#frustrated with people not understanding that actually alien romances are good and great

[bizarrocloudy]

Started reading The Left Hand of Darkness....

LeGuin: And they were stranded on a glacier alone together for 50 nights, sleeping in the same tent, and Estraven of course goes into kemmer!

Me: Ohhhhh yes, yyyeeessssss YES

LeGuin: And actually they did not fuck, and it's good that they didn't fuck, because now they're best friends :)

Me: FUCK YOU

[disconnectedkat]

On Judging Older Rep By Today's Standards

This wall of text inspired by this take that bioware are pussies for not having an all-pan romance cast until Veilguard. This idea that all past representation is mediocre or bad because today's is better is very irksome. I'm irked.

To begin, a little history:

Bioware has been including queer romance in their games since the early 2000s. First in 2004, when they released Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. This game had a character you could recruit named Juhani. Juhani would become the first LGBTQ+ Star Wars character. She could be romanced by a female player character, though it basically amounted to a couple lines of dialogue. Why so little? Because it was 2004 and they practically had to sneak even that much in.

In 2007, Mass Effect 1 released. This game had arguably the 'safest' queer rep, an attractive woman kissing and having a fade-to-black implied sex scene with another attractive (alien) woman. A while later a mainstream media outlet (Fox News, you may have heard of them) ran a hit piece on the game. They ran the usual stuff, degenerate porn simulator, think of the children, etc. This was a big deal, as having a mainstream, large and popular (unfortunately) news channel targeting your game is not great for several reasons.

Keep in mind this was the, again, arguably the safest queer rep you could go for, and it still received that level of attack.

In 2009 Dragon Age: Origins released. Not much to say here, some time had passed and DA managed to avoid the targeted hate that Mass Effect received, despite having a bisexual man and woman as romantic options.

Mass Effect 2 is believed to have suffered the most from the Fox News debacle. Jack was originally planned as a pansexual character, and while I don't recall if the devs have stated exactly why that was cut, the obvious guess is they feared another round of attacks.

Alrighty, history recap over. Now to address the issue:

"They should've done it years ago." Well, they actually did with DA2 and it received a good amount of flak. Because that was 2010, and this is 2024. Representation is a social thing. It changes and grows as we do. In 2004 Juhani, with a minimal amount of actual content, became the first LGBT Star Wars character. You do what you can and try to push the envelope a little more each time. People struggled and fought for all that old rep you see as not good enough by today's standards.

"They bowed to the bigots because of money." Games, and all media, take money to create. They then need to make money to create more. There would be no Veilguard without the successes of previous games. And unfortunately, in the past that sometimes meant choosing your battles. Frustration is understandable, but misplaced.

None of this is to say that Bioware, (or any company or media, this post is just focusing on them) is beyond reproach as long as they're trying. There will always be things to criticise, and areas to improve, of course. But that isn't what I'm seeing here.

This to me is indicative of a common sentiment I've been seeing far too often in queer and leftist spaces recently, people judging older rep by today's standards and decrying it and it's creators without understanding the history.

[onewomancitadel]

My last thing though is that if you go off of what [certain individuals say about R/WBY] and then what [the fandom] thinks, Cinder would've been dead in Volume 5, I/ronwood would've been the great hero and protagonist of the story, Ruby and Weiss would've been as canon as Blake and Yang, Penny would've been around forever to be best friend Winter Maiden, Qrow would've... no I shan't say.

I don't know, like, maybe use your noggin, because none of these people and all the misdirection and fanservice have been correct. Maybe the most frustrating thing is that I view R/WBY as this optical illusion: they want to cater to this fanbase but they also don't really want to, and they can't choose. You can see it one way or another.

This is why I suspect anything genuinely crazy - that is, the things which centrally interest me, Cinder's redemption/Jaune and Cinder/Ozlem redemption - really shouldn't happen until the last volume of the show. You just simply cannot textually - it can exist in the subtext with clarity, though - commit to that stuff without alienating your core fanbase who are not actually a fan of your show who are still mad about [character death] or [character redemption/corruption]. This speaks to the particular weaknesses of V9 and earlier weaknesses in the show as well and is what I would criticise the most.

On the other hand, if they're not actually paying attention to what they're watching, you can really do whatever you want, and that's why I think catering to them is bad. It's this double bind, this optical illusion, that I have to acknowledge: because I do think fans are misled on purpose at times (especially in the metatext) and I do think that there is a part of the story trying to court them. It's what makes the contradictory elements so discomfiting. I'm willing to acknowledge it because I want to approach the text holistically and seriously try to understand if their version of events is correct. They would, comparatively, never do the same for me.

And I think for people who are fans of the same thing I'm interested in - maybe not for the same reasons, but even so - still have a habit of falling into this trap in thinking they're that same fanbase used to being catered to. You're not. Nobody seriously thinks Cinder's redemption, or the Jaune/Cinder romance, or the Ozlem redemption, is going to happen and this side of the fandom is completely irrelevant. In part I think it makes it a really good twist which is actually justified. But if you think any of this is going to be comfortable or was ever comfortable, and you're going to be catered to like you were with the rest of the story (in your head), or in other fandoms you've been in, you're wrong. I have more experience with it because I was never "one" of them and started the show in its infancy before all of this crystallised, so I have some perspective. Hopefully I can lend some.

[delusion-of-negation]

what's your favorite thing about yandere stories? like what type of characters do you like, what kind of scenes/situations do you like reading etc.

okay so my all time favourite is happy sugar life. idek how to say what's great about it. um. basically. she kidnaps a child. and the characters are all traumatised and then traumatising others as a result in many cases. and it ends in tragedy. and it's just. perfect because, like, there's a movie I also love called the voices (I think genuinely it's one of the bestest movies ever made) and it's ryan reynolds playing a schizophrenic man, who accidentally kills the women he works with, and you never know what's real. like, that movie is almost constantly bright and cheerful and goofy, while occasionally, very very occasionally, giving you a few seconds of reality, of the abused animals in the bloody flat, and it sticks this niggling feeling in your head that you can't trust anything. and it genuinely feels like that in happy sugar life too - if you watch the opening credits, there's a short bit when hands are moving a kid then it flickers to negative colours and she looks scared. and the murder scenes in the show are often covered by the scribbing it conveys panic with, or cuts away, or whatever, so the gore takes somewhat of a back seat (contrary to my usual love of gore) but allowing your imagination to go wild. and while I loved making a goofy yandere headcanon about the silly "____ has fallen" action movies a while back, and relentless violence, and all that. there's honestly no better genre to take the most fucked up person, like pedophile girls with co-dependency issues, give them a knife, to watch and see what happens. and I love that for them. show me something that makes me question my grasp of reality. like that similarly is why I like the film annihilation, and cosmic horror, it's wonderful to take some alien that doesn't even think like us, if it thinks at all, and give it the power to destroy everything. and we watch some poor folks suffer the consequences. a lot of things I absolutely adore boil down to "wouldn't it be fucked up if", as an initial idea, then "yes and... yes and... yes and..." all going deeper, deeper, and deeper into the implications of each tiny detail. that would be my favourite thing, my favourite trope, etc. cosmic will perfectly use that on a large scale, on a reality bending scale, so yandere is, to me, doing what body horror does to bodies, but to romance, sexuality, love, and relationships. you take the "what if organs were crawling inside of you" and apply it to "what if your inability to stop thinking about them made you blind to reality in extreme ways", it's like berenice by poe, the way his obsession is destroying his life until he wakes up having stolen her teeth. like breaking apart something pure and good, and showing you that thing if it wasn't good... but you still thought it was. I think that I generally feel frustrated by how people criticise yandere like "do fucking sickos like you not understand this is wrong???" my guy, literally two of the most famous ones are happy sugar life and of course doki doki literature club - both, very explicitly, horror. it is literally a horror genre first and foremost, romance second. we'd understand that horror comedy doesn't mean "all real life killing makes me laugh", so why can't y'all see yandere is a complicated interaction of genres, greater than the sum of their parts? ugh. I actually could rant for hours. as for like, types of yandere things, mutual obsession in a pseudo-familial way with a side of mutual bloodthirst in defense of the other, particularly if it ends in total tragedy for them and everyone (jinx and silco are perfect, those moments like when he says "you're perfect" as she's killing him I adore, that unconditional love, making each other not better not worse but a secret third thing, it's immaculate). I feel like love is generally seen as untouchable in media, true love's kiss, love will repair everything and make us human, I like when love makes us inhuman, but it's more unconditional and pink and sparkly than anybody with moral codes stronger than their heart will ever go.

[disclaimer: I am mentally ill stfu if you wanna act like portraying symptoms like psychosis, which I have, in horror is always some stigmatising or harmful thing, the voices is cleverly done and it's endlessly sympathetic to him, don't judge a book by its cover ig]

[netflixaddictedd]

10 gay books you should read (I'm making a lesbian version soon!)

Red, white & royal blue: When his mother became President, Alex Claremont-Diaz was promptly cast as the American equivalent of a young royal. Handsome, charismatic, genius—his image is pure millennial-marketing gold for the White House. There's only one problem: Alex has a beef with the actual prince, Henry, across the pond. And when the tabloids get hold of a photo involving an Alex-Henry altercation, U.S./British relations take a turn for the worse. Heads of family, state, and other handlers devise a plan for damage control: staging a truce between the two rivals. What at first begins as a fake, Instragramable friendship grows deeper, and more dangerous, than either Alex or Henry could have imagined. Soon Alex finds himself hurtling into a secret romance with a surprisingly unstuffy Henry that could derail the campaign and upend two nations.

Running with lions: Bloomington High School Lions star goalie Sebastian Hughes should be excited about his senior year: His teammates are amazing, and hes got a coach who doesnt ask anyone to hide their sexuality. But when his estranged childhood-best-friend Emir Shah shows up at summer training camp, Sebastian realizes the teams success may end up in the hands of the one guy who hates him. Determined to reconnect with Emir for the sake of the Lions, he sets out to regain Emirs trust. But to Sebastians surprise, sweaty days on the pitch, wandering the towns streets, and bonding on the weekends spark more than just friendship between them.

The fascinators: Living in a small town where magic is frowned upon, Sam needs his friends James and Delia - and their time together in their school's magic club - to see him through to graduation. But as soon as senior year starts, little cracks in their group begin to show. Sam may or may not be in love with James. Delia is growing more frustrated with their amateur magic club. And James reveals that he got mixed up with some sketchy magickers over the summer, putting a target on all their backs. With so many fault lines threatening to derail his hopes for the year, Sam is forced to face the fact that the very love of magic that brought his group together is now tearing them apart - and there are some problems that no amount of magic can fix. 

Infinity son: Growing up in New York, brothers Emil and Brighton always idolized the Spell Walkers—a vigilante group sworn to rid the world of specters. While the Spell Walkers and other celestials are born with powers, specters take them, violently stealing the essence of endangered magical creatures. Brighton wishes he had a power so he could join the fray. Emil just wants the fighting to stop. The cycle of violence has taken a toll, making it harder for anyone with a power to live peacefully and openly. In this climate of fear, a gang of specters has been growing bolder by the day. Then, in a brawl after a protest, Emil manifests a power of his own—one that puts him right at the heart of the conflict and sets him up to be the heroic Spell Walker Brighton always wanted to be. Brotherhood, love, and loyalty will be put to the test, and no one will escape the fight unscathed.

Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe: Aristotle is an angry teen with a brother in prison. Dante is a know-it-all who has an unusual way of looking at the world. When the two meet at the swimming pool, they seem to have nothing in common. But as the loners start spending time together, they discover that they share a special friendship—the kind that changes lives and lasts a lifetime. And it is through this friendship that Ari and Dante will learn the most important truths about themselves and the kind of people they want to be.

Simon vs the homosapiens agenda: Sixteen-year-old and not-so-openly gay Simon Spier prefers to save his drama for the school musical. But when an email falls into the wrong hands, his secret is at risk of being thrust into the spotlight. Now change-averse Simon has to find a way to step out of his comfort zone before he's pushed out without alienating his friends, compromising himself, or fumbling a shot at happiness with the most confusing, adorable guy he's never met.

Him: Jamie Canning has never been able to figure out how he lost his closest friend. Four years ago, his tattooed, wise-cracking, rule-breaking roommate cut him off without an explanation. So what if things got a little weird on the last night of hockey camp the summer they were eighteen? It was just a little drunken foolishness. Nobody died. Ryan Wesley’s biggest regret is coaxing his very straight friend into a bet that pushed the boundaries of their relationship. Now, with their college teams set to face off at the national championship, he’ll finally get a chance to apologize. But all it takes is one look at his longtime crush, and the ache is stronger than ever. Jamie has waited a long time for answers, but walks away with only more questions— can one night of sex ruin a friendship? If not, how about six more weeks of it? When Wesley turns up to coach alongside Jamie for one more hot summer at camp, Jamie has a few things to discover about his old friend...and a big one to learn about himself.

Date me, Bryson Keller: Everyone at Fairvale Academy knows Bryson Keller, the super-hot soccer captain who doesn't believe in high-school relationships. They also know about the dare Bryson accepted - each week he has to date the first person who asks him out. A single school week is all anyone gets. There have been no exceptions to this. None. Until me, that is. Because brilliant Bryson Keller forgot one thing. He never said it could only be girls...

The infinite noise: Caleb Michaels is a sixteen-year-old champion running back. Other than that his life is pretty normal. But when Caleb starts experiencing mood swings that are out of the ordinary for even a teenager, his life moves beyond “typical.” Caleb is an Atypical, an individual with enhanced abilities. Which sounds pretty cool except Caleb's ability is extreme empathy—he feels the emotions of everyone around him. Being an empath in high school would be hard enough, but Caleb's life becomes even more complicated when he keeps getting pulled into the emotional orbit of one of his classmates, Adam. Adam's feelings are big and all-consuming, but they fit together with Caleb's feelings in a way that he can't quite understand. Caleb's therapist, Dr. Bright, encourages Caleb to explore this connection by befriending Adam. As he and Adam grow closer, Caleb learns more about his ability, himself, his therapist—who seems to know a lot more than she lets on—and just how dangerous being an Atypical can be.

They both die at the end: On September 5, a little after midnight, Death-Cast calls Mateo Torrez and Rufus Emeterio to give them some bad news: They're going to die today. Mateo and Rufus are total strangers, but, for different reasons, they're both looking to make a new friend on their End Day. The good news: There's an app for that. It's called the Last Friend, and through it, Rufus and Mateo are about to meet up for one last great adventure to live a lifetime in a single day.

[skullsandwineglasses]

My Girlfriend is an Alien Review

I don’t normally review modern romance dramas because first of all, I’m more or a xianxia/wuxia/historical drama kind of person so I don’t watch too many modern dramas in the first place, and second, when I do watch modern dramas, I choose the simple, fluffy kind, so there’s not much to critically review anyway. I mainly watch them between dramas to cleanse my palate. 

But I finished MGFIAA yesterday and I have thoughts, mostly good ones. 

1. First Impressions

I was really skeptical about this drama at first. It’s a rich guy CEO/poor girl drama, and I normally hate that trope. The last CEO dramas I watched were Boss and Me and My Sunshine 6 years ago, but that was because I wanted to watch Zhao Liying and Tang Yan respectively. 

But, after reading comments on reddit about how people thought MGFIAA was Wan Peng’s best comedic work so far, I decided to take a leap of faith and gave this drama a shot. I went into the drama mostly blind and had no expectations. I had just finished You Are My Hero and My Little Happiness, both dramas in which the FL and ML have different careers (which is a dynamic I really like), so I wanted to watch something completely different that would prevent me from comparing it to these last 2 dramas. 

The drama starts of kinda meh. The FL uses her alien powers to save the ML from a car crash. The ML is a stereotypical alpha male CEO. Nothing too surprising or enticing yet. But the scene that sealed the deal for me was when the FL starts stealing and trying on clothes while window shopping at the mall. Wan Peng was just gorgeous and glowing in that scene. And then the next scene that confirmed it for me was when the FL freezes time, but the ML is unaffected by it and he sees her for the first time but is unsure if he’s hallucinating or not. After that scene, I decided to stick with the drama to see what all the hype was about. 

2. Simple, sweet, no-non-sense plot

There’s only one plot line in the drama, which is the romance between the main leads. There are no supporting couples or subplots. All supporting characters are either helping the leads get together, or are plotting against the leads, so everything directly relates back to them. I really like this because it makes the story more focused on just one storyline and one couple. 

This is different from most dramas where it’s common to have a subplot with a supporting couple. My Little Happiness had a supporting couple whose plot line was completely separate from the main leads, while You Are My Hero had two supporting couples, which dragged out the drama. 

