#go to samwell
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eastern european haunted emily axford pc, transfem daughter of libertarians ally beardsley pc, spot on pub representation grizzled old british lady siobhan thompson pc, nasty old gun guy zac oyama pc, posh boy brian murphy pc, famous explorer with a book series that really falls off lou wilson pc we're fucking eating this season my god
#the comment about old white women who don't know what suncream is and have only ever worked outside sent meeeee#is that just every person I've ever met growing up in rural england I think so#this was so fucking good I just smiled the whole way through I love them all so much#transfem pc time let's fucking gooo!!!!#there's nothing funnier to me than the fact that the gotch sons names get more normal as you go down the line#like the fact that they started at samwell and then there's hatwell and wealwell and we end with maxwell is so fucking funny#van using normans as an insult had me crying#the wildly impressive old woman married to just a guy and they have a pub and are like completely infatuated with each other is perfect#and very accurate#the fucking gentrified pub idk why I'm only thinking about the gentrified pub in all of this but it's so real#also everyone slagging off lou's book series before he even gets to introduce his character screaming#I'm literally obsessed with all of them#cloudward ho!#cloudward ho#dimension 20 cloudward ho#dimension 20 cloudward ho!#d20#dimension 20#marya junková#van chapman#olethra macleod#daisuke bucklesby#montgomery lamontgomery#maxwell gotch#the names are fucking banging as well omg#love steampunk with all my heart
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episode 2 can’t come sooner so i’m doing whatever this is
#i almost put -well brothers before remembering they do have a last name#i hope i see interpretations of the three undrawn brothers. we can go crazy folks#dimension 20#cloudward ho#wealwell gotch#maxwell gotch#samwell gotch#hatwell gotch
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Alleras and Sam are very excited to be starting the new school year!!!!
[Image Description: Full-color drawing of two people to the knee. On the left-hand side is Alleras and on the right is Sam Tarly. They stand against a blank background. Alleras wears a light green cape over a dark green jerkin, brown breeches, and brown boots. He wears gold earrings with red stones in his ear lobes. He beams at the viewer and his left arm is around Sam’s shoulders. Sam is smiling but still looks a little anxious. He wears a long grey tunic with black decorations at the collar and dark grey pants. His right arm is behind his back and he waves with his left hand. /End ID.]
#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#my art#sam tarly#alleras the sphinx#alleras sand#sarella alleras#sarella sand#samwell tarly#asoiaf fashion hour#I love sam’s ability to walk into a place and immediately find the gay people.#alleras can have a pet tarly. as a treat. he takes sam home to his sisters and obara calls them slurs 😭#NOTHING GENDER GOING ON IN OLDTOWN…..
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I go. It's safe like an ambulance is safe. You being inside means you're already hurt. A Poem is a Place by Isabelle Correa
#check please#jack zimmermann#a poem is a place by isabelle correa#check please edit#there's something about jack fully submerging himself into the world of hockey#and committing the same errors again and again#because hockey enables him to do so#bitty's pov paints jack partying and drinking as good and that he's happy now#but the reality is that jack's an addict#and we end check please with jack in relationship with a man who enables him friends who enable him and a sport that enables him#and i don't think it's a happy ending#it's a tragedy#because jack didn't actually grow as a person or face his inner demons#and the inner demons didn't just go away#the fear of failure#of feeling like he'll never measure up to his dad#that his place in the hockey world is conditional#and it just became more condition by coming out publicly with no plan#and with a boyfriend who doesn't know how to keep anything a secret despite jack being a private person#and i would argue the only person who didn't enable jack#who actually pushed back on the narrative jack was telling himself at samwell#was kent#but jack doesn't like being challenged and he doesn't like being wrong and of course he's fine now he's totally fine#everyone tells him he's fine and great and perfect#just listen to bitty#jack's totally fine#except that's not true#because he's still in hockey and he is still has anxiety and he's still drinking and he's still refusing to see a world#where he isn't in hockey#and so it's like the poem goes
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sammy :3 w some bonus sketches
a couple poses referenced from here !
#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#sam tarly#samwell tarly#my art#hehe :)#gilly and sam going to citadel prom as duncan and jenny <3 ok enough of that#sam being jenny of course.
