#doing a Project and it's eating my brain
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(part 5) happy father's day :)
me when characters are so doomed by their love but they love again anyway they love again anyway
if you're wondering what frenzy's listening to, i tried to find the angriest screamiest song to have a crashout to :D
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#im gonna ramble a bit about the design of this comic because!! the worms are eating my brains!!#up until this point frenzy and soundwave have been almost exclusively coloured red and blue#until the very end of this comic where they begin to mingle again#pages 17 and 21 are direct parallels because they are both instances where soundwave chooses love for the kids over duty as a soldier#rumble in this comic is not actually rumble! it's more so frenzy projecting his insecurities in his brother's voice#THIS PART WAS A LOT OF WORK.... WHEWWW#we have some chill filler chapters coming up before some really exciting stuff can happen!#DON'T DO THIS DAD#transformers#maccadam#humanformers#soundwave#frenzy#rumble#artists on tumblr#transformers au#tf fanart#ravage#comic
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vector portrait for digital imaging class of RGB!! hey go read The Property of Hate if you haven’t already btw it’s an amazing comic by @modmad that i’ve been hotglued to since my junior year of high school.
big thank you to mod for giving their permission/blessing to wrestle with this horrible tv bastard in adobe illustrator for the express purpose of shilling him and this comic to my unsuspecting class <3
(edit: god okay pls click for fullscreen. hogy shit)
#tpoh#the property of hate#rgb#modmad#there’s a lot more i was planning to do w this but bleeeegggggjhhhh#i don’t own a laptop so i have to do all my hw for this class in the library + i live off-campus + i had office hours that day#7 hours in the library fighting with adobe illustrator on 5 hours of sleep and no food in my body said No You’re Done Now Actually#i have another project coming up that uses this one in it so i’m gonna get to make a diptych of this motherfucker next >:3#tpoh’s been eating my brain again as of late holy hell the hyperfixation clobbered me#what the fuck is my art tag. do i even have an art tag#my art#nox art#there. perfectly serviceable >:p#btw the working file name for this was actually horribletvbastard.ai so . now you know that i guess#yes the halo effect is intentional. no i don’t no how to use adobe illustrate. further questions may be taken outside#anyway THANKS MOD I LOVE YOUR BOY AND YOUR COMIC AND YOUR ART <33333
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Imp, have you seen the Pretty Pretty Please I Don’t Want To Be A Magical Girl pilot? If you have, I’m curious to know your thoughts on it because I don’t really know what you’d think of it. I know you hate when stories mock its tropes, but I feel the pilot intends to use the jokes for theme, which I know you appreciate. It also has set-up for a main queer black couple as opposed to the in-universe one-sided ship between the blorbo-bait white guy as a bonus LOL. Hope you have a good day!
I have!
I think it's a super cute pilot—the voice direction and a lot of the comedy isn't for me (kinda reminds me of of SvTFOE or TOH, which the creator works at Disney so that checks out), but that's totally just preference rather than a fault of the show. I respect what they're trying to do, it definitely doesn't feel like it's "mocking" the magical girl genre at all! I think my real issue is when a piece of media lacks sincerity, which PPPIDWTBAMG (does. the fandom have a better acronym) has plenty of. It's a fine deconstruction, and that "magical girl de-transformation' is just smart.