I suppose this is because Wan Peng and Hsu Thassapak were not that popular at the time, so the plot could be more focused on them to promote them. On the other hand, when you have a drama where the leads are already popular, the production team will try to leverage that popularity to bring attention to lesser-known up-and-coming actors in the supporting roles. I remember how Yang Zi and Deng Lun had less and less screen time towards the end of Ashes of Love, and Tang Yan and Luo Jin also didn’t have much screen time in The Way We Were, and Yang Mi used Eternal Love to help promote the actors under her agency, like Dilireba (although Yang Mi managed to keep the drama mostly focused on her storyline). 

3. Comedy

Despite being a sitcom comedy, this drama didn’t make me laugh out loud like some scenes in my Little Happiness and You Are My Hero did, but there were a lot of scenes where I couldn’t help but grin like an idiot because of some of the adorably awkward antics the FL and ML did. They also mock the CEO romance genre in some scenes by exaggerating the trope, which was amusing (but still cringey) to watch, but I guess that was the point. 

However, I will admit that there were some outright cringey scenes that were hard to watch. A recurring plot point was the the FL’s fascination with the male body and pheromones. So sometimes, she can’t help herself and reaches out to touch the ML’s abs. This plot point works because she’s an alien who’s curious and doesn’t know better, but the second hand embarrassment you still feel is strong nevertheless. I think physical clinginess just makes me really uncomfortable in general. 

The kiss scenes were very PG, probably because Hsu Thassapak is married with kids, but there are a lot of innuendos in the dialogue and physical comedy.

4. Acting

Wan Peng is effortlessly adorable and bubbly, and the voice acting really helps sell that as well. (The voice actress, Qiao Shi Yu, who dubs her is the same one who usually dubs Zhao Liying and who also dubbed Yuan bingyan in Love and Redemption. I think the voice actress is often used for cutesy characters. Wan Peng has a much lower voice, which I already guessed when I saw pictures of her. She gives off a vibes of someone who would have a low voice). 

Hsu Thassapak has a chiseled face that looks too sculpted, and so I was skeptical about whether he would be able to emote, but he actually carried the emotional scenes quite well. Again, the voice acting also really helped. Hsu Thassapak has a higher voice than his voice actor, who I think also dubbed Luo Jin in Princess Weiyoung. 

Wang You Jun was great at playing the ML’s younger brother and love rival. I was surprised to learn that he’s actually younger than Wan Peng because his acting felt mature (even though he’s character isn’t). 

5. Story Originality

I can’t make an assessment of how original the story is because they do rely on a lot of predictable tropes, but I can say that it was well-executed. It’s not easy to insert fantasy elements into a modern drama and make it believable, but I was on board with the ridiculous premise. Not only is the FL an alien, but the ML has a type of amnesia where he forgets all the women he meets whenever it rains. And yet, I was hooked and invested against my better judgement. 

6. Overall Impression

8/10. The drama is exactly what is says it is, so I can’t really complain. The plot progresses logically, even if there are some frustrating moments, but you can understand why the characters made the choices they made. It will take you some time at first to get used to the outlandish premise, but after the first 2 episodes, you’ll be rooting for the FL. 

The FL’s character is also reminiscent of xianxia dramas where the FL has no idea what romantic love is (e.g., Love and Redemption, Love and Destiny), and slowly learns how to love. I’m apparently a sucker for that trope, so it was actually quite easy for me to fall for this drama, despite being initially skeptical about it. 

[atlasira]

i’m using the diamond rush to finally catch up with LFOS and i just got to a choice of choosing which character to team up with and like i’m always hesitant to choose Jacob. bc i do like him and maybe want him as Amber’s romance, but i also don’t really like the Cold and Nonchalant types, which he seemed like for most of the book. but i said fuck it and chose to team up with him regardless bc i do like him the best and!!!!!!!

his route scenes always surprise me. theyre always so good and interesting. i like that they address his aloofness and instead of Amber just going “i like that you’re mysterious uwu <3” (which is why i never like those routes), she actually hates his arms length type bonding bc it keeps him closed off. Amber WANTS to get to know this guy, i know i’m doing this as a romance, but she also says she wants to get closer to him as a friend. and Jacob also addresses it in really interesting ways bc he too wants to get closer to the group BUT he’s very aware of the fact that he’s the only canon poc in the group, as both Amber and Ray are race customizable. he’s closed off bc he’s in a group of possibly all white people and white-coded aliens. in the scene i just played, he almost accused Amber of trying to appropriate some aspects of his culture bc shes so damn nosey, which is reasonable!

Jacob isn’t just closed off for some edgy reason like most of the characters that fall into this “i keep people at arms length” trope do. his reasoning makes sense and it’s understandable and has weight, while at the same time bringing up interesting development points where now you have discussions between him and Amber of her in frustration bc while his mindset is fair, he’s also so closed off that we know literally next to NOTHING about this guy, not even what his actual background was until he told her he was from the Sioux in the second to last episode of the entire season.

his route is just so so interesting. i like that they address things, and im very happy with the development of both his character and his relationship to the group. i was hesitant to choose him before bc i was afraid he’d just fall into the edgy loner cliche but he doesn’t and hes the way he is for a much deeper reason and!! just!!!! things are just great lol

[life-rewritten]

SPOOKY/ NON SPOOKY BLS TO WATCH IN HALLOWEEN

Happy Spooky Season BL Fans! Honestly so sad that in Halloween we can't really fully enjoy it due to the pandemic out there. So why not stay at home and have a fun night in during this spooky month watching BLS with spooky/entertaining shows to get you into the spirits. Surprisingly there was a lot of shows from different countries I could add to this list. Join me and let me know what shows you plan to watch for this Halloween! 

Ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these shows/again? 

Korea

1. Antique

Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Psychology, Thriller, Bakery,  Bromance, Open ending/Happy ending. Country: Korea Verdict: Weirdly, this is one of my favourite BL movies, to be honest, most Korean movies just make me happy despite the sense that you can feel it's censored more than it has to be. Either way antique is so fun to watch, at first you're watching about this guy who hates cakes and sweets, but it is determined to start a bakery to find out some weird stalker who is kidnapping kids, and you're like wait what? As we delve deeper into his past, it becomes horrifying, terrifying and also just intriguing to find out what made him the way he is and how it's affected him psychologically. Add a twist of BL with someone who absolutely loves him and helps him with his bakery, and it's cute and lovely to see.

2. Method Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Psychology, Thriller, Romance, Tragedy, Acting industry, Internalised Homophobia Country: Korea Verdict: Korea is so good at producing these deep movies that really make you think and analyse whilst still having this haunting introduction to couples that are tragically affected by Internalised Homophobia in Korea. Method may seem like just an artistic story about two people who are being fake with each other, and it does seem that way at the end but when you actually look at it deeply you'd see it's a tragic love story about two people who couldn't fight society with their love for each other and decided to use facades to hide what truly happened. Anyway brilliant show, very thrilling and scary at times towards the ending especially about the psychology of Method actors and the struggle to differentiate  what's real vs what's acting when it comes to love and obsession?

Taiwan

History Hero/Obsessed

Ratings: 3.8/5 Genre/Themes: Gender bender, Rebirth, Ghosts,  Death,  Romance, Comedy, Happy ending Country: Taiwan Verdict: History is one of the best anthologies Taiwan produced for BL. And even the first history series are just as good as recent, whilst maybe more low budget and shorter, I still enjoy them as much as the other one. Hero is one that is actually not my most loved one, but it's heartwarming and also interesting to watch. It's a supernatural gender bender, with our main charcter's body taken over by his crush's girlfriend who we watch figure out the budding relationship between her boyfriend and the dead guy. It seems it would be tragic, or end in a heterosexual way but it doesn't, it does have a bitter sweet ending since we're seeing it from her perspective but our BL character's come out unscathed. Obsessed is one of my faves, also a rebirth story, our main character comes back to life and goes back in time after being betrayed by his lover determined to avoid him as much as possible only to realise that his lover is obsessed and determined to get them back together despite not understanding why he loves him. It's so fun to watch this show, and I enjoy the chemistry between Benjamin and Teddy. But yeh Halloween, mysterious deaths, rebirths and romance great times!

Chinese

Rebirth Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Rebirth, Romance, Historical,  Death, Drama, Royalty, Happy ending Country: Chinese Verdict: Absolutely so stoked with this drama, frustrated with censorship from China which prevented some scenes from being shown like the waterfall kiss, but it has a happy ending! Like what? I'm so happy because it's quite dramatic and has moments where it looks like would be tragic but I adore the romance between the King and his companion, and the way they're both loyal to each other. For Halloween this deals with death and reincarnation of our main character to return back and save the King from getting killed. Go watch it if you can find uncut link so worth it.

Untamed Ratings: 5/5 Genre/Themes: Zombies, Fantasy, Horror,  Romance, Happy ending, Rebirth, Death Country: China Verdict: Like I don't have to explain this one. Go watch it if you haven't. Tbh for Halloween I'm not going to be watching the show Untamed because I've seen it too many times, so I'll probably be crying over Wei Wuxian and Wang Ji's love with the audio drama (Season 3 especially) Whatever way you wanna watch Mo dao Zu shi: anime, book, tv show, audio drama, this is a masterpiece and so incredibly scary enough, supernatural enough and great enough for this Halloween. A masterpiece.

Guardian Ratings: 3.5/5 Genre/Themes: Supernatural, Romance, Rebirth, Horror, ,Bromance, Censored, Comedy, Mystery, Detectives Country: China Verdict: Guardian is so fun to watch but when I think of it's original source I get so upset with China and I just don't want to watch it especially that stupid ending. But for Halloween Guardian is the most Halloween like BL show there is, deals with demons, zombies, ghosts, etc Mysteries about aliens, humans and supernatural deities. And a painful romance that has amazing chemistry, acting and story behind it. Go watch it just for the fun cases the characters have to investigate each episode connected to the supernatural stuff.  Or go read the book and see what it was meant to be like.

Thailand 

Red wine in the Dark night Ratings: 3.5/5 Genre/Themes: Psychology, Thriller, Horror,  R rated, Tragedy, Vampire Country: Thailand Verdict: My first movie introducing me to Fluke and his incredible acting. But like this movie messed me up, I went into it like nice vampire/cute boy romance and halfway through I was like wtf?? It's incredible and dark to see this movie and for Halloween scary enough to contemplate and analyse so yeh a great spooky watch with shady, flawed characters traumatised to make choices to be with love.  Watch it for Fluke.

Blue Hour Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Psychology, Thriller, Horror,  R rated, Ghosts, Mystery Country: Thailand Verdict: This is another messed up movie with an amazing cast. Both Oab and Gun are like so great in this, and they are my ghost ship. This movie starts of like a romantic with drama BL movie, about like falling in love and meeting the right person and then it just gets twisted and starts to be horrifying. Again has a lot of shady, dark characters who do things that are just so unexpected. It will scare you well and Gun's performance as a winner. But we already know this about him. Go watch Gifted and Gifted Graduation (also spooky in my opinion for Halloween)

My dream Ratings: 3/5 Genre/Themes: Supernatural,  Fantasy, Romance,  Drama Country: Thailand Verdict:  Okay only adding this on the list because of its supernatural genre but I actually don't remember what this is about. All I can remember is the main love story is between Runway and his lover who he sees in his dreams due to a mysterious dream catcher given to him by his family to protect him. Yeh this is fantasy so good for halloween but it's actually not my favourite show, I remember disliking a lot of things about it apart from the second lead couple so yeh Meh. But for Halloween you can squeeze a watch and try and see if you like it.

Until We Meet Again

Ratings: 4.2/5 Genre/Themes:  Reincarnation,  Rebirth, Suicide,  Drama, Death, Romance, Mystery, Happy ending Country: Thailand Verdict:  Can’t believe I almost forgot about this, But this is a great thai BL series, one of the best ones actually if you’re okay with slow paced storyline but with depth, and interesting plot. I love all the couples on this show and it kept me on my toes with anxiety and worry about how it was going to end. Go watch this for Fluke again, as he is so amazing at his role of Pharm. Everyone else on this cast is also my favorite. Reasons for Halloween, this deals with the psychological trauama of death and suicde, and also deals with the consequences of reincarnation. Because of this the psychological breakdown and reveal of Pharm’s connection to Inn, is ver scary, worrying and frightful as you go deeper the story. We’re not sure where this will lead, but we know as an audience that it sure isn’t going to be a nice reunion with Inn and Korn whenever the latter finds the truth about why they’re dead. Yeh towards the last three episodes it’s almost close to being a thriller, so much angst, drama and pain and fear for our character’s lives, will make this a scary but not scary Halloween watch for sure. 

Greater man academy Ratings: 5/5 Genre/Themes: Gender bender, Fantasy, Unicorns  Romance, Competitive all-boys school, Happy ending, Plot twists Country: Thailand Verdict: Can I just praise how genius this series is. Because no one else doing so it's understandable it's hard to find the subs because Nadao refuses to release it on its platform. Either way seeing Nadao mentioned as the producers makes you know this is incredible. From acting, to story telling, to directing, to dynamics, to the romance. I am in awe of greater man academy and I will never stop speaking about how I wish more BLs was like this. Add she's the man (the movie or twelfth night by Shakespeare) and BL tropes to this and you get greater man academy, Except this show is different, 3 dimensional characters that will take your breath away from the amount of plot twists written for their characters, romances that will keep you on your toes with anticipation and mystery and the suprising fact that this ends up as a BL when it didn't need to is what shocks me still to this day. Go watch it I don't want to spoil anything else. Just watch it. For Halloween we have magical unicorns with wish granting abilities, ghosts and other fantasy themes in the academy for the great men.

He's coming to me Ratings: 4.5/5 Genre/Themes: Ghosts, Mystery,Slice of Life,  Romance, Comedy, Happy ending Country: Thailand Verdict:  I've already talked about this show on here as well. But again just go watch it, it's incredible a bit slow paced but it's worth it. I just want more shows like He's coming to me, the whole supernatural world building was fantastic, the mystery, the plot, the love story between our main guy who sees ghost and his ghost best friend, and him learning to embrace his identity and sexuality. Brilliant. Also again Ohm Pawat is in this so are you shocked and Singto as well who is amazing.

The Shipper Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Death, Gender bender, Mystery,, Tragedy, Comedy, Romance Country: Thailand Verdict: Didn't know if I should add this here but there is a heavy supernatural theme to it, and it does have BL despite the fact that could be questioned but I love Way and Kim, and I think the actors are great and the plot is actually good for most of it, there are some issues with the show but honestly if the ending was better It would be a favourite of mine in 2020. Sigh. Halloween there's death, and the lore surrounding death and mystery about why it and how the circumstances our main character is happened, and it keeps you on your toes. Ohm Pawat that's it another reason and First and Fluke were incredible in this. Girl actresses were also good. And it's directed and written by the writer of the girl from nowehere, so that's another positive. (Must watch for Halloween if you haven't yet not BL)

Other recommendations: Bite fight, Niyamruk, Ghost boyfriend, Ghost Roomamate, Fanatic Love.War of Highschool 

That;s the list I’ve compiled. Probably missing like other spooky ones because I’m a wimp and horror aint my thing, Romance is. So here you have some shows mixing the two in a non squeamish way for me.  What about you guys how’s your Halloween season and planning going? Have fun!

[partyinthemysterymachine]

2, 7 and 8 for Harry and 6, 9 and 12 for James

HARRY

What are they like on social media? (What’s their username, profile pic, etc.)

he has a twitter and an instagram he sort of remembers he has (and will use it consistently for two weeks, then drop off again). 

his instagram is .@harrymasontypes (aw isn’t that cute) and profile pic there is a half-eaten doughnut with sunglasses. pictures of heather are most common, then photos of his desk, in/around his house, out and about - y’know, as one does with the instant-grammards. he varies giving one word descriptions or an ominous tag, to saying a lot, to dad jokes, to reluctant promoting (but he does it HIS way, which means he’s at least having a good time)

one of his most popular photos is a picture of his (then-)latest book and he’s stabbed it with a large kitchen knife to the kitchen table. the lighting is impeccable and the mood is fine art and his caption reads:

“#FilicideSeries out. I realize now, after taking out my frustrations on my book like this, it appears it foretold its own demise. I’m a social media sensation. Thank you for supporting me, and supporting my support of the act of filicide against my own work. Committing filicide against my daughter is my own business, and I’ve already written my obituary. Thank you for your supportive understanding, understanding, and support in supporting understanding and support.”

his twitter profile avatar is the picture he took of Heather’s father’s day card one year that simply reads, “<3 HI DAD <3 <3 I HATE YOU <3 <3 <3″ and it was done with such obvious joking and love that he put it up there and was going to remove it eventually, maybe with a picture of hte cover his latest book (, begged his editor/agent,) but he has no time for that

Harry follows a lot of other famous and renowned authors and is followed by fewer, and mutuals with even fewer. his own fame and renown is actually pretty damn good; he’s landed on some bestsellers, done interviews, had a couple TV interviews (then had to shut down all future ones after the massive panic attack he at least kept together until he was out of the building). of course, you see a picture of the dude and you’d never know who the fuck you’re looking at if you don’t know to care what he looks like.

his twitter is cheeky, relaxed, sometimes serious, and sometimes sounds like an actual professional person. (Harry likes to blame those kinds of tweets on Maggie (his editor/agent) hacking into his account.) he interacts with fans, answers questions, posts pictures, posts The Far Side comics he likes, no context.

he’ll joke about a lot and only gets political if he really feels it necessary. 

