You waved goodbye as you entered the apartment, locking the front door behind you. 

You encountered Minho and Jisung pausing their game to stare blankly at you. Their expressions were judgy, like they were examining you. You noticed that there were several empty glasses of beer and soju bottles on the table in front of the sofa. Minho and Jisung giggled when they saw you, you rolled your eyes but smiled at the two drunk dorks in front of you.

“It seems like you had a lot of fun, huh?” You asked, while leaning down to unbuckle the straps of your heels. 

“Yeah! You could’ve been here.” Jisung said in between laughs. Minho leaned into him and laughed some more.

“I have to go.” Minho said, almost seriously if it weren’t for his sheepish smile.

“There’s no way that you’re leaving in this state…” You said, “you’re staying here tonight..”

“My mom’s waiting up.” Minho said, giggling. You sat in-between them on the spacious sofa.

“Text her that you’re staying here, then.”

“Yeah, Minho. Do it.” Jisung agreed. “It’s been ages since you’ve slept over.” Your own tipsiness made you giggle at that. “You can borrow my clothes too.”

“Okay!” Minho said without hesitation. After that, you knew for a fact that Minho was drunk. You weren’t strangers to sleeping in the same place, having to do it on multiple occasions for business trips, but otherwise, Minho would always deny to stay at anyone’s house. 

“Sooooo, how was your date with Yonjun?” Jisung asked with a scoff. 

“It's Hyunjin; and, for the last time, it wasn’t a date. We’re just getting to know each other in a professional manner…”

“What? Like you and Jisung?” Minho snarked. Jisung laughed and high-fived Minho.

“No! He wants me to write for a magazine that he’s planning to debut soon.” You replied. Jisung’s expression changed.

“What? Are you going to leave me alone like Minho hyung did?” He slurred his words.

“Hey! I left you alone because you kissed Y/N!” Minho argued. “Wait, that sounds wrong. You and Y/N kissed. I saw you…” He made a silly face when he said the last part so you knew he wasn’t actually angry at that moment. Minho and Jisung, in their drunk state, were wondering why Minho phrased it like that.

“Okay, I’m cutting you guys off before you actually start fighting.” You said. You reached to Minho and grabbed the beer from his hands. 

“Hey, hyung. What if we go for a drive now? Can we go get food?” Jisung giggled, Minho nodded enthusiastically.

“God, please, don’t.” You said. “Take a shower. You both reek of alcohol.” You looked over at Minho.

“Fine.”  They said in unison.

You sat on the sofa and texted Hyunjin your gratitude for the dinner. You waited for them to finish showering because you were concerned that they could really go for a drive in this state. Minho was the first to join you, he was wearing Jisung’s clothes, which were a little too tight on him. His muscles bulged through the shirt and sweats that he was wearing. You almost blushed when he sat next to you, putting an arm around you and cuddling close to you. Jisung joined you not long after, you were used to seeing Jisung like this; he wore a matching plaid pajama set, he switched his contacts for glasses.

You made sure take all of the car keys to the bathroom when you showered. The hot water almost made you sober up. You exited the bathroom, wearing a light purple sleeping shirt and silk matching shorts. You became conscious of the fact that you no longer owned more conservative pajamas. 

“Okay, guys. You can go to Jisung’s room.” You said. They stared back at you, and you placed your hands on your hips. “What now?” 

“Can we sleep in your room?” Jisung asked. You sighed and rolled your eyes. You had a huge bed and you took pride in it; Jisung, on the other hand, had a single twin-sized bed. To his defense, Jisung slept on your bed during most nights.

“Do you absolutely have to?” You asked, they nodded in unison. “Fine, but no snoring or you’re out.” You turned your heel and walked towards your room.

The room was messy, but you couldn’t bother to clean it up before they invaded your space. Still, it made you more comfortable knowing that they couldn’t get up and do anything their drunk hearts desired without waking you up. You ultimately agreed for the latter reason. 

Minho entered the room first, he had never been inside your room before. It looked like you: messy, artistic but cozy. The walls were painted a dark magenta color, that was almost nauseating to Minho’s minimalistic preferences. Your walls were covered in framed k-pop posters and other framed art pieces and prints that you had collected throughout the years.

You had plushies all over your room: on your vanity, on your night stand, on the bed, even on the floor. Next to the door, he noticed a half-full bookshelf, he briefly stared at it to see both art and literature books (as well as some of your old university textbooks). The room had a very characteristic scent, it smelled of lavender and the musty scent of your old books. He smiled at upon analyzing the room, it was so you. 

You stared at Minho, who had spent a few minutes just scanning your room. Weird behavior, but not entirely unexpected from a drunk person. Jisung walked in a few minutes later like he owned the place, contrasting Minho’s own reaction upon entering the room. Jisung felt more at home in your room than he did in his, while Minho felt like he was invading your temple. Jisung basked in the familiar smell, he greeted your favorite plushie and helped you remove the rest of them from the bed.

He turned on your TV without asking and put on your (collective) favorite show that you had rewatched together for the nth time. None of you actually intended to watch the show, but Jisung knew that you couldn’t fall asleep in complete silence; not even the sounds of the nightlife outside would get you to slumber. He turned off the lights, only leaving a small Pochacco nightlight on in the corner of the room, aside from the television.

“Okay, what about the sleeping arrangements?” You asked. Jisung was already laying down on the left side of the bed.

“You sleep in the middle!” Jisung replied and he patted the spot next to him.

“Are you okay with that?” You asked Minho, he nodded and yawned in response. 

You laid down next to Jisung, his familiar warmth and scent engulfing your senses. Minho took a while but eventually laid down next to you, the dip he made on the bed was foreign to you, his warmth was unknown. You laid on your side facing Jisung instead of Minho, Jisung was facing you too.

On the other hand, Minho faced the wall, his deep breaths suggested that he had already fallen asleep. Jisung took that as an opportunity to press his lips on your. You, who had your eyes closed, were taken aback from that because Jisung was always discrete when he kissed you, never doing it directly in front of anyone. He pressed his lips against yours a bit harder. You parted your lips and he slipped his tongue in your mouth. You kissed him back, wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. His kisses were always messy, his lips chapped, his tongue tasted minty against yours. Jisung pulled away from the kiss and smiled sheepishly. 

“Y/N… Please.” He groaned as he pressed his hips to your stomach, making you feel his growing bulge. You looked back at Minho, it seemed that he was unsuspectingly asleep and you felt guilty to have even considered being intimate with Jisung next to him.

“Minho’s asleep, Ji.” You whispered. “We can do it in the morning when he leaves…”

“I need you, Y/N. I don’t care if Minho’s here… Hell, he can join in if he wants to.” Jisung raised his voice a little, only to be shushed by you. He answered you by kissing your neck. “Seeing you with Hyunjin made me, ugh, so frustrated. You looked so good tonight. It almost makes me mad that he didn’t even try to make a move on you.” Jisung talked in between sucking hickeys into your neck. “But, you’re ours, ri- You’re mine, right?” You nodded, letting the feeling of Jisung’s lips against your sweet spots take over you. 

“Ji, we have to stop, okay?” You moaned into his ear, “it’s not fair to Minho. I’m yours, I’ll be here in the morning. I’ll call in sick, we can have sex all day, okay?” Jisung scoffed but eventually nodded, separating from your neck with a pop. He placed a kiss upon your lips.

“Deal.” He said and smiled dreamily, his eyes were heavy with lust and sleep. “I love you. I love you so much, you know that, right? I’d do anything for you.”

“I know, baby. I love you too. I love you.” You replied and pressed a kiss on his lips. “Goodnight.” He already had his eyes closed, you smiled at him. Jisung always looked so angelic when he slept, his lips were slightly parted, his long lashes fell upon his cheeks. He was always so sleepy when he drank, it made your heart warm. 

Unbeknownst to you and Jisung, Minho was wide awake; his heart was beating at a mile a minute. He felt his sweats tighten the second he heard the sound of you and Jisung making out. He felt his cock leaking pre cum as soon as he heard your moans, begging Jisung to stop before it escalated.

His heart nearly leaped out of his chest when Jisung said that he could join if he wanted. He so desperately wanted to. Minho swore that he could’ve cum untouched if you kept going at it with how much his cock was throbbing. He wanted to call out to you both, he wanted to join but he couldn’t get himself to make a sound. He tried his best to fall asleep, but how could he? Was this even real life? His mind was hazy with the remaining alcohol in his system, he could’ve swore that he was dreaming. Eventually he did drift off to sleep. 

Your eyes shot open in the middle of the night. You had a bad habit of sleeping with your phone and were able to check the time: 3:28 am. You were still facing Jisung who had turned to face away from you but you could faintly hear his light snores. In your sleepy haze, you didn’t even notice that there was an arm draped against your stomach. Even worse, once you noticed that, you also noticed something poking your backside and Minho’s breath against the back of your neck. Goosebumps appeared all over your body and you quickly tried to escape Minho’s iron grip on you. Since you couldn’t, you shifted to face Minho. And, what a mistake that was. 

Minho’s beauty was just ethereal and everlasting. His lips were parted, revealing a bit of his two front teeth, his lashes were long and curled against his prominent cheekbones, his hair was disheveled, covering part of his eyes. You couldn’t believe that Minho was a real, natural human being and not a creation of artificial intelligence. You stared at his lips, rosy pink with a prominent cupid’s bow, tempted to taste them. A feeling that you had hidden deep down inside of you when your godforsaken or god-given love triangle started to unravel. 

You quickly remembered Jisung’s earlier words: Hell, he can join in if he wants. You closed your eyes at an ill attempt to fall asleep. Did Jisung want Minho too? You knew that Minho had a crush on Jisung, but did he even find you attractive? Did Jisung know something you didn’t? Was he aware that once upon a time you had feelings for Minho? Was Minho even sexually attracted to women? All of these questions raced through your mind, stopping as you felt a warm hand on your cheek. Your eyes shot open once again and looked directly at Minho. Your heart was beating rapidly, your skin again adorned with goosebumps. Minho caressed your cheek. He leaned closer to you, looking at your lips and into your eyes for approval. 

“Min…” You whispered, none of you closed the distance.

“Am I wrong for wanting to kiss you?” He asked in a hushed voice, you felt his breath against your mouth.

“You like Jisung… not me. It’s him that you want to kiss…”

“I want to you too. I've wanted you since we met..." He paused, “let me taste him off you.” He said and that was all it took for you to press your lips against him. The feeling of his lips on yours was very… new. He felt different, like when you buy a new perfume after having used the same one for many years. His lips weren’t all that chapped, he tasted like as if he applied lip balm recently. He was smooth against you- so uncannily smooth. From the moment that you kissed him, you knew that this would be a vice too difficult to overcome. And, of course, you didn’t really want to overcome it either. You had thought about kissing Minho many times since you met him. When you learned that he had feelings for Jisung, you tried to repress your attraction for Minho. 

Minho licked your bottom lip, making you part them in response. You slipped your tongue inside his mouth, something he didn’t expect. You, kissing him with such fervor, the way he knew that you kissed Jisung earlier. Minho couldn’t taste Jisung, not when he was too busy tasting you. Deep inside, he prayed that Jisung would kiss him when he woke up, he prayed that your relationship didn’t get damaged because of this. Especially after Jisung’s jealousy with Hyunjin. Why was he any different? Minho pulled away to look at you. 

You looked divine to him, like one of the work of arts you were so obsessed with. Beautiful and raw and real. He moved so he could lay on top of you, you parted your legs to grant him some space. He pressed his lips onto yours once again but soon started peppering your neck with kisses as well, tracing over the darkened bruises Jisung left earlier. He stopped when he reached your sleep shirt and looked at you for permission. You raised your arms, Minho pulled your shirt up. 

Once the shirt was off, you felt the cool breeze of the room on your skin; your nipples pebbled at the new feeling. Minho stared at you in awe. He continued kissing down your chest until he reached your breasts; he, then, took one of your nipples into his mouth, making you squirm in the process. Minho moaned when he heard you, he ground his hips into your thighs, too close but too far from where you needed him the most.

He continued to suck and pull at your nipple, occasionally looking towards Jisung to make sure that he was still asleep. You wouldn’t tell Minho, but you knew that Jisung had woken up because he stopped snoring. If Jisung didn’t complain, then it was okay to keep going. Minho’s hands roamed from your breasts to your waist to your hips and back. His small, dainty hands had such a strong hold on you. Minho suddenly stopped and sat up to look at Jisung for a moment.

“Min…” You moaned.

“Don’t stop on my account.” Jisung interrupted while turning to face you with a shit-eating grin. “It’s seriously hot as fuck.”

“Ji…” You moaned as Minho pressed his knee onto your core. 

“You’re enjoying yourself, baby?” Jisung asked, you desperately nodded. Minho smirked and kissed down your stomach. “Yeah, hyung. You better please my girl or you won’t get her again.” Minho moaned against your stomach at that. You reached to grab Jisung’s arm but he pulled away from you. Minho stopped to see his next move. “I think I’d prefer watching for now.” 

He continued kissing down your tummy until he reached the waistline of your sleeping shorts. He looked at you for approval and then at Jisung. You both nodded. Minho lowered your shorts and underwear alongside, revealing your wet pussy to both him and Jisung. Minho stared once again in awe, your folds were soaked, matting the hair on your pussy. 

“A bush? How cute.” Minho remarked as he gathered some of your slick on his fingers. You moaned at the foreign feeling of his fingers on your pussy. He slipped one finger in and started to drag it inside and out of you. 

“Add one more. And curl it. She likes that.” Jisung commented. You snapped your head towards him to see him sitting at the end of the bed with his long, pretty cock in his hand, in all his glory. Minho followed Jisung’s suggestion, you moaned at the feeling of another finger inside of you. Minho took that opportunity to rub your clit, making you see stars. His hands were soft —softer than Jisung’s calloused ones from playing guitar and working out— they were smaller too, almost gentle inside of you. Your vision shifted from Minho to Jisung and you could barely register your nearing orgasm until Minho removed his fingers. 

“I would’ve added another finger but I don’t think your tight little pussy could fit it.” He said as he brought a finger into his mouth, moaning at the taste of your fluids. “I’d rather have you cum on my tongue, if I’m being honest.”

“Oh yeah, she tastes so good, hyung. You’re going to love her.” Jisung said and he sped up his strokes. Minho lowered his head down to meet your core. He gave your clit a few experimental licks, making your squirm beneath him. You suppressed your moans but a whimper came out of you instead. Jisung moved from the end of the bed to your side. He cradled your face with his free hand. 

“Ji… can I?” You asked, he shook his head.

“Focus on hyung now.” He answered. “You can have me later, baby.” He held your hand, lowering his face to kiss it. Minho sucked your clit and then, swirled his tongue around it. You knew Minho liked to eat and if he tasted his meals like he tasted you, you prayed to be his meal everyday. He ate you out as if he were starving. He occasionally groaned against your cunt, making your whole body jerk. Your orgasm creeped up to you. You almost saw heaven when it washed over you. Your body convulsed against Minho and Jisung held you down as Minho ate you out through your orgasm. Jisung stopped jerking off, or he would cum from that glorious sight.

When Minho sat up, Jisung slid over to him, pressing his lips upon Minho’s. Jisung moaned at the unfamiliar familiarity of your taste against Minho’s unknown mouth. Minho opened his mouth so Jisung could slip his tongue inside of his. Minho’s longest awaited kiss was everything he dreamed of. He still tasted you, your sweetness mixed with Jisung’s was worth a starved man’s last meal. 

Minho knew that there was no going back from this. That he was equally in love with with you and Jisung and he begged the Universe to let you both be in love with him too. To get you to forgive him for being a coward instead of staying with you both. Minho’s eyes watered. No other feeling in this world would compare to what he was feeling now. 

He was sobered up on alcohol but oh, so drunk in love, lust and, hopefully, not limerence. Jisung was the one who pulled away from Minho. Both of their faces were flushed and messy with saliva. They looked over at you; you were staring at them, hazy with lust, rubbing your clit. They looked at each other, in silent agreement, Minho lowered his pants to reveal his member. His size was impressive by all means, more in girth than in length; whereas Jisung’s was longer rather than thicker. Both of their cocks were adorned with unruly pubic hair. You almost let out a moan when Minho pumped his cock. 

Minho looked at you and at Jisung, once again asking for permission; Jisung nodded, and you did too. He shifted himself to his knees and places his tip against your entrance. A tight fit. He rubbed his tip through your folds and coated it with the remains of your release. He experimentally pressed his cock against your entrance. You moaned at the size of his tip entering you. He lightly thrusted his tip in and out of you. Fitting him was a stretch but pleasure is best when it’s mixed with pain, in your honest opinion. 

“Min… you can keep going. I can take it.” You pleaded. Jisung took his place, once again, next to you. Minho nodded and sunk his cock inside of you, inch by inch. Your body felt ablaze, you had to hold on to Jisung as Minho bottomed inside of you. 

“Fuck! This feeling… I’ve never felt something like this.” He whimpered, leaning down to kiss you, but keeping his hips still. You felt Jisung’s free hand caress your hair. You clenched at the feeling of both Minho and Jisung in such close proximity to you. Minho had his eyes shut, furrowed brows making him look more unbelievably beautiful. You looked up to see Jisung smiling at you ever so dearly. You lifted yourself up, pressing your chest against Minho’s; Jisung slipped behind you. Your head fell upon his chest and you felt this naked member against your back, slick and wet. Jisung ground his hips against your back as Minho started thrusting inside of you. 

