#gnome.rambles

[coffeegnomee]

gnomeeeee,,, minutes video,,,,, his convo w spoke in the finale 🥹🥹🥹 oh i am so Unwell . spoke talking abt parrot (or at least. telling minute abt HIS 2nd season in ls) and minute opening up abt how badly the pmc betrayal and loss at the end of s5 fucked him up...im gonna be thinking abt this forever and ever and ever 💔

-mcytegg :'DD

eeeEEEEEE I"M so excited we got so much of it!!! I have more thoughts about the second season concept in a separate post since the yap got long.

But like Spoke soo specifically saying, “i wanted to make sure that there was someone that was gonna do it” and that it links to the moment he felt "complete" in s2.

Complete!??! like what the heck. I could spend all day just thinking about that phraseology. How he found himself in the second season, saying that's when he too stepped away from his team to figure out what he wanted to be, and that's when he did discover what completed him.

But also, in a way, slightly ominous bc Spoke says he thought following a team would make him feel complete, but no. It that was the withers.

Whereas Minute did follow his team until the end. Except for when his teammate sold out the team for exploits and an orbital. But then again Minute has already experienced being all alone and abandoned by a team...

How Minute for his part talked about how he wanted to make his own journey, how he did arcs and attempted to do arcs, and needed to try his own thing.

The unspoken parts that we've talked about veni about how he's gone from hero to marring that heroism, and how it was metered by not going so far as to join Spoke. But how he does embrace following his heart right now.

Even though like, Minute was following Mapicc's lead for so much of the finale, and even in the beginning of the day joining Clown obby boxing Zam in the chunk ban, but then a little later really regretting that and wanting to let Zam out, but by that time Spoke got Zam the mods. He still does his fair share of following other's goals, and often falls into regrets, but he did really stake a claim in his goal and personal limits for the season and this convo just buttoned it up so beautifully.

Bc in this convo, Spoke is like doing what he did for Zam, what he always does. He makes an interesting situation for others to interact with, he finds out and knows their motivations and gives them what they desire. Often that is support in being who they are.

But now I'm thinking of the Spoke/Zam convo where Spoke said he thought Minute acted out of fear. That he was afraid and didn't have the will to fight against the crater. That Spoke scared him. He said that less than 24 hours before this convo.

And man oh man am I now thinking too much about it.

He said if you've truly found what completes you Minute, then drop everything and follow it.

And how that's such a beautiful line. Spoke isn't really asking Minute if he thinks he found what completes him, he's stating that he thinks Minute found what completes him. And that's not exactly the same thing.

It's inspirational, but it's also twinged with a little bit of a double edge when you think about it - is this what makes you feel complete or is this another layer you haven't explored yet? Spoke thought he was complete with the Poggies, and ran with it, but then upon betrayal realized that wasn't really completing him.

And I think that's the beautiful thing about Spoke. He has these thoughts about the other members that he says/processes behind their backs, beliefs and analysis he gathers, but when it comes to talking to them head on, everything is said in an inspirational tone. Genuinely uplifting them. And not, as that maybe implies, being two faced by talking behind their back, but from that mindset of, what the heck is motivating my friends and how do I help them be most fully themselves.

I'm thinking about how he said he "truly actually fully" thought that Minute would be the perfect person to ask to do the orbital. Solidifying what I was saying in that post after that convo that Spoke hand selected it for Minute as a gift. He really thought Minute would say yes.

That he thought that that was what motivated and inspired Minute then: making a big impact, changing lifesteal forever. But when Minute proved him wrong, Spoke looked for other reasonings, and landed upon Minute finding what completes himself. Maybe it was out of fear, maybe not. But what was important is Minute staked a claim in who he was.

And in that he realized Minute made the Empire, not to be, as Spoke said when Zam asked him their goals that, "death Death Death Death DEATH!" but because he was angry, in pain from the finale of s5.

And he only said that AFTER Minute brought up this is only his second season, and only then did Spoke start talking about his memories of his second season, which then prompted Minute to fully open up and admit it really was bc s5 hurt so badly.

Spoke was like live processing the depth of what Minute had said, it's only his second season. And Spoke was sent into a flashback of what his second season was like and how that made him realize who he is on lifesteal.

SPOKE: "and i was left with nobody after that"

Oh how devastating a line.

But also how devastating a memory for Minute. Yes, he had pb&j. But pb&j were the new team. PMC was his team. And he was left with nobody after they betrayed for $500.

SPOKE: "you've experienced just as much as any lifesteal player has"

And he has.

Minute's really been through a lot. And in parallel to what Spoke reminisced too, Minute in a way followed pb&j but then got blindsided by Clown saying that he could never be for peace. Like how Spoke did all the work for gear for players that never logged on, only to be blindsided by Parrot selling out the base in order to turn a profit before they disbanded the team bc Clown was hunting them down endlessly. (lmao Clownpierce parallels).

And it took him this season to figure out who he is. And that is not a world ender, at least not in the classic definition. He's much more team oriented, and like with pb&j, he will stick by the team that supports his ideals. He never begged to be back on PMC. "we were supposed to be brothers" but it was over. And here too, when Spoke said exploits and bombing spawn, Minute said no, that's not what I will do. And although he wanted to create a team with Zam to save spawn, in the end Mapicc was still the team, the chungpire was still his team, and their goals aligned. So he stuck with them until the end.

And, interestingly, (this is so out of order. whatever) Spoke opened the conversation talking about how he came back on to make sure someone ended the season, but he never said he thought Minute was doing that. And in a lot of ways Spoke just took that on for himself, right?, with the hacks. It doesn't look like he thought anyone did a good enough job on their own, but he's more than happy to take up what's lacking. There was a war, but Spoke stepped in and spiced it up.

And Spoke wanted to know how long ago Minute figured out there was no orbital. Was that also fishing for if Minute was going to be a world ender? Before even talking about s2 or the Empire. He was surprised Minute didn't blow up the base for a tactical advantage, and asked about the timeline. How long ago did Minute figure it out, bc if it's been days, then what have you done these past days knowing there was no threat. But if you didn't suspect at all, what does that say about your perceptiveness of the goings on of lifesteal. But if you did know and this is what you've been doing... then that says something else all together.

And from that the conversation lead to a lifestealer's second season.

SPOKE:" drop everything and follow it bro [...] im not going to stand in your way" and what did Minute do directly after? Kill and allow everyone else to kill Spoke, until he himself banned Spoke off the server.

(just like, ok I'm way to Zam coded at times, but just comparing that to Zam's s3 hill conversation. Where he BEGGED Spoke to not ban himself... They are not the same. <3 tehe! Minute caved to his bloody desires there. But got full permission to embrace it) Though on that "permission" concept. Just keep a pin in that one. Minute needs permission to do things. It's been an interesting thing to observe from the shadows and I'm fascinated for how it'll continue to play into his play style.

That's so much yappage, and I know it stopped making sense halfway through but just so many tiny thoughts. So many discoveries and I think both sides accepting each other more. They parted from the conversation understanding each other a lot more. From both sides.

[coffeegnomee]

I was just going to write a comment but then i realized it would be really long. This is a full(ish) summary of s3-s5

I didn't hold back on any plot twist/spoilers but like, knowing what happened is very very different from watching it unfold so all videos and vods are well worth watching. but this can give a waypoint as many videos are published months (or years) after the events.

the briefest summary: s3 zam made an empire to keep spawn from being grief, everyone opposed and he got executed. came back for the finale. vitalasy wanted to revive everyone but then banned himself (or got banned i forget) and keeping everyone unbanned became Zam's job(TM). After 5 (or so) bases in one week that Spoke leaked every time bc he was secretly still teamed with clownpierce, spoke did a dramatic dialogue with Zam on a hill where he said (imma misquote) "why are you trying to save a world people are actively trying to leave" bc members had been banning themselves to give their extra hearts to Zam so he could revive people. then there was a big war which ended in Zam having another dialogue with Spoke where Zam just continually died to Spoke until he was banned. It was awesome. You can watch Zam's vid on it or the finale streams, both are great recap of s3. (both the spoke dialogues happened in the same vod, it's a really easy watch)

s3 Clowpierce is goated, i particularly love his funhouse, casino, cleansing, and finale vids and if you just watch that you get everything.

s4 ends with the wormhole, a game breaking glitch that Spoke Vi and Ash found (also Subz was there) and used to completely destroy the server. Before all that the server runs as normal, Zam initially wants to go solo but the joins Team Awesome which is commonly just him Mapicc and Ro but also Spoke and Terrain (iirc). There are many fun shenanigans. Around the mid season Team Awesome finds a dupe glitch (bc Zam killed Leo when he was unbanned and Leo, who was supposed to have an empty inventory, dropped the inventory he had when he died). TA dupes a lot and gets into fights. This is The Dupe War that gets referenced. There are videos on it, but no streams. It ends with them withering the entirety of spawn, completely annihilating it (there's more to the arc but that is important)

During dupe war Zam and Mapicc thought Spoke was betraying them by orchestrating it with Parrot, turns out it was just Spoke who was orchestrating Everything because part of the wormhole glitch required Spoke to social engineer Parrot into clicking a sign that would give Ash creative mode. When Ash got creative he loaded his hotbar and the Wormhole Barrel(TM) was brought into the game.

That same day Ash started showing the server the exploits (changing the course of the season DRAMATICALLY). Everything got put on pause.

What is everything? Well after the Dupe war Mapicc and Ro were planning on keeping duped items in a stash so they would never have to worry about items. Zam realized he Hated That(TM) bc exploits are unfair. So he left the team dramatically, fought them on the nether roof, and perished fantastically. He then retreated to his sanctuary where he built a castle.

Mapicc finds him at that castle the next day and you have The Castle Arc, fantastic arc, well worth watching as vods on Zam's channel. it's the vod after "the end of team awesome" which is also a great vod) Mapicc basically torments Zam nearly daily while Zam was also repairing spawn with Subz. Subz, as the finale of his spawn cleanup fights Mapicc and Ro who have become the bbegs of the week, he gets exiled. Zam grows a backbone and ALSO fights them, also looses, and then proceeds to die to Ro 13 more times. This is the Stone Sword Incident.

Left on 2 hearts he does a stream with Clown and Branzy which gets him banned by Mapicc and revived. Left on 3 hearts (or was it 1? I forget) he turns to his only ally on the server, ItzSubz_. Subz invited him to his team, the Eclipse Federation. What transpires after here is the most beloved arc in all of lifesteal history, from a fandom perspective. I wrote a whole writeup that's pinned on my blog. Its the greatest tragedy written by man.

Zam found himself on the very team that was behind the new exploit and when Ash showed the server the illegal items.. there truly are no words to describe the situation that went down between that team over the next few moths.

What ended was Zam betraying yet another team over the same issue; not giving up illegal exploits. wow that is a massive oversimplification. It's fine. we move past it.

Spoke completely takes over the Wormhole project which ends with around 100 other mcyts joining lifesteal for a massive protect-the-president type event before the server is destroyed and the season from hell is finally over.

clown is barely around. Ash is really only around to fuck everything up that one time lol and then he was busy (finals iirc?) during the finale so he gets no screen time.

s5 starts slow Zam is very much done with being the main character and not much happens for about like 5 months? Squiddo joins mid season and has awesome videos on lifesteal. she does an arrow cannon with wemmbu and then the orbital strike cannon.

When Zam returns from his break he joins Mapicc and Bacon and they invite Jumper and Pentar to make the Abyss. they start breaking bedrock at spawn and getting players to fall into the void. its a fun and long and shenanigan filled arc that takes a deep turn as themes of players leaving the server start setting in. They Void Ponies (the better name for the Abyss) make a week long scavenger hunt for the rest of the server to complete: if they finish the Abyss will stop voiding all of spawn, if they dont spawn will be destroyed. Minute heads up the opposition in the Foundation.

What nobody saw coming, or none dared imagine even when there were signs, was Jumper was secretly on the Foundation's side and leaked the scavenger hunt answers whenever the Foundation got stuck leading them to finish 5 minutes before Zam was about to break the first bedrock into the actual void (after 4 other layers of bedrock that took like a week straight of 9-12 hour streams)

All the work, stopped in an instant. The betrayal was one of the most insane things to happen on lifesteal ever. Mapicc immediately tries to kill her, Zam helps but both give up as Minute defends Jumper and both fight them back. No resolution to the betrayal. (Clown's video of this arc covers the whole Foundation side and is great)

Mapicc vows to destroy her life, Bacon agrees, Zam is down. Leaving Pentar to have the difficult choice: stay on the team and destroy the only member he knew before joining the server, or leave. He leaves. Eventually joining Minute and Jumper and Ash to form the pb&j.

Mapicc and Zam try fighting Minute and Jumper many times but fail again and again. The Presidency Arc begins, they elect one person to get legal exploits basically, changing three things about the server. 4C and Reddoons together win, disappointing Mapicc and Zam greatly as red and 4c were extremely inactive and only wanted CaptainSparklez on for one event, removed the heart recipe and had a third thing so forgettable i dont remember it and it didnt happen.

