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hockeylvr59 · 5 years ago

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Secret Love Part 19 || Cale Makar

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: Was hoping to come home to Cale having poured a me a glass of wine ready to celebrate my externship (and me surviving the longest day of my week)....sadly that’s just not reality and this is the only Cale I’ve got so...it’ll just have to do I suppose.

Warnings: moderate angst, internet trolls.

Word Count: 2,443

~~~~~

You were in the middle of a house showing when your phone started buzzing incessantly. Not wanting to seem unprofessional, you ignored it as you talked with your clients about the features of the house before sending them to explore on their own for a few minutes.

Checking your phone you saw that you had missed three calls from Laura. There was no reason for her to be calling you repeatedly unless something was wrong and you quickly called her back, your heart pounding.

“Hey mom I’m in the middle of a showing, what’s up?”

“Have you heard from Cale today?” She asked.

“Not since first thing this morning…” You replied, anxiety growing. “Mom what’s going on?”

“Cale’s not answering his phone. We don’t know where he’s at.” You could hear Gary in the background as the two of them rambled back and forth. “Y/N...there are some pretty nasty rumors online about him…”

Your heart plummeted to the ground and your stomach twisted violently.

“Send me screenshots?” You pleaded. After just a minute or two, images flooded your phone that made you want to physically vomit.

Guess even a Calder trophy winner can be a deadbeat dad.

He’s on vacation while she’s waitressing...classy move there Cale.

Guess he’s not so perfect after all is he? #quinnshouldhavewonthecalder

Hearing the footsteps of your clients, you pocketed your phone attempting to mask all of the emotions rushing through your mind. After chatting with them about the house, you moved to leave and though you had planned to take them to see two more, your heart just wasn’t in it. Explaining that a family emergency had just popped up, you promised them you would reschedule as soon as possible before sliding into your car.

Your attempt to get ahold of Cale went straight to voicemail and you groaned just wishing he would pick up. Opening first instagram and then twitter you realized just what had started it all. The avs had posted a summer update about Cale with a few pictures from Iceland that he must have sent their pr department. The top reply on twitter linked an instagram post from Sara’s page where she was obviously pregnant and wearing a waitressing uniform. Her vague status read ‘working for that dough since my baby daddy is useless’ You’d barely looked at all and you were already furious and devastated, you couldn’t even imagine how Cale was feeling.

Driving home, you called your favorite coworker pleading with her to take what appointments of yours today she could before calling the rest to reschedule. With your work commitments being taken care of, your plan was to go home and change before trying to find Cale. The moment you pulled in your driveway, however, you felt your heart settle because that was definitely Cale’s car. Dialing Laura’s number again you shut your car door quietly, not sure what state you’d find Cale in on the other side of your front door.

“Hey mom...his car is here. I don’t know what I’m about to find but you know I’ll do everything I can…” Laura insisted that you could call right back if there was anything you needed and after hanging up with her, you slipped your key into the lock, pushing your way inside.

The house was quiet and after toeing off your shoes, you padded down the hall in search of your boyfriend. The sight that met you as you reached your bedroom door broke your heart. Cale was curled up on your bed, his shoulders shaking with sobs.

Crawling in beside him, not caring if your dress got rumpled, you pulled his head to your chest, cradling his large frame as best you could.

“I’m here...I got you.” You whispered, one hand scratching gently over his scalp while the other ran up and down his back. Though Cale buried his head against you, he didn’t react otherwise and you felt his tears gathering against your skin. “What can I do Cale?” You whispered eventually, hating the helpless feeling this situation had left you with.

The silence of Cale’s response made you swallow hard. You wanted to scream from the rooftops about how people were making false assumptions, how Cale was the victim in this not his ex, how even if they were right it was none of their fucking business in the first place. But you knew it would only make things worse. The only real option was to let things die down on their own. You knew the truth, Cale’s family knew the truth, your family knew the truth, Cale’s teammates knew the truth. What anyone else thought really didn’t matter but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

When Cale finally cried himself to sleep in your arms, you continued to hold him for a few minutes before you finally pulled yourself from bed. Changing clothes, you grabbed your phone and stepped out to the kitchen for a glass of water, dialing Laura again as you leaned against the kitchen counter.

“How is he?” She asked immediately.

