#easy to guess where I fall on that spectrum

[boysnberriespie]

Need more sociological studies on children of USA military vets born since the 1990s…

[sparks-and-smoke]

Hello!

What about an avengers reader and bucky fic where reader dosnt realize they are in an depressive episode but bucky or steve or both ( platonically or romantically) notices.

Haha I just surfaced from a major depressive episode so that's where the inspiration came from.

Also hi!

Hi <3 this one is a little longer because, well I guess I needed it too. Plus fluffy lovey Stucky is my bread and butter. 

Characters/Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky barnes x reader, Stucky (but not really the focus)

Content/Warnings: mental health, depression, anxiety, self care

Author Note: as someone who also struggles with mental health I personally loved this ask. Thank you, and I hope your feeling better sweets. Take care. 

(Bonus note from my editor @voice-of-velhart)

Editor Note: Depression is not an easy thing to make your way out of, but I'm proud of ya'll for pushing through it and I'm glad your here. <3

The brain fog was the thing that set in first. It was hard to fall out of a routine living in the compound. Day in and Day out it was training and meal regimens. Sparring and paperwork. Someone was always around and yet you felt like you were drifting. Going through the motions with little to no reason to do so other than if you didn’t what else would fill your day. No one seemed to notice your lack of enthusiasm, or how your typically attentive nature had been slipping lately. Your reports were still on time and you weren’t pulling your punches in training so you were probably fine… right?

It was burn out or maybe you were feeling under the weather. At least that's what you told them if they asked. And while your friends and team loved you, they were busy people with the literal weight of the world on their shoulders. So who could blame them when they didn’t keep tabs, or at least you thought they didn’t keep tabs. 

Bucky sat in the library trying to find a fantasy book he hadn’t already read. Tony was a brilliant guy but he had horrible taste in written fiction. As he perused, he kept you in his peripheral vision. You stared down at your now cold cup of coffee looking lost even though you weren’t moving. He had noticed you are like this a lot the last few weeks. You shower less and less, your normally shiny maintained hair more often than not on the greasy and dull side of the spectrum. And he hadn’t seen you touch the piano or your switch in days. He was getting concerned. 

He taps Steve with his foot. “What?” 

The big guy had been deep in thought, sprawled out in a lounge chair with his nose in a tablet. “Have you noticed Angel is different lately?” 

Steve glanced up, taking a look at their girl as she swirled the coffee in her mug, totally disassociating. “Yeah, she said she was under the weather. I tried to get it out of her what was wrong but she’s being cagey.” his brows knit together in a mask of concern. “Sure is lingering a long time to be just a bug, don't cha think?”

Bucky nodded, “Yeah I do… what are we gonna do about it.” 

Steve sighed heavily and set down his tablet, giving the issue his full attention. He thinks back to those long cold winters in brooklyn. When the snow was deep and his bones would ache so bad he didn’t wanna get out of bed. There were always little things that would help him get out of those slumps. Bucky making him get up and shower was always a good start, followed by warm food and if they could find it, sunlight. 

“I think we're gonna start by helping our girl feel human again..” 

~~~~

Steve and Bucky formed a game plan. The two men are nothing if not efficient and tactical. Steve went down stairs to start food. Something starchy and savory. Comfort food. Meanwhile, Bucky started operation Angel Self Care. 

“Angel.” Bucky's voice was soft, wrapped in warm velvet. And you barely registered it before he was crouching down and smoothing back your hair from your face. Taking your untouched cup out of your hand. “How long have you been sitting here, beautiful?” 

You shook your head as if you could wave away the mist behind your eyes. “Oh, I don’t know. Lost track of time I guess.” Bucky just hums. Yeah, he knows that feeling. He also knew it never led anywhere good. 

“Lost in thought?” 

You looked up to meet his gaze, warmth and concern mixing in the set of his jaw and the draw of his brows. “Yeah I guess. I’m fine babe. Don’t worry about it I’m just..”

“Feeling under the weather. Yeah, I know. You’ve been saying that a lot lately. I’m starting to think it’s a cop out.”

It is and you know it but you don’t know what else to say. “I just. I don’t know what wrong with me lately. I just… I don’t wanna do anything. Like anything ya know? It’s like sometimes waking up alone is all I have in me for the day. Do you know how that feels.”

If anyone knew how you felt it was Bucky. Hell sometimes he still felt that way, decades of torture and actions out of his own control had left him with more then his own share of depressive tendencies that drag him deep down under the current of reality pretty regularly. There are days he goes completely nonverbal, only going through the motions on autopilot. The only people who can pull him out are Steve, and you. And therapy, lots of therapy. “Of course I do. You know I do. But Angel, you can’t live there. It’s ok to feel it, but you need to acknowledge it and try to crawl back out. It’s ok if you can’t do it alone baby.”

You feel a thick lump forming in your throat that you can’t quite swallow down. The urge to argue, to tell him your fine and he’s being overbearing was there. But more then that you knew he was right. Something was wrong, and you couldn’t climb out on your own. But you weren’t ready to say it. Not yet. 

“Come on honey, let’s get you cleaned up and get some food in your belly. That might help a little.” Bucky didn’t wait for you to protest, he slid one arm under your legs and the other around your back and headed up to Steve’s quarters. Not caring in the slightest if teammates or recruits saw. That was a problem for later Bucky. 

~~~~

The big six had full apartments in the upper levels of the compound. Which means he could squirrel you away to Steve’s private bath and get you in the shower. Vetiver and pine, a familiar comforting scent. Gently and quietly he started the shower to an acceptable temperature for you (hot enough to turn your skin the next shade of blush.) and stripped you down to help you in. 

There was nothing sexual about the way he did this. It was all just about loving you. Helping you, as  he guided you into the water and let it wash away your stress. He pulled you back against his chest. “There’s my girl. That feel better Angel?” 

You nod as the smell of Steve’s body wash fills the small space. “Do you mind if I wash you?” 

With your permission he sets about cleaning you up. Slow loving strokes over your body as he pulls you back to lean on his chest. “You know you can talk to us about anything right. Steve and I love you. You’ve been here for us. Let us do the same.” 

“I would tell you… if I knew why I felt this way.” You confess. “If I had some inkling of what I needed to get out to feel better but I don’t.” 

