#go back to your charts and graphs steve

[liefallow]

steve just HAD to log on right after we swept the phils to say “mean reversion comes for us all” and now look at us. MEAN REVERSED.

[verricherri]

spencer making reader read his book while you ride him...

Chapter & Verse (NSFW///MDNI)

A/N: written from a perspective that echoes Joe from You and Steve from Fresh — obsessive, devoted, unsettling — but filtered through Spencer Reid’s softness, and complexity. It’s something i fully believe Spencer would do, in his own quiet way. Warnings: this is a dedication — a heavy, emotional tribute from Dr. Spencer Reid to you. A eulogy in his words. it’s tender. it’s intense. Masterlist Feedback and reposts are appreciated  ☀️

The storm had started around nine.

By ten, the lights were flickering, and by eleven, Spencer Reid was pacing like a man trying not to break his own rules.

You were curled up on his couch, blanket over your knees, tea cooling in your hands. One of his cardigans hung off your shoulders. You’d stolen it weeks ago and he hadn’t asked for it back. The collar still smelled like his laundry detergent — citrus and cedar — and maybe that’s why you noticed the spiral-bound notebook shoved beneath the chessboard.

Something handwritten. Not one of his case files.

And not one of the journals he let you read.

You tilted your head. “What’s that?”

He froze. Like he hadn’t meant for you to see it. “It’s nothing.” You smirked. “You’re a terrible liar.” “It’s just… something I wrote.” He fidgeted. “I’ve been editing it for a while.” You sat forward. “Is it a paper?”

He didn’t answer.

You followed his glance to the title page — your name. Your actual name. Not your initials. Not a code. Just your name in careful pen strokes, followed by:

A study in contradictions, by Spencer Reid

Your stomach flipped.

“Spencer—” “I wrote it while I was inside,” he said, voice softer now. “There was… time. And you were the only thing that didn’t feel like punishment.”

You stared at the cover.

“I didn’t write it to impress anyone. Or even to be read. But… you once said you wanted to know how my mind works.” His gaze flicked up, steady now. “That’s how.” “You want me to read it?” He nodded once. “Out loud.” You blinked. “Why now?”

He paused.

Then: “Because it was always for you. But I didn’t know if I could… hand you the version of me that existed when I thought I might not come home.”

The silence was heavy. Holy.

He took a slow step back toward the hallway, retreating like an invitation you had to chase.

At the doorway, he looked over his shoulder.

“And if you're going to read it,” he said, voice low and certain, “come find out how the rest of it ends.”

---

You didn’t rush.

By the time you stepped into the bedroom, the manuscript was warm in your hands. The storm whispered at the window. Spencer sat against the headboard — hoodie rumpled, sweatpants low on his hips — looking relaxed in posture but not in the way he gripped the blanket with white-knuckled tension.

You climbed onto the bed and straddled his lap — knees bracketing his thighs, notebook in your hands — and opened to the first page.

“The first time he noticed her was on a Tuesday. Or maybe a Wednesday. He liked the symmetry of Wednesday better.”

Your voice didn’t shake, but your hands did.

Spencer didn’t move. Just nodded once. “Keep going.”

You shifted closer. Let your body settle against his. The heat between you buzzed like a taut string waiting to snap.

“He wondered, in a moment he would later classify as irrational, how she sounded when she broke. Not her voice — but her rhythm. Her logic. He wanted to chart the way her breath hitched. Graph the curve of her spine. Label each noise like a new discovery.”

You looked up.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed. His hands stayed clenched in the sheets.

You rocked your hips slightly. Testing.

His breath stuttered.

You flipped another page.

“He imagined her in layers. Cardigan. Cotton. Skin. Want. He wanted to peel them back like chapters. To see what changed from the prologue to the climax.”

You smiled, sharp and breathless. “This is… intense.” He didn’t blink. “It’s accurate.”

Your hands slid under his hoodie, up his stomach, slow and sure — and he let you undress him like a secret you already knew the ending to. Shirt. Hoodie. Sweatpants. All discarded.

When he was finally bare, you leaned back, unbuttoned your own shirt, let the cardigan fall.

The cardigan he once called “the most beautiful thing you steal from me every week.”

Now you were skin to skin — your knees tucked under his, thighs bracketing his hips.

You picked up the manuscript again. “Where were we?” “Page twelve.”

---

You held the manuscript in one hand and guided him with the other — slow and precise, no hesitation, just the sound of your breath mingling with his as you sank down onto him inch by inch.

When your hips met his, Spencer exhaled like he’d been holding it in for months.

You read.

“She sinks over him like a truth he didn’t earn but begged for anyway. She stays there, tight around him, and reads every word like penance. She doesn’t ask him to talk. She just makes him feel it.”

His grip on your waist twitched.

You shifted once. Then again. The friction turned electric. Your voice wavered.

“She rides him in silence until he breaks. Until the words he built his world around scatter at her feet, and all that’s left is breath and her name in every tense.”

Spencer groaned. One hand fisted the sheets. The other rose to brush your hair back from your cheek.

You dropped the notebook to the bed.

Your hands slid down his chest. You started to move.

And he let you.

No words. Just sound.

Just the way he whispered your name like a sentence with no punctuation — something continuous and breaking all at once — and the way you collapsed together, clinging, undone.

You didn’t let go.

Not yet.

---

Time passed.

Neither of you moved.

You lay sprawled across his chest, heartbeat slowing, his fingers tracing lazy, reverent lines along your spine like he was still writing something — something unspoken but known.

You exhaled into his neck. “I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that paragraph on page fifteen.” He huffed a laugh. “Which part?” “The part where she says his hands know her better than she does.” His smile was crooked. “It’s true.”

You reached for the manuscript again. The pages were warm. Smudged slightly from where your thumbs had trembled.

You flipped to the last page.

There, barely visible, was a note in the bottom corner.

Annotation 6A: If she reads this far, I’ll tell her the truth. I’m in love with her. I have been. Since long before she ever said my name like it meant something.

You read it twice. Then a third time. Just to be sure.

You looked up.

Spencer’s eyes were glassy but calm — like he wasn’t afraid of you seeing him anymore.

“I never erased it,” he said softly. “It was supposed to be temporary. But the truth… didn’t fade.”

You curled your fingers into his chest.

“I knew,” you whispered. “But it’s different — hearing it like that. On paper. Where you’re most honest.” He pulled you into his arms like he was relieved and ruined all at once. “It was always you.” “I know,” you said, pressing your lips to his jaw. “I read it.”

---

Later — after the second time, after you kissed the word mine into his collarbone and whispered your favourite lines back into his mouth — you reached for the front page again.

The title. The words. Your name.

You read the dedication aloud, voice low, steady:

For the girl who made me forget the difference between fiction and memory.

Spencer turned his head, eyes locking with yours — not sharp or analytical, but soft, like he wasn’t thinking for once. Just feeling.

“That line,” you said, “that’s the one.” “I know,” he murmured, brushing his thumb along your cheekbone. “Because you’re not a theory. Or a character. You’re the only thing that ever made it feel real again.” Your eyes burned. “And this book?” He nodded. “It was supposed to help me survive prison.” You swallowed. “And now?” He smiled faintly, kissing your temple. “Now it’s just proof. That even when I was locked away, I still knew what love looked like.”

You closed the notebook.

Tucked it onto the nightstand beside the lamp.

And when you curled into his arms, warm and wrecked and wholly his, Spencer whispered one final line — not from the book, not from memory.

Just from him.

Soft. Absolute.

“Chapter One was always you.”

[starrykitty013]

heyy i was wondering if u could do more avenger and Peter interactions. I would love more Steve and Peter but any thing is fine

Okay so idk if you wanted a drawing or a writing scrap but I made both. Tbh I made the animatic like fresh but the lil story I will attach to this ask is a little scrap from JGLEH that never got in and honestly is pretty bad but whatever here it is, it mostly has Fury but there avengers at the end and I didn’t wanna write a full one shot cuz it’s finals week and I’m already hanging by a thread.

Thank you so much for this ask tho, I hope you have a good day.

So here is the story:

So the kid was an official idiot.

Like now.

At 2:54am.

Parker: i srsly dont need 2 b here

Fury: I didn’t think kids texted like this anymore

Parker: we dont but like i was trying to dull down my gen z around you

Fury: how considerate

Parker: np

Fury got all of 3 minutes of peace before his phone buzzed again and he groaned.

Parker: let me outta this torture!!

Fury didn’t plan on responding as Peter proceeded to send him large paragraph texts about everything that was going on. Apparently he was roomed with Stark

Parker: jokes on them imma patrol

Fury: in Minnasota?

Parker: no in Canada

Fury: you are a little shit. Stop texting me.

Parker: *picture of a random graph chart with no lables*

Fury: what does that even mean?

Parker: find loss

Fury:...

Parker: iz ded meme

Parker: u shod no

Fury: I feel like your language skills are depletling with this conversation.

Parker: english is stupid

Fury sighed and the next text was sort of unexpected.

Parker: are you coming?

It was surprising because A.) Parker never used punctuation and B.) he never asked Fury to come to anything.

Fury: why?

Parker: cant deal with birdbrains rn

Fury was slightly taken aback. Peter often complained about the Avengers, but he never asked anyone to deal with them for him. He was headstrong and stubborn and a general pain in the ass to anyone who had ever known him - as far as Fury was concerned.

But Fury was curious as to what they could possibly do to annoy Peter enough to ask Fury to come up.

Fury:why?

Parker: Im puking

That threw Fury in for a loop. He immediatly pressed buttons on his phone as the call was ringing. Only after Fury did the action that he relized how ‘caring’ it must make him seem. The tone changed to a muffled russling in the background that was obviously Peter.

“Hey.” his voice was hoarse and Fury jumped forward to respond.

“What happened?” Fury asked immediatly earning a soft laugh out of Peter.

“Aww, you do care.”

“I’m asking what happened on the mission Parker. Not about your health issue right now.” Fury said. It was an excuse to make sure Peter was actually okay. There was no way in hell that the Avengers would take care of him and even if Peter could take care of himself, Fury wanted to make sure he wasn’t dying (the kid had a nasty habit of hiding fatal injuries or illlnesses) so he could be assured that Peter would come back to New York to actually take care of himself. “Status report.” he barked.

“I’m not a soldier” Peter reminded and Fury could picture his scrunched nose.

“I don’t give a shit. What’s going on?” Fury said in a stern cold tone.

“Uhm, well as you know it’s currently 3am, everyone is sleeping.” And Fury sighed and face palmed.

“Then how are they being ‘insufferable’?” Fury said in an annoyed tone.

“They were being insufferable.” Peter defended weakly.

“Is the mission going well?” Fury asked.

“Yes.”

“Then, please, tell me why you were texting me at three in the fucking morning Parker.” Fury gritted in the phone.

“... I might be a little...sick.” Peter mumbled and Fury could tell he was embarassed.

“And that’s my problem how?” Fury asked.

“It’s not… I just… didn’t feel good.” Peter said and a meek tone.

“This is the stupidest reason to call me.” Fury said to the boy, he didn’t yell at him though.

“I know.” Peter responded dejectedly.

“I can’t do anything from here. Not without the Avengers knowing and you know that too.”

“I just can’t sleep… and I may have ate too much.” Peter said. “It’s not serious.”

“Then why are we still talking about it?”

“I dunno… This conversation is kinda choppy.” Peter said. “But do you have anything else for me to do. I can’t sleep.” he said again.

“What happened to patrolling Minnasota?” Fury asked and Peter groaned.

“Minnasota is boring! I can’t hear any muggings or assults within a ten block radius!”

“Then play hockey or something.” Fury said and went to his computer to find the mission files. “How much of the mission have you gotten done?”

“About like 76 percent of it. We just gotta bust a werehouse and do a sweep for anybody who might’ve gotten away.” Peter responded. “Cap and Wilson could’ve handled it, you didn’t even need Barton.” suddenly there was a muffled knocking at the presumably bathroom door and it opening as Peter presumably looked up.

“What are you doin’ up?” Barton’s sleep-ridden voice snapped at Peter. Peter had been reletivly quiet but Barton was a spy.

“I’ll call you back.”

And the call hung up.

OoOoO

Peter looked up at Captian America, Falcon and Hawkeye as they had sat him on the bed in the hotel room.

After Clint had found him talking on the phone at 3 in the morning, he felt it nessary to call the rest of the team that was assigned on this useless mission to action.

“You said Fury was on the phone. What did he want?” Steve asked, they were all reasonably still grumpy from getting up at this time of night.

“Oh you know, mission reports and stuff.” Peter said casually. There was no way to admit it was because he had gotten sick and kind of asked to be picked up. It wasn’t even that bad, he’d just eaten too much at dinner. He was mildly nauseous, but nothing to write (or his case text) home about. He didn’t even know why he had texted Fury or told him that he was sick. The man didn’t care, he guessed it was because Fury wouldn’t give him sympathy. “He wanted to know when we’d be done.”

“We just got here.” Steve narrowed his eyes.

“That’s what I said.” Peter then leaped out a window to avoid further questioning

[loneswaggingranger]

Does it matter?

By @loneswagger for @pixiethefirecat7

This is for the @friendly-neighborhood-exchange!

Rating: General Audiences

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, James “Rhodey” Rhodes, Bruce Banner, May Parker

Summary: 

When Peter reached forward and called his name, Tony honest-to-god flinched away from him. 

His fingers twitched. “Captain Rogers did this, didn’t he?”

Hard brown eyes snapped shut. “Does it matter?”

“Yes,” Peter said, kneeling softly beside the hero’s battered form. “It does.” -

The one where Tony Stark lives with a metal arm, Steve Rogers never became old, and Peter Parker baffles at how incredibly fine they make everything seem. Or, the one where Peter Parker becomes Tony's designated spokesperson. Seriously, what would they do without him? (Nothing, apparently.)

Story under the cut! Hope you like it~

Does it hurt?

*

He once found Tony shirtless and utterly wasted in the lab, drowning in a sea of one too many shattered decanters, knuckles gone white from wringing that outdated burner phone for who knows how long. Crimson dribbled from calloused palms across scarred flesh, to ripped jeans over to  shimmering glass shards littered upon sullied floors. 

When Peter reached forward and called his name, Tony honest-to-god flinched. 

His fingers twitched. “Captain Rogers did this, didn’t he?”

Hard brown eyes snapped shut. “Does it matter?”

“Yes,” Peter said, kneeling softly beside the hero’s battered form. “It does.”

*

When Peter came home, he expected many things. He expected his dingy little apartment with the wafting smells of May’s burnt bread, imagined snuggling on the couch with her, and watching cheesy soap operas all through the night. He expected those weekly sessions with just him and Mr. Stark in the lab, planning, tinkering and innovating without a care in the world, positively shining whenever Mr. Stark whistled and said, “You got brains, kid.”

He should have known, expectations rarely matched up with reality.

Said notion found him in front of his lunch one day, mumbling, “Nothing makes sense anymore.”

 “Oh?” A tilted look of concern.

“I just- I never expected this, y’know?” Peter twirled a fork aimlessly between his fingers, eyes trained so hard on his meal he thought it might start sizzling soon. Or evaporate into dust. Whichever seemed possible at this rate. “It’s not bad, I mean, you have a great family and an actual kid now- which is totally cool, by the way! And May - May has Happy now, so the apartment's not that empty anymore, a-and she smiles a whole lot more these days. Which is good, I guess. The Accords isn’t even a legit thing anymore, the Avengers come together to sing Kumbaya every other weekend,” His fingers tightened round the fork. “Everything’s all good, yeah?”

There probably would have been a reply, if it wasn't for the tell-tale thump of approaching footsteps Peter never dreamed of growing familiar with.

“Afternoon, Captain Doritos,” Mr. Stark’s drawl felt appeasing at best, challenging at worst.

Captain Rogers threw a half-glance his way, nodding curtly. He went for the fridge in two large strides, swiping out a carton of milk and downing its contents in one vigorous go.

“Ugh, you’re gross, Cap, I’m getting the hell out of here,” Mr. Stark rose from his seat, lightly tousling Peter’s hair as he went. “Finish your grub and hang in the lab with me later, yeah?” His eyes seemed to soften. “It‘ll be just like old times.”

 Old times. Right.

“Also-” Mr. Stark slapped the good Captain’s shoulder, smirking wildly at the vexed ‘Oi!’ that elicited. “If we’re watching anything remotely Disney tonight, I’m going back to Pep’s for the weekend.” 

“For that alone, we’re watching Moana, Frozen and Mulan!” Captain Rogers hollered after the retreating metal middle finger shot high in the air, shaking his head once it fully disappeared down the hallway. A bemused look. “What’s wrong with Disney?”

Peter scoffed, grin plastered expertly on his face.

Another thing that didn’t make sense, this song and dance. This parade of concealed emotions, this system of tactical meet-and-retreat, this exhibition of faux jaunt put up for one another. The shake in Captain’s tone, the tremor in Mr. Stark’s arm - almost indiscernible and yet there it was. Always there, each time Peter looked.

Captain’s carton of milk slid into the bin by his feet. “So how was your week, son?”

Peter chewed on his noodles thoughtfully. “Tiring, I guess. Lots of homework. Also-” He made a face. “Son? Seriously? How nineteen-thirties can you get, Cap?”

Captain rolled his eyes, mock indignance in his stance. “Great. I have to deal with two Tony Starks in the team now, don’t I?”

“Exactly,” Peter smirked, drawing out the last syllable slightly.

*

He remembered piecing uncharacteristically silent calls with his own incessant chatter, so that the harsh breaths pulsating on the other end would finally, finally smoothen out. He remembered resting a hand over Tony’s arrhythmically flouncing heart, coaxing him for a meal, a drink or to just breathe. He remembered whispering to him in a voice so soft yet so firm, “Mr. Stark? Mr. St-Tony? Tony, it’s me. It’s Peter. No one else is here, okay? You’re safe now. You’re safe.”

