#every year im like...ill make a well thought out post this time and every year my brain is like...lol no you won't

[ra-vio]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[nyenuma]

oct 18th, you know what that means...

annual waava-versary post!!! last year was the big 10 year anniversary but honestly, this year in some ways feels even bigger. while beginnings aired in oct of 2023, i feel like the friendships that i've made because of my initial wan/raava obsession really only bloomed throughout the years of 2013-2014. watching lok books 3 and 4 as they aired, posting about them, talking to each other on chatango and tumblr and snapchat and even facebook...it's been 10 years since then and so much has changed, but i still value those memories and those people so much <3

big hugs and kisses to @rokurookajima, @katkastrofa, @pinacoladamatata...and everyone else, those just happened to be the ones i talked to recently :)

and big hug and kiss to wan and raava! happy anniversary you two :)

[tr0ubl3d-tr4n53nd3r]

I opened up about my body image issues and people called me a horrible person, told me I'm invalidating people with eds and that I'm body shaming people? God what the fuck? Ive got no fucking support system in real life and the Internet just hates me I guess.

[ayukas]

021 fate is real ꩜ r/UberEATS

r/UberEATS posted by

u/sakumyaegi・16 hr. ago

i'm dating my uber eats driver!

hi reddit!

a year ago, i made a post asking for advice on whether i was in love with my uber eats driver or if i was just insane and i received tons of responses on it. well, i finally remembered to come back and update… and guess what? turns out, i wasn't as crazy as many of you thought, because i'm now dating said uber eats driver!

it's actually insane looking back at all this. i spent an entire month giggling and kicking my feet every time he delivered to me, convinced i was just a delusional customer with a ridiculous crush. but after making that reddit post, we actually talked for awhile, got to know each other and even went on our first date! >O<

fun fact: while we were talking, he actually made a reddit post about me too, trying to help me out with my problems despite saying he didn’t like me like that (i know who you are finickydriver141.)

we match each other's freak SO hard, we're basically soulmates, and i'm so so so in love with him. to everyone who told me to shoot my shot back then, thank you! and to everyone who said i was insane… my boyfriend loves setting houses on fire…

anyways, tl;dr: i was in love with my uber eats driver, he was secretly (VERY obviously) in love with me too, and now we're disgustingly happy together. fate is real :D

⬆️ 66 ⬇️ 💬 127

u/rainsinheaven・16 hr. ago

its been one year since that post??? omg

u/back2u・16 hr. ago

congrats op!! i remember those two posts lol u guys are so cute

u/finickydriver141・15 hr. ago

i love u so so so much too

u/cooingpenguin・14 hr. ago

i wanna fall in love with a cute uber eats driver too :|

u/jendiggity・10 hr. ago

im not an uber eats driver but im cute dm me

u/rrremmm・13 hr. ago

he was definitely in love with u dude he had a whole ass account on twt dedicated to u

u/sakumyaegi・13 hr. ago

oh?

u/finickydriver141・13 hr. ago

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH U BRUH

u/creativehamster・12 hr. ago

called it from the start I KNEW HE WAS IN LOVE WITH U TOO

u/ynisafreak・10 hr. ago

genuinely cant believe ive been suffering for over a year already

u/yuwushi・10 hr. ago

same

u/ynisafreak・10 hr. ago

stop interacting with me

u/sioningz・9 hr. ago

finally omg. its sion's time to shine

u/jwisung・9 hr. ago

jisung's* time

u/yuwushi・10 hr. ago

the both of u suck. its actually YUSHI'S time

previous / masterlist

notes the 😭 end 😭😭😭 thank u everyone 4 reading my silly little smau and sticking till the end, im so extremely grateful for all the love and support ive received, ur comments and reblogs meant the absolute world to me :') ill cherish this smau forever… please dont forget user sakumyaegi and haejjang everybody… 🥹🤍

taglist @ddolbyong @nmbr1stickerenjoyer @wonpoem @jeonghansshitester @kukkurookkoo @dudekiss3r @https-yeonjun @nahyuckers @slayhaechan @luvvhaechan @chenlezip @ryuvrsie @aerivrs @snoopyjimin @yukisroom97 @snowyseungs @thegracerammy @purezitas @sundamariis @nctrawberries @sehunniepot @holyhaech @belleilichil @cyjzzl @haechology @ant-onie @n0hyuck @axo-l0tl @goquokka @jich3nle @gela0205 @irlrenjun @cinneorolls @kodasity @taroddori @hyuckies18 @hibernatinghamster @renjunniex @haechyuckan @i-lovegood @chan-yeoldelling @lampcults @jae-n0 @jeongintwt @sunghoonsgfreal @injvns @sewergirlfriend @fluermeijisblog @pinklemonade34 @t-102

[humans-are-seriously-weird]

Hey all things have been wild and i havent been on a lot

I wanted to make this post to raise some awareness for the chronic illness Ive recently been diagnosed with, in the hopes that someone suffering something similar feels less alone.

Around Christmas i started getting very very sick. I would throw up 5-6hrs of the day, and it kept me from eating or sleeping at all. For four months straight i cycled between ER rooms and hospital admissions. Ive lost over 100lbs since Christmas due to a complete inability to keep any food or water down. After dozens of tests, I finally have been diagnosed with Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome.

Its a brutal disease. Essentially it’s a stress induced illness where the autonomic nervous system that controls the stomach becomes out of sync. When my body becomes too stressed, I start getting sick. And when I am out of the stress, my stomach and abdomen dont get the memo that we are okay now. It continues to have its own mini anxiety attack, contracting and twisting and forcing me to throw up everything I have inside, and keeps going after with dry heaving. This is called an abdominal migraine, and let me tell you, it is so much worse than it sounds. Once you are in an episode, it is difficult to get out of. Once the body is stressed, the sickness stresses it more, which makes me sicker. It is a vicious cycle.

I lost my job to this disease because I missed two full months. I collapsed at work and had to be rushed to the hospital. The worst part of this disease is that it is so uncommon most hospitals dont know how to treat it. Ive been labeled a drug seeker at every hospital within 10km of my home because of how frequently I had to go to the ER, severely dehydrated and in such pain I could barely stand. I started refusing strong pain meds in favour of antispasmodics instead. ER docs and nurses blamed cannabis and told me that was my sole issue. It wasnt, though it does exacerbate the illness. Ive since stopped smoking, even though it brought me some relief, just to be taken seriously.

I am one of the lucky ones who got diagnosed quickly. Most people take years to get a diagnosis, and I got mine within 4months, though it is only because of how severe my illness was.

I am finally getting proper treatment that gives me some quality of life. I have a new job that is very understanding of how many days Ive had to take off due to flare ups and episodes. Im doing well now, but for awhile, i truly thought this disease was going to take my life. I wrote a will. I picked out a grave plot.

This isnt a sympathy post. CVS is often misdiagnosed as chronic appendicitis or GERD. The odds of someone following me who also has this disease is high, and I want to make sure they dont feel as alone and unheard in this as I have.

There is no cure for CVS, you can only try to manage it and lengthen the time between episodes. The hardest part is everyone constantly saying ���but youve been doing so well”. I may be doing well now, but tomorrow is not guaranteed, the next hour is not guaranteed. My episodes come quickly and with little warning, and triggers can only be found through trial and error. I still miss a lot of work, I still wake up in the night dry heaving. If i miss a single dose of medication, i relapse. It is a brutal road, and I have been fortunate that I have a supportive partner and friends who have walked it with me.

If this sounds like you, you are not alone. Find a doctor who will listen to you, and trust your instincts. Advocate for yourself, and accept nothing less. Once, when an ER refused to see me, despite the fact that I passed out on the threshold, I started just screaming. I absolutely screamed my head off as if i had been shot. That got their attention, and they said they would treat me just to shut me up. Make a scene. It sucks that that is what I had to resort to, but they finally agreed to do an ultrasound and CT scan. It started me on the path of getting a proper diagnosis. Advocate for yourself loudly and without reserve. And if you cant, find someone who can on your behalf. When i was flitting in and out of consciousness, my partner advocated for me, and refused to let them discharge me until they got the vomiting under control, even just for a day. Be loud, be annoying, do whatever it takes.

You are not alone.

[purplepaigepurple535]

my main pazzi evidence!

hey guys, people have been asking me to give me reasoning as to why i think pazzi is real so here ya go. there is A LOT more i could say and a ton more evidence but imma try to piece my basic thoughts together explain as much as i can consicely.

1. their general vibe

ok lemme say first of all, the thing that pisses me off most about pazzi deniers is that they dont acknowledge hard evidence. like hand placement, eye contact, the "is it spit" video, etc. but the thing that's the absolute kicker to me is their entire vibe around each other.

i think the animal letter/pillow video is a really good example of this. start by imagining how you would play that game with your friends, even your closest friends of ten years. would you giggle at them and smile at them the way that p + a look at/talk to each other? probably not. (and if you do, babes im gonna hold your hand when i tell you this...) the entire video was just not something you'd expect from friends AT ALL.

also. the way paige's ENTIRE demeanor changes near azzi. duuuuude its so adorable. any time she's talking to azzi, and even sometimes when azzi is within earshot, paige's voice softens SUBSTANTIALLY and she becomes more thoughtful and calm. an example of this would be kk's (second) crumbl live in the bedroom, when azzi walks in and all of a sudden paige is now giggling quietly as opposed to cracking up loudly like she was before. i think its the whole "calming presence" idea and p + a really both are each other's anchor.

also u don't go on a cruise with your best friend and act the way they acted (and posted).

2. the hard evidence

the aforementioned "is it spit" video. like bro. no matter what the fuck azzi said, what paige responded was extremely suggestive, and azzi's reaction to it just proves that. paige we know that ur faggot ass's favorite tongue movement to lets just take a chill pill on live tv (jk pls dont stop keep feeding our delulu pazzi shipper asses)

another piece of hard evidence: "happy birthday to the precious princess 💗" OK PAIGE WE KNOW SHES UR WIFE. paige wanted to say "my precious princess" so bad its so obvious

paige and azzi also have not shut down ANY rumors or even spoken on the subject of their suspected relationship. instead, i would go so far as to say they've fed into it, the posts about each other, the continuous posting of the "💗" emoji even though the entire internet has a suspicion about what it means. this also ties into the fact that they do have social media, paige is active a lot, their teammates are active, and they definitely (no matter how) seeing these pazzi edits. they are OUT THERE and even the announcers know it.

ice and kk's faces whenever p + a are flirting got me ctfu every time. ice does not try to hide it AT ALL and even though i think kk tries, once in a while she makes a face (the interview where she is in the middle of them)

3. no other relationships/their dynamic

lets be generous to the deniers and say that they've only had smth (a relationship, whether it be serious or not) since 2021. they have not been with anyone since. i will say it again. they have not been with anyone since. with their popularity and how gorgeous/attractive they both are, i feel like if they were seen close with anyone, we would know about it. fine, someone could say they are just both locking in to school and bball, but i really just think p + a work so well together and basically have the same schedule so there is pretty much no negatives to them being together, therefore no reason why it would take away from school/bball. i think they are each other's person and really just compliment each other so well (opposites attract!)

basically the way they act is not how "just friends" act. i dont make the rules 🤷🏻‍♀️

ok so thats my basic thoughts. i could LITERALLY go on for pages (and i will if you guys want!) just let me know (send me an ask or smth) and ill make more posts with more evidence and just basically debriefing it. ok thank u girlypops for listening to my ted talk

ps. thank you to @elliesglock for debriefing some of the uconn lives, pls continue bc they are so fun to read and u have such good thoughts on everything!

