#every fucking bug imaginable (literal hell for a child with a fear of them)

[koipepper]

The birds and the bunny

[lexpressobean]

I've been thinking about these 3 alot...

... and how much they seem to really respect Shino. I know it's a filler, but, like... Why does it seem like Shino has a knack for finding children who have wondered off away from school? Like, he's just taking a walk, making his way around the village or surrounding forest, and then there they are. Kids playing hooky or some shit. And Shino just takes it upon himself to approach them and steer them back to where they should be, while getting them attached to him somehow in the process??

But honestly. If this was just one of many times this had happened, I'd say Shino does this not out of his knack for teaching or having a way with kids. Rather, he developed a way with kids and easily applies that to his teaching because he has a strong desire to simply protect children. And it's not even from some paternal instinct as much as survival, because I think it stems from the developing trauma of losing Torune to Danzo. And I don't think it's all subconscious either.

Like I know the novel and anime frames his desicion to teach as a sort of a new goal in life as the war has ended for a couple years already and a noticable Peace has been achieved by the Blank Period and well... He's an Aburame.

Like, the Aburame are literal living, breathing, walking bioweapons. With no fight to utilize that, what else is there? Well, much like the Nara have the Nara forest and Pharmacology specifically, The Aburame most likely have a historical stake in the area of Konoha, perhaps it was simply in their Ancestral Home. Idk, but they're here to stay, they ain't budging. They're Clan Culture is very Martial and I'd argue Spartan in nature, but otherwise, they do other things too. I think they'd do well as major players in the conservation and research of native species of animals and plants, but definitely insects too. I bet they play a huge part in the general area's ecosystem, especially due to the fact that the Kamizuru clan attacked with a whole clan's worth of non-native Hymenoptera that could very well have become and still are an irritatingly and consistent problem as invasive species tend to be. And as a far as goods go, why not put some of them to use and handle an apiary? Honey is a great good to sell. All of this is great as a clan that no longer needs to fight. But, what about individual members in general, and so Shino?

Well Shino is the Heir of this clan. This Noble Clan. This "ready to throw hands at any moment" clan. It's future is in his hands, so to speak. So I doubt Shino would completely sever his connection to Shinobi life all together. And so, teaching at the Academy would be a great way to keep that connection. Teachers have to know their stuff, after all.

But what if in order to ensure teaching was his calling, Shino did his absolute best to make Jounin ASAP so he could take on a Genin Team. And. And by chance, it ended up being these three?? And they are absolutely STOKED!!! And they also pass Shino's genin test, which... would probably be a feat in it's own right. But they already know Shino, and Shino has bestowed upon them some wisdom they actually took to heart! Yeah, well, in reality they might be just a tad too old to be Shino's first official genin squad, but they were still his squad one point in a sense, right?

Kon Nohara, Tano Ikemoto, and Aoki Kobayashi

I even gave them names help Imagine these three are already chuunin at least and decide they want to pay Shino a visit and even volunteer to help Shino during class time on a collective day off because they admire him so much (T~T)

But even then if not these three kiddos, maybe these three li'l shits lol

Even in times of Peace, Shino's special set of skills seem too useful to waste, and being a Jounin teacher would definitely have been a way he could still go on missions, but also definitely commit to becoming a Sensei at the academy once he was 100% sure and got older. Kurenai became a Jounin/Genin Squad Leader in her late twenties, but in comparison I see Shino doing that more mid-20s. (He needs some time to travel and find his big bug friend and generally live a little?)

Kurenai was a Genjutsu Specialist who manned a Tracker/Sensing based team. This sounds like it was a highly beneficial combination, even if she ended up being somewhat sadistic lol. Asuma was bound to Team 10 by Tradition as InoShikaCho and Sarutobi have that Pact together. Kakashi's team was literally Cherry Picked for him specifically by the 3rd Hokage. And Gai, a Taijutsu Specialist, had a team that Specialized in Taijutsu and Physical Offense.

Of all four teams, Kurenai and Gai were very suited to their teams, Gai in a complimentary way and Kurenai in a Challenging way. In that same vein, I think Shino would imitate Gai. Shino as a Shinobi himself has a general set of skills, but the way he goes about them are very niche. But, he was always very stealthy, and could sneak up on nearly anyone. Gags aside, he could go unnoticed as long as he wanted too, and by the time he was noticed or was ready to attack, he has you quite literally surrounded. Honestly I can see why Search and Destroy would be an Aburame's forte, but when there's no need, a person with a personal skill of high quality stealth could probably man a team with an emphasis on Reconnaissance and/or Surveillance, even Bodyguarding. I feel like Shino would probably put an emphasis on Stealth and Tracking too, utilizing his insects as sort of assistants that keep tabs on his students (Stealth Test) as well as to encourage just enough fear during too much down time in his students to inspire quality training opportunities, so maybe Kurenai rubbed off on Shino more than they all realized haha

(Plus I'm sure his students would be be smart and thoughtful enough to eventually understand what Shino and his bugs are: a complete unit. They realize just how strong and dedicated Sensei really is to be the way he is, and they all learn more in depth about Kikaichu and it's like WOW SENSEI YOU REALLY ARE RISKING BEING EATEN ALIVE EVERY SINGLE DAY, AREN'T YOU? But he's still here, because THAT'S how strong he's become over the years and the confidence to manipulate the Kikaichu while having to think of current chakra level, the most efficient use at any given time, how many he actually needs, how long usage will last, ect. They are high maintenance, man!)

Shino would no doubt produce highly skilled Bodyguards and Masters of Stealth. Maybe the type that would end up being in high demand for the eventual Celebrities that start to pop up as times change, but still very much needed when it comes to Criminal Activity, like in Sora-Ku?

