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zlobonessa · 9 months ago

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hi-i-wrote-a-thing-for-a-fanweek. day one — memories (although it also fits heroes from day 3 and alternative universe from day 6 so we can pretend I'm not extra late). anyway it's reincarnation/modern au emijulisuba where julius tries archeology and finds it very thoughts-inducing. it's also on ao3 but not translated. enjoy.

Julius doesn't particularly expect his application to be approved: an email titled "Re: Volunteers for excavations" finds him in the process of drafting a loose idea of his diploma topic for the next academic year, with a third glass of white-chocolate-and-lavender iced coffee and almost zero thoughts related to archaeology. That prevents him neither from nearly flooding the laptop with lavender-white liquid while making an incomprehensible sound in the middle of a cafe nor from packing up his things that exact day and buying a ticket to a luxury train compartment to Pristella.

When the raging greenery of the Red Sun peak sweeps past the window, he is overtaken by — the smell of clothes fresh out of the laundry and hand cream for sensitive skin, the hum of students and the clatter of thousands of keyboard keys, an oversugared pastry from the cafeteria, columns of calculations in front of his eyes, a discussion of master's courses — the question is: what is he even doing?

Objectively speaking, this is a good question.

Objectively speaking, this is a very good question, and Julius pushes it as deep as possible into the depths of his brain, drowns it out with the sound of wheels hitting the rails, crushes it with the weight of bags on his back, and suffocates it with the smells of dust and cigarettes from Priestella central station. By the time he frowns and tries to force his mind to merge the two-dimensional directions of the navigator in the phone with the three-dimensional chaos of the city, the question goes almost quiet.

Almost.

It must be said, the navigator is of little use. Before even boarding the train, Julius firmly rejected the idea of calling a taxi to the train station: how could you do excavations in a city that you refuse to see? He had to admit that by the eighth missed turn this thought lost some of its freshness.

(Trying to spot a noticeable supermarket from the map, he almost slams into a pillar covered with ads and vulgar stickers, and, dodging this unpleasant fate, miraculously avoids a collision with a scooter rushing at full speed — and for some reason, disappointment wakes up in his chest with unexpected force and for no particular reason. It even leaves him standing in disbelief for a few seconds: the depth of it is so strange and painful, like a cut wound.)

But, as they say, all's well that ends well.

"As they say, all's well that ends well," laughs Anastasia, the head of the excavations and a leading archaeologist, Julius searched the internet for her name: her field of study is Alec Hoshin, and the period of the foundation of Kararagi. "Ya haven't fallen into the canals, have ya? There were cases, I had to send them home. The water there isn't especially clean, wouldn't advise taking a sip."

Julius winces involuntarily, trying to overcome the wave of disgust. Anastasia studies him closely.

"How did ya end up here even?" she asks, kind of jokingly, casually, to keep up the conversation, but the depth of her gaze is a tell: she is serious. This is a type of question the answer to which determines the future — the type of question that, as his uncle explained, should be met with the best answer of all you have.

Julius replies:

"I don't know. "

The sunlight pours onto a roped-off piece of ground where they form a crowded circle — more like a square, sure, but that's not what matters. Julius's knees go weak, and he suddenly feels like a little rascal again, not taught to respect his elders. How can they stand over how — many centuries of history?

"It's nice to see everyone so captivated — and without a single swing of the shovel, wow," Anastasia laughs, and her voice rings with pride. "At this very place, four hundred and twenty years ago, one of the fights that decided the course of the battle for Priestella happened. Great timing, right? Everyone studied the battle for the Priestella at school, I hope, yea, I know, such a busy historical period, so many names, so many dates, but on the anniversary occasion, it doesn't hurt to refresh your memory. By the way, everyone remembers the briefing, I hope?"

The job — predictably enough — turns out to be dirty. There is something fascinating even about how quickly Julius gets covered in mud: he expected the gloves to lose their white in a matter of minutes, but the knees and elbows come as a surprise. Under the afternoon sun, a thick and sticky layer of sweat appears on his face, which, as Julius quickly realizes, should not be wiped with a dirty sleeve (and the decision not to cut the hair on his forehead begins to seem somewhat questionable), several times he has to push out the grains of sand gotten into his mouth with his tongue, his palm takes the shape of the handle of a trowel, and a sharp pebble gets into his shoe.

