#exploding and killing even. WHO GIVE A WHOLE FUCKING SHIT MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sheherlockholmes]

now that my PI is like hey you should actually be sitting in the lab to write instead of doing it at home im shooting one million lasers at his head in my mind. fuck off

[wizard-on-whales]

Jealousy

NSFW 17+

You had been friends with James as long as you could remember, but one detail you never shared with him was how you lost your virginity (consider this an apology for bullying James so much recently)

Warnings: Smut, cursing, James being a little shit, him also scaring you a little, grammar mistakes Word count: 3k

✭-----------------------------✭

Tonight was a typical night after one of the band's very loud, energetic shows, and like always, there was an even louder and even more chaotic after-party. By now, it had died down mostly, and you sat around a table with your childhood best friend, James, and his bandmates. Somehow, the conversation had gotten to the topic of how everyone had lost their virginity. 

“I don't think you've ever told me how you lost yours,” James says, looking over at you as he casually sips his beer. He sat leaned back and relaxed in his chair, a small buzz flushed over his features.

“No, I haven't,” You reply simply, a small smile tugging on your lips as you fiddle with your own, now-empty beer bottle.

“Oh, come on, spill it. It can't be nearly as bad as mine, you knew how Kathy was…,” James snorts, shaking his head in disbelief as he thinks about his first experience.

“No, it wasn't bad, it was actually really good…I've just never told you,” You tell him, grinning over at him as you remember the night.

“And why not? Scared I'll make fun of you for who it was?” James snickers, mirroring your grin.

“Nope, you'll absolutely fucking hate who it was,” James gives you a look, now even more curious than before. 

“Who?” He asks, leaning forward a little as he abandons his beer. You think for a second, wondering if you should really tell him before smiling widely and looking him straight in the eyes.

“Mustain.” You snicker, James' face immediately drops, and he leans back in his chair again, staring at you in complete disbelief. You look over to see Lars burst out laughing at your answer. 

“Mustain? Seriously?? That asshole?!!” James practically groans, still looking at you like you just killed his dog. 

“Yeah, I remember it all pretty clearly, honestly, still the best sex I've ever had.” You grin, deciding to egg him on, knowing just how much he despises the redhead. 

“Oh yeah? How come?” He grits through his teeth, his jaw clenching.

“Well, after you guys kicked him out of the band, he came straight to the house we were all living in. Asked him why he was back and he told me everything, assumed he was just gonna collect his stuff but nope…he decided he wanted to fuck the absolute shit out of me right on your bed,” You tell the story to the whole table, Lars and Kirk laughing the whole time while James sits fuming in his chair. His hand was gripping his beer bottle so tightly that you thought it might explode. 

“On my bed?” He questions, his face red with anger. You snicker a little before you decide to keep going.

“Oh yeah, we went at it practically the whole night, made such a mess of your sheets I couldn't wash them and had to just replace them. I'm surprised you didn't notice when you got back….God, I couldn't walk straight for a week.” James continues to glare at you before taking a long sip of his nearly cracked beer bottle and then slamming it down on the table.

“Welp, we're gonna go,” Lars says through a snicker, wrapping his arm around Kirk's shoulders as they feel the tension that was starting to grow. As they get up and leave, you realize they were the last people in the house. The party had subsided, leaving only you and James in the mess of bottles and cans. 

“We should probably clean up a little,” You say, glancing around the disaster of a house and standing up from your seat. James stays in his place, his knuckles white as he continues to grip his bottle, his breathing ragged. You knew he'd be upset, but you didn't think it'd get to this point. He looked like he wanted to rip your head off, and it honestly scared you. You went to step away from the table, but his heavy hand gripped your wrist tightly, making you stay. 

“James,” You say quietly, your wrist wiggling a little to try and escape his grasp, but he only tightened it, to the point it was starting to hurt. 

“All that true or were you just saying it to piss me off?” He asks, his voice low as he glares up at you, pulling you closer by your wrist. 

“It's true…maybe a little exaggerated but mostly true,” You say quietly. James stood up, towering over you like always, making your heart leap to your throat. You fucked up, you thought, definitely fucked up and he was about to kill you.

“You're hurting me,” You tell him, trying to move your wrist again. His grip falters slightly, but it was still tight enough that you couldn't escape. 

“You've got a way of pushing my buttons, you know that, always have. It's like you enjoy pissing me off,” James grits through his teeth. He sets his beer bottle down before gripping your other wrist, pinning you between him and the table. You were sweating at this point, unsure of what was to come next. You had pissed him off plenty of times but it had never gotten to a point where you were scared of what he would do. You avoided his gaze, your breathing starting to pick up. 

“I'm sorry, James, I was just joking around…” You say softly, he pushes himself further against you, and that's when you feel it. Right against your leg was something undeniably hard and horny. You felt your cheeks heat up as you glanced up at him to see a sly look on his face. 

“Said you couldn't walk straight for a week after him, yeah? I'll make sure you can't walk at all,” He lowers his face next to your ear, his words low, his tone threatening. You wiggle in his grasp again, cheeks burning at his voice in your ear. 

“Is that what you want?” He asks, his lips grazing your neck as if he were already teasing you. You think for a second, heart racing in your chest before you slowly nod. He pulls back a little, grabbing your chin so that you look at him.

“Use your words, Birdie,” There it was, that damn nickname he called you growing up and still does, just the same way you still call him Jamie. You swore your legs became jelly the second he said it. 

“Yeah,” You breathe out, nodding your head again. He gives you a small smirk, pinning you even further against the table, his boner prominent against your leg.

“Yeah, what?” He asks with a small grin, playing with you. You let out a small huff, giving him a bit of an annoyed look, which causes him to squeeze your chin tightly. Suddenly, you felt shyer than you ever had around him as you tried to speak your request. 

“...fuck me,” You say quietly, cheeks on fire as you see the smile that spreads across his face. 

“Fuck you till…” He decides to drag it out even further, enjoying the feeling of tormenting you.

“I can't walk,” You practically squeak out. He moves his hands from your wrist and chin and places them on your waist, his hands shoving under your shirt and drinking in the feeling of your skin.

“You sure?” He asks sincerely, giving you a genuine look, but that doesn't stop his hands from wandering further up your skin.

“Yeah,” You say again, looking up at him. You place your own hands on his waist, your fingers gripping the loops of his jeans. He gives you another grin before leaning down again, pressing his lips harshly against yours. He tasted like the beer he had been drinking all night and smelled like the aftershave he often used. His hands roughly grip your waist before easily hoisting you up onto the table. He moves his lips to your cheek before placing them against your neck, his lips and tongue attacking your skin, his teeth nipping lightly. 

You lean your head back, a soft moan escaping your lips, and you feel something start to pool between your legs. Your hands reach for his shirt, pulling it out of the waistband of his tight jeans, allowing your hands to feel their way up his soft abs. His hands grip your waist tightly, his skin shivering under your gentle touch. 

“Do you know how long I've wanted to do this?” He says in your ear, more of a statement than a question. He pulls away from your neck and rests his forehead against yours, looking at you with lust-filled eyes. 

“Just as long as I have…”You reply, your hand grazing the straining fabric in the front of his jeans. He lets out a soft noise, one you wouldn't expect from a man with a shell like his. He takes a moment to just quietly look at you, his bleary, drunken eyes roaming over the features on your face. A small smile spreads across his features as he realizes you're doing the same.

“Stop staring and kiss me,” He demands softly, pulling you a little closer. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and envelope his lips in a too-wet and too-toothy kiss, but neither of you care. He wraps his arms tightly around your frame, pulling your front against his, your faces squished together as your saliva mixes. It was a desperate action, one that had been built up and hidden under layers for years. One that had always been longed for but pushed away in fear. It all spilled over as James quickly swiped away anything that was on the table and pushed you back, crawling onto it himself and pressing his body overtop of you. 

Despite the fact that James was on the leaner side, he was still heavy on top of you, his full weight crushing you to the table, warming your body even further. His mouth continued to move desperately against yours, his tongue tasting every inch. You wrapped your legs around him, lifting your hips up a bit to grind against him, causing his movements to falter for a second. You could feel the shudder that washed over him. He lifted his head away from yours, his hands instantly moving to your shirt and working it off of you, discarding it to the floor with the empty beer cans. 

“Jesus,” James lets out, his eyes drinking in the sight of your bare breasts. Sometime during the night, you had gotten too hot from the alcohol and taken your bra off without a care. Now you lie half exposed under your best friend as he practically drools over the sight of you. You smile before grabbing the back of his neck and pushing his face into them. He wastes no time, nipping and licking the sensitive skin like a starved animal. The small buzz you had made your body feel extra sensitive, you arch your back with little restraint, your head falling against the table. His hands grip your waist firmly as his mouth assaults your chest. Slowly, his kisses start to move down, his tongue dragging along your skin, tasting every inch he can as he reaches the hem of your shorts. 

You smile down at him, moving your hands above your head to push out your chest and lift your hips for him. He wastes no time fumbling with the button and tugs them and your panties down at the same time, leaving you fully bare under his gaze. Without breaking eye contact, he slowly pulls his own shirt over his head and tosses it to the side, reaching for his belt. You sit up and move his hands, unbuckling his belt for him. His gaze flickers down to your hands, watching them intently as they work slowly to reveal his skin just as he had yours. You could see his chest heaving with each heavy breath he took, his skin hot under your touch. 