But as time passes and he decided to teach at the Academy, he'd feel very at ease to do so. He'd be happy to be put in charge of all these children, because he would be able to help teach them things they need to know to defend themselves and others in a world where adults like Danzo had and will continue to exist. Maybe while he's at it, he'd use his stance as a Noble Clan Heir and accomplished Shinobi to push for changes in government with Sai's help and with Naruto and Shikamaru's cooperation? Like, the truth does come out, everyone on the Council were actually horrible and had too much power. So HERE are some ideas and REASONS why these ideas should be implemented because Shino's not going to let his brother's life and death be in vain!? HELL no, we WILL make some changes around here. Shino sees his students and just wants a future where no kid ever has to live in fear of being completely taken advantage of by the very system that was supposed to keep them safe and they pledged allegiance to.

I cannot help but think of the quiet but absolute fear little Shino was harboring for the years to come after Torune was taken by that strange man and Father Shibi didn't even attempt to stop him. His own father didn't dare beat the shit out of this strange man who came looking for him, and the only solution for Shino to stay was for Torune to make himself look more desirable as an asset and be taken instead. I bet there was a lot of misplaced resentment there for a while, and talks that just didn't happen. Maybe a classmate doesn't show up to class one day and Shino is IMMEDIATELY stressed out and just... takes it upon himself to look for them after class. And he's relieved when he see they're simply at home with a fever. Shit like that just fucks with Shino, because theres people taking kids and no one is doing anything about it?? And then as Shino grew older he realized exactly what happened and how slimy the machine of Konoha really is and it was never completely Shibi's fault that Torune had to leave. He grows mentally at a faster rate than most of his classmates, and knows more than a kid really needs to know.

Shino doesn't want that for any other child. Shino is the kind of person who hears kids screaming outside of his house and he can't tell if they're playing or being murdered and it's stressful to the point he'll check through his window and he sees them for himself. He get stressed out seeing a kid in public unattended and WANTS to approach them to help if need be but also maybe he's overthinking it and the parents are there somewhere and he'd just end up looking suspicious. Like, that's what I kind of figure for Shino. He's so hyperaware of the power dynamic between kids and adults and seeing a kid so ready to fall victim to that makes Shino feel ill the more he thinks of what could happen. And he wonders if watching the kid in the market until they finally reunite with their parent so he could move on with the rest of his day causes him even a fraction of the the utterly disgusting flurry of nerves and fear that Shibi must have felt all those years ago. It goes along with his desire to spare every single little insect's life he can. It goes a long with the fact he only gets violent unless absolutely necessary. Like he wants to be strong but he doesn't want to go mad with power either, less he becomes the very thing that hurt him and his family in the first place.

Originally Shino wanted to become strong to be able to defend himself because at a very young age adults failed him and Torune. But then that changes to defend not only himself, but others as he grows on a team, and realizes trust is important. And then he figured if there must be adults out there that would hurt a child, it's only logical that he should become one that would only nurture and teach one to be strong as well.

Anyway, yeah. Had some feelings. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[aonogifreactions]

Amaimon alphabet headcanons - [SFW]

a/n: its 2:10am. i have no regrets. enjoy!!

Amaimon:

A = Affection (How affectionate are they with an s/o?)

Affectionate? More like possessive, oop. Well, Amaimon's pretty affectionate - if you consider that one of his arms is wrapped around your waist almost all the time, no matter where you are. Other than that, not really, unless you "educate" him a little bit.

B = Breath (What could their s/o do to take their breath away?)

Beat the shit out of somebody, literally. Whether this would be in your defense or someone made you angry, he's impressed in both situations. Obviously, he will help you if someone attacks you, but damn. That stupid dude that just attacked you is now lying on the ground and your knuckles are all bloody? That's hot. (insert Amaimon with binocs)

C = Cuddling (Do they cuddle? If they do, how and when do they cuddle?)

He cuddles you when he feels like it, or if you pester him enough. You can also win him over using sweets. He likes having you on his lap, your one hand playing with his hair and the other one feeding him. Now, when you feel down, he's all about spooning you and giving your neck little kisses.

D = Dream (What do they dream of doing with their s/o?)

Lazing around, feeding him and doing nothing is his dream. That's it, pretty much.

E = Effort (How much effort do they put into a relationship?)

*snorts*- He's (kinda) trying and that matters.

F = Fear (What do they do if their s/o is scared? How do they handle it?)

Amaimon gets angry. Like, really, really angry and it doesn't really matter if that's because of the storm you're scared of or a person. Depending on your emotional and physical state, he's either gonna calm down a bit or go get his hands dirty. Just imagine him hissing every time it thunders outside.

G = Gifts (What type of gifts do they give their s/o? Do they want a gift in return?)

He gives you the most beautiful flowers from all around the world, and honestly, this is so breathtaking sometimes that makes you tear up (he, on the other hand, doesn't understand why you're getting emotional; its just flowers, right?). Doesn't really want nor expects to get a gift in return, but will appreciate (in his own way) if gets one.

H = Hugs (Do they hug their s/o? How often?)

He himself hugs you when you're either injured or he hasn't seen you in a while (but hugs you back when you hug him first, anytime). Doesn't really feel the need to do it often.

I = Intimacy (How romantic are they? Do they have problems with intimacy?)

Amaimon?? Romantic?????? Explain it to him. After that, he probably won't do that anyway. Intimacy though? no problem. He's made out with you and done worse things in public, so its pretty much a normal thing for him.

J = Jealous (Do they get jealous? How do they act when jealous?)

Oh, my sweet summer child, he gets jealous a fucking lot, unless he knows that person. Hopefully you have fast reflexes, cuz otherwise if he isn't stopped he's going for murder if he's pissed off enough. Demands explanations, such as who that person/people were. If he's in a good mood, he's just gonna throw you over his shoulder and walk away.

K = Kiss (Are they a good kisser? Do they like to kiss? How often do they try to kiss you?)