“You feel so good inside me, Min.” Your voice was breathy, his lips ghosted against yours. What a beautiful place to be, in between the two people you love the most in this lifetime. He smiled against your lips when he heard you. He kept thrusting at a slow pace, he wanted to take his time with you; because he wasn’t sure if things would play out in his favor tomorrow, when all is said and done. He thrusted a bit harder, reaching the deepest crevices of your sex. You involuntarily clenched against him, cursing.

“Baby, if you keep doing that I’ll cum. I want to pleasure you. I want you to love it. I want you to love me.” He said in between pants, whispering the last part in a way that you couldn’t tell if it actually happened. You clenched around him again, his broken, whiny voice taking the feeling to another level. You could feel Jisung’s pre-cum stain your back as he rutted against it, keeping up with Minho’s pace.

“Min… faster, please. I want you to come so badly, my love, please.” You whimpered. Minho obliged without a second thought. He quickened his pace, thrusting hard and fast, his cock shifting inside and outside of you. The friction of being inside you was almost unbearable to him. His face was gorgeous, even when erratic. You moaned his name. That was his last straw. His orgasm, much like yours, took him by surprise, not being able to pull out of you. He spilled ropes of his cum into you. He gave you everything he had: mind, body and soul. Minho swore that this had been the longest orgasm of his life, taking a few minutes to compose himself.

“I love you.” He confessed followed by a kiss to your lips in such an earnest manner. With that kiss, he wanted you to know that he was yours. Irrevocably so. Jisung placed a kiss on your head, to let you know that everything was okay. You were flushed and panted against Minho’s mouth. You kissed him back. Minho had never said he loved you before, not as a friend or anything else. You knew that he did love you, but hearing it from him meant a lot to you. Minho mustered up the strength to pull out of you, hissing at the feeling. He took a second to gawk at your spent cunt, looking so delicious drenched in white. 

“Nuh-uh. I can see what you’re thinking. It’s my turn now.” Jisung snarked, lightly pushing Minho to the side. “Is this okay, baby?” He rubbed the tip of  his cock on your already soaked folds. You nodded. Then, he pressed into you. Minho’s cum felt hot inside of you and Jisung’s throbbing cock felt familiar, even with the unfamiliar feeling of someone else’s cum inside of you. Having Jisung’s cock inside of you elevated the feeling. Jisung started thrusting in and out of you, with every thrust a bit of Minho’s cum trickled down your ass. Minho sat back and enjoyed the moment, the two loves of his life making love. His now-clothed cock slightly swelling up at the sight. 

“Baby, I’ve been waiting so long to cum… I’m not going to last. I’ll make it up to you.” Jisung moaned against your chest as he sucked hickeys into your breasts. 

“Ji, I want to make you feel good. You’ve made me feel so good…” You moaned as Jisung sped up his thrusts. You were sure that you couldn’t cum again, but that didn’t matter. Jisung’s hips stilled not long after, his own ropes of cum joining Minho’s in the depths of your sex. Jisung panted into you, dropping his head on your shoulder. He kissed it before kissing your lips.

“I love you so much, Y/N.” He said. He looked over at Minho, who had the most enamored expression that you have ever seen. “I love you too, Minho.” He leaned into Minho and pressed a kiss into his lips. 

“I love you both.” You added. “Thank you for this.” Jisung pulled out of you swiftly and you hissed at the feeling. He and Minho stared at your cunt, it was so full.

You felt so full. Full of them, full of experience, full of love. Without the need to contemplate if limerence was in place or not. You now knew, that it was love coating your insides. You felt love when you looked at the two people next to you and you knew they felt it too, when they looked at each other and when they looked at you. 

Jisung disappeared into the hall, coming back with some wipes and water. After they cleaned you up, Minho and Jisung cuddled to each of your sides. Minho’s previous iron grip on you softened and Jisung peppered your shoulder with kisses as he whispered sweet-nothings to you as you drifted off to sleep.

What a beautiful place to be, in between the two people you love most in the world. What a beautiful feeling it is, to be loved by them in return.

To be continued...

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・

Copyright Ⓒ 2025 by deadpanjisung

All rights reserved.

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・

[ynandfics]

Morgie le Fay x vk!reader

——————————————

“Attention everyone! I have made a partner task for your final assignment. You have your names on the desk, go find them and sit down!” The lovely professor yelled as I entered the classroom with Malificent, Hades didn’t take this class so whoever spends time with her will have an experience of a lifetime.

“Dude, he put us together!” Morgie yelled in my direction as I was trying to find my name.

“Well then I guess this task won’t be too bad then huh?” I looked at him as I dropped my bag, filled with only one book and a few pens.

“Easy A for us cause we can use stuff we already know” he pointed out.

“What are you thinking about?” I looked directly at him, he had a small smirk on his face.

“My mother is a sorcerer…I grew up reading all the books and stuff in the library we have.” I nodded, keeping silent. “We could also go into the detail of your mother. I’m sure there’s something in the library about her”.

“Please, I don’t think there would be too much on Madam Medusa as there would be for Le Fay” I turned towards the notebook I had, it was still blank but my pen was open.

“Okay, how about after lunch you and me go and see how much we find for this project?” I chuckled a little.

“Sure, but I’m still sure there’s more interesting content for your mum than mine” I looked at him pointedly.

“Deal” We talked about different things we could do for this task and just like that, the bell rang for lunch.

“Everyone, make sure to submit your tasks by next week!” I heard the professor yell as I was already getting ready to head out the door.

“You and Morgie seemed pretty close together” Malificent said to me the second she found me outside the classroom.

“Well we mostly talked about how we were going to do this task and make it more interesting” I looked at the horned girl. “How was yours?”

“Useless, I got a pretty pink princess to work with. She couldn’t even talk to me properly.” I laughed.

“Sounds like you’re gonna have a tough week huh?” I asked her just as we got to the normal spot where the other villain kids hung out.

“Oh do we have a problem?” James overheard our conversation and decided to join in.

“No you can leave yourself out of this one” Malificent sighed and went to sit next to Hades.

“Hey y/n, what you decide to make this time?” Morgie looked at me intrigued, Uliana looking at me as if she could steal it.

“Nothing special, although I could have used more salt” I laughed in her face growing red.

“How dare you try to be so cool and different whilst sitting here. You should be grateful we let you in Medusa, cause otherwise I don’t think anyone would touch you knowing truly you’re a villain” Uliana got in my face, taking the food from me as well.

“I think that’s enough Uli, you might scare her away otherwise”, Hook spoke up.

“She deserves it, what with her mother being a selfish woman and kidnapping another girl” Uli started eating the remaining parts of my food, my stomach dropped at her statement rang through my ears like a burning fire to my brain.

“Hey, you don’t get to speak about my mother that way you filthy sea witch” I stormed off heading off to the library where it was getting quieter and quieter, i didn’t even realise I was crying.

“Hmmm?” I turned around and Morgie was in front on me. His soft smile that he only shared with his friends apparent on his face.

“Y/n I heard what she said to you and couldn’t stay there to hear anymore. I want to say I’m sorry for her cruelty towards you, and hey maybe you and I can spend some time together.” He wiped my tears from my face.

“Gods I know she’s horrible to people, but her own friends? That cut deep.” I leaned into hand that was still on my face. “I would also love to spend more time with you”

————————————————————————

“No I think, we should make something that looks like a giant gem, and maybe a pot underneath it?” I suggested.

“I just cant believe we did it on both our mothers Y/n” Morgie laughed but agreed with the decision.

“Awwww look at you two” James interrupted our conversation of different ways to make our presentation look good.

“What do you want Hook?” I looked up at him.

“Well you missed out on Bridget getting Uli all pink” My eyes almost shot out of my head.

“SHE DID WHAT?” I was begging for more details.

“Ate all those feathers that go on her cupcakes, BAM Uli was pink. We kind of cornered her, but to no avail- Uli wants help getting her back” He looked down at the two of us on the carpet examining our project.

“The prank is for castlecoming. She needs you to be there.” He grabbed a drink from the mini fridge they had in their room and walked out of the room.

“This is gonna go to hell isn’t it?” I asked Morgie.

“Yeah I think so” He looked at me softly. “What do you say, we get this done and then see what happens? Cant be that bad to come up with their own ideas”

“Well then, Devils Eye on top or below the sorcerer bowl?” I smiled at him.

“Above, it seems appropriate” He took the items from my hands to make a figure which would hold both items together.

“Okay, now we put it in the middle…” I looked at him as he still held the items together.

“Yeah easy, we want it facing the front right?” I laughed and nodded.

“This might give professor the jumpscare he needed” I looked at Morgie and then I decided I wanted to hug him after all our time together.

“Not that I’m complaining about this. But why?” Morgie laughed whilst on the floor next to the project.

“This is our hard work, and I wanted to hug because of that. As well as the fact that you’re with me instead of our other friends right now” I mumbled out, but enough that he could hear everything.

“Well you know what I’ve been wanting to do since I was paired with you?” He asked me. And in a second his lips were on mine.

“I think you should have done that sooner” I laughed in his chest, then coming back up to kiss him again.

“We’re not going to the lair right?” I shook my head at him.

“Well I also have another question to ask..” He took my hand gently “Will you be my girlfriend?”

I then went and kissed him again. “Does that answer your question Morgie?” I asked him.

“Absolutely” He kissed me again, a lot stronger this time. “I can’t believe you’re mine”

“Same goes for you” I said when we finally came up for air.

[deehollowaywrites]

2024 in writing

Another rotation in the books, somehow! From a publishing perspective, I didn't have the most interesting year--but as I look back on 2024, I'm finding I did have an interesting year in writing.

For one thing, I took two workshops with Lindsay Merbaum, an author I admire and an excellent workshop facilitator. I recommend checking out the Study Coven for some truly cool themed classes coming up; the syllabi for Smutty Study and Witches III were full of fun and provocative reading, and the work itself yielded two short stories, plus multiple poems and journal entries. I put together a collection of weird short stories and did intensive research on spots to submit it, a project that's still ongoing and will get fresh attention in the new year.

I also drafted a novella that's "in-universe" to Little Nothing, the first brand-new long-form project I'd completed in years. It's true what they say: every book is a different writing experience. Every book teaches you how to write all over again. More news on this front to come, I hope!

In 2024, I prioritized listening to the muse, whether it drew me to trying out new poetic forms, writing fanfic of my own work, or keeping myself to clipped word counts. As autumn ended, I found that this follow-your-bliss practice had made me energized to take up a more disciplined practice of write-and-submit. As we approach the darkest parts of the year, I'm excited to write to intriguing prompts and not overthink things before submitting... and start work on a shelved manuscript.

Throughout the year, I did put published work into the world. I continued to write for horror media website DIS/MEMBER, revisiting the Exorcist TV series, interviewing cool authors, and reviewing a few movies. In 2025 I'll take on the role of Lit Editor for DIS/MEMBER, and we've got some cool new stuff lined up (think cover reveals, indie publisher spotlights, and more). I also published the third volume of what's become my Halloween tradition, a zine with a weird theme; this year, hallowzine vol. 3 was all about the hybrid and alien femininities of Ex Machina, Blade Runner 2049, Annihilation, and Under the Skin.

Most significantly, the two pieces of fiction I published were with magazines local to me and available only in print. Castle Jackal Magazine is full of horror art and writing, while Paper Moon's editions so far have focused on poetry and short fiction. I've always prioritized magazines with digital distribution, in order to theoretically reach the most readers. But in recent years I've begun to think that maybe what I really want is to reach the right readers. Hyper-local zines, music, and art are thick on the ground in my area, and I'm lucky to be connected with people making cool stuff. One of my favorite writing-related instances in 2024 was a zinefest at which I sold almost everything I brought, from print copies of my DIY zines and collections to Little Nothing, embroidered patches, and my partner's block prints. Speaking of Little Nothing, my publisher also made public a previously-subscribers-only Patreon post with a little dip into the world of limerunners and antebellum Florida!

Also in the hyper-local realm, I joined an in-person writing group. This is a new experience for me, and it's been a great one. Each of the participating writers is at a different point in their writing practice, has different goals for writing and publishing, and writes different in genres and formats. Yet what I value is that everyone seems to approach the group with the same level of seriousness. I've enjoyed engaging with the short fiction, poetry, and memoir pieces these writers bring, and practicing paying true attention to others' work. I also get to facilitate a teen writing club for my work; seeing the joy the teens take in their projects, and the skill they've already developed, is a real delight in my life.

Finally, in 2025 I'm venturing back into the world of newsletters. I'm growing weary (and wary) of my reliance on social media, when those platforms are increasingly unstable and untrustworthy. In order to cultivate engagement, stretch my essay muscles, and deliver news outside Meta's scope, I'll be trying out bimonthly letters--you can sign up now! My old newsletter, Readers Up, is now also archived on Buttondown.

Happy writing and happy reading, friends. I'll see you in the new year.

[halitis]

group assignments are the most looney toon shit ive ever seen dude i can't believe it.

so for the past like, 13 weeks ive been working on a horror writing 'zine with three classmates of mine for an editing class. two of them? absolute delights, were fun to work with and super easy going. THE LAST ONE HOWEVER? brother...

first day of class, we are put into groups by chatgpt (which was hell btw). im trying to be nice and get conversation going but he (i'm gonna call him jake) is just stonewalling me, im like "okay its 9am on a monday morning, i get it man!" so i let it go, a bit peeved but okay. we had to make a gc for the work, so we all go for insta.

now i'm a nosey bitch so i scroll through his insta following, and the first thing i'm hit with is a church whose bio BOASTS about being conservative and homophobic. im like woah! okay though, maybe its a one off :) its fucking not. i am not joking when i say he is following a LOT of conservative accounts. so at this point i realise how horrid this is going to be.

third week of class, jake stops showing up for lecutres. which is a key note considering, we don't learn anything in tutorials! we just get to work on assignments and the occasional group discussion! so this guy is learning NOTHING he needs to pass this class. which is concerning considering our entire project relies on him editing our work. but yknow whateva live ur life dude.

in like, week 5 we have a test. it's open book, we have access to google and pretty easy! literally multiple choice it's hard to fuck up. everyone ends up scoring pretty high, and then jake rocks up and is like "oh i got a 52% haha"

WHAT. HOW???? I DONT. DID U EVEN TRY>>??

but fuck it we ball! life moves on.

we hit week 9. the dreaded week 9. this man does three shocking in a row.

he asks out our female groupmate, and then me and my classmate have to save her from him by giving her an out.

tries to get me to drink and driving, and belittles me repeatedly for going "ahaha... idk man! no thanks"

REVEALS HE HAS BEEN DRINKING BEFORE SHOWING UP TO CLASS. SWEET MOTHER OF MARY. WHAT THE FUCL???? DUDE.

so yknow. insane 2 hours to have to go through, i was literally head in hands by the end of the lesson.

we hit week 10, in which we had to have edited at least one work of another persons. jake has done his, yes. BUT HES ADDED MISTAKES TO THE WORK. THAT I HAVE TO FIX. I WAS IN ABSOLUTE AWE READING OVER IT. neeway i do that and i dont say anything because im a kind soul ;p

the week after that we have to have edited two peoples works! he hasnt done it. a couple messages to the gc later and shock horror: he is fucking ghosting us. i was just like, so over it by this point that i start dOING HIS WORK FOR HIM. i litterally am editing my classmates work AGAIN and JAKES OWN WORK.

we have a couple group project meetups, jake doesnt show up or contribute to a single one. me and my other two classmates are just like getting it over with now, heavy sighs.

its final day before turn in (today) and here i stand. doing his formatting and the final proofreading before i turn it in. after spending an additional 2 hours of finishing up his shit as well as my own, its over. finally. i submit the pdf for the group and i message the gc and i get this fucking caricature of a message from jake AFTER 2 WEEKS OF NO CONTACT

and i briefly imagine a world where i hit him over the world with a large metal pipe. but i turn to my bf and i go "at least its done"

a little notification then pops up in the corner of my screen. with my unis assignment submission service, it also performs a plagarism check at the same time.

"wow thats a lot" i think to myself, but it has false positives all the time so im not really concerned as i click on it to check. and i cant upload the image here guys, but i shit you not, it had flagged his entire story INCLUDING THE NAME as something that had already been published before. im litterally in horror. i cannot believe what im seeing. how can u be such an awful groupmate and not even WRITE UR OWN WORK

i am in hysteric laughter right now over this, it's straight insanity. i dont even know what to do anymore, this has been the group assignment from hell. <3

[adsproject]

Final Reflection

Alohaaaa! 🤙 Welcome back to my blog! Alas, this will be my last post on this blog, unfortunately. I have overcome many hurdles, and I am proud of where I am today, my project, and what has led me to this point. This journey was not easy, but it was definitely worthwhile and memorable, thanks to all the support I received. I want to personally thank everyone who has participated in my Instagram polls and my usability testing survey. Shout out to y’all!

1. What were your thoughts about your research topic going into the first week of the semester?

My thoughts during the first week of the semester about my research topic, job displacement in web design, were that AI will not replace human designers or artists as a whole because they lack empathy and the ability to form meaningful connections with humans, both interpersonally and in person. However, I didn't think I could win this battle against AI due to my inexperience. I have the skills, sure, but they are elementary at best. Prior to this project, I had some experience working with Figma and creating my first website prototype through my CM 316 (User Experience) course. I also practiced more coding in HTML and CSS in my ART 320 (Web Design & Development) class. In the end, I created a website prototype, so no coding experience was actually needed.

