#enough with the sad posts. i'm getting out of the trenches

[seolinguk]

sieun we can all see you

[thekoalapastriesbakery]

TURN OUT FINE PART 2

logan sargeant x australian!male!driver!reader

PART ONE / PART TWO

summary: being an f1 driver was enough for most people—including your boyfriend—but after he gets dropped mid-season, you decide it's time for something more

warnings: mild angst, pretend the timeline makes sense, reader isn't particularly interactive, not a lot of writing, mostly told through instagram posts, based on the song turn out fine by henrik

youruser

liked by francolapinto, lukehemmings, and 782991 others

youruser if you ever feel alone, there's a lonely song to write <3

                comments

user32 the home alone pic he's so real 😭

user33 is he alone for the holidays?

user34 no, i think he's with his partner!

user35 *his girlfriend

user36 user35 well actually he hasn't confirmed anything 🤨 liked by youruser

lukehemmings great to hear from you man!

youruser you too mate! tell the lads i miss them

user37 how are 5sos and y/n l/n connected???

user38 fr i feel like i missed several chapters

user39 his aunt lived in sydney and he met the band when he was visiting her as a kid! liked by youruser, calumhood, and others

user40 nobody asking the important question ARE YOU WRITING A SONG????

youruser 🤫

oscarpiastri why aren't you making fun of us whats wrong with you

youruser i'm fine

youruser

liked by estebanocon, aussiegrit, and 888375 others

youruser can't believe i worried all away most of my time

                comments

user41 the safety car meme i-

user42 why does y/n always have the best (worst) photos of the grid

youruser blackmail

yourpr for legal reasons this is a joke!

youruser ...

pierregasly what is that picture of me 😭😭

user43 the grid in the TRENCHES whenever y/n gets sad liked by kevinmagnussen, lancestroll, and others

youruser my reaction to finding out beating you is actually pretty easy 🫶

pierregasly 🖕

sebastianvettel why is my face like that?

user44 oh y/n got seb to use instagram like a normal person

user45 king 👑

sebastianvettel ☹️

user46 mark and este only showing up on the post bullying pierre and seb 😭😭

youruser

liked by valtteribottas, mercedesamgf1, and 3428890 others

youruser turn out fine is now yours!!

massive shoutout to the grid for helping me and my boy turn out fine, i may bully you guys with your own memes but i love you really x

tagged logansargeant

                comments

user47 IT WAS LOGAN???

user48 omg this explains that weird sad post after zandvoort

user49 WAIT OMG HE WAS SAD FOR HIS BOYFRIEND??

lewishamilton proud of you 👏

sebastianvettel i thought i was done adopting drivers after charles but i couldn't be gladder to have met you and logan!

fernandoalo_oficial i'd complain but i think you learned the bullying from me ...

kimimatiasraikkonen 👍

user50 all the grid dads in the comments is gonna make me cry

user51 speak for yourself i'm already crying

user52 i fear we may owe that one girl an apology

user5 i told you!!!

logansargeant forever 💛

youruser and always 💛

youruser love you logie, happy 2-years baby

logansargeant love you too x

user52 TWO YEARS???? HOW TF DID THEY HIDE THIS liked by oscarpiastri and others

©thekoalapastriesbakery :: please do not copy or rewrite my work on any platform !!

author's note: logan <3 he looked so happy after his indycar test i had to do it.

comments + reblogs appreciated!

credits: photos from pinterest!

taglist: @raizelchrysanderoctavius @crispysoup318 @op-81-lvr-reblogs @spoonfulofmilo @ncrsbrg

[hornymotionalcookie]

Found, s2e16

I am...underwhelmed and annoyed

Spoilers below the tag

Alright, starting the show off with 3 of my least fav characters. Ok, cool cool. Where's Gabi? Almost 5mins later... and we finally see her in that soft pink with the bomb ass grey leopard trench. Buuuut, we get stuck with the self-inflated importance of Booty Call in her scene. Joy.

The kidnapping is wild in how many people saw and said nothing, and especially in the viral chasing crazies recording said abduction but not sharing the details to help the person snatched. Truly terrifying how it's first nature to start a video but not use that same device to call fer help. Oh, this world is rotten.

I'm sad about Lacey & Zeke, but still hopeful. Besties are important, too, and it's such a strong bond to risk losing if things don't work out. But I still hope they'll try.

Fuck Hugh and this humanizing bullshit we're seeing fer the second time. First, it was him suffering neglect and abuse fom his mom. Awful she was so cruel to her own child and the fucked up insecurities she instilled in him. However, nobody said continue the fucked up cycle of being a piece of shit. He imprinted upon a child whose nurturing and well-being he was entrusted with as her teacher. And him being gifted and sharing his knowledge with a prison guard to help his son does not erase the literal decades under his belt of being a demented fuck. He's a monster hiding behind faux benevolence. He kidnapped Lacey a second time years after tormenting her. He's not a good, admirable man. He's a bastard shaped shit sack and I'm past tired of people wanting to find his value.

Speaking of, even though Trent fucked up majorly in not giving Gabi the message in a ploy to protect her, I agreed that working with Hugh is problematic. I'm glad he hung up on him and fuck his kicked puppy look at being denied the chance to help Gabi.

Booty call has run out of nerves with me. We are in the red when it comes to having nerves fer that fucker to dance upon with me. How long has it been since her and Trent popped off? Where was the declaration of boo status? Why does she think she has claim to anything with him, especially over Gabi? You don't know the severity of their situationship and when push comes to shove, you were a distraction. Hard truth, but even she knew that going in. Which makes me wonder how much of this shit was orchestrated on her part?

Also also, I member I saw a post in the tags saying they thought she was Lena, Hugh's first lil abandonment. Which makes all kindsa sense. And how pissy would she be about not one, but two of the men she's obviously taken a serious shining too, however obsessed it looks, and both would and have chosen Gabi over her without question? I imagine she'll try to come fer Gabi extra hard because of that if she is Lena.

Jamie... the more we learn, the more I do not like him. Sorry bout it. Maybe yall should let Dhan or Zeke tag him with a tracker because lil mf going to see Hugh? What good is there to be drawn from that?

Not enough Gabi, Dhan or Shaker fer me. Too much Booty Call, Trent and Hugh this ep.

Happy to see no Ethan, tho, so thumbs up. Really wish that would mean my girl is looking fer less complicated professional help instead of subjecting herself to be his guinea pig to his professional curiosity.

[pandulce135]

Singing in the Kitchen (Mikey x Reader)

Notes: LMAO I had the first paragraph of this one written down for like 2 weeks but life hit like a truck and I moved rooms and that took a week. I'm beginning to cross post some of my stuff to my AO3 account of the same user, too.

This one's a bit on the sorter side, but I think I got the point across in some way.

The song used in this is Sing Sing by Mariana's Trench.

Warnings: not proofread, otherwise none

Word Count: 1.1k

The kitchen smelled of sweets and was filled with all sorts of different pastries. From cookies to brownies, to a beautifully decorated cake, if it was a doable recipe, Mikey would make it. You were assisting him where you could. You mixed ingredients and kept track of timers. The decorating and presentation is what you left for Mikey, as he was the artistic one of you two. The generous amount of sweets were made in celebration of Leo and Don’s birthday tomorrow and you were doing whatever you could to help make it a good time for everyone involved.

“Are you sure we’re not making too much?” You glanced over your shoulder to look at Mikey. He was pulling a tray out of the oven while you stood at the island mixing away. The next and final baked good for the party were some simple chocolate chip cookies.