He remembered the world of hurt his hero went through.

*

It wasn’t like Peter never asked. 

He tried asking during the quiet moments, when he and Mr. Stark were the only ones up at ass ‘o clock, when Mr. Stark strolled into the kitchen for customary morning tea (Pepper said weekends were coffee-free days). He tried asking during the loud ones too, when Mr. Stark was drunk on whatever alcohol he was having, when all the Avengers were in the room, because surely Mr. Stark wouldn’t turn down an opportunity to brag about a good story in front of everyone, right? Wrong. That particular fiasco ended with more than a couple uncomfortable looks, a pale-faced Mr. Stark storming out of said room and a flustered Peter trailing after him with his dozen apologies.

It got to the point where Mr. Stark had to sit Peter down, look him in the eye and say, “That’s it.” His finger, the metal one, dug deep into Peter’s collared shirt. “Stop it, kid. Me and Rogers, whatever happened between the two of us, it’s got nothing to do with you. And we’re fine now. We’re fixed. We watch Star Wars and Harry Potter every other Sunday, for god’s sake. There’s no better that we can get.” The other hand pressed on his arm shakily, a sort of pleading in the motion. “You don’t have to do anything for us anymore. Alright?”

Peter stopped asking after that.

Instead, he made observations. His eyes tracked each subtle gesture of wistful longing between the two, sometimes bordering on spontaneous animosity. Day and night, he made summaries, graphs, charts and fifty-one five-page essays for ten days in a row, writing and writing like he was running out of time.

He conducted interviews too.

Colonel Rhodes shook his head so adamantly when Peter pulled him aside for one of his trademark inquiry sessions, refusing to divulge anything more than a clipped but not unkind, "There’s definitely problems this team hasn't come to terms with yet, but it doesn’t fall on your shoulders to solve them, Peter." Dr. Banner had been much more forthcoming, nodding along to Peter’s mini monologue of observations. He even pitched in some of his own discoveries as to how the two skirted around each other when there was or wasn’t an audience, albeit with a mild warning that some things aren’t meant to be pushed too hard.

Even Bucky once appeared in front of Peter’s room, bouquet of purple hydrangeas and mug of hot chocolate in tow after one particularly brutal sparring session which had ended with one man’s ruptured blood vessel and another’s broken nose. He spent an hour trying to convey that, that was just their way of resolving conflict, their way of getting things out of their system. There wasn’t much that could be done about it. There wasn’t much they could do about it.

Or so they said.

But how many sleepless dawns after patrol had Peter spent - huddled under blankets in front of a glaring screen, scouring his way through Friday’s systems, keying in every code, every digit he thought would lead him to the right answer. Something, anything that he could work with.

Two months, twenty days and twelve hours later, he found it. The answer. Or at least, a part of it.

 It wasn’t pretty.

He knew. He knew, he knew, he knew that The Winter Soldier wasn’t Bucky, that the man in the video was just Hydra’s brainwashed lackey, that the Bucky he was familiar with would never consent to do anything remotely similar to what he had seen him do. He knew this, and yet some nights still found him jolting awake in a sea of his own sweat; May’s gasps echoing Maria Stark’s dying wheeze, Howard and Tony Stark’s pleas morphing into one, cold unflinching gaze haunting all the moments he fell quiescent. 

In the moments that he was restless, however, Peter resumed his search. He ploughed through the frights and horrors and sleepless dawns even more frenetically than he first did, because if he didn’t get to the bottom of this, no one else would. Because he knew there was more than just ‘The Winter Soldier murdered Mr. Stark’s parents’; there was always more.

Because what use was a team, if all its splintered souls did nothing to embrace their blemishes?

*

“Hey, Pete.”

 “Hm?”

“Wanna’ skip out on the theater gig tonight?” Alloyed fingers drummed idly on the lab table. “We could stay in here for a bit, work on those web-shooter combinations. Could order some tacos. Or pizza. Your choice.”

Peter raised an eyebrow. “Thought it was supposed to be tradition.”

“Yeah, I’m getting kinda’ sick of Rogers' princess movie obsession,” His eyes drifted upwards, thumbs twiddling. “You could go, though. If you want.”

Peter pulled back without missing a beat, eyes widening in comical fashion. “No, are you crazy? Lab night with pizza? When do I ever turn that down, Mr. Stark?”

An honest grin slid across Mr. Stark’s features. “Never.”

“That’s right.” Peter closed his eyes, leaning into the touch rifling through his unkempt locks. “Never.”

*

It didn’t make sense.

Did you know?

I didn’t know it was him.

Don’t bullshit me, Rogers!

Yes.

Peter watched, and still, nothing made sense.

He’s my friend.

So was I.

It. didn’t. make. sense.

*

Blinding white tore across the starless city sky in sharp erratic bursts, heated claws threatening to eliminate all in its path with each stroke of rampant rage. Ice-cold rivulets knocked mercilessly against bare skin, freezing the seconds ticking by as raddled sneakers thrummed upon asphalt, each reverberating cadence in perfect harmony with the furious anthem of unvoiced justice pumping through his veins.

Said anthem soared ever the more when the Captain’s door flung open, pounding hard at the seemingly bewildered face meeting his view.

"Peter? What's wrong?" The golden boy scanned him up and down, concern thick in his tone. "Why aren't you in your suit? Did something happ-"

Peter threw the answer up in his face, letting the phone explain everything as he panted over bent knees. The stark silence that ensued spoke for itself.

"Stevie, what's- oh." Him. No, Bucky. "Peter. You're- why don't we all come inside, yeah? Rain's pouring out here." The voice, so tender, not like. Not like him. Not. Him."I'll put the kettle on."

Which was how Peter ended up in one of Bucky's oversized shirts, settled opposite two war veterans, hands cupped round a mug of hot chocolate and eyes cast in a blatant show of quiet outrage.

"Explain," The anthem burned strong in him.

"Son-"

"Don't call me son."

"-this was all on me, alright?" Dejected tone, blonde head bowed over clasped hands.

Good.

“I- we disagreed on the Accords because-”

“I don’t care about that, Captain,” Peter set the mug down, flexing his fingers mechanically. “The Accords was rigged to begin with. Whatever that came after, shouldn’t be put on anyone but Ross, that I get.” He pressed a finger to the cracked screen of his phone. “No Captain, I’m talking about this.”

Captain Rogers stared at him with eyes so blue, but like the sick man in the video pointed out, there was a hint of green in that blue. A flaw.

“I’m sorry, Peter,” The captain leaned back into his seat, where Bucky’s prosthetic arm (that Tony Stark built for him) was stretched rigidly upon. “I thought that by not telling him, I was sparing him from the sorrow. But really, I was just sparing myself. I- I never meant for him to get hurt. And I’m sure, neither did he.”

Oddly, that last sentence was what pushed Peter over the edge.

 “Neither did he?” His jaw clenched. “Neither did- are you seriously saying that right now? Of course he didn’t mean to hurt you! If he had any control over the situation, any control of the information that you withheld from him, he would not have done that.”

 “I know, Peter.”

 “Do you?” He hissed. “Do you really? Do you know the pain of losing your parents, of not knowing what the hell happened to them except that ‘They died in an accident’? Do you know the want, the pure want, to kill the piece of shit that took their lives, that walked free as you mourned their deaths? That ripped them from you, before you even got to know them?” His fists shook in tandem with the throbbing crescendo of his anthem. “Do you know, how Mr. Stark fought for you behind the scenes? How he wrote and rewrote proposals to alter The Accords, only to be rejected by Ross time and time again? How he hired lawyers and sometimes personally went to vouch for the others in the Raft? How he lost sleep at night, how he drank himself into oblivion, whimpering your name, begging me each time not to tell Mrs. Pepper or Rhodes, because apparently, it didn’t matter?”

 Captain Rogers stiffened in his seat.

“Do you know?”

 “No, son.”

 “I’m not your son.”

 Bucky remained a stock still statue by the Captain’s side.

 Peter sighed, shoulders sagging. Deep breath, calm down. “Sorry.” The lingering pulse of anguish pushed to the back of his mind. “That was uncalled for. Sorry. ”

 “Don’t be.” Bucky replied with haste.

 Peter made another haphazard gesture towards their object of discussion. “Did you guys ever try talking to him about this?”

 “I wrote him a letter.”

 “Yeah, and sent him a burner phone, I know.” Peter snapped, tone sharp. “Scintillating ultimatum you gave him, by the way. He broke it in his fists after two whole months of drinking and staring.”

 “Sorry.”

“Don’t say that to me, Cap,” His fingers tapped the mug handle almost frantically. “Say that to Tony. He needs to hear it.”

 “It’s only two years for you, Peter, but it’s been seven for us. He might’ve- he might not want to hear about this anymore. We’re fine like this.”

 “Bullshit. Don’t think I haven’t notice the way you both act with each other. You guys really need to solve this shit,” Peter mulled over his words, before adding, “By solve, I mean talk about it. Not punch the living daylights out of each other.”

 Captain Rogers shrugged hopelessly. “We don’t talk about things like this. It’ll just escalate, and then we’d be throwing fists all over again. Might as well get that done without scarring our hearts more than it already has been.”

 “Are you serious?” Muted wrath threatened to positively devour the mug in his hands. “Dude, we could have lost Tony in that war. He could have snapped his fingers, and that would have been the last we saw of him. Would you have lived with this then? Not talking about this, because neither of you can stop feeding your very physical ego for one goddamn second? Because neither of you were brave enough to listen?”

 Again, the stark silence spoke for itself.

 “You need to talk about this.”

 “Look, son-”

 “Damn it, Cap!” Peter roared, fists banging against the table. “Call me son one more time!” The mad beast reared its horrendous head, yanking his vocal chords to unrivalled heights, fuelled by the heated flames that grew larger and fiercer with each thunderous beat. It fed off the tension, the visceral need to rip, maw and absolutely pulverise anything and everything that it could find.

 Reddened eyes, full of tears unshed, reflected one another transparently.

 He couldn’t take this anymore.

 “Honestly,” He stood, mug left untouched, voice barely over a whisper. “With all due respect, Captain Rogers. You’re a fucking dick.”

 Peter left, door slam behind him, along with Captain’s echoed ‘Wait!’ and Bucky’s muted ‘Kid’s got a point, Steve.’

*

Peter thought that if he found the answer, everything would make sense. Or, at the very least, he would feel better about things not making sense.

 Clearly, he had been wrong.

 The first night he stopped searching, his phone rang like the house was on fire.

 Mr. Stark had been the first to call. Followed by Colonel Rhodes, then Bucky, then Captain Rogers, then Dr. Banner, and then subsequently the rest of what his team was supposed to consist of.

 He refused to answer. He didn’t care if his phone burst from being called 24/7. He didn’t care.

 Instead, he spent the rest of his time doing what he did best - he looked out for the little guy. He threw himself in front of cars inches away from crashing into one another, saved kittens from trees, taught children how to look both ways before crossing the street, spent time with that tired old man sitting alone on the park bench every week.

And when he wasn’t doing this, he was with May. May and Happy, sometimes, but mostly May.

 He did his homework, with May. He had breakfast, lunch and essentially all his meals, with May. He watched those cheesy soap operas he missed, with May. He did all the things he longed to do, mourning the years that he lost, with May.

 “Are you okay, baby?”

 Maybe it was her firm arms cradling his head, maybe it was her tentative whisper, but there was something about hearing May calling him baby that made a lump form in his throat.

 “I don’t know.”

 May hummed. “Do you want to talk to Tony about it?”

 “No,” Peter sniffed. “Not for now.”

 “Okay, baby,” May rubbed the back of his neck in a way that only she knew how. “That’s okay.”

 He stopped going for movies and lab nights on the weekends.

 *

bucko (4:03 a.m.) : Hey punk, stevie and tony talked it out for a while. wasn’t pretty but, it was necessary, I think. you’re a legend, kid

 coolestdoctorr(4:23 a.m.): I heard what you did. We all needed that to happen eventually. Thank you for being the bravest of us, for acknowledging our flaws and for bringing our team together as best as you can. Take as much rest as you need, and if you need someone to talk to, I’m happy to listen. Stay safe, and we love you.

 warmachineROX (4:29 a.m.): you did great, Peter. I’m sorry i said you couldn’t do this; those boys really needed a nudge. Thanks for doing what you did. Take care, kid.

 so-you-got-detention (4:28 p.m.): Peter, I don’t think there’s anything I can say except I’m sorry. You’re right, I should have talked with him about this 7 years ago. I spent a couple long hours with Tony earlier this weekend. That hardly made up for anything, but we’ll work it out. Things aren’t perfect, we’ll get it better. We have you to thank for that. I know you’re angry with me, which you have every right to be, but know that if you ever need help, just call me. I’ll be there.

 he’s stark, tony stark (5:01 p.m.): b at ur place in 5 mins[sunglasses emoji]

 *

“Hey, Mr. Stark.”

“Hey, kid.”

“Steve mad at me?”

“Definitely not.”

“...You mad at me?”

A pause. “Not really, no,” Mr. Stark rubbed the side of his chin, tilting his head towards Peter. “Does it matter?”

“Yes,” Peter felt his lips shiver against his teeth, sheen of moist clouding his vision, head bowed low and voice crackling, “It does.”

Arms, one alloyed and the other so very real, quietly rolled themselves round his trembling frame, guiding his head towards the steady rise and fall of his hero’s chest, flesh thumb rubbing slow circles over his back, whispers of soft nothings soothing his hair and eventually, a light peck on the forehead.

They stayed like that for a while, beside Peter’s unmade bed, melancholic warmth emanating like cool salve on an open wound. It was comforting, that lack of sound, that silence that spoke the thousand words they couldn’t.

And then, the patented smirk. “You did good, kid,” His tone, so fond. “Friday probably thinks otherwise, though. She’s a little pissed, I think. Kudos for that, by the way. Real sneaky.”

Purely on a whim, Peter snorted, “Love you too, Tony.”

For a moment, it looked as though Tony might just melt into an emotional puddle of goo. Thankfully, he didn’t; Peter wouldn’t know what to do if he did. Instead, he sucked in a deep breath, squeezed Peter closer to his heart, and in a voice smaller than Peter had ever heard, muttered,“Lab night this Sunday?”

Peter, in all his glorious mess of tears and snot, broke into a wobbly laugh.

*

Always.

[letterboxd]

Ghibli Goes Digital.

We celebrate the explosion in Studio Ghibli activity on Letterboxd with Michael Leader and Jake Cunningham from the Ghibliotheque podcast.

LISTEN NOW: David Jenkins (Little White Lies), Tasha Robinson (Polygon) and Adam Kempenaar (Filmspotting) nominate their most magical Studio Ghibli moments in this new episode of The Letterboxd Show.

For all the ways that the coronavirus pandemic has dramatically altered the film industry, one coincidence that’s worked out extremely well for Studio Ghibli fans old and new is the roll-out of 21 of the famed studio’s films on streaming services.

It started in February for Netflix subscribers outside Japan and North America. Then in late May, HBO Max launched in the US with the Ghibli films as part of its offering. Finally, Canada got its turn with twenty titles available on Netflix right now, and The Wind Rises coming on August 1. For film lovers sheltering in place, the timing is as soothing as a nap on a Totoro’s belly; as wondrous as a Takahata sunset.

株式会社スタジオジブリ (Studio Ghibli) was founded in 1985 by directors Isao Takahata and Hayao Miyazaki, and producer Toshio Suzuki, upon the success of Miyazaki-san’s 1984 feature, Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind. Huge acclaim, an Academy Award, and growing fandom followed, but the studio has long shied away from making its catalog available for digital consumption, preferring the films to occupy a larger canvas.

And then, all of a sudden, Suzuki-san announced the digital streaming plan—starting with the whole catalog being made available to own (via download) last December. “We’ve listened to our fans,” Suzuki-san said at the time. “In this day and age, there are various great ways a film can reach audiences.” This turn of events has been a very big deal—both for long-time fans and Ghibli newbies—and we’ve run the numbers to prove it:

The above chart shows the daily number of entries logged on Letterboxd for each of the Ghibli films, and clearly depicts the February, March, April and late May spikes as groups of titles were released to the two aforementioned streaming platforms (and mini spikes coinciding with weekend watches).

The Ghibli films included in the streaming deals stretch over four decades of the studio’s output, and include big-hitters like the Oscar-winning Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Howl’s Moving Castle and the whole-family favorite My Neighbor Totoro. All of those films appear in the Official Letterboxd Top 250; Totoro and Kiki’s Delivery Service also made it onto a list of Letterboxd members’ top twenty favorite comfort films in a recent survey.

To get a sense of what this all means, we went to Letterboxd members Jake Cunningham and Michael Leader, hosts of Ghibliotheque, a podcast dedicated to the studio’s filmography, about the Netflix deal (“none of us could quite believe it when it happened”) and the clues Ghibli films offer us for how to have adventures inside our own homes.

Earlier in the pandemic, when we were all figuring out how to stay home, you hosted a joyous My Neighbor Totoro watch-along. What is it about the fuzzy, mythical creatures that feels so helpful right now? Michael Leader: In some ways, the world’s mum is in hospital right now. We’re all working from home. There’s the bit halfway through the film where the dad is trying to get on with his work in the study, and [his daughter] Mei is coming up and putting little flowers on his desk. That’s what everyone is doing right now, is trying to get on with their work whilst their kids are milling about, full of imagination and adventures.

With Totoro, I go back to a guest we had on the show, Helen McCarthy, who wrote the book about Miyazaki. And she described Totoro as something like “kindness and acceptance made furry”, and that’s really what it is. The idea of this creature being there for you, coming out of the surroundings that you live in, allowing you to not only come into a new space that you’re maybe scared of going into, but also dealing with tricky situations that you’re in.

