#even if it's a little incoherent...
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hello my angels 😚🩷 happy new year's eve (or happy new year's to those already in 2025 🥳🙊) so......this year has been Something and also a huge nothing burger, and also a year where i have come to many realizations 🤓☝🏽 and it has just been incredibly dull and i was truly fighting for my life (in my Mind 🕳️) but! i just love you guys for making my dash and my days much better ☀️😍 yes i do have a parasocial relationship with y'all. 😼🌚whether we've spoken before or not, and whether we're mutuals or not (i see y'all and i love you 🫶🏽) thank you for making my boring, lonely, and incredibly mundane year a little brighter and magical each day 💖💖💖 i really don't know what i would do without y'all.......🧍🏽♀️ something drastic, probably. Anyways. i hope y'all will stick with me into 2025 and also we got this! i am holding your hand and i love you 🫂🥹🥳✨💫💖💐🌹🌈🐥🦧🪩 🪩 🍾🍾🍾






#wrote this at like 1am while i was In My Feelings#but i mean every word of it#even if it's a little incoherent...#i love you all so so much ❤️❤️❤️#and hope we all have a safe and happy new year. we can do it 💪🏽🫡#lisa.txt
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you always land on all fours
#umineko#umineko spoilers#ikuko hachijo#ikukos turn for a more serious piece... the old man has reigned for too long#now. INCREDIBLY LONG INCOHERENT TAGS RANT INCOMING FAIR WARNING HAS BEEN GIVEN:#it makes me so so sad how little discussion there is about specifically ikuko because imho she fits so neatly into a lot of the more#overarching Big Themes of the game in a way that i have not ever really seen people take notice of or point out in a meaningful way#like even just off of the top of my head. the significance of names and what it means to go by a name that's Not Yours (she has like 4+)#what it Means to be a witch how it represents a person's deepest insecurities and flaws & how its at its core a coping mechanism#the fact that it takes two to create a universe and trying to do it on your own anyways has the capacity to bring you intense misery#^ (how she's shown to be extremely dismissive of her own work and skill until a collaborator comes into her life and helps/encourages her)#and even the family/patriarchy/misogyny stuff that is so prevalent in the rest of the game comes back around to her. even her Only Friend#(young&stupid atp to be fair) remarks that shes Weird for being unmarried + the little she does say about her past invites the question of#to what extent her self-image stems from her family deeming her a freak outcast & effectively disowning her while celebrating her brothers#and i have lot in my mind about the witch thing specifically because i think her particular situation is very reflective of what umineko's#entire magic system and fantasy facet as a whole is meant to represent for an individual. from what little we see of (what is presumably)#her Real personality she is shown to be deeply self conscious in a way that is JARRINGLY diametrically opposed to both 1.) what we see in#featherine and 2.) what we see when she is acting as a Public Figure. because both of the above are very much purposeful acts that she is#putting on in order to obfuscate her true self. and i have always been very resolute & adamant about not totally equating her to featherine#not only because im very firmly in the camp of “featherine is the avatar of the Pen Name & tohya is part of her too” but also very much b/c#i feel very strongly that the stark differences between the two are very centrally relevant to her character & her psyche. as is the case#with most other witches featherine's personality traits serve to reveal/magnify a lot of ikukos inner workings by playing on her#insecurities/reversing them e.g. ikuko being very quick to downplay her skill/achievements becomes featherine being the COMPLETE opposite#to the point where she barely registers even other witches as living beings rather than just fun touys. BUT even though i do champion the#ikuko/featherine separation so hard i ALSO think it is purposefully relevant that at first glance the line between them seems so blurry#her introduction implying a more nebulous separation between her reality/fantasy counterpart is i think is an intentional move on her part#like it is part of the front she is putting up when acting as the Author. as opposed to Ikuko the person who we (in a way ironically very#similar to the way that the Real Battler is presumably only shown during the boatscene) only very briefly get to see take up screentime#which even on a meta level lines up very well with her apparent underlying nature as a like. extremely private largely reserved/shy person#hit tag limit but if by some miracle anyone is still reading this thank you... please see ikuko with the love she deserves... ok ily byeee
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Sometimes I wonder how Akechi felt being on the other end of the encounter with a cornered animal.
#p5r#persona 5#akechi goro#sumire yoshizawa#giggles incoherently with my incoherent introspection comic#my HC is that Akechi stood aside there bc he legit would not be able to control his rage#bc he doesnt see Sumire there; he sees his own last stand against the phantom theives#also I fucking find the third semester so INTERESTING and the royal trio are easily my favorite dynamic in the game#its so funny on the surface but if you even try to peek in its like oh. oh shit.#anyway lmao I think Im a little more confident with drawin Sumire now and I know how to even get started drawing Akechis stupid ass outfit#my art
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these two are so interesting to me
characters belong to @canisalbus
#clenches fists. im so sosososo normal about them. i think about them a normal amount (lying)#actually the 2nd image is based on some sort of anime couple pose template(?????) that i saw a while back and wanted to draw them in it#but i swear to god i CANNOT FUCKING FIND IT. i was literally knee deep in yuri and yaoi fanart for hours trying to find that god damn photo#but i dont even know who the characters were and pinterest just shows me bakugou and deku making out sloppy style whenever i try#so i gave up an tried drawing it from memory and cried the whole time. i hate anatomy.. but they look so happy so its fine#god whenever i see Lore or sweet little tidbits for these two i want to tear into something with my teeth and throw something /pos#i genuinely want to study these gay little renaissance dogs under a microscope#what fucks me up is the fact that we all know it ends horribly but u cant help loving them anyway.. they are so. incoherent hand gestures#my art#myart#others ocs#vasco#machete#vaschete#furry art#fur#anthro
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— "I wish I can be your sanctuary until the end of time, in your eyes."