It's definitely not what he's used to—but when he looks at himself, covered in earth from head to toe, somewhere in his memory a thread stretches.

Maybe... no.

Father: in the middle of a garden black with moisture, planting seedlings in dirty old clothes and suddenly noticing Julius on the porch — he straightens up, waves at him, and smiles broadly.

That's what this memory is about.

"So this is what happens to children who were not allowed to play in the sandbox," a familiar voice is heard from the side when Julius takes a short break to get out of the excavation and do shoulder exercises. "I almost didn't believe my eyes. Would never have thought that you were capable of getting your hands dirty — like, on a physical level, I thought you would howl and turn into dust, you know, like a low-level monster from..."

"Subaru! It's very, veeery mean to say that!"

"That is, you agree with the content, but you are not satisfied with the presentation? Ha! Heard that, huh?

Sighing, Julius turns around.

"Subaru," glances from a t-shirt with a stupid print to a ribbon with flowers woven into a braid, "Emilia, what an unexpected meeting. Glad to see you."

Is he glad? He is not entirely honest, and this is gnawing at him: it is unfair to treat good friends like this, especially from the university where he will return in the Yellow-Sun anyway, but an obscure annoyance rises in his chest. As if they had done something wrong — as if they had...

Although — he does has the right reason for that.

"But what are you doing here?"

"Hey, hey, are you pointing fingers?!"

"We are here on vacation! T-together, that is. "

"E-emilia-tan!"

Julius allows himself a restrained — and maybe slightly teasing — smile.

"Is that so? Have a good time. But I meant," having lost the internal struggle, he stoops to the Subaru level and points his finger at where they are all standing, "right here. Outsiders are not allowed to enter the excavation area."

Subaru blushes rapidly and amusingly:

"Eh! .. is that so... oh."

"Oh," Julius nods, with the most serious face possible.

"Truly — oh!" Emilia gasps, also blushing. "Julius, we are so sorry!.. Subaru, you said we were positively definitely going the right way this time!"

"We were! — Subaru retorts, but the fire is lost. — Up until some point."

"I'm sorry again, we're already leaving, I hope we didn't break anything important!" Emilia shouts as she walks, pulling Subaru by the sleeve with the tenacity of a bulldozer: it's amusing to observe, for fairness' sake. Just before disappearing behind the corner, she turns for a second:

"Just in case, we will be glad to meet and have a chat sometime!"

And so she leaves.

The work is completed late in the evening, and the way to the three-and-a-half-star hotel is illuminated by the stars studying in the grayishly blue sky — and streetlights, of course. Fortunately, there are no channels lost in the dark on the way, but a hospital with a flickering sign comes across — which, he supposes, is rather convenient, but his insides get turned out by the urge to write to Joshua, which is ridiculous: it will ruin his sleeping schedule, and he was also so upset that he couldn't go with Julius, and so sincerely wished him to have a good time, and write to him now... Julius suppresses this urge firmly and even walks a few meters further with something like enthusiasm.

Each step, however, turns out to be harder than the past, his back and arms ache, the taste of dirt pervades his mouth, fatigue fills his bones with lead-like heaviness, and he can only hope for...

Well, it sure was a stupid hope.

A few days ago — when Julius, having found the hotel closest to the excavation site, patiently hung on the phone for twenty minutes, waiting for someone who could book him a room because he abandoned trying to figure out the interface of their sprawling website half an hour later — he had something like a romantic idea about a hidden underappreciated charm of small things in small hotels that the general public is picky about. Not that Julius had stayed in them previously: his uncle and aunt were meticulous about vacation planning and did not skimp on money, but the impeccable and faceless sterility of the five-star hotels they chose always repelled him. There had to be some kind of homeyness, he supposed. Some kind of soul, no matter how sentimental it sounds.

The lobby of the hotel he chose smells sickeningly of varnish, at the reception he is warned that there will be no hot water for the next three days, and the cold water in the shower barely hanging on the wall turns out to be rusty, dark spots appear on the ceiling on old wallpaper, and without glasses it is impossible to make out if it is mold, the wind is blowing from under the window frame, and this bed has probably the most uncomfortable mattress that Julius has ever lain on, and it doesn't help his back at all.