Amaimon's quite a good kisser - he's gotten some experience throughout the years. Plus, he likes kissing more than hugging! His kisses are unexpected, usually when you're busy and don't notice him as much - it's his way to get your attention back too. Also, when he kisses you, one of his hands is in your hair, pulling it slightly.

L = Love (When do they say they love you? How often do they say it? Do they prefer to say or show it?)

He doesn't really say that cus he doesn't fully understand the meaning of that words; he also thinks it's "too human". Instead, he's declaring his love through actions - such as protecting you or listening to your vent (he really is a good listener, but doesn't give you any advice; he knows you're gonna make the right decision. Plus, he gives you free cuddles too.). One more thing about saying "I love you" - he will say it, but its gonna take him a lot of time to realize and convince himself that it's "the love that humans talk about" - the highest possibility is after your near-death experience.

M = Marriage (Do they want to get married? If so, what kind of ceremony?)

Doesn't care about that. He'll probably say no, cuz its too much of a hassle with paperwork. HOWEVER! He might propose himself - which, bluntly said, means some demonic shit involved. Despite that incident with Shiemi, I dont think he casually proposes to a woman he barely knows - if you say yes, it means that both your body and soul will belong to him, dead or alive.

N = Night out (What type of dates do they like to go on? How often do they like to go on them?)

Wants to go out with you almost every day, or rather night - he finds pretty spots during the day that aren't available for normal people to reach. These are usually picnics, or you both lying on the grass together, watching the stars with your personal heater.

O = Out of the Ordinary (What���s something they don’t normally do with/for their s/o?)

Amaimon reminds you every once in a while that you shouldn't mess with either Lucifer or Mephisto, cuz he sadly won't be able to save you if the situation gets ugly. One - he's aware that both of them are way more powerful than he is, and two - he wants to stay neutral as long as possible (lets ignore Mephisto for a while).

P = Playful (Are they playful in a relationship? If so, how do they play around/mess with their s/o?)

Playful, hm? He's more annoying than playful - well, unless you consider poking you to death as "playing around".

 Q = Questions (Do they ask their s/o their opinion on things? Do they share theirs?)

Amaimon asks for your opinion, but ends up doing what he originally thought. Depending on the subject, he says his own opinion either often or rarely. For example, he'll answer "why sweets X are better than Y" but if asked about his brothers' plans, he'll just shrug.

R = Random (How spontaneous is their relationship? Do they do things on the spot or plan ahead?)

Your whole relationship is spontaneous to begin with, and so is everything else. You can try to plan something ahead, but keep in mind that will probably change anyway.

S = Sleep (How do they sleep with their s/o?

He loves sleeping with you - thinks that your small and delicate form is "cute", as humans say; but it's not as pretty as it seems. He shuffles a fucking ton in his sleep, occasionally snores. You may have experienced a very ugly smack of his elbow in your face once. Or twice. But don't worry, you can smack him back, he'll think it's just an annoying bug.

T = Trust (How much do they trust their s/o?)

His trusts to you gradually grows, so with time he stops checking if you're telling him the truth or not.

U = Unique (What makes them unique as an s/o?)

He silently adores you. Like, you have something you're passionate about and you're in the middle of explaining it to him, and the way your eyes shine makes him fall in love with you more. The thing that you're never tired of showing him new things, that you're always patient with him and so on - it makes him so soft. He'll never tell you that, though.

V = Vulnerable (How long until they can be vulnerable around their s/o? What are they like in this state?)

A very, very, VERY long time, relying on his trusts to you. He's enraged, snarling, but you're the only person that's able to calm him down. Despite his furiousness, he listens to you, doesn't destroy anything. It'll take a while, but you always manage to do it.

W = Wild Card (Get a random domestic headcanon of the character of your choice)

Tends to grow some flowers and put them behind your ear. You look insanely cute while he "just thinks it fits you and you should wear that".

X = X-Ray (What would they do if their s/o got injured?)

Anger, anger, slight panic and taking you to a hospital - in that exact order.

Y = Yuck (Do they have any pet peeves about their s/o? Are there any habits that might bother their s/o?)

Please, PLEASE don't talk about his brothers (especially Mephisto - he'll get jealous) and father while being with him. That's why he isn't in Gehenna, but with you.

Z = Zeal (Are they passionate as an s/o? Do they want or like passion?)

He's pretty passionate? or tries, at least. Whether you're passionate as hell or just like him, he's all for it.

[bangtan-gal]

loss (l.j)

i slightly strayed from the request and this became more angsty than i meant, but here ya go!

This isn’t how you imagined your life to ever play out. Sitting in a gas station’s bathroom, muffled cries escaping you and wondering what you were supposed to do. How were you supposed to survive this? 

You tucked the stick into your pocket cautiously, biting your lip as you unlocked the stall and stumbled towards the sink. The water was cold and stung as it splashed on your face. There was some sort of bug creeping along the wall around the mirror and it reeked of gasoline and smoke. The once white tiles were now an ugly mix of yellow and gray, with suspicious dark brown lines between the squares.

You left the bathroom quickly, unconsciously tucking into yourself, arms crossed over your stomach. This was no time for this—you were still trying to finish college and the minimum wage, part-time job you worked was barely enough to help with that. Your boyfriend’s “job” occasionally brought in good money and was probably the only reason the two of you weren’t living on the streets.

Now you had to add another life into the equation.

“You good?” Your boyfriend asked as you slid into the car.

You nodded, smiling tightly.

Jeno tilted his head at you, blonde hair—recently dyed—falling in front of his dark eyes. You couldn’t meet his worried stare, knowing the truth would come spilling out the second you did. Deep down, you knew you should’ve told him, but you couldn’t find it in you. Not yet. Not when you were literally on the road to one of his matches. It was already bad enough that you had a “stomach bug” and had to stop several times for you to either throw up or have a nauseous mental break down. 