“Once we start, I'm not gonna be able to stop…” He says, his voice low and husky as he watches you push his jeans down his hips. 

“Who said I'll want you to?” You reply quietly, meeting his eyes once more. Something had shifted in them, something darker now lay behind his baby blues as he pushed you back down on the table. He kicks his jeans off the rest of the way and crawls back over you, looking down at you as if you were his prey. He leans down and connects his lips with yours once more in a slow, sensual kiss.

With one hand above your head, he keeps himself planted there, the other trails down your side and to your thigh, wrapping it around his waist. His short nails dig into the skin, leaving little half moons against it. You feel his tip brush against your entrance, causing you to raise your hips, wanting him. He groans against your lips and pulls away to look down at you. 

“I need you,” He says quietly and eagerly, his hand gripping your thigh tightly. Your hands make their way into his hair, loosely pulling the wild, blonde locks.

“Please…” You breathe out, trying to pull him closer. He looks down between your legs and positions himself once more before slowly pushing into you. A low groan escapes him, his eyes shutting and his mouth hanging open. You wanted to do the same, but you couldn't look away from him. You could feel a shudder run through his body once more as he pushed himself a little further. A soft moan leaves your lips, which causes his eyes to shoot open and bore into yours. 

“You're so perfect…” He mutters quietly, his hand moving to your cheek and stroking it as his hips press against yours as far as they'll go. He stays just like that for a moment, his breathing heavy as his eyes roam over your face. You move your hands further into his hair, pushing it back so that it wasn't dangling in your face. He smiles before slowly starting to move his hips. You let out another moan, your walls slowly loosening around the invasion of his cock. He leans down and connects his lips with yours once more, his tongue slipping into your mouth. He lets out a groan, his hips moving a little faster the wetter you get. 

It was no time at all before his hips were pistoning into you at a rapid pace, his hands gripping your waist almost painfully tight. His chest glistened with sweat under the low light of the room, his face halfway shielded by his hair, casting a shadow over his pleasure-contorted features. Your hands clawed at his forearms, holding yourself there, your legs trumbling under his movements, a desperate noise leaving your lips with each harsh thrust he delivered into oyur eager cunt. 

“Oh fuck me,” He groans out, his head falling back, his adams apple bobbing as he hashly swallows back the whine that threated to escape. 

“Please, James,” You cry out, pussy quivering around his needy cock. He looks down at you with an almost animalistic expression. He leans down, trapping your head between his forearms as he picks up his pace, his hips rutting into yours with desperation. 

“Thats it, fuck, sound so good…feel so good,” He mutters under his heavy breathing. He lets out a cry, his hips sputtering for a moment, his body trembling as you feel him cum inside you. 

“Mm’sorry, sorry, fuck,” He almost whimpers. Your brain couldn't quite comprehend why he was apologizing, considering the sight of him was almost enough for you to come undone yourself. You somehow manage to flip your bodies over, mounting James and staring down at him intently as you practically ride him like a cracked out pornstar. His head falls back against the table, a loud groan leaving him, his hands gripping your hips tightly and attempting to guide them. 

You plant your hands firmly against his chest as your hips rock back and forth, more grinding against him than bouncing on him. His cum leaked out of you, making a sticky mess across his hips and your thighs. The feeling of him filling you from this angle was almost too much, his soft blonde pubes brushing agaisnt your sensitive, swollen clit brought your orgasm forth quickly. Your movments picked up for a moment, loud, shameless moans spilling from your mouth as you practically use James as a fucktoy. You could feel his body trembling under you, his hands leaving bruises against your hips, his own moans loud and shameless. It hits you all at once as you collapse on top of him, your arms pulling him as close as possible as your high runs through you. 

James wraps his own arms tightly around you, pulling your chest flush against his, his cum spilling into you for a second time. His heavy breathing in your ear and the feeling of his skin sticking to yours were almost overwhelming. You sit up just enough to look at him, his eyes meeting yours. He lets out a quiet, breathless laugh, pulling you back down to kiss you. You pull away after a moment and rest your forehead against his, smiling down at him.

“I love you,” You whisper. You feel him give your hip a small squeeze, a smile spreading across his flushed face. 

“I love you, too.”

[noirsdoll]

i really like your writing, especially how messy the relations between the characters are! could i request reader x jimmy who are dating, and reader is going through some sort of mental health episode, like crying maybe seeing things that arent there, and are desperately seeking comfort in jimmy, whos like. annoyed by them and pushes them off, yells at them etc. and maybe the reader tries to do sth drastic, like jump off the balcony or od or sth, and hes like "hold on my favorite hole might actually off themselves?" so he awkwardly and begrudingly comforts them?

thank you so much!! writing toxic, fucked-up relationships is my favourite thing ever and omg i had sm fun with this 😋😋 cw for abuse, attempted suicide, pills, and vomit!!

His discontent for you is something internal, a parasite that would be lethal to remove. 

Jimmy likes the thought of having a girlfriend, though he finds the upkeep is a bit more work than he’d like. You cook and clean and all that wonderful women stuff he couldn’t care less about. You powder your oily spots and wear sweet-smelling perfume and Jimmy figured that was all you were— a pretty thing that spreads your legs with a snap of his fingers and hangs off his arm. 

But god, the whining is ridiculous. He misses one birthday, he forgets one bouquet and suddenly he’s the worst boyfriend the world has ever seen and he needs to be put down. The switches in your brain flip like you’re being run by a frantic pilot. 

“Do you even love me anymore?” you shout in the middle of a fight. And here come the waterworks. He can’t even talk to you anymore without every word of his setting you off. He has half a mind to hand you a pregnancy test, though he’d prefer not to know the answer to that. 

Rage bubbles up and explodes like a shaken soda can. Jimmy’s hand raises before he can stop himself. Your skull makes a hollow sound as he knocks you around. You go completely silent, staring at him in petrified stupor. 

He stares back, shocked. You shut up. That made you fucking shut up for once. 

Jimmy takes advantage of the learned information. 

Guys in the 50s had it all figured out, it seems. Hit a woman hard enough and they learn how to act around their men— what sets them off, how to soothe them. And you do a lot of soothing. 

Modern day medicine, however, gets you diagnosed with depression. You’re popping pills at all times of the day like they’re fucking candy. You don’t need all that shit. Everyone has bad days, you don’t need to fork over half your income for something an orgasm would fix. 

And Jimmy gives you plenty of those, so he doesn’t understand what the problem is. It’s simple— shut up and you get to cum. It’s so easy a dog could do it. 

Jimmy comes home today to no dinner on the table, he makes an annoyed noise and takes off around the house looking for you. 

He finds you belly up on your bed, pills scattered around your body. Your limbs are shaking and twitching and you’re foaming at the mouth. 

He stops in the doorway, almost perplexed. Did you try to kill yourself? He’s done so much for you, a constant call and response of putting up with your bullshit and what, you just try to leave? Try to fucking kill yourself to run away from him?

Then the anger fades and the panic sets in. If he doesn’t do something in the next five seconds there’s gonna be a dead girl in his bed— and he has no clue how to get that smell out of the sheets. 

He tugs you out of bed and toward the adjoining washroom. You’re heavier than you look, but that’s a conversation for another day. Jimmy maneuvers your head over the toilet bowl, wondering if you’re conscious enough to know to puke, or if you even want to in the first place. 

When he realizes you won’t, he just sighs, rolling up a sleeve and sticking his fingers down your throat. He’s blunt and uncaring, probing deep into your throat with no sympathy for the pain. Your whole body lurches against the bowl as you spit up all over his hand. Luckily your puke is clear enough to where he can make out the neon colour of your pills floating around in the toilet water. 

You cough, consciousness returning to you as you hack and puke some more. Jimmy reluctantly pats your back a few times as you get it all out.

When it’s clear you’re not gonna die, Jimmy slaps you across the face. “Don’t ever do that shit to me again, got it?” He rests his dirty hand on the toilet seat, sitting back against the wall and raking his hair out of his face. “God fucking dammit— what the hell is wrong with you?”

You say nothing, tears budding in your eyes as you curl up against his chest, whining and sobbing about how you wished he loved you and a bunch of other meaningless fluff. Your fingers wind in his shirt and you pull him close like you're scared he'll leave you all alone on your bathroom floor.

You cry and you cry, vomit wafting off your breath and only serving to make Jimmy feel even more disgusted with you. If you were smart, you would’ve realized that you were never going to get any of that from him. He is a leech, he will drain you dry before you ever even notice it.

Jimmy just nods along, stroking your hair half-heartedly, wondering if he can at least get a blowjob for saving your life. 

[kimbapisnotsushi]

just imagine like. you're seventeen and desperate and angry and hurting for the truth. you're largely underground and unheard of and you have no power other than slapping on a mask and telling the truth over and over again, hoping that someone will hear. and you will NEVER, not in a MILLION YEARS, guess who DID hear! because the next day superman—not THE superman, it's his really cute son who you met literally a few days ago when he saved you from being shot, and you still have his fake hair—shows up in metropolis lugging a boat full of refugees that you thought would die out in the ocean because no country would dare go looking for them. and he burns the handcuffs off of them, and demands that they be treated with kindness and compassion, and doesn't seem to give a damn about how many international laws he just fucked up. like, wow.

and then you go to talk to him and tell him who you are and oh my god you're FLIRTING with superman. over his fake hair. and when you call him to protect a protest he comes right away, and he stands at the front, eyes blazing, and tells the police to ARREST HIM TOO? so THEN you go to bail him out and meet his dad (actual superman, but whatever) who invites you to dinner. and you get to meet LOIS FUCKING LANE. YOUR HERO. you then embarrass yourself in front of lois lane. the house explodes. superman ( jon, not clark) flies off to confront the guy who almost killed his entire family, and who also happens to be the evil president that overtook your country. superman comes back different. you watch through dimly-lit screens as he runs himself ragged all over the earth trying to save people. burning out like a dying star. he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders, you think. so you have him brought back to your dark apartment, a space just for you and now him, but not "him" as in "superman", it's "him" as in "jon kent"—because you're the one person he never has to worry about, and you want him to know that. he doesn't have to be superman with you. he can just be jon, and jon is beautiful and bright and everything you dreamed of.