Your voice wavers and it breaks Bucky's heart just a little. He wants to fix it. But he knows he can’t. All he can do is be there for you. “Well, I’m glad you trust me enough to help you.” He tilts your head back. Starting to wash your hair. “We’ll just take it one step at a time till we find ground again. Ok?

~~~~ 

Downstairs Steve fretted over the stove. Sweet potato pierogi and with onions and butter. It was easy, simple even. But it always made him feel better as a kid and the few times he had made it you liked it. He looked up as he heard feet pad down into the kitchen. Hair still damp, but clean. In fresh sweats and Bucky's shirt. 

“Ahh, there you are. Do you feel better?”

“Yeah… a little.” You admit, sitting on a stool across the island. 

Steve rounds the counter to kiss your forehead. “You look better.” He inhaled her skin, the longer scent of his soap and Bucky's touch still there, along with that sweet undertone that was all you. “Smell better too.” He teased. 

You breath out your nose with a half hearted huff. “Thanks.” 

“Always angel. Here. I made you some food. You don’t have to eat it all but at least a few bites would ease my mind. And then maybe we can go up to the room and get you some sun hmm? Would you be ok with that.” Steve slid the colorful pasta across the counter to you with a warm smile. Trying to coax you to follow his lead. 

“Yeah. Sounds good.” You eat mostly in silence. Steve and Bucky don’t push you to talk as you fill your stomach. You know they're worried. But even just these small gestures are helping you feel like maybe there is an end to this malaise. You see Steve smile and kiss Bucky softly in thanks as they wait for you to tell them you're ready. 

They spend the rest of the day trying to get you some sun. Fresh air and movement. 

“We’re gonna do this a little everyday till you start feeling better. And if you need it or feel up to it we can look into talking to a therapist too.” Steve assures. His hand firmly laced through your own. “You are not alone in this. We all feel this way sometimes. But I’m proud of you for trying love.”

A flicker of hope flies in your chest at his words. You aren’t alone, this isn’t forever. And your men are gonna love you through it till you can do it on you own.

[that-culdesac-kid]

So we talked about how Tamarack's color palette matches with her favorite colors before. And since then, I've been wondering if Qiu has similar explanation behind their color palette as Tamarack does with hers.

But unlike Tamarack, Qiu's favorite color is only gold, and they don't even have it in their color palette. I guess their sweater can kinda fall on the gold spectrum, but this still doesn't explain the green jacket, the red scarf, or the other colors in their outfit.

So... does this stop me from trying to find some secret explanation behind those colors?

*Puts on tin foil hat*

Nope! Quite the opposite actually, I'm taking this as a personal challenge.

Let's start with the green jacket. It's easy to miss this line, but if MC says their favorite color is green, Qiu will mention that they like green too—the darker kinds, like how their jacket is.

Earlier, we considered their sweater looking pretty close to gold, but it is stated in the game that their sweater is orange, which is the color that both Qiu and Ren like.

(I personally disagree and think Qiu's sweater is brown, but maybe it's just me )

And following that pattern, I think we can also assume that the red in Qiu's scarf and sneakers comes from the color that Ren likes too.

But if their close friends' favorite colors is the pattern here, then what about Baxter?

Well, Baxter's favorite colors are black and white.

And guess what the colors of Qiu's bike (and helmet) are?

Okay. Yeah. I know I'm going overboard with the color analyzing. This is the kind of stuff your brain came up with on 3 am when you thought you had a big epiphany but then realized how silly it sounds after you write it down.

But intentional or not, I still think it's interesting that Tamarack's palette is mostly formed of her favorite colors, while Qiu's palette has their friends' favorites but lacks the one color that they like the most.

(Interestingly, though... step 2 is the time where they actually have gold in their color palette, but the colors they originally had in step 1 seem to disappear in that stage)

[littlehungrywarriorcats]

hi! I was wondering if you have any tips on drawing/visualising rufousing? Stuff like it's effect on non-black cats, where it's the reddest etc.

My current go-to reference is Somali cats but that's not entirely ideal considering their tickedness and amount of reliable sources for the rarer combos

Thankfully google images is full of a diverse array of black tabby pics so it's easy to find references from across the spectrum!

This is a pretty standard level of rufousing, a very normal brown tabby. You can - if you know what you're looking for - see the clear divide between more/less areas of rufousing across the body. It's more obvious when I pixelate him:

His rufousing falls on the belly, nose/muzzle, and chest. On other cats, we see the same pattern:

Belly, neck, chest, muzzle, and this one's paws are a little redder too.

Here's a very low-rufous brown cat who still has a rufoused line up the nose:

Even the grayest black tabbies have this tbh.

Here's a very rufoused brown tabby:

It's harder to see bc of how brown he already is, but we STILL see that intense (seasonally-appropriate) nose redness! Cats are rudolph I guess XD

As for non-black tabbies, they're usually reddish enough already throughout (AKA, can't get gray enough) that, while rufousing does still distribute the same way, it's much less noticeable. Here's a choc tabby w/pretty average rufousing:

Now that you know to look for it, the reddish nose IS still there...but it just looks the same color as the stripes!

Here's a more high-rufoused brown tabby, where it's a little more obvious that the nose strip is rufousing:

We can see it on the paws, too! It MIGHT be on the chest, but even with this fella's high rufousing, that red just looks like the normal agouti redness we see on the flank, so it's hard to tell!

I usually just draw rufousing in choc/cinnamon to be a straight increase/decrease in saturation for this reason tbh. Then again, I tend to do the same thing for my brown tabby designs... I find that rufousing in a way that doesn't look like weird tortie hard to draw :( Oh I can PAINT it, sure, but when it gets stylized into clean lines? Much harder.

Another important thing to keep in mind is that this white-ish spot on the muzzle here...

...is ALSO the result of banding! That's not "true" white, this cat has NO leucism. The red intensifies around the muzzle and then turns more "white" towards the center as a result of normal tabby agouti-ness :3

Here's a chocolate with the same faux-white as a result of being a tabby.

Sometimes it's just on the chin. Here's a cinnamon tabby with...some kind of rufousing! It's harder to tell w/these guys already being so red, but I'd venture to say "lower" bc of the lack of lightness on the belly/face:

When it comes to cinnamons, who are SO light, most of their visible rufousing is either just going to look like stripes or turn fully faux-white. His paws just looks darker instead of redder!

I hope this helps!!!

[darklcy]

𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐲

━━━━━━━━━━━━

‣ armin arlert x reader | attack on titan masterlist | altruistic masterlist | 716 words | fluff, armin being awkward lmao, cute interaction

‣ an excerpt from altrustic's part 3 but also a sneak peek of part 4. i enjoyed writing this first interaction between reader and armin so i wanted to make a oneshot off it :) more to come in the series!

He initially disagreed with the idea.

He knew he had to try harder, talk louder, get stronger. Maybe this was the start to his journey. Huffing down a shaky sigh and thrashing his hands against his sleeves, his throat clears for his beginning sentence.

“...[Y/N]..?”

It’s timid and meek. Could he hear himself? Did you even hear him?

When you don’t stir from your position, he tries again.

“[Y/N]?”

And then he finally sees you. The skin around your eyes was red and agitated, probably a result from lack of sleep. Your blinks were lavishly slow as you peered at him, the moment of recognition crossing onto your face right before Armin’s eyes.

“...Hey, Armin.”

You greet him carefully, he notices. He glances to the beacon of light.

“Aren’t you heading to dinner..?”

Your hand falls to dangle by your shoe.

“..Not tonight. I’m not hungry.”

He pops his knuckles at his sides. 

“You sure? Skipping meals isn’t good for you..”

“I’m sure.”

His frown deepens. 

You’ve nestled back into your home already, staring upon the shadows filtering throughout the camp. 

..His footsteps trudge over to the steps, and you face him when he sits beside you, body position matching yours. Armin lost his stare into the forest, fingers tapping sporadically from where they laid over his biceps. He doesn’t mind that you observe him. 

Armin was a calm in the storm type of person. His best friend seemed to speak for three, never afraid to holler his frustrations, but on the other side of the spectrum lay this boy, the polite boy who loved to read. He’d apologize for existing, apologize for taking up space, before he ever sat down to introduce himself. 