“He’s asleep now. Finally cried himself out.” You mumbled. “He hasn’t said a word mom. It’s obvious he’s devastated, but I don’t know what to do. How do I fix this?”

“You can’t.” She admitted sadly. “Just be there for him. That’s all you can do. It may not feel like much but I’m sure he appreciates it. I appreciate it. I’m glad he’s not alone. That if he didn’t feel comfortable coming home that he felt comfortable enough to go to your home. He’s safe and you can get through this together, we can all get through this together.”

“Why do people have to be so mean?” You vented, just frustrated with all of it.

“I can’t answer that. But don’t let this rock your relationship, that would only be giving these people what they want.” She insisted.

“I’m not going anywhere mom. Cale is stuck with me.” Your words made Laura laugh and you sighed softly.

“I’m sure he’s so upset about that.” She teased. “My son is absolutely gone for you. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.”

“I don’t know mom…” You grinned shaking your head. “Makes me wonder what else he got away with that you don’t know about.” You joked.

“Not funny Y/N.” She lightly chastised. Taking another sip of water you heard the buzz of a phone that wasn’t yours and you followed the sound, finding Cale’s phone with his keys at the front entry.

“Hey mom...I’m gonna let you go. I don’t want to leave Cale alone too long even if he’s sleeping.” You said, tucking your phone against your ear as you flipped Cale’s over seeing strings of notifications flash across the screen.

“Sounds good dear. Love you. Let us know if you need anything.”

“Will do...love you too mom.”

You didn’t want to invade Cale’s privacy too much but even a quick glance at his phone told you that his teammates were worried about him. Unlocking his phone with the code you’d memorized just a few days into vacation, you opened his group chat and started typing a message.

Hey guys, it’s Y/N...I haven’t read more than the 1 or 2 messages that flashed across the notifications screen because I don’t want to overstep. Just thought you guys should know that Cale really isn’t in a mindset to look at his phone. He’s not ignoring you...I’m sure he’ll get back to you guys soon...he just needs some time to process. If you have any urgent concerns my cell number is (587) 122- 3456.

Before you could talk yourself out of the message, questioning if even that was too intrusive, you pressed send, dropping Cale’s phone back with his car keys. It didn’t take more than a minute for your phone to ring and though you hesitated, answering revealed the voice of Gabe Landeskog.

“Y/N? This is Gabe.” He greeted.

“Hey Gabe.” You whispered, moving over toward the couch so that you were a little bit farther away from the open bedroom door.

“How is he?” The question made you sigh, your head falling back against the couch.

“Not so good.” You admitted. “He’s asleep right now...hopefully his dreams provide him some peace.”

“And how are you?” He followed up, not bothering to comment on Cale’s status any further.

“Heartbroken. Angry. Helpless. Take your pick.” You groaned. “There’s nothing I can do but be here and it’s frustrating.”

“Being there is probably more significant than you realize Y/N. Cale is a very private person and if he trusts you that’s not nothing.” As Gabe spoke you realized that even though you’d told your parents about your relationship, Cale must not have told anyone else yet.

“I know it’s not. I just…I want to fix it. And I know I can’t. I know we just have to wait and let this die out. But in the meantime I have to watch this tear him apart. It’s hard.” Gabe hummed in acknowledgement, a slightly uncomfortable silence filling the air for a moment before he spoke again.

“All the guys have his back...your back if you guys need anything. I’ll try and get them to back off a little so he’s not overwhelmed when he’s ready to talk. And I’m sure Cale will appreciate you reaching out to us on his behalf. I know the guys are relieved to know he’s being taken care of.”

“Thanks.” You breathed, still thrown by everything that had happened today.

“Well I’ll let you go. And Y/N... I’ll have Mel add your number to the Better Halves chat...glad you guys figured it out.” Gabe was just a little too intuitive and you shook your head as you ended the call.

Cale was still asleep when you crawled back into bed beside him, your hands rubbing soothingly along his skin again. With your brain focused on what you could possibly do to make things better, you missed Cale starting to stir, his blue eyes droopy as he peered over at you.

“I’m sorry…” The sound of his voice made you jump and when you looked over at him, you saw the distraught expression remained on his face. “I shouldn’t have dragged you into this…” As he spoke he shifted to sit up, his legs swinging over the edge of the bed. Moving alongside him, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling his body back against yours.