"you've got the world," you say. "i've got you."

and hoLY SHIT YOU'RE KISSING HIM. YOU'RE KISSING JON KENT. AND HE LOOKS REALLY, REALLY HAPPY ABOUT IT. HOLY SHIT. you know, at this moment, that you trust this boy with your life. you're going to take on president bendix together and you're going to save your people. and so you make a whole plan that even ROBIN gets involved in (and holy shit you meet robin!! robin almost DECKED you!! and seems to like you? and approves of your relationship with jon?) and set sail for home. jon carries you into the sky. he doesn't want to drop you; you can see it on his face. it's cute. superman is used to catching people, after all, so you smile and let yourself fall. you'll see him on the other side. you believe in him. you have hope, for once in your life. you know he's right by your side. you know he'll be there when you call.

you love him.

and suddenly the battle is over, it's done with, bendix is gone and your people are free and you get to introduce jon to your mother! it's the best day of your life. but when you look around, you see that everyone is watching you. the whole world is, probably. they'll know who you are. they'll know who jay nakamura is.

you don't care. the truth doesn't have to hide anymore. and what is the truth, after all this time? what does jay nakamura have to tell the world?

jon takes your hand. you kiss him, and the truth is that you never want to stop.

[grapesrsogood]

PART TWO OF PET AND PICKLE but now its Pet and Pickle and Barista and Love :3

All the listeners are referred to as women, the first one is gender neutral but i couldnt help myself with this one T^T

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pet and Pickle deciding on one of their sleepovers that they need to expand their friendship group.

Pickle saying she could look into her childhood best friend, Barista, so she does and finds that she was taken in by a gang. Pickle doesn’t give up though and contacts the gang lord, explaining the situation and Warden finds it so amusing that he allows it (and with the knowledge of who Issac is and knowing he’s trustable)

Pet contacting her emergeny contact, who just so happens to be Dontis, asking if he know anyone who would be interested in their friendship group, Dontis asking Love and Love agreeing, they dont ask Xanthus though since he definitely would have to threaten them or what not.

Their stupid little group chat that took way too much effort to create talks daily and about literally EVERYTHING.

The texts consist mostly of “goodnight pookies :D”s and “good morning besties :3”s.

All of them agreeing to meet up in a park for a picnic together, they tell their partners that it’ll be a cute date in a pretty park but in reality its a massive fuck off picnic where the girls wrestle and make flower chains, laughing about random things.

The guys are just so confused about how this even happened, Issac being the awkward little shit he is, Xanthus angrily staring at everyone except for Love, Elias trying to start conversation and trying to ease the tension but inevitably fails and Asirel with his thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of his nose the whole time, how the hell did they end up here.

The girls becoming best friends immediately and playing random stupid little games like duck duck goose, hide ‘n’ seek and tag whilst the guys dont understand the how they can be so trusting and have so much fun with people they’ve known for maybe a month.

The girls would all kill for eachother and are so close that they form a pact where if any of them are in trouble then the others would come rescue them no matter what.

They call themselves the bestfriend squad, the guys hate it.

They have frequent sleepovers but have to rent out places because none of the guys trust the others enough to go to their own houses.

Matching pj’s all the way. DUH

They dress up for halloween together, they give each other gifts, they NEED to throw birthday parties for each other and god forbid they find out its any of they guys birthdays.

They have created their own little family in a matter of weeks and their favourite days are when Dontis comes over too and they all get piggy back rides. :3

Two words. CUDDLE PILE >v<

Talking about how they all met and they’re all horrified to hear about each others.

“Yeah, Xanthus cornered me in an ally, i stabbed him and then he drank my blood. I love him so much” :)

“…. HE DID WHAT?!”

“Yeah, Issac kinda just picked me up in an alleyway and took me home”

“SO HE KIDNAPPED YOU?!”

“Oh, Elias saved my life when a rival gang blew up the coffee shop i was working at”

“Sweet but YOUR WORKPLACE EXPLODED?!

“Asirel bought me”

“What the actual fuck”

Thats basically how that went.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BUT let me know if yall want more because i love them :3

This writing style is one of my favs and is the easiest but it also means the posts are fairly short most of the time :(

You can find part 1 here

And part 3 here

Find masterlist here

BAIIIIII :D

[bisquid]

Cam is so fucking confused y'all

Ninth: so I have a question

Cam: .. Right. Which is?

Ninth: are you and SexPal fucking?

Cam: excuse me?

Ninth: well you're so like,, intense about each other

Ninth: but then he exploded his head and you were surprisingly chill, so

Cam: …I'm not speaking to Harrowhark Nonagesimus, am I?

Ninth: What

Ninth: oh, yeah no I'm Gideon

Ninth: …possibly the First?

Ninth: It's not entirely clear but I am currently…sort of wearing Harrow

Cam: what?

Cam: How did you even-

Cam: what the fuck is going on, Ninth?

Ninth: I have absolutely no fucking idea

Ninth: this is not an unusual state for me, but I am now even more fucking baffled than usual

Cam: what does Harrowhark think

Ninth: your guess is as good as mine

Ninth: she dipped after getting stabbed in the back

Ninth: probably by my dead mother, now that I think about it

Cam: WHAT

Ninth: oh yeah apparently my mum's a psycho BofE nutjob who 

Ninth: OH SHIT YEAH

Cam: what the fuck Ninth

Ninth: I think my dad is God?

Ninth: he made a dad joke about it, which

Ninth: commitment to the bit I guess

Cam: what do you mean you think your dad is God

Cam: like the emperor??

Cam: why would he be your dad

Ninth: I'm gonna be honest I'm not entirely clear on the like, ultimate why

Ninth: but it was some kind of weird plot to kill him I think?

Ninth: this did not go to plan and has I think been a net loss for everyone involved 

Cam: ….

Cam: right

Cam: where are you

Cam: and what do you mean Harrowhark dipped?

Ninth: all I know is I was trundling along in the back of her brain one minute and the next I was fighting evil alien wasp things in her body while it REGREW THINGS

Ninth: like blood and intestines I think anD HER FUCKING THUMB 

Ninth: then I ran into the creepy Third twin - she has a skelly arm now it's weird

Ninth: and then God interrogated Cytherea who was actually some nutjob called wake HIJACKING HER FUCKING CORPSE

Ninth: and then it turned out said nutjob was my fucking MOTHER who grew me inside her fucking uterus 

Ninth: using - horrifyingly - GOD'S STOLEN JIZZ

Ninth: I am not making this up

Ninth: I WISH I was making this up

Cam: …what

Ninth: I know

Ninth: and then the Saint of joy like evaporated God

Ninth: who was NOT pleased and then I guess evaporated her back? Except I guess more permanently

Cam: what do you mean evaporated god

Ninth: I mean boom! Fine red mist

Cam:... What

Ninth: and THEN one of the other saints dropped the WHOLE FUCKING SPACESHIP into the river

Ninth: and now I'm watching said saint try to shove god/dad/possibly his name is John? Through an asshole in the fabric of reality? I think.

Ninth: it has a lot of teeth

Ninth: harrow is ostensibly also in the river but I can't fucking find her so

Ninth: also I'm like 80% I'm gonna actually die when the spaceship gives up and goes splat under the pressure 

Ninth: which is not the way I expected to go I'll be honest

Cam: Gideon what the fuck

[alexaloraetheris]

Holy shit sometimes if I take my meds too late in the day I have seriously wild dreams.

So this shit started by me opening a Calvin & Hobbes book I got recently but instead of, you know, Calvin & Hobbes I read stories that I can only describe as weirdly bizzare horror that would scare David Cronenberg.

The first dream started as a pretty classic horror, I remember it was about a coffee mill. One of those half-mechanical german ones from the fifties. The woman decided to grind her own coffee but once she started, even when she stopped there was a ticking sound coming from it that only stopped when she ground coffee. She was terrified that if she stopped grinding coffee the machine would explode. So she kept grinding coffee. All of her time was spent grinding 'coffee' and nevermind if it didn't look like coffee. She never ran out of 'coffee' but she could never stop. The story didn't end.

You know, classic horror stuff, Yellow Wallpaper style. Then it gets WEIRD.

The next 'story' was about a Ye Olde nobleman who maried a 13yo girl and, not wanting to wait for his heirs he got her pregnant. Later, for a reason I don't remember, some vindictive fairy or god or devil said they'd grant him a wish. He wished for immortality. And the devil/god/fairy said 'you will have immortality but you will only know peace when your wife makes it to her 14th birthday. If she dies before then, you will go straight to the deepest pits of torment that exist. We might make a new one up for you, you pedo.'

