#had to throw in as much obsurdity as i could with just...

[that-hippie-user]

*gasp* :D mai naybor uzed ta livv dare!!!

:3 i fink it wuzza nayborhood neaw an airbase, cuzzhe drew a biiiiiiig airplane on da adress.

X3 no doksing doe, cuzzi wont say wut color da flowerz were.

[jarofstyles]

Ok but what is like the context of bestie!harry eating y/n out?? Like how did he offer her or how did she ask him for it— I WANNA KNOW LMAO

He most definitely offered.

Waiting at his place in a bit of a pissy mood, he wondered what she was doing. Was he being nice? Paid for her dinner? Did he know to order no tomato’s on her food or that she had her own reusable straw? Did he care? What was he learning about her.

It was just annoying, was his major thing. She had been trying to organize a nice day with Harry but had to move it to tomorrow since tinder dick had work then. She had looked too excited for Harry to say no though. No way. He never did like seeing her pout.

He was half asleep in the couch when he heard the knocks at her door- her own special knock they’d made up together- and his alarm raised. Why was she here? It was only about 11:45.

The date tanked.

He could see it the moment he opened the door, a look of irritation on her face as she groaned, letting herself into his place and throwing her purse on to his arm chair.

“Hello to you too…” he raised a brow and watched her huff, kicking her heels off on an annoyed manner.

“Wasted stupid good shoes on a prick. So fucking boring.” She grumbled. It shouldn’t have pleased him but it did. Far too much. “He was not as good looking as his photos, which would have been fine if he had shut up for once. Going on about NFTs which, hey, is a red flag in itself, but was bragging about he paid an obsurd amount on a drawing of a monkey? And so he could show people on Twitter he had a hexagon profile photo?” Her voice was exasperated as she slumped into his couch, taking her earrings off.

Harry was amused, approaching her in his sweats with his arms crossed across his chest. Y/N felt dumb for missing out on a night where they could have laid on the couch and she could have eaten a dominos with him while they criticized the desperate housewives. A waste.

“Get this. He didn’t even make me cum.” She glowered at the tv. “I really just wanted a fuck. Havent felt the touch of a man in months and I wanted a good fuck and go home. Fucker barely touches me? Nuts in my mouth and then tries to get me to ride him?” Her grunt made him want to laugh, but his internal anger was there. “No. I left. I need your mouthwash by the way.”

His eyes bored into her face, which she felt. After her speech, she was quiet and noticed Harry was quiet. He was silent even, before shaking his head. “You silly, silly little girl.” He rolled his eyes as he moved to the couch. Settling on his knees in front of her, her brows furrowed at the actions. As soon as her mouth opened to ask what he was doing, a Yelp left instead as he yanked her down and moved her closer to him.

“Let me fix it then.”

[procrastinatorimagines]

Walls

Fandom: The 100

Character/s: Murphy x Reader

Warning/s: none

Word Count: 1,592

Request:  So, I read that John Murphy Fic you posted a while ago and ah, so amazing!!. I have a request for him as well. Can you write something where reader sees him cry for the first time and hes embarrassed but reader just comforts him?

It took you a second to realise where the noise was coming from, stopping just short of the door to your room as you tried to listen to faint sounds of... crying? It sounded like it was coming from the room next to yours. but you stopped for a little bit longer to check, unsure of what to do. If it was anyone else’s room, you would have knocked to check if they were okay, but that room was Murphy’s. 

You’d never see Murphy cry before, he always maintained such a nonchalant front that you had no idea if he’d even want you to know he was crying right now, let alone go and check on him. Technically no one was supposed to be back yet, so he was supposed to be alone, and clearly he hadn’t heard you come in otherwise he would have stopped by now. 

You sighed, deliberating whether to just go into your room and pretend you hadn’t heard him, he’d probably appreciate it if you did, but you felt a pang of guilt just thinking about leaving him alone to cry in his room, so you turned back to his door, hesitating for a second before knocking lightly. 

There was movement in the room as the sound stopped, and you could hear him clear his throat and probably wipe his face as the foot steps got closer to the door. Murphy was more than a little surprised to see you when he opened it, but he masked that quickly and you tried not to stare at his puffy eyes.

“Hey Y/N, didn’t think anyone would be back for a while,” he noted casually, leaning against the doorframe like nothing had been wrong. You hadn’t actually thought of what you were going to say to him, so you stood in silence for a second before he continued, “do you need something?” He looked a you a little suspiciously.

“Are you okay?” You asked cautiously, aware of how easily Murphy shut down when he didn’t want to talk to someone, especially about how he felt. 6 years together on the Ark had taught you that much and you didn’t want him to close off now, especially if there was something wrong.