“You’re easy to watch.”

It took everything in you to not choke. Armin instantly panicked.

“I-In training, I mean..! When we’re doing drills? Combat drills?”

His words puddled out in a hurry, the skin of his cheeks blaring bright red. 

“I just mean, you’re impressive! Or, inspiring? I uh, I’m not good at that stuff, so-,”

Your sudden boisterous laughter made him freeze. Armin couldn’t see your face anymore now that it was ducked over your thighs, shoulders trembling with cackles. Your arms caressed your aching stomach as if it could cease the attack, but it just kept advancing. 

“Uh…”

Finally rising off your thighs, you swooped in deep breaths to calm your heartbeat, a couple giggles escaping here and there.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you laugh..”

You waved him off with a hand. 

“No, no, don’t be. I liked it.”

His face was a never ending tomato. Now it looked like he was sweating a bit. 

“But, what you were saying…you watch me?”

Armin smacked both palms to his face. “I was trying to compliment your skills, but I apologize that it came off as stalkerish.”

Another wave of laughs pass through your smile. “It didn’t, it just caught me really off guard.”

He reveals his blue eyes to you again. “That’s good, I guess..”

Your expression slightly dims when you turn away from him.

“Well, thank you.”

Armin’s lips part, but then close.

He’s relieved when you wave him off, instead of barreling down on him like the weirdo he is. You even thanked him for his terrible attempt at a compliment, and it makes him want to smile. He didn’t mess this one up..!

Wafting through the crevices, the moon rejoins you on the steps, this time encasing Armin in her light, as well. By now, the mess hall was dismissed, sending cadets off to bed to end the day and rest for tomorrow. 

“Guess dinner’s over..”

His comment reawakes your reality, that tomorrow brings new hardships and restless nights. It makes you grimace.  

“I’m gonna..head off to bed. Goodnight, Armin.”

When you finally part ways for the night, he feels like there’s more to say, more he has to get off his chest, but he can see how exhausted you are.Enough is enough for tonight, he decides, and he bids you goodnight. He daringly feels better on the walk to bed, somehow proud of himself for speaking to someone new. He doesn’t register his best friend’s greeting inside, instead heading straight for his bunk with a dazed smile on his face.

[limeade-l3sbian]

i’m not so much talking about whether you would like it or not, but rather: do you see yourself as a person who needs romantic companionship in your life eventually? obviously you won’t disintegrate without, but i’m talking needing as in for your psychological and physical well-being in the long run.

i’ve come to realize i cannot relate to this and people who aren’t able to go without being in a relationship are to me so strange, even though that honestly seems to be the norm. i don’t even want a romantic relationship. not to say i would be against falling in love and all that but i don’t dream of it and i certainly don’t crave it. i’m curious how you are in this regard? obviously i don’t know you, but you strike me a someone who functions well alone too.

i get that wanting romance is normal in theory but i don’t understand why.

there’s lots of other things i totally get the need for, but this and sex are two things that are on the same spectrum of inconsequential to me. that’s also why i’ll never be able to rightfully contribute to the celibate convo that’s been going on in radfem spaces in regards to heterosexual women, because even though i’m not asexual, i genuinely don’t get the big deal of living without romance and sex. people will say it’s unfair to ask that of anyone and i’ll think it probably IS for the average person, but to me it still seems totally unrelatable to not be able to live full lives without it. this isn’t a convo of to be or not to be celebate btw, i’m just adding it as an example of when this feeling of not needing romance has really shown it’s face in my life and hindered my, i guess, empathy? and that’s why i never join that convo bc i can see i’m the odd one out.

it’s honestly so embarrassing to an extent. i wish more people spoke of this but when i’ve tried to speak of it in some contexts elsewhere, i immediately get labeled all these different things like “aromantic” and “asexual” and i’m just not. i’m not against romance. it’s not that i can’t feel it. same with attraction and such. but it’s really easy to ignore for me, like no biggie. there’s so many other bigger more important emotions and experiences in my eyes. almost everyone wants romance and partnership but to me it just seems kinda tiring and risky. like why risk my peace for a thing that does in most cases end by breaking up for whatever reasons? it’s not me being scared of it but i don’t see the point of the effort i guess..

friendships i get and they are important to me. i don’t see them as replacements or anything for romance. i just value those more and i think they seem more genuine to me? i’m not in a situation where i couldn’t find safe partners bc i am bisexual with mainly attraction to women but even then i still have no desperation for love like that. if it happens, that’s cool but i’ve come to realize that if i don’t actively seek it out it’s pretty easy to go through your life without any romantic relationships in peace. obviously the same maybe can’t be said for ultra attractive people but for mediocre folks like myself, life is pretty peaceful in that regard unless i actively tried to put myself out there which i won’t lol.

it’s not like i hate seeing romantic stuff. movies or books with romantic plots can be super cute and enjoyable for me but i don’t crave those things in my life even. when i see it. i don’t sigh after it. it’s like seeing a video of someone trying bungeejumping. it looks fun and cool but i wouldn’t go out of my way to seek the experience out because my life is fine without it.

am i totally alone in this feeling i wonder

I think in recent years there has been a weird push for romantic relationships and what the "best version" of them looks like. And, to be honest, your assumption is correct.

I think I cared in high school I got swept up in wanting to date because teenage romance seemed so romantic to me. But now, as an adult, I feel no intense need to be with someone. I'm not asexual and I'm not opposed to love or sex, like you said. I just...don't care? I just care about having people in my life who I care about and who care about me.

And with the asexual thing. In an increasingly hypersexual world, I think people are quick to "other" those of us who just don't really care. So if you don't crave love and need sex, you must be asexual. Which is...false, on a lot of levels.

To be honest, this whole reply could just be me restating, "Like you said" lmao. You and I have a pretty mutual feeling about the whole thing. I'm at peace with the state of my social life. I don't feel any pressure to be married or to date or whatever. When it happens, it happens, and I go for it. But when things don't work out? I mean, that's just life, I feel like.

[itneedsmoregays]

Hello, I wanted to ask you a question about cupioromanticisim. I'm also autistic and lately I have been thinking I may be somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum. I'm a trans-lesbian woman, and I have yet to ever date or even kiss someone. I haven't ever had a crush before either. How did you realize you were cupioromantic?

Well in my case, it was quite a few things.

In late 2021, my eldest brother and his girlfriend had been together for a good couple of years and my other brother had just started dating a girl as well. And there I was, single. I was beginning to wonder whether something was wrong with me. Why I didn't seem to click with anyone. I considered the possibility I may be aromantic but thought "No, that can't be it. I still like the idea of falling in love, I don't hate romance at all. So why can't I just do it? It's so easy for them! Have I just not found the right one yet?"

It wasn't until JaidenAnimations posted her video on coming out as aroace that things changed. I watched it and then scrolled down to the comments where people were sharing their own stories on coming out as aromantic or asexual.

One comment said that they liked the thought of being in a relationship but weren't interested in actually being in one. And someone replied to them: "Oh, there's a term for that. It's called 'cupioromantic'."

I was utterly stunned. That literally described how I was feeling to a T.

So I did some more research on that microlabel and ruminated on it for about a month just to be sure. And I finally realised that I'd always been sexually attracted to girls and I’d always liked romance and the idea of a romantic relationship. But the thought of actually being in one, let alone going on a date with someone, had never interested me.