You leaned your head against the window, already feeling the nausea roil through you.  Jeno’s hand landed on your thigh, trying to rub calming circles into your skin, but it didn’t help. A million things could go wrong in this life you live.

“We have just forty-five minutes, baby,” he confirmed, “then you can lay down in the hotel room.”

“What time is your match?” You asked.

“Eight,” he said. You nodded, finally looking over at him. His gaze was no longer focused on you, instead on the blurry horizon. That was another thing, although major injuries were occasional, when they did happen it gave you a scare and a hole in your bank account. 

You didn’t want your child to grow up in that environment. 

Arriving at the hotel was more stressful than you anticipated. The town itself was shady and the hotel was practically falling apart. Too many people milled about, covered in tattoos, piercings, and vicious glares. You walked directly behind Jeno, head down, and hand attached to his sweatshirt. 

A sigh of relief escaped you as you stepped into the room. It smelled like tobacco and there were suspicious stains on the walls and floor, but you didn’t care. You melted into the bed, glad that no springs bounced up to attack you. 

“You seem stressed,” he murmured, sitting on the bed beside you. 

You snorted, “and I’m not every time you go to beat someone up in hopes of getting money?”

He rolled his eyes, laying down and wrapping an arm around your waist. He pressed a kiss to your jaw and then rested his head on your shoulder. You sighed, intertwining your fingers and relaxing into him. 

“You don’t have to come tonight if you don’t want to,” he whispered.

“Yes I do,” you said, “if you get beaten to a pulp, someone who actually cares should be there.”

You felt him nod and then the two of you fell into silence. Your eyes were focused on the heavy curtains that hid the window and your thoughts were a million miles away. Jeno was young, he had a good career in boxing and was bound to become extremely successful if he kept it up. But that was the problem—it was boxing for gods sake. It could all fall apart any second, he’d get injured on a daily basis, and if your kid grew up around that… who knew what would happen. 

You loved Jeno and he loved you, but would he change his career, his life course for this? 

“You better not get hurt today, loser,” you huffed. A vibration of laughter ran down your spine.

“I’ll try not to baby.”

There were many reasons you hated these matches. The amount of people clumped into one spot was overwhelming, the screams and shouts, and watching him stand out there, hands gloved and up. It wasn’t right, it was violent, it was dark. You supported Jeno, you had to: you loved him and this was his dream. But it was hard to stand there, surrounded by blood thirsty idiots, and cheer him on. 

Today was a good day. The noise didn’t get to him and he was collected with his movements. You were still worried, but at the rate the match was going, you were mostly fine. His opponent had no chance, Jeno being too fast for him. Your only stress was how shady this whole thing was. The ref made no calls and the place was in something close to an abandoned warehouse. 

“Fucking hell,” you hissed as everyone screamed when the other guy took a hard hit to the side of the head. 

This was definitely underground. 

The second the match was called, you wanted to escape. You didn’t trust anybody here, especially with the looks that were being exchanged. You hurried to the changing room and dragged your boyfriend out, ignoring his broad smile and the little boastful lift of his chin. The two of you got the money—not a check, but complete cash—and then left. 

“Baby, I don’t see why you’re in such a hurry to leave,” he remarked, head tilted as he watched you. You shook your head.

“I-er-just want to go to bed, ya know?” You mumbled. He pursed his lips, glancing over his shoulder as you fumbled to unlock the car. Normally when he won, you wanted to go out for ice cream or drinks, but in that moment, you wanted to be in a place where only the two of you could be. 

He was taking too long to get into the car, slowly putting his stuff in the trunk and then running a hand through his hair as he looked around. You sat in the passenger seat, door open, and watching him skeptically. That was when you heard it, shoes aggressively stamping against the gravel and you looked up, biting your lip as someone approached.

“Can you just get in the goddamn fucking car?” You whisper-shouted, motioning for him to hurry. He shrugged, walking around to his side of the car.

“Hey, newbie!”

You froze.

The guy from before approached, a couple guys behind him. You begged for Jeno to just get in the car and drive off, but clearly the fight gave him too much of an ego boost as he stood outside the car, watching them over the hood. 

“I want the money,” the man snapped. You sat there, still frozen as his eyes ran over you and then went back to Jeno. This wasn’t okay, there were four of them, and… well, just Jeno.

“I got it fair and square,” Jeno retorted, leaning over the car. 

“And you’re about to lose it either nicely or painfully.”

Part of you wanted to laugh—whether it was out of fear or how corny this guy sounded, you couldn’t tell—and the other part was about to drag Jeno into the car and drive off. You started to step out of the car, hoping to somehow cool down the situation. You didn’t want there to be a fight, but you needed that money. Desperately. 

“Y/N, stay in the car.” You hated that voice, it sent dread in the form of ice through you. When you kept moving, Jeno came around the car and nudged you back inside. 

“Don’t you fucking doing this,” you whispered, but it fell on deaf ears as he shut the door. You wanted to open the door and try to get between in, but you couldn’t find it in you. You watched for a moment as there were a series of low arguing, but your eyes darted away, arms wrapping around your stomach, and you zoned out, staring at the dashboard. 

You felt weak and stupid, sitting there, trying to block out the sounds. The hisses of pain, the dull thump of flesh meeting flesh. Then they were gone; the men, the noises, and the money. You opened the door, staring at the dark night sky before your eyes fell on Jeno. He sat on the ground, head tilted down and shallow breaths escaping him.

Gravel crunched beneath your boots as you stepped out and walked over to him, crouching down in front of him. His eyebrow and lip were split, blood was around his nose, and a bruise was already forming along his cheekbone. You sighed, running your thumb over his bottom lip. 

“You can’t do this anymore,” you mumbled, sitting down in the gravel opposite of him. He looked up, staring at you. 

