#echo: wtf are u doing

[redvexillum]

Me: Alrighty-ho! Time to work on my grossly late fraugwinska's DBD x HH event and @6esiree's contest!

Me, completely a sub to my desires despite having zero experience writing a lucifer x reader fic: This is gonna be a quick, dirty, SHORT one shot. No problem-o! *nearly 5000 words later* fhuck.

TAGS/WARNINGS: vexi's brain rot, p in v, cunnilingus, wtf did I just write, f!reader, lucifer isn't quite over lilith because ✨drama✨️, low key blaming @sociosin for sending me spicy Lucifer's ask and @the-other-soup for drawing sexy lucifer - I stood no chance guys

When you first matched with DuckLover69 on Cinder, you laughed, thinking it was a typo—surely, he meant to type DickMaster69. That seemed on brand for a hook-up app straight out of Hell. But as you stood there in his room, surrounded by luxurious, crimson-hued furniture and bed sheets of rich satin that would have looked decadent if they weren’t crowded by piles—actual mounds—of rubber ducks, you realized this guy hadn’t mistyped at all.  

This man really, truly, loved ducks. 

Maybe a tad too much.

You wove your way carefully through a veritable army of rubber duckies, each dressed in an outfit more absurd than the last. A little one in a sombrero sat beside a duck knight, complete with a silver helmet and a feather. You squinted. Was that one wielding a miniature sword? It stuck out from its back at a haphazard angle, as if this duck had met some unspeakable end in battle. 

How…avant-garde?

“Sorry for the wait!” A nervous, high-pitched voice broke the silence, followed by an anxious chuckle that echoed through the room. You turned to see Mr. Duck Lover, as he’d introduced himself online, standing stiff as a board, his hand twirling a crimson red apple atop his sleek, obsidian-black staff. 

He was exactly as odd in person as he’d been in your chats: curious to a fault and totally oblivious to social cues. His very first question had been, “So, do you know the King of Hell?” Not exactly small talk. But you had shrugged it off, telling him the truth—that you’d hardly kept up with Hell’s political scene since you arrived. You were too busy dealing with entitled assholes in your new, endless service job, a punishment so mundane it felt like Hell’s personal version of torture. 

You’d expected the conversation to taper off after that, but Mr. Duck Lover had caught you off-guard by taking a U-turn, asking without reserve if you liked sex. The question had been so blunt, so awkwardly dropped into the conversation, that you’d ended up laughing. After a hellish day dealing with rude customers, his lack of tact and straight-up weirdness had been refreshing, if bizarre, and you’d surprised yourself by playing along. 

And now here you were, standing in his duck-filled lair, looking at him in all his nervous, overdressed glory. “You weren’t kidding when you said you liked ducks,” you said with a grin, trying to keep your face as neutral as possible as you waved at a particularly stylish duck with a feathered boa around its neck. 

Mr. Duck Lover's shoulders stiffened, and his eyes darted back and forth. Two bright red circles painted his cheeks, and he looked like a mime who’d been caught halfway through his act. His fingers fidgeted with the apple on his staff as he tried for a casual smile, though it came across more like a grimace. 

“I-is that a dealbreaker?” His voice cracked, and you could practically feel the nerves radiating off him. You chuckled, stepping a little closer, savouring the way his breath caught, and his cheeks flushed a unique shade of gold, the colour spilling across his nose in a way that was like glittering treasure strewn across white sand. 

“Nah, just… observing,” you said, your grin turning wicked. “What’s wrong, Mr. Duck Lover?”  

You reached out, tucking a stray strand of gold that had fallen over his forehead back into place. He froze, his breath hitching, his eyes widening as if he’d been zapped. The blush on his cheeks deepened, and he puffed them out, holding his breath, looking for all the world like he was trying not to combust from embarrassment. 

Odd, yes. But somehow, interesting. You found yourself curious—very curious—about just what went on in that strange, nervous, duck-obsessed mind of his. 

You chuckled softly, warmth pooling at the base of your throat as you took him in. How adorable. Everything about him felt so out of place for a guy on an app specifically for hookups. He stood there, stiff as a board, his eyes darting to your every move, arms glued to his sides as though his own body wasn’t sure what to do with itself. And as you leaned closer, you noticed a large portrait hung in the back corner of his room—a family picture, quaint and well-loved. 

Am I his rebound? you thought, as you slid your fingers along his collar, grazing the crisp fabric before slowly easing it off his shoulders. His vest, a pale pink stripe against white, gave him a soft, almost innocent look—a stark contrast to the nerves dancing in his wide eyes. He didn’t resist, simply let his jacket slip down his arms, his breath coming shallow as you leaned in, feeling the heat rise as your faces neared, breath mingling. 

With a gulp, he stammered, “I gu-guess we’re doing the do, that's fantastic!” He tried to smile, his teeth peeking out in a goofy, uncertain grin as he let the jacket fall to the floor. 

“You mean…” you whispered, your voice low as you pressed against him, feeling his entire body tense beneath your touch. “Fucking?” 

He squeaked—actually squeaked—and tried to clear his throat, summoning a shred of composure. “That’s right, f-ffucking,” he stammered, the word awkward on his lips as he sounded it out like it was a foreign concept. “Because that’s… what we do. Now. Here.” His body shivered slightly, and you could feel the tremble that ran from his chest to yours, betraying his every anxious thought. 

A spark of curiosity bloomed in you as you watched his attempts at bravado crumble with each beat of silence. You felt it all click into place. In Hell, family didn’t exactly… exist. Sinners couldn’t create new life here, so the idea of settling down with a partner wasn’t the norm, let alone the idea of casual intimacy. But here he was, talking about sex with the clumsy innocence of someone barely familiar with the concept. “Hey…” you murmured, a thrill lacing your words. “Are you… a virgin?” 

The question struck him like lightning, his eyes going wide, his fingers clutching at his vest in a mixture of embarrassment and flustered denial. “Wha—first time?” He laughed—a loud, forced laugh that seemed to rattle out of him, like he was trying to chase away the truth. “Oh, no, no, no, not at all! I’ve… I’ve used my penis in… numerous ways.” His voice dropped to a low, desperate tone. “I even shape-shifted a few times for… added spice,” he said, his forked tongue flicking nervously, searching your face as though hoping to see doubt there instead of amusement. 

But you couldn’t help it. The men you usually met were arrogant, self-assured, and too focused on themselves to care. Yet here he was—blushing, hesitant, endearing in his innocence. A wicked grin spread across your face as you let your fingers trail lower, smoothing down his vest, tracing each trembling line of muscle underneath until you reached the waistband of his pants. 

You glanced up, meeting his gaze with a mischievous smirk, and his breath caught. His lips quivered, his cheeks flushed, but he returned your grin—innocent and eager, albeit with a slight, deliciously shaky edge. 

You wondered just what kind of man Mr. Duck Lover truly was as your hands moved along his body, peeling away each layer of his clothing, his meagre defences landing on the floor with gentle thuds joining with yours. For all his usual fidgeting and awkwardness, there was something disarmingly tender in the way he touched you, as if each stroke of his fingertips was sacred, each caress reverent. That boyish, clumsy charm he wore like a mask seemed to slip away, leaving behind a quiet intensity in his gaze that made your pulse race. 

“Been… a while,” he murmured, his hands wandering in tentative exploration, pausing over the soft curve of your breast, then settling firmly at your hips. The admiration in his voice deepened as he sighed, his eyes tracing over you as though you were something divine. “God really did create the perfect being,” he whispered, his lips grazing your shoulder, and as your bare bodies met in a slow, full embrace, it was your turn to hold your breath, struck by the unexpected gentleness of it. 

You almost chuckled, the urge to tease him—“Praising God in Hell? How blasphemous,”—hovering at the tip of your tongue. But as he drew you closer, his face tucked deep into the curve of your neck, words fell away, replaced by a silent warmth that seeped into every nerve, every inch of your skin. His arms wound tighter around you, his body pressing against yours, not out of desire, but a kind of longing that felt… deeper.

Meaningful. 

Your arms wrapped around him on instinct, though your mind buzzed with confusion. Shouldn’t this be a quick, meaningless fuck by now? Yet, here you were, tangled in his arms, savouring the sensation of him, feeling the quiet, almost desperate comfort he sought as he held you. The naked intimacy was strange, yes. Unexpected, yes. But something in you didn’t want to break the moment; it felt like a balm, easing all the stress and tension that had worn you down for far too long as you toiled away in your eternal damnation.  

You closed your eyes, surrendering to the steady warmth of his body, your fingers tracing delicate paths along his spine. Each gentle touch pulled soft, barely audible sounds from his throat, the hint of a moan muffled against your skin as your fingers reached his hair, petting through the soft strands. His hair was even softer than you’d imagined, and you felt him sink into your touch, both of you on the brink of letting go.

Letting go of what? You weren't sure.  

But suddenly, he pulled back, and the spell shattered. His cheeks flushed, his hands awkwardly clutching at your waist as he avoided your gaze, his nervous energy flooding back. “Right, uh, sex. That’s what we’re… here for, isn’t it? So, we should, um…” He forced a grin. “Do the, uh… the sex!” 

That was when you finally absorbed your surroundings, the vast emptiness around you, the solemn quiet of his home. There was a lonely hush here, dark and endless, filling every corner, every shadow. And, of course, the lifeless ducks haphazardly thrown around. 

But there was no one else. 

Not a soul in these halls. 

You slipped your hand into his, guiding him toward the bed with a gentleness that felt at odds with your own intentions. You almost considered tucking him under the covers, wrapping him up and telling him that he didn’t have to prove anything to you, that he could wait until he was ready. But he wasn’t a child, and you weren’t here to be his caretaker. 

He lay down first, an eager anticipation flickering across his face despite the faint tremor in his limbs, his gaze fixed on you as you joined him. His body, still soft with nerves, lay at ease, his cock resting against his thigh. You reached out, taking him in hand, moving slowly as your fingers traced down his length, stroking him with a softness that coaxed him to relax. You felt him tense, then soften beneath your touch. 

“Oh… oh wow,” he breathed, his voice catching as he watched your hand, eyes wide with wonder. “Y-you’re… you’re pretty good at this,” he stammered, awe shimmering in his voice as he struggled to keep his composure, his gaze flicking between your face and your hand, his lips parting in quiet gasps. 

At that moment, you couldn’t help but smile—feeling the thrill of his innocence, of his complete surrender. And somewhere in the warmth of his admiration, his trust, you realized you didn’t mind slowing down. 

True to his word, his body responded to your touch with a newfound firmness, his length growing against your hand, his skin silky and heated beneath your fingers. The sensation felt achingly familiar, like a melody you’d danced to before, each note resonating with a purpose neither of you had voiced aloud but understood all too well. 

Loneliness.

That was the reason, unspoken and raw, why you both found yourselves here tonight. You didn’t need his name, didn’t need his history because tonight was about filling that hollow ache. It was a fix—a fleeting, intoxicating drug against the gnawing ache deep in your chest. For one night, the world and its relentless wear could fall away in the ecstatic blur of release. 

You moved to straddle him, your body lowering until your wet, aching centre pressed firmly against the length of his cock, heat melding with heat. His eyes flicked down to where your bodies connected, then back up to meet your gaze, a hungry, almost reverent look filling his face. As you began to grind your hips against him, the friction sent a rush of molten heat through you, a spark igniting as you slid over him, slick and needy. 

He watched, his breaths coming in short, shuddering waves, head falling back against the pillow, his hands twitching at his sides, unsure if he should reach for you or simply feel. His own pulse matched yours, every breath and heartbeat syncing to a rhythm of shared need, unburdened by names or burdens. 

Slowly, you lifted your hips, guiding him to your entrance, pressing yourself down until his thick, warm tip pushed past your folds. Inch by inch, you took him, feeling every delicious stretch, every bit of pressure radiating inside you. A soft, desperate mewl escaped your lips as you sank fully, your bodies meeting in a perfect, seamless join. The raw sensation of him filling you hit deep, igniting pleasure like embers to flame. 

His head tilted back, his eyes fluttering shut, a low hiss slipping past his parted lips. “This is…” he began, voice trembling, his fingers flexing as if fighting to keep control, “oh gosh… really wonderful.” His hands faltered, barely grazing your hips before he let them fall to his sides again, his face flushed with both pleasure and nervous restraint. His hips lifted, seeking you instinctively, meeting each of your downward strokes with soft thrusts that went deeper, each time pushing him further within. 

“Oh, oh jeez, oh—golly…” He groaned, his fingers twisting into the sheets as he struggled to find words, every breath shuddering as he fought to keep up. His words, his earnest surprise, almost made you laugh, a kind of sweetness seeping into his awkward sounds as he gripped the sheets tighter. “Wow…” 

You bit back a smile, letting a small laugh escape between breaths. “What? You’ve never had good sex before?” you taunted, rolling your hips, drawing him fully within before slamming back down again. 

His cheeks flushed a deep gold, his chest expanding as he gasped, his muscles tensing beneath you. “N-No—ah, that’s not…” His voice wavered, breaking off in a moan as he sucked in a breath. “Oh, no… if you keep doing that… I won’t last long.” His voice softened, rich with pleasure and just a hint of pleading, as his eyes met yours, full of shy desire. “Please… I want this to last… just a little longer.” His words trailed into a low, trembling moan, his hands finally reaching, hesitantly finding their place on your waist as he held you, breath heavy with yearning, surrendering entirely to the moment with you. 

