#finally made her on pc... wow

[pinkaditty]

HI i love your works sm ,,, and i really love the way you write it just brings out soemtnhign in me ,,, but hear me out on leo kurosagi angst where leo keeps insulting pc and pc just took it well until he said something sensitive (maybe sth ab the way she eats? or sth abt her face etc etc) and hurt pc's feelings and he didnt feel bad when pc cried , but when he saw pc going over to sho and sho giving him dirty looks he feels remorseful but he didnt want his pride to crack so he blamed pc , and then when pc started avouding him he started mocking her but in the inside it hurt him and his pride slightly , afterwards he found out he actually has genuine feelings for pc but denies it , until he found out pc is now his bff's gf WOW i NEED him humbled 🤗🤗🤗

Pavlov's Ghoul (Leo Kurosagi x Reader x Sho Haizono; Tokyo Debunker)

hey anon this existing is UR FAULT. (ilysm ty 4 the idea) and i hope u don't mind that I added my own little twist 2 it... hehe! even if u didn't expect me 2 write anything u can't drop a fresh, juicy steak of an idea like this and expect me not 2 salivate and tear it 2 shreds via writing it out.

OMG also TYYYYYYY IM SOSO GLAD U LIKE MY WRITING YIPPEE!!!!!!!!! i hope this is up 2 ur standards anon

a/n: why does this exist? blame anon and my inner need 4 a bitchy boy 2 be humbled amen! also i feel like i've completed my tokyo debunker rite of passage... ive finally written leo angst... nirvana at last.

summary: leo gets fuckin pavloved LMAO! considered calling this "ecstasy" or something bc of the pill line but ohh my god "pavlov's ghoul" hit too hard i fear.

cw: this isn't dark imo but be warned as this is just a little bit crazy, the most insane kind of yearning ive ever written maybe. implied sexual encounters, multiple sexual innuendos, and some odd behavior. MINORS DNI AS PER USUALLLLLL!

Looking for Part 2? Click here!

Sho's kind, reasonably so. Leo knows this. Sho also has an infinite store of deeply repressed anger. Leo also knows this. It's the reason he's in Vagastrom, after all. A deep, roiling anger that seems to eat at him if he doesn't have an appropriate outlet to balance his mood. That's why he's such a good cook, why he's so good at fighting, why he's got an excellent sense of balance and rides his bike smoother than anyone else he knew. He's using these things as outlets for his anger. It's not Leo's fault that the occasional outing to trick and deceive another sexually repressed rich old man for money is something else Sho seems to derive stress relief from. And it's not Leo's fault that Sho continues to stick around with him after those jobs are done. It's never been a problem for either of them, as far as he can tell. At least, there were no problems until Little Miss Inspector showed up.

Suddenly, Sho didn't want to lie anymore. Suddenly, Sho wanted to go as far as to address you with the proper honorifics, ask for your help with setting up his food truck, and even generally spend time with you outside of that. And for what? Some trembling, scared, pathetic girl that knew nothing of the world of anomalies prior to her curse? Some girl doomed to "die" in less than one year, no less? He couldn't understand the kindness Sho showed you. It made no sense, nor any difference. You'd be dead soon, so what did it matter?

It's got to the point where he's begun to randomly put you down with petty insults and biting remarks. They usually consist of things like "Oh my god, even preschoolers know Anomalous Biological Basics! Come on Inspector, is your head screwed on right? Not even the Captain is this stupid." or "You remember your ability is useless when we need it, right? You'd be nothing more than a burden on missions if you can't even control this power. " or even "God, you're such a basic loser. Can't you find something else to do with your free time instead hang around Sho like a lovesick puppy? You're starting to look like that dog that's always around Kagami." and worse insults. He gets the occasional sidelong disapproving glance from Alan or even a slight furrowed brow from Sho, but it didn't matter to Leo. So long as he could slowly plant seeds of doubt in his fellow ghouls and put you down to satisfy his ego, even an odd look was negligible.

He couldn't even stand looking at you. The uniform they'd chosen for you was awful, didn't even highlight your curves. He hated the way you styled your hair, and always thought he could totally do it better. The way you seemed so relaxed around other ghouls pissed him off, why couldn't he be good company? He found you repulsive, unable to resist glaring at you from the corner of his eye whenever he could. He had to get rid of you somehow. He would never admit to feeling threatened by you; instead choosing to focus all that energy into believing you were simply throwing a wrench into his plans to live an easy, get-away-with-anything university life.

It's all come to a head today. Leo thinks he's had enough of seeing you at the food truck after hours, chatting it up with Sho. It's like he can't even catch this guy alone anymore. Before he knows it, he's made a beeline for the truck. His brand new shoes scuff on the brick path in his rush, and eventually begin to stain green on the grass, his brisk stride tearing through the verdant lawn. He tries not to let his anger show on his face, but it's evident in his posture and pace. He forcefully sidles himself into the conversation, leaning on the service counter next to you, not even waiting for you to finish speaking before he pipes up. "Wow, here again, huh? And here I thought a basic bitch like you would know her place! That mouth of yours must be good for something if he keeps a chatterbox like you around."

The chill settles into the air almost immediately despite his candid tone and relaxed, smug smile. He's so focused on your reaction that he hardly notices the look Sho gives him, twisted with displeasure and confusion. He watches as you visibly falter, your lopsided smile fading into a barely-there frown. He stares, unrepentant, laughing internally. This was the reaction he wanted.

He turns towards Sho and raises an eyebrow at his look. "What? She can take it." Sho's expression visibly wavers, and Leo fully expects him to back down, as he usually does. But instead, Sho turns to you and his face grows pale. Leo rolls his eyes, assuming Sho is totally overreacting, and turns to you. He stiffens at your visible tears. Okay, totally not what he expected, but come on. This was the insult that made you cry?

Leo notices Sho is at your side in record speed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, and gently drawing your hunched form away, giving Leo a harsh look. Leo simply scoffs. As far as he was concerned, your reaction was pathetic. It wasn't going to stop him from having any fun.

This. Under no circumstances should this hurt. At all.

Leo had noticed you'd been avoiding him. You would slink away if he so much as entered the same room as you. You wouldn't look him in the eyes if he approached, keeping your expression impassive. Sometimes you'd just outright ignore him. It was beginning to become a bit of a nuisance. He couldn't properly mock you if you weren't there to witness it happening, or didn't give him the reaction he wanted. It was odd. When he faced these feelings head-on, it almost felt like he wanted your attention somehow, even if he didn't quite want it to feel like that. A nagging feeling told him that maybe he went too far with his latest insult. He didn't want to admit that, but something told him he did. It was in the way both you and Sho acted around him.

Sho was missing a lot of Leo's calls lately, sometimes not even bothering to call back. Leo partially understood, what with the food truck business booming and all, but he didn't appreciate being made to wait for his own best friend who's usually at his beck and call. Not to mention the flat, terse responses he would get from Sho more often than not nowadays. Leo knew Sho was miffed with him from last week's incident, but as far as Leo was concerned, things still ended in his favor. He hadn't seen you around Sho much anymore, which means he could go back to how things were. No more pesky little honor student to reign upon his days any longer! Sure, there was the biting underlying feeling that maybe he'd screwed things up, but one ride on the back of Sho's motorcycle, going wherever Leo wanted as per usual, and he was living the dream again. No way everything would change over a silly, insignificant insult.

For a short while, he begins to get bolder, openly mocking you when he does come across you. His originally surface-level remarks become rather personal, even using your eventual death as a way to tease you. From "You know, I'm surprised you haven't done anything to change up that unflattering look, considering you're dying soon. Ever considered dressing up a little? You might get some attention before you die." to "Hey, Little Miss Inspector! With the number of men you talk to around campus, I'm surprised nobody's written you off as a whore yet!", and worse, of course. He continues to get no such reaction out of you, and it frustrates him to no end. Why couldn't you just frown? Shrink away? Or even retort something just as scathing back to him? Your lack of entertainment towards his endless ridicule reduced his motivation, and slowly, it ended up dying off. Soon, he left you alone altogether, not talking to you unless necessary, mimicking your actions. In a way, some part of him hopes maybe this will be what gets your attention. Even if he can't quite admit to himself that your attention, regardless of whether it's positive or negative, is what he wants.

It's late, but Vagastrom students don't go to bed until far later. And Leo needs a favor.

His crushing lack of success in garnering any sort of attention or reaction or rise from you had driven him to a point. He didn't want to apologize to you or anything, but this new habit of you ignoring him was beginning to stoke his displeasure. In his pondering, he remembered how easily Sho captured your gaze and wondered if maybe he'd have any idea of what Leo could do to at least put an end to this stalemate.

Leo's reluctance shows in the way he drags his feet on the path to Sho's room, less than eager to confront him for his opinion on something so shamelessly trivial. Why was he wasting his time with this anyway? Surprisingly, the lack of a solid answer to that question did not stop his trek. A twinge in his chest told him he knew exactly why he was "wasting his time".

In the month it had been since he'd made you cry, the nagging feeling had only gotten harsher. His mind kept flickering back to the shock of your tears and how he'd not bothered to consider it much further. An uncomfortable guilt had made itself known starting then. He never really expected you to cry; he just wanted a mild reaction. He wanted your eyes on him, flashing with anger, just for a moment. Your ire was a saccharine pill laced with ecstasy that he'd gladly crush with his teeth to speed up his high. Maybe it'd be too much to say he got off on it, but he enjoyed the way you used to roll your eyes at any comments from him a little more than he cared to admit. Now, he wouldn't even get that. It'd be rare for you to so much as make fleeting eye contact with him, not that something as small as that would be enough for Leo. Part of him was willing to accept that maybe, he'd gone too far. Maybe. But how else was he supposed to monopolize your attention when you give that out so freely? To his best friend, even?

He didn't know it was possible to covet something so terribly. He found himself wondering why he couldn't catch your attention in the same way as the other ghouls? In his quest for the same attention you gave so freely to the kinder, softer ghouls, he found another version of your attention. It was negative, but it was attention nonetheless. Your sweet, honeyed rage seemed to fill his cravings and then some, so he continued to devour it under the guise of "chasing you away" or "putting you down" or "satisfying his ego". In truth, for whatever reason, there was a rather bothersome and persistent envious longing, a covet, for your attention. Leo wants to vomit. A part of him denies it still, pushing his needless feelings to the back of his brain. He had something to do, and he ought to focus on that. What good would mere wallowing do?

He makes it to Sho's room and almost considers turning back. He stares at the door, his expression morphing into a complicated look. He shifted his feet, his slippers sliding against the floor. It was quite clear he really did not want to do this. At all. He sighs and grumbles indignantly, putting his head in his hands in an attempt to gather some courage. This couldn't be that hard, right? Just in, ask Sho a question, get an answer, then out. The only reason this was easier said than done was just because it could potentially show Leo was capable of feeling remorse, which would make this conversation leagues harder than it needed to be. He shakes his head and straightens up, preparing to knock, when he notices something.

Sho's room was... unusually quiet. Usually, Leo almost always heard some loud music or a cooking show running in the background, but he couldn't hear anything this time. Sho couldn't possibly be asleep. As late as it was, the only person who Leo knew for a fact could stay up past him was Sho, regardless of how much sleep he had gotten. There was no chance Sho was asleep. Believe it or not, Leo doesn't like to spy on Sho. But curiosity overwhelms him. What could he possibly be doing that would render the whole room in silence?

"Haxs," he whispers, listening closely.

The first thing he hears is the cling-clanging of Alan hard at work on a car in the garage. Not the sound he was meant to be focusing on. Then he hears endless jeering and loud insults shouted, though they're all muffled like they're underground. Another pit fight? Still, not the sound he's looking for. He sifts through the sounds he hears before he settles on the one coming directly from Sho's room.

Voices. Groaning, strained voices. The sound of wet skin against wet skin. Panting. Sho's panting, specifically. He could tell by the slight nasally tone of it.

Leo felt his face gradually warm. Christ, of course it'd be this he'd be up to. Leo muffles a laugh into the collar of his pajamas, keeping his hand clamped over his mouth as his body shook with mirth. When he finally calms down, he slinks off to the corner down the hall, and hides himself there, shamelessly still listening to it. Sho's a sly dog. Leo certainly didn't expect him to be getting up to anything this soon. He leans his body against the wall, crossing his arms and drumming his fingers on his arm, waiting for Sho to finish. He smirks to himself, as though enjoying the vocal show.

...

He had to admit, whoever he was with had gorgeous moans. He'd have to ask Sho if he'd be willing to pass this girl's number. He could use a couple things to get his mind off of you.

...

Okay, he had to stop listening to this now. He lifts his stigma and holds his hands over his ears for good measure, partially trying to hide the furious red blush across his face. As pretty as that girl's moans were, he was not going to listen to his best friend's climax. No thanks. He huffs out an impatient breath as his cheeks cool down, leaning his back against the wall, leaning his head back until it hit the wall with a dull thump. Now he just had to wait it out. He knew damn well Sho would never let a girl stay over. He'd never hear the end of it from yours truly, Leo.