— "You rest, I'll be by your side. Always. If you have nowhere to go, nowhere to rest your weary self... you can stay with me."
#THIS WAS NECESSARY I HAD TO GIF BOTH OF THESE BC I#LIKE YOU CAN'T TELL ME WE'RE JUST GOING TO GLOSS OVER THE PARALLELS RIGHT????? RIGHT#BOTH OF THEM EVEN HAVE THAT LITTLE TURN#GUYS YOU HAVE TO. YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND#(incoherent noises)#love and deepspace xavier#love & deepspace xavier#lnds xavier#l&ds xavier#lads xavier#love and deepspace#love & deepspace#xavier#lnds garden 🌹
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So another idea came to mind just now
For Wheeljack's facial mods I heard you're still working on their structure and such. May I present my reference? I've been using a wasp mandible reference for the the way I've been drawing your wheeljack. It also reminded me of preying mantis and tiger beetle. Thought about how his jaws were supposed to split apart, and it gave me an idea.



I did a few concepts of my own and settled on this for his jaws. It's not exactly canon to your design, but I wanted to do my own take on it and wanted to know your thoughts! Just thought this was pretty cool :D Here's a little bit of what I had in mind!

This fic just has me locked in and has given me so many ideas and I love it so much
NECRO. GRIPPING YOUR SHOULDERS. NECRO OH MY GOD THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE
Ok normal for exactly 2 seconds because I started rambling and drew some small diagrams so I’m putting it under the cut because this got LONG (and it also is looking like it won’t initially post with the readmore TUMBLR so I will probably go back and edit this post a few times upon posting it lol)
EDIT: Okay it is not posting the readmore for some reason so apologies for any nuked dashboards lol
I WILL ANSWER YOUR QUESTION BUT LET ME FREAK OUT ABOUT THAT ART REALLY QUICK BECAUSE I HAD TO SIT DOWN AND PROCESS IT FOR A FULL 30 SECONDS BEDORE I COULD EVEN BEGIN FORMULATING A RESPONSE. I KEEP SCROLLING BACK UP WHILE TYPING JUST TO STARE AT IT
THAT IS TERRIFYING. HE IS ALL TEETH!! THERE IS NOTHING BUT TEETH IN THERE!!! THERE IS TOO MANY TEETH FOR ANYONE TO RIGHTFULLY HAVE WHICH IS EXACTLY THE AMOUNT OF TEETH EX!JACKIE SHOULD HAVE!!!
ALSO THE CIRCULAR SCRAPLET TEETH FAINTLY VISIBLE AT THE BACK OF HIS THROAT?? OH MY GOD?? I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO PORTRAY THAT FOR SO LONG I AM LOSING MY MIND. I AM STICKING MY HEAD IN THERE
OH AND THE ADDED DETAIL OF THE PLACES WHERE HIS JAWS CONNECT ADDS SO MUCH. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT IT LOOKS SO MUCH MORE RAW AND MONSTROUS AND NOT CYBERTRONIAN AND EGHFGRHGFHSGDHFHBDGRFRGRGRGGRR
Ok I will move on to my explanation now but thank you so much!! This is so gorgeous and I love it so much!! This is the sort of thing that would make someone hide their face for centuries and give their teammates nightmares if they were looking it dead in the face (looking at you Ratchet). This is exactly the level of terrifying that I was going for when I originally started writing this fic. It encapsulates it perfectly! He is an absolute nightmare in the best way possible
I have been having a lot of trouble figuring out how his facial mods would work, and that’s mainly because I haven’t been using any references LOL. When I first tried doodling his face wayyyy back in the first post about this AU I used a few screenshots of Terrorcon Breakdown, but I only used it loosely. I absolutely LOVE the insect references for his jaws, it really helps clarify the structure and when I opened the ask and saw them (particularly the mantis) I went “huh that’s actually really close to what I had in mind!” And the got completely blown away by the concept at the bottom LMAO
I originally based his facial mods (or at least how they unhinge) a lot on Predaking. His jaw splits down the middle and at the sides to create two halves (I THINK), and I thought it looked really cool so I wanted to do something like that. But especially now that I’ve been playing with how his jaw works again, I’ve been thinking that it would be better if it splits into three parts like how you drew it. It is more visually cohesive, and it also just makes more sense looking at it! It allows his lower jaw to drop down much further and his mouth to open much wider and just in general isn’t as awkward. I may have downloaded your art both to keep it forever and also to draw a few diagrams, I hope you don’t mind^^
(I had to take a screenshot of your art bc Tumblr won’t let me download it until I post this, so sorry for nuking the quality LMAO)
While I do like the Predaking jaw, I think it works on Predaking but not on Wheeljack because Predaking’s face is so long and his is so flat. So if his jaw were to split into only two parts it would be very awkward, you can see all the lines in the drawing on the left where I kept redrawing his jaw because conceptually it didn’t make sense. Like I mentioned before it also doesn’t really allow his jaw to unhinge, which is a very important part of his design lol.