You hummed thoughtfully, sliding him out of you, his cock springing free and bouncing against his stomach, throbbing with the loss of warmth. His sudden whimper made you smirk, biting back a laugh as you hovered just out of reach. 

“I'm nowhere close to finishing,” you teased, keeping your wet heat tantalizingly close to him, yet unreachable all the same. 

“I can fix that!” he nearly shouted, grinning like he’d just found a solution to all the world's problems. Sitting up eagerly, he waggled his eyebrows with such intensity that it made you giggle. “After all, I was quite the… generous eater in my day,” he added, flicking his forked tongue out for effect. 

“Oh, is that so?” You chuckled, giving him a playful look. “Show me, oh great, generous eater.”  

He joined in your laughter, but then his eyes drifted over your shoulder. His face faltered, brows knitting together, and you followed his gaze. The same family portrait you had initially noticed back in your view—a tall, curvaceous woman with long blonde hair standing beside him and a child who seemed to carry hints of both their features. 

You moved next to him, and leaned back, trying to keep your tone casual. “If you’re going to bring a one-night stand over, maybe next time use a room without a family portrait.” The words came out sharper than you intended, a twinge of bitterness souring the edge. 

His shoulders tensed as he turned to you, eyes wide with a guilty look. “Oh—no, that’s not…I…” He stammered, his hands fluttering in the air as if trying to reach some explanation. 

You sighed, deciding to throw him a lifeline. You were here for fun, not drama. “Hey, relax. It’s…whatever,” you said with a casual shrug, a grin playing on your lips. But that lingering bitterness in your chest didn’t quite vanish. 

Mr. Duck Lover seemed to seize onto your words, scrambling between your legs, though his excitement from earlier was starting to wane. “I’ll make it up to you,” he murmured, leaning close, fingers hesitating on the curves of your hips, as if battling his own mind. His face hovered near your core, yet he seemed frozen in place, like he was staring into the void rather than your body. 

It was quite a comical sight. 

If you weren't in the picture, that is. 

There he was—his head bowed at your centre, practically on the verge of a self-reflective breakdown. While you laid there, spread out and ready, and he was having an existential crisis. 

You sighed, raising an eyebrow as he muttered to himself, “I can do this,” almost like he was about to leap off a bridge instead of…well, pleasing you. His hands twitched as his hands hovered over your hips, eyes squeezing shut in concentration as if gearing up for some monumental challenge. 

By now, the mood had evaporated, leaving behind only the lingering awkwardness of his whispered self-encouragement. Five seconds later, you realized that, yes, you’d completely lost the heat of the moment, and this was likely going nowhere but more awkwardness. 

You reached out gently, brushing his cheek. “Hey…maybe we should…” you started softly, hoping to ease him off this self-imposed, anxious ride and spare you both whatever spiral he was about to go down. 

His eyes snapped to yours, full of a pleading, vulnerable intensity, his lips parted and his gaze almost desperate. “No, no, I can do it!” His voice trembled, and he bit his lower lip, the slightest twitch in his left eye betraying his nerves. “It’s just been….” 

You softened, trying to help him find the words. “Years?” 

“Centuries,” he murmured, looking away as if confessing a secret. 

Centuries. The realization hits you with a strange thrill. You liked older men, sure, but you wondered how long he had stayed in Hell for. “Oh…” was all you managed, feeling the surreal weight of the moment. 

“May I?” he asked, his voice a tender murmur, fingers twitching, hesitant to touch you. You could only nod, slightly taken aback that he was asking for permission now, especially after where you'd both already been just minutes earlier. 

The moment his fingers touched your skin, he exhaled deeply, closing his eyes as if relishing the warmth. He pressed a featherlight kiss against the curve of your hip, his touch more gentle than you could have imagined. With each kiss, he drifted lower, his lips tracing delicate patterns along your skin, until he found that sensitive spot just above your core, making you jolt beneath him. 

Your emotions tangled, caught between surprise and pleasure. You’d expected something hasty, careless, but this…this felt almost achingly tender. 

He opened his eyes, the intensity of his gaze softening as his lips brushed against you. Then, slowly, his tongue traced between your folds, a warm, pleasant heat that sent a gasp spilling from your lips. His own groan followed, deep and low, a sound of unrestrained need, as he continued to explore you, his lips and tongue working in gentle, insistent rhythms. 

You bit your lip, mirroring the way he’d done earlier, clutching the sheets as your body arched, heels pressing into the bed. Every reaction you gave seemed to stoke something in him, drawing another low, desperate moan from his throat. He rocked his hips against the mattress, as if drinking each of your gasps, as if they were fuelling his own desire. 

“Ah—D-don't stop,” you whimpered, your chest rising as your back arched from the bed. But he didn’t let you escape, his lips chasing every inch of you. His mouth closed around your sensitive nub, sucking gently before he dipped his tongue to explore further, the alternating sensations sending you spiralling. 

Your breath came ragged and broken, each wave of pleasure building faster as he licked and sucked with an almost feverish devotion. His own body responded in turn, his hips grinding against the bed, the friction drawing needy, guttural sounds from him that only fed your own pleasure. 

The rhythm intensified, and just as you thought you might break from the mounting sensation, he pressed deeper, his tongue a soft, insistent force. You clenched around the bliss rising within you, every muscle tensing, as he held you there, relishing every sound, every tremor of pleasure that passed between you both in the heady, dizzying night. 

“Shit,” you gasped, your hands tangling in his hair, fingers tightening as you pulled him closer. His lips pressed even harder against you, and you felt yourself unravelling, teetering on the edge of something wild and raw. “Oh, fuck, fuck,” you whimpered, your legs bending as the fire in your belly coiled tighter. Then, with one last fierce suck and an indulgent lick, he shattered your restraint. The wave of pleasure crashed over you, tearing a ragged cry from your throat as it flooded every inch of your body. 

He moved with you, his own hips shifting as if in sync with the rhythm of your climax, his mouth still sealed to you, eager to take in every tremor and quake of your release. His hand slipped beneath him, the hurried motion of his strokes intensifying, his fingers relentless as he chased his own peak while lingering over every pulse and shudder of yours. 

He moaned against you, his mouth vibrating with his own mounting pleasure, his hips twitching as he hit his release just after yours. His strokes slowed, tapering off as he gasped, his lips finally releasing you as his chest heaved. He knelt there, breathless, lips glistening from the shared passion, drenched by the evidence of his pleasure pooling between you. 

But he didn’t pull away. Instead, he crawled up beside you, eyes softened as he reached for you, arms wrapping tenderly around your shoulders, guiding you to rest your head against his chest. You stayed there, uncertain yet draped in the quiet intimacy of the moment. His heartbeat pounded against your ear, each beat so fierce you couldn’t tell if it was his or your own. 

His hand drifted up to brush your hair back, fingers combing gently as his breathing settled into a steady rhythm with yours. He pressed a gentle kiss to your temple, then another to the crown of your head, his lips lingering as if they held some unspoken affection, each kiss like a vow. 

“You were wonderful, dear,” he whispered, his voice a low, affectionate murmur, pressing another soft kiss to your hair. He stayed there, his arms cradling you, showering you with gentle kisses, an unexpected tenderness weaving around you both in the aftermath, grounding you in a warmth that felt real, if only for this moment. 

“I'm not sure how to even respond to that” you murmured, your mind still a haze, struggling to piece itself back together in the lingering aftershocks of your release. His fingers brushed tenderly along your cheek, and when you looked up, his eyes were warm, soft, his gaze holding an intensity that made your heart skip a beat. 

“You’re perfect,” he said, tilting your chin up, his voice thick with emotion. His lips pressed gently to yours, lingering as if he wanted to etch this moment into his mind. “You’re everything I want and more.” His voice cracked, barely a whisper, before he pulled you against his chest, his arms tightening around you with a fervency that felt almost desperate, as if he were holding on to something he couldn’t bear to lose. 

The raw affection in his embrace left you spinning. He held you as if you were his—an intimacy that felt foreign and startling. You’d just met him, after all. Yet here he was, clinging onto you as if you were more than a passing connection, as if you meant something deeper, something that couldn’t be dismissed. It was unnerving, a stark contrast to what you’d expected. 

Your eyes drifted to the shadowed portrait in the corner of the room, catching the faint outline of the woman in it—a powerful figure with curling horns and a smile that was as beautiful as it was unsettling. Whoever she was, she lingered here, like a ghost following his every step, a reminder of a past not fully left behind. 

But then, he murmured into your hair, “I love you. Please… don’t go.” His voice was fragile, almost broken, and his arms wrapped around you even tighter, his head pressing against yours, as if the strength of his embrace alone could keep you with him. 

There were many reasons people used Cinder. Some were looking for a thrill, some for a fleeting escape, some for connection in a moment that might otherwise feel empty. Maybe that was all this was, a bandage to the wound of loneliness he didn’t want to admit to, a warmth he hadn’t felt in ages. 

You hesitated, your hands resting limply against his back. This wasn’t what you’d come for; it wasn’t what you’d expected. But then, you could feel his frame trembling beneath your touch, the vulnerability in his grip as if he’d waited lifetimes to feel the comfort of another. Gently, you placed a hand on his back, feeling the way he drew in a shaky breath. 

“I won’t,” you whispered softly, almost to yourself, your voice filling the quiet between you.  “I’m here for you.”  

It was a lie, but a beautiful lie, nonetheless. 

At your words, he shuddered, holding you tighter, his trembling easing as if you’d just unlocked something buried within him.  

You were just a passing soul, but at this moment, maybe that was enough. 

[wherethefigsfall]

Goodnight Prank:

Ellie Williams x fem reader (college au)

It’s a slow night in the dorm.

You’re cross-legged on your bed, hair damp from your post-shower crisis, your roommate whispering conspiratorially from her side of the room.

“Okay, okay—call her,” she says, phone already recording. “Just say ‘goodnight’ and hang up. I need to see this unfold.”

You roll your eyes but your thumb’s already hovering over Ellie’s name.

Ex.

Former situationship turned actual relationship turned heartbreak six weeks ago.

You hadn’t spoken since the fight.

Until now.

Your stomach flips with anxiety and despair.

You press call.

It rings once.

Twice.

“…Hello?” Her voice is cautious. Tired. You imagine she’s got one hand behind her head, sprawled in her bed in that shitty off-campus apartment. You imagine she’s wearing one of those wife beaters and some Nike sweatpants looking scrumptious as ever.

You suddenly want to crawl inside your own skin.

You clear your throat. “Hey.”

A pause. Then:

“Uh. Hi?”

Your roommate’s holding in laughter, hiding behind a pillow.

“I just… I was calling to say goodnight.”

Another pause. You stare at your duvet like it’s the answer to world peace.

Then Ellie laughs. Not mocking, not awkward. Soft. A real laugh—the kind you remember from when you’d say something stupid in a 7-Eleven at 2 a.m. and she’d giggle into your hoodie sleeve.

You were calling to say goodnight?” she repeats, a teasing lilt in her voice now.

“Yeah,” you say quickly, as if ripping off a Band-Aid. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight…” she echoes, voice slower this time, careful. Then she adds, a little quieter: “Wait, is that it?”

“Yep.”

You hang up.

Your roommate screams.

You throw your phone down like it burned you.

She’s already diving to edit the TikTok, wheezing, “That was the most lesbian thing I’ve ever seen. You looked like you were gonna cry and throw up and kiss her all at the same time.”

You’re about to protest, say “it wasn’t that deep,” but your phone buzzes.

Els:

"wtf"

"why did that make my heart do a thing"

"i miss u"

You stare at the texts. Brain empty. Mouth dry.

Another buzz.

Els:

"can i call u"

You don’t respond. You call her instead.

She picks up immediately.

“Okay,” she says, already smiling—you can hear it. “What was that?”

You chew on your lip. “A TikTok trend.”

She hums. “Figures. You’re such a dork.”

“You sounded happy to hear me.”

“I was.” No hesitation.

You blink at the ceiling.

Ellie breathes into the silence for a beat.

Then she says:

“I miss hearing your voice. I miss our stupid walks. Miss that dumb pink cup you always made me fill up for you. I miss—fuck, I miss all of it.”

Your throat tightens. “You broke up with me.”

“Yeah, and I regretted it like five minutes later. I just— I freaked out. I didn’t know how to handle loving someone that much. Loving you that much.”

The room spins a little. Or maybe that’s just your heart doing cartwheels like an idiot.

“I still love you,” she adds, voice barely above a whisper.

Silence again.

Your roommate’s behind her laptop pretending not to eavesdrop but literally doing nothing else.

You exhale. “I miss you too.”

There’s a rustle on her end. “Can I come over?”

You nod before realizing she can’t see you. “Yeah.”

“Give me ten minutes.”

You hang up, phone pressed to your chest, heart hammering like it’s back in freshman year.

Your roommate raises an eyebrow. “So…?”

You look up, dazed. “We’re lesbians. We’re back together.”

She fist-pumps. “Called it.”

⸻

Ten minutes later, there’s a soft knock at your dorm door.

You open it.

Ellie’s standing there in grey sweatpants, that damn wife pleaser you used to steal, and a look that says please don’t make me go back home tonight.

You don’t say anything. You just pull her in.

Her arms wrap around you like she’s home. She smells like weed and vanilla and safety.

“I still have that pink cup,” she mumbles into your hair.

You laugh. “Shut up.”