Basically they stalled out the already stalled progression of the server. Nobody was doing any big arcs, the last arc was soundly destroyed by betrayal and no revenge was possible bc Minute and Jumper were just slightly better pvpers than Mapicc and Zam.

With the captainsparklez event on the horizon, Zam being lower on hearts, and having just died to Minute and Jumper in a fight where he semi-illegally restocked, was called into the principle's office with Ash (owner of s5 with spoke). Ash told him off, and then was reminded that he didn't remove heart crafting from the presidency win, so he did that and told Zam to just kill 4C and Mid if he wanted more hearts.

This is the second time Ash changed the trajectory of the server. Zam goes into a moral quandary bc he's kind of evil this season but is he THAT evil to kill two non-pvpers? Mid debate Ash logs on again and asks him why they're still alive. So Zam kills 4c. He feels awful and spirals and goes to his and Pangi's base to think, but upon seeing their bed, realizes he could just farm Pangi off the server. Or just take half his hearts. The idea is so horrible, the depths of darkness so great, that he just starts laughing. and laughing. and laughing. truly a vod of all time. ("an agent of chaos is born")

So begins Zam's Joker arc, incredibly relevant to s6. Throughout the Abyss, Minute had been calling himself batman, and became the fixation of the Joker arc.

The presidency had also passed to Minute who had run saying he would do pvp style events but then just added the aether, changed the kit, and added the Blaze and Caves achievement race. And he was already talking about ending the server in peace.

This upset Mapicc Bacon and Zam, who had become The Players by this time. After consulting with Spoke (bc he always ends the server), they came up with a plan to break up all the teams. Mapicc started reaching out to Clown and Leo to see if they would betray the PMC, their team with Minute. And they came up with the plan to try and steal the presidency from Minute after his term was up (3 weeks, 3 changes) and use it to make the server hardcore, thinking they would finally be able to kill Minute and Jumper.

Zam full on went onto his Joker arc, blowing up builds, having people choose to blow up builds, fight each other, and a host of other Joker inspired moral dilemmas. Jumper also had a GREAT yap session with zam at this time (i'm pretty sure it's "your president doesn't care about you")

He also took off all his armor in front of Minute and Jumper multiple times, taunting them to kill him and break their peaceful ending. If they wanted him to stop destroying the server they could just kill him.

But they refused. over and over.

Then the Blaze and Caves event happened, Minute's final (or was there one more?) presidency event. whoever got the most achievements from the 900 or so new ones would get a heart cap of 30. Zam being Zam loves small tasks and went on a week of 12 hour streams to get them all, stopping all Joker activities.

In this week Mapicc made fun of Minute for not just killing Zam and over the course of the conversation Minute agreed to bet the presidency bc Mapicc implied that they were just opposing Minute bc Minute stole the presidency from Mapicc bc the vote was rigged after the CaptainSparlez event (iirc). If Mapicc could get the majority of the server to vote him out, he would step down.

Wemmbu approached Mapicc and I forget who suggested it first but what came out of it was Wemmbu would pay everyone who voted for him $500, Mapicc wanted Wemmbu to get the presidency bc he thought more people would vote for Wemmbu over him, and then proceeded to convince everyone on the server to vote against minute within like a 2 hour span. (you can watch the entire thing go down live on Zam's vod. it was incredible)

Minute was completely cooked. The presidency was ripped out from under him, Clown and Leo voted against him, everything was rigged from the start while he still believed the server would vote for what was right, not what was interesting, and definitely not for irl money.

Minute's vod "meet the yappers" is a vod of all time. Clown's video covers it as well. (yknow Clown really locked in on those videos. before that the entirety of s5 was streams but now there's like 4 videos on it and it covers all the basics)

That Saturday the BAC achievement race was finished and Zam got 30 hearts, Pentar came in second and got 25.

The server got turned to hardcore, and the Players accidentally killed Bacon with an arrow cannon like 5 minutes into it.

With the presidency gone, Pentar, Minute (Brandon), Ash, and Jumper became officially the pb&j and gave up being the nice guys. They were still self-proclaimed the good guys and they still wanted peace, they just had to kill a few people and then there would be peace on lifesteal.

So, all four of them, jumped Zam and killed him in a couple minutes flat (zam had threated to blow up the vitalasy hole, Vi's last place on the server before leaving. It was the classic Joker threat, but he went to actually do it bc Ash was being extra obnoxious in the call. And then got instantly murdered) and Zam was also banned.

Then like a week later (iirc?) Jumper asked Mapicc on to talk, she told him she regretted betraying the Abyss, that pb&j wanted to kill people and she just wanted the server to end in peace, and that she wanted Mapicc to kill and ban her so she could end her season on her terms.

It was a trap. Minute shot Mapicc with an arrow cannon. Killing him instantly.

They then got Wemmbu on and used their presidency power that was left over to cancel out his presidency power of immortality (it was just as confusing as that sounds) and killed him instantly.

Wemmbu didn't like that(TM) so he changed the tnt damage to 100 and dropped a nuke on them instantly killing Jumper Ash and Pentar. But that was unfair(TM) (and he lagged the server illegally to do it) so it was undone.

As a result Zam borrowed Pangi's account and Mapic borrowed Spoke's and they were back on to oppose this peaceful ending. Clown also locked in and was super active in the finale and was on Zam's streams a lot.

Wemmbu's next presidency thing (this was before they killed him. whatever. time moved weirdly in the finale) was the blessings and curses, Zam was pretty much emotionally done with the server, so in a final act of GayJoker flare, blessed Minute with fire res (which was useless bc Minute had 64 notch apples).

Mapicc and Clown were Not Happy with this, Mapicc took it as a betrayal, which upset Zam a lot because his whole thing this season was not betraying his team bc that's all he did s4. So he locked in for the finale. Pangi's account accidentally got banned, so he borrowed Spepticle's account.

Minute and co were not logging on a lot, even though they had a whole meeting about them playing at least a couple of hours a day so The Players could actually try and ban them and it would be a real finale event. Mapicc pulled out Salty Mode and once again got Minute to cave and Jumper and Pentar logged on and they did a 4v3. Clown out general'ed Minute and Minute got banned and Pentar got banned. Speptical logged onto his account to kick Zam off mid fight which was a delightfully great bit of possession control.

Jumper had to survive two days and got Squiddo and Ash to help, the three of them tried chunk banning Clown and Ro and Mapicc (zam got banned by clown so they couldnt use Spep's account to get Mintue back on). Mapicc died bc Squiddo made a mod to tap into Wemmbu's mod from his presidency and she nuked him and he died from an elytra glitch.

Eventually the next day Jumper and co chunk banned everyone, but clown and Ro walked out of it bc you can join and move a bit before you get kicked. Jumper elected to stay canonically in the ban and give up, even though they let the ban despawn by accident and she could log on. She conceded the event.

There was also, in the midst of all this, a moment where Jumper took a "which lifestealer are you quiz" while 4C was getting murdered in the background and got Zam which was extra hilarious considering in her yap session with Zam, Zam said she was just like him and she Vehemently disagreed.

And that sums up everything Zam (and Clown and Squiddo and Ash as requested) focused the last three seasons. If you can boil down several hundred hours of vods into something that begins to scratch the surface. Hopefully it helps contextualize some of the references that are being thrown around and at least give what seasons to look at to find out more. Zam notoriously has no videos on s5, and his s4 videos are fine but they don't get the depth that was s4. His s3 finale is one of his best videos.

Help someone whose into lifesteal smp explain to me everything thats every happened so that I can watch kaboodle

[coffeegnomee]

No I'm just so obsessed with Spoke talking about his time in his second season, how that was the first season he found what completed him, made him feel whole.

How minutes before he said SPOKE: “i wanted to make sure that there was someone that was gonna [end the season]"

His primary goal, core ideology, is world ender.

And it got solidified in his second season.

I've been talking forever about waiting for the new members to get to the end of their first season, that's no mystery. But I've also been sooo excited and delighted watching the s5 additions take on their second full season and thinking back I actually don't think I've ever written about it, whoops.

They were just getting so comfortable with lifesteal and with themselves. And so much of their ideologies just finally came through in the final weeks. Like unironically I've been excited for s7 since like one month into s6: All the s5 adds on their 3rd season, all the s6 adds on their 2nd. That's the kind of shit that made s4 imo.

And to list them out, Minute, obviously, just posted that video and it's looking like his ideology has solidified into basically what he said that one day early season when Zam asked him his goals MINUTE: "I want two things. I want fun. And I want hearts” 

And backing it up with the theme of the whole video of reconciliation with Clown, and Clown having his own growth moment realizing lifesteal without teammates is really lonely. And that both of them loved hanging out in the finale.

Minute isn't one to be perfectly good, but he isn't one to crave after the evil. He wants fun. With hearts. Friendship and redstone machines and some cool fights and small heavy hitting lore moments.

But destroying spawn, using exploits; that's not him.

But he gets blinded with the goal of hearts, loosing sight on the having fun. Oh my goodness seeing the clip again of him killing Rekrap when Rek was so clearly excited, how much time there was between Rek's excitement and when Minute loaded the cannon. Only realizing after that he regretted it. Offt stab me in the heart bro.

And 4c. In January he said “I feel like deep down i don't trust anyone completely, but i feel like to an extent i choose to trust people anyway. Because on lifesteal i feel like i have more joy of putting myself in those positions of trust because by the end of it you get to see people’s real characters”. And he did that with PRISMS, right until the end though it was a bit scuffed with him not being in the country. And he did it with the tunnel rats. But he will always be the player who puts his trust in others just to see what might happen down the line.

And Jumper, settling quite nicely into the role of psychological tormenter. Like need I say more.

By the end of their second season each one has staked a claim in what they are on lifesteal.

And then Wemmbu, since he banned himself off mid season 6, I count that as completing his first season, since he was added mid season 5. so he begins his second in s7.

Pentar was also mid season s5, so he's at 1.5 seasons and I think we're getting a really interesting look into his mind. I mean for goodness sake did anyone else watch the SB mace video and see him offer Ecorridor as his payment for the mace. What the fuck is wrong with him. But like... no, i don't have thoughts haha. I love him. Taking a separate plot point with Zam and presenting it to SB. like he's too ridiculous /pos I'll probably need 3 full seasons before I understand Pentar.

And then there's Squiddo, once again running the ring of a handmade hacked client, searching and testing and finding exploits. And in the end embracing it to cause chaos, but not necessarily the end of the season. She's also at 1.5 seasons, and I'm so intrigued where they'll go. She's definitely more teammate focused (lol) and oriented to silly things over anything else.

But then to go down memory lane, like Spoke was saying, his season 2 had him doing everything for his team but in the end he found himself in ending the server.

Planet was added s2, but only logged on at the end, so s3 was his first full season, and s4 his second. In both you see an embracing of being a chungus, 3ht, girl talk, changing the trajectory of player's lives through talking. There was so much subtle talking, so much passion for content that is effective. That changed s5, until he banned himself in the Abyss, and then changed back in s6.

Bacon was added halfway through s3, and you can see how by halfway through s4, which he talked about earlier this season, was the time when he got really really invested into lifesteal and started caring, like, a lot. Bro got passionate about the wormhole. But then it wasn't until season 5 that we really saw Bacon become Bacon, when he really started being the critiquer of plots and did his first patented do my tasks plots, when he got passionate about players caring about the server and and wanting to log on and putting in so much effort to make it happen.

Zam's second season was s3. Running from the PrinceZam Empire to Cleansers to the iconic season 3 finale with Spoke. Establishing he's the one who will repair spawn when nobody else does. Accidentally falling into being the hero and never giving up no matter what.

Rek's second season was also s3 which is when his trap escaping and paranoia really kicked off, as well as his willingness to be involved regardless of the moral tilt of his teammates (the cleansing/decimation). He just has a tilt of wholesome chaos that is very rekrap.

ok so eventually we get too into nuance based on player activity and if they skipped a season or not ect ect. but i love this trend. I love thinking about what shaped the lifestealers into what they are now, i love watching them grow and change. Normally in like normal tv/movie content I'm one to love an origin story, whatever the first movie is in a series or the first season of a show. But on lifesteal it genuinely gets better the longer they're online.

[coffeegnomee]

they're both in the wrong. they're both in the right. neither is right. neither is wrong.

The entire damn season has lead to this, from that first fateful day when Mapicc failed to kill a naked princezam. The arrow that symbolized their relationship, Passed from one to the other when they finally resolved their differences with mawn and became teamed, just a team of them two, with their own teams on the side.

The arrow that sat in the prime spot of Mapicc's echest from then on, a constant reminder of Zam's presence. The devotion for each other that can go from being each other's throats shouting "BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH" as one runs away, can become a comforting reminder of their devotion to always be there for each other.

Now hidden away where it doesn't have to be seen.

How the only reason Mapicc tried to kill him that day was because he believed Zam would forgive him and because he was planning on giving the heart back after he got to 20 for his video.

But how that moment provoked Zam to tell Planet to make fun of him in chat for not being able to kill a naked Zam.

How that moment stung. And when Spoke was killed, he killed Zam 3 times, once for Spoke, once for the mocking, and once for trying to stop him from leaving.