2. What are your thoughts now about your research topic and your project/practicum?

My current thoughts on my research topic are that AI can be used as a tool to brainstorm during the ideation step of the design process, generating ideas or inspiration for wireframes and similar tasks. However, it should not do the work entirely for you. It's the same with templates; you don't just submit it as is. You have to add your own personal touch and style, and replace the content with your own words. Regarding my project, I never thought I would beat the AI, so it was a pleasant surprise to win against it. I had many ups and downs, and at one point, I thought this project was impossible to complete and that I wouldn't graduate on time. Nevertheless, I'm so glad I reduced its scope, making it less overwhelming and daunting. Best decision I ever made. I somewhat regret not being able to complete my original deliverable of a website, but maybe I can create one in the future. Some things are just not meant for you at the moment, but they can come to you later.

3. What did you learn about yourself as a creative through this journey?

It was challenging for me to meet my own deadlines, so I kept giving myself extensions, as the project was self-directed and mostly independent. I always thought I was behind, and it really made me doubt my abilities and timeliness. However, I learned not to be as harsh on myself, even though we are our own worst critics. I once saw a quote that said, “Make it exist first, then you can make it good,” or something along those lines. That really resonated with the perfectionist in me because I am always so focused on the little details, like spacing and alignment, when I should really be focusing on the broader picture.

4. What did you learn about the creative and production process?

If you don’t already know, the creative process has three phases: pre-production, production, and post-production, also known as the three P’s. What I learned is that you just need to trust the process. There will be some bumps and hiccups along the way, but that is to be expected, as no one is perfect and is bound to make mistakes. You also have to remember that you are still a student, so you're still learning; it’s okay to make mistakes. From planning to execution, every phase of the process is vital, but the bulk of your project will be the production phase. During the production phase, it took me approximately one to three days to work on the lo-fi wireframes and five days to complete the hi-fi wireframes and prototype together. I learned to be patient with myself and the process. Locking in wasn’t easy, but once I was in the zone, nothing could stop me, not even hunger.

5. What advice would you give new senior capstone students?

My advice is to get started as soon as possible and really plan ahead. The pre-capstone is essentially your blueprint for your project, which is necessary for any project. You really need to thoroughly and thoughtfully consider what your project entails, including the specifics for each phase, or at least a general outline. Also, make sure to have backup plans in case your original plan doesn’t work out, like me. My backup plan was to create a website prototype, since I saw other classmates doing the same. Ergo, at least have a plan A and a plan B. The more plans you have, the better prepared you are, and you have more options to choose from. Also, be truly interested and passionate about your research topic. Additionally, I suggest delivering something you’re familiar with, so that you’re not just learning an entirely new skill from the beginning. It’s good to challenge yourself, but the final product may not turn out as you wanted.

6. Where to now?

After graduation, I was referred to work for the local Hawaiian government as a web designer. I still need to follow up with them if the offer still stands. Regardless, I plan to work in-house at a local or remote company, at a local or remote agency, or as a freelance web designer. I dream of working at top companies like Google, Microsoft, or Adobe. If all else fails, I could start up my own web design studio called "Webko," meaning "my web(site)" in Ilokano. I am trying to apply to as many jobs as possible, but I want to focus on graduating first.

Here’s a TL;DR (too long; didn’t read) version:

Initial Beliefs: AI won't fully replace human designers due to a lack of empathy, but I felt that I was inexperienced and wouldn’t win. In the end, I triumphed.

Current View: AI can be a brainstorming tool, but it shouldn't replace the designer's personal touch and creative vision.

Project Experience: Faced challenges but ultimately reduced project scope, which made it more manageable.

Personal Growth: Learned to be less harsh on myself and focus on completing work rather than perfecting details.

Creative Process Insights: Trust the three phases—pre-production, production, and post-production—and be patient with the process.

Advice for New Capstone Students: Start early, create detailed plans, have backup options, and focus on topics that genuinely interest you.

Future Plans: Seeking work as a web designer with hopes of joining major companies or starting a freelance studio called "Webko."

"Don't be sad it's over, be happy it happened." - Dr. Seuss

Again, thank you for following me on this creative journey! I appreciate all of you. Good luck to everyone on their future endeavors! Peace ✌️

[ikemen-translations]

Morganatic Idol Prologue 3/10

MC: Ugh... I'm sleepy... I stayed up all night

(However, I managed to write the proposal by the deadline)

(All I have to do is submit this...!)

MC: Mori-san! I have created a proposal for a new commercial so please check it out

Mori: Oh, you made it too?

Mori flipped through the proposal I handed her

Mori: ... It's surprisingly well shaped

MC: Yes, I came up with my own idea to convey the charm of perfume to the fullest

MC: It's a big project that will be broadcast to the world but I would like to take on the challenge to improve my own abilities

Mori: ... that's right. Well, this time anyone can submit a project

Mori: But it's too late. It's better to submit it sooner rather than just before the deadline. All full-time employees did that

MC: I'm so sorry...

Mori: Well, that's fine. i'll submit this to the section manager

MC: Thank you!

(I put all my efforts into the proposal. I hope it goes well)

A few days have passed since then. There is a nervous and restless atmosphere within the company

(I wonder what happened to my project... I can't help but wonder... but for now I have no choice but to wait)

After the lunch break when I returned to the office, my team members were chatting in the corner of the room

FE1: I wonder whose project will be chosen?

FE2: It would be great if it was someone from our team. Maybe we could get closer to Exe

They were so absorbed talking that they didn't even notice my return

FE1: Come to think of it, MC-san also submitted a plan, right?

(!)

Mori: Yes, it was on the last minute

FE2: Is it because the Exes are the image characters after all?

FE3: I was so excited because I wanted to meet a super idol!

... My heart made a disgusting sound at the words I heard

FE1: There's no way a project created by a temporary employee with no experience would be selected, Eiko

Mori: Yeah, no matter how hard she try she can't beat us

MC: ...

(No, I didn't try my best because an idol was involved)

I grasp my palms tightly

(... But I have to be patient. It's true that I have no experience and these people and I are in very different positions)

I notice that the full-time girls looked down on me because I was a temporary worker

(It can't be helped...)

Even though I knew it in my head, I was filled with regret

(Let's get some air outside)

I quietly left the office to freshen up

Manager: Hey, Mori-kun!

Mori: Chief? What's wrong?

Manager: Your department's project will be used in the competition! It's a great honot to be chosen out of all the companies!

Manager: Look, this is it. It's the project you submitted just before the deadline

Mori: It's...!

Chief: The presentation will be giving soon. Please brush up on this project by then. Can you do it?

Mori: ...

FE1: Hey, hey, that plan...

Mori: Yes! Let's work together as a team!

Manager: You said it! Now, I'm going to go right away and report to the chief that you will be in charge

Mori: ...

FE1: That plan is.. MC's...

Mori: ... Our team submitted it, so it's our plan

Mori: It's impossible for a kid with no exprience to do such a big job. Isn't that right?

FE1: Oh, that's right

FE2: Yes, she is inexperienced after all

Mori: That's it. Come on, let's get to work. It's going to be busy!

A few days later. That day, the office was hectic since the morning

I was told only that we had a visitor and was sent shopping without any explanation

MC: Haa... I finally finished... It's heavy

I'm exhausted from carrying so many coffee pots and boxes of sweets

(Teito Hotel's high-class tea and sweets set and the cafe's most expensive hot coffee)

(Even though the company already has things for guests, why bother to prepare new ones? I wonder if there will be any special people coming today)

MC: Anyway, I have to get back to the office soon... Whaat!?

Suddenly, someone bumped into me from the side. My body staggered and I almost fell.

MC: Kyaa...!

I closed my eyes unconsciously

But... before I could fall to the ground, strong arms grabbed me

(... who?)

When I opened my eyes in fear...

Xeno: ...

What was in front of me were cold, emotionless eyes...

He has an overwhelming presence that cannot be mistaken

Exe Creed Xeno is staring at me

Previous / Next

[frogofalltime]

23.02.2024

today i had no classes at all so i let myself sleep in without an alarm. i had around 10 hours of sleep and when i got up i felt a lot more well rested than i have in a long time.

i brought my notebook, pens, and ipad to the kitchen and got started with studying immediately after eating breakfast. this was a very smart idea because normally executive dysfunction means i procrastinate for hours between tasks, but today i had all the things i needed to do my work straight away.

i watched and took notes on a lecture that i missed last week, it was about jawless vertebrates (lampreys and hagfish) and it was very interesting. i drew lots of weird little creatures.

then i took a break to use the bathroom, pray, and eat lunch. i didn't bother getting changed out of my pyjamas, because i was feeling very sick from The Plague™️, and i wasn't planning on leaving the flat, and i also needed to shower before i could put clean clothes on anyway because i was a Stinky Rat Boy

after that i started working on a coursework project that i should've started months ago but it felt too daunting. it took many hours and i sent a few rants to @etherealspacejelly and @mollusc-consultant but eventually i got it done. there's just one more task i need to do for that project which is a mock interview, i am still putting that off because Autism™️, but the deadline is in just under two weeks so i have time. when i've done that it will hopefully be ready to submit.

i also looked on the university website to find out when all my deadlines are and i put them into my reminders app so i would not forget. this made me feel a lot more organised and on top of things rather than like i was drowning under stress.

then i put away my laundry which had been hanging to dry in my room all week; i didn't realise how much it was stressing me out until it was all put away and i finally had space to move around in my room again. you know what maybe marie kondo is right and an uncluttered home is the most important thing for mental health after all

after prayer time i decided to cook a proper meal for dinner and i called my mother while i did that. she gets worried if i don't talk to her a few times per week. little things did annoy me, like how she said "i always love hearing from my daughter", and when i compared myself to the cat saying i was "so sleepy all the time like meery" (because i keep having to take naps recently) she was like "yes he's a sleepy boy and you're a sleepy girl" :/ but oh well it doesn't matter.

i ate dinner and i was reading percy jackson when my Cool Gay Flatmate walked into the kitchen. she was wearing a really nice outfit which was similar to the kind of clothes i usually wear, and she's dyed her hair green and cut it shorter, and she has a nose ring and other piercings, basically she's exactly the kind of person i want to be friends with, but i Literally Never See Her because she's always staying at her girlfriend's house or visiting family and stuff. i have such a huge platonic crush on her :')

she noticed i was reading percy jackson and got excited about it and we both nerded out about it for a while, which was super fun !! she likes one of my special interests omg !! but she had to go because she was going to be late for something, which was sad because i really want to spend more time with her !! also i was kinda embarrassed because she always bumps into me when i'm like. in my pyjamas and sick and desperately need a shower. but i want her to see me when i'm wearing my daytime clothes and not Dishevelled™️ so she thinks i am cool aaaaa

then i washed my dishes and went to take a shower but it was hard and i procrastinated a lot. afterwards i felt a lot better though. being greasy and stinky is Not fun

i put on clean pyjamas and went back to the kitchen to eat a snack before bed. i have such a huge appetite recently, i can't stop eating, and it's kind of scary, but i am trying really hard to honour my body's needs. i ended up eating twice as much chocolate as i had intended to eat, but i have to remember that it's okay. i'm finally eating what my body wants after more than ten years of neglecting it and i think that's extremely important.

@parasite-2 sent robin a mathematics challenge and robin asked me to help, so i spent two hours puzzling over it which was So Much Fun. i forgot how much i enjoy doing maths questions. its probably also good for my brain, right ? maybe i should do this more often as self care.

then i finally went to bed, i changed my pillow case because i had just washed my hair and that's the Rules. i was feeling very ill again, i couldn't stop coughing and my back hurt a lot, so it took ages for me to get to sleep. i think i finally fell asleep around 2am.

[magis-ghast]

Trying to decide which five of these old drawings to submit for Memuary (which you should look up)

Purple mermaid I did probably 14 years ago? It was one I was super proud of because of all the detail.

Cave dragon I did in middle school, so about 12 years ago maybe. It was also my favorite when I drew it, especially the little bat.

I don't remember when I drew the fairy, but it was a cool experiment with perspective.

The mushroom was probably 6-7 years ago, along with the desert dragon with the egg, I did those one after the other after I finally had good black pens to do like work with.

Calcifer I did probably middle of high school, so about 8-9 years ago. I loved doing the stippling with markers.

The mermaid I did in drawing class as a project, it was while I was learning about planning out a drawing before starting lol. I've also drawn so many mermaids over my life I have to use one of them!

The last one I also did in high school! That's me as a pony as an alicorn. I drew my ponysona in every form a pony comes in (except male)

[quirkyplutonian]

So I just found out my classes for next year are wonky and I have to redo half my schedule. But I won't prob change it for weeks

How am I supposed to explain to anyone or my parents that I'm not technically procrasting, but that on sunday I was up until 4am to finish a podcast project, monday I could barely get anything done due to sleep deprivation so I started on my didn't-know-i-had physics homework, which took not only monday night but also all of tuesday, and now wednesday I have to add sound effects into my podcast because i got a little extra time becaus I was one of only two people to get it done by monday,

but now I'm also behind on my two survey/discussion classes, so I'm going to have to spend most of thursday getting that done. Meanwhile, there was a critique apparently due last week I missed but only one person did it so far so I guess it got moved and I might as well finish it friday,

Oh, and I've also got a new project coming up as part of my final, I have a game prototype to finally flesh out into a small Alpha and submit, I've got a group project that I haven't even begun communicating for (no one els ein the group has, so...), and there a possibility I've got a portfolio critique coming up too but I've only really gotten three things uploaded to it and the home page isn't done but I haven't gotten an email for it so maybe not,

then I have more physics homework to do and, oh, I forgot I also had a lab write up for friday.... and probably a few things I'm forgetting.

And then, once those things are out of the way, I can fix next semesters schedule. And THEN, after that's out of the way, I can focus on packing for the winter and starting my study abroad app and emailling for reccomendation letters and adding things to my portfolio and thinking of gifts for everyone for christmas and get my stuff for my winter class and get my stuff for my spring classes and come out to (and probably, sadly, break up with) my boyfriend and figure out what shifts of my job to take next semester if any and figure out which clubs i'm staying in and leaving and trying out and -

[babyboibucky]

The Match - Part 10

Pairing: CEO!Bucky x Fem!Reader

Summary: Sam helps you out in planning for the launch while Bucky is away.

Word Count: 4.2k (woopsies)

Warnings: SMUT is back, angry unprotected sex, spitting, a tiny hint at scratching and choking, some hurtful words thrown in yada yada yada, kinda intense asjkcackansk

A/N: STRAP THE FUCK IN BECAUSE WE BOUTTA RIDE A DAMN ROLLERCOASTER OMG I’m nervous for this because I found this part very intense while writing it. And I hope it comes across as that to y’all as well because my fingers ached from how hard I was typing this part lmfao. Team Bucky vs Team Reader/Team Sam here we goooo sksksk enjoy

The Match Masterlist || MAIN MASTERLIST

You didn't accept Sam's invitation to connect in LinkedIn. Not yet. But it did give you several ideas, like maybe submitting a resignation letter? Get away from Bucky and his toxic ass? He has Mackenzie now, he can easily have her take over your position anyway.

However, you were also torn because you loved your job at Bucky's company. It paved way for you to improve your skills and you experienced a lot of growth too. And well, Bucky's there too but god, you hated him right now. As much as you wanted to wave the white flag, you didn't feel like it was the right thing to do.

You wanted Bucky to learn that not everything he wants, he can easily get. And Mark was right, that you weren't just a trophy employee or whatever. You were so much more than what Bucky probably thinks of you.

And you were going to prove him that.

-

"Hey, Bev. Can you ring up your boss for me? Tell him I want to go over some of the plans I made for the launch before I discuss it with Mackenzie tomorrow." you asked.

Beverly was about to lift the phone up when an unexpected visitor arrived. None other than Sam Wilson himself.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop but did I hear you correctly? You've already made some plans for the launch?" he asked with interest.

You chuckled, "Sort of. Well, it's a rough draft of my ideas. I just thought it would be nice to get a headstart." you admitted.

Sam nodded and was about to say something when Bucky stepped out of his office, his brows furrowing upon seeing you and Sam conversing. Bucky eyed you before glancing over at Sam, patting his shoulder gently as a greeting.

"You checking up on us or what?" Bucky teased with a chuckle.

Sam shook his head, "Not really. Well, kinda. I figured that another presentation would be unnecessary, I mean. I'd love to work on the launch with your team instead of being on the sidelines for approvals." he admitted.

You shrugged, "I think that's a great idea too. Less time to waste, less back and forth." you pitched in.

Bucky frowned a bit, his jaw clenching at how you backed up Sam immediately. "That's fine, but I have a meeting in a few. Might last the entire day. Mackenzie won't be here until tomorrow too." he said.

"She and I can discuss her plans today and maybe I can pitch in some of my ideas too. She can present them tomorrow to you and Kenzie." Sam suggested, gesturing over to you.

Bucky stared at you and Sam alternately, his hands balling into fists at his sides. You could see his internal struggle about leaving you and Sam to discuss about the launch, without his presence.

You lifted up the folder in your hand, "I wanted to go over these plans with you but I didn't know you have a meeting. Sam and I can just refine these today, would save us a lot of time. We don't want to be rushing anything for this project at the last minute." you told him.

Bucky swallowed but nodded anyway, albeit with hesitation, "Yeah. Of course. I'll just catch up on the both of you later."