People tend to significantly embellish their fantasies about a way of life that they have never led, his uncle once said a long time ago. He didn't tell Julius this, Julius shouldn't have heard it at all, and it turned out otherwise almost by accident, and strictly speaking, he wasn't talking about his father, but Julius knew, knew that he meant his father, and even now this memory could ignite an unbearable heat in his chest and eyes.

But was his uncle wrong?

Julius has never expressed a desire to get a degree in history. He himself was aware of the absurdity of this idea: it was just a stupid childhood dream, pure fiction, sometimes floating through his subconscious when he allowed himself to entertain thoughts about some completely different reality with completely different circumstances. Here and now, someone had to inherit the family business, and Joshua would not be able to bear it, scientists are paid pennies, the work is thankless, and does he truly want to waste his talents digging in the ground?

Does he want to?

What is he even doing?

"Now you can't dodge the question," mumbles Subaru through a full mouth: Julius winces, and he makes a face in response, but swallows with effort and noise, allowing all patrons to watch a huge lump of food moving down his throat. "Spill the tea, why are you here, are you lost or something?"

The cafe on the corner where they squeezed in is small, but thankfully they managed to successfully occupy the seats. A cozy place that successfully combines the influence of Kararagi and Lugunika, with garlands, a chalkboard for customers — Subaru has already managed to write "E + S = ♡" there — an artificial tree in the middle of the room and paper lamps. The perfect cafe for the perfect "vibes" in photos for social media. Julius had spent many hours in places like these, typing his essays.

But now he can't get rid of the bitter taste in his mouth - he can't shake the thought: what was here a few centuries ago?

(He can’t help but feel a strange sense of déjà vu when he closes his eyes: as if he had already sat here once, meeting Emilia and Subaru, and the air between them was still filled with something unspoken.)

Pretending to be unperturbed, however, he shrugs:

"I've always wanted to participate in excavations."

"Boring answer," Subaru snaps. "Come up with something better."

Carefully sipping his coffee—caramel cream latte—Julius raises his eyebrows at him:

"What, lie?"

Subaru rolls his eyes:

"Who in their right mind will go to study management when they have at least some hobby more interesting than cramming the most effective formulas for sorting spreadsheets?"

"Someone has to sort the spreadsheets, Subaru," Emilia remarks. The barista drew a kitten on the foam of her coffee: she thoughtfully twirls a straw in her hands, trying to figure out a way to drink without spoiling the drawing. "And Julius is doing a great job at it."

It is easy for Julius to imagine his future life: many, many spreadsheets filled with numbers.

"Thank you, Emilia," he says tersely. Trying to deflect the conversation from himself, he strikes back: "And why did you decide to go to Priestella?"

Subaru is blushing again. The color floods on his face in a single wave. The skin from the forehead to the neck is all the same shade, so thick that it feels like an invitation to dip a brush into a soft cheek and paint a sunset landscape.

"Well, I mean, why not here? The city is beautiful, the weather is warm, and there's water here... And the atmosphere is like, you know!... Such... Very... yeah.

Julius gives him a knowing grin. Subaru hunched his shoulders, sending him a vicious look from under his brows.

"Subaru!" Emilia snorts into her glass of coffee — a blush rises on her cheeks and spreads gently to the tips of her ears — and the drawing distorts. She looks at it upset. "Well, there you go. "

Sadness, however, does not remain on her face for long: sighing, she takes a sip of coffee and, having tasted it, squints with satisfaction.

"But the city is reaaally very, very beautiful," she agrees, and her words reach Julius with a slight delay. "So... a little magical, I don’t even know how to explain it. You know, you come here for the first time, and it feels like... like you’ve finally returned. We left the station, on the other side, remember, where the old buildings and the arch are, and I looked at them and I... it probably sounds absurd, but it felt like I recognized them, although I’ve never even been here in my life! As if they were waiting for me. Dreamlike, right? ...Do you know what I mean?

Julius doesn't immediately find the strength to nod and smile casually.

