#didnt send it in any gcs and everything. and im not even upset about the auditions ofc im not. sure i care about it but
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Mm.
#rennikorambles#/neg ... sigh#no she didnt reject me#no i didnt mess up#no ididnt even CHICKEN OUT.#i had everything i had my courage i had my words i had my loose plan ready i was ready.#i wasnt gonna chicken out. and the worse that could happen i knew was that she wasnt ready.#i had high hopes. youve seen a glimpse of the hype havent you guys?#but of course. the one . ONE thing that could ruin everything. isnt me. isnt laurel. but the world it-fucking-self.#the auditions were canceled and we didnt know. our teacher told our class prez but he didnt tell us. or the very least laurel#didnt send it in any gcs and everything. and im not even upset about the auditions ofc im not. sure i care about it but#it could all move to a year later and i wouldn't care . or well i would of course but just..#but the fact that i had all this hope for this one moment for this one CHANCE and it all goes down the fucking drain#her friend (and by extension mine) lets call her Brash Girl which you can expect how she is. was literally just caught up in the whole thing#and of course with her stuck with us i couldnt do anything.#dragged me to 7-11 to mope about our teacher who canceled the auditions and.#.... yeah. no shot. nothing. laurel asked her mom to pick her up. i watch her leave. i leave. the end.#after all that effort. all that dreaming. all that hoping nothing.#i know it's not the end of the world. i know i'll get another chance. but god does it fucking suck.#im exhausted and disappointed and tired and i. i dont know.#i need a breather.
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