And with that, Bucky walked away but not without sparing you and Sam one final glance. His eyes met yours for a brief moment and you weren't sure, but you saw a flash of worry in his eyes before it was immediately replaced by his usual stern, ice-cold gaze.

You turned to Sam with a smile, "We can discuss in the conference room." you said and led the way.

-

The planning was seamless and you were surprised that you had so much fun exchanging ideas with Sam, to the point of almost forgetting about lunch break. It was quarter past noon when the both of you realized that it was way past lunch time.

"Do you want to grab lunch or order something instead? I honestly hate working lunch, just so you know." Sam said with a laugh.

You groaned, "I hate that too, honestly." you admitted with a chuckle.

Sam nodded, "Great, we can head out for a quick lunch?" he asked.

It didn't even cross your mind to hesitate, so you immediately agreed and even asked if you can take Beverly with you. You'd grown somewhat attached to her in the short time you've known her. Poor kid was being treated like an outcast by the other office girls. She always waited for you to have your lunch break too, especially that Mark has been pretty busy lately.

Sam was kind enough to agree about including Beverly for lunch. The two of you were about to head out of the conference room when Beverly peeked in, worry etched all over her face.

"I need your help." she whined, "I think I messed up Sir James' schedule. Mister Nakajima is on the phone and said that he's going to be an hour late for a meeting today. I forgot about Sir James’ meeting with another company today!" she explained, almost close to tears.

You rushed over to her and held her shoulders, "Hey, calm down. Did you tell Mister Nakajima?" you asked.

"I did and he got mad at me! Today is his only free day and he said that if he doesn't meet up with Sir James, the deal is off." Beverly said, stomping her foot on the ground.

You heaved out a sigh, knowing that the deal was very important. Mister Nakajima owned an auto manufacturing company which produces world-class materials for cars. Bucky had been working on convincing Mister Nakajima to be his permanent supplier for quite a while now. Big fucking deal.

You looked back at Sam, "Hey, I'm sorry. Can you give me a couple of minutes?" you asked with an apologetic expression.

"Take your time." Sam nodded with a smile.

You went over to Beverly's desk and took over the phone call, without knowing that Sam trailed behind you. He watched you carefully as you talked to Mister Nakajima, your demeanor calm yet confident.

"Hi, Mister Nakajima. I'm the company's Marketing Head and I would like to apologize for the mix up. Bucky has been working really hard on improving the quality of our products, he's been in meetings in and out. That being said, would it be alright if I take over this afternoon's meeting instead? Bucky worked on an amazing presentation and I honestly would love to go over it with you and just show you how this partnership would be beneficial for both our companies." you asked.

Fortunately, you were able to appease Mister Nakajima while also saving Beverly's ass for her honest mistake. As soon as the call was done, you reassured Beverly that everything was fine now and that you'll take care of Bucky. By the time you looked back at Sam, he was merely smiling at you.

"You're really good with people."

-

Lunch break passed by quickly, with you, Sam and Beverly engaging in all sorts of conversations. Even Beverly felt comfortable being around his presence. He mainly talked about his experiences at his first job, giving Beverly a couple of tips on how to navigate through the corporate world.

Sam was very kind.

The planning resumed after lunch and by the time Mister Nakajima and his associates arrived, the launch plan was pretty much refined with a lot of details. Sam excused himself to give you time to meet with Mister Nakajima, however, he said he'll be staying until Bucky comes back.

Presenting to Mister Nakajima made you nervous as fuck, especially that he didn't really work closely with you which might affect his decision. Luckily though, you knew Bucky's presentation like the back of your hand due to the fact that he had gone over it with you for a couple of times back when the two of you were still, well, fucking around.

Ah, the good old days.

The meeting with Mister Nakajima went perfectly well because as soon as you were done with the presentation, the old man simply asked for the contract to seal the deal. Although it wasn't you who actually worked on the deck, you had a sense of fulfillment. You were proud of yourself and you couldn't wait to dangle it right in front of Bucky's face.

"Thank you so much, Mister Nakajima. We are excited for this partnership." you said happily as you led him and his associates out of the conference room, just as when Bucky arrived.

He looked confused when Mister Nakajima greeted him happily, shaking his hand and telling him how good his presentation was. Bucky looked over at you, as if asking what the hell was going on. You merely shrugged and headed back inside the conference with Sam.

Bucky followed shortly and for some reason, he looked agitated. He was about to speak up when Sam beat him to it, giving him a hard pat on the back.

"The launch event is gonna be really good." he said confidently before glancing at you.

"You're lucky to have her, Bucky." he said before bidding goodbye, giving you one last look and a wink as well, something that Bucky immediately noticed.

When Sam left, so did the light atmosphere inside the conference room. Bucky turned to you with a scowl, his footsteps rushed and heavy as he approached you.

"What the hell happened with Mister Nakajima?" he asked gruffly.

You smiled as you handed him an envelope, "The partnership is a go. He signed the contract and his team will be keeping in contact with us and our factory soon." you explained proudly.

Bucky took the envelope from your hand and went through the contract before placing it back on the table. "I thought my meeting with him isn't until Friday."

"Beverly mixed up your schedule and before you even reprimand her, give the girl a break. It's her first job and with the amount of meetings you've been having, mix-ups are inevitable. What matters now is that I took over the presentation and Mister Nakajima signed the contract." you explained with nonchalance.

Bucky shook his head, "The end does not justify the means." he said. "Beverly should have been careful. My schedule is not a joke and if I miss another important meeting, that can fuck up the entire company."

You rolled your eyes, "Calm down, Beverly surely learned from today's mistake. It's done. The deal is on. Everything is peachy. The launch details have been planned out, Sam is happy with it. All I have to do is to secure your and Mackenzie's approval for it and then we can start with the execution. You're welcome." you said all in one breath, handing Bucky a USB containing the details of the launch.

You brushed past Bucky to leave the conference room but you were immediately pulled back with his hand around your arm. He looked down at you with an angry look on his face, almost fuming. You couldn't understand why the fuck he was so aggravated with you today. Sure, he had been testing your patience lately but it was the first time he actually looked like he was going to snap.

Not at the situation, but at you.

"Are you trying to impress Sam? Taking on my responsibilities while he's around?" he asked, eyes narrowing at you.

You scoffed, unable to believe what Bucky was accusing you of. Pulling your arm back, you took a step back and looked at him with disgust. "You're unbelievable, Bucky." you said.

"Had I not stepped in, we would have lost the deal. You promoted me for a reason, and I believe part of it is my leadership skills. And no, I'm not trying to impress Sam. I'm simply doing my fucking job." you hissed and tried to side step Bucky, only for him to block your way.

"Did he offer you a position in his company? What the fuck was the wink all about?" Bucky accused yet again.

"Oh my god, Bucky! You're blowing things out of proportion. He didn't. We talked about the event. That's it." you explained, pinching the bridge of your nose because Bucky was getting on your very last nerve.

Bucky had been fucking with you too much now and you could feel the last bits of your composure slowly slip away with every word that was coming out of his mouth. Coming for your job was one thing, but accusing you of flirting your way to another company? That was a low blow.

"Don't lie to me, I saw the notification on your phone the other day. Seems to me like Tinder matches don't work for you anymore, you moved on to LinkedIn now to find connections instead?" he asked and that particular statement struck a certain nerve.

You let out a bitter scoff, "Do you even hear yourself, Bucky? At least Sam was being professional and didn't use Tinder to hire a fucking consultant to threaten my damn job!" you slipped, unable to hold back.

The look on Bucky's face was a whirlwind of emotions-- shock, wrath, exhaustion-- and you felt like you were supposed to get scared. Gone were the blue orbs that used to make you feel safe, his eyes only held anger in them. And the thing was, your eyes looked the same as you held Bucky's gaze.

You were so fucking tired of everything, of Bucky.

"How did you-- it doesn't matter." Bucky said, shaking his head. "How much did Sam offer you?" he asked.

Your jaw dropped at the implication of Bucky's statement, "You are a fucking asshole, Bucky. Sam didn't offer me a fucking job. You really don't listen, Bucky. You never listen." you huffed out exasperatedly.

"Okay, maybe he hasn't laid down his offer yet. Perhaps, you let him fuck you too?"

Your vision blacked out upon hearing that and by the time you regained your senses, all you could feel was how your palm stung. You had walked up to Bucky and slapped him right across the face, hard enough to make the corner of his bottom lip bleed. Your entire body was trembling from rage as you stood in front of Bucky.

He tilted his head as he wiped the blood off from his lip, looking up at you with lust-filled eyes. And then his hand gripped your neck, tugging you close for a bruising kiss. You grunted against his mouth and pushed him away, slapping him again. Before Bucky could even recover, your fingers wrapped around his tie pulling him down to you for another kiss.

Walls crumbled down, tension was broken and needs were being fulfilled. The rush of emotions blurred the line between fury and lust with the latter obviously winning. All you could think about was the throb that you suddenly felt within your core begging for relief.

Relief that was denied from you for the past few weeks of playing cat and mouse with Bucky.

And with the way Bucky was kissing you, you knew he felt the same. It had been too long and both your minds were too hazy to even care that it was only five in the afternoon and that there were employees working just outside the conference room.

Was the fear of getting caught going to stop you? No, not now. Because you needed release and you were sure as hell going to get it. This wasn't like the other times you and Bucky fucked. You didn't care about Bucky at the moment, how he felt or what was going on in his mind. You just needed to release all your pent up emotions and you were going to use Bucky to get what you need.

Bucky pushed you against the table, your tailbone hitting the edge with such force that made you groan from pain.

"Yeah, why don't you make some noise so everyone can see how fucking needy you are for me?" Bucky growled, gripping your face with one hand, forcing you to keep your eyes on him as his other hand bunched your skirt up to your waist.

You let out a chuckle, "I'm not the one going to make noise here." you warned before reaching down to palm his erection.

Bucky hissed and bit his lip hard to prevent himself from eliciting a moan. His jaw ticked as he squeezed your face tighter, forcing you to open your mouth as his eyes scanned your features.

"Watch your fucking mouth, baby. I still own you, you're fucking mine." he said through gritted teeth, his eyes lidded as he looked down at you like a predator.

You kept your mouth closed but as soon as Bucky's fingers found your damp panties, you weren't able to stop your whimper. Bucky took the opportunity and spit in your mouth before crashing his lips against yours in a messy kiss. It was all tongue and spit, the way he kissed you as his fingers rubbed at your folds through the thin fabric of your underwear.

He kissed you like he owned you.

"I'm not yours, Bucky." you said as your hands quickly unbuckled his belt, unzipping his trousers and pulling out his hard cock from the confines of his boxers.

The groan that reverberated from Bucky's chest as you stroked him made you smirk. His hand on your face slid down to your neck, holding you tightly as he pushed aside your underwear and then he slid into you with no prior warning. The lack of foreplay made it hurt when he bottomed out, but the pain quickly turned into pleasure when Bucky started moving his hips against yours.

No words were further exchanged from then on. Only soft whimpers and hushed grunts could be heard. However, it was clear that even up until now, there was competition. You didn't want to make noise, didn't want to lose to Bucky. You didn't want to give him the pleasure of knowing how fucking good he was making you feel right now, with how each drag of his cock was making your toes curl inside your heels.

Your hands held onto his broad shoulders as he fucked you against the table, the fabric of his suit bunching up against your fingers. Bucky kept his gaze on you and not once did you falter, not even when the tip of his cock hit your cervix, almost punching the air out of your lungs.

Bucky held the back of your thighs and lifted you up, sitting you on the edge of the table and bending forward so he could angle his cock in a way that you would feel it deep within you. Your legs automatically wrapped around his waist, one of your hands scratching at his jaw as he continued to pound your sopping cunt.

"God, fucking missed this pussy. Can feel you clamping down on my cock, you gonna cum soon?" he asked, pressing the tip of his nose against yours.

You clamped a hand over your mouth, muffling the wanton moan that Bucky pounded out of you. Not wanting to be the only one to make noise, you clenched around him hard. Bucky let out a growl at how your walls squeezed his cock, his balls tightening as his own orgasm approached.

"Cum for me, Bucky." you whimpered, tipping your head up to lick at Bucky's mouth as your legs tightened around his waist to pull him deeper into you.

Bucky exhaled heavily through his nose, the veins on his neck popping out as he fucked your harder on the table. He kept his hand wrapped around your neck while the other held onto your waist so tight, you could feel his fingers digging deep into your skin. Even with your clothes on, you were sure that you'll be getting bruises from how hard his grip on you was.

"Go on, Bucky. Want your cum inside, want to feel you fill me up again." you moaned against his parted lips, darting your tongue out to taste his mouth.

The needy tone of your voice sent Bucky to the edge first. He uttered a string of curses under his breath as ropes of his cum painted your walls with their warmth with triggered your orgasm. Your body convulsed as waves of pleasure ran through your veins, starting from your fingertips down to your toes. Bucky kissed you and swallowed your moans as his thrusts slowed down.

It took a while for the both of you to recover from the intense fucking. Bucky nuzzled your neck with his nose, his heavy breaths warming up your sweaty skin. There was a short moment of peace that followed, the tension gone and was replaced by a heavy feeling.

You swallowed hard and slowly regained your senses. The release cleared your mind and the memories of the heated exchange from earlier were quick to come back. Bucky's accusations echoed in your ear and they were so clear it almost felt like he was saying them to you again.

Suddenly, you doubted Bucky's intentions when he promoted you. Was he really impressed of your skills at work or was it because you let him fuck you?

"Get off of me." you said, pushing at Bucky's chest until he straightened up.

Ignoring the emptiness you felt when his cock slipped out of you, you hopped down from the table and started fixing yourself. In the many times you had slept with Bucky, it was the first time that you felt disgusted with yourself.

You turned your back to Bucky as you adjusted your underwear, pulling down your skirt and pressing your palms against the fabric to iron out the creases. Your breath was heavy as you processed what had just happened. And just like that, your reserve broke and the strong facade you had built crumbled down into pieces, leaving you vulnerable.

"Hey, are you okay? Did I hurt you?" Bucky suddenly asked when he heard your sniffing, the darkness in his features gone.

His eyes were back to blue and there was nothing but genuine concern when he saw the tears in your eyes. Bucky tried to approach you but you quickly backed away from him, your arms wrapping around yourself as protection.

"Did you hurt me?" you scoffed. "In more ways than one, Bucky." you quickly added, wiping away your tears hastily with the back of your hand.

You were about to walk out of the conference but decided that it was probably time for you to actually speak up about everything. How you felt for him and how much you hated him for coming at you like that.

"I was going to admit that I like you. I thought about it and figured that I was too proud and a bit selfish for not considering your feelings when I rejected you." you explained.

Bucky blinked in confusion, "What? When?"

You shrugged, "The day you brought in Mackenzie. And I was more hurt than mad that you did that. Because you knew how much this job means to me and you had used it against me. You basically took advantage of my weakness, for what? To get me to cave in? Even when I clearly told you how fucking scared I was of the consequences of whatever kind of relationship we have?" you huffed out.

You didn't allow Bucky to speak, not yet. Not until you were done making him understand why you had been so hell-bent on keeping things professional.

"I wasn't born into a rich family like you, Bucky. I had to work my way up to where I am. Unlike you, I have a family to support and if I lose this job, it's not only me who would suffer. And it won't be easy for me to find another one, not after the reputation I'd have once we get busted." you further explained.

"I told you about it so many times and I wish you listened. Because maybe we could've figured shit out. Or I don't know, maybe the fucking was too good and you only wanted me for that." you shrugged.

Bucky quickly shook his head, "No. God no, you're more than that."

You chuckled again, a fresh wave of tears flooding the corners of your eyes. "It most definitely felt like it when you accused me of fucking Sam."

"Fuck, I'm sorry. Let me explain, please? I didn't mean to, I was too--"

"No, Bucky. You didn't listen to me when I told you how I felt about us. Now you're going to know how it feels to not to get what you want." you sternly said before walking over to the door.

You turned back at Bucky and refused to let his expression get to you. He looked devastated, his eyes glassy from the tears he had been holding back, his lips parted as he finally realized what he had done.

"Expect my resignation letter by tomorrow. As soon as we're done with the launch, I'm out."

-

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[cafedanslanuit]

chapter guide | prev. chapter | next chapter

♣   —   summary: when you told armin to pick up eren’s call while he was fucking you, you weren’t expecting things to escalate this quickly. not that you were complaining.

♣   —   pairings: armin x reader, eren x reader, armin x reader x eren

♣   —   chapter tags/warnings: oral sex (receiving), spanking, humiliation, degradation, semi-public, degradation kink, rough sex, mirror sex, alcohol and drugs.

♣   —   a/n: thank you so much for all the love you’ve been giving this story so far! it makes me so happy you are all enjoying it so far. when i finished this chapter i realized the influence of halsey’s ‘strange love’ had lmao so if you have a chance, check it out. also this is a eren centric chapter while the next one will be centered around armin c: 

chapter four: the bathroom sink

“Are you sure you don’t want to go? Last chance.”

Armin nodded, a soft smile on his lips. You were sitting on his bed, wearing a tiny black dress and high heels. You crossed your arms and legs, a small frown on your face.

“I’m sure. You’ve been wanting to go to Pieck’s party for a long time so you should go,” he said. “I just have too much work. I- my planning skills failed me,” Armin laughed softly.