You’re both deeply embedded in the London film scene, but the dynamic of your Ghibliotheque podcast is that Michael is the long-time Ghibliophile, while Jake is the novice. How did that come about? Jake Cunningham: Michael and I actually work together, and it came up that I hadn’t seen any of the films and then it happened to come up that Michael was one of the UK experts of these films and was having a go at me for never having watched any. This was the perfect opportunity to work on something with each other, and my ignorance has finally paid off, because all I need to do is watch the film and then I get this amazing history lesson.

Jake Cunningham with his ‘Only Yesterday’ poster, and with Michael Leader at the Ghibli Museum.

ML: It was really fun for me, because by that point—this is nearly two years ago now—I’d been writing about Ghibli on and off for almost a decade. There aren’t really many outlets to write about anime, Ghibli and animation in particular, in the monthly film magazines. Jake is the novice we can take through the library and invite people to join us on that journey. We have listeners who are so engaged, sending us comments every week. They had no idea how deep the rabbit hole goes.

That’s something that was personally for me quite important about the show. We want to show that this is one of the few studios that has ten five-star films. They had this amazing streak from the late 80s through the 2000s, just innovating on every film at the highest level, with multiple voices working in their own different worlds. We’ve really managed to show this whole world and invite people into it.

What did you make of the Netlix flex, and the subsequent explosion in Letterboxd activity around Ghibli films? JC: The graph is amazing! I was expecting a boost but not so big. They must be very happy with how well the deal has done for them. I think it’s a good place for Ghibli for sure. I want so many other people to be in the position that I was in two years ago. It is a whole world of pleasure to delve into for audiences.

I did think it was so funny that they spent fifteen years going “We’re never going to be streaming, this is never going to happen, stop asking us”, and then out of nowhere the announcement that they’re going to be online in two weeks! I think none of us could quite believe it when it happened, but what it’s meant is people are going back to the start of the podcast and listening along, because they can finally watch the films that they hadn’t seen before.

And it’s so exciting that people might watch Totoro, or Spirited Away, or Howl’s Moving Castle, these bigger tentpole releases, and that’s going to change their algorithm and they’re going to get presented with Isao Takahata’s My Neighbors the Yamadas or Tomomi Mochizuki’s Ocean Waves. The under-appreciated Ghiblis are suddenly going to get dragged out again.

ML: I’m really excited about it. It’s an interesting thing: it shines a light on what I think is more of a fandom problem, where something becomes rarified or scarce or special to a certain subculture, and that becomes part of its appeal. Sort of ‘Oh, Miyazaki doesn’t believe in streaming, he will never sell out’, and going on about how Netflix somehow cheapens it—but really they are completely accessible films that should be available in a mass market.

Also, and this is something we wanted to tease out in the podcast, they are business savvy. They’re not crazy geniuses who live in wooden shacks in the middle of nowhere. They’re a real company that needs to keep the lights on. There are so many ways to speculate on what this deal means. I think on the one hand they were happy because in the Japanese market they sell enough merchandise, they have a real home entertainment churn going, that they never really needed to do an international release.

There’s a really good book just out by Steve Alpert, who was their first international division lead. He was hired in the 90s to sort out their penetration into western Europe and America. Before the 90s, there were a couple of home entertainment releases and small theatrical runs, but they suddenly saw the business benefits in going global. In some ways I’m very happy for it because it’s a business deal that makes these films more available. They’ll always be special because they’re great films.

JC: The films streaming is extremely exciting, but something that’s gone under the radar a bit is that all of the music is now on Spotify. There are some of Ghibli’s shorts that you can only watch in the museum in Japan, but the scores for those films are now on Spotify, and everything is there. After having the melodies of some of these stuck in my head for months and months, you can finally actually go and deal with the earworm once and for all.

Is it possible for you to sum up for us the thematic essence of Ghibli films, and make a case for why Letterboxd members should introduce their children to the catalog? For me, in the context of the pandemic, it’s the corn on the window-sill in My Neighbor Totoro: the idea of presence despite distance; connection through gesture; the significance of nature. JC: It’s a lot to do with leaving things in an ambiguous space. Having kids watch things where there’s not a binary answer to everything. The studio moved away from the earlier films where a villain is a villain. In Spirited Away and Howl’s Moving Castle, it’s less clear what a ‘bad person’ is and what a ‘good person’ is. I think it’s important that kids are gonna see that. Even with something like Kiki’s Delivery Service, on the surface it’s one of their simpler films. Kiki goes on an amazing journey and she meets amazing people, and at the end, she learns about who she is and what she can do. I think in a Western kids’ film that would be the end note. But there’s that note at the end of the film where she says that she still feels sad, and she still feels homesick, but that’s okay and that’s part of being alive.

ML: I think Miyazaki’s real magic touch across his films is that he’s able to really look at the world through children’s eyes. I’m not the first person to say that. It tends to be one of the first things that people say about him. The magical things about My Neighbor Totoro are when they’re just walking through the house, cleaning the house, cooking together. And for Kiki, when she gets her own [apartment], sweeps up and cooks herself pancakes. It is just as much about the magic of the everyday, about the world that you can see around you, within the four walls of the home.

JC: Now that you say that, I’m thinking about Ponyo, a key scene where the storm is hitting, and Sosuke and Ponyo and Sosuke’s mum just hunker down in their house and they have a generator going and they make instant ramen noodles, and the mum slips in little bits of ham. They also have some honey tea. Even though he’s a fantasy filmmaker, and he makes grand statements about geopolitical situations, these are the sequences now which will play most poignantly to people.

ML: Ghibli offers escapism, right now.

We got a glimpse of the next Ghibli film, Gorō Miyazaki’s fully-CG Aya and the Witch (see picture below), via the online version of the recent Annecy International Animated Film Festival. What are your thoughts? JC: Regarding the new images, I’m not as petrified as some fans have been. On the podcast I’ve mounted my defence for Gorō’s Tales From Earthsea, which is very much the black sheep of the family, and I don’t think I’d be doing him justice after that if I didn’t stand in his corner on this one as well. Until we see the style in motion, I think it’s unfair to judge, but it certainly is… different.

Jake, are you now a true Ghibliophile, or are you still just following along with what Michael’s got you into? JC: I would say I am now. I could definitely bore people in conversations with production stories! A lot of people will, I’m sure, have seen a lot of the films, but doing the podcast is the only thing that would have made me watch all of them.

Michael, how proud are you of this achievement? ML: Turning Jake into a new Ghibiliofile is really something. When we went to Japan in November last year—we managed to find change down the back of the sofa, and take the team out and visit the museum, visit Studio Ponoc, who are the spin-off studio founded by veterans from Ghibli—the thing that made me most proud was seeing how excited the rest of the team were. I think just out of shot of Jake’s webcam is a poster of Only Yesterday that he bought in Japan. It’s the only thing he wanted to find, was an original 1991 poster of that. There’s a picture of Jake just absolutely beaming with this poster.

Related content

Our Letterboxd Show Ghibli Magic Moments episode, with Tasha Robinson, David Jenkins and Adam Kempenaar.

Little White Lies editor David Jenkins’ Letterboxd review of My Neighbor Totoro.

The Official Letterboxd Top 250

Letterboxd members’ favorite comfort films.

[lokikingofasgardslover713]

Ch 4: Crestfallen

Masterlist 

The Auction House Master

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson X OFC

Warnings: Angst, Fluff

Summary: It gets better, they have a plan and Loki is finally falling into his role as her soulmate, but does it last?

A/N: I just couldn’t leave it alone and we have more whump. We are picking up around 4 weeks after she has been brought to the compound.

Words: +4,400

___________

Loki was surprised they brought him in on the discussion of Treasure and her treatment, as they referred to it. Taking a seat around the table along with Shuri, Tony, Steve, Sam, Bucky and Thor, it seemed they were taking it seriously she was Loki’s soulmate.

Appearing Shuri was going to speak, all sat attentively but Loki who was showing impatience at missing his usual time of sitting with his mate. Hopefully this wouldn’t take too long.

“There is progress,” Shuri began, a hologram of charts and graphs pulling up in the center of the table for them all to look over.

This was agitating to say the least, this meant nothing to Loki, physical evidence did. He was seeing progress, more than the charts showed, his mate was speaking more, in dreams at least. When they physically met, she remained quiet, but he could sense she was at ease and not giving up, it was heartening to say the least.

“I know it doesn’t appear to be much, but slow progress is better than none,” Shuri said, Loki noting several look worried that there wasn’t anything on the charts.

“These are just charts, diagrams,” Thor spoke up oddly enough, the golden god not having spoken much of Treasure, even when Loki spoke to him of her, but it was weighing on Thor as well. “But there is obvious signs she is doing better; she at least comes out of her room, speaks when spoken to. That seems like progress mere charts can’t show.”

“Your right, these are just charts,” Bucky spoke up, he could taste the tension rolling off of Loki.

Bucky had lost his soulmate decades back thanks to HYDRA, though he loathed the god at times, it didn’t mean he wished that sort of heartache on Loki, or anyone for that matter. The physical loss of a soulmate was excruciating, but the loss of their mental state was worse. The brunets very own soulmate having suffered in a mental hospital until eventually taking her own life due to the agony he was placed under when he was being turned into the Winter soldier.

“But it still doesn’t give insight to her true mental state,” Bucky continued, meeting Loki’s gaze. “That is what we need to focus on, there is nothing worse than psychologically losing your soulmate.”

Giving a nod, Loki had a feeling the metal armed soldier knew more about the situation then he originally let on when they first found Treasure. Truth be told, this was infuriating, looking over to Thor who was watching him out of the corner out of his eye. Loki was close to getting to his feet and leaving but fought against it as Shuri spoke to Sam.

“What have you found to help her decompress,” the teen spoke up to the falcon who looked over to Loki for a moment.

Yeah, unfortunately Sam could understand the gods hell. “It appears she does well with the diamond paintings-,” he spoke up everyone caught off guard as Loki cut him off, but it was kept calm.

“She listens to music, it appears to help while she is working on the diamond paintings,” Loki spoke stoically, feeling he should voice what he had found as well, he shared closer quarters with her than the others did he not? Even if he was in a separate room the god knew the team were not ignorant to the fact he stayed there most of the day.

Sam gave a nod, “music often helps. Is she sleeping?”

“She is,” Loki spoke up but made sure it was noted in his tone there was to be no questions of dreams. To Loki, their shared dreams were a subject between the two of them that served as a sliver all their own, were no one would watch them endlessly.

“Her dreams-,” Shuri began but Loki quickly cut her off, his resolve finally cracking.

“They are between my mate and myself alone,” Loki sneered hatefully as he got to his feet followed by Thor and several others as chairs scooted loudly and they all froze.

“Hey, take it easy we are only trying to help,” Tony snarled back at the god who glared them all down.

“You call placing her in the same environment she came from to poke and prod at her in the same manner, help? She loathes going into that lab day in and day out or whenever any of you request it. If you would simply allow me to take her to New Asgard all this would be over in mere moments instead of dragging on for weeks as you have been doing,” Loki spat, not moving a muscle, the air becoming charged with seidr.

“Well I don’t see you doing any better to help the cause,” Tony snarled back, “withholding information-.”

“She is my mate! It is my duty to keep her secrets! Which means, what she and I discuss in private is not meant for anyone’s ears but our own! She trusts me to keep her safe, and I will not fail her a second time,” Loki snarled back, grabbing for Tony but Thor was quick to catch him.

“This is enough,” the golden god bellowed, his voice so loud it made everyone’s ears ring for a moment. “Are we not going to discuss what we were brought here to or not?”

Loki pulled away from Thor, eyeing his brother and the dawning realization this wasn’t a discussion to go over charts. “Thor,” Loki croaked, “what are you not telling me?”

“We are sending her to Wakanda,” Steve spoke, the gods attention turning to the captain who had stepped closer. “Shuri should be able to get this done quickly, a week at the most-.”

“Then if you are allowing her to take my mate to Wakanda then it should be no different to allow the healers of Asgard the same opportunity,” Loki stated, swallowing hard to wet his suddenly parched throat.

A motion from Bucky got the gods attention before the metal armed solider stated his peace as well. “We know, but Shuri has already began the process. The same that helped me. It can cause damage in itself if it isn’t completed.”

Shuri met Loki’s gaze, seen the despair. “We have a place set up for both of you,” Shuri began to reassure before pausing for a moment. “Allow me to finish and if it doesn’t work, then as soon as I am done you take her wherever. All I ask is let me finish what I started.”

Taking in a deep breath, Loki didn’t want to cause Treasure more harm. He resented them all, but his care, no, this was love, his love for his mate had him swallowing his pride. “When do we leave?”

It felt as if the room sighed when Loki asked his question. The team relaxing along with it as Shuri gave a faint smile.

“In the morning. I was going to wait, but you know as well as I do that she stopped making progress the past few days. There will be a jet waiting for us at 6 am. I won’t take her to the lab right away but will allow her to rest and become familiar with the city,” Shuri confirmed.

Pressing his lips in a thin line, Loki had heard all he needed, giving a nod before leaving in a wisp of seidr this time instead of a slamming door.

“What the hell was that,” Tony snarled at Thor, stepping up to the god who only glared at the billionaire.

“You know as well as any Treasure’s mood is directly affecting him,” Thor growled back.

“You were supposed to talk to him before hand,” Tony snipped as Steve and several others came around to speak as well.

“Hey, chill out,��� Natasha snapped at Tony. “You didn’t talk to Loki?”

“No, it was all I could do to catch him away from her, but he is trying in his own way to help,” Thor spoke up as he looked to them all. “I didn’t have the heart to tell him he was losing her once more.”

Loki didn’t like the idea of his mate being taken to Shuri’s home to undergo more poking and prodding when New Asgard was just as capable without all the invasive test. Though it appeared it was decided before he had ever voiced his opinion.

In his mind, the god knew it wasn’t that simple, not with her. The trauma he sensed she had faced, witnessed in her nightmares was possibly worse if not more so than his own due to it beginning the very moment she was born.

Sure to enter her room via the door, Loki was sure to slip in quietly. Treasure would know it was him, but he didn’t find her hunkered over the art table or in the kitchen where it appeared she focused on cooking as well. The past week had found Treasure stepping up to him when he entered in a sort of greeting where she looked him over before giving the faintest smile.

Though it seemed she was in the shower, hearing the water running and deciding to busy himself by looking over the numerous diamond canvases she had finished. The large art table he provided was littered in small containers of plastic diamonds that accompanied the large sticky canvases.

Over the past few weeks this had been the therapy Sam had come to the conclusion would be helpful for her. Apparently the falcon was known for helping ones with trauma similar to hers.

It appeared the numerous paintings she had already completed were placed on the small kitchenette table she had drug next to the art table. The one she was currently working on appeared to be one she was making up as she went along, the canvas itself blank but from what he seen it looked to be a garden. Realization dawning it was his mother’s garden.

There was music playing softly as he looked over the artwork on the dining table, shuffling it around to note they all appeared gardens, and all the ones he had brought her were done as well. It seemed she was favoring this to sleeping the past several days.

Looking to the open bathroom door, he heard the pattern of water change as she moved in the stall. It terrified him that he may be losing her once more to an unseen force he couldn’t combat. They had made progress, the both of them, but she was far more troubled than he first realized and wondered if his own torment had anything to do with it.

A since of guilt hung over Loki as he stepped towards the bathroom, the water shutting off as he did so, but he had to assure she was OK.

The hot water did little to clear her crowded mind. Sam had spoken with her, Bucky as well, explaining there would be days like this where no matter what it was just hard. Treasure had opted for a shower but to what end she wasn’t sure as she almost collapsed in exhaustion when she stepped out. 

She had been up for several weeks with HYDRA compared to the three she had been going nonstop, but this was a different kind of exhaustion. Drying off, she tugged on the leggings and cami before starting into the bedroom. So addled she didn’t realize it was time for Loki to make his visit and all but jumped out of her skin when she bumped into the god as she exited. 

“What’s wrong mate,” Loki began, sure to not touch her but was quick to steady her with minimal touch as her steps faltered. 

Meeting his gaze, she didn’t know how to tell him what was wrong. This time she didn’t draw away from his touch, but muscles still flinched under the light caress. Treasure didn’t feel like she had the past few weeks, steps faltering once more with Loki assuring she was seated on the bed before taking one next to her, sure to give her space.

“I don’t know,” her voiced cracked, nervousness in her tone, she felt addled and had no idea what to do. 

“Mate-,” Loki began, preparing to tell her of the move but had a feeling it may make it worse. 

Taking in a deep breath to steady his own unease, he knew he needed to tell her, but also knew she needed rest. “You should rest love. I will stay, so you are not alone,” he spoke quietly, reaching for the fur he had gifted and placed it over her legs. 

She knew there was more to what he was saying but it appeared it was a thing that could wait. Treasure didn’t know how to tell Loki she needed to leave. There was an itch under her skin that felt as if she stayed cooped up much longer she would go mad but wasn’t sure the admittance would help. 

For once he may be right. Nodding drunkenly, she pulled her body against the pillows as the god made sure she was covered. Eyeing Loki as she done so, the god got to his feet to take a seat in the armchair next to the bed, pulling the book kept between the cushions into his hands.

Slowly heavy lids began to flutter closed, watching Loki until they finally shut in exhaustion. Watching close, Loki felt his own body ease as hers relaxed further into the mattress, her true name echoing in the gods ears as he felt his own self slipping into a restful sleep. 

His soulmates name spoken once more but from her lips as she took a seat next to Loki on the bench nestled in his mother’s garden, on Asgard. This place no longer existed but in dreams. Looking over to his soulmate as she sat gently, clothed in an Asgardian pants suit matching his colors perfectly. Loki should know even in dreams she would refuse to wear a dress and it made him smile. 

“The name suits you love,” Loki spoke with a smile as she returned the sentiment.