"Generally speaking, all the records we have about the battle for Priestella are incomplete and contradictory," says Anastasia, sitting right on the ground with a kind of simplicity that shows a habit. The excavation opens right at her knees, bathed in the evening dawn, and sometimes her gaze slips from the volunteers nearby to the ground that looks like a sliced layer cake. "Most sources of that time explain everything around them as witchcraft and magic, and it is extremely difficult to make out what actually happened, and in our case, we are talking about a clash of religious fanatics with the knights of Lugunica — who, as I hope everyone remembers, were credited with powers of divine origin... "

"The Last of the Saints," Julius blurts out. Disapproving stares thrust into him, and a heat washes over his cheeks. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to interrupt, I... have read about him, and... don't pay attention, please continue. "

But Anastasia doesn't seem upset at all — on the contrary, she snorts and nods gravely:

"What an educated young man, watch and learn! Yea, that's right. In those days, by the way, he was simply called the "The Sword Saint" — from what we know, it should be assumed that the title was inherited until it ceased to exist, and as to why — history, as they say, is silent. By the way, there is an interestin' moment connected with the battle for Pristella: some sources mention the presence of two Saints of the Sword in the city at once, the Last and his predecessor — while other sources claim that they died many years before! That's right, history is always a bit about being detectives. If ya are attracted ta a sense of mystery, then you have come to the right place, I will tell ya for sure."

"So what's the answer?" one of the volunteers, blonde and with a detached face, speaks up. Her name is Silver or something like that, Julius can't remember exactly. "Was that predecessor there or not?"

Anastasia laughs:

"And for a sense of the answer, unfortunately, your path lies in the exact sciences! Many scientists fought about that one, and all to no avail. And, mind ya, some," Anastasia leans forward, and a conspiratorial gleam appears in her eyes, "some scientists believe that the dynasty of Sword Saints never existed at all!"

“How is that possible?” Julius blurts out – again condemning glances, but he almost doesn’t care: for some reason, his chest hurts as if it was pierced by a rusty sword.

"It is what it is," Anastasia shrugs, clearly pleased with the effect. — "Primary sources are inconsistent, there's a complete lack of records after the beginning of the Golden Revolution, which, I remind you, was also a revolution in a cultural sense, the power of the holders of the status is clearly exaggerated many times and attributed to magical powers: the Last of the Saints, they say, could throw a man to the sun with his bare hands, which, you must admit, is incomprehensible! Many historians hold the position that the Sword Saints were a legend and served in fact as a collective image of outstanding warriors of that time. Who knows, here we are digging up the site of one of the fights of the Last of the Saints, and it can have nothing significant there at all — this happens!"

And through his tight trousers, Julius feels acutely every pebble digging into his legs. He wants to object — he wants to argue — he wants to refute, but the knowledge gap is opened up to him by an archaeological dig: he is not a scientist, not a historian, he is an amateur, a student who receives a bachelor's degree in management next Red Sun, but for some reason is tormented by his own foolishness and goes to excavations.

The contradiction in the story should be like an incorrectly written formula, corrected with a few clicks. Simple movements that reduce everything to flawlessly grounded mathematics.

"Not for the first time even: the discrepancies in the number of participants in this battle are especially significant," Anastasia continues mercilessly. "The Eucliuses, for example: one of the famous historical chronicles, written after the fact, claims that two descendants of the then famous knightly family of the Eucliuses participated in the battle, who in fact had no heirs at all! A very controversial chronicle, in fact: by all indirect signs, it is authentic, but at the same time the lexicon used in it for its time period is completely uncharacteristic — it is still a very big subject of debate. "The truest story about the adventures of the humble support of the great heroine Emilia", you can search it in your free time, it's a very funny read."

(Julius has read it. He has read it.)

It must be stupid: at the age of twenty-two, to believe in fairy tales.

Julius doesn't.

Just sometimes — just sometimes — he wanted so badly that it almost felt like a white cloak was fluttering on his shoulders, a sword was weighing down his hip, and magic, bright in taste and smelling of past rain, trembled in the air with the movement of his hand.

"Hey," Subaru's fingers snap in front of his face, "how's the weather at the cloud your head's now in?"

Julius almost stumbles over the asphalt with the toe of his boot. He freezes.

"Hm. I'm sorry, I was just thinking."

"You almost fell down the steps, you idiot," Subaru hisses. "Think less, that's not what your face is so pretty for."

Blinking, Julius realizes that Subaru is right: the stairs start right in front of him, the steps leading to the canal embankment.

"Julius has a very multitasking head, Subaru, it's not nice to say such nasty things," Emilia pokes Subaru's cheekbone with a finger, looking instructively: he blushes and sulks. Then she looks at Julius with a worried look: "But you really should be careful. You can get so perilously hurt like that!