“Can’t you do them when we get back? It’s the first party we’re attending with Eren. You know since…” you made a funny face, making you both laugh. “It was supposed to be fun for the three of us.”

Your boyfriend walked from his desk to his bed and cupped your face tenderly, thumb brushing against your pouting lip.

“Have fun for me,” he said, your frown deepening. “You look really, really beautiful, though.”

“How beautiful?” you teased him, leaning your head against his palm.

“Enough that I’m having a hard time telling you to go instead of staying here with me,” Armin replied, leaning in and pressing a kiss on the tip of your nose.

“Fine,” you sighed, rolling your eyes.

“C’mon. Tomorrow morning I submit my last paper and we can have lunch and then watch some movies together,” he offered.

“Promise?”

“Promise,” he smiled. You grinned and grabbed his face, placing a lot of small, chaste kisses on his lips, loving the way he giggled at your action. “Go have fun, I promise I’ll come with you to the next one.”

“Not the same without you though,” you reminded him, pulling away and lacing your pinky fingers together.

“Yeah, but Eren’s going, right? You can have fun with him.”

Your eyes immediately shot up at him. “Fun?”

“You know, uh- fun ,” he shrugged, a light blush covering his cheeks as he put his hands inside his pockets. It took you a couple of seconds to understand what he was implying.

“ Oh , okay,” you said, nodding your head softly. “Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah, I mean it’s him, so,” Armin shrugged. You nodded and took his hand to your mouth, placing a kiss on his knuckles. “Still gonna miss you, though.”

Armin smiled, pulling you closer for one last kiss before you left his dorm.

• • •

Pieck’s parties were always a huge success. She only used to throw them twice a year and maybe that’s why they were so special. Everyone sent some money to her and she would make sure to buy enough alcohol and weed to keep everyone satisfied the rest of the night. A part of you thought it was almost impossible everyone’s donations could cover everything but Pieck always seemed more than pleased to put some of her own money for the party.

You had been friends with Pieck for quite some time now, hence why she let you bring some of your friends to the party. Last year you had brought Jean and Armin with you, which led to Jean and Pieck to start dating. You liked how good they looked with each other and that Jean had finally closed the Mikasa chapter and was trying something new. Pieck always seemed calm and collected, loving to nuzzle on Jean’s chest whenever they sat together. Nevertheless, you had also seen her break up a fight with her bare hands between two guys bigger than her. Since then you had a newfound respect and admiration for the brunette.

“Hey, where’s Armin?” Jean asked as he opened the door to let you and Eren inside.

“Got caught up with some projects,” you answered and Jean clicked his tongue. Eren and you took off your jackets and gave it to Jean for him to leave them in Pieck’s room.

“Sucks to be him. Porco and Reiner brought really good weed tonight,” he said as he made his way to the corridor.

Eren and you went to the living room, finding Pieck and her friends already starting with the bong. She complimented your dress and you grinned at her, spinning so she could see the back of it as well. After earning a couple of whistles from Pieck’s friends, you sat beside Eren.

“New dress?” he asked.

“Mmhm, bought it when Pieck said she was throwing another party,” you said. Eren laughed.

“I don’t know how you do this. I put on the first thing I saw in my closet,” he confessed and took the bong from Pieck. You took a moment to eye his black shirt and dark jeans.

“You don’t look so bad,” you commented, shrugging as Eren took a hit. “Is it really good?” you asked.

He hummed. “Want some?”

“I’d rather drink tonight. And last time I mixed weed and rum-”

“Yeah, I remember you sitting by the window with lost eyes like you were in another dimension” Eren chuckled, taking another hit. You hit him with one of the pillows to which he laughed harder.

Ever since the first time you had kissed him, Eren had made sure you didn’t feel uncomfortable around him. He behaved the same way he always did whenever he wasn’t thrusting inside of you as Armin stroked himself.  Somehow it was really comfortable to know your friendship wasn’t in danger, that even if it had shifted to something entirely different he still found it in him to playfully nudge you during class or let you copy his notes if you shared a class.

One hour later, Pieck’s place was packed with people. The music was loud, big speakers filling the apartment as people danced around. Pieck had set a table only for booze and you couldn’t count all the bottles even if you tried. Whiskey, vodka, rum and cans of beer were on display for anyone to take and even if everyone already looked more than a bit tipsy, there was still alcohol to spare.

You watched amused as Eren played beer pong with Reiner, the cups filled with one shot of vodka instead of beer. Reiner won by a very short difference, which made Eren call a rematch, which he finally won. You played your own match with Porco but with beer, winning the match on your first try and making sure to remind him every chance you got the rest of the night, laughing at his pouty face. After dancing with some of your friends, you spotted Eren sitting on one of the sofas and went to sit next to him, asking how he was doing. Even if he swore he was okay, you noticed his head slightly swaying. You suggested dancing it off.

Next thing you knew, one of Eren’s hands was set on your hip as the other was placed on the small of your back, while you had your arms around his neck. The way his hips moving filling your mind with ideas of you riding him, his cock deep inside you as he grabbed your hair in his fist. Your eyes locked on his green ones for one moment before quickly shifting your gaze anywhere else but him. Even if you knew that if you were to make an advance he would be more than willing, you kept repeating to yourself that you weren’t alone. Pieck’s entire apartment was filled with people that knew you were Armin’s girlfriend. Honestly, most of them would take a second look if they saw how close Eren and you were dancing

Eren’s thigh moved forward until they were between your legs, your hips moving on their own against him. You cursed under your breath and then let out a small chuckle, looking back at your friend.

“You’re such an asshole,” you said. Eren raised his eyebrows, amused.

“Am I?”

Before you could reply, Eren had taken both of your hands and in a swift movement, made you spin until your back was against his chest. Not letting go of your hands, he placed them on top of your hips, pulling your ass against his crotch as he kept moving his hips to the beat of the song.

You felt as if every vodka shot you had taken with Pieck had gone straight to your head at once.

“Keep dancing,” Eren whispered against your ear, his voice sending bolts of pleasure directly between your legs.

Moving your hips to the music, you tried to focus on anything other than Eren’s semi-hard cock grinding against your ass. You looked around, afraid someone was going to notice but everyone seemed to be occupied on their own. You noticed Pieck straddling Jean on the couch as she danced on top of him, some other couples making out against the walls or dancing even more lavishly than you and Eren were. Still, you felt your knees getting weaker as you kept feeling his breath against your neck.

You arched your back and started throwing your hips back, your ass bouncing against Eren’s crotch along with the beat of the music. You felt his hands tensing over yours, grabbing your hips much harder as you danced.

Maybe nothing else would have happened if you hadn’t looked over your shoulder. Maybe someone would have whistled and you would have been brought to reality, remembering what everyone thought your status was and how inappropriate they were acting. But you did look over your shoulder, eyes locking for a couple of seconds with Eren, which was more than enough for him to drag you to one of the bathrooms and locking the door behind you.

Eren kissed you roughly as your back hit the bathroom sink, his hands roaming around your body.

“Wait, fuck- can we- is it okay if he?” he tried to ask in between the kiss, his body and mind colliding against each other.

“Yeah,” you said breathless, running up your hands across his back. “He said it was fine.”

That was all Eren needed for his hands to travel up your legs and underneath your small dress. He tugged on your panties and lowered them to the ground and you stepped away, letting him pick them up and storing them in his back pocket. He stood up again, his lips colliding with yours as he grabbed the back of your thighs, helping you get on the counter. His mouth travelled down your neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses until they reached the mount of your breasts, pressing his face against them and nipping on the skin gently, making sure not to leave marks.

He started lowering, kissing your stomach over your dress with his green eyes on yours as he sunk to his knees. His fingers trailed your skin from your ankles up to your thighs, spreading your legs apart gently until your pussy was in front of him. You looked at him, chest rising up and down from your ragged breathing as you watched him leave small kisses on the inside of your thighs.

“Only fair you get to come on my face this time,” he said. Not even the music outside the bathroom was loud enough for you not to hear him clearly, your legs twitching at his words. He smirked and pulled your legs apart wider as he trailed up a slow path of small kisses to your pussy.

As soon as he pressed his lips against your folds, both you and him noticed how wet you were. He hummed, the vibration of his voice making you breathe heavily, biting back a moan. Eren licked across your slit, collecting all your wetness with his tongue. It was the first time he was going down on you and damn if you weren’t already lightheaded. Plus, the fact you were doing it in your friend’s bathroom with everyone outside added a sultry element you seemed to enjoy.

Eren placed his mouth on you again, his tongue drawing teasing circles around your clit. You whimpered, your hand going to tangle on his hair, messy bun a bit dishevelled. He groaned against you, loving every time you pulled his locks and used the flat part of his tongue on your clit, earning new moans from you. He hooked one of your legs over his shoulder as he pushed the other one a little further apart, his mouth still moving on you.

He sucked gently on your clit and you threw your head back, hitting yourself with the mirror.

“Fuck-- Eren, please ,” you panted, your hips bucking against his face. Eren dug his fingers on the plush of your thighs as he kept moving his tongue, getting you closer and closer to your limit.

Eren began lapping exactly where you needed him, a hand shooting to your mouth to muffle your sounds as you whined. Your other hand tightened its hold on Eren’s hair. He let you keep his head in place as you rolled your hips against his face, setting your own rhythm as he saw you search for your high. As soon as he noticed your hips stuttering, its movements desperate, he grabbed your legs still again, his tongue directly playing with your clit.

You came on his mouth, a hand over your own as you tried your best not to make too much noise. Eren stayed a couple of moments after your orgasm, giving your pussy slow, delicate licks to help you ride your orgasm off.

“Told ya’ I owed you,” he huffed playfully, making you remember what he had told you after the first time you had given him head. You chuckled as he stood up, kissing you languidly. You could taste yourself in his mouth, your body reacting to him as if you couldn’t do anything else but press yourself against him.

Your hands started unbuttoning his shirt as he kissed your neck. Long ago you had come up with the rule of not leaving any marks on your skin. As much as you loved finding bruises and love bites whenever you were showering, you preferred that to be a thing just between Armin and you. Since you had made that request, Eren had been extremely gentle whenever he kissed your skin, letting his lips drag across your skin teasingly before placing a soft kiss.

“How do you like it?” he asked.

“Huh?” you asked, letting his shirt fall to the floor, your hands caressing his toned chest.

“Well, this is a fantasy,” he said, pulling away so he could look at your face, his lips brushing against yours. “So I want to make you feel good.”

Eren didn’t miss the way your legs clenched on either side of his waist. He went back to kissing the other side of your neck as you made up your mind, hands roaming around his back and hair as he did so.

He didn’t have to wait long for your answer.

“I want you to be rough with me,” you sighed. Eren pulled away once more and looked at you, one of his hands palming your breast.

“How rough?”

“Until I tell you to stop,” you breathed out, your back arching at his ministrations. Eren nodded and kissed you again, his tongue entering your mouth as you once again started losing focus of everyone that was happening.

In that moment, your mind was filled with his hand playing with your tits while the other one went back to your folds, his index and middle finger rubbing soft circles, making you moan against your mouth. Eren pulled away from you and you watched him take out his wallet and then a condom from it. He put it between his teeth and then undid his jeans, letting them fall to his ankles along with his underwear.

You could never get used to seeing Eren’s cock. A part of your brain still was shocked as you tried to remember this was your new normal, getting railed by your friend with your boyfriend’s permission. Your hand closed around his length and you started pumping him, his tip already leaking precum. Eren ripped the condom package and rolled it over himself all the way to the base.

You leaned over to kiss him again, this time his lips moving rougher on you. You tried locking your legs around his waist, wanting to feel his cock against you. Instead, Eren grabbed both your legs and yanked you down the counter and onto the floor. You stumbled a bit on your high heels but he quickly turned you around and bent you over the bathroom sink.

Eren lifted your dress until it was resting on your waist, your ass exposed to him. He parted your legs with his foot and then lined up his cock with your entrance. Only a couple of inches inside you was enough for you to let out a high-pitched moan, your hands grabbing on the faucet desperately, the stretch making your head spin.

A hard slap fell against your ass.

“Keep it the fuck down. Do you want everyone to know your boyfriend’s friend has his cock inside you?” he hissed. The determination of his voice made you clench around him. Eren grabbed a fistful of your hair and yanked your hair up, forcing you to look at your own reflection in the mirror.

You watched your eyes and parted lips as Eren kept pushing inside of you, a whimper escaping your lips once he bottomed out. He took your hands and put them against the mirror. His own hands slid down your back until they settled on your hips. He started thrusting against you, your breath creating a fog on the mirror in front of you. You let your head fall, biting your lip as he kept moving his hips.

One of Eren’s hands went to your jaw, making you look at yourself in the mirror once more. You could not only see your face flushed with desire but also how his hair was almost completely loose and falling over his forehead as he kept thrusting against you.

“Look at yourself. You love being fucked as a slut, don’t you?”

Once again his words stirred something deep inside you. You desperately tried to hold on to something, your hands sliding down against the mirror until you positioned them correctly again. Eren smacked your ass hard again.

“I asked a fucking question,” he grunted, giving a particularly harsh thrust.

“Yes- fuck, yes, I do,” you panted. Eren picked up his face and you felt your legs falter. “Keep going, please.”

His hand went back to holding your head up by your hair, the other one gripping your ass firmly. Eren’s grunts were barely audible due to the music outside but made you melt every time you heard them. You started moving your hips back, meeting his thrusts as you did your best not to make too much noise.

Eren slapped your ass again, making you clench against him. He threw his head back, cursing under his breath and let his hand fall on your ass once more. Only a couple more thrusts were needed for you to come around him as well, one of your hands flying to your mouth to try and muffle your loud moans.

You heard Eren curse again and fasten his pace, letting go of your hair and settling both his hands on your hips. His orgasm followed a few moments later and you heard him groan, his cock twitching inside of you. You squeezed him as he came down from his high, earning a soft chuckle from the man behind you.

“Stop, I literally have nothing left,” he joked, removing himself from you and discarding the condom in the bathroom bin.

You laughed along as he helped you stand up again, lowering your dress in the process. Thanking him, you looked at your reflection again, cleaning the eyeliner smudge on the outside corner of your eyes and fixing your hair. Eren pulled up his underwear and pants and once his clothes were back in place, he handed you your panties that he had put inside his pockets.

“I can’t come out of this bathroom holding my panties,” you reminded him with a soft laugh. “Can you like- keep them for a moment? Once we leave this place you can hand them back.”

“Sure, sure,” Eren said, putting your panties back in his pocket. You looked at each other in the eyes and couldn’t help but burst into laughter once more.

“I’ll leave first, wait a bit before going outside,” you instructed him and Eren nodded, leaning against the counter and taking out his phone to keep himself distracted as he waited.

Nobody noticed you leaving the bathroom, nor the funny way you were walking. You grabbed one of the beers from the table and plopped on one of the sofas. You observed your surroundings and wondered if time had really passed as everything seemed to be the same. Jean and Pieck were now making out in the same sofa she had been dancing on and nobody spared a second glance at you.

You felt someone sitting down next to you, opening a can of beer as well. You turned to the side and saw Eren, his hair tied on a half-bun again and looking visibly refreshed. His eyes locked with yours and he smirked.

You clinked your beer cans. You sure knew how to keep a secret.

[winter-soldier-vibes]

just a wittle request, could you do something where bucky comforts the reader who has mommy issues after she has a panic attack over the thought of turning out like her mother?

Hi there, sorry this took so long! I still haven’t processed my own so I had to take a few breaks. I apologize if this is off the path of what you meant, I’m going off of my own experience but I know it’s different for everyone.

You're nothing like her.

Bucky x reader

Word count: 3219

Warnings: mommy issues, toxic childhood, talk of divorce, panic attack/anxiety, negative self-talk

A/N: This takes place in a timeline where Bucky is retired

-------------

You did everything you could to avoid it. To avoid her

You left home as soon as you could. When you were in college you were surrounded by people who were homesick, people who wanted to go home, people who finally had to take care of themselves. Things you couldn’t relate to.

You had been supporting yourself most of your life. Not that you had much of a choice. Your dad left when you were younger, your mother blaming it on you. If you had been better, maybe he wouldn’t have left. You, being young, believed her. What else were you supposed to do, growing up in a world that preaches ‘mother knows best’?

Load of bullshit to you.

You knew better now, being an adult, that she didn’t know best. She worked or went out with friends and left you to raise yourself, telling you it was your fault when she neglected her responsibilities. And when you would get upset she would play the victim, crying ‘woe is me’ because you were so ungrateful to the person who raised you after you drove her husband out.

“You know it’s your fault right?” she had snapped at you one night at dinner. There was a graded paper, a B written on the top of it.

“What?”

“You’re the reason he left me. He just couldn’t stand you. You’re the reason why he left and why I’m so miserable now.”

You had felt tears in your eyes.

“Tears, really? Tears aren't going to change the fact that MY husband LEFT.”

Her husband, not your father.

No, you knew better now to know that what she had done and said was wrong. But that didn’t make you forget. It didn’t make it any easier for you.

You went to college, saved up as much as you could, and gave tight-lipped smiles when people asked why you didn’t go home on weekends or vacations. You tried not to talk about her much, but that didn’t stop you from thinking about her.

You had stood at your college graduation, caps thrown and loud laughs and cheers echoing around. There were a bunch of people celebrating around you, taking photos, but you had stood on the outskirts. You had a small smile on your face for everyone else, but you couldn’t help but feel empty inside. You hadn’t made many friends, not close friends, but that was a good thing. You could take the photo so no one was left out.