“Does it,” she hummed, inching close so she was all but buried in his side.

“This is the painting you are working on,” Loki spoke up as he focused on her, there were two sides of his mate. This one was spunky, as a young warrior should be, but the other was a hardened shell, making the god wonder if HYDRA had split her very soul in two.

“It is,” she smiled as he turned to face her. Reaching out to take her left hand in his, she smiled as he turned it to make the ring of snakes and emeralds glitter. 

“This one no longer exist does it,” she asked innocently, Loki reaching a freehand out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear. 

“No. It was-.”

“Sigyn’s.”

“Yes. I believe you should have one of your own love,” he smiled, both looking down at the hand for a wolf to knot around the finger and glitter with more emeralds. Caressing over her cheek with the same hand that had tucked the stray strand behind her ear, Loki smiled as she leaned into it. 

“Where is your other half,” he asked, sometimes he could reach the shell as he called the cold being, through dreams, and tonight he felt he needed to try.

“Siberia. Lost in the wilderness.”

“Can I reach her?” 

“You need to, she doesn’t need to be alone,” his spunky mate spoke with a sad smile.

As he stood, the calm garden faded along with the bright half to reveal a windswept wooded area. It appeared to be spring, but snow was blowing around as he turned to find the cold one eyeing him in shock. 

How did he enter her dream like this? Nervously she stepped back, not sure how to proceed, how to tell him she wanted to be alone tonight.  

Calling her true name, she shifted apprehensively, the mere mention of it set off a flood of memories that made no sense at the moment. Everything and nothing flashing in front of her mind’s eye, a lull in time as she looked to Loki, her soulmate, as if seeing him for the first time.  

Venturing towards the god, she felt different to say the least now that he voiced her name out loud. Hearing it flow off the gods tongue made it sound divine in this hellish waste. Nodding in acknowledgment, she studied Loki as he dared a step closer.

A harsh idea flitting over her thoughts had the snow picking up, and a coldness take over her body. This was an odd development, the gods breath smoking from his lips as he approached and the temperature around them dropped noticeably.  

“You know I won’t hurt you,” he spoke, gaze flicking to her left hand when she moved it to take the hand he offered, the ring having caught her eye. 

Looking back to him, her skin visibly paled white, almost blue as it grew colder before it appeared she calmed, the snow slowed, and she took on her original appearance. This made him realize she was more than a soldier like Bucky. 

“Can you,” he hinted to the cold, holding her gaze. 

Looking him over she didn’t give an answer either way but placed her hand back at her side and stepped back. 

“A little bit, but it's only at odd times. I haven’t been able to do so in a while,” her voice rasped, she looked prepared for a fight. 

“It’s a unique talent,” he began, lifting a hand for the blowing snow to circle them in a beautiful flurry that made her smile.  

“You’re not as nice,” she said, staying put while Loki stepped flush, furrowing his brow at the odd statement. “Out there as you are in here,” she finished, watching realization dawn on the god. 

“Reality hasn’t been kind to either of us, I think you would agree,” Loki spoke, moving to caress over her cheek and watching angry marks rise across the soft skin as if he had struck her, but fade away slowly. “It pains you still; to be touched.”

Looking him over she nodded in agreement with the statement. 

“Touch can be terribly painful,” Loki continued, shifting his weight to note her place a foot back but didn’t pull away. “But; touch can be quite pleasing if it is meant to comfort.”

Holding her gaze, Loki ventured to caress over her cheek once more, this time, tired eyes fluttered shut as a trail of pale blue followed in its wake. This gave him hope as he brought up his other hand to cup cool, soft cheeks gently.

Carefully he watched for the flesh to turn red, but thankfully it remained unfazed as he caressed over her cheeks with his thumbs, or that was until she opened her eyes in terror and she immediately stepped back. The skin looking scalded before it healed. 

Intently she studied his face, looking him over closely before bravely stepping forward, a hand held as if she was about to touch him but stopped. The god noted the sky turn black and her eyes squeezed shut. In moments it cleared to leave her a child, who appeared 12, standing before him. 

The innocence in her eyes made Loki realize she was dredging up old memories, ones taken from her as the child. Reaching a hand to his, it prompted Loki to look down as he took the smaller one in his and noted he appeared younger as well. Loki kneeled before her with a smile on his face, one she appeared happy to return. 

“I know this isn’t us now, that we can never regain what we lost but this gives me comfort,” she admitted, Loki nodding in understanding and keeping her gaze. 

“You’re right little one. When innocence is lost, there is no getting it back,” he sighed watching her close. “I must tell you something.”

“What is it,” she asked innocently, studying him as his brows furrowed.

“You and I are leaving for Wakanda in the morning,” he tried to sound casual, but the look of acceptance told him she wasn’t really surprised.

“More test,” his young mate whispered, voice cracking slightly as she looked to their clasped hands.

“I'm afraid so pet,” he murmured, placing his other over top of hers.

How? How did she tell him without screaming her throat raw she couldn’t take any more tests, prodding, questions. She was free of HYDRA, that was supposed to mean no more, no more, no more! Isn’t that what they had all told her? She wanted to force the words out, but it only came out in a hoarse whisper.

“I don’t want to sit through more test, more prodding,” she croaked, keeping the younger Loki’s gaze with tear rimmed eyes.

“I know, but-,” Loki began, though he honestly couldn’t come up with an explanation, a lie, to soothe her.

Falling to his knees, Loki reached to caress her cheek, heart fluttering as she leaned into the calloused palm. Surely the healers could take care of whatever Shuri had started, there was no need in any of this, any of her suffering.

Letting out a huff as he kept her gaze, he was at a loss, silver tongue silenced at the sight of his nervous mate. Slowly she returned to how he knew her now as did he, catching her as she collapsed to her knees and fell into his chest.

“Forgive me lover. I am as lost as you,” Loki huffed, petting along her shivering spine.

“I know,” she sniffed as if crying but when he lifted her chin to meet his gaze he seen she had not a tear in her eye. “It appears we have to make our path together.”

“Appears so love. But I need you to rest for me. Yeah,” he spoke soothingly, rubbing along her spine as she settled into his body, wrapping arms around him as he slowly woke.

Looking over to his mate, Loki got to his feet and stepped to the bed, noting the room was extremely cold. Lacing his fingers into her hair, the god realized she was drawing from his seidr, it was rare but possible.

Letting out a sigh, she was on the verge of waking before lithe fingers massaged over her scalp. Settling more into the pillows, a sense of calm washed over her, more so as the mattress dipped before her, mind drifting, but not before making the decision to wake before morning.

Whether it was training or an internal clock, she woke long before dawn and when Loki’s arms loosened. Shifting carefully in the gods arms, she looked over his sleeping face, committing it to memory and noting he looked relaxed, younger even.

She wanted to reach out, caress his face, to possibly wake him with a kiss, a snuggle even, but she didn’t feel they were there. That would take time, and it was time she didn’t have. There was no desire to travel to Wakanda, no matter the peace they offered.

Finally free of HYDRA, she wanted to make her own choice, even if it killed her. Loki didn’t have a choice, he was trying to be a better god himself, which meant he had to adhere to stricter rules than her. Truthfully she cared less about being good, she just wanted to be left alone, and it killed her soul she couldn’t be alone with Loki.

Giving the god one last look, she gingerly scooted from his hold to get to her feet. Sliding them into the shoes by the door, she grabbed the backpack hidden in the cabinet and threw it over her shoulder. If there was one thing she knew about Loki, it was the fact he had disabled the room cameras.

Pulling the tablet from the pack while watching the god, she pressed over the screen. It had been only a few days ago she had devised a plan of how to make a blank spot in F.R.I.D.A.Ys system in order to escape.

Looking back to Loki as she placed the tablet on the counter, her chest began to ache. She knew what this was and fought it as she hurried out of the compound. Deciding on hijacking something outside of the facility to aid in her escape so it wouldn’t be easily tracked.

Waking in a cold sweat, Loki immediately felt the loss of his mate weighing heavy on his chest. Angerly he leapt from the bed, storming to the door to find the tablet. In anger he crushed it in his hold as he carried the ruined remains out into the corridor.

Storming into the docking area of the compound, Loki started for Shuri, using the broken tablet to point at her. The others there, Steve, Bucky, Tony and Thor were quick to rally towards the teen for protection and to find out what was going on.

“This is your doing,” Loki snarled at the teen as Thor and several others came forward to stop the irate god, Tony jerking the tablet from his hands.

Without hesitation the billionaire twisted his wrist for a hologram to hover over the busted tech and show the last thing it was used for. Schematics of the program she had used to disable F.R.I.D.A.Y had them all marveling at the knowledge it had taken to create the literal loophole so she could leave.

“If you hadn’t suggested taking her to Wakanda she would still be here,” Loki snarled as he forced himself to calm. “We need to find her, now!”

“OK, but you have to stay here,” Steve spoke up.

“I will not,” he snipped beginning to start out of the docking area.

“Loki,” Thor bellowed, making his brother pause. “The agreement with their authorities, if you leave without proper clearance, you forfeit her freedom as well.”

“I knew it! I knew you would find a way to leverage us against one another! To think I was fool enough to trust you,” Loki snarled advancing on Thor.

“It was to protect the both of you! Don’t you dare pin this on me,” Thor snarled back, not backing down as the air charged with seidr.

“Whoa,” Tony spoke up hurrying forward as Steve and Bucky did the same in attempts to quell the fight. “OK, look, we will start tracking her now, and Barnes and Rogers will bring her back.”

“It should be me! As it was to be all along,” Loki snarled at the billionaire.

“Let me finish,” Tony bellowed himself making them all pause. “In the meantime, I am going to assure you have all you need to leave the compound and retrieve her from them. Is that clear?”

Tags: @marshyrebelcloud​​ @cruel-kitten​​  @moonfaery​​ @dark-night-sky-99​​ @gramaeryebard​​  @katstablook​​ @andiyholly​​ @jovanna-shewolf​​ @nickyl316h​​ @aslandia726​​ @furstinnajoelle​​ @itsbqueenthings​​ @collinsstanharbour​​ @jazzieomega​​ @moonlightprime​​ @bambamwolf87​​ @tomhardy41​​ @get-loki​​ @drakonwild​​ @alexakeyloveloki​​ @scorpionchild81​​ @devilbat​   @jane-777​ @wegingerangelica​ @the-minus-four​

[dreamwritesimagines]

Don’t You Love Me? 6- Dance Little Liar [Steve Rogers x Reader]

A.N.: Your feedback makes me so happy, so please keep it coming! kisses! <3

Characters: Steve Rogers x Reader, Tony Stark x Pepper Potts, Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanoff.

Warnings: Drinking, mentions of addiction, self destructive behavior, cussing, explicit language, mentions of sex.

Summary: Denial only works when you try to believe it.

Word Count: 2968

Read Chapter 1 here!

Read Chapter 2 here!

Read Chapter 3 here!

Read Chapter 4 here!

Read Chapter 5 here!

The beautiful moodboard is made by fictionwillneverdie

Gif’s not mine!

“Hey, what’re you up to?” Pepper asked as she walked into the kitchen to fill herself a cup of coffee and you raised your glances from the laptop screen to give her a grin, while Natasha shook her head slightly, heaving a sigh beside you.

“Uh oh. That’s never good.”

“You will be pleased to hear that I found a solution to my problem.” You told Pepper who frowned.

“Your problem of…drinking?”

You rolled your eyes, “Pfft, that’s not a problem.”

“Your problem of denial?” Natasha quipped and you scoffed.

“I’m not in denial.”

“Your problem of-“

“Tall blonde super soldier.” You cut Natasha off and Pepper’s frown deepened.

“Steve isn’t a problem. Steve is the opposite of a problem.”

“Don’t start Potts, she has an excel sheet and everything to show you why it’s a bad idea.”

“I also have a powerpoint.”

“And I’m being kept as a hostage.”

“Nat!”

Pepper stifled a laugh, “Oh wow.”

“Yeah, so take a seat. I’ll walk you through my genius plan.”

Natasha looked up at the ceiling, as if praying for patience. “Jarvis?”

“Yes, Ms. Romanoff?”

“Any chance you could set this laptop on fire?”

“Um- no, Ms. Romanoff.”

She shrugged, “Worth a try.”

You hushed Natasha, “So, Peps. As you might have noticed, Steve is like a really good guy.”

“Yeah.”

“And really sweet.”

“Yep.”

“And really hot, I mean seriously, I’d climb him like a tree-“

“Are you going anywhere with this?” Pepper wondered out loud and you cleared your throat.

“Yeah, anyways. I was saying- so he’s really hot, which causes me not to think straight, because who doesn’t wanna jump on that right? But,” you held up your finger, “But, he’s really nice and sweet, which makes me think that I really shouldn’t jump on him because he’s a good guy and I’m like really fucked up.”

“Y/N-“

“Why do I feel like it had something to do with your date the other day?” Pepper asked and your grin faded slightly.

“Come on, don’t tell me you don’t actually notice that.” You pointed at Steve with your spoon and he was polite enough to look confused.

“What?”

“How everyone stares at you.”

“It’s the Captain America thing.”

You arched a brow, “Correction. How everyone stares at you longingly.”

“Captain America thing. And the serum,” he added, and you chuckled, then dug your spoon into the soufflé.

“Man, you’re so full of shit.”

“Me?”

“Yes!” You shook your head slightly, “You’re really handsome, Rogers. About time you acknowledge that fact.”

He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck, then lowered his gaze to the soufflé, “It wasn’t always like that.”

“Back in forties?”

He nodded, “Yeah, um… Bucky was the ladies’ man.”

“Trust me, he still is a ladies’ man.” You smirked, “That shit doesn’t go away.”

He looked almost surprised as his eyes snapped up to yours. “Oh? So… You-?”

“Oh no,” You shook your head fervently, “No, I’m just…being objective. Besides- um- he’s not my type.”

He nodded slightly, then cleared his throat, “What is your type then? That bartender?”

“Jake? Nah.” You shook your head again, “That was a distraction.”

“From what?”

“From…” You licked your suddenly dry lips, “From stress. In case it has escaped your notice, I don’t really cope with shit well.”

He raised his brows and shot you a look of disbelief, which caused you to scrunch up your nose,

“I know. Understatement of the century.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“So-yeah, so anyway, the point is-“ You pointed at him with your spoon, “You’re hot, man. Like hot and nice at the same time, which just proves you were made in a lab because no one can be this hot and this nice at the same time-“ You stopped talking when you saw the look on his face. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just…” He chuckled, “Has anyone told you you’re very different?”

“Y/N?” you snapped back into the reality when Natasha snapped her fingers in front of your eyes, “Hello?”

“Oh-“ You cleared your throat, “Sorry. Anyways, I was saying, I figured out what I need to do.”

“You’re gonna tell him you like him?”

“I’m gonna set him up with someone.”

Pepper gawked at you while you wiggled your brows, then she turned to Natasha.

“It’s been a while since I got together with Tony so I might not be up to date with how this whole thing works. Is this how people get into relationships now?”

“If you’re gonna have a threesome, I guess?”

“Nat!”

“But I wouldn’t know, I don’t date.” Natasha shrugged her shoulders and you rolled your eyes,

“As I’ve stated in the fifth page of my powerpoint,” You turned the laptop to Pepper so that she could see it better, “In this chart, we can see my fuck ups, and Steve’s. Steve’s line graph is much, much lower than mine-“

“Jesus…”

“And on sixth page,” You clicked on the next page, “This here shows- hey!” You were cut off when Pepper slammed the lid shut and shot you a look of disbelief.

“You cannot be serious.”

“If I set him up with someone, he will be interested in that chick and my hormones will get the clue and leave him alone.”

“Or it will backfire terribly and you’ll want him more.”

“I don’t live in a high school TV series, Pepper. That doesn’t happen.”

“That happens all the time!” She protested, “Jealousy makes people do things.”

“I won’t get jealous, because I’ll be the one who-“

“That’s not how it works.”

“Oh it’ll work.” You smiled at Pepper, “Special thanks go to your boyfriend for that.”

                                           *

One good thing about Tony’s parties?

The booze was always amazing.

So amazing that it almost made up the fact that you were supposed to wear heels.

“No no no, it wasn’t even-“

“Then-“ Pepper clutched at her stomach, motioning at you while Maria let out a laugh, “Then she turned to the guy and said, All that sexting with the contact Amanda has been sent to your wife, I feel like you should get a lawyer, while I’m just standing there, still staring at her!”

“That guy was an asshole who was hitting on you!” You protested, “And who even makes their password Chadrocks123?”

“Hey, you’re a superhero in my book.” Maria toasted and you scoffed.

“I’m way too drunk to be a superhero.”

“It doesn’t specifically state anywhere that you can’t.”

“Right, and does Fury agree with you on that?”

Maria shrugged slightly and averted her eyes, and Pepper cleared her throat.

“Where is he anyway?”

“He got caught up in work.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, should I go there to help?” You asked and Maria shook her head,

“Nah, he got it covered. You know how he is.”

“Yeah but if it’s-“ You stopped talking when both Maria and Pepper looked over your shoulder, making you frown and you turned your head.

Oh.

That.

Steve and Bucky had just walked into the party and looked to be in a deep discussion while Steve shed his brown leather jacket and tried to fix his hair, looking around. For one second, you wondered where they were coming from but all of that disappeared as he chuckled at something Bucky had said, and pushed him slightly while still fixing his hair. Bucky nodded at you, then leaned in to mutter something into his ear.

Damn it.

“That’s my cue to leave.”

“What’s going on?” Maria asked and Pepper grinned.

“I’ll tell you over there.”

“Maria, no- Potts, if you leave right now I’ll tell Tony- hi Steve!” Your voice went a pitch higher to your own terror, and you shut your eyes for a second, annoyed at yourself as Pepper and Maria walked past you and you opened your eyes again to look up at Steve.

“Hey.”