Mikey laughed. “Have you met us? We can eat, like, a pizza each in one sitting. This is just enough.” He bopped his head to the music that played from a small speaker in the corner of the room as he walked up behind you to check on your work. “Lookin’ good, ‘lil chef!” His chin hovered above your shoulder as he watched you work.

“Thanks, big chef,” you laughed, lightly hitting his temple with your own.

For a moment, you both stood there, watching you work as you both swayed to the music that played from your Spotify blend. Your music tastes jumped around from hip-hop to indie to punk to pop. It was content and calm in the kitchen, with the scent of sweets invading your senses. You were content. You could tell Mikey was, too.

“If-slash-when you guys get accepted by society, you should open a bakery,” you hummed as Mikey placed his three fingered hand on your own, a sign to stop mixing. You felt his weight against your back as he let out a whine and you let out a chuckle.

“I would love that so much, you have no idea,” his chin rested on your shoulder and you could feel the pout radiating off of him. You really wished that humanity would be just as accepting as you and April are about the boys. Until then, you will do the work of showing them endless love and appreciation- especially to Mikey. A sigh escaped Mikey as he spoke up again. “I really need to go to the little turtle’s room. Can you start placing these on a clean sheet?”

You let out a laugh at ‘little turtle’s room’ before nodding. “Anything for you, big chef.” You turned around in his arms and gave a mock salute.

There was a mutual laughter shared before Mikey gave you a quick peck on the cheek. “I’ll be right back!” As soon as he let go of you, you grabbed a baking sheet and glanced over at the oven to see it already preheated. Mikey was on it for real.

It was just you, the music, and the cookie dough that you were separating and putting on the baking sheet. The fast paced music of Mariana’s Trench playing made you groove as you worked.

“Are you hearing me now? Oh, oh, oh Hear the sad little sounds As they fall from my mouth Oh, yeah

You just need me to be stable But I won’t be able To keep it together again

Now don’t pretty please me You’re not making it easy To slow things down.”

Now you were nearly dancing at the fast paced music that played from the speaker, balling up the cookie dough in time with the tempo of the song. Your feet were even doing a little shuffle on the floor as your head bopped back and forth on beat.

“It’s no wonder why I’m not eating I- I’m not sleeping You say sing, sing to me

Sing me something I need Sing new, sing good God I wish that I could.”

Just as the song went into the bridge, you heard a gasp from the entryway of the kitchen. “Omigosh I didn’t know you could sing!” Your shoulders tensed as you turned to face him in the doorway. “You sound so good!” As soon as he processed the expression of shock and nervousness on your face, he began again. “Babe, not only can you bake, but you can sing and do a little groove? Ugh, my ‘lil chef can do it all!” He moved in to hug you and simply let it happen.

Your face was growing hot as he continued to gush about how you’re “multi-talented” and how you’re “so good at anything.”

“Mikey,” you whined. “I’m not though.” Your voice was muffled from where you spoke into his shoulder.

“Nuh-uh. I’m not gonna let you talk down about yourself.” He grabbed a random cooking from a container on the table and handed it to you. “Now here, for being you.”

You couldn’t help yourself as you let out a laugh. “It’s like a reward.” His own laugh echoed yours as he maneuvered you to sit down so he can take a peak at your work.

“Ah, my darling dear can sing, groove and space out the cookie dough like a pro?”

“Mikey, stop,” you whined and hid your face in your free hand as he smiled widely at you.

“Oh, oh, what if we did some karaoke? It doesn’t have to be all of us, just you and I.” Mikey turned to look at you and you turned your head to look back at him. “You know, just to build up some confidence. I think it could be fun.” His hands worked quickly with the dough, you noted, and he finished up placing the rest on the sheet in record time. He placed the sheet in the oven.

“I mean, if it’s just the two of us…” You thought for a moment before moving your head in a small nod. “I don’t think I would mind.” Mikey gasped as he closed the oven and turned to you, a bright smile on his face. His eyes almost looked like they were sparkling.

“I’ll writing down in the Big Book of Date Ideas!” He exclaimed, pure joy overtaking his body language and voice.

“You’re a dork, Michelangelo!” You barked out with a laugh, the previous embarrassment you felt was long gone. It was almost like a secret power of his, he can either prolong embarrassment, or erase it from your being entirely.

Mikey walked over to you and placed a kiss on the top of your head. “Yeah, but I’m your dork.”

“That was so cheesy.”

“I know.”

[bandofchimeras]

idk there is no point to not being open about this on here bc what have I to lose. so here's another disability and personality disorder post (Also Pluto in domicile at the anaretic degree natal chart things lol.)

it's increasingly pressured as social fabric continues to tear, but more difficult to break out of this cycle of being around people who are haters and generally emotionally immature, as in don't understand that teasing and judging and criticizing and being resentful and jealous and greedy actually have a measurable negative effect on people... because now I am one of them. So they are the only people who stick with me.

Even if it's judging and criticizing for judging and criticizing. the mental habit is long and deep, and only very occasionally do I get a taste of the Light, the joy of seeing other human beings as these lovable creatures with their own inherent and interesting emotional realities that with my body I want to support and give space to wholeheartedly. To be in that core of Love. because in order to do that I have to recognize myself as one, which is like.....how? how after so long of being conditioned into learned helplessness and devaluation of myself and my experience? how, when my family can't and won't ever view my self understanding as worthy, when almost everyone I've lived with or worked with ultimately sees me as a problem, or something to eliminate,or I make them sad and disappointed? those deep cycles need INTENSIVE treatment to break and let the Self come through. I'm realizing how powerless I am on my own to do it no matter how much progress I've made, bc other people have to be part of this.

and after so long of being accustomed to mutual resentment and judgement, I am in a deep trench of hopelessness and fatalistic thinking. like it seems impossible for me to ever actually practice being a good person, which would require feeling safe and supported enough to put energy into efforts at being part of things and helping others. I feel locked into a mindset that everything will fall apart, people will neglect or abandon me and there is frankly nothing to do about it because at root, I am weird and awkward insecure and disabled and burnt out and this will always be interpreted as a choice, a moral choice, and my life is not worthy of living unless I push past all my limits and break myself on the grinder of doing what normal people "should" be able to do, or consign to a life of pity and being seen as a cautionary tale.

I frankly do not believe it will ever work to ask for what I need, or find the level of support I know is necessary to develop myself. because people will expect it back. and I cannot give the level of support I need right now. I can do what I can.

but the basic emotion is "it will never be enough." It is not possible for me to be enough. It is not possible for me to say no I cannot do that, or to say yes I do want to do that but I will need a team, I will need encouragement when I lose it, my inner resources don't exist here yet, I need to be poured into and shown how, helped to access the Source within myself, and trust it.

I have yet to be recognized as a Person. Seen, by somebody, by myself, in the way that grants you dignity and self respect.

that's the root to me where personality disorder and disability cross.

I do not feel hope that I will ever be recognized as worthy of love and existence and support because of the ways people are so deeply judgmental towards anyone who can't do what is seen as normal. and everytime someone judges another person as a weirdo or freak or suggests excluding them, it rebreaks my heart. To me it suggests there are rules I am currently following that somehow make my life worthy to them and if I slip up, I'm on the outside too, part of that extant disposable life.

Are we all living like this?

It's wretched and unbearable.

But also sometimes I'm that way too, it's possible to just dislike people or places or genuinely find someone unbearable.

BUT I STILL THINK THEY DESERVE TO LIVE AND BE SUPPORTED. I HATE THAT SOCIAL STANDING IS LINKED TO SURVIVAL.

So yeah, so long as this way of being is on the planet I root for the freaks on the outside who steal and lie and siphon away what they can get, because they are lonely or because no one is there for them, there is no one to fall back on except the abundant and harsh earth itself.