The pain of not having Zam being resolved through blood and murder. Repercussions for mockery being given out swiftly and succinctly.

Because Mapicc will always give out repercussions to actions he finds fault in.

But then he drops it just as quickly. He deals out death until your debt is paid. But then it's over.

And this time the debt that was ensued was far greater than simple mockery in chat. It was helping the enemy. And so the retaliation must be bigger.

So he kills him with his fist, blows up the field, kills him again. But that was supposed to be it. But how could that be it when he just did something so devastatingly huge. So of course Zam keeps coming back, keeps talking, keeps trying to understand, and keeps fighting back. So Mapicc kills him again if he's going to attack him. But he says after the fight that he felt empty that it was over. that it was over. The debt had been paid. Now onto mane.

The actions of one teammate will fall upon all teammates. Mapicc is the lifestealer that says that line the most. Said it immediately before killing Woogie for siding with Zam. And told it to Derap after.

But when Zam attacks Hannah for the actions of Mapicc, of how Mapicc used him especially for the creaking trap, suddenly that reality of lifesteal shouldn't count. You should only be going after me for my own actions, not my teammate, he says that day. It makes a new debt, one that must be paid in blood again.

I think Mapicc doesn't believe his own actions should have consequences, because they're not really his own actions, they're repercussions for other's actions. He is vengeance.

So he hunts Zam down again.

But through and before it all, the day he chose to let his wrath be known and he blew up the flower field, Mapicc chose to use Zam for his video. He went in knowing that that was what it was. He said it out loud on stream. And again while telling Bacon about the day when setting up the flower field with tnt. He knew that he used Zam for his own selfish gain.

So he was in the wrong. He deserved a repercussion for that.

But it would hardly be the first time Mapicc has pulls shit like it. The prep days for the Pangi crown battle in s4 will forever rotate in my head. The height of the castle arc, and Mapicc needs pvpers on his side so that he can defeat Pangi and his 3 teammates. It's just him and Parrot who are available. They're going to be crushed in defeat. They need Zam and Subz to help.

So Mapicc strongarms Zam into dropping his beef. The castle arc beef. THAT beef. Says if you just want to kill me, here come to spawn and I'll take my armor off and you can get your kill and then we can team up and your lore will be satisfied. Zam hesitates, but ultimately does it. And I've always loved that scene because it is one of the key moments where we see Zam choosing the functionality of the server over his own personal lore. The same thing he's just gotten into again.

He chose to even out the teams, help Mapicc, so that the fight would be a fair battle. For the good of the server, he killed a naked Mapicc and joined his side. Even though Mapicc was using him for his own content and not caring about Zam's.

And after? Mapicc asked for the lent hearts back. And tried to murder him with Parrot and Ro not minutes later. A perfect case of using Zam for the video, and then throwing him to the side after. And their castle arc beef continues until the final 1v1 where Zam wins.

But Mapicc uses Zam's willingness to help out to get what he needs. So similar to using dupes to get an upper hand in fights he otherwise would loose. So similar to calling in teammates to finish off a 1v1 so he doesn't loose.

When Mapicc faces failure down the barrel of a gun he saves himself.

Call it a massive insecurity for not being good enough. If he fails, he is bad. He cannot fail.

He's in the wrong for that one. But in the right for dolling out repercussions, for fighting against those who would go behind teammate's backs to help enemies. For those who would kill his teammates, protecting those whom he promised himself he would protect. Getting hearts for his teammates so they can stand in this world that will cut you down if you don't cut it down first.

And then there's his jealousy. What was love has turned to possession. Jealousy has rotted the relationship to the core. And especially from Zam's pov, Mapicc being mad that he went to Derap IS unfair. Mapicc is controlling his actions, who he can hang out with.

But Mapicc's devotion has no outlet. His love is so strong and complete, his mind always going back to Zam and where is Zam and why won't he come back to Mawn and Zam is strong and capable and all these huge and confusing emotions that don't make sense. He's a strong and independent Mape who doesn't need anyone. He's fine. He's fine alone. He doesn't need anyone.

He can't articulate it. Doesn't even know or see what is so clearly there by his actions.

And through the seasons Zam has always been there.

Except for that one time he wasn't. The one time Zam left.

And that time? Zam left Team Awesome because he didn't like the dupes. And Mapicc took it to heart. It was his own fault that Zam left. He pushed him too far to do what he wanted the team to do, all those fights, and Zam wasn't happy and Mapicc didn't see it, couldn't fix it until it was too late. and Zam left.

He mentioned it once to Bacon in s5. How he wanted to make sure Zam was okay with all their team plans bc last time he betrayed bc he didn't like the plans. And all s5 was a soliloquy of Mapicc never pushing his own ideas too hard, being gentle with Zam's thoughts and opinions, doing his utmost to not push Zam into betraying the team.

And Zam still betrayed him. Blessing Minute. Zam still didn't prioritize the team even though Mapicc always prioritizes his teammates.

A core ideal of Mapicc's: the teammates over everyone else.

So once again he tries not to push. Right before the end of the stalking arc he realizes he likes having Zam as a friend rather than an enemy. And chooses, willfully, to be friends. The situationship is born because he knows, oh he knows, that Zam would not be happy on the Empire bc the Empire is going to be evil and Zam has proven to Mapicc that he doesn't want to be evil.

So he doesn't push the Empire on to Zam. But, like he said in his stalking video, he realized "Zam is my only real friend on this server". His closest friend. And he doesn't want to loose Zam.

So he forms the allyship. Because his devotion runs too deep to just end neutral. And his real team isn't logging on almost ever. It's not about using Zam, it's not about taking advantage of him. It's about getting to team with his best friend. It's about devotion.

And for the next months, time and time again, Mapicc puts aside his bloodlust for Zam. He puts aside dealing out the repercussions he fundamentally is driven to dole out, his core ideal on this server, for Zam.

Core ideal vs core ideal. Dealing repercussions vs keeping the server functioning.

And Mapicc is shit at expressing what he's feeling. He tried. Oh he tried over and over. Multiple confrontations with Zam about how Zam stopped him from being himself, from getting the kill he hand picked out. And they always ended with Zam apologizing, and it seemed resolved. It seemed like Zam would change.

But it's just like in s4, but the roles have been reversed. Faced with a teammate who is doing something that fundamentally goes against everything he believes should be done on the server, they talk and talk and talk, but when it becomes proven that they did something even worse behind your back, you snap, twist the knife, and murder them.

I've said before Mapicc is having a Zam s4 of a season. And this was the eclipse federation. He thought Zam was good, he thought he wasn't doing the one thing he would never do, the one thing he has betrayed over in the past; working with the enemy, but then it was proven that Zam was doing just that.

For Zam it was about vitalasy hiding the extent of the exploits, for Mapicc it was about working with the enemy. Just like killing Spoke in the dupe war.

And one of the things Mapicc has brought up time and again recently, before he killed Zam, was wanting to finally feel free from doing what Zam wanted. How he has felt like Zam just uses him for pvp, but only in the ways that benefit Zam, and never let him get the kills he wants he wants to do.

But did he not walk into this situation, with eyes open? He knew Zam wouldn't kill, that he wanted to protect the server, but he still teamed with him.

So he feels trapped.

And then there's the side team. There's Derap. A player who had outstanding debts of repercussions to receive. Whom Zam was protecting from those repercussions. Stopping him from doing his core ideal on the server.

And Mapicc tried to say, over and over and over and over, how he would not team with Derap, how he would never team with Derap.

Is it not so similar to what he just said to Minute and Hannah, what he complained about to Bacon - he is clear with his boundary on who he will team with and they still keep telling him to team with Zam. He's trying, desperately trying, to express his opinions, to stand up for himself. And it's failing.

Trapped between wanting to make a team happy and wanting to do what he knows is right.

And not only that, but he lamented to Bacon about how he wished destroying Zam could be a passion project for them all. He's forever trapped with the worry that his team won't like his idea.

Zam would leave the team to do a solo arc, but Mapicc needs a duo. He needs a team.

So when Zam joins Derap, it cuts him to the heart. His devotion of Zam is being ripped out. His need for company is ripped away. His safety and security is gone.

Oh the two sides of a story. Love that doesn't allow for free will is not love at all. But he's so blinded by love and need that he can't see what he is doing to Zam. That what once was wholesome love has turned to something toxic.

And so the emotions simmer. Bubble away on the back burner. Until all this pain and trappedness and unmet need slams into the stove and everything falls apart. Love turns to wrath.

And it's crazy how Zam is not at fault, he's doing his own plan for the season. He, like everyone, deserves the freedom of choice.

And yet he is endlessly devoted to Mapicc too. And knows everything that makes Mapicc move and breathe. He knows Mapicc's bloodlust, his unending need for revenge when he sees slights.

But he failed to see just how much of a core this is for Mapicc.

He idealized him, put him on a pedestal of perfection, projected his own moralities on Mapicc, believing that he could convince Mapicc to be different, to not be so bloodlusty. That maybe Mapicc could go down a similar path he just did, that everything could be okay and their ideals could align.

Love blinded him to the reality of what Mapicc is.

Just as love blinded Mapicc to the reality of who Zam is.

Zam didn't see Mapicc will only love spawn because Zam loves spawn. Otherwise he just sees it as a tool for power.

Zam didn't see how his devotion became one sided as he threw himself at Mapicc over and over to make him happy, without realizing how upset Mapicc was already and how deep it really went. How unresolved.

Zam knows Mapicc values loyalty, but never once did he suspect that Mapicc would think giving hearts to the enemy was betrayal. Even though blessing Minute was a betrayal and he didn't see it then either.

Their core ideals on the server will never align. Not in the long run. Zam will be who he is: someone who will balance the server to allow every player to thrive. And Mapicc will be who he is: someone who will deal out vengeance on behalf of the server and the repercussions the other players incur.

So close to being similar. Both dedicated to the server's function. But diametrically opposed. Zam will aid. Mapicc will destroy.

Can they learn to let each other go? Can they learn to not be codependent? Can they have the confidence in themselves to not loose it the second the other does what they believe is right? Can they learn to accept the fullness of who the other is?

Because there's something about the other that relentlessly makes them devoted to the other. Something that has nothing to do with the other's actions or what they bring to the relationship. It's just who the other person is. They simply love each other.

It needed to boil over. It needed to go to fists and destruction. It's all too packed down to resolve without explosion. They can't take the other seriously for the grievance until their blood is on their sword. Until all the words have been spoken. Until they feel the repercussions have been dealt out, and there are a lot of repercussions to be had.

[coffeegnomee]

There's something to be said about how lifestealers like choose two different opposing personality types and combine them to make themselves. But only really lean into one at a time. And when you just look at one you get a full character and it seems impossible that the other could be true and you just wait in this weird limbo where it's like they could go back to being who they are or they could just exist like this forever, and both are true and yet it's not proven to be true until it happens or its over.

could expand about others probably but im mostly just thinking about Clown being a silly little guy and a murder villain and how he is most certainly both and you can't just say he's one or the other.

but rn on the realm he is just a silly little guy. how could he ever be the villain.

and yet as a creator clown is going down this interesting route of being less murder villain, playing nice with people and not taking their dragon egg (that one video from forever ago when this shift started happening) and he embodies this protector role so much more now, making it look like this is all he is.

and yet you still have that evil within that gets let out only when the situation allows for a little chaos and it's appropriate. like the karl 100 player video. doing some silly little trust building to get people to walk into portals just to die to lava on the other side just for fun. just to see if he can.

Or playing nice for the mace and murdering players immediately. He is and always will be both sides together.

Or Pangi being the innocent therapist and the passionate fighter.

Or Spoke being a troller and world ender.

Or Mapicc being honorable while also being the first to exploit/cheat/bend the rules.

Or Zam being defender and mass murderer.

Or Rek being wholesome and an instant betrayer because its lifesteal

Or 4c being pure innocence and the mastermind

Or Jumper being the troller and the betrayer

Maybe it's just simply that they're all capable and very forward about their good and innocent and goofy sides.

But that they are equally fully capable of indulging the evil within. And that evil is such a particular thing that is unique to them that will come out at a particular time.

and they choose when to be either. And they back up the villainy with periods of genuine innocence and whimsy to the point where you forget that they have done anything wrong ever. and it becomes easy to defend their wrongs. at it becomes exciting to wait for them to do something crazy. and it's fun to watch them be silly in the meantime.

they keep up this extremely active tension of "when will this all fall apart"; it's fun to keep watching because at any moment they could return to how they have been.

and yet this is also this active tension of growth, "maybe i don't want to be like that anymore". and who they will become is just as interesting as who they have been. (ok maybe just a little less fun. i miss gayjoker)

constantly held in tension. two extremes. today is today and yet tomorrow has all the potential.

[coffeegnomee]

yea I think it would be super situational and need some sort of inciting incident for him to do it, but I also think it can definitely happen if there was a reason for it to happen. Like I don't think he refuses to betray her like he refuses to betray Branzy and Ferre.

