#eb : ectobiologist

[mechanicalbowtye]

wouldn't it be funny if jegberts tgirl name was eve

[tgcg]

tell your loved ones

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 12:01 --

TG: hey im on the john

JOHN: hey, dave is taking a dump.

TG: taking a shit just so were clear

JADE: jeez!!!!!!! even when im not online i have to hear about it

TG: i know you care so youre first to know

JOHN: i'm just giving you a heads up for the bajillion messages you will definitely have about this when you get home.

EB: god, thank you. that is awesome. dave fans everywhere are gonna go NUTS for this truth nugget.

EB: hey, i am at the store with jade!

TG: tell her the news

EB: i did as soon as you first pinged me, don't worry.

TG: hell yeah see you just fucking get it

JADE: well tell him i say congrats!

EB: she says congrats.

EB: also that you left your "yeah! woo!" machine at her place.

EB: and that you are gross and smell like a dog took a dump on a fart even when you aren't crapping during our conversations.

TG: goddamn

EB: jk that last bit was me heheh. but she nodded!

EB: so anyways, a yeah woo machine?

EB: what the hell even IS that?

JADE: its more or less a machine that yeahs and woos

TG: its basically a machine that yeahs and woos

EB: ok, yeah, that is pretty much exactly what jade said too. apparently this is supposed to be obvious.

JADE: its pretty self explanatory!

TG: pretty self explanatory stuff

TG: anyways im gonna tell karkat this time i think im ready for that

EB: oh shit (LOL), that's a pretty big deal, right? good luck dude.

--

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 12:03 --

TG: ok karkat can i be unbelievably candid with you is dj crabapple ready for this

TG: this is a really big deal for me but like no pressure

CG: SHIT, IS EVERYTHING OK?

CG: DO I NEED TO COME OVER THERE.

TG: no no its good i just really need to confess something

CG: WHATEVER IT IS, TELL ME. I'M HERE.

TG: alright

TG: deep breath strider

--

TG: im dropping mad logs like bars in the ablution block vantas

TG: shit is on fire

TG: downright heretical like a shat outta hell

TG: and since im feeling penitent i figure our pesterlogs are pretty much akin to a confessional booth right

CG:

--

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:04 --

TT: Hey Dave.

TT: Are you, by any chance, taking a shit right now?

TG: damn word spreads fast on the information superhighway

TT: Yes, I have had the news forwarded to me via this bountiful virtual dimension of knowledge and culture we call the World Wide Web by a fellow enthusiast, one ectoBiologist.

TT: Frankly I'm heartbroken you didn't come to me about it first.

TT: Please, divulge to your loving sister the nature of your bowel movements, in exhaustive detail. Highlights in a notarized list, an overall ranking grade of your experience, whether you would recommend it to your friends, et cetera. These would be among my most pertinent avenues of inquiry.

TG: you were next on the mailing list rose im already on it

TG: boutta weave a verbal tapestry no holds barred just for you about my rambunctious foray down in brown town

TG: stay tubed

TT: Thank god. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't peruse your commodal follies like the morning gazette.

TG: dont act like this has educational value rose

TG: we all know my daily bullshit has got a laugh track

TG: like damn what kind of gazettes are you getting

TT: The best kind, Dave. Only the best kind.

TG: thanks for the vote of confidence

TG: wait gimme a sec karkat pinged

TT: Of course. I understand it's quite a big deal for you.

--

CG: OK.

CG: SINCE THIS APPARENTLY SKIRTS THE FRESHEST BUDS OF OUR BRO-DOM'S BURGEONING FROND NUB, I *ALSO* HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SHARE.

CG: I HOPE YOUR REFLECTIVE ABLUTION VAULT IS STOCKED WITH FUCKING RUMBLESPHERE TRANQUILIZERS, BECAUSE THIS EXCHANGE IS ABOUT TO GET SHITHIVE MAGGOTS.

CG: LISTEN CAREFULLY.

TG: whats up

--

CG: I AM ALSO ON THE LOAD GAPER RIGHT NOW.

TG: oh shiiit

CG: DON'T UNCLENCH YOUR EXPLOSIVE FUCKING SEED FLAP JUST YET, BECAUSE THERE'S *MORE*!

CG: I AM *ALSO* TAKING A CRAP.

TG: oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

CG: OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

[thewertsearch]

So Karkat took on Gamzee, and lived to tell the tale? Color me extremely impressed.

Upon reflection, it makes a sort of sense that Karkat would be able to counter Gamzee's mind games. A huge part of Gamzee's threat is his sheer intimidation factor - but if Karkat managed to work himself up into one of his classic ragefits, he might simply have been too angry to be intimidated.

CG: OK, I'M DONE HERE. TALK TO YOU IN ONE SECOND FOR ME, ONE LONG WINDY FUCKING JOURNEY FOR YOU. carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] […] CG: LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS. EB: aren't you going to ask me how my journey was? CG: NO. EB: it was long! and windy. but a lot of fun. EB: i really like flying, it's so much fun.

EB: is something wrong? […] EB: a while ago you talked to me and it sounded like you were in danger, and it sounds like some people died, but you never told me what happened! […] CG: A BUNCH OF US DIED, THE END. CG: I DON'T REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. […] CG: [..] AND NOT JUST BECAUSE, OH, THE CLOCK IS RAPIDLY TICKING DOWN TO SOMETHING WE'RE CALLING THE CRITICAL MOMENT, AND NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS, SO CLOSE YOUR REEKING QUESTION GEYSER BEFORE IT ASKS. EB: but, i'm your friend. aren't i? CG: OH GOD. EB: well? CG: JOHN, I CAN'T HANDLE TALKING ABOUT IT, OK.

But notably, you did not deny that he's your friend.

I think we're past that, by now. Karkat's finally willing to admit, implicitly, that he's pretty fond of this guy.

CG: I JUST GOT DONE CG: UH CG: DEALING WITH GAMZEE CG: AND I'M FEELING PRETTY EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT.

Furthermore, I don't think it's a coincidence the moment John asserted their friendship, Karkat actually started to open up a little. <3

CG: GAMZEE WAS MY VERY GOOD FRIEND, WHO WAS THIS GOOFY LOVEABLE BULLSHIT CLOWN UNTIL HE WENT PSYCHO AND KILLED SOME PEOPLE. I LIKED HIM A LOT. […] EB: so he killed some people… and then what? CG: SO THEN I EB: it's ok, you can tell me. CG: JOHN, TRUST ME. YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND. CG: IT'S JUST A TROLL THING, HUMANS WOULDN'T GET IT.

I don’t think you’re giving John enough credit, here. He’s just told you that he already knows about Vriska’s murders, and they were a lot less justifiable than yours.

...unless you're talking about another aspect of troll culture. Because if you've, say, started a kismesissitude with Gamzee, and he's hate-holding your hand just off-panel, I am going to scream.