“You have nothing to be sorry for Cale. You did nothing wrong. This is not on you. This is on the idiots who think they know what they’re talking about when they don’t even have the most basic of their facts straight.” Cale flinched just slightly, but you felt it, your heart picking up speed.

“I still caused you pain. I’m not supposed to do that.” Something told you that the next words to come out of your mouth were possibly the most important words spoken in your relationship...more important than ‘I love you’ had been.

“Cale Douglas Makar…” You declared, refusing to let him get up from the bed as you shuffled to stand in front of him. “You listen to me and you listen to me well. You are not the cause of my pain. I hurt because you hurt. The people that hurt you are the ones that hurt me...not you.” Forcing Cale’s cheeks up to look at you, you brushed your thumbs along his jaw.

“Never apologize for ‘dragging me into’ something. We are partners, we are equals. You cannot carry the emotional burden of this relationship alone. And lately you’ve been doing more work in that regard than you should. So DO NOT apologize. It’s my turn to carry the weight. Let me. Let me support you like you’ve supported me. Let me care for you like you care for me. Maybe I can’t physically carry you out of a lava tube...but I can lift you up emotionally, mentally...I can give you the strength to get through this. You are not alone. You have me. And I’m strong enough to handle this even though it upsets me. Use me. Please. Don’t push me away because you think you have to protect me and handle this on your own.”

Cale’s tears dripped along your fingertips and you leaned forward pulling his body into yours.

“We’re gonna get through this Cale...it’ll all blow over. And when it does it’ll just prove to the rest of the world what we already know. That you’re incredible. And we’re unshakable. So whatever you need. I’m here. All you have to do is say the word.”

“I love you.” Cale’s words were muffled by your clothing, but you heard him loud and clear.

“I love you too. Always will.” You assured him, nails scraping against his scalp again. Staying like that until his breathing steadied, you dipped down to kiss him gently but deeply.

“C’mon...let’s order a bunch of junk food, put some stupid comedy on tv and just relax.” You directed. “Though you should probably call mom first. She’s a little concerned and I know hearing your voice would make a big difference.”

When he nodded, you stepped back, though you didn’t make it far before Cale was wrapped around you again. If he needed to be a koala tonight, you were perfectly okay with that.

“Do you wanna use my phone so you don’t have to look at yours?” You asked softly. “I did jump into your team group chat to tell the boys to back off a little so you shouldn’t have as many notifications but you can use mine if you aren’t ready to deal with any of that.”

Cale didn’t seem at all fazed that you had used his phone but he willingly accepted yours, calling his mom. You’d placed an order for food on your laptop while they talked and upon the end of that conversation, you settled in on the couch for the night, only moving for food or drinks. As another episode of the sitcom Cale had picked ended, you looked down at him snoring softly, his head on your chest.

Today had been exhausting...this week had been exhausting, but you’d dealt with it together and now Cale knew that he didn’t have to bear the weight of the world by himself. You were bound to have bad days every now and then, but together you could get through so much more than either of you could separately.

#cale makar #cale makar imagine #colorado avalanche #colorado avalanche imagine #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #hockey imagines #hockey imagine #cavalanche #038

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luvdsc · 5 years ago

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hi cat! i love your work! i’m going into university this year as a business admin major w/ a double concentration in acct and mis !! i was going through your about page and i was so happy when i saw that you were majoring in acct + is!!! i was wondering if you had any tips for my first year in college? also, how did majoring in both acct and IS benefit you and your future career? was it hard to manage your time? sorry for asking so many questions 🥺 i’m just rly curious!! thank you, cat!

hi, lovebug! 💕 omg thank you so much for loving my fics!! 🥺💞 and also oh my gosh you’re double majoring in the same studies as I did!!!!! aaaah that’s awesome 🤩🤩 tbh I didn’t start off in those majors though; I changed my major twice, but the first year of college is mostly gen ed classes, aside from some core classes specifically for your field of study, so hopefully, my tips will be useful for you, honey bee 💕

create a four year class plan — I looked at the class requirements I needed in order to graduate, the number of units I needed, etc. and using that information, I planned out what classes I will be taking every quarter for all four years. I actually made five different plans because I didn’t know which major I’d ultimately stick with, but that was incredibly helpful because doing this ensured that I was taking the right classes needed to graduate. Nothing sucks more than reaching senior year and realizing you forgot to take some crucial lower division class that’s required in order to take the other required upper division classes. So check your class requirements, check the requirements for upper division classes, and plan your classes accordingly for each quarter/semester for all four years.