And imo I think part of that is bc how he views her as a sister? like the sibling dynamic of messing with your sibling so they grow strong. you'll be by their side fighting against their enemies, but also you also do shit to them that's worse than anyone else would do. but it's because they need to grow up.

vs with Branzy he's got that flirting and Ferre is his coach and mentor and best friend. So for one, it's protection bc relationship and the other is undying loyalty due to common history.

He might have a back-of-the-mind plan to do something to her because she is SO forward about trusting him and he thinks she needs to learn that she should trust nobody. Just like, noticing how he talks when he's in vc with her this season esp that day when the mice base was found and she was running from mane.

But that plan won't happen until he sees it's the perfect time to make that killing blow, and even then it won't be like with Minute where it's, "you need to learn I'm never about peace, lifesteal isn't about peace" but more like "See I told you. Now get up and be better". Which is an interesting thought to think about how Kab would react in that situation. Would she be irreparably distrusting of Clown or would it strengthen her?

genuinely wonder if clown will ever Actually betray (or "betray" ig since theyre not actually teamed, not even sure if theyre like. Officially allied tbh cause clown hasnt logged on in so long lmao) kab cause on one hand i think it would be interesting but on the other hand he doesnt really have a reason to??

like kabs morals fit perfectly well with his philosophy and the servers purpose, they dont target him and even tries to get ppl who target him off his back, and while she has beef with mane who you could somewhat?? reasonably call his ally hes not exactly attached to him like that and would probably even find it funny if kab managed to kill mane on their own

but like kab said clown is reasonably attached to her but not to the same extent as he is with ferre and branzy so it could go either or really but as its looking rn it doesnt seem like its gonna be happening at least not anytime soon

[coffeegnomee]

I’ve been thinking about the canonical answer for the resetting of every season.

It is no mystery that friendship is fundamental on lifesteal. The teams of season 1 largely fell along friendship lines, and the theme has continued. The players that are very close friends have far stronger bonds than players that find each other in game for the first time.

Take Mapicc and Zam. Or Flame and Mane. Or Clown and Branzy. Zam and Pangi. Etc etc.

Time and again we see these players gravitate towards each other, sometimes even choosing each other over their current teammates. They can’t escape it.

But every season the characters try out new teammates and plots and friendships. The server unfolds in wild and unpredictable ways. Betrayals are plotted, murders are made, pets are killed.

And by the end of the season the characters feel all the pains of everything that has gone down. They yearn for rest, yearn for the reset to be able to have a clean slate with their friends once more.

To try again. To see what could happen with the new knowledge they have of themselves and of others.

And I think this was really shown by Spoke’s s3 finale conversation about banning everyone to move on: "why are you fighting to protect a world people are actively trying to leave". And Zam’s s4 finale wanting to ban everyone so that s5 could come along (and subz could come back).

The characters, over the course of the season, begin to realize that redemption is right around the corner. If they can just fight one final fight, everything will go back to normal. They can all be friends again.

Every season the end is embraced, eventually, by everyone. Whether by being banned, jumping into the void together, or building a house and promising to see each other next season.

Not every character realizes this every season, but the ones that do become doomsday, and they drag everyone else along, sometimes kicking and screaming, to the end of the world.

And then in a flash of light, the world is restored. The old spawn is gone, the new spawn is fresh. They stand in a circle, toothy grins and trepidation, ready to do it all over again.

And in this way a small portion of the character is passed down season to season. Memories remain, but the allure of new beginnings outshines the horrors of previous wars. And the cycle begins again. 

[coffeegnomee]

I don't know if I'll ever recover from Spoke making the pitch of his life to Minute.

All Spoke knows how to do is use his words to manipulate players into doing whatever he wants them to do. It was his forte in s4. It fueled him with boundless ego.

But this time, especially after watching all povs, this time was different. Was it entirely truthful? no. But it was different.

Spoke has yet to really push Minute to his limit. He's never tried to see what this new owner of lifesteal will be like. Will he be like Parrot and be morally grey and embrace chaos and the occasional rule break and exploit for the sake of content? Spoke doesn't know. He hasn't had the opportunity to check.

But they made the team in order to be the villains. And in Spoke's eyes, how could that not mean being the world enders.

So when it came time to be who they were meant to be, Spoke pitched the idea and didn't hold back any stops. It's so fascinating to analyze the conversation and see the layers of persuasion and manipulation Spoke did.

He starts with some low balls. Drops the word "exploit" twice just to see Minute's reaction. Smoothly changes the word when Minute questions him on it.

It's like he wanted to be above the board with it. Or maybe see if Minute would find it an interesting challenge to catch Spoke in the act. Or maybe feel the thrill of pulling off the impossible under the nose two admins. Or maybe something entirely secret.

But both times Minute pushed back against exploits. And Spoke should've known that this was never going to work. But he continues anyway.

When I first heard him pitch the orbital I deadass thought it was the coverup, the distraction for Minute to feel like he was productive on the team, the moral justification to stay out of the exploits. Or better yet, the thing Spoke gives to lower Minute's guard. Get him accepting the small stuff before he gives him the big stuff. Get him in too deep.

Because for real. What is exploitive about the orbital? Nothing. It's entirely above the board. That couldn't actually be the plan. He said "there's legal ways to do this" as if the exploit would also produce a hole to bedrock. But the two cannot be related.

But given how Spoke crashed out to Zam about Minute being stupid, given how he mentioned it to Mapicc too, given how unbelievably unserious Ash and Squiddo were about the orbital, given how Squiddo told 4c that Spoke said he didn't want to do it:

I think the orbital was hand picked by Spoke so that Minute would have fun.

He wracked his brain for what world ending things Minutetech might be interested in. What previous video idea would work for his straight edge teammate.

And he came up with the orbital. Minute even said earlier this season that he wanted to build the mark 6.

But immediately Minute's voice wavered "you want to do this to spawn?" in that one word, it was over. Minute cares too much about spawn. He's not a world ender.

Spoke heard and pulled back immediately. This was just a possible future, not for sure. Spoke had a vision and he was going to inspire Minute. And for that you need a little delicacy, a little back and forth. Push on the mark then back down, stoke their ego then push it to greater heights.

He brings up morality, allows for the possibility of Minute to stay good. Admits it's a test of morals.

Minute is silent, Spoke pivots, this is about sending a statement, this will change lifesteal forever. Vision cast.

He brings up that it's basically ready to blow everything to bedrock. Minute sounds uncertain and Spoke goes quieter, softer, repeating that that's the thing.

Minute rallies, envisions himself making it, envisions the past when he made the other one, places himself in his old shoes and sees what it could feel like.

Spoke goes for jovial, excited. Make Minute see how good of a thing this is, how it will be fun. How much Spoke sees it as fun, as a way to play on the sympathies that even if I don't want to do it, I'll do it cause my teammate is excited to do it. He thinks a nice clean reset would be beautiful. oh my sweet sweet thinly veiled metaphors. The next season would be beautiful I agree.

Minute asks if they do this, would there even be anything left to love. Oh minute.

Spoke pivots to talk about the ego death, how many dumb plots have happened at spawn, how many pathetic tnt attempts. If you get rid of everything, you're free to just love again. Start fresh.

Oh how I love how Spoke will never say he's doing this to start the next season. Everything is about this season. He stays perfectly in rp. I wonder if that hinders people understanding why he does what he does.

But Minute brings up his moral journey, so Spoke takes the hands off the wheel, says what Minute is thinking before Minute can say it so Minute doesn't hear it from his own lips first: he can kill Spoke. He even validates how good that feeling will be. It's a risky play. But he's in the thick of it.

And the mircosecond Minute takes a step towards him he pivots again and plays to the ego, this would be the most insane project ever pulled off. It would completely change history. That that feeling would be better than any momentary hero feeling.

Minute says every time he's followed his dark impulses he's gotten the short end of the stick. And Spoke capitalizes on it, saying that was cause his vision was too low, he has the ultimate plan that will not give Minute any short stick.

But Minute chooses himself. Chooses the blocks on the ground. Over his teammate.

Minute thought he was banning Spoke. Like. okay. Win by absolute power, way to do that again Minute.

But to Minute's credit, and the cinema that is that stream, Minute proved his quality. Was put to the test and passed. He's not manipulatable. Not temptable. He's upright and will choose what is good when he's given the option with a lot of lead up and a very level head. Ok maybe he's not that proven. Because we do know when he's pushed through backhanded devastating situations he follows those dark impulses and wins at any cost. Which isn't moral goodness. But he passed the can-you-manipulate-the-owner test.

Which Spoke needed to experience. He needed to test it. Perhaps as the first of the experiments.

But it's just tragic. Cause we know Spoke's not doing the orbital. If he does I'll be shocked.

There's four players I could see that would make the orbital: Minute, Zam, Clown, and 4c if someone else had the idea. Well, or if Spoke told him to do it directly. Maybe it happens. Literally no idea.

But for how short that list is, that was something Spoke picked out specifically for Minute. A gift he made him. And Minute just threw it out.

I will never get over how decided that he had to test if Minute would be okay with exploits on the same day he tested Minute being okay with being evil.

Which is why I spent most of the day thinking it was never going to be an orbital and all Spoke wanted to know was about Minute's reaction to possible exploits.

Which, okay, maybe I do still think that.

Because he has an exploit. He wouldn't have mentioned it if he didn't. If it was Just the orbital, why scare Minute with talk of exploits. And we literally know he has the bugbombs. Love that he's convinced Squiddo he has nothing, and that she immediately showed him everything. Sure, did he ever figure out how to dupe successfully on the server? no, based on player activity. But he knows the theory.

And then there's Jumper. Oh how interesting this will be.

Wait actually I take that back. Jumper would be on the list. I can see her doing the orbital. It's just so fascinating for how Spoke is both teasing and saying it's not it, back and forth, is he or isn't he. Keep everyone guessing.

There's so many layers to how Spoke talks, what he does, how he does it. He's not dumb at all. Everything has a reason, but I think the bigger picture is that anything can be turned into a success if he just pivots a little.

Because, out of all of this, Spoke now has an enemy that know's he's coming. Which is very wormhole. He leaked things to Planet and Parrot in advance of the finale week so that the opposition would get ready for whatever was coming.

It's too easy to say that was his plan, cause if Minute said yes that would've been the best for Spoke. But this is still a win, in a way. Spoke always wins.

[coffeegnomee]

There is Nothing like the feeling of seeing two people interact after a year and 9 months and them being exactly the same.

The not accepting Zam's self depreciation/being wrong that vi was right, vi's little punches to emphasize his point. his really (really Really) long contemplative pauses. zam's silence, nervous jumping, waiting to hear what vi might be thinking. vi's difficulty in choosing words but also being devastating when he does (eclipse is his favorite story ever told on lifesteal. ok so just kill me now). zam's emotional leaning (i just really missed you. do you want to watch the sunset?) zam showing love but feeling like he can't be exuberant about bc he shows it by saying words while vi shows happiness by smiling silently (and wanting to talk off stream). the absolute dread from zam when vi couldn't find the words to describe his feelings, the pure joy giggles when vi instead said he missed it. the back and forth "hi's" when the convo gets lost.

But both of them growing and maturing. vi admitting he wasn't right, and he did keep things from zam. zam apologizing and saying he was scared to bring it up last season.

long story short I'm not okay.

[coffeegnomee]

I'm not the most knowledgeable about season 4 so I would love your thoughts on all the comparisons to it , and also generally on zam's rapidly declining, slightly unstable mental health in the latest stream ( only if you watched it of course! )

This was about the stream "staring into the sun" and I finally finished it (not "crawling", so if anything changed I'm not liable)

So, first off, on a genuine level, I think we have, because of this stream, entered into new and entirely uncharted waters, something that will make season 6 and sunkissed into entirely and completely their own story that no longer has any relations to s4. So not knowing the past isn't a detriment.

Additionally, what actually happened in two years ago isn't relevant to what Zam remembers happening two years ago. And, on a very important note, what happened in season 5 is vitally important to not leave out when comparing s6 to s4. Jumper's betrayal has scarred Zam in ways far deeper than were ever present during the eclipse federation and BOTH seasons are going into what is going on in s6.

That being said I am more than happy to oblige :) I will always and forever yap about how much the past returns to haunt us.

Though THAT being said, I went to look up a Vitalasy quote and got light headed from how DRAMATICALLY terrible and awful and terrible zam and vi were at communication.

There was a sign room on 3/22/23 (vod archive is here) where the only way Zam felt like he could communicate his thoughts to Vi and Subz was by writing them down on signs and hollllyyy shit. That was so awkward I forgot how awkward that was. Zam could literally barely put two words together in defense of his thoughts, could only go "yeah" as Vi read the signs. And Vi literally had his thoughts written down in a book that he kept opening up and reading and highlighting to remind him of his points and would make small frustrated noises at how they were on the same page and yet also not on the same page. And also be unable to just say what he was feeling.

We are in an entirely, and I mean entirely different era of princezam. season 4 princezam could quite literally never bring derap back and tell him how he has hurt him in many words and with examples. The difference is mind boggling.

Ok so. this is going to be rambling because I dont have time to really think things through and there's a lot to cover. buckle up.