It made a lot more sense to me, especially thinking back to my childhood. There was a kid I was very good friends with in primary school. We hung out on the playground at lunch, I went over to their house, invited them to my birthday parties, etc. They were really into horses and Harry Potter (before any of us knew how awful Rowling was), but it was our love of Thomas the Tank Engine that really made us close.

Near the end of our final year of primary school when we were due to go to different secondary schools after it finished, I thought I'd fallen in love with them. And I thought to myself: "They deserve a grand romantic gesture before we possibly never see each other again! That's how they do it in the movies so I must do that too!". So on the last day when the school had a Year 6 disco, I pulled them to the side away from everyone, told them I loved them and kissed them. But even then, it didn't feel as spectacular, life-changing or magical as I thought it would; it was more of an awkward "Oh. I... guess we're a thing now." And thinking back, they looked like they found that kiss pretty awkward too. Still we tried to maintain our relationship and stay in touch through email, but eventually broke up and lost touch after about a year.

Looking back at that, it became clear to me that I was more interested in the idea of being in a relationship. Thinking I knew how romance worked and not realising there was a lot more to it than just kissing and saying "I love you".

So one month after seeing that video and thinking hard, I lay on my bed looking at the ceiling and whispered to myself, as a test, "I'm cupioromantic".

And a happy chill ran through me. I wasn't broken. There was a label that accurately described me, and hearing it from my mouth felt so right.

So, yeah, that's pretty much it. I liked romance and the idea of being in love, and found girls physically attractive, but never actually felt interested in seeking out a relationship, nor saw the need for one. I figured out that part of myself thanks to JaidenAnimations (and @lily-orchard posting that video) and I'm a lot happier now. Hope this helps you.

[alittlefrenchtree]

Do you like tzp physically but also appreciate his personality? (oh god, it's not a shade or provocation even if it sounds like that lol it's really just curiosity if it's just something aesthetic or you love "everything about him")

This is a really good question, actually. One I have asked myself a few times already, in fact. I’m not sure I have all the answers just yet which means this is going to be awfully long in the oversharing side of things but, lets say you’ve just asked for it? 😁

God, where do I even start?

Ok. One thing to know is, before watching RWRB (and knowing anything about TZP), there was a beautiful and peaceful window of a few days during which I was pretty indifferent to him (can you imagine???). I had seen a couple of pictures and too many gifs of the movie and I was like, yeah he is (they both are) pretty but I’d probably never looked twice if I was crossing path with him in the street, not knowing who he is. (The naivety of me I swear). To be fair with Taylor, I’ve almost never looked twice at men I’ve crossing path with. Women? All the damn time, their attractiveness is very immediate to me, but with men I usually need a bit more to develop an interest. (I haven’t enough data on how pretty non-binary people affect me, so I can’t compare sadly). So that’s a first element of answer, I guess? Men’s physical apparence alone is rarely enough for me, so I suppose it’s the same with Taylor.

Watching RWRB, a couple of scenes has caught my eyes in the sense of *oh, he is damn pretty*. The biggest two are probably the New Year Party and that scene with Miguel (you know which one). These two scenes were probably the first nail in my coffin but it was still very much related to Alex but it was something about his charm, his smile, the way he handle himself and seduce people that works a bit too much on me. 

Becoming a little bit obsessed with everything related to the movie, I’ve started seeing a lot of Taylor everywhere and a lot of Taylor things have piled on Alex Charm. Mostly, Taylor’s confidence and easiness with himself and his body. We’ve talked about it a few times here, but him being so damn good at moving, evolving in his environment and interacting with people but mostly seducing people (not necessarily in a romantic way just, seduce people like actors can seduce cameras or singers can seduce live audiences)? That precisely??? It does half the job for me, even if him being so goddamn beautiful doesn’t hurt either.

So all of that is mostly why I’m screaming all the time and how he’s slowly but surely driving me a bit crazy. I guess it's up to you to know if it falls in the "physical" spectrum or "personality" side?

But this doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate his personality either, obviously. If I didn't like him as a person, or if i thought he was a jerk or something, i wouldn't spend so much time looking at him, I think. But the things I like about him as a person don’t worsen the hold he has on me? They make me like him and want to hang out with him as a friend, not increase the urge to drop on my knees for him. At least from what I’ve seen so far. Pretty sure that if we were actually friends, I’d fall in love with him like everybody else.

I think I’ve touched on the subject a bit before, but it does seem the another way around with Nick for me. I can see his prettiness without feeling a need to fall on my knee for him but I’m pretty sure he could make me want to do that with his brain? Good thing we’ll never find out 😌

Like I’ve said. A bit of oversharing on my side 💀

[kcscribbler]

16, 23, 47 for the star trek ask meme?

Ooh, fun! Had to think about these for a few minutes.

Ask Post Here for reference

16. If you could steal the basic plot of an episode for one show and apply to another which would you choose?

Just one? Probably Rascals, from TNG. There's so much potential for amazing crackfic-treated-seriously, if that were to happen in TOS. (see my answer for 23 below, lol)

If not that, then Remember Me, from TNG. Given how Kirk reacted to an empty ship during This Side of Paradise, I can see there being huge angst potential (and demonstration of his intelligence) in an episode like that.

And I'd love to see pretty much any of the animated series in live-action TOS, because it's a great look at what could have been, if they'd actually had a decent budget.

23. Favorite tropes?

Well, according to TV Tropes, it's apparently "close platonic relationships and H/C," which isn't exactly incorrect, I guess (more about the former in #47).

I particularly enjoy the "found family" concept I see as the future of the AOS, and episodic H/C from TOS, because the series tends to just skip over trauma entirely and it's annoying. I prefer a mix of darkness and humor, because solely one or the other isn't my cup of tea.

But my tropey guilty pleasure is crack!fic treated like serious fic, which works particularly well in the ST universes. If it's written very well (it isn't usually), I'd read bodyswapping, kidfic, etc. for hours.

I turned TOS Jim Kirk into both a child and an orange cat, at one point, FWIW.

47. An unpopular opinion you have?

That falling into bed with someone is not the only effective method of storytelling to demonstrate love, romance, soulmates, friendship, or any other kind of non-solely-sexual relationship that is meaningful. There's obviously nothing wrong with a sexual interpretation of a relationship; but as someone on the grayer end of the Demi spectrum myself, I've found it rare to find fanfiction that aligns with the opinion that other relationships can be portrayed just as meaningfully.

I'm guessing it's easy for most people to write sex, but somewhat harder to write the same depth of emotion without sex.

But to me, that is the primary reason why TOS succeeds where TNG doesn't quite hit the mark (and AOS fails miserably until Beyond), when it comes to building meaningful relationships between the characters. (It's amusing to me that the best demonstration we have of depth in Uhura/Spock's AOS relationship is in Beyond, where they were actually long broken up.)

But the beautiful thing about the ST universe is that it literally spans universes, and so is big enough for everyone to play in. IDIC for the win.

[overx]

(Vi) You mentioned you have eating requirements-- that normal human grade foods were no good, what's with that?

"Oh. That? It's pretty normal for reploids not to be able to eat." Vile shrugs, obviously nonchalant about the question.

"Think of it like a sliding scale. There's extremes and also a lot of in-between." Which, frankly, could describe almost any aspect of reploid builds.

"Most of us get features based on the jobs we're built for. If we're going to be working a lot with people for example, we're more likely to be as close to human as possible... within budget. Office jobs, daycare attendants, that sort of thing. There's a need to make non reploids feel more comfortable, and food is like a big... camaraderie thing, you know? You share your culture, your time, and more when you eat together." Or that's what he'd observed at least. It's about the socialization more than anything else.