On the right however, it splits a lot more cleanly! It just all around looks more natural and less awkward and has a lot more maneuverability. I also love the addition of the teeth on the walls/sides of his mouth!! I added a few in my references bc it looked better and made his jaw come together a bit more in it’s horrifying-ness, but the addition of even MORE teeth just amplifies that. It also implies that when he latches on to something, all of the teeth dig in and make it extremely difficult to pull away, allowing him to just drag it into his mouth and shred it to pieces. If he bites down on someone, even if they’re strong enough to pull away they’re not getting their limb back in one piece. The way the teeth are curved in will ensure that they have to rip through their own plating to get away. He looks like a living iron maiden and I am OBSESSEDD
Plus the way his jaw splits is so much more extreme in a way that is so. LOOK AT HIM. When he opens his mouth it’s like a giant tear separates the upper half of his face from the lower half. Horrifying to behold and also looks like it would be painful even though it isn’t, which is exactly the vibe I was going for. He just doesn’t look Cybertronian. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Anyway sorry for the long rant, his jaws have been on my mind a lot because I’ve been struggling with the concept so I kind of just dumped all of the thoughts I’ve been having for 2+ weeks plus all of the thoughts I had when seeing your references and art. If you don’t mind I may be borrowing the references because they really do help illustrate how a split jaw would work. And also if you don’t mind this may be the canon design from now on, just because IT’S SO COOL!! And it makes so much sense conceptually, I actually cannot put into words how much I love this. It fits right in with the worldbuilding!
TLDR: Absolutely god tier take on his design thank u Necro
#MY GIANT CAT OCTOPUS INSECT GARBAGE DISPOSAL LITTLE GUY!!! HE LOOKS SO COOL!! HE IS SO SILLY!!#tw body horror#cw body horror#tw bugs#ask to tag#experiment!wheeljack#experiment!wheeljack au#EXW au#Horror Show#quadracon#<- should I make this a tag? I’m making this a tag#tfp wheeljack#transformers prime#tfp#transformers#maccadam#leaf speaks#not my art#fanart#I WILL ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION I ASKED CEDAR#CAN I PUT A LINK TO THIS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER#WITH CREDIT OFC#OUGH I AM STILL GOING CRAZY ABOUT THIS I LIED AT THE END I DID NOT PUT DOWN ALL MY THOUGHTS IT’S JUST THAT MY OTHER THOUGHTS HAVE NOT BEEN#RATIONALIZED BEYONG INCOHERENT SCREAMING#HE LOOKS SO FERAL!!!#HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO EAT SOMEONE AND THEN HAVE CATHOLIC LEVELS OF GUILT ABOUT IT!!!#AND I KNOW I’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT HIS MOUTH MAINLY BUT ALL OF THIS IS INCREDIBLE#YOU HAVE AN AMAZING GRIP ON PROPORTIONS ESPECIALLY WITH TRANSFORMERS#AND HIS EYES. THE SHAPE OF HIS EYES AND HOW DEEP SET THEY LOOK IS MAKING ME GO CRAZY#IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT THEY ARE SO SHAPED AND MAKE HIM LOOK EVEN MORE FERAL AND I AM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH
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there's something about an "excuse me" coming from the person that you would least expect it from that is very ✨️💫✨️
sneeze, sneezing fit, cough, choking, nose blow, throat clear, sniffle -- you never predicted them the type to even acknowledge it, but they do and they do it so dreamily 💖
it shows a side of them that seems so polite and opposite to the character they maintain in all other circumstances, around all other people, that is about as revealing and vulnerable as the display of symptoms itself.
#blah blah this is so incoherent and vague#Idk is this even anything#I'm too daydreamy rn to make any sense i think lol#aliasnz's#snz#snz kink#snz musings#you know who you are thinking of#it works for so many tropesssss#unapologetic tsundere who *usually* shows very little regard for trivial formalities#someone who is just generally unruly and out of touch with mannerisms#VILLAINNNNN#villain who is so irritating and full of themselves but randomly polite in this specific context
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also re: the earlier deleted lines post, i'm also thinking about this more heavily emphasized spiritual thread in the original script..