She pulls back slightly to look at you. “So… are we good?”

You press your forehead against hers. “Say goodnight first.”

She grins. “Goodnight, baby.”

[mdsbabygirl]

“IF HE CHEATING I'M DOING HIM WORSE”

🌶️SMUT⚠️MDNI🔞

Pairing: Sanzu Haruchiyo x  fem!reader x Haitani brothers

Synopsis: when your bf sanzu Haruchiyo cheats on you w another bitch, you decide to get back at him by fucking his co-mobsters.. cuz you don't care, he did it first...

Wc: 3,5k

Cw: cheater¡Bonten!Sanzu, cheater!reader, Bonten!Ran, Bonten!Rindou, sanzu was your bf, Sanzu is a bitch NGL, reader is a bit bitchy and vengeful, the bros are overly flirty perverted assholes, vulgar language, heavy smut, threesome, double penetration, nipple play, clit play, BJs, sex tape, a bit of exhibitionism, facials, creampie, slight degradation (slut, whore), uses of pet names(doll, princess..), etc.

Lil note: so sorry for the sanzu stans, I luv my Haru as much as y'all do but I had to .. I HAD TO MAKE HIM A BITCH LOL

"Oh fuck you're so tight -" he moaned In the dead of night, as he thrusted inside you with a fierce, wild passion. The room was engulfed in lust-filled darkness, the only light coming from the flickering streetlights outside.

"Mm, more, Haru... Don't stop," you moaned, as his relentless pursuit of his own high carried both of you towards your imminent climax. His face was a picture of pure desire, his  eyebrows scrunched and mouth open agape as he gasped for air. His strong, muscular arms wrapped around you, pulling you close as he continued to pound into you with an insatiable hunger.

But as he chased his high, something inside you started to feel off. Your pleasure, once all-consuming, now seemed distant and muted, leaving you wanting, unsatisfied, even a bit drained.

A bead of sweat dripped down Haruchiyo's temple as he grunted, a deep groan rumbling in his chest. The intensity of his thrusts was growing, and in a flash, he came inside you. Wave after wave of hot, sticky release coated the insides of your cunt, and you could only watch, a mixture of pleasure and unease curling in the pit of your stomach.

Moments later, you followed, your orgasm finally reaching the surface. But instead of the heady, satisfying bliss you'd grown accustomed to, the climax felt like a hollow echo.

As you came down from your high, you couldn't help but question the change in your passion. You'd been together for months, but tonight, the fire in you seemed to have dimmed.

He slowly pulled out, letting his tired body fall beside you, his chest heaving up and down with each breath he was taking. He didn't even look at you, he just turned to his side and quickly fell asleep..

That was surely weird asf.. he'd usually snuggle against you, cuddle you and tell you how amazing you were and how happy you make him feel.. but lately, he's been cold and distant, not giving you the attention you craved for, and today you felt overjoyed when he initiated intimacy for the first time in weeks..

You were euphoric when he asked you to ‘make love’ to him..  all those gut wrenching scenarios of him not loving you anymore or even cheating on you fading away in mere seconds. But.. let's be honest.. it didn't feel that good, maybe it's because you forgot how it felt or maybe he was tired and thus this wasn't his best performance or maybe... You fell out of love?

You sighed, pushing away those taunting thoughts and deciding to go to sleep. You'll confront him tomorrow about this, now you're both—he was— way too tired to talk this out.

Beep.. you heard a notification. You opened your eyes wondering who could be messaging you at this time of night . But it wasn't your phone, it was Sanzu's.. assuming it was his fellow gang members, you didn't want to invade his privacy so u just went back to sleep..

Beep..beep.. beep beep beep

Ok now you were really starting to get irritated. Not only was your bf's performance awful, but you also couldn't sleep cuz his phone was beeping like crazy.. "wtf could these fuckers want?" You mumbled softly, as you reached for Sanzu's phone and opened to see the messages.

Sanzu I miss you already

Can't wait to have you back in my bed

I'm so needy for you daddy

Sanzu I'm touching myself thinking ab you

Your jaw dropped as you read those messages. Who was the bitch who sent them? And why was she texting YOUR BF in the dead of night? You were FUMING with rage  already, the last straw  being a nude Pic of some girl fingering herself.

So.. it was all a lie.. all those times Sanzu told you he loved you and cared for you.. it was all an illusion. All the times he'd ignore your calls, refuse to hang out with you under the pretext of being  too tired or having plans w the gang, he was out there doing some other bitch..

Saying you felt betrayed and angry was an understatement.. the world shattered around you as a sense of betrayal consumed you in a heartbeat. The surging rage inside you, made you think about how to actually murder your cheating bf and how to get away with it .. but let's be honest, you'd face serious consequences if you did that, so instead you'll just stick to revenge.. cuz Vendetta sounds hotter than murder.

You scowled, looking at his sleeping form, disgusted by his audacity of fucking you after sticking his dick in some stupid cheap whore he probably found in their clubs .. THE CLUB! THAT'S HOW YOU WERE GOING TO GET REVENGE ON HIM!! You're going to dress real slutty, go to the club and.. FUCK THE TWO PERSONS HE COULDN'T STAND THE MOST.. THE HAITANI BROTHERS... that's your revenge plan.

You quickly went to get ready, careful not to wake him up. You did your hair, put on your fav makeup, and wore the sluttiest most gorgeous dress you owned, then headed out of your shared apartment and took a cab for the club.

On your way there you texted Ran, asking if he was there with his brother to which he affirmed.. he still asked you why were you looking for them out of the blue, but u dismissed everything saying you just wanted to catch up.. pfft, nah u just wanted to fuck them, but u liked being mysterious.

Once you arrived there, you saw Ran waiting for you in front of the entrance, smoking a cigarette. His lips curled in his usual cocky grin when he saw you, taking one last drag out of his cigarettes before throwing it down, stepping on it and blowing out the smoke. "Long time no see y/n! Where's your asshole bf?" He chucked as he greeted you, his greedy eyes scanning you up and down before quickly fixating on your plump tits.

"Yeah it's been a while..and about him ..." You responded in a sultry, intoxicating voice, but as you were about to finish, Rindou suddenly joined you. "Ran, where tf did you go? Oh, hi y/n!" The younger one said annoyed at his brother before turning to greet you.

"Oh yk, I just got out to smoke this cig .. and talk to this pretty lady right here!" He said smugly, gesturing to you as he looked you flirtatiously, his cocky smirk never fading from his face.

Meanwhile, his younger brother was unimpressed with his brother's flirting methods. He just rolled his eyes, before smacking his arm, reminding him you were taken, "dumbass she's dating Sanzu. I don't think you need anymore trouble with that mf" he spoke in a bored tone.

"As if I was afraid o-" "we're not together anymore!" You cut Ran off, dropping this bombshell on them so nonchalantly. The way you sounded so cocky, almost proud of yourself made the two turn their head at you, their eyes wide open as they tried to process what they've just heard..

"Really? You guys aren't together anymore?" Rindou asked, "why?" Ran added.. you just chuckled in a slutty way, making your way in the club, your hips swaying so gracefully with each of your steps before you turned your head to face them, bending over ever so slightly just to let them get a glimpse of your red laced thong.. "get in! I'll let y'all know everything after you'll serve me the best tequila you have here!" You giggled before entering the VIP section..

A few drinks in, you started telling them ab this whole mess of a situation, all giggly and cunty as the alcohol started to get the best of you. "And that's how I found out my asshole bf is a cheater! Hahaha" you laughed as you sipped your now fourth shot of tequila.

The brothers were sitting on either of your sides, both chuckling with you, feeling amused by your story, and the way you were shitting on Sanzu.. it was hilarious for them. but honestly, your words weren't the only captivating thing ab you that night. That form-fitting tube dress really did accentuate your curves magnificently, showcasing your perfectly rounded hips and supple, full buttocks while enhancing your breasts.

You could already see the tent in their pants, their hard ons feeling so constricted from the tight fabric. You smirked, knowing damn well you were on the right path. "whatcha' looking at down there?" You heard Rindou say, his suave voice pulling you out of your thoughts. "oh, a lot of things.." you spoke seductively, your sultry voice drawing them in with a siren's allure.

Ran chuckled at your response, his hand coming to rest on your thigh, squeezing the soft flesh before turning his gaze to you, "yk.. if we were your bfs, we wouldn't have done such thing to you!" He spoke, his voice so husky and hot that it send tingles of excitement down to your little clit .. he smirked devilishly to Rindou, who wrapped his arm around your waist pulling you closer to him, and whispering lowly into your ear, "oh no no no .. we'd treat you like the princess you are!" "Or like the slut you wanna be!" Ran added, his breath feeling hot against your skin, as he too whispered in your ear, making the little hairs on the back of your neck stand and your mind wander.

***TIME SKIP***

As you lay on the bed, your heart racing with  anticipation, Ran positioned himself beside your head, while Rindou knelt between your trembling thighs. With a wicked glint in his eyes, Ran shoved his rock-hard cock past your lips, the warm, wet heat of your mouth enveloping his throbbing length.

Simultaneously, Rindou's skilled tongue began its work, plunging into your slick, wet folds, swirling and lapping at your clit. The dual assault on your senses was enough to make you gag on Ran's cock, the overwhelming sensations of his girth combined with Rindou's relentless tongue driving you to the edge of blissful, mind-numbing ecstasy.

Ran's cocky demeanor, only served to heighten your arousal. He gripped the back of your head, thrusting his manhood further down your throat as he growled in satisfaction. "Mhmm.. fuck your throat's amazing ahh"

Rindou, on the other hand, watched you with predatory hunger as he feasted on your wet, aching flesh. "Your pussy is fucking wet, haha. Thinking I've just gotten started" he chuckled smugly.

His fingers splayed on the soft curves of your ass, as his digits sensually massaged your backdoor hole, rubbing in all that slick to make it extra slippery.

Your body shook with each of Ran's powerful thrusts, a guttural moan escaping his lips, as your throat clenched around his hard dick. "Fuck doll, your so goddamn tight shit ..." He grunted through gritted teeth.

Your back arched involuntarily as Rindou's finger delved into your anus, the pressure and sensation sending electric sparks of pleasure coursing through your entire body. Your breath hitched as his skilled fingers teased your sensitive rosette, while Ran's thrusts grew more intense, each one a testament to the animalistic hunger that raged within him.

Sweat dripped down your temples as your mind whirred, your body on the precipice of shattering under the unrelenting, merciless onslaught of pleasure.

Rindou's fingering was enough to push you over the edge, a deafening, orgasmic cry escaping your lips as your core clenched and released in a mind-shattering climax. "Fucking cum in my mouth princess!" His moan muffled by his continuous lapping at your folds, trying to drink up all your sweet juices oozing outra your Cunt.

Ran chuckled at your reaction, withdrawing from your mouth, a  smirk playing on his lips. Rindou, having claimed his own satisfaction, pulled his fingers from your quivering ass and leaned in to kiss your swollen, slick lips. "You're in for a long night!" Rindou said, his voice tinged with malice, "we're not done with you yet little whore" added Ran in a smug tone, lowering his head to press his lips on yours, capturing them in a hungry fiery kiss that reflected his lustful need for your body..

"Flip her over Rindou, I need to fuck her!" He turned to his brother, both of them smirking, knowing they'll ruin you for good tonight.

An idea suddenly came to the younger one's mind, a wicked grin appearing in his face. His older brother caught onto his expression.. "Aniki.. what if we film this.. yk to remember this moment!" He spoke, his gaze fixed upon you as you lay, exhausted and spent, upon the bed. Ran chuckled, very much enjoying his idea. "And that's why you're the best lil bro!" He patted his shoulder.

With the phones set up to capture every detail of your sinful desires, Ran and Rindou wasted no time in maneuvering you into position. Gently, but with urgency, they flipped you onto your hands and knees, your ass presented and your head dangling down.

Rindou, the more muscular of the two, positioned himself behind you, his strong arms wrapping around your chest as he lined up his cock with your tight entrance. As he began to thrust into you from behind, you could feel the thickness of his girth stretching you wide, the sensation of his well-defined pecs and sculpted arms brushing against your back with each powerful thrust.

Meanwhile, Ran, the lanky one, took up position between your legs, his cock already coated in your saliva, ready to invade your dripping cunt. He teased your quivering clit and swollen, his fingertips dancing around it as his shaft rubbed against your swollen labia, eliciting breathless gasps from you.

Once he had your cunt dripping wet, he slid inside, burying his rock-hard length to the hilt, your inner walls clenching around his girth like a velvet vice. "Oh shit, that feels goddamn good" he groaned, his gaze lowering to where you were greedily sucking him in.

The twin sensations of their cocks, one thick and veiny, the other long and lean, filled you, stretching you beyond your wildest dreams, leaving you to moan and squirm beneath their masterful touch.

Both men took turns on you, their skilled hands roamed your body, pinching, pulling and massaging your erect nipples into throbbing peaks. Rindou would tug at one while Ran sucked the other, the erotic mix of sensations sending shivers down your spine. You arched your back in response, begging for more, their cocks filling you with an intensity you never knew existed.

Ran's tempo grew faster and his cock dug deeper into your cunt with each thrust. In contrast, Rindou's slow, deliberate strokes from behind created a perfect rhythm, your cunt and ass being filled with a perfect balance of control and fervor.