[cambankromyy]

THE ISLAND LOOKOUT (pt.5): 2 to function - (smau & irl au) childhood bsf!rafe cameron x thornton!reader

series masterlist; general masterlist; taglist

about my taglist; ok until this i've been adding people to my taglist even if they didn't use the google form, but since its getting hard to keep track and i don't want to miss anyone, ill only be adding people who submit a google form (linked on my pinned post as well as at the top of every island lookout post). sorry if this is an inconvenience to any!!

part 4- part 5 - part 6

rafe pulled up to roni's house, honking the horn as she took her sweet time coming out. she was late—classic.

when she finally slid into the passenger seat, roni casually pulled out her cart, took a hit, and passed it over to him.without saying a word, she turned her head, blowing the smoke in his direction. rafe rolled his eyes but grabbed the cart out of her hand and took a hit himself.

music was blasting, windows down, the cool air mixing with the haze in the car. it was the perfect vibe—loud, carefree, and like they were in their own world. the drive to target felt like the most natural thing in the world, even if it might’ve been a little dangerous. but hey, they’d done this before. being high wasn’t the same as being drunk. it was fine.

they pulled into target, half-laughing and half-buzzed, like they were on a mission, but also not at all. the whole store was just a blur, with them bouncing between aisles, acting like they owned the place.

after that, they went back to tannyhill, sprawled out on the couch, snacks everywhere. rafe's phone buzzed—it was kelce, calling about something random. before they knew it, it turned into a facetime, and roni took the reins of the conversation.

rafe, needing a break from all the madness, tossed his phone to roni. “here, entertain kelce,” he joked, settling back into the couch. roni grinned and grabbed the phone, instantly hitting screen share. “lets see what he has to hide...” she said as she opened his snapchat memories. each pic was funnier than the last, and she couldn’t help laughing at whatever she found.

then she pressed the "flashbacks from this day" tag at the top, revealing the golden snap from three years ago. rafe, looking extra dramatic, with the caption: “i’m watching you…” roni erupted in laughter, almost dropping the phone. kelce was already cracking up, and the chaos was contagious.

without a second thought, she saved the pic, posted it on kooked.out. the caption reading: “im watching you... #rafeflashbacks.” by the time rafe came back, he saw her still holding his phone, practically on the floor from laughing.

rafe came back into the room, saw her holding his phone, still laughing like a maniac. he raised an eyebrow. “what’d you do?”

roni handed him the phone, the kooked out page with the freshly posted flashback still on the screen.

rafe stared at his phone, confused and starting to go through the comments. “wait, what the hell? why’d you post that?”

she turned back to the phone, still grinning like a maniac. “ok bye kelce, boutta get my ass beat,” she said, cutting the facetime and laughing even harder.

and that was just the beginning. one post turned into another, and suddenly it was a full-on back-and-forth, each one more ridiculous than the last. of course, it wasn’t just them—everyone was watching. the posts blew up, people were commenting, and that only made the whole thing funnier.

they didn’t even think about the consequences— why would they? they were just messing around, having a good time. who cares what might happen when you're high and living the moment with your best, best, friend?

ahaahhhasdjahdj i loved making the posts at the end lollll ok this is for like character developent and next chapter (i think) will be the start of the turning point.

tags under the cut as always, and if u havent, read the notes abt tags at the top to be on my taglist!

tags: @italk2god @angelicameron @marleymarleymarleymarley, @queenvane64, @raeven-marie43 @idiotussupremus @sereneera @yesshewrites1 @inlovewithchriss @ethanthequeefqueen @amterasuu @popou61 @drewsstars @yannew @anothertimegirl @flvredcas @yootvi @mrsdrewstarkeyy @niaunofficial @cooper8224 @rafegetinmybed @pogueprincesa @6r4cie @adalia-lovelace @bee-43 @drewrry @masongetinmybed @defnotayonna @lcversvoid

[krispdreemurr]

ok we're into the "ill post things behind read mores" phase of the spoiler policy. starting with some more coherent(?) thoughts on the whole thing

as you may have guessed from the two posts I couldn't resist making before the embargo ended, I am like... captivated by the whole carol and kris situation in the worst way. apologies to the Carol truthers who i doubted, but I don't think anyone called Kris being manipulated by her into trying to kidnap their mom and a cop, so,

it's just like. so. i had truly thought our presence in Kris' life was the worst thing, but it turns out we're the much more manageable source of overwhelming control.

(sidenote: hey remember all the reasons we already knew spamton triggered Kris? well now consider that spamton was being given phone calls by a mysterious entity w unknown orders and then when it got sick of him he was left to die,)

my current theory on what's up with all the Existentially Dubious Kris things and such btw is that to make room for the soul Kris' dark world self was deliberately killed or deleted or something, leaving a living body and mind that would need an external motivating force. kris can't go to the dark world without us because they don't exist there any more without us to form a dark self. this of course puts them in a worrying situation regarding the prophecy and someone possibly needing to die

but speaking of the prophecy and its ending um. susie. dear God Susie. emotional fucking Heart of the game. her being confronted with the horror aspects of deltarune over and over and every time being like Fuck You I Have My Friends was just beautiful. her relationship with notGerson was incredible. the healing arc and the piano arc and how those intersected in her learning it's ok for her to try and improve and get better even if someone else is better already... (did like Everyone pick the "if Susie plays too" option btw bc I haven't seen anyone say anything else fjkgkgk)

and god of course the Kris and Susie friendship. everything in church. them saving each other again and again tower climbing. the Susie award. kris leaping in against notnotGerson. sitting by the lake together after a long night. wuah

i also did warm up a lot to ralsei, yeah. it turning out that he was so smiley and benign and overprotective because he wanted every moment before the horror to be Nice for the two made him a lot more understandable to me. he's just fucking going through it. im glad kris hugs him willingly

the secrets this time... well. ch3 being "not applicable, but" because you do the whole weird route again but in video game form was pretty fucking ominous. the fact that freedom is now being even more strongly tied to the capacity to break things and do violence isn't ideal. i liked Susie coming in at the end and if Kris says they didn't have fun she's just like "so stop playing?" message to all weird route players: you don't gotta.

(and having seen the ch4 weird scenes I. may not. gotta)

also both the egg rooms were worrying in different ways. kris art therapy moments real

i'm just... so excited to see where things go from here. we already fought a fucking titan and won, what is even left to escalate. is kris going to be okay. is Susie gonna be okay.

and thank God I have only a year to wait!!!

[81folklore]

as good as new - ALBON

pairings: alex albon x ex!girlfriend!reader (fc: quarterjade)

summary: alex soft launches his ex girlfriend after they find eachother again

type: social media au (smau)

authors note: ok so welcome to the start of the voulez-vous fic list! i hope this makes sense but incase it doesnt, alex and yn used to be dating before they split due to just growing apart, but they were meant to be😁

authors note 2: kinda rushed at the end so sorry about that! got a couple of requests to work on so ill try and get them done along with this fic list! and you cant still join the taglist!!

voulez-vous main masterlist

yourusername

liked by alex_albon, brookeabb and 122,268 others

happy new years!!🥂

view comments

user7 happy new year gorgeous!!

yourfriend2 SHINING SHIMMERING SPLENDIDDDD

brookeab SHE IS SO FINE AND SO CUTE AND PRETTY AND LOVELY

user82 JAW IS ON THE FLOOR??

user90 im so in love with you

user26 GET IN LINE

user38 so so so so stunning

twitter

alex_albon

liked by williamsracing, yourusername and 253,080 others

last dump of the year🇦🇪

view comments

williamsracing see you next year king🫡

user84 yn liking :’)

user9 THE FIFTH PIC?!

user47 is that..shirtless alex

user83 WHOS HOLDING THE BOX??

user97 technically its already 2024 but we’ll let it slide

user55 imagine its yn in the 5th pic..

user1 can we not? 1. its none of our business and 2. alex can move on and imagine being that girl and seeing people think its her bfs ex like..

yourusername

liked by pokimanelol, alex_albon and 92,389 others

me and my boy ⭐️

view comments

tinakitten CUTE AS HECK!!

yourfriend4 i miss him☹️

yourusername even though he hates you??

yourfriend4 he doesnt hate me, just not fond!!

user77 whos that in the second slide👀

user52 no tag either🤨

user13 moms weekend with the kids i see

user9 does alex get weekends? i thought the cats were yns?

user2 tbh we have no idea, i assumed he did but maybe not🤷‍♀️

user26 so so cute!! we need more pics of you and genji!!

alex_albon added to their story

caption:☀️🐈

replies

user66 GENJI AND MABEL!!

user73 we missed them :’)

user8 oh how i love cat dad alex

twitter

alex_albon • mallorca

liked by jensonbutton, yourusername and 293,286 others

me gusta la playa

view comments

user4 THE CENSORSHIP??

user89 three shirtless pics?? someone call george

georgerussell63 someones coming for my brand🤣

user9 the softlaunch..oh im losing my mind

user33 yn liking alexs softlaunch post..shes checking up on the ex😭

user12 ran into george and lando in the last pic

user1 alex is so hot😮‍💨

user912 alex is FEEDING us at the moment

yourusername • mallorca

liked by alex_albon, carmenmundt and 182,196 others

sorry cant talk rn im too busy being hot

view comments

carmenmundt absolute beauty💞🫶

user94 I CAN TREAT YOU SO WELL

user63 so so gorgeous

user9 alex and yn both being in mallorca and alex softlaunching..

user111 you are a dream

twitter

yourusername

liked by alex_albon, landonorris and 210,692 others

darling, we were always meant to stay together💫

i was searching for photos to post and decided on 6 that really showed my life these past months

1. a photo on the first day i went out after we split, i felt lost and alone and decided to start documenting my journey alone

2. this is a photo i took when i went home and felt peace for the first time since our break

3. a selfie we took in the taxi after our ‘first date’. we met up for the first time since, and spoke about our feelings and decided to start taking things slow