“I’ll be more careful with the matches I choose and I’ll stop being a cocky bitch,” he grumbled, wiping away the blood under his nose. You shook your head.

“No, Jeno, you need to stop all of this. It’s not going to work out in the long run,” you said, motioning to him and then all around you. 

“This was a one time thing,” he argued, trying to stand up. You stood up, grabbing his arm and helping him up. He leaned against you, a soft gasp escaping him. You looked up at him, lips pursed and eyes stinging. 

“We can’t rely on random bursts of money, especially if it includes injuries that will take away more than half the money you just earned,” you stated and he opened his mouth, trying to argue again. “We’re about to be parents, Jeno, and that requires money and for both of us to be mentally present 24/7.”

His eyes widened, as much as they could. His mouth opened and closed and then he just settled on staring at you in disbelief. 

Your hands curled into fists. 

“I can’t stay with you if this how our child is going to be raised.”

[something-tofightfor]

POV: The Constant

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader ( Billy x Madani in passing)

Word count: 2174

@ooo-barff-ooo asked for a different POV for The Constant.... so I chose  to focus on the period between Billy and Reader leaving the Anvil facility and getting to the parking garage. 

You’ll probably need to/want to read the entire thing (found on my ML because links won’t allow this to show in search results) before reading this. 

It’s got some language and some mentions of sex, but nothing too zesty. 

His arm hurt. Billy had been shot multiple times before, had felt the sting of the bullets as they pierced his skin and then passed through - clean wounds, from powerful weapons and enemies he couldn’t even see. But the wound on his arm was a different story. He’d seen the person that had shot him, heard her voice as clear as day. Hell, he’d looked Dinah Madani in the eye not even 48 hours earlier when she’d had him in her conference room for questioning, his gaze burning a hole in her as he reminded her of their situation and what she had allowed to happen to herself. And this one hurt worse than any other time he’d been injured - not because the wound was deep or dangerous (it wasn’t) but because it had been put there by someone that had wanted to put it there for personal reasons, not because they had to. How the fuck did I get here?

 Billy’s eyes remained closed and as he took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent of her car’s interior, he felt tears begin to roll down his cheeks silently. Why the fuck did I let this happen? Billy Russo did not typically cry, but every man had a breaking point, and apparently Billy’s breaking point was reached when in the span of 24 hours, he threatened the lives of a woman and child, chose not to take an easy kill shot, confessed his deepest sin to his best friend - former best friend, watched said friend beat a man to death, got shot… and then destroyed the very thing he’d sold his soul for. Though the tears continued, Billy allowed himself a small smile - if that’s what it took to bring him to tears, then he wasn’t doing so bad after all.

 A small sigh from the front seat brought Billy’s attention back to his current situation and the woman that sat silently a few feet from him, hands gripping her steering wheel tightly.  When he’d called her from Anvil, knowing that he didn’t really need the bag that he’d had packed for weeks, stored in the closet of her apartment, he had figured that she wouldn’t come. He’d done enough to distance himself from her that he wouldn’t have blamed her, really, but she’d not only answered the phone call - she’d shown up where and when he needed her to, ready to listen and… concerned for him. I can’t let her do this. I shouldn’t have involved her.

 His uninjured arm was behind his head as he felt the car traveling over the New York streets - there was little traffic at the late hour, and Billy knew that he only had minutes to collect his thoughts and make a decision before he had to face reality: he had to get out of New York before Frank killed him - and he wanted her with him. Fuck. I can’t ask her to do that. Can I?

 As she drove, Billy thought back to the day that he’d told her that they couldn’t have contact anymore because he needed to focus on Madani, and had to suppress another small smile despite the growing pit in his stomach and the pain in his arm as he bled all over her back seat.

 “I gotta get… I gotta get back in front of this, you know?” He was in her kitchen, one foot tapping on the linoleum and a hand clutching the back of his neck. It was a nervous habit, one that he’d picked up from Frank through all those long years spent watching Castle rub his hands over his short hair and neck. “We bugged her office. She’s gonna come to Anvil for me, and she’s gonna try to get information out of me. She knows I served with Frank. I can’t see you at all anymore, not now, it’s not safe.” He’d watched her go pale, her eyes growing wide, and though she’d set her shoulders before she spoke, the words came out quiet but even.

 “You gonna fuck her?” Billy had just stared, unable to comprehend how someone like her could just stand in front of him and ask a question like that. “You gonna get information from her while you’re tangled up in her bed sheets in the morning?” Her shoulders were still set, but Billy watched as her eyes moved from his down to his lips and then back up, never wavering in their cold gaze. “Rawlins tell you to fuck her? Use your smart mouth to get the answers he wants?” He felt a tightening in his chest and he wanted to reach out, to tell her that no, he wasn’t going to fuck Dinah Madani, that he didn’t want to be tangled up in anyone’s bed sheets except hers, the smell of her perfume lingering on his skin long after they’d separated for the day. But he couldn’t, because it wasn’t the truth - and he wasn’t about to start lying to her.

 “If I need to.” Billy swallowed, taking one step forward, shaking his head. “I gotta do what Rawlins needs me to do, I have to keep this from coming out, keep her from finding out whatever it is she wants to know about Frank. I owe Frankie that much at least.” She’d nodded - once - and then had looked away, eyes darting around the kitchen. Billy knew what she was thinking - that him being told to sleep with someone if necessary was much worse than Billy making the decision on his own. “You know I’d rather -”

 She cut him off, finally looking back at Billy and closing the distance between the two of them in a few steps, her fingertips moving over the skin of his neck roughly as she pulled him down to kiss her - their first kiss in nearly a month. “Yeah, I know.” She breathed the words after she’d pulled back, her forehead pressing against Billy’s, voice stronger than it had been as if the change in proximity between them had helped. “Just don’t enjoy it too much, Billy. You know I’m the only one that can really handle your mouth.” He scoffed, leaning in and kissing her hard, his teeth catching on her lower lip as he pulled back, a low noise coming from the back of her throat at the sensation. “You gotta do what you gotta do, right?”