Here's the horror: the girl died giving birth a day before her 14th birthday. She had a girl. The man, presumably being fucking terrified, immediately went to a priest who was presumably drunk and suggested marrying his infant daughter the same day. So the man did. He tells this to no one and raises the girl like a proper daughter, except the devil/god/fairy wasn't born yesterday. The girl, who looked like the spit image of her mother, became pregnant shortly after her 13th birthday, even though she was a virgin. She dies a day before her 14th birthday. It's a girl. The man can see now how this punishment is meant to go.

Fast forward to modern day. His daughter is 13 and pregnant. But this is the modern day. Abortions are actually safer than bringing a baby to term, rather than drinking mercury and hoping it killed the baby faster than you. So he brings her to a clinic except there are pro-life protestors outside, and one of them shoots them both.

The man dies. The girl lives, but she is denied an abortion. Still, this time she was already in the hospital and survives the birth. Soon after she turns 14. Presumably the man is dead and at peace after learning his lesson for 500+ years.

The next story is actually the same one but from the girl's perspective. It wasn't actually the girl, but the creature that cursed the man and was furious he had gotten out of their deal on a loophole. So they posessed the baby and started the whole damn cycle hoping the guy would at some point fail to find a sufficiently corrupt priest willing to marry a grown man to an infant girl. Unfortunately corrupt priests are a dime a dozen in every generation, and the cycle continues. Eventually the man gets this parenting thing down pat, because he might be morally corrupt but he learns from his mistakes and he figures being a shit person to a little girl in his care was one of them. So in every cycle he actually takes care of his 'daughter' and cries when she 'dies' and the demon who cursed him starts feeling sorry for him.

So on the modern day, the devil/god/fairy child realises what's going on when they drive to the clinic and unfortunately they are still under contract, but they don't want to prolong his suffering. So they agitate a protester into shooting him, because the only way to actually get out of the contract is to die, but they survive the cycle and so he doesn't go to a special place in hell after all. Not very clear where he DOES go, however.

There was another 'story' that I don't even remember the details of that was about some guy being flung into hell, but he was very hairy so a giant wolf demon thought he was a sickly wolf cub and took him along with her cubs and he had to learn how to be a hellhound. Can't remember how that one ended.

So yeah. No meds after 11.

[asexual-spongebob]

ZaDr headcanons: part 3

you guys really like these posts huh?

part 1 , part 2.

note: these aren’t all wots related. some of still apply, some of em dont. Also applies to previous posts.

• Before they got to together, while they were still yearning for each other, they’d leave each other notes, addressed from their “secret admirer” and leave each other gifts. Dib fessed up to it first tho.

• They were both very touch and affection starved. Dib was very surprised at how affectionate Zim could be, same applies to Zim. He was surprised that Dib actually liked being cuddled and stuff.

• Zim fell first, Dib fell harder.

• Zim had a whole fucking crisis about it, and realized he was bi and that his whole thing with Tak was actually a genuine crush. Even if he no longer has those feelings for her. It was bawling and shit because Irkens aren’t allowed to have romantic feelings for each other (Tallests are the exception.) and that romance is a crime on Irk. And that it wasn’t “normal” to have those feelings.

But Computer was just like, in his deep robot voice “It’s okay to bi Zim.” And Gir chimed in and was like “yea it’s okay to b bi master!” And Zim started to slowly accept it.

• Dib pretty much always knew he was bi even if he didn’t know the word for it when he was little. When he discovered the word for it he was just like “oh that makes sense.” When he realized he had feelings for Zim he just panicking about the fact they were in love with their former nemesis and an alien.

he was just like “God… why the fuck did I have to fall in love with a stupid alien of all people!?”

•

They both became friends (thanks to Gretchen n Keef.) when they already realized their feelings for one another. One day Dib was just like “okay you know what I’m done w this bullshit.” And he kind of pulled Zim closer and they both are like “I WANT TO PUNCH YOU WITH MY MOUTH!!!” and they kissed.

Dib felt like his heart was going to explode with joy. And Zim felt the same feeling in his spooch. Meanwhile Gretchen and Keef were watching in the background and theyre just screaming with excitement and nearly explode from happiness .

oh and then Dib was like “do you want to be my boyfriend??” in like soft voice and Zim was just like “Zim would like that very much.” In the same tone, and Dib kissed the top of his head.

•

Dib is the only person who’s allowed to touch Zim’s antennae. He’s always super gentle with them though.

•

Sometimes they go on mini space trips. (the voot is faster than human rocket ships. Only takes a few hours to travel from planet to planet.) but they typically only stay in Earth’s orbit, and they cuddle and stargaze. They also tend to stargaze on Dib’s roof

• Zim likes to snuggle up on Dib’s chest and fall asleep. Who needs a pillow when you the Dib-thing.

• When Dib is too tired to get, Zim gently picks him up and carries him downstairs, and places him on couch to get some extra sleep. Dib does the same for Zim.

• Zim has gotten drunk off coffee before, and Dib took care of it after. And made sure to keep coffee far away from Zim.

• Dib often calls Zim pretty, beautiful handsome etc. Zim feels like it’s gonna explode from happiness every time .

be like.

“How’s my pretty bug :)”

*flattens antennae and looks at them sweetly*

• Dib feels a large sense of gender euphoria anytime Zim calls them handsome :)

• They protect each other and would definitely kill for one another.

• Zim has a skin routine. Dib only uses “9 in 1” for everything.

• (WotS specific.) Dib tried to teach Zim how to swim. Be like .

“It’s not that hard!” “Says the guy who’s a siren!”

• (WotS specific) Zim begs Dib to sing for xem.

• Zim learned how to make fried plantains for Dib. (Dib loves fried plantains.)

• Dib introduced Zim to strawberries, and Zim now has an unhealthy obsession with them.

• Dib likes giving Zim flowers. Zim also gives Dib his favorite flowers, red daisies.

• Zim sits on Dib’s lap if they’re waiting. Dib sometimes sits on Zim’s lap too.

• Zim shit talks Tak to Dib.

• Zim is very demanding and demands for pets. Dib gives in. Be like: “Pet Zim!” *pets*

• Zim lets out the loudest purrs around Dib. Dib jokingly calls xem a catbug.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

cry tears of puddles on ground here some incoherent snippets of what text partner about silco jinx father daughter dynamic that am going insane over rn hands n knees on ground begging sobbing n too busy do that to clean up or be coherent - n idk how much actual media analysis support by show evidence n how much it just me imagine things self insert wishful thinking - n there also may be from a few to many undescribed screenshots of season 1 because god have 100+ in camera roll

.

weak for father child esp found father child trope imperfect father but i will love you unconditionally i will try to be the best father can be for you even if i am irreparably messed up and so are you & imperfect child traumatized act out slowly losing grip with reality n will lash out will be rebellious ruin us all but you’ll be the best father i’ve ever had

(no diss on vanco tho)

him clumsily lift arm n hesitate n not know what to do not know if he should do not know how to do

subtle facial expression from “what’s going on what do i do” -> sadness (for powder n for his younger self) -> anger n determined n vengeful (for power n for his younger self) in span of seconds

“you’re my daughter. i’ll never forsake you.”

“don’t cry. you’re perfect.” AS HIS LAST WORDS

“show them. we’ll show them all” his voice echo after his death as she shoot missile. n she did. she did!!!!! to have so many people growing up not believe in her think her useless say that to her face - n her figure out how to use gemstone BY SELF with no previous guide!!! with no upside tech with only what she can get there!! build bombs now even viktor n jace n those people say near impossible disassemble without explode in face. n entire time silco believe in her BELIEVE IN HER SUPPORT HER. WE’ll show them. WE. n THEY DID!!!! they did!!! together!!!! he’s dead by time she fire missile but they really did. the fact his voice echo with her as she do it, fact that animation flash to his body as she do it— also fact that. every step of way they did. she top most demanded by name person, most threatening person.

doctor scene “are you ready to lose her” “she can take it.” FATHER

believing in her bc she can because she HIS daughter n HIS daughter can take it n also believing in her because he needs to he needs her so she will take it she make it she HAS TO because he can’t lose her he can’t be without her

a father who did objectively HORRIBLE things. with SHITTY morals but also REALLY HOPEFUL (word choice) ones in twisted way.

be complicated character who is shitty for flooding undercity with drugs be drug lord but in same time doing that because he truly want zaun freedom - like think it important emphasize its. not HIM be ruler of zaun at least not directly phrased that way but fact that zaun freedom. like he very much could just directly say “one day zaun be free n am rule over” but he didn’t say second part. he not altruistic by any means but also!!!! he is???

all that complicated cruel will-do-anything-to-achieve-his-goal-beyond-himself villain-ness in direct contract with having the ONE SOFT SPOT of his daughter who FUCKS SHIT UP who is DIFFICULT who UNCONTROLLABLE UNPREDICTABLE n he loves her UNCONDITIONALLY he spoils her gives her so many lee way

the fact that someone so fucked up someone so actively make things difficult for him. can be loved

no am don’t have issues at all

also calling jinx difficult n fucked up n ruin things with all love in world not in derogatory way. because. it’s like. am fucked up. am difficult. am severely traumatized. am want burn whole world down for leaving me behind for betray me. in many people eye am more trouble me than am worth. n idea of. a father who love me just the way that am call me perfect. even if. [ ].

n to call someone like that. perfect

n to. mean it.