4. a day out with you and my sister, i felt so happy knowing i had the two most important people with me again

5. our first holiday, this will always mean alot to me. we both said i love you for the first time, we spent all day, every day together just loving and holding each other

6. we were leaving and instead of being sad we knew that this part of our life wasnt over but instead we were moving on to bigger and better things

i love you so much and im so thankful that i have someone has caring and loving as you

tagged alex_albon

view comments

alex_albon just like it used to be and even better🌟

alex_albon i love you so so much

alex_albon i promise to love you forever and ever

yourusername my loveliest boy

user71 THEYRE BACK

yourusername AND BETTER THAN EVER BABY

user111 MY FAVORITES

user9 i didnt read the caption and experienced genuine shock when i saw alex

user8 so proper just say you were shocked😭

user88 i need everything to apologize to mads RIGHT NOW

user61 all the hate on her WHEN SHE WAS RIGHT

taglist: @smartstupyd

[darlingdaisyfarm]

hey! im sorry to make another post like this, but i feel like i need to say some things. because honestly, if i don’t, i won’t be able to move on from it.

further text under the cut because i don’t want to flood your feed with this

when i posted that anon message, i wasn’t expecting.. well, anything, really. i just felt very awful, i dumped my feelings out because i got emotional and i was ready to just delete this app and not come back. i thought, okay, that’s it, i embarrassed myself for the last time, im done. but when i came back, suddenly there were all these kind messages from people telling me they care, and i think it’s only because of you all that i’m still here. you all mean so much to me, i don’t think i’ve ever felt this supported in my entire life. i don’t know what i did to deserve this kind of kindness, but it means everything to me. so thank you, thank you so much to everyone who didn’t just walk past me when i needed it the most, i really needed to hear that. i cant help but smile when reading your words. i appreciate each of you.

the truth is, that anon text hit me like a knife to the chest. and i hate that it did. i hate that i let a random person make me feel sick about my own hobby, my own blog and everything i’ve ever shared here. but the thing is i’ve always felt this way. hesitant, always unsure if i even have the right to take up space here, i guess a lot of that comes from the friendships i used to have.

because ive always been that friend. the one who listens, who gives. who’s always there when someone needs to vent, to cry, to talk about their passions, struggles or random thoughts. and i never minded, i loved being there for people. but when i tried to share smth about me, it was always met with indifference. like what i had to say wasn’t worth anything. and after years of that, i started believing it myself. even now, posting this, i still feel awkward. like, it’s hard for me to even write this without thinking, should i delete this before anyone sees it? that’s where the anxiety comes from and it’s smth im still working through

so when that anon said what they did, it was like hearing all of my worst thoughts spoken out loud. as if they reached inside my brain, pulled out every insecurity i’ve ever had, and threw it right in my face. ive always felt like im being too annoying. i know i post a lot, but every time i cant help but feel so cringe about it. and i fight it because i dont like being constantly embarrassed for just being myself, but it’s exhausting.

so yeah, when i saw that message, i just felt so damn embarrassed about everything, like i was making a fool of myself this entire time and just didn’t realize it and i hate feeling that way.

and the part that really got to me was the comparison. it hurt more than anything, it made me feel like no matter how hard i try, ill never be enough, that all the effort, all the time, all the small moments of pride i let myself have were just misplaced. i know I’m not perfect, i know there are better writers, faster writers or just people who seem to create more interesting ideas or plots or describe characters way better, but i didnt mind? i mean i was just trying to find space where i can express myself without fear, but then that comparison just made me feel so sick of myself. like “oh look, they’re better, so mb you should just give up.” it made me feel like i don’t have the right to take up space here at all

its hard to explain, but that comparison just made me feel like i was less than

i wouldn’t say i’m a perfectionist, but i am very critical of my writing. i put a lot of effort into my stuff, especially since english isn’t my first language. it’s twice as hard to make sure my sentences are right, that i didn’t mess up the grammar, that i used the right words. and when you pour so much effort into smth and then someone just comes and shits all over it, it kills any desire to create or continue smth. makes you feel like maybe you shouldn’t create anything else. hell, i know that sounds dramatic, but that’s how it feels. and i hate that i’m letting this ruin smth i loved

and the part about taking too long to update... i don’t know what to say to that, i’m not a machine, i write when my brain lets me. when i have an idea, an image in my head, when i feel inspired. and i did have inspiration. i spent a whole week writing that last fic, actually enjoying the process, i felt proud of it, which is rare for me. excited to share it with people. and for what?

and the worst part is, i was planning to start posting my art too. i wanted to finally get out of my comfort zone, to share smth i’ve been afraid to share for so long. but if this is the kind of reaction i get for just writing, then what the hell is gonna happen when i post art? i blocked the last anon who sent me hate, so this is someone new then? meaning there’s two people now who actively dislike me enough to go out of their way to make sure i know. and i know, i know, i shouldn’t care about whether people like me or not. but fuck, it’s hard, i’m a professional overthinker, and unfortunately, i don’t think i’ll be quitting that job anytime soon.

i already had so much going on in my personal life. so much i was trying to get off my mind by being here, writing, sharing things that make me happy, talking with people. and then i open this app and see that, and suddenly it’s like, what’s even the point?

i know i’m being a sensitive crybaby. i hate to be this way. and i get that it’s the internet, and people can be jerks and assholes. but i REALLY don’t understand how much poison you have to have in yourself to send this hateful shit to a complete stranger. i just don’t get it. i’ve never left hate on anything, not even on stuff that isn’t for me. it just feels so pointless?

and as for the thing about Stan’s speech in my fics - im not american. english isn’t even my first language. and you have no idea how much effort it takes to get his voice even close to what it should be, he is one of the hardest characters for me to write. so fuck you, anon, you suck. genuinely

but... as much as that anon’s words gutted me, the kindness i received in response meant even more, it reminded me of why im here in the first place. to share things i love, to create, to talk with people who actually care. what im trying to say is thank you for making me feel less alone. i’m honestly just.. overwhelmed, in the best way. i was drowning in self-doubt, and your kindness and support pulled me out. i don’t take it for granted. i love all of you ♡♡ ive read all your messages, and ive never felt SO damn appreciated

[pinkaditty]

A New Day (Alan Mido x Reader; Tokyo Debunker)

i wrote alan sfw angst on his birthday. i think i owe him an apology.

a/n: writing this hurt and idk if there’ll be a part 2 lol nvm i have an idea 4 part 2 BUT it will not be a happy ending! i fear i am an angst lover… this is heavily inspired by a breakup i went through about 6 months ago that put a very abrupt end to a 5-going-on-6 year relationship. it was a lot 2 process but please none of the “im sorry 4 ur loss :(“ bc it absolutely was not a loss lmfao. every day im just glad i decided that i don’t wanna put myself through that anymore. he’s a good guy and i wish him well but that’s the last time i date a straight man ever. yippee!

disclaimer that i like alan lmfao he’s not one of my favs but i do feel a little guilty abt posting angst of him on his bday. sorry alan. ill make it up 2 u i promise ٩(´∀`)۶

sorry in advance!

summary: you and alan are falling apart. you have one month left.

cw: THIS IS 100% SFW BUT MINORS STILL D NI im not writing porn rn. idrk if there's anything 2 warn 4 besides angst and yelling. okay enjoy!! not proofread

You storm out of Vagastrom house again, pretending none of this affects you again, only to cry when you get home and bury your face in your pillow again. 

When tasked with undoing a very large, heavy, and thick knot, how do you start? Both parties know it would be far easier to cut into the knot and separate the string into two with scissors, sharp objects and sharper words, ignoring the regret and the soured feelings and anything they can’t take back, all to untie the knot. But when you love someone, you want to take the time to undo it with them and put genuine effort into it. You want to undo it gently rather than harshly, finding the source of the knot and carefully pulling at it, unraveling it, ensuring that the string stays together and intact.

But sometimes patience runs thin. Sometimes time is short. Sometimes frustrations run high. Sometimes the promises you made to each other to keep trying fade to the background as you both get caught up, irritation growing at how long and how thick and how imposing the knot is. You start thinking that maybe the both of you just need an out, the easy way. But you don’t want to let go without reason. So you put up with it. Both of you do.

During this last argument with Alan, you reveled in the way his hands curled into fists at your words, hoping that for once he would give you a justifiable reason to leave. The depths of his anger terrified you, but you can’t decide if it’s love or fear that keeps you from becoming a victim of it. At first, you were sure it was love, but when your faith began to waver in your relationship, so did your faith in him. You were sure he felt the same, as you were getting annoyed with the doubtful glances he’d send your way when he next saw you after another mission ran late and you had to cancel yet another date. You didn’t like canceling the dates, but after you finally finished a mission early, and found time, the date you went on was disastrous. You found yourself the subject of probing questions, lackluster conversation, and an overall depressing atmosphere. It was not what you were hoping for after doing your best to free up your schedule for once. This ruined any motivation you had to free up your schedule again, and in turn, dates became sparse. Even the question to spend time together felt more like a desperate plea rather than a casual request, on both ends. You couldn’t read his mind, so you had no way of knowing if he was equally as displeased, was trying, or just didn’t care, but the more time passed, the more you found yourself not really caring what his thoughts were. You began to revert inside yourself, focusing on yourself. Maybe this would be fixed if you could make sure you were alright before pouring any more of yourself into this relationship. You had too much to worry about, after all: the curse, you dying in a very short time now if a cure wasn’t found, juggling the ghouls, running errands for Jin and Tohma, racing back and forth between classes and missions, and finding crumbs of time between it all and painstakingly separating it between spending time with friends and spending time with Alan. You were sure he also had a lot of things on his plate as well, but with how clouded your mind was with anger right now, you couldn’t be bothered to try and see things from his point of view. 

When you think you’ve bawled enough into your pillow about literally everything happening all at once, you pick yourself up from the bed, allowing your body to sag in a seated position at the edge, looking out the window. It looked like it was due to rain soon, the clouds covering the sun from peeking through at all. You wondered if Alan was looking out a window at a similar view, just a brisk walk away, before scoffing to yourself. No, not likely. After a fight like that, he’d want to blow off steam, so he's probably sparring with Sho or working on another car. Funny how you could still know him, even if he felt like a completely different person now. Some parts of him were exactly the same as they had been when you’d fallen in love with him.