Obviously love a main queer black couple, they're goofy and fun (and feel arospec to me), and I love that the white boy is chasing after the black girl. It's just nice to see
"Blorbo-bait white guy" is fucking KILLING me
#a notification popped up in the corner of my screen informing me that ''blorbo-bait white guy'' has been added to my vocabulary#''the curve is FUCKED'' cracked me up#anon#asks#also apparently the better acronym for the show is#IDWTBAMG#tbh. This show isn't really within my tastes (horror ToH flashbacks) but I see why people like it#and I'd give it a chance#I don't think it'd get as dark/intense as I'd want it to but also like. Not my project right#My brain jumps to ''oh cool so she doesn't want this responsibility. What does she do now that it's apart of her and she has it''#Which. Thinking on it I just want MK LMAOOOOOOOOOOO#MK. My favorite magical girl#Like Aika hates this and she's also the only one who can fulfill this role right. I wanna know that impact#And would she choose her own happiness over everything else#And should she be expected to not do that#Like okay. I've been watching fate zero recently right#And in it Saber (aka female King Arthur) has a dream so big. And has shouldered so much that she's basically depraved herself#like ''there are those who were born human but harbor wishes that man was not meant for...and have renounced their humanity in its pursuit'#Like. She feels that as a King she must give up her right to be a person. To want for herself. To dream for herself#so much so that she must spend all of her existence reaching for an unreachable dream to fix an unfixable mistake#And I fucking love that#So like. Aika at her most interesting to me would be a sort of MK Saber fusion with self-worth/an identity outside their role#and that's just probably not the goal#The goal is more focusing on passion and what losing that love looks like#Which is cool. But overall kinda boring to me as like a Singular Theme#Cause I doubt there'd be much more than that right#Which isn't bad by any means. just not my preference#This thing should exist—as is—too for people to enjoy it#I can eat my popcorn somewhere else
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Someone fuckin save me I am so so so so tired
#speculation nation#just got done with orchestra. gotta get home and eat then get back to work on my website stuff#i can do it im fairly sure. i am just. so so so so so so tired#the kind of desperately tired where even just having my eyes open is a chore#i might... need to take a little nap or something. i dont know. rest my eyes for an hour or two.#i dont have much time but i feel like my brain is about to melt out of my ears#and at least i finished my header and footer stuff for my html pages#i just gotta put the content in. which has already been made. just gotta. figure out formatting.#and class is canceled tomorrow morning so i can sleep in. i just need to get through the last of this project. then i can rest a bit.#of course then i have a presentation on thursday but at least ive already organized that#so i just need to do my slide(s) and make sure everyone else has done theirs#since i went and appointed myself unofficial leader and organized the damn work allotment for everyone#since Someone had to do it. i gave it 3 days and no one did anything so i went ahead and did it myself.#that at least can wait until after class tomorrow ish. at the very least.#maybe i can do my dishes in the morning tomorrow. i dont think im gonna manage it today either.#but that begs the question of what the fuck im doing for dinner today. i have... two clean spoons. bc i washed them yesterday#i washed a bowl a fork and two spoons yesterday. i had none clean before. i have no clean bowls again.#my soul fuckin screaming for the love of god help me. ive got no clean dishes and im so desperately tired#and i have to finish making 6 web pages before midnight or im !!!!!!FUCKED!!!!!!#for now.. i just need to focus on getting home... i get home and then i'll figure Something out for food.....#ugh.......
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I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THE LATEST EPISODE
Amelia project ep 89 spoilers!!! :D
Ok I’ve definitely made a post about this before but the ties to episode one
1: same voice actor as Ravenheart from episode one. Is that intentional or are they just using his voice again (not complaining he’s SUPER talented) is he the same guy?? Reincarnation?? Did he get access to patience somehow??? (Doubt this one because he doesn’t recognize/remember Arthur in episode one.) Is it connected to antithon and/or the scene with the roles switched in ep.1??????