(in most incarnations, Harry will also be mutuals/best friends with Lane Morgans, who’s an OC, and who writes tongue-in-cheek romance novels. they will also interact on twitter and frequently be seen in each other’s pictures.)

How’s their cooking?

not too shabby! Harry took up cooking right after he and Jodi got their own place/got married and made Julia Childs real proud by the way he did it in the beginning LOL but luckily, he had Jodi and her family to help him get his sea legs in the kitchen. (Harry loved his mom and dad and their cooking was great, really, but they were standoffish people, and were uncomfortable teaching Harry his way around a kitchen.)

as he was raising Heather, he struggled to get back into cooking (or doing much of anything) and ended up binge watching old Emeril! and Julia Childs episodes and he was like fine, fine you know what, fine, and got back into cooking (and baking). now he and Heather have tons of options, stuff in the freezer that can be dethawed for later, etc. Harry does good work, he’s a good few ticks above average adn done with love (and stress, so much goddamn stress) so it tastes pretty good :3

he also really loves the Instant Pot and Heather would like to beat up the person who recommended it to him :) stop talking about the Instant Pot, dad, or just marry it already

Harry thinks his best dish is pork enchiladas, best dessert is rum cake (with custard!). Heather thinks his best dish is ‘macaroni and aw hell what the fuck do we have in the fridge’ and his best dessert is flan (or peanut butter cookies, if she must.) oddly, the flan started as a birthday treat and got a candle in it, and for whatever reason since then, whenever Harry makes flan for her, he puts a candle in for her when he serves it. he’s even included it in a baggie if he’d packed it for her.

It’s movie night, what movie do they pick?

The Thing

Aliens/2

Singin’ In The Rain

The Shining

It

White Alligator

Four Rooms

Inglourious Basterds

does it have Mae West? then yes

does it have Clark Gable? then yes

among many others.. he has a wide range of tastes..

JAMES

Favorite music?

old rock bands; The Who; The Doors; Rolling Stones; Motley Crue; some other artists like Fiona Apple, Janis Joplin, The Four Seasons; it’s hard for him to really remember, though. there could be more to it. those names just sound familiar.. but maybe he just doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

How would they hold up in a pillow war?

depends on his opponent. he’d have to give it another go; he was cheating the last time.

would he be willing to? not unless he had any other choice.. but it also depends on who’s involved..

Something small that they enjoy?

.. actually, yeah. it’s

[merakiaes]

To begin with, I'm full of contradictions, utterly boring, very insecure and highly complicated. I would say my strongest personality traits are my kindness, calmness and sympathy. It's almost impossible to scare or upset me, because I always see the good in a person and recognize where anger, frustration and despair come from. There's no cruelty in me at all. I'm open and impartial towards everything and everyone, without any judgment or prejudice. I also have a calming/grounding effect on other people and animals, which is great because I honestly love all sorts of animals (I'm also a vegetarian because I refuse to intentionally hurt any animal). I'm always well-meaning and there to help others. I despise people who enjoy the suffering of others, just because they have the 'power' to. I'm very open-minded and I think that every opinion matters and that whatever someone has to say is important, at least to them and therefore for me. I will never ignore someone's sorrows and suffering and I try my hardest to help and comfort as best I can. But, even though I see the good in everything, I'm very insecure myself and have little love and understanding for myself. I have a very bad self-esteem and not a particularly positive self-perception, which mostly defines my actions. It makes me believe that I'm a burden to others and that I annoy them. I feel like I'm not "worthy" of love/there's nothing lovable about me, that there are too many problems in contrast to the little good things. Nevertheless, I would never change myself for anything or anyone, I am who I am. This is one of many reasons why I try to stay away and distance myself from others. For me, dealing and interacting with people is really difficult, because I'm so clumsy and nervous around them and easily feel like I'm making a fool out of myself. Another reason is that I fear to be rejected and thrown aside when someone sees how boring, problematic and annoying I actually am. It's also hard for me and incredible frustrating that I'm unable to articulate myself the way I want to, so that I mostly stay silent. And, since I'm a very quiet and rather shy person, I prefer people who initiate the contact and talk a lot/like to talk, who do the talking instead of me, but without intending to suppress myself. You would be surprised how timid and reserved I am, I'm sure you wouln't notice me in a room full of people if it wouldn't be for my different appearance (I'm always wearing only black, have dyed my hair a little and two ear piercings). Because I'm easily sad and not a funny/joking person, I like and enjoy people who are not too serious themselves. And I'm the most loyal person you'll ever find, once you earn my trust, I'll always be on/by your side, no matter what. I've always felt alienated from my surroundings, like I don't belong anywhere, like I'm the only cat in a room full of dogs. That's probably why I have a soft spot for the weirdos, outcasts, loners and "crazy" ones. Though, in my opinion, the definition of normal, crazy and real are very subjective. My whole life I've felt kinda judged, misunderstood and unwanted. People often falsely think that my unassuming nature is naivity and take my social-insecurity for aloofness and coldness. I'm also quite opinionated and aware of what I want, how I feel and who I am. I'm often questioning my surroundings, the traditions and rules and if I believe that something is wrong, I have absolutely no problem challenging others, even authority. I'm a perfectionist, which often leads me to overthinking and that can be equally good and bad. I'm absolutely clueless in romance and totally oblivious to flirting because I'm 100% inexperienced in this stuff, but I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic.

I crave physical touch and am literally melting into and bathing in any sort of touch, but I'm way too reluctant to initiate it. I'm rather sentimental with things given to me by people who I deeply care for, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem. Sadly, I'm not good with words to repeat how much someone means to me and I never know how to show/act on it either. I'm lazy, forgetful and sleepy most of the time and too much people, noise and light is exhausting for me. That's why I prefer to cozy up at home, watching a movie or TV show and listen to music. Music is my greatest passion, even if I can't sing or play an instrument. It's the most calming and therapeutic when it comes to my anxiety and depression and I could never live a day without it. When no one is around, I even sing along really loudly and off-tune. The meaning music has for me is hard to put into words, but it's my sanctuary for when I feel like my thoughts and feelings are suffocating me. You will never see me in the street without headphones in my ears and even when I'm at home there's music playing almost all the time. I could talk for hours about music and what it means to me. My taste in movies is more horror, fantasy and drama and in music it's rock, punk and pop, but for both I enjoy when it's themed around mental illness and real-life problems and when it's from the 80s and 90s. I like vintage things and would love to live in the 80's. I love the feeling of freedom and liveliness. My favourite weather is when it's gloomy and more cold, when it's pouring big fat drops and the air smells like rain and my favourite season is autumn because of the weather, colors, temperatures, flavors and overall aesthetic. I'm on the curvy-side and incredible insecure about it, although I really don't want to be. Once I trust you, I would love to talk for hours about music, movies, dreams, fears or anything alike and life in general, no matter how silly it may seems. I have a fascination for dark and macabre things. I also love to take late-night strolls, to gaze at the nightsky and literally feeling the freedom and infinity. My favourite colours are dark green, black, dark purple and gold. I love the scent of peppermint, cinnamon and the forest. I love plants and would love to decorate my home with them, but unfortunately I don't have a green thumb at all. I like ivy, lavender and roses the most. I wish I could live peacefully in a cottage, surrounded by a forest and many animals. I feel little conected to where I lwas born/am living and I'm deeply convinced that my soul belongs in the UK, always has.

+  Could I please request a male matchup for Stranger Things and Peaky Blinders? I'm female, she/her. (I know you said that no amount is too much, but I still hope that I didn't exaggerate here - and I'm sorry for any spelling and grammatical errors, english isn't my first language)

STRANGER THINGS

I ship you with Billy Hargrove!

This is somewhat of a controversial ship that can be both good and bad depending on the circumstances. I’m choosing to look at it from a positive perspective so bear with me.

Kindness, calmness and sympathy are your strongest personality traits and that is just what Billy Hargrove needs to bring him back to reality, because it is my opinion that the Billy we’ve gotten to see is only the version of himself that he has allowed us to see. 

Billy’s automatic response when someone tries to help him by digging into his emotions is to get angry and defensive. Why? Because he’s put so much time and effort into building up walls around himself in order to not have to feel all his pain over and over again, and every time someone comes and pokes holes in those walls, he snaps.

He’s so used to not being loved and being abandoned that he automatically assumes that people who come off as supportive are going to leave eventually, too. So in his mind, he might as well scare people away at once so that he doesn’t get his hopes up and ruins the walls that he’s put so much into. That’s just easier for everyone.

But although he succeeds in pushing people away by getting angry and therefore succeeding in protecting himself from more heartbreak, he still feels a subconscious guilt when seeing how much he scares people, because that’s how scared he is of his dad. He treats people like his dad treats him and it destroys him to live with that, but he just doesn’t know how to do anything else at this point because his only purpose in life now is to uphold those walls, by whatever means necessary, so while I don’t condone his behavior, nor do I support mentally abusive relationships, I do from a psychological standpoint, think that it would help Billy that you don’t get scared easily. 

Seeing people get so scared, even if it’s by his own doing, breaks him down more and more every time, a little at a time, and it would change everything for him to be met by something else than that immediate fear. He would be faced with an outcome he hasn’t experienced before, which is being seen as something more than a monster; or more specifically to him, being seen as something other than a replica of his dad, because I can guarantee you that that’s something that keeps him up at night. 

Anyone can say that they understand, that they know where someone is coming from, that even if they don’t understand, they can see a persons reasons. But a lot of the times, this is just a case of empty words. Billy knows this and that’s another reason that he doesn’t let people in when they try to get closer, and he proves his point by getting angry at them and seeing the way they react. All of them get scared and leave. Rightfully so, but it also does proves the point in his logic. 

You say that you have a calming and grounding effect on people which is something he’d really benefit from, as well. He naturally surrounds himself with people who match his energy; impulsive, wild, preferably illegal, with little to no thought of consequences. That’s his form of self-harm - to constantly surround himself with things and people that are bad for him, who likes his bad boy-image and encourages his bad behavior.

What he needs is something else entirely; and that is to be in a calm environment. He needs silence, peace, and even if just for a while, just anything but excitement. He needs someone who won’t encourage his chaotic and reckless lifestyle like most of the people he hangs out with do, in order to bring himself back down to earth and find himself again. 

Once he actually meets someone genuine and like-minded and realizes that they’re there to stay, he’d most likely accept the help he’s offered. And after that, he would be so loving toward his significant other because he’d never want her to feel like he does. He would want her to be the happiest person on the planet and if there’s something I’ve learned, myself, it’s that the people who love the hardest are usually the ones who have been loved the least. So if you were feeling insecure, he would lift you up and compliment you constantly, always let you know how beautiful and amazing he finds you, and how lucky he is to have you. He’d be so overly loving and appreciative toward you and everything you do that you’d rarely even have the time to get stuck with your self-doubt.

He, too, feels like he’s undeserving of love, because when has he ever been shown differently? So I also think it would give him somewhat of a wake-up call to see someone he cares about, or just such a kind, genuine person in general, feeling like that. At the same time, I also think he’d react strongly to the way you accept yourself and refuse to change for anyone despite all the self-doubt you have, because that requires an insane amount of strength. It would probably inspire him a lot to be better, himself.

Billy would, most definitely, be the one to initiate contact with you just like he does every other female in his presence. Maybe it’s my mind being too mushed together by all the fanfiction I’ve read over the years, but I feel that once he got to know you, he would just fall for you on the spot. Not just “fall”, either. He’d trip on his shoelaces, fall on his face and roll down a flight of stairs once he finally managed to wrap his head around the fact that you understand, that you care and that you’re not going anywhere.

After initiating contact and coming to that realization, he wouldn’t mind just spending time with you in silence. All that talking he does is nothing more than a façade he’s put up to feel less out of place, less pathetic about being so weak around his dad, but it’s not the real him at all. Billy has been cold and guarded for so long that he, just like you, no longer knows how to communicate his feelings through words, either. Instead, he tends to show his emotions through his actions, so I can imagine there being a lot of silence. Mutual silence.

Would he still enjoy having genuine conversations with you? Yes, absolutely. As would he never hesitate to joke around if you felt down and needed to laugh. But he would also feel safe enough with you to be silent and vulnerable, without feeling that pressure to always keep talking and acting like he does when he’s with other people. He pretends to be comfortable, pretends to fit in, but in reality, he feels out of place, too. He’s felt unwanted, judged and misunderstood for most of his life just like you describe yourself to have done.

He has fooled around with a lot of girls but he’s still touch-starved, because no-strings-attached relations doesn’t do anything for him other than provide a temporary distraction. It never gives him the emotional, sentimental, meaningful proximity that he needs, so you have in common to crave physical touch and it would be a mutual thing for the two of you to show your emotions through touch rather than words.

You also have your love for music in common, and it’s so fitting because you like the same genres, which would only give him another way to be free around you. I can just imagine the two of you belting out your highest notes, totally off-key, while blaring rock music in his car.

To finish it off, loyalty is something he values above everything which is why he can never really hold on to long-term relationships or friendships. The only person who has ever been truly loyal to him was his mom, and even she made the active choice to leave him in the end, which is where his commitment issues stem from. So the fact that you’re genuinely loyal will be a complete game-changer. 

He, too, loves the feeling of being free, and I have no doubt in my mind that the two of you would find ways to feel that way together without him going back to his old, problematic methods.

Like I’ve mentioned before, I definitely don’t condone his behavior nor do I encourage anyone to stay in a toxic and abusive relationship, whether it be mental, emotional, or physical abuse. I don’t like savior-complexes and I don’t encourage anyone to get together with a “bad boy” because they think they can “cHaNgE HiM”.

But I feel like Billy is one of those cases that has certain circumstances that makes him a bit of an exception. He’s made some reaaaally bad choices and treated people very badly which he still has to be held accountable for, but going forward, he could be an amazing person if only he got reminded of what it feels like to be loved. Because at this point, he’s probably completely forgotten it, and living without love for so long will drive any person into madness.

I still wouldn’t recommend someone heading into a relationship with him solely for the purpose of “changing him”, but I do think that, if the right person came along on random, these changes wouldn’t at all be impossible.

The way he behaves toward people can’t be excused and he still needs to own up to his behavior and mistakes, but I think we’ve gotten it proven at the end of last season that he actually does want to be better and that all he needed toward the end was to be shown some genuine love in order to be able to make that change. 

 PEAKY BLINDERS

I ship you with Arthur Shelby!

Arthur is like Billy in a lot of ways, so this is a controversial one too for the same reasons, but Arthur is also very different.

While Billy has built up tall, strong, practically non-penetrable walls around himself to avoid having to feel anything, Arthur is much more emotional and aware of his mistakes since he never really managed to use his trauma to build up a protective wall, but rather just let them pile up without knowing how to properly process them so that he’s now stuck having to feel it all at once with no way out. 

He was left really vulnerable after his dad left which, I think, made him more open for the trauma he experienced during the war. It is my honest opinion that, had his dad still been in the picture, he would’ve been a lot less unstable today. But, as we know, his dad left him and his siblings, and that was the first trigger to a long line of domino bricks.

At this point, he’s so damaged that he has no sense of self-worth, whatsoever. He doesn’t feel worthy of love or a good life even though he wishes and dreams of it, so once he actually finds someone who wants to be with him, he falls hard, and would do anything in his power to be the best possible partner.

He’d be so romantic, so loving, so eager to please that he’d agree to pretty much anything requested of him. He’d abandon all of his other responsibilities to just live a happy life with you so living peacefully in a secluded area in a cottage with lots of animals is not something he would be opposed to at all. Nor would taking late-night strolls or staying in with you when everyone else goes out to drink be, because I’m certain that the only reason he drinks is because being sober on his own is too painful. 

His way of acting out with anger and violence is nothing more than a product of his environment. Every day, every sound, every smell, every person he surrounds himself with, are triggers to his multiple traumas and the longer he surrounds himself with chaos, the more he’s going to lose himself to his anger – because anger is the only emotion through which he knows how to handle his trauma, as no one has ever tried helping him onto a healthier road of recovery but rather just told him to “suck it up”.