 It had been hard to walk out of her apartment that day - even harder than when he’d told her that Rawlins was amping things up, that Billy was afraid that if they continued to see each other, that the man would find out about her and do something horrible. At least then, Billy had known that he could keep an eye on her discreetly, but once Madani and Stein had jumped onto the Zubair case, things had changed rapidly. Then, it was better for both of them that Billy had simply stayed away, his only contact being the once weekly trip to her apartment to backup their files - but only when he knew that she wasn’t home. Billy was a lot of things, but he wasn’t stupid enough to think that he could look into her eyes in the light of day, watching her search his face wordlessly for conformation about his physical involvement with Dinah Madani.

 It was a risk - but it was one that Billy had been willing to take, because he knew deep down that things weren’t going to go as planned, that Rawlins was going to fuck everything up again… and that Madani was going to be an even bigger thorn in his side than he’d anticipated, which made a getaway plan absolutely necessary. And all of that had been made even more difficult when he’d found out that Frank was in fact alive, and that the story was even more convoluted than Billy had ever imagined. Leaving had only become a possibility once he’d cleared the air with Frank - in a roundabout way, sure, but at least now Frank knew that Billy hadn’t actually been the one to harm the Castle family, he’d just… not done anything to stop it.

 But with Rawlins out of the way for good, Frank understandably pissed at him and likely to kill him at some point, and Madani literally out to kill him at that very moment, Billy knew that the only option for now was to run - far and fast and immediately. “Where do you want me to park, Billy?” Her voice drew him out of his thoughts - soft and sad and scared… but not scared of him, never of him, and Billy paused for a moment. “Billy?” It took everything in him to answer, the four words draining him.

 “All the way up.” The car began to move again, and Billy’s thoughts turned to what he was going to ask in only a few minutes. He’d never defined what was going on with her, never had to, because it worked well without admission. She never asked anything of him, except with her body, when her fingers were clutching his hair tightly, or when they were wrapped around him as she took him into her mouth, or when her heels dug into the backs of his thighs as she pulled him closer to her. But she cared, he knew she did - why else would she have been willing to put up with so much of his shit? As the car slowed again, Billy took a deep breath.

 Being apart from her had been hard - harder than he’d thought it would be. Billy Russo didn’t form attachments, didn’t let people in. When he did, bad things happened - both to him and to them. Billy’s life had been one long string of failed attempts to fit in, to make friends and to make good decisions after another, and the present situation was no different. He hurt the people that he cared about, and so he didn’t care about anyone but himself - because by making so many bad decisions, he’d already hurt himself to the point where it didn’t matter anymore because it couldn’t possibly get worse. Or, at least he’d thought it couldn’t - before her. Billy felt the car stop, but neither of them moved or spoke. Ok. Ok, Russo. Think.

 As he’d pulled the trigger on the men sent to collect him from Anvil, he’d realized what he needed to do. As he’d pressed the button to blow the building up, he’d decided that he was going to do it - but only if she showed up. And when he’d seen her, standing in the doorway with her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide and filled with fear as she watched the building go up in flames behind him, Billy knew that it was the right decision, because she was there. He had to ask - and even if she said no, at least he’d know that he tried - tried one more time to care for someone more than he cared about himself.

 Without warning, Billy sat up and took a deep breath, looking at her profile in the dim light before climbing quickly out of the car and making his way to the cement wall in front of it, head hanging down as he looked at the sprawling city below him. I can’t protect her here, not anymore. It’s all or nothing. I leave and she’s safe… she comes with me, and she’s safer.

 Billy heard the car door close softly before she came to stand next to him, both of them still silent. I’ve already lost everything… I won’t lose her, too. “I want to protect you.”

----

[kiss-my-freckle]

Only a Keen2 shipper would believe “the woman” cares about Liz. I'd even say Tom cared about Liz far more than this woman does, and that's saying a lot. He and Kate are probably rolling around in their graves right now. Even if I weren't a Rederina theorist, I'd still know she’s a double, using Liz to find her mother. Far easier to read her as it was to read Tom, and he was pretty easy. Excusable to fall for the imposter father, not so much to fall for the imposter mother. The writers have made her that obvious. 

Trust there's a reason Cooper spoke of Liz shooting her father at the start of the season. "She killed her father. I can’t imagine the burden that carries." Because a mother wouldn't be cold enough to shove that in her face by saying, "You shot your father. Do you really want to shoot your mother too?" A mother would want to ease that burden by blocking her memory of it. "My memories of that night. He had them removed. He told me he didn’t want me to live with the weight of knowing I killed my father." Contradicting Katarina's character in the motel room. Not just in the way she spoke to Masha, but not even knowing Liz shot and killed him. She had no idea Red is an imposter. Despite him dying in Katarina’s arms on the night of the fire. Despite Katarina feeding him details so he could pull off becoming Reddington. Despite Katarina arranging his surgery. Despite Katarina being in the motel room with Ilya, coming up with the plan to become him. 

Her contradictions don’t stop there. A mother wouldn't wait until her life is at risk to make amends with her daughter, and actually wait until that daughter shoved a gun in her face. "All that matters now is that I want to make amends." A mother would make amends when it's convenient for her daughter. Red reentering Liz’s life when she needed him, when she was seeking answers, not the other way around. "But if I’m not mistaken, step 9 is making amends. I can’t do that without you." A mother would make amends even while not in her child’s life, which Red spoke to after the harbormaster trial. "Pull strings, call in favors to discreetly smooth the path."