“Course, why wouldn’t I be?” He replied, a little bit of nervousness slipping into his voice at the end, probably as he realised he didn’t know how long you’d been back, but he seemed to be sensing that you’d heard more than he would have liked.

“It’s just... well I heard-” Oh you were butchering this, you silent scolded yourself as you watched his face fall slightly.

“I said I’m fine Y/N,” he snapped back a little more forcefully than necessary, a fact which he seemed to realise as his gaze softened slightly. “Sorry, I’m just- I’m fine,” he repeated, but you weren’t convinced. 

Crossing your arms you stared back at Murphy, showing him that you weren’t going anywhere as you stood firm outside his door. “You were crying Murphy,” you said pointedly, trying a new and more direct approach this time.

“I wasn’t crying,” he tried to laugh, like the very thought was obsurd, but you held your ground.

“Cold water,” you told him, expanding on that as he looked back at you in confusion, “helps with the red eyes.” He subconsiously reached for his face, pulling his hand back when he realised what he was doing, an embarrassed look on his face as he avoided your eyes.

“It was nothing,” he tried, clearly eager to shut the door on you as he hand went to the handle. 

You put your hand out to stop him, “John-” He shook his head, being as stubborn as ever as he cut you off.

“Drop it Y/N,” he said firmly, meeting your eyes this time. He looked sad, distant, almost lost and it made your heart ache. You and Murphy had had your differences, but you cared about him, probably a little more than you’d like to admit, and you hated seeing him like this.

“No.” You said simply, keeping a hand on the door so he couldn’t close it. After short staring, well glaring, contest, seemingly about who could be more stubborn than the other, he sighed and let do of his part of the door, allowing it to open fully.

Taking a step back he made his way into the main part of the room and sat on the edge of his bed, you following in after him a second later and closing the door behind you.

“You really are a pain in my ass,” he grumbled, running his hands over his face as you grinned, heading over to his sink to grab a cold cloth and passing it to him without saying a word. He nodded slightly in thanks and you pulled over what looked like a reading chair from the corner of the room, sitting opposite Murphy as he gently dabbed his eyes. 

“Abby?” You guessed, thinking back to the complete shock you remembered seeing on his face when he found out what Russell had done to Clarke’s mother, something that Jackson had publicly blamed him for too. You’d all been through a lot, done a lot, but Murphy had been keeping it all in for such a long time... you weren’t surprised that his feelings were starting to leak out, whether he wanted them to or not.

He nodded slightly, confirming what you already knew, and put his head in his hands. “I didn’t want you to see me like this, or anyone” he admitted, “John Murphy crying? I’d never live that down.” You were tempted to put a hand on his shoulder but thought better of it as you contemplated what to say to him.

“Everybody cries John,” you said, “it’s nothing to be ashamed about.” Lord knows you’d done it plenty since... well, since your firsy days on the ground. But then you’d never had Murphy’s reputation, never had to put up such an appearance, build such a wall, that there were no room for real feelings. 

He huffed, looking up to face you, “Of course it is, and I hate it. I hate what I’ve done, what I did, how I feel, it’s weak and embarrassing-” He trailed off, so full of anger at himself.

“It’s not weak,” you countered, hating that he felt that way about himself. He wasn’t alone, you’d all been hurt, and you’d certainly all hurt in return, given as good as you’d got, but Murphy had a habit of isolating himself like he was some kind of island.

“Sure about that?” It was meant to be rhetorical, but there was something in his eyes that made you think some part of him did want an answer. He may act indestructable, but he was just as human as everyone else, and everyone needed someone to talk to, someone who would listen, comfort them. 

Murphy had been without that for so long that he felt the need to push everything down, and everyone away, but you wouldn’t let him do that to you, you resolved.

“I am sure, just as sure as I am that talking about how you feel, allowing yourself to feel, is a hell of a lot healthier than locking it away in some box in your mind,” you explained to him, “there’s only so much space in that box John before it starts to overflow and consume you. You could talk to me, let it out, breathe a little.” 

He didn’t respond straight away, but you knew he was listening as he mulled over the words you had spoken. “What if I’m not quite ready for that yet?” His voice was quiet, raw, and you were glad he was looking down at his hands as he spoke so he wouldn’t see you blink away tears that were forming in your eyes at how much he was hurting.

“Then you’re not really yet,” you reached out tentatively and put your hand on his. He tensed but he didn’t make any more to pull away so you carried on, “but when you are, I’m here, judgement free, I promise.”

He looked up and you and smiled tightly in appreciation, a tear falling down his cheek just as you heard noise from downstairs. You both jumped at the noise, and Murphy quickly pulled his hand from yours and stood up, taking a breath before returning to his usual demeanor at the flip of a switch.