Leo's right. It isn't long before he hears the door to Sho's room click, and hears murmured voices travel down the hall. He smirks, rushing down the hall in the opposite way, so it doesn't look like he was listening the whole time. He listens, waiting for a cue of some sort.

"Shame you have to go, you know." Sho's voice. Laced with relief, pleasure, and a thick tiredness. Leo's skin crawled. He could practically feel the smile in Sho's voice.

"It's not so bad." The girl responded with a light and playful tone, her voice seemingly much more put together than Sho's despite all that moaning. The voice sounded oddly familiar, but Leo brushed it off. Must be someone he shares classes with. "I've got things to do anyway. But it was nice to spend some time with you, Sho." Eagh. Leo internally hopes this girl isn't the type to get easily attached.

"...Yeah. Same to you. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Finally, he heard the girl's footsteps trailing down the hall, heading in his direction. Leo hurriedly pulls his phone out of his pocket, making sure the screen was bright as he flipped through the latest trends. He made a point of not looking up until he heard the footsteps nearing him.

He looks up, prepared for a simple glance, but ends up being rooted to the spot.

It was you. Of course, it was you. Who else would be taunting enough?

Despite himself, his gaze remains glued to you, his head turning as you walk past him. For a moment, Leo thinks you're just going to ignore him again. Then, suddenly, your gaze meets his in a flash, and he stiffens, almost out of fear. The way your eyebrows crease and the way your lips twitch downward almost makes him salivate. You were clearly displeased to see him. Even so, he notices you don't slow down, continuing your way down the hall, not bothering to crane your neck to look at him.

Leo remains rooted to the spot, watching your figure as you leave. His jaw hangs open slightly, his chest heaving with shocked breaths. His eyes are wide open, pools of gold reflecting your retreating form. His hand trembles as he holds his phone, the latest trends left neglected in the wake of a single mean-spirited glance from you. He feels his heart pound mercilessly in his chest, as though confirming what he'd tried so desperately to deny.

All at once, anger and arousal seem to grip him simultaneously. Anger at himself for feeling arousal from a mere negative glance from you. He couldn't possibly have craved your attention so viscerally he'd happily accept mere scraps. And yet here he was, a lap dog, watching you as you leave as though silently begging for another glance, another chance to watch your eyes burn with that familiar, delicious anger, another meal to satisfy his starved heart.

For a moment, he would have gladly followed you, and pestered you to death, just to irk you and become a willing victim of your wrath. Anything... just for that attention.

a/n: wow. no stop why am i kind of in shock at the poetic lines i kinda think i did a great job! but 4 whatever reason it's always the writing i think was total shit that does actual numbers *sob*

aghhhh in any case. no i don't have an excuse 4 this. my requests are still technically closed. i just... couldn't help myself... so consider this a freebie. regardless though if u like my writing feel free 2 fill the fuck out of my inbox idnc i love hearing from y'all.

also TUMBLR KEEPS TURNING OFF MY REBLOGS!!!! GRAH!!!!!! tumblr hates me y'all they keep catching on2 me 4 writing porn :( so please if u really wanna show appreciation and tumblr won't let u reblog, leave a comment! those make me happy :)

anyways. usual note that i adore likes, comments, and tagged reblogs!! please tell me how much you like my writing, i love to hear it and it keeps me going! until next timeeeeeeee!

EDIT: I FORGOTTT QUICK EXPLAINATION: im assuming everyone knows pavlov's dog and the whole classical conditioning theory. this story is basically that mixed with the mere-exposure effect.

neutral stimulus: mc's presence

natural response: leo's arousal/excitement

response-producing stimulus: mc's anger

mere-exposure effect: psychological effect in which a like or dislike of things is developed merely due 2 familiarity.

[fanfictiongirlie]

Marvel: Unplanned Chapter Fourteen

Masterlist

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader (First person written though)

Description:

"It says...it says it's positive doll" His voice matching mine in a quiet shaky whisper.

"Fuck... I'm pregnant?"

"Yeah doll, you're pregnant"

"Fuck" I whisper.

Rating: Explicit

Chapter Warnings: Swearing

Chapter Words: 1,364

Sorry for the long wait! I had a dental procedure, so I haven't felt like being on my pc. Enjoy! <3

It was the day before Jamie's first birthday and I was in the Avengers common room decorating. Bucky watched me, leaning against the wall, his eyes watching my every move. He tried to help, but I told him off for doing it wrong too many times. I hung streamers and balloons everywhere, the room was full of colour. His arms were crossed and a look of amusement was over his face as he watched me. 

"Can't believe our girl is gonna be one" I mutter, knowing he could hear me still. Bucky lets out a soft chuckle, shaking his head in disbelief. 

"Me neither, it feels like you were only just pregnant and now we have a one year old" He adds. 

"I know, it feels so sad, but so happy at the same" I say finishing up the last of the decorations. Bucky walks over to me, standing behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist, holding me close to him. He rests his chin on my shoulder. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a second, feeling him, allowing myself a moment to breath and feel content for a moment in his arms. 

"Yeah, it's bittersweet, happy to see how much she's grown, sad that she's growing up fast" He mumbles, his words soft as he speaks. 

"I know, I love our girl" I add. I feel him hug me a little tighter, his chest pressed against my back, his body wrapping around mine protectively. 

"Our little girl, our Jamie" Bucky whispers. 

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

And then, it was the next day, the Avengers were in the common room with us, minus a few whom were on missions. And Jamie, was sat on the floor surrounded by way too many toys. She giggled happily playing with her new things. I bit my lip smiling widely. Bucky sat on the floor by Jamie, helping her play. I watched him fondly, his eyes shone with pride and fatherly love as he watched her. He glances my way, smiling widely at me. 

"Happy birthday sweet girl" I whisper to her as I stroke her hair softly. I watched as she grabbed another toy and turn to wave it in my face, excitement over her face. 

"Wow baby, that's so cool" I smiled to her. Jamie continued to grab toys and show me, a little giggle would leave her lips when I told her they were cool. 

"What one is your favourite?" I asked her, Jamie looked from me to her toys, she grabbed the little fuzzy bear plush she was gifted and held it close to her chest, cuddling it. 

"And who got you that baby?" I asked. Bucky smirked and reached to Jamie pulling her close to his chest "Dada got you that sweet girl" He grinned. 

"Yeah he did" I smirked, watching Bucky cuddle her close to him. 

"So when's the next baby due?" Sam asked, I looked over to him glaring slightly. Bucky choked on his breath slightly, his eyes widening in surprised, he looked over to me. 

"There isn't one, thank you very much" Bucky says. 

"And there won't be one" I add. Bucky looks grateful at my words, which made me feel better, we hadn't spoken about it, but I didn't want anymore. 

"Yeah, no plans for any more kids, Jamie's enough for us" Bucky says, smiling down at her. 

"And birth was traumatising, I never want to go through that again" I add, cringing at the memory. Bucky nods in agreement, the same cringing look over his face. He reaches to me, resting his hand on my leg, calming me down, I shake the memory from my head and smile down at him and Jamie. Sam luckily didn't answer us after that, he looked like a kid that had just been told off. 

Finally we sang to Jamie and had her birthday cake, Bucky and I helped her blow the candles out, since she had no clue what to do. We gave her a piece of the cake, it was the first time she had sugar so I was a little nervous, but she devoured it, making a huge mess of herself in the process. She had icing all over her face, her hands were sticky and there were cake crumbs everywhere. Bucky looked at me, a smile playing on his lips. 

"Seems like our girl likes cake" He chuckles. 

"She's so goofy" I giggle, taking a picture of her. Bucky grins, enjoying the sight of her covered in cake just as much as I was enjoying it. 

"She sure is....And messy, but it's her birthday, so it's allowed!" Bucky smiles fondly at Jamie. 

"Dibs not bathing her!" I call out, smiling widely at Bucky. He looks at me with a fake grumpy face. 

"Oh no doll, no way! You've got this one, I'll take diaper duty any day over bathing sticky sugar off her!" 

"I'll take that!" I grin, fisting the air, Bucky grins back his eyes full of amusement. 

"You sure about that? You know she's gonna splash, get water and bubbles everywhere?" He asks. 

"Yeah, but she's gotta poop that cake out, and now that's a you problem" I say smirking. Bucky groans, his expressing turning comically pained at the thought. 

"Oh god... I take it back! I'd rather deal with the war of bubbles than poopy diapers" He groans. 

"Too late!" I smile poking my tongue out. Bucky laughs and shakes his head in defeat. My eyes went back to Jamie, who was licking the icing off her arm. Everyone laughed, happy to see Jamie so happy and enjoying her birthday. Once the birthday excitement was over, I was in the bathroom with Jamie, she laid in her tiny bath inside the bath as I washed the cake from her brown hair. 

"So messy" I mutter, she giggles and squirms in the bath, splashing the water everywhere, she reached for one of her bath toys and splashed it against the water causing it to land on me. 

"Silly girl, I guess dada was right, wasn't he?" I said fondly to her. She splashes me again, Bucky then appears in the doorway, leaning against the doorway, watching the two of us with a smile. 

"I told you, messiest baby ever" He grins. 

"Don't listen to dada" I say to Jamie as I pour more water over her hair. Bucky feigns hurt, his hand pressing against his chest as he pretends to be wounded. I giggled softly looking at him, our eyes meeting, playfulness in both sets. 

"Dada" A little voice just spoke, I looked to Jamie, my eyes wide. Bucky moved from the door to crouch next to me, we both looked at Jamie, shock in our eyes, smiles on our lips. 

"Did she just... Doll, did she just say dada?" Bucky asks, his voice higher than usual.

"She did...Jamie, say it again" I said, stroking the baby's cheek softly. "Say dada"

"Dada!" She giggled saying it again, obviously enjoying the attention she was getting from both me and Bucky. Bucky held his hand to his chest, his mouth open in shock. He looked like he might cry. 

"Oh Bucks, her first word" I say, tears burning my eyes. Bucky's eyes grew misty, his voice a little choked with emotion.

"Yeah doll, her first word...and it's dada!" He grins proudly. 

"Yeah baby...dada...now say mama" I giggle to Jamie, she looks from Bucky to me, her little face scrunching, she babbles for a moment. 

"Dada" She giggles. Bucky lets out a shaky laugh. 

"No baby, mama" I giggle, Bucky joined in saying mama to her. Finally after a little bit of trying, Jamie said mama. She said it with such excitement in her voice, enjoying me and Bucky giggling with her. Bucky and I cheered her when she said it, she was snuggly in her bathrobe when she finally said it, clinging to both me and Bucky whilst we sat on the couch. We spend the evening giggling as she called mama and dada. 

"We've got a talkie girlie now love" Bucky grins. 

"Yeah we do Bucks" I say smiling as I cuddled Jamie close to me. 

Chapter Thirteen - Chapter Fifteen

Taglist:

@quinquinquincy @jaybbygrl @wintrsoldrluvr @sebastians-love @learisa @hi172826 @ravennablue @purplecolordeer @a-small-blue-nebula @buckitostan @knyaotjjkbiatch

(I do not consent my works to be posted anywhere else, by anyone other than myself.)

[duskvsdawn]

Can I request prompt 7 with Claude Clawmark? (plus sized reader if you can😣) Can be Nsfelw but please add a lot of fluff to it! I'm completely deprived of Claude fics (I've already read them all) 💔💔

ANYWAYS THANK YOU!! (lastly, could I be 🗿anon HIHI!)

-🗿

≫ A/N: Hello, you got it :) I decided to go the SFW route because I really need to write more of it. It is a bit suggestive here and there, but I mostly kept it pretty innocent, compared to what I normally write. Uh, this isn't really long, but I hope that's okay! I was running out of ideas for this one, sorry.

Content: female reader, reader is plus-sized, Clark absolutely adores her curves even though she hates it, she is a bit depressed because she would love to wear her boyfriend's clothes but none of them fit, until she finds something that does fit her just fine and it makes her so happy!

Art credits: I searched far and wide for them, but the image seems to have kind of disappeared off the web.

✩*⢄⢁✧ --------- ✧⡈⡠*✩

If you like my works, please like, comment and reblog! It is much appreciated ❤ And if you really enjoyed it, please follow me so you can be kept up to date on future uploads! Please do not re-upload, translate, or use for AI training.

You look kinda cute wearing that

You sighed as you stood in front of the mirror in just your underwear. You had just taken a shower, and you were inspecting your reflection, pointing out all the stuff you hated about your body, and the instant disgust surfaced once more, like it always did. You knew that your boyfriend loved your body the way it was, but you didn't. You knew he adored having some more to hold, it always seemed to drive him absolutely insane, but you couldn't disagree more. You were quite a bit bigger than him, so you couldn't do that adorable girlfriend-wears-boyfriend's-clothes thing. You really wanted to wear some of his cool clothes, but none of them fit you. So with another sigh, you picked up the clothes you had already put aside for today and put them on. But then, an idea hit you. Maybe there was something that fit you.