So the fact that you’re so kind, calm, sympathetic and understanding, and that you’re recognize where anger, frustration and despair comes from, that you’re open and impartial toward everyone without any judgment or prejudice, and also have a calming and grounding effect on people would just help him so much. Everyone else that he frequently surrounds himself with are big parts of the problem that is his mental illnesses and aggressive and violent tendencies. They do nothing to help but rather encourages it and fuels the fire so they can use his anger for their own winning.

He’s just constantly told to suck it up, be a man, have a drink or three, snort a line of cocaine, blah blah blah. The way his mental instability is treated by his inner circle is the literal embodiment of toxic masculinity and does nothing to help his case, because then he starts hating himself even more for feeling all the emotions that he does.

So, once given the correct support that he needs, he would pay you right back by making sure you never go a day without being told how amazing you are and how lucky he is to have you. He would throw, or at least try to his absolute best ability to do so, all of your insecurities out the window before they’d even gotten the chance to get through the door. He would literally adore you and, metaphorically speaking, be ready to eat straight out of your palm if told to do so.

All he needs is kindness, understanding and most of all patience, because while he is a work in progress, he is trying.

[melancholydreadfuldream]

Cosmic Love Nightmare

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: Whittaker!Master x Reader, 13th Doctor x Reader

Summary: DW AU. You and the Master are definition of bad romance. The Doctor is determined to separate the two of you.

Warning: ooc, use of violence, mention of rape, murder, bad moral, depression, dark!reader, etc

 A/N: So, lately, I have been reading plenty fan fiction about Whittaker!Master and Dhawan!Doctor and I love each one of them. I got inspired to write one too.

I’m sorry for the quality of the language as English is not my first language so you will probably get a bit or a lot of headache. So, I’m not sure about this fic, I hope you all enjoy reading it? And if you do like it, please like/comment.

   The Hybrid.

 A Galiifreyan prophecy that predicted that a hybrid creature of a crossbred from two warrior races would stand over the ruins of Gallifrey and unravel web of time, breaking a billion billion hearts to heal its own.

 “Hybrid bla bla bla...” The Master said with a mocking tone as she rolled her eyes.

 I frowned. “And...what? The other Time Lords think that hybrid thing is us?”

 The Master shrugged her shoulder. “Look around.” She said. “Here we are standing in a ruin of a planet.”

 We stood on top of a cliff with the best view of the ruination.

 “Not Gallifrey though.” I said with a shrug. “This is just a general chaos.”

 She smiled as she come closer to me and whispered, “Only you would call the ruin of planet a general chaos.”

 I shrugged. “If we didn’t do it, someone else would.” I said with a careless tone. “I’m not the only one who called it general chaos. You did it too.”

 The Master grinned and did a dramatic twirling. “I know. Let’s call ourselves team Hybrid from now on.” She said.

 As if on cue, they could hear a distant echo of groaning Tardis of the Doctor.

 I sighed. “And here come team Tardis.”

The Master sighed dramatically just as a man walked toward us followed by his three companions. “Oh, Doctor, have you come to join the party?”

 “Stop it. Both of you, stop this nonsense right now!” The Doctor yelled in fury.

 “But where is the fun in that?” The Master said with adorable pout.

 I watched the interaction between those two. Apparently, they have been dancing around like this since forever with the everlasting theme of savior-villain. I let them have their moment and then turned away to watch with fascination the fiery ruin before me.

 “How could you stand with her, (name)?” Yaz suddenly called out to me.

 I rolled my eyes. I have no interest in defending myself to a bunch of goodie-good. I shushed her much to her dismay. But she didn’t get the hint and stepped forward toward me, demanding my attention. What a foolish bitch. The only reason she still standing is because I’m currently in a good mood and also the Master told me not to harm the Doctor’s companion directly. She warned me that the Doctor is a goodie-good but he is also dangerous when it come to the protection of his companion.

 “Don’t come any closer. I won’t be held responsible for hurting you if you are within distance for me to break your...” I looked her up and down with disdain. “...well, everything...” I said with a fake sweet smile.

 Yaz still opened her mouth to blabber but thankfully, Ryan and Graham pulled her away from me immediately. They knew I am a mutant, that I am very strong, I could break their bones without breaking a sweat. They also knew that I am a killer and a monster. Who else would join the Master in her quest for chaos?

 I sighed. I got bored already. “Master, can we just go? This is getting boring...”

 The Master and the Doctor stopped their banter and glanced at me.

 The Master gave me a fond smile before stepped forward toward me but was stopped when the Doctor gripped her wrist.

 “Master, please...” The Doctor begged. “The way you are going right now...Gallifrey will come for you and her...”

 “Doctor, are you worried for us or are you worried me and (name) will destroy your precious Gallifrey, Mr President, dear?” The Master pulled her wrist out of his hold and mockingly took a bow at him.

 The Doctor groaned in frustration.

 The Master grinned mischievously as she walked backward and then turned around to face me. She pulled me to her and kissed me hard.

 I smiled into the kiss. From the corner of my eyes, I saw the companion of the Doctor making a disgusted face at the sight of us kissing.

 “Come on then, my dear, our work here is done.” She said.

 “I’m sorry.” The Doctor suddenly said.

 We ignored him as we walked away from them. I was about to put on coordinates on my vortex manipulator that would get us back to the Master’s Tardis but stopped when the next thing he said gave me chill.

 “But I can’t let you two be together any longer.” The Doctor said.

 I turned around and growled at him for the threat on us.

 The Master stopped me and turned to glare at the Doctor. “And how are you going to stop us?”

 Yaz suddenly grabbed me and put some bracelet on my wrist. I didn’t expect that so I have no way to stop it. She is quick to release me and took a few steps away from me before I could attack her.

 “Master!” I yelled when I realized I couldn’t get the bracelet off me.

 The Master turned to look at me and at the bracelet just as the Doctor raised his sonic screwdriver toward me, activating the bracelet. Her eyes widened as she realized something. “Nooo!” she yelled as she tried to reach me but before she could, I vanished in a blip.

 The Master fell into the ground in shock then she turned to look at the Doctor. “What have you done, Doctor? Where did you send her?”

 The Doctor actually looked almost sorry but he was calm. “(name) is safe. I just send her faraway from here, to a place not of this universe, where you can never reach out...”

 The Master stood as she glared at him. “Oh, you just watch me, Doctor.” Her eyes blazed in fury.

 7777

 I fell into the ground and immediately puke. Cold sweat covered my face. I blinked my eyes and tried to focus on the surrounding.

 I was in a park on Earth...I think? But something is wrong. The sky...the color is a bit off and the oxygen here just not the same as I used to. The Master once told me in passing about alternate universes where some things were different and others remained the same. I dreaded the thought that damn Doctor actually would go this far in order to separate me from the Master.

 The Master. My heart felt like it was about to shatter. I was hoping to hear her voice right about now. But I realized I was alone. I glanced at the cursed bracelet on my wrist. To my surprise, the bracelet fell off my wrist easily this time as if it knew it already finished its purpose. I growled angrily. I begrudgingly picked up the offending item, hoping to figure out a way back using it. But I am not a genius like the Time Lords, hell, not even a human genius. I am just me, a mutant, and a result of human experimentation gone wrong.

 I fingered the vortex manipulator on my other wrist and to my great frustration, it was broken. Not that the vortex manipulator would be much use, it can’t be used to travel to another alternate universe.

 I prayed I was wrong, that I wasn’t in some alternate universe. My hope got smashed when I confirmed my worst fear as I pick up the newspaper from the nearby seller.

 I made a vow though that I would do everything in my power to return my beloved, the Master. I have to find some calibre genius to use to figure out this dilemma. I wonder if I should track down the version of the Master in this world but decided against it until further investigation.

 “Just you wait, Master, nothing can separate us...” I whispered.

     Six months later...

 Six painful months later, I was still stuck in this alternate earth. I have to work to support myself. I worked in a diner somewhere in New York. I went my daily life with annoyance. It was a miracle I could restrain myself from killing half the idiot people here.

 I lay on my dirty bed inside my small and dirty rent room. I raised the vortex manipulator, hoping it would stop being broken already and let me use it to travel off the earth. I growled as I shake the damn thing really hard. To my surprise, it started to make a bleeping sound.

 I moved into a seating position and observed the vortex manipulator. “No way, it works!” I said with a disbelief laugh.

 7777

 Thank God, the vortex manipulator works otherwise I would have loss my sanity and started killing people just for breathing wrong near my vicinity.

 So, what is the first thing I do? I track down a version of myself in this universe. Apparently, the thing that remained the same is the other me being caught and experimented on by the Division.

 Division is an organization who worked outside the law and consists of both alien and human. Their main purpose is to monitor the happening within the universe and sell the information to those who is willing to pay a high price. They are not the good guys, obviously. Their purpose is to create a world that fit their agenda, so, depending on the current agenda; they might step in as the saviour of the people or become the instigator of chaos.

 Their purpose at the time they caught me back in my universe is to create super soldier with the intention to sell them to the highest bidder.

 I was an orphan after I lost my parents in accident. I was nobody, no family, so they thought even if I was missing, no one would truly care. I was taken to be used as an experiment. Luckily, if you can call it that; I was one of the successful experiments. I got super strength. I broke through the restrain in my fit of anger and attacked every last one of my tormentors with my bare hands.

 I was covered in blood from head to toes after I finished with my slaughters. That’s when the Master came into view. She took me in after that, she took care of me and she helped me understand my power and to use it to do the most damage. I love every second of it.

 Of course, at first, I didn’t trust the Master. I almost kill her that first time but something she said made me let her go and it helped that my rage already subsided by then, enough for me to see reason. I demanded to be left alone and she did for the most part. She gained my trust after she saved me when I was taken by surprise and ambushed by Division’s soldiers. 

 She saved me even though I almost strangle her to death the first time we met. She reasoned with me that she is on my side. She gave me my space albeit with a lot of mocking on her part. Once I let her in, she showed me everything, taught me everything I need to know to survive and to fight back. I knew she is not on a side of good, she told me so, but thanks to her, I craved for chaos as she did after she show me the joy of ruining lives. They have ruined mine so why shouldn’t I ruin others too?

 The Doctor found me and wanted to take me in his care. The Master allowed him to take me just so we could play a nasty game with him and his companion. That’s how I knew the Doctor and his stupid fam. Apparently, I passed the test from the Master regarding whether I would be influenced by the goodness of the Doctor.

 The Doctor warned me that the Master is only using me, that she didn't really care about me. But he didn't know us. I have enough confident after the time we spent together to believe that the Master did care for me. I didn't know if she loves me but I didn't mind it for now. I love how she kissed me hard and flirted with me. She made me happy and that's what matters.

 Anyway, back at present time, the base where the other me is imprisoned, located in the same place as my past so, sneaking my way into the base is quite easy. I disguised myself and I located the other me, she was restrained and looked absolutely pathetic. Do I want to rescue her? But I would like to know if she is truly the same as me? Will she gain super strength too?

 I thought about the Master and wonder what I should do. I think she would want me to mess the version of the Doctor here. So I made a plan to get the Doctor here and rescue the other me and the others. The Master taught me how to cheat with psychic paper. I was able to send SOS signal toward what I hopefully into the Doctor’s psychic paper. Now I only have to wait for the goodie-good team to arrive.

 7777

 I was floored when I saw the version of the Doctor here. I recognized her companion, the annoying fam I remembered back in my universe. But the Doctor...she has my beloved’s face, she has the Master’s face! How is that even possible? I confirmed her identity when I heard Yaz called her the Doctor. Ugh, I’m going to barf. And what kind of clothes she is wearing? Glad to know every version of the Doctor in universe apparently have bad taste in fashion. Seriously. My beloved Master dressed better than her!

 Wait, if she is the Doctor, then the man who is called the Doctor back in my universe would be...the Master over here? Ugh, what kind of twisted world is this?!

 As predicted, once team Tardis found out about the human experiment going on inside the base, they set their goodie-good shoes to set them free. The Doctor even gave whoever in charge of the base a firm oncoming storm talk.

 I watched in secret as the Doctor interacts with the other me. The other me looked very grateful to be rescued. The Doctor took all patients to the best hospital in galaxy. They even stick around for a while to observe the damage on the patients.

 That’s when I made my way to the room where the other me currently lying in bed peacefully. She woke up when she noticed someone in the room and her eyes widened in shock when she saw me.

 I grinned viciously. “Hello, me.” I said as I pulled the machinery that monitor her heartbeat off. It wouldn’t do to alert the others that I was here.

 “What?”

 “Goodbye, me.” I said flatly as I grabbed a pillow and pushed it to cover her entire face rendering her unable to breathe. Easily, I removed her body and dumped it somewhere where no one would find for a long while. I took her place and get into the bed and put the machinery back on me.

 Not long after, a nurse came in for my check-up and to draw some blood. The result of that blood test would surely get the Doctor to come and see me. The Doctor can’t resist mystery so she will definitely want to talk to me.

 Mission to infiltrate the Doctor’s inner circle is now commencing.

  7777

 All I have to do next is put on doe eyes and pretend to be surprise to suddenly have super strength and faked a mini freak-out. I purposely broke everything in sight in my total panic and acted as if I didn’t mean to. It wasn’t hard to do. I smiled as I remembered my past. I once got amnesiac and forgot about my power and did exactly that, breaking stuff without meaning too. The Master told me I was very adorable and very damsel in distress-like. But she was glad when I finally got my memory back because she can't stand that version of me who was stupidly innocent.

 So, now I just have to pretend I didn’t know my own strength. As predicted, the Doctor invited me to travel with her on board of the Tardis. She said she will help me understand my power and if there is a way to cure it off me in case I didn’t want the power. I got a bio damper on my person to hide the void stuff that the Master once told me someone who have crossed on alternate universe will have. I can't allow the Doctor to find out that I was not of this universe.

 Yaz, Ryan and Graham are very welcoming and friendly. They kept sending me a look of pity every time I told them about the torture that the Division put me through. Since it really did happened to me, I didn't have to fake the emotion regarding it. 

 The Doctor, though, seemed very upset. I could see the dark look passed her expression for a few seconds and on that few seconds; I almost thought she is my beloved. The Master once told me about the Doctor's dark side and should he ever give in, he will be the cruelest villain in the whole universe. I must admit I'm curious about the Doctor's dark side but on this version of the Doctor, the one who has my beloved's face.

 The Master, I wonder how she is doing back in our universe. Did she still trying to get me back? She has to, right? She has yet to grow bored of me. I'm the best companion she could ever have. My heart aches for her. Seeing this version of the Doctor certainly didn't help. 

 Sometimes I want to kiss the Doctor whenever she is being adorable, then next thing I know, I just want to punch her and claw her stupid face whenever she is being too sunshiny for me. Why did she has to have the Master's face? 

 She made my life difficult because sometimes I could have believe she is a better version of the Master, one that might be capable to love me properly. But I know better. I am a monster and the only one who could ever love someone like me would only be someone who is as mess up in the head as me, like the Master, one could hope. Even then, I still don't know what exactly I am to her. We were not exactly traditional couple. The circumstance of our meeting is shaky at best. 

 I clawed at my arms till I drew blood at the thought I almost got swayed by the goodness that is the Doctor. If the Master knew, she would be disgusted with me. 

 7777

 We went to a random planet on the Doctor's whim. Next thing I knew, the fam and me were taken hostage by the royal family in order to ensure the Doctor's cooperation. I was ecstatic to see the oncoming storm in action. I was planning to let thing unfold to see what is going to happen.

 And then this royal bastard has to go be an ass-hat. He went after Yaz for being mouthy. Stupid bitch. He tried to rape her. And he was going to do it in front of us too. I snapped, enough said. I must have black out for a bit because I woke up drenched in blood in a corridor littered with mangled corpses. And the companions were understandably decided to keep their distance from me. They were afraid of me.

 Well, this is suck. I hated it when my fit of rage turned me into a basic hulk. I have no control. It was a miracle that the Doctor's companions survive unharmed during my raging period. This kind of ruined my plan to stay the innocent companion for a while. Will the Doctor kick me out of the Tardis now that I did this? Surely, she would want to keep her companion safe from me. But I have to stay with the Doctor until I could figure out to use her to get back to the Master. What do I do now?

 I must still in haze from the blood lust that I didn't realize the Doctor has bent her knees in front of me, uncaring that her clothes will be littered in blood. She was fussing over me. She pulled her sonic screwdriver to scan me. She look relieved upon realizing I was unharmed and that relief immediately turned to horror when she realized what exactly I have done. The companion steered clear of me. They cautioned the Doctor to do the same. But the Doctor ignored them and gently shaking me out of my stupor. 

 She thought I was in shock and I played along. I was mostly pissed at my out of control rage. And then, I remembered when I have that royal ass-hat's neck gripped tight within my hand, I saw the Master, or at least, a hallucination of sort.