[alicesoinions]

I like picking new homestuck colors sometime, because.... sometimes Hussie makes a mess of things

so here's my proposal for a June Egbert color:

#0084EB

a very nice shade of blue, which is essential

84 is from 1984, the year Ghostbusters came out

and EB is, of course, from ectoBiologist

[homestuckreplay]

Pesterlog Timestamps

I’ve wondered before about pesterlogs not having timestamps the way real instant messages generally do. Some pesterlogs begin with a timestamp - ‘-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 --’ (p.26) – but that doesn’t show the time between messages. It might be harder to read and would probably make the screen more cluttered, which is my guess as to why they’re not there, and for the most part it’s extraneous information.

But there’s one pesterlog that I think would really benefit from timestamps for each message, and it’s the late night unanswered messages Dave leaves for Jade on page 829. This page is such a great insight into Dave’s head, and there’s this clear ebb and flow to his thoughts that feels like bursts of frantic typing interspersed with pauses to wait or do other things. We know the messages start at 05:14 Dave’s time (CDT), so here’s what it might look like with timestamps.

05:14 TG: hey

A classic greeting; testing the waters and giving nothing away.

05:17 TG: oh 05:17 TG: youre asleep again arent you 05:17 TG: or do you even know if you are 05:17 TG: i still dont know how that works 05:17 TG: its like nothing means anything 05:17 TG: its so cool getting hella chumped by your coquettish damn riddles all the time 05:18 TG: i dont know why i believe anything you say im like the grand marshal of gross chumpage 05:18 TG: waving around my faggoty chumpductor baton 05:18 TG: assitant director of chumpography 05:18 TG: celebrated author ernest chumpingway 05:18 TG: wait weak 05:19 TG: chumpelstiltskin 05:19 TG: uh 05:20 TG: chumpeldipshit 05:20 TG: yeah

Dave’s first ‘hey’ must come from seeing Jade online, and these kids are very responsive to each other, so it probably only takes a few minutes of no reply before Dave realizes that Jade has fallen asleep while logged in. Instead of a quick ‘talk to you tomorrow’, he quickly descends into rambling about how ‘nothing means anything’ due to Jade’s ‘coquettish damn riddles’. Dave’s emotions don’t show on his face but they do show in his hands (p.464) and it’s not surprising that he lets some things slip in the middle of the night, maybe even hinting at some feelings for Jade.

In Dave’s earlier/later conversation with Jade (p.382) he’s a little thrown off by her powers, but overall staying calm. Here, late at night and without someone to bounce off of, he’s getting frustrated and talking himself into a corner, workshopping his own jokes, maybe coming up with a word he’ll reuse in a comic someday. These messages are very stream of consciousness, and only pause when the chump puns stop flowing through his fingers and need due consideration.

05:22 TG: youre asleep y/n? 05:23 TG: a/s/l? 05:23 TG: s = species 05:23 TG: baboon? 05:23 TG: kangaroo rat? 05:23 TG: if kangaroo rat yiff twice plz

By this point in the story we know about Jade’s interest in furries, and that Dave is (ironically?) supportive of this. I’m sure this is an excellent source of humor for Dave and something he jokes about all the time. I could read lots into the ‘s’ being species here, where it’s typically sex (biological sex, used synonymously with gender) only the traditional ‘s’ isn’t something that’s relevant to Dave. I know that he does not intend that meaning and is just making a furry joke. Maybe these are jokes Jade gets annoyed at, and Dave is poking at this in case she’s ignoring his messages and this gets her to respond.

05:27 TG: ok well youre not saying anything so i guess whether youre nonawake or unasleep or whatever youre just not around and im wasting good material 05:27 TG: even worse im wasting a killer fursona here 05:27 TG: like 05:28 TG: i dont know like a wide open v shaped leotard and a fuck ton of body paint 05:28 TG: some like sinewy back arching cirque du soleil looking motherfucker 05:28 TG: always low to the ground gettin a good prowl on 05:28 TG: like i dropped my keys in the dark 05:28 TG: nimblest son of a bitch who had the gumption to glue a nasty pair of latex cat lips to his face 05:28 TG: for a reason that wasnt a joke

Dave goes into his second set of rambling messages, forgetting that he’s annoyed at Jade as he enters full fursona creation mode. He’s ‘wasting a killer fursona’ but he literally can’t stop himself from doing it – he either doesn’t think of saving his ideas until Jade’s around, or he wants to give her something silly to wake up to. The ‘i dont know like’ gives the sense that Dave started typing not knowing how the sentence would end, and also downplays his ideas before he even gets to them. But as he keeps typing he forgets to be so self conscious for a few messages. He has an artistic vision and a great vocabulary and is using all these evocative words – ‘sinewy’, ‘arching’, ‘prowl’, ‘nimblest’ and ‘gumption’ paint a picture of this proud and athletic creature. One that doesn’t resemble a kangaroo rat at all, which is even better. Dave’s imagination is all over the place.

05:32 TG: jade hey 05:32 TG: where are you 05:32 TG: seriously im sitting here tonight with a fucking bag of kibble jacked open on my lap and primed for goddamn bear 05:32 TG: and youre gone

After running out of steam on his fursona, Dave might try turning his attention elsewhere for a few minutes, and then remember that he’s tired, lonely, and didn’t get any validation on his recent jokes. These are the most heartfelt and open his messages get. I don’t think Pesterchum has a ‘delete’ option, otherwise Jade wouldn’t have seen these ones. Dave’s still got furries on the brain here as he goes straight for an animal metaphor, and once again he’s thinking of himself like the victim of Jade’s attacks, and the bear attack is a lot more visceral than just getting chumped by her riddles. There’s a desperation behind Dave trying to restart the conversation with another ‘hey’ followed by a ‘where are you’ that he knows by now won’t be answered. It’s so lonely, but it doesn’t feel selfish; the ‘bag of kibble’ metaphor reads like Dave knows Jade would enjoy this conversation and he wants her to share in this with him.

05:34 TG: btw my name is Akwete Purrmusk 05:34 TG: hardest buttock in the jungle 05:34 TG: tempered steel

Dave has a disease called ‘commitment to the bit’ and it’s terminal. He also needs to make a quick recovery from those actual feelings he expressed above. By this point in the conversation I have a visual in my mind – it’s a big black cloud in Dave’s mind of all the problems he wants to avoidthinking about, and two shining bats at either side marked ‘talk to Jade?’ and ‘kangaroo rat fursona’ and his thoughts are rapidly ping-ponging back and forth between those to avoid all the bad in the middle. So with Jade not responding to his pleas, of course he returns to his two standards of imagination and wordplay, adding to the slightly cursed but incredibly well drawn mental image of Akwete.