You went downstairs to walk to the coat rack. Bingo. He had left his cloak at home. You took it off the hook, and you sniffed the collar. Mmm, it smelled just like him. Smelled like his signature body smell, combined with all the weird ingredients he would use while he was busy brewing potions. It's a scent that you had started to learn to like over the years. You inspected it thoroughly, letting the fabric run through your hands. You had seen him in this cloak millions of times, so it wasn't new to you. It also wasn't like you hadn't touched it before, since you had touched and kissed him thousands of times, grabbing onto the fabric to make sure he couldn't get away, or to pull him even closer to your body.

You decided to take your chances, and you started putting it on. It had always been super oversized on your boyfriend, and it seemed to fit you pretty okay. You hurried back up the stairs to properly inspect yourself in front of the large mirror once more, but wearing his coat this time instead of being in your underwear. You felt way more comfortable in clothes anyway, so this wouldn't be too bad. You looked in the mirror, and you were pretty happy with the result. It fit you perfectly, and it made you happy that you were finally wearing something that your boyfriend wore all the time.

You decided to work behind your pc for the rest of the day, doing some photo editing and writing. You loved art as an outlet for your negative thoughts about yourself. After some work, you went downstairs to grab yourself something to drink. When you walked through the living room towards the kitchen, you heard keys jingle in the front door. Your boyfriend entered the house and looked at you in awe.

"Wow... Well, hello there..." the cleric said as he walked closer to you and put his hands on your shoulders. "Give me a spin, darling," Claude said as he took a step back to admire you. You did your spin, and stood still in the same spot, really nervous about this all of a sudden now that you were caught, sorta. Your boyfriend whistled, and then a deep purr left his lips. "Do you... Like it?" you asked as you fumbled with the hem of the sleeves. "Like it? Babe, are you fucking kidding me? I love it! It looks great on you. I should get one made for you, too," the cleric said as he approached you again, wrapping his arms around you to pull you in for a hungry kiss. He purred against your lips once more in between kisses as his hands entangled themselves in your hair to deepen the kiss.

You pulled back to breathe for a little bit, but he wouldn't let you go for that long. As quickly as he could, he pulled you closer again as his tongue entered your mouth again. Your tongue brushed against the piercing that you had grown to like more and more, and a hum of approval left your boyfriend's throat. His hands wandered under the coat to grab your butt and squeeze it. "Fuck, you look so cute wearing this. Absolutely irresistible," the cleric said as he bit his lip while one hand moved up to lightly squeeze your love handles. You looked away, your insecurities taking you over just like they did earlier when you looked at yourself in the mirror with nothing but underwear on. You didn't know why, but even if he loved every single centimetre of your body, it always made you feel uneasy. The cleric noticed you were getting distracted by your thoughts again, and he wanted to pull you out of this negative spiral happening in front of him.

"I know what you're thinking, baby. 'Oh, here he goes again with squeezing my entire body.' Sorry, I just can't help myself. You just look stunning, absolutely stunning, and I love every single part of your body. Even if you think otherwise, I will never see you any other way, trust me." your boyfriend said as he left some searing kisses on your neck while one hand travelled down once more to give your butt another squeeze. You couldn't deny that these kisses made you feel really desired and wanted, and they really turned you on, too. And you knew he wouldn't lie to you about any of this; you trusted him.

For the rest of the day, the two of you were chilling on the couch. Your boyfriend occasionally put his hand on your thigh, to sometimes let it travel in between them. He adored you in that outfit, after all. He kept pulling you close to make out with you every now and then as well. He then patted his lap, signalling you to sit on top of it. He knew you didn't like being on top in any way, shape or form, but he had to have you now. He asked you to keep that cloak on, though. It simply looked too good on you. And seeing you in it really did things to him.

[emcapi-gaming]

Then vs Now

I've seen a couple open tags for this, though the most recent one was @sleepymoonlady, which also came with a light threat so that pushed me into finally getting around to it. Open tag for anyone who hasn't done it yet!

Apart from some body type changes, Ardwin has always remained really consistent in terms of design! She had a couple brief hairstyle changes (still sticking with very short styles) but that's about it. Those free fantas will probably sit in her saddlebag forever lol.

I started playing in 2021 on the world's shittiest laptop. This is the earliest decent pic of her I have, some time during the Heavensward patches, on the lowest possible graphics settings and resolution.

I ended up taking a hiatus midway through Stormblood for various reasons (including my laptop finally no longer being able to handle the increasing graphical demands), and came back several months later after finally building the gaming PC that I had wanted for years.

Here's my best recent pic of her from about a month ago, now with significantly more beef and also significantly more pixels lmfao.

(She mained Viper through most of Dawntrail, but was exclusively Warrior through the end of 6.0 and is still a WAR main at heart <3)

In terms of character development: I had played WoW before and found that a lot of my characters had very organic development as I went through the game. I knew almost nothing about XIV, so I went in with a rough idea of her personality but otherwise left her largely a blank slate to see what would happen. Turned out that this was a great idea because XIV is practically MADE for that sort of development. (And by pure coincidence, she ended up being Ardbert's perfect match down to the fucking NAME, which made me feel like I won some sort of OC creation lottery.)

I made several alts/other Warriors of Light after her, but Ardwin is by far the one that stuck with me the most, to the point that she jump-started FFXIV back into Primary Special Interest status after shifting to BG3 for a while. I had tossed her into BG3 for a tactician run for shits and giggles, started writing a fic of her reacting to the whole Shadow-Cursed Lands thing like "yeah this is a normal Tuesday for me," and that made me go "oh right, Ardwin's the best - aaand whoops, time for FFXIV Obsession: Round 2, I guess."

[daitranscripts]

Iron Bull Romance

Kadan

Iron Bull Masterpost

Bull and the PC lie naked in bed.

Iron Bull: Damn, that was… That was

Dialogue options:

General: Thank you for that. [1]

General: Wow. [2]

General: Is that all? [3]

1 - General: Thank you for that. PC: Oh, I needed that. Iron Bull: My pleasure. Well, maybe some of it’s yours. [4]

2 - General: Wow. PC: I’m just glad I could keep up. [4]

3 - General: Is that all? PC: Are we done? I thought that was your warm-up. [4]

4 - Scene continues.

Iron Bull: All this time, and you’ve never said “katoh.” If I’d known you’d last this long, I’d have let you pick your own watchword.

5 - Dialogue options:

Investigate: People pick them? [6]

General: I’ve come close to using it. [7]

General: I’ve never needed to use it. [8]

6 - Investigate: People pick them?** PC: People choose their own watchwords? Iron Bull: Normally, yes. It can be anything, so long as it’s not something you’d ever shout by accident. Josephine might pick “madrigal,” while Cullen would go with “phylactery.” As for Cassandra, it’d probably be something soft, like “silk” or “satin.” PC: You’re sure about that. Iron Bull: Hey, Ben-Hassrath, remember? I’ve got everyone pegged.

9 - Dialogue options:

Investigate: Vivienne? [10]

Investigate: Sera? [11]

Investigate: Varric? [12]

Investigate: Cole? [13]

Investigate: Blackwall? [14]

[Back to 5]

10 - Investigate: Vivienne? PC: What about Vivienne? Iron Bull: Tough one. I’m going with “periwinkle.” She looks like a periwinkle kind of lady. [back to 9] ㅤㅤ ㅤ 11 - Investigate: Sera? PC: What about Sera? Iron Bull: Well, it wouldn’t be “shite,” or you’d never even get started. Honestly, though, Sera’s not the kind who lets you tie her down. [back to 9] ㅤㅤ ㅤ 12 - Investigate: Varric? PC: What about Varric? Wait, don’t tell me… Bianca. Iron Bull: No, it’d have to be something he wouldn’t shout during sex. Maybe “Paragon.” Or “thaig.” [back to 9] ㅤㅤ ㅤ 13 - Investigate: Cole? PC: Here’s a tough one: Cole. Iron Bull: You know, he stumped me. I actually asked him. He thought really hard about it, then finally said his watchword was “stop.” I don’t think he got it. Probably for the best, honestly. [back to 9] ㅤㅤ ㅤ 14 - Investigate: Blackwall? PC: How about Blackwall? Iron Bull: Hmm… “petit-alms.” Get deep enough under that armor, there’s a man who lived the good life once. [back to 9]

7 - General: I’ve come close to using it. PC: You’ve almost had me a couple of times. Iron Bull: Good. [15]

8 - General: I’ve never needed to use it. PC: If you want to make me use that watchword, you’ll need to try harder. Iron Bull: Good to know. [15]

15 - Scene continues.

Choice dependent dialogue:

Bull made Tal-Vashoth [16]

Allied with the Qunari [17]

16 - Bull made Tal-Vashoth

Iron Bull: I’m a better man for having met you, kadan. I just hope this made things a little easier on your end.

Dialogue options:

General: We’re together to the end. [18]

General: Is that a proposal, dear?[19]

General: I love you. [20]

18 - General: We’re together to the end. PC: You did. And no matter what happens, if we don’t make it out of this… Iron Bull: Katoh. Stop. I can’t… We’re coming out of this alive. Together. Bull pushes them back to bed. Scene ends.

19 - General: Is that a proposal, dear? PC: I just wish we’d had time for the wedding before Corypheus showed up. Iron Bull: I… what? PC: I assumed we were getting married. Iron Bull: Um… uh… PC: (Laughs.) The look on your face! Iron Bull: Oh, you are evil! Bull pushes them back to bed. Scene ends.

20 - General: I love you. PC: Not “this.” You made things easier on my end. I love you. Iron Bull: You going soft on me, kadan? The PC gives him a look. Iron Bull: I love you, too. Bull pushes them back to bed. Scene ends.

17 - Allied with the Qunari

Iron Bull: You helped me remember who I really am, kadan. I won’t forget that, no matter what happens. You’re a damn fine Inquisitor. I hope this made it a little easier for you.

Dialogue options:

General: Wait, was this a job for you? [21]

General: It has. [22]

General: It’s been fun! [23]

21 - General: Wait, was this a job for you? PC: What do you mean? You make it sound like you don’t actually… Was this just part of your job? Helping the Inquisitor relax? Iron Bull: (Laughs.) You look pretty relaxed to me. Bull pushes them back to bed. Iron Bull: It wasn’t just a job. Come here. Scene ends.

22 - General: It has. PC: I needed this. Thank you for seeing it. Iron Bull: My pleasure. Bull pushes them back to bed. Scene ends.

23 - General: It’s been fun! PC: It’s certainly been more enjoyable. I don’t know about easier, though. Some parts have certainly gotten… harder. Iron Bull: (Laughs.) You think? Bull pushes them back to bed. Scene ends.

[vclvetfleur]

Obedient Chapter 2

roman roy x fem! reader

Summary: After a week of getting the job you seemed to finally get a hold of Roman and his weird humor. You were finally proving yourself to him.

Warnings: Implied drug abuse, dark jokes, degradation

Word Count: 3.8k

Notes: Okay Chapter 2! I do want to warn that (not in this chapter) but later on there will be a reveal of a tragic backstory. Not that y/n is like Roman, but traumatized as well. Theres also going to be some kind of fluff in this one. I am trying to make this a slow burn, but it's so hard. ANYWAYS Soooooo I hope you enjooooy.

Chapter 2: Costa Azzurra Eau de Parfum

You left the office completely stunned. I guess that’s how everyone felt after first meeting Roman. Meeting him was definitely something no one could prep you for. But hey, I guess you finally have a job now. Before you could collect your thoughts, you saw Jess heading your way. “So? What happened? Oh my god, what’d he say?” She spoke quickly, expecting the worst from Roman. Every time she’s been around him wasn’t the best. He was arrogant, disgusting, selfish, rude, well Roman.

“I got the job.” You tried to collect your thoughts. You spent so much time prepping and getting ready for this. You thought at the very least this would be a bit more professional. You didn’t think you’d get berated for 3 minutes. You were at least expecting to even get asked your credentials. If you even made sense for the job. But I guess the Roy’s had enough money to keep everyone quiet and inline. They didn’t need to be too careful.

“You did?” She blinked quickly, looking at Roman then you. Roman spotted her stares and snickered and wiggled his fingers in a way to say hi.

All you could do is nod. “I did.” You finally broke out of your thoughts and started to laugh. You finally were going to see what it was like on the other side. No more struggling or worrying. You could finally pay off your student debt and other debt you’ve unfortunately had to be left with. “Uhh Roman said I needed to speak to you about getting all my stuff organized and all that.” Jess nodded before walking you through what the next steps were.

Before she could even start, Kendall needed her. “uh-Jess, I need you to help me out with a situation right now, Uh- “He started before looking down at you. “What happened? Aren’t you- wait did he just waste our time or-?” He began to question. He seemed stressed. Like he was in a panic for something. Gosh, what a wreck. He was practically sweating an entire fountain. He looked pale. You recognized what it was. Roman hinted at it. Rehab. But it didn’t seem like he quit a while ago. It looked like he really needed his fix. And soon.

“I’m just getting y/n organized, Roman said- “She started to explain before getting cut off by Kendall. I guess they just did that sort of thing. God, how pretentious.