Say something. Say anything.

“…Sup Cap?”

If your brain were a computer, you were sure you’d be able to see Error 404, logic not found right now.

“You look-“ Steve gulped, eyeing you up and down and you bit on your lip.

“I know. I cleaned up nicely, huh?”

Steve shrugged slightly, something in his gaze different than before. “You look really beautiful.”

Oh God, he really wasn’t helping the situation.

“So do you!” You laughed nervously, “Which- uh… ehm, which reminds me, I have a surprise for you.”

A small smile graced his lips and fuck, how come he looked that calm and controlled while you were a nervous wreck right now?

“A surprise?”

“Yeah! I’ll – um, I decided that I’ll be your wing woman tonight!”

He frowned slightly, “My what?”

“I’ll set you up with someone.”

The light in his bright blue eyes shifted and you could swear his smile faded for a second as silence fell upon you, but then he seemed to pull himself together.

“Nah,” he tried to laugh, “I’m fine.”

“I insist, come on Cap!” You grabbed his arm to turn him around but as soon as you touched him both of you paused. The heat spread from your fingertips through your whole body. You shook your head slightly, and looked up at him, slowly retrieving your hand and cleared your throat.

“Wh-what’s your type?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Yeah like…redhead, dark hair, brun-“

“Y/N, you’re not serious.”

“I’m deadly serious, come on! Give me something to work my art on!”

He pulled his brows together, “Your art is matchmaking?”

“An underappreciated art.” You pointed out and he heaved a sigh,

“Seriously? First Nat and now you?”

“Well if- wait, who’s Natasha trying to set you up with?”

His eyes searched yours before he averted his gaze and crossed his arms, shrugging.

“Not important. Do I seriously look in need of help that much?”

You rolled your eyes, “That’s not it. It’s just… you know, distraction is good.”

“You and I have different ways of distraction.”

“What’s yours?”

His gaze on you was intense now, giving you a head spin faster than any alcohol you had drunk so far. You felt your stomach do a flip in your body as the corners of his lips turned upwards, as if teasing you.

“Maybe I’ll show you someday.”

You gulped loudly, then cleared your throat again, “You owe me one for giving me a heart attack the other day. The least you could do is tell me your type.”

“Giving you a heart attack?”

“I thought you died, dickhead!” You slapped his arm, “HYDRA soldiers aren’t exactly friendly, you know? They’re assholes, and they could’ve killed you!”

“I had it under control.”

“Like fuck you had it under control.” You mumbled, sipping your drink and Steve tried to suppress his smile.

“You were worried?”

“Couldn’t you tell?” You asked back but before he could even open his mouth to answer, you heard Tony calling out his name.

“Steve! Over here, I gotta introduce you to someone.”

Steve turned to you with an apologetic look in his eyes, “Sorry. Duty calls.”

“I’ll keep my eyes open for any girl who resembles a pin up girl.” You winked at him and he shook his head, apparently way too tired to fight you, and walked away. You went to the bar to grab yourself another glass of whiskey, and downed it.

“Careful, that’s really strong.”

You rolled your eyes at the bartender, then turned your head when Bucky approached you.

“Hey there.”

“Hey. Let me guess, you can’t get drunk either?”

Bucky shrugged slightly, “With great power, comes great tolerance to alcohol.”

You toasted, “My condolences.”

“Thanks.”

“Hey, I’ve got a question for you.” You sipped your drink after bartender filled you another, “What’s your buddy’s type?”

Bucky frowned slightly, “Hm?”

“Steve. What’s his type? I’m gonna hook him up with someone.”

Bucky clicked his tongue, “Oh right. Nat told me about that amazing plan of yours.”

“Why thank you.”

Bucky’s eyes searched the crowd for a couple of seconds, lips pursed into a thin line as if he was in deep thought before he cussed under his breath and turned to you.

“Come with me.”

“Where?” You asked but he was already walking away. You groaned and rushed after him to follow him into the elevator as fast as you could.

“I don’t know when the last time you wore heels was Barnes, but they’re a bitch to run on.”

“Nat doesn’t have any problems with that.”  

“Natasha doesn’t count.”

“Potts also doesn’t have-“

“Got it, thank you.” You grumbled as he chuckled, and the elevator went up. You leaned back to the mirror, inspecting your nails.

“Do I wanna know where we’re going?”

“You’ll see.”

“What’s with men and being vague as fuck?” You wondered out loud as the elevator stopped and both of you left it to walk towards a door. Bucky opened the door and you raised your brows.

“Wow, Barnes. I’m flattered but you’re not my type.”

“You’re not my type either.” Bucky muttered and your jaw dropped.

“Rude!”

Bucky turned around to shoot you a look of puzzlement “You just told me the same thing.”

“Yeah, but I am rude. You’re supposed to be the perfect gentleman of forties.”

“You’ve seen Steve. He’s the gentleman, not me.”

“Steve was made in a lab.” You retorted and looked into the room while Bucky walked towards the desk, “Whose room is this?”

“Steve’s.”

You crossed your arms, and leaned to the doorframe, “And why, oh why are we in Steve’s room, Barnes?”

Bucky chuckled, “Steve would kill me if he knew about this, but…” he started as he grabbed something on the table but you were way too distracted by the discomfort of your heels, “But I know how people look at someone when they like them. Steve is a bit clueless about that one.”

“I don’t-“ You were cut off when Bucky handed the small notebook to you. You pulled it from his grip slowly, running your fingertips on the leather cover before you opened it, and held your breath.

On the first page, there was a sketch of you. You covered your mouth as your eyes searched the details, as if hypnotized. The girl on the page resembled you, yes, but at the same time she was very different. She was leaning against the kitchen island downstairs, with a glass of drink in her hand and a cigarette between two fingers, but the most striking thing about the sketch was her expression. She had arched a brow and a small, mocking smile was playing on her lips, as if-

Come closer if you dare.

“Listen, you’re not as smooth as you think you are, and he’s not half as secretive as he thinks he is.” Bucky took the notebook from you to put it back and smiled at you, “But if you’re trying to hook him up with people because you think he doesn’t like you, you’re as blind as he is.”

You blinked back tears, already annoyed at yourself and tried to swallow the lump in your throat as you both walked to the elevator and got in.

“I-” You tried to pull yourself together and took a deep breath  “I know about the whole… Peggy Carter thing.”

Bucky shrugged slightly, as if he didn’t understand why it was relevant.

“In case it has escaped your notice, I’m nowhere near close to the-“ You trailed off “That whole…thing.”

“That whole thing?”

“Perfection.” You waved a hand in the air and Bucky rolled his eyes as both of you left the elevator to walk to the party. “I’ve got a lot of baggage.”

“Yeah, as opposed to everyone in here.” Bucky shot you an amused smile and you slapped his arm.

“You’re not half as bad as I thought you were, Barnes.”

“Oh really? Because you’re much worse than I thought you were. Steve’s taste in women, seriously-“ he stopped talking and you followed his gaze into the crowd, then raised your brows.

Oh.

You tried to ignore the way your heart fell into your stomach as you stared at the pretty blonde talking to Steve and he chuckled, nodding before he said something to make her smile.

“There you go Barnes.” You heard yourself say, “Sharon Carter. As close to Peggy as it gets.”

“Y/N-“

“No no, it’s fine,” You tried to smile “It’s- it’s great actually. That right there- that was exactly what I was trying to do.”

“Nobody buys that, Y/N.”

“I um…” You licked your dry lips as you looked around “I actually just remembered, I have somewhere else to be.”

Bucky frowned, “You’re leaving?”

“Uh- yeah. Yeah I am.” You grabbed your phone and took a step to leave but Bucky grabbed your arm gently to stop you.

“It’s late at night, do you need someone to walk you home?”

A bitter smile pulled at your lips, despite everything. “Aw, you are a gentleman after all.”

“Y/N-“

“Guys?” When you turned your head, you saw Steve frowning slightly, looking between you two. Bucky cussed silently under his breath and pulled his hand back.

“Someone should walk you home.”

“I’m not going home, dude.”

“You’re leaving?” Steve asked, “I thought-“

“Yeah, no. I was gonna stay but something came up.” You held up your phone as you lied through your teeth, “I gotta go and meet- um, I gotta meet Jake.”

Go figure.

Steve raised his brows as Bucky rolled his eyes and shook his head, as if both of you were trying his patience.

“Oh? I thought you said it was a one-time thing.”

“Yeah, you know…” You tried to sound convincing, “Stuff happened.”

The look in Steve’s eyes was unreadable while Bucky’s expression basically just screamed annoyance.

“Anyways, have fun and um- I’ll see you tomorrow.” You walked out of the room without looking back and found Jake’s contact.

He answered almost too fast. “Hello?”

“Hey, you working?”

“Yeah?”

“Great,” You pushed the elevator button, “Save me a seat and a bottle, I’m on my way.”

Chapter 7 is here! 

Special thanks go to:  @theskytraveler  @asongofmarvelanddc @thespectacularjasmine  @girlwhoisfearless @fictionwillneverdie @lilywoood @marss-anonymous @icameforthefanfiction  @pandalandalopalis @evolutionofkatep @reallyconfusednow @fandomcrazie @latibulemark @aikeji@optimisticheartyouth@fangirlbookworm@samwinchxtr @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked  @iamthemaskhewears@sasunarushiita @whatiswrongwithpeople @mischievous-fairy @agent-smoak @allison-rosewood-maximoff @petrashappyplace@swtltlmrvlgrl @itsyaboyo @imalittlebean @hey-garrett-shut-up @barnesrogersvstheworld @ruffdog921 @hogwarts-and-houseplants @go-crybaby @danielhowellstolemycamera@zabeth716 @imaginecrushes @miss-jen-winter @attorneyl @missmidnightxo@renesmeeharelds , @sippinpeachtea@skeletoresinthebasement@birdandrose @dark-princesse@local-space-ace @marauderskeeper @bva14@thatprofessionalfangirl@broken-pieces yourwittywitch@yasssssvictoria @dreamsofcaliforniaadventure @hista-girl @im-only-slightly-psycho @meashy-moo@themessthatismymind soulsofstarsliveinyourveins @nininstinct  @charlie1987me @imyxtay @dans-les-details @evanstar @owhatshername1 @thewhinersoldier  @raiymaj @shallowshawn @im-beautifully-sewn @bvilla0 , @flaboyance @minuialeth75 and lovely anons! Without you, I wouldn’t be able to write this, you’re amazing! <3

[grimelords]

My July playlist is here, just in time for September! Four hours of hits from Lana Del Rey, Iannis Xenakis, KISS, Cameo and everyone in between. Please enjoy.

This Is What Makes Us Girls - Lana Del Rey: This is a really underrated Lana song I think. It's such a beautiful song and it's so heartbreaking the way she sings "they were the only friends I ever had". It's like an origin story for her whole thing detailing how she got bitten by a radioactive pabst, I love it.

Walking Into Sunshine (Larry Levan 12" Mix) - Central Line: A powerful good mood song that quickly takes on a vibe shift near the end when he says I've got to do it now, I've got to walk into the sun' which carries a different meaning than 'walk into the sunshine' to me. Embracing positivity versus self immolation in a nuclear furnace.

Fine di Cobb - Stelvio Cipriani: This is the most jamming harpsichord I think I have ever heard. This is from the soundtrack to an italian cop film called Mark il Poliziotto (Mark The Narc) that I found in a spotify playlist called Best Of Eurocrime that I cannot recommend enough. https://open.spotify.com/user/cinevox/playlist/1o3c0Con0ormlKc9r1gqxgSince 

Last Wednesday - Highasakite: Highasakite might be the worst band name I've ever heard and they're so lucky this song is as good as it is that it cancels that out.

Hilary $wank - Joey Bada$$: I was originally just going to post the instrumental of this because the beat it just so, so good. So busy without being cluttered and nicely melodic without clouding the space for the vocals. I also like this song a lot because just by virtue of being so upbeat it escapes the worst parts of a lot of other Joey Bada$$ 'real hip hop' type songs that are going for a throwback vibe but end up just sounding dated.

Girls - Royal Headache: Girls! Think they're too fine for me! Oh Girls! And I'm inclined to agree!

Something To Tell You - Haim: I'm slowly coming around to Haim's second album and I've finally decided it's good actually. I just hope they do a live album or something soon because their songs are so tightly structured that I think it's almost to their detriment, and every live video I've seen of them they really pull them apart and expand them in a nice organic way that just doesn't come through on the album.

Lavender - BadBadNotGood & Kaytranada: I can't tell whether I like this orginal version or the Nightfall remix with Snoop Dogg better, the verses are just regular Snoop but the vocals they put on the chorus are so good I sort of wish there was a third version that was just them with some other rapper.

New Seeds - Boards Of Canada: Realising that the sound at the start of this is extrapolated from mobile phone interference was a shocking moment for me.

Alligator Engine - Hunters & Collectors: Hunters And Collectors early albums where they sounded like the Talking Heads of the Mad Max universe don't get enough respect because of their huge regular sounding hits a few albums later and it's areal shame because this song is pure primal funk.

Fly Like An Eagle - Seal: This is the song that plays on the little muzak speakers in the cryogenic chamber for the four minutes you're still conscious while your body cools to absolute zero. Then you wake up in 400 years still humming it.

Come To Dust - Boards Of Canada: I was having such a huge moment with this album this month and lamenting the imminent end of our favourite earth The Earth, and this is really such a peaceful sort of resolute song right near the end of the album before the real ending of Semena Mertvykh makes you feel like a body dumped in the desert for scientific research into the nature of decomposition.

Kiss You All Over - Millie Jackson: I'm still not sure how I feel about this new Millie Jackson album that's old multitracks re-mixed by Steve Levine. The whole thing sounds kind of whack. What's good however, is when she adlibs "I wanna bite you on the ankles baby" out of nowhere near the end, and then says "on the ankles.. on the kneecaps.." as the song's fading out.

The Sorcerer - Twain: My girlfriend sent me this song and I have no idea where she found it but I love it. As soon as I heard the opening line I was completely hooked. It's such a beautiful and foreboding song that I really can't get a proper read on, I love it.

Men Today - Health: I'm looking for a chrome extension that makes this song play at maximum volume whenever anyone makes a post containing the phrase 'men today'. Huge wall of noise. Bloodthirsty drums. All the dirt owns us now, what we were ends in the ground.

Where Love Lives - Frankie Knuckles: I'm eagerly awaiting the day coming soon that 90s piano house goes from naff to revered and rockets back up the charts.

Nein König Nein - DJ Koze: This is the B side to Seeing Aliens off of DJ Koze's new album and I really love it, mostly for the groove it get into about halfway through, it reminds me of High Fidelity by Daft Punk where it's just chopped to hell and builds these sort of disparate rhythmic cuts into a really melodic frankenstein.

Blush - Leon Vynehall: I think I found this song and the next one by Spotify Radio off of the DJ Koze song above. I got into a real groove at work one day and these two were the best two to come out of it. The bassline/strings melody that centres this whole song is so good and so circular it could feasibly play for two hours and I wouldn't notice.

Last Land - John Talabot: The way the vocal sample just keeps bleeding into itself is hypnotising here, and it's also maybe the best and most unique kick sound I've heard in a long time.

Suzinak - Ross From Friends: I almost feel bad for Ross From Friends because he's making some really amazing music but he's stuck with this dogshit soundcloud name. The Durutti Column sample that forms the basis of this song is really nicely placed without just feeling like a rip-off, but where this song really shines is in the last minute or so where it magically transitions into a crunching guitar driven thing that sounds like it's playing next door.

Canary Yellow - Deafheaven: The most incredible thing about this album is the sense of optimism that pervades it. This isn't a genre that really lends itself to hope or beauty but somehow Deafheaven have captured it in a way I didn't really think possible. It feels like they've expanded the emotional palette of the whole genre with this album, without sacrificing any of what makes it great.

Strutter - Kiss: I had this song stuck in my head the other day, but I'd remembered it wrong and had it mixed up with the chorus of Lovers And Sinners by Dallas Crane. In my version he's saying 'strutter' the way they say 'lovers'. There's an incredible song in there somewhere, but the original is pretty good too.

Lovers And Sinners - Dallas Crane: See above I guess. It's interesting listening to Dallas Crane now as a new generation is reappraising and being inspired by pub rock all over again and somehow the difference between Dallas Crane and Jet versus Bad//Dreems and Peep Tempel couldn't be more pronounced despite their shared roots. Where the former idolises the glamour of a bygone age of rock and roll the latter are reapprorating it in a more directly emotional, less flashy way.

Evryali - Iannis Xenakis: From what I understand from reading the wiki article on this piece this was generated by doing about five different kinds of extreme nerd graph maths and then turning that into music via more maths and when he finally turned up with the completed score it was so fucking stupid it had notes that don't physically exist on a standard piano in it. Now that's rock and roll. It's hard to make sense of this without the context of its composition because it feels incredibly random, but this performance by Stephnos Thomopoulos really brings meaning to the total chaos of it. I think solo piano is such a good medium for generative-type works like this because it feels like the simplest way to see everything happening without the tonal clutter of synthesised or orchestral sounds muddying the already extremely muddy waters.

Easy Way Out - Money For Rope: I love bands with two drummers and Money For Rope really know how to use two drummers, which is simply use them exactly like you would one drummer but pan them left and right so I can hear when they do different fills at the same time and get a thrill. A really good song about killing yourself when you're old(?)

Sophisticated Lady - Art Tatum: I've been having a big Art Tatum phase recently and it's hard to overstate just how much I believe Art Tatum came from another planet to teach us about the piano. He is really and truly from another dimension. So off the charts insanely good at making a whole universe from a simple tune. It's like every single note gets its own full trip around the block before he moves on.

Stay As Sweet As You Are - Art Tatum: This is an absolute odyssey in five minutes. Without ever losing focus, or losing track of the central theme, it's like he takes it apart piece by piece and reassembles it anew every single bar right before your eyes.