2: the “without faith nothing is possible, with it nothing is impossible” they got that from the SAME GUY?? (Presumably)
3: the parallel with the sword not being there now/The chair not being there in episode one, except now a sword didn’t magically appear in his hand (thankfully)
Of course Arthur missed the entire birth of Jesus Christ because he was too lazy to get his own drink lol
This is gonna sound insensitive but at the end when the baby was crying I literally thought like he kidnapped a baby or something. I thought that was gonna be the twist. It was just super menacing when the cries were getting louder I did NOT think that through lol
#Im so normal about this stupid fucking podcast. So normal.#normal normal normal#so so so so normal hahahah#i’m going to explode#Scream#eat glass#I do this for fun#fuck this stupid podcast (I love it so much it has changed my brain chemistry)#When does it get to the point where the amount of tags are annoying#the amelia project#The Amelia project spoilers#the interviewer
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don't think I've ever been this depressed in my entire life and i was thirteen once
#like for real#i want to do stuff#i want to eat and enjoy films#and write and work on my little projects#and actually talk to my friends properly#yet my brain is static noise like#i don't have the energy to do anything#annalee.txt
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I heavily headcanon that spamton has adhd (although tbh I am heavily projecting).
Just his erraticness and emotional instability gives off huge adhd vibes, along with no volume control (my voice too does whatever the fuck it wants and I won't notice until someone points it out lmao)
Also since I subscribe to oldest of the group hc, it likely put him behind his peers.
(Just watching everyone do what they're meant to do and just not being able to measure up because even your best effort isn't enough and you don't know why you're like this why you can't be as good as the rest of them is just...oof. it be like that sometimes)
And also he's impulsive as fuck (I choose to see the constantly changing prices on his wares as a joke on unstable e-currency and a testament to how he can't stick to some decisions worth a damn)
TLDR: comfort bastard character my beloved (that your fics actually introduced me to, so thank you very much for the brainrot <3)
honestly anon i'm w u (fellow adhd individual here) and though i desperately try not to project in my writing, trying to keep the character as in-character as possible with some leeway, some projection is inevitable lmao
i rlly think his character, while charming and fun, is also immensely relatable. For reasons you've pointed out, like relating to the other addisons and feeling like he's 'behind' them, to where he compensates this with his delusions of grandeur and a strongly-unhealthy god complex. Oof. this guy. He hasn't had the best support system or the healthiest of habits, and unfortunately was put into a very dark place during a very dark time.
but i can definitely see the build behind this headcanon. His character does give off some of those vibes. I try not to diagnose spamton, chalking his habits up to his spammy email antics and existence as email, but regardless its nice to have some personal traits resonate in a character and it can be comforting.
(he's my comfort character as well i wrap him in a blanket but also will dunk him headfirst into a pool <3)
#also also i'm so happy my fics lead you to gain more appreciation for spamton#he's everything to me#lil skrunkly and his themes and motifs are just so fun to play with#asks#he's been rotting my brain for officially two years now 🎉🥳🥳#i'll be honest with you i don't relate as much to spamton as i do jevil#i find myself projecting a lot more there#just hnnnghrhrhd#clown man#but i write spamton as a MC because he has the potential to be SUCH an unreliable narrator and i eat that shit up#but ty sm for your ask and i'm glad you enjoy it!! :D
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Everything day