check if your classes can double dip — some classes count for more than one requirement. my school had core class requirements, which are types of classes that all students had to take regardless of their major. I chose to take core classes that also fit under my major’s class requirements. That way, I was able to take one less class necessary since my class counted for two requirements instead of taking two classes: one for each requirement. this means you have less classes to take!

don’t slack off — it’s easy to get caught up in the party culture; remember that you’re here to get your education, not go to as many parties as possible. do not skip class!!!!! also, people think the first two years are so easy because it’s all lower division classes, so they slack off or take less classes, like three lower division ones instead of the usual four. Don’t do that. You rather take four lower division classes now when they’re all easy than overload later on in your last two years that are already filled with really hard, upper division classes. Also, even though lower division classes are quite easy, don’t slack off in those classes either. Those classes will boost your gpa; I had a 3.9 for the first two years because I made sure to get As in those lower div classes since I knew for sure I’d struggle more in the difficult upper division classes.

take morning classes — this is my personal preference, but I always signed up for the 8 am classes because if I didn’t do that, I’d sleep in all day until my afternoon class. The early class forced me to get up early, go to class, and that meant I was awake for the rest of the day, so I could be productive for the rest of the day, like study for other classes, go to the gym, or do my homework then instead of pulling an all nighter. There’s also less people in those classes so you can form a better teacher-student relationship with your professor and it’s easier to get the classes you want if you choose morning ones.

get eight hours of sleep — do not pull all-nighters !!!!! do your work ahead of time, do not procrastinate, and go to bed at a decent time. You don’t have curfews or bedtimes anymore, but still set one for yourself. Having an irregular sleep schedule is super unhealthy for you. It disrupts your body’s normal cycle. You’re also guaranteed to fall asleep in class, and that’s not only disrespectful to the professor, but you’re wasting money and your own education. Sleeping 6-8 hours every night is necessary, and you’ll be alert in class and healthy.

apply for summer accounting externships — I didn’t do this because accounting wasn’t my major at the time, but my friends all applied and got in, so they told me about their amazing experiences. The big 4 accounting firms all host summer externships, and you should definitely google this and apply for them! it’s a good way to learn more about the industry, and they even fly you out to New York City and show you around their offices there. since you’re a freshman, I recommend the externship and not the internship, but if you have questions about a summer internship at a big 4, I can answer those too!

exercise regularly — i went to the gym five days out of the week and rested on the weekend. i don’t know if other universities have this, but mine had a free gym for students along with fitness classes. i fit in at least an hour of gymming in between my classes monday through friday. first off, freshman twenty is real, and there is a high possibility that you gain weight from eating all the dining hall food rip. secondly, I’m not trying to promote underage drinking, but it happens because well, college parties and whatnot. alcohol makes you gain weight a lot. thirdly, exercise is just overall good for your mental health. it’s a good stress reliever and makes you feel good about yourself after a hard workout. it’s a healthy way to take a break from studying, too!

maintain healthy eating habits — so I touched upon this in the exercise tip! there’s no parents here to stop you from eating fast food or junk food everyday. you can order like forty chicken nuggets and eat them all in one night because you can. But just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Please, please take care of yourself and be kind to your body. Make sure you’re still getting a balanced diet with fruits and veggies.

be careful with alcohol — okay, I also touched upon this in the exercise tip, but you really do need to be mindful of drinking alcohol. again, I’m not promoting underage drinking, but i know it happens in a college setting. alcohol addiction is no joke. there are also so many health issues. one of my friends was a heavy drinker, and they found out their liver had serious issues now because of that. now, they can’t even drink any alcohol at all. drink in moderation. don’t ever drink so much that you black out in a random party. if you want to try what it feels like to be completely drunk like that, do it in a safe environment like a small group of trusted friends who you know. don’t do that in a place full of strangers because bad things can happen, like rape. don’t accept drinks from strangers, watch what you’re drinking. if you put your cup down, don’t drink from it again. get a new one. someone could have put something in there. I’m not trying to scare you away from experiencing college things, but you have to be careful and aware of your surroundings.