"Even the most high end models still have intake restrictions though. They're basically vegan..? Or have other individual system restrictions. Generally though, it's easier to process plant matter and sugars over animal proteins. Grease and fat can easily cause havoc on your insides when you aren't built for it too. Same reasons you wouldn't pour oil down the sink."

"...which yeah, makes fried foods difficult. There are modifications and upgrades you can get to have an easier time eating but they're pricier which is why it's not really a default. Maybe the only exception is units commissioned to work in restaurants." Hard to imagine a world where that's the norm, even if it sounds nice.

"...then there's the rest of us. Which is a spectrum of not being able to eat period, and only being able to consume specific stuff. Like... y'know, e-tanks. Unless you fall under 'can't eat' you can have that and similar products. There's food and drinks made for reploids to use for minor upkeep, and it's less expensive than making us able to eat what the humans do." For the manufacturers, that is.

"Synthetic foodstuffs are a big market that sprang up practically overnight, but they're in high demand given our limitations. Quality varies though, and it really depends on your individual systems for what works and doesn't. Lots of it looks and smells pretty close to what I see in human diets at the very least."

"Couldn't tell you if any of it tastes like the real thing though. I'm pretty limited in what I can have. I fall closer to the grade of reploids that eats next to nothing. Not really necessary for a combat model, and I have limited interaction with the public..." thankfully.

"You could compare it to a mostly liquid diet for me. Basically synthetic drinks and stuff that's easy to burn off like alcohol is all I get. Something has to be made with virtually only maintenance in mind and like... sugar, for me to be able to have it as a solid. Even then, I have to stick to small portions."

"Lots of folks are like me and can only drink, but it's the cheapest option that still makes us 'relatable', I guess." Hard to tell if he's bitter or not about it.

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

sad dog story

I always think I've gotten proficient (at least)

at listening to my heart

it's easy when it comes to my kids

it's legible when it's about me

but after all the rabbits died

I gave up on a lot of little dreams I had

even now it's hard to connect to the person

I was two summers ago and maybe more

it hurts too much to think of how much joy

I had in my hands when I was learning everything

I could about homesteading and rabbits and

my beautiful golden retriever was a lion

yesterday he was taken to a new home

her deserves everything and I really

neglected him and I feel awful about it

there wasn't anything left to give anymore

I had me and the kids and there was nothing left

I'll feel guilty about it for awhile

I have always taken care of my animals well

but sometimes in a haphazard way because

I always felt like I spoke their language a bit

body language has always been what I listen to

with either humans or people so it was like I lost it

lost all my abilities to caretake animals because

I was told over and over I was doing a bad job

that I was irresponsible when I was struggling

and even worse shut down and overwhealmed

and maybe I wasn't always on top of things

and I can handle more of a mess than most

but I knew their names and their favorite things

and they were all so beautiful and happy

I've always raised beautiful animals and babies

what I never could seem able to raise

were the partners I had that always said

I wasn't doing enough which was really weird

because I was always doing more than them

until I wasn't because when you get told so often

that you're failing everywhere you're trying to improve

you tend to lose all motivation to try anything

because no matter what you try it'll never change

it's just a long smash of days together where no matter

what you do and it never seems to satisfy anyone

I forget how quickly I can fall back into a state of

learned helplessness because I was trained from birth

to give up all control while being told I could do better

nothing ever made sense and when I get hit with too many

things that are confusing I whirl away into that tornado

that took dorothy's house and the witch with a bicycle

I remember as a kid I used to secretly throw water

on my mother when she was mad to see if she'd melt

anyways, I spent the whole day wrestling with myself

and not understanding why my heart and I were fighting

and it was because I lost Vincent among the other small

goodbye's I'm having to say to everything else

and my heart was broken and needed me to cry a bit

about it because my oldest was the one who named him

his class was studying van gogh who painted my favorite

painting and he was literally the sweetest best dog you

could have and everyone who met him loved him and

I'm going to miss him a lot even though I also

couldn't even stand looking at him and that's

quite a spectrum of emotion because it's hard when

you don't treat people or animals the way they deserve

to be treated and I don't know what he'll name my chapter

in his story but I hope there were good bits and we got this

house so he could run around in the yard and nothing

could kill him and he literally ate everything and tried

I wanted him because as a girl one of my favorite movies

was homeward bound and he was to be my shadow

but his name was originally dane and I'll never forget him

he's gone off to fucking pennsylvania of all places

and I hope he has a wonderful life there

I think I'm close to my heart and then I can't

understand why she needs to grieve him

So I guess we're doing that now

he was the best dog ever

[zeon-twilight]

Just some more rambles.

When I make one of these posts it's always kind of difficult. I know some of the eyes on the words I write. I know other eyes could be on them if the algorithmic gods feel cheeky. I work to speak my feelings truly, but refine them, examine them, and ideally process them. What I struggle with most I think is feeling them though. It's one of those traits that have their advantages and disadvantages I guess. Feeling them is hard because it gets in the way of doing something to address the cause of them. Like, sure, I feel like crying about a bunch of stuff, and sometimes I allow myself to, but the whole time I get the sense that the energy spent crying might be better used doing something about it. This means I'm often great at getting stuff done regardless of how I'm feeling inside, which is a sometimes boon in the capitalistic sense, but not always great on the old emotional spectrum. I've been accused in the past of being aloof from time to time. It's not really something I mean to do, but I think it's gotten worse as the years have worn me down. The tiredness which pervades my being seeps through into my current endeavors. A pragmatic temptation towards indifference to the struggles of others due to my own. The resignation there is a great deal of pain in this world and fair or unfair, we all bear some measure of it. I try to put a good foot forward, but people can feel it when you don't have the enthusiasm they want from you. You know? Inside I know every person deserves effort and care which is individual to whatever bond you have created, and yet the scar tissue inside limits my emotional range of motion, and my insecurities and pains shows through. There is a sense of "What is the point of trying in a world where it all falls apart eventually?" A nasty habit of looking out for the other foot to fall whenever something nice happens. The temptation to not engage because maybe the winning move is to not play. And yet, usually even feeling all that, I try and grit my teeth, and I choose to care anyway, to try and at least go through the motions of caring even if I can't manage the full emotional resonance of it right now. Not for profit, not for some "point", or even because I think it'll make things work out for me and mine. But because it's what I want to be at the end of the day, and very few of the best parts of who I am came easily, so why would life make caring even through pain easy when it is so clearly needed in this world? At the same time, letting go, moving forward, and making sure I'm caring about the right things, the right people, is important if I'm going to improve stuff. But my thoughts have a nasty habit of pulling to the past, regrets, things I wish I could fix (partly because things keep happening to me that I can't fix, but I digress). All that existing in a socioeconomic system which has everyone scrabbling for scraps and generally many of them not living their most abundant periods of their lives, and you find the horrible recipe for these annoyingly recurrent blog posts. I wanna help the world, but that starts with helping myself and my family. Hard to when things are so scarce, and I know deep down I'm one of the *Lucky ones* I've got a roof over my head, got a computer, got *less* debt than a lot of people. It feels almost entitled to complain at all in a world where people suffer much more than I have even at my worst day, and don't even have a place to write down their feelings. Well, deserved complaints or no, I keep them neatly to this little corner of the internet now don't I? Perhaps that's enough. I suppose it's all just perspectives, isn't it? I hope things are getting better for you, Who/what/when/where-ever you are. ZT