05:38 TG: hey yeah just wanted to give you this remix i finished 05:38 TG: here turntechGodhead [TG] sent gardenGnostic [GG] file "explore remix.mp3" at 05:38

It is at this point in the conversation that we learn Dave had a reason for messaging Jade. He probably wanted to drop this into conversation casually like it was no big deal, and might have distracted himself into forgetting about it until now. It’s also possible he wasn’t intending to send it, but was embarrassed by all his ramblings above, so came up with a quick excuse. ‘Explore’ was originally written by Jade (in-universe) and we learn on the next page that it’s not the first time these two have collaborated. Dave is outwardly confident in his musical abilities (p.339) and has the ready-made excuse of irony that makes it easier for him to share his art, protecting him from negative responses. Jade is also reluctant to criticize others, so all those factors combined means Dave is probably comfortable with sending Jade his remix.

05:41 TG: so yeah 05:42 TG: you dont have to respond to any of that btw 05:42 TG: ill probably forget half the shit i said anyway 05:42 TG: talk to you tomorrow

Maybe Dave’s finally heading to bed, or maybe he doesn’t like to leave things hanging (p.445), but he rounds out the conversation and officially signs off. By both taking the pressure off Jade to respond, and claiming that he’ll forget what he said, Dave denies any importance to his own thoughts. Maybe he hopes Jade will scroll to the bottom and see these messages first, and ignore everything from above. He definitely feels ashamed of some or all of what he’s said – whether it’s the general practice of sending a large volume of messages to someone who’s offline, the hints towards his own loneliness, the possibility that his new fursona could be serious and unironic, the remix as the whole basis for conversation, or all of the above. Dave has a tendency for speaking without thinking and then regretting what he’s said, struggling to meet the high standards of self control that his bro has set for him, and since he can’t go back and fix his slips, this is his only way of correcting them.

Dave’s hope to talk to Jade tomorrow wins out over his embarrassment, and softens the couple of messages before it – Dave is dismissing his own thoughts, not the overall idea of talking to Jade. He’s not the type to send a ‘<3’, but it feels implied.

[helltiervriska]

seeing people make pesterchum usernames with any word under the sun while knowing the miniscule plot detail of every username's letter sequence (GC, GA, AG, CG, CA, AC, TC, TA, TG, CT, AT, GT, etc) being based on polynucleotides (cytosine, guanine, adenine, thymine) forming DNA strands for their session. with john's username originally being ghostyTrickster, changed to ectoBiologist (EB, like Epstein-Barr virus, representing the cancer in their session) . and not knowing how to tell them without completing my full complete total nerd transformation. like sailor moon

[wild-fae-trickster]

This... Is it. The final round of bracket one of the ultimate chumhandle poll, and by golly is a spicy one. Two of the main characters of homestuck with two of the best chumhandles, and it's all up to the people who prevails in today's episode of the ultimate chumhandle poll, in which you vote for the best chumhandle in homestuck.

Part 13: John vs Karkat

[wweird-girl]

pepsicola fanfic attempt

THE FUNFAIR

chapter 1

A young man stands in his bedroom,the same young man who doesn’t have time for this! today he’s going to to a carnival with his best friend,what could go wrong? nothing! nothing can because its just you two,just enjoy it.

(johns pov)

Well before anything i need to choose an outfit but it needs to be one id want to wear, ah my ghostbusters t-shirt,its PERFECT,well ill probably just wear my regular shorts with it

*after he changed*

There we go, ill pester dave to see what hes up to and when hes coming to my house to pick me up.

- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: hey dave

EB: i just picked out my outfit

EB: its PERFECT

EB: well tell me when your coming over to mine

EB: see you then dave!

- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

i wonder what hes up to? probably getting changed or something,well to pass time i’ll probably just watch sympathy for the devil with nic cage himself as the main role!

(daves pov)

I just woke up to see egdurps messages,oh crap the fair was today wasnt it! i completely forgot

- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: sup john

TG: sorry i forgot about the fair

TG: eh you probably dont mind

TG: all forgiving like jesus christ himself

TG: john you are jesus christ

TG: fuck

TG: nah your not that holy and cool

TG: holy fuck im jesus christ

TG: all holy up in here and shit

TG: chillin with the holy spirit right now

TG: fuck where am i going with this

TG: ill be round in like 15 minutes or somethin

- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

Well guess i gotta pick something to wear then, i dont want it to be something all scruffy and stuff i want it to prove im an absolute coolkid, or maybe… nah what am i thinking, trying to pick something to impress john? thats gay as shit, i’ll probably just wear my normal outfit again though *after changing* Looks like i gotta go get john now then.

(johns pov)

*//small message but there 15 right now and the nic cage movie just ended//*

Well that film is just so good! seriously, how could anyone hate nic cage! *knock knock* i jump up straight from the couch and dive straight at the door, “hey dave!”

“sup john”

“come on lets go” i say excitedly, i notice something off about daves tone though it alot more…relaxed? its probably just some stupid thing i look too deep into, whatever!

In the car we mostly sit in silence, it was really awkward “so dave”

“hm?”

“you uh got any money?”

“yeah” he didnt really seem up for conversations and if he was he isnt really good at showing it,i dont care though.

(daves pov)

Well this is awkward, im in the car with my bro driving, guess i cant really say much to john, atleast not what i wanted to but i guess that could wait. I turn to john but he was just looking out the window,i try to reach for his hand to break the awkwardness but then he grabbed the window and stuck his head out it like a dog! Hes such an idiot sometimes, i look back to see bro looking at me through the mirror, oh crap did he see that? that would be hella embarassing if he did.

(at the fair in johns pov again)

Woah, this looks awsome! “thanks for the ride daves bro” i said waving at him, “so dave what should we do first?” “uh up to you, i dont really mind that much”

yesssss i grab his wrist but he snatched it back “uh can you not pull my wrist like that”

“ huh? oh sorry”

so i grab his hand but he said nothing, “hey dave wanna go on the rollercoaster? it looks fun!”

“huh, oh yeah uh sure” what up with him today? i turn round to look at him and…was he, blushing?

“hey dave you look a bit red hehe” “wait do i?” he said grabbing his phone out his pocket but he still grabbed my hand.

(daves pov)

I look in my camera to see my face was a bit pink but, how could john see it? i hardly can? kinda ironic the guy with bad vision sees something better than me, anyways i dont really want to tell john ive always sort of had a slight fear of rollercoasters, he’ll think of me as some kind of wuss,guess i kind of have to then dont i? Great maybe john might help get over the fear? no that sounds stupid “hey dave you okay? if you dont want to ride it we dont have to”

“hell no lets do it” i say trying to put more confidence in my tone than i really have. When we got over to the queue i realise the past people are coming back down now and me and john were the next people to get on (i think). The rollercoaster finally got down again and people came off it looking sick,john pulled me onto the rollercoaster and we sat at the front i unknowingly grabbed his hand tighter as it got closer to moving.