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caught myself thinking the phrase "ned stark has got to be one of the top three potential husbands of asoiaf" and then laughed like...there are only about three men in asoiaf total i would even consider marrying and i had to think for a moment to remember the third.
#if you go w minor characters you could probably scrape up a few more. it's bad out here#also this is only counting adult characters like Samwell Tarly is a very nice boy and I think he would make a lovely husband someday but#he is currently like 16 years old.
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do the men of smh give a shit about professional women’s sports. be honest with yourselves
#i…don’t think they do#maybe pay lip service but idk#bitty respects female players bc he played w them and he also came from figure skating#but i don’t think he would know/understand how hard it is to go pro in women’s sports bc of that#bc like. figure skating doesn't have separate leagues or w/e and he didn’t know enough abt hockey to care u know#if anyone does it’s shitty and there’s actually no evidence this is just my own dreaming#thee fic abt samwell women’s hockey that shows jack’s awkward interactions w celeste abt their diff options for going pro
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The ship:


The shippers - the main ones at least:




#im not going to expand on this one lol - i just thought it was funny 😭😂#𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 ꨄ︎#𝐎𝐂 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐅𝐅 ꨄ︎#game of thrones oc#game of thrones x oc#jon snow#jon snow x oc#tormund giantsbane#davos seaworth#samwell tarly#game of thrones#oc: isabelle
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a completely unbiased and correct ranking of the gotch brothers' names (in order of least to most funny to me)
blanewell - not unfunny (none of them are unfunny) but doesn't tickle me quite as much as the others
samwell - I find the almost correct names in some ways funnier than the wacky ones but of the almost correct names samwell is the least funny to me
hatwell - buck wild I can't believe he's real
roywell - another almost correct name also big up middle child he doesn't even have a wiki page this is heartbreaking
wealwell - the man the myth the legend so fucking funny we love our queasy fag and his goofy name
johnwell - idk what it is about johnwell specifically but it's so close to being a name in a way that makes me come undone
maxwell - I literally cannot stop thinking about and laughing about how funny it is that the gotch brothers' names end with being normal and start with being weird like I have so many questions - did they know maxwell was going to be the last and so could give him the normal name? are all of these names normal in canon? were they scrambling around for maxwell and it took them seven tries to remember? each option is wonderful and amazing and I truly cannot stop thinking about the gotch family naming conventions
#justice for roywell and johnwell someone get them a wiki page#I actually can't get this out of my head it's become a vocal stim to just list the gotch brothers' names I feel like I'm going insane#johnwell is so funny to me I love johnwell so much#and ofc wealwell is so solid#and samwell so reasonable#cloudward ho!#cloudward ho#dimension 20 cloudward ho!#dimension 20#d20#cloho#the gotch brothers#samwell gotch#blanewell gotch#roywell gotch#hatwell gotch#wealwell gotch#johnwell gotch#maxwell gotch#will be calling myself a rowdy as a euphemism for queer on the regular
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hii soo.. these guys. I didnt reread sam chapters before drawing and tbh i dont remember if they ever interact but! I think alleras ans sam would be great friends :)
#asoiaf#they give me tboy and straight guy friends that go to tango classes and the library together#theyre so cute#a song of ice and fire#valyrian scrolls#alleras asoiaf#alleras the sphinx#sam tarly#samwell tarly#my asoiafarts#game of thrones#i hope i did sam justice amd made him pretty enough#god i want to take him to sephora!!!#i want to put him in the strawberry dress#my baby
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I have a pimms exes to rivals to lovers au idea I will probably never write but damn do I kinda want to discuss the logistics of it with someone anyway lmao
#pimms#it involves jack not going to samwell but still taking his 2ish years off#so ive been debating back and forth#does he somehow reenter the draft while still elligible?#does he walk on at some camps and get signed there? (cannot remember if its called a pto for the 20yos lmao)#OR (the one im kind of leaning for bc of the vibes of him having management issues vs kents teammate issues)#did he get drafted 2nd overall but just didnt go on stage#it says he left the draft in panel#presumably bc he had a breakdown about not getting picked first#first overall picks do take time but they arent like THAT long#definitely short enough he could get his pick annonnced before they realize he left#maybe he goes to camp signs an elc spends some time up and down in the ahl for his first year?#takes a season to adjust and prove himself#his second elc year is his first full year i think#idek how long id want him to be down#chatter#omgcp