Contradicting her attempted suicide, even through dialogue. Katarina wouldn’t reenter her daughter’s life without putting safety guards in place. She’d rather die than put her own daughter’s life at risk. A woman who forced everyone out of Masha’s life to keep her safe. Dom. Lena. Even Kate Kaplan. If she cared at all about Liz, the woman wouldn’t be in her life right now. She doesn’t speak to the danger until she herself is in danger and needs to escape, while Liz’s mother would rather exchange himself to protect his daughter every time. Kneel on the seal, hand himself over to Garrick, hand himself over to Kirk, hand himself over to Ross, nearly get shot at the King’s auction, almost die at The Factory for the sake of protecting her. Literally give up everything and go broke. 

In addition, her lack of intelligence. Ilya told Dom, “We can’t be meeting like this. It’s too dangerous. Even now.” Forget about being set up. If woman were the real Katarina, I wouldn’t consider her a legendary spymaster if she was dumb enough to believe it'd be safe to meet with Dom. Raymond told Liz, “Katarina Rostova was the cleverest, most resourceful woman I have ever known.” Didn’t cross this woman’s mind that Red was messing with the video feed in his fake hospital room. She looked like an idiot, standing there until they called in the tech expert. She depended on Liz to help her escape. Apparently not clever enough to come up with an escape plan after moving in across the hall on the off-chance Red would find her. 

This woman contradicts Katarina’s actions in the homeless shelter, killing a man who came in to assualt his girlfriend. In no world would Liz’s mother allow her sidekick to assault her in such a way, then say, "What Berdy did was not okay." Her mother would have a difficult time watching a man abuse his girlfriend in a diner. Threaten him with a butterknife for calling Liz a bitch. Hand Hector Lorca over to the feds for trying to kill her. Stab Garrick in his carotid after threatening her. Stew a man for trying to kill her. Send Zamani into her home to cut her husband open. Threaten to slice and dice Garvey if he so much as went near her. The very fucking reason Liz shot her father in the first place. Because he was hurting her mother. 

Liz's mother sure as hell wouldn't treat Agnes the way this woman has. Inviting her to a business meet where she'd literally have to kill or be killed. She’d never put Agnes in such a position to witness a dead body laying on the floor, and she sure as fuck wouldn't call her a liar later on, blame her drawings on Liz's job causing her fear. Sounds a lot like Tom in S1, blaming Liz and her job for the danger in their lives. When Liz called the woman to tell her about the dead body in the park and the armed men she believed were after Agnes, she blew her off because she only gives a shit about herself. "I’m in a very important meeting. I really can’t help you now." Different with Liz's mother. He's there for her when she needs him, and he's able to calm her in the most dire circumstances. "We’re going to get her back, Lizzy." Had it not been for Liz pressing into the woman, she would've allowed her to continue worrying for the safety of her child. Again, different with Liz's mother. Red doesn't want her worrying about anything. That's why he took off to Paris in the first place to take care of shit, and why he flat-out told Ressler, "I honestly don’t want her to worry. Whether she does or not is entirely up to you." Liz’s mother wouldn't allow Berdy to talk shit. Even Alexander Kirk had the decency to tell Odette to watch her mouth. 

Her mother wouldn't strap Agnes' Barbie with a bug so she could gather intel to save her own life. She’d set up surveillance to protect her daughter, not herself, and she’d do it in the open the way Red did in The Vehm and The Thrushes. Her mother wouldn't say she got what she came for when she copied the key to Liz's apartment - when Liz had no flipping idea what she was referring to. Because her mother wouldn’t need to plant listening devices, or search through her desk drawers to gather intel to save her own life. Hell, this isn’t even about the woman wanting to save her own life. This is about the woman not wanting to run - to hide anymore, while also claiming she wants to have a relationship with Liz. Something her mother would NEVER do, is put Liz’s life at risk for the sake of not running or hiding anymore, or so much as having a relationship with her. That’s quite literally why she gave her up for adoption to Sam! 

Hell, even her body language is revealing. Agnes being focal speaks just as much on its own. "I miss having children" isn’t something Katarina would say. Not if Agnes were her granddaughter, not if she so much as viewed her as her granddaughter, and certainly not if she truly wanted to make amends. She wouldn't miss having children because she'd have Agnes. Not even tapping into Red, Dom, and Ilya cuz this would get pretty long. I’m just saying, the writers have made it so obvious, only an idiot would believe this woman is Liz’s mother. So if you believe this woman is Liz’s mother, then yes - I’m calling you a fucking idiot. 

[jeeptime]

The slab of time in which you weren’t reading new Uncle Jeep Tim has slid into the rear view.  You launch haphazardly forward in a foolhardy attempt to predict every oncoming word.  Gazebo, cloaca,  a fetid party game involving gnomes.  This isn’t working, the withdrawals are so severe you are railing whole sentences at a time.  Nothing can fill the gaping void left behind by the gulf of time that has passed since you last laid ears on the sultry serenade of your Uncle Jeep Tim’s clackity keystrokes.  

I’m here to tell you, my favorite niece or nephew, that it is story time.  So hop up on my lap for a fanciful tale sure to delight even the most jaded of hearts.  

The way I understand time is that for every year that passes you are catching up on the year before.  For example on this day in 2016 It was a Friday.  So we have advanced one year into the future from that point, but we have also advanced one day beyond that.  Each year we travel through time exactly one day into the future.  After 365 years we advance one full year into the future, not taking into account leap days and other things put in place by “Big Pharma” to cover up this obvious conspiracy.  I mean you see the chemtrails overhead; they aren’t decreasing in multitude.  

Which brings me to my point - for each day that passes the internet presents me with a what was happening on this day in the past.  But having written this blog for such a long duration of time, some days it will present me with multiple simultaneous blogs posted on this day from all past iterations of my self.  Friday 2016, Thursday 2015, Tuesday 2013...