Their animalistic grunts and your increasingly frantic whimpers filled the room, the sound of their flesh smacking against yours a sensual chorus. Your body, pushed to the very edge, was at their mercy, your mind drowning in pleasure as you teetered on the precipice of orgasm.

The pressure was unbearable, and you knew that release was imminent. As Rindou's powerful hands clamped onto your hips, pulling you back onto his thick cock with an unrestrained ferocity, Ran bit down on your neck, hard, leaving a stinging hickey.

It was then that the crescendo hit you like a freight train. "ungghhh.. ungghhh.. r-rindouuu.. Raaaan.. ahhh fuck it's too much I'm cumming!" You cried out, your body convulsing in the most intense orgasm you'd ever experienced, your pussy milking Ran's cock, and your ass clenching around Rindou's as they continued to fuck you relentlessly.

"Fuck I'm close.. ahh fuck" Rindou grunted, his grip on your waist tightening to the point of bruising you. Ran grinned, his thrown back head coming down to look at your disheveled state, hair and makeup all messed up, drool dripping out of your gaping mouth, skin full of bruises, bite marks and hickeys. "Yeah.. Ig I'm close too" he replied lowly, smirking, as he panted ... He was getting closer and closer by the second.

"Hey Rin" he called out, "wanna cum on her face?" He suggested, his voice thick with malice. Rindou was fond of the idea, nodding as they both pulled out of your abused, fluttering holes... They'll be filled up on another occasion.

They quickly flipped you over, your fucked out face making them laugh at your messed up and untidy state.. "I bet Sanzu never made her feel this good!" Ran said, his low chuckles echoing through the room. "Maybe we'll show him what real fucking looks like!" Rindou added, a sly smirk painting his face.. they both laughed, before they grabbed their phones, pointing it at your pretty face, as they stroked their throbbing cocks.

As you lay there, your body still quivering from the explosive orgasm that washed over you, your mind was hazy and euphoric. Yet, even in this blissful state, your dedication to them was unwavering, so you presented your eager face to them.

Hasty to repay their efforts, you took their cocks into your mouth, your tongue swirling around their throbbing head, your skilled hands working their shafts in perfect sync. As they grunted and moaned, the tension between you grew, their arousal and your attentiveness driving them closer to the edge. "Damn doll, didn't know you could be such a slut!" Rindou moaned as he felt himself very close.

Just as you felt their balls tighten, their throbbing cocks swelling with impending release, Ran decided to facetime Sanzu, he wanted to show him what he got for cheating on such a beauty like you. The pinquette picked up the phone, looking rather pissed at seeing his face. "Tf you want Haitani?" He grumbled.. "oh me? Nothing.. but your girl might want something from me and my brother!" He giggled devilishly before he turned the camera, showing how eagerly you sucked their dicks, begging them to cum on your face. To say that Sanzu's face went pale is an understatement, and before he could cuss you all out, Rindou grabbed the phone and said "fuck you asshole, your gf likes our cocks better" Before they both hung up on him, throwing the phone across the room and getting their whole attention back on fucking your mouth.

"Fucking asshole, he'll definitely come here to kick our asses!"

"As if I cared!" Rindou continued, before he started slamming his hips harder in your mouth, your tight orifice struggling to take them both at the same time.

Your tongue danced along the veiny underside of his throbbing shaft, while your right hand pumped Ran's length with feverish fervor. The sight of their cocks, slick with your saliva, coated in your eager attentions, had their eyes glazing over with lust.

Their hips bucked forward, the urge to spill their seed onto your beautiful face growing more insistent. "Oh fuck, I'm gonna drop a fat load" With a guttural moan, Rindou's release exploded forth, his hot, sticky cum splattering against your forehead, cheeks, and chin, coating you in his essence.

"I'm gonna glaze your face with my cum baby" Ran moaned loudly, before following suit, as his own release pulsed from the tip of his cock, joining Rindou's in decorating your lovely face. The brothers, satiated and breathless, watched as you lapped up the remnants, leaving your face glistening with their combined seed.

"Damn... Sanzu doesn't know what he fucking Lost!" Ran breathed out exhaustedly before collapsing next to you, followed by Rindou. They both wrapped their arms around your figure, pulling you closer to their sticky bodies as they pulled the covers over you all, and succumbed to deep sleep.

The next morning, you were woken up by loud shouting and shattering noses. Curious, you quickly put on a shirt you randomly found on the ground, and went to see what all the fuss was about.

As you stormed into the living room, you were immediately confronted with the sight of a furious Sanzu, locked in heated combat with the two brothers. They bickered and cursed, the room flooding with a palpable tension.

You stood resolutely between the three men, hands on your hips as you glared at Sanzu. "What the hell are you doing here, you asshole?!" you roared. "What the fuck are you doing here?!" you repeated, fuming. "What were you thinking when you fucked these two, piece of shit excuses for men? Do you not know they don't give a single damn about you?!"

Sanzu tried to interject, but your lightning-fast hand found his cheek, delivering a sharp, stinging slap. "Care about me? You think I don't know you've been getting your rocks off with some random slut behind my back? Spare me the 'it was a mistake' bullshit, because we're done." You spoke in clipped, angry syllables, your gaze unwavering.

The brothers behind you failed miserably in their attempts to suppress their laughter, their uncontrolled giggles an insult to the severity of the situation. As you stood there, glaring at your ex, you couldn't help but feel a wave of exasperation: men were indeed a ridiculous bunch.

©2024MDsbabygirl do not copy or translate my work without my permission.

[joaosnovia]

hey! If youre looking for requests could you write something for charles leclerc? General hcs about dating him or a drabble maybe (i would melt if it was about him as a dad with kids🫠). Either is great but no pressure at all! Xx

❦ - maman et papa.

summary:: just a simple day w your family. (IDK WTF TO PUT HERE 😭)

warnings:: none?

writers note:: so like this is really short but i hope u guys like it bc ive never written for him 😔.

ion have a taglist for f1 fics yet but lmk if you’d wanna be apart of it if i do make one!

the sound of giggles filled the leclerc household as charles lay sprawled on the floor, two tiny figures climbing over him. his youngest, a little girl with wild curls just like his, had her chubby hands planted firmly on his chest, her face scrunched up in concentration.

'i win!' she declared, sitting triumphantly on his stomach.

charles gasped dramatically, throwing his head back. 'nooo, you’re too strong for me!'

his son, older by three years and fiercely competitive, frowned. 'papa, it’s my turn!'

'alright, alright, one at a time!' charles laughed, but neither child listened. soon they were both on top of him, their small hands attempting to pin him down. he let them win, of course, lying there with a grin as their laughter echoed through the room.

a soft chuckle came from the doorway. you leaned against the frame, arms crossed, watching the scene unfold. 'having fun?'

charles looked up at you, hair tousled and cheeks flushed. 'rescue me?' he asked, but there was no real pleading in his voice, only warmth, love, and a happiness that made your chest ache in the best way.

your daughter scrambled off him and ran to you, holding her arms up. 'maman, papa’s a loser!'

charles feigned offense. 'traitor!' he called after her, but when his gaze met yours again, his expression softened. 'this... this is the best, isn’t it?'

and as you watched your little family dissolve into another round of giggles and tickle fights, you could only nod. 'yeah, it really is.'

[itendtothinkalot]

its me or the ps5 (not literally)

summary: gamer bf beomgyu is in the midst of a lol battle with soobin but all u rly want is his attention :(((

genre: all fluff, no plot

characters: gamer bf!beomgyu x f!reader

words: not too many (i havent counted)

warnings: kinda suggestive but other than its pretty fluffy hehe

It had been hours since he last spoke to you. No, he wasn’t angry. No, he wasn’t upset with you. He was just really into his game.

You lay in bed, the soft glow of the screen casting shadows on his back as he sat at the computer, shouting curses between bursts of laughter. His words, loud and rapid, formed a jumble you could only half understand—it felt like trying to learn a new language, each phrase coming out as broken sentences.

“Something something, I’ll go mid, something something.” You managed to grasp this much.

You craved his attention. Sure, your last date was just three hours ago, but it wasn’t enough. He’d spoil you so much during the date that you’d gotten greedy. You needed him now—his attention, his hands, his words. But there he was, locked in with his favorite thing in the world: his pc.

“He missed me! Dude, he missed me!” Beomgyu yelled into the mic, laughing loudly. His fingers flew across the keyboard, the rapid clicking almost rhythmic. Out of curiosity, you peeked around the corner from your spot on the bed and watched him play. You didn’t really know how to play League, though you’d seen him at it plenty of times and had dabbled a bit when he’d offered to teach you.

Your body inched closer and closer, curiosity pulling you toward the screen. You could see his character zooming across the map, darting from one point to another. From what little you understood, he was doing really well—so well, in fact, that it made you feel even needier than you already did.

As you scooted inch by inch across the bed, you unknowingly reached the very edge. Before you realized it, your body slipped off, sending you tumbling to the floor with a soft thud. You let out a yelp, "AUGH!" The sound echoed through the room, catching your boyfriend’s attention. Beomgyu turned, eyes widening as he saw you sprawled on the floor.

"Baby, what are you doing on the floor?" His voice was laced with concern, though you could tell by the twitch of his lips that he was seconds away from bursting into laughter.

“Nothing.” You said, still on the floor.

He chuckled, standing up and making his way over to you. With a playful grin, he lifted you off the floor and gently placed you back on the bed. Leaning down, he gave you a quick kiss on the lips. “You’re an idiot,” he said, his voice overflowing with affection.

“Yours,” you agreed with a giggle.

“CHOI BEOMGYU!” A muffled voice shouted through his headphones.

“Shit. Coming!” he yelled back, giving you one last quick kiss before rushing back to his chair. As he put his headset on, he shot back, “Shut up. You’re one to talk, you fucking virgin.”

You chuckled, knowing they were probably teasing him about you.

You huffed, puffing out your cheeks in frustration. Falling wasn’t part of the plan, but at least you had his attention for a moment. Was that full minute enough to satiate your needs? No. You wanted him in bed, cuddling you and recounting his day—though you had spent the entire day together.

Your phone buzzed.

Soobin: get ur bf off the pc

You: ???

Soobin: hes annoying wtf

You: youre literally stealing him away from me u asshat

Soobin: hes literally rite beside u

You: men r so dense

Soobin: hes SAYING HES WINNING and telling all his friends that he won over me when he didnt

You: why are u so mad its just a game

Soobin: U SUCK

“Baby, is Soobin’s character dead?” you asked.

Beomgyu glanced over, lifting the left side of his headphones. The faint glow of the computer screen reflected in his eyes. “Did you say something, sweetheart?”

“Is Soobin’s character dead?” you repeated, a teasing smile on your lips.

He nodded, a focused look on his face. “Yeah, why?”

You laughed, turning back to your phone. “Nothing.”

“Is he texting you?” Beomgyu asked, a hint of jealousy creeping into his voice, though you probably didn’t notice.

You nodded, rolling your eyes playfully. “He’s just being annoying.”

“What’d he say?”

You shrugged. “Nothing much. He’s just talking about the game.”

“To you?” Beomgyu’s tone was sharper, and you looked up from your phone to see him fully turned toward you now. A far cry from just two minutes ago when he had been giving you only side glances. His complete attention was on you, a mix of curiosity and something else flickering in his eyes.

This piqued your interest. Was he jealous?

“Yes, Gyu. To me.” You laughed, placing your phone on the bed.

“Gyu?” His brows furrowed slightly, and you could see the shift in his expression. You knew that hit a nerve. He was expecting terms of endearment—baby, my love, sweetheart, darling, angel, daddy—but hearing just his name, the nickname you used when you were still friends, made him twitch.

“Gyu?” he repeated, a slight edge to his voice.

“Is that not your name?” you teased, a playful smile on your lips.

“No. Not to you.” He frowned, his focus shifting entirely away from the game. You watched as he pressed a button on his PC, the lights on his headphones flickering off. He had muted his friends, the sounds of the game fading into silence.

He took off the headphones and set them on the desk, then slowly made his way to the bed, his expression darkened as he approached you.

“Hm, really now?” You grinned, knowing you were reeling him in.

“To you, it’s baby,” he pouted, crossing his arms dramatically. “Why are you calling me by my government name?”

“Gyu is not your government name.” You laughed.

“Yes, it is. Y’know who calls me Gyu? My mother. Are you my mom?”

“No I’m not, Gyu.”

“You did it again!” He gasped, eyes wide with mock horror. “Evil has gotten to you. You’ve been hanging out with Soobin too much.”

“Don’t be an idiot.”

“Baby~” he whined, leaning closer. “Do you still love me?”

You rolled your eyes, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. “Aren’t you the one ignoring me for a game?”

“Ignoring you? Baby…” He feigned innocence, and you couldn’t help but laugh. “I stopped my winning streak for you. Now Soobin’s gonna go berserk, posting on every social media that he won. I did this for you.” His expression was a mix of exasperation and affection.

“No. You stopped because you got jealous of your friend.”

“Soobin’s gorgeous. You can’t blame me for being jealous.”

You chuckled, “Soobin’s gorgeous? That’s your defense.”

He nodded aggressively, “Yes! He is. Didn’t you have a crush on him when we were all just becoming friends?”

Now you were confused, “Huh?”

“You had this major crush on him, didn’t you?”

“No. No, I didn’t!”

“Yes, you did!”

“You’re making this up! Are you sure you’re not the one with a crush on him?” You accused.