P.S. Don't read anything too much into the highlights. I just noticed I could color text and put some vibe colors on words which stood out to me while I was proof reading. Any messages derived from the colorful words is entirely made up in the mind of the reader and not intended by the writer.

[thingabmajig]

twenty-three: act my age

In case you don’t know me or you’re new here, this is my birthday tradition to post a reflection on my past year, along with a birthday playlist, since 2016. Here's the link to this year's birthday playlist, too: https://sptfy.com/2023actmyage. Hope you like it!

Now that I’m 23, I’ve realized how coming of age is easy but acting like it is the hardest part. Throughout my life, I sometimes never really felt like I acted my age—either I was too old or too young. This essay is a collection of twenty-three years of introspection from the outside looking in and a reflection on where I want to go in the future.

Going back to where it all began, around my nuclear family, the firstborn usually gets to teach the parents how to become one. Growing up, it's always a case of being the responsible and better person. To add insult to injury, being a son of church pastors isn’t necessarily easy either. You’re sometimes subject to other people’s expectations of holiness and goodness and even more from your parents preaching on it. Isn’t it that we’re just all the same too–falling short of perfection from God?

Things change quite differently when I'm with my extended family from my mother's side: I'm at the other end of the spectrum this time. Being the son of the youngest child, I'm also one of the youngest of the bunch. This meant that I had to look up a lot of times to my ates and kuyas and this felt quite nice for a very long time. It’s quite true when they say, “When you are young, they assume you know nothing.” There were no expectations and you’re always taken care of, but it wasn’t the case until I decided to be the family's overachiever.

Then back at elementary and high school, getting ahead of the curve sometimes requires you to fit in. This time, I'm also the youngest of the class, and finding someone you're older than (or the same age with)  is much harder than a needle in a haystack. I sometimes wonder whether this shift had me acting well beyond my age: that I thought I was older than I thought and that I had to act like them to fit the status quo. Suddenly, Club Penguin and Poptropica were child’s play when they became pivotal to my middle school life. One of my favorite (short-lived) phases of my life was college. I think that was the only time I found myself slightly acting my age—but not quite, though. Classmates of the same age became common and everyone was in the same blurry space of adulthood and youth altogether. Then again, you're at the national university, so what you once thought was the top of the world was just someone else's footing. Fun and happy it might have seemed, you were just an anchovy in an ocean full of whales.

It’s also one of the things I’ve learned growing up: getting older feels scary and overwhelming every time. Things start to change, you begin to question your place in this world, and you even lose the glimmer you have all this time. Taylor talks about this in her 2021 Seth Meyers interview on “Nothing New”. She says, “[They] have their breakthrough moment, and then, the moment after that is really hard for them because they’re just not getting the same [acclaim].”

One of those big changes came to me early this year: I got a job. Currently at one of the country's largest developers, aligning your behavior with your age seemed a bit harder than I expected. As a recent graduate, I thought people were more lenient to someone starting out their careers. Turns out, when you're just another cog in the system, people tend to forget your place in this world—that sometimes I feel like I’m a 29-year-old worker who's supposed to know the ins and outs of real estate after 5 years of experience. It was the most grueling time of my life in the last 9 months at work, but I guess that’s another story for me to tell.

Oh, it’s interesting that the world's also a bit harsher for people in their 20s. "Acting your age" suddenly becomes ambiguous too: some friends are off traveling the world setting to find their own selves, some getting married and settling down with families, some getting their licenses and post-graduates, and you’re still here. You question not only your place in the world as a lost 20-something trying-to-be-an-adult person, but what standards societies have placed on responsibility and adulthood altogether. Is adulthood even a social construct?

But who cares? I’ve long imprisoned myself towards other people’s expectations of me and put myself in roles they wanted of me, but this time I’m going to live by my own expectations and from people who mean the world to me. For me, being twenty-three means being free—especially from other people’s expectations—like the seagulls flying over the ocean. I won’t promise that I’ll “act my age”, but I promise to be the best version of myself regardless of what age I might be. This means being more mindful of myself and of everything and everywhere from now on. Simply put, I promise to put an extra worth on myself, seize the days to come, and be grateful for everything and everyone. As told by my hero, “I think it's important that you know that I will never change. But I'll never stay the same either.” 

Thanks for coming along with me and now we’re onto the next. I’m so excited for whatever lies ahead, and I really wouldn’t be here if not for all of you. 🙂

Time to run free, be me, and turn twenty-three.

[ACKNOWLEDGEMENT SECTION]

A massive thank-you to these twenty-three(+) people who made this year the absolute best:

Thank you, Mama, Papa, GG, and Mei-mei, my forever stronghold and (literal) home.

Thanks to the entire Solis and Ibañez families, for always supporting me behind my back in all that I do.

Thanks to the best-est bestie one could ever ask for, Kyle—no way I could ever make it sane today without you and your delulu-ness.

To my ever-faithful constants, Errol, Jang, and the rest of Team Squammy (Ge, Fel, Mark, and Jaubs), thanks for always being there rain or shine for me. Always grateful for you guys.

To my college boomer bestie, Hannah, to more chika with you soon! Absolutely love you from the moon and back.

Giyay, Ry, and Gellie—forever my idols and people I look up to in college! Thank you for the bond we made outside of org work and you’ve changed me forever always.

To my senior high school best friends, Hazel, Sefa, Anne, Edlyn, AM, Ed, and Jeriel, I feel like sometimes I’ve known you guys for a lifetime—forever my SHS treasures.

To my work family, Sir Elton, Ms. Jen, Ms. Jessa, Ms. Jane, Ms. Steph, Ms. Sah, Ms. Krissy, Ms. Keith (and Sir Rayn), and Gian, no words could ever amount to the kindness you’ve shown me in the last few months at work. Wouldn’t have made it sane and alive without you guys too. Thank you so so much!

[oraclekleo]

10. What are you enjoying to do in your free time?

This is one of the easy questions as even my free time has a certain routine to it. I love to have a cup of tea, read tarot cards, read books, watch my favourite shows and movies. I also love to cook or bake when the mood is right and I sometimes watch YouTube videos. I also go for dog walks. Technically it's a duty but I like it. Occassionally I play PC games. And my most favourite free time activity is sleeping 😂 What can you do? I'm old. I feel tired 24/7. 😂

14. Something you wish you were better at?

I think I would wish to be more consistent and dedicated when I want to learn something new or improve my existing skill. Unless it's truly interesting or fun for me, I quickly lose the motivation and drive. I used to go to Korean Language classes for example but it simply wasn't fun enough for me to stick to it. I wasn't bad at it but my brain came up with so many reasons why it's pointless to continue and so many more fun things I could try instead of the classes so I just stopped. I would trully need to have a stronger will in this sense.

16. Do you have any tattoos? If not, would like to?

Haha! I have no tattoos at all. Mom was strongly against the idea. That probably wouldn’t stop me but I don’t like needles in general and also to imagine that some alien substance is inserted in my own skin doesn’t sound appealing to me. I mean I find tattooed people attractive but the maximum I could do myself would be a henna tattoo. I had it when I was still a teen. They made it in Tunisia where we were on a vacation. Unfortunatelly I had some allergic reaction, the henna tattoo got swollen and itchy. But once it peeled off, I had the pattern there like white because the rest of the skin got tanned. 😂 So yeah… That’s my experience.

17. What's your sexuality?