The quote I was trying to find, and didn't even really find, was Vi saying to his chat, alone, how zam leaving would be the worst thing to happen to eclipse federation. It's something I vivdly remember him saying and how much I flat out thought he was lying when I heard it the first time. How could Zam leaving or Eclipse breaking up be the worst thing when all it felt like was Vi was trying to control Zam. I didn't believe that Vi truly loved Zam and cared about having him around regardless of what the plot was.

But in the stream he had his book that he read out saying, “We have the gear, we have the hearts, we have the abilities, and we have each other” and throughout the conversation, re-highlights “we have each other” over and over. And once he was alone with chat he said, “I don't even want to build [the prison] without the team’s support”.

At that point in the 3/22 stream above, he was willing to drop the whole project over Zam and Subz being happy with it. And that'll do for my point.

Unluckily for him, between that stream and two days later when they had another meeting, Zam decided that he didn't want to be a burden for the team and would just willingly and excitingly go along with the plan to build a bedrock prison at spawn with the exploited bedrock. He jumped into a hole and killed himself to prove his commitment to the project. Vi also jumped in and also died. Oh my eclipse federation.

As recap if you have no idea what Eclipse is:

The Eclipse Federation started as a team with a goal to not be nice to the server that didn't care about them anymore. The server treated Subz like shit. He had been pacifist all season and kept getting dragged into conflict and killed, and Mapicc (and zam and spoke) blew up his base, and he was tired of being stepped on. So it was time to stand back up.

Vi joined Eclipse with a secret plan that only Subz knew (and ash and spoke) that had been planned since day 1 of the server: he had the wormhole. A game breaking exploit that got them creative mode items and eventually, (after zam betrayed, and only for spoke), op itself. But he wanted to reveal this slowly and excitedly to the server to create a sense of fun and mystery. And he also wanted to balance the server by having the exploits and only using them to defend those he cared about and to create a prison to deter others from trying to be tyrants. He didn't want to be the villain.

Zam joined Eclipse because Mapicc was hunting him down over and over and had just recently banned him off and revived him and left him on one heart. He had betrayed and left Mapicc (and ro) because they had duped thousands of items with a different exploit and Zam was totally done with anyone having an unfair advantage on this server. He burned the dupes and left the team.

Subz took him in when he had nothing, gave him gear and some of his own hearts, gave him a base, a home, and a team to protect him if Mapicc came back after him (and mapicc did. and they protected him).

Eclipse thrived as a team for over a month or so. Laughed and made bases, logged on at odd hours of the night to save Zam, showed up for him and were a great and supportive team. Nothing was wrong.

But that sense of safety would be cracked and then shattered over the coming months.

Bacon said it great at the start of this stream, and if you're new and reading this, honestly so much of what is relevant in comparison of the past is said by the members in the modern era.

But Bacon said that intention and action matter, and maybe action a bit more. Zam agreed and said that what still hurt was how Vi and Subz were good to him. And he wished he didn't kill Vi when he betrayed him, that he only did that because he wanted to twist the knife.

And importantly if you're paying attention at home, Zam is finally in a spot where he accepts that he would have left Eclipse either way. It's just how he left that haunts him.

What the "intention" and "action" were is where Eclipse became the most fucked shakespearean tragedy on levels far past what you could imagine. I'm always one to giggle about how s6 is like s4, but it is maybe 20% like s4. s4 was a fucking crazy ride. I highly recommend it.

Over the coming months, Vi would try and Not reveal to Zam too much about what was planned for the wormhole because he 1) didn't want to spoil it and 2) didn't want ANYONE to figure out how to do this exploit bc it would work on any server.

But also he would desperately, and consistently, and so very very terribly at doing it, was trying to keep Zam on the team... by lying to him.

This is where chat started bringing up s4 when Zam and Derap were talking in the base. Vitalasy lied about a lot of things to Zam, and they specifically had a "no more lies" conversation too.

And from Vitalasy's point of view, he was only holding things back for Zam's own good, to keep Zam happy, to make Zam feel included, to protect Zam from getting scared and running when there was nothing to be scared about.

He also wanted to tell Zam everything, but Zam had said if chat couldn't know, he didn't want to know, and that he trusted Vitalasy.

But Vi had so many moving parts to work with that he would say something like "we have a bedrock farm in the end" to, from his mind, appease chat and keep them off the trail, while also imagining that Zam would understand that there was no bedrock farm. And then he also forgot that he even said that to Zam at all because it was not meant to be taken as the truth.

(Or like Derap says he was the only one to fight against Subz, not because he was but because that's what it felt like to him. It wasn't meant to be taken fully literally, it was just what was important to say)

But Zam would find out it was a lie, and his trust would waver. He'd think about how Vitalasy was adamant he only look at the first 20 (iirc) pages of the wormhole plan and was unwilling to let him see more. In the moment Zam was okay with not getting more info because he trusted Vi implicitly, but Planet eventually saw the book and told Zam that there were only 20 pages and Vi was lying to him.

On that note, another similarity is Bacon talking with Zam. Him and Planet would have tons of conversations with Zam as Zam worked through trusting and then not trusting his team and getting more and more miserable. I made a poll a while back about whether or not they were the reason Zam left Eclipse or if he would have left them anyway and the poll came back a perfect 50/50.

Which is funny because chat in s4 was SO 50/50 on Zam staying or leaving Eclipse. And chat now is so 50/50 on if Derap is being manipulative or not. All that chatter is gonna get loud. And makes it quite reminiscent of s4 all by itself.

Now, now that everything is said and done with s4, it is very very clear that Vitalasy was NOT wanting to be the villain. He said it All the time, but the way that he said it made it Sound like he was straight out lying. He would give examples of the god powers he could do, and how he could be evil, and then immediately say, but I wont do that, i couldn't do that. i don't have the heart to do that.

At times he would look like someone brandishing a knife saying, I'm not going to kill you. That doesn't exactly fill anyone with confidence of not being stabbed.

And when players would ask him to put the exploits down he would say, what exploits? I'm not exploiting right now. While he was flying with potion particles wafting off his character. Somehow, in his mind, since the exploit was obtained in a specific way, one was only exploiting during the moments that they were obtaining the powers, and then after it was just vanilla minecraft bc most of it was potions (with all the positive or negative affects in the game), or it was a double-join glitch and once you set it up it wasn't your fault that you could fly.

And when you watch lifesteal, and specifically princezam, having the heart to commit atrocities is not part of the equation. Mapicc and Zam and Ro committed atrocity after atrocity as Team Awesome, despite Zam clearly having remorse and regrets about the evil he was doing. Despite Zam deciding that he didn't want to be evil and wanted to get rid of the exploits. Despite him leaving Team Awesome. None of those feelings made Zam Not commit those villainous acts.

So to turn around and have Vi insist over and over that he wouldn't use these exploits for real... it just sounded fake. Absurd.

Especially as the plot progressed and Zam betrayed and Vi started Actually Using the exploits constantly, and killed Planet a dozen times in the prison, and was flying around, and was breaking out of the prison when Spoke put him in. He kept using more and more exploits all the while insisting that he wasn't going to be the villain. It was the most fascinating train wreck to watch. And so painful. And so mind bogglingly flabbergasting for truly, and I mean truly, not knowing what was going on in Vitalasy's mind.

But in the end, as Bacon was saying, Vi gave up. As he kept talking to Bacon and Zam and Planet, over time Vi got more and more sad about being the villain, he hated being the villain, he felt misunderstood because he just wanted to use the exploits to protect those he cared about, and he missed princezam and was so SO sad (and mad) about Eclipse falling apart, and so he finally decided to give up all the exploits and burn them in front of the server.

The Server thought he was full of shit and had more exploits at his base and laughed him off the stage.

And Vi banned himself off the server that day. Gave up being the villain in the most permanent way he knew how. And the arc ground to a screeching halt.

...until Subz revived Vitalasy specifically to tour him around the server, reveal a new base, and then tell Vi to kill him. Ban himself off the server because Subz had gotten to a point of missing Zam and Vi and him being a team that he thought maybe, maybe, if he wasn't around they would come back together.

And Zam, well he thought of banning himself off the server too, but ultimately didn't decide to do it, not really but partially because Vi's revival and Subz' subsequent ban, it would have been Too Much to have a trifecta of suicide from one team. But they were literally all doing the same depression plot all on top of each other. It was so much tragedy oh my goodness.

but instead of banning himself, Zam joined Spoke for the wormhole, deciding that it would be best for the server and everyone if he just ended it as fast as possible so they could move on to season 5. (also Pangi bedrocked trapped him to change the trajectory of his life)

So the parallels that keep coming up are the looming doom that Vi/Derap are lying to him. That Zam is unable to tell what is the truth and who to trust.

And that's the terrible part, imo, of s6 and these parallels, and the reason I wanted to find that Vitalasy quote at the start.

You CAN, from a certain angle, when you boil out the wormhole, say that the Vitalasy Zam arc was Vitalasy desperately trying to stay teammates with PrinceZam by telling him anything he needed to hear to be okay with not betraying them.

And there is nothing Zam hates more than being lied to. Even exploits. In the end, before he betrayed, it was more about the fact that Vi lied to him about the bedrock farm and lied to him about changing the prison and lied to him about a bunch of other things, than it was about the exploits themselves. Though, finding a vault of Vi's exploits IS what sealed the bag for Zam betraying.

Which sounds incredibly similar to what Derap is doing.

Even Derap being so accommodating to talking to Zam about his concerns is so Vitalasy. And changing his plans based on Zam, but in a way that Zam doesn't quite trust, is so s4. I don't even know how to begin to describe the actual vi and zam relationship in s4, but this derap one is a fading parallel that is so so so close and also seemingly so so so far.

I do not think Derap is being manipulative on purpose, and esp after this stream I don't think he any sort of master plan like Vi had with the wormhole. And it was mostly the wormhole that drove Zam away from Vi.

But the wormhole was just the convenient glitter that allowed Zam to delve into a greater problem: his communication skills and his hatred of being lied to.

And when you take season 5 into consideration, where Jumper lied to him straight out for three months straight, Zam is now completely triggered by the smallest hint of a lie.

And Derap is manipulating the truth to make himself look good or drive a point home about Zam. He isn't lying to cover some big plan up.

This is where I'm like, this is not going to end like Eclipse at all. This is already so far past were Eclipse was it's crazy. Because Zam has learned how to articulate himself and stand up for himself. He's completely gun-shy about it, but he is learning how to do it and actually practicing the skills he needs to make it happen.

But, I made this comparison a couple of posts ago, with Derap specifically vod-watch stream sniping Zam (which Zam does not know about at all, so no snitches, also it's technically legal bc they're teammates), this pulls s6 back into the realm of s4. Zam Hates stream sniping just as much as he hates exploits. The game is set and we shall have to wait and see what comes of it.

But between vod watching his teammate to find out why he is not trusting him and having the prot 4 exploit, Derap was on thin ice for keeping secrets while manipulating the truth. Now that the prot 4 exploit is out in the open, it doesn't help much, but it does change things. I can only imagine what might happen if Derap keeps accidentally slipping up and mentioning chat messages he's not supposed to have seen.. like needing a PR team.

But without the big evil looking plan like Vi had, idk if the parallels are paralleling. Though Zam ending stream talking about is it even worth continuing is So s4. The constant back and forth and indecision was the hallmark for how Zam ended up being completely miserable in Eclipse by the end and the fertile ground to make him betray the second he found the full exploits.

But the more desperate Derap is to keep Zam on his team, the more Zam is going to panic at the smallest things.

Now, for Zam's deteriorating mental health... this isn't new in the slightest. If anything he is wildly more stable now than the past, as I've mentioned above. I don't really know how to phrase any of this because Zam from a mental health perspective is the largest can of worms you can open. There are so many layers and discoveries and learning and pain and woundedness.

He has a history of paranoia that started from the first moment he stepped onto this server, then he was hunted down in his base multiple times so trading with villagers gives him trauma for being jumped. He is constantly thinking about how he might be betrayed because he was betrayed several times before s5, and then in s5 he was almost completely broken by Jumper's betrayal and now everything triggers that trauma. He also was the betrayer many times and knows what it feels like to be the one hurting others and is anxious he will do it again or that others will do it to him. He's a people pleaser who cannot bear anyone being mad at him and will do whatever it takes to make it better. But he's also a recovering people pleaser and learning how to stand up for himself and his needs.

He doesn't even know what's wrong with himself, but as he said to Derap, Derap saying that makes him feel like there is something terribly wrong with himself. That he's a burden too heavy to bear. And that nobody wants him. The negative self talk is loud.

None of this is new. This is the princezam experience. He gets himself into these situations that make him face some aspect about himself that cuts far deeper than any lore would normally go. And after watching for 2 years it's incredible to see the growth.

And then there's the stone sword mentality. Which I don't necessarily put under mental health though it's adjacent.

You probably don't remember, but early on in s6 Zam had a late night, while making the flame volcano, where he told chat the origin of the stone sword mentality. (7/21/24, about 7:48:00)

His first every youtube video win, he had a public smp with his friends and everyone was xraying and hacking and when someone became the villain and killed Zam, he just set his bed and made stone swords and kept running in, over and over and over. And eventually he actually won. Running at the villain over and over worked.