"Who in the twenty-first century says "perilously"...

"People who read actual books, not just teen comics, I think," Julius can't help himself, and this time Emilia's stern gaze turns out to be directed at him:

"And you too don't tease, Subaru reads books! Sometimes."

"Sometimes?! What do you mean "sometimes", do I need to read a book a day?! Emilia-tan, only posers who skip every other word read books at that pace, and in class, they just spit on the ceiling, don't be fooled by this show-off!.."

Julius raises his hands in defeat:

"Okay, well, I'm sorry. I wasn't going to question your intellectual abilities, Subaru. Strictly speaking, with my schedule... I'm afraid I read books only sometimes too."

"Exactly," Subaru snorts, folding his arms over his chest, but his face looks satisfied. He looks at Julius with an inquisitive look: "Well, what were you thinking about, thinker?"

Julius shrugs helplessly. They continue their walk: a boat sweeps past them along the canal, and one of the passengers throws the can overboard.

"Well, just how can they be so completely unashamed?" Emilia shakes her head ruefully; she is enrolled in the university's environmental community, Julius recalls.

They’re complete pigs,” Subaru agrees; Julius once caught him in the cafeteria picking up a glass and wrappers that had fallen past the trash can from someone’s tray during the previous break.

"I don't really know what I'm even doing," Julius shares.

"Huh."

"What do you mean?"

Belatedly, Julius realizes what he has said. They say that in the old days, the knights cut out their tongues when they realized that outrageous nonsense had come out of their mouths — it would be worth reviving this tradition, probably.

"Anyway, haha, never mind, don't worry about it, just some nonsense on my mind," he quickly tries to reduce the damage. It doesn't work - he can see it in their eyes that it doesn't work.

"Julius, what kind of nonsense can you have in your head?" With her eyebrows drawn together and her lips pursed, Emilia looks at him with pleading pity. "And if there is nonsense, then there is especially no need to keep it there since it needs to be released. What happened?"

"There are limits to perfection, huh?" Subaru tsks and twitches the corner of his mouth, then winces, looking at him with serious seriousness. "Come on, tell us."

"Nothing special, really, I'm sorry to bother you... " Julius sighs. "I study management. Instead of writing a draft diploma, I'm here in Priestella, digging in the ground. This is illogical. You're right. That's all."

"You like history," Emilia points out. "In my first year, you explained to me the entire genealogy of Astrea with an exact chronology."

"Eh?! And where I was at the time?"

"You hadn't transferred to us yet."

"Approximately the exact chronology, Emilia. I like history, but..." his lips crease involuntarily and tightly, "on an unprofessional level. There will be no career from this. This is childish at this point. "

"God, you sound like an old man. It's going to happen to me at twenty-two, too, huh?"

"Subaru!"

—Subaru," Julius finds the strength to just shake his head and doesn't even try too hard to hide his smile. "I... like history for... selfish reasons, I guess. Astrea... All those people... they went down in history for doing something important. Significant. Noticeable. No one remembers people for using the most optimal way to sort spreadsheets."

"Wow, you sure know how to cling to words."

"Learning from the best."

"So the point is that you want to go down in history, Julius?" Emilia looks into his face with her usual caring expression, and embarrassment fires up in his cheeks:

"Hmm," he pulls on the strands on his forehead, hoping to draw attention away from the skin tone, "with the way you said it, I look, perhaps, somewhat vain..."

"Well, you can't hide a cat in the bag... " Subaru parodies his gesture by twirling the short hair sticking out of his own hairstyle around his finger. "Hey, hey, Emilia, these are your words!"

"No, no, it's all right," Julius prevents Emilia's educational lesson that hangs in the air. "I really was quite arrogant as a child. I always dreamed of world fame... I don’t envy my family back then, to be honest. No, I didn’t want to become a great actor, or a great singer, or a great blogger, Subaru, thank you for your opinion,” this time he gets ahead of Subaru’s facial expression. “I wanted to be a great scientist — so that people like you could draw a mustache on my photo in textbooks, I guess.”

"Blatant slander! I have never been involved in spoiling public property in my life, I wasn't raised like that. "

"I'll try to believe it. But no, now I think I'm mature enough to realize that I'm not cut out for fame. I'm not that outstanding. "

"Julius!" Emilia gasps. "Don't say that, you're very, very talented, and smart, and handsome..."