“You don’t work for Roman, do you? No. Now uh-y/n just tell Roman to get someone else to do it. Uh- yea, anyways, I need you…” He quickly snapped before walking away with Jess. You barely made out what he was saying as he left you behind. You were on your own now. You decided to take a breather before having to endure what was Roman Roy once again. Once you composed yourself you turned around, fixed your suit before walking back to his office where he was slouching at his desk, staring at the screen. His head shot quickly up to you as soon as he heard the door, but relaxed once he saw it was you and ignored you for his screen again. “Did you lose your little buddy or something” he teased.

“Uh- no. Kendall told me to get you to help me out instead. Cause, and I quote, ‘she doesn’t work for Roman’” You tried to catch him up. Roman let out an amused sigh as he shook his head. “Wow my brother really does have a way with words. The PC king strikes back again with his stupid fucking union bullshit or whatever. Uh yeah okay, well I don’t know how to do that shit.” His eyes finally leaving his screen to look at you. But not really at you. He really made such intense eye contact. I guess you had to when your dad is the CEO and you might, which I really doubt Roman ever would, become CEO one day.

“Okay, so do I just- “You question pointing your thumbs to the door to go look for someone to do what Roman should be doing for you. “No no, uh just sit down, let me annoy Gerri. Fuck what’s the point of assistant it’s like having a hamster or something” He huffed in annoyance before spamming Gerri with messages to come to his office. He made every attempt to finally get her attention.

You watched an older blonde woman storm into his office, clearly not in a mood to be dealing with him and his issues, which she seems to have been doing for a bit. “What do you want now Roman?” She sighed.

“Well, I wouldn’t mind if you striped naked and y’know call me whatever name you have in your head right now” He implied before seeing her give up with him and nearly leaving. “wait-wait- okay sorry. Uh Kendall got me a new toy and I need her to fill some shit out. You know legal bullshit.”

You just couldn’t believe he could talk to her like that. Nonetheless she seemed like she wasn’t completely livid. She didn’t even tell him off. You looked up at her before standing up and putting your hand out. “Hi, y/n” You smiled. Gerri gave you a smile that gave you the feeling of a disappointed parent, you’ve seen that look before.  “Hi, just follow me and I’ll get you set up. Romans to incompetent to even find where half of his emails are.” She tried to rationalize with you before leading you out of his office. You just followed and sat down in a small conference room with her. “So, what do you do?” You asked before sitting down. She had her back turned to you as she was gathering all the paperwork from the filing cabinets. They had people coming in and out, so they had them ready. But Gerri was right, Roman was incompetent. “I’m the companies General Counsel, uh I basically just make sure they don’t ruin the company with legal stuff” She tried to explain. You nodded silently before taking the papers from her. You decided to read some of it over. You couldn’t believe what was in some of it. For starters I had to be on the clock and at Roman’s disposal 24/7. I had to basically play as this grown man’s mother. The NDA was worse. Nothing that happened or was said could ever leave my mouth or fingers if I were to type it out. I couldn’t tell anything to anyone. Maybe that’s why Jess was so quiet on how Kendall was and what was actually going on. But regardless, you signed. Once you saw what your salary would be, you signed immediately. It was basically making a deal with the devil himself. You practically sold your soul. But who wouldn’t for that kind of money. Once you finished giving off your information, Gerri picked them up and left a hand on your shoulder. “Good luck dear, just one rule I have for you, just don’t pay any of them any mind.” She warned before leaving.

You watched as she walked off, her heels clacking out of the room and leaving you alone. You stood up before finally exiting the room yourself.

You got up before going back to Roman for the day before seeing him grabbing his things on his way to leave. “Where are you going?” You asked. You hadn’t even been here an hour and he was leaving. “An orgy.” He joked before leaving the office. “Give me your phone quickly.” You tried to protest before he snatched it out of your pocket from your suit jacket. “What’s the passcode?” You reached back before he moved it away from you. “Nuh-uh. I need to give you my number if you’re gonna get paid. I do it with all my paid hookers.”

“I’m not a hooker. Or a pet. So, stop comparing me to that.” You stood your ground finally. You weren’t use to keeping your mouth shut. You never really even kept quiet this long. “Yea sure you’re not. That’s what the last Guinee pig hooker I hired said.” He said before using your face to finally unlock your phone. You reached out again before having him smack your hand out of the way. “Ow!” You cried out, holding your wrist.

“Boo fucking hoo, cry me a river, snowflake.” He seemed to try to correct you. You watched him intensely as he seemed to be on your phone forever now. “Oh what, you scared I’m gonna find some sex tape on this? You know it isn’t really smart to keep that on here. With the cloud and whatever the fuck those perverts do. Me, on the other hand, don’t care. You can watch all you want.” He shot you a wink. You reeled back. He wasn’t a good flirt. If this is what he called flirting. It was disgusting. He was basically a walking PR nightmare packaged in a small insecure man’s body. He tossed your phone up in the air before you could even process what happened. You frantically jolted and tried to grab it, thankfully grabbing it before it had fallen on the floor. “Done, I texted myself. I’ll text you what I need after my crazy insane BDSM orgy.” He laughed before hitting the L button. The elevators shut and he was finally gone. I guess it was time to go home too. You decided today was enough. This had been completely overly stimulating for you. It was definitely an intense day. You went home and laid down on your bed. Before you could even cut your eyes, your phone began to buzz. You opened it to see a few texts from Roman. He put his name in your phone to ‘sexy new boss’. What a prick? You’ve never met someone who was so into himself. 

‘helloooooooo’

‘it’s me, your new fuckable boss’.

‘you cant use that against me in court by the way.’

‘hellooooooo I said its me’

‘i’ll send a bomb to your house if you don’t respond to me’

‘okay fine. done. just sent one. now I need a new assistant’

‘ok ok im joking’

You read them as they came one after the other. Wow what a deranged little man. You swiped the messages open and finally replied to him.

‘What do you need?’ you sent.

‘ooo wow so profess. just checking to see if you quit’

‘im kidding again. just checking in on you’

You shook your head before replying to him again with a simple thank you and shutting your phone off again.

This is how it was for nearly a week. You would get ready for work as early as 7:30 am, just to be sent home early because Roman refused to even be there. And when he was, he was basically just making disgusting and deranged comments towards you or whoever the fuck was in the room. But that you can handle. Just an annoyance at this point. He did text you constantly. He seemed lonely. Like he didn’t even have anyone to really talk to. He spent most of his day or even night trying to get you to reply to him. He would send you text after text after text. He assumed because Kendall always texted Jess that was the reason, they were close enough for him to trust her. But he couldn’t break that barrier with you. He didn’t know what he could do to get you to even give him any kind of attention.  You barely flinched at his jokes, at least you didn’t show it and you were social with everyone else. He didn’t understand his need for his attention from you. But he got some kind from everyone so easily. He wanted whatever he couldn’t have. The only kind of reaction you would give him was quiet. You barely even made fun of him back.

You headed to the office later than usual, realizing that you were mostly wasting your time just showing up at 9 am. You were gonna be waiting on Roman for at least 2 hours for him to even get here. He probably had been sleeping in til 12 pm sometimes. You don’t know how Logan hadn’t fired him already. Even if he was his own son. You walked into the building at 11, knowing this was the earliest Roman would even get here. You stepped out of the elevator to see Roman in his office. You walked in before knocking on the door to let him know you were here.

“You’re late.” He sang as he pulled away from his computer. He laughed to himself, looking up at you.

“Sorry, I didn’t expect you to be at the office yet.” You explained before setting down your latte that you got before work. You sat down and pulled out your tablet to review what was next for Roman to slack off on.

“Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be here. Aren’t you a little slacker? Do I have to look back at your references and experience on that resume of yours?” He sat up, laying his hands on the desk. He was always so amused to annoy you.

“You never looked at my resume, remember? You thought it was a waste of our time.” You remined.

“Yea yea but what do I know? I’m just an attractive billionaire about to be crowned COO.” He shrugged. You didn’t know if he was insulting you and your education or if he was being genuine.

“Crowned? Do you think you’re getting a coronation or something?” You finally fired back at him. “That’s not how that works.” “Yeah I don’t know what the shit is, but regardless, now that you said it, I want it.” He raised his chin up like a little schoolboy. He seemed so proud of his stupid joke. He always did. He really did think he was extremely hilarious. Even if no one laughed at his own jokes, he did. It was the only thing he ever really liked about himself. I mean, he partly hated it because it made people not like him that much, but he knew he didn’t have much to ever offer people. Laughing was the only thing he could do to keep people around him happy enough with him. Or else he’d be just another substance abuser like Kendall or a prick like Shiv or even worse, boring like Connor.

“Yea, let me get my measuring tape out for the dick measuring contest then.” You finally learned to play along. You didn’t want to argue and fight with yourself to keep quiet. You thought it only made your day more stressful.  You expected something bad from Roman for talking like that, but you looked up to only see him actually laughing at your throw back. You hid a smile as you looked back down at your tablet. Even though you didn’t like to admit it too, your humor was also the only thing you liked about yourself. You didn’t like to be alone either. It was too much to be alone with all your own thoughts too. You also didn’t like the silence. You craved hearing people talking about other than your own issues or weird ticks. It was good to get the attention not on you all the time, unless you wanted it. 

“It’s a good 9 inches, alright? I should know I put my dick up against almost every guy I’ve met.” He lied so easily. It was only cause he knew no one would actually believe him.

“Even your dads?” You tried to hit a nerve. This was starting to seem like some kind of fun to you. It was so easy to make fun of him back because he really didn’t care what people even said to him.

“Ew no you pervert. You wish though.” That was probably the first time he said it to someone else rather than being called that. Unless it was Moe or Karl. One of those weird fucks from the board. His dad was tied in with a lot of sketchy guys in all honesty. “Besides, I could whip it out if you’d like to see that badly.”

You shook your head, outing your hand up in protest. “Nope, I’m good. Don’t worry. Anyways you have to do your work.” You said before getting up to go over to him to show him what was due today. He wasn’t gonna do them, but you felt safe enough that Roman wouldn’t grope you. You leaned down to his level, him sitting up to reach up to you, showing him the tablet of the upcoming projects.

Your bodies were barely an inch away from each other that you could even smell the weird pervy cologne he had on. It was a weird kind of nice. You kind of liked it, but you couldn’t pinpoint what you liked about it. Maybe like when you can’t stop tasting or smelling something that smells kind of off just because of curiosity. Regardless, it smelt like Roman just went to a perfume shop and picked the most expensive and ridiculous looking bottle he could even find.

You felt his eyes on you as you spoke, but it wasn’t as uncomfortable as you imagined. “Pay attention.” You redirected him, but he didn’t stray his longing looks away. He tried to get a read on you. You were so unwilling to let him see you crack or even show any kind of frustration. Not that he wanted to, but everyone did at this point. Or at least people expressed so after meeting him for a bit. You continued on and on before stopping to look his way, finding your face almost against his. Your faces were so close to one another you bumped your nose against his. You pulled back a bit as you tried to readjust how you were standing by him. You finally realized Roman was a lot softer than you initially thought. He was an asshole, sure. But he was kind of endearing to you. Something made you drawn to him. Maybe it was the way he tried to get a laugh all the time or that you finally realized his eyes were brown. Or maybe that he wasn’t as harsh looking as you thought. He looked grosser when you first glanced at him, but up close you were finally taking in all of his features. His weird little quirks that made him look so strange actually made sense on his face. You even noticed he was kind of smiling at you. You turned back to the tablet and pushed his chin to face it as well. “Come on now. Do I need to play Bluey or Coco Melon for you?”

“I don’t know what the fuck that is, but if they’re names of porn stars, then yes.” He laid his arm on the desk, putting his hand up to his head to hold it, positioning to look right back at you.

“Doesn’t your brother have kids? Don’t they watch kid shows? Or are you not allowed within a 200 feet radius of children?” You were trying not to get frustrated with him on his tasks of the day. You spent everyday making these notes for him to never even do them. “You really think Kendall takes care of them? Fuck no. He’s too busy doing blow in some undergrown New York club to watch them. My dad really led by example.” Roman confessed something he shouldn’t have, but he was hoping you’d find it all a joke like all of his weird comments. You blinked to understand all the trauma that was dumped in front of you. “Wow. Okay.” Was the only words that could attempt to even leave your mouth. You tried to shake that brand new information off. “Ah yeah, Kendall is a fake snowflake wannabe. He acts like he’s read Karl Marx and that he even gives a fuck.” Roman really tried to keep this impression of hating Kendall. Not that you understood what their relationship even was, but it was confusing to way the very least. They constantly seemed to be annoyed with one another, but you’ve seen other articles and pictures of them where they looked like your average billionaire happy family. You hated to say, but you really enjoyed the insider details of whatever fucked up dynamic this was. “Alright start your speech again, I wasn’t listening.” He seemed actually serious this time. You nodded and just went back to the top of your notes. Roman just wanted to move this topic as quick. He shared too much. He shouldn’t have, but who else could he talk shit about his brother with? Everyone he knew adored Ken except Shiv, but right now she was annoyed at him for whatever reason she came up with now. All because he insinuated that Shiv was with Tom only for comfort and not cause she actually loved him. But whatever, she was being a bitch.