to genuinely see n treat her as perfect

even after she mistakenly shoot you killing you - to be constantly put in jeopardy by her fucked up ness to be harmed n killed by her fucked up ness. to see mistake as just that - mistake. n to forgive you for that no questions asked to love you unconditionally despite that or even because of that. for her mistake cost you your life n for your last word be tell her don’t cry, that she perfect.

down to willing give up his whole dream whole goal whole purpose he fought for all these fucking years - thing he gave his entire life towards.

because he refuse give her up he refuse leave her abandon her use her as pawn

“you’re my daughter. i’ll never forsake you.” like genuinely truly believe he mean this he truly won’t take the deal with upside even if that mean zaun freedom because he refuse abandon jinx. he not just saying it to be manipulative or just saying be lying because he’s tied up with her have gun beside her he know she very much may fire

his “everyone betrayed you/us but i’ll never. am gave you everything” may be see as “you have no one but me” manipulative n maybe is but more importantly think that like. he genuinely believe that. like that his entire character origin. his entire motive.

the fact that she killed him n he don’t blame her one bit.

the fact the villain character clumsily learning how to take care of a child

he truly see her n treat her like her daughter not a pawn not a subject. more times than not instead of have her on leash as his subject he is leashed by her

to be so utterly broken n love someone

to be so utterly broken n be loved unconditionally by someone

two character who betrayed by entire world by people who once closest to them

n him swearing that he will never ever fucking do that to her. that they may not have other people they may have entire world against them but they have each other

n him FOLLOWING THAT down to his last breath

him not following that would have make his life n make more than his life so much easier

BUT HE REFUSE TO

also he didn’t betray her by lying to her that her sister is dead he genuinely believed her sister dead. leading to the funniest frame n line ever

“FROM THE DEAD???????”

[cassidy273]

Watching Shameless (US version) for the first time. I'll update this as I go.

Note: Please don't spoil anything. The most I know is a character named Debbie has a kid eventually.

Season 1 Episode 1: I'm sorry who the fuck names their child LIP-

Ian is giving off LGBTQIA vibes. Idk tho I might be wrong.

Did...did that child murder a cat?

LIAM IS SO CUTE OMG MY HEARTTTT

Kev and Veronica goddamn-

Why is Frank kinda...

Damn six updates before the fucking title screen.

GODDAMN FRANK AND FIONA ARE BOTH KINDA...

"You're almost nine, you're gonna have to start pulling your weight." made me CACKLE

THIS BITCH REALLY BROUGHT A WHOLE ASS BABY TO SHOW AND TELL-

I wanna execute those two guys who were saying that shit about Fiona at her job.

Midget Naked Witch Bending Over is a really good band name

Why is she going under the table I'm literally so confused-

WHAT THE FUCK

HOW THE FUCK DOES SCIENCE TURN YOU ON KAREN

Why was showing his bare ass necessary?

Lovely. I really wanted to see a guy looking at pictures of boobs today.

Those aren't boobs.

Wait omg my prediction was actually correct what the fuck-

Fiona's dress is literally so pretty omfg

WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP DISRESPECTING FIONA FIRST THOSE GUYS MAKE WEIRD COMMENTS ABOUT HER THEN SHE GETS FUCKING ROBBED

DON'T CALL HER A SKANK YOU DICK

Goddamn I forgot that guy's name but he punched that dick so I love him

I'm gonna take a shower I'll watch the rest after

I'm back y'all

The word 'knob-job' just rubs me the wrong way it just sounds so gross-

I was happy that the poor kid's name wasn't Lip but then I heard his name was Philip and that's even worse omg I feel so bad for him

Veronica is an ICON

WHY DID THEY START MAKING OUT WHAT THAT WAS LITERALLY SO RANDOM

Guys I don't think this show is very kid-friendly

BOTH OF THEM ARE ATTRACTIVE TO ME IDK WHO TO LOOK AT I THINK THIS IS WHAT A BI PANIC FEELS LIKE

THEY'RE NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE QUIET WHAT THE FUCK

I feel so bad for her she was almost there and then a fucking garda showed up

I'm gonna leave my laptop for a while sorry

I'm back again

Frank get out of the bar and take care of your kids omfg

He's such an asshole I love him-

OMGOMGOMGSTEVE'SBACK

Aw he's such a nice guy he's not bullying Philip because y'know his name is fucking Philip <3

I think Steve and Fiona might be the first straight ship I've liked in a long time-

Oh my god imagine being Ian like 'Hey, so um, I know I'm your brother and all, but I found your secret gay porn stash and also here's a blowjob from a girl who gave one to me. Enjoy!'

Karen's dad is such an asshole omg kiss your wife dude.

OH MY FUCKING GOD IF I WAS IAN I WOULD LITERALLY EXPLODE RIGHT THERE IMAGINE A GIRL IS SUCKING YOUR YOU KNOW WHAT UNDER THE TABLE AND THEN HER DAD PULLS BACK THE TABLECLOTH I WOULD ACTUALLY DIE

I'M SORRY IS HE TRYING TO BEAT UP THESE KIDS FOR HAVING SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS WITH HIS DAUGHTER

I'm actually dying oh my god that fucking greenscreen as Lip jumped out the window-

I love all of Veronica's outfits she slays so hard

Ew uncensored penis

HE BOUGHT HER A NEW WASHER STEVE IS SO NICE

"Hey! You honour thy father!" "GET FUCKED!" Karen is so iconic

Fiona going 'Please tell me you didn't get some girl pregnant' to her gay brother killed me

DEBBIE IS LITERALLY SO INNOCENT AND KIND I LOVE HER SO MUCH I HOPE SHE DOESN'T TURN OUT LIKE HER DAD-

Steve is the only straight man other than Robert Smith we need as a society.

Never mind. The phrase 'This whole city belongs to the Jennas, and I'm sick of them' sounded a lot like 'You're not like other girls' which is the worst compliment ever.

NEVER MIND X2 I WISH SOMEONE WOULD TALK TO ME LIKE THIS-

Omg I thought he left her for a second and I was so fucking pissed

Imagine you gave a bj to two different guys (WHO ARE BROTHERS) and the first guy's all like 'Hey, did you give my brother a BONER??'

WAIT HOW OLD IS IAN AND HOW OLD IS THE MARRIED SHOP GUY BECAUSE IF THEY'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR I GOTTA GOOGLE THIS

IAN'S FUCKING FIFTEEN WHAT THE ACTUAL DAMN DIDDLY FUCK

'He's done nothing to be sorry for' AYO DUDE

I love Frank so fucking much-

SHOTSSHOTSHOTSHOTSHOTSHOTSSHOTS

I literally forgot Carl existed I feel so bad

Is it just me, or does Lip kinda look like Shia LaBeouf when he played Stanley Yelnats?

AWWW STEVE IS SO NICE

Final Thoughts:

That was so good, and I'm probably gonna not watch it again for a few weeks like what normally happens with shows I like.

[unofficially-ace]

Star thoughts/liveblog (spoilers ahead ofc)

- If Splashtail is holding kittens hostage have you guys tried….driving him out? It’s literally one guy against the whole of Riverclan, just keep him away from the kits and there won’t be an issue???

- The conflict is kinda stupid I can’t lie, this could be solved if everyone in Riverclan wasn’t such a dumbass

- Cloverfoot is going to die in this battle I can smell it

- I can’t believe we’re getting fascism explained to us through warrior cats

- Berryheart fell down the crunchy mom -> alt right pipeline real

- This book is making me like Tigerheartstar wtf

- Frostpaw I would die for you

- Harestar you’re the most annoying mf ever please die

- What is it with Riverclan and their camp being turned into a prison every other series

- Graysludge and Mistslime are objectively hilarious names

- What happened to Splashtail being compelling why is he just cartoonishly evil and insane now

- There are not enough supporters of Splashtail to make give this any stakes come onnnn, he has like 5 people actually on his side

- I love Berryheart she’s so fucked up

- Wtf is Owlnose doing, why is he siding with Splashtail for no reason??

- Sunbeam you are so stupid my god

- ‘She didn’t realise what she was doing’ yes she did lmao

- RIP Berryheart you were the most compelling villain of the series

- That makes 2 dead female villains and we’re stuck with the boring male one….

- Owlnose you just killed someone don’t try and make me feel bad for you

- ‘The last thing she ever did was save you’ just like Curlfeather….the parallels…

- This feels like setup for Froststar ngl

- I can’t believe Nightheart is the only guy with a braincell here

- Is fogstar going to be a thing??? She hasn’t even been mentioned once before this book

- Riverclan is so stupid it actually pains me

- Why are we still calling them Greysludge and Mistslime that’s literally so mean lol, just call them by their apprentice names

- The tension is actually really good

- Not exactly liking how Splashtail seems to be genuinely mentally I’ll and that’s why he’s evil…

- He’s fuckin dead and we’re only halfway through?? Now what?

- So glad Frostpaw got to be the one to kill him though, that was so satisfying

- Riverclan you can justify all you want but at the end of the day you’re fuckin stupid

- The second he started doing murders y’all should’ve turned on him and it would all be fine

- Hi Mothwing when did you get here

- Lol fuck those guys (fognose and breezeheart)

- Goddamn Berryheart’s funeral scene is some of the best writing I’ve seen in a warriors book for a while, these are genuinely interesting emotions to explore

- Ewww I don’t wanna think about frost having a crush on splash stop bringing this up my god

- Oh fuck yes Frostpaw and Curlfeather angst

- If the rest of this book is just emotional conflict I will be more than happy with it

- Don’t kill off Frostpaw I swear to god

- Kate Cary I’m putting my trust in you

- This scene would make an incredible animation

- Might be my new favourite chapter of warrior cats ever holy shit that SLAPPED

- Fuck off Nightheart I need more Frostpaw

- Having Nightsky and Nightheart is so confusing

- Thunderclan can’t go two seconds without an argument (usually started by Lionblaze)

- I kinda love this type of conflict, it’s much more interesting than Splashtail being crazy

- Podlight is still here???