This former self on occasion has the audacity to go 7 years back and present himself on the same day of the week.  For a second I can feel him on another plain of existence occupying my same space typing at the same breakneck pace.  

I would love to think and even believe most of the things I say, but it’s mostly all fantasy.  Believe it or not, I’m a fairly grounded individual, and that shit is annoying.  I keep an open mind and hope for fantasy to become reality but there is really no mystery left in the world.  I’ve accepted that the next best thing is an admiration of natural beauty.  Unless someone is willing to send me into outer-space I have to satisfy my desire for the unknown by staring really hard at things that are probably pretty well known about.

I miss that part of childhood, being so sure that what you were witnessing was not of this world, or being positive of the presence of ghosts.  Feeling every single hair on your body stand on edge as your brain tries to process unknown sounds and sensations.  I’ve said before that children are probably more receptive to the supernatural, but maybe it’s just a more ambitious imagination.  Either way let’s proceed with some childhood tales.

When I was around 10 years old I lived with a man who was definitely unhinged.  At the time he was my stepfather, but I never had any sort of bond with him.  So I was quite surprised when he frantically woke me up at 3 in the morning to share something with me.  I rubbed away the sleep granules collected around my eyes as I tried to comprehend why the hell my asshole step-father had any reason to be in my room at this ungodly hour.  He was gesturing out my window and raving about a UFO.  

Groggily I pivoted around in bed and rested my elbows on my windowsill and peered out trying to figure out what he was on about and HOLY SHIT there was a giant green phosphorescent orb just hanging out there in the sky above our field.  Now the logical thing to do when you wake a child up in the middle of the night and present them with nightmare fuel is to stay by their side and provide some sort of solace.  NOPE, as soon as he was satisfied that my pupils were bugging out of my head and I was locked on this UFO he retreated from my room without another word.  

I remember locking eyes with this object for what felt like hours,  I was afraid to look away, so I just stared; unsure of what to do next.  Eventually I probably nodded off for a second, and you know that sensation when you are sleeping in a weird position and your head dips, you immediately wake back up with a jolt.  I must have fallen asleep for a second or two, but having woken up with a start, I frantically scanned the skies for any sign of this object, but it was nowhere to be found.

Now this story took place in my new bedroom, where I had moved because I couldn’t set foot in the previous bedroom due to fear. I understand sometimes children can’t sleep in their bed because of a nightmare every now and then, but I had a nightmare that kept me out of my room permanently.  I would probably be hard pressed to go back in that room to this day (and not just because the building is the derelict house of an insane man).  

What really kept me out of this room was a dream that still to this day makes all the hairs on my body stand on end.  You remember the show Unsolved Mysteries?  

Yes?

Good.

Imagine this entire story is narrated by Robert Stack, it will definitely enhance your experience.

In the dream I was watching an episode of the show, but instead of just watching it on television, I was fully present in that reality.  Cut to a young girl wearing all white, standing in an open window with white drapes, everything in this scene is fuzzy and has an ethereal feel to it.  She does not look alarmed in the slightest as she steps out of the open window and surely to her demise on the ground below.  I saw piercing flashes of light as the narrator goes on to describe how the girl was saved by an object that is not of this world.  The narrator cautions that the object is evil and it’s motives behind rescuing this child are unknown.

To describe it is confusing, it was almost like an anchor with a chain following it and cannonballs spaced out every couple of feet (very symmetrical), and instead of sinking this object flies through the sky in the same way that a snake might slither along the ground.  

Briefly the image of the object is flashed on the screen as the narrator describes it’s evil nature, and how seeing it is a definite bad omen.  It’s at this point that “I” (Dream self) am suddenly conscious of the fact that I’ve been watching a TV show, turn my head away from the TV and look out the window of my bedroom.  There in the distance way up in the sky is this object, just slowing moving along in it’s own way.

Needless to say there was no fucking way I was going anywhere near that window for a very long time. Interestingly, this wasn’t even the first supernatural experience I had in that room, it was just the icing on the cake.  Prior to that I had gone to bed and woken up in the middle of the night completely paralyzed with fear as a I heard the plodding footsteps of something approaching my bed.  This object sat on my back and I could feel the springs creaking as the extra weight settled on top of me.  I felt as though a demon was literally on top of me for no reason.  I tried to scream but could let out nothing more than a little squeak.  

So I moved to the “UFO” room (notice a theme with the windows here?).  I can’t recall if this story was before or after the UFO experience but I had one more supernatural experience in this room.  For those not keeping count we are at 2 and 2 for the bedrooms.  

I was a weird child (surprise!) and I insisted on having a waterbed.  So my mother and stepfather went on Uncle Henry’s and found me a used one.  It was the middle of winter and we did not keep our house very warm.  My mother and stepfather had gone out somewhere leaving me alone in the house.  We lived in a building which sometimes had tenants, but at this point in time was completely empty.  So I am completely alone in this giant, freezing house, and I decided that I would just try to go to bed.  So I lay down in my giant, stupid, waterbed, but the heating element must have given out so the thing was absolutely filled with freezing cold water.  I gave up on trying to fall asleep in an icy water tomb and moved to the floor, with my ear pressed into the hardwood.  Beneath me in the empty apartment below I could hear a full scale dinner party.  Muffled conversation, glassware tinking, doors opening and closing, the works.  

When I did finally manage to fall asleep ignoring the insanity below me I fell into a very poor fitful sleep.  I woke up randomly in the middle of the night with all the furniture in the room looming over me and taking on human attributes.  When dawn finally broke, I was up and out of that room.  I was pretty sure I couldn’t go back in that room either, but at this point I had run out of bedrooms.  

Well that’s all the time we have for stories today kiddo, enjoy some pictures that I have collected for you below.

Look at dat stack o’ weevils

Cool NYC graffito

Holy shit did you just see that baby fly by?

AIGHT, UNCLE JEEP TIM OUT