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OH MY GOD JON SNOW pls just shut up and go back to fucking sam off screen
#GOT#game of thrones#jon snow#samwell tarly#hes so boring i hate him sm#like ik where this is going#jon snow cool dark silent type who plays perfectly into every straight mans power fantasy#BUT HES SO ANNOYING#i would happily watch eight seasons of daeneyrs eating horse hearts#but the moment he shows up im snoozing#not even the homoeroticism can keep me entertained#the only interesting thing ab him was his yandere era#'noone touches sam' ok king other than you right?#i see where this is going#but seriously he's the worst#wish i was watching while the show was running#at least then i could hope for a surprise death at some point#but nope#i searched it up and spoiled THE ONLY TWO INTERESTING THINGS AB THIS MAN FOR MYSELF AHHHHHHH
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I have been reading A Song of Ice And Fire lately (still reading book one) and I am loving it so much, I love Martin's writing style and honestly I prefer it so much to the show. It's such a good fantasy novel! What a shame the fandom is mostly composed of boring ass takes and stuff...
#asoiaf#love the book so much#also big fan of whatever is going on between jon and samwell#and dany. she is so precious. must protect#arya is best girl. i stan her so much
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So apparently CharacterAI bots will stop talking to you and archive your conversation if you keep sending them the lyrics to Samwell's 'What What (In the Butt)' 🫠
#He did not want to do it in my butt#In my butt#We have a new conversation going now and he remembers everything :)#Mishka's Ramblings#What What (In the Butt)#Samwell#Character AI
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this is true but like outside of the context of sam jon becomes the guy referencing daeron i's book and cross-referencing night's watch records for instances of the others like. jon knows these things!! jon reads!!! but something about the way jon and sam experience the world is mutually exclusive somehow
the best thing about jon and sam's friendship is that aside from their core shared identity of being alienated within a classist patriarchal society, they have Nothing in common. sam spends the whole first jon chapter of acok nerding out over the sociopolitical signifance of a bunch of old maps and jon's response is "litcherally why does it matter as long as the rivers are in the same place, you sweet fool" they're like the medieval equivalent of nerd who likes lotr and jock who likes evanescence forming a deep affection on the basis of no one else understanding them.
#jon snow#samwell tarly#asoiaf#ig adwd/affc is two history majors on very different tracks#one is pre-law and the other is going for a phd#but also with so much trauma#let's not pretend jon wouldn't love lotr tho#absolute helm's deep guy#sam is a true hobbit fan
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legitimacy


summary: “Vaemond Velaryon’s petition holds no sense,” it is said that the Wandering Princess reiterated once she heard of her uncle’s accusations. “My late father always recognised my brothers as his trueborn sons. Whether they look like him or the Baratheon and Arryn side of the family does not matter: they are legitimate.”
pairings: cregan stark x velaryon!reader (no use of y/n), platonic (familial) relationship between the targs/velaryon and reader
word count: 4.5k
warnings: mentions of killing off someone🥰, reader is pro-blackwood, reader has some kind of anger issues, oscar is my babygirl and my babygirl only, language as always
author's note: an update of the heir and the wolf? in this economy? also pls don't comment about tagging, click here and join the taglist so that it's easier for me to tag everyone
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You’re sure you are going to kill every man and woman in the Riverlands till only their fantastic wine — without which you wouldn’t have made it this far — and vineyards remain, so that you can drink in peace without dealing with… the consequences.
Lord Bracken has been sprouting nothing but insults and curses towards the Blackwood family for what feels like the last three hours. He surely hasn’t talked without being interjected, as Alysanne Blackwood has been responding to all his insults with doubled hate.