You’d had a crush on him for a while at first, watching meekly from afar, too spooked to confidently approach him directly. You’d always been fond of the gentle giant types, and that was essentially him, if you put aside his haunted past and violent tendencies towards anomalies. He knew how to control his anger at least, and always made an attempt to be kind to you. He was quiet, but welcoming and warm. When he opened up to you, he even began to smile when you were around. He took the time to teach you about car parts, not that you were really paying attention and more so looking for an excuse to hear him ramble about something he liked. He’d even listen to your endless drivel, whether it was about missing home, other ghouls, stressful missions, or just needing to sort all your thoughts out. He was always there to listen. Maybe he wasn’t the best at offering advice, and would refuse a hug if he was covered in sweat or motor oil, but his gentle smile oftentimes felt like enough. And it was enough, for you. You knew you were completely head over heels when he took you for a drive once, surprising you with an R&R permit for no particular reason other than just on a whim. Of course, you agreed. Why not spend some time away from Darkwick with your favorite ghoul? It was just a simple drive, but it turned into something else when you stopped for burgers and shakes at his favorite fast food place. Then you stopped at an arcade and he beat you at every game, except the crane game, though you were sure that was totally dumb luck. Then he took you back to Darkwick and you talked in the car for hours about everything and nothing, with the windows rolled down and your seats reclined, until he fell asleep. You remembered watching his eyelids flutter shut, still responding to your questions with his eyes closed, until his responses stopped. You remembered looking over, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest, the slight part of his lips in a soft snore, the moonlight pouring through the window of the Vagastrom garage and illuminating his every minute detail. You sat there for a while, studying him, feeling a cheesy smile grow on your face and your heart thrum with telling emotion. Yea. That was when you fell in love with him. 

You only realize you’re crying when a sob racks through your body, forcing you back into reality. Your eyes readjust from the imagined memory of sleeping Alan to the peaceful rain outside. Something about those two scenes didn’t feel all that different. Even the context wasn’t all that different, either. Falling in love, and falling out of love… was that what was happening? A sickening pit falls in your stomach, and you find your expression turning into a frown before you know it. The thought doesn’t go away. It sticks. And it’s been sticking for months now. 

It was when you’d noticed that the two of you had been growing apart for a while. You’d been swamped with missions and classwork and the ghouls themselves, and he’d been busy with sorting out cases and classwork and his other duties as a Captain. Before you knew it, it’d been longer than you could count on all your fingers since you’d last seen him, if not in passing. It bothered you that not seeing him didn’t bother you. It bothered you that you’d been so focused on work that you hadn’t had much time to donate to him. It bothered you that he’d been so focused on work that he hadn’t had much time to donate to you. It was to be expected, living on this hellish campus, but still. You two had made it work before. When you’d approached him about it, he’d been working on a car, laying on the car roller underneath it. The students hanging around in the garage pointed you in his direction, not that you’d needed their help. You knew where he would be. You knocked twice on the car door, and he stopped his work, rolling himself out from underneath the car. He blinked at you for a moment before offering you a nod and a tiny smile. “Honor Roll.” Even after months of dating, he still hadn’t stopped calling you that. Not that you minded. 

“Hey, Alan.” You sat down next to the car roller and leaned back against the car. He sat up and mimicked your position. 

“What are you here for?” Alan asked, spinning a wrench between his fingers. He was nervous.

“To see you.” You clasped your hands together to keep yourself from wringing them nervously, though you were sure he already knew that was a habit of yours. 

“Mm.” He hummed in response, closing his eyes as he leaned his head against the car door. To most, this reply would seem lackluster, but you knew he was giving you the floor to speak. 

“...I haven’t seen you in a while.” You looked away from him as you said this, instead choosing to fixate your gaze on the garage floor beneath you, covered in dust and grime and motor oil. 

“Me neither.” From the shifting noise you hear, you could assume he’s turned his gaze to you, but you weren’t ready to look at him yet. 

“I’m sorry. About being so absent all the time.” You forced the words out before you could think about them, drawing patterns into the dust-covered floor. 

A heavy sigh. “It’s hardly your fault.” Another shift and he’s looked away from you again. “I’ve been absent, too.”

He was right, he had been. “I don’t wanna be absent anymore, Alan.” You turned to him, wiping your finger free of dust and folding your hands in your lap again. 

He turned back towards you, a soft smile on his face, far truer than the small one he’d offered you in greeting. “Me neither, Honor Roll.”

Your heart felt warm all over again. “Well?” He wasn’t one to always let you take initiative, you knew that. 

He stood up from his car roller and tossed his wrench to the side. He was covered in sweat and motor oil, but for once, it didn’t seem like he cared. He held a hand out to you, smiling. “Let’s go.”

You didn’t care where you were going. You just knew he was gonna take you somewhere. And that was all you needed. It was silent, but between you both, a promise had been made. You would keep trying. You would keep pushing forward. You knew you still loved him in the way you eagerly broke out into a run after him, his sweaty, rough palms struggling to keep a solid grip on yours. He smiled brightly back at you and continued on his way, pulling you along. It didn’t matter where you were going, so long as it was together. 

You bury your forehead in your hands, breaking the temporary spell of that memory. It was darker outside now, the rain still gently pattering on your window. There were things you had to do tonight, like get dressed for bed, eat something, maybe distract your spinning brain with a good book or a movie on your laptop. But strangely, as those things came to your mind, each one seemed more boring than the last. You didn’t have the energy to change. You didn’t have the appetite for food. Your laptop was too far away and you didn’t feel like leaving your bed. You plop right back down on your side, trying to resist the tears that threatened to spill. Even when the two of you had started growing apart, there was still hope. You’d started off strong and made such an effort. What happened? It was like that love you’d tried so hard to cultivate, revive, and strengthen had just fallen apart further than it had before, crumpled and dry and lonely. You’d tried so hard. The knot that had been growing between you had been a daunting task to rid yourselves of, but you’d managed. Why was it bigger now, worser now? Did you even have the energy to put yourself through this again? It had fallen apart so quickly, like the promise had just been forgotten. 

You wish you could bring yourself to not think about this anymore, but your brain keeps coming back to it. You stay curled up in bed, periodically checking your phone, staring at WickChat, wishing with all your might that Alan would send a message. You knew it probably wasn’t going to happen, not after all you’d said a few hours ago, but some part of you still hoped it was salvageable. 

The fight had been just waiting to happen, when you think about it. The two of you, for whatever reason, had been finding reasons to disagree with and avoid each other more often than not. The relationship hadn’t felt like a relationship anymore. You knew you’d been too emotional to handle things properly, but you didn’t care. When you’d stormed into Vagastrom, you were just grateful nobody was around to see you so high-strung. Alan doesn’t even come out from underneath the car he’s working on, probably too peeved to care much. You already can’t even remember what it is you’re angry about. All you know is your frustration with him has piled up and reached an all-time high.

“Alan.” You almost end up barking his name out, too frustrated to focus on the tone of your voice. His heavy sigh just peeved you further. 

He’d sat up from underneath the car and stood to face you, his expression flat and exasperated. “Yes, Honor Roll?” He’d been twirling that same wrench around his fingers. The action you’d found endearing before had just turned annoying. 

You’d huffed out a sigh in response, having heard the tone of his voice in response to yours. Responding with bitterness would be childish, but that’s what you had done. “We need to talk.”

“About?” Alan grunted and turned away from you. He’d been trying to show he was disinterested. And you weren’t going to let that slide. 

“Us, clearly!” You couldn’t help but raise your voice. You’d felt all the old frustration bubble up all at once. 

“Mm.” 

“And there you go again!” At this point, you had stopped trying to keep quiet out of decency. It didn’t matter anymore. You found yourself almost yelling out of frustration. “All you do when it comes to conversations like this is hum at me or sigh!”

That had used to be so endearing. Why was it so annoying now?

He’d muttered something that you couldn’t hear, but you hadn’t cared.

“I keep telling you, I’m trying!” You’d smacked your hands together to put emphasis on the words, at a loss for how else to get the importance of this across. “I keep trying to make this work, I keep trying to get off of missions early, but I don’t always have the time! It’s just as frustrating for me as it is for you!”

Alan knew you weren’t done, so he hadn’t responded, turning away from you and busying his hands by organizing a nearby toolbox.

 “And not getting to see you sucks, you know?” You had swallowed as you’d said that. The words tasted too close to a lie. You had then faltered, trying to find something else to say. 

Alan sighed again. Your anger spiked again.

“And could you stop sighing like that, and give me an actual, genuine response?!” You’d watched his hand tighten into a fist as you’d said that, and you’d flinched away, feeling your stomach rumble with terror. 

He breathed a steady breath, as though he were cooling himself off. “You want a genuine response?” He’d asked, though you knew it was rhetorical. “Fine.”

He turned towards you, his eyes blazing with anger. His free hand was still curled in a fist, his other hand had been closing the toolbox. His voice was a low rumble, the angriest and most threatening you’d ever heard it. “Go home, Honor Roll,” He’d said. 

And go home, to the chapel, you had.

You’d kicked rocks all the way there, and now here you were in your bed, with sore toes and not enough energy to go and kick rocks in the rain. 

Alan was justified in feeling neglected. You were justified in feeling frustrated. Neither of you was justified in taking your anger out on the other person. That hadn’t even been your first big fight about that subject. It must’ve been the third one in two weeks. Sometimes he said more, sometimes you said more, sometimes you both did little more than glare and huff at each other.

You turn over in your bed, opening your phone again and checking WickChat. Nothing, like you’d expected. You try not to let it disappoint you, knowing you probably wouldn’t want to hear from him anyway. You flip open your calendar. 

Five months. It’d been a little over five months of this. And you’d started dating him around six months after you got here. You still weren’t cured. You had maybe a month left, give or take. 

One month. 

You roll on your back this time, staring up at your ceiling. The shock that you were going to die had long since passed. You were resigned to it now, used to the pitying looks the ghouls gave you, even hearing the sobs some of them tried to keep quiet. You had tried to remain cheery through it all, but this relationship with Alan was weighing on you, becoming more of a burden than a blessing. The failing relationship, the depressed mood on campus, the pitying looks, the rushed work, everyone suddenly desperate to find a cure - it’d all become too much. Tears spill from your eyes yet again, but you don’t stop them this time. You continue to lay starfished on your bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

You idly think of the flowers on your back that had started out sparse and have since become an overwhelming garden. You think of the memory of the eye of the Kyklos. You think of the ghouls. You think of home. You think of the sage ring, still on your right ring finger. You think of the chancellor. You think of the professors. You think of rainy days at Hotarubi and wild weather at Jabberwock. You think of the frosty chill of Frostheim and the blazing heat of Sinostra. You think of the cool nights at Obscuary and the humidity of Vagastrom. You think of the weird chill at Mortkranken that you were sure was more closely associated with fear than the temperature. You think of everything at Darkwick. All of the anomalies you’d captured (and promptly destroyed), all of the adventures you’d had, all of the friends you’d made.

And then you think of Alan. Your heart weighs heaviest when your mind turns to him. The tears seem to spill faster, not that you could really tell. Thinking of all that you were going to miss had already blurred your vision enough. 