don’t walk anywhere alone when it’s dark — it’s dangerous to go out alone at night, especially if you’re a girl. buy pepper spray and carry it with you everywhere; I always had one on my keychain with me. save campus safety’s number on your phone. call them to walk you to your destination if it’s dark out even if it’s only a short distance or call a trusted male friend to walk you back to your dorm safely. there’s safety in numbers. don’t go anywhere alone and don’t go to a non-public space with a stranger. stick with your friends, even if the super cute boy that you never met before just wants to take a romantic walk with you under the moonlight away from the party. this is also why I advocate for picking classes that start and end before sunset so you have ample time to go back home when it’s light out. stay safe!

as for how double majoring in accounting and IS helped me, I chose a job that integrated both of them, but more on the tech side! to put it bluntly, a job in tech pays you more and you work less hours in comparison to a job in accounting. Those two things were a huge factor in my decision, but I also just really love learning about tech, AI, and programming, which is mainly why I chose my majors and career path. Also, companies will always need accountants, and IS is a hot major; you can always find a job, especially if you have both of those majors. You’re basically a double whammy. Those two majors also open doors to other careers, like I received offers for engineering positions, too.

time management personally wasn’t difficult for me! I had to overload classes since I switched majors and added a minor, but I scheduled my time appropriately and did fine! Procrastination is my worst enemy, so as long as I forced myself to sit down and do my work, it all went well. I have specific tips for studying and note taking on my blog that go more into depth and touch upon how I managed my time if you’re interested in that, sweetpea! 💓

It’s totally okay to ask questions, you don’t have to apologize, honey bee! 💞 I was in the same boat as you before, and it’s always good to ask questions because this is your future, and it’s better to have more information than not enough. I don’t want to go super in depth about my job and whatnot on my blog, but if you’d like, I can dm you and talk about my experiences more with the big 4 or answer any more detailed questions you have, lovebug 💛

#asks #anonymous

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lonbergwrites · 5 years ago

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Blood On The Eggshells

This is part of a multi-part review and commentary on the book Notes From A Young Black Chef by Kwame Onwuachi.

…

I have experience walking into a big-time restaurant. Chef Kwame entered Per Se in NYC as his externship restaurant from culinary school. Seriously impressive. This is one of the very top of the top restaurants in the world. I’ve worked at some famed places under some celebrity chef’s you’d know the names of, but this is the biggest of the leagues.

One note here for readers: he mentions the “paid” aspect of these externships. Not for a lot of people. Not for me, in fact. I worked 35 hours a week at my externship - completely unpaid - and another 35 at a wine shop on the Upper West Side in order to afford my share of rent in a sublet in the outer boroughs.

Kwame landed his position through what is called a stage. This is an unpaid stint of work that chefs almost always have to do to prove that they can cut muster at a restaurant. I did this during my spring break before I was to graduate from the classroom and be sent on to my externship. I had to prove myself this way in order to get a full-fledged externship at a very famous restaurant in NYC (far from where I’d been living and studying). I’ve staged at every chef job I’ve ever gotten, and I’ve done it for fun and for experience at many other restaurants over time.

[Note 1: externship is just an internship. I don’t know why this is the preferred term in culinary schools, but it is.]

[Note 2: his externship was between the first and second semesters, whereas mine was at the very end of the school program. This is interesting, because I think on the one hand, it does give students a better idea of what they are getting themselves into and drives them on in their future classes; on the other hand, having it at the end does propel students into the job force, and doesn’t give them whiplash going back into a school environment.]

Per Se was rough on his. He was treated like crap, given the lowliest of jobs, and rarely if ever allowed to cook the line. I know this feeling. I spent hours cutting mirepoix, breaking down pigs heads to make Testa (fancy head cheese), make panna cotta, though after a time (I spent 3 months on my externship) I did get to do some of the cool stuff reserved to the sous like making mortadella (seriously hard), curing dried sausages, and making artesan rabbit and wild hare sausage (wild hare smells seriously terrible - and as an interesting note, US-caught game is illegal in the US, so we had to import ours from the UK). I was even snuck onto the line by the garde manger cook several times before the sous found out - and while I did a good job, they claimed liability issues meant that I couldn’t work a station (liability because I wasn’t an employee and wasn’t being paid, so if I got hurt - or caught - they were on the hook for some serious lawsuits).