 "I love it when you are feeling murderous, dear." She said with a wink. "Go ahead, you know you want to. Make it bloody. Make him suffer. I knew you always had a weakness for these types of bad guys..."

 She was right. I would kill indiscriminately if I have to and if she asked me to. But rapists and torturers pissed me off greatly, the Master said I suffered traumatic experience with that sort of thing, which make me lose my shit whenever I come across those types. I honestly didn't quite remember the trauma though. I took very great pleasure in torturing and killing them. The man was begging me to release him but I ignored him. I would rather listen to my beloved.

 "Though, I'm kind of worry that you are beginning to be a softie, dear. Staying with the Doctor would do that to you. Are you now good, my dear?"

 I growled at that.

 "Was it because she has my face? Did she make you want to be a good girl?" She asked teasingly.

 I tightened my grip on the man's neck.

 "Prove it then. Kill him. Kill his royal family and his soldiers. Make it bloody rain, dear." The Master grinned as she urged me to surrender to my blood lust. "Show me a bad girl."

 I could distinctly hear the companion saying something to me but I ignored them. I lost my shit afterward.

 7777

 The Doctor covered up my crime. I would have thought the goodie-good would surrender me to authority. She said she forgives me. She knew I didn't mean to do it. Yaz did say I did it to save her from being raped...somewhat. Even though she can't explain why I lost my shit and gone on a killing spree.

 I faked a panic attack and asked to be left alone after I cleaned myself off all the blood. I even cried telling them that I was a monster and I deserved to die and sobbing stuff like that. As predicted, the Doctor and companion tried to calm me down and reassured me that I am a good person at heart. I almost snorted at that. Almost. I purposely being dramatic and said I have to leave the Tardis now. The Doctor won't let me go though. I think she wanted to keep an eye on me. Ugh, now I have to be extra careful around her. I hope I could get back to my universe soon. This universe is suck and I miss the Master so much.

 In the end, all ended well, I remained on board of the Tardis. Though, the dynamic is changed now that they were wary of me. It was like they were waiting for me to lose my sanity again and go on a random killing spree. But I remained angelic for display. I acted with hesitation and wary of leaving the safety of the Tardis. The Doctor promised me she would keep an eye on me and made sure I will be okay for the duration of our next adventure.

 7777

 I purposely put myself in danger in order to rescue the Doctor during one of our routine adventure. I did it to establish reputation within the Doctor's circle that I could be redeemed or whatever. At least, that is what I said to convince myself. It was her face, my beloved’s face that made me want to save her. For a second, I forgot that she was not the Master and I didn't want her to get hurt so, I jumped into a line of fire to save her. That is what happened. No more.

 The Doctor kept giving me a look I can't decipher, once I was on board of the Tardis, resting in the med-bay, after she treated my injuries. She was upset that I risk my life for her; that I could tell. Well, that won't happen again, pal, don't worry!!

 7777

 Oh, this is bullshit. Of all the thing that could happen to me, I had to get ambushed by the Division. They somehow heard that the experiment on 'me' was successful and now they wanted to capture me for their own gain. But they were prepared. They slapped a cuff that somehow damper my ability. I was helpless and under their mercy much to my annoyance.

 And then I saw her. Sonya. I knew her back in my universe. During captivity, we became friend. But, she was one of the failure subjects and she got disposed as a result. But, this Sonya...she has power. She can control mind and bitch is trying to control my mind. Well, shit! Apparently, the Division has got to her earlier in this universe and she has become their lap dog. I saw the collar she wears though. I recognized the collar back in my universe. It has a calming effect and a bomb encased within to ensure the subjects' cooperation. They put one on me here too. Double shit!

 The Doctor and companion have no idea who captured me but I have faith that the Doctor will figure it out. She is smart, isn't she? She will know and hopefully come to my rescue soon before they turn me into mindless pet of the Division. 

 Back in my universe, the Master made it a point to invade my mind once I deemed her okay. She said she wanted to make sure I would be ready in case someone or heck, maybe even the Doctor, tried to get inside my mind to make me agreeable to whoever. She taught me to put a block on my mind. I was very grateful for her lessons now. Sonya is hilariously frustrated because she can't remove the block in my mind. But, I could tell she is very powerful. It would only be a matter of time before she breaks into my mind. I can't afford that. She could outed my true identity. If only I have my power, I would have snapped her neck in an instant.

 It finally happened. She broke through the block. I immediately pushed my memory of being friend with the Sonya of my universe. Sonya look confused. I showed her my devastation when the Division took my Sonya away. I showed her the experiments on me and how I lost my control and killed most of Division's people on the base back then.

 "You...are not (name)." She said. "What happened to the real (name)?"

 I showed her my memory of killing the other me.

 She stared at me as if I was crazy. "Why would you do that?"

 I pictured the face of the Doctor and my intention with her. "I want to go home..." I finally whispered.

 'You...are really not from this universe?' She asked telepathically.

 I nodded and I said some stuff to her from within my mind so that no one can hear. 'But you can't tell anyone...' I begged. 'Please help me. Don't let Division control us.'

 Sonya didn't reply for a few seconds. 

 'That collar contain bomb, you know, they lied to you. It does have calming effect but it was also a tracker and a bomb. They can't afford of losing their asset and if the assets become useless or a loose end, they will detonate the bomb.' I explained. 

 'Do you know how to get the collar off?'

 'I know of a way, yeah, but we need a sonic screwdriver. You need to contact the Doctor and tell them where we are.'

 'The Doctor?'

 'She can help us. She will be able to receive your telepathic message too.' I said. 'Do it if you want your freedom, Sonya.'

 Sonya left without a word. I hope what I said convinced her or I have no choice but to serve as the Division's pet. Ugh, I would rather die. I tried to carefully mask my thought of killing Sonya deep down. If she knew, she would not want to help me.

 7777

 Alarm within the base suddenly blared loudly. I sighed in relief. I hope that would be the Doctor coming for me. Shortly after, the Doctor came inside the room where I was restrained. She let me go and I expressed my most sincere gratitude. 

 "Thank you." I whispered weakly. "Thank you for coming back for me."

 The Doctor gave me a sweet smile as she sonic the collar offs me. But I noticed she hesitated for a brief moment to sonic the damn cuff off me. Thank God, she did. "I got your message from Sonya. Nice girl."

 "Where is she?"

 "She is controlling the Division men to leave us alone." The Doctor said. "I really need to do something about this Division."

 But, the Division is like that villain organization from those superheroes movies, hydra something, cut off one head and another grow, like worm or whatever? At least, back in my universe, when I hunted them, they just seemed to come back again one way of another. Even with the help of the Master, I still can't completely get rid of the Division. It would probably be the same over here.

  "So, you already freed her from the collar? I'm glad I was right about you coming back to rescue us." I said with the most angelic look I can muster.

 "Of course, I would. I would never abandon my companion." she said with cheerful tone.

 "Is that what I am? Companion? Not a charity case?" I asked.

 The Doctor glanced at me with an expression I can't comprehend. "I would like to think we are friend now, (name)."

 Shit. That face... My heart just skipped a beat and I didn't like it one bit. I can't be catching feeling for her. I think I will barf.

 7777

 The Doctor took us to a carnival in some planet for holiday. I managed to purposely lose them. I pulled my vortex manipulator intending to take care of the loose end called Sonya.

But, she knew I was coming for her and she warned me not to cross her. What a bitch. She did promise to keep my secret. I warned her back that if she broke the promise, I would come for her and torture the hell out of her.

"You saw within my head. You know what I am capable of." I said.

Sonya nodded. "And you better not come back for me again later. Or I will take control of your mind and make you my puppet." she said.

So, I left her and returned to the carnival. I found the Doctor and companion immediately and apologized for making them worry.

The Doctor pulled me close to her and showed me one of the attractions that caught her attention. She asked me to play with her and so I did. Some people in the carnival thought we are a couple on a date.

7777

 The next time team Tardis got into the usual trouble, it was the Doctor who stepped in and pulled me out of harm way to the point that she was the one who got hurt. I was pissed at the random villain of the weeks and I kind of lost my shit, wanted to go after him. I didn't see his minion drew their weapon toward me but the Doctor did and the goodie-good actually jumped and pushed me out of the way.

What the hell, Doctor? What the hell is wrong with you?? I was pissed at her and worried for her. That last one is new. But I calmed myself down by telling myself she would do the same for the other companion. But, her face, I hate to see her in pain. I kept telling myself it was because she looks like the Master; not because I care for her. The Doctor was okay, though, thankfully.

I suddenly was feeling angry at myself. Did I actually worry for the Doctor? She might have the Master's face but she is NOT the Master, dammit! Get a grip, Me!

 I have to kill someone, right now, preferably, one of the good guys. Better yet, I thought I should leave the Tardis for the time being or maybe forever. The Doctor is no help anyway in figuring a way of home. Though, that was partly my fault because I didn't exactly tell her what I need from her, did I? Shit. Shit.

Perhaps I should try locating the version of the Master in this universe as much as it would make want to puke to ask the face of the Doctor back in my universe. But, with the Master, there is no guarantee he will want to help.

I growled angrily. "This is bullshit!!!" I raged at the world. "Fuck you, Doctor! Fuck you!!" I cursed the Doctor back in my universe. I hope the Master made him pay greatly for what he did to us.

7777

 I left the Tardis. Pretty sure, the companions were relieved that I decided to go, especially Yaz. I was not blind; I knew she has feeling for the Doctor. And, I knew the Doctor also care for her a great deal. Given time, I think they would end up together. I also get that feeling with the Doctor and Yaz back in my universe is the same. Some things were meant to be. Did that mean I robbed the Master of this universe his (name)? Ugh, just no! The other (name) is better off dead.

 The Doctor tried to stop me but I asked her to respect my decision. I spouted bullshit about wanting to find myself. She was reluctant to drop me off but eventually relents.

 So, I left and I decided to take a break from the world for a while. Then I found her, my mother, I meant, the other (name)’s mother. It was purely coincidence to meet her. But I recognized her from the picture I used to keep back in the Master’s tardis. How can she be alive here? If she is alive, the other me actually still got a family, so, why was she captured by the Division?

 I eventually found out that the other (name) ran away from home. Her mother was so happy to see me. She hugged me in tears. I was shocked. I let her took me home.

 I missed my mother. I suddenly felt guilty for killing the other (name). I couldn’t tell her that I wasn’t her daughter. I was weak with nostalgic emotion and all I wanted right now is to be a daughter. So I did exactly that.

 7777

 I was happy for a while with my mother until the Division came again for me. This time, they knew the truth that I was not the real (name). They found her body and they were very curious about who I really am.

 During the confrontation, my mother was taken hostage and eventually got killed. And the rest is…you can guess. I lost my shit again and went on a killing spree. I was lucky to get a move before they could slap that power-dampening cuff on me.

 I was in pain. The grief of losing my mother, she wasn’t even my real mother, but it still hurts so badly. So, I did the only thing I could do to lessen the pain, I went hunting for Division and I tear every member of the cursed Division limb to limb. I let the monster out and I didn’t care.

 Like I said before, this version of Division is pretty much the same as back in my universe which mean I knew most of their secret bases. I didn’t always use my bare hands. I used weapon and bomb to lure and destroy them. The Master would be proud of me. The Doctor would frown and be disappointed but who care about her opinion?

 I went to one base and another. Pretty sure, the Doctor would eventually caught wind of what I have been doing and knowing her, she would try to capture and reason with me. Just like the Doctor in my universe once did to me. I didn’t care though. Let her come. But I won’t be letting her capture me. I have an exit strategy, one that I hate to use but I will if I have to. Lately, I felt like giving up altogether. I felt like I could never come home to the Master. I lose hope. What if the Master also given up on me? Why else she still not here to get me?

 To my surprise though, it was Sonya who appeared before me. She was sorry for my loss but she begged me to stop killing.

 “Get out of the way, Sonya! Do not make an enemy of me!” I yelled.

 “If you won’t listen to me, maybe you will listen to her.” She said with a sigh.

 I frowned before realizing that it was a trap as I turned around, the Doctor was already behind me and she was quick to put that damn power-dampening cuff on my wrist.

 I screamed in rage as I attacked her. But I was no longer strong. She easily captured both of my wrists and tried to have me calm down. But I wouldn’t listen. I started sobbing and crying in her arms. Before I knew it, she put her hands over my forehead and I fell into a deep sleep.

 7777

 The next time I was awake, I was in a glass prison. Predictable. I was angry as I raged within my prison. I knew I was not on Tardis, the Doctor probably didn’t want me to endanger her precious companions. This is somewhere I don’t know. But the security of the prison is of high quality. I can’t believe it. The Doctor actually put me in a private prison, not a galaxy one that I can be thankful of, but still a prison is a prison. I hated this.

 The Doctor and Sonya eventually came to visit me.

 The Doctor glanced at me in sorrow.

 I observed her and then turned to Sonya. “You broke your promise.”

 Sonya shrugged. “I have to. You are making scenes with your reckless killing.”

 “When I get out of here, I’m going to enjoy torturing the hell out of you, bitch.” I said with a cold smile.

 The Doctor stepped in front of Sonya and pleaded with me. “What happen to you, (name)? This isn’t you.”

 “Really? And how do you know that this isn’t me, Doctor?” I asked mockingly. “If Sonya here has told you the truth, then you know everything you think you know about me is a lie.”

 “But you saved me. You saved my friends. We saved each other.”

 I scoffed. “It was just part of my elaborate ruse.”

 The Doctor looked like she want to argue but she didn’t. She scrutinized me with her sad eyes. Finally, she asked, “Why did you kill the Division men?”

 I shrugged. “They killed my mother.”

 “Don’t you mean the other (name)’s mother? Who are you, really? Sonya said that you are from an alternate universe. How did you get here?” The Doctor asked, no, demanded. “Why would you kill the other you?”

 I smiled viciously. “How else would I be able to get your attention, Doctor? I need to be with you in the Tardis.”

 “Why?”

 “I want to go home.” I finally said. “I thought if I stay with you, I would eventually figure out the way home.”

 “Why didn’t you come to me and ask for my help honestly?” She asked. “Why use the elaborate ruse to gain my trust?”

 I sighed. “I suppose I thought it would make her proud.”

 “Who?”

 “The Master.”

 “You know the Master back in your original universe?”

 I smiled evilly. “Jealous?”

 The Doctor scoffed. “You kept bad company.”

 “Well, ours is always a bad romance.”

 “You? And the Master?” she asked in disbelief.

 “Why so surprised? Who else would love a monster but a fellow monster?”

 “You are not a monster, (name).”

 “You are still deluding yourself, Doctor. The (name) you think you know never existed.”

 The Doctor is visibly upset with herself and me. “How did you get here?”

 “I never wanted to be here. It was you, the other you, who did this to me! He felt threatened by the Master and me, so, instead of killing me, he sent me far away from my beloved.”

 “You want to go back home to the Master.” The Doctor said, finally understanding my motive.

 “She can’t be allowed to come back to the Master.” Sonya suddenly said.

 I glared at her. “Shut your mouth, bitch!”

 “I saw her mind. The word ‘hybrid’ came to mind.” Sonya turned to face the Doctor. “…something about a crossbred of warrior races that will stand in the ruins of…”

 The Doctor’s eyes widened as she turned to look at me again. “You and the Master…are the hybrid? Did you two destroy Gallifrey?”

 I rolled my eyes. “Gallifrey still stands, at least the last time I heard about it.” I said.

 “The Doctor, in your original universe, he believed that you and the Master are the hybrid.”

 “Not only him; the Time Lords seemed to think so, at least that was the Master said to me. They kept trying to kill us. We haven’t even step one foot within Gallifrey and already they condemn us. Time Jackass.”

 The Doctor frowned at me. “Sonya is right. I can’t let you go back to the Master.”

 My jaw dropped at what she said. “Doctor, don’t you dare…”

 She glanced at me in sorrow. “I’m sorry, (name).”

 “So what? You are going to keep me here? Like a freaking pet?” I yelled as I hit on the glass wall in front of me in my anger.

 The Doctor sighed. “I will cure you, (name). That power of yours, I study the project, you are always angry because of the power within your veins. I am going to help you.”

 “I don’t need your help. If you think you can experiment on me again, think again!” I yelled.  “You think I wasn’t prepared for this eventuality?!”

 “Oh, I know what you did. I removed that bomb you planted inside your body. I won’t allow you to hurt yourself.” The Doctor said calmly.

 My eyes widened in panic when I realized my exit strategy is basically taken away from me. “No. NOO.”

 7777

 I didn’t know how long I was in the prison. It felt like months. It has been a while since the Doctor’s last visit. Sonya is within the prison as some sort of warden. She saw my mind and she knew I have been thinking various way of killing her once I got out. But she was confident that I wouldn’t get out.