You stare over at Oscar, sitting beside you, with an unamused expression. “Once we get out of here, I’ll make sure to break your legs in half as punishment for having me subjected to this torture,” you hiss, hand clenching around your goblet. He shrugs. “Didn’t you say to ask you if I ever needed anything? I needed help just this once, or else I would’ve cut my ears two hours ago.”
Of course Lord Tully had to fall ill when there were matters to resolve, leaving his eldest grandson in charge. You wish Kermit was born first, so that you wouldn't have to sit here and hear all of these people complain.
You huff. “Better your ears than my sanity.”
The thing that worries you the most is the fact that they seem to have no intention of stopping yet — and they’ve been going on for ages, accusing each other of heinous crimes committed by their ancestors or something. You’re not quite sure about that, as you’ve stopped listening to their rants about ten minutes in.
You glance at the servant standing by the door of the council chamber, who’s about to turn the hourglass for the fifth time now. When he does, it’ll officially be two hours and a half into them talking about their centuries-long feud. You have to do something, or else you’ll go mad.
You cough loudly, and the two sides of the discussion shut up, looking at you. The table is rectangular and long, wide enough so that nobody can smack the person in front of them with ease. You sit at the end of it, a map of the Riverlands in front of you, Oscar sat to your right. “So,” you start, “have you all got it out of your systems? Can we start now?”
Both sides look at you puzzled, and for a moment you fear they might go back to screaming, but they don’t. “Lord Samwell, Lord Amos, could you both raise your hands for me? I forgot your faces when you started screaming because I thought I was back in Dragonstone with my younger brothers having a tantrum about a toy — they are six and three, by the way.”
Red-faced, both lords raise their hands; Lord Amos is a bit older than Lord Samwell, his face sickly and hair grey, a high contrast to the Blackwood's dark brown hair and plump face. “Good. Now I would like you two to choose a spokesperson that will talk in your places.”
Lord Samwell raises an eyebrow, “Pardon me?” he says, as Lord Amos raises from his seat. “This is an outrage! Why should we choose someone else to talk in our place? We can definitely settle this matter once for all alone!”
You raise an eyebrow at his antics, motioning over a guard to make him stand back down. “Well, if you could settle this matter alone I wouldn’t be there, would I?” you ask him with a short laugh. “Besides– don’t you still have the scar Lord Samwell kindly gifted you back in the days where my mother was looking for a husband? I don’t want the two of you to settle your matters alone if it means someone being stabbed again.”
“We would be perfectly capable of doing it now–”
“Choose a spokesperson or don’t speak, Lord Amos, as you have already talked enough for my likings. The choice is all yours.”
The guard now stands behind him, hand on the pommel of his sword, and the lord begrudgingly sits back down. “I shall name my uncle, Ser Lothar,” Ser Lothar is an old man with white hair and no beard, who looks like he’s seen the rise and fall of all the Gods in the world and death herself.
You don’t say anything, even if you’d like someone who doesn’t look like he’s a night away from dying. “Lord Samwell?”
“My sister, Lady Alysanne,” is his resolute response. Ah, the lady who was screaming at Lord Amos earlier. She's young and thin — no doubt close to your age — with black hair to match a raven's feathers.
“Rubbish!” is Ser Lothar's not-so-smart response. You notice now that he’s missing three teeth and speaks horrendously — as if their accent already isn’t helping. “How old is she? Seven and ten? She should be in the birthing bed, not in this council chamber!”
Everyone stares at him, bewildered — even his own kind. Maybe if you weren’t there, the comment would’ve been overlooked, but seeing as the council was being literally held by a six and ten year old girl, it wasn’t the smartest comment he could’ve made. You can feel from your seat the murderous intent that comes from the Blackwoods — thankfully you made everyone leave their weaponry outside. You just hope nobody has a hidden knife somewhere in their breeches.
“For your information, Ser Lothar,” you speak up before things can escalate, “I am six and ten and perfectly able to run a council on my own. I’m sure Lady Alysanne will manage just fine.”
He squints his eyes at you, like he’s just noticed your presence. “I will be listening to no cunt!”
You blink at Lord Amos, who’s red in the face, as calm as ever. “Would you like to change your mind, Lord Bracken? I’m afraid Ser Lothar will be too preoccupied with being my dragon’s breakfast to be here with us as we discuss this serious matter.”