I want people, and for everyone to have people, but some of us human beings don't, and we won't, or can't ...my love life and friendships are this history of trying to befriend or love people who are deeply hurt and cannot let others be there with and for them, because if I could do that it would mean someone could do it for me. But I have given up on myself, on seeing myself as a human with needs that could be met. I don't feel I have the fortitude to keep getting my hopes up, or the self protection to fight everyone for my needs all the time. I want a normal life, and safety and protection same as anybody. But soon enough even fewer of us will have that.

We are gonna have to depend on eachother, and that scares me because it's where I'm lacking. I'd rather die than admit to people IRL what I want and need from them that I know they can't give me. I guess learning to tolerats that feeling is the next step.

Some days I'm ready to die rather than go on like this, but I'm still praying for a way out, and some hope, and the courage to keep trying.

[fleshengine]

Like girl I got mad because what you said wasn't true. I straight up did not say that the US is more culturally diverse than Russia. I get mad when people misinterpret or misunderstand me. I get mad when people lie about me. And I get mad when people bring up shit on unrelated posts like this. So sorry that I got mad at fucken libel you put on someone I respect's reblog of my post? Oh fucking no! You know someone said I should be put in a camp for that post right?

I also did not say that the US is 50 countries in a trench coat. I used to say that when I was a kid because I was an idiot. But I think that the US is more layered than people outside of it see. It's not as culturally diverse as other countries of similar size, but it's also not entirely homogenous like some people say. Even ignoring stereotypical white american culture, there's native cultures that need more attention and enthusiasm, black cultures that vary between cities, and more.

We aren't the fourth reich, we're our own brand of horribleness. I'm not obsessed with diversity, I think cultural differences are really neat and it makes me sad to see the rich breadth of american experience flattened into "New York and San Francisco are basically the same place so all of Amerikkka has the same exact culture."

What's really funny is I don't think I ever brought up Appalachia or Cajun culture. But you could say that about literally any aspect of non-native American culture. It's all colonial, it's all genocide. That doesn't mean the coal wars weren't sick. Fucken point to any large enough country and there's some kind of internal genocide in their history.

I'm just tired of people taking the worst interpretation of my words as fact and going around claiming I'm so much worse than I am. I'm sorry I got mad I guess, it would've been cooler if you reached out and said "shit is that not what you said? What happened?" rather than just block me and then complain about me. Maybe talk to the shunned tgirl before you cut off communication. Food for thought I guess because she probably isn't going to see this.

Did you know that you can make out with any part of a girl’s body if you have a pure heart and impure intentions?

[happymeishappylife]

Albums I Listened To in 2024

Bastille Presents & by Dan Smith

Favorite Songs: Literally all of them, lol

I absolutely love the little stories that get told about mostly women in history and I love Dan's lyrics. It goes from the tragedy of Adam and Eve, to the genius of Marie Curie, and love letters about creativity in songs like Emily & The Castle in The Sky. It's so soothing and beautiful. I would love to see this performed, but I'm also slowly making my way through the podcast, which is hilarious, to learn more about how this amazing project came about.

2. The Great Impersonator by Halsey

Favorite Songs: The Great Impersonator, Letter to God (1998), Hurt Feelings, Hometown, I Believe in Magic, Panic Attack, Only Girl Living in LA, Ego, Lonely is the Muse, I Never Loved You, Lucky

I am always excited when Halsey is releasing new music because each album is such an incredible journey, but this one was heartbreaking. I wondered what had happened to her in the hiatus because usually they aren't so quiet. But hearing of her lupus diagnosis and how they has been struggling in its battle was so hard to hear. Getting this album was a gift even through the painful and raw moments. I hope they continue to feel better.

3. Artificial Paradise by OneRepublic

Favorite Songs: Stargazing, Room For You, Sink Or Swim, Hurt, Nobody, I Ain't Worried, Room For You, West Coast, Runaway, Sunshine, Mirage

It was nice to get another new album from OneRepublic and though half of it was them compiling all their singles from the past couple years, they worked really well with the new songs. I also loved the concept of the album which is that we're all just trying to survive in this new artificial world, trying to figure out what's real or not. And as always, there is a nice blend of upbeat dance songs and pretty ballads. Now I just hope they tour soon.

4. Jess by Jess Glynne

Favorite Songs: Promise Me, We Had Something, Say It Isn't True, Lying, Friend of Mine, Say No, Easy, Enough

With Jess being on hiatus for so long, I wasn't sure what sort of sound she would come back with, but this album was a reflection of her first. The only difference was how deeply reflective it was and how even through some of the painful moments she has gone through, she has found ways to pull herself back up and raise herself up. A message that I think is super important reminder nowadays.

5. Satellites by The Script

Favorite Songs: One Thing I Got Right, Satellites, Inside Out, Gone, At Your Feet

Losing Mark was a really hard blow for Danny and Glen and honestly how could it not be? When I heard the news, it was sad and I didn't know what that meant for them as a band moving forward. With two new band mates though, they have a slightly more rock based sound, but what I loved about this album is the core sound of The Script is still there and so is the storytelling. I loved hearing it again and hope that soon I can see them live since they have been performing a lot, but we'll see.

6. Clancy by Twenty One Pilots

Favorite Songs: Paladin Strait (Official Placeholder), Oldies Station, Navigating, The Craving (Jenna's version), Midwest Indigo, Routines In the Night, Next Semester, Overcompensate

I know they keep trying new sounds out to move away from Trench's sounds, but let's be real... This is their best sound which is why when they announced they were going back to Trench for this album, I was so excited. And it didn't disappoint. Getting to know Clancy and hearing some fun upbeat, to more introspective and heavier songs was a fun time. I can't wait to see where they go from here.

7. Post Human: Nex Gen by Bring Me the Horizon

Favorite Songs: DIg It, a bulleT w/ my namE On (feat. Underoath), Top 10 staTues tHat CriEd bloOd, YOUtopia, Kool-Aid, Lost

A bit of a surprise drop, on the same day as Clancy, but a super welcome one. I absolutely loved this album and loved the heavy sound which still surprises me though I've been into them for a couple years now. I just find that the lyrics are so resonate and the screams to be such a cathartic release and this album didn't disappoint. I also love the same message about how to lead anarchy against the systems is still so resonate, but you can also be vulnerable and lost at the same time.

8. Duality by Lindsey Stirling

Favorite Songs: Inner Gold, Eye of the Untold Her, Evil Twin, Surrender, Untamed, Survive, Firefly Alley

Getting a new album from Lindsey was a treat and what I loved the most was the 'lyrical' journey she takes the listener on in this album. Not only from the way the music video was shot, but Eye of the Untold Her is such a great song to boost yourself up and remember that you can overcome the challenges that life throws at you that it became an anthem. But also hearing her women empowerment anthem come from her actual relationship history where someone treated her badly, I'm glad that she is starting to be open and explore that through her music because it's important that we all don't feel so alone.

9. Vicious Creature by Lauren Mayberry

Favorite Songs: Sunday Best, Mantra, Oh Mother, Punch Drunk, Shame, A Work of Fiction, Sorry, Etc, Are You Awake?, Something in the Air, Crocodile Tears

It may have just come out, but Lauren's solo album is fantastic. Her voice has always been beautiful and that's why I've loved her in Chrvches, but hearing her own unique lyrics be put to it is a treasure. She is honest about her experiences and a powerful voice for women in this industry. But what I love the most about the album is that through some of the feminist fight, there's the songs like Punch Drunk where you can tell she wants to also just have fun and in Oh, Mother we hear her vulnerability and her care towards her mom and their relationship. And as someone who also has an aging mother, the last few lines of what do I do without you, hit a bit too hard.