I guess I'm somewhere in the asexual spectrum? I'm not completely sure, to be frank and I don't even know all the terms these days. There are way too many. I also don't like to be put in a box. I have never been in love and I don't desire for it so currently it probably means asexual. But you never know. Maybe one day I will meet a person I'll just click with and fall in love with them. Or maybe not. I don't really feel like this aspect of mine would have any importance when I'm not in a romantic or sexual relationship. If there was someone who's comfort and decisions would depend on me clearly stating my preferences then yes, I would probably give it more thoughts but currently I don't really care much what my sexuality is. 😁

Thank you for asking me! 💖

Kleo 🦄

[v3nusxsky]

Hello!

Let me start by saying I love your fics and your style of writing! Thank you for sharing this with all of us :)

Can you write a Larissa x f!reader where reader is on the spectrum, experiences sensory overload, and has a panic attack? Larissa provides comfort/care that the reader hasn't experienced before, and reader let's Larissa physically comfort her (something reader hasn't let anyone do?)

Sorry for the long ask. I just had to leave a job because I was written up for having a sensory overload panic attack, and I could really use Larissa comfort right now.

Thank you :)

Hello my lovely anon! I’m so glad you enjoy my work and I enjoy sharing them with you all. Hearing how much you love them or how they impact you makes my day. I tried to give this my shot <3

I’m here

*Authors note| I adore this prompt and the fact I myself and some of my siblings are either sensory or on the spectrum made it that much more special for me to write. I hope it reaches the dear anon and helps even a little*

Trigger warnings ~ panic attacks sensory overload asd spectrum

Prompt~ see the ask^^^

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

You were diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) at the age of three years old. You knew just how rare that was because it was significantly harder to diagnose in females than males. Lots of younger girls are commonly dismissed because they present differently from the boys with ASD. You also had Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) which could be quite often coupled with being on the spectrum. In fact SPD was actually on the spectrum just the lower end which is why it made sense that some people would have both. And you were one of them that did.

You were now an adult, all through schooling you had struggled and being an outcast had added to that. That's why when you found Nevermore up couldn't help but fall in love with it. It created safe spaces for those who felt they didn't belong. Perfect for you. Which is why you stayed on to teach after your graduation. Your ability to control and manipulate the weather was rather easy to hide so every year you would be curious to hear the first years try and guess your ability. Some believed you to be psychic, some believed you to be a mind reader and other thought an empath. Truly you were none of those but you could see why they had guessed them.

Nervermore brought you to your girlfriend, Larissa Weems. The principal of Nevermore a stunning, tall, gorgeous shape shifter. You had been so scared to reveal your diagnosis to Larissa, fear of not being accepted by the women who held your heart. But Larissa took you in her arms and reassured you that it didn't change anything and she loved you the way you were. Nothing in the world would change that. You were her Y/n. In fact, when you had fallen asleep, cuddling her like a koala bear, Larissa took out her phone and began to do some research into ASD and SPD hoping to be able to support you. She knew of them but wanted more depth on her knowledge to be able to help you. If you were have a melt down or attack then she would have more of an idea on how to best help you. Since your relationship started, you hadn't really had many issues. But you always knew if you ever did Larissa would be there for you.

Despite knowing that, today when you were mid lesson and everything seemed to be too much you panicked. The class were having partner work tasks to complete when suddenly the room felt too loud, the clothes you had on seemingly scratching at your skin and your control over your ability dwindling fast. You immediately made your way into your desk and fished out one of your sensory balls. The ball Larissa had brought you with multi coloured little jelly balls inside that were only visible when you squeezed it. You even found the piece of fabric you had stolen from Larissa's broken scarf that felt like a childhood teddy you'd long since lost. Normally those items would help you through your sensory overload. But not today. And that small fact was causing panic to surge through you at an alarming rate.

Thankfully the bell sung out releasing the students for their fourth period, unfortunately for you the noise was ten times louder than normal and it had you covering your ears in an attempt to muffle the noise. You had planning period for fourth period which is why you immediately locked your room up and made your way to the room you and Larissa shared. The weather outside changing into a mess of sun rain and storms and as you slept further and further into the panic. Everything becoming too much for you. Your clothes had to go. They felt like little claws scratching at your soft skin so you were quick to rip them from your body as you moved closer into the bedroom. Grabbing your softest blanket you wrapped it around yourself as you paced the floor. Why couldn't you calm yourself down? Was the bell still ringing? Why could you literally hear every little sound? Hell even the sound of your own breathing was too loud.

You quickly threw yourself onto the bed revealing in the soft sheets as you buried your nose into your girlfriends pillow allowing the scent of her to wash over you. Really and truthfully you knew you should've found the older women but everything was too much and you just needed it to stop. However when the door creaked open you knew exactly who would be stood there. Harsh sobs left your body as you muttered apologises to the women about not finding her and failing. She knew if she were to hold you now, the touch would overwhelm you and you would wriggle and squirm in an attempt to separate yourself from it. So she settled for sitting next to you on the bed and reassured you. She was here and you were not alone. She was not mad at you and was so proud that you had taken yourself somewhere you felt safe. The fact you clutched on to her pillow, breathing in her scent made her heart swell.

Only when you whimpered out "rissy hug" did the older women scoop you up and bring you to her chest so you could position yourself in your favourite koala hug. You adored this position, straddling her thighs and arms wrapped around her neck with your head hiding in her neck is where you felt safe. Larissa gently rocked you both knowing just how much you enjoyed that, your little happy sigh being all the proof she needed as she brought her hand to your back to rub slow deliberate circles. She knew how these meltdowns took their tole on your brain and body. Rest was what you needed now and she would gladly provide that for you and more if you needed it.

She already knew she'd get a sub for your last few lessons of the day but when she felt those cute little breaths you did in your sleep against her neck she knew neither of you would be moving from the bed. So she shifted to lay back and allow you to snuggle up to her. Your blanket having fell slightly in the moving showing her that you had been so stressed when your clothes had bothered you. With a small tug of the blanket you were all wrapped up nice and warm and sleeping calmly against her. She loved that she was a safe person for you. That you would actively seek out her physical touch. You had told her you never allow anyone to touch you in these episodes or in the come down and aftermath. The fact you allowed her and even asked for it was just so special. It was here in these moments that Larissa didn't see you with a diagnosis, no she just saw you. Perfect as can be. Her lover and one day her wife. How on earth had others said such cruel words to someone as angelic as you would always remain a mystery to her. It was then her constant soothing circles on your back had began to lull her into a slumber with you.

Word count <; 1385

*Authors note~ all I'm gonna say is I do squirm and wriggle if I'm in sensory overload and I'm touched. It feels like fire honestly so if you are gonna help try to ask what they need*

[historicalasiandramas]

CLJ Recaps

Finally! Jieli is back and Orchid can talk to another woman! And she's heard things.

Citizens of Cangyan Sea and Haishi City are apparently writing erotic fanfic about Orchid and DFQC!

Jieli demands compensation for her ruined savings and says that Orchid must let her stay in Silent Moon Palace. She guilt trips Orchid by saying it wasn't easy to sneak into the palace when she literally used a spell to allow the guards to let her pass.

Before Orchid can agree, she hears DFQC approach and forces JL to hide. She then asks Moon Supreme why he's there and there is Panic! at the Palace when he says, "I came to see you."

He smooths it over by saying, "I came to make sure you weren't slacking off fixing the Destiny Book."