He seemed to actually listen to you, was he actually going to do any of that? Fuck no, but it was an excuse to move the conversation. And just to hear you talk again. You really were smart. You actually did know what the fuck you were talking about and not just playing some kind of role. Maybe with the outfit and hair, but still, you seemed smart enough to know what you even said.

You spent the entire day with Roman before he started to get ready to leave early again. Which was your cue to also get ready to leave. “Oh uh- by the way, there’s a party tonight, I need you on the clock for that. I’ll send over some actually clothes to your place. Not anything from a fucking sweat shop. My driver will get you.” He said as quickly he could before walking off. You never had any time to react to Roman. He was way too fast for you to even fully comprehend anything that left his mouth. It was always so much.

But wow okay. A rich person party. This was new. Not an exciting new. More of an anxious new. Like going to a new school for the first time kind of new. If you looked any kind of wrong, you knew you’d be shunned or even made fun of in there. It didn’t take long for these people to start to laugh or mock people in this office, you could only imagine what it could be like at a party with billionaires like the Roy’s.

Notes: Next chapter is up!

Chapter 3

[crascet]

Honest Thoughts: The 2024 Video Game Awards and Announcements

So, a couple of nights ago, me and a discord server I'm in did a group watch for the VGAs this year. Normally, we wouldn't care that much about the awards but would just watch them for the announcements for new games anyways. The award show itself was pretty decent anyways with some fun parts here and there. Statler and Waldorf were the best part of the show hands down, as they always were in the Muppets Show. The presentations for Best Narrative from Sam Lake was also pretty good as well as the presentation for Best Adaptation from Jesse Pinkman and Lucina (I will not specify that further). Now for the awards themselves, there are some pretty good winners, especially from Metaphor and Astro Bot with the ladder winning Best Game. Glad to see those two games win awards here and I could check them both out next year. I didn't like how Best Fighting Game was relegated to the First Act as I would love to see that on the main show with a presentation instead of a quick mention. Back to presentations, the one with the two TLOU actresses was the worst part of the show to me tbh, they were just boring.

Now for the announcements themselves and WOW they were something! First, there was the announcement of a new Ninja Gaiden game with Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound that seem to have both the old and new versions of Ryu Hayabusa. I'm already excited for this as a fan of ninjas and with hearing the difficulty of the first NG game and the first 3D game, which is a game I should check out some time.

There was then the announcement of Clive Rosfield from FF XVI being the last DLC character for Tekken 8's Season 1 DLC which is really cool to see as it follows Noctis being in T7 as DLC. I know most people wanted Tifa to be in Tekken (including myself), but hey, Clive looks great and the DLC stage looks great!

To a new project announced, there is genDESIGN's unannounced project, being made from the same creator of Ico, Shadow of the Colossus, and The Last Guardian. I absolutely love SotC and I did enjoy myself with the demo of TLG found with the SotC remaster. The game itself seems to follow in the footsteps of SotC with a climbing mechanic, but there could be some cases of Ico within it. Not much is known seen in the teaser other than the gameplay and how it has a giant robot to be an important part of the game. Can't wait to see more about this project.

And then there's Intergalactic and I'm... conflicted. On one hand, Naughty Dog are FINALLY working on a new, original IP that's NOT a remaster, PC port, or both of The Last of Us Parts I and II, so thank god for that. On the other hand, Neil Druckmann is directing this game too. Now, if you like TLOU I and II, that's fine. I understand why people like those games, or at least the first game. It has a mass appeal to everyone with its narrative in both games. It's just that ND just focuses on ONLY those two games and nothing else, just shoving down our throats on how great it is, and I'm worried it'll be the same thing with Intergalactic for the next 5 years. But who knows, maybe it'll turn out great, idk.

Now for the five announcements that stole the show from two companies.

First, there is Sega with the one-two punch of Ryu Ga Gotoku Studio's two new projects: a new installment in the Virtua Fighter franchise and Project Century. Seeing VF come back after years of new versions of VF5 is awesome, with the only two characters being confirmed for the game being Akira Yuki and Stella who is either the daughter of Jacky or Sarah Bryant, or (and this is sort of a fan theory) a clone of Sarah created by J6 given that she looks similar to her, especially that it seems that VF6 as I could call it could take place years after VF5 and Judgement 6 could return. As for other characters coming back, I expect Pai, Kage Maru, and Jacky to be here. Lau I'm guessing is definitely dead as this point with his move set going to either Pai or to Lei Fei, but time will tell. Then there's Project Century, which seems to be a Lost Judgement-esque game taking place in 1915 Japan and it does look really interesting to play. I can check out the demo if there's going to be one of Century. These two look really great and I'm definitely interested in both, especially with RGG's track record with Yakuza/Like A Dragon, which is another franchise I'm itching to play next year.

On the same topic of Sega, there's the announcement of a new Sonic racing game with Sonic Racing: CrossWorlds. Given from the little time it was shown with the only character being shown being Shadow, it seems to be more in track of Sega All Stars racing, which sounds really cool to me seeing a comeback from the racing series, I just hope it'll be better than Team Sonic Racing. Sonic does seem to be on a revival with the releases of Sonic Frontiers, Sonic X Shadow Generations, and Sonic 3 coming out next week, huh? Glad to see it.

And now for Capcom starting with the return of two dormant franchises.

To start, there's the announcement of Onimusha: Way of the Sword. It's awesome to see Onimusha get a new game in a nearly 20-year absence with the release of Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams back in 2006 and with the remaster of the first game back in 2019. It'll release in 2026, but it looks great from the gameplay footage so can't wait to kill more demons!

And then there's the Okami sequel being directed from the original director, Hideki Kamiya returning to Capcom and reforming CLOVER studios which is the best announcement from the VGA's this year. I have never played Okami before, but I now have both the PC and Switch ports of Okami HD, and I do plan on playing them during the winter break. I just hope that the sequel won't ignore Okamiden as I really love the puppy so much. And with the reformation of CLOVER, there's a good chance Viewtiful Joe 3 could happen in the future, but I do wonder about Kamiya's Ultraman-esque project he was working on years ago when he was still working in Platinum. Other than some worrying thoughts of me hoping the Okami sequel won't be that controversial in its development like with Bayo 3.

A pretty good and fun VGA this year with some well-deserved winners and great announcements to look forward to.

[lutethebodies]

Tav Tuesdays Redux: Wade LeSangre, the Wounded Fool

Reviving LTB Tav Tuesdays on, uh, a Thursday, because this week has been a fun one for character generation. I haven’t experienced the "wow this character just clicks perfectly" feeling in quite some time, but that’s what happens when you toss ideas back and forth between 5e and BG3. This is Wade LeSangre (not his real name), the Wounded Fool: blood hunter in 5e and "blood mage" in BG3. He's made with the building blocks of other bloody-minded BG3 characters, and wouldn't exist without mods, but the sum has proven to be greater than the parts—literally and figuratively. None of his lore is super-coherent yet, though, so how about I make a bloody mess of it below the cut:

5E NPC (V1 & V2)

Wade (not his real name either) first appeared as (what else?) a random NPC in my homebrew 5e game. He was a weird, creepy-looking elf (his HeroForge model is above) that my players met on a lonely night road into the woods. However, he earned their trust and relieved them of certain unenviable burdens (two dangerous children they’d saved from a werewolf, with one already beginning to turn), returning to the city they’d just left. And that was the last anyone ever saw of him.

Wade’s next role will likely be whenever I can get it together to revive my 5e campaign, which in turn is one of the ways I’m trying to goose myself into completing a second fantasy atlas. However, this Wade will be a different person; he’s the human mentee of the first Wade, trained in the ways of their blood-hunting order (Ghost Slayers, one of the subclasses for Matt Mercer’s Blood Hunter class). My second campaign is shaping up to have vampires and other bloodsuckers as Big Bads, so he’ll fit in there well as NPC help for my players. These Wades have a kind of Dread-Pirate-Roberts thing going on; “None of us were actually given the name Wade. My mentor’s name wasn’t Wade either; he was called Ryan. His mentor was Cummerbund, and so on.”

BG3 PC (Lore)

Here’s where I began to have some real fun when folding those two Wades into each other and merging them with my BG3 Wade who is (as previously mentioned) my first real Dark Urge run (after an aborted Cannor Durge run and umpteen dozen Tav playthroughs). For Durgey-lore purposes, this Wade’s gotta fit into that backstory, so he will (Bhaal, Orin, Gortash and all—unfortunately for me, who enjoys precisely none of those characters), but he’s gonna do so sideways. For this is no ordinary Chosen of Bhaal. This is Willis Greenie, the identical evil twin brother of celebrated entertainer Norris Greenie (aka Dribbles the Clown).

I’m sure there are many inconsistencies I’d have to iron out to make this truly fit. Most of the Durge lore, like the hell-raid with Gortash, would be fine. But other stuff might be difficult: How would the pure-Bhaal-blood thing work with identical twins? How would Willis get so evil before understanding who he really was? (it’s probably pathological envy.) What’s the real reason Dribbles ended up murdered and dismembered? (maybe Orin sent some inept doppelganger lackeys to do her own envious dirty work instead of it being tryhard cult applicants.) I do know one thing: with his sole imaginative impulse, Willis renames himself Wade (in blood!) LeSangre (of blood!). But he still ends up mortally wounded by his half-sister, and is in the end just as foolish as his poor doomed clown of a brother. Moonrise should be an interesting time!

One final but important lore thing: the key to me unlocking this character was bringing him (very very loosely of course) into the personal realm. I myself have a minor but weird pro-thrombin blood mutation; my blood coagulates really well. It's not inherently serious but it did make for a perfect storm 8 years ago when I suffered a wildly dangerous, seemingly-spontaneous blood clot in my upper arm (the cause was a thoracic outlet issue). I was on thinners for much longer than I should have been, I felt weirdly nerfed—I was advised to be extremely careful when re-starting cycling for exercise, and I still had two minor wipeouts—and it took a surge of willpower and brief but intense physical therapy to convince my hematologist I didn't need thinners anymore and instead needed PT to alleviate (but not fix) my problems. So all that got filtered into ol' Wade a bit too.

BG3 PC (Gameplay)

Or, you know, I could ignore all that stuff for the moment and just play the game—which is what I’d rather do, because that in itself might yield better RP angles based on what I choose to do with him. Three in-game days later, that looks like: playing him as a chaotic-good Urge-resister. Well, eventually. He ripped Gale’s arm off and staked Astarion (let’s bring in his 5e fear and loathing of vampires, shall we?) before mostly getting himself under control. He recruited Shadowheart and Lae’zel and Withers and made it to the Grove. He had a grand time with Alfira, reconnecting with his entertainer-envying impulses, finally being creative, and learning to play her instrument.

And then Alfira showed up at camp (after, of course, I meta-gamed to get Quil to show up, because I had to see that one for myself even if the dragonborn won’t be part of Wade’s story). And then Wade’s urge liquidated Alfira. I think that’s the fulcrum on which I’ll rest his Urge-resistance. He went with radical disclosure, admitting to the deed and probably destabilizing his budding relationship with Shadowheart (I’m still gonna have him go for her instead of, say, Minthara—because my degenerate-gambler bladesinger’s doing that at the moment too). And so here we are, one repentant Wade and one modded-Alfira-homunculus later, because I want her in my party as a glamour bard (which has been fun!):

I haven’t said much about the Blood Mage mod because I’m using it mostly for flavor and mechanics; its “Blood Knight” subclass gives Wade all the martial/melee abilities he’d need to approximate the Ranger-like Blood Hunter 5e class. It feels relatively weak and underdeveloped as spellcasting goes, but I do respect it making CON the main/spellcasting stat (he’s gonna need tons of HP if blood magic drains him with each casting). I usually prefer to keep to one class, but I may multiclass him at some point. Or I may not; a nerfy Durge feels appropriate, especially for a BG3 vet like me at Tactician level.

That’s all for now! Stay tuned for ask-answers later this weekend.