10. The Epilogue by Dean Lewis

Favorite Songs: All I Ever Wanted, Empire, Rest, All Your Lies, Trust Me Mate, Love of My Life

It's funny because I only got introduced to Dean earlier this year when he opened from AJR, but truly I absolutely love his storytelling and sound so much that I was excited to hear this album. Because his songs talk of a lot of pain that has occurred through his life, the thing that constantly surprises me is also how uplifting his lyrics are. Like in Trust Me Mate, it's obviously painful that his friend is going through this hard place, but he is stating just how much he is there for them and willing to be there during the tough moment. And that's a beautiful sentiment.

Other Albums I Listened To:

11. "Haha, no worries" by Lubalin

12. Loom by Imagine Dragons

13. Nosebleeds Encore by Misterwives

14. The Tortured Poets Department by Taylor Swift

15. Lover Tofu Fruit by Tiffany Day

16. I'm Doing it Again Baby! by girl in red

17. Townie by X Ambassadors

18. Love in Stereo by Max

19. Bleachers

20. Summer of Us by Fitz

21. I Am Not Afraid of Music Anymore by Coin

22. Amy Allen

23. bleeding heart by Alexander Stewart

24. Hard to Sell by Mac Saturn

[yonemurishiroku]

ELABORATE MORE ON LITTLE MERMAID AU????

Uhm... I... don't have anything...?

😭😭😭 I'm so sorry omg it was just a whim and the only thought i had was like omg Bianca sounds like Ariel minus the falling in love part so I just ajdajsdhak went with it. I absolutely had no idea how the story might progress beyond whatever I posted about it.

But since you asked. Maybe I can try to provide some concepts.

The barest idea I have of this TLM AU stems from an old post about a deep-sea merman Nico - which is exactly what I decided to go with in this particular AU.

Which, ok, maybe doesn't go that well with the fact that Percy is a human. He'd probably die before sinking low enough to reach Nico.

But heyyyyyy how about we make Nico rise to the surface once in every while to wreak havoc on those who harm his sister? And Percy - the risk-taking dumbass he is - decides to jump right into the myth of a sea monster because he, well, is a dumbass?

(Told ya I have solutions for everything)

I just love the concept you know? Nico as the giant, oversized sea creature that locks himself away out of sheer grief for his sister and resentment towards the humans.

When he's at the bottom of the ocean, hugging himself and weeping, earthquakes stem from his cries that reverberate through the seabed; his tears turn into deep, vicious currents that suck boats and ships into vortexes, sinking them.

When he rises though, the sea rages with him. It's a disaster for any ship that comes near him. Every sway of his tail sends tsunamis across the ocean. He doesn't cry but his tears still fall, drop after drop of silver that freezes the surface because he brings the coldness of the trenches with him.

I have two visions about this AU.

The first is when Percy decides to take his chance with the sea-monster-that-heralds-disasters myth. He takes a smaller boat and not unexpectedly, he falls into the water, and catches sight of Nico. He sees his glowing pale skin, the chaotic currents wrapping around him, and the dark, dark eyes that nearly suck Percy's soul into the trenches. Just this... overwhelming presence of something that's so much larger, greater than him - a mere pirate obsessed with conquering the ocean.

(Nico sees him, too, but Percy's just a human to him then, something he can't bring himself to care whether they're dead or alive)

That encounter should scare Percy off. But he loves the seas too much and risk-taking even more to back off now. He also wants to come to the bottom of this myth, because in his opinion, Nico, albeit scary, seems so sad. His sadness overflows the water, and Percy can feel it.

Percy's a dumbass, but Annabeth, his navigator, isn't. She suggests asking around, so they go to the nearest town and do just that.

Percy meets Hazel, in this case, is exactly the Witch. She's the protector of the seaside town that's the nearest to Nico's residence.

(Obviously) Hazel is Nico's sister - once a mermaid, now staying on land to shield the innocent humans that her sister loved from her brother's grief.

When the vague story that Hazel tells doesn't satisfy him, Percy says he would find out by himself. Hazel realizes that Percy's interest is genuine with such a rasp enthusiasm to learn about Nico, she entrusts her hope in him. That comes in the shape of a protection spell that might aid Percy in his journey through the despair that Nico might bestow.

And there Percy goes. He goes to Nico, under the water. He sees Nico closely for the first time and he wants to see closer. Their eyes meet. Percy gets to hear Nico's voice - the rumbles of the seabed, the whales' weeping, the tunes of undercurrent waves. They talk.

Nico after such a long time away from contact, doesn't understand how a human can dive so low and get past the barrier of his tears so many times. Although the resentment he still holds prompts him to chase Percy away with a flap of his fins a few times, he's come to question Percy's intention.

This time, Nico holds Percy in his large hands - never close to touching but enough to appear cherishing - and listens to what he has to say.

Percy's inquiry, however, sets Nico off - ("I won't kill you, but with you and your kind, the emptiness inside me would never heal") - and Percy's sent back to the surface through powerful rushing water.

The next time they meet is when Nico rises to the surface to gaze toward the faraway land and wonder what was so beautiful about the humans that managed to take Bianca away from him. The sea, in tune with Nico's grief, rages. Though, Percy has never been one to surrender a few waves.

He goes again. Without Hazel's protection though. He goes through all that natural disaster by himself to reach Nico's side. He nearly dies, of course - and he would have been if not for Nico's hands shielding him from the rain and storms. Nico's tears are dry on his face, and Percy watches them shimmering under the dark of the merman's irises from where he lays between Nico's freezing large pale fingers.

Percy's stubbornness prompts Nico to see humans in a different light.

And that's everything LMAO I'm too old for this. Yes I've just come up with all of that^^^ as I wrote. As I've said, all I have is the visions. It'd be months or years (or an eternity) until I write something ajsdhajkdas.

Hope this might entertain you even just a little tho lolol

@lukecastellanshandholder too bc I think you'd like to see this...

[inafieldofdaisies]

WIP Wednesday | Tagging @direwombat @poisonedtruth @nightbloodraelle @socially-awkward-skeleton @nightwingshero @shegetsburned @strangefable @adelaidedrubman @vampireninjabunnies-blog @jacobsneed @aceghosts @fourlittleseedlings @trench-rot @g0dspeeed and anyone with something to share <3

Last snippet from Chapter 7 before I bring myself to post the whole thing on AO3 sometime this week :D # let the talk begin

"It's about time we talk, Deputy.", John whispered since Savannah was still in kitchen. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he had enjoyed his stay at Sabrina's home, the back-and-forths, how she tried and failed to steal her sketchbook back that morning. After dreaming of her and waking up to find her leaning over him, he was so close to pulling her in, his resolve was hanging on by a thread at the way she responded to him and the knowledge she could be in his arms in a blink. Would she pull back or sink into it just as desperately as he wanted to. He shook off the idea. Joseph would tell him that all of it was a distraction. He shouldn't allow it to go further, risk not making it to Eden or disappoint his brother. He knew he'd postponed the inevitable enough, there were people depending on him, Cleansings and Confessions to see through. Sabrina nodded, putting away the last plate she was washing, her tone was controlled when she said, "Outside?", then she turned to her sister, "John and I are going out for a bit, you stay put, okay? I will be right back." I, not we. What are you planning, Deputy? She led him through the double doors into the backyard, headed for the same chairs where she had fallen asleep the night before. Another reminder he didn't need at that moment. The sooner they left this place, the faster he'd be able to pull himself back together as he resumed his role as Herald, it would stop his composure from slipping, his thoughts from wandering. Sabrina sat down first, looking straight ahead, a steely expression on her face. John opened his mouth to announce he's taking her back to his Gate, but something far worse slipped out, coming from deep within. His actual thoughts, what had been manifesting in the back of his mind since reading her notebooks.