 With times, I did lose my hope of getting out. I can’t even kill myself. The Doctor has taken that choice away from me. People always do that to me, except, the Master. But she is not here. Why isn’t she here???

 I got depressed.

 7777

 “Hi, honey, I’m home.”

 My mouth hangs open as I saw the Master, my Master, right in front of me.

 The Master winked at me. “Step back; let me get you out of this horrid place.”

 I followed her instruction and took a step back away from the glass wall.

 Once the glass wall shattered, I walked forward and stared at her, still not believing my eyes.

 “Well, what are you waiting for?” The Master asked impatiently.

 I slowly smiled as I jumped out and hugged her. “Where were you?!”

 “Ugh, you smelled.”

 “Oh, nice, ruin the moment, why don’t you?” I said in annoyance.

 It was then I noticed she wasn’t alone. Yaz is there but she looks like she is in daze. The Master must have used mind control on her.

 “Is that…?” I asked as I glanced at the Master.

 “She is the Yaz of this universe. I found you through her. Her Doctor dropped her on earth for a break. She thought I am the Doctor.” The Master explained. “Speaking of, I can’t believe that the other me is actually the Doctor. What’s up with that?” She scrunched her nose in disgust.

 I laughed. “Exactly what I thought the first time I saw her.”

 The Master grinned at me. “I heard you have been a very naughty girl. Tricking the Doctor into making you a companion…but you got caught. What happened?”

 I frowned and grinned slowly. “Did you happen to meet a Sonya on the way here?”

 “The telepath. She tried to use mind control on me. But I turned the table on her.”

 “Of course you did.” I said as I glanced at her with fondness. I raised my wrist in front of her. “Do you mind?”

 The Master smirked. “Say please.”

 I rolled my eyes. “Pretty please.” I said deadpanned.

 She grinned and used her version of sonic cane to disable the cuff off my wrist.

 I smiled. “Thank you, love.”

 Sonya was screaming non-stop as I kept my promise to torture her. The Master is dancing in the middle of room, waving her cane around, dancing to the telepath’s scream.

 I knew she is sending psychic message for the Doctor to help her. But I won’t let the Doctor rescued her so I snapped her neck immediately. I know the Doctor will be coming anyway…for Yaz. I glanced at Yaz who finally regained her bearing and was staring at me and the Master in fear.

 “How could you do this, (name)?” Yaz asked.

 I rolled my eyes. “Why wouldn’t I do this? The Doctor and Sonya trapped me in a prison.”

 “They just wanted to help you.”

 “I don’t need their help.”

 “Obviously you do.”

 “You really need to shut up, Yaz, don’t make me want to kill you.”

 Yaz visibly paled and she, thankfully, shut her mouth.

 “The Doctor is on her way here. Should we leave?” I asked as I turned toward the Master.

 “Why? I would like to meet the other me, the one you have been chummy with.” The Master replied.

 I rolled my eyes. “You can’t seriously be jealous. She was annoying as hell, you would hate her. I hate her.”

 “Then, we should torture her together.” The Master said with an evil grin. “What should we do to her Yaz?”

 I shrugged. “Are you sure? You said the Doctor is…”

“I know what I said about him and I don’t care. The Doctor here will pay the price as the other Doctor did for what they did to you.”

 I was touched that she actually was mad on my behalf. “What did you do to the other Doctor? I hope you give that bastard hell.”

 “Oh, I trapped his Yaz on the same mirror he used to trap one of his enemies, a family of blood? Whatever. He went inside the mirror to fetch his pet so I shattered it. It would take him a while to figure out a way out. Best case scenario would be making him watch his Yaz grew old inside that mirror while he remained trapped and immortal. He always hated ending and now he will be forced to face an ending.”

 I frowned. “Wish you would throw him into the void…” I muttered. “He has the tendency to come back.”

 “Don’t worry, my dear, we will deal with him once we return to our universe.” The Master promised with a feral grin. “And then we will fulfill the hybrid prophecy…” She pulled me to her and kissed me hard.

 I honestly didn’t care about the prophecy. I was just happy to be back by her side.

 The Doctor’s Tardis materialized on the room. She stepped out of the door and was taken aback to see her own doppelganger was kissing me.

 The Master stopped the kiss and turned to greet the Doctor. She grinned at her. “Hello, Doctor. I heard you have been treating my companion very poorly.”

 The Doctor turned to look at me. Her eyes widened. “I…she is the Master?”

 I smiled a chilling smile. “Now you know…”

 The Doctor’s face looked very pale.

 Of course, the Master and the Doctor would have to have the same usual dialog of savior-villain theme again. So, I let them have their moment.

 “What did you do to Yaz?” The Doctor demanded.

 “Why don’t you ask her yourself?” The Master said.

 “Yaz, are you okay?” The Doctor asked.

 “I think so.” Yaz replied.

 The Doctor then proceeds to threaten us but was stopped when she saw me put a hand over Yaz’s neck.

 “Let us leave and you can have her back.” I said.

 The Doctor frowned. “You know I don’t take kindly to a threat.”

“And I don’t take kindly to people who imprison me!!” I yelled angrily. “Don’t test me!” I turned to the Master who is glancing at me curiously. “I just want to go home. I’m done with her and this universe.”

 The Master nodded, for once acknowledging my wish. “Your wish is my command.” She raised a hand toward me.

 I pushed Yaz hard toward the Doctor. The Doctor was barely able to catch her. I walked toward the Master as I rose to reach for her hand.

 The Master and I disappeared with her vortex manipulator.

   7777

 They are now inside the Master’s tardis in space.

 The Master put her forehead over mine. “I’m sorry that I took so long, my dear.”

 “I’m just glad that you found me.” I said with a watery smile.

 “Did you ever doubt I would?” She whispered softly

 “Well, truthfully…”

 The Master pulled away from me. “Don’t ruin the moment.” She said.

 I laughed. “You did it first.”

 “You did smell bad before.”

 “Now who is ruining the moment?”

 7777

 “The Doctor, she said, this power I have, it was what causing me so much anger, a side effect of the experiment? Did you know?”

  “Yes.”

 “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 “Does it matter?”

 I pondered over it. “Not really. I don’t regret it. This power, it was what led me to you.”

 “Oh, stop it; next, you are going to break into a song.”

 7777

 And they returned back to their original universe where the wrath of Galifrey descends upon them, leading the army to squash down the suspected hybrid before they ever think to set foot into Gallifrey.

 The Master lost her only companion that day. She was taken and imprisoned within Gallifrey where she eventually hack her way out and found out the truth of the Timeless Child. She is the Timeless Child.

 In a fit of rage, she destroyed Gallifrey.

   A/N2: I love Florence and the machine; I listen to Cosmic Love on a loop while writing this.

Originally, I planned to make the Master and Reader stay a while in 13th Doctor’s universe causing chaos. 13th Doctor would eventually defeat the Master and tricked the Reader by pretending to be the Master.

But the Reader would recognize her as the Doctor through how she kissed her. Because the Master is complicated person and although she does love the Reader, she also hates her that every time they kissed, she would give her psychic message in her mind about how much she hates the reader for making her weak.

I decided not to write this because I kind of feeling like the reader is tired and just want to go home and hopefully cuddle with her beloved? Though that bit with the reader’s death come so suddenly. I wanted to end it with fluff but somehow it ended with the timeless child fiasco.

Well, that’s it folk. Hope you love this fic. I know it is far from perfect but I’m just going to say that I’m evil that’s why I posted this regardless whether anyone actually bother reading this fic.

[angelinarecs]

Updated Pacific Rim Recs

Organized by pairing (or gen) and then alphabetized by title. Summaries (which have been copied from their respective stories) and descriptions are provided. Notation at the end of the description indicates if a story is completed or a WIP.

Gen

Take Up Your Spade and Break Ground - Tendo Choi is a 911 dispatcher because it pays well and because he’s damn good at it. He doesn’t take the job with the expectation of finding a family – but sometimes the people who call end up up meaning a hell of a lot, and Tendo’s never been one to stay detached. Friendship/Family. Tendo POV, very well written and the plot is original. A great AU overall. I really loved following Tendo and his relationships to the Shatterdome people through his work at 911. One-shot.

Hermann, Newton Friendship

All the Colors of the Rainbow - The first thing Newt noticed about Hermann was that he was a neat freak. Well. Okay. Maybe not a neat freak. Maybe just an ordinarily-neat person who didn’t like kaiju guts in his work space. Sharing a lab was going to be a challenge … Drama. Am I reccing this because Newt is autistic? Yes, yes I am. Also, these drabbles do wonders at showing the day-to-day struggles of Newton and Hermann sharing a lab. One-shot.

Hush Now - Hermann is upset and Newt tries to cheer him up. It either goes horribly wrong or horribly right- he’s not sure. Hurt/Comfort. Hermann gets an unfortunate phone call from his father and Newt is there to pick up the pieces. Drabble length, but still sweet. One-shot.

Not Unwelcome - Set directly after the events of the movie. Hermann leaves the celebrations to give himself some space, away from the loud people clapping him on the back, away from the happily drunken crowd, and, maybe, a bit of space away from Newt. Naturally, the moment he disappears, Newt goes after him. Minor angst ensues. Friendship/Angst. Cute, fluffly, indulgent, everything you want out of a feel-good story. An enjoyable read. One-shot.

Tröstung - When Hermann is three years old, his mother gives him a stuffed lamb. Angst/Friendship. Following Hermann through the years in his interactions with his  comfort object (an adorable sheep names Oskar). The premise and structure of the story really does a nice job at providing snapshots in Hermann’s life and development as he grows into the brilliant scientist he is. The story also provides a brief insight into Hermann and Newt’s relationship. One-shot.

Hermann/Newton

a ghost will be here in my stead - Hermann is feeling under the weather. Hurt/Comfort/Fluff. Post Uprising. Hermann falls ill after pushing himself too far to save Newton from the Precursors. Newton picks up the pieces. One-shot.

A Hand That Hold No Weapon - On their way back to the Hong Kong Shatterdome, Newton helps Gottlieb adjust to the after effects of drifting together. Drama/Hurt/Comfort. A much needed story after Hermann and Newton drift. Fun story, okay writing. One-shot.

A Momentary Lapse of Reason - It’s Newton’s fault, really. That Hermann is stuck on the floor of the Kwoon, feeling more than a bit useless and broken. Fluff/Hurt/Comfort. Hermann pushes himself too hard trying to physically work out his self-loathing. Newton is there to pick up the pieces. One-shot.

A Not so Simple Cold - Herman is sick. Really sick. He, however, is choosing to ignore how sick he is which Newton does not agree with. Fighting ensues but some realizations about their feelings for one another also come to a head. Fluff. One of those sickfics that’s not particularly original nor well written, but definitely scratched the hurt/comfort itch when needed. One-shot.

A Warm and Gentle Tug -  Hermann has a fear of having his blood drawn due to the fact that he always passes out or gets sick while it happens. This time around however, Hermann takes Newt along with him to his appointment to help ease him. Hurt/Comfort. Not the best writing here, but the relationship is fun. Mainly reccing because I have the exact same problem getting my blood drawn. One-shot.

Battered and Bruised - When Hermann comes to Newt’s defense, it doesn’t end well. Hurt/Comfort. Short and somewhat sweet. Newton and Hermann try to fix each other up after getting into a fight at a bar. One-shot.

Blue All Over - The worst one was recorded on a cold dreary day in the autumn of 2021. Hurt/Comfort. One of their many, and possible one of their worst, lab accidents. Herman is a self sacrificing idiot and Newton is at least fast on his feet. One-shot.

Collision - A kiss gone wrong. Romance/Humor. Hermann and Newton being dorky and clumsy. Cute, but short, story. One-shot.

Dehydration Sensation - Hermann doesn’t handle heat well. Hurt/Comfort. Hermann doesn’t take care of himself in the middle of a heat wave and Newt once again has to pick up the pieces. Including obstinate, delirious, and dissaproving Hermann alongside exasperated Newton! One-shot.

Homeostasis - The K-science laboratory stands on its own plane of existence; life within its concrete walls runs in parallel to life in the bigger world of the Hong Kong Shatterdome. Yet even here the laws of physics apply. Whenever Hermann’s body isn’t failing him, Newton’s mind is on the verge of breaking. Hurt/Comfort. The scientists have a rough day in the lab. I really enjoyed the contrast of the mental and physical given that each Hermann and Newt suffer from their own handicaps. Seeing the ailments as both a foil and a complement to each other was a very compelling look into their relationship. One-shot.

Incessant - Hermann’s physical limitations frustrate him to tears. Angst. Newton tries to help Hermann after a fall, Hermann is frustrated that his body won’t cooperate with anything. Poor Newt has to make this situation at least bearable for both of them. The selling points for this story is mostly domestic science boyfriends and an accurate depiction of the frustrations that come with being disabled/handicapped. One-shot.

Keep Your Mouth Shut, Keep Your Guard Up -  Hercules Hansen does not understand why Hermann won’t just tell him why he got in a fight with the new J-Tech. It’s obvious who came out worse for wear. Hurt/Comfort/Romance. Hermann just wants to protect Newton, they just keep getting into trouble. So wonderfully in character. I love these two. One-shot.

Laundry Day - “I must have almost popped the question a hundred times, but the timing never seemed…right, you know?” “And you decided nearly killing me in the middle of laundromat was the Platonic ideal of romance, did you?” Aka the one where Hermann launders Newt’s jacket and finds rather more than he bargained for. Hermann/Newt. Romance/Humor. This story is just so cute. I love how the everyday interaction between Newt and Hermann turns into such a touching/adorable moment. One-shot.

Oh, They’re Gonna Have to Fight Me - The Drift makes them realize they belong together. Now that they cancelled the apocalypse, there’s nothing left for them to do but live out their lives in happiness. That is, until Hermann realizes there’s more to the nightmares that Newt keeps having. (In which they don’t spend those ten years apart, and Hermann is there to figure it out and save Newt when the Precursors start taking over him.) Fluff/Angst. They win the war, get married, and live happily ever after until they don’t. If you were anything like me, the sequel really disappointed on the whole “haven’t seen you in ten years” bit. This is the fix-it that we needed for our science husbands as Hermann has to navigate his relationship with Newt while realizing exactly how compromised his husband truly is. Complete.  

Pride - Newmann oneshot. Newt takes Hermann on a date to his first LGBT parade- fluff through and through, except for a little reference to acephobia. Romance/Friendship. Am I reccing this entirely because Hermann is asexual? Yes, yes I am. Also features cute relationships, Newton coming up with a bunch of “queer” orientated pet names for Hermann, and some good points about sexuality. One-shot.

Somewhere, Something - Newt and Hermann start dating in the rush of change the end of war brings. Each of them is frightened that the other doesn’t realize what he’s in for. Hurt/Comfort/Angst. The science boyfriends help each other out as they grow closer in their relationship. I really appreciate the take on both mental and physical health issues. Two-shot, complete.

strange perceptions - The most essential question to pose, obviously, is why is Hermann presently finding himself contained in a shut-down emergency decontamination unit with only his lab partner as company, having forgone not only the process of actual decontamination but also the process of being noticed by anyone at all. The answer is frustratingly straightforward: because Newton. Angst/Hurt/Comfort. In which feelings are shared and realizations come to. I really love the dialogue, character introspection, and use of flashbacks in this story. I also love the fact that it literally took getting stuck together and completely helpless to force them into a conversation about feelings. One-shot.

Strong Enough - the Precursor in captivity, nobody knows exactly how to get Newt back to his old self, if that’s even possible. But Newt was always stubborn, and damn if Hermann would ever give up on him, or, worse yet, let him give up on himself. Emotional Hurt/Comfort/Angst. Hermann is going to get his husband back, even if he has to fight the entire Shatterdome, the alien possessing his love, and his own nightmares to do it. Another precursor!Newt fix-it, but we need all of those that we can get because I want my science husbands to end up happy. One-shot.

Taken Care Of - Newt helps out Hermann when he’s having a bad day. Hurt/Comfort. A short and fluffy slice of life story that follows the companionship of Newt and Hermann through a rough day. One-shot.

The Ghost and Dr. Priestly - Newt is pulling an all-nighter in the university library studying for a chemistry test, when he begins to hear strange sounds. Good news: it’s not a ghost. Bad news: he only finds out after giving his lab partner, Hermann, a mild concussion. Drama/Romance/Hurt/Comfort. Newt is an unbelievable idiot and poor Hermann suffers the consequences. Or, Hermann is concussed and is probably not thinking properly, but he still kisses Newt even after the daft man nearly brained him with a book. One-shot.