You had one month left. Did you want to spend it trying to fix something that was failing? Would one month be enough time to fix it? Would you die trying to? Would you die, bitter and unhappy? Would things be fixed by then?

Were you willing to bet your final four weeks on a simple “what if things get better”?

The sobs finally come, racking your body. It was over. 

Tomorrow, you’d have to face that.

And tomorrow, you did. 

You make your way over to Vagastrom in the early morning, your steps timid and slow. You knew he’d be awake, probably skipping out on sleeping the previous night, spending hours fixing his car instead to throw his mind into other things. 

And sure enough, you find him, sitting on the hood of his car, dark bags under his eyes. The dorm is practically silent this early in the morning. He’s twirling a wrench in his hands again, lost in thought. The habit is neutral to you now. Not endearing, not annoying… just, neutral. 

Your heart sinks. This really was it.

Your footsteps clack on the floor, finally catching his attention. He fixes you with a gaze you can’t quite read, and one you probably don’t need to. You were sure your expression looked similar. 

He shifted over on the car hood, making space for you and patting the empty space next to him. You hoist yourself up and plop right next to him, listening as the rest of the world wakes up. The birds start chirping with the rising sun, and the nighttime crickets finally silence their song. Your throat feels dry. But you push on anyway.

“...This isn’t working.” 

He shakes his head in response, not looking at you. You don’t look at him either. “...It’s broken.”

“Yeah.” You respond, feeling tears return to your already puffy eyes. You don’t bother wiping them away. “We tried to fix it.”

“We did.” His response is as terse as ever, and you can’t tell if you want to cry or laugh. You’re closer to crying, really, but a familiar, rueful smile pulls at your lips, just a little bit. You’re about to respond when he speaks up again. “Sometimes things are… too broken to repair.”

You don’t miss the way he nearly chokes on his words. His voice sounds almost hoarse with how weak it is. Your heart clenches. You blink rapidly, feeling your eyes burn. 

You turn to him, looking up at him with a melancholy expression. “...And, what do you do with things that are too broken… to repair?” You almost choke on your words yourself, but hold it in, turning away as you finish. 

“You break it apart. Sell it for parts. Look for something new.” Alan’s voice wavered as he nodded to himself, pursing his lips. You could tell his eyes were watering. He was still spinning the wrench in his hand. 

“...Yeah.” You look towards the sunrise through the window, watching the dawn of a new day. 

You sniffle, unable to control your tears anymore. They spill forward. You don’t know how many times you’ve cried in the last 24 hours. It’s almost funny to know that this won’t be the last time. Your sobs are quiet, but still make some noise. Alan does not reach out to comfort you. You are thankful he doesn’t. 

“I’m sorry.” Your broken voice is hardly above a whisper. The tears don’t seem to stop flowing. You don’t reach up to wipe them away. 

When you hear Alan sniffle, you almost startle, turning towards him, surprised. You had only seen Alan cry on rare occasions. But, you don’t let yourself be surprised for long. The tears are small and quick, cutting through the overnight dirt and grime on his cheeks. “I’m sorry, too.” His voice cracks and his adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, letting his head hand forward. 

Only a few tears slip through before his sobs stop, his breathing returning to steady and normal. Your sobs weren’t done, but they were clearing up, slowly. You take note of his free hand, placed on the hood of the car between the two of you. 

Whether it’s poor judgement or a final goodbye, you’re not sure, but you place your hand over his, squeezing it lightly. Almost immediately, he lifts his hand and holds yours, gripping it tight one last time. He doesn’t look at you, and you don’t look at him. 

You hold hands for a minute before your grip starts slipping, and his does as well. You pull your hand away and boost yourself off of the car hood, returning your feet to solid ground. You turn around to look at him, hunched over, morning sunlight gently caressing his form and dipping him in gold. 

You inhale deeply, before exhaling harshly, blowing the air out of your lungs. “See you around, Alan.” You summon your widest smile, tears still spilling down your cheeks. 

He cannot return one as wide, but he smiles anyway, dried tear tracks on his cheeks. “See you around, Honor Roll.”

And with that, everything was back to the way it was again. 

When you exit the Vagastrom dorm, the rising sun is peeking far above the horizon. The sky was slowly turning from dawn red to turquoise blue, bringing on the full form of a new day. You look up at the sky, dotted with clouds, and let the sun warm your skin just a little. You had one month left to enjoy it. And now, you would do it freely, with nothing weighing you down.

happy birthday alan!!!!!!!!!

i wrote this in one sitting. cheers. clearly my autism knows no bounds.

ik nobody wants 2 read alan angst on his birthday so im sure this won't get much, but usual note that i appreciate likes, but especially tagged reblogs, comments and asks detailing how much you enjoyed my work!!! please enjoy!

songs i listened 2 while writing this:

honestly - thorns ft. kasane teto (had this on loop for hours after i finished my shift at work. insane. "honestly, i don't know if i'll ever change, and honestly, i don't know if you feel the same, and honestly, there is nobody here to blame for all the things i want, and all that i don't! but honestly, i don't care that you went away, and honestly, i don't care that you didn't stay, and honestly, i don't know if i'll ever say that none of this was true, i'm not being honest at all!" straight heat and directly related 2 the plot.)

taglist: @cupcakesmoothie @aayakashii @sunskosh @despairingy-obsessed @glamorousspoon @mmy-meow @dailyvahine @diluxama @obscuarysghoulnextdoor @disassociationdive @andy-solo1 @luna-v-roiya

want 2 join or be removed from the tkdb taglist? let me know!

[spidrzfall]

I'm Not Her. ⤑ Peter Parker.

Hello Everyone to my very first post !! oh my gosh, im literally so nervous about uploading this, but here it is, i hope you guys enjoy it and love it! feel free to comment if you guys want a part 2, lol! Love you guys, and i hope you enjoy !!

☆° Peter Parker x Male Reader

☆°• ANGST !

°•▪︎ Fem readers DNI ♡♡

♧ warnings: None ♧

♡ NOTES: GWEN IS NOT DEAD IN THIS FIC ! HER AND PETER JUST HAD A FALL OUT AND ARENT DATING ANYMORE ♡

Part two :

Good Ending: Click me! Bad Ending: Click me!

┏ •◦இ•◦ ┓

Peter didn’t know what he was doing, it was all subconscious for him. It’s been a year since Peter and (M/N) got together, at first everything was just ideal; they hit off for a couple of weeks of going on dates, having mutual interests and mutual likings. They had a good relationship, except for when it all took a turn for the worst. It was strange for Peter to start being off out of nowhere, maybe something had happened regardless of what it was (M/N) hated it, he was patient enough, at first thinking Peter just made a slip up but for it to happen every other minute it was infuriating

“Gwen would’ve loved this place” Peter said aloud, interrupting (M/N) mid conversation on their date to a brand-new restaurant that had opened in their area. (M/N) scowled, cursing in his mind ‘here we go again’ as the man put a somewhat tired smile up trying not to cause a scene and finally call Peter out on his little comments. “Yeah, I’m sure she would've loved it here” (M/N) replied, his voice laced with tiredness and slight annoyance. This was the 3rd time in the whole day Peter was talking about his ex-girlfriend, Gwen. Nevertheless (M/N) had to make the most of tonight, he wasn’t going to let comments like those get to him and his relationship with the brunette, afterall Peter loved him, right?

The night progressed, they ate dinner together (M/N) really trying to hold down a conversation for them both to enjoy only for Peter to not get the gist and go back to talking about Gwen. “I still don’t know why you bothered to order the steak; you know Gwen would’ve ordered salmon. It looked good on the menu and immediately thought about her.” Peter pointed out as (M/N) took a bite out his steak, a smile once plastered onto his lips before frowning. “Well, It’s a good thing I’m not Gwen.” (M/N) mumbled, already tired of Peter’s jabs. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Peter blankly looked at his boyfriend, as he set his fork down on his plate seeing as the man across from him had a tired expression. – “It means I’m not Gwen and I have my own likes, Peter�� the other exclaimed as he put his fork down as well his eyes meeting the same old brown doe eyes who once looked at him with love now staring at him with nothing.

“I know you’re your own person. (M/N)”

“Then why do you keep bringing her up”

“I’m not. You make it seem like I’m mentioning her every 3 seconds when all I did was make two comments the whole night.” Peter retorted as he crossed his arms, blinded by his own ego to admit his faults. “Are you serious? It’s not just about today, Pete. It’s about every other day! You always bring her up, it’s always Gwen this! Gwen that!” – “That's far from true” – “is it?” silence filled their small booth, that uncomfortable silence until a small mutter evaporated the tension.

“Gwen wouldn’t have started a fight.”

That shattered something in (M/N), “Well maybe you should’ve asked her out instead of me!” (M/N) replied, wanting to sound normal but his voice faltering as it slightly cracked in between sentences. “Well maybe I should’ve!” Peter snapped back “At least then I wouldn't have to pretend to love somebody I don't!” Shit. It all hit Peter so fast as soon as the words left his mouth, he felt ill and sick to his stomach, his regrets crawling on his skin as he saw the other man's eyes lose their spark..their shine. 

“Wait (M/N) – I didn’t mean that I swear it was just the heat of the moment. I promise I love you; I always have but these past few weeks have been stressful between work and Spider-Man” Peter tried to explain the slip up, but it was too late. (M/N) wasn’t taking it as Peter's heart shattered seeing the other’s eyes coat that pinkish color as tears escaped his eyes, Peter's own starting to form tears as well. “(M/N)...”

“Save it, Peter…I think you’ve cleared things up plenty” (M/N) whispered his voice broken as the man got up his seat and left, leaving Peter behind at the booth alone to think about what had just happened. 