- Tree does something as a mediator for the first time ever

- Who tf is emberstar (if they’re relevant in Riverstar’s SE then I haven’t read it lol)

- The fact that I genuinely can’t tell if Frostpaw will survive is so good

- Please let the rest of the chapters be Frostpaw I don’t gaf about the others right now

- Whistlebreeze is the cutest name

- Frostdawn!!!! Also cute as fuck

- ICESTAR REALLLLL LETS GO

- Oh my god this chapter is gonna make me cry

- Sunbeam is pregnant and I want to explode

- And that’s a wrap on ASC , genuinely actually enjoyed this book, especially the second half. The emotional conflict was really interesting I gotta be honest, Frostdawn’s almost-dead scenes were so fun and had really good tension. The conflict with Splashtail ended up getting really stale, I’m glad he was killed halfway through because I couldn’t have dealt with that being dragged out for a whole book

[mihstar]

I think I've seen this film before: Chapter one

My notes: No beta reader. Second chapter is way better. Thanks for all the support again @elliespuns @wicked--loving--lies @xxx-silhouette-xxx @et-cant-phone-home-no-signal and all the others who supported❤️

Summary: The world hates Joel, but he has ellie to make things a little better in this universe too

Joel should've know he must be the unluckiest motherfucker alive, at this point.

It ain't something he would lament about, It's just something he figured out as long as he can remember. When he was a boy, for example. He always have been a good child; never been a two-goody-shoes by any means but never been a bully and disrespected his elders either - the few times he threw some punches was because some kid or another tried to mess with him or his baby brother. But that didn't stopped his father - his role fucking model - from leaving Joel and his family just a week before Thanksgiving, passing the role of man of the house to Joel, who was just 14 years old by that time.

("Why do I have to be grateful for somethin'? He left all of us!" Tommy's voice was something high-pitched as he stormed out of the dinner table and ran to his room. Joel went after him, of couse, where he spent half an hour having a heart to heart with Tommy and trying to make a nine year old boy understand that his daddy leaving wasn't the end of their family. He also convinced him to come back for their holiday dinner with only three seats, his mother's grateful and brittle smile in his direction when they came back wasn't enough to make him feel less like shit).

Or in high school, when he finally conquered Grace Howard's heart and no longer after got her pregnant, consequence of their first real night together. That pregnancy was the best thing that ever happened in his life, God knows that, but the way it happened was too rushed for both of them. He felt like the whole world was against them. (And when Grace also left him with their one-year-old baby, because parenthood and Joel weren't worth staying for. Just like his father thought. This was one of the times that he felt most incapable.)

Hell, even on his birthday 20 years ago the world decided to get more complicated than it already was; life suddently becoming just a blurry of kill and survive to everyone. (Blood staining his shirt and arms while Sar-she was grasping for air that wouldn't fill her lungs, cries of pain merging with his own pleads. All Joel could think was that this wasn't supposed to be happening to them-)

So yeah, Joel is used to all the sort of shit happening to him, or being at the wrong place in the wrong time.

That's why he also should've guessed that the fireflies would start bombing in the middle of the street. Right near where he is.

Joel coughs dryly, his body heavy on the asphalt and painful from the impact of the explosion. His back will probably give him shit later for that. He looks around, eyes struggling to see anything other than people passing by him and dust. At least he already delivered those weapons, he thinks as he gets up and takes a look where the bomb exploded. There's a military vehicle destroyed across the street, fire and smoke coming from every part of it. The siren is already ringing, and the curfew warning is clear and loud for everyone to hear. Joel needs to get out of here, now.

So he follows the rest of the people that were also caught in the line of fire, not sure where that fucking came from or if there would be others. Out of the corner of his left eye, he notices a woman trying to walk with one leg bleeding, going in the opposite direction he is. A guy, young enough to be her son, tries to help her walk. That's the thing with the fireflies, he thinks bitterly. They can brainwash the Tommies in the world with their cheap good-samaritan propaganda all they want, but in the end, they're just greedy scumbags; stepping on whoever is in the middle of all this shit.

His legs are moving in one motion, he's just two blocks away from his place. Tess is probably home already like she was earlier, so joel doesn't have to worry about her in the streets right now. He just needs to walk faster and the day is over.

But when he was just about to turn the corner, he almost trips on his own feet.

Joel just has time to hear some curses from the people around him as Fedra soldiers arrive on the street with heavy boots echoing against the ground before shit hits the fan.

"Take this motherfuckers!" Some voice roars with rebellion from some building above him.

The shots start before he even blinks.

"You have to be fucking kidding me-"

The commotion around him increases; people running to the opposite side as the guards advance down the street, some of them already falling on their knees with holes on their bodies as the rest of them seem to shoot blindly. He hears some yelps of pain and some people shouting near him. He's walking as fast as he can, trying to come up with a strategy on how he could get back to the apartment without passing by their crossfire and at the same time try not to draw attention to him - he recalls some residents that were mistaken for fireflies before, and the end of most of them wasn't pretty.

But as he moves in agile steps and adrenaline courses through him, he can't help but feel that all of his body screams that something is off. He wants to move faster, he knows he can do better than this - but his legs begin to shake and he doesn't even have to look at himself to know he's pale. Something is wrong.

"Watch your step!" His shoulder bumps with a short man and he's looking at him up and down for a second, like he's judging. However, Joel watches the guy's arched brows and sour expression morprhs to something almost shocked when he looks at Joel's flannel before he turns back to his way to scape the crossfire. Joel follows his line of sight.

Fresh blood gushes slowly from his body, and it runs down the worn green cloth.

He got shot.

"Fuck" He hisses, pressing his hand to the wound, his hand getting wet quickly and the pain finally hitting him. He was so occupied trying to sort what the fuck was going on that he hadn't even noticed that someone had shot him. The bullet came from the fireflies or Fedra? It doesn't matter, he thinks as he begins to walk, each step with a groan. He needs to fucking hide, wait for this freak show to end so he can go home.

His head was begining to spin by the time he enters an empty alley, letting his 56-year-old back rest on the wall bricks and his ass lay on the ground. Above both sides of him are apartments, and a huge dumpster was a bit far.

He would already be home by now, is the only thing that passes through his mind as his blood drops hit the concrete. He would be on his place resting for the rest of the fucking day but instead he's here, bleeding in a fucking alley because he got shot by God-knows-who. "Dammit... dammit." He breaths, his hear beating fast and his wound throbbing.

There's a big graffiti on the wall that faces him, When you're lost in the darkness written in an ugly shade of green with the Firefly logo above it.

It's the last thing Joel sees before he blacks out.

[howlingday]

Beacon Class of '24

Warning: The following dialogue contains material that may be too hostile and disturbing. Reader discretion is advised.

-----------------------------------------

Yang: Is this what cam-girls feel like?

Weiss: I feel like cam-girls do a little more than we did.

Yang: At least those girls get paid! We have to flirt with that dork for free!

Weiss: It's not for free. We lost a bet. We don't get paid, it's just hoin' pro-bono.

Yang: Why would put up flirting with Jaune in the first place?

Weiss: What? You thought Blake could steal that hot dog roller?

Yang: Well, no, but... Ugh... That whole class yesterday. "Wow, Jaune~! Your One Piece drawings are so good~!" Ick!

Weiss: That's not the worst part. Everyone had to watch us do that was the worst part.

Yang: And he probably won't leave me alone for a month now. He's gonna go home and make characters of us in his games.

Weiss: He'll probably make us in Larceny at Large.

Yang: You can make characters in Larceny at Large?

Weiss: Do I look like bitch who would know?

Yang: Whatever. God, I need Mygone. (Fiddles in bra) H-Hey, where'd-?!

Weiss: (Pops pill in mouth)

Yang: Bitch, that was my last Mygone! How'd you take that?!

Weiss: Quick hands. Hm. Mygone and titties. What a combo.

Yang: Goes together like peanut butter and Pain-Away.

Weiss: This is true!

Yang: Ugh, yeah, he kept doing that, too! Like he has to be a fucking expert or something.

Weiss: It can't be worse than, "Uh... Okaaay?"

Yang: FUCK! I HATED how he said that!

Weiss: Like he has to be the gay comic relief cat in a fucking Whimsy cartoon.

Yang: This is true~.

Weiss: This is true~!

Yang: Quite the interesting outfit~.

Weiss: Yes, indeed~.

Yang: Stop screaming, we're having sex~!

Pyrrha: What are you girls up to? It sounds like you had a class with Jaune.

Weiss: She has BurgerQueen! Pyrrha, where'd you get BurgerQueen?!

Pyrrha: ...BurgerQueen.

Weiss: Bitch, give me a fry!

Pyrrha: Is that how you ask?

Weiss: Bitch, please give me a fry!

Yang: And yeah, we had a class with Jaune.

Pyrrha: (Feeds Weiss a fry) I could tell. He was drawing pictures the whole class.

Yang: No...

Weiss: What were we doing in the pictures?

Pyrrha: Just cute things, like holding hands and making kissy faces.