[thegeminisage]

wow it is star trek update time. last night we watched ds9's "blood oath" and tng's "journey's end," which is one of the strongest quality ricochets we've had yet.

blood oath (ds9):

okay, so the summary said "three klingon legends" but what i didn't realize is that they were all REAL KLINGONS FROM THE ORIGINAL SERIES

i have to pain this picture for you, whoever is reading this. the three klingons in this episode appeared in "errand or mercy" "the trouble with tribbles" and "day of the dove." like, they really came back to reprise their roles almost 30 years later. i'm going to paste a picture but uhtw 60s blackface

now, if you're a tos viewer, you may recognize that fella in the middle as also having played the titular squire of gothos in. "squire of gothos." now, as an episode, i find "squire of gothos" to be pretty mid, but there is one specific scene that really did something for me. to me? it did something TO me. what it did to me was send me off the fucking deep end, i wish i could convey the depths of my madness with human words

(still screenshot grabbed from this infinitely more amazing gifset, give it up for @maulthots for enabling me, no literally please go through her gif tag and reblog her gifs)

anyway, before my good and wonderful friend so kindly made this gifset for me, i did maybe sit in front of my pc and replay the clip upwards of [mumble] times a day because i was very, very unwell. when i watched this scene for the very first time what happened to me in that single instant was the bone-deep realization that james t kirk (tos and aos) ate fascists on tarsus iv, probably, and he'd fucking do it again because nobody tastes better than a fascist! i wrote an entire fanfic about it, sorry for the spoilers.

what does squire of gothos and tarsus iv have to do with ds9? well first of all every star trek episode is secretly about tarsus iv so jot that down

but secondly, i've watched this clip so many times i have to hide my face when this man shows up in trouble with tribbles. now, i'm not so good with faces, but i KNOW THAT VOICE. but i know him AS the squire of gothos. i frequently forget entirely that he also plays a klingon, so i didn't recognize his name. so when i heard the squire of gothos's voice come out of a random klingon's mouth in ds9 my immediate kneejerk reaction was "no i am hearing things that can't be--" BUT IT WAS. i PAUSED the episode so i could look iy up, realized that the guy in the drunk tank was kor or "do you have a tongue you will be taught to use it" fame, and then to my eternal glee, kang shows up next

i remembered reading once that kang came back later and i was like ??? no one comes back later on tos BUT HE DID! I JUST HAD TO WAIT FOR IT!!!!! mystery finally solved...........

once i recognized them this episode was a blast. absolutely loving these 100 year old klingons getting ready for a rip roaring rampage of supercentenarian revenge. i was VERY sad that they died at the end but at least presumably they all died together (didnt see the last one go down but im just assuming he lived long enough to eat the albino's heart and then die)

(the albino is a really funny concept by the way like he's not even albino he's just a white klingon)

other notable things about this episode: firstly, quark hiding behind odo at the beginning. classic. secondly, dax actually being a good fighter ?!?!?! and finally, a true passing of the bechdel test where dax asked kira some alarming and upsetting questions about killing people and kira immediately took her aside and MADE her talk. i love. Women. and also women who murder people. i support womens wrongs.

i even love that the ONE time sisko doesn't back up one of his people it's for a good reason (doesn't want the 27yo reincarnation of his father figure to die on a klingon suicide mission)

10000/10, absolutely stellar ep, zero complaints

journey's end (tng):

oh boy.

just about the coldest bucket of fucking water...

you know, we tried to give this episode the benefit of the doubt actually. we were like "maybe this was progressive in 1994. i mean they ARE saying that moving these guys forcibly would be bad" and i mean like what would we know about what was progressive in 94? we were 5. so we checked and um i don't think anybody liked it in 1994 either

devastating that THIS has to be a wesley episode bc i wanted a better sendoff for my boy. "i had a vision and now i'm leaving starfleet" and yes they said the word vision in the most derogatory way possible. jesus christ

TRAVELER ALIEN RACEFAKING? HE PRETENDED TO BE NATIVE AMERICAN TO GIVE WESLEY THE VISION? and then he was like haha don't you know all that stuff is fake. (picard earlier in this episode "i am sooo respectful of your beliefs")

furthermore when picard was like "oh yeah this guy blames me for the crimes of my colonizer ancestor" girl at no point did he say that. idk if white people should go around accusing other white people of white guilt so i don't say this lightly but jesus christ captain picard can you tone it the fuck down buddy

i came across a gifset today of picard from season 5 (idr the episode) going "starfleet doesn't want officers who blindly follow orders sayign you're just following orders has been used to justify too many tragedies in our history" and then smash cut to this episode where he's like "well i tried but yeah i'm gonna have to move you sowwy :/" like good lord.

anyway it's a bummer these last few eps of tng have been less than great bc ik tng is capable of good episodes and i was hoping this series would go out on a high note. but it's going to end the same way it began with us waiting for something good to happen and throwing popcorn at picard

TONIGHT: ds9's "the maquis part i" and tng's "firstborn." i am Braced. for trouble.

[katzirra]

Something so frustrating and funny about how much of an IDIOT I am about recovery :))

But also just my life never slowing the fuck down when I need it to.

I'm like a stupid dog who is like ah, the pain is gone I can run now -

The boys were BOYING up a storm last night and Becca was trying to sleep for work. But the issue is Will knows I can't do anything atm because he sees how I'm moving. So I kept having to have her help me with them, because spray bottles weren't working and he kept knocking the shit out of Hannibal. Who may or may not have sprained or tore something ELSE in his leg because he is LIMPING.

So my ass finally got mad scooped Will up, who is 4lbs over my lifting capacity atm, because it was 2 or 3 am and I was suffering guilt bothering Becca. Then I got up to go to the bathroom, and HANNIBAL got on our bookcase and started throwing shit down. Said bookcase is like 7 feet up so the PANIC of him jumping down with bad knees/joints because he knows when he's being bad - jfc. So we've had to move our whole living room around because it's either my injuries, or his overall quality of life atm because he's speed running a bad life atm with his joints....

So I moved their giant cat tree because I thought I could pull it in a certain way and boy howdy uh thirty minutes later it was burning. Nothing like I pulled my stitches but mmm.

It still feels tender but god damnit dude.

My cats are gonna be the end of me.

Will made me so mad today I ended up locking him in the bedroom because he thinks he's winning by hiding under the bed. Sorry sir, I control the roadways in our home.

He did not like that but he calmed the fuck down after a time out in there. Jfc.

Exhausted. Belly button is healing, still hurts and my glue plugs are ITCHING FINALLY BUT GOD DAMNIT I'M SO TIRED OF RESTING.

I finished Baldur's Gate and Mark had been making fun of me telling me wow only YOU would feel guilty putting hours into a game while you can't draw, because you can't draw. LIKE..... AHHHHHHH.

I turned on my pc to go pay my property taxes, and the site is down, and I have four commissions open and I'm SCREAMING.

I JUST WANNA GET THESE DONE FOR FOLKS!!!! I'M RESTLESS!!!!!!!

[simslegacy5083]

NSB (Straud Legacy) Gen 9 Ep 104: E-Sports Upset

The evening following graduation Luigi spun into his practice clothes and headed out a little early to meet Beau at the commons. This was their final practice session before the big game, and they needed their team in top form to wow the scouts they knew would be in the audience.

Once the players were started on some drills coach Silva asked his co-captains to join him over in the study corner nearby.

“I have bad news” he told Luigi with a long face. “The athletic office ruled that as a graduate you’re no longer eligible to play tomorrow. I tried to appeal on the grounds that this is the last game of your senior semester but was told there were no exceptions. I’m truly sorry.”

Luigi was stunned, to overwhelmed by emotion in that moment to feel anything other than numb. He hadn’t been officially pulled up to the pros yet and had been counting on this final game to seal the deal.

He resolved to reach out to his recruiter as soon as possible and was relieved when Coach Silva went on to say “I’ve got a few contacts at Rainy Day Entertainment. I promise I’ll give them a call to explain the situation and put in a good word for you.”

A shellshocked Luigi finally remembered he wasn’t in a two-sim conversation and turned to his co-captain. Beau’s heavy course load had him and Luigi on track to graduate at the same time. He hadn’t seen his friend at the ceremony, but he’d assumed Beau had simply decided not to attend.

At his questioning look Beau closed his eyes, admitting “I’m still a student. My dad died right before finals and the university let me defer my exams to attend to the funeral arrangements.” Before Luigi could do more than offer a shocked “I’m so sorry” Beau held up a hand, forestalling him.

“Thank you, but let’s move on, OK?” he gruffly replied. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

Luigi  rose then, desperate to escape and head home to Noemi. He needed the comfort of her arms more than ever.

“Where do you think you’re going!?” Beau demanded “Sit back down. I have an idea.”

Turning to the professor he said “His highness can hold court at the game, even if he can’t play. If he buys a ticket the university can’t stop him from attending or sitting with you, coach, and issuing royal degrees from the sidelines. Besides…” he continued with a grin “I’ve always been a better player than him anyway. With me at the controls and Luigi providing strategy, we’ll both impress the pro scouts there to watch us kick Britechester’s butt.”

Professor Silva agreed he thought the loophole was sound, and the three sims spent a few more minutes brainstorming before going their separate ways. It wasn’t how Luigi had imagined he’d participate in his final university e-sports match, but it was certainly better than the alternative!

The night of the big game Luigi and Noemi got dressed in their best Foxbury spirit wear and headed off to the arena.

When Luigi had given his fiancée the news, she hadn’t been worried. She was sure he’d land a spot on the pro team eventually, even if it took a little longer than he’d been hoping. In the meantime, he could focus on tournaments and programming to bring in simoleons until she started her own job.

None of the competitors or judges objected when Luigi took a seat next to Coach Silva. Beau slapped him on the back as he joined the rest of the players at their PCs, promising with a smirk “I’ll agree to follow your royal commands, just this once.”

It was a struggle to watch from the sidelines, unable to step in and DO anything directly, but Luigi did his best. He was proud of the calls he made, and could see the positive difference his suggestions had, but in the end the team couldn’t overcome the loss of a key starter on the playing field.

In the last few minutes of the game Britechester surged ahead, leaving Foxbury once again in the losers' circle at the end of the evening.

Two dejected co-captains left the stadium that night. They’d worked so hard only to end up with nothing to show for it.

Luigi had been sure that the loss had been the end for his E-Sports pro career, at least until he could prove himself on the independent circuit. He was therefore shocked to  get a call from his recruiter the very next morning, telling him that the scouts had been impressed with his calls during the game and he was being picked up after all!

That afternoon he and his co-captain were back on campus officially signing with Rainy Day Entertainment as cameras flashed around them.

As they stood to head out Beau joked “well, I guess we’re stuck with each other for a little bit longer” before giving his “new” teammate a high five and inviting him over to celebrate. As soon as Beau graduated and Luigi’s son was born their professional careers would officially be on their way!

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

[serenfire]

pillars of eternity: my two cents

tl;dr: it is well written, but doesn't compel me--and trying to pinpoint why is hard

I was absolutely invested in pillars of eternity: through the many race and ancestry options with explanatory text that i hoped would mean something to me as i started playing it, through the establishment of why the PC is traveling to the dyrwood, all the way up until the inciting incident: simply stumbling upon an evil ritual made my character's soul, um…experience something…and now I can reach into other people's souls and divine things about them!

why is that, you ask? well, when i stumble into gilded vale and get the supernatural impulse to talk to the soul of the dead woman hanging from the tree (extremely cool set-up for a lore dump, by the way), she immediately says: oh! you're a watcher! and that means [wall of text of names and dates and places you absolutely cannot stick in your head]!!

i begin playing the game and i want to experience the affects of this specific setting. and yet. and yet.

wow, what does that mean about the land i've stumbled into: with animancy persecuted and therefore any experimental way to try to get my soul back in order obviously something i would have to seek out in the dead of night and look over my shoulder all the while, and every child being born without a soul meaning that the miasma of hopelessness and despair has fully settled over everyone, all the while dealing with the knowledge that they killed one of their gods. that must have interesting effects on the specific companions and people you meet!

um. well. if you wanted to be told about what one woman's solution to helping women birth children and discovering that they're hollowborn, and the lengths she went through to hide it, you can make sure to follow the grieving mother's dialogue trees in just the right order throughout the entirety of the main game, just to get the explanation at the end of it!

(no chance for my character to be involved in a scenario like that, or to have to make a choice with similar stakes and notions for the change on the community…? no? okay.)

the idea of awakening seems cool, though. aloth obviously has something going on with his soul, and an almost irrational hatred of animancy to go along with it. that seems like foreshadowing!

right, well, when you meet iselmyr, she isn't a full-fledged character you can actually interact with. she doesn't have a companion quest, and if you follow the line of options to get aloth more comfortable with living with iselmyr, she doesn't have any mechanical benefits in battle, and, again--she does not become a companion you can talk to! she exists as worldbuilding, mostly: when souls are awakened, and have to share space with reincarnated ones, you can't undo it. this does not translate to "isemlyr being present and the PC being able to talk to her"--i would like to talk to her! and i can't!!

i start to understand the worldbuilding…

about ten hours in i started writing down the lore information i was told, and finally could tell the difference between waidwen and wael and woedica (and a side note: was there no pronunciation guide for the voice acting? i heard at least two variations of every single name or created word pronounced, and that did NOT help me remember which was which). then the expanse of the world started making sense to me: waidwen and readceras's assault on the dyrwood, them blowing him up with the godhammer bomb, the resulting fallout of people clashing against one another and the start of waidwen's legacy and how it is absolutely decimating the dyrwood.

and yet, all of this very cool fantasy lore information was exclusively presented to me as history! as stuff that had already happened, that i--now extremely important in the narrative because i am a one-of-a-kind watcher and i need to hunt down the Big Bad who will literally use millions of trapped souls for his evil plan--have no way of interacting with. none of the lore that happens is something i interact with or have a hand in changing! it is all background text that happened to other people long ago.

…and the worldbuilding isn't affecting the texture of the story!

the gameplay loop of pillars of eternity is: go to a new town, learn the background worldbuilding information for that place, search around it for hints of the Big Bad, help some people and factions further their own ends, find a trail, go to the next place.