Orchid is smarter than before, and asks why he wants it fixed. She correctly guesses that the Destiny Book has to do with Shuiyuntian and declares that she won't do it. Orchid acknowledges that she helped DFQC in front of Changheng but refuses to do anything more.

The reason DFQC wants it fixed is to get his army back, so it'll DEFINITELY harm the fairy realm. Orchid then acknowledges that she was saved 3 times, but she also saved DFQC. Since he's the Moon Supreme and his life is infinitely more valuable, surely that one time is payment enough for his kindness?

NOPE. DFQC falls back into something familiar for him: threatening.

Shangque is tasked with bringing Jieli to prison, but she yammers the entire way there. It was actually pretty annoying! She suggests killing one immortal a day instead to get Orchid to fix the Destiny Book.

SQ says that would make Orchid sad, and thus, his Master. Jieli doesn't know about the Heart Curse and therefore doesn't understand. Why would the all powerful Moon Supreme care about a flower spirit's feelings? She accuses SQ of not knowing his master very well, which upsets him.

SQ then lists off all the things that DFQC has done for Orchid before realizing that these are not things he should just tell some random commoner. He swears Jieli to secrecy via swordpoint. Jieli says that she can't promise that because when she gets nervous, she has no control over her tongue.

CLEARLY.

She then asks to be taken back to Orchid since she wouldn't be able to run away anyway. Jieli calls Orchid "the woman Moon Supreme loves, the future Moon Queen," and SQ shortcircuits.

JL finds his logic to be ridiculous and then essentially calls Shangque a himbo for not understanding.

She asks how SQ can serve DFQC properly when he doesn't even understand romantic dynamics between men & women. Good news! The Moon Supreme is def ace spectrum so having a himbo who's only good at fighting as his second in command is perfect.

DFQC definitely would've killed Jieli by now simply for making the assumption that there was anything going on. And while building an exact replica of a woman's home to keep her from being homesick does read as very romantic, there's a big problem.

According to ancient laws, the Moon Tribe and the someone from the fairy realm are forbidden from marrying. JL is not convinced, because DFQC is powerful enough to make his own rules. Who would dare oppose him? Even though before Jieli said she didn't know Orchid that well, now she's saying that if Orchid is the Moon Queen-to-be, that makes her the sister of the queen.

SQ is not convinced and has her seized. Fortunately, Orchid comes to see her. At JL's urging, Orchid requests that Jieli be given to her. To Orchid's surprise, Shanque not only agrees but kneels before her.

JL is taken back to Orchid's room, where she admires how well Orchid lives. After getting comfortable, JL wants to know what, exactly, Orchid & DFQC are to each other. Orchid admits that even she doesn't know.

Jieli has 3 questions that will help answer that!

Have you held hands? (Yes)

Have you been in the same room? (Also yes)

Have you kissed? (JL doesn't know the nature of the Heart Curse which makes this Yes even funnier)

Jieli declares that DFQC is in love and commends her for landing such a powerful guy. Orchid retorts that not only has Moon Supreme never said that he likes her, he is also only obligated to treat her nicely because of the Heart Curse.

Jieli is partially right in her assumption that DFQC doesn't want to admit that he likes a useless fairy like Orchid. Moon Supreme is only now starting to do and say things that surprise himself. He hasn't reached the point of recognizing romantic affection yet!

Jieli convinces Orchid that she needs to make DFQC happy in order to escape and thus, teaches her to flirt. The results are HILARIOUS. But more importantly, when SQ goes to fetch his master, the Moon Supreme takes off his ring.

Ofc he knows exactly what Orchid is up to and is about to leave when Orchid offers him flower cakes.

You can see him smiling eeeever so slightly as he eats them! Orchid asks if they're good and he answers in the affirmative, but something tastes different. She says it's the honey from Forgetting Sadness Grass. She made them to help him feel less sad!

Moon Supreme's emotional roots aren't fixed yet, so the only way he'd feel sad is if Orchid herself was sad. But she insists that being imprisoned for 30,000 years to come home to a usurping brother must have been hard. Even though she knows who he is now, Orchid still humanizes DFQC.

He thinks this is manipulation and tries to leave again. But not before asking why Orchid calls him "Da Mo Tou". She sheepishly admits that his title is too grand and intimidating. Orchid says that if he doesn't like it, she will stop. She's treating him like an equal again - like a person. She's letting him choose how he wants to be referred to.

Orchid then asserts that even in the recreation of Siming Hall, there are the same amount of flowers. To remember such a small detail means that his kindness wasn't a lie. He declares, "I am the Moon Supreme, destined to overturn the three realms and revive Cangyan Sea. I told you before that there was no affection between us."

Orchid refuses to believe this, so DFQC shows her his hellfire. He asks if she knows what it is and she does: the most powerful magic and the Moon Supreme is the only one in the 3 realms who can use it.

He tells her that in order to be able to wield hellfire, he had to have all emotions removed. He will never fall in love. He flashes back to the torture he endured as a child while realization dawns on Orchid. Whenever she switches bodies with him, she's always in a snowy place with a dead tree, surrounded by water.

Apparently that's his Heart Sea and Love Tree! This discovery makes her happy, which confuses Moon Supreme. Orchid explains that this means he never meant that he hated her. Since he has no emotions, he can't feel anger or hatred. And most importantly: it's not his fault.

He was abused as a child. He never asked to have his emotions torn out. Even Xunfeng said that they were close once. Orchid then says that DFQC has done so much for her that it's her turn to return the favor.

DFQC says it's impossible and the roots of his Love Tree can't be resurrected. Orchid says, "How do you know if you don't try?" He replies that he's wasted half the day with her and storms off. But! Orchid has a plan. A very devious plan :3

She uses her puppy eyes to beg Jieli for a potion that will amplify emotional fluctuations. Since Orchid is a particularly emotional being, it will only take a little reminiscing to make her feel enough emotion to amplify.

There's one pill for each emotion. She takes the red pill first, which is joy. Orchid recalls the elation she felt earning first place in the Immortal Exam, landing her a spot in Fountain Palace.

Moon Supreme is filled with unfiltered, amplified joy and can't contain his laughter. He is barely able to hold himself together while he wonders what Orchid is doing. The next pill she takes invites sorrowful memories. Orchid recalls being accused by Lord Yunzhong and being punished. Her heartbreak floods DFQC and he sobs uncontrollably.

The funniest part is the Northern and Southern Kings trying to interpret his emotions. "Ah! He must feel relieved that he can finally get rid of Xunfeng. Oh! He's crying now. Well, they are family after all."

Enraged, Moon Supreme sends everyone out and orders Shangque to retrieve his ring. Betcha regret taking it off now, huh? ;) Orchid & Jieli are summoned to the throne room, where they prostrate themselves in front of him. He uses magic to strangle Jieli and tells Orchid that if she tries this kind of trick again, he'll kill her.

Back at Fountain Palace, Rong Hao uses magic to dispel Yunzhong's seal. He is not the smiling, joking man that he usually is in front of Changheng. He says he knows everything: that Changheng is deeply in love with Orchid and that returning to Cangyan Sea alone is suicide. CH hasn't even fully recovered yet. But he's done playing by his brother's rules.

Changheng angrily rants about how he thought his indifference would protect Orchid, but he's sick of watching her suffer while he does nothing. "How can I not save her?" He demands.

Changheng asks if Ronghao will stop him. "You're weakened, so it wouldn't be difficult. But I won't stop you." He then asks CH what he thinks Ronghao would do if he had the opportunity to save his master. Changheng says, "You would fight to the death. Even if you betray others or go against the laws of Heaven, it would be worth it."

Ronghao is pleased that Changheng knows what lengths he'd go to. Does Changheng know about his secret identity, then? Does he know that Ronghao has already directly harmed him? Regardless, the two have reached an understanding. Changheng leaves and Ronghao does not get up to stop him. He remains in the exact same position, and you can see him breathe out. He'd likely been holding that breath the entire conversation.

The ep ends with Changheng on the river between realms. There's a thunderstorm as he sails, but suddenly the clouds part and a light reveals itself.

It looks like an eye, and Changheng is startled to see it. In fact, I'd even go as far as to say that he's scared of whatever that is. Is it Yunzhong spying on his brother, or another more ancient deity?