#shadow of a doubt#🎬.mp4#(i mean not all of this was deleted obviously but yk)#christ-like...how much of it was a lie even if to himself as well...#charlie telling him she prayed for him and him laughing is sooo sick and twisted bc on the one hand it does feel like another iteration#of the psychosexual powerplay they're continuously at in the third act#but on the other hand it's just very bittersweet bc while he could not care less about the women he's murdered#what he does seem to feel is regret in his metamorphosis in the eyes of the boy he was#who has been proclaimed to be reincarnated in charlie (“she's like you when you were little.”)#(even if he believes such a change is justified in such a 'rotten world')#the description of an anguished reaction when charlie asks how he could do this when he was the best of men..#losing my religion moment but almost quite literally in this case. she's deified him and he's turned out to be only a man :(#it makes me so sad. where is her miracle!!! ;-;#ok incoherent thoughts have been purged i'm going on my mental health walk now yay
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I might be stupid but is Al, Smunker, and Talon togetherrrr. Like a polycule or are they having a secret 3rd thing? Sorry if the answer is obvious jdjdj
theyre together! au (?) for cheye's survival
(general info doodle i made a few months ago) (i say au but idk it could become permanent in my daydream zone, Talon is meant to have his own canon but I like him too much and am bad at writing plots)


This is still a fairly recent development so the current needed-SOME-foundation lore is:
talon and al were as together as talon would allow at the time (so not really) but he liked Al most even amidst his anxieties about men. He leaves for a long while with no contact once he realizes he's getting toooooo comfortable with al, comes back for another round of comfort and gets attached again to both the guy he knew AND the guy's boyfriend
I dont think Talon actually likes being referred to as boyfriend by either of them, nor would he refer to them as his boyfriends, but the attachment and "role" is still there and that's what they loosely consider him (i have to explore this further, theres still a lot i dont know abt him) while also knowing he could just decide to leave again if he so wishes
#skunk mail#anonymous#yes this is where the little ^_^ smunker i use comes from shfkshdj#also that faded talon in second pic is one of my fave little nyalons#it takes him much longer to play nice with (smunker). not even out of jealousy he just has hashtag issues#its not jealousy at all its more like. he also treated al badly at first. he will treat you badly if he doesnt know you#and if he doesnt respect you#so at some point he now Knows smunker but doesnt respect him.#very easy to manipulate and be mean to him while al isnt around#OK SORRY IF THIS IS INCOHERENT i lpve answering asks but im about tof all asleep#oc text#whgat i describes above is more in the beginning btw. he gets conflictingly attached before long#talon prefers cuddling smunker bc smunker is the warmest#talon has emotional outbursts and periods of wanting to cause harm often though and smunker is usually#the victim of dis since Al is Secure and talon knows he cant get away with being mean to al
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Is it too early to use this?

#hsr spoilers#i apologize in advance for my incoherent blabbering i feel unwell#wth!!! what the hell 😭#mydei??? mydeimos???#trianne 😭#ANAXA WTF ARE YOU PLANNING MY GUY#i don't think flame reaver is really finished. too sus. (in denial because i WANT TO SEE HIS FACE)#ok but the phainon lore crumbs we got from this distracted me a lot from the plot#and speaking of him.. he laughed so little in this quest 💔 please don't steal this boy's smile i will cry#and mydei 💔💔💔 how do i even react to THAT.#“all will bid farewell to one” SHUT UPPPPPPPPPP#they're really taking the teyvat parallels seriously huh.#on the bright side... the plans i had for my longfic have evidence now so i can start writing (coping)#hsr#harmony suffers
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Liminal Scarecrow
I see a lot of Scarecrow in DCxDP, usually as a plot device in tandem with his fear gas. And honestly, I’ll accept just about anything with a Scarecrow mention in it. However, there is one thing I doubt a lot of DCxDP fans know about from the DP side, which is the Scarebeast.
The Scarebeast is what was created when the Penguin decided to experiment on Scarecrow, essentially turning him into a living weapon.
It’s a giant monster that naturally produces fear gas in its body, and Scarecrow can only return to human form once the Scarebeast has been defeated.
I think that the Scarecrow could easily be a liminal of some sort, and the Scarebeast could be a manifestation of ghostly power.
Now, it should be noted that Scarecrow (to my knowledge) hasn’t died and been revived. He also hasn’t used the Lazarus pits. He gets beaten to hell and back on a regular basis, but he never actually dies.
However, we know that you don’t necessarily have to die to become a halfa. Vlad didn’t; instead, he was shot in the face with ectoplasmic energy by the malfunctioning proto-portal.
Also, we were never told exactly how the Scarebeast was created. Sure, we know that one of the Penguin’s scientists mutated him into existence, but we don’t know exactly what she used.
It’s not really so much of a stretch to think that he could have been exposed to some form of ectoplasm in order to stabilize or power his monstrous form, and as such became liminal (or a halfa).
Hell, all the other (canon) halfas in existence were created in a lab setting! Danny was mutated by ectoplasm and electricity when the portal opened, Vlad was blasted in the face by the previous portal, and Dani/Ellie was a clone.
Basically, give Scarecrow cool ghost privileges. He’s already got the creepy aesthetic. It’s what he deserves.