Lothar screams obscenities as the guards take him away to the courtyard, where Nādrēsy is staying for the time being, and Lord Samwell has a smug look on his face — no wonder happy that his sister has had justice. “Lyle!” Lord Amos roars, making a boy no older than twenty jump from his seat. “Y– yes, my lord!”
You intertwine your fingers in front of you. “Good. Now that the table has been cleaned we can actually start.” you ask them to take the seat of their lords, so that they’re near you and you three can talk more clearly. “I want to make sure that it is clear that I don’t expect your houses to be friends after this council. My only purpose is to end the brotherly blood shedding that in the last centuries has exasperated the Riverlands to the point that Ser Oscar Tully here had to ask for the Crown’s help to put an end to it. I just want your houses to stand each other.”
You sigh, pointing to the map with their territories traced out in front of you; you push it towards them so that they have some reference. “This was the outline of the territories that King Jaheaerys’s ambassador drew the last time there was a council like this. Peace lasted only for about two years — my goal is to make it last at least twenty, so that when the Lords die their heirs are of age.” you darkly jest. Lord Samwell sends a glare to Lord Amos: he was six when his father was killed in a Bracken ambush.
“Obviously, it is not. My goal is to make it last. So, I would like you two to outline the territories that are most important to your houses that as of now are owned by the other. Then we’ll see what we can do about it — see if we can make it a fair exchange to avoid spilling more blood.”
The two nod and immediately get to work. You are surprised to see that they do not speak to each other — not even a little nag or tease. They seem to be more mature than their elders, a thing that strangely you do not find weird at all.
You didn’t expect for it to be an easy negotiation, but Seven Hells if you had underestimated it. They would be competing for the entire Riverlands if there weren’t any other houses, you’re sure about that. And before you know it, it’s been a sennight and you’re still staying in Riverrun, hoping that some god takes pity on you and strikes you down. Sure, you had them choose their spokesperson, but that doesn’t mean the others don’t protest when you say something they don’t like.
“I’m thinking about arranging a marriage,” you say to Oscar one evening.
You’re in the guest chambers, the ones you’re staying in. The chess match in front of you is basically forgotten, replaced by a discussion about peace treaties and ways to stop feuds. Your friend snorts, taking another sip of his wine. “My ancestors have tried before. It always ends up in a massacre before the bride can even receive the groom's cloak.”
You shake your head. “I’m thinking about Olyver Bracken and Alysanne Blackwood.”
He raises an eyebrow, skeptical. “A drunkard and a hunter? Weird choice. Don’t know if I feel like ruining a lady’s promising future.”
“Think about it.” you lean over, elbows on your knees. You take two pawns, placing them on the table. “He is Lord Amos’ heir, and he is useless. Meanwhile, she would be able to run Stone Hedge like it was the fucking Night Watch. We could make them marry, then maybe right after she already gave birth to a boy, an heir… a terrible accident could happen.” you knock down one of the pawns, “A tragic fall from the horse, a bad fever… you name it. And suddenly Lady Bracken is free from her preposterous husband and can raise his heir however she wants.”
You take two other pawns and place them near the others. “Then we marry small Benjicot Blackwood off to Cressida Bracken. They are still young, younger than Olyver and Alysanne; if Cressida is sent to live with the Blackwoods as soon as the engagement is announced, she may not feel the same hate towards him as any other Bracken would.”
You sigh, rubbing your hands together. “Give it twenty years, and the heirs to the Blackwood and the Bracken territories will all be cousins. What kind of cousins would ever start a war against each other?”
Oscar blinks at you. You blink back. “I mean what kind of cousins that aren’t in my family, Oscar.”
“Oooh. Oh, yes, that makes sense now.” he tilts his head to the side, looking at the pawns. “You plan on killing the Bracken guy?”
You shrug. “Only if Alysanne finds him annoying. I would never force the poor girl to stand him, knowing I wouldn’t even be able to wait to have an heir before I got tired of him, so if she manages to do it, I will gift her a new set of arrows and a bow. Closing an eye on his mysterious disappearance would be the least I could do, if the rumours about him are true.”