Yang: Weiss, we're gonna get murdered! We're gonna get murdered by a guy who gets motion sickness from riding a fucking bike!

Weiss: At least he won't torture us, since he'd get even more motion sick from carrying our bodies.

Pyrrha: Yes, well, I ripped them up. Not because I'm jealous or anything, but because I respect you both too much. I'm definitely not into Jaune at all.

Yang: You're the best, P-Money~!

Pyrrha: I know. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go sell the janitor Drow-Zs. Later. (Leaves)

Weiss: She has got to be the hottest bitch ever.

Yang: I love her hair.

Weiss: ...Hey, what's gayer? Dating a girl or wanting a girl to have sex with your dead body?

Yang: Uh... Dating a girl?

Weiss: (Sighs) Yup. Still straight.

POP!

Yang: What the hell was that?

Weiss: It's probably the air conditioning unit exploding again.

Yang: Oh... Fuck, that scared the shit out of me.

POP! POP!

Yang: Huh. That's a lot of AC units.

Goodwitch: (Via PA) Attention faculty and students, we are in an emergency lockdown. Please follow emergency guidelines.

Yang: ...What the fuck was that about?

POP! POP! POP!

Jaune: (Muffled) COME AND GET SOME!

Weiss: Is that...

Yang: Jaune's fucking snapped! We gotta get the fuck outta here!

Weiss: Huh...

Yang: What do you mean, "huh"?! Let's go!

Weiss: Relax, Yang. There's no way he'd come for us. He likes us, so we're the last people he'd want to kill. Just chill out.

Yang: Easy for you to say! YOU TOOK MY LAST MYGONE! (Runs to door)

Yang: (Walks back)

Weiss: I thought you were escaping.

Yang: The doors are locked down.

POP!

Weiss: Oof... That was a big one.

Yang: You won't be in Volume 4.

Cardin: (Muffled) Is this because I ripped up your anime books?

Jaune: THEY'RE NOT ANIME BOOKS! THEY'RE CALLED MANGA!

POP!

Jaune: MAAANGAAAAAA!

POP! POP! POP!

Jaune: Anime girls are better than real women!

[sobredunia]

tell me about Fez, please, im looking through your blog and like, i am intrigued

please click read more for an unskippable cutscene

ALRIGHT SO.

FEZ is an indie game created by a (now hated on the internet) guy called Phil Fish. If you wanna find out why he's hated do your own research this isn't about him it's about his videogame

It came out on april 13th of 2012 (yes. homestuck day. i know), and it sold over a million copies by the end of 2013. I've tried finding how many copies have been sold up to this day in total but didn't find anything, but the general gist is that it was pretty much an instant hit, and people absolutely loved it, working together to solve its intricate puzzles even to this day. Yes, there are mysteries hidden in here that an entire community of dedicated fans still hasn't found the solution to 11 years later

(tiny warning here, do not play this game if you have motion sickness or are severely affected by rapidly changing images, there are whole areas that are a doozy to play through. Please stay safe!)

Gameplay

Fez has a singular core mechanic that remains unchanging throughout the entire course of the game, and that is the ability to change perspectives

this is what the game looks like, a 2d pixelated landscape with tons of beautiful colors

but.

this is what the game also looks like

that's right, baby, this shit's actually in 3d

you use this change of perspective nonstop throughout your adventure, to cross gaps like demonstrated in the gif, or to simply access places you couldn't in that current perspective. There are other tiny mechanics that get added, like invisible platforms, crates and buttons, bombs, timed platforms that disappear... they add a bit of flavor, but the main mechanic is always there

There's also a really big emphasis on puzzles towards the latter half of the game, but I'll get more into it later

Story motivations

Your name is Gomez, you are a tiny little guy living in a cozy 2d village that you have never ever left. One day, an old man named Geezer sends you a letter asking you to climb to the top of the village. There, a giant fucking cube appears outta nowhere, teleports you to a satanic ritual, then to the vaccum of space, speaks to you in a strange language you cannot understand, and gives you a free hat. Oh and also he explodes or something

After you're given the hat, the fez, you discover that the world is actually in 3d, and you can now change perspectives. You unlock the core mechanic

After that, you wake up in your room with the fez still on your head, and a being in 4d called Dot is sent from who knows where to tell you that the cube that gave you the hat is called Hexahedron, is actually technically kinda god, and you fucking killed him. Now, your mission is to pick up its 64 pieces and reconstruct him

You see all those tiny golden cubes? You have to collect 8 of them to make a bigger cube, and you need to collect 32 of those

Now hold on, I hear you ask, didn't you just say that you need to collect 64 pieces? Why are you changing your mind and saying 32?

Because, my dear friend, there is another type of cube that you have to also collect

These are called anticubes. Y'know, "a negative for every positive" type of stuff. You have to also collect 32 of those

The main difference between an anticube and a normal cube is that they aren't broken into 8 pieces, when you find one it'll be whole. You can also sometimes encounter full golden cubes btw, but they're rarer than its normal tiny pieces that you collect. Another main difference is that these cubes are much, much harder to find, and I'll go into detail in the next section

There's also this one hub area, with four doors that will only open once you have enough cubes (anticubes also count)

Once you open the door with 16 cubes, you'll enter this one town filled with people that aren't quite like you. In there there's yet another door that will open when you get 32 cubes, so get to gathering motherfucker, you got a long way ahead of you

Puzzles (anticube edition)

When you collect that first anti cube, there is no going back. The floodgates have opened and you are now too deep in. You know too much. You must see this to the very end, for better and especially for the worse

The puzzles in fez are actually surprisingly varied when it comes to difficulty and accessibility. Most likely, the first anticube you'll find will be in this one room. You'll scan the qr code and do the instructions it says, and then the horror of your new life will begin

But this is just the tip of the iceberg, because BOY OH BOY are anticubes convoluted to find in some cases

Sometimes you'll get them by solving relatively easy puzzles, like this one

others will require a bit more thinking, like this one

and then we have the hardest ones where you'll have to learn how to read words, numbers, and commands in the FEZ language

and these arent even the hardest bullshit puzzles the game will pull at you. it gets worse. it gets so much worse

Game ending

Surprisingly enough, you can get a game ending with just 32 cubes. In fact, it is literally impossible to get the 64 cube ending without the 32 cube one unless you have outside help, you know the answer to all puzzles, or you somehow get extremely lucky in a very specific number of rooms

Behind the 32 cube door there's a giant gate that, and I shit you not, teleports you into fucking space

Aliens are canon in the fez lore and they look like squids

Once you reach the top of the alien temple fucking thing, you enter an eye(?) and there you meet the shell of god, the Hexahedron. Since you haven't gathered all 64 cubes, it fails to reconstruct, and it breaks down. This part is pretty dangerous for people with epilepsy, by the way, as there's rapidly changing black and white colors. The 64 cube ending is a bit easier in the eyes, but yeah, just a heads up

In the 32 cube ending, you get sent back home, and you see how the town gets more and more pixelated. Then you see a weird sequence that's like those videos of people really zooming in into things and you see the particles and microscopic stuff?? idk. and then you see Gomez playing the drums :D

After that, you wake up in your room, still with your Fez, and the same sequence at the start of the game plays out. You go to the top of the village, Geezer summons a giant fucking cube, you meet god, but instead of getting another fez, you get cool glasses, that allow you to finally solve a batch of puzzles you couldn't see before and you can finally gather the last anticubes

In the 64 cube ending, the Hexahedron reforms correctly, and instead of zooming in, it zooms out. You see that your world is a tiny cube next to many tiny cubes, and then those tiny cubes form a 4d entity that looks just like Dot, and then those many Dots next to eachother zoom out until they're nothing but static, and then it looks like a tv is turned off, and then the credits roll

They're both very strange endings, and definitely not what a lot of players expected or wanted, but what can you do

Puzzles (hell edition)

NOW.

You thought that was the end?

You thought you could simply walk away scot free?

You thought that this game had no more last "fuck you"s up in its arse?

You thought fucking wrong

Because you know that something's not right

Because you're in too deep

You've played this far. You've scrolled this far.

You have to see how this ends

You have to tie up the last loose ends

You see this? This is the game's map. It actually has a really clever design! Not only are the icons for the areas cubes, but you can also change perspectives like how you do in-game! Pretty cool, right? There are also some small indicators you can see on the bottom left. They mark if you've left any cubes, bits, treasures, or locked doors. They also mark any secrets you might have left! And they turn golden once you've found everything there is in that room, including secrets

If you were normal (let's imagine that for a bit, okay?) and you got the 64 cube ending, that's it, right? You've gathered every cube, you've gathered every map (you need them to get all cubes), you've gotten every key and opened every locked door, that should be it, right? You have everything the game asked you to have, so the whole map should be golden, right?

...right?

No! :D you fucking fool, you poor summer child

In fact, there are three rooms left. Three rooms left with a secret symbol next to them, and one other special room

First, we'll talk about the special room

Once you gather 64 cubes, you'll be able to open a door hidden on an unsuspecting island and access this one special room

kinda weird, right? It has a tileset that appears nowhere else in the game, same with its background. There's also a strange transparent heart over it? Strange

Now, the three ungolden rooms

First, the observatory, the room with the easiest puzzle, at least in comparison with the other two

Second, you have whatever the fuck this is. In order to solve this one, you HAVE to know the Fez language, no ifs or buts. Not only that, but there's a high chance that you were reading the language the wrong way, so in order to have the remote chance to solve this mf you'll have to git gud and realise the error of your ways

And last, but definitely not least

The most infamous room in the entire game aside from maybe the heart room previously shown

This cunt

These three are the hardest challenges the game has to offer, no exaggeration. And also, the first two rooms can be solved at any point of your adventure, but for the third one you HAVE to have completed the 32 cube ending, no workarounds

Now, how to solve them?