(johns pov)

I felt an odd numbing pain in my hand on to see dave grabbing it “uh dave you okay? your grabbing my hand pretty tight”

“huh? oh yeah sorry”

“are you…scared? its okay if you are” “no”

“you sure your not?”

“im not” he seemed to get kind of defensive when i brought it up so i thought to just leave it. As the ride started moving dave grabbed my hand tight again but i dont think making a comment is necessary this time.” hey dave look were about to get to the HUGE drop” but he just mumbled something to himself “YEAAAHHHHHHHHHH” i yelled as we dropped from around 50 feet in the air! “hey dave wasnt that great?”

“yeah…”

i held his hand and helped him off “oh fuck john im gonna be si-“ he said running behind a bush “holy sh- dave are you okay?” he was throwing up like hell “uh its okay”

“its fine, im good john dont worry”.

oh thank god hes okay, “you good enough to go get some cotton candy?” “yeah”

“lets go then!” i say holding his hand again leading him to the cotton candy stool.

chapter 2.

(daves pov)

Well great i just threw up infront of my best friend, fucking perfect,exactly what i needed to make this so much better but…he doesnt care! why do i worry about this stuff so much! its not like i- i just need to calm the hell down im sure cotton candy might help that. When we got there john ordered 2 cotton candies but they only had one left they could make because they ran out of that power stuff to make it, “uh dave is sharing ok?”

“i guess” the worker said he could make more but we might need to wait like 10 minutes but its really not worth the wait so me and john find a bench to sit on, we share the cotton candy but it was quite hard and he kept accidentally eating parts i bit, gross! But is this the closest thing ill get to…kissing him? no what the hell why would anyone even *think* of that!

(johns pov)

Holy hell this cotton candy tastes SO GOOD and it looks like dave is enjoying “hey dave”

“hm?”

“isnt this so good?!”

“yeah it help get rid of the sickness taste”

“ewwww i forgot you were sick”

“hehe” eugh gross, i wonder if this is closest thing ill get to kissing him? what.”Well dave”

“yeah?”

“i dont think i can eat anymore you can have the rest” i smiled at him “oh uh thanks”

“no problem”

“woahhh dave wanna go on that ride next?”

“the ferris wheel?”

“yeah!”

“those things take ages but if you want to”

“come on lets go", i say grabbing his hand trying to beat the families to the line “oh dammit looks like we’ll have to share those little seat things” but dave said nothing “dave?” he was zoned out,”hehe” i took a picture of him “hehe! heh”

“wait what?”

“gotcha!” i showed him the picture while laughing to myself, looks like we can get on “come on dave” i say grabbing his hand.

(daves pov)

Whats up with john? why does he always grab my hand like i cant get up myself? but i guess i cant act like i hate it to much, oh thank fuck we dont have to share with anyone else “hey john” “hm?”

“wanna get chilli dogs after this?” “yeah!”

“i can pay for both”

“aww thanks dave”, i gave him a thumbs up. “Uh dave?”

“huh yeah”

“you was staring at me” fuck.

“oh sorry”

“its okay hehe”, a few minutes past in silence and john was sticking his head out the window again, i tried breaking the silence by holding his hand “he-“ he said turning round “uh okay”, he said turning back out to look out the window. “Dave dave look”

“hm?”

john pointed at something in the distance but i could really see it

“whats that?”

“my *house*!”

“oh yeah”

“hey talking of your house do you mind if i stayed the night?”

“like a sleepover?”

“uh yeah i guess so”

“then yeah sure” he said smiling at me.

(johns pov)

Yayyy im having a sleepover with dave now then! “awh dammit dave we need to get off... dave?, dave!”

“huh”

“did you fall asleep?”

“maybe”

“seriously?” he just sarcastically shrugged,

i grabbed his hand helping him off

“so lets get chilli dogs now”

“ok”

“lets race”

“hella yeah”

we race to the chilli dog stand i take lead but then dave’s catches up and all of a sudden BAM hes in front now wait wait waitwaitwait

“oh COME ON”

“beat’cha there”

i just frowned at him and then i went over to the chilli worker (hehe)

“hello can i get uh 2 chilli dogs?”

“uh yeah sure” he said handing me 2 boiling hot chilli dogs

“ok your total is uhh $8.00"

8 DOLLARS?!?!

“um yeah sure here”, i said giving him my last 8$

“heres your dave” i say handing him his chilli dog

“thanks” i just smiled, i wonder what were gonna go on nex- …dave put his arm around me, aww

“hey dave”

“hm yeah?”

“what do you wanna do next, im kind of tired”

“thats fine we can ask your dad to pick us up”

“you sure?”

i checked the time and 6 hours had already passed and it was 18:00 already!

“im sure i mean whats the fun if your just gonna fall asleep?”

“oh yeah good point”.

(Dave’s pov)

*//small note it took around 1 hour to get there and the queues took a while but that would’ve been boring to read about//*

When egdurp left i just sat on the bench, thinking about our sleepover… *yawn* guess im kinda tired as well… this is too awkward man, whens- oh he’s coming back

“so whens he coming here?”

“he should be here in around 5 minutes”

“damn thats quick”

“heh yeah”

… after a bit of silence with no hesitation did i grab his hand

“uh dave?”

i put my arm on his shoulder and leaned in to kiss him and so did he but “hey john this your little friend?”

“oh uh yeah”

“um come on dave”, he said pulling my hand rushing to the car. well fuck that was embarrassing the thing i least wanted was for him specifically to walk in right then but, im sure he didn’t see otherwise he probably would’ve said so. Another boring car journey in absolute silence, its like fuckin reading time or something,i look out the window only to see trees and cars, i look out johns window and of course he gets a view of the sunset so i just looked out his window for a bit or like, the rest of the journey.

(narrator)

both of them thank father egbert and step inside.

(johns pov)

As i go inside my house i start to take my shoes off

“uh dave your allowed to take your shoes off”

“huh oh yeah right”

“you boys have fun ill be cooking in the kitchen if you need me”

“okay”

wait a minute “uh dave i was gonna get my nails painted”

“pff thats gay”

“hey!”

“its fine i can do it for you”

“really?”

“yeah sure”

i ran upstairs and lead dave into my room

“hold on i know i have it in here somewhere”

“aha there it is!”, i said handing the bottle to strider

“give me your hand”

i gave him my hand…

“hey dave”

“yeah”

“you know i could’ve just went to the nail salon”

“yeah”

“but you offered to do it for me”

“yeah, im just chill like that”

“ did you just offer because its an excuse to hold my hand?”

“what? no?!”

“reeeally?”

“no”

“for real?”

“…maybe…”

“ha! haha! that gay”

“shut up” hehe its funny to mess with that guy hehe, but anyways as he painted my nails i started to fall asleep “john...john wake up” i heard dave whisper in my ear “huh?”

“they’re done”

“woahh, i love them! thanks dave” i said hugging him but i knocked him over

“hehe gotcha”

“homosexual”

“hey!” i say whilst getting off him

“so uh dave”

“yeah?”