I appreciate the support, but...” Julius purses his lips, “well, that’s the objective truth.”

Subaru stares at him for a long time in disbelief.

“I’d like to give you a good punch,” he drawls dreamily. “Why is it that you all have such bad self-esteem, huh? No matter who you poke, everyone thinks they were admitted to the university by mistake, but in reality, they belong under the fence. A-grade students! That’s so stupid.”

Now Emilia is looking at Subaru intently.

"The pot calling the kettle black, Subaru."

"Eh?! Eh, eh, don't drag me into this! I'm just, well, a foreign student!!"

Palms ache. Julius does not immediately realize the cause: his own nails dig into the skin.

"Have you ever thought about what will happen after death?"

"Julius, are you all right? If anything, I remember the suicide hotline number, just ask!"

"Well, I don't think a bore like you will go to hell if that's what you're talking about."

"No, I mean... in, say, a year. Five years. Decades. Centuries. Self-absorbed, I know, but I'm thinking about it more and more often — what will remain after me? What the fact that I lived, that I got this diploma, and finally went to these damned excavations can even change? Will anyone — anything — remember me at all?"

He stops — no, not even like that. Some unknown force is pulling him to stop, only there are no unknown forces in this world, and it must be all about Julius's subconscious, his treacherous subconscious, pulling him to search for something that does not exist.

The control tower stands in the middle of kiosks, cafes, bicycle parking, and crowds of tourists. Julius had read about them on the internet, in a scant article that omitted many details: an ancient mechanism once built to control the water level. Over time, it was replaced with modern technologies, and the towers were planned to be demolished — but after the protests were left as a monument.

It would be better if they were demolished, Julius thinks and is horrified by his own thoughts, but he cannot get rid of them. In the midst of the triumph of the twenty-first century, the building looks ugly. Out of place.

"Sometimes I like to imagine that I was born at the wrong time. Just like... this city, for example. He doesn't belong to modernity, have you noticed? It was built as an ambush for monsters — no one expected it to stand until the moment when we call them fairy tales." A queasy feeling spreads through the body. As if his skin was covered with saliva, sticky and viscous, smelling disgusting, and not even washing off with tar soap — even if you rip it off, because there is no more point in it. "I understand, though, that it is ambition that speaks in me. In the past, I would probably have disappeared from people's memory just as easily."

He imagines it clearly: the white cloak falling into a canal and dissolving in the water. Like in that video with the raccoon and cotton candy that Subaru once insistently showed him.

...Yes, Subaru really has a bad effect on his thought processes.

The culprit of the ridiculous associations examines his face with extreme skepticism.

"You're such an idiot. Like you can be forgotten so easily!" His index finger points accusingly at Julius's shoulder. "I can't forget your pretentious face even in my sleep, does that seem forgettable?!"

"Subaru-Subaru... That's just his way of comforting, don't get mad," Emilia hurriedly explains. "But you know, when everyone around knows your name, it's not always good. You don't even know what they're saying about you until it's too late, and then..." She bites her lip and shakes her head. "Your name will remain in history, but you will not recognize yourself in it. Isn't it better to do good just like that, without expecting fame in return? After all, the world gets a little better with every good deed — what do you need a personal signature for every change?"

Julius feels unbearably ashamed.

"I don't need it, of course. I'm just trying to say... Ordinary acts of kindness are not so significant... Hm, no, absolutely not, it sounded terrible, forget it, please. I probably want to say... after all, everyone can do them."

Emilia's lips form a bitter smile.

"But not everyone does."

Standing on tiptoes, she puts her hands on his shoulders—carefully, as if Julius is made of the most fragile glass—and pulls him into her arms.

A gurgle comes from Subaru's throat. Julius is afraid that now he will be pushed into the canal, but instead — the sounds do not stop — he is gently patted on the back.

"Don't try to save the world all at once, guys," Emilia says softly into his shirt.

Subaru lets out a laugh, nervous and inexplicable to Julius. He, however, wants to repeat it.

A cooing, pitiful sound begins in Emilia's chest. Her hot lips press against Julius somewhere behind his ear.