┗ •◦இ•◦ ┛

[isdalinarhot]

on the state of kholin haterism on tumblr

this is gonna be a long one, so bear with me.

one thing i think that has changed in the tumblr fandom in the three years that ive been in it is that the culture in 2021 was ALSO at a largely anti-Kholin sentiment, but there were two key differences.

the first is that most people making critiques of such characters would use the tag #kholin critical, which was useful either if you were sensitive to criticism of one of the kholins for whatever reason AND if you wanted to read analysis of some of their faults by many different users under one tag.

the second is that said kholin critical criticisms were... less stupid? like a lot of it was talking about reddit fandom hypocrisy where dalinar was held up as righteous and badass and could do no wrong even though he had tons of personal and political faults that other characters (largely people who WERENT extremely powerful nobles) were demonized for. also a lot of stuff like "adolin is kaladins friend now but i dont think just categorizing it as simple enemies to besties is fair because adolin WAS being overtly racist to kaladin at the beginning there". a lot of discussion about how the Kholins treat darkeyes and characters of lower dahns where the bigotry there was being downplayed by fans in favor of the characters being painted both by fandom and in the universe of the books as Always Right All The Time. stuff like that.

that's not to say the whole kholin crit tag was all, like, stuff that isnt bullshit. people have been dunking on elhokar for being a whiny failking since the beginning of time. but the vibes were a lot different.

kholin critical kind of fell out of favor as a hashtag because most of us realized hey on a doylist level either the things we're criticizing the kholins for are purposeful character flaws that make for richer, more realistic, more engaging characters; or they're oversights from the moderate liberal Sanderson, in which case, why are we complaining about Dalinar doing this, when we should be complaining about Sanderson doing this. so this whole thing is stupid. and also by then the atmosphere on tumblr was way different, this was by and large the Moash Website and while people were haters about characters they did not put the hate in character tags so people largely avoided each others haterism. and there was peace for like a year and a half, i guess.

things are way different now. for context. i track the #dalinar kholin tag. so whenever my dash is dead im checking my tracked tags, and thus i see every original post about dalinar that someone decided to tag #dalinar kholin. and boy howdy, things have devolved. this used to be a chill experience for me, i'd see first time readers go OH MY GOD HE DID WHAT?????? during oathbringer and "[some philosophical shit dalinar said]" -brandon sanderson. follow for more inspiring book quotes" about three times a day, fanart once every couple weeks or so, stuff like that. but now a solid 75% of the posts in dalinars tag are like. hate. not literary criticism, but hate. sometimes about justified things, sometimes about unjustified things, but still, extremely negative.

in a bubble, that's fine. god knows ive been a hater on my blog before and ill be a hater on my blog again. and its not even like im opposed to reading well thought out criticism of my faves on any level because, like, dalinar is kind of a rat bastard! but like. listen. you don't put character hate in that character's tag. you don't do that. the people who are checking a character's tag are fans of that character and fandom is for fun. being a hater directly reaching out to the lovers for comment is rude as hell.

also a lot of the things people dislike about dalinar tie back to his neglectful fatherhood and his alcoholism which is, like, a thing i understand people would have strong negative feelings towards him for having because Neglectful Alcoholic Dad is like one of the top 10 kinds of abusive dads out there so lots of people have very visceral very personal experiences related to that. but when posting about this in any form whatsoever it feels like im having to go back to Treating Addicts Like Human Beings 101. like i feel like ive made a billion posts to the tune of "okay kids, you can do bad things while drunk and you are still responsible and you can also get drunk at inopportune times and you are still responsible, but the act of being addicted to alcohol does not make a character ontologically evil". and like thats. um. a personal thing but also oh my goodness.

i dont really have a conclusion to this. im just thinking goddamn its bleak out here right now.

[huuuuughes]

Swaymas - Chapter 1

Summary: It's Christmastime and you've had one of the worst years of your life. Your fiance left you out of nowhere, and now the parents you spent years avoiding suddenly wanted to contact you again. They thought you were still engaged and about to be married, and there was no way you could tell them the truth. Enter Jeremy Swayman, and the fact that there are Christmas miracles hiding around every corner.

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: none, mostly fluff

A/N: This is the first part of a 12 part series im calling swaymas :) after a few parts ill set up a masterlist with a summary and all of the chapters together. hopefully you all like it! happy holidays everyone! <3

The holidays have never been your favorite time of the year. You didn’t have any particular memories that would come up when you saw that one Christmas movie come on, or that certain smell coming out of a bakery that reminded you of your grandma’s homemade cookie recipe that she swore she would never give anyone. Nope, you didn’t have that kind of grandma. You didn’t really have that kind of family in general. Not that your family were bad people, but they weren’t the loving fuzzy type of family either. You had grown up in a suburb of San Francisco, both of your parents were well off enough and all of your older siblings had figured out successful careers for themselves. Everyone had that thing that they were really really good at, and then there was you. You had things you were really interested in, but not things that you were good at doing per say.

Sometimes they would forget to pick you up from your honor society meeting, or the hockey game you went to with your friends, and they wouldn’t even ask you where you had been when you finally did manage to find your way home. When you graduated college a few years after turning 18 you left home, moved to Boston, and never looked back. You weren’t even sure why you’d picked Boston in the first place. You really did love hockey, it was one of the few things you understood in life and where you felt understood back. After leaving home you didn’t reach back out to anyone just to see if they would notice and they didn’t. It stayed quiet for a really long time and you were not going to be the one to break that silence. It wasn’t that you didn’t care for your family, but you weren’t going to put your heart on the line for people who wouldn’t do the same for you. 

After applying for job after job when you arrived in the city, you finally landed an internship with the Boston Bruins as an intern writer for their website and social media content. You wrote articles, blogs, and any social media posts having to do with the team as well as practice press releases. When your internship had finished at the end of the twelve weeks, they decided to keep you on as full time staff eventually working your way up to rink-side reporting. You knew how lucky you were to be in the position that you were, and fought every day to stay where you were at. You were grateful for your job and the places you were able to go because of it. 

But the holidays didn’t make it any less lonely when you didn’t have any family to spend it with. You had stopped going home for the holidays after the first year. The first year had been a disaster, and you had just decided it was better to not disrupt anyone else’s lives with your presence (even though you really weren’t the problem at all). You had thought that this year was going to be a little different, things had been going so well for a while. The Bruins had such a good run the previous season, and your boyfriend Brian had even proposed right after the end of playoffs. Saying yes to a question had never been so easy before. 

Brian was the kind of guy that you could always depend on. He was the safe choice, you thought. He wouldn’t hurt you, or at least he had never given you any indication that he was going to. You were living together, you had a dog together, and all of the things a couple who was planning on being together forever had. You had a lot of plans in the future that had him in them, and it was hard to imagine him without him in them. Except like most things in life, other people didn’t exactly give you a choice in the matter. 

Right before the regular season had started, Brian had decided that there were better opprtunities elsewhere. He packed up everything he thought was his, took the dog, and left. The Bruins were on a road trip, he had stopped answering your messages while you were away, left a note on the counter saying that he was “sorry” and he “just couldn’t do it anymore”. The apartment was half empty. The memories you shared together were gone, the happy place that it had once been was no longer. You had spilled your heart out to him, he knew everything about you and you thought you knew everything about him. Your family wasn’t coming to support you, all you had was Boston. So you did what life had taught you to do, you threw him in the trash. Looking back at it, and thinking honestly about the way he had treated you, you realized you had been treated like absolute garbage. He was never there for you in the ways that you needed, like you were just some kind of stepping stone for something better. You were the after thought of everything else, and were never first place in his mind. Just like every one else you knew. He wasn't going to drop everything for you, he was going to drop everything and leave.

Except your wedding dress is still hung in your closet. Staring at you like you were some kind of x-ray. It haunted you as it hung there, a constant reminder that you were a failure somehow. You would have your best friend come and get it, have it donated to someone who really needed it. That person wasn’t you anymore. The one person you thought you could count on had left you without a second thought. You had planned a quick city hall wedding, with a few friends in attendance and a small dinner and reception at your favorite restaurant afterwards. You had even sent an invitation to each of your families, just to see if either of them would bother showing up. His parents had said no, but yours had said nothing at all which could mean anything. You couldn’t possibly bear the thought of having to tell them that your fiance had left you and he had never even met them. They had thought low of you before, and now it was going to be even worse. 

Panic had set in, and had remained your primary emotion ever since. You couldn’t help but somehow trick yourself into thinking that your negative energy had somehow sunk into the Bruins season so far. They did not have one of the best starts so far, and we're pretty much average in the middle of the league, which for them was very out of character, considering they had just re-signed Jeremy Swayman to one of the biggest contracts an NHL goalie had ever signed. He was a sweetheart to you, every conversation with him you’d had with him had always been a nice one. You had frequent interactions with the players, being the one who had to report on them all the time. 

Today was a bit of an off day for everyone. It was an optional practice for the boys, but almost everyone showed up anyway. They always said it was optional, but unless you were a guy with a family and small children at home, you were dragging your sorry ass to the rink to get extra practice time in because the Bruins needed to start bringing in some wins. Otherwise everyone would be doing suicide sprints until everyone was seeing spots and that wasn’t fun for anyone involved, including those who had to watch the unfortunate event. Luckily your best friend also worked for the team, she was one of the assistant equipment managers now. 

Now you were on a break, sitting in your corner of the practice arena that was quiet. No one noticed your chairs tucked behind the boards with your laptops. You got to watch the guys up close and get the content you wanted without being bothered by anyone and people trying to make weird pitiful small talk you didn’t want to engage in. Those who did know about Brian leaving you had that sad look in their eyes that said they felt sorry for you, and those who didn’t know you really didn’t have the energy to explain it to them. It was a losing battle but you were taking it day by day. The two of you also liked this corner of the practice rink because it was goalie practice corner, and you liked goalies. 

Anyone who was anyone knew who Jeremy Swayman was. You had written a dozen different things on him for the team, and he was always a good sport about it. A lot of players were more private when it came to the media which was understandable and you respected that, so you tended to lean heavily on the players who were more willing. He loved to go to the outings with the local kids and the weekend events that the guys with kids often couldn’t do. You couldn’t take your eyes off him, the way he moved was almost like magic sometimes. Honestly you thought goalies had to be a little crazy, they were the only ones on the team that volunteered to have pucks shot at them going at super high speeds. 

You were so entranced by his movements you almost didn’t notice that your best friend Emily had taken her seat next to you, nearly knocking yourself out of your seat when you jumped after you noticed.

“Girl are you good?” She asked, handing you a cup of coffee while also taking a sip of hers. 

“Yeah of course I am, why?” You didn’t take your eyes off the goalie.

“Hello? Earth to Y/N?” She waved her hand in front of your face.

“I’m trying to watch practice! I do write content on the team, you know, that is my job.”

“You aren’t watching the team, and you don’t even have a word document open. You’re watching Swayman.”

“You know what, I came out here to have a good time and I am honestly feeling so attacked right now!” 

“I know you’re still sad about Brian. Are you going to be alone for the holidays? Are you sure you don’t want to call your parents and tell them what happened?”

“And tell my parents who I haven't seen or spoken to in years that my fiance, who they never even met by the way, left me via a note right before the holidays and now I’m completely and utterly alone? Admitting defeat and embarrassment to them? ARE YOU INSANE?” You felt like you were yelling into the void.

You couldn’t imagine anything worse honestly. 

“Well I didn’t say it loud enough for the whole practice arena to hear me ma’am, so let’s calm down. You know you are more than welcome to come home with me. My parents love you and would love to have you.” 

“I don’t want to impose on you.” You’d rather be a pity party of one, thank you very much. Your eyes had returned to the ice, goalie practice in full swing. You didn’t need to be productive at work anyway, not when the sight in front of you gave you so much dopamine. 

“Don’t your parents keep trying to contact you? Do you know why?” She was right. But you knew it wasn’t about the wedding, you didn’t really want to know what it was about.