And he wasn't even done with them, having gone through one box. "It must have been hard, Deputy. Living with your visions for so long." She turned, her arms crossed in defense, voice cold, "Why do you care?" Gone was the easy-going Sabrina that joked as they made breakfast. "I don't care.", he shook his head, his act dropping for a second, "No. I don't know WHY I care." Her eyes softened for a second, a look of understanding passing over her features, "Makes two of us then." You care for me.

He knew that something was keeping her from killing him but hearing her admit it was different. Especially with how she refused to confess about her visions of him. She sighed, "To answer your question. It was hard, still is, but it's my life, John, the visions aren't going anywhere. They're something I would deal with until the day I die. I've accepted it as part of myself, the good, the bad, the inbetweens. I face it all the same way I would whatever you decide next." He doubted she'd accept him the same way if she saw everything. "Who else knows?" He had to know what to expect… "About what? My visions?", Sabrina gave him a sad smile, "Aside from Savannah, you're the only person I've told, first person in years actually. I'm not about to start a cult and declare it to the whole County, if that's what you're asking." I'm the only one you told your secret to, Deputy. The idea intrigued him, how even that Sinner she was so close to didn't know about it. John opened his mouth to respond, but she waved him off. "And I know, it's makes me disposable, the less people know, the easier you can get rid of me." "Sabrina.", John let out a deep sigh, "And your sister?" "What about her?" "Does she have visions too? The way she talked about my plane-" Sabrina cut him off, "Imagination is what she has, not visions, John. And I'm glad, I was afraid she would, to be honest, that she won't have a calm life. And now, that's out of the window too." "Deputy-" "Just tell me what's next. That hellhole isn't a place for Savannah, for her light.", her eyes hardened, "You drag her in there, it would kill her spirit then kill me. She's already having nightmares of your people. And separating us when I'm all she has left… a part of you must know how wrong that would be." His thoughts drifted back to her sister, her carefree laughter, personality that mirrored Sabrina's, how she looked at him without judgement. "You're not so scary after all." The idea of Savannah seeing him differently, as a monster who took her sister away, someone to fear, weighted heavy on him. He knew what he was expected to do, what Joseph would tell him, that he would have to protect the Project from potential threats no matter what. He had always accepted his brother's tasks, wanted to make him proud, but hesitation was creeping in… Sabrina was staring at him, waiting, trying to read his face, but he had no idea how to respond, no words wanted to come out. "Are you taking us there?", she huffed as she got up and started pacing, "Are you enjoying this? It that it? One big game. A new method of torture you're trying?" John shook his head, his hands gripping the armrests of the chair, trying to come back to himself. He needed to focus. To force the words out. To go back on his Path. This wasn't supposed to happen. "What did you tell me yesterday, ah, "Words, John."" It felt as if the roles were reversed when she came closer, staring down at him as he sat in HER chair… was she about to pull HIS knife, make him confess. "I'm not, Deputy. Not enjoying this one bit, in fact.", he gritted out. "Are you taking us there?", she repeated, her voice taking an edge, "You have to know, I won't let you take HER." She'd kill him then, he had no doubt. It's what fed his obsession further- her loyalty to her only family, the conviction to defend her sister at any cost. His own brothers had tried to do that for him long time ago, but it wasn't enough, he had ended up alone, drowning, until Joseph found him again. Savannah would be sentenced to the same fate of losing her sister. No. For once he couldn't say YES to something.

"I know. But I can't let you go, Deputy. And even if I do-", he stopped, aware he was saying too much, that the facade was cracking. "What would happen?", Sabrina narrowed her eyes. "The Reaping has started. The County is cut off. All roads leading out of it are closed, the tunnels…" "You're telling me we're stuck here?", her voice held a note of suspicion, "You must be joking." "I'm not. You'd be on the run with Savannah." Sabrina was back to pacing, no doubt running over scenarios, still not knowing the full scale of things. Suddenly she stopped, turning to John, a gleam of hope in her eyes, "Your plane. You can fly us-" "Are you hearing what you're asking me to do? I'm not helping you escape." "Why? Why did you lock me up in the first place?" John didn't respond right away, but knew Sabrina wasn't backing down and that they'd stay in the backyard the whole day and into the night if he didn't get it over with. He needed to wrap this up fast, stop himself from unraveling in her presence. "My brother gave me a task. I have to see it finished." "What task? What do you need me for?" "Who's in charge, Sabrina? Who should be asking questions, calling the shots?" Was he trying to remind her or himself of that? Sabrina crossed her arms, no doubt giving him one of her looks from her detective days, "You wanted to talk. Just answer the damn question. I gave you information, told you my secret. The least I deserve is for you to be straightforward for once. No "I plead the fifth" bullshit." He could picture her perfectly, how she'd take over the interrogation, carrying it on with poise, her eyes persuading you to get the truth out, promising understanding, forgiveness. How she'd look for a solution, try her hardest to help, the same way she approached her visions. "You don't give up, do you, Deputy?" "Never. Just tell me." John paused, then muttered, "He wanted me to find out if you saw something at the church." "That you did." "Yes." "But I'm still here, you even took me out,", Sabrina nodded to herself, giving him a look of determination, "which leads me to believe you haven't told him." John shook his head, it was pointless to deny it. She wasn't stupid. "Why, John?" Because I'm selfish. Because he will take you away when I do. And I'm not done with you. But he couldn't tell her that, instead saying, "I needed further intel. What makes you think he'd do anything to you, Deputy?" Sabrina rolled her eyes, "Please. I've met plenty of people like him. He's nothing without believers. What will it do to him if somebody else with the same ability as him appears? What would your people think?" When John said nothing, she continued, "One person chosen by God, a mouthpiece. But wait, there's another now, who do we listen to? And if the messages don't align? Oh, he'd feel threatened, afraid his reign would crumble. He'd have no choice but to kill me.", her eyes darkened, as she pointed at John, "No, have YOU kill me. He won't get his hands dirty, you'd do that job instead, carry the "sin"." "He won't do it." A lie. She was a threat and those were dealt with accordingly. Too much was at stake.

"I saw his face John, on the helicopter, that arrogant look he wore as his own people were dying for him, not a drop of humility or regret when God was watching. He wanted to be right, to prove his power to us, to show off the hold he has on all of you." She from all people should believe Joseph, yet ironically she had it all wrong. She did. Yes, she had to. "She's a Sinner, brother. But you can help her see the light, just like with the others. You won't fail me, would you? It was Joseph's voice creeping into his thoughts. Sabrina sighed, "You're just in too deep to see it. I doubt anything I say would change your mind." They stared at each other in silence, until John spoke up, "He's my brother, Sabrina. He'd march us all to Eden, save my soul." She grabbed his hand, holding on, her touch was another distraction he didn't need as her eyes searched his, "How is torturing others saving YOU?" "You don't understand. You don't believe or see what he does." Sabrina backed away, her hand snaking behind her, he expected she'd pull out his knife, instead it was another sketchbook, that went flying at him, hitting him in the chest. "Open it." He did, flipping through random drawings, landscapes, a portrait of Hartley smoking a cigarette, he wanted to rip that one to shreds, then he got to it… A sketch of himself, but his face, it looked different. "What is this, Deputy?" "I see things too, John. Death, suffering, but also moments of hope. I see the potential, in people, even you. I also see what he'd doing, how low he's making you and so many sink for his twisted idea of the world, I can't sit around and watch that happen. I can't accept his vision as absolute, when in my heart I feel it's wrong." John couldn't take his eyes of the page, his curiosity growing by the second. Sabrina was misty-eyed, conflict swimming in her gaze, "You asked me about my visions of you, I can't tell you about them, I won't, it won't do us any good. But I saw you again yesterday, and I'm still here because of it, you're still… alive because of it. The past few days I've been stuck in a fucking Catch-22 situation where no matter what I come up with, only one of us walks out alive. I might regret trusting you, but I believe I see these things for a reason, that I was meant to meet you." He raised an eyebrow, "Catch-22?" She gave him a look of amusement, "It's when-" "I know what it means, Deputy. You just keep on surprising me, that's all." She was right about calling their predicament a Catch-22, on every level he found it fitting. John knew he had to get to the bottom of their connection, if he could figure out what drew him in, then he would be able to squash the obsession once and for all, silence the urges when it came to her, but he needed more time. He wasn't worried about her not telling him about the visions of him, she had given him all her notes, including the sketchbook he wasn't supposed to see, he'd find them written down soon enough. She kept records of everything after all. And with her visions, Sabrina could be useful, she warned him about the badly planned attack on his Gate before… there was the growing Resistance to deal with, with her help he'd be one step ahead, keep his men safe and make Joseph proud through progress. His mind was made up, an idea forming. Sloppy, but still a plan. A way to not break the promise to Joseph. "You're the lawyer, figure it out." He just had to bend the rules a little.