In terms of lifesteal, stone sword comes from the day in s4 when he died to Mapicc and Ro while fighting for spawn. They went to his respawn and killed him 13 more times. And all throughout Zam was making stone swords trying to kill Ro, but Ro put him on two hearts and left him alone. Mapicc saying they're gods not demons.

But earlier than that, in the finale of s3, Zam made stone axes and ran at Spoke over and over while Spoke slowly farmed him off the sever. And Spoke banned him. Zam accepted the loss and learned that lifesteal is about killing, and gave up being the hero.

And in s5 Zam threw himself at Minute over and over. Usually with Mapicc, but one time in particular he set his bed in front of Minute and fought him until Minute killed him just to see what Minute would do when he respawned right there. This was just before the Joker arc truly started.

In the Joker arc, in the end, after trying for weeks to get Minute and Jumper to kill him, he finally got his wish and got 4v1ed and died almost instantly, banning himself off the server in gayjoker flare, cackling that he won.

Throwing himself at impossible odds and never giving up is princezam. Doing it even if it means death is princezam. The gross disregard for his own life is princezam.

He only looks at the underlying reasonings occasionally. How he runs from his problems by killing himself. Any time he doesn't know what to do, he solves it with a self-ban on someone's sword.

This was actually the very first time that he allowed the connection to be made that he wanted to suicide on Flame's sword and actually used that word.

But it's so heartbreaking to hear him talk about it with Derap.  ZAM: “it is dumb. Its self destructive, its stupid, its everything everyone says about me”

Over the years Zam has been called insane and stupid and been misunderstood and a lot of shitty things by the members. And he hears what they say, and he takes it on too. How can he not believe them when everyone says this about him.

But the stone sword goes so much deeper than a destructive defense mechanism. In so many ways it really strikes the core of who Zam is, how he views lifesteal and minecraft. A place where lives don't matter, where you can fight for what you believe in even if you have no hope.

Stone swording has helped him countless times. Being willing to die so easily has kept him safe in some ways, it makes the pvpers pause and be confused and not understand why he would do this. He does still die, but it makes them pause, and in that pause and in being able to grind back up to full gear so easily, it gives Zam the emotional upper hand in the face of power he could never defeat.

And, potentially, makes the pvper think differently about the server.

So much of the s5 Joker arc was about getting Minute and Jumper to understand that they need to kill people on the killing people sever, and Zam tried teaching them that by being a destructive menace that also set his bed in front of them and asked them to kill him over and over. He tested and pushed and prodded them into doing what this sever was made for. Making them loose the idealogical battle so Mapicc and The Players could win the pvp battle.

And even in this stream with Flame, there was none of the gayjoker flare or off-putting delightful giggles, but Zam was teaching Flame much the same lesson, in many of the same way. That he really doesn't have a plan and he can kill him. That he shouldn't be so paranoid about a trap.

All along the way teaching them something about lifesteal that cannot be taught any other way. Death is not important. Lives don't matter.

This is princezam. This is what he does.

And it's so interesting how an idealogical look on lifesteal and minecraft can so easily turn into a discussion about self destructive coping mechanisms.

And Zam wears his "I'm dumb, stupid, what the fuck is wrong with you" mental health as its own defense mechanism. He claims (or rejects) but still believes the shit people say to him which only furthers the idea that this ideology about minecraft IS fundamentally fucked up, that he is broken beyond repair. Which only serves to spiral the discussion rather than letting Zam just be Zam.

Because as he reminisced about the first stone sword incident on that public smp, he said how lifesteal feels like that server, like home.

But going back to how he learned lifesteal was about killing and gave up being the hero in s3, this was part of why Eclipse fell apart.

Vitalasy partially wanted Zam on the team because he wanted Zam to be their moral backbone and make sure they didn't go too far. Zam gave himself the duty of being "the anchor", and that position weighed on him so heavily. He hated being the voice of what they should or should not do, and in his heart he didn't want them to do exploits at all, but he felt bad that Vi had this plan all season and didn't want to be the reason it didn't happen.

But what Vitalasy didn't realize was just how morally different Zam had become.

It was Vi who spurred Zam on to be the hero at the end of s3, passing the mantle of keeping everyone revived onto Zam while Vi banned himself off for the season. And Zam embraced the mantle, fighting for the people of the server against Spoke and Clown who would rather see everyone banned.

But over the course of the finale, Spoke got nearly everyone to betray Zam at some point, leaking his base over and over, and eventually convinced Zam that this is lifesteal and the server must die.

This hugely marked Zam going into s4. He didn't want to be the main character, he didn't want to be the hero, and for the first time ever (iirc) he started talking about how on lifesteal there are no heroes and villains. He became morally grey.

And in his greyness he joined Team Awesome and committed the above atrocities.

But what Vitalasy didn't realize, not until it was too late, was that all this had happened to Zam, and he had been changed since he last saw him before the finale of s3. Vi was inactive most of s4 until Eclipse, only logging on at the start, killing people (like Mapicc and Ro) and and giving hearts to Mapicc and Ro, and then logging off. And Zam was not on s4 at that time, joining a couple months late. The two didn't speak a word to each other from the day of the s3 finale (actually it might've been before then) until they were both on Eclipse.

So when he asked Zam to be their moral backbone, he thought Zam was morally upright.

But Zam is both morally upright and morally corrupt. He will equally fight for the server and repair spawn and get rid of exploits just as much as he will use exploits and kill innocents and be a cold blooded killer.

And he doesn't know himself what is the right thing to do.

So to put him in the position of being the moral backbone, instead of being a good thing and what Zam was good at, was the actual worst place for him to be.

And I think a similar thing is happening with Derap. Derap doesn't realize how Zam has changed and been changed by the server. He's aware of the lore because he used to watch streams, but he hasn't really truly gotten it into himself (or maybe he's just not acting on it bc his character can't know any of this bc he's new) that Zam has been utterly changed by s4 and s5. He just thinks Zam needs to stick up for himself a bit and get over the past. But Zam is deeply, deeply affected by what happened. And that's going to cause conflict within the team.

In some ways Derap is just like Vitalasy, but in others he is totally and completely wholesome and the best thing that's ever happened to Zam on lifesteal (which you also could have said about Vitalasy at some points), a teammate that really wants to be with him through thick and thin and isn't afraid of any of the darkness.

It's exactly the kind of relationship that heals past wounds, makes you believe there is good in the world again, and that maybe you're lovable even if you're a mess.

But he doesn't understand the darkness, hasn't seen it, so how can he truly understand.

And that's exactly what we're going to be watching unfold in the coming month(s).

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

[coffeegnomee]

For months we (I) have wondered why Mapicc ended his Mawn/Zaun video saying "Me and Zam had made up, but it didn't mean we could team. If I could go back in time I would have never done mawn, but now that I have full control over spawn, I can't just stop”

They had a conversation that day, which was partially included in the video, where Zam forgave Mapicc for Mawn, but he cut out the part where they specifically became teammates again. Why would he do a complete 180 and seemingly ignore that conversation?

And then there's this Sunday. The first convo back since the Mawn video. 1:50:00 

ZAM: they have no grudge against you”  MAPICC: “bro thats just not true”  ZAM: “it is. Its it cause-”  MAPICC: “It’s not true just cause they said it to you bro, I’m sorry”

They don't not have a grudge just bc they said they had no grudge.

MAPICC: ‘so it’s like, it’s just like, how can I sit here with my pride and go to pangi and derap after I harassed them all season like a dickhead.”

Mapicc doesn’t think he can be forgiven. He doesn’t believe he should be forgiven. What he’s done is too much. How could anyone just let it go, just like that? 

He has plenty of pride for sure. Everything, everything, has been stripped from him these past weeks, he has been completely broken. All he has left is his pride. 

But his pride covers up the deeper belief, why would they actually forgive me? His pride, reputation, aura, puts him up as a strong pvper, justifies his chaos. Without pvp, who is he? Is he anything without it? 

Even if he was a dick to pangi and derap, he is set apart from them. A pvper. The one who kills chunguses, not a chungs himself. 

But if he joins them, he admits that they are the same, that he needs chunguses to win, and his pride would take a blow. 

But it prevents him from seeing that he is forgivable. That he can be a dick and be forgiven. That people can care about him and want him around despite what he’s done to them. 

Because it’s not really about pangi and derap. 

MAPICC: “but I like to think I’m the most loyal member of the lifesteal smp. When it comes to minecraft, like I feel like I only betray when there’s actually a decent reason in my head so I- I just wanted to say like my bad for the zaun thing that was like actually fucked up [crouches away] and I don't know why I did that”

Caught up in loosing Zam to Derap, all those months ago, (vod GREYS) Mapicc started spiraling the second Zam told him he had a new team with Derap. 

48:30 12/4/24 ZAM: “i have a new teammate” MAPICC: “okay”  Zam says derap has plans for reviving wemmbu. MAPICC: “okay then what the fuck am i supposed to do”  MAPICC: “what if i did something… [thinking] crazy” Mapicc crits zam ZAM: “why are you hitting me after all of that?” MAPICC: ‘because if I hit any of them I’m scared they're gonna drop”  A little later MAPICC: “okay well then I’m confused are we working on this together or no?” ZAM: “I don't know. [..]” MAPICC: ”no I’m saying- I’m saying me and you. Cause if you have a team I assumed I had to make my own plan.” ZAM: “I guess?” MAPICC: “so I’m working on making my own plan. But I just don't know what to do”  A little later MAPICC: “[to himself] who can I kill..” ZAM: “why are you always trying to kill someone mapicc?” MAPICC: “I dunno.. Maybe I feel….. Underachieving. Without it. Like I didn't get anything done to day unless I get another kill” ZAM: “but you have 20 hearts” MAPICC: “yea but the killing is changing the world”  MAPICC: “yea but it’s like I need to find like what I want to do right now. Like what do I care about [...] it lowkey feels like I don't care about anything right now” 

6 days later he’s bringing wardens to spawn. He has a new video idea. 

On the first full day of Mawn chat asks Mapicc won’t this ruin his team with Zam, to which Mapicc responds, “I’m not teamed with Zam” 

Oh tragedies of tragedies. As the arc unfolds Zam again and again proves that he’s not fighting against Mapicc. Again and again says that he doesn’t want to fight Mapicc. 

Over and over Mapicc thinks Zam must be going against him. 

He teams up with Flame to harass Zam more, giving Flame authority in Mawn specifically knowing that Flame wanted to torment Zam. 

And then Zaun day. And Zam calls him back and tells him they’re still teamed. Mapicc apologizes for Mawn.

And then Zam disappears. Mapicc gets the mace. He thinks Flame is teamed with him, his new teammate for a new era without Zam who left him for Derap anyway. 

And Flame betrays. Void trap, duped on, no empire. Nobody. 

Everything that has happened these past weeks feels like it has been curated to destroy Mapicc personally. It dives at the core of everything Mapicc is and has been. Every bad thing that Mapicc has ever done on lifesteal was done against him, and all within one week. 

He’s made logout traps, he’s duped. The one thing he’d never done was betray a teammate for no reason.

But by the time Flame betrayed him, he knew he had done that too. 

If he can admit to himself that Zam was always his teammate, then he betrayed his teammate for no reason. 

His core value, his deepest pride, “I never betray I’m only ever betrayed”. shattered. How could he have done that.

How can Zam truly forgive him for that? How can anyone? Just because Zam says it doesn’t mean it’s true bro. 

If Zam needs him for pvp he will be there. It’s the one thing left to him. But if Zam needs him as a teammate? A friend? He can’t. He just can’t. He will uphold that they are teamed, but he can’t be there. 

It is too painful to look at a world where Zam holds no grudge. Because he should hold a grudge, he should hate Mapicc he should go have fun with his new team. He shouldn’t need Mapicc.  MAPICC: “that’s stupid. and irrational” There’s no world in which Zam could actually want him just for himself. 

I said long ago that Mapicc has been getting the Princezam treatment this season. A story has unfolded that directly destroys everything about himself and makes him encounter himself. Absurd situations make every new plot point more destructive: Zam going from one exploit team to an even worse exploit team? Literally how.

Mapicc going from one team to another to a third all with the hope of fighting and one after another it gets worse and worse. An empire that is afraid to team fight, a zam who doesn’t want to fight and who holds him back, a flame who straight out betrays him and never gave him even one fight. Everything that makes Mapicc Mapicc has been cut out and stomped on in the dirt. 

And on top of it it’s the emotional toll of being wrong. In s4 Zam left team awesome bc he hated exploits and didn’t believe Mapicc and Ro were actually going to give them up. Then Mapicc gave them up infront of him on the nether roof. But Zam betrayed anyway. And then Zam finds himself once again on the exploit team, this time not believing that Vitalasy would not go evil and use the exploits. He knew Vi would. Vi had to. He was going to be the villain and Zam had to go against him. But Vi wasn’t the villain. He banned himself off to prove it. Zam betrayed for no reason. 

If Vi had truly been the villain, Zam’s betrayal would have been justified in his eyes. Had Zam truly gone against Mawn, Mapicc’s betray would be justified in his eyes.