#dcxdp#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc#dp x dc crossover#dc x dp prompt#liminal scarecrow#yes scarecrow is my little guy and one of my favorite rogues. yes I’m biased. what’s your point#writing this after waking up from a nap so it’s probably choppy and incoherent. don’t care you all have to hear me out#also when the comics actually care about his character he’s really interesting#like the one where he attacked his ex-student’s assaulter after she came to him for help#or when he acted like a fucking slasher villain to help a girl get back at her bullies (even if he was betrayed in the end)#he’s an interesting guy and I’d love to see more of him in the dcxdp fandom#like he HAS a moral compass#it’s fucked up beyond all belief but he does have one
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so I've always wondered this in the back of my mind but your reblog recently brought it back to the forefront

this line especially, but also the vibe you get throughout the entire show that Simon is habitually caring for and protecting river since that what he's always done. And I've been wondering: protecting her from what? The show never shows us what Simon Protecting River looked like before he broke her out of the fucked up lab. I have a pretty good idea that it may have been a form of emotional neglect from their parents. They don't notice River's distress in her letters and basically disown Simon when he goes off to save her so maybe they were the type to never listen to their children or believe them when they expressed their needs. Or care more about how their children's behavior made their family appear socially and less about how their children were actually doing. I also wonder if River didn't have a bit of the Gifted Child syndrome going on and their parents treated her more as a prodigy than a daughter. And Simon had to stand up for her and try to get their parents to see her as a girl first and a genius second.
It would have been really cool to see this actually in the show as a flashback or something, but I bet you've thought about it loads and want to hear your take.
warning: this got reallly tangenty and long as i am wont to do oops <3 putting most of it under a cut
warnings for discussion of emotional neglect and a variety of other factors i think could reasonably be labelled as emotional and psychological abuse. emotional neglect on its own is to my understanding a form of emotional abuse, but i think there are other layers here as well.
anyway heyyyy bestie talking about the tams (including the parents tbh, the little we get of this family structure is fascinating to me) (we do actually get more on simon and river's background than anyone else! bc it's so connected to the current story anyway) is my favorite thing as you may have guessed so thank you for sending this.
and YES i have thought about this a lot <3
simon said he "always has" taken care of river and while i think on a literal level this is likely a Slight exaggeration (even if their parents weren't around physically for that whole aspect of taking care of, i think their material needs were always met and they likely had the means for a nanny or some other kind of support) but on an emotional level, i think this is very true.
i think you are 100 percent spot on with the emotional neglect and other unhealthy dynamics. here's some of what we know on that front:
the tam parents could be affectionate and even indulgent when it was easy and suited their own ends. ie. getting the source box for simon and assuring him he's worth it, calling them "you two geniuses" etc. this could be a very sweet moment and in some ways it is, because i truly believe the tams both believe in the worth and specialness of their children...
but their affection is clearly quite conditional. deeply. and, i think, more than anyone involved quite realizes. it's followed up by "that's the deal - dedicated sourcebox - brilliant doctor'. no matter how lightlyheartedly and affectionately it's said, it's clear it's seriously meant - and baby!simon clearly takes it to heart. (note: i've always interpreted this as simon already expressing interested in medicine and his father basically going "fine, but whatever you're doing, you have to be the best at it". i'm sure attorney or corporate ceo also would have sufficed for their image-focused needs, as long as he was successfuly and prestigious enough.)
i should also note that the the dynamic between regan and her children is far more implied because the focus in safe is mostly on gabriel.
a quote from an interview with sean maher: “It was great to learn where Simon came from. We see that his parents are incredibly ostentatious. There were so many expectations and Simon and River felt so much pressure, trying to be what their parents wanted them to be. And we got an idea of what happened to River. The parents sent her away to a school they thought would further her learning. Maybe they were naive in a sense, to think of only bettering her mind and not listening to her as a girl–as their daughter.” (emphasis mine)
notable here (and i love sean maher for noting this because, understandably because river isn't present in the flashbacks in the episode proper, it's not as clear what river's dynamic with their parents is, but certainly inferences can be made) is that both simon and river feel expectations and pressure from their parents, not just simon.
which leads to me wondering about river going to the academy. i think multiple things can be true here at once. i think, as simon says in the pilot, she did genuinely want to go. she was curious and brilliant and bright and not challenged enough in the current education system she found herself in or by her peers. she wanted something rigorous. i think a lot of that probably DID come from her. but i also do wonder if there was a level of their parents always expecting her to challenge herself in this way because, as you mention and i think implied in the quote above, they valued her brilliance and prodigy above her personhood. i also think it's possible (though i'm less sure on this) that river wanting to go to a school where she lives away from her parents and can both live up to their expectations but where she can distance herself from them could indicate something about how she feels. but might be reading too much into things.
there are also elements of controlling behavior that goes hand in hand with both the conditional love and the valuing their children for their intelligence/ability over simply valuing them as their childhood. in the shooting script, the offer simon gets goes through gabriel, and it's not presented as one opportunity or path simon can take. it's The Plan, and there's no room for deviation even when the most dire of circumstances calls for it. (and like, this would never happen because simon does genuinely value medicine and being a doctor, but in an interesting excercise: how would the conversation look if simon decided he didn't want to be a doctor o some other prestigious high paying XYZ? or even that he wanted to pursue a different opportunity he found on his own and is maybe not quite as prestigious in medicine? i don't get the sense it would have gone over that well.) we don't really get a sense of this with river because again, she's less present in the episode - but i think reasonable assumptions can be made.