[francinefoam]

I can't believe I'm dusting off this account to talk about thai bl fandom nonsense. But! as someone who was in the peraya/kristsingto and thai bl trenches back in the olden days of 2017-2019, it's been wild to come back and see the same toxic shipping culture being perpetuated by some of the same people (here's looking at you, miss fuse!) in 20fucking24

I've just read OP's primer on Krist and the homophobia misinformation campaign against him (thanks for doing the work, @thebroccolination!) and I want to add that Krist's character being the "wife" and the bottom in the Kongpob/Arthit pairing played a huge role in the type of harassment Krist continues to face from shippers.

The way some shippers treat Krist is weirdly gendered and sexist, as if he really is the wife or the omega to Singto's alpha. So they expect him to be 100% loyal and "faithful", to protect Singto's reputation, and do all the emotional work in maintaining the kristsingto pairing.

SOTUS became an overnight sensation and the two leads were hounded and stalked and received so much attention they were definitely not prepared or trained for. I don't want to downplay what Singto faced, but if you were around as it was happening, I don't think anyone can deny that as the "tsundere wife," Krist had it much, much worse. There's many fan videos from these days where fans are following Krist around and asking about his husband, including when he's out with his family and his gf. In fact, the poor gf was harassed quite a bit as well. Imagine you're a normal uni student with an actor bf and then due to his sudden hit bl show, wherever you go, random women - some old enough to be your mother - are asking you invasive questions about your bf's sexuality and his "husband." This type of behavior was relentless and some of the more extreme fans were pretty much saying that Krist's relationship was fake because he was Singto's wife.

The extreme shippers didn't just harass Krist's gf, they also harassed his friends, especially any guys he was openly close and affectionate with, because they were seen as a threat to Singto. If he posted about his guy friends, he would get numerous comments telling him to stop ignoring Singto and go take care of Singto like a good wife. I was a multishipper and I liked the ghost ships of Krist/Gun and Krist/Mike and OMG. The amount of hostility just mentioning these ships generated from some perayas was wild. Krist and Gun actually stopped hanging out as much, especially in public, partly due to shipper harassment!

I've always thought that some of the most prominent perayas who were older women treated Krist weirdly like he was their daughter-in-law. IDK if this will make sense to anyone who is not thai or SE-Asian, but you know that stereotypical mother and daughter in law dynamic? with the mother in law constantly policing and criticizing the daughter in law and expecting only her to do all the work in the relationship and stay faithful, etc. etc. while the son doesn't get any of this pressure? That's how some of the thai perayas I knew acted towards Krist and Singto.

Part of this is because Krist is more open and a people pleaser, while Singto is more reserved and distant. This, along with the "wifely" expectations created a situation where Krist couldn't have a gf or male friends; meanwhile Singto was doing multiple BLs with multiple partners (as he should!). Krist was constantly nagged to provide kristsingto moments and blamed for lack of kristsingto series, but Singto was mostly left alone. (And it's not just because Singto is an introvert who doesn't like overt fanservice; he's definitely done the cutesy fanservice for other pairings. I think it's mostly that they've fallen into a pattern where Krist does 80-90% of the kristsingto work, so Singto has to do less).

Anyway, this unbalanced kristsingto/peraya dynamic and the toxic shipping is largely why I stepped away from that fandom. It's sad to see that nothing has significantly changed 5 years later.

(well, I guess one change I'm seeing is that Krist's solo fans/yuyus are more aggressive and quick to clap back towards perayas where they used to be sort of cowed and drowned out. Some of them are even tagging Singto on social media in retaliation, which is wild for them. That's usually the perayas MO lol)

TOXIC FAN PRESSURE

So a lot of us saw this exchange yesterday between Krist and a toxic fan who got flatly shut down when they tried to make Krist choose between GawinKrist and KristSingto:

I made a whole thread on Twitter to provide context about it (that I might also put on here).

And, y’know, even though this gives people like that more undeserved attention, I’m sharing these other tweets to show people outside the fandom the level of nonsense Krist has been putting up with for months just because he’s still friends with Gawin and won’t pretend he doesn’t exist for the sake of their fantasies.

Krist is twenty-eight now, and he’s clearly ready to set some boundaries with fans who try to take liberties, but I want to take this as an opportunity to point out that he’s been dealing with this and worse since SOTUS aired while he was still in university.

He’s famous for being a people-pleaser, kind to all to his own detriment, so it shocked and pleased a lot of long-time fans to see him finally clap back yesterday. And it’s fitting that he did it to protect the people he loves.

And these are sock puppet accounts posting publicly, so I can’t imagine what they’re sending to his DMs.

All because he found a friend.

I’m glad he stood up to them.

[wildelydawn]

I'm waiting for your bittersweet chocolate 90% . Will you update it? Or are you leaving it? Please answer this.🥺

Hello there! Thank you for checking in about Bittersweet Chocolate, 90%. I am not leaving it, but I am not sure when I will update it.

I don't talk about myself a lot on this blog, and I know you're not really asking about me, and perhaps the following will be way too much information and will make you and other feels really uncomfortable, but since a few people have asked about BSC90, I just want to clarify a few things.

tl;dr: I'm sad. I'll start writing and updating again soon.

I have very severe depression. And I do mean severe: the kind that where I don't get out of bed for anything, the kind that leaves my hair uncombed and unwashed for days, the kind that destroys any creative ray of sunshine in my life, the kind that worries people IRL. I zone out for hours. I have no concept of time when I do zone out. I get up out of bed when I have to, physically go to work, and immediately come back to bed when I am home. I open up my phone, muster the strength to reply to a few people, then go to Google Docs, and stare at an empty document until my phone locks. I fall asleep and repeat that cycle over and over and over again. I don't leave my apartment for anything besides work; last week was the first time I left my house in months and that was by sheer force (bless my partner for that) and I have no plans on leaving my apartment again because I simply have no will to do so. If it wasn't for my cat, I would absolutely never leave my bed. If I could, I would, and want to, just rot away in bed, and talk to no one. And I am sure many people who talk to me on here, Discord, etc. have noticed that I am taking longer and longer to reply. (In fact, I am neglecting to respond to The Woman right now, and she is someone I prioritize, always.) I could go on and on about how heavy this illness and its roots dig into me and weigh me down, and usually, I have a handle on it, and for the most part, I did! This last year These last six months have been really terrible in terms of IRL stuff, but writing, whether it's creative, or journaling, or academic, has always helped. It's always been my escape.