But do any of the immediate life situations of the people you meet in each place seem to be reflecting the themes that the setting impresses upon you: especially the unique mix of hopelessness and agency thrust upon you when you know that you as mortals have just killed a god, and routed out his followers!, so what the hell do you do now? the foundation of your beliefs of the world has exploded, how does that change…everything??

no they don't! eder's companion quest doesn't even grapple with his PERSONAL point of view on eothas and waidwen and what to do when your god is seemingly dead!! it is simply him wondering what the personal struggle was like for his brother, and why he chose to join waidwen's forces--and when the search ends up inconclusive, eder doesn't make a personal choice to have his belief changed in any way because of it! i'm going insane!! pillars of eternity sit down and make a character choice tie into the theme of the lush fantasy setting you created, i dare you!

durance, you ask? durance who has an immediately intriguing relationship with magran and divinity from which his priestly power comes from, and shows it by being the most annoying member of the group (complimentary)? his history revealed in his companion quest tied in the most to the background and themes of the pillars of eternity world, and i have no complaints on the writing or the way that it's delivered. except for this: the fact that all the important events that have changed his life, and changed the way the dyrwood functions as a whole, are all reminiscing about the past! we don't experience any of it! we don't get to make choices about any of it! where is the player agency in this!!

this is why i needed durance and the devil of caroc to actually INTERACT with each other in the white march dlc. extensively. about the cool worldbuilding stuff they both experienced in polar opposite ways. and maybe eder to come to some conclusion about eothas and the divine and his feelings trapped between two worlds--not supporting waidwen/readceras but still worshipping eothas.

(and maybe maneha to have a unique character impact of being ondra's giftbringer, some personal point of view that justifies why she is serving a goddess in a world that is seeming to just start breaking away from divinity. and hiravias to come to some conclusion about his glanfathan heritage but his distance from the culture due to his exile--struggling to integrate back in when we visit twin elms, or perhaps attempting to assimilate into the dyrwood instead, or something! something!!)

tl;dr:

i don't know, y'all. there's so much juicy stuff in the lore of pillars of eternity, and its recent history especially, but to me it would have been so much more impactful if the character was part of those events and had any personal stakes in it or agency on the outcome. it's why i have played witcher 2 through so many times--for all of its flaws, it boils a large political scope into very personal stakes, and the choices you make throughout ripple throughout the world at large. you intuitively understand the political situation of temeria by the end of it, because you made those decisions and saw the outcome!

a note on the short stories & guidebook

about twenty hours into the game, i started to get very interested in the fact that i was not interested in the story of pillars of eternity. so interested that i took a weekend to read all the short stories, and i am currently finishing the guidebook.

i think the short stories exemplify most of the problems i had with the narrative: aside from the short story focused on eder (which is far and away the best), they do not grapple with the themes of the setting. they do not react to the big societal changes, or react in personal ways to any embodiments of it. sagani goes on a murder mystery. aloth accidentally does animancy while trying to join a club at school. even blood register, which is specifically about the ethik nol's human sacrifice to bolster the rest of the community, only presents that fact as information! the characters are simply discovering this, and discovering the hollowborn epidemic--what do they do about it? kill the representatives of the ethik nol that told them about it in anger, i guess! and go back to normal!

the house of wael stands on its own as a short story--i'd call it more of a novella, as its much longer than the others, and, for the first time, in a writing style that isn't just a copy-paste of the game's writing style! it actually takes the setting of pillars of eternity and crafts a different narrative in a corner of the world that we would not be exposed to otherwise. and plot happens in it! an interesting little psychological mystery wrapped up in a unique setting.

guidebook: good at what its trying to do. reading it after i finished the game was the first time i was able to visualize the timeline of history--how the nations currently in the world came to be, the fact that the aedyran empire and the old vailian empire are…different empires…in my defense, the aedyran empire is "that nation that the dyrwood gained its independence from a while ago" and the vailian republics also branched off from an older empire to become what they are now. simple mistake to make.

guidebook also: not trying to give you any more worldbuilding information than what was in the game, just simplify it in a condensed narrative. if you're looking for more than an overview of the concepts presented in-game (for instance, if you were trying to see if any seeds of inspiration spoke to you about perhaps trying out the pillars of eternity ttrpg system), you're not going to get anything from it.

that's it i think i finished ranting

now it's time for me to say nice things about the game, because i truly did enjoy a fair amount of my 45 hours playing it (and i enjoyed trying to figure out why i didn't like the story, so that counts too):

the art is beautiful. the visual style of the maps really enhance the worldbuilding and presentation as more than just some generic fantasy medieval setting.

the combat has so many layers. if you care about optimizing RTwP gameplay, especially managing buffs and debuffs to kill boss monsters, this is the game for you.

i really do like the lyrical and methodical style of writing presented in this. the constant unique descriptions of how lines are said, the way that exposition is woven into conversations…it excels at being very unhurried. the point is the atmosphere and impression you get from absorbing all of it, not necessarily that you understand every historical piece of it. and i did get an impression! an impression so good i wanted to figure out how i thought it could be better!

so that's my review of pillars of eternity. i'm waiting for deadfire to go on sale to buy it, and i will then play it and hope that lowering the stakes to "you adventure around on a pirate ship" helps the player agency in the narrative somewhat. if you made it to the end, you must really care about this game from a decade ago and that is awesome. thanks for reading my 2k words of me doing writing critique on this game :)

[queenmiarys]

The Royal Romance none Royal

Mini series: through hell and back

Face claims: Elyse Dufour as Olivia Nevrakis, Steven Strait as Anton Severus

Synopsis: Olivia falls in love with a successful businessman, everything not  as perfect it seems. 

Pairing: Olivia and Anton for now.

Rated M 

Warning: some chapters will contain domestic violence, Emotional abuse, NSFW (lemon) , 18+ Only

Most characters belong to Pixelberry , Amelia Rys, Juliana Beaumont belong to me.

Song inspiration : hell and back. 

Part 1: First impressions

It  was 5 am. Olivia hit her alarm and jumped out of bed "Ki,  are you going to work out with me today?"

"OMG, Liv really it's 5am." She says barely woke good, she barely opened one eye to check her phone 

"It's the best time." Olivia said. 

Kiara turned back over and covered her head with her blanket. "Get up ki, you've been begging me to start helping you to get in better shape,  so get  your lazy butt up, I'll give you 5 seconds.

"Oh God really Liv?"

I have my ice cold water ready, don't make me use it."

They got to  Piedmont park, and worked out for a good hour.

"Can we please go home?"

"Come on ki, to look this good you gotta put in effort, besides I know you have your eyes on a certain someone." She said with a wink. 

"Hmmm and who is this someone?"

"Really ki, don't think I haven't noticed your eyeing our new neighbor across the hall from us, I saw you checking her out."

Kiara rolled her eyes."I'm not even sure if I'm into girls or just sick of men."

"Ki, you'll figure it out you're only 20 in a few months, how about one more lap around and I'll treat us to a non fat Latte."

"You should start with a latte, but I need food,  that blueberry smoothie gone."

As they came around the last lap,Kiara noticed a man sitting watching them "Liv, I believe one of us has an admirer."

The man noticed they caught him staring, he placed his glasses on and walked over. "Hello beautiful ladies, sorry for just staring at you it's just rare to see someone so natural these days.

"I'm Kiara and this is Olivia." Olivia nudge her side, giving her an annoyed look.

"Well it's nice to meet you Olivia." He said as he brushed his lips across the back of her hand. "I know you don't know me but I would love it if you had dinner with me sometime, here's my number if you need some time to think about it."

"Ki, come on let's go." 

Once they made it to Olivia's car Kiara looked at her in disbelief. "Really Liv, you haven't been out in almost 3 years, look I know you loved or still love Drake, but just giving up is not the answer, you are only 20, and that guy is totally handsome and into you, at least consider it you deserve one night to be treated like a queen."

. 

Later in the week. 

Liv placed the paper with Anton's number on top of her desk, asking herself should she actually give him a chance. It was now Thursday and it had been 4 days.

She picked up the paper, staring at it for a while before finally deciding to call him. 

"You reached Anton, sorry I've missed your call, please leave a short detailed message at the tone and I'll return your call as soon as possible, And as always have a wonderful day." 

She hung up, and laid across her bed. 

3 Hours later. Olivia was half asleep when she heard her phone go off, Good Afternoon this Anton with tech support. How may I help you today?"

He immediately recognized her voice. "I'm so sorry I have my cell connected  to my work phone, just in case someone runs into problems and they transfer them to me."

"So what do you do?" 

She could hear him  yarning through the phone. "I'm the CEO of world tech, my family owns it."

'Wait you're Anton Severus?' 

"That would be me, wait you heard of me,?" She could hear him smiling against the phone."

"My father owns PC tech, I have an upcoming meeting with you next week to explain our brand.'

" Oh wow, I can't believe I didn't recognize your name, but I gotta be honest I expected Mrs.Nevrakis

She became quiet for a moment, and charged the subject, her mom died of stage 2 lung cancer, five days before her 12th birthday. "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to upset you, are you still there 

"Yes I'm here, it's okay my mom passed away a long time ago and you didn't know." 

"Again I apologize."

He yawned again. "Olivia I'm glad you called me, I would love to take you out sometimes, is that something you would like?" 

\

"Okay I'll love too."

"Perfect, send your address and I'll pick you up Saturday evening around 7, is that okay?"

"How about we meet up, I'm still getting to know you Mr. Severus, just in case you turn out to be some psychopath I will have a way home." Olivia joked.

He didn't say anything for a minute. " Very well then, I'm just glad you accepted my invitation." He yawned again. ..

"Good night, it sounds like someone needs to rest."

"You're right, I do, been up since 5 am."

"Wow, please go get some rest." They hung up and she turned to see Kiara standing in the door." How long have you been there?

"Long enough to know that you finally decided to call him." 

She threw a pillow at her. "I know when I'm not wanted. Kiara said while sticking her tongue out making a silly face. 

"Ki, wait since you're all up in my business, what about you, have you introduced yourself to the girl next door?"

"No, I haven't even seen her again." 

"Come with me Ki?"

"And just where are we going?" 

"To meet her, she's been here nearly 2 weeks now."

They stepped out in the hallway and walked to the women's door and knocked on the woman door. 

"Be there in a second." The woman called out. Once she opened the door wearing a yellow and white sundress. Kiara ran her eyes up and down her body sending chills down her body

She noticed Kiara checking her out and blushed. " Sorry to interrupt your day, we live across the hall and just wanted to meet you." Olivia spoke.

"That was so sweet of you to do, I'm Hana Lee nice to meet you, and you are?" 

"I'm Olivia and this is Kiara."

"Would you like to come in?" 

"Maybe another time, for me at least but perhaps Kiara might want to stay, I have an early day tomorrow. She nudged her side

—----------------------------

Saturday evening.

Olivia had got home and showered and changed into a sexy black and red dress, on que Anton texted the address,at the same time phone rong. 

"Hello?" Hey Liam, how are you?"  you want to meet Sunday?" Okay I'll be there." 

Another call came through. "Max what's up?"

"A little bird told me you have a hot date tonight." 

"Damn ki, she mumbled under her breath."It's just dinner 

"I'm happy for you, that you're getting back out there, for a minute there I thought I was going to sign you up for speed dating on tictoc  or something."  He laughed. 

"Max I'm a big girl, I can manage my own dating life." 

"Okay got it boss."

"Max it's after 7 let me get out of here, before he thinks I abandoned him." 

"Later Liv." 

It took her 20 minutes to arrive at the restaurant, it was a very  upscale Greek restaurant. 

"Good day Ma'am' I'll take your car and this gentleman will show you to your table Ms. Nevrakis

"Wait, how do you know my name?"

"Mr. Severus has brought out the entire restaurant for the evening for just the 2 of you." The man said

"Thank you." 

"Wow, fancy, all this for me?"

"What can I say, I really like you a lot Olivia." 

They sat and ate dinner and talked.

"So why did you buy this place for just the two of us?" She was curious.

"I take it you don't read teck today?" 

"No sorry, but I believe my father does 

"Well I was on the cover 6 months ago, I have strange women wanting to take pictures and to meet me. I have this one who asked me to marry her, even though I know nothing about her, so for your sake I didn't want them heckling you." He said with a smirk. 

"Wow, I'm really enjoying myself here."

.

"Did you believe you wouldn't?"

"Honestly I didn't know, I went on a date a few months back and had a terrible time." I was left fronting a $100.00 dinner bill this guy climbed to have lifted  his wallet at home."

" That, sob I'm sorry, that happened to you."

"Would you like dessert ?"

"Love some."

After leaving the restaurant Anton offered to follow Olivia to make sure she got home okay.

"That's okay, I'm fine we live in a safe neighborhood." 

"Please,  I won't feel comfortable leaving you alone, even though it's only 11:00

She let out a sigh. " Come on, you can follow me.

Once they got to her apartment, they stood at the front entrance. " Would you like to come in?

"Sure I would love it if it would get me more time with you." He said, smiling down at her.