And as far as being treated like crap - at first I thought things were going well. I did my work, was always on time... but like any green student, I was slow - much slower than they were used to. I got my only non-A in all of culinary school in the first of my two sections on externship, and I wasn’t getting the feedback to do better until my first review. One of the reasons I ended up getting a B? I took lunch breaks (ten minutes sitting down) with the actual linecooks, instead of just eating standing up and working during my completely unpaid 8 hour shift. Yea. Fun.

I did eventually build a good report with the sous chefs, and I was given a lot more responsibilities after I learned what was actually expected of me... but I gave a lot to that place, so I very much know what he went through.

Chef Life is a tough life.

Blood on the Eggshells, you ask? He had to hollow and clean eggshells for presentation purposes at Per Se. Always the gruntiest of the grunt work for the least-well paid, I always say!

~BPL

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skittykittie · 8 years ago

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The Orientation

July 26, 2015

{Disclaimer: Entries are going to be much shorter in places, for the sake of the hours of time I no longer have to detail them out… I’ve also forgotten many details since this is now 2 years late that I’m finally writing these. *sigh* I will still work to keep them high-quality, though!}

Jason and I had a very early start. My flight was at 7 am, but we didn’t actually leave the hotel until 6:10. I was nervous that I was getting to the airport with less than 30 minutes until my flight, but my host insisted it would be fine. However, we got to the airport and it was everything but fine. The check-in lines were much longer than anticipated. I’m so happy he parked and walked in with me, because his translation and familiarity of the airport saved me valuable seconds. Even then, we had to run and push past other travelers. There was even a point where Jason got into a small tiff with some security because he was trying to get me through the TSA lines as fast as possible.

That last obstacle we faced (trying to make it to my flight on time) was almost a perfect ending for our time together. I remember standing idly by while he rushed around from staff member to staff member to try to figure out any way to cut corners to check in. I felt very helpless. I realized he had done so much for me, and on such a short notice! He paid for my hotel, he took me out for 3 full days of adventure in his hometown AND to sites 2 hours away, he woke up at 5:30 in the morning to take me to my flight, and now he was pushing through airport security with me, just to make sure I made it to my flight.

Jason, if you ever read this, I owe you more than you can imagine. Thank you.

Finally, I made it through. I found my gate and boarded the plane without additional events. As I sat in my plane on the tarmac, I became overpowered with a sense of anxiety and sadness. Anxious, because of the thoughts expressed in a previous post (here: http://skittykittie.tumblr.com/post/124961439225/truth-is), also because of not knowing what was in store for me once I deboarded the plane, but also sadness because of the home that Cheng and Jason had made for me in Yunnan so far. I didn’t want to leave when there was still so much to see. I had met so many people, so many places, and fallen in love with this city in the past 4 days, I didn’t want to leave. I actually found myself crying a little as I stared out into the last of the Kunming sky.

I spent half of the short flight working on some blog notes and the other half trying to catch some sleep. It had barely been 40 minutes when the captain announced we were preparing for landing -- Yeah, I could have probably taken a more efficient mode of transportation, but I didn’t know that when I made my itinerary.

However, the flight did provide me with this scene that no bus could have given me:

The above photo doesn’t do it justice. There were hills and hills of these windmills. They spanned for several miles. I was in awe of the beauty but also a little shocked to see a stereotypical European landscape in China. The rolling green hills and lush vegetation shocked me, but in a good way.

We landed at the smallest airport I had been to yet. There was only two runways and 4 terminals. It was nicely kept up, however, and sat on a hill that overlooked the city of Dali in the valley below.

I gathered my belongings at the one baggage claim belt while mentally preparing myself for the challenge of speaking conversational Chinese. That’s when my phone rang. It was Shanshan, the co-director of the program. Up until that point, I actually had no clue how I was going to get from the airport to where I was supposed to be. When I picked up the phone, I managed to communicate with her that I had just arrived and, more importantly, understood her instructions that she was waiting outside the gate for me in a red jacket.

I hung up the phone, grabbed my luggage, and breathed a sigh of relief that I had passed my first language test of the month. Gathering my bearings, I stepped out of the security of the airport exit and found myself with a new sense of courage and excitement for this adventure.