(And this is how the chronicle is written in the stars: that night, Julius does not return to the hotel. It feels like a a half-forgotten journey, made anew years later, where the unfamiliar becomes recognizable in one moment — where, a second before the hands intertwine, a non-existent old touch tickles and tears under the skin — and at the moment of contact everything comes together, as if a contradiction resolves. Perhaps this is the most historical of it all; perhaps humanity is connected to each other through the centuries by the clutch of hands.)

(And this is how the chronicle is written in the stars: in the "E + S = ♡" on a cafe chalkboard a narrowed "+ J" gets squeezed in.)

In the slow interval between day and dusk, when the sun has not yet touched the edge of the horizon, but its light reaches an evening viscosity of spilled honey, Julius's shoe — stepping on the cultural layer of the fifteenth century that was going to be left untouched — crunches an earring, and the heel sticks into the skull.

The entire skeleton is dug out faster than one might think, and with a tremulous reverence that suddenly makes Julius's chest ache: no matter how close they look, there are no remains of the coffin, no tombstone with a name, or any other trace of the grave. The tattered clothes on him are so torn that you can't tell the century they are from — but through them, you can see broken bones, dozens and hundreds, as if someone — of unprecedented strength — beat him for hours, crushed him with a huge boulder, or maybe dropped him from a great height.

"Come on, come on," Anastasia mutters, hastily flipping through the notes on her phone. "Museums will snatch up a find like this, I can tell it!"

Bending over the bones with a brush and an awl to clean the stuck soil, Julius feels inappropriately happy. He tries hard to convince himself that his eyes are watering from the setting sun.

#re zero #rzs3fanweek #my writing #emijulisuba

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zlobonessa · 1 year ago

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my writing jumpscare, re zero, (implied/pre-) emijulisuba, acr 6 spoilers

"Subaru, listen," Emilia begins, catching herself fidgeting with the fabric covering the entrance to the cart, "have you ever missed people you don't know?"

"I'm afraid it contradicts the definition," Julius replies: even for a moment, pain and acrid bitterness appear on his face, and shame immediately penetrates Emilia to the bottom of her stomach. "You can't remember someone you don't know, and that's why you can't miss them"

"Hey, hey, since when have you become Subaru? Just because your name got eaten does not mean that you can take mine away!" Subaru elbows Julius: Emilia decides to decide that that was an accident due to the lack of space. "And also, stop with this traumadumping on Emilia-tan."

"Subaru!"

"Stop with this what?" Julius raises an eyebrow and smiles strangely: as if he is not offended not because he knows Subaru is joking, but because he agrees with him. Emilia doesn't like it at all.

(Although maybe she's overthinking it. How could she know how Julius smiles usually? She doesn't remember him. Subaru remembers, but she doesn't. Maybe Subaru knows what he's talking about, maybe Subaru knew Julius before like no one else, and that's what sets him apart from everyone else, he did what Emilia couldn't do...

No, she's still thinking nonsense.)

"Stop what needs to be stopped", Subaru snorts with that recognizable expression on his face when he himself does not know why he just said something — nope, still a dunderhead. Julius seems to notice it too: the corners of his lips twitch, and he rolls his eyes — Subaru elbows him again, and Emilia no longer manages to defend him.

"Subaru! That was a serious question, actually!" She stops herself. "Probably."

Immediately Subaru howls and wrings his hands:

"Emilia-tan! Everything you say is more serious to me than the law, fate, and the words of the great prophetess Hatsune Miku! My heart is broken that you have even doubted it!" He presses his hand to his chest dramatically, but after a couple of moments, dropping the pretense, he rests his chin on it. "I don't even know. Probably, yes? Most likely, yes."

"Most likely?" Emilia repeats, feeling really like a huge fool, hoping absurdly.

"Well, yeah, you know... Don't get me wrong, like... It's not anyone's fault, okay?" He raises his hands in warning. "Neither yours, nor even," he glances at Julius, "his, although with such a big head, he could... I'm kidding, okay, okay, just kidding. I, well... I miss people who know what a phone is."

He rubs the skin under his eyes and fidgets in place.

"Well... and yes, I guess I... I miss people from the country where I'm from, yeah. Very... It's a great place, you know. Good people. You know, it's hard to be a foreigner in a foreign country and all that."

Emilia allows herself a mirthless laugh.

"Don't tell me."

A splinter sticks out from one of the planks lining the bottom of the wagon. She pulls on its edge: it breaks off entirely with a soft crack. Emilia throws it out of the cart with a snap of her finger to not prick Rem with it, sleeping peacefully on the floor at their feet.