Tricks and Treats - Seven fics for the seven days of Gottbleed week (Oct. 5th-11 2015). Each story: 1. Is Gottbleed 2. Fulfills an OTP prompt from tumblr 3. Is newmann and 4. Is Halloween related. Trick or treating, costumes, haunted houses, ghosts, too much candy - and much more! Cute, funny, with a side of seriousness. Humor/Drama. Hermann and Newton make such a fun couple and these somewhat Halloween themed shorts perfectly show off their characters. Complete.

You and Your Dog Teeth - Desperate to find ends and solutions, Hermann wears himself out to exhaustion looking for answers, especially his already lame leg. Being around as his usual working late night companion, it’s up to Newt to help take Dr. Gottlieb home. What seemed entirely like a normal night only ends with two scientists realizing there’s a lot more between them than they thought. Angst/Humor. Such a fun story, this has a good balance between emotional tension and moments of hilarity that only the K-science boys can fully pull off. The awkward approach to romance in this story works very well for the characters and give an authentic feel to the whole thing. Two-shot, complete.

You Know I Love You: I Wrote It Down - Drs. Geiszler and Gottlieb’s relationship goes back almost ten years. We know this because the paper trail goes that far back, too. Romance. Where do I begin with this story? It’s so well done and amazingly written. I can’t get enough of it. The idea to follow the relationship of Hermann and Newton through their paper trail was brilliant and well executed. The sheer nerdy romance is amazing. I don’t even care if it has smut in it, it’s still well worth the read. One-shot.

[rubyvroom]

HalloweenFest 2020 begins! 

***spoilers abound***

Bloodsucking Bastards - we got about 10 minutes into this and noped out because I hated every single character. Dysfunctional office full of bros is a creative location for a horror film, but too close to my actual life to be entertaining. Sorry Pedro Pascal, I could not hang on long enough for you to show up. 

Apollo 18 - very faithfully follows the found footage formula, just on the moon. Still, the idea of the alien creatures was pretty fun, and the footage was done rather well.

Phantasm - movies in this era are very hit and miss for me. Surprisingly, I loved this. Don’t get me wrong, it was definitely budgeted with the 75 cents someone dug out of their couch and it doesn’t do things like “have continuity” or “make sense” except for the way all the sequels worked very hard to make it so, but I’m planning to stop at just this one so it can exist as this weird nightmare artifact in my brain. No lore needed. Just flying surgical balls and short zombies and cool images and dream logic. 

Scarecrows - I did not enjoy this whatsoever, which makes Mr. X sad. I can’t even say why I loved Ready or Not and hated this, when they are at least equally gruesome. Something about tone and cruelty and having at least one human being worth rooting for. The setup and the scarecrow idea were inventive though?

I'm Thinking About Ending Things - this was for Mr. X the equivalent of how Scarecrows was for me. He liked it, but the parts that were meant to be painful were really, really making him suffer. Whereas I was like : this is AWFUL i LOVE it the whole time. Toni Collette is as usual the MVP. It is a very frustrating movie. It will live in my head rent-free for weeks.

Cabin In The Woods - Ive finally seen it. The internet ruined all the good jokes. And my tolerance for stock Whedon characters is a LOT lower than it once was. But the concept is still good and its very entertainingly executed. Not scary, but some good thoughts about sacrifice and horror (I mean, the ancient ones are us, right?)

The Haunting of Bly Manor - This was 0% scary but very enjoyable anyway as a gothic romance in the very traditional sense that the characters are all terrible or ghosts or terrible ghosts or else in love with ghosts or in love with people possessed by terrible ghosts and basically everyone is cockblocked to eternity but they are very pretty doing it. They dropped a couple story threads at the end in a way that made me insane and Mike Flanagan has yet to really stick a landing but overall great October vibes. Made me want to stare out over a moor in a white nightgown, grade A.

The Wailing - This was a very good, very scary Korean movie. I feel like I am missing some major cultural context to really understand it. There is something fascinatingly unsettling about the rhythm of Korean movies which is clearly not remotely based on the structure of American movies, and in a horror film that’s tremendously effective for a western viewer even if it’s harder to make sense of the plot. Also the actress who played the little girl was fantastically unnerving.

Mandy - We watched the first 10 minutes of Mandy before concluding this deserves better than the shitty download we were watching. It was too small on our screen and too dark, and the visuals on this demand to be watched properly. I’m ordering this DVD and we’ll watch it soon. 

Seoul Station -- Animated prequel to Train to Busan (which we enjoyed very much). It’s very well animated and the action is terrific. Probably the best pure-horror animated film I’ve seen yet. Creepy and tense. Has some very pointed social commentary. The ending left a bad taste (I didn’t think the bed scene was necessary, it was gratuitous) but overall very good.  

Near Dark -- 80′s movie about vampires that came out the same year as Lost Boys and was largely overshadowed despite being much better. Less fun, but better. It swings wildly between “being a vampire is no fun -- oh no wait it totally is!!! -- oh no wait it’s very much not” in the bloodiest way possible. Bill Paxton at his Bill Paxtonest, Lance Hendrick being the coolest, Adrian Pasdar being very very young and everybody looking great in a cowboy vampire nightmare that I can’t believe I never watched until now. 

Hush - This one was a little frustrating because I’m not real into home invasion movies and it was a little inconsistent in the main character’s awareness as a deaf woman but I’ll admit, I really hated that smug red-pill-looking killer and it was satisfying as hell to see him get his in the end. 

MANDY - We probably didn’t need another woman in a refrigerator movie, but if we were going to throw out all of the other “man goes on a crazy rampage to avenge his girlfriend” movies and keep just one of them, we should keep this one. It was pretty rad. (Which is to say it is my favorite of the 2020 batch of Halloween movies, damn if I could tell you why though)

[facelessfrey]

Roswell New Mexico Season 2, Episode 6

- Okay...so I have now actually watched it...well mostly. There were some parts of my stream where the sound wasn’t synched. Unfortunately not that scene. Haha. 

- Let’s start with the positives...

- I actually think that overall it was kind of a fun episode. I liked the Isobel and Kyle stuff and I actually liked the Echo stuff even though I was less than thrilled about Max coming back and the Alex/Maria/Boot guy stuff wasn’t too terrible. And there was some good sibling scenes. So like...not bad. 

- I did think the whole beginning with Max and Isobel and Michael was super weird and was over WAAAY too quickly but hey I guess they had to get to a threesome there and so they had to cut corners on something....That said, angry, dark I’ve got death energy to expel Max is really not my favorite Max, so I guess it’s fine it was over quick but still...strange to build that up and then have it be over and done with in the first like three minutes. But okay...moving on. 

- The Max/Liz strand of the episode was actually super cute and actually made me ship them again so that was nice. My sound was messed up during the whole milkshake speech so that was sad but it was working again by the morning love confession, so cool. Max’s super stiff leather, looked like it had never been worn, jacket though...not a fan. That was horrible and I was happy every time he took it off. 

- The Isobel/Kyle stuff was fun. They do look good with sparkles, I agree. I mean it was pretty random and doesn’t totally make sense but I’m not mad at it. Who knows if it will lead anywhere. I do like the chemistry between Isobel and Kyle though, friend chemistry or otherwise. Kyle has chemistry with everyone though. 

- Except maybe Steph who is still so boring to me but...and my stream was off again, was that her on the operating table in that montage at the end? 

- The main thing I took from the Alex/Maria story was that it gave us confirmation that Alex does in fact know the full story about Rosa so...uh...thanks for finally putting that in there. Might have been nice to have a clue before that. 

- Also...I rolled my eyes sooo hard at the Vampire Diaries joke but also it made me really nostalgic for TVD, because while also trash, it was better trash. Just saying. Also...it would have been a Gilbert ring, Alex and would have prevented him from dying if killed by something supernatural. Get your references right! Haha. 

- I do think the whole boot maker lead was super random and didn’t really lead to much and I still think these stories need more urgency and stakes.

- Also weird that the Cam story was once again on the back burner not that I don’t sort of get it because they have too much going on.

- AND I was sad that Rosa was not in this episode. I want to see her exploding lightbulbs as she has feelings.

- Oh and baby Max at the end...ummm...okay? I guess I want to know more about that. Mostly, I want to understand the all white fashion trend. 

- Now...getting into the ranting part...

- I do have to say that it is important to actually watch stuff because how things are said matters. Because I read some of the dialogue earlier and I was like “What?!?!?!” and then it wasn’t that at all. So that made it all slightly better. Mostly the conversation Maria and Alex had in the car. 

- The threesome thing was still SUPER weird and really unnecessary?!?!? I just don’t really get the point of it. I guess the narrative purpose was to push Alex toward Forrest and cement Michael and Maria but like...was that needed? No. I’m pretty sure Alex could have actually left when they kissed and it would have served exactly the same purpose. And would have been way less horrific.

- I mean, this is the kind of thing I can usually just roll my eyes at and move on if I’m less invested. And I’m not as invested as I have been in other things so like...I’m fine. And trust me, I’ve been there before, so I get it for people who feel devastated and done with everything. I really do. 

- But I am invested enough that I’m just kind of baffled that this was a choice that the show/Carina made. Because it really does just undermine all three characters. And to be honest, this whole love triangle had been undermining all three characters from the start. So I guess it’s par for the course but this just made it worse. I agree with Evil Twin Jon Gilbert that “I hate love triangles” but especially this one. 

- I mean, Maria has been a weird spare part on this show from the start. It’s always been a problem. In relation to the original show character, they gave her friendship with Liz to Kyle/Rosa. They gave her alien mystery solving side to Kyle. And they largely gave her romance with Michael to Alex. And you could say she has a story of her own with her mother, but that’s really kind of Mimi’s story. Maria is just sort of facilitating it. It just feels very unfortunate because OG Maria was great. And this Maria could have been great too but they just took so much away from her. And so much of what she does get happens off screen. And so they tried to give some of it back. They stuck her in this dumb love triangle, which up until now has always just seemed like a roadblock for Malex and probably still is although it’s more complicated now I guess. And if she’s just a roadblock for Malex then that’s just shitty for her character and she should have something that’s hers and not just ultimately be in the way of another ship. And also every turn of it just kind of makes her look selfish and terrible. I mean, I don’t understand her motivations for the threesome at all. Other than that I’ve heard that it was some kind of weird manipulation of the situation to force Michael to choose which is...gross. She just doesn’t come out of it well and that’s sad. 

- And for Michael, it’s absolutely perpetuating bad bisexual stereotypes. As frustrating as the love triangle was, he was technically always broken up with Alex and for valid emotional reasons. So as annoying as it was and as lazy as it was, it was fine. But this is literally like “Okay here’s both of them at the same time cause you can’t choose”. It just doesn’t look good. Especially if it was supposed to be some kind of test. 

- And for Alex...to have him say earlier that being with a woman was him trying to disappear and then have him take part in this is just bizarre. I mean yes, they also had him say that kissing Maria was the first time he enjoyed touching someone which...um...okay...weird. Also feels like they shoved that in just to facilitate this later which is also kind of gross. It’s also just weird to have a very vocally self proclaimed gay man, sleep with a woman for whatever reason. Like...why? 

- And why do Malex need to break up in every episode? Everyone gets it. Couldn’t they at some point just be like “wow we really need to take some time apart and see other people and experience other relationships and work on just getting to know each other as friends and if we end up together then it was meant to be” and then they just go date Maria and Forrest and those can be legit relationships and then they can come back together later after suitable build up. 

- Of course that’s fine for Forrest because he’s a random side character but then it feels insulting to Maria because it’s clear she’s just an obstacle, which is why I hate that she’s a part of this dumb love triangle in the first place. 

- I also just hate the love triangle period with Malex because it just wasn’t needed. There’s so much potential there and so many layers of angst without adding in a main character as a third party. They could still both date other people and come back together without dragging Maria into it all. I feel like Carina just wanted to do this new thing with Malex because she didn’t want her Michael and Maria to have to compete with the OG M&M and then was like “oh no wait I can still do it but in this different super awesome way because epic love triangles are awesome and on all my favorite teen shows of the past” Except that this isn’t a teen show and that should be part of the point. 

- I just don’t get any of it and think it was mostly a bad idea. Well, the threesome definitely was. 

- I mean...it’s not enough to make me stop watching the show but I definitely am further disconnecting with that set of characters until they sort this nonsense out and decide where they’re going with it because right now they’re just making me not care because it doesn’t feel like they care about their own characters. 

[millenniumfae]

Mass Effect: Andromeda Companion Headcanons

Liam Kosta

He’s canonically a big fan of 20/21st century culture (aka, OUR culture). That’s not being retro, that’s the equivalent of being a Victorian era buff. Very geeky, but he’s not alone - he’s attended ‘21st century’ conventions, subscribed to youtubers who specialize in exploring the 20th century, been to reenactments, and has more than a few period dramas in his vid collection.

His favorite 20/21st century things? Old cars, weird recipes, and the movie Train To Busan.

And if there’s still anime in the year 2185, he’s a huge fan of that too. Doesn’t stick with a particular drama, he loves many of the more popular ones. Doodles characters in an anime style, and he’s not particularly good - but he wants to be better.

He was perfect for the role of being a crisis response specialist. His teammates thought he was great at calming the injured down, ensuring positivity in stressful situations, and producing results. Literally employee of the year.

And that’s one of the reasons why he fucks up a bit when in Andromeda - its not a high crisis situation like a hostage holdup or a terrorist bombing, its a slow but terrifying pressure on them all. Not what he’s used to, or what he thrives under. Take him on Vetra’s loyalty mission, you see a glimpse of the crisis expert he used to be.

He’s actually not that great in communicating with aliens. It takes a special skill to understand radically different cultures, and Liam spent most of his years surrounded by other humans. Hence his weird way of doing it with Jaal, and accidentally pushing Turian/Krogan buttons

Cora Harper

During the game’s duration, there’s only flat coffee available, but the minute someone’s offers blended venti-sized caramel macchiatos, Cora is first in line.

She’s medicated for depression, and it definitely helps her. Back during her training on Thessia, she had a lot of emotional problems stemming from her life as an especially powerful biotic. She found one pill that works, and sticks with that.

I don’t like how the Mass Effect franchise handles the Asari, so I’m changing it; Cora never had a relationship with an Asari, but its not because she’s straight - Asari aren’t at default women. Some are, but most don’t have genders. Just because they ‘look like women’ doesn’t mean Cora, a straight woman, wouldn’t be attracted to one. It’s just a coincidence. 

I mean, it’s 2185, humans have had contact with several alien cultures for decades. The vast majority of people understand gender and sexuality in a much less limited way than we do nowadays.

Used to have a pretty popular Instagram, or at least the Mass Effect universe equivalent of one. Sometimes, it’s pictures of her hair and makeup, sometimes it’s her working out, sometimes its scenery and landmarks. On occasion, it’s her at a crazy bar and about to down some weird novelty cocktail.

Pelessaria "Peebee" B’Sayle

Her age is the human equivalent of being 24, since she’s near Liara’s age and Liara was apparently barely an adult. She’s got a doctorate, and several masters. Not human ones, but not Asari ones, either. Asari doctorates probably take 100 years, masters half that long. Peebee’s studied all across the galaxy, because her dislike of staying in one place has always been her hangup. 

She’s telling the truth when she tells Drack that her father was an Elcor. Drack does that to people - brings the truth out of them. Peebee doesn’t admit it, but she felt like Drack didn’t deserve some bullshit lie. 

And her Elcor father didn’t raise her, because her mother was one of those Asari who didn’t want a partner but wanted offspring. That’s rare amongst humans, but common with Asari. Her mother said to her father, ‘I want a child, not a husband.’

And her mother died 70 years before Peebee would jump onto the Andromeda Initiative from age-related complications. Her older sister, on the other hand, was left behind. But since she was already much older than Peebee, she’s probably dead and gone too. Peebee left her only remaining family with more than one tears shed, but they were never particularly close. 

Kalinda knew how young Peebee was, and that’s why she decided to use her. She was Peebee’s first actual relationship, started right after Peebee left her sister for dead and about to leave home forever. Kalinda knew what she was doing.

Nakmor Drack

Drack’s understanding and gentle nature isn’t atypical of the Krogan. In the original trilogy, we could usually only talk to Krogan during battle situations, unlike Ryder’s chances to be diplomatic. Sure, the Nakmor clan is particularly civil since they’re the ones to join the Initiative in becoming immigrants to another galaxy, but there’s more than one gruff yet charismatic grandpa out there.

It’s canon that he likes cooking, and yes, he’s good at it. He specializes in roast meats, which is not easy, but he also bakes pastries, delicious soups and stews, grain dishes and other noms. Some of those recipes are very old Krogan ones, but many are from other cultures and other aliens. He got them from cookbooks, which he reads in his spare time.

Such as Hanar shellfish cocktails, Asari butter biscuits, Drell cheese dips, human sauced pasta, Turian marinated chops, Elcor flatbread, etc. Except Salarian cuisine. He doesn’t want to ‘benefit’ from them anymore than the Krogan had to. But Salarian pillbug skewers are pretty tasty.