It wasn’t too difficult for Shanshan and her driver to find me. I introduced myself, we loaded the car, and we were off. The road was winding down the hillside and allowed me to get a closer look at this beautiful city. There was a large lake at the center of the city called the Erhai, or Ear Lake, because the lakes are in the shape of an ear, per the locals. Shanshan and the driver were extremely friendly and spoke to me about the city in the 30 minute drive that it took to get to our destination. The conversation was fairly one-sided, though, because of my novice skill. I felt bad for not being able to carry the conversation deeper because I truly was fascinated by what they were trying to describe to me. The feelings of doubt were slowly returning.

After circling about half way around the Erhai lake, we pulled up to a small white building. It was about 4 or 5 stories high and built along side of the upsloping hill. There were vines that grew artistically down the sides of the walls. I wondered if this was headquarters for ChinaCal?

When I entered through the front doors after some effort to climb a few steep stairs, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it lead into an open courtyard. I soon would learn that this was a hostel. The family that owned the hostel lived on the first floor, where I stood now. The courtyard was filled with their personal belongings like patio furniture, a small vegetable garden, and their son’s few run down toys. Across from the main entry way was a screened door, through which I could make out an active kitchen. To my right was a small hall of four doors, two on each side of a stair well. Each door was a private 2 bedroom space with a bathroom and there were 4 floors of these rooms that composed the hostel.

Before I had time to really take in the rest of my surroundings, however, I was guided up the stairwell by Shanshan. The others were apparently eating breakfast (it was still about 9 or 10 am) at the top floor. We had barely made it to the second flight of stairs when an elderly Caucasian man in glasses met us going the opposite way. This, I knew from website photos, was Dr. Bob Detrano. He was the founder and preceptor of the ChinaCal program.

He saw us and smiled. In fairly simple Chinese he asked me, “Are you Emma?”

I replied back to him a simple, “Yes” (in Chinese).

As if he could tell that I was more comfortable speaking English by that one word, he switched his language to English and introduced himself. I was relieved to know he wasn’t expecting me to speak fluently all of the time. We exchanged polite greetings and introductions as he walked me up the stairs, now taking over as my guide instead of Shanshan.

We came to a room and he handed me a silver key. “You’ll be staying here tonight. Go ahead and put your things down and come join us in the sun room for breakfast.”

I thanked him and entered my hostel room. I found that besides the somewhat more Chinese style furniture (ie low beds, futon mattresses), this room was no different than a typical hotel room. It had two twin-sized beds with nightstands in between, a TV with a dresser supporting it, and a bathroom immediately to the left of the entrance. I also found that one of the beds was already occupied. Her name was Donna. I introduced myself, and she told me that we were roommates for this trip. I won’t bore you with detail of our conversation, but in summary I was ecstatic to know my roommate was from America and spoke English. We chatted for about 30 minutes just getting to know each other. I liked her immediately.

I had barely finished unpacking my essentials when a knock came at the door. “Donna, come eat!”

I’d forgotten myself that Dr. D had instructed me to come join them upstairs. Oops.

We made our way to the sunroom, which is exactly what it sounds like. It was at the top floor of the hostel and overlooked the road and the hillsides that rolled down to the Erhai lake in the distance. In the sunroom sat 6 or so people, all of varying ages. Everyone was sitting around a small rectangular table with one single man at the far head. They were being served tea by this older man (a tradition that Cheng had enlightened me about just a few days earlier!). Spread out along the table were plates, bao, tea cups, and remnants of the parts of breakfast Donna and I had already missed.

We walked into a conversation that was, to my surprise, in all English! I was introduced by Dr. D to everyone in the room. Most of the people present were part of the externship, like me, except for one woman who was apparently the mother of our youngest member, Sophie. Sophie’s mom was present for today only in order to ensure the details and validity of this program with the directors.

The meeting was short and casual. Slowly but surely my stresses about this trip were melting away, mainly because it seemed as though our primary language for communication will be English. I still had no idea what was in store for me in the next 3 weeks, but I was less intimidated by my peers. Dr. D and Shanshan had shown me nothing but love, acceptance, and joy that I was present for this externship.

The rest of the day went by in a bit of a blur. After the morning introductions, I went back to my room to take a nap (I had woken up at 5 am, remember?). The group of us went out for lunch a few blocks away, and then there was another group meeting - this time, more about business and expectations. We were given our roles for this trip, in addition, our medical knowledge and experience was questioned by Dr. D (in order to gather a baseline of where we each were to best instruct us and give us roles). I quickly realized I was almost at the bottom of the totem pole in this bunch. Not only did I speak almost the least amount of Chinese of everyone, there was a Pediatric cardiology resident, a graduate student pursuing her PhD at U Cal Irvine for public health, an economic consultant, cardiac ultrasound technologist, and of course Dr. D and Shanshan themselves, the founders and professionals. Meanwhile I was simply a CNA from America that could barely speak Chinese. Given the group dynamic, I was assigned to be in charge of triage at each hospital and I was to be assisted by the youngest member of our group, Sophie.