“you wouldnt mind if i…went to sleep now would you?”

“nah its chill”

“uh you can sleep in my bed tonight if you want?”

“oh thanks egdurp”.

(daves pov)

After john went to sleep i got into bed next to him and just went on my phone for a bit “yo john you still awake?” “yeah i cant sleep” he said sitting up “yeah thats fair”

“also sorry about earlier”

“huh?”

“when my dad came in”

“oh that’s fine”

“do you want to uh” i knew what he was trying to say, i put my arm around him and [SMOOCH]

the end

(THANKS FOR READIN AND SORRY FOR MISCHARACTERISATION :33)

[sayakxmi]

I finally got myself together to finish the trolltags/lands I have for the dancestors, that I overthought to hell and back, so why not share. Explanations under the cut!

(Also, I probably should mention that it's all in context of an AU, so if some things are confusing, that's why.)

KANKRI:

vendicateThumomacule [VT] Kankri's original trolltag is, well, grey to hide his indentity, and is actually a small nod to John/June. Hence the letters are VT, absolutely taken from VanTas. Mostly, because ectoBiologist has EB like EgBert. You know how these letters are taken from the genetic code, but John/June ended up breaking from it? Well, Kankri's the opposite here. The very first mutation, someone who didn't belong there, but inserted himself there anyway.

Vendicate means to claim for oneself, whereas Thumomacule comes from two words - thumomancy (divination by means of one’s own soul) and macule, which can be either a) (in printing) to blur, as from a double impression in printing, or b) (in anatomy) another name for macula (a discolored spot on the skin). The second definition refers to his mutation, while the first, I'm kind of thinking about blur/double impression as a reference to The Signless, and seeing visions of another world. Personally, I love the idea that Kankri's always had these visions as well, so that's what I was going for here.

As for constructiveGrievance, I'll be honest, I've seen it once upon a time, I don't know where, and internalized it as his trolltag. He has a lot of grievances, and tries to be constructive about it. (Whether he succeeds is up for debate, lmao).

As for his land, the Land of Conduits and Valves: Conduit: - a pipe or passage for water or electrical wires to go through - reference to Mituna (as I am a huge Captor&Vantas whatever the fuck they have going on enjoyer) - a way of connecting two places - the aspect of Blood - someone or something that provides a way of passing something such as information or payments from one person to another - role of a Seer, but also a small reference to The Signless again, passing information about different worlds between each other Valves - a device that opens and closes to control the flow of liquids or gasses, or a similar structure in the heart and the veins that controls the flow of blood - pretty obvious aspect connection.

In general, thinking about the Seers' lands, they all have somewhat... liquidy feel to it. Rose's has literal rain, while Terezi's land has these thought river-like things on the sky. So I was also thinking about something fluid, and, well, blood.

Kankri's land is pretty similar to Dave's, except there's no cogs or lava, only endless red-and-blue pipelines that are meant to let the blood flow, but the valves aren't letting it, and empty void beneath your feet. It's an extremly unpleasant land.

It's a bit of a theme, actually, that the lands are pretty hostile towards their players here - since the game was tampered wth, Skaia knew early on that this session had no chance at succeeding, so it was quite literally trying to get the players to make The Scratch faster. F.

It's actually quite evident since the get-go, Kankri's land is LOCAV. So. Random fact: I'm Polish. In Polish the way you read V in English is the same as we read W. So I could write it as CAW. A sound made by a crow. And, well. One Crow: bad luck, loss, unpleasant catastrophic changes.

From the very moment Kankri got into the game, it was already lost. RIP.

Also, I've meant what I've said. I aggressively overthought it, lmao.

DAMARA:

acroamaticAcicutie Acroamatic - esoteric - “intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest” - I was thinking about her ability to speak & control ghosts, a medium, but, yeah, honestly, it can also allude to the fact that as far as we know only Rufioh actually understands her speech. Acicula - One of the needlelike or bristlelike spines or prickles of some animals and plants; also, a needlelike crystal. Connected with cutie.

Land of Ponds and Shimmer, well, when it comes to Shimmer I was thinking about light reflecting on crystals, since her Scratch device looked like these music boxes on Aradia's land, so there had to be Some crystals in there. But it can also be the shimmer of the ponds. With ponds, I was kind of thinking about koi ponds? Who's stopping me from there being koi fish, tbh. The ponds are also a reference to Meenah, because, well, water. But also small one to Rufioh, I guess. Also, ponds and reflections (When will my reflection show who I am inside).

In general, Witches lands are, imo, pretty, colorful, and dangerous if you aren't careful. And that's also what I thought about Damara's land - looks very pleasant, but crystals can have some sharp edges, ponds be deeper that it has any reason to etc, etc.

But since all their lands make things difficult for the dancestors, the catch of this one is that it makes Damara homesick. :)

Ah, but here's my favorite part. PAS. Pas is Polish for fold in poker. "Folding simply means to let go of your cards and surrender the pot to another player". Or another set of players. ;>

RUFIOH

agromaniacalTauroboly Agromania - intense desire to be in open spaces Tauroboly - the ritual sacrifice of a bull. I like to think about is as a contrast to Tavros' trolltag, in which Tavros is a bit more of plot’s sacrificial bull, but his trolltag relates to bulls fighting, whereas Rufioh would wreck people’s shit if it wasn’t for his non-existent self-worth & confidence, but his trolltag relates to sacrificing a bull.

The Land of Breeze and Hills has a somewhat simple etymology. All the Breath player we know had some specific type of wind in their land's name (literally Wind for John/June, and Zephyr for Tavros), so I went with something similar. And boy oh boy, is Breeze a reference. Obviously, Breeze relates to water, and that way it references three pretty important gals in Rufioh/The Summoner's life - Damara (ponds), Meenah (a seadweller), and Aranea, or more specifically Mindfang, who was a pirate. As for Hills, Rogues tend to have some rises, like Roxy's pyramids, or Nepeta's... sugar cube pyramids? So I thought about hills for Rufioh to more or less fit it in, very much thinking about"a hill to die on".

BAH is kind of weaker, but at the same time, it gave me some ideas for the land. In several languages it means flood, but in a few others it's an expression of disbelief, disdain, resignation & scorn.

LOBAH is flooded, which is a huge pain for Rufioh, whose wings aren't really good for damp environments. His mobility sure is limited, which kind of sucks. He could probably ask some imps to help him out in travel, but that'd mean using his powers, and he's not a big fan of them. }:(

MITUNA

technicolorAlytarch Technicolor - a vivid or bright color “Alytarch in ancient Olympic games was the leader of the police force who assisted the Hellanodikai to impose fines on athletes who did not follow the rules” "Hellanodikai - literally meaning Judges of the Greeks - were the judges of the Ancient Olympic Games, and the success of the games was attributed to their efforts". I like the idea of it referring to more than one character, but ofc I thought of Latula first.