#Had an Extremely long Game Day with smol today and I think it fixed my brain so that's great news#Past week has been rough!!!! Got hit with a semi-minor anxiety episode and a pretty serious depression episode to bookend last week#I'm all good it's just - took a bit out of me lol#Any number of things really too many to list so I'll just sum up as blegh - feeling better now#Started a new printing project!! Looking forward to that hopefully gonna do some test printing tomorrow#It Should work out well but pfbtl I can't count on my formatting skills for nonsense - shapes wtf are those#Been drawing <3 Been writing <3#Thinking quite very seriously about returning to doodle roots something awful#I tend to spend a Long Long time editing my stuff down by three different phases#Makes them very pretty! But I think I've had enough of that for the moment#New! Novelty! Needed and necessary and I'd rather Write about these than fuss more about how Pretty Or Not they are#They're pretty enough! I've made shapes on paper that previously didn't exist and now I can think about them as they are! Magic!#So that's the current plan - do still have One more step of editing to do before that lol but smol had offered me videos to listen to during#Good to have longer videos so I'm not constantly start-and-stopped#Oh and Pepper went into molt Again and just came out and he's genuinely gigantic now#And so dark! Handsome boy was a nice soft brown when we picked him up and so tiny small and now he's nearly black and huge#And so furry now he's definitely at least twice as fuzzy#Got him to eat - he was definitely hungry but he seems to be pacing himself still#Everything everything
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SCREAMS
#ok im fine just needed to let out a scream mentally LMAO#LIKE I DONT UNDERSTAND I DIDNT THINK I DID THAT SPECTACULAR BUT OK.#IM TAKING THIS W A GRAIN OF SALT LIKE I USUALLY DO BUT IM ALSO LIKE HUH??????#I HAVE TO THINK FOR A SEC AND PROCESS BUT IT WAS JUST LIKE ???#ME???? YOU GOT THE WRONG PERSON I DONT THINK THATS RIGHT#my brains also super bzzzzzt rn so im like 3_3 huwat.#but ok!!!! cool!!! yay???? idk#todays been a lot of like vaing which is wonderful for me bc i can just do this all day (#(nearly forgot to eat bc was doing so)#but !! ahhhhhh ahhhhhh ahhhhh#i wanna also work on something i was hoping to create as a project later but !! idk djnfndnd#im also someone who gets way too many ideas that i get overwhelmed so leeets take it bit by bit haha#lien speaks#anyways long story short: good news happened like better than just getting another role i feel#which is wonderful?? but you know gjdndnd
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#born to be clingy forced to project independence#AWOOOOGA idk how to deal with this i've never felt this need to be so incessantly checking in and clingy before srs...#july 2 2024#july 3 2024#mortifying ordeal of loneliness in your twenties#july 28 2024#???????/?:?:??:?/?//??:?/?/?/?-??-?-?/?:?:?/?:?/?#hug from either could fix me and i'm not brave enough#like i should just focus on what i got and how lovely and warm it was but no stupid brain stupid brain#like it's crazy i have my hyperfixation fictional figures irl and i'm still mythologizing themnjenfjsksnndncnsnncnxnznznxncnzmnfnsncnxncn#get help#will watchjng 30 rock fix me.#like i should probably just eat and drink water however.#like do they know ... i would literally move in and hang out with them every night and i think about them every day#i haaate feeling needy and clingy i hate it i hate it i hate it wanna crawl out of my skin and never look back WHY is my brain doing this#like why go weeks and weeks feeling normal and then BOOM all the longing and loneliness i've ever felt condensed in one weekend what is Wron
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a couple of outtakes from the edit i'm working on
#blood tw#i was gonna use these but#i like the closeups better#i should really be working on simblreen stuff but like. my brain is not there honestly#so i'm procrastinating#i probably won't have the story done on time but i've decided that's fine & idc#i'm still gonna do it (maybe) but it might roll over into november#which actually is ok bc i'm planning to write the full MBz story for nano this year#i had a different project planned but uh. mbz has taken over#not that i'm complaining ofc#ok i need to go eat dinner#rainyrambles#dl
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do you take art requests? will you draw anymore sandman fanart?