No Line On The Horizon - U2: 2000s U2 gets a bad rap, and it's mostly deserved but there's still some very good stuff in there. This song is so good, and so nicely produced it's a real shame that it opens the album that eventually contains Get On Your Boots.

Tools Down - The Presets: Not only is this song great, but they use the exact same synth sound as the one they used for Madeline's voice in Celeste, which has the nice side effect of making it seem like Madeline is singing along to this great song.

Open Sesame (12" Version) - Kool & The Gang: I've definitely put this on my list before but this is probably the best song ever recorded. It's incredible top to bottom for all 9 minutes and never fails to put me in a great mood.

Peril - Martin O'Donnell: I was thinking about the Halo 2 soundtrack and was shocked to remember correctly that this strange Enya knock-off made it into the highest selling game of 2004.

Drumgasm - Weiss/Cameron/Hill: I cannot belive I haven't heard of this album before now. It's Janet Weiss from Sleater-Kinney, Matt Cameron from Pearl Jam and Zach Hill all playing drums for 40 minutes and it's incredible. I would never have expected Weiss and Cameron to be the sort of drummers to do something like this, but they absolutely nail it. The different styles of the three really meld well and they all seem to lead at different times. This album is the sort of thing that seems like it would be extremely exhausting, and probably would be in most circumstances but somehow they pulled it off. It's engaging and for the most part, driven, purposeful music with direction; which is saying a lot for an album of three drummers just going absolutely hard as motherfuckers for most of an hour.

Apollo - St Paul & The Broken Bones: I love this song but the way he sings the first line makes me laugh because it sounds almost exactly like Drew Tarver's Donny Gary character. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9ArjvUUptw and I'm blessed to have this song about reusing mcdonalds cups play in my head every single time I'm in a mcdonalds.

Million Times Alone - Bad//Dreems: This is maybe the best song about working night shift and having depression I've ever heard. The part about sleeping in the day in the bright sun in a boiling hot house is an especially vicious sense memory for me.

Slow Mover - Angie McMahon: My girlfriend showed me this and I absolutely love it. I also feel extremely old because I just googled it and apparently it's an Unearthed song that made the Hottest 100 this year and I didn't even notice. The best approximation I can make of how I feel about this song is the google autocomplete when you google it that goes 'angie mcmagon slow mover meaning?' and the top comment on the Genius page for it that says 'I cried my eyes out when I first heard this song.’

Drop The Bomb (feat. MF DOOM) - YOTA: Youth Of The Apocalypse: This is the new band from the non-Clash guitarist and bassist from Gorillaz, as well as Jamie Reynolds from Klaxons and I'm so glad it exists because the new Gorillaz album was such a snore and this really feels like what it should have been. Somehow it seems Damon Albarn is not the thing that makes Gorillaz great, it's the other guys which is very very strange.

Word Up - Cameo: Mostly thinking about this song because of Carl Tart's extremely good episode of Comedy Bang Bang where he spoke in the cadence of this and the other Cameo song for the whole episode https://www.earwolf.com/episode/word-down/

Lee - Tenacious D: I don't know what's going on but I got into a real Tenacious D thing this month. Thinking deeply about comedy music for some reason. Anyway this song is so much fun and it reminds me of Tony's Theme by Pixies.

Tony's Theme - Pixies: I love the idea of writing a nonsense song about your friend Tony, who you love, to put right in the middle of your otherwise pretty serious alt rock album. If you know any other songs in the genre of Lee and Tony's Theme please reply and tell me them because I think it's really funny genre.

Burning Down The House - Tom Jones & The Cardigans: I woke up one morning with the sound of Tom Jones singing 'strange but not a stranger' in my head and it took me so much googling to find out it was this version of Burning Down The House that I was thinking of, without having heard it in probably ten years. I like that this song is ostensibly a duet but Nina Persson has such a thin voice and Tom Jones is the most powerful man to have ever lived that she's sort of just automatically relegated to backing vocals by default.

Horseshoe Crabs - Hop Along: I heard about this from the Jason Mantzoukas What's In My Bag video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecfWVhz-wyc. I cannot believe how her voice sounds, it's just incredible. The way she sings "baby's heading home" at the start shocked me, it sounds like recordings of three different people cut together. It's just amazing. I already loved this song a lot and then when I looked into it I found out it's about Jackson C. Frank and it made me cry.

Long Wat - Khun Narin: This is another one I got from the Jason Mantzoukas What's In My Bag video, it's a Thai pschedelic street band and it's quite simply the jam of a lifetime.

listen here

[themonkeycabal]

Okay, so a million years ago I posted a snippet of a fic about the Garage, and how Darcy found that Howard stored some of Bucky’s things there. 

And so here’s what was in Bucky’s trunk:

"Yay! Pin-up girls! I had my fingers crossed. Not disappointed." Darcy pushed the corner back of the poster on the inside lid, the tape giving way after 70 years. A blonde woman in short shorts and a red, faux military jacket, saluting the viewer and sitting seductively, yet demurely, on the wing of an airplane. "She looks patriotic."

"Doesn't she just." Bucky laughed and pulled out a bundle of cloth, wrapped in brown paper, a laundry stamp on the top. "Why the hell did Howard keep my laundry for 70 years?"

"I doubt he paid attention," Darcy said, lifting another little folded poster. "He just grabbed it all, shoved it into storage." This pin-up had her long and shapely legs kicked high, laying back on a beach in a very short sailor's uniform, looking over her shoulder. Darcy wolf-whistled and set it aside. "I say we frame these and put 'em on the walls here."

Bucky gave her a skeptical look and pulled out his old army cap, tossing it aside. Darcy grabbed it and put it on. It was big on her, but that just meant she could have it fashionably and rakishly cocked on her head. She was not above a little pin-up modeling. And Bucky definitely looked, his cheeks even went a little pink. Most adorable brainwashed assassin ever.

He pulled a green, battered notebook out of the trunk.

"What's that?"

"Sniper log."

"Cool." She snatched it out of his hand and flipped through the ballistics charts and messy scrawl of targeting calculations, while he shook his head. "What? I've got binders with my artillery worksheets."

"I used to think you were just yanking my chain about that."

"We've got computers for targeting, but dad made me learn how to do it by hand. Slide-rules, plotting wheels, and graph paper." She lowered her voice to mimic her father's, “'Because, Darcy, if we don't understand what the computer's doing, how can we make it better?' I might not be a sniper and a crack shot with a rifle, but I can hit a teacup from twenty miles away. So there."

"Sure, you'll take out the teacup, the building the teacup's in, and the building next to that. What did the teacup ever do to you?"

"I'm sure it had it coming."

She set aside his notebook and leaned over to dig out a Stars & Stripes paper, and something called Yank; which turned out to be another Army paper and not something more amusing. Boo.

"Why were you hoarding papers?"

"Two isn't a hoard. Somebody probably just shoved 'em in the locker when … you know, when they packed up. Like the laundry." He shrugged and pulled out a cylindrical, olive green can. "Your granddad, the idiot. Most of this is junk. Who wants an old scope case?"

"Rifle scope? Oh, me." She caught it when he tossed it her way. "Vintage military stuff."

"It's a beat up old case." He shook his head and pulled out another pack of laundry. "For cryin' out loud." Muttering to himself, he tossed that pack aside, too.

"Hey, clean clothes. Come on."

"They've been in a box for seventy years; there's nothing clean about them. It's just undershirts and socks or whatever." He shook his head and pulled out a long, flat, black box. "I can't believe he kept this stuff."

"What's that?"

"Think it had a bayonet. Empty. More junk for you to collect."

"Yay!" She cheered and caught the case when he threw that her way, too. "Honestly, whatever you don't want or need, we'll toss. I mean, I feel pretty sure I can find twenty other scope cans in storage somewhere."

"Yeah, and those will probably have their scopes in them."

"True. But none of them will be yours."

"So what?"

"Oh, Bucky." With an amused smile she patted his shoulder. "So old, so innocent. Wait until you read your own biography."

"My … what?"

"It's decent." As a history, the biography wasn't great, it really wasn't, but it wasn't horrible either. Pretty light, but at least not full of speculation or bullshit — there was one crap book about the Commandos published during the 80s that claimed he was a Nazi agent all along. She didn't remember the details, she'd only heard about it third hand, but his grandnephew sued with Howard's backing — maybe Peggy's, too.

Bucky Barnes was Captain America's best friend, but he wasn't Captain America, and he didn't garner the same attention or detailed study. However, there was a period, during the Vietnam-era, when Captain America wasn't so popular, and Bucky Barnes somehow became a weird counter-culture figure; a symbol of both friendship and youth sacrificed on the alter of state ambition. Boomers raged against their Greatest Generation parents by co-opting one of their heroes. She honestly had no clue how he'd feel about that.

Not great judging by the horrified look on his face.

"I don't want to ever see that," he said in a tone that was both serious and panicky.

"I swear I will never make you look at it." And she wouldn't. "Though," she continued thoughtfully, "Colonel Phillips wrote the definitive book on the Howling Commandos during the war. It's really good. Steve liked it. They made a movie based off it a dozen years ago or something like that. Not bad. The book's better, of course."

"You meet Phillips in '46?"

"No, sadly. He was in D.C. doing whatever retired Colonels do when they're still scowling and supervising spy organizations."

"Magazine pouch." He handed her the faded khaki holder. It clanked when she took it and she opened it to check the clips still inside. Empty, thankfully. She didn't want to deal with 70-year old munitions. "Canteen cover. Gun belt. I ditched this stuff when we got folded into the SSR."

"I've always noticed your uniform wasn't exactly uniform."

He considered that for a moment, then shrugged. "Maybe not, but since we weren't all even US Army, and then they stuck us in the SSR, what did it matter? Geez, we were going into battle with a guy dressed like the flag. Nobody had any room to complain."

"So touchy. It was a good look on you. Again with the stupid gratuitous buttons, but still. I think you should adopt the leather gaiters again." She leaned forward and peered in the trunk again. "Do you have any in here?"

"Probably not." He pulled out a thick book. "My bible."

That felt like a weighty subject she wasn't sure how to comment on, but she spotted an out and gratefully fell into the tendencies born of her DNA and cracked a joke.

"Is that your bible, or is this your bible?" Darcy reached past him and lifted out the booklet titled How To Get Along With Girls. That was so good, she almost couldn't talk past her amusement. "Oh honey. Did you need the help?"

Bucky sighed the sigh of a man who knew he was about to get shit and there was no way out. "One of the guys was a joker. I don't remember which one it was."

"I feel like this was a Morita gift."

Bucky smiled appreciatively, like he was relieved that she could know that, and nodded. "Probably. Should've given it to Steve."

"I think he could still use it," she laughed, and flipped through the book. "Oh, a quiz. Sort of. How to pick your right girl. 'Do you have similar tastes in most things?'"

"Yeah."

"Explosives, weapons, bar-keeping. Check, check, check. Next: Is she a good sport? Well, duh, yes."

Bucky snorted and pulled a card out of his actual bible. Darcy was trying not to snoop, and a bible seemed extra personal, but she peeked — a prayer card for a soldier. Oh, Bucky.

"'Is she a flirt? Does she make you jealous?" Darcy made a face at the book then made one at him. "I don't play that game. Besides, you do that all on your own."

"Mostly I'm teasing you."

"Only mostly. You've gotta get over the Steve thing."

He grumbled and pawed through a handful of loose odds and ends at the bottom of the trunk — buttons and boot laces and candy wrappers. "Next."

"'Does she tell lies? Do you mind?' Oh, that's a minefield. Spy! I'm a spy! Of course I lie! And I'm awesome at it. So, as a skill—"

"I appreciate it. And I don't think you've ever lied to me."

"No, I don't think so, either. Because that's not a great foundation for a friendship or partnership or whatever-this-is-ship. And, that's bitten me in the ass hard, in a not fun way. Oh, wait, when we met, I said my name was Stark."

"Not really a lie."

"I didn't feel like it was, but in the interests of being honest about lying." The next question sent her eyes rolling. "'Is she a nag?' Do I nag? Sometimes? I don't mean to nag. I think it's a boundaries thing. I blame my father. I'm working on that."

"You do it lightly, I guess. You push, and then you back off. So, that's not really nagging."

"You nag, too."

"Yeah. More stuff in common, huh?"

"'Is she quarrelsome?' You love it."

"You're not that kind of quarrelsome. One of our neighbors, Mrs … damn. I don't remember, she lived right next door. Steve might know. Anyway, boy, you could hear her laying into her husband a block away, about every damned thing under the sun. Then he'd bellow back and my ma'd pound on the wall for them to shut up."

"Fun."

"Yeah. So, you're not that sort."

"Glad to hear it. 'Has she tried to boss you?'"

Bucky laughed and shoved away from the trunk. And then he kept laughing. She scowled. "There's a little bit in parenthesis after that question — it says 'maybe you need a boss'. So there."

Bucky grabbed the book out of her hand and scanned down the list of questions a fellow ought to ask himself before giving in to that irrational monster called love.

"'Does she expect you to support her in a definite style?'"

"You'd better believe it, buddy."

"'Would she go to work if necessary?' Christ, could I stop her?"

"No, you couldn't." She sniffed at him and pulled another book out of his trunk. "My grandpa says idle hands are the devil's workshop."

"Your hands, definitely." He tossed the booklet into the trash box and she squawked in protest and scrambled to dig it out. "Gotta meet your other gramps. Sounds like a good guy."

Darcy took the booklet and put it into the save pile for Steve. "You'd like him, for sure. Steve says I talked him into going home with me for Thanksgiving that one time, but it was actually grandpa Jim. I wasn't getting anywhere, because he thought he was imposing for some reason. So I called grandpa and handed the phone to Steve. He was all 'Steve, son, I've got an extra fourteen pound turkey I won at a raffle. You don't want that to go to waste, do you?'"

"That would've done it," Bucky agreed.

"What's this?" She pulled out a leather case with a zipper across the top.

"Shaving kit."

Shaving razors and foam weren't the only thing in the kit, and she snickered as she pulled out a small cardboard box. "Condoms, Sgt. Barnes? Pharaoh brand. Oh la la."

He tried to snatch the box out of her hand but she moved quicker. Which would have impressed them both if she hadn't been laughing so hard at his mock pout, she really just tripped backwards out of his reach.

He rolled his eyes and threw the kit into the trash pile. "Hey, do you know how many damned health films we had to watch?"

"So many?"

"By the time we got to Europe, I was ready for the Nazis to shoot me."

Darcy kept laughing and tossed the box into the 'keep' pile.

"It's junk," he protested.

"It's vintage design. Somebody put a whole lot of effort into the illustrations on that box." A fellow in a pith helmet in front of the Pyramids with palm trees and a belly dancer. "That is a work of art. Like, you know exactly what's in it, but it's all classy and exotic, too." She patted his hand. "Way to be health conscious, soldier."

"You're a weird broad."

"That's true," she agreed. "So … French girls or English?"

"None of your damned business," he said, but he was chuckling with her, shaking his head and pulling a couple more books out of the locker.

He handed her one, and she thumbed through it, her skin rasping against the strange, pulpy paper. Just like every other industry, wartime rationing hit the publishers, too, lowering the quality of bindings and the paper itself. The spine cracked like a dry twig when she opened it, and the pages were decidedly yellow, but they weren't yet brittle, and the book was still legible.

"Raymond Chandler. Good choice."

Bucky's eyes lit up and he leaned towards her. "You like Chandler?"

"I love me some hard boiled fiction, Sergeant."

"Well, what do you know," he murmured, looking a little adoring.

She felt a touch breathless herself. "I bet you never saw 'The Big Sleep'. Classic. Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall. We'll have to watch it."

"Sounds like a date."

"Sounds like it might be."

[minaminokyoko]

Favourite avengers movies scenes?

How on earth do you expect me to ever narrow down enough to not list the entire trilogy in general? Holy hell. I am a big fat Marvel fangirl and I could write a fucking dissertation on scenes complete with charts and graphs. For the sake of argument, let me see if I can at the very least just highlight the tippy top favorite moments from the first three Avengers films. Keep in mind, I fucking love all three of them to death and could rave about them for days at a time.

The Avengers

-Loki’s confrontation with Nick Fury. This scene sets the tone for the rest of the film so fucking well, man. It’s just brilliantly done to see that whatever humanity that we saw in Loki in Thor has pretty much flown out the window and he’s here to wreak havoc and start a war, and he doesn’t care how many people he destroys in the process. I also like that it shows the vast gap in power and experience between the SHIELD agents and an Asgardian. Loki all but flattens everyone in a matter of seconds. Seeing him among other Asgardians can kind of make you forget he’s literally a thousand year old god and is tough as nails. He’s also low down and ruthless and that’s the kind of thing that is scary as hell when you realize that’s what they’re all up against.

-Nat’s “interrogation” with the Russians. I actually love every single Avenger’s introduction scene, but this one is so delightful in that Nat shows us just why she is an Avenger even though she has no enhanced abilities: deception, manipulation, and just being an incredibly agile combat expert. I am most delighted with her scene because before Avengers, I had no regard for Nat at all and thought she was just fanservice, but here, she completely proved her worth as a character and to the team, and I got on board as a fan of her just from her opening scene wiping the floor with these idiot Russian dudes.

-Tony and Bruce getting to know each other in the lab. From a character standpoint, this is an outstanding scene. Tony is trying to draw Bruce out of his shell, and the sympathy and empathy he has for him is so palpable that it’s why we all dubbed them the Science Bros and why it’s one of the best friendships in the Avengers. Tony is so awesome for joking with Bruce and treating him like a normal person and reminding him that there is at least one person aboard that helicarrier who doesn’t see him as some terrifying monster and knows just from reading up on him that he’s not a bad person. It’s so charming and wonderful.