^ it's a funny story that simon tells kaylee in object in space, about paying the feds off so they wouldn't tell his father about his drunken (and relatively harmless) escapade with his peers after making surgeon, and tbf, a lot of people probably wouldn't want their parents to know that. but in context with the rest of this, it feels very telling that simon did not want his father (or presumably his mother) knowing he acted at all in a way that could be considered undignified or that he got in any degree of trouble (it doesn't even sound like he was arrested, the police just showed up and he didn't want his parents to find out.)
in many ways, it seems clear both simon and river start off as golden children in their parents eyes - they care about them and value their gifts, but more like you would care about a trophy than a child. they care about what river and simon reflect on them. and notably, when river is no longer just the brilliant prodigy-child but vulnerable, in need of protection, and a symbol of inconvenient truth they don't want to face (a number of them, really - the misplaced trust in their government/society/system, the fragility of status and the false sense of security, their own culpability and failures to protect their children) - instead of helping her when she needs them the most, they ignore and abandon her. and when simon can't do the same, he - as the "truthteller" in many family dynamics of this structure often do - becomes some degree of a scapegoat. he faces the truth they are unable or unwilling to see. they turn a blind eye but simon can't, it's not who he is and he loves river too much. and suddenly, when he's not doing and saying and being exactly what they say he should because he's focused on helping river, he's treated like he's causing problems for no reason - like he's the problem. like he's making a big deal over nothing when he tries to show them the letters, when his father says "are you trying to destroy this family?" as though their daughter being kept and tortured against her will and their own refusal to acknowledge it isn't what's actually doing the family-destroying. and while i think simon getting scapegoated/othered/treated as a problem is a rather new development, and don't imagine they were getting constantly berated - in the scene at the end of safe, YMMV, but gabriel seems a little too comfortable quite ufairly berating simon for things that are quite obviously not his fault or for at all disappointing him. i don't think it was always happening - but i don't think this comes out of nowhere.
on the causing problems for no reason (or a reason they dismiss) component; this feels particularly insidious because they should know their son well enough to know simon doesn't do that. he doesn't do things for no reason, he has a highly overly developed sense of responsibility (which comes back into his dynamic with river ofc.) so like... either they do know that and are purposefully ignoring and even twisting it, or they don't know their son nearly as well as they should.
the scapegoating component lends itself to the extremely uncomfortable gaslighting component in safe. in fairness: i think this aspect of the Tams Very Poor Parenting Choices is likely much more situational and less indicative of past behaviors. regardless, it's pretty rough to watch simon point out things that are quite obviously strange (they don't KNOW anyone called d'arbanville) and have his parents treat him like he's paranoid and insane.
this also comes with a certain level of guilt tripping and beratement. i will say it forever: if i had a child and they were arrested, the FIRST thing i do is ask them if they're okay, figure the rest out later. "
and again: some aspects of all this are situational as we get into the river-at-the-academy component, but i think there's a lot that can be read into the tam family dynamic as a whole based on all this.
so on some level - a lot of THAT is why simon says he's always taken care of/protected river - i don't think he necessarily could have entirely saw or named or what their parents were doing for what it was (which i would argue, as you said, was some degree of emotional neglect and emotional abuse, though some of this is implied or inferred - i would argue based on evidence, but just something to keep in mind). but i do think he developed a sense of responsibility over her and a caretaking role as result.
because it's very notable to me that - for instance - in the river tam sessions, river specifically asks for simon. she doesn't say "i want to see my parents" or even "i want to see my family" but "i want to see my brother." and yes, you could argue that this is because that's who the audience who most care about/be familiar with - but with the rest of the context, it feels extremely significant. in the serenity film, she says something similar to what simon says in that shooting script flashback - "you take care of me, simon. you've always taken care of me. my turn" after simon gets shot and right before she goes in to get his bag and fight the reavers. and like, you could argue that she means ever since the academy - but "always" feels much more weighted than that to me.
it's also interesting to me that river doesn't seem to have as much difficulty reconciling with the fact that their parents abandoned them (and a whole host of other stuff, as established, but that's what the show most focuses on.) now, in fairness, river has a LOT going on - psychic and emotional overwhelm, lots of trauma and intrusive memories - both hers and others, etc - so it makes sense that maybe that just wouldn't be on her register regardless. but i also think... well 1) being so in tuned into what others think and feel, even if she might not have been quite able to name it, i do think she's understood longer than simon (maybe since before the academy; i am still curious if that's paret of why she left) how their parents really saw them. so she's had more time to accept and move on from it. 2) there's this other level where river DID have someone protecting her - simon - even if it took a long time to realize what he was protecting her from. while i think it probably looked less intense than it does in the show proper where she is so deeply traumatized, there is no doubt in my mind that if she was ever upset or anything ever went wrong, it was simon she turned to for comfort or help, not her parents. which tbc: <333 i love them. and this is not her fault at all. but simon Did Not Have That. i think he protected her without quite knowing that's what he was doing for a long time... and didn't realize he needed protection too and wasn't getting it.
which makes it difficult to reconcile and move on from, which is why in the moment in safe when river (seemingly talking about gabriel but likely talking about mal) insists "daddy" will come for them - simon totally shuts down. because he knows that's not going to happen, and it hurts a little too much to deal with, but he's still fairly RECENTLY coming to terms with How Their Parents Are - and the fact that he did not have emotional support. so now he doesn't know how to let himself even ADMIT that he also needs care.