Hi! No, I don't take art requests! If I do, it's only for friends usually lol. And, yes, of course! I've just been incredibly busy (and tired) all year, but I've got LOTS of little wips that I hope to get the energy to finish during my winter break :')
#sorry anon :( art school leaves little time for personal art projects sometimes#thinking about doing a s.andman themed gift/care package for valentines day or smth (for mutuals/friends?) so hopefully i get that done#and also the t.ron zine is eating up a lot of my brain space#rex replies
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I WILL FUCKING FINISH THIS FIC TONIGHT OR SO HELP ME GOD I SWEAR TO FUCK
#SEND HELP#im in the final scene so i can do this but my brain just goes brrrrrr at all times#im currently doing bribes of eating a cookie every 200 words and no more project runway until this is done#i can edit while watching cause i do that on my phone but yeah#im just AAAAAAA#night is an absolute mess on main
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Very talkative and provacative rn
#can sense intention#and what it takes to survive in this world; despite going through it#implications do not implore me#theyre suspicious because the thoughts are not on the same wavelength#mine's and they'res#not ever enough time to explain it feels#I was full of projection(s) but repent only to myself#unlocked the other part of the equation; of sociality- interaction with surroundings; the world in general#the ability of being able to be perceived; taking it like a taker#I also matter but I know now being in the way; the matter itself of inconvenience is a two-way street; in if not empathy; then moreso under-#-standing; comradery#its not persecution#...god I was fucked up before; hope I still self-crit any and all assumptions#the dichotomies make sense; I crave harmony in diff tones (word choice for purpose of flow)#Like I'm relating to the symptoms of a neurological d-; well now classified classification moreso than a cognitive one; that put me in a#vegetative-almost comatose like state...#I matter too now; I have a will#all I really know for certain; my run over wind's rise#can still never become whole(s) but my point through this brain dump is about... living ifg#ik how people survived to wherever theyre at; how my reliance was misinformed because this world('s) we've built only effective function is#the mucho maladaptive machine I suppose#the attention I want; I want to be earned#self-actualization through input-output#ready to experience life head + heart on; wanna experience; sense it as much as I can; none is really lost- discern without permission; eat#to serve more than one purpose- interact with food in general I suppose#idk the comedown is going to make me do a whole separate spiel on the morality sect. of the whole concept of separation; at the very least;#when I'm nothing more than a brain-dead; otherworldly 'them'; unfit for any cohesion in any sorta 'realm' (idfk; 'wavelength' use averted#not me converting to gold-star lesbianism#I'm just glad I felt this experience of being present+connection through the ever-isolating profit-crazed pixelated screen#however pathetic that sounds
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my brain is so fried right now i swear
#i have to be like 'ok if i want to eat; clean the kitchen sink that ive been avoiding for a week; fucking Shower#and also sleep a normal amount (which i feel i need to sleep a lot nowadays)#i literally cannot do absolutely anything else other than these bare minimum activities#not even activities. lmao#i cant do 1) anything fun 2) anything related to working on my project which is due next week lmao 3) anything ELSE#i can sit down and do nothing and then do these 'activities'. MAYBE. that's still a maybe#it's not even procrastinating anymore im just torturing myself and frying my brain i feel like 😭😭😭😭😭😭#it takes me sooooo long to just Leave the House. it's absolutely over#at least it will fr be over next week. somehow#i dont like this project at all i dont like the group i dont think we did a good job at all#and i dont even wanna work on it i dont know how to work on it to make it better#literally im just doing the bare minimum maybe even less#and it makes me feel so bad in general#i dont wanna do anything. fr#🗒
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I'm taking adderall for the first time in two years and my brain is freaking out but in a different way from before so.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#i actually kinda feel more scattered than before which seems counterintuitive#but I think it's like. I wasn't able to focus on anything at all and now I have focus it's just jumpy#idk I'm hoping I level out a bit soon#also I lost five pounds in two days#aderall shuts all of my hunger signals OFF off#my stomach was cramping this morning and I was like ??????? and then I remembered I ate a granola bar for dinner#that I also just have to find a balance in because the way I eat when I'm trying to medicate brain fog with food isn't really healthy either#back when I first statted adderall I felt like I COULDN'T eat so I'm doing better than then#idk I wish medicating was more easy and straightforward#i wanna be better and productive RIGHT NOW and it's not really happening and I don't know when to push myself and when to give myself grace#because if I have it my way I won't do anything. ever.#anyways brain freaking out#cant tell if I'm overstimulated or understimulated?#it's probably just because I have so much stuff I need to do but all of it stresses me out#maybe i need like. an unrelated project#but then i feel bad for not doing things I'm supposed to do#maybe i should make a schedule#ugh#my rambles
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