“Look, he’s gorgeous and all, but… I’m into you. Specifically. If anyone asked me what my preference was, I’d say you. I’d always say you.” Beomgyu sighed, kneeling in front of you, resting his chin between your legs as he gazed up at you with earnest eyes.

You nodded, a satisfied grin spreading across your face. “Looks like I trained you well.” You ran your fingers gently through his hair, feeling the soft strands slip between your fingers.

“Mmf, play with my hair,” he murmured, sighing in contentment.

You always told everyone who asked that your boyfriend resembled a puppy—his big, expressive eyes and playful nature made it impossible not to think so. He loved being pampered, adored the feeling of your fingers massaging his scalp, and thrived any sort of affection you showered him with.

“You sure? You seem like you’re losing,” you pointed out, glancing at the game still unfolding on the screen.

“I don’t care,” he replied, waving a dismissive hand.

“Really now?” You tilted your head, curiosity evident in your expression.

“Mhm.” He nodded confidently. “I’ll let Soobin win.”

“That’s the first.” you said, raising an eyebrow.

He nuzzled his cheeks against your bare thighs, a playful pout forming on his lips. “Please,” he begged, looking up at you through his eyelashes.

“Sure, Gyu.” You teased again, a mischievous glint in your eye.

“Again? Really?” He lifted his head off your legs, feigning exasperation. “Do you want me to start crying?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you replied, trying to keep a straight face.

“Repeat after me. Ba…” He shifted above you, placing his arms on both sides of your legs, propping himself up so you were face-to-face with him. His eyes locked onto yours. His arms held your back, pushing you closer towards him.

You had been dating for years, yet it was almost excruciating how he could still make you feel giddy, even after countless sleepovers. The way he looked at you, the way he kisses you, the playful banter that never seemed to bore you.

“Ba…” You followed, grinning.

“By…” He leaned closer, whispering into your ear, his breath warm against your skin.

“By.”

“Good girl.” He pecked your cheeks lightly, a playful smile spreading across his face. “Now say it all together.” His face was so desperately close to yours, his eyes sparkling with anticipation, begging to hear the words.

“Baby,” you finished, your voice barely above a whisper.

He grinned, his eyes sparkling as he grabbed your chin, pulling you in for a deeper kiss. “Don’t forget that.”

“How could I?” you murmured, breathless under the warmth of his lips, your heart racing.

Lost in the heat of the moment, the two of you spent the next few minutes locked in a deep, passionate kiss. Your bodies pressed together, his hands exploring every inch of you, yet always remaining gentle. The intensity of the connection between you both grew with each second as each kiss grew desperate and needier, you couldn’t help but wish you could see him everyday.

You tapped Beomgyu’s arms as you both slowed down the kiss, exchanging gentle pecks between your playful conversation.

“Baby.” Peck.

“What do—” Peck.

“You think—” Peck.

“About—”

“Mmf, I can’t think right now.” Beomgyu continued, playfully pushing you down onto the bed as he showered you with kisses.

“Baby, this is important.”

“What could be more important than this?” he replied, giving you one final peck before falling beside you, entwining his fingers with yours.

“Well, what do you think about living together?” you asked.

“Hm?” His eyes lit up with curiosity.

“We're already always at each other’s places,” you explained, a hopeful smile playing on your lips.

“You just get smarter each day, don’t you?” he teased, propping his elbows on either side of you as he gazed down, admiration shining in his eyes. “Because I think that’s the smartest thing anyone has ever said. Even Einstein couldn’t figure this out.”

“Baby, it’s a yes or no,” you laughed, enjoying the playful banter.

“As if I’d say no to staying with the world’s most perfect person.” He scoffed in mock disbelief, a grin spreading across his face. “And imagine this: we could stay in bed all day after doing all sorts of things all night.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Gyu…” you looked at him sternly, trying to suppress a smile.

“Again with my government name!” He exclaimed dramatically.

You rolled your eyes, unable to hide your affection. “I love you.”

“And I love—” He pressed his lips onto yours, silencing you with a kiss. “You.”

[jjjjeonww]

yoon jeonghan - "Habit."

featuring: yoon jeonghan and you

~~in which, jeonghan has had the habit of calling you, but how will he get rid of it now? inspired by seventeen vcu, Habit. word count - 995. (dont mind the header, i couldn't find anything else related to the song !!) a/n: . . . @hanniescookie @rosiemain, @kyeomviiee this is for u my loves!! okay but frfr, there's gonna be a kyeom fic for kae, and a woozi fic for rosie incoming soon HAHA (its still for u guys anws) and this one is to get back at augustine bc wtf was that seokmin angst dude. it broke my heart. .. jeonghan sat alone in his apartment, the dim lamp casting a soft glow on the pages of the book he wasn't really reading. his mind was elsewhere, as it always was these days. across the room, a framed photograph of you and him caught his eye. you looked so happy in that moment, your smiles wide and genuine. but that was before everything changed.

he remembered the way your laughter would echo through the room, a melody that had become all too rare. even now, the mere thought of you brought a bittersweet ache to his chest. he wanted to believe that he was okay, that time had healed the wound she left behind, but it was a lie. a cruel deception he told himself to keep moving forward.

his gaze drifted to his phone on the coffee table. the urge to call you, to hear your voice one more time, was overwhelming. but he resisted, knowing that it would only reopen the wound, making the healing process even harder. instead, he tossed the phone aside, burying his face in his hands as a sigh escaped his lips.

the silence of the room was deafening, broken only by the distant hum of the city outside. he longed for the days when your laughter and his would fill the space, when they would stay up all night talking about dreams and fears. but those days were long gone, lost to the sands of time and the choices both of you had made.

he closed his eyes, trying to block out the memories that haunted him. but even in the darkness of his mind, he could see you. your smile, your eyes, the way your hair danced in the wind. he was still hopelessly in love with you, and the thought of you having a harder time in moving on brought him a twisted sense of comfort. at least then, he wouldn't be the only one hurting.

but he knew he couldn't wish pain upon you, no matter how much he longed to feel connected to you again. he had to find a way to move on, to build a life without you. even if it meant living with this constant ache in his heart, this habit of loving you that he couldn't seem to break.

you and jeonghan walked hand in hand through the park, your laughter echoing through the trees. you had met by chance, eyes locking across a crowded room, and from that moment on, you were inseparable. you had become the light to his dark days, the warmth that chased away the chill that had settled in his bones before he had known you. with you by his side, everything seemed brighter, more vibrant, more alive. your smile was contagious, your joy a melody that he couldn't get enough of.

as you strolled through the park, the autumn leaves crunching beneath your feet, jeonghan pulled you closer, his arm wrapped around your waist. you leaned into him, your head resting on his shoulder, a picture of contentment and belonging. he never wanted this moment to end, never wanted to let you go.

"do you remember when we first met?" you asked, voice soft and nostalgic. "i knew from the moment i saw you across that room that you were someone special. your eyes, they held a depth, a sadness that I wanted to understand, to heal."

jeonghan smiled, the memory of that night etched into his mind. he had been attending a gallery opening with a friend, not expecting to meet the love of his life. but then your eyes had met, and everything had changed. "i remember," he said, his voice low and filled with emotion. "i felt it too, that instant connection. like a part of me had found its way home."

you both continued to walk, lost in their thoughts and the memories of their love story. you had been through so much together, weathered storms and celebrated triumphs. his love for you had only grown stronger, more resilient, with each passing day.

as they approached the old oak tree where they always sat, jeonghan pulled you into a tight embrace. cupping your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away the tears that threatened to fall. "i love you," he whispered, his forehead pressed against yours. "i love you more than anything in this world. i want to spend the rest of my life loving you, y/n."

you smiled, a brilliant, radiant smile that took his breath away. "I love you too," you whispered back, your eyes shining with unshed tears. "forever and always, jeonghan. no matter what happens, no matter where life takes us, you will always be my home. my heart, my everything."

you sealed that promise with a kiss, a kiss that spoke of passion, of love, of a future that stretched out before you like an endless, beautiful road. ..

you were invincible, untouchable. the world could burn down around you both, and you would still have each other. that was the power of your love for each-other, the unbreakable bond they had forged through countless trials and triumphs.

but as with all things in life, your story was not destined to be a fairy tale. the path you walked together wasn't always smooth, and the weight of your past mistakes and misunderstandings would eventually take a toll. the arguments that started as mere disagreements grew louder, more heated, until the unthinkable happened.

one day, after a particularly nasty fight, you had walked away. you had left your shared apartment, taking only a small bag with your most precious belongings. you had left him behind, and with your departure, you had taken a piece of his heart with you.

and now as he sits in his once shared apartment, he feels his lips, the one that used to always call you, go completely dry, he realizes it's become a habit, a habit of calling you.

[i-dont-know-how-this-site-works]

Echo checks his comm after a long day of fighting the empire, part gazillions of bazillion

(3)Message from: Hunter "Two days?"

"Are you kidding me, Echo?"

"By the way, do you know someone who can babysit three teenaged clones for me?"

(4)Message from: Wrecker

"Man, hunter is being so extra lately, u need to come back"

"We met some clones, they seem young but they are as tall as hunter so idk how old they really are"

"fucking face huggers in here, what is this bullshit"

"can u get us some new weapons? the kids unloaded an entire crate into some creatures mouth that wanted to eat hunter"

"We took the kids in, hope you dont mind"

(5)Missed calls from: Crosshair

(4)Message from: Crosshair

"location 4559377929"

"your kid wanted to stole the emperor's ship, wtf"

"i hate you, and I hate the kid and I hate everything"

"answer the comm you bastard"

(12)Missed calls from: <3 my best girl <3

(7)Message from: <3 my best girl <3

"Echooooooo?"

"Are you there??"

"ignore Crosshair, we didn't steal the emperor's ship"

"When are you going to get here? I really missed you"

"Nala Se kept destroying my blood samples, i don't know what's up with that"

"also, I hope you don't mind, but I got us a puppy"

"it's bigger than me"

(4567)Missed calls from: Tech

(99)Messages from: Tech

"I think all my communication is going into the spam folder."

[pretzel-box]

Sebastian trolling on intercoms, he has this one line where he says he’s stuffing urbanshade’s operatives in the drawers. My req is walking in on Seb stuffing them in the drawers and going, “dude wtff” and then proceeds to help out just because. Then it’s his turn to go “dude. wtf”

u can ignore this if u like, take care, toodles :3

Tags: Mention of dead bodies, gn!reader, can be read as established relationship, bonding over weird activities

Words: 1k

Being constantly on your own meant learning the art of multitasking, managing both the mundane and the ridiculous without complaint or backup. That's one of the first things Sebastian had perfected. No matter how brutal the mission or how complicated the intel, it always came down to doing the dirty work solo. He had a particular distaste for asking for help, especially from the expendables sent by Urbanshade. Not that they could be much help anyway—Sebastian had long suspected that most of them lacked the basic smarts to handle even the simplest tasks.

He once likened them to dogs: you throw them a bone, and instead of catching it, they'd get hit in the face. That mental image gave him an odd sort of satisfaction as he worked.

But today was testing even his limits.

He was crouched over a body, struggling to cram a fully massacred Urbanshade operative into a drawer not designed to hold anything larger than some spare parts and tools. The operative was limp and heavy, their arms and legs flopping uselessly as Sebastian tried, for the third time, to fold them in enough to close the drawer.

He let out an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes as he shoved a leg into place. “Another day, another operative stuffed in the drawers,” he muttered sarcastically to himself. “I swear, Urbanshade should just invest in bigger cabinets if they want to keep sending these guys.”

He gave the drawer another forceful push, but it stubbornly resisted.

Suddenly, a voice echoed down the corridor. “Sebastian, what the actual—” You appeared in the doorway, your expression a mix of shock and disbelief as you took in the bizarre scene. “What the hell are you doing?”

Sebastian didn’t even look up, his voice steady and dry. “They ran out of closets. And I ran out of patience.” He gave the drawer a final shove, managing to stuff half the operative’s body inside, though one arm still dangled precariously from the side. “You’d think Urbanshade would plan for this, but here we are.”

For a moment, you just stood there, trying to process the absurdity of what you were witnessing. The operative, the drawer, Sebastian’s complete lack of concern—it was all too ridiculous.

“Well…” you sighed after a moment, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I guess I’ll help.”

Sebastian finally looked up, one eyebrow raised in mild surprise. “You’re seriously going to help me?”

“Clearly, you need it,” you replied, stepping forward and rolling up your sleeves. “There’s no way this guy’s fitting without some… creativity.”

Without another word, the two of you got to work. The silence between you was punctuated only by the occasional grunt as you both maneuvered the operative’s limbs into the most unnatural positions possible, trying to make him fit into the narrow space. You had to bend the legs awkwardly, twist the arms into near-impossible angles—it felt like playing a weird game of human Tetris, but the stakes were somehow more absurd.

At one point, the operative’s foot got stuck between the drawer and the frame, and you had to push down hard on his leg while Sebastian yanked at the drawer to create enough space.

“This is not what I signed up for,” you muttered under your breath, gritting your teeth as you pushed with all your strength.

Sebastian grunted in agreement, though there was a faint smirk on his lips. “Welcome to my world.”

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of bending, twisting, and shoving, the drawer slide shut with a satisfying click. Both of you stood back, breathing heavily from the effort, staring at the now-closed drawer that held the awkwardly folded operative.

You wiped the sweat from your forehead and turned to Sebastian, crossing your arms with a smirk. “Dude, what the actual hell.”