So you can imagine why I felt incredibly lucky to come across KinnPorsche: the Series because it does spark a lot of creativity in me. I can't believe I've written 200K words for a single fandom, let alone 150k+ words on KimChay. I spent May through November using KP and other media and writing fics to navigate my depression. I spent the last few weeks developing what I would call close friendships with people when earlier this year, I had no one to talk to. Hell, I have all the inspiration at my finger tips. I literally have projects in development with really amazing artists on here. People send me prompts and ideas and I watch my list grow and I think of how lucky I must be to be inspired. I made friends with people on Twitter. Twitter! And it's winter time, my favorite season, and I'm looking forward to the snow, the walks in cold air, my trench coats and sweater vests. And I've been updating YLTTL (which is a finished fic, but still need heavy editing.) According to the math, I should be good; I should be in a place where I can write BSC90 and update. And I should be happy.

But I am not. Right now, I am in a really bad place, and if I have the will to write, it comes in flashes that dim out rather quickly. I am frustrated. I am exercising immense self control when the urge to delete everything I've ever written and run away overtakes my head. I write things, and I delete them because nothing feels good anymore. Nothing I write feels good enough to post either. And I've never written for anyone: as in, I write for me and my health, even though BSC90 is literally for someone. But it really sucks when your own brain is telling you, "Hey! Everyone's lying to you! You're not really a good writer, and if you were, you would push past all these terrible feelings and write like you always do." And I do that often, but that methodology is not working right now because of the severity of my feelings.

Now, I am not saying that this is anyone's fault or that you or anyone who asks about my fics is a bad person or anything. I promise you that's not where I am coming from. I promise you that I appreciate every reader I have, including you. I promise you my intention with this response isn't to make you or anyone feel bad or to solicit pity or sympathy. But I do need to say something because:

1) I think people deserve honesty, no matter what.

2) I've given the "Haha I've just been really busy!" excuse over the last month and that hasn't been enough and

3) I'm beginning to feel like I'm letting people down, which I know really isn't the case, but my flickering brain is trying to convince me that I am, and my chest tells me the same thing.

I promise when I come back, Chapter 6 of BSC90 will be, I hope, worth the wait. And that despite everything I've written here, I do appreciate you asking about the story and I appreciate your patience. So please don't feel bad or some type of way if you (or anyone else) is reading this. I just want to be honest.

Thank you for reading. 🖤

[eyeballjazz]

gosh I LOVE whenever you talk about the crews (midnight or problem sleuth) because your ideas are always so unique and detailed but in a realistic way? like they're all very specific but also mundane so it all feels so natural and REAL, it's always so fun! Plus your writing is very pleasant so seeing that "read more" under your replies always makes me go FUCK YES

You said you had fun with the last ask so here's me asking you to share more headcanons you have! Could be domestic, silly, sad, whatever, I'm just giving you an excuse to talk about them whever you feel like it!

#1 and first of all THANK YOU SO MUCH! I’ve delayed replying to this not only because I wanted to cook up a good answer but because your words are so sweet and I wanted to spend longer just reading and rereading them. Thank you thank you thank you!

I got a few little ones and then some big ones for ya:

Problem Sleuth and Hysterical Dame both are from Brooklyn and have harsh Brooklyn accents, though Dame’s is much more pronounced. She sounds like a slightly less congested Fran Drescher. Sleuth, additionally, loves the Beastie Boys and thinks he could’ve been one if he’d had half a chance at it.

Droog loves Sting. That’s it, that’s the headcanon.

Droog is native Italian, from part of Tuscany that is just 1 kilometer from the official bounds for the Chianti region. The fact that he’s not actually, truly, from Chianti haunts him and makes me laugh a great deal.

Now for a big one:

What war did they all serve in?

This one I’ve gone back and forth on. While I love studying war I’m not any kind of expert nor do I have any relation to military culture. But, because I write Intermission stuff as period pieces (the adults all live in a pseudo 40s and 70s mash up, all the kids live in the early oughts and that’s why none of the StabDads knows how to work a computer despite all their kids being online constantly) the setting of mid-20th century America requires there to be some war that people are living during/living through the aftermath of. I have a whole thing about the 20th century being one long war but anyway.

There was a large scale global conflict that Team Sleuth and the Crew all experienced. The Crew saw more intense, violent conflict while much of Team Sleuth saw less direct action and often sunnier outcomes.

Hearts, Slick and Droog were all infantry men whose issues with authority prevented any of them from moving up the ranks. Clubs was a technician and occasional mechanic, he learned everything he knows about bombs between his years as a soldier and a few jobs working in plastic factories back home.

Hearts was a cook as well as a renowned fighter in his unit. Slick came in and went out buck private despite some award winning violence in the field. Droog was considered for a promotion to officer because of his neat habits and efficient performance but later denied when his more anti-social and unstable qualities showed through.

For both Slick and Droog The War is much more like WW1. They met and became friends/fell in love in the trenches and saw the intensity of suffering and combat on an almost daily basis. For Hearts and Clubs The War is a little more like Korean, they were stationed far from home and were effectively playing cat and mouse with the enemy. Clubs experienced and learned from chemical warfare, while Hearts saw much more guerrilla warfare.

On the Sleuth side, Ace Dick is the only person to have served in as intense a fashion as the Crew. He enlisted young and made the rank of sergeant before retiring to become a detective. Of all of them his time was the most like WW2, in the European theater. Though he maintains his rank in retirement, Ace has relaxed out of the rigidness that made him a good officer. His hard disposition however has not degraded even one iota.

Problem Sleuth had a gay li’l stint in the Navy where he mostly ferried trade vessels along the coast. The action he did see was at the distance of sea battles, so while it was intense it was not as close and personal as the Crew or Ace.

Hysterical Dame did not serve but instead worked as a riveter and community organizer back home to get more women into the workforce as well as to provide for the families of soldiers who had been lost. That picture of Rosy the Riveter eating a sandwich with her piston driver in her lap? That was Dame, just with much more buoyant and gorgeous hair.

Nervous Broad was a nurse and was stationed abroad for most of The War. She saw a lot of very bad and only very occasionally some good. While she was in the medical corps she met Pickle Inspector, who was a contentious objector and refused to serve when drafted. Because of this, he was dumped into the medical corps at the front lines and like Broad saw some very awful things. They both don’t like to talk about what they saw more intensely than the others.

Post war they all assume the roles we’re already familiar with, most of them using the combat training they already received to do their work as detectives and/or mobsters. Broad, Dame and Pickle Inspector all learned to handle firearms (and in a Pickle Inspector’s case a whole sniper rifle) post-war. As a treat.

And, while I really don’t come to fandom spaces for sad things (the world itself is hexing enough) I do have a sad headcanon for Hearts:

His parents had an awful marriage and his father was often abusive to both him and his mother. She, in turn, eventually did away with him but not before long years of hard times for herself and her son. Once Hearts was big enough to help with the manual labor of running their small farm she took his father out during a particularly bad fight. It was a brutal night that would have seen one or the other of his parents gone from the world, but his mother won out in the end and she and Hearts lived better and better once his father was out of the picture. Hearts, to this day, sends money to his mother and believes she is the strongest woman on the face of the Earth. And he’s probably right. She still lives up in the hills of Georgia with her gun.

Momma Boxcars loves Tavros and insists that he and the other kids come spend part of their summer with her out on the farm.