If you go to the observatory at night, you'll notice two red blinking stars in the corner. They're speaking in binary code, with one being 1 and the other being 0. Then, that binary has to be translated into a buncha diff languages to be decoded, and once you're done you'll be left with a set of commands that you'll enter in the observatory to get a special red cube that not even Dot, the motherfucker in 4 dimensions that knows things beyond our comprehension, knows what it is

For the second room in fez language, you'll need to answer a question with the cubes provided to you. It's a weird thing where you have to mix this word with the name of the company who made the game, I don't know man. Once you've answered you'll get the second red cube

And now, the third room

Commonly denominated the black monolith room

Why is there no black monolith?

Because you have to make it appear

First, you have to get this burnt map

Behind it, there's a string of code that translates into commands

You need to get into the room, and use the special ability given to you in the 32 cube ending: first perspective mode

You'll have to stand in the tiny square inside this infinity symbol thing that doesn't have a line in it (basically, not the one the screenshot is looking at lol), and then you'll have to do the commands

Once you do it, the black monolith will appear

Okay, you did it

You put the code correctly

Now what?

This isn't a collectable. This isn't a red cube. This doesn't do anything. What is this? How do I solve this puzzle

You wanna know the answer?

Who fucking knows

No one knows the answer to this. No one knows how to solve this. The community solved this a week after launch by bruteforcing it. I shit you not they made a bot that spewed random fez inputs and people just tried them until they got the correct solution

No one knows how it's meant to be solved. To this day, people still go on the r/fez subreddit to give their theories on what the intended solution was meant to be

They have tried everything

The position of the candles, the boiler room, some other random ass rooms that look remotely similar to the black monolith room, a random shower room, it somehow being on a book in the game that's just filled with haikus??, some bullshittery mobius strip mental gymnastics, the other half of the code being in an abandoned airport in Arizona...

...whatever the fuck this is...

by far the most known theory was the release date theory

but that got disproven by one of the devs a few years ago

but anyways, we've already gone through insanity for long enough, it's time to be normal now

Once you've gathered all of the red pieces, they will appear in the heart room

that's it

we're done

.

..

...

....almost

there's a secret code

one that was actually intended to be datamined for once lmao

If you look at certain artifacts in the menu and you rotate them a certain way in a certain order, the heart will vanish and the screen will turn white

you'll be sent back to the menu, and if you load that save file and go back into the temple...

there will be nothing waiting for you there

that, my friend, is the true end of Fez

You wanted to know too much, you wanted to learn everything, to the point of wanting to tear open a creation that took blood, sweat, tears, and five years to complete. And now there is nothing. You ignored the game's boundaries of only wanting to let you know this much, and now the game is empty, the love is gone, and there is nothing left for you here

You can leave now, I hope you're satisfied

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Fall Off 5

(Ratings: M - f reader)

Something was wrong since they had come back, a heavy smothering silence instead of the glorious return they had always promised. And at the center of it, Abby, quiet- silent, and upset. A face of  ‘incredulous’ across it all.

 You remember sitting in the cafeteria, Leah the traitor by your side. 

It had been a damn ambush, a trap!

"Oh, its gonna be just me and Jordan, don't worry! Just come!”

As if forcing proximity would somehow improve things. It didn't, at all. Fucker.

The only change, perhaps, was that now you'd include Leah in your next ‘meltdown’. 

Its just- Had she really, seriously, not seen how fucking bad you had been? How, how could she? Wasn't she all you had left? Maybe your last fri-! 

Stop considering people friends, you dumb fuck! It's your fault it's your fault it's your fault

But it is them. 

And it is her.

... And Abby

Wathever. You were furious, seething, biting over and over tiny pieces of bread, fighting to swallow them, your throat closed with rage. And heartbreak. Leah was dead to you from now- Wait, that wasn't enough, by god you were going to push her down a set of stairs. But! Just-

Ahh!

Her, her pathetic yapper, and the bunch of nobodies were kind of playing into the ‘all good’. Abby herself -all the way at the other end of the table-. Although, at the very least, she looked very upset, way more than the others, not raising her eyes even once from her plate. That alone did motivated you to stay. 

Well, things were shit between them, the whole group. And now that you were close to observe? You loved it. 

Whatever revelation on their long journey, It wasn't unbearable, like with you when they, she, left without you. But maybe… maybe if they repressed it enough, it would explode in the shape of them killing each other…

“So, maybe we should go visit this ‘communist heaven’ next vacation” Nora ‘joked’? It sucked and it landed terrible. The only laugh was from Nick. Why was that geezer here? Abby did lock her grip on the small fork, tremblimg with the force. Yes! Go ahead ‘babygirl’, stab Nora, or Nick, or whatever. Whatever!

Manny scoffed tiredly “Right, let's go grow potatoes” followed by a couple of sarcastics ‘ha, yeah’ from the most participatory clowns.

“What are you talking about?” Leah had asked, apparently upset that there were inside jokes her boyfriend hadn’t yet shared with her. Jordan shrugged, tired himself, deciding to save it as the clown by excellence. No one else was going to explain it, you knew.

“The settlement, uh, you know, the town? Ha! They were like a lame bunch of cowboys, babe. No training, no nothing. Just like, a rifle by their side, tops. Not even fucking cars, babe, pure horses! It was like, fucking ridiculous, babe.”

           And on a horse you were, babe, a woman sitting behind you. Your things were somewhere with the other riders, getting searched. As a precaution they had cuffed your hands, and emptied your pockets, not caring to restock the leaves, as if it had been trash that had gotten into your clothes. Who doesn't appreciate a good leave? And handcuffs, like actual handcuffs?!

The big doors opened, more people up and around with ready guns. 

Maybe they did get a decent amount of visits, not giving you that many second glances. Average day.

Every step of the horse had you rethinking your reality: houses and more houses, and street after street- It was a fucking town- a city, for this world standars, brimming with life. ‘Settlement my ass, Jordan’ 

People here and about, walking and talking, kids playing, some elders sitting by a table. No uniforms, or jeeps with soldiers… Your eyes brimmed with tears. 

<Prev Next>

[istherewifiinhell]

i also want to give u megs and his duplicitous sluts but i have not sorted out their names to memory. the ones i enjoyed from the clips and any other ones he may have that make a fun duo with him

GOD BLESS U KFHBGJHDF o777

technically in terms of duplicitous sluts i feel like thats just screamer, and a small minority of like. only in one show guys (knock out the gay car, par example). (assuming meaning = duplicitous TO megs) beast wars megs, whose crew is made of entirely of ppl who want to over throw him, minus two extremely horny for him (googles how ants are related to scorpions) Antropods. is an outlier and is not being counted.

but i CAN do u. megstar variations. plus extras.

also COMPLETE opposite of a duplicitous slut megs and his most loyal guy sound.wave (tape deck guy. deadpan guy) is a constant standby classic. competency ship. and comedy gold. and even tho i dont like the show it gets extra comedy points in prime cause that megs is completely off his shit fucked up over the meg.op breakup and (plot bullshit) cursed amulet rocks. i DO think this specific sounders is like. probably ready to explode about how badly this whole operation is going. also all megs are fond of creatures (bond villian ass trait) and he comes with em. so makes sense if tf was a world ruled by logic (its not) and mid compelling.

knock out is only duplicitous when hes following screamer to over throw megs but he has the MUCH higher quotient survival instincts so WILL chicken out and run away. AGAIN in a world with a less divorced megs this would be funny. most deadly guy every and his little unserious fop. who does violence and medical malpractice for fun. does NOT make sense. compels me for its LACK

SAME show meg.star is like. this show is logically challenged. so it doesnt make sense. nothing they do makes sense. its not HIGH on the compells me scale cause its not very cunty either. but theres merits. its. extant.

cv meg.star. already made that post. more unstable variant in the makes sense stat. im eating it up tho.

g1 meg.star THE GOAT!!! makes sense TO MEEEE. Compels MEEEEE. this is cartoon universe with cartoon logic its like tom and jerry romance. please. makes sense in context. COMPELLING

animated meg.star. essentially the same as g1 but screamer basically actually kills megs in ep 1 and when megs gets his body back he kills screamer right back. but. (plot magic crystal) screamer becomes unkillable so. they just go back on to trying to kill each other. EXPLAINED IN UNIVERSE. makes sense slapstick. slightly less compels me personally BUT not its fault.

arm.ada meg.star. THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY REAL AND SAD. instead of an over throwing screamer this one turncoated to the good guys. and hes so conflicted and sad and whatever. wet cat. this arm megs actually beat screamer in a duel and was like. well maybe one day youll get good enough to beat me (chewing glass). AND for the final arc of. the bots and cons have to work together. megs too driven by his own shit to see the.. (handwave) existential threat to them all. oppie is fighting him (their normal way of solving debates) and screamer actually BUTTS IN like. this is MY dramatic emotional gay fight scene. gets fatally wounded on purpose just to ask megs to work with them. 'do it for me'. LITERALLY REAL MAKES SENSE in a tragic failed way. infinitely compelling.