Once they entered, they were greeted by the door man, in order to use the elevator you had to have a pass key or a guest pass key, they reached the 22nd floor, and walked to her apartment 2203. "How about we can watch a movie or we could talk some more." She said nervously.

"We could do that, I won't try anything,  you don't seem ready for right now, but do you mind if I kiss you?"

"I suppose that would be fine, and thank you for understanding." 

He didn't say much, they made out and found a movie on Netflix. Before they knew it they were both sound asleep on the sofa when Kiara returned home at 3am. 

Olivia heard a noise and quickly jumped up on her feet. "Who's there to speak now?

"It's just us Kiara peeped from the kitchen, followed by Hana.

"What the hell are you two doing at 3 am?"

"I was just showing her around, then we went to this new club about 3 blocks from here."

Kiara smiled. "I assumed you had a good time, you usually don't bring a date home."

They didn't hear Anton but he was standing in the doorway." I'm glad to hear that this type of thing isn't normal for you either." They all jumped at the sound of his voice.

",Hello again Kiara right?. And I don't know your name. 

"I'm Hana, the new neighbor across the hall. Nice to meet you, and you are?" 

"I'm Anton." 

"Olivia, I'm so sorry I fell asleep on you, but I must say that's the nicest sofa I ever slept on." 

They all laughed. Well it's 3:30, lucky I'm off the weekends but I would like to get home and get some rest."

Well I'd better too, get home myself, nice meeting you."

Olivia walked him out and Kiara walked Hana to her apartment.

Once Olivia made it back upstairs Kiara was waiting. 

"So how did your date really go?"

"Ki, nothing to tell, he was a gentleman the whole time." 

"How about you and Hana?" 

"That wasn't a date, besides I don't even know if she's that way yet." 

"Good night Ki, I need some sleep if I'm going to meet Liam and Mia later."

"Okay love you, night."

"Love you more."

@choicesficwriterscreations @kingliam2019 @kingliam2019 @kristinamae093 @yaniradolton @luvquit @harleybeaumont @twinkle-320 @twinkleallnight @queenrileyrose @storyofmychoices @dcbbw @bebepac @cordonian-literature @mom2000aggie @tessa-liam @queenjilian @shewillreadyou @honey358luv @yolandawalker @ao719 @alj4890 @angelasreblogs @aussiegurl1234

[sarasa-cat]

Wow. The fight I had with EA on my gaming machine was not a fun one. Suddenly it just crapped out and made it look like Steam didn't know where my bioware games were. Anyhow. Probably solved after uninstalling, reinstalling, and updating the EA hell.

So, let's see. Finished differentiating between my Surana and Amell, got both of them full mapped out in DA Keep (and partly mapped out in the mega spreadsheet), generated end-game saves for both of them using the gibbed.savegenerator on PC. Got DA2 running my PC, created the appropriate Hawkes (mage Mari in lawful-scheming Neria Surana's world; warrior Vespertine in dumpsterfire chaos agent Keres Amell's world). Saved. Turned on the Steam Deck. Was able to access both of them and play a few minutes in on each. Whoo-HOO!

My two Hawkes are ready for yet another of many runs through that game.

Fwiw, not sure if I will ever fully replay Neria's game in DAO+DLCs because she's a competitionist character and that is a lot time. I do want to (re)play and finish Keres one of these days.

As for warrior Vespertine Hawke -- she's someone who has existed only on the sidelines while in fanfic that required a world state with Bethany alive. I have headcanon for her but have never gotten around to actually playing her game past the first couple of hours of game time. Haven't decided if I want to pre-map out her path through the quests or, alternative, just let things happen (knowing some of the rough guidelines already via existing headcanon).

SO. Given that I know the world that Neria+Mari live in (the History of Lies world), my Dragon Age Keep is all set for the Merrillquisition. May as well start there for DAI.

Meanwhile, DA2 is pretty quick to play so when I'm done with Vespertine's play through, I can make any final tweaks on my Keres+Vespertine canon in DA Keep and my epic spreadsheet before potentially replaying and completionist-finishing my Trevelyan mage (whom I initially played many years back, but left a lot of things unfinished). I really like my Trevelyan a lot and had meant to write fanfic for her but ... life. lol. Yeah.

So... all that is left is getting mods (re)installed on PC and installed (probably with a minor fight) on Steamdeck and all is good to go.

And other to do: Revive my DA sideblogs and make character pages, canon summaries, etc., because ... escapism. I need it. For reasons.

[crossdressingdeath]

(Mind flayer Durge anon again) Oh wow so. I did not know ANY of that mind flayer lore. I just did some more reading on some wikis too and what the fuck. My only experience with mind flayers had been Bg3 itself and god the game really brushes past all that huh. I very much get WHY they chose to make it vague in the context of the story they wrote, but I very much do NOT get why they wrote the story that way in the first place if they knew enough about it to know they had to leave it vague. Anyway never mind my previous ask lol, I really did think it was just your new Squid Forme and a resistible urge to eat brains until a few minutes ago.

Also you are so right about Omeluum. Lbr the fact that Larian wanted the contrived conflict over the pc having to turn themself or someone else into a mind flayer, is exactly the reason why Omeluum thee mind flayer ally only gives you a bag of potions when even characters like Mol (literal child) and Valeria (famously lazy) and Mizora (evil!!!!) will show up to help your ass in the final battle. It’s kind of an insane plot hole actually but whatever I guess 😭

Yeah, Larian kind of leaves it at "You're MONSTROUS now, you've got TENTACLES and you EAT BRAINS" and like... no. You're dead. You die. The tadpole devours your brain. The "you" that exists post-transformation is an echo made from your memories, and there's honestly no real reason to believe that that echo is going to last; mind flayers generally don't retain much of their host's personality, and the fact that you seem to be the same person now doesn't mean you're going to stay that way. It seriously undercuts the whole "sacrifice" angle of the transformation that the writing treats it like it's basically fine. One of the things making Omeluum Best Squid is that unlike the Emperor it does not claim to be the same person it was; the Emperor's like "No no I'm still Balduran, really, I'm definitely the same person, trust me!" but Omeluum just... is a person. Not the same person it was, but a person all the same. But I suspect Larian not going into why turning into a mind flayer is a really really really really really bad thing is why we get things like people acting like the LIs not breaking up with the player if they go full illithid is The Only Correct And Loving Choice (despite the fact that both "you eat brains now and can barely control yourself" and "you're not actually the person I fell in love with, you're a tadpole-based echo that likely won't last" are extremely valid reasons to break up with someone; let's be real, most people would break up with their significant other under those circumstances) and people insisting that letting Karlach go full mind flayer so she doesn't have to go to the Hells is her best ending: despite "if we don't do something we'll turn into mind flayers" being the inciting motivation of every act one companion, Larian did a really bad job of properly establishing why that's such a bad thing beyond the basic "tentacles and brain-eating" thing.

And I didn't even think of it, but you're probably right that Omeluum doesn't show up for the final battle because otherwise it would be really obvious that there was a solution to this issue that didn't require anyone turning into a mind flayer. Although honestly even if Omeluum didn't exist I think it would feel incredibly contrived; Larian, please explain to me why we need a mind flayer to control the Netherbrain when non-transformed and imprisoned Orpheus working alone and without the Netherstones already has the power to keep it at bay. Please! RPG writers! You do not need to cram Horrible Dilemmas With No Right Answer into the endgame! Sometimes it's okay to end the game by just fighting an evil guy! Or an evil brain in this case!

[ask-naraenil]

[OOC]

At some point over the last 6 or so years, I have written some spiel or other about my main RP characters on their respective blogs. They were focused on answering the questions ‘How did this character come about?’ and ‘What was the inspiration behind them?’

I never went in depth about this one aside from a more self-indulgent than usual gush about her when I finally completed the druid class hall campaign during Legion. Back then, I said that she’d never become an RP main. She hadn’t been a content main since early MoP.

Like many players who are bringing their druid characters back for the 10.2 patch, I suppose I have resumed picking her up to play the game again. But since earlier this year, I have also started to take her IC again after many years, and give her another chance at actual RP.

I have been RPing for a solid 12+years at this point. I can count on one hand the number of times I have actually taken Nara out to interact with other player characters. This was always at the request of people I knew. My mage was the first character I RPed, but my druid was The Prime. Nara’enil was my character when I started playing WoW.

There are a few reasons I never focused on her for RP. One was that I loved my blood elves and I had a lot of meaningful RP on them. Time was a luxury that I did not have to focus on a totally different character in a different community. When I decided to explore a different avenue of RP with my RP friends, we turned to troll, and Nara became a Darkspear druid.

I didn’t commit to Alliance side RP until late Legion to BfA. The years preceding that were entirely spent on Horde, whichever characters I chose to RP, and I had (and still have, even if shelved) a plethora in my roster. The troll became a tauren, and finally in Legion, she returned to being a night elf once more.

I never felt I needed an RP community or other RPers to be able to tell Nara’enil’s story. The scant few times I’ve taken her IC have always been for other people. Each time I’ve changed her concept a little, just to make her more lore correct and to fit in with the other PCs’ stories. The sad thing was that they never progressed at all.

Though I’ve taken her IC more times this year than I did over the previous 12, I didn’t feel comfortable. It was, as I look back in retrospect, due to my changing a significant part of her personal backstory yet again to suit someone else’s character. After that character’s RPer decided to change that without consulting me - something that I was upset over - I surprisingly felt better reinstating that which I removed, and she felt whole again as a concept. It was as if this was what she was supposed to be, and not a someone that could be tweaked according to other people’s whims.

I went into detail before when I mused on the truth behind the characters I mained in my RP history, but they could all be summarised in this answer to a question in the guild I am in on another character:

‘What is your self analysis on why you RP what you RP?’

My answer:

I have a variety of chars over the years and are mostly a result, consciously or subconsciously, of:

1. Lack of bloody control of my real life things like WORK and STUPID PEOPLE (thanks NHS). So my first OC that I actually rped was a belf magistrix who TAKES ZERO SHITS and will tell it like it is. Like House MD.

2. My being chronically low key or at times high key unhappy IRL so I made characters who are easy going and live/let live. For eg, my orc warrior who is exactly like that. Simple life simple goals, like slaughtering quillboar and evil asshats, and then going home and looking after her wolf.

Most of my chars are some variation of these two for balance. Can’t rp a moody char all the time so I need to balance it out with a chill one.

3. Atypical paladin archetypes, born from a goddman desire to do some damn good for people, regardless of the circumstances and how goddamn HARD it is. (Thanks NHS). Also a way to explore the ways you can have a purpose in life that’s not associated with reverence or belief in anything “divine”.

RPing these archetypes came at a time when I needed to process my own healing journey from depression and all the Emotional Baggage that came with it. I think these have been my favourite chars looking at my record. There’s always some aspect or other creeping into non paladin chars of mine.

What is interesting is that over the years, the types of characters I played also slowly progressed in this manner, from the aloof and serious, to the more laid back, to attempts to find a light in the darkness and the hope to carry on through the worst moments of my life.

I play two characters concurrently now. My gnome mage does not have an RP blog but she is my go to for IC interactions as she belongs in a guild. She is also the chill character to balance out Nara’enil, whom I have had some RP only with people I know, because I still haven’t been comfortable interacting with the rest of the community.

As I quietly processed the aftermath of the latest retcon, I slowly understood why Nara’enil took shape the way she did, and settled into the character she is: I want to explore what it is like to sit with sadness. Without the stoic heroism of trying to battle it with staunch belief or principle or inner strength, like I did with my paladin characters.

ACT is something that has done more world of good for me than anything else in my healing journey. It’s not always possible to soldier on and force yourself to carry the beacon of hope. Because if you’re always trying not to feel the sadness, then the sadness will always be there chasing you. Sometimes you just need to stop running away and sit down with it. Feel it without indulging it - instead be curious about it.

And then you let it go.

Grief is an emotion that cannot be pushed away at will. It is something that needs to be felt in all of its stages. Whether they come in the classic textbook manner, or whether they come all at once or completely out of order. No two people grieve the same, but everyone needs to feel it and go through it in order to move on.

Ultimately, grief is a form of love. If there is no love lost, then grief would not exist in the first place. The analogy of it being a ball in a box is perfectly true in describing its imperfect nature. How the pain of it is triggered by that one button in the box whenever the ball strikes it, and the pain intensity doesn’t diminish - it’s the ball that grows smaller with time, support, and love both from other people as well as from yourself. It grows smaller with healing.

Sitting and feeling awful emotions. Acknowledging them. Understanding where they come from and why. These are things that are part of an ongoing journey of healing. Sometimes you end up pushing people away and choosing to be alone. Sometimes it’s learning that not everyone grows with you. Sometimes it’s learning that you are not alone and that there are people who do love you and are there for you. Sometimes it’s the process of learning all or one or some of these hard truths. Sometimes it’s learning that you’re not the person you used to be, and you have to discover who that is after a lifetime of being someone else.

At this stage, after so many years of RP, I have come full circle in realising that sometimes the best stories don’t always have to come in collaboration with others. Sometimes the best stories are the ones that you tell on your own, because they are just as precious and significant to you, even if they are not for anyone else including those whom you collaborated with. That’s important too, no?