Like Hearts’s mom, Droog’s parents also love their grandbabies. They immigrated to America after Droog put together enough money to bring them over from Italy and keep them living in style in the city. They were not good parents to him, in fact they have a very fraught and often vicious relationship, but they are wonderful to their grandkids and often tell Droog how much more they love Karkat and Arabia than they ever loved him. Again, I find Droog’s pain and inconvenience hilarious, and he’s fine despite all this. He actually thinks of them as ideal parents, being as he is an ideal sort of person by his own metrics.

Again, thank you for your lovely words and for the excuse to gab away about all these clowns, this was so fun!!!

[durtystars]

the way you just blew my mind with this analysis. i think maybe she had some elegance in her that came out and was genuine and that's one of the reasons attracted ross to her, unlike the society the grew up in which was always about being fake. although i will always say ross' claim of him thinking liz was just an ideal and not reality was wrong (and just doesn't match up with....essentially anything he did with her) he definitely still held her on this pretty princess pedestal he never thought was worthy enough for him. that's why the comparison of her and his wife around 20yrs later is way more than what the show tried to make it as. it wasn't a "win" for demelza. ross shouldn't be comparing anyone to his wife, especially with his wording being so concerning. "I could have never made Elizabeth happy, she needed comfort" is more like "She was perfect and I felt like I couldn't match it." does that sound like a man over his ex? elizabeth was indeed a freer woman when she was younger, but in the back of ross' mind he was always thinking she was some sort of fairy that deserves the best, cream always in her coffee, satin sheets, breakfast in bed etc. he was just so in love with her he wanted to stop at nothing but the best for her.

it's sad that her thinks of his wife as the woman who doesn't need that so he won't feel guilty. i think that's why i felt disappointed in the S4. i felt kind of let down by the promotion. i really thought by the promo photos with demelza's dazzled up hair and outfits ross actually made enough wealth for her to live the life she deserves, the life any wife deserves, but instead i was given her not fitting in and trudging back to cornwall. and in the moment, maybe that was a good thing after all the monk drama. but let's look closer. but think about it. if liz had told him "I don't fit in here, I want to go back" do you think he would settle for that, after all the stars and sparkles he showers her in his own vision of her? i think not. i think he would be devastated (and humiliated, to a degree) if he heard that from her. he would feel that she failed her and try to bring her back. what good is a husband who can't provide for his wife to the point that she wants to do things without him? that wouldn't sit with him well. but because demelza is a miner's daughter, it's fine to let her go to the trenches to work things out. what i'm getting here is that even nearly 20yrs after he lost his ex to another, he's still so thoughtful in her comfort that he believes he wouldn't have what it took to take care of her, so he thinks it's the best he wasn't with her (a lie, of course). he doesn't need to be as thoughtful with his wife. it doesn't bother him that she's okay going back to a dirthouse, it's that "it's the right thing to do". he doesn't try to go back to her, tell her she deserves better. he only tells her this when he's directly approached by it from her.

i came across a post that asked about ross giving liz the last bit of his money for her home. it said "I wish Ross was this thoughtful with Demelza..." and while yes, it's before the "resolution ", but are there really any instances where he's thinking of his wife to the extent he ever did liz? i don't believe so.....

I think the inner contradiction in Ross is very interesting. 

I mean, he snubs very much the noble class, he wants to stay out, he mocks them because of their privileges. But with Elizabeth he has a different behavior. He appreciates her elegance, her figure as “perfect lady”, and he doesn’t believe that she needs to change or lower her status; it would be a dishonor in his mind and for her. In the wood scene, he knows she is not able to light a fire or anything else, but he doesn’t blame her and not even try to teach her; he wants to do everything as if she hadn’t get dirty. He wants to protect her from the misery and to assure the same past life, more or less, that’s why he sell his shares and he did it in good faith, just to assure her the privileges and the help that he denies to himself and always hated. He doesn’t want this for himself – like self-destruction or too much ego – but he wants it for Elizabeth (and her son). 

This woman is his biggest contradiction.

Somehow he’s attracted by her refined, perfect and unattainable elegance, like a waking dream. Instead with Demelza he back to normal life, the poor life full of discomfort and simplicity, and to him it’s good and okay; he doesn’t want that Demelza must change or raise her status. 

It’s very complex. And I think he isn’t even noticing it intentionally. 

[dino-nugget7]

God, this post hits like a brick to the stomach. I have a point that's not doom and gloom though, so please bear with me. I've spent 11 years dealing with dysphoria and known I'm trans for 5. The dysphoria would spike, but I learned how to weather it. At the time, I didnt have a choice.

Seven months ago, my hair literally started falling out from the stress. I fell into such a deep depression I started getting physically sick. I didnt get a fever or a cough so I didnt realize it all at once but my skin was pale and off color and my eyes were sunken. No matter how much sleep I got I was always exhausted and my performance at work started slipping.

Five months ago I came out to my siblings, and four months ago I started hrt and told my boss and my roommates and eventually my parents. These were crucial steps. I dont know where I would be mentally right now or if I would be here at all if the responses weren't mostly positive. Still, on the day I got my first shot I almost backed out. I had dreamed of that day for five years and when it actually happened I spent the day a total wreck. It felt like I was making an irrevocable choice. A necessary one, but a painful one.

During the 5 years I spent in the closet, I frequently returned to a thought that had many forms but all boiled down to, "well, maybe I'm not really trans. I probably just think I'm trans for [some stupid shit/fun/weird reason]." One evening, while I was cooking, that thought crept up on me unexpectedly. It was the first time id had those types of thoughts in months. This time though, rather than being a comforting thought about maybe someday being free from dysphoria it was a disturbing and upsetting one that didnt feel like it came from myself. I told it to go fuck itself. That shift was my own trans enlightenment. Since that moment, even when people are downright nasty, even when my dysphoria kicks me in the teeth, when living is a chore, I am not ashamed or upset at my transness. Who I am is not the source of my sadness.

I had clung to the thought I might not be trans because OP is right, being trans is not fun. Even if you're lucky enough to be fully accepted by your loved ones, it's a difficult experience that leaves you feeling like an outsider in your own skin. For almost all trans people, their misery is compounded unnecessarily by bigotry and all trans people are harmed by societal pressure to blend in to cis standards and to be grateful for even scraps of acceptance.

But it stopped being comforting to think I might not be trans once I started putting in work to transition. The happiness of going by my name more often and of feeling the effects of hrt were worth the wait. A few of the people in my life were more excited for my bravery than I even was. They asked how I was planning to celebrate when I felt like I was just doing what I needed to in order to survive.

Shit got dark and I pulled through it not by magically not being trans anymore, but by transitioning. For the most part, people still dont see me for myself. Im only a few months into my transition. But I finally feel like this body is mine to shape as I see fit and let me tell you, fellow trans siblings, as someone who spent years in those trenches and knows just how severe self hatred can get, making peace with yourself as a trans person means fighting. Many people think that because their body already feels like a temple, trans people will find happiness by learning to accept their body. But if your body and mind is a prison, there is no shame in needing to reform it. Stay safe. The other side of that trench is seeing yourself in the mirror and smiling authentically. Its everything you hope it is, I promise.

Being trans isn’t fun

I once considered cutting my chest off

With a pair of scissors

And trembling hands

Being trans isn’t fun

It was training my bladder for 8 hours

That saved the last bit of pride I had

By keeping me out of the bathrooms

Being trans isn’t fun

It’s clutching your chest

And choking on your breath

That the dysphoria has now taken

Being trans isn’t fun

It’s not being able to look anyone in the eyes

Because you can’t even look inside your own

Without seeing yourself screaming for help

You genuinely believe

That no one can love you

Because how could you love you

Being trans isn’t fun