“Yeah. I don’t know why. I think I am honestly scared to know, because every time they try to get in contact with me it has nothing to do with the would-be wedding. I have a feeling that something else is going on.”

“Something bad?”

“Isn’t it always bad with my parents?” Emily laughed a little.

“Have you even gotten any work done today?” 

“In all honesty, I really did try and start writing something about the team. The entire league is a buzz right now with how many moves were made preseason, and now the insane stuff that is happening now that the season has started. 

“How about we go to the gym? I know that usually helps get your mind off things for a little while.” 

You hated to admit how much she was right but she was. At least with the punching bag at the gym you could take out your frustrations and it was socially acceptable. The players were almost done doing drills on the ice, which meant if you didn’t get to the gym in the practice arena soon it would be overrun with players and fighting (not actually fighting but waiting for equipment after huge hockey players was intimidating and never fun) over which machines to use wasn’t how you wanted to end your day. You took one last look at the ice to see no one in particular, and shut your laptop. 

Grabbing your gym bag from your office, you quickly followed Emily to the rink gym. Usually you like to warm up with some time on the treadmill, and cool down with some weights and stretching. You spotted each other, girls watching out girls and all that. The players trickled in one by one, going to their individual targeted workout areas. 

“Didn’t the two of you have a honeymoon scheduled for the holidays?” Emily asked. You really had tried to forget about that part. It was supposed to be perfect. It was a week and half at an all inclusive in Mexico, right on the water. There was even an infinity pool right outside your room and you knew the pictures online wouldn’t be able to come close to doing it justice. Now it would just have to be a dream that lived in your distant memory. 

“I’m guessing our favorite jerk-face is going to take it. He’s got me blocked so I have no way of knowing, and I’m not going to show up myself to find out. Do you know how mortifying that would be?” 

She nodded, knowing you had a fair point. Jeremy walked in, setting up camp on the treadmill next to you. You sent Emily a look. A look that said please stop talking about my fiance leaving me right before our wedding so he doesn’t feel sorry for me and tell everyone he knows about it but you had no idea if she got the hint or not. But you hadn’t seen him coming, you had no idea if he had heard any of the conversation before he walked up to you. He could know none of it or he could know all of it. Fuck. 

“You think Ohio State is going to beat Michigan this weekend? The college football rankings are literally insane.” You turned to Emily, trying to change the topic to literally anything else. You could talk about any sport with each other, and you needed something to distract yourself from the hottest person you’ve ever seen to your other side. 

“I mean they are number two right now, and Michigan isn’t even in the top 25. I think that’s a no brainer.” You knew asking was a stupid question, you needed a better topic change.

“Mind if I jump in ladies?” You heard a low voice from your right side.

“Pardon?” You blurted out. The woman was too stunned to speak. You’d spoken to this man a million times before. You spoke to the players and coaches literally every day at work, it was your job. You were a professional! Why was this man making it so you couldn’t form a coherent sentence?! At least you had managed to keep your run going, you had just started to break a sweat.

“I couldn’t help but overhear what you were talking about earlier, during practice.” 

“I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about.” There was no way that he could have heard. You’ve heard players give interviews, you’ve asked them before. They have all said that they can’t hear anything happening on the other side. This man had to have supersonic hearing or something. 

“It wasn’t that hard. There wasn’t any music playing today, and you talk pretty loud.” You cursed under your breath. Your elementary school teacher wasn’t kidding when they made those “talks too much” comments on your report cards every year. 

“YOU HEARD THAT? Through the glass?” You almost tripped and fell, that would have hurt. 

“You weren’t exactly quiet. I also heard what you said just now… And I want to help.” Jeremy said with a straight face. If it was possible to break your face from blinking too many times, yours would be irreparable. 

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” You heard Emily say, you still couldn’t speak well.

“I heard you,” he paused, and lowered his voice so that only the two of you could hear, “And I know what I am about to say is going to sound like I’m crazy. I know you’ve noticed the way I’ve been playing. The entire world has noticed, trust me. You’re the one who has to write about it. I can’t seem to help my team right now, but I can help you. I’ll marry you. I’ll go meet your family and do whatever it is that needs doing. Let me do this, let me help you.” 

You heard what he was saying, but the last thing you heard was a thud, and your entire world seemed to go dark. 

Part 2 Part 3

Swaymas Masterpost

[smal5504]

smalpin's PINNED POST!!! GO GO GO!!

starting simply, my name is smal!!! you can also call me smalam, smali, or smalpin.

i me the smalpin am generally a bfdi gijinka-fier, doodler, fan artist + animator, and insane geek & speculator.,,.,,. but iiiiiiii like pin (this is a warning i repeat this is a serious warni

i am ALSO, however, a massive learningblocks fan!!!!!!! i do lots and lots for that franchise too so expect food for that as well!!! ☆

☆ INTERESTS!!!

as of now, bfdi and learningblocks are my main hyperfixations (i will fluctuate on which one i will post more about at a time by the way),

but but but i am also genuinely insane about kikuo, pocoyo, miis, ava/avm, sonic.exe, itemlabel, dog man, sonic the hedgehog, and vocaloid ‼️ im actually in thousands of fandoms... but these are my biggest!!!

(i have been a learningblocks fan FOR A YEAR. LET ME OUT OF HE)

☆ SMAL TRIVIA!!!

● starting with the basic facts, i am. autistic ♾️!!! muslim ☪️!!! girl 🎀!! my age is between 13-16. i am also togolese 🇹🇬.

● my kin list is as follows: pin [fictionkin], three (from nbs), stop (from wbs), golf ball, pillow, every single character from pocoyo (i am dead serious /gen) and four (from bfb) ‼️

● as youd assume i habe many blorb cretins spinning in my skull. most notably include PIN ♡♡♡, golf ball, book, foldy, robot flower, and for numberblocks they are three, sixteen, fifteen, thirt-- uhhhHHACTUALLY JUST the te(e)n blocks in general (11-19)!!! i really dont hate anyone lol :>

● important: i am pin from bfdi. fictionkin and everything. i have a pin blog and a long-time series-ish project dedicated to her. as i am very very very passionate about and attached to her, pleek be nice 2 her it equates being nice to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /gen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (this also means please dont ever mention what happened in the osc on february 24th 2025 near me /gen :[)

● pleaseeeee do not feel afraid to tag me. i. heart beign tagged. ♡ tag me in anything i will flock this is a smalpin approved quote

● the millisecond i gain a new mutual i drag you by the heels to my "top secret" shitpost blog where you can watch me yap and reblog shit and fuck around with my mutuals. i abduct through the means of tagging you in that blog. if we are mutuals and i haven't given you my exact coordinates yet i either got too shy, forgor💔, or for whatever reason the tag just didn't work 😔 (feel free 2 tell me if youre a mutual and you want know what my shitblog is. but you have to tell me)

● speaking of telling me things, i am HORRIFIC at DMs and would really heavily appreciate other forms of conversational communication 💔 not saying that i dont enjoy being messaged, but not only will i unfortunately take 534346768213 years to get to you, but im just not one to keep coming back when im "free" 2 just one-on-one talk for hours its just not my thing and not any of your faults 💔💔💔 (exceptions for a very small handful of mutuals and even then it's like once every two weeks im sorrgy)

● this does NOT mean kind messages, check-ins, fan stuff, etc. aren't welcome by the way!!! they are most welcome actually dont worry ill open my askbox some day trust

● and i love palestine (being muslim) and all but i dont have a bank account and have no means of being able to donate. very sorry genuinely (and to everyone this means there is no room here on this blog for anti-islam at all. not one tiny bit. if youre going to come out to get me for ANY reason regarding my religion youre blocked /gen /srs. i dont deal with meanies people pleek understand)

☆ TAG RUNDOWN!!!

#smal's truly terrible tweakery slash geekout sessions - i unleash the evil insane and SCREAM into text rabidly and insanely like evil 💥

#smal's thoughtful thoughts - i speculate oor jus think about anything random.,.,. about existence

#smal's occasional talk show - i talk directly to audience about something that's up ‼️

#smal's thank you bag - FANAR ♡♡♡ i lobve fanart i love fanart it makes me happiest girl ever ever eVER /VVVPOS i heavily enjoy when anyone draws my pin gijinka she is me

#smal's humble requests - i always get so so super shy when it comes to requesting an artist to draw something i like a lot.,.,..... so i do once in a blood moon and when it does i jump for joys

#smal's geeks and speculations - me in my infodump era yehaYEAH YEAH i can easily hold the guiness world record for longest amount of things i have to say about pin bfdi pleek let m

#smal's NOT pintastic posts - i slash neg scream into the void as an alternative to physically crying (meaning i venenenenenenent)

☆ DNI (DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME):

anti-islam/religion in general, zionists, ableists, pro/dark/anti-ship, racists (AGAINST *ANYONE*), and other kinds of nasties you find on youtube shorts pee u!!!

☆ REQUEST AND ART INFO!!!

● im a busy girl, in a busy wooooorld. /ref but the point (hehe) is. i am literally just some girl who goes to high school almost every day and doesnt always get wifi i cannot draw everything you request immediately 😔 this is why requests are CLOSED at the moment!!!

● if it helps, though, even though i'm sort of picky when it comes to requests, when they open back up again you can ask stuff like romantic ship art but i will not be comfortable with drawing *every* ship, regardless if its actually problematic or not!!! a lot of my favorites are rarepairs, though, so thats cool ‼️ (please let me yap about my rarepairs i promise markfan and thrifteen are canon ♡♡♡)

● like i said in the FANDOMS section, i may also draw fanart for interests other than bfdi or numberblocks (for example maybe vocaloid or ava/avm), etc. but bfdi is obviously my main lolz ^^ please keep this in mind when asking for things from me since i live under a tectonic plate!!!

also, you MAY repost my stuffBUT THERE IS CRITERIA!!!!!! you can do so AS LONG AS:

give credit (me)

not fed to AI

it is not on a site that i am already on. this means anywhere that is not where's listed on the section literally below this one like look

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and last but not least,

☆ SOCIALS!!!

youtube: https://youtube.com/@smal5504?si=7SJuKsM95V59uY6X

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i am "@smal5504" everywhere!!! (thats just youtube, pinterest, and here, tumblr!!!)

thank you for reading this now please enjoy my art its the only thing keeping me goign

[mybiasisexo]

HI! Happy New Year!

Can I request #51 with Chanyeol pls? Wishing you all the best for 2024! Thanks in advance!