Not so much of a text from her. She hadn’t come, she hadn’t called or anything.

In a twisted way, you were glad that she hadn’t. She couldn’t make a big deal about how you weren’t the top of your class or how you didn’t deserve to be. How you didn’t have a job set up to start the next week even though you already were planning on submitting your resumes. There wasn’t a way to please her, so it was almost better that she wasn’t there.

You had texted her after a few days and she made up some bullshit excuse that she had forgotten to put it on the calendar.

She liked your Instagram photo though. So thoughtful

You worried you would turn out the same way. Or that she had rubbed off on you in some way. You kept to yourself as much as you could, staying in, keeping your emotions to yourself. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust people, maybe it was, but more so you were worried that you would seem like you were playing the victim.

You didn’t want to bother anyone or make anyone feel obligated to listen to you. You worried that behind your back they would complain about you being emotional or making everything about you.

You worried they would talk about you the same way you thought about your mother.

People are supposed to look to their parents to teach them what to be, yet you found yourself wanting to avoid everything your parents did to you. They taught you exactly who you didn’t want to be.

Your father left. Your mother hated you.

You didn’t share your opinions because you didn’t want to be told you were wrong. You didn’t want to force your ideas onto anyone. Not like what you said would make a difference anyway, not that it mattered in the first place.

You remembered all of the sentences you would start but not finish because no one had heard you. Trying to jump in a few times and eventually giving up when the conversation had moved onto a new subject. All the times people would interrupt or interject, making you feel like you didn’t have something to say that was worth hearing.

You thought it would get better when you got a job. But the pressure you put on yourself to do well in school was transferred to the job you had gotten. You still were afraid that people saw yourself as your mom used to and that you would never be good enough for anyone. You thought that achievements would make you feel fulfilled.

But if you didn’t believe in yourself, what were a few “job well done's” supposed to do?

It made it hard to get into a relationship. People say that “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else,” but that didn’t feel so true to you. It was more that you didn’t trust yourself to love someone else. You worried about hurting whoever you were with, and you told yourself that if you didn’t get close to anyone, you couldn’t hurt them.

But then you ran into him.

He was on a morning run and you were walking home from a night shift, both too tired to see each other coming. You because you had just finished a shift, him because he was running off the nightmare he had had the night previous. Both of you craving a sleep that seemed just out of reach.

You were very apologetic, as was he, both afraid that you had hurt the other. You avoided his eyes even though they were trained anywhere but your own, as he fiddled with his gloved hands and you scratched the back of your neck.

It was the first time either of you had seen someone as unsure as yourselves

You had parted ways with only each other's names. Bucky and y/n.

The two of you crossed paths a few times in the following weeks, eventually getting each other’s phone numbers and agreeing to meet for coffee rather than hoping the other left at the right time. Eventually, the subtle nervous tics each of you had died down as you got to know each other.

For the most part.

You still overly apologized for everything. If you were a few minutes late, if you spaced out...you took the blame for everything.

Traffic had been bad, a storm and an accident causing you to be 5 minutes late rather than 15 minutes early. You had run into the coffee shop, scanning the restaurant with wide eyes when you saw Bucky sitting there casually.

“I am so so so sorry, I should’ve left earlier, there was an accident, I’m so sorry I’m late -”

“Y/n, don’t worry about it,” he had said, a smile on his face and a slight flash of concern on his face. “Seriously, it’s a couple of minutes. It’s literally fine.”

“No, I’m really sorry, I should’ve known or called or something.”

“Relax. It’s totally fine, I promise,” he had said, concern a little more present on his face. “Are you okay though?”

“What? Yeah, I’m good. How have you been with everything?

You wouldn’t let him talk about you. The same way your mother never let you talk about yourself.

Don’t think about her.

He had started opening up to you but you still kept your personal life under lock and key. Your name, how work was, and your physical well-being was about as personal as you got. Even so, if work had been a shit show or you had to pull an all-nighter would go unspoken. He didn’t need the burden of your personal issues. Not when there was nothing he could do about it.

The past was the past, you just had to learn how to get over yourself.

You couldn’t change what your mother had said over a decade ago.

You worried if you talked about yourself at all then you would be making the situation about you. You worried you would project your anger or sadness onto him. He didn’t deserve that. Plus, it wasn’t like he would be able to do anything, right?

You promised yourself you wouldn’t let him get too close. That if he didn’t get close to you, you couldn’t hurt him.

But damn, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t start developing feelings for him. And from the way he had started acting, you thought maybe he was too.

The hugs that were ever so slightly too tight or when he smiled at you a little longer than normal. He had opened up to you about many things in his past, and from the way he talked about it, you could tell he hadn’t talked about it much with anyone else.

You found comfort in your friendship, the way he trusted you. You liked being there for him, and you were honored that he trusted you enough to open up to you. Yet it also made you uneasy that you would ruin it in some way or drive him out.

The same way your mom drove out your father.

Goddamn it don’t think about her.

The closer you got and the closer you and Bucky had gotten, the more nervous you were. That you would turn out like your mother. You were having a harder time keeping to yourself, keeping up the façade that everything was all bright in your world. You wanted to be a light for everyone.

But at some point, days turn to nights and the light gives way to the darkness.

And you weren’t sure how much time you had left before you cracked.

Bucky had started making small moves towards you, and you were trying your best to deflect them in efforts to not fall flat on your face for him. He came over Wednesday nights for a movie and take out with you, and what started as being on two opposite ends of the couch had moved to being next to each other to him having his arm wrapped around you. Sometimes you felt he was a little too close and you would either shift away or get up to grab another drink or ‘use the bathroom’.

When you came back you would make an attempt to sit a bit further away.

Sometimes when Bucky would say goodbye at the end of the night he would hug you. That was nothing new, you were both big on hugs, but lately, he had been hugging you longer or tighter, lingering a few moments longer than could be platonic. You had started ending the hugs earlier, giving him a small squeeze before pulling away.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be with Bucky. It was that you were so scared that you would drive him away, leaving you as soon as you had started calling yourself his.

Which is what brought you here. Bucky had come over for another one of your movie nights and had his arm behind the couch rather than around you. An invitation for you to curl into his side, but he wanted you to make that choice. Eventually, you had found yourself curled up with him, his arm wrapped around you, and you could feel the tension.

You wanted to move away before you found yourself in too deep, but you couldn’t resist. It had been a long day and you found comfort with Bucky. Bucky turned his face slightly towards yours, kissing the side of your temple and you felt butterflies in your stomach. Your mind told you to shift away, to not let him get too close, but you found yourself turning your head towards Bucky and he leaned forward to kiss you gently.

After a moment you broke away, emotion taking over you. “I’m sorry, Bucky, I - I can’t do this,” you said, resting your forehead against his.

“Why not?” Bucky whispered, looking into your eyes.

Because I’ll hurt you.

I’ll disappoint you.

I’ll drive you away and I can’t lose the best thing that’s happened to me.

You sighed, standing up and moving away from Bucky. You couldn’t say those things to him out loud. Not without the entire story. And you weren’t ready to share all of that with him.

Bucky stood up with you, afraid he had just ruined the friendship or whatever relationship he had with you. “Y/n, wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

You had already left the room and couldn’t really hear him over the sound of your thoughts.

This wasn’t supposed to happen

I wasn’t supposed to let this happen

How could I be so stupid?

You were feeling tears in your eyes and Bucky followed you, afraid of what he did. Your breathing was picking up and you had started mumbling some of these things to yourself.

“Y/n, what’s happening, what did I do?”

You shook your head “You didn’t do anything, but I need you to leave, please,” you said, trying to hide your emotions. You hated being like this.

“I’m not going anywhere y/n, just tell me what’s wrong.”

“Get the fuck out of here Bucky! I don’t want your help!” you snapped suddenly, Bucky looking taken aback before your eyes widened.

“Oh god…”

You shook your head and started crying harder, stumbling over your words. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I didn’t mean to yell, I’m so sorry Bucky please don’t leave I'm so sorry.”

Bucky came forward and hugged you gently and you cried into his shirt. He whispered comforting words into your ear as you tried to breathe, embarrassed at how vulnerable you were being.

Bucky kept his breathing slow and even, trying to get you to match him. He had no idea what was happening but he knew he needed you to calm down before he asked. Whatever it was had to be something deep, and you weren’t in the space to talk about it right now.

He brought you over to sit on the corner of your bed, still hugging you as you cried. You were mumbling out apology after apology but Bucky wasn’t having any of it. He kept hugging you, telling you that he wasn’t going anywhere and that you were safe. He had never seen you so upset, or upset at all to begin with.

After you had calmed down a bit, Bucky asked you again what had happened. You shook your head, not knowing what to say.

“I’ve opened up about so many things to you, right?” he pulled back to look at you.

You nodded slightly.

“And you’ve never judged me for any of it.”

You shook your head this time.

“Then why can’t you let me do the same for you?”

You took a deep breath, fiddling with your hands. “I don’t wanna hurt you,” you said, not meeting his eyes.

Bucky drew his eyebrows together, still confused. “Y/n, you’ve been the nicest person I’ve ever met. How would you hurt me?”

You were already shaking your head. “No, see, that’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna be nice and sweet and...and I’m gonna fall in love with you, and you’re gonna fall in love with me. A-and then I’m gonna let you down over and over again and snap at you for things that aren’t your fault and...and you’ll get sick of it and leave and I’m going to hate myself for it, okay?”

“Hey, hey, slow down,” Bucky held your shoulders as they started shaking. You brought a hand to cover your mouth, Bucky hushing you again. “What are you talking about? Where is this coming from?”

You took a shaky breath as you ran a hand over your face. “I’m just like her, Bucky. I told myself I would never let myself be like her…”

“Like who?” Bucky asked, blood already boiling at who made you feel like this.

Her.

You weren’t supposed to think about her.

You promised yourself.

“Y/n, stay with me here,” he said, guiding your face back to look at him. “Who?”

“My mother.”

Bucky looked at you for a moment. “What?”

“You know, mothers bring you into the world. They say a mother knows when something is wrong with their kid, that babies are put on their mother’s chest because the skin-to-skin contact starts the bonding process. They’re supposed to protect you, and love you, and take care of you. But then you start to get older and it’s your fault that you were born when you didn’t ask, or your dad left and it’s your fault before you even knew he was gone. All I wanted was to be told what to do and all she would do is tell me what I did wrong. I can’t be like her and the older I get the more scared I am that I’m going to hurt everyone the way that she hurt my father and me.”

You had started crying again as Bucky looked at you, both broken-hearted and furious that someone would make you feel this way. Not to mention it was your own mother.

You took another shaky breath. “I thought the world of her when I was younger. And she barely even gave me the time of day. I keep telling myself that I’m not what she thought of me, but what if I am?” you shook your head again. “And I am so scared that I’m just like her.”

“Y/n, look at me, I need you to look at me when I say this, okay?” he cupped your face with both hands, wiping away your tears with the pads of his thumbs as he looked into your eyes. “You are nothing like your mother.”

You let out a small sob. “You don’t know her.”

“I don’t need to,” he said firmly. “You are kind and gentle. You work hard and you make sure that everyone is taken care of before you even consider yourself. You aren’t going to scare me away or hurt me.” He wiped fresh tears from your eyes. “You are your own person, your mother has no say in who you get to be. Who you are. You are not your mother, and you never will be.” he said, still holding your gaze.

You held his gaze a little longer, knowing he believed what he was saying. You didn’t, not quite yet, but maybe if he believed in you, you could too. You nodded slightly, giving him the smallest of smiles. “Thank you.”

Bucky returned the small smile. “You know I love you, right?”

“I love you too,” you said, smiling.

You meant it, and you knew he did too. And maybe one day, you would love who you’d become too.

------------

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[co-reborn]

Study Buddies (1): Tutor

Nayeon x Male Reader

view in AFF

4,202 Words

You were a quiet person in class, submitting all assignments punctually and not getting in trouble for doing “fun” stuff that your peers would normally do. You weren’t exactly a nerd since you do play sports like most boys do. Being a troublemaker was simply not in your blood and discipline was instilled within you since a young age. Many of your friends are curious on how you excel in your schoolwork but rolls their eyes upon hearing the boring answer - “I just do it.”

Yet with perfect scores all over your report card, you wonder why you were called back by your class tutor after school hours, time you’d rather be heading home to get homework and tedious club projects completed. Perhaps it has something to do with the beautiful raven-haired girl also standing nervously beside you outside the staff office.

There was no dispute that Nayeon was the prettiest girl in your level, maybe even the whole school. Well, to others, there were close seconds, but in your eyes, she was the best, not just in terms of looks but in attitude as well. Every lunch time, you see her sitting in class with her home-cooked food, simultaneously eating and revising what we have just learnt. The way she shakes herself awake in class and her smile, her damn bunny smile, was what makes all boys go head over heels for her.

“I see that you are both here already so let me go straight to the point. Ms Im here is struggling with her work and I believe that she will do better with your help.” Her eyes grew big as did mine upon hearing this news. “B-But I’m doing fine! My report card says that I have gotten Bs for most of my subjects!”

“That’s because those grades include group projects. Given your abysmal results on your assignments and recent class test, it’s hard to believe that the fantastic report submitted was not mainly done by Jihyo and Jeongyeon. Just take this opportunity to learn from him, he’s the top scorer in class for a reason.” Nayeon sulked, not believing herself to be in need of help for schoolwork. You, on the other hand, were thinking, how bad she was doing, that is until your class tutor gave you a brief look at the scores on her homework and test. Oh boy. How did she manage to scrape Bs with these results.

After arranging a time to meet tomorrow, you left school, accepting your fate that for the next few months, you have one more thing on your plate. Nayeon trailed quietly behind you, looking down the whole time. Unbeknownst to you, a smile crept on her face, excited for the opportunity to get closer to you.

~~~~~~

You invited Nayeon over to your house after school to start work for the next hour or so. This was one of the days that they won’t be around until late at night and that you won’t get any distractions. When you informed your parents about the situation, they were surprised but happy. You just ignored their endless teasing that you finally got a girlfriend, knowing that your clarifications will fall on deaf ears. Half an hour in, she looked extremely confused when doing our latest homework. She tugged your arm, seeking help with the fifth question.

Looking through the few questions that she did, you realised - Nayeon is a complete mess!!!

Realising what areas of the latest chapter she did not understand, you told her to take a break, pointing towards the kitchen and letting her get some snacks before you kick into full gear. As she tripped over her bag when leaving the room, you noticed a purple object sticking out. Curiosity got the better of you and you took a closer to look, realising that it was a remote. But a remote for what?

When Nayeon walked in, face stuffed with chocolate she found in the kitchen, her face went pale as she saw you holding the remote. “W-Why were y-you looking through my stuff?” A wave of nervousness and anger hit Nayeon, stomping towards me to snatch it back. Out of complete fear, you surrendered the remote to her, but in the process, accidentally clicked a button. Nayeon stopped charging, frozen in place as her legs began shaking and was about to give way.

“Turn… ugh… turn it off. Quick!” Not knowing what to do, you examined the device. As many remotes go, there are several buttons all over. The one resting on your hand looks like a television remote, including buttons like “Output” and volume-like buttons. In a haze of pure curiosity, you clicked on “Output 2”. The shockwaves surging through Nayeon’s body seemed to stop as indicated by the quick sigh of relief.

Pleasure suddenly soared from Nayeon’s crotch much to her confusion as she was savouring her favourite chocolate. Yes, she occasionally has a vibrator within her to help get rid of the boredom in class. Well, she has been warned by Jihyo and Jeongyeon about the dangers of using it in school and now she is suffering the consequences of ignoring them. She did in fact want to remove it but forgot to do so before heading over to your house. Now, she thought that it had been turned off but less than 10 seconds later, the vibrations resumed.

“Gosh please! Turn off the vibrator!”

The revelation that THE Im Nayeon was wearing a vibrator in your house and maybe even in school threw all kinds of lewd thoughts into your head and those thoughts amplified as you stared at the power within your hands. You promptly turned it off and apologised, but yet stuffed it in your pockets for future use. Nayeon wanted to fight you for it, she really did. However, no words came out of her mouth as deep down, she was desperate for perhaps something other than a piece of metal between her legs.

Oblivious you didn’t notice the hesitation and instead shuffled books around to return both of you back to the world of studying. And thankfully, she momentarily forgot about the vibrator remote still in your possession as she tried to understand the concepts you repeatedly mention. Yet they feel too dry for her liking and Nayeon turns towards the tree located outside your room window, unable to fully focus on the books laid in front of her.

You could sense her mind leaving the room, escaping the torture that is studying. You knew how to get her attention back given that she gave you the instrument to do so. Reaching into your stuffed pocket, you tried to press a button from memory of the remote’s layout, triggering the vibrator once more. Staring closely at Nayeon’s face, you see the change in expressions. First it was shock. Who wouldn’t be shocked by sudden stimulation. Next was anger. Nayeon’s head snapped towards you, eyebrows furrowing as she was about to scold you for using the vibrator again, as if she was forced to wear it.

Lastly was pleasure. As Nayeon looked at your gleeful face, it hit her once more. “Please…” The want for more pleasure to course through her body. The need to cum. “Turn it on faster.” Stunned by the pleasure-wrecked girl sitting next to you, you just did as she requested. Besides, all forms of rationality have gone flying ever since you picked up the vibrator remote. Shivering next to you, Nayeon just let loose a chorus of moans. You admired the sight of her eyes closing as she enjoyed herself.

“L-Let’s continue with our work…” You stuttered, trying to turn away and look at your book, shaking away from this unexpected outcome. You turned it off and returned the remote back to Nayeon. She dashed out of the room, leaving me in the large space for a long while. You sat uncomfortably in your seat, adjusting your pants to accommodate the aching shaft within.

Meanwhile, Nayeon was in the washroom, using the vibrator to get herself off. Ridding herself of her skirt and soaked panties, she used the vibrator as a dildo. Slowly rubbing it up and down her entrance, she cried out as she did in your room, certainly loud enough for you to hear if you were actively looking for them. Her clit was pressed against and the vibrations made it feel tenfold better. Unable to resist any further, knowing that she was close, she started pushing in the vibrator and pulling it out as she neared her peak, edging herself.

All thoughts that she was doing this in your home almost didn’t come across her mind. Almost. She went for the final push over the edge, fucking herself as fast as she can. As she climaxed, her mind hyper focused on you. She cried out your name, louder than she has been for the past 10 minutes. “Ahh I’m cumming!”  Catching her breath, she cleaned herself up as best as she could before returning back to the room to get work done.

Tension just filled the room, both of you tripping over words non-stop as you tried your best to teach her all while the reality of what had just happened began to sink into you both. Awkwardness filled your normally eloquent mouth, showing off a sight of you that you didn’t even know existed. The rest of the hour couldn’t have passed by any slower and afterwards, you showed her out of your house. Heaving a sigh of relief as you leaned against the door, a smile crept onto your face. From then, you knew, you were going to enjoy the rest of the tutoring period.

That night, you struggled to fall asleep. Nayeon kept appearing in your head. Why? Because you are trying to imagine the look on her face as she screamed out your name in the distant bathroom. Sure, you watched porn as a horny teenager and you are no stranger to jerking off. However, doing so to someone you knew in real life? That was new.

Nayeon was also reflecting on that afternoon’s event. She didn’t intend to show you the horny bunny within her but she did so anyway and nothing will change that. The question was then - what’s next? Unlike all the other girls that had their eyes on all the other football and basketball team members, she didn’t like them, assuming them to have some sense of arrogance that she hated to the core. She did take notice of your quiet presence in classes, surprised that a genius like you didn’t have many girls flocking to your side.

Perhaps both of you can benefit from this tutorship in more ways than one.