Sebastian chuckled, leaning against the drawer with his arms crossed, the faintest glint of amusement in his eyes. “I could say the same to you. You just helped me shove a guy into a drawer.”

“Hey, I wasn’t going to leave you struggling,” you shot back with a shrug. “Besides, if we’re going to survive in this hellhole, we’ve gotta get a little creative, right?”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow, his smirk widening slightly. “Fair enough. But I didn’t expect you to jump in so willingly.”

You couldn’t help but grin as you leaned against the wall, crossing your arms. “Well, if I’m being honest, I wasn’t going to pass up on something this ridiculous. I mean, it’s not every day you get to help someone stuff an Urbanshade goon into a drawer.”

He let out a low chuckle, shaking his head as he glanced at the now-closed drawer. “I knew I liked you for a reason.”

The two of you stood in companionable silence for a moment, the absurdity of the situation sinking in. It wasn’t the first bizarre thing you’d encountered down here, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last, but at least you had someone to share the insanity with.

“Well,” you said eventually, pushing off the wall, “since we’ve finished this little project, what’s next? Filing cabinets? Maybe the supply closet?”

Sebastian snorted, straightening up as he stretched his arms. “I think we’ll save that for tomorrow’s entertainment. But hey, if you’re free, I might call you in for backup.”

You rolled your eyes, but the grin on your face remained. “Sure, because I definitely have nothing better to do than help you play hide-the-body with Urbanshade’s finest.”

He shrugged, smirking as he headed toward the door. “It’s either that or sit around waiting for the next crystal hunt. Your choice.”

You followed him out, the tension easing with every step. In a place like this, where the line between sanity and chaos blurred more with each passing day, it was a relief to know that, at the very least, you weren’t facing the madness alone.

“Who knew stuffing people in drawers would be a bonding experience,” you quipped, shooting him a playful look as you walked down the corridor.

Sebastian chuckled, shaking his head. “You’d be surprised what counts as bonding in this place.”

And with that, the two of you disappeared into the shadows of the facility, ready to fill some more furniture with unnatural stuff.

[tortoisebore]

me again! i asked you abt headcanons of sirius bottoming and omg 🫠🫠🫠 i, respectfully, NEEEDDDDD headcanons on remus topping now. thank you 😊😊😊😊

welcome back ch 9 enjoyers we have another request 🫡 nsfw below the cut again

first of all i think remus is a person who significantly underestimates just how much sirius wants to jump his bones at any given moment. in his head he’s just this gangly, weird, quiet, sort of awkward dude that doesn’t quite know what to do with a compliment & has a hard time flirting without melting into a puddle of embarrassment. but he’s also a pisces & he is constantly consumed by a bone-deep, borderline malicious sense of yearning & most of the time that gets him out of his head long enough to act on his desire without second guessing himself

so ofc when he gets w sirius (aka the hottest person he’s ever seen w his own two eyes) he doesn’t quite know what to do w himself & sometimes when sirius comes onto him he gets all baby-deer-in-headlights about it & just stands there like 🧍‍♂️😦 bc how tf did he bag the sexiest person alive & how tf is sirius actually into him enough to want to climb him like a tree wtf

but beneath the self-consciousness he is a person that very much wants to please, and he is a person that gets immense satisfaction out of knowing that he’s making the person he loves feel good. and once he gets his footing & their dynamic starts to smooth itself out, and when sirius starts asking him to top more & gets all pliant and eager and needy about it, there’s a new, nagging little voice in the back of his head that starts itching to take and hold and grab and touch and feel in a way that would usually have felt embarrassing but that sirius seems hell bent on digging out of him & putting to work. and who tf is he to argue with what get sirius off like yes sir whatever u say sir 🫡

sometimes that means cutting himself loose & stretching prep out to an hour because he likes the look and feel of sirius wrapped around his fingers, and he likes bringing him to the edge over and over and stopping just before he’s there, and he likes how he sounds when he’s desperate and worked up and begging for remus to “just fuck me already pleasepleaseplease i need it.” other times that means dragging sirius into the shower and spending a long while indulging himself in the feel of his skin, making sure he knows just how truly, sickeningly gorgeous he is, kissing him until he’s breathless and pushing his chest into the shower wall so that remus can hear every single little hitch in his breath echo against the tiles when he presses inside, slow and patient, and so that he can clock the exact moment he gets the angle right and sirius’ voice slips into a whine. other times it means letting go of the instinct to keep quiet & allowing all the crazy shit in his head to spill out of his mouth when he’s got sirius under him in the dim light of his bedroom—his beautiful head cradled in his hands & his legs wrapped tight around remus’ waist, arms slung over his shoulders & fingers carding through the curls behind remus’ ear—telling him exactly how good he feels, how good he’s being, how pretty he looks, how much he loves him while they share the same air, rocking against him slow and deep and keeping a sharp eye on his face, how it twists up in pleasure with certain words and how his jaw drops and how he sighs, soft and sweet, and moans into his mouth when he comes

and it’s not always so intense, sometimes they’ve got to be quick or they’re just not feeling so steamy about it all, but remus is still watching and listening for what makes sirius feel good, adjusting when he needs it and finding all the little things that make him tick until he’s boneless and sated next to him, breathing deep to catch his breath and offering him a weak high-five when his voice don’t want to work but remus has done a particularly good job of wearing him out

[bizarrelittlemew]

okay. i just watched the movie Snakeskin (2001). i bought a physical dvd in the year of our lord 2024 because Taika has 6.5 minutes of screentime in it. and now i'm sitting here trying to process wtf i just watched asjdhfdjsk so here are the highlights (thank you Meow @blakbonnet for going through this experience with me)

first of all, enjoy these screenshots from the trailer (i'm still not sure if they're mandatory disclaimers?):

...but say yes to snake imagery, because there will be a lot of it

we are definitely in 2001. this is extremely apparent throughout the whole movie. but especially from this girl's hair

Taika's character (Nelson) and his girlfriend (Daisy, pictured above) drive around in a repurposed ice cream truck and sell drugs btw. it's called Mr. Trippy.

main character Alice (Melanie Lynskey) is a huge fan of ✨America✨. her best friend is in love with her but she only wants Bad Boys. also said friend's name is Johnny but it's actually Craig

ALSO Craig-slash-Johnny is played by Dean O'Gorman (Fili)??!?!?!?

their hobby is to drive around picking up hitchhikers but only those who look not boring

enter The American. this guy is the most American you have ever seen. americans wish they could be as American as this guy. no one else has ever Americaned harder.

as you can see, i'm not lying. he even says "howdy ma'am" so we're convinced he is a real American

three skinheads are after The American because he stole their drugs (i think). he also stole drugs from Nelson and Daisy, who now owe money and/or drugs to their boss, who also has beef with The American for reasons i'm still not totally sure of

The American not only steals drugs and money, he also has a real gun(!!!) and fucks pretty much everyone?

"darlin'. u gotta earn the raaaiht. ter wear snakeskins 😎"

oh my god the sunglasses emoji just reminded me of the fucking sunglasses oh no i'm not sure i can do this akjsdhjsk this will make sense later i promise

do not learn gun safety from this movie

at one point, there is a whole lotta sheep. we are, after all, in Aotearoa New Zealand. and ok this had the cutest moment of Taika yelling "SHEEPY" out of a car

there's a scene where uhm. uhhh no not gonna describe this i think but. yeah fair warning this movie has some period-typical homophobia let's just say 💀 this is the live reaction:

MOVING ON

if you enjoy the 2000s aesthetic of "look how edgy we are doing drugs" *colorful-haired people on couches in dark club* *echo-y laugh* *hallucinations* *it's mushrooms look it's mushrooms we're doing psychedelics* then this is the movie for you my friend

oh and Alice also did acid at some point while being very "i've totally done drugs before" about it (((doubt)))

GIRL GET UP FROM THAT DIRTY BATHROOM FLOOR

[New Zealand accent] "wow. six and acid." yes she is living all her american dreams as you can see

by nighttime, all three cars (main characters, mr. trippy, and the nazimobile) and the motorcycle (mr. drug boss) have made it pretty far up the mountain, it seems. cute moment between mr. drug boss and nelson. look how :D he is!

but you know a movie with Taika in it needs to have a father figure talk down to him so he gets very 🥺 right after this

lots of shit goes down (i won't spoil too much if by any chance you still want to watch this) and it turns out that the older skinhead guy is the best actor in the movie??

and NOW things get weird

Craig and The American have so much beef by now that they decide to solve it by russian roulette

Alice's reaction to this is something like "ugh, you guys are crazy, i can't watch this 🙄"

like she just walks away?? GIRL THEY'RE AIMING A REAL GUN AT EACH OTHER

she keeps COMPLETELY UNDERREACTING TO WHAT IS HAPPENING like (spoilers from now on) CRAIG IS SHOT AND KILLED and she doesn't even run over and she doesn't even say anything to The American?? WHO SHOT HIM???? he's just standing there??

and then. AND THEN.

ok this is where i fully lost it for several minutes and missed half the following scene. i was fucking HOWLING like actually crying with laughter, i couldn't see or breathe and my partner got worried ksjdhfdjsk ok so here's what happens

they're in the car. craig is obviously very dead. alice is kinda in denial i guess. The American tells her to shut his eyes and she's like why? BECAUSE HE DEAD GIRL!! but she doesn't, she doesn't shut his eyes, no, this is what she does instead

I COULD BARELY MAKE THIS GIF BECAUSE I KEPT LAUGHING TO THE POINT OF TEARS

NOT THE SUNGLASSES ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. THE UNTAPPED MEME POTENTIAL HERE IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS

ANYWAY shortly after this we hear one of the funniest lines in the movie (and it's not even about the shooting and killing of Craig):

"fuck, Seth! this isn't fucking America, you can't just go around shooting everybody!"

oh yeah The American does have a name and it's Seth

i'll just post a few chat screenshots for the next part because i can't really describe it, i promise we're almost at the end

after some incredible visual effects™️, we end with Return of the Sunglasses (and me scaring my cats away because i was sobbing again)

i haven't even really talked about Taika's scenes much (the reason i watched this in the first place) because the ending took me OUT and honestly he is maybe the most normal person in this whole movie. one review (from the trailer) wrote this:

and yeah that may honestly be the best way to describe it. 10/10 movie watching experience, highly recommend. thank you for coming to my snek talk

[smoshsfavoritepizzaplace]

Can I give an unpopular opinion?

I'm starting to resent Smosh Twitter and it has been boiling over for quite some time now.

There have been quite a few incidents that come to mind...

The excessive Damien slander - God forbid he exists. I know he had that moment with a fan on Twitter, but he did apologize and some people can't let that go. Some have even resulted into mocking his appearance because of it or because of some drama with people within his Twitch fanbase. So, making jokes about his personality and appearance is ok, given a fan of his insulted u? How and why?

The possessiveness over Court and Shayne's relationship and misunderstanding of parasocial - I think we can all agree we are over the moon for them, right? That we want what's best for them? So, why do some continue to act like de facto overseers of their marriage/lives?

Don't get me wrong, we should continue to police toxicity like what has been going on lately. We shouldn't be speaking on their behalf unless stated otherwise. If they've said something in a video, i.e. Court stating she didn't want to be seen as just Shayne's wife, then carry on as per usual. But, I have seen it recently amongst the Court pregnancy fiasco, that some people are undermining Shayne's feelings and are instantaneously shutting it down. And if I'm being quite frank it pisses me off.

Those that are bringing up Shayne aren't trying to disregard Court's feelings or quote on quote "make it about him". It's his wife after all and this could take a toll on his mental health when he doesn't condone these things nor perpetuate them and it is deliberately affecting his partner.

Nevertheless I have seen people go on the defensive and say this is why they kept their relationship private, don't be parasocial!

NO, quite the contrary actually, they kept their relationship private for safety reasons because of prior stalking incidents. Not to mention IT'S THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND WHATEVER THEY CHOOSE TO SHARE IS A PRIVILEGE, NOT AN OBLIGATION!

Would these same people say that to him if he decided to post something in return? He shouldn't have to say anything, obviously anything regarding his wife's autonomy🤦‍♂️

The only other note of mention is all the polyamory quips. Now this is parasocial when all the usual suspects involved are either married or dating, let alone someone who works with them!

An example I've seen quite often👇

They're looking at Amanda/Arasha, they've got their heart eyes in! I understand heart eyes are not conditional, but if they look at Shayne the same, we go back to people clamoring everything isn't about him. For crying out loud it's their husband at the end of the day, what do people want?

The Hypocrisy - In general there's just so many double standards and it is beyond tiring.

X has been here longer...

I don't like X and I don't care if they see all my tweets bashing them!

It just becomes an echo chamber after a while.

The worst being the objectification and sexualization of cast and crew.

Recently, I saw a disgusting tweet where someone talked about all the sexual acts they'd like to do to both Angela and Amanda. WTF?

It gets worse, people liked it and reposted it! Some of which are those who are quick to chastise others for doing it, I guess as long as you don't post it yourself🤷‍♂️

I understand that a lot of people at Smosh are attractive and you'd like to let that be know/share it with fellow fans, but there are lines that you shouldn't cross, especially doing it on MAIN!

Sorry this was so long winded, but I just wanted to get this out of my mind. I honestly can't stand the fandom over there on Twitter anymore. There are some great people over there, but it feels very high school like and I'm not fond of that whatsoever.