Distraction 🏋️‍♂️

Part 2 Genre: fluff | personal trainer!au Pairing: Chanyeol x f.Reader Length: 2.3k Warnings: Chanyeol is a warning all in himself boy!!!

a/n: I said i was gonna make a gym drabble and baby here it is!!! This isnt really fluff, but its def not angst. What other genres are there??? I could've made this 6k is2g lmao i want the smut 😂. but ayye these are just drabbles! I'll behave. Sorry for the delay! Thank you so much for the request 😚 this gif of him alwaaaays makes me crazy like if i stare at it for too long ill scream. no im not ok thanks for asking

DRABBLE GAME | MASTERLIST

Dread filled you as you gazed at the building looming in front of you. Your worst enemy—the gym.

You despised the place for two reasons. The first was simple, it was a gym, pretty self-explanatory. The second reason was your personal trainer, Park Chanyeol.

You swore from the moment he was assigned to you he made it his mission to make you never come back. He had to have a torture kink or something, with the stuff he had you doing. You’ve pushed yourself to the point of puking a few times under his care, and still he would make you keep going.

And sure, you were seeing results. And, yeah, it was getting easier. You felt yourself growing stronger with every session. He was good at what he did, even if his practices had you questioning the legality of it all.

With a withering sigh, you got out of your car and made your way to what was your personal hell.

You spotted Chanyeol as soon as you entered. He was standing in the middle of the room, arms crossed, legs spread apart, looking rather unimpressed as he hovered over a guy struggling to do pushups.

You tried not to stare too long at those exposed arms, the massive muscles bulging over his just as firm chest. He always wore the same thing: black basketball shorts with a black muscle shirt that left little to the imagination of how much time he spent at the gym. You’d only ever seen him work out once yourself and…. You refused to let your thoughts wander to that moment.

As if he could hear where your mind was attempting to go, his eyes flickered up to where you were scanning in your membership badge. A wolfy grin split his face as he took you in, the heat of his gaze made you shiver.

He only acknowledged you for a second. It took you a beat too long to realize he was counting his client’s reps. Ignoring him, you headed over to a secluded corner and started your warm up stretches. Chanyeol helped the poor dude up, that strength of his coming in clutch when his client’s knees buckled and he almost hit the floor.

You winced, knowing that pain. Luckily, this gym had darkly painted walls and dim lighting to give its customers a sense of privacy. It helped that it was later in the night, nearing eleven, so there wasn’t many people present to watch him struggle. As well as yourself. That was why you preferred coming late. Less people, less judgement, and it wore you out enough that you could go straight to bed as soon as you got home—after a post workout meal, if Chanyeol were to ask.

He clapped the scraggly man on his back, making him cough, and gave some uplifting words as they slowly made their way to the front door. You were just finishing your stretches when thick bowlegs were in front of you. You were sitting on the floor, so you had to look up, up, up that firm trunk of a frame to meet those round eyes of his alight with humor.

“You actually showed up today?” Chanyeol asked, tilting his head curiously. His shaggy hair fell into his stare.

You glared at him as you climbed to your feet. “Well, I figured you haven’t killed me yet.”

“Yet.” His grin was a warning. He nudged his head to the rather empty machines. “Come on. It’s leg day.”

You let out a relieved breath. It was torture for sure, but leg day was your favorite. He led you to a machine and you got to work.

You tried to focus on the tasks given to you. To focus on your posture, your breathing, on keeping your core tight. But, it was rather difficult when something, or rather someone, was far more distracting.

That was another thing about Chanyeol that you despised. When you first found out he was going to be your trainer, your immediate thought was ‘hell no’. You were hesitant to have a male trainer to begin with, but this one? He was fine as all hell. Too fine. And with that smirk he gave you when you first refused his help—the one he still gave you, mind you—you knew he was going to be a problem.

Matters were only made worse when you actually trained with him. During your sessions, he was nothing but professional. His goal was to help you through your workouts and he did. His large hands would skim over your body as he fixed your posture, or added pressure against your legs so that you knew where to put your weight. His voice was deep and he would use it to encourage and praise you. There was never any teasing or animosity while you trained. His voice would sink into your brain, scramble your thoughts and leave your body boiling. Especially when he’d hit you with a ‘good girl’ or ‘just like that. Perfect’.

He had to know what he was doing.

It was near the end of your session, you had one last work out to do.

“Save the best for last,” Chanyeol said as he took you to a bizarre looking machine.

“And what the hell is this thing?” You asked with a lifted eyebrow.

“It’s called a hip abductor,” he explained to you like he thought you were dumb.

You ignored his tone. “How’re you supposed to use it?”

“Sit on it and I’ll show you.”

You brushed off the innuendo, and prayed he didn’t catch the heat on your face. Instead, you bumped the machine with your shoe, warily taking it in. You were exhausted, and didn’t want to do another set of nothing.

“Why don’t you demonstrate for me?” You suggested.

Chanyeol lifted an eyebrow and you shrugged in response. “What? I’ve never seen you work out before. How do I know you’re qualified to train me?”

He barked a laugh at that, knowing you’re bullshitting now. “I imagine your glutes are enough proof of my teaching abilities.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “And why are you looking at my glutes?”

He shrugged, feigning innocence. “Just making sure I’m doing my job.”

You crossed your arms over your chest and hummed, unable to think of a good comeback. Instead, you nudged your chin towards this ‘hip abductor’.

“I know what you’re doing,” he said. Despite his words, he didn’t call you out. You watched as he plopped onto the machine with a sigh. You couldn’t help but grin victoriously, eager to see the man at work.

He adjusted the weight, settled into the seat, and then pushed his thighs against the pads, spreading his legs out wide before bringing them back in. He began explaining what he was doing, what muscles he was working, and the proper way to move, but you could barely hear a word over the way his thick thighs flexed, the muscle underneath stretching the skin.

You realized then that your roles were reversed, and a brilliant idea popped into your head. He was always teasing you during your sessions, and now was your turn to have some fun and return the favor.

You took a couple steps closer to him, studying him more, like you were invested in getting everything right. Then you ran your fingers down his arm and he faltered for a second.

“Am I supposed to hold on to the seat like that?”

You didn’t miss the way his grip tightened, his knuckles whitening.

“Yeah,” he said between clenched teeth.

He pushed his legs out again, and you’re quick to fill the new space, forcing him to keep them open.

Your name left his mouth in a warning. That only made your grin grow wider.

He glared up at you. “What are you doing?”

“Testing to see how long you can hold this position.”

He said your name again, but you interrupted him before he could finish. “You always push me. Why don’t I test your limits for once?”

Something ignited in his eyes and the lights ahead shown in them hauntingly. “Who says you don’t already do?”

“What?” You asked, startled by how gently the words left his full lips.

He didn’t repeat himself, but he appeared to give into your challenge. He sunk more into his seat, eyes never left yours as he held the position, too competitive for his own good. Though it worked in your favor.

You’re not sure how much time passed, but it felt like hours of you standing between his legs, both never looking away from the other.

Finally, you decided it was time to up the ante. Sweat had started to gather on his forehead and neck, but most importantly, a slight tremor had started in his legs.

“What’s wrong?” You asked with a fake pout. “Can’t hold it anymore?”

“I’m chilling,” he replied back, but you heard the strain in his voice.

“Is that so?” You grinned again and rested the palm of your hands above his knees on either side of you. “You’re shaking.”

You took your time scaling his body before meeting his eyes again. He was holding his breath, but something in his expression was begging you to continue.

So, you did.

Slowly, you dragged your hands further up his legs, remembering all the times he had done the same. Although he was always professional about it. He only touched you when he had to. There was nothing professional about your touch. All the sexual frustration you’ve felt because of this man had seemed to bubble over and took control of your limbs. In this moment, you wanted him to understand what he did to you, wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine.

His eyes fluttered as you dragged his shorts up with your wrists, wanting to feel his warm skin.

You quickly glanced around the gym, noticing you were the only ones left, and that made you even more bold. Nearly at his hips, you went to move your hands to his crotch.

Chanyeol was fast. Before you knew what happened, he had snatched your wrists with one hand, putting a halt to your little game and causing you to gasp in surprise.

Your ministrations had you bent over him, so your faces were only an inch or two apart. He leaned forward, brushing his nose against yours, the hair on his forehead tickled your own.

“You’re playing with fire here,” he warned, voice a steady grumble against your lips. When he pulled back to take in your expression, you saw the burning inferno ready to wreak havoc in his gaze. You knew that if he were to let go of those flames, it would burn away all pretenses, all politeness, and rules.

And you wanted that. You wanted his fire to consume you, wanted his desire to engulf and burn and hurt.

There was a pause as you both study each other, waiting to see who would break first. You found your arms shaking in his grip, not with the usual soreness you’d usually be shaking with at this time of your appointment. It was adrenaline, your own desire raised to meet his.

Of course, he felt it too. “How long have you wanted me, Sweetheart?”  He sounded deceitfully sweet, and it made your sore legs weak. He gathered that much, so he gathered you. Large hands went to your waist, easily lifting you up so that you were now straddling him. With you on his lap, he could finally close his legs, and he did so with a relieved huff. A mocking laugh left your mouth, but he put an end to it by pushing you down so that you were seated fully on him—right on his bulge.

“Oh!” You startled. You blinked up at him innocently before throwing back at him, “how long have you wanted me?”

He hummed thoughtfully, running his hands up your thighs to hold your hips. He pressed his lips to your ear, “from the moment I first saw you.”

You shivered at both his confession and his warm breath on your skin. It took everything in you not to roll your hips into him, the pressure of him just as much a tease as his expression and words and touch.

“That being said,” he started, and you already knew you weren’t going to like what he was about to say. “You have a workout to finish.”

“I can think of a few alternatives that are just as effective,” you said, giving into the temptation to gently grind against him.

He bit his lip, holding back a moan as he forced you to stop with his hands on your hips. His attention fell to your chest hovering in front of his face. “You’re not getting out of this one. Nice try though.”

You groaned and straightened, slumping dejectedly. He chuckled before wrapping an arm around your waist, standing abruptly. You squealed, holding onto him as he turned around to sit you down onto the seat of the machine.

“Chanyeol,” you whined.

“Hey, I let you stall, didn’t I?”

“I mean yeah, but we were in the middle of something.”

“I tell you what. Finish this set and I’ll reward you.”

“Reward me how?” You questioned skeptically. His idea of a reward usually benefited him more than you.

As an answer, he stuck out his tongue, wagging it quickly at you. Your eyes widened in shock, scandalized. But the burning in your abdomen and the way your legs pressed together was a dead giveaway to how enticing a reward that was.

“Fine,” you grumbled, adjusting the weight and starting doing your reps.

Chanyeol’s loud laugh echoed throughout the building at your eagerness.

“If I knew that was all the encouragement you needed, I would’ve incorporated it sooner.”

“Shut up,” you muttered.

“Make me.” He smirked.

“Oh, I will be as soon as I get that reward you promised.”

When you left the gym some time later, you couldn’t help but to think maybe your trainer wasn’t that bad afterall.