~~~~~~

You stood in the doorway to the classroom, not too sure how to deal with another uncomfortable situation in hand. Nayeon has taken the seat next to you, the seat that once belonged to a friend that you grew used to. The smile that appeared threw you off guard once more. The two prominent front teeth of the girl made you less upset. “I asked Mr Park whether I can change seats to be closer to my tutor and he agreed. So here we are.” Tossing your bag aside, you tried your best to catch up on sleep that was lost with the reason sitting right next to you.

“Can I talk to you? In private?” You couldn’t really say no to that and you did need some explanation of yesterday’s events. And so you followed her to the school’s rooftop. As she was walking in front of you, an obvious fiddling of her hands in her pocket distracted you. “I’m sorry for what happened yesterday. I know that I shouldn’t be using a vibrator in school and have gone to the bathroom to umm… relieve myself…”

You nodded, scratching your neck as you had something to say as well. “I too am sorry for being too nosy and picking up your vibrator remote. I hope you don’t report me to the tutors or others.” Even though she paused, you felt that there was more to come. The distance between both of you reduced by a step thanks to her, eyes of hers turned fluttery. “How about… we strike a deal? Since you are tutoring me… I can repay you with some… sex. Please? I need someone to take care of me and you are a perfect fit.” She grabbed something familiar to you - her purple vibrator remote - and put in your hands. The other hand of hers reached out to yours, pulling it towards her luscious inner thighs.

It wasn’t everyday that someone straight up offered sex to you. Nayeon was seen as a cutesy girl by many but with her moans ringing in your ears once more, you also knew that she was a goddess of sex in secret. You took the liberty to continue groping Nayeon, turning on the vibrator and increasing its speed. You could even feel the vibrations emitted from her thighs, proving the worthy investment Nayeon made in it. Her hands wrapped around your neck, pulling you right to her face, a small gap between both you. One that is short-lived.

You both made out on the roof. A scene one might be familiar with if they often watched K-Dramas involving school romance. But this was different. This had no emotions invested within apart from lust. You would even be willing to fuck her there and then. Your hands became more frisky, reaching behind to lift the skirt up and squeeze her peachy ass. Hers mirrored yours, searching your body for your prized possession - your crotch - and stroking it through your pants.

Any further would be nice but the school bell signalled an end to it and the start of class. “Let’s continue this after school.” You whispered to her, turning the frequency of the vibrator down a few notches for her to be able to focus in class. Both of you got into the mood for school, knowing that there was little studying to be done during your tutoring sessions later in the afternoon.

Indeed, this was going to be an interesting relationship between you two.

~~~~~~

Of course you were going to use the vibrator in the middle of the lesson. The green light was given to you.

Nayeon wasn’t paying attention in class just like yesterday and to jolt her back into the class, you turned it on at a medium speed. That’s justified and not what she was mad at you about. On the other hand, you used it for your own amusement during a different lesson, just as she was answering a question.

“I do think that Appeasement is one cause of WW2 but there are other reasons that caused WW2. The treaty AHH!”

“Nayeon are you alright?”

She shot a glare at you. “Y-Yes Madam. I-I think I just need m-more rest when I get back h-home.”

You tried stifling your laughter, trying to avoid much attention from the rest as Nayeon struggled to finish her answer. But if the whole class, specifically the guys, were staring at Nayeon for various reasons, it was hard for them to not notice your laughter, earning more glares from them, thinking that you were making fun of her.

Your hand went across to under her table, slowly pushing her skirt up just enough for you to caress her pussy over her panties. Her hips reacted accordingly, pushing back against your fingers for more despite the already strong stimulation provided by her vibrator. She leaned over and whispered, “I can’t wait for our session after school.”

~~~~~~

You slammed shut your books after going through its content with Nayeon for the past hour or so. You kind of cock blocked yourself, forgetting about the girl’s request earlier in the day. You automatically entered study mode when you entered your room much to Nayeon’s disappointment but you double down on it immediately. You are horny, but not an asshole. Not long after, you regained your senses and began kicking yourself for stopping her advances. She too was surprised that you didn’t seize the opportunity, reluctantly agreeing to listen to your tedious explanations.

She also did not know why but as she sat next to you and witnessed the nerd in you go into overdrive, her bunny tooth became visible and the thoughts of sex were momentarily gone. Momentarily, as she found herself pressed into the backrest of her seat with you kissing her, signalling the start of your other session. She could no longer think about the thought process on answering questions and the tidbits of information you have fed her. All of her only thought about you, about the feel of your soft lips against hers and your arm softly holding on to her arm, pulling her closer.

You weren’t too familiar with kissing a girl, let alone having sex so you acted based on your instinct and what felt right to you. Pulling away from the plump lips of Nayeon, you opened your eyes to see hers opening slowly. Her expression says it all - she wanted you as bad as you wanted her. Her eyes had an expression you only saw once, which was when she ran to the bathroom yesterday. Her cheeks were flushed as well, caught up in the heat of your exchange. You knew that she wanted you, just as much as you wanted her.

You lifted her up, placing her on your lap as you pulled her neck in closer to deepen the kiss. She grinded herself against your crotch, eager to feel what has been hidden from her, what she has been craving for for the past 24 hours. Your cock came to life upon the contact through the layers of cloth which has been preventing it from reaching its target. Well, that was not going to be a problem for much longer as she got off you, leaving the comfort of your embrace, and taking her time to remove her skirt.

You took that as a signal for you to undress, removing your tie and throwing it onto a corner of the room, a concern that will come later given that you did not hang it on the hook of your door as you usually do, your recklessness a result of the half naked girl standing in front of you. Your shirt went next, showing off your barely toned body to Nayeon as she showed you hers with the exception of her simple purple bra and panties.

You dropped your pants and rushed towards her, wanting the honours of removing her underwear yourself. At this point, your cock is already straining through the cotton of your boxer-briefs, which has already been stained with some precum.  Carefully laying her down on your bed, you towered over her, admiring her perfect curves that you have the privilege of looking at yourself. “God you are fucking beautiful.” The words slipped out of your mouth subconsciously, earning a blush from her.

Nayeon wrapped her luscious legs around your waist, pulling you right over her. Nayeon leaned towards your ear, whispering, “I will look better when you remove my underwear.” She arched her back and guided your hand to the clip behind her back. You felt like some celebrity unveiling an artwork in a museum, except the artwork is Im Nayeon bare body. Her breasts were a decent size, fitting perfectly into your palms as you instinctively kneaded it for a short second before reaching down for the last piece of cloth in the way. With the sunlight shining into the room, you can see a small dark patch in the centre, showing her anticipation for the moment to come.

As it left her legs and went flying to the foot of the bed, you realised, Nayeon didn’t look beautiful, she looked fucking gorgeous. Your eyes roamed her body, then your hands, and then your mouth, planting light kisses along each inch of perfect skin.  She was as eager as you were, light giggles left her mouth before turning into cute whines, wanting more from you. It wasn’t hard for you to give Nayeon what she wanted, as your underwear suffered the same fate as your tie, you were equally exposed to her, your shaft twitching from the contact with the soft skin of Nayeon’s thighs.

Nayeon reached down to touch it, entranced by the sight of a cock belonging to someone she knew. It was larger than she imagined, especially because this is her first seeing it with her own eyes. She reached out and stroked it gently, her thumb rubbing just at the right places to make you feel good. She held it closer to her entrance, rubbing your tip around her wet lips. “Fuck me now… please.”

Nothing in the world can prepare you physically and mentally for the experience to come. The sensation overwhelmed you immensely and you were frozen in place for the next few seconds. Those same few seconds also gave Nayeon time to adjust to the feeling of being filled with hard meat as she needed time to prepare for the first fuck she ever experiences. She reached down to your hand on her hips, holding on to you as she winced from the initial penetration.

When you looked back at Nayeon, she nodded her head while her eyes were almost rolling back and her cheeks became flushed. You slowly pulled out, the tight walls of her pussy begging you not to, and quickly pushed back in. Your pace was unbelievably slow, but who cares, you both wanted to savour your firsts with each other.

Each thrust went deep into her, making her arch her back beautifully, and she sunk back down as you removed yourself from the depths of her pussy. The cycle went on and on at different paces. Sometimes you went fast, her hands still on yours having the effect of pushing her breasts together, allowing you to witness its soft bounce. Sometimes you went slow, deciding to focus on other parts of her body, your hands exploring her every curves, or your tongue re-familiarising itself with Nayeon’s tongue.

She wanted this to last so badly. Her body has been craving for some dick and she wasn’t willing to let it end any time soon. Mustering all her strength, she pulled herself up and pushed you to lie down. Like this, she gets to ride you and control the pace. Whenever she was close, she slowed down, choosing to grind on your crotch instead, ensuring that there was still some pleasurable contact. You cooperated with her movements, you too unwilling to end this early.

You grasped onto Nayeon’s shoulders, holding her close to your chest, feeling her weight on you. Her hard nipples poked and rubbed against you, providing another avenue of arousal. You wanted to cum soon and the rise in volume of Nayeon’s moans told you the same about her. You made out with her one last time, flipping your positions so that you were back on top. You gripped onto her hips, harder than earlier, and pounded her against the mattress with all your might.

Nayeon initially yelped with the roughness you displayed. Then she began to gasp and moan, getting used to the force of your thrusts once more. Finally, she screamed. Anyone who hears the commotion in your bedroom might think that you were hurting the girl beneath you but on the contrary, you have just made her cum. Her slick juices flowed out of her tight hole and around your hard cock, walls gripping and fluttering around your shaft. “Oh god I need to cum…” Your desperate gasp was somehow registered by Nayeon, the word cum heightening her senses. “Cum in me… I’m safe…”

You almost groaned as loudly as Nayeon screamed, each shot of your cum reaching the deepest parts of her hole. You collapsed onto her chest, snuggling your head into her shoulders as you nibbled her neck. It took a while for you to relax, the aftershocks of both your orgasms tiring you out. You laid next to Nayeon after your spent shaft slipped out, your combined fluids leaking out and staining your bedsheets, but you didn’t care, especially with a gorgeous girl laying her head on you and catching her breath.

Your greedy hands still caressing parts of her body, squeezing her tits, hips, ass or any other parts that were within reach. Nayeon did the same, her large hands still wrapping around your sensitive cock, stroking it gently. Both of you laid there for the next few minutes and after regaining some strength, you dressed yourself and led her out. “So… is this going to be a recurring thing?” The softness of her voice returned, a stark contrast from when she was in her orgasmic bliss.

“As long as you want it, of course.” The smile on your face was mirrored by Nayeon. She reached out for your face and pulled you closer to her for a parting kiss. “See you tomorrow in school. I can’t wait for our next study session.”

[xoxoyedam]

angel | bang yedam imagine

an: I haven't written in a while so I'm kind of rusty, sorry. Anyways, here is a Bang Yedam x Reader imagine =D.

He seemed too good for anyone, too perfect for anyone to touch. And that's why you hated him. Just as you started college and you thought you would finally be free from having to compete with others for good grades, Yedam was there to prove you wrong.

You aren't really sure why he decided to target you or how he chose you to be the one he annoyed, but you hated him for it.

It all started in your first semester, when Yedam and you had been paired up for a project, and you both had fought over who would do what part of the project, leading to the both of you breaking up and submitting a separate project each.

Even if you and and Yedam had completely different majors, you somehow always ended up in the most random classes together. How did Yedam, a music major, always end up having at least one class with you, a computer science major?

In every single one of those classes, he always managed to annoy you even further and make your college experience worse. Whether it be staring at you in class, or teasing you for getting a lower grade than him, it couldn't get worse than it already was.

However, it had gotten worse. Because here you were, sitting across from Yedam while waiting for the results of the audition for the upcoming Romeo and Juliet production your college was putting on.

He grinned at you from across the room, but you only glared at him and looked away, to the other actors sitting outside, also waiting.

The sound of your phone make you look down at your hands, where you had your phone, ready to call your parents as soon as you found out if you got your part.

Unfortunately, it was just Yedam messaging you.

yedam = | :

what part did you audition for???

you :

None of your business

yedam = | :

rude much? i auditioned for romeo btw =3

you :

Did I ask

yedam = | :

no :c but i hope you get juliet

you :

Why?

Before you could get a reply from Yedam, the professor's assistant walked out and posted the results on the board near you. You got up and joined the rest of the students, who were crowding around the board.

You were too far behind to see the board and had to wait for everyone else to clear out the space. Yedam stood beside you, waiting.

"Did you read my message?"

"No."

"Maybe you should." You nodded, looking back at the crowd, and completely ignored him as the people started clearing and you started getting closer to the board.

The results made you scoff. You and Yedam had landed the roles of Romeo and Juliet. He came up beside you, smiling. "Read my message."

You unlocked your phone and opened your texts.

yedam = | :

so that we can practice the kissing scenes ( >ω●)

You looked up from your phone to Yedam, who winked at you.

"So, when would you like to start practice, angel?"

[peterpparkerwrites]

begin again - part six

a/n: currently on hiatus - look at my pinned post for more info! I have this series and the following ones scheduled to post twice a day - once at 11:00 AM PST and once at 7:00 PM PST. since I will be gone and can’t update links, if you want to find previous parts, just scroll down my page :) warnings: language, death mentions, anxiety/ptsd mentions pairing: college peter parker x reader word count: 4.7k

masterlist ~ requests are closed ~ part seven

taglist: @lilbeatlebear @somefuckshit1 @hufflepuffseeker

~

Your first semester of college ended faster than you would've expected. The last week before winter break you only had two finals - your photography class just wanted the project turned in online, and one of your other classes didn't require a final and let you off early.

The project was submitted and graded within the first week, your exams went by fairly easily, and the holidays and new year came and went with barely a blink. Before you knew it you were done with your first semester and getting ready for your second.

And Peter didn't speak to you all of break.

He didn't send you a goodnight text the night you got home after he basically ran from you, like he normally did. You sent one anyway, thinking maybe he had just been out being Spider-Man and forgot.

He never responded.

You had texted him the next day asking if he was alright, still getting no response. The whole day you were on edge, thinking something bad had happened to him when he was patrolling - but then you saw a news story about Spider-Man saving some people from a bank robbery, and knew he was alright.

Then your worry turned to confusion. Why would he ignore you? He's never ignored you, even back when he was mopey and closed off. You didn't have your read receipts on but you knew he must have read your texts. You even tried calling him a few times, and after a while they went straight to voicemail.

You had a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach the last time you saw him, almost like your body was warning you that something would happen. The guilty look on his face when he left wasn't reassuring either.

It was obvious to you now that he was ignoring you on purpose. After a week of no response, you decided to stop trying. What were you going to do if he wanted to be left alone? It sucked, it really did, and you felt a pang of hurt every time you opened your phone to see no new texts from him, but what were you going to do?

You did have a life outside Peter Parker, and it wasn't going to stop just because he was ignoring you.

The new semester started (with nearly three weeks of no word from Peter) and the newspaper kept you busy. It wasn't like you were getting good shots of Spider-Man, either - as much as Peter was avoiding you around campus, he also did it while he was dressed up in his spandex, and you could never seem to find the guy. So you resorted to scrambling to find small news stories on campus or around the city that you could partner with a writer for to photograph before Harry could.