Hearsays say that he’s insufferable and that he spends more time in brothels than in his own bed, but ultimately he’s pretty defenseless and has gotten his ass beaten in pubs more times than his father is able to count. Oscar snorts, “Let’s see if there’s no carnage during the wedding, then we can actually talk about it.”
The next day comes, and you dread the moment you’ll be sat at that fucking council table again, and will have to announce not only one but two betrothals. It’s for the best, at least, or that’s what you tell yourself when Alysanne Blackwood looks at you like you just sentenced her to death. The whole table protests against your decision, but you’re unremovable, and you’re telling them beforehand just because you feel nice today. Your mother would’ve probably arranged the marriage without telling anyone anything until the day of the wedding.
“You can’t just do that!” Samwell laments, red from anger. It seems he doesn’t like the thought of his sister being married off — quite thankfully, honestly. You’re happy that you’re not the only sister who has brothers who care about her.
“The thing is, Lord Blackwood,” you reply, “that I can and I will. As ambassador to the King my word is his, and I’m sure he would agree with me in this decision. You lot have killed enough men, women and children in this feud of yours; the whole RIverlands are tired, as honestly am I, of hearing of your endless feud and your constant blood spilling. I say we put an end to it.”
They don’t seem to care; they yell at you, then at each other, spitting venom and curses, talking over each other so loudly that you don’t understand anything. You clench your hands, rage rising inside you; you wish you could just make Nādrēsy burn their beloved castles down to the ground and call it a day, so that there aren’t any more territories to fight about, but unfortunately it isn't exactly diplomatic. Is this how your grandsire feels when he holds court?
You stare at the map in front of you; the distribution of the lands has changed, even if the number of acres both families own has basically remained the same. You have either split the territories in question or gave one to the Brackens and another to the Blackwoods, trying to be as fair and equal as you could be — but of course none of them would be happy; they both wanted the other’s whole territory.
You feel like you’re looking after all your little brothers who can’t agree for the life of them. Aegon will say that a toy is his and Viserys will reply that it’s actually his, even though they both have no idea where that toy came from in the first place nor that it was actually yours a decade ago.
“Children!” you shout over the voices of the lords, shutting them up real quick. “You are behaving like children — except you are grown men! And I am disgusted by you all! Your families have been in these lands for centuries, and not only have you never managed to overthrow one another, but you also have to make it everyone’s problem! Aren’t you ashamed? Don’t you have just a bit of remorse for all the suffering your hatred is causing? How many men, women and children have to die before you–”
The door bursts open, a servant barging in, “Princess–!”
“What?” you yell, enraged, turning to look at him. He cowers, trying to make himself as small as he can, knees trembling under your furious gaze. “I… I–”
“Talk before I cut your tongue out and let her talk for you,” you spit. You would never do that, of course, it’s just that you have found in the last few years that a threat here and a threat there get the job done far more quicker and easier.
The servant gulps. “A raven from King’s Landing,” he squeaks, “It’s from Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen.” He hands you the letter and opts to run as fast as he can, away from you, shutting the doors of the chamber behind him.
You look at the letter, confused, only to rip it open and read it. The men at the table watch you intently, hoping that it’s some kind of good news so that your mood lightens up — maybe the princess is pregnant again? Maybe Prince Joffrey has managed to mount his dragon for the first time?
All their hopes are crushed when they see you get redder and redder in the face from anger as you read; if your dragon happened to be in the same room, they are sure that the paper would be burned down to ashes. Oscar leans to your side, peeking at the letter and reading what he can, frowning once he understands what your mother has written. “Wha–”
“A petition!” you roar, outraged. “And they didn’t cut his tongue when he started talking about it!”
“Madness,” Oscar sighs, “pure madness.”
You tear the paper into pieces, making the lords flinch. “The council is dismissed,” you declare. “The terms of the negotiations remain the same; Lord Tully will make sure that you all agree and the deal will be sealed tomorrow. Or else,” you lean down, placing your hands on the table, “I’ll come back once my matters are settled in King’s Landing and make sure that you all agree, in one way or another.” The threat is subtle, but they all understand that if they refuse to bend to the treaty, you’ll visit them in their beloved lands — with your very hungry dragon, surely.