✌

Yeah Twitter is pretty bad. I use it a fair amount for the most part but it comes to a point where I’ll see a tweet and I’m like “okay, that’s enough of this app today.” I’ve spoken about the shourtney stuff a bunch so I won’t comment on that specifically, but the Damien/angela/amanda thing you mentioned is absolutely terrible. Shayne once said something that stuck with me, I don’t remember exactly what vid he said it in, but he said something along the lines of “don’t make fun of physical attributes of people you don’t like bc they’re not the only ones with those features, you can make other people feel insecure that didn’t to anything to you.” That’s not exactly what he’s said, but it’s relatively close. It’s fine if you don’t like Damien, you don’t have to, but don’t sit here and make fun of him every time he breathes. Even if it’s a “joke” or “trolling,” it’s still wrong bc he’s still a person and most likely sees the things being said. Also, did you say “Recently, I saw a disgusting tweet where someone talked about all the sexual acts they'd like to do to both Angela and Amanda.”???!? WHAT?!? That’s so gross, that person needs to be banned immediately. Both women are very pretty and I have a crush on them myself, but I would NEVER say anything remotely like that. Is it so hard for people to just say they think someone is attractive? It’s genuinely so insane to me that I’m lost for words…

[dewdr0pz]

wilbur comforting reader after a nightmare? :0

…

(i tried to think of how to elaborate on that but i think i’ll just leave it up to you while my sleepy brain takes over LMAO)

🌙 I've Got You 🌙

a/n: this is such a cute idea wtf

tags: @zuuriell @somebody-v @vibestillaxxx @ax-y10 @joviepog@themonsterunderurmom @ogelizasoot @wilburstan@smolsleepykitten@funnyreally2009@crows-death@dykepunz@aresriiots@0miamor0@defonotval@chipch0p@mazzistar16@unmellowyellowfellow@justalittlebitofchaos@thosecolorfulsheets@vopix@taylors-version-from-the-vault@aine-lasagna@merianakross@veeislost@urfav-sapphic-siren@shazbaz58-blog @wifiatthetrainstation@mcr-pr-fob@shd454@rqvii@idioticion@m0thza@artistphantom @ace-call-me-what-youd-like @lexx-the-gay-rubber-ducky @finleyforevermore @poraphia @radio-to-trenchcoat-demons @mysticalsoot(let me know if u don't or do wanna be tagged!!)

word count: 613 (i need to write longer fics i feel like writing short fics is bad but oh well)

contains: reader having a nightmare, use of Y/N, crying, reader having a panic attack, reader thinking Wilbur left them, reader shows signs of depression & anxiety, reader has self-deprecating thoughts

You had awoken with a gasp as you tried to catch your shaky breath & stop your sobs. It was just a dream. A really, really bad dream.

Wilbur, in the dream, had gotten fed up with you. He had gone on a rant about how much of a terrible partner you were & how you were useless & a waste of skin; it was almost as if he had taken every single thought you'd ever had about yourself, soaked them in vitriol till it was dripping, & then spouted it out to make your ears bleed. It was a fear you always had. Maybe it did happen. Maybe he finally fell out of love with you. Maybe he never loved you. Maybe he--

"No, Y/N, that didn't happen," you whispered to yourself through the sobs. "Wilbur's right next to--" You looked over at where Wilbur was supposed to be in bed.

& he wasn't there.

& that's when all of the panic you've ever felt attacked you like a tsunami. You started hyperventilating & sobbing so hard to the point where you were seeing white & your head felt like it was being slowly drilled into & your brain was being turned to mush. Your heart didn't go one millisecond without beating so hard you swore you could see it beating out of your chest, & you were shaking so hard to the point where somebody could've compared you to a vibrating iPhone & nobody would be able to tell the difference.

In a desperate attempt to calm yourself down, you slowly got up & stumbled over to Wilbur's closet to grab one of his hoodies. You pressed the hoodie to your face as you stumbled back to bed & sobbed harder, the scent of his body wash & cologne, earthy & calming & perfect, still faintly there. What did you do? What did you do to make him leave you? You were aware that you were far from a perfect partner, & you were far from attractive, & maybe he had some sort of realization & decided that there were other, better fish in the sea to catch, leaving you at the bottom of the pond, away from the shiny, attractive fish that he was bound to catch.

"Darling?" his voice rang out & echoed against the walls, causing you to look up.

"Oh my God, honey," Wilbur, lovely, amazing Wilbur, whispered, practically jumping onto the bed to pull you into his lap & wrap his arms around you so tightly to the point where you thought you'd never be able to escape his embrace. Not that you were complaining, of course. "I've got you. You're okay, you're alright."

"Why're we crying? What's going on?" he whispered in your ear, rocking you back & forth & wiping your tears.

"I had a bad dream & I thought you left," you croaked through your sobs.

"Baby, I would never even dream of leaving you," Wilbur said. "You're everything to me. You're the reason I wake up in the morning. You're the reason I write songs & play music. You're the reason I'm still here." He kisses your cheek before continuing, "You're the Tori Spring to my Michael Holdman or whatever his name is."

"Michael Holden," you corrected with a tearful laugh.

He smiled at you. "There's my beautiful baby with their beautiful laugh," he whispered.

"Why weren't you in our room?" you asked.

"I was getting water, lovely," he said. "I wasn't leaving, not at all. I wouldn't even dare to think about it. I'd die without you."

"Promise?" you asked.

He linked his pinky with yours. "Swear on my life."

[sieglinde-freud]

grabs ur hands dm ur reasoning rn *looks at you with my big eyes*

YOU GUYS ARE PEER PRESSURING ME WTF... but ok im just gonna post it here then hi tc thank u for the ask :) going under the read more because my initial ramblings were literally 3k but let me see if i can chop it down. cw: LONG. also pic for reference so we know what im talking about

so the placements all assume the only headcanon thats real going into this is that the morgans are siblings. no canon second parents which means no chrom!inigo or anything like that they all have single moms or whatever idk not important but just clarifying none of that is impacting their placements because i dont want to think about that

black eagle placements were the most fun because the fun thing about that route is that it splits into two more! one thing thats always bothered me is that when that route splits, the only thing that changes is that you either lose edelgard or hubert or you lose flayn. are you really telling me those are the only three students with enough free will to not let byleth pick the rest of their life for them? ferdinand would NOT go to the church i dont care!!! this is something they fixed (kind of) in warriors but in general when picking the black eagles i wanted to keep that in mind too

so kjelle was the first character i looked at and went “i know where you go.” i think she looks at edelgard and goes “you are everything i want to be and more” because what edelgard fights for and how she accomplishes it. kjelle is a very “the strong must protect the weak by any means necessary” which is kind of harsh when its presented to the player in awakening but it is literally edelgard’s whole philosophy. and kjelle is very egotistical (not hate i love her ass so much underrated fav!!) she thinks incredibly highly of herself so for her to bow down to anyone they would have to 1) echo her ideals and 2) be stronger than her. sorry shes never bending the knee to dimitri and claude i dont give a fuck she doesnt like those men. i think she’d understand edelgard’s idea of putting power in human hands and fully commit to the ends justify the means. this isnt really a gameplay rewrite thing im trying to do but if byleth picked the church she would leave. also… please. please please consider edelkjelle… okay guys… for me……..

on the opposite side nah was my second immediate “ohh i know what im doing with you” and its because if byleth picks edelgard, shes out!! granted, i could just put her with lions or deer but how is that fun. its not. nah, being a manakete, would probably be much more understanding of rhea and willing to reach out. being a manakete is probably a pretty isolating experience for her, ylisse or fodlan or otherwise, so i think her finding solace with rhea and flayn and seteth during her time at the academy would allow her to get closer to people more like her, and understand on some level why rhea is the way she is and why governs the way she does. though, still being housemates, she’d befriend edelgard and i think she’d admire edelgard’s conviction and maturity during the academy arc. but when edelgard betrays the church i think she’d take that very hard, and i dont think anything edelgard would say to her would get her to turn on what is basically the family she never got to have (theres also second gen angst potential in here somewhere…)

inigo was interesting to think about and i did almost saddle him in with golden deer but i like the potential of him with edelgard a lot more when i really sat down and thought about it. im pulling more from his characterization as laslow i think but at first i wasn’t really sure if i had a case for him picking between the empire and the church but i decided to go with the empire because i do think in the time he has with edelgard, he’d be a voice of reason for her (to hubert’s dismay). edelgard’s problem is that she has literally no outsider pov and is going based on her own sense of justice that, while its based in good intentions, has a lot of unintended consequences and failure to acknowledge how it impacts everyone else. i think inigo could take a unique role, similar to ferdinand (or lorenz to claude, felix to dimitri) in that he challenges edelgard but on a much more friendlier level. the thing about how that role normally plays out is that its formed on some personal grievance rather than genuine better interest of the people, and i think of all the lords, edelgard needs a friend the most (its why shes so attached to byleth???). and just looking at how hes able to handle xander in fates and how much more introspective he becomes, i think it’d play out similarly here. also i think with the forces of him and dorothea combined they would give ferdinand the worst bisexual panic of his life. ik i mentioned felix/inigo WHICH I STILL LIKE but imagine the layer of angst if they are on opposing sides… ok thanks

was on the fence about gerome until beloved mutual (hi woocy :3) convinced me he would be beagle and im completely down with that. for me, i struck out blue lions immediately. so after that its just a matter of do i think he fits in better with BE or GD and quite honestly. for some reason golden deer gets the rep of being the meme house but aside from lorenz looking a little funny anf claude putting up a facade YOU ALL FELL FOR this straight up is not true. the funny house is black eagles and by GOD it would piss gerome off to be there. i dont think they chose their houses, by the way. i think they got to fodlan and rhea vibe checked all of them immediately so he didnt have a say in this. not only is he stuck with inigo, hes stuck with watching kjelle—the strongest warrior ever probably the only one in the second to match him in terms of raw strength—stumble over herself over their house leader because wwaauuw women pretty LIKE COME ONNNN. though, i do think he’d respect edelgard for her strength, and theres a lot of interesting dynamics for him to explore. dorothea pissing him off, bonding with petra over their enjoyment for wildlife, he would definitely be training partners with caspar, and i think he’d actually be like. really good at talking to bernadetta? maybe seeing her reminds him of how he was when he was younger. maybe he gets her out by introducing her to minerva. much to think about. but in general he would keep mostly to himself with standard gerome “cant get close to people that i cant guarantee will stay with me” fashion i think he probably wouldnt be as close as say someone like inigo or nah would be with the house. so when the time to choose a side comes… i dont think he’d have the relationship with edelgard to pick her. i think he would oppose her ideals, and go with nah, if not flee fodlan entirely because omfg who careeesss…. WHO CAREEESS his ass is in wyvern valley (no i think he’d fight. but he’d def consider dipping)

m!morgan is here because i think it would challenge him. guy who is so cute so earnest so ready to be happy in school learning everything hes ever wanted hoping to come home and make momma proud and oh my god he got put in the most crazy house imaginable. whoever his professor is is probably like wow morgan you have a gift for tactics! why dont you try managing the class for a mission? and being morgan he’d go YES ABSOLUTELY!!! unfortunately this house has hubert. and ferdinand. and bernadetta. and linhardt. and caspar. the thing about robin and the shepherds is that most people immediately respected robin as their tactician and robin was able to connect and befriend most of them fairly easily because they were mostly all sane and normal people. the black eagles are most definitely not and have you guys seen that black eagles seating chart post? well. i just think it’d give morgan a hard time and between him and f!morgan its funnier if its him. also splitting him from the justice cabal for timeskip angst sorry. also i think it’d be cool if he took edelgards side. i dont actually know which way he’d lean thats a tossup like this is a character that i could believe would trust byleth’s judgement and go with them but if its edelgard i think that could set up fun conflict between him and nah. grima vs naga part 2!! though i actually did have him for blue lions first if only because of the three houses the blue lions probably need a tactician type the best but. i like this one better.

so for blue lions i immediately clocked owain like look at this guy. i think owain would see the house of cool knightly chivalrous types fighting for justice and being cool and having swords and i just think he’d be in heaven. i also think, to him, dimitri would be a figure to look up to similar to lucina, but with the difference that they are not family and owain might put him on an even higher pedestal because theres this sense of familiarity he had with lucina thats not really there anymore? kind of similar to ashe and dimitri. and when the timeskip comes, i think he’d be endlessly devoted to dimitri even still, never forgetting who he was before and striving to bring him back, still thinking of this idolized version of him, even if it puts himself at risk. i also think in general, owain would thrive in the blue lions house. felix, ashe, ingrid, dedue, annette— those are all prime support partners for him that have a lot of potential. the blue lion house is very… the way that they are. and something owain shows in fates is that though hes very good at using his theatrics to ease people, whether that be on purpose or otherwise, and by god do the blue lions need it. look at them… jesus.