final note (god sorry this is sooo long) i will also say that, while i (as a #tam siblings lover) am often very sad/angry/frustrated about simon and river's dynamic with their parents, and that i certainly will never excuse emotional abuse or this kind of parental behavior, that i try and hope to approach the tam parents in any analysis or ficwriting i might do from a very human angle. the range of human complexity is fascinating to me, and i don't think it does the themes of the show justice to act like the tam parents are outright monsters, totally good or totally bad (note: this is so not in the slightest me saying that i think you are doing this. more just thinking out loud about fandom discussions i have seen surrounding this topic.)
this gets at larger discourse both in fandom and in general i think there is a tendency in our society to want either completely villainize or idolize people (and this maybe becomes especially true in complicated relationships like this). when we talk about abuse to any degree and of any kind, people often want to dehumanize and villainize the abuser in such a way that separates themselves from that possibility - "abusers are evil and inhuman and i'm nothing like that so there's no way i could ever cause that kind of harm etc." but in actuality, there is no inherent internal quality that makes someone an abuser - it is a pattern of harmful behavior that people can choose to do and choose not to do. and i don't want to suggest that people who do this are abusive themselves, that's not what i mean - only that i think the mindset comes from a culture that insists on some very black and white thinking. i think it's a very natural human impulse to want to separate ourselves that way, but also maybe gets us away from seeing the bigger picture. and to be clear: i don't mean to suggest that anyone owes an abuser anything, or that simon and river, for example, should have to forgive their parents. that's not true here or in real life. i only mean to say that people are more complicated than being fully good or fully bad, and firefly reflecting this is one of my favorite things about it.
and again, this is complicated with the tam parents because i'm making a lot of (what i feel are supported, but even so) inferences and assumptions here. so whether you want to identify them as emotionally abusive/neglectful etc is a whole can of worms. but regardless, it's clear their behavior and parenting harmed their children. BUT here are where some major caveats come in:
similarly to the way people often do in other contexts, i have seen people want to outright completely villainize the tams and while i understand this impulse, i think it comes from the same place that a lot of well-meant but misguided discussions do. there are those that think they either must have never cared about river in any capacity at all or actively agreed to sell her out to the alliance (a theory i not only don't like or subscribe to but actually feel misses the point of what's going on with the tams and is less interesting even besides). but i think that sets up the tams to look cartoonishly evil in a way that the narrative doesn't support or intend. do i think the tams are good parents? well, no! i think it was easy to look like good parents when things were easy, but even then, there were cracks. (though i don't think everything was always bad - even in abusive situations, that is usually not the case - there are reasons why people love their parents and stay and have a hard time seeing the bad - because things aren't always like that.) i have also seen people insist or write like it's a given that the tams must have also been physically abusive, and while i don't want and would never tell anyone what they can and can't write, by my own reading, i find that unlikely. i think some of that is often coming from a place of people working through their own stuff, which again - never gonna tell anyone not to do that, you do you - but i also think at times it speaks to a societal tendency to assume that the harm isn't bad enough if it isn't physical - but i think we get a good sense of how deeply simon and river are affected even outside of the confirmation of any physical harm from their parents. (note: i do think the tams being willfully ignorant and leaving their daugher to be tortured and experimented on while on some level know that's what happening is a form of physical abuse or neglected, it's just situational and not in the traditional sense.)
but what i think is so important present, and much more interesting in this story, is that the tams are not evil, so to speak, or at least aren't mustache-twirling villains. they're not even entirely bad-intentioned; i believe they do genuinely want good things for their children, even if they have very specific ideas of what it should look like and how it will benefit them. but they have wholeheartedly, implicitly, without any room at all for questioning bought into the system values of the core and the alliance: prestige, status, and privilege treated as worth, family as a hollow projection of prestige, disruption as the ultimate trespass. to me, the story with regard to the tam parents isn't about them not caring or valuing simon and river at all - it's about valuing those things above them, and how their care is warped and shaped by those harmful systematic values.
now, this is rarer, but i have also seen people want to (maybe in response to above?), if not idolize, then absolve the tams of the role they played in river's abuse at the hands of the academy, but that doesn't ring true to me either. i want to be fair where it's due and say yes, there was danger involved (which simon put himself through) in helping river, but the fact is the narrative focuses much more on the tams focusing on what it could cost them on a social level - their status and "good name", prestige, etc. and at the end of the day, when you have children, you have responsibility to them - and the tam parents failed both of their children on that front.
one thing i also thing is so interesting to note is that simon and river are so loyal and value connection so deeply when it's clear that is not what was most instilled in them on a systematic level or taught to them by their parents. in fact, i think you could argue that while some of it was intrinsic to who they are (here's the old nature vs. nurture debate which i think you could argue simon and river are the two biggest representers of on the show), i also think it's a repsonse to this bond they formed specifically BECAUSE of their parents.