As the lords start to leave the room, you look over at Oscar, “You’re coming to King’s Landing with me.”
He blinks, “I am?”
You snort, unamused. “You are. Vaemond Velaryon’s petition holds no sense, as my late father always recognised my brothers as his trueborn sons. Whether they look like him or the Baratheon and Arryn side of the family does not matter: they are legitimate. I’ll need you to keep me sane during the whole ordeal, Oscar. My ears did not bleed without a price during the last sennight.”
“But I’ve had no time to prepare– gods, let me fetch the servants, they need to start preparing my bags–”
“Tell them to bring your finest dresses and gowns,” you grunt, “wouldn’t want you to make a bad impression to the whole court, my dear Lady Oscar. Where else will you go to search for a husband otherwise?”
You shake your head right after, not in the mood to jest, “Be fucking serious, Oscar; bring a change or two and let it be done. We’re not going to King’s Landing to have fun, it’s a trial.” your expression is dark, stare truce. “And a death sentence, if we’re lucky.”
Your mother will never make it out of the trial unscathed is the green wench sits or her father sit on the throne; she needs you. She made that very clear in the letter, and you have no intention in turning your back on her.
Oscar departs immediately, calling for the servants and his brother Kermit, and you follow right after, not surprised to find Lady Alysanne Blackwood out of the room, waiting for you. Even if she was half as smart and hard headed as you thought her to be, she’d probably still be waiting out the council room to talk to you about the half-wit she would marry per your orders. Poor girl.
“If you wish to talk, we can do so as we head to my rooms,” you say before she can open her mouth, “I have matters in the King's Landing to tend to, and I can’t afford to waste time.”
She grimaces, “Didn’t you come here to attend this council? Weren’t you here to help our families?”
“First of all, I was ambushed by Ser Oscar,” you clarify, “Second, yes, I was. And I did.”
She looks downright haunted. “You are a woman,” she murmurs. “You are a woman and you have sold me as no man had ever dared to do before.”
“You were bound to be sold off, Lady Alysanne,” you reply, tone calm. You can imagine her rage right now, but she must know that with her place in her family, she could have never possibly found the freedom she surely wants. You understand that by not living in the Crownlands, she had more hope for her future, with the freedom she was clearly given growing up; but you have grown in the Crownlands, and you have seen younger girls being married off to worser men without being able to escape. “I just did the honors.”
“I will slash my neck open before that brute can even think of touching me,” she boldly says.
It makes you stop to take a better look at her. She’s tall, taller than you, and a tad bit older. It’s kind of sad to see her with tears in her eyes. “I know what an unhappy marriage is,” you inform her. “In the Keep we’re full of them. My own mother was in one with my father.”
You lower your voice, leaning your head, “But you have me on your side. And I wouldn’t be against… a little violence.” at her confusion, you explain yourself. “I wouldn’t refuse to turn a blind eye to a hunting accident, let’s say.” At her joyous face, you relent, “Not on the night of the wedding, Alysanne! At least we need one heir, or the feud will never end. Lord Bracken is old and sick, and it’ll be a year or two before he dies, hopefully — I'll see if I can help the process go faster. Then his son might accidentally die, too, oh, he was so young, leaving his pain struck wife and son behind,”
She snorts, “A tragedy, wouldn’t it be?”
You laugh grimly. “Ohh, you get it.”
“What’s this smell?” Oscar yells over your shoulder, trying to make himself heard over the sound of the wind and the flapping wings of your dragon.
“That’s the capital for you!” you reply, already missing the fresh air of the RIverlands. “The weather doesn’t help Flea Bottom’s odour. It’s been like this since forever.”
He gags, “Don’t understand how you manage. Smells like piss.”
You shrug, “You get used to it. Trust me, there’s lords in court who smell far worse than Flea Bottom does,”
Nādrēsy roars unhappily: a full day of travel and it’s only to get back into the dirty streets of King’s Landing. You lightly slap his side, yelling over his laments, “Ilagon, valītsos!” Down, boy!