The overview of what was to come in the next three weeks was this:

Each day we were to go to a new hospital in a new city. Our plan was to visit 16 hospitals in the southeast region of Yunnan, mostly all in the county of Honghe, named for the famous “Red River” that ran through the prefecture. There were two teams for each day’s work: the clinical team and the educational team. The educational team was responsible for a whole day’s work of orientation and training of the neonatal hospital staff (nurses, doctors, etc). They were re-training the staff on neonatal screening and effective techniques for caring for neonates with congenital heart defects. We also were donating to each hospital a new pulse-oximetry machine for more reliable screening. They were also training them on how to use the machine. This was one of the most important parts of the mission because, as the saying goes, “Teach a man to fish and he eats for life.” That phase was popular among the ChinaCal team.

The clinical team, which is where I found myself, was to see patients (old and new) that have a history of congenital heart defects. They were initially triaged by myself and Sophie. We’d take a general history and basic vitals. Then they’d be sent to the ultrasound room where the child would have cardiac ultrasounds read and translated by the pediatric cardiac resident (Jess), Dr. D himself, and Donna, our ultrasound tech.

Pretty sweet gig we had going here, huh?

After our meeting, I we got another break. I wandered around the hostel a bit more out of curiosity. I discovered the rooftop was where the owners hung their laundry out to dry… that was about the only interesting thing I can remember, actually.

By mid-afternoon I was called down by the older graduate students of the group. They said they had some errands to run before we took off tomorrow and asked if I wanted to join them. I excitedly agreed, as it would give me a better tour of Dali.

The ride to our destination was a moderate one, but fun nonetheless. I noted on the drive there the history that is embedded in this city. I noted that the parts we were in was much more rural than Kunming or Beijing. The buildings were at most 4 stories. The roads were not congested and had much more space for driving. We passed countless fields of vegetables and people carrying their crops to trucks. It was an odd mix between modern and poor, but I liked it.

Our destination was a small printing shop in Old Town, which is one of the more iconic part of Dali. Old Town used to be the city’s center of activity and living back in its earliest days. And on the outside, it still looked as if nothing had changed since the buildings were originally built hundreds of years ago.

There was just streets and streets of shops, craft vendors, street food, market places, and hotels! And in the distance I could see the beautiful outline of the mountains that surrounded the city. It was absolutely beautiful and full of life and culture.

We spent quite some time there. Once I gathered my bearings, I ventured around some of the streets on my own. We spent a good few hours there, taking our time between shops as we waiting on the printing shop to make up our order. What were we printing anyway? - Oh right, they had pre-tests and post-tests for the workshops they were going to hold at each hospital site for the educational workshops.

Once we returned to our hostel with the papers, it was time for dinner. We walked up the hillside of our hostel and went for a few more blocks. It seemed that wherever we were headed for dinner was a common spot for the ChinaCal team because it seemed like everyone but myself was unanimously heading in the same direction. I spent the short walk mostly quiet, but so did everyone else. It seemed as though most of the team was not fully acquainted yet. Instead of making awkward small talk on the walk there, I enjoyed the walk through the Dali neighborhood, observing the night life coming alive around me.

Something happened during dinner because afterwards we were all much less awkward with each other. I began to know Sophie a little more, too. She had quite a spunky attitude. She was very animated and passionate about life. I’m definitely going to like this little one.

The rest of the evening was spent in the sun room, trying to bridge the knowledge gap between the younger members of our group. I helped teach them how to take blood pressures and pulse-ox measurements, what it meant physiologically. My confidence soared - I guess all of my previous clinical knowledge was teaching me something after all. Maybe I am not as useless as I first thought!

I went to bed content, excited, and no longer anxious. In the morning, we were leaving for Luxi, a city on the east way of Kunming. They told me that we were actually going to be driving through Kunming to get there.... I really questioned why I hadn’t just been picked up on the way. Oh, well. Now I know.

Tomorrow, our adventure awaits.

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