#firefly#the tams#simon tam#river tam#tam siblings#gabriel tam#regan tam#i also think you could argue that#while i don't want to suggest that 'intellect' so to speak or classical education is the end all be all or forms morality#there's something to be said for river and simon both being VERY academically minded + having a lot of natural curiosity + and access to#free thought#something passion of the nerd pointed out in the episode about safe - that might have been to some degree restricted but simon gained acces#to through the sourcebox and hearing other ideas etc#and river and simon even outside of being 'smart' in that sense are curious. despite the culture that formed them demanding they don't.#unlike the way book describes how operatives are trained to think#they both (maybe not in so many words) ask 'why' a LOT#but that has less to do with teh family structure and more to do with the system as a whole and the way neither entirely fits into it -#river i think knowingly#simon a little less so#my meta#feels too incoherent to call it that but#felagund fiollaigean#<333 thank you for asking it made my brain buzz#safe#shooting scripts#god how many words is this#long post //
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siffrin post-canon h/c is like "dw you're not actually mean, we love you!" and loop post-canon h/c is like "yes you are mean, and we still love you!"
#so imo it's like#loop's baseline is just being kinda annoying#and when they feel worse they get pointedly mean#and when they feel even worse they get quiet which they hate but unfortunately being around real people in real timelines is v overwhelming#and then at ROCK BOTTOM they are like incoherently screaming and physically lashing out#vs siffrin's baseline is being a little quiet and a little helpful and a little funny#and when they feel worse they withdraw more#and he feels even worse he maybe breaks down crying or maybe dissociates completely and maybe?? communicates??#and then at rock bottom they lash out / get mean#basically loop was at rock bottom for so long that it became their default coping mechanism#all the in between shit is too vulnerable or too siffrin-y or too cringe#and it's been kinda liberating not worrying so much#so anyway#that's why siffrin needs to be reassured that their mean moments don't define them#and loop needs to be reassured that it's ok to choose to be angry#like it's not Good to be mean but. they don't have to be good to be loved#loop#siffrin#isat spoilers#thoughts#thoughts about loop#thoughts about siffrin#rb.isat
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gets romantic dennis being happy to help mac "trap" another man, happy to have mac helping dennis manipulate others vs fvr dennis being genuinely devastated that mac doesn't want to acknowledge that dennis has been manipulating him, that dennis has always been johnny, always been manipulative and cold and a disappointment. and that's the tragedy in it all because dennis can only accept love from a distance, can only accept that somebody could want him if they also hate themselves, but mac sees a version of dennis that dennis can't comprehend, sees a man worth loving obsessively, somebody who wouldn't let him down time and time again. dennis can't trust mac, but mac can't help but trust him
#sorry watched gets romantic yesterday for valentine's day thiunking thoughts#this is a little incoherent sorry for being so late macdennis missed their Time pilled#anyways. i think my conclusion overall is that macden canonization conspiracy theorists should get more miserable with it#i want canon macden but in a “you never loved me. you never even liked me!” “I USED TOO!” way#macdennis#dennis reynolds#mac mcdonald#iasip#it's always sunny#its always sunny in philadelphia
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DON'T WORRY COLTON YOU'LL GET TO PLAY YOUR SONG FOR DEL FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
#and by the rest of your life. well. you know. what you have of it.#truly they make me insane#earl crow ramblings#the way home hallmark#girl you don't even know for sure you'll end up with max stop sabotaging yourself#or do. because I wouldn't mind her ending up with max like he actually has a personality compared to noah#though I did feel bad for him. a little bit. at least he values honesty#I'm...hm. not sure what to think of elliot and kat. maybe I'm just getting kinda tired of the will they won't they#I feel like they'll never work unless they step away from each other for a bit and work on themselves because they both have problems#but tbh I don't think kat will ever do that she's too chaotic#also the pond. the pond's messing them up a lot#OH. well gotta admire kat's self-awareness ig#now del wants to kick the pond in the shins but once again how do you kick an eldritch pond in the shins#nick is so spectacularly bad at reading the room#who else thought evelyn was dead even though we all know she doesn't actually die until she's old#ough...the idea that she never moved on...the tragedy of her...#incoherent screamingggggggng#WHY DID COLTON SAY THAT IT WAS HIS FAULT. WHY DID HE SAY THAT WHAT DOES HE MEANNNN
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Looking for Homestuck panel images for a power point I’m making as a self dare and I either find dead links (the homestuck site itself has been having issues for a long time), tumblr posts with alt text/image descriptions, or cookiefonster’s live blogging/reaction posts with the exact panel I’m looking for somehow.
#researching stuff for homestuck is... a lot and a lengthy process#especially when your goal is to get someone to understand some of the lore without confusing them too much#thank you cookiefonster and gimmick tumblr blogs for the hard carry in these trying times#beyond canon is a little easier to grab things for as the site is highly functional though unfortunately it doesn’t have word search like#homestuck.com does so it’s a bit limiting but at least I don’t get errors every few seconds#if hs^2 site had text search it would be literally perfect 10/10 no notes tbh that’s the one thing I want from homestuck.com on beyondcanon#beyondcanon.com * (I think that’s the site name I’m kinda groggy while writing so apologies if this is incoherent)#the presentation is called Let Me Tell You About Homestuck and that’s exactly what it sets out to do with memes and YouTube clips#it even has a funkmclovin clip thrown in for those in that sphere when I make a streamer friendly SFW version to publicly present my work#with a link sourced in the presentation file itself and shown of course <3 gotta give credit where credit is due obviously#mine#op#homestuck#hs
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