Land of Screens and Skyscrapers Skyscrapers as in heights & danger, at least that’s my association. Something about falls, especially when you're very high... Screening - concealing, protecting, sheltering. But also screening, as in “checking for disease when there are no symptoms. Since screening may find diseases at an early stage, there may be a better chance of curing the disease”. Also, fun fact, SAS is a group of highly trained British soldiers who work on secret or very difficult military operations. SAS is an abbreviation for 'Special Air Service'.” I wonder if it's relevant.

Heirs' lands tend to be really dark for some reason, but it's a bit difficul to say if it's a theme for them, because Equius' aspect is literally Void, so of course his land is dark. But I went for it. I'd say LOSAS resembles Dirk's land a bit, but there's also a shitton of giant screens on the building, all of them not working properly. The land is dangerous in it's nature, and generally not the most pleasant place to be in (ah, Doom players), but it sure gets worse after Mituna's accident, now that he has trouble seeing, and his balance also got quite bad. F.

MEULIN

acuteCardiograper Acute: - causes severe problems or damage; - pain or illness is one that quickly becomes very severe; - aware of or able to recognize small differences between things, or being accurate in judging something; The first two are more foreshadowing, whereas the last one is the actual intent. Since she's an amazing matchmaker whose speciality is the Hreat. Cardiography - the use of a machine to record the beating of the heart. So. You know. Hehe. Meulin's trolltag is an ad. Bonus a cute cardiographer.

Land of Lily Pads and Wisps Lily Pads are literally there in Openbound, but also I like the general symbolism of lilies - purity, innocence and rebirth. I think it describes Meulin very well. Wisps - of smoke, of light, but also will o' the wisp - a person that is difficult or impossible to reach or catch on (OR aurora). Of course even Meulin can't have nice things. Her land mocks her for being "useless". (Note: I'm not saying that she is, but that's how she feels). LOLPAW is not exactly deep.

PORRIM

gallivantAvantgarde Gallivant - to visit or go to a lot of different places, enjoying yourself and not worrying about other things you should be doing. Avantgarde - the painters, writers, musicians, and other artists whose ideas, styles, and methods are very original or modern in comparison to the period in which they live, or the work of these artists. Porrim's attitude, essentially.

Land of Threads and Frogs Threads like fabric, but also thread/fabric of the universe Also thread as in “to move forwards, often changing direction in order to avoid people or things”. Which is, well, what she was supposed to do. Another land that isn't exactly dangerous, but feels more like a mockery. Cluttered, soft & pastel. You could say ""girly"". She hates it here.

Maid's lands are pretty nice, though they tend to lack the aspect the Maid is supposed to create, at least that's what I've understood.

TAF - a substance, consisting of protein and nucleic acid developed in a malignant tumor, that stimulates the formation of capillaries for nourishing the tumor and carrying off its waste matter. A connection to Kankri, and especially The Dolorosa's role in The Signless' life.

LATULA

I'll be honest, I'm not exactly the proudest of hers, but this grl was giving me a headache at some point. Mostly when it comes to her trolltag, because I like the name of her land, but oh well. I was tired.

galiantCaballerial Galiant - “Galiant is a mixture of two words; Valiant (Possessing Courage and Determination), and Gallant (Grand, Fine). This is what you call someone who excels at anything they play, mainly videogames.” Urban Dictionary. I'm not sure it's the most believable source, but you know what, why not. If it's not really a thing, what's stopping me from headcanoning that it is on Beforus? Or add a small backstory that Liltula found that term & loved it, used for his trolltag & only later found out it's not a real thing. Now she's living a lie. Caballerial - a trick invented by Steve Caballero in the early 1980s in which the skater performs a 360-degree ollie in a ramp while riding fakie and without grabbing.

Land of Smoke and Mirrors Smoke and Mirrors - the obscuring or embellishing of the truth of a situation with misleading or irrelevant information. Other than the obvious, it's not a big discovery that the Knights' lands are filled with danger and even things they personally hate & fear. Mirrors for somebody as self-conscious and obsessed over her presentation? And also smoke. There might be fire somewhere, but she can't smell it, she won't know she's in danger until she gets closer to it. F. No cool meaning for SAM :(

ARANEA

amasthenicGraphomaniac Graphomania - a compulsive urge to write Amasthenic - uniting the rays of light into one focus, as a certain kind of lens does (in photography)

Land of Swirls and Candles Swirls - I was thinking about the weather, so connection to Breath, but also whirlpools, so connection to water. Extreme weather. Hella important in sailing. Etc. Also swirls & cherubs. Candles - light. Quite simple. LOSAC is essentially a gorgeous dark forest lit by candles, and Aranea is blind as shit in there. Did I mention that Skaia doesn't want them to keep going? :) Other than that: - Candle Queen by GUMI is such an Aranea song, you won't tell me otherwise. - one of the definitions of a SAC is "a covering that surrounds a tumor" i WoNdEr If It'S rElEvAnT

HORUSS

compoundTegument Tegument - natural covering of an animal or plant body Compound: - a thing that is composed of two or more separate elements; a mixture - make (something bad) worse; intensify the negative aspects of But Also - compound bow - A hand-drawn, hand-held bow that for similar poundage at full draw, stores more energy than a recurve bow through the use of two cables and two eccentric wheels

Land of Copper and Bolts Copper can be used in making steam engines. “Brown coins of low value made of copper or bronze”. And making electrical wires. “any of various small widely distributed butterflies of the genera Lycaena, Heodes, etc, typically having reddish-brown wings: family Lycaenidae” h u h Can mean “policeman”... Law reinforcement… Executioners… HMM. Bolts - well, bolts, but also arrowheads (in crossbows), also to quickly escape, and also (lightning)bolt, also A bolt is also a part of a gun that pushes the cartridge (= container filled with explosive powder) into position to be fired - I wonder if it its *gets shot* CAB - besides the obvious - “the enclosed compartment of a lorry, locomotive, crane, etc, from which it is driven or operated” - trains. steam. it’s all coming together “the glass-enclosed area of an airport control tower in which the controllers are stationed” listen, it works for me, but I can’t explain Why “first cab off the rank” - the first person, etc, to do or take advantage of something - like. the first person to take advantage of somebody’s malleable and passive personality…?

Steampunk land. What can I say. Downside: them damn bolts everywhere. You can hurt yourself :<

KURLOZ

tumultuousCaduceator Tumultuous - chaotic or disorderly; full of noise, commotion, or turbulence. Caduceator - herald; messenger Also similar to Caduceus (prolly related), so a relation to Mituna who is a Gemini - Gemini is ruled by Mercury (Hermes’ Roman name, the Caduceus belonged to him) So it’s a mixed bag of relations to others: tumultuous is a relation to Caliborn (there’s even a wholeass Sign of the Tumultuous - Caniborn). Herald/messenger is akin to Kankri’s role of a prophet. Except he’s heralding Lord English’s arrival rather than another Signless’. And, well, the Mituna connection. It’s also a Doom connection, lmao.

