#dont stop because of my silly tumbr dot com post

[whsprings]

had an interesting discussion this morning w my dietitian about recovery-associated weight gain and rules that teams put into place in the name of recovery. I have always been told that maintaining my team-decided weight range is crucial to lasting recovery and that recovery without being at that weight would be impossible. my dietitian disagreed. she basically said that it's the relationship with food that's important. I told her about the time i was maintaining a normal intake for months and coincidentally lost weight and my team at that time freaked out and increased my meal plan and accused me of lying about using behaviors. my dietitian said if she had been on my team then she likely wouldn't have changed my meal plan and that doing stuff like this while being against weight bias doesn't make any sense. this situation has always driven me nuts-- like you can't say that bodies change naturally over time but then say actually that's only fine if you gain weight but not if you lose it?? yet another reason why I honestly don't really want recovery is because I associate it with forced weight gain and lack of mental progress. my dietitian said if I had a more normal intake it's possible my weight will change and it's possible it won't, and she doesn't care either way. she also said she hates exchanges and that if someone on the street came up to her and said "i had 2 carbs 2 fats 4 proteins 1 veg" or whatever she'd tell them to go get help because no one talks like that. also that treatment often doesnt allow for flexibility or nuance-- like i dont particularly like whole milk yogurt and my ed likes that I don't like whole milk yogurt, but that doesn't mean i chose nonfat because of my ed, if that makes sense. tx places have always told me that if it makes the ed happy don't you fucking dare do it, but there's no space there for any gray.

anyway i am so grateful to have her on my team and that she wants me to have an actually normal relationship with food and not just a new kind of rigidity. I think I sometimes do have too much independence with her but I think that's fine since one of my issues is wanting to be forced into doing recovery instead of me choosing it.