The lack of classes shared with Peter made it easier for him to avoid you - there were times you considered just going and knocking on his door, but you didn't know his new schedule. Not that he would answer even if he was home.

It wasn't like you didn't have friends or anyone to hang out with, but Peter meant a lot to you. You only knew him a semester but he had been shaping up to be one of your best friends, and you let yourself think that maybe it could turn out to be something more. He had let you in a little, shown you the home he grew up in and the person who raised him, only for him to immediately shut you out right after.

None of it made sense to you.

-

Peter sat with his legs crossed, fingers tapping his knee and the grass underneath him. He didn't care that it was freezing or that he was in his suit or that the grass was wet and disgusting or that it was nearly three in the morning.

He hadn't visited her grave in a while. It usually was too painful to be there where she was buried, her funeral being the last place he was really near her. The looks on her parents' faces killed him, all of their friends and people he'd never met from her family mourning her without knowing what happened - only Peter really knew.

Of course it still hurt. Every time he thought about her there was a stab of pain in his gut and his thoughts were filled with guilt.

But since you came along, he didn't have as many nightmares. He didn't go through every waking moment thinking about what he should have done differently. He didn't have panic attacks because someone said her name or brought her up in conversation. It didn't hurt like it used to because he was finally letting himself move on, and he had you to thank for that.

He knew she'd be scolding him for taking this long to move on. They'd had that discussion before, but it wasn't about her dying, because he never imagined that happening.

"I don't want to talk about this," she mumbled, dabbing a cloth to his split lip.

"I know you don't want to," he replied quietly, "But we need to. I might not come home one day and-"

"Don't say that," she gave him a little glare, "You don't know that."

His hand came up to take her wrist, bringing her arm down from his face. "I don't know that, but I do know that it's a possibility, and I want to make sure you'll be okay."

"I don't want to think about what it would be like without you, Peter," she shut her eyes, scrunching up her face a bit, "I can't. That's why you need to be more careful."

"I know, sweetheart, and I will be," he brought a hand up to her face, and she opened her eyes, looking like she was trying not to tear up. "But if anything did happen I want you to move on and be happy, you know that right? I already feel like I'm holding you back and-"

"Hey, you're not holding me back," she promised, bringing her hand up to hold his still on her cheek. "And...I'll do my best."

"That's all I can ask for."

He wasn't currently doing his best. She was a lot stronger than him and he had never worried about her ability to move forward if something happened to him. Maybe if he had prepared himself for the possibility of losing her, it would have been different.

But he hadn't, and he suffered for months after she died to try and come to terms with it. He had almost convinced himself that he never would, but then you showed up. You made the hole in his heart stitch itself back together every time you cracked a stupid joke or brought him coffee with a snarky remark about how gross it would taste. You couldn't fix the hole completely - there was still a scar, but you were the first person able to close it.

And he knew that she would chew him out for what he was doing to you now.

But he didn't want to go through it again. He couldn't go through it again. If he was with you then eventually you would find out about him being Spider-Man, and then you'd be the one patching him up after a long night and then you would be the one bleeding out on the sidewalk because he wasn't fast enough.

You'd be the one whose grave he'd be sitting in front of.

Peter grit his teeth a little, his eyes focusing on her name on the headstone. She never got to go to graduate college or get married or have a real job and that was his fault. He shouldn't have let her get involved in his life and he should have been strong enough to let her go before it killed her.

He had to let you go now before it was too late, or he'd regret it for the rest of his life.

-

Peter hadn't gone out much in hopes of not seeing you. He avoided your usual coffee shop like the plague and opted to study from home instead of the library. He was lucky he didn't live on campus or have any classes with you, but even he knew that luck wouldn't last forever.

It hurt. Every day he wanted to text you and apologize and make up some shitty excuse and have you back in his life despite how selfish it would be. He felt empty without your stupid jokes and weird emojis and pointless snapchats, but he knew it was for the best.

He picked up carnations every week and was reminded of why it was for the best.

His aunt called him and asked when you'd be coming over again and he gave some lame excuse about this semester being harder so you were both busy. Ned asked about you too, and so did his other friends that Ned had spilled the beans too, but he brushed it off every time. They'd be disappointed if they knew he was shoving you to the side, even if his reasoning was, in his mind, pretty valid.

When he was out as Spider-Man, he found himself avoiding places where he knew you would go to take pictures. He wasn't sure he could take it if he saw you in person, he might forget all his reasons for avoiding you and change his mind about the whole thing, which he couldn't afford to do.

So he fell back into his old routine. Carnations, class, homework, Spider-Man, occasional movie night that his friends forced him into, and brief visits to May. Avoid thinking about her, avoid thinking about you, do his best to accept that he shouldn't put you in harms way just for his own selfish reasons of wanting you.

That didn't stop him from looking at the picture, that stupid picture of you both that he decided to print out and keep, and think about if he was really making the right choice.

Maybe you could be his happy ending. The hero deserved that sometimes, right? He had suffered so much loss that he just wanted something that would be permanent, and maybe that could be you.

You were kinda perfect for him, if he was being honest. Your personality matched up well with his and provided a good balance. He knew you would get along with his friends and you clearly got along with May already. You kept him in a good mood even when he was stressed or having bad thoughts. He hadn't really felt himself around anyone until you showed up, and you made him happy just because you were you, as lame as it sounded.

He hadn't given anyone that look he was giving you while you were both dancing since she had been in his life.

But then he remembered what it was like to hold her while she was bleeding out on the street because some asshole with a gun realized she was with Spider-Man, and he put the picture back down.

He knew he was lucky to avoid you as much as he did, so it shouldn't have really surprised him to finally run into you when he decided to get coffee at a shop far from campus.

"Peter?" He looked like a deer in headlights, his hands tightly gripping his to-go cup and eyes blown wide. You had just stepped inside and Peter felt the hairs on his arm go up a little, almost warning him that you were here before he even looked up.

He hadn't seen you since he walked away from you that night. It had probably been a month and it felt like a lot longer than it actually was, going from seeing you every day to not at all definitely made it seem like it had been ages.

But here you were, looking as stunning as he remembered, only instead of your usual cheery presence and wide grin, you were sporting a hurt look that made his chest ache.

"Hey," he decided to go with, hating himself a little when your frown deepened. "What's...up?"

"Are...are you serious?" You knit your eyebrows, "You - all you have to say is 'what's up'? Why the hell have you been ignoring me?"

"Don't know what you're talking about," he said a little coldly, tapping his fingers against his cup.

This was the exact situation he had been trying to avoid. He knew it would hurt him too much to see you again so he did everything he could to just outright avoid you. It was stupid of him to assume he could do that forever, though.

"I know you're avoiding me, you couldn't make it more obvious," you said quietly, the hurt in your eyes evident. "Did I do something?"

"I'm not," he lied, not able to look you in the eyes. You looked so sad and it wasn't something he ever wanted to see, not when you were usually so happy and carefree. It felt wrong. "Is it so bad for me to want some space?"

"Well you could have asked, I would have left you be," you responded, knitting your eyebrows, "But you didn't, you're just giving me the cold shoulder for no reason-"

"It's not my fault you're so clingy," he suddenly said harshly, and he watched your face fall with a sharp pain in his chest. He had to do this, he had to push you away, he couldn't let what happened to her happen to you, too. And if you kept talking he was afraid he would forget that. "Can't you just let me be sometimes? Do you not have other friends?"

You stared at him in shock. Peter had always been reserved, but he had his moments where you thought this might work out. But he had never talked to you like this, had never said such harsh things, and by the way his expression looked - he didn't even want to say them. And you realized he was doing it purposefully in hopes of pushing you away, and you didn't know why.

He was protecting himself, but that didn't make it okay.

"Wow, okay," you muttered, turning your face away so he couldn't see your hurt expression. "I'll give you your space then."

He wanted to apologize the second you turned to leave, not even bothering to get a drink after all, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything before you were out the door. He felt guilty watching through the window as you hastily wiped your eyes and marched back down the street, hugging your arms to yourself.

Peter breathed in through his nose, trying to shove that feeling away. He was saving your life by hurting you, or at least, that's what he convinced himself he was doing.

-

Crying over boys was stupid.

You didn't like to be emotional about stupid things, but this didn't feel like a stupid thing to you. Peter had essentially broken your heart and stomped on it some more just for fun, without even offering a decent explanation.

"It's not my fault you're so clingy."

There's nothing you hated more than being called clingy, and you didn't think he would ever say that to you. Hell, you didn't think he would ever even hurt you like this. He was a good guy, a mostly honest and really sweet guy, who helped you with studying and bought you coffees and you danced with you to old cheesy songs for no reason at all. This wasn't him.

Then again, did you really know him at all? He was Spider-Man, something you wouldn't have guessed at first if you hadn't heard his voice coming from the hero's mask. When you first met him he seemed like he didn't even want to tell you his name, much less be your friend. It took you months for him to open up, and the second he really did - boom. No contact for a month.

You decided to suck it up and move forward. It might take a little while for your feelings to go away and for your anger to subside, but what were you going to do? Mope around for the rest of college over a stupid boy you knew for only a semester? Absolutely not.

It was January and New York was freezing, but you didn't want to let that stop you from going outside and doing what you loved, and what you knew would distract you. Your aunt had gotten you a new camera for Christmas, and you had left Peter's on his doorstep with a text that he never responded to. Big surprise.

So when the sun decided to peek through the clouds, you chose to brave the cold and find a distraction from the stupid boy you didn't want to be sad about anymore.

The nice thing about going out when you did was that it was finally light outside, and the ice and snow looked stunning. There weren't many good pictures that you had taken during the darker and colder parts of winter, so this was a good chance to get some that you might be proud of.

You went straight after class to a park near campus where there was an ice skating rink, hoping it wasn't too crowded. There weren't many people out much to your satisfaction, and you were able to hang around and try out new settings on your camera that you hadn't tried out yet.

After a while you sat on a bench and just decided to hold it up and move it around a bit, trying to find anything interesting. When you moved the camera more to the right you were suddenly blocked by a close up of someone's face and you squealed, nearly dropping it.

"You gotta learn to be more aware of your surroundings, Y/N," you grit your teeth a little when you moved the camera away from your face, seeing Harry of all people smirking as he took a seat next to you.

"Are you starstruck? Want an autograph?" Harry joked when you had yet to respond, making you roll your eyes. "I've been told I look like a younger Idris Elba, if you got confused I definitely understand."

"What are you doing here," you whined a little, "This is my spot."

"I don't see your name written anywhere," he pointed out, making you frown more.

"Come on man," you sighed, adjusting your camera strap, "Did you just come here to annoy me?"

"Maybe I just wanted to hang out with you," he suggested, making you roll your eyes.

"Yeah, okay," you huffed, "I'm just gonna go to another spot cause there's no point taking pictures here if you're just going to-"

"Wait, you don't need to leave," He stopped you, his grin dropping, "I can go if you really want me to. I did just want to see you, one of the writers mentioned you take shots here sometimes so I thought I'd come by."

"Really?" You raised an eyebrow, wondering if he was joking, "I thought you didn't like me, it seems like you've been trying to shove me out of my spot the whole semester."

"Nah, no way, I think you're great! We don't need to compete so much, you know, it wasn't really a competition to me," he smiled a little, and it did look more genuine, "If I'm being honest, I was just trying to get you to notice me."

You raised your eyebrows, "What?"

"Come on, I thought it was obvious," he scratched his chin, not quite meeting your eyes now. "I'm not really a straight forward guy so I couldn't really seem to get the point across but...why do you think I'd be trying to get your attention?"

After a second of silence you felt your cheeks warm up when you realized what he was implying. "Oh."

"Yeah," he chuckled a little, eyes on you while he waited for you to say something other than "oh".

Harry was nice - you might've had an initial dislike for him but that was only because you thought he was trying to get you off the paper so he'd be the youngest photographer, but that clearly wasn't the case now. He was nice, he was good looking, he had similar hobbies to you...

But he wasn't Peter.

You had no idea what to say to him, he literally just came out of nowhere and within a few minutes of conversation decided to drop that bomb on you, but luckily you were saved by a soft thud behind you, making you both jump up.

To your shock and then slight horror, Spider-Man - Peter - walked up to the both of you. He appeared pretty much out of nowhere, but before you could be suspicious as to how he happened to be here so coincidentally, he stopped in front of the both of you and crossed his arms.

"Hey, camera girl," he said cheerfully, his mask shifting a little into what you assumed was a smile. He tilted his head at Harry, who looked a little uncomfortable but also shocked. The eyes of his mask narrowed slightly, "This guy bothering you?"

"No, no he's-he's fine," you shook your head, almost forgetting that it was Peter under that mask and wondering why he even dropped down to say hi when he was so actively avoiding you. "What, uh, what are you doing?"

"You know, just patrolling," he hummed, still looking at Harry, "Swung by and saw you, couldn't help but notice you looked a little bothered, figured I would make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine," you tried not to snap when you said it, but you knew you didn't look "bothered". He clearly dropped down to interrupt your response to Harry, which you might have been a little grateful for, but it still wasn't his business to do so. And what did he care, anyway?

"You're Spider-Man," Harry said in a monotone voice, looking a little shocked while you tried not to put your head in your hands.

"Sure am," Peter grinned while you made an annoyed noise, sticking his hand out to the star-struck guy. "Nice to meet you...?"

"Harry," he replied, shaking Peter's hand and hiding a wince at how hard his grip was. Peter tried not to laugh at that.

"Sorry, Y/N, do you...do you guys know each other?" Harry pointed between the too of you. "I'm confused."

"Oh yeah, we're real close," Peter threw an arm over your shoulder and you resisted the urge to shove it off. Who the hell said he could act chummy with you like this when he was treating you like crap when he wasn't being Spider-Man?

Harry gave you a strange look and you just shrugged, giving up. First he basically tells you he likes you, and then Peter - the only real reason you'd probably reject Harry - literally drops from the sky, despite the fact that he'd been avoiding you for well over a month. Of course, he thinks you don't know it's him, so does it really count?

"Look, Spider-Man, thanks for dropping by, but I'm fine," you put on a smile, stepping out from under his arm. His mask's eyes narrowed a bit and you almost imagined that he was hurt you were basically telling him to leave.

"Right," Peter cleared his throat, "As long as you guys are cool, I'll get going then."

"Uh, before you go, do you mind if I-?" Harry held up his camera, but Peter shook his head.

"Sorry man, I only pose for the pretty photographers," his mask winked at you, and you nearly wanted to die right there.

Before either of you could respond to that he gave you salute and lifted his other hand to an adjacent building, shooting a web and swinging off as quick as he came.

You swore too many weird things happened in the span of like, fifteen minutes.

"Um...what was that?" Harry asked after a minute, and you just shook your head in response.

"I have no idea. But I should get back to my dorm, I have a ton of work to do," you backed up a little, shooting him a small smile, and hoped the message got across. He looked a little disappointed but nodded, and you tried not to feel too guilty.

"Right. See you around then," he gave you a tight smile, not meeting your eyes.

"Bye, Harry," you mumbled as he walked away, and you sighed, rubbing your forehead.

You were a little annoyed at yourself for not even giving him a chance, but you knew it wouldn't be fair to him. The feelings you had for Peter were stronger than you realized, even with how he was not speaking with you now.

But you were more annoyed that Peter had the audacity to waltz up to you both like that. You knew he thought you were oblivious to who was under the mask, but even disregarding that, what the hell was he playing at acting friendly with you now, and very obviously trying to force himself in between you and a guy you weren't even interested in?

With a little huff of annoyance, you took off your camera and packed it into your case, deciding to pack up and go home. The distraction you were looking for clearly backfired, and you wanted to go back to your dorm and make some hot chocolate and watch a shitty movie instead of think about what just happened.

-

Peter tried not to grin when he heard from the rooftop above how you didn't give Harry a clear answer. It might've been a little pathetic of him to interrupt that and then stay after to eavesdrop, and it was definitely not his business who you wanted to go out with, but he couldn't help it.

And he was definitely not stalking you. He just happened to see you on the street with your camera and decided to stop for a minute.

He hadn't seen you in a while. Not since he saw you angry and upset at him, at least. You were snapping some photos of random things, he couldn't really tell of what exactly, but you kept moving your hair out of your face and frowning at your camera, making him chuckle a little.

When some guy approached you he tensed up, but once you started talking he relaxed a little, realizing it was someone you knew. He could hear the conversation - perks of having superpowers - and felt his heart drop to his stomach when he heard what Harry was saying, basically implying that he liked you.

That was when he made a stupid move and dropped down, not really sure if he could handle hearing your response.

He knew it wasn't his business. He knew that you were your own person and obviously allowed to do whatever you wanted. But he couldn't help the sharp pain in his chest at the idea of you with someone else.

Though when he saw your face right after he jumped down, it was a little obvious how grateful you were to be interrupted. Of course, then you were annoyed, but he did see your relieved look before. Maybe he had nothing to worry about.

But that thought made him frown as he watched you get up from the bench and start to walk away, presumably back to campus. He shouldn't have anything to worry about. He shouldn't be this worried about you, not anymore. Not now that he was protecting you by staying away from you.

With a sigh he got up from the ledge, rubbing his hands together from the cold and deciding to follow you back to campus before continuing his patrol.

Just to make sure you would get there alright, of course.