It’s not the same story, but there’s themes for both characters of making decisions and having to live with the consequences. Of trying to stand up for themselves, of trying to be who they are even when they don’t know what that means. Of failing. Of feeling remorse. Of needing forgiveness while not believing they deserve it. All while lifesteal spins and hands them a tale that is particularly devastating just to them. 

Just as Zam would have had to be a different person in order to not betray Eclipse, Mapicc would have had to be a different person to not betray Zam.

Zam had to face his own people pleasing and fears of communication and deep hatred of exploits. 

Mapicc had to face his own jealously about Derap and his pride. His pride can’t let him admit how much he needs Zam. How much he need someone. But most specifically how when that person is Zam everything is better. 

And it doesn't matter what zam says about them being teamed or wanting him, Zam has a team. It's just like GREYS.

I wrote a partial post on my break about how Mapicc needs a duo. At his core he needs someone. When Flame rejoined Mawn it reignited the fire in Mapicc to uphold Mawn rules and mess with Bacon. Whether or not it was to test Flame’s loyalty, him being there reignited Mawn. 

And even in other seasons, there was only one day (maybe 2) of castle arc where Mapicc didn’t have either Ro or Spoke by his side. All of Gucci he had Bacon. All of Abyss he had Zam. All of the stalking Zam arc he had Bacon. Earlier this season he had Zam until Zam got Derap. The one time he killed Derap at the titanic he had Chief. I mean for goodness sake all he needed was a 3 heart Jepex to go to spawn with the mace that one day.

Without someone, Mapicc has no direction.

He needs someone to talk to, have someone to bounce ideas off of, to encourage the good ones (and the bad ones) with relish, someone to log on when he needs help, someone to make a boring task less dull. It gives him purpose to play this server with someone else, with a unified goal/video idea.

He becomes the most himself when he has someone by his side.

And what sucks is that the mace arc broke specifically that part of him. It was like the Server was telling him he’s trash and that nobody should be friends with him. It’s been confirmed that he is unforgivable and unlovable. Flame pretended to be his friend. MAPICC: ”I know he’s better than me but I just kind of thought he was on my side. And he was my friend which was nice.”

Completely alone.

Where oh where will this go next. Even if nobody can convince him back this season, mapicc has been forever changed.

[coffeegnomee]

Mapicc just left the call and I have too many thoughts to wait until after I finish the vod.

it is so Fascinating to me how 1) Mapicc is good at communication and 2) how much he patiently bides his time.

Mapicc has been not putting his own desires (bloodlust) first ever since he ended the experiments. We saw all like last week how he was willing to not kill Kab for Zam and there was so much discussion over how much he will do anything for Zam because he just wants to be around Zam again.

And so he doesn't mind putting the bloodlust to the side as long as it makes Zam happy, because that makes him happy.

But this day Mapicc, once the imminent threat and fight was over, immediately got Zam into a call and confronted him about Derap and then, in the most, like, extremely confident and clear way, explained how Zam not letting him kill Derap made him feel.

He was up front about his emotions, did not project, deflect, or throw shade at Zam at all, and basically just let him know how he was upset that Zam got int the way of his kill and how much he did not like that.

MAPICC: "hmm. Okay. I get you're mr pacifist [..] saving people, but like, my kills are my kills.”

MAPICC: “yea I- they're like my justifications. You know what I mean? So it’s like, it sucks when like, my kills are fucked”

MAPICC: "and like if I had killed him you could have had the heart and then we could have had a better chance of killing the actual bad people. And what would derapchu have done? Had slightly less of his already way too many hearts”

After each of these point he pauses, letting Zam hear what he's saying, letting Zam process it, waiting for Zam to acknowledge where he was coming from.

And each time Zam agrees Mapicc is right. He sees Mapicc's point.

And then the most devotions comment of the conversation:

ZAM: "but should I be allowed to turn a blind eye in that sense?” MAPICC: "well I don't want to be in a situation where I can't talk about what kills I'm gonna get or what I’m doing and I have no backup, you know what I mean?”

He doesn't want to not be able to tell Zam what he's up to. He doesn't want that situation, so he's getting ahead of it and letting Zam know immediately how he feels.

I can't help but feel like this is exactly the reason why Zam always ends up with Mapicc in every season. He is incredibly good at communication and making his point and his opinion clear.

And because he has such a clear opinion on how the server works and what makes it work best, he is incredibly persuasive and Zam ends up following him wherever he goes. (I've heard whispers Zam is thinking of leaving now, haven't gotten there. will be interesting)

I've thought so much over the years how Lifesteal is about convincing other people to do your thing.

Walk into your trap, show up at a fight, yap with you, join your team, stop their lore, whatever it is, the entire thing revolves around persuasion.

Which brings me to the second point, Mapicc is incredibly patient.

The week before the experiments ended, in a muted stream that was saved on the archive, Bacon and Mapicc talk about the server, and Mapicc says his one main goal is to get all the pacifists to break. (9/4/24)

And a week before, while Zam was cleaning up the burned down tree, while talking about how quickly Flame gave up on his fight, Mapicc said, “He’s never fought princezam. He’s gonna have to learn like a new, like dedication to the sport” (8/25/24)

Now, I don't actually think Mapicc had some grad evil manipulation arc to get close to Zam and get him to break (though I'll admit at the time my brain automatically thought everyone is pulling a Spoke wormhole at all times)

But it is more that he realized he would be much more effective in getting Zam to change his opinions if he was close to Zam and could build the trust necessary to get him to see why Mapicc thought his view was flawed, and as an added bonus he would get to hang out with Zam a lot for free.

And here we finally had the perfect moment. Zam died in a fight. Because he had low hearts.

So Mapicc makes it clear how Zam's actions made him feel and then drives his point home about why Zam should think differently the rest of the conversation:

MAPICC: "it’s not cause you were playing shit it's cause you have nothing bro, and it's like, you're a crutch to yourself [..] which is like, you can be a crutch to yourself, but like mapicc is the healthcare” ZAM: "I wanna beat them in pvp. I wanna be able to take them on in a fight and win” MAPICC: “you know what you have to do for that?” ZAM: "*sigh* yea I- I do” ZAM: "and the only person who died in that fight was me” MAPICC: “[sing song] and you know why bro. Like genuinely. Like you can't keep doing this. Well, you can if you want to, I mean obviously you can if your morals, but like-... I don't think it’s the best move” ZAM: "and all I can do is just stand in the destruction” MAPICC: "yup"

Mapicc's ideology for the server is that fighting is always a good, conflict and content should happen all the time. You should kill because it progresses the server forward in some way. You should always have some reason to back up your murder, but that reason can be small, the only important thing is that you have a reason and it is something you can communicate.

He also thinks power is always a reason to kill someone.

Zam on the other hand, Mapicc's beloved friend, does not think the same way, at least not in full. Zam understands conflict should happen on the server, and that the powerful should be fought, and in those situations devotions flourish.

But Zam operates from a character motivation, which he will change season to season, and from his emotions, which means his opinion about himself and his past actions has a HUGE pull on why he does anything ever. This was literally the foundation of this entire stream starting with a 40 minute reflection on s4 and vitalasy.

They are fundamentally, for their deepest core perspectives, ideologically opposed for their opinions on how to act on the server.

Idk if they'll ever be able to be on the same team forever. Sometimes, for brief moments, everything lines up and their devotion runs wild. They work the most synergistically of any duo on lifesteal ever.

But then Mapicc's bloodlust gets too strong and Zam's emotions get too loud and things fall apart.

At least, historically.

(oh, and felt the need to add at the end here that operating from emotions is not a /neg statement. It is entirely /neutral in my mind)

[coffeegnomee]

The Phenomenon of Mapicc

At some point we all look back at our early teen years and realize that just because we can scam a fellow kid online because the game developers didn’t specifically write it out of the code or write safety procedures to protect their user base doesn’t mean we should scam other kids online. At some point we all realize, almost out the blue, that the other people online are real people and not just slightly more interesting npc’s walking around the world. (Though the tendency to do so anyway is always present)

Mapicc as a character on the lifesteal smp has long eluded definition for me. There are ways in which he simultaneously 1) a blurred line between character and streamer, 2) a clear cut motivated character with clearly defined goals and personality, and 3) simply and completely a guy playing a video game. 

He is all three at the same time. A blurring of real emotions into the Minecraft world, a player curated for a video, and the man who is who he is while he plays video games. I don’t think you can take one out and get a serious understanding of the character of Mapicc.

The battle between all three is constant, and the person who Mapicc plays as the persona of the Mapicc channel is only one part of the lifesteal character that the audience can encounter. The persona of Mapicc, the video Mapicc, is brutal and bloodthirsty, uncaring of past connections, and dedicated to a cause. At least, specifically when you watch that unfold on streams. He’ll be randomly extra brutal for seemingly no reason until you realize he’s got a specific video idea he’s doing. Like killing Pangi and Zam day 1 was bc he was running out of the 24 hours to get to 20 hearts, which is a video idea and also seemingly not caring that (at least Zam) is a close friend. Tbh it’s been a while since I thought about the actual persona of a Mapicc video as told through edited content, honestly, if anything I would say the Mapicc that Mapicc presents to the world on his channel is much closer to himself than how that plays out while watching it as a stream viewer on the server.

Now, you might already be thinking, gnome, this is too much like c! And cc! And I’m tired of all those indicators why can’t it just be blurred and that’s it and it’s all just fun analysis about a small facet of a person that we see only when they want us to and is bound within the four infinite walls of a Minecraft server. 

To which I would say, yes, yes my brain hurts too. 

But there is something about Mapicc that can only ever be understood through the lens of the media that he exists within and from. I might even argue PrinceZam is not in this category despite being notorious for being a blurred line character. This isn’t simply about the nature of blurred lines in mcrp.

Mapicc is not simply a blurred line. Those two facets of strictly a character and strictly the kid who plays Minecraft on top of the blurred line are vastly important.

A blurred line character is a character that smoothly and subconsciously transfers between the real emotions and psychology of a singular real human, and the projected, improved character that they are playing. They might start as a clearly defined experiment such as “what if I played as a pacifist” and divert into something completely complex. They’re almost like a thought experiments. What if I changed this about myself; how would that look?

Every streamer will be a blurred line at some point. We’re watching real people be entertainment; at some point there is a boundary between who they are and how they present themselves. Some will either create a persona to project to the world as themselves, dropping the act only at certain times, while other streamers might pick up a persona/character at times to fulfill a fun facet of the story but then drop it easily to play the game while talking to chat. I would argue that both sides are valid at the same time for interpreting their characters, an easy example being tommyinnit and Philza respectively. Any server they’ve been on has been marked by their respective styles and you can interpret their characters within by looking at both aspects together, and the elements of the character as a whole will be discovered differently in different situations.

Mapicc, once again is not quite that. 

As a streamer who is actually pretty consistent in his upload schedule, he is motivated by the story he tells, the plots he wants to pull off, and the villains he fights against. I find it imminently fascinating that the castle arc was actually supposed to be a video but was scrapped bc Mapicc lost the fight, rather than what was told, sometime earlier, that he just never made it a video and regretted it bc the fans loved the story. 

But he is also a player who plays lifesteal consistently. His breaks while editing are markedly shorter than most other players who upload, and his time on the server while not having a clear video idea are much longer than nearly 2/3 of the player base. Most members of lifesteal only appear when they have a video idea.  

So therefore he plays Minecraft while on his or other’s streams. 

We are all aware to some degree who we are when we play video games. It’s not the same as who we are as people. Whether it’s being more violent, or being a completionist, or farming, or building, or ranking up; everyone has their own preference for why they like playing a video game in the first place. 

Minecraft as the particular sandbox that it is has four entire categories of gameplay that coexist at nearly all times: pvp, optimization (speedrunning/redstone), building, and socializing. 

Throw anyone into a Minecraft world and they’re going to gravitate to some more than others. And each category has subsets: pvp can be split into competitive and hunting people down; optimization can be grinding, or game mechanics, or red stone machining; building can be artistic/creative mode, or just for fun, or secret bases, or tunnel cults, or anything your mind can think of that manipulates the blocks in the game; socializing can be as a shared activity, or trolling other players, or just running around wasting golden carrots together.[1] etc etc etc.

And Mapicc has maxed out the pvp category, at least to the best of his ability. He leans far more towards hunting people down rather than pure competitive gameplay, preferring to “change the world”[2] by killing someone rather than practice mechanics in a practice server. He wants to get on the ground and actually affect the world around him just as much as any builder.

In other words, the bloodlust isn’t just something he does because his character likes blood and he wants to do a villain arc. Mapicc would want to kill on any world he joins, and would be rather bored if that wasn’t an option for him. 

He is also incredibly social, preferring to play with someone else around him rather than taking on solo missions by himself. He’s not a grinder by nature in the slightest, but has learned the skills to be one. 

He’s also honorable, in a world commonly upheld has having no honor, holding to a moral code of killing and being attacked as honorable while running in circles and bow spam and not showing up to fight and avoiding battle are categorically dishonorable acts that he disdains. The rule is the rule of battle. Fight and kill and be killed. Let the cycles commence. 