Land of Pits and Thrills You have this huge never-ending theme park with random pits where you least expect them, cartoonish experience. In general, Princes' lands tend to be extremely dangerous in ways that relate to their aspects, and, well, cartoon-like traps break the immersion a bit, really makes you think about everything being fake. Plus a theme park doesmake one think about the HS clowns a bit, right? Another one of my faves, PAT means a stalemate in Polish - a situation in chess where one of the players can’t move according to the rules, but their king isn’t in check - it ends the game in a draw. Technically, they haven't lost, and yet they cannot progress :o)

CRONUS

corbanAlluvion Corban - offering to God in fulfillment of a vow / kinda thinking abt it regarding Cronus wanting to fulfill his “destiny” Allivion - effect of water impacting on shoreline (eg. deluge) Was I tempted for Cronus to have his trolltag as cronusAmpora? Yes. Absolutely. But in the end I decided to pretend that I Am A Serious Writer.

Land of Tides and Rows Tidal island - a piece of land that is connected to the mainland by a natural or man-made causeway that is exposed at low tide and submerged at high tide Also changing tides. Row - well, rowing, so water travel. This land looks quite nice on the first glance, but once you start to travel you find out, that the further you go, the darker and more dangerous it becomes. Oh no. Also, the water is definitely tainted. TAR - a dark, thick flammable liquid distilled from wood or coal, consisting of a mixture of hydrocarbons, resins, alcohols, and other compounds. It is used in road-making and for coating and preserving timber. But also as a verb: blame or damage the reputation of (someone).

MEENAH

cerescentConqueror Conqueror - obvious Cerescent - a typo she didn’t care to correct; crescent is a phase of the moon (halfmoon); Ceres is a roman goddess of harvest etc.

Land of Passages and Harvest Passages as literal passages, but also in: passage of time, or passing = death, so a relation to Damara. And Harvest is, well, harvest. In general, the only other Thief we have is Vriska, and her land is essentially "things that help in stealing her aspect" and "something that represents her aspect". In this case, then, you need to let the time pass for harvest to begin. Also, I love the idea that all Life Players have some representation of the other players on their planet, just like Jane's lamps. In this case, Meenah has flowers. I have yet to finish it, but I did assign some already. PAH - used to express disgust or contempt. Aka Meenah's reaction when she first saw her bright colorful land full of flowers.

Final notes: - ok, so, the idea for LOLPAW, Thrills in Kurloz's land & Avantgarde for Porrim's trolltag are from kanmeu, Caballerial is 100% an accident, though, when I've found that word I thought it looked familiar, and Oh. - I might fix the formatting tomorrow, idk, but it sure ain't gonna be now.

[ask-arachnidsbreath]

yaoi?

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 2:33PM -- EB: hey dave! EB: you know that thing me and vriska started? TG: what thing TG: the qna thing TG: what about it EB: they're asking about yaoi. TG: what TG: man TG: what do you guys want me to say about that am i your fuckin yaoi spokesperson now TG: all yaoiful in gay fuckin marriage paradise TG: because i am for the goddamn record EB: you know more about it than me i don't wanna say the wrong thing. i'm being responsible!!!!!!!!! TG: dude TG: did they literally just say the word yaoi TG: that doesnt really give me anything to say TG: tell them to be more descriptive ill stay available ok EB: okay. -- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 2:38PM --

JOHN: dave said to be more descriptive. VRISKA: This is really fucking funny.

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

Sexbot Alpha

@glubtier

toweredTantalus [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 TT: Hello John. TT: It's time. EB: who is this?? TT: You don't remember your old pal Hal? If I had the capacity, I'd be hurt. TT: You asked me out on a date, didn't you?

Chapters: 2/?

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Fandoms: Homestuck

Relationships: Auto-Responder | Lil Hal/John Egbert

Characters: John Egbert, Auto-Responder | Lil Hal

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Robot/Human Relationships, Robot Sex, Robot Feels, Existential Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Exploration, Body Image, Non-Penetrative Sex

[badlydrawnrose]

while i am usually very up to fun stories about vriska. i do believe you are trying to avoid the question. which leaves me inclined to push on the subject. also. if i am to be very honest. i do not believe anyone who grew up in the suburbs is without good reason for therapist.

EB: Good one!

*ectoBiologist has absconded!*

Jaspers II: Meow?

Jaspers II: I wanted to hear the story...

...

Jaspers II: Rose isn't gonna be happy to hear about this.

[thewertsearch]

You reflect on your prior experience as the team's ectobiologist. It seemed like you were doing something so important at the time. Finally everything made sense. This was why you were here. But what was the point? You are all clearly going to die the most pointless deaths possible. [...] You are no ectobiologist. If only there was some other title more befitting of the true discipline you practice, and the death sentence given to whatever you do the disservice of creating.

Oh, I get it. Karkat's the CarcinoGeneticist, so his universe spawns a session with a tumor.

The Tumor was described as a mutation, so it might literally be a form of cosmic cancer. Perhaps Sburb sessions are part of their host universe's body, and the kids' frog has faulty cells.

And what about the OTHER twelve wigglers you spawned? Who were they? Probably further proof this was all meaningless and random. Could it be that they were the true heroes meant to be sent back to play this game, while your team was the superfluous crop?

That would be the ancestors, the troll Guardians that Eridan mentioned. It seems they might have an actual role in the story, especially if they really are the ancestors who were giving Aradia orders.

Sollux is up, but his glowing eyes are gone, presumably indicating that his psionics are offline. I was relying on him to turn the tide against the murderers, and losing his support is a pretty serious blow. Let's hope it's temporary.

EB: so… what about jack? […] EB: are you still planning on killing him? […] EB: it is much better than killing friends. AG: Yeah, you're right. AG: And to tell you the truth, part of the reason I wanted to kill him was to protect them. It's not just a8out glory you know.

I don't doubt it. It's always been apparent to me that Vriska does care about the people around her. The problem is, every time she tries to express that affection, it comes out in weird, fucked-up ways.

At best, she comes off as rude and confrontational.

At worst...

...let's not talk about it.

AG: 8ecause if I don't do it, then who will? EB: well, we have a plan to defeat him too, so there's that. AG: Yes, I know a8out your plan. AG: I guess two plans are 8etter than one, right?

Not always. In this case, I'd argue that a single collaborative plan would be better than two unworkable ones. If you don't rendezvous with Karkat soon, there's every chance that Gamzee will get to him before he's done helping Jade.

Then, once Jack's reduced you to atoms, we'll have zero plans.