cynthia is in the blue lion house for similar reasons but i think she has a key difference from owain. while i think owain is the type to go down with the ship, i think cynthia might actually serve as an opposition to dimitri and potentially go against him in a similar fashion to felix and annette in thats hidden in the games files and was never put in the game (WHEN IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN. dimitri doesnt get enough push back in azure moon!! another post for another time though). in their time at the academy, while owain is fangirling over dimitri, i think cynthia would too at first. but fodlan is very different than ylisse, and in particular faerghus treats its knights and specifically women knights very differently than cynthia wouldve otherwise been treated. i think this would push cynthia into questioning faerghus’s ideals (especially in getting close to ingrid who im sure she’d find friendship in) and eventually dimitri in how he seemingly upholds those ideals. when he goes down a darker path in the timeskip, she’d probably take felix’s more critical approach, and i think she could turn on him. for the empire? probably not. but i dont think she’d be as down as owain or ingrid to keep following him when hes not taking accountability for what hes doing. she might find her way back once hes come back to himself but who really knows. not me (<- girl who is writing all of this)

yarnes a funny pick because lions are supposed to be brave and fearless and hes a Rabbit. but obviously yarne would be very aware of that irony and i think it could serve as a push for him to come into that bravery, and thats something i think the lion house could help him do. i think he’d look to dimitri for solace similar to how he does with lucina, and dimitri would be very happy to provide that for him. when the timeskip comes and dimitri is lost, i think yarne would have to find it in himself to abandon that anxiety for a bit to come help ease dimitri, sort of repaying him for his initial kindness (read: i want eyepatch scary dimitri to find stress relief in petting a big ass bunny). also i dont need yarne to be in the same house as petra and marianne for him to interact with them. dont worry thats a thing. also if youre a real one you recruit marianne to blue lions everytime. no i dont know how they’d handle bringing a taguel to fodlan i dont really care either

for severa i think, even if she would rather not admit it, justice and loyalty are very key parts of her character. its buried underneath her mean girl attitude and like five pounds of trauma but its there. and what are the blue lions if not loyal knights with very LOUD auras of sadness? she would be similar to felix in terms of their views on knighthood, and obviously her whole thing with cordelia would put her at odds with the whole dying for your king/for glory thing faerghus has going on. similar to cynthia she’d be very critical of faerghus and dimitri except she’d be that way to his face. she doesnt have the same personal beef with him the same way felix would, and might be a little more like how i imagined inigo would be to edelgard, criticism with the better interest of the greater good rather than formed of personal beef. in the end though, i think she would stick with dimitri. also i think she’d have insane sexual tension with ingrid like i dont think theyd like eachother but like. my vision… do you see it.

bradys in lions partially due to mutual influence (hi zorua) but also because i ended up liking his potential with the lions as opposed to the deer or eagles. he’d have a very cute friendship with mercedes and annette i think, playing violin for them and having tea party gossip sessions. i think he and dedue could bond over being kinda scary but doing what they can to ease people’s fear of them. since thats an insecurity for both of them that brady purposefully takes steps to get rid of (ex: him hunching over is so that he can be eye level with children and people shorter with them so as not to come off as intimidating or more powerful) i think brady could help with that. though if im being so real i dont think he would like dimitri. i think he would stay and stick around and help dimitri get better. but i dont think he’d approve of his bloodlust and be very open with his issues in regards to how dimitri handles and carries himself. sorry guys im not meaning to have dimitri catch so many strays here 😭 i love the guy i just also like when theres conflict here i promise

laurent is in the golden deer because i think he and claude would be very like minded people in terms of trying to discover the secrets behind fodlan and what that means and how to better navigate fodlan as uncharted territory. theyre both foreigners, as are all of the second gen kids, but thats something claude keeps under wraps that i think laurent would be able to tell very quickly (not that it was hard. claude doesnt hide it well its just that everyone in fodlan is either stupid or all the smart people are kept away from him) that claude is from almyra. i think this knowledge could help him serve as something of a confidant to claude. obviously he wouldnt tell laurent everything but when claudes supposed closest allies are lorenz (guy who hates him and prays for his downfall) and hilda (girl who is racist and from a racist family) its just like. well maybe claude should have another friend who is normal adjacent at least, and laurents not the type to go blabbing anyways. obviously both lorenz and hilda (eh. well.) get better about their mindsets post timeskip but i think in the time of the academy laurent would be a very valuable friend for claude and vice versa. in general laurent would do well anywhere because i think most of his interest would be with the technological and scientific advancements of fodlan which is flexible, but i think, with rhea purposefully halting progress and claude being the main guy who wants truth above all else, this is the best spot for him. could hear an argument for him going to edelgard (potential recruit out of house recruit fs) but i do like him with claude a bit more. gerolau angst also.

lucina is in golden deer because i dont want her in the other two houses but also because i do think, similar to laurent, she’d be very valuable to claude and vice versa. awakening world building is horseshit but from what little we do know there is quite a bit of political discourse that lucina probably knows quite a bit about. even if her timeline was thrown into war when she was young, she probably had some form of royal training and can help claude navigate fodlan a little bit. i also think coming to fodlan would just be a very refreshing experience for lucina as the burden of everything is no longer directly on her shoulders, and i think she’d be looking for a broader perspective on life and finding another purpose for herself now that grima is dealt with. i think claude would be able to help her with that and i think she’d be genuinely interested to learn of his homeland once she figures out where hes from (i do think laurent beats her to the conclusion but not by a lot. remember this is lucina aka marth aka woman her disguised her own royal status and was very successful at it. just saying). also while i did say that golden deer is in fact not the meme house, i think they are more light hearted overall in terms of character (does NOT mean meme house or funny house. look me right in my eyes and say the house WITHOUT hubert and linhardt is the meme house. fucking liar) and i think lucina would love that. i want her to get the chance to be silly and childish for a little bit. characters like raphael and marianne and lysithea might help her heal that inner child that she never really got to let out and i just think the golden deer house would be the best place for her

morgan is here because i didnt want her and marc in the same house thats too easy. but while i think claude is the least in need of a tactician type character, him and morgan would be sooooo funny so cute and i need someone who can keep him on his toes. i think he blurts out a plan and morgan goes “ermmm ackchully” and half of the time her rebuttals are complete nonsense she just wants to argue. i think they both enjoy it. i also think, similar to lucina, a light hearted house would be a little better for her. shes much more prone to mischief than m!morgan is i think and i think the deer would benefit from that if only so she can target lorenz and make me laugh. i also think separating the twins would make for fantastic angst down in the timeskip but for now shes just hanging out having fun being a piece of shit. #girl also i think its funnier if one morgan is absolutely thriving and the other is barely keeping his shit together and by god it is way funnier if its f!morgan getting away with everything

noire is here because. i. could not think of a reason for her to go anywhere else! i thought about putting her in beagles but i dont think making that choice between the church and edelgard would be as interesting for her? and i dont think putting her in lions would do anything for her. i think the best lord and the best house at helping her through her issues and being understanding of her mood changes is probably claude and the deer. i could see hilda and leonie reaching out to her, or ignatz and her getting on pretty well, but im not quite sure on the specifics of that. my least thought out placement but also it doesnt matter because it keeps the placements balanced to put her here. i’ll have to give this one more thought…

anyways if you can believe it this is the cutdown version. i know right. i hope i didnt forget anyone that would be really embarrassing

[blackwoolncrown]

I remember once while at work as a Domme a guy told me that when his wife goes to visit family he sneaks onto his neighbors pasture at night and steals poop from the horses to dump it in his tub and put it all over himself while he jerks off.

ANd when I was like ".....wtf" basically he replied "well everyone does something filthy like that"

and I'm like...no. Everyone doesn't do that. "Everyone's got their thing" does not extend to trespassing for the sake of poop stealing and secretly engaging in coprophilia when their partner is gone.

Why do you do that. Why do you feel that urge and what are you doing it for??? But ofc I was the only Domme that acted that way and asked those questions instead of just being like "yeah u nasty freak let me humiliate you for your shit kink" so he was super confused and didn't know how to handle the interaction. He could get up in the middle of the night w a wheel barrow to steal shit but couldn't answer a question about himself.

And to a lesser extent, I think that's the issue w the majority of kink spaces today. No one wants to ask questions, asking questions is frowned upon, so it ends up a created echo chamber where ppl can look around and be like "of course this is what I'm into this is what everyone is secretly into. This is what it means to be kinky"

like the amount of ppl who can't wrap their heads around kink that doesn't involve any kind of violence or power imbalance is SUPER telling!

[bythestedeside]

In honour of Venom: The Last Dance, here is a piece I made after the trailer came out and I became (rightly) obsessed with Venom horse. JUST LOOK AT HIMMMMMM

2 pics bc slightly different editing making it look better in one place or the other 🖤 🖤 🖤

A few thoughts about tld below the cut if that's Ur thing:

Last chance for no spoilers but Hiiiiiii if you're here these are in no particular order 😘🥰👄🫦👅🧠

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.

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I LOVE THAT THEY USED DON'T STOP ME NOW BY QUEEN for the first half of this scene I'm fully in love with everything about that

ALLL THE VENOM ANIMALS the fish and the frog in the movie proper and all the ones in the credits I'm obsessedddddddd!!

HOW HAS IT ONLY BEEN A YEAR MOVIE TILE THAT THEY'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER WTF

I love that family in the movie I hope they're okay after all that and I hc that Eddie got/gets a hold of them at some point and tells them he's okay and about Venom --or-- Venom comes back to Eddie via that tube from Mexico and Eddie and Venom get to be part of the family

I'm kinda sad we didn't get Anne and Dan but like I should've expected since they hadn't been talked about in the run up to the movie but I love that Mrs.Chan got to have that sparkling shining moment before shot hit the fan

Did Mrs.Chen give them chocolate or meat or potatoes or whatever his diet is now,I hope so, I don't think Eddie's eaten since, well last movie really unless he gets sustenance from the heads they eat???

All the shoe changes and the way there were only like 3 main outfit changes for Eddie going throughout

I WILL MISS U FOREVER VENOM I HOPE THIS IS REALLY A FOR NOW GOODBYE

I'm ride or die for Martin,Nova Moon,Echo, and Leaf I love y'all I love your VAN IT'S PRETTY beeee my bffls pls can I be the 3rd child

Singing Bowie and Eddie was so embarrassed lol

Leaf giving Eddie chocolate awwww Venom was so happy about it later

Eddie telling Leaf aliens weren't real and Vee supporting him saying that awwwww then having to tell him they're real and Vee introducing himself this is so wholesome

Eddie u looked so pretty in the van with the fireworks reflecting in the window

Martin got the full F Bomb this movie but Eddie has some close calls

I don't fully get the codex stuff tbh I don't know all the lore

Do all these symbiotes have comic equivalents I wanna know y'all's names Ur all coolllllll

I'm ded bc of all the family talk this is how Dylan and Sleeper can still win, I kinda thought that could've maybe happened when that guy was at Eddie's hospital bedside

He went to nyc and saw Lady Liberty FOR VENOM 😭😭😭

Ok that's all can think of for now love u and I loved this movie too byeeeee

[lionscion]

I Don't Like Sand // TOA Ball 2025 arrival + tracker + ball fit

He was late.

Even if by just a little, nothing would let him forget that it was still late.

The sun's glare hanging a bit too low on the horizon as it lingered in the side of his eye.

The distance between the miles-long procession of carriages and steeds of all breeds finally trickling down, from suffocating to unnervingly breezy.

Distant echoes of music and chatter, floating up from a crowd of lights and fading into earshot just as he bounded over the peak of the final hill.

He knew all that. The furious pace of Týr's gallop shouted it with each blistering stomp against the ground, each clump of dirt dug up and kicked from the well-trodden path. Repeated over and over, as he tore down the final stretch of road to the swaying palms below.

And yet still the first thing out of the master of ceremonies' mouth when Ares arrived, still just clear enough to clip his ear as he snatched the bracelet from the proffered hand he sped right past, was simply:

"--late, aren't you?"

((Tracker + Fit info below cut))

The Fit

((So this year, as is being rp'd out with Rosado rn, Ares didn't know wtf to do for a beach ball outfit and the venue change blindsided him. So he decided to let Rosado guide him on how to dress and this is the result:

Sorry for the blurriness idk why it's doing that but ANYWAY, first I want yall to picture this outfit above primarily, but the pants and shoes are more like in this pic here (minus that trailing thing wrapped around it) :

And then the shirt he is wearing is a bit longer and has ruffles on the v neck. More like light and spaced wavy ruffles not anything heavy or grandiose/clumped together. Loose open ruffle if that makes sense? Closest example is like those ruffle shirts from medieval times like this kinda???

And then of course we cannot forget the traditional Jugdrali waist sash so he's wearing one of those. His looks like his dad's but just a tad less long, but does have that jeweled part weaved in and dangling under there on the side. It is also red instead of black.

And then for the rest of his colors it's all in his classic colors. Both jackets black with all the trimmings and tassels in gold and white. White shirt. Black pants and boots. The dangly necklace thing is golden. V neck is nice and big also btw to show off the chest and also his Brand of Hodr.

And there u go.

I was originally gonna go with a sleeveless doublet with poofy white sleeve shirt and merge it with what Rai said Rosado would suggest above but then I realized it does not work in my head like I want AND I think it is better/more fun to lean more into Rosado's suggestion anyway and see what kinda feedback trusting the fae man gets him at the ball. More in the spirit of the thread. So yeah. Everyone say ty Rai and Rosadooo.))

Tracker Stuff

Ares' Charm: Seashell‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

Charms Collected:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

Seashell:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

Starfish:‎ ‎ ‎

Anchor:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

Turtle:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Lewyn,

Pearl:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Raven,

Birthday Gift: A so-called 'special kind' of...butter. For maintaining Fauntleroy's...very bizarre 'lance' that smells strongly of yeast...

Ares did not question it any further.