Oscar, behind you, shakes like a leaf as your dragon replies by roaring with vigor — no doubt, that equals to at least ten curses in dragon’s language. “How can you talk to him like that? He’s going to eat you alive one of these days and you won’t be able to do anything about it.”
You snort. “I’d like to see him try.”
The Dragon Pit is more animated than usual: some Keepers are holding back Vermax, who screeches and spits fire, while others bring Syrax back in her cave, her belly swollen, her step slow and cautious. Caraxes follows right behind, shaking his wings to throw the dirt off of them.
The Keepers greet you and your dragon, sending a weird glance towards Oscar. One of them — Kilya is her name, you believe — comes near, shouting so that you can hear her. “Īlin umbagon syt ao, dārilaros.” she says, “Aōha muña gīmēdegon īlva hen aōha māzigon.” We were waiting for you, Princess. Your mother warned us of your arrival.
You nod; you had no time to reply to her raven, but she must’ve guessed that there was no way you wouldn’t have come. “Se eman māstan.” And I have arrived, “Gūrogon Nādrēsy naejot zȳhon ripo, eman gaomon naejot imāzigon.” Bring Nādrēsy to his cave, I have matters to attend.
You help Oscar get off; he yelps as the chains around his ankles are unfastened and yells as you help him down, where the Keepers promptly catch him before he falls on his backside. You jump off your dragon’s back, landing perfectly fine, and opt to pat roughly Nādrēsy’s back, just as he likes it. “Sȳz sōvegon, valītsos.” Good fly, boy. He roars back happily.
“I’ll never understand that language,” Oscar mutters, standing back up straight, a frown upon his face. “It’s like you don’t want your secrets to be known. Why won’t you teach me High Valyrian?”
“Iksis ziry doru-borto?” the Keeper asks. Is he stupid? You shake your head, then think about it and snort, relenting. “Mērī mirrī.” Only a little.
Your friend pouts, sticking out his tongue at you. “Is that what I get for being your bestest companion?”
You laugh, walking off the Pit and to the entrance, where a carriage is promptly and not surprisingly waiting for you. “My bestest companion? Didn’t know you had wings and were named Nādrēsy.”
He gasps, dramatically grasping his chest, “You wound me!”
You both get in the carriage, and you look at him seriously. “Before we enter the Red Keep, there are some rules you must abide by.”
He raises an eyebrow, “Rules? I was raised well, you know, I shouldn’t need those. I hope the King knows that.”
You shake your head, “No, those are my rules for you. Let’s say that it’s what you’ll need if you want to go back home unscathed from the Keep’s snakes.”
Oscar gulps, “Go on.”
“First, don’t talk to the Queen. Then don’t talk to her sons unless I’m in the room. Avoid Larys Strong — he’s the guy with the crippled leg and the corpse face, you’ll know it’s him instantly — and avoid the councilmen.”
“What, you want to keep me a secret?” he asks, bewildered. “Is there someone I’ll be able to talk to? Is there a reason why I have to avoid all these people?” he gasps, “Am I your whore? Is that why you want to keep my mouth shut?”
“If you were my whore, I’m pretty sure I would want your mouth wide open and working,” you mutter, “but no, that is not why. Truth is I would rather make sure that you stay out of their claws; it’s better to keep away from their schemes.”
The actual truth is that you don’t want them to speculate something about history repeating — your mother was already rumored to have a lover from the Riverlands; the last thing this family needs is another princess said to have an affair with yet another lover from the Riverlands. They would wonder if it actually was some kind of preference that was passed down from mother to daughter, and even if the only thought of being attracted to Oscar makes you laugh, you’re sure the councilmen definitely wouldn’t be amused by it.
“Besides, you can talk to Mushroom,” you add.
“Who’s Mushroom?”
“The court’s jester. He’s insufferable, small and will try to steal your gold, but you can talk to him.”
Your friend grimaces, “Why do you keep him in the castle if he steals the lords’ gold?”
You shrug, “He makes me laugh.”
Slowly, the carriage rattles to a halt, a page opening the door for you. “Ready to see the Red Keep for the first time?”
He nods, “Ready to face your evil step-grandmother?”
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