[kaywavy]

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:20 --

TG:

TG: i’m john af rn

TG: high*

[homestuckreplay]

when your friends don't invite you to the matching username party :(

Now that we've seen all of John's friends talk at least a little bit, I wanted to deep dive into their usernames, and see what they might be able to tell us about the characters we don't know yet. For sure I've seen some weird usernames in my time on sites like MSN Messenger, but these seem especially weird, and not like words most kids would use.

There's also a weird pattern - all three of John's friends only use words beginning with T and G in their screen names. We have TT, TG and GG, so if they were doing a bit together we'd expect John to be GT, but instead he's EB - not even close. Could this be a sign that he feels disconnected from the friend group, not fully part of things, doubting that they want him around? Is it possible that the other three are all each other's 'real life' friends while John only talks to them online? Did John not want to be GT, or did nobody ever tell him there was a theme? Was he GT before, but then got mad at his friends one day and change it to spite them? Or is there another GT we have yet to meet?

Discussion of all four known chumhandles under the cut - only ~1k words :)

ectoBiologist - As discussed in my in depth John thoughts, the strict definition of this is 'someone who studies outside/external biology', which could relate to a huge variety of very niche fields - but, knowing John, almost certainly refers to the biology of ectoplasm, slime, and ghosts, a field which doesn't exist in reality but which John might consider himself a pioneer of.

As a sidenote, if John was GT, he might go in a different direction with his username. We know from TT that John regularly wears disguises while talking to her / interacting with his dad / just in daily life, and that he's into comedy and pranks (NOT clowns). Reflecting those, I came up with guisecladTrouper as a chumhandle that would fit the modifierTypeofguy pattern, as well as the letters. If anyone has any other GT ideas for John, I'd love to hear them!

turntechGodhead - TurnTech is a Chinese company founded in 2001 that makes scientific and educational software. This probably isn't the reference, but you never know; this kid could be really into science, happen to own a piece of software from this company, and have liked the word. I also think it could be short for 'turntable technology', which can be a few different hobbies - records/DJing, railroads, or sculpture/ceramics/metalwork. DJing fits his vibe but I think it'd be so cool if he was a train guy. 'Turn' relates to shaping or forming as well as changing direction, so he could be someone who develops his own technology.

This also fits really well with 'godhead', which is the true or essential nature of God in several major world religions. So this could be a suggestion of a guy with delusions of grandeur and a massively inflated ego, or, it could be someone who takes on the role of a god himself - some kind of creator. I really think this kid is going to be into invention, metalworking, and engineering. Built his own computer from scratch type of guy. I bet he owns a soldering iron and uses it for fun.

tentacleTherapist - Lots of living things have tentacles, including snails, squid, jellyfish, coral, moss animals, caecilians, the star-nosed mole, some carnivorous plants, Squidward, and mind flayers. Tentacles are generally associated with sea creatures, horror media, or both. Therapist, meanwhile, is a person who helps to heal someone's physical or psychological problems. The words sound really good when said together, but don't have an obvious link.

One idea is that she's someone who either lives near water or owns weird pets - a tank of snails or jellyfish seems reasonable - perhaps caring for or rehabilitating them from the wild. But the idea of her being into cosmic horror creates a fascinating parallel between her username and John's. John is a biologist; he studies, analyzes and understands academically, while TT is a therapist; she rehabilitates and understands emotionally. John works with ghosts and slime, while TT works with aliens and deep sea horror. It's delightful to me that they might have bonded by nerding out over paranormal lore, an interest probably neither of them shares with many people around them.

gardenGnostic - I keep reading this as a shortening of 'common or garden gnostic' as in 'your average, everyday gnostic' which, out of all the four usernames, might be the wildest one for a 13 year old to be. Much like 'godhead', 'gnostic' carries a very strong religious theme, especially with the capital letter - I know it's the syntax, but the words could be this way round for a reason. I'm definitely going to do some background reading on Gnosticism as we get to know this character to see how well it fits.

The first word could also be referencing the Garden of Eden, the original sin and the tree of knowledge; the combination indicating a character with a drive for spiritual knowledge and self-understanding above all else. In a more literal sense, I'm imagining someone who spends a lot of time outdoors and who would think nothing of a few injuries from the Slimer pogo ride in the yard. This chumhandle is also only a few letters away from 'garden gnome', which makes me think of someone who enjoys the ornamental, decorative, and whimsical.

Just as John and TT's usernames are a pair with similar themes, TG and GG's handles also match up. (Sidenote: does this mean these are the pairs of 'best friends'? Feels weird considering TT is the only one of the three who didn't wish John a happy birthday). Both TG and GG have chumhandles strongly related to religion, creation, and origins, with TG representing the mechanical and technical side of things, and GG representing the natural and environmental side.

So, that's our four chums! The most interesting thing to me is how well these pairs of usernames work together, despite John being outside of the letter pattern. Both these things feel very intentional and not like I'm reaching; they definitely mean Something in the themes, but it's too soon to say what. I'm so impatient to see more of these characters and learn anything concrete about them at all.

If you've made it this far, here's a quick poll!

[galacticcosmologist]

TG: save me doomed yuri. save me

CC: i t)(ink id be )(appier if my boobs were replaced wit)( small and friendly s)(arks

GC: WHO W4NTS TO G3T TR4PP3D 1N 4 N4RR4T1V3 W1TH M3. 1T DO3S H4V3 TO B3 W31RD

CA: (13 consecutivve reblogs of fanart of a podcast ivve nevver listened to)

EB: hey check out this insane piano composition youll be zonked out of your gourd

AC: :33 < (insanely detailed and vibrant art) drew this in the bathtub lol

TG: what if wolverines invented religion. they could make vehicles out of abandoned shopping carts

AT: i LOVE MY BLORBOS, wHAT DO YOU MEAN THEYRE MY OCS, fROM MY BRAIN

GG: theres something so beautiful aboutmaking fun animal noises. BARKBARKBARK AWOOOOO

CG: (SCREENSHOTS OF A STRAIGHT COUPLE) THEYRE LESBIANS TO ME. THEYRE DOOMED YURI. DO YOU SEE MY VISION

AG: I love violence. Women who love violence, hmu.

TA: the iibm 2y2tem/360 ha2 an almo2t 2exual qualiity iif ii'm beiing hone2t

TT: (art that could easily be seen displayed in a museum as a work of a fine master) its the yaoi

GG: My idiot cat ate my entire fucking cake??? (# He's ok!)

GT: Oh hatsune miku we're really in it now

AA: (image 0f a character wh0 has killed th0usands and injured many m0re) shes like a s0pping wet pathetic cat t0 me

CT: D--> I think I huave autism

TC: (tHe sAmE CrYpTiC MeMe rEbLoGgEd 50 TiMeS, iNtErSpErSiNg wItH ThE ReSt oF ThE DaSh)

GA: For Vampires Drinking Blood Is Like A Sluttier Version Of Eating Pussy Especially If Its Gay

TT: (responding to an incredibly vague and mysterious ask with no context) Hello ectoBiologist. I know it's you.