And like many grandpas, he’s kinda slow to adapt to new technology. ‘New’ to him meant Omni-tools at one point, universal translators at another, and etc. As the centuries go by, Drack’s gotta get used to some other new smartphone-equivalent technology. He’s not the best at it, but long ago he learned not to be stubborn and make an effort.

Vetra Nyx

Garrus in the original trilogy made a big deal out of being an atypical Turian, but Vetra and her sister even more so. That’s because Garrus grew up in Palavan to a very traditional family, while Vetra and Sid spent their lives bouncing from place to place. As she said, they’re probably not part of Turian society anymore. No rank, no caste. If Vetra ever wanted to rejoin the Turian census, she’d have a lot of trouble. That is, if she did it completely by the book.

So Vetra is so much more flexible and casual compared to the Turians of the original trilogy. You see it in her jokes, her body language, but also when she gets mad; Turian culture has people like Kandros reign in their volume and temper when they get frustrated, but Vetra will snap back.

Humans wouldn’t know this, but Vetra’s actually not much of a looker in Turian culture. Her mandibles are thin, her eyes too large, and her waist too short. She wears the Turian equivalent of makeup, but its not much. She looks like what we’d think of a librarian nerd would be. But that matters little to her; Vetra’s charismatic and highly intelligent, winning crowds (and sometimes hearts) all across the board.

And speaking of librarian nerds, Vetra’s visor is for her poor vision, too. She’d been wearing corrective vision technology since she was a kid, and it’s inherited from her mother. Sid, meanwhile, lucked out on the vision compartment, never needing a visor. 

The age gap between Sid and Vetra is around 14 years, and they have different mothers. 

And Vetra isn’t a horrible cook (Sid is grateful), she just doesn’t know how to make human steak. Turian meat needs to be cooked much longer than Earth cow, so she overshot it and doesn’t realize why. If Ryder chooses to romance her, Vetra actually makes an effort to learn about human cooking and does much better at it.

Jaal Ama Darav

Jaal’s poetic vocabulary is typical of those native to Havarl, which is where he (and his accent) are from. And he intentionally harbors it, too, because his family is famous and rooted in Angaran royalty. As an insecure famous soldier figure, he unconsciously makes an effort to appear as affluent as he can be.

We only see two models of a Rofjinn amongst the Angara; Jaal’s, and the smaller ones like Efra has. But there’s many styles of Rofjinn out there, Jaal’s actually being more ornate, with a patterned fabric that has a sheen. It was gifted by his mother, who makes them as per tradition to children that she believes are destined to live a troubled or eventful life. The Rofjinn is a reminder than they have their mother’s love and protection.

And Jaal’s Rofjinn is especially ornate particularly because Jaal’s actually quite camp. Not because of his love for lotions and perfumes, that’s typical amongst his people. We don’t get to see it, but Jaal loves fashion, aesthetics, and accessories that border on tacky. He rarely gets an opportunity to explore it as a soldier, but in his spare time, his crafts are wildly dotted with gold and pink acrylic flowers, holochrome pearls, and shining with glitter. And when his mother made his Rofjinn, she decided to make it a bit more Extra just for him. He was thrilled.

Jaal’s huge compared to us, and indeed he’s stocky amongst the Angara. But his attractiveness isn’t because of that, it’s because of his particularly theatrical and poetic nature. Angara are naturally expressive, but some are expressive in a gruff way, others in a dramatic way. Jaal is one of those Angara that embrace the world like a Broadway stage. 

[bellakitse]

Prompt #38 for Malex

prompt list

38. “Have you lost your mind?”

Five timesMichael stole something from Alex to get him to come to him, and the one-timeAlex stayed for good.

10.

Michael has learned how to act like a human, it’s taken him a few years,but he knows now not to draw symbols of his home on the walls, to not screamfor hours on end and to talk when he needs to. He plays the part of a human boywell enough that he’s made his way back to Roswell with his siblings. He’s withthem again, and that’s all that matters, all he should focus on.

Except that there’s a boy in his class that Michael can’t help butstare at.

A boy with dark brown hair that falls over his chocolate-coloredeyes, eyes that follow Michael and make him hyperaware in a way that makesMichael’s skin feel tight. It makes Michael want to ask what he’s looking at. Itmakes Michael want to ask the boy anything. The desire to talk to someone whoisn’t Isobel or Max is new.

The boy likes to sit alone at free reading time, always with a comic,splashes of color on the cover, Michael can make out the title ‘Superman,’ andit makes him curious enough that when he sees the boy put it away in his desk,Michael can’t help but swipe it.

He sits behind one of the trees far away from the playground sothat the rest of the kids won’t bother him, but not so far Mrs. Gilbert; histeacher will worry and look for him. He stares at the cover of a man in a blueand red suit, soaring through the sky.

“That’s mine, you know.”

Michael looks up startled and finds the boy with the brown eyeslooking down at him with a slight frown on his face.

Michael nods, opening his mouth to apologize for taking it. He’slearned, that’s what humans do. But before he can get the words out, the boysits down next to him, his knee knocking into Michael’s.

“Do you like Superman?” the boy asks. “I have other comics abouthim if you want to read them.”

“Superman?” Michael questions looking down at the comic.

“You don’t know, Superman?” the boy questions, tilting his head tolook at Michael. A silky strand of hair falling over his right eye, it looks sosmooth unlike the mop on Michael’s head, and Michael has the urge to reach outand touch it.

“Superman,” the boy starts, pointing at the man on the cover. “Isan alien from the planet Krypton, his parents sent him away when his planet wasdestroyed, and he landed on Earth, he can fly and is stronger than everyone.”

The boy continues to tell him about Superman as they go throughthe comic, and Michael listens, enthralled. And alien superhero with a secretidentity. Michael is amazed.

“No one is afraid of him?” he questions after a while.

“No,” the boy scoffs. “Well, maybe just the bad guys, but he’shere to help the people of Earth,” the boy finishes just as the bell signaling theend of recess rings out.

“That’s us,” the boy stands up dusting off his pants, he holds outa hand to help Michael up. He stares at it for a moment before taking it.

The boy looks at him, biting down on his lip nervously. “Do youwant me to bring you some more comics?” he finally asks. “We could read them togetherat free time.”

Michael stares, he’s never seen the boy read with anyone at freetime, unlike everyone else who pairs off and now he wants to read with Michael.Michael nods quickly, his stomach giving a funny jump when the boy breaks outin a huge smile.

“I’m Alex by the way, Alex Manes.”

“Michael Guerin.”

14.

“That’s mine, Guerin,” Alex calls out walking up to him on thedeserted schoolyard.

Michael doesn’t bother to look up from the skateboard under hisfoot, and he frowns as he tries to steady himself. He doesn’t know why he can’tget this. He’s a genius, damn it. He understands gravity, motion, balance. Thereis a science to skateboarding, he knows it, but he can’t figure it out.

“Seriously, you steal my skateboard, and now you ignore me?” Alexcomplains, huffing when Michael still doesn’t say anything and continues to tryto work out the problem. “Why are you staring at it like it’s one of thosephysics problems you pretend you don’t work on for fun, it’s skateboarding, it’snot like it’s hard.”

Michael looks up at the boy and glares when he sees a smirk playingon his face. He’d tried earlier to skate on the board only to fall on his ass,and yet he’s seen Alex with it. The boy doesn’t just ride the thing; he likesto show off, doing more and more complicated air tricks.

It’s not hard for Alex, and it’s frustrating for Michael.

Alex looks at him a little longer, his smirk turning into a softsmile. “Do you want me to teach you?”

Michael nods after a minute and holds his breath when Alex steps upclose to him.

“Up on the board, Guerin,” Alex instructs.

“Really, Alex?” Michael rolls his eyes. “On the board, that’s yourgreat lesson?”

Alex gives him an unimpressed look. “Are you going to sass me, orare you going to listen?”

“Can’t I do both?” he teases before asking. “What if I fall?”

“You probably will,” Alex acknowledges, placing his hands onMichael’s waist and Michael gasps as he can feel the heat of Alex’s hands throughhis t-shirt and flannel. “But I’ll hold on to you to help, and if you do fall. I’llbe here to get you up, okay?”

Michael looks at the boy, the earnest expression on his face andbelieves without a doubt.

Believes Alex.

He might fall, but Alex will be there to get him up.

“Okay.”

17.

“What the hell Guerin, you can’t just steal instruments from themusic room,” Alex calls out marching over to Michael as he sits on the tailgateof his truck, taking the guitar from Michael’s hands. “This is mine.”

“I was going to return it, and it was out of tune, so…” Michael answers,a smirk firmly in place. “You’re welcome.”

Alex rolls his kohl-lined eyes at him, there is a small smudgefrom the black pencil under Alex’s left eye, and Michael has to curb the urgeto reach out and wipe it away with his thumb. It seems these days he’s constantly fighting the urge to reach out andtouch Alex.

He’s not stupid enough to not know what it means, and he has eyes.Alex is stupid good-looking even if he does dress like a My Chemical Romancegroupie, which he actually is. But it’s more than that, when it comes to Alex,there has always been a pull for Michael, ever since the first comic book theyshared, only that now it comes with a strong desire to know what Alex’s lipstaste like.

Alex is watching him with those same expressive eyes that alwaysseem to see too much.

“You really do live in your truck?” Alex asks, nodding towards theblankets behind him.

Michael bristles at the question, and he snaps one of his own. “Areall the rumors about you true?” he asks, instantly feeling bad as Alextakes a step away from him. He knows Alex has been getting shit for being gayand not hiding it. Kyle Valenti and his group of neanderthals can’t seem to goa day without picking on Alex.

“You’re kinda lucky you know,” Alex starts, looking away before backat Michael. “Things at my house suck.”

He starts to walk away, only to stop again, his back to Michael.

“There’s this toolshed out behind my house,” Alex says quietly, stillnot looking at him. “It’s warm, and I go there when things get bad, so…” he trailsoff and leaves.

Michael sits there confused at to what exactly Alex is offering.

Later, when they’re in the shed playing music, Michael finallygets it.

Alex is offering him what he’s never had. A home.

21.

Michael is watching Alex pull up his pants as he lays on the thinbed of the cheap motel they found an hour outside of Roswell. Alex is back intown for exactly 48 hours, and they have spent 40 of those hours in bed wrappedup in each other, willfully ignoring that their time is running out.

Michael hates it, and for a moment hates Alex. It’s like thisevery time Alex blows into town. He follows wherever Alex leads only to be leftbehind again. He spots Alex’s dog tags on the bedside table and reaches forthem, putting them on.

“Those are mine, Guerin,” Alex says, tucking his shirt into hisfatigues.

“If I keep them, will you stay?” Michael can’t help but ask,blushing at his own ridiculous question. Of course, Alex can’t stay; he knowsthat. He’s not stupid. Staying means going AWOL, but he still wants Alex tostay. He’s 21, and he’s in love, and the boy he loves keeps leaving.

He just wants him to stay.

Alex looks at him, and it breaks Michael’s heart how sad Alex looks.

“That’s not the way it works, Guerin,” Alex says quietly, thesorrow in his brown eyes too much for Michael. So even though he should be buildingup his walls, ready to watch Alex leave again, he finds himself standing up andwrapping his arms around the Airman, holding him close as he lets out ashuddering breath.

When they separate, Alex has his hands around the dog tags,holding them to Michael’s chest.

“I’m keeping them,” Michael says firmly. “I’ll give them to youwhen you come back.”

28.

“Give me my fucking keys, Guerin!” Alex shouts, his face red andangry.

“Why!” he shouts back, just as furious but also scared, terrified,because if he lets Alex leave now, he’s going to lose him forever. And not inthe way he’s already lost him. Not in the way that Alex avoids him since hefound him at The Wild Pony with Maria.

No, this is a losing him forever, bury him kind of way, thatleaves Michael without any air in his lungs.

Alex hasn’t talked to him in months other than when strictly necessary;only when it comes to alien business. It doesn’t matter that he and Maria lasteda millisecond. It doesn’t matter that he’s told him he made a mistake. Heanswers that Michael has nothing to be sorry about and that it wasn’t a mistake.Michael should want to get away from him.

Alex has completely shut down around him, around everyone, livingand breathing to bring his father down.

“I have to go, Guerin,” Alex starts tiredly.

“And what?” Michael questions, his voice going high, and he feelshimself shake, fear gripping through him. “Try to stop your dad and getyourself killed? I read the files, Alex! I know what you want to do. If you go,you won’t come back.”

“I have to make things right!” Alex shouts, still angry but now desperate.“I have to fix everything he’s done to you; I have to make amends.”

“You don’t have to make amends for your father, Alex!” he screamsback, at his wit’s end. “You aren’t him; this isn’t on you.”

Alex stops and looks at him, letting out a bitter laugh after amoment. “Aren’t I, Guerin? Isn’t that why you didn’t want me anymore, why youwent to Maria? Because I remind you of my dad,” Alex whispers, tears runningdown his face. “Because I’m just like him, in your eyes?”

Michael shakes his head, crying. His words and actions have done somuch damage, and now he’s about to lose what matters the most to him because ofit. He doesn’t realize he’s hyperventilating until Alex’s hands are on his faceforcing him to look at him.

“Breathe, Michael,” Alex commands, his gaze steady. “Breathe forme.

“Please,” he begs through gasping breaths. “Please don’t go, don’tleave me. I love you, Alex, I love you, and if you die, I’ll die.”

“Michael,” Alex exhales, but Michael isn’t done, he gripsAlex’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” he continues. “I’m so fucking sorry. I was hurt, andI turned around and hurt you too, and If I could take it back, I would. Ishould have told you I loved you that night you came to the airstream. I shouldhave come back the next day instead of standing you up. I should have done somany things differently.”

Alex shakes his head, his hands running through Michael’s hair,making him sob, it’s been so long since Alex has touched him. “It’s not just onyou, I have fucked up so much Michael, I get you wanting to move on from us;from me. I don’t blame you.”

“I haven’t moved on,” Michael whispers, his voice wet from crying.“I could never move on from you; you’re my home; you’re my everything. If youdon’t want to be with me, I can learn to live with it, but if you die, I’llfollow you, Alex. I swear I will.”

Alex lets out a pained noise right before crushing his lipsagainst Michael’s, only pulling back when breathing becomes a problem.

“I have always wanted you,” Alex says as he cradles Michael’sface, wiping away the fresh tears his words cause. “I always will.”

“So don’t leave,” Michael begs one more time, letting out a tremblingbreath when Alex presses his forehead against his and nods.

28.

Michael is sitting around his fire pit when Alex pulls up; he looksdown at Bagel who raises her head in curiosity before laying it back down overMichael’s boot. “It’s showtime, baby girl,” he whispers down at the beagle. “Rememberto be super cute.”

Bagel gives him a look that screams ‘Bitch, please.’ And Michaelgrins, he loves this dog.

“Have you lost your mind?” Alex asks as he walks out of his car,his eyes wide, a familiar piece of paper in his hand and Michael has to bitedown on his lip to keep from grinning, even as his heart pounds wildly in hischest as he looks at his boyfriend.

“Problem?” he asks innocently, smirking as Alex lets out an exasperatedscreech.

“Yes, Michael!” Alex yells. “You can’t kidnap my dog and leave mea note telling me if I want to see her again, I’ll have to marry you!”

“Dognap,” Michael corrects, easily. “I mean she is our kid,but technically it’s a dognapping.”

Alex gapes at him.

“And really,” he continues as he stands. “Bagel is as much my dogas yours, so really I just took her on a little trip.”

Alex seems to snap out of it at that and glares at him. “You can’tjust claim my dog as yours.”

“The hell I can’t,” Michael shoots back. “I claim her, and I claimyou, you’re mine. Enough of our bullshit.”

Alex lets out an incredulous laugh, but Michael can see the hopein his eyes, the love shining through.

“You can’t keep stealing my stuff,” Alex protests halfheartedly,taking a step towards him.

“Sure I can,” Michael says softly as he reaches for him, holdingAlex by his waist. “At least I give them back, you stole my heart years ago,and you don’t hear me complaining.”

Alex looks away for a moment before looking back at Michael, asmile on his face. “Well, it’s mine,” he says easily.

“It is,” he murmurs in agreement, leaning to kiss Alex’s temple. “So,marry me.”

“Michael,” Alex starts softly. “We’ve only been back together acouple of months.”

Michael laughs just as soft. “We’ve been together for years, Alex.”

Alex goes to speak, and Michael presses two fingers against hismouth. “We’ve been together since the first moment we kissed, but I have beenyours since you first shared Superman with me.”

“An alien superhero,” Alex whispers, smiling at the memory, hiseyes bright. “And now I get to marry one.”