And as soon as we start thinking about Mapicc in relation to others, we start to see his character give form. 

And this is where we finally loop back around to the point I alluded to in the first paragraph: the phenomenon of growing up. 

Mapicc by the end of s4 and through s5, I would say, was his most consistent era. All the memes and love about dogged devotion, unending bloodlust and run-you-down-to-the-ends-of-the-earth-forever-and-ever were thriving. His patience was surprising, willing to wait for the opportune moment to get revenge, never forgetting what had been done against him. [3]

But something shifted in s6, and not just the responsibility of being the owner of the server. Mapicc is simply maturing. No longer 14 years old like in s1, we’re in the post high-school-graduation era. 

In the past I would’ve called Mapicc a cheater (/aff), an exploiter, willing, so very willing, to do anything to turn the tide of a battle to his advantage. 

But now? I’m not so sure. 

Will he be immune to temptation when it arises? No, not at all. While we are already seeing his willingness to never dupe again, his easy laughing off suggestions to admin abuse, we are also seeing his frustration lead him to launching nukes at spawn with Spoke.

He will still always call in backup when he promises a fair fight. But hey, it’s lifesteal. Lying is part of it. And honor is found in showing up to the fight, not in a fair 1v1. This is war after all. 

But, and I mean this specifically for the entire character that is the story of Mapicc, Mapicc has been changed. This season is so devastatingly different. Duping and being on the wormhole side in s4 changed him, getting beaten by a traitor in the Abyss changed him. 

But s6 has been a slow cooker roasting him into something new. 

Everything points to him wanting to mature, to be different from the past, not so impulsive, more caring of his own time and others, willing to drop the past. 

Bitterness in loosing teammates and friends, loneliness in a world once populated by an awesome team, and the cold cruel hand of suddenly being favored by the Sever, have only brought sorrow and destruction upon him. 

And he’s left purposeless, held together only by what he has left to him, his honor, his pride.

And so, on a much more practical and real world level, Mapicc just does’t have a video idea for s6 anymore and he wants to upload more frequently. Back in s4 he was so much quicker to anger and long-drawn-out to seeing it through. He’s unwilling to drop four months into one video that he doesn’t even upload. This isn’t high school anymore.

And that real world problem of YouTuber-doesn’t-have-video-idea, is part of every character on lifesteal. That ebb and flow of inspiration curates each and every one of them. Wemmbu being done with ls ideas for the season will lead him to ban himself to be rid of the temptation to log on, leading others to be affected by how callously he leaves this world without thought of what they think, thereby curating the character into a complex emotional mess who doesn’t believe people actually care about him or would want him around and who pushes people away and is villainous because he’s never understood what love is. All because he doesn’t have an ls video and has a uu script to write. 

It’s part of any lifestealer who doesn’t naturally gravitate towards the “lore” of the server.

And yet recently I’ve been really feeling like Mapicc absolutely plays lifesteal like it’s actually mcrp. He’s become invested in how Mapicc would react to the elements of the server and the things that happen to him. He’s always cared deeply about the livelihood of the server, but it’s more curated into a story than ever before. Mapicc is The Complainer and The Sass Master and that has made him into pvper who is notorious for running around the server dropping lore lines as trash talk, never missing a chance to really lay it in how dumb he thinks Flame is for logout trapping him and always doing what Mane tells him to do. Why? He doesn’t have a video idea for that 2v1 (unless?), none of that trash talk is necessary, he’s shown he doesn’t say that trash talk when on the practice server just days after the event happened. Like, that is so specifically a rp moment taken advantage of. It has no other use than bc on lifesteal Mapicc Hates Flame. (and because on lifesteal is his only outlet for those emotions; he's not going to start hating on his friends in real life for in game stuff)

Sure, in some ways Mapicc keeps lore distinct and at arms length. And this is, for instance, why I think devotions is as devastatingly dramatic as it is; because Mapicc will never admit how much Zam means to him and yet will be character-motivated by his devotion to Zam at all times. But him as a person just keeps that mostly at arms length; it’s not him caring about Zam it’s about the wardens, guys. Spawning wardens for a video. And owning spawn. Obviously.

You see what I’m getting at? It’s not just blurred, it’s two separate thoughts held at the same time. Mapicc and Mapicc combining together to make Mapicc.

So much of Mapicc is a mashing together of anything and everything he thinks of throwing at the screen. And all of that somehow comes out to an actually understandable and crisp final character who always acts in the most Mapicc way possible at all times always, undefinable except by saying “it’s just Mapicc” and that Meaning something. 

----

So when you see me writing about Mapicc, know this is what is going on in my head.

———

[1] im bringing footnotes into a Tumblr essay. Wemmbu, who I talk about later, would naturally play Minecraft as a run around wasting golden carrots type guy. As a person playing Minecraft he does not gravitate towards doing, well, anything. It is only in making a video that he will move himself to be anything. Despite learning pvp and rising, what, two teirs?, he is not someone who will casually look for fights while on a server. It’s not in his blood. 

[2] ~1:00:00 GREYS prinzezam vod, ZAM: ‘why are you always trying to kill someone mapicc?” MAPICC: ‘I dunno.. Maybe I feel….. Underachieving. Without it. Like I didn't get anything done to day unless I get another kill” ZAM: “but you have 20 hearts” MAPICC: “yea but the killing is changing the world” 

[3] The castle arc lasted from November 27 until March 6. From the day Zam left team awesome to the day they finally got their 1v1 without Spoke spawning a warden. 99 days. (That’s fucking crazy given the 97 days we just went through). I suppose in a very valid way, the mace arc was 8 months and we have no idea where s6 will go and how Mapicc will get revenge on flame, for instance. But as of now he’s just done. That’s very different than any other time in his lifesteal life, and the response, as a long time Mapicc viewer, is more empathetically devastating. But those 8 months are not the same as the four months of the castle arc. The mace was no logged in for most of those days. His dogged determination wasn't the same this season as the past.

[coffeegnomee]

I'm reading through my s6 notes and like, Derapchu's ability to detective out what is going on correctly is like, scary.

And as a Zam main, that's so annoying bc when Zam goes sleuthing it's a slow build up and his natural naivety makes it delightful to uncover things, but Derap just instantly comes to a conclusion and it's right so many times. And he never doubts himself.

Derap is almost always wrong about the emotional motivations, the interpersonal reasonings for things, but when it comes to "who did this" or "what is this person planning" he's always right. Like a stupid amount of times. And even with the emotional motivators usually he ends up with the right conclusion but for the wrong reasons.

And that's so interesting to have a character like that. And it hurts him far more than it helps him. Like with the subz wardens, him detectiving out what subz was up to gave him such a big head that he was the one to solve everything that he failed to ever include or count anyone else's contribution to stopping the wardens.

Or realizing Zam gave Bacon hearts made him so much more paranoid of Zam, and the timing of that with the Truman show and Mapicc's creakings made it even worse. And then evidently he never properly allowed himself to process his thoughts on that reality, just let it sit pent up until he went to Minutetech.

And like, the most recent example of how much he was like "i told you guys spoke was up to something!! we should never have been fighting mapicc" (paraphrase) in the finale.

He has this massive need to be right, and it's backed up with a genuine ability to be right, but it shots himself in the foot bc he isn't the only member to be able to understand and read the flow of the server. And one of the marks of an old gen player is that they might know that someone is up to something but until that person logs on and actually does something, the sleuthing has no real outlet and that's okay. Instead of ego, it's just keeping it in the back of the mind.

So even if they know what might happen, they continue to play the server based on what is right in front of them, dealing with the conflicts that are actively brewing and allowing them to take their time even if it "makes more sense" to make up and be friends bc there's a bigger threat looming. None of that matters to old players.

It's just. I'm so intrigued as to how that skill of Derap's is going to continue. Bc his perceptiveness felt like a real detriment at times for the livelihood of the slow story. And I'm so curious to see if it'll be harnessed to make the story more interesting (now that he's lived a whole season) or if it will continue to cause conflict (which i also find interesting). Probably both tbh.

[coffeegnomee]

Something that has always fascinated me deeply is how UNintelligable PrinceZam is when viewed from any pov besides his own. 

Because from PrinceZam’s pov, his lore is deep and rich and filled with struggles and worries and regret and fear and paranoia and justifications and good reasonings to do evil arcs. He really crafts the most interesting and sympathetic characters of all of lifesteal. He responds to the happenings of the server with deep lore every time. Pours everything out to chat, giving us the littlest details about his mindset at every moment. 

But from EVERYONE else’s pov he just does’t make sense. Like even I feel confused about PrinceZam when I watch him from other povs. There’s something about it that I can’t put my finger on. But more often than not, everyone views him with utter confusion. 

But this is the ONLY way other lifestealers interact with Zam. They don’t get to watch PrinceZam streams. They don’t see him like we do. Ever. 

And this really applies to every lifestealer ever, none of them get to see the lore from within that person's mind. The can only react to the external view of it.

What a fascinating little conundrum. 

Because with the Saturday session and Flame, I could not help but feel like he was actually just doing a Joker arc. Not Abyss, Joker. 

Because the Abyss was about player activity, sure, but it was more about the trap, and it grew into a “we will destroy all of spawn” over time.

The Joker arc was about making minutetech and jumper see that pacifism does not belong on lifesteal. This is the killing people server and you should kill people. Kill me. I will blow up builds until you kill me. 

Now, Flame does not have the pizzazz of the gay joker. He never will. And he probably will never make anything truly interesting with this lore from his own pov. (and bro keeps not streaming any of it)

But that’s not what intrigues me about it and made me so happy seeing it unfold. 

It’s because Zam was walking around saying the same damn lines that Minutetech said about Zam all throughout the joker arc. Some of them lines that were said between Minute and Ash without Zam around. The following are Zam quotes from the Saturday stream.

“they just want attention, if we don’t give them attention they’ll give up” almost word for word from minute about mapicc and zam. 

“If he’s going to throw a tantrum we mighteswell just not give him the fight”  

Them digging their heels in and not doing the one thing Zam/Flame wanted them to do: kill them. Not doing it because it was the one thing the crazy evil guy blowing up bases told you he wanted. 

“if i fight them i give them exactly what they want. It’s so fucked up. There’s no, there’s no winning option here. There’s nothing I can do to win”

“maybe some people can’t feel regret the way I do, that’s fine, i guess, that’s whatever.If that’s how he is, that’s how he is. But i don't believe that for a second” (remember who you were in s3 Zam!)

“He’s just going to blow up more. And that’s okay. I’m willing to let him do that. I honestly don't care. Like, if that’s what he wants to do then that’s what he does I guess”

“YOURE having fun, but no one is gonna log on and see this and say oh I wanna fight flame now. No one’s doing that dude. This isn’t how this works.”

FLAME: “it makes me happy bro, that’s all that matters” How many times did Zam insist that the Joker arc was fun. How many times did Jumper go “why are you doing this” and Zam said “it’s fun” without elaborating the nuanced undertones of the arc. 

Zam even dropped the MinuteTech patented "okay"s when Flame and Wemmbu were saying they were doing it for fun.

From the outside the lore was the same. The damn same. But this time we have the pb&j side from PrinceZam. And it fascinates me how similarly they approached the situation. 

And then as a final bonus, there’s the question about moral high ground. On the first day of the server, Ash was talking to Wemmbu and the following conversation unfolded (1:38:00) 

WEMMBU: “I have done nothing evil this season. Leowook killed me for no reason, then I died to fall damage for no reason, well, because my water glitched out, and then I died to Spoke for no reason… DUDE I’M ON THE MORAL HIGH GROUND THIS TIME! Without having to like, make things up. This is great.” 

ASH: “Yea, don’t do that bro. It’s not worth it. Seriously. It’s not worth it and you won’t even get a good video. Do you know how easy it is to be a good guy, and then last second go ‘I want to be an agent of chaos’ and how much that fucks everyone else on your team up?” 

And Zam on Saturday, “Why does it even matter? What the- what does moral high ground get me?!”

Ominous shit man.

[coffeegnomee]

I can't stop thinking about how Derap told every secret Atlas has ever had to Mapicc minutes after joining his call, knowing that they killed woogie and there was no way their team should logically still think of themselves as aligned. but he did it and said he thought he had built enough trust up with them for Mapicc to tell him what he planned to do about Zam. And every second he was driving the wedge between devotions deeper and deeper, saying i'm glad zam told me. i'm sad he didnt tell you mapicc. every word of that conversation dripped with hidden wrath for everything that has gone wrong in his life the past month, being terrified of mane and flame and wanting them dead, even if most of the terror came from the truman show, being angry that zam did something behind his back and didn't tell him about it first even though they should have had that trust built up from everything they've been through. There's that word again, "trust", trust that he thinks he gives and thinks he ought to receive but it keeps blowing up in his face. And then there's mapicc. the thorn in his side, his opp from day one, he found his base and put creaking in, and zam laughed and supported the prank. and now woggie is talking about teaming with mane and flame and.

He's done. It's over. light the match and watch it all burn.

He might keep zam until the end of the season, but I don't know if the victory counts anymore. For what is trust if you're not honest about what you've done. What is peace if there's a pile of bodies behind you.