"But I'm not really talking about that, I guess," she frowns. "I mean, at least you know what they really are like."

Subaru blinks uncomprehendingly.

"What are you talking about?"

Emilia can't help but sigh. She suddenly becomes nervous and ashamed — she worries about trifles, such selfish trifles, thinks only about herself, and at a time like this, no less, — and besides, Julius's attentive gaze makes her uncomfortable, and that makes her even more ashamed.

How well did Julius and I know each other, she asked Subaru furtively before leaving Pristella, embarrassed by her own words to the horror of herself. And Subaru didn't like them — he looked at her painfully in response, almost like when she talked about Rem.

How should I know, he said sullenly, well, pretty okay, I guess? You've known him longer than I do. He nagged me, you know, like, I'm embarrassing you with all my clowning.

What a horror, Emilia replied then, covering her mouth with her palm, and it's not true at all, you've been promoted from a clown to a knight for a very long time.

Subaru then shouted "Hey!" and they changed the topic of that conversation, but Emilia remembers it now, shivering: How well did Julius know her? Would she embarrass herself in front of him with such nonsense, spoiling the good opinion she had earned from him by no other than a miracle? Or, on the contrary, will she be rude, refusing to share something she would have undoubtedly shared in the past? Isn't opening up again the best way to bring back a past connection?

"Well, it's just..." Pulling on a strand of hair, she winds it around her finger restlessly. "It's probably stupid."

"I think I'll go check on Anastasia-sama." Julius stands up, having understood Emilia perfectly, having understood her flawlessly, and she becomes so unbearably ashamed that she grabs him by the edge of his cloak:

"No! So... I mean, there's nothing special there, y-you can stay."

Julius raises his eyebrows:

"Okay," and sits down.

Emilia takes a deep breath to catch her breath.

"It's just... When I lived in the Elior Forest, there were... when I..." Swallowing a lump in her throat, she stares at the floor and blinks often; Julius moves again, trying to get up, and she puts her hand on his knee.

"The elves I froze — they stayed there," she says, unexpectedly loud and firm, and shudders at the sound of her own voice. "Frozen just like they were a hundred years ago. Someone is standing, someone is lying down. Someone did not have time to understand, someone..." Emilia exhales shakily and pulls a strand of hair down until her skin aches — Subaru takes her by the wrist. She smiles at him weakly.

"I talked to them. Every day. I was brushing the snow off them. I... imagined things. What they were like. It must be terribly stupid. And rude. I don't know anything about them. Maybe they wouldn't want me to like them. Maybe they wouldn't understand me at all."

"Wow," Subaru says, chewing his lip. "Damn, it's kinda like Pompeii."

"Like what?"

"Uh. Well, it's a city... was a city... It's kind of a famous story in my homeland — do you have volcanoes here, by the way?"

"Northwest of Kararagi," Julius responds immediately. "In the middle of the Crimson Hills, with the town of Zesperga at the foot. It's quite a peculiar place."

"Mmm," Subaru mumbles meaningfully. "Here's the thing with Pompeii, it was also at the foot of the volcano. And then after the eruption of the volcano happened — well, in general, it ceased to be."

"Oh."

Subaru is silent for a while, staring at one point.

"Yeah. My point is... They were covered in ashes — people of Pompeii, I mean. We found them later, thousands of years later, and... there were casts of their bodies. The way they were when they died.

"Must be an impressive archaeological find," Julius remarks, pursing his lips. Subaru laughs in surprise:

"Nerd. Yeah, sort of."

"Sort of?"

"Do I look like a historian to you? I have no idea. I mean, actually, that..." He shrugs helplessly. "There were just people there. Their animals, their paintings, their food. A thousand years apart, and we're still the same.

Subaru smiles at her out of the corner of his mouth.

"I think a lot of people think about what they were like back then, Emilia-tan. I mean, me too, I guess, since I'm talking about it. And... people like us were in Pompeii, and people like us live in my homeland, and people like us live right now, so, well, these people from Elior — I don't see any reason for them to not be like us? And you took such good care of them — maybe they miss you too.

Emilia smiles shyly at Subaru in response, and she feels a little like crying very hard.

#re zero #emijulisuba #my writing #I kinda Forgot that i wrote that. well good thing is that i recalled it eventually.

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