-Stuttgart. Man. Man, oh man, this is a well done scene. The build up to Loki’s horrifying actions is so great and so is this freaking diva’s grandstanding once he demands the poor, confused Germans kneel before him. It’s fascinating to me because Loki has an almost childlike need for attention, as if his frustrations with his failure to take over Asgard as king has manifested itself into this very basic need to be acknowledged as being a powerful threat. Loki could kill an average human being with a flick of his wrist. His comparison of “an ant has no quarrel with a boot” while cruel is accurate, but here’s the thing, Loki: if you fuck with enough fucking ants, you can get your ass into a lot of trouble, and we’re fireants, not sugar ants, buddy. And ants who band together get shit done. The old man who stood up to him, in my book, is a fucking hero all on his own and I think it’s one of the most well crafted pieces of dialogue in the entire MCU. “There are no men like me.” “There are always men like you.” Oh, standing ovation for that piece of dialogue. Give it an Oscar. Then Cap swinging in to kick ass and Tony swooping in beside him with an equally over the top entrance to Loki’s was the icing on the fucking cake.

-Thor retrieving Loki. Hnnnnnnngh, okay, so here’s the thing: I fucking love Thor and Loki’s relationship even before Ragnarok came out and upgraded it. Thor is and always has been since his first movie a man with very deep emotions who loves and loves deeply with all his heart, and his confrontation with Loki just wounds me so much. How Thor throws Loki to the ground and yet yanks him to his feet and just holds him there, his hand on his face, looking so torn between agony and relief that his brother is alive. “I thought you dead.” “Did you mourn?” Fuck me, this scene is absolutely brutal to my feels. Thor and Loki’s debate was nothing short of excellent as Thor tries to bring Loki around, and the thing is, he means it. He means every fucking word, that he would take the Tesseract and bring his brother home, and he doesn’t care about facing the music, he just wants his goddamn brother back even after all Loki has done so far in the story. Y’all better stop sleeping on Thor, man. His heart is by far the best thing about him, forget all the delicious muscles and that perfect teddy bear smile. Thor has miles and miles of heart, and that’s why I love this scene so much. 

-Nat tricking Loki into revealing his plan. This scene is so good I based an entire goddamn fanfic around its premise. Dude. Nat fucking Romanov, y’all. I love how this scene is staged and executed. I love Loki starting out almost gentle and conversational, as if for once he’s going to just be an actual person and not a monster, and then he slips back into that nasty egotistical megalomaniac when he thinks he has one over on Nat. And then Nat fucking schools him. It’s why I have a personal headcanon that he developed a hatecrush on her after she, a mere mortal, tricked the goddamn God of Mischief. It solidified Nat as one of my favorite female heroes forever. I loved seeing her use that feminine “weakness” to let him run his mouth. I also love that his cruel words did in fact affect her and motivated her even more to both save Clint and to go to war with Loki at the end.

-The whole ass helicarrier attack sequence. I mean, I don’t even need to go into detail. You already know. 

-Tony confronting Loki. This is the scene that assured us that what followed would be one of the greatest fight sequences in cinematic history. I pretty much have most of Tony’s dialogue memorized because it had such an effective impact on me from a storytelling standpoint. Tony standing up to Loki as a mortal man with no suit, candidly threatening him with barely suppressed rage that Loki murdered Coulson, a comrade, in cold blood, is downright amazing.

-The battle of New York. Boom. Again, no words necessary. Perfect fucking sequence from start to finish.

-Thor trying one last damn time to bring Loki around. Oh, my heart. My poor fucking heart. Thor really loves his brother and he would do anything to have him back. Is it naive? Yes. But it’s also a beautiful statement of what family truly means to Thor and it breaks my heart. The fact that a tear slides down Loki’s face when he stabs Thor and mutters, “Sentiment” is so not cool. As much as Loki pretends to be the Big Bad Wolf, there is something still young and human inside of him even though he pretends it isn’t there. All my creys.

-Hulk trouncing Loki. I went and saw The Avengers three times in theaters, and two out of the three times, everyone cheered so loud I didn’t hear the Hulk say “puny god” over all the noise. It was that satisfying a scene.

Age of Ultron

-The entire beginning sequence. Fucking loved it. What masterful ass-kicking and showcasing of the team dynamic. It made me want a longer lead in to how they all got reunited because it was so enjoyable. “Language!” Oh, Cap.

-Jarvis and Ultron’s first scene together. Dude. James fuckin’ Spader, man. I never knew I could be so intimidated by a man’s voice. It was so unsettling for so many reasons, the resentment, irrationality, and anger from his unusual birth and creation. It was all the more frightening when he turned on Jarvis, and at the time, we didn’t know he hadn’t killed our beloved butler. 

-Picking up Mjolnir. This scene needs no elaboration. It’s just perfection. Even people who complain about Age of Ultron admit this scene is just flawless.

-The team confronting Tony over creating Ultron. Cap’s line, which we now know goes even further after the events of Infinity War, just make me want to die. “We’ll lose.” “Then we’ll do that together, too.” Tony’s face, realizing that Cap doesn’t care that he fucked up–he cares that Tony couldn’t trust the team enough to let them in on what he was dealing with–is soul-crushing. Tony realizes he was wrong to assume instead of being honest with them. 

-The confrontation in Wakanda. Everything about it was badass and it hits you right where you live seeing the Avengers having to face their biggest regrets and most painful moments of their pasts. Especially Steve’s. The image of him and Peggy finally getting their dance was so not okay. Special props to Tony in the Hulkbuster armor. That was one hell of a fucking brawl.

-The Sokovia final battle. There are just so many awesome points in the final battle sequence, man. Everyone is out there just kicking ass and doing what they do best. Special props to Hawkeye getting through to Wanda, and Hawkeye’s “nobody would know…nobody” moment with Pietro. 

Infinity War

Disclaimer: I have no idea how to isolate moments in a movie that is by far one of the most well written comic book movies since The Dark Knight, but I guess since you asked, I have to try anyway. Hoo boy. Strap in. 

-Loki’s death. Let me explain something to you: I went entire years without caring about Loki, and then around the time The Dark World came out, I slowly became converted to both a Tom Hiddleston and a Loki fan, and then after Ragnarok, he finally just seduced me completely to being smitten with his stupid trashy self. It is important that you realize that I recognize that Loki is a selfish, inferiority complex-having, murdering bastard and I do not excuse a goddamn thing he does because of his fucking Daddy issues. That being said, in spite of how much of a flaming trashbag he is, I love him anyway, and I tried for months to tell myself that I knew as a fellow writer that Loki was going to die in Infinity War. It was assured not only from the trailer, but from me knowing that his character arc was always going to end with his death. What hurt most of all is that, as I predicted, Loki died trying to save Thor. I cried my eyes out. Hell, once Thanos closed his hand around Loki’s neck, I covered my eyes because I just didn’t have it in me to see it end this way for him and for Thor. Thor being helpless to stop it is truly what made it worse. There is nothing on heaven or earth Thor wouldn’t do for Loki, even knowing how wicked Loki is. And the fact that Loki couldn’t let Thanos kill Thor after all these two have been through was like an icepick through my heart. Loki wouldn’t have died protecting Thor if Thor had not loved him unconditionally this entire time we’ve watched their story. Thor’s love did have an effect on Loki throughout these films, and that’s why I literally burst into sobs and couldn’t bear to see him die that way. It is one of the most gut wrenching things ever put to film, and certainly in the MCU. I’ve only had the stomach to watch that scene twice because it hurts me so much, and neither time was I strong enough to actually watch Loki’s final moments. Goddamn, it’s just so painful. Capped off with Thor slowly crawling over to his brother to be with him one last time before the ship explodes and just laying his head on his chest in the kind of grief that honestly should get Hemsworth a fucking Oscar. Bravo. 

-Cap, Widow, and Falcon reuniting with Vision and Wanda. Holy shit, yes. This fight was gorgeous, gripping, and fucking awesome. Special props to Cap and Widow being the ride or die Avengers Mom and Dad team. We can infer from their actions that the two of them have been together since the end of Civil War possibly, so you can not tell me Cap and Widow are not a thing on some level. Captasha all day, err day. They perfectly compliment each other and I headcanon that they’re together and no one will convince me otherwise.

-”We’ll fight you too.”/”We don’t trade lives.” That sound you hear is me screeching. Some people have said Cap wasn’t given a ton to do this time around, and I emphatically protest it simply because, yes, he has less screentime, but man, he does so much work in this role that reminds us of why we all love Captain America. His values mean so much. Cap will lay down his life in the blink of an eye for someone who needs it. He cares so deeply. He is the pinnacle of selflessness and it’s so important to see in this film.

-Thor meeting the Guardians. Perfection. Just…perfection.

-Irondad and Spiderson aboard the Space Donut. Jesus fucking Christ, I am so on board for Irondad and Spiderson that it’s insane. I love that entire fucking interaction from start to finish. I love Tony’s strict, fatherly anger and exasperation because he just wants his baby boy to be safe on earth while he’s on another suicide mission, but the baby boy wants to help his dad out and baby boy also doesn’t quite realize the consequences because he’s too young. Extra points for Tony’s death-glare after Parker says, “It’s kind of your fault I’m here” and the fact that even the fucking cloak did a double take at Parker when he said it. Oh, it’s so perfect.

-Gamora making Peter promise to kill her if Thanos gets to her. I just…I want to die. This was so beautifully done, and so in character for both of them, and Peter and Gamora are just so soft and sweet and in love that it’s so overwhelming. At the very least, I take a small comfort in knowing that they were a happy family for four years before this shit happened to them.

-Gamora “killing” Thanos. Again, can we just award Oscars to like half the fucking cast in this movie? Jesus Christ, I cried at this scene too because the fact that she’s just completely unraveled as she finally thinks she’s killed her goddamn abuser is so deeply tragic. Gamora is my favorite Guardian. Hands down. She is so three dimensional. She tries so hard and she is so much more than the deadliest woman in the galaxy. She is so complex and it is the worst pain ever to know that Peter actually kept his promise and tried to kill her to prevent her from being in the hands of her abuser again and Thanos foiled their plan, and had the fucking nerve to say, “I like him” before he took her again. 

-”It’ll kill you.” “Only if I die.” “…yes, that’s what killing you means.” 

-The battle of Wakanda. Motherfucker. This is some A+++ motherfucking good shit hurr. What always gets me hype as hell is Cap and T’Challa sprinting down the goddamn hill at 80 mph and I just can’t even handle that shit because it was so good and satisfying. Everything about this battle was incredible.

-The battle on Titan. Same thing. It’s so creative and well crafted and amazing. You feel every blow. You flinch. You want them to beat that son of a bitch but he’s just so fucking strong. It is an incredibly engaging fight, man. Hoo boy. 

-Thor’s entrance to the battle of Wakanda. I distinctly remember the entire audience going absolutely apeshit during this scene the night Infinity War premiered. Like the first Avengers, I saw it three times in theaters, and two out of the three times, the crowd went fucking wild. That was so fucking satisfying, man, as are the neat little scenes of levity with Cap introducing himself to Groot and Cap and Thor remarking on each other’s changes in appearance. It was so pure and good and perfect.      

-Cap squaring up with Thanos. I. Can’t. Breathe. It was so powerful. Like the above scene of “we don’t trade lives,” this is why we love Captain America. Why we love Steve Rogers. This man, this mortal human man, took one goddamn fucking look at that twelve foot all powerful alien giant and said, “Not today, bitch.” Steve fucking Rogers stood there and took it. He put his life on the goddamn line for Wanda, and for Vision, and for the rest of the universe, and he actually held that goddamn line for a moment. The incredulous look on Thanos’ face is what seals it. He is utterly confused that this little man is actually holding him back, that this mere mortal doesn’t give a fuck that he can’t overpower him, but he is giving it his all because that is who he is. Steve will not quit. Steve will not falter. Steve will die doing what’s right and that is one of the most moving things in the whole MCU, imo. He just planted his feet and said, “No, you move.” I know we saw that scene in the trailer, but it was so unbelievable to see it in context that Cap gave it everything he had trying to protect Wanda and the rest of the universe, and I still get choked up just thinking about that shit. 

Welp, you asked for it and now you have it. I told you I was gonna rave, man. God bless anyone who actually read this nonsense. Marvel had me at hello with these characters and they have way too much sway over my emotions, as you can see above. Ten years, man. Ten years. 

[myhealthbeautyconcerns]

Google’s July 2021 core update rolled out quickly; here is what the data providers saw

While the June core update took a while to start rolling out, the July core update hit hard and fast.

The July 2021 core update began going out on July 1, roughly one month after the June 2021 core update. While the core upgrade in June 2021 took longer to roll out and be felt. The core update in July 2021 was felt almost immediately and in a huge way. It’s difficult to say whether the June or July core updates were more significant. Because each of these updates might have a significant influence on a site’s Google organic traffic.

We asked several data organizations that follow Google’s search results for their thoughts on the new upgrade. While everyone agrees that this update was felt fairly immediately. The majority of data sources believe the June update was larger than the July core update.

The facts.

On July 1, 2021, Google began pushing out the July 2021 core update at noon. As far as we know, this update has not yet been completed and is currently being rolled out. As previously announced, the June 2021 core update began rolling out around 6:30 p.m. ET on Wednesday, June 2nd. This, like other core updates, was a global update that affected all regions, languages, and website categories. It’s a standard Google “wide core upgrade” that comes out every few months or so. The previous core update. Which took place on December 3rd, was just shy of a six-month wait period. Before the back-to-back June and July core update combo.

The core update for July 2021 is expected to be completed in less than a week, possibly by the end of this week.

Lots of ongoing updates.

We’ve had roughly 10 Google updates in the last month, with only three of them being unconfirmed by Google. The July 2021 core update, Google MUM, the June 28 spam update, the June 23rd spam update, the Google page experience update, the Google predator algorithm update, the June 2021 core update, and a few unverified updates were all released this month in that sequence.

Previous core updates.

The most recent previous core update was in June 2021, and it was a huge one that took a long time to spread out. Then there was the December 2020 core update, which was very large. Even larger than the May 2020 core update. Which was similarly large and broad and took a few weeks to properly roll out. Prior to that, there was the January 2020 core update, which we discussed here. The core update from September 2019 was the one before that. Many SEOs and webmasters thought the upgrade was weaker than prior core updates because it didn’t have as much of an impact. In November, Google released another upgrade, this time focused on local rankings. More information regarding previous Google upgrades can be found here.

Data providers on the July 2021 core update:

Semrush.

Data from Semrush comparing the July core upgrade to the June core update was supplied to us. “The July 2021 Core Update was exceptional in that it did not demonstrate protracted periods of strong rank fluctuations,” Semrush stated, referring to the June 2021 Core Update. Unlike the June upgrade. However, “the July update did not appear to demonstrate a lag between Google’s announcement and the impact on rankings,” according to the business.

The day after the upgrade was announced, the Semrush sensor tool indicated a 9.4 percent increase:

The June 2021 core upgrade, according to Semrush, showed substantially higher increases in rank volatility. The increases in rank volatility were, on average, 42 percent greater than what the business had been tracking since the July upgrade began.

Comparing the two upgrades, here is the Semrush volatility by category:

Was there any overlap between the sites that were impacted by the June core upgrade and those that were impacted by the July core update? “Only 15 of the 200 domains that made up the most impacted sites (i.e., 100 winners and 100 losers) during the July update coincided with the most impacted domains during the June update,” according to Semrush. However, ten of the 15 domains experienced ranking reversals (i.e., if a domain saw major ranking losses in June, it experienced considerable rises in July and vice versa).”

RankRanger

The July core update, like the June core update, “was a considerable update in compared to the December 2020 release,” according to RankRanger. I contacted the company to compare the June core update to the July core update, and they confirmed that the June update was indeed larger. By comparing the charts in the June report. It appears that the June core update was larger than the July core update.

Here’s a graph that compares the July and December core updates:

Compare that to the June report from RankRanger:

Because of an increase in variations in the top five results. RankRanger considered this update to be more significant than the December 2020 update. Take a look at this graph, which demonstrates how the top five results have shifted far more than the rest:

Compare that to the June 2021 core update data:

Here is a look at this by niche or vertical:

  The RankRanger index tracker graphic below shows how this update impacted hard on a single day, as opposed to the June core upgrade, which was spaced out across a few days:

“As we’ve seen in the visibility data from other countries we’ve reviewed.” Sistrix’s Steve Paine told us, “many lists and reference sites have been attacked.” This upgrade, for example, affected entertainment sites that include lyrics and song information, as well as some vacation sites.“Significant SERP changes have been identified since July 3rd, and the Core Update distribution appears to be complete now,” they stated. This is in contrast to the data from Semrush and RankRanger, which detected the change on July 2nd.

Here are the top winners from Sistrix:

Here are the top losers from Sistrix:

The SEO community.

The community discourse and feedback on the July 2021 core update was different from the June 2021 core update in that it transpired within 12-24 hours. As previously stated, it hit hard and fast. On the Search Engine Roundtable, I was able to cover the community reaction in one blog post.

Glenn Gabe’s Twitter stream of particular sites impacted by this change and his opinion on it is also worth checking out; make sure to click through and scroll through the thread; here’s a sample:

What to do if you are hit.

In the past, Google has offered suggestions on what to do if you’ve been harmed by a core upgrade. There are no precise steps to follow to get back on track, and a drop in rankings may not indicate anything is wrong with your sites. If your site is affected by a core change, Google has provided a list of questions to consider. According to Google, there is some recovery time between core upgrades, but the major shift comes after another core update.

Why we care.

It can be difficult to pinpoint exactly what you need to do to reverse whatever algorithmic damage your site has suffered. It’s even more difficult when it comes to Google core updates. These fundamental improvements are big, vast, and cover a lot of general quality issues, based on the data and previous experience and suggestions. This is supported by the evidence shown above. If your site has been affected by a core upgrade. It is frequently recommended that you take a step back and look at your entire website to see what you can do to enhance it.

We hope this update was beneficial to you, your organization, and your clients.

The post Google’s July 2021 core update rolled out quickly; here is what the data providers saw appeared first on Soft Trending.

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Google’s July 2021 core update rolled out quickly; here is what the data providers saw

While the June core update took a while to start rolling out, the July core update hit hard and fast.

The July 2021 core update began going out on July 1, roughly one month after the June 2021 core update. While the core upgrade in June 2021 took longer to roll out and be felt. The core update in July 2021 was felt almost immediately and in a huge way. It’s difficult to say whether the June or July core updates were more significant. Because each of these updates might have a significant influence on a site’s Google organic traffic.

We asked several data organizations that follow Google’s search results for their thoughts on the new upgrade. While everyone agrees that this update was felt fairly immediately. The majority of data sources believe the June update was larger than the July core update.

The facts.

On July 1, 2021, Google began pushing out the July 2021 core update at noon. As far as we know, this update has not yet been completed and is currently being rolled out. As previously announced, the June 2021 core update began rolling out around 6:30 p.m. ET on Wednesday, June 2nd. This, like other core updates, was a global update that affected all regions, languages, and website categories. It’s a standard Google “wide core upgrade” that comes out every few months or so. The previous core update. Which took place on December 3rd, was just shy of a six-month wait period. Before the back-to-back June and July core update combo.

The core update for July 2021 is expected to be completed in less than a week, possibly by the end of this week.

Lots of ongoing updates.

We’ve had roughly 10 Google updates in the last month, with only three of them being unconfirmed by Google. The July 2021 core update, Google MUM, the June 28 spam update, the June 23rd spam update, the Google page experience update, the Google predator algorithm update, the June 2021 core update, and a few unverified updates were all released this month in that sequence.

Previous core updates.

The most recent previous core update was in June 2021, and it was a huge one that took a long time to spread out. Then there was the December 2020 core update, which was very large. Even larger than the May 2020 core update. Which was similarly large and broad and took a few weeks to properly roll out. Prior to that, there was the January 2020 core update, which we discussed here. The core update from September 2019 was the one before that. Many SEOs and webmasters thought the upgrade was weaker than prior core updates because it didn’t have as much of an impact. In November, Google released another upgrade, this time focused on local rankings. More information regarding previous Google upgrades can be found here.

Data providers on the July 2021 core update:

Semrush.

Data from Semrush comparing the July core upgrade to the June core update was supplied to us. “The July 2021 Core Update was exceptional in that it did not demonstrate protracted periods of strong rank fluctuations,” Semrush stated, referring to the June 2021 Core Update. Unlike the June upgrade. However, “the July update did not appear to demonstrate a lag between Google’s announcement and the impact on rankings,” according to the business.

The day after the upgrade was announced, the Semrush sensor tool indicated a 9.4 percent increase:

The June 2021 core upgrade, according to Semrush, showed substantially higher increases in rank volatility. The increases in rank volatility were, on average, 42 percent greater than what the business had been tracking since the July upgrade began.

Comparing the two upgrades, here is the Semrush volatility by category:

Was there any overlap between the sites that were impacted by the June core upgrade and those that were impacted by the July core update? “Only 15 of the 200 domains that made up the most impacted sites (i.e., 100 winners and 100 losers) during the July update coincided with the most impacted domains during the June update,” according to Semrush. However, ten of the 15 domains experienced ranking reversals (i.e., if a domain saw major ranking losses in June, it experienced considerable rises in July and vice versa).”

RankRanger

The July core update, like the June core update, “was a considerable update in compared to the December 2020 release,” according to RankRanger. I contacted the company to compare the June core update to the July core update, and they confirmed that the June update was indeed larger. By comparing the charts in the June report. It appears that the June core update was larger than the July core update.

Here’s a graph that compares the July and December core updates:

Compare that to the June report from RankRanger:

Because of an increase in variations in the top five results. RankRanger considered this update to be more significant than the December 2020 update. Take a look at this graph, which demonstrates how the top five results have shifted far more than the rest:

Compare that to the June 2021 core update data:

Here is a look at this by niche or vertical:

  The RankRanger index tracker graphic below shows how this update impacted hard on a single day, as opposed to the June core upgrade, which was spaced out across a few days:

“As we’ve seen in the visibility data from other countries we’ve reviewed.” Sistrix’s Steve Paine told us, “many lists and reference sites have been attacked.” This upgrade, for example, affected entertainment sites that include lyrics and song information, as well as some vacation sites.“Significant SERP changes have been identified since July 3rd, and the Core Update distribution appears to be complete now,” they stated. This is in contrast to the data from Semrush and RankRanger, which detected the change on July 2nd.

Here are the top winners from Sistrix:

Here are the top losers from Sistrix:

The SEO community.

The community discourse and feedback on the July 2021 core update was different from the June 2021 core update in that it transpired within 12-24 hours. As previously stated, it hit hard and fast. On the Search Engine Roundtable, I was able to cover the community reaction in one blog post.

Glenn Gabe’s Twitter stream of particular sites impacted by this change and his opinion on it is also worth checking out; make sure to click through and scroll through the thread; here’s a sample:

What to do if you are hit.

In the past, Google has offered suggestions on what to do if you’ve been harmed by a core upgrade. There are no precise steps to follow to get back on track, and a drop in rankings may not indicate anything is wrong with your sites. If your site is affected by a core change, Google has provided a list of questions to consider. According to Google, there is some recovery time between core upgrades, but the major shift comes after another core update.

Why we care.

It can be difficult to pinpoint exactly what you need to do to reverse whatever algorithmic damage your site has suffered. It’s even more difficult when it comes to Google core updates. These fundamental improvements are big, vast, and cover a lot of general quality issues, based on the data and previous experience and suggestions. This is supported by the evidence shown above. If your site has been affected by a core upgrade. It is frequently recommended that you take a step back and look at your entire website to see what you can do to enhance it.

We hope this update was beneficial to you, your organization, and your clients.

The post Google’s July 2021 core update rolled out quickly; here is what the data providers saw appeared first on Soft Trending.

from Soft Trending https://ift.tt/3qVWokF via softtrending

[softtrending04]

Google’s July 2021 core update rolled out quickly; here is what the data providers saw

While the June core update took a while to start rolling out, the July core update hit hard and fast.

The July 2021 core update began going out on July 1, roughly one month after the June 2021 core update. While the core upgrade in June 2021 took longer to roll out and be felt. The core update in July 2021 was felt almost immediately and in a huge way. It’s difficult to say whether the June or July core updates were more significant. Because each of these updates might have a significant influence on a site’s Google organic traffic.

We asked several data organizations that follow Google’s search results for their thoughts on the new upgrade. While everyone agrees that this update was felt fairly immediately. The majority of data sources believe the June update was larger than the July core update.

The facts.

On July 1, 2021, Google began pushing out the July 2021 core update at noon. As far as we know, this update has not yet been completed and is currently being rolled out. As previously announced, the June 2021 core update began rolling out around 6:30 p.m. ET on Wednesday, June 2nd. This, like other core updates, was a global update that affected all regions, languages, and website categories. It’s a standard Google “wide core upgrade” that comes out every few months or so. The previous core update. Which took place on December 3rd, was just shy of a six-month wait period. Before the back-to-back June and July core update combo.

The core update for July 2021 is expected to be completed in less than a week, possibly by the end of this week.

Lots of ongoing updates.

We’ve had roughly 10 Google updates in the last month, with only three of them being unconfirmed by Google. The July 2021 core update, Google MUM, the June 28 spam update, the June 23rd spam update, the Google page experience update, the Google predator algorithm update, the June 2021 core update, and a few unverified updates were all released this month in that sequence.

Previous core updates.

The most recent previous core update was in June 2021, and it was a huge one that took a long time to spread out. Then there was the December 2020 core update, which was very large. Even larger than the May 2020 core update. Which was similarly large and broad and took a few weeks to properly roll out. Prior to that, there was the January 2020 core update, which we discussed here. The core update from September 2019 was the one before that. Many SEOs and webmasters thought the upgrade was weaker than prior core updates because it didn’t have as much of an impact. In November, Google released another upgrade, this time focused on local rankings. More information regarding previous Google upgrades can be found here.

Data providers on the July 2021 core update:

Semrush.

Data from Semrush comparing the July core upgrade to the June core update was supplied to us. “The July 2021 Core Update was exceptional in that it did not demonstrate protracted periods of strong rank fluctuations,” Semrush stated, referring to the June 2021 Core Update. Unlike the June upgrade. However, “the July update did not appear to demonstrate a lag between Google’s announcement and the impact on rankings,” according to the business.

The day after the upgrade was announced, the Semrush sensor tool indicated a 9.4 percent increase:

The June 2021 core upgrade, according to Semrush, showed substantially higher increases in rank volatility. The increases in rank volatility were, on average, 42 percent greater than what the business had been tracking since the July upgrade began.

Comparing the two upgrades, here is the Semrush volatility by category:

Was there any overlap between the sites that were impacted by the June core upgrade and those that were impacted by the July core update? “Only 15 of the 200 domains that made up the most impacted sites (i.e., 100 winners and 100 losers) during the July update coincided with the most impacted domains during the June update,” according to Semrush. However, ten of the 15 domains experienced ranking reversals (i.e., if a domain saw major ranking losses in June, it experienced considerable rises in July and vice versa).”

RankRanger

The July core update, like the June core update, “was a considerable update in compared to the December 2020 release,” according to RankRanger. I contacted the company to compare the June core update to the July core update, and they confirmed that the June update was indeed larger. By comparing the charts in the June report. It appears that the June core update was larger than the July core update.

Here’s a graph that compares the July and December core updates:

Compare that to the June report from RankRanger:

Because of an increase in variations in the top five results. RankRanger considered this update to be more significant than the December 2020 update. Take a look at this graph, which demonstrates how the top five results have shifted far more than the rest:

Compare that to the June 2021 core update data:

Here is a look at this by niche or vertical:

  The RankRanger index tracker graphic below shows how this update impacted hard on a single day, as opposed to the June core upgrade, which was spaced out across a few days:

“As we’ve seen in the visibility data from other countries we’ve reviewed.” Sistrix’s Steve Paine told us, “many lists and reference sites have been attacked.” This upgrade, for example, affected entertainment sites that include lyrics and song information, as well as some vacation sites.“Significant SERP changes have been identified since July 3rd, and the Core Update distribution appears to be complete now,” they stated. This is in contrast to the data from Semrush and RankRanger, which detected the change on July 2nd.

Here are the top winners from Sistrix:

Here are the top losers from Sistrix:

The SEO community.

The community discourse and feedback on the July 2021 core update was different from the June 2021 core update in that it transpired within 12-24 hours. As previously stated, it hit hard and fast. On the Search Engine Roundtable, I was able to cover the community reaction in one blog post.

Glenn Gabe’s Twitter stream of particular sites impacted by this change and his opinion on it is also worth checking out; make sure to click through and scroll through the thread; here’s a sample:

What to do if you are hit.

In the past, Google has offered suggestions on what to do if you’ve been harmed by a core upgrade. There are no precise steps to follow to get back on track, and a drop in rankings may not indicate anything is wrong with your sites. If your site is affected by a core change, Google has provided a list of questions to consider. According to Google, there is some recovery time between core upgrades, but the major shift comes after another core update.

Why we care.

It can be difficult to pinpoint exactly what you need to do to reverse whatever algorithmic damage your site has suffered. It’s even more difficult when it comes to Google core updates. These fundamental improvements are big, vast, and cover a lot of general quality issues, based on the data and previous experience and suggestions. This is supported by the evidence shown above. If your site has been affected by a core upgrade. It is frequently recommended that you take a step back and look at your entire website to see what you can do to enhance it.

We hope this update was beneficial to you, your organization, and your clients.

The post Google’s July 2021 core update rolled out quickly; here is what the data providers saw appeared first on Soft Trending.

from Soft Trending https://ift.tt/3qVWokF via softtrending

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Google’s July 2021 core update rolled out quickly; here is what the data providers saw

While the June core update took a while to start rolling out, the July core update hit hard and fast.

The July 2021 core update began going out on July 1, roughly one month after the June 2021 core update. While the core upgrade in June 2021 took longer to roll out and be felt. The core update in July 2021 was felt almost immediately and in a huge way. It’s difficult to say whether the June or July core updates were more significant. Because each of these updates might have a significant influence on a site’s Google organic traffic.

We asked several data organizations that follow Google’s search results for their thoughts on the new upgrade. While everyone agrees that this update was felt fairly immediately. The majority of data sources believe the June update was larger than the July core update.

The facts.

On July 1, 2021, Google began pushing out the July 2021 core update at noon. As far as we know, this update has not yet been completed and is currently being rolled out. As previously announced, the June 2021 core update began rolling out around 6:30 p.m. ET on Wednesday, June 2nd. This, like other core updates, was a global update that affected all regions, languages, and website categories. It’s a standard Google “wide core upgrade” that comes out every few months or so. The previous core update. Which took place on December 3rd, was just shy of a six-month wait period. Before the back-to-back June and July core update combo.

The core update for July 2021 is expected to be completed in less than a week, possibly by the end of this week.

Lots of ongoing updates.

We’ve had roughly 10 Google updates in the last month, with only three of them being unconfirmed by Google. The July 2021 core update, Google MUM, the June 28 spam update, the June 23rd spam update, the Google page experience update, the Google predator algorithm update, the June 2021 core update, and a few unverified updates were all released this month in that sequence.

Previous core updates.

The most recent previous core update was in June 2021, and it was a huge one that took a long time to spread out. Then there was the December 2020 core update, which was very large. Even larger than the May 2020 core update. Which was similarly large and broad and took a few weeks to properly roll out. Prior to that, there was the January 2020 core update, which we discussed here. The core update from September 2019 was the one before that. Many SEOs and webmasters thought the upgrade was weaker than prior core updates because it didn’t have as much of an impact. In November, Google released another upgrade, this time focused on local rankings. More information regarding previous Google upgrades can be found here.

Data providers on the July 2021 core update:

Semrush.

Data from Semrush comparing the July core upgrade to the June core update was supplied to us. “The July 2021 Core Update was exceptional in that it did not demonstrate protracted periods of strong rank fluctuations,” Semrush stated, referring to the June 2021 Core Update. Unlike the June upgrade. However, “the July update did not appear to demonstrate a lag between Google’s announcement and the impact on rankings,” according to the business.

The day after the upgrade was announced, the Semrush sensor tool indicated a 9.4 percent increase:

The June 2021 core upgrade, according to Semrush, showed substantially higher increases in rank volatility. The increases in rank volatility were, on average, 42 percent greater than what the business had been tracking since the July upgrade began.

Comparing the two upgrades, here is the Semrush volatility by category:

Was there any overlap between the sites that were impacted by the June core upgrade and those that were impacted by the July core update? “Only 15 of the 200 domains that made up the most impacted sites (i.e., 100 winners and 100 losers) during the July update coincided with the most impacted domains during the June update,” according to Semrush. However, ten of the 15 domains experienced ranking reversals (i.e., if a domain saw major ranking losses in June, it experienced considerable rises in July and vice versa).”

RankRanger

The July core update, like the June core update, “was a considerable update in compared to the December 2020 release,” according to RankRanger. I contacted the company to compare the June core update to the July core update, and they confirmed that the June update was indeed larger. By comparing the charts in the June report. It appears that the June core update was larger than the July core update.

Here’s a graph that compares the July and December core updates:

Compare that to the June report from RankRanger:

Because of an increase in variations in the top five results. RankRanger considered this update to be more significant than the December 2020 update. Take a look at this graph, which demonstrates how the top five results have shifted far more than the rest:

Compare that to the June 2021 core update data:

Here is a look at this by niche or vertical:

  The RankRanger index tracker graphic below shows how this update impacted hard on a single day, as opposed to the June core upgrade, which was spaced out across a few days:

“As we’ve seen in the visibility data from other countries we’ve reviewed.” Sistrix’s Steve Paine told us, “many lists and reference sites have been attacked.” This upgrade, for example, affected entertainment sites that include lyrics and song information, as well as some vacation sites.“Significant SERP changes have been identified since July 3rd, and the Core Update distribution appears to be complete now,” they stated. This is in contrast to the data from Semrush and RankRanger, which detected the change on July 2nd.

Here are the top winners from Sistrix:

Here are the top losers from Sistrix:

The SEO community.

The community discourse and feedback on the July 2021 core update was different from the June 2021 core update in that it transpired within 12-24 hours. As previously stated, it hit hard and fast. On the Search Engine Roundtable, I was able to cover the community reaction in one blog post.

Glenn Gabe’s Twitter stream of particular sites impacted by this change and his opinion on it is also worth checking out; make sure to click through and scroll through the thread; here’s a sample:

What to do if you are hit.

In the past, Google has offered suggestions on what to do if you’ve been harmed by a core upgrade. There are no precise steps to follow to get back on track, and a drop in rankings may not indicate anything is wrong with your sites. If your site is affected by a core change, Google has provided a list of questions to consider. According to Google, there is some recovery time between core upgrades, but the major shift comes after another core update.

Why we care.

It can be difficult to pinpoint exactly what you need to do to reverse whatever algorithmic damage your site has suffered. It’s even more difficult when it comes to Google core updates. These fundamental improvements are big, vast, and cover a lot of general quality issues, based on the data and previous experience and suggestions. This is supported by the evidence shown above. If your site has been affected by a core upgrade. It is frequently recommended that you take a step back and look at your entire website to see what you can do to enhance it.

We hope this update was beneficial to you, your organization, and your clients.

The post Google’s July 2021 core update rolled out quickly; here is what the data providers saw appeared first on Soft Trending.

from Soft Trending https://ift.tt/3qVWokF via softtrending