“Guess we should probably go down,” he said, throwing the cloth back onto the sink and checking his face in the mirror quickly for any evidence of what was just happening. 

“Yeah, we probably should,” you went to follow him out the room, wishing you’d had more time to talk but knowing that when he was ready, he’d come to you, you hoped. He opened the door, pausing for a second to look back at you, face unreadable for a second and he shook his head, deciding not to say whatever it was that he was going to say as he continued out the door.

“Hey,” you caught his hand, stopping him for a second as he faced you again, “secret’s safe we me Murphy,” you grinned, winking at him as you headed past him to the stairs at the end of the hall. He caught up quickly, mouthing ‘thanks’ to you as you headed down to meet the others.

He may not have been ready to talk yet, but he would be.

[kpopisthereasonihavenolife]

Little Omega

BTS

Kim Taehyung/Reader [F]

Genre: Drabble, Alpha/Beta/Omega (A/O), Mentions of Sexy Times

Words:1.8k

A.22 - "Why would you think something like that?"

Though you were the proper, true mate to your packs Alpha, here you sat, covering your ears trying to block out his thoughts that echoed in your head.  The thoughts rolling through his head unconsciously into yours as he put a different she-wolf beta through her paces. 

He did this often.  Laying himself bare for the other women just as they torn off their own clothing willingly for him.  It was unfair.  He’d be buried literally balls deep within another, yet when a man even sniffed in your general direction 20 feet away, he was throwing a ground shaking fit. 

Taehyung says he loves you. He says he only does what he does until the women find a proper mate for themselves.  He says it’s the best for the pack; his pack.  He promises, swears up and down he loves you.  An yet, he refused to touch you like he does them. 

You’re not eager for sex, nor are you craving his sensual touches.  No, you just wanted his attention for once for more than 10 minutes. Something- anything- to prove his promises fruitful and your dark thoughts wrong. 

Having enough, you closed your mind the best you could, tuning out Taehyung like TV static.  Then, you ran off.  The pack all lived under the same roof of a grand manor in the middle of the woods. A location perfect for bright moon hunting. 

You bolted out of that manor, nothing but sleep shorts exposing the tempting peek of the curve of your ass with a matching cropped shirt.  You ran, inhumanly so yet still human formed, to a spot only you and Taehyung knew.  Maybe coming to a place that was so Taehyung wasn’t the brightest idea since you wanted him off the brain.  It was the only place to escape to for the night.  As dawn broke in a few short hours, only then would you head back. 

A small waterfall fell over the side of the river as it pools into a lake beneath. Beanth the waterfall was a small indention in the rock.  Just large enough to sit and hide behind the wall of water. You did just that treading through the waist deep water and jumping through the strong downfall. 

Now, you saw with your knees to your chest, a slight chill to your wet frame and completely alone.  

You sighed and as time ticked on, you felt more and more drowsy.  Soon enough, you had laid down on the rock hard ground and managed to slip into sleep.  The sun breaking the horizon as you snoozed and, unbeknownst to you, the manor in which you lived was in frantic chaos. 

Taehyung once again laid awake all night, naked and beside some woman he didn’t wish to touch anymore. He never slept when he slept next to someone who wasn’t you.  What he was doing ws wrong, he knew that.  He would often lay and stare at the ceiling with you running through his thoughts.  He’d close off his mind to you so you couldn’t hear him as he thought unadulterated thoughts. 

Truth of the matter is, he didn’t need to do what he did.  He didn’t need to sleep with his pack.  He choose to because he was too afraid of sleeping with you.  An obsurd though, yes.  Being fearful of laying naked and bare with your mate should be anything but fear inducing.  Yet, when he thought of what may happen, a chill would run through his body and gooseflesh would coat his skin. 

Though, it was all out of pure excitement.  Taehyung didn’t think he’d be capible of much sanity or consciousness if he got to view your full bare, untainted body that belonged solely to himself.  He feared he’d lose himself to the Alpha in his head and devour you whole. He didn’t want that, he wanted to love you, not fuck you. 

It was when dawn broke when he crawled out of the bed that wasn’t his and dressed in his clothes strewn around the room only to leave it.  You were normally awake at dawn, so he always made it a point to go and see you.  Though, when he tried to speak to you through telepathy, there was nothing.  It was like he was communicating into an empty cave. 

Thinking maybe you were still sleeping, he entered your room, yet you weren’t there.  He couldn’t get a word from you, no matter how hard he reached out and you were no where in the manor.  he couldn’t smell you, couldn’t feel you.  You just weren’t htere.  He knew you hated when he did this, hated when he touched another.  He could tell, even without you voicing it. 

You were selfless, and you let whatever happened around you continue, regardless of if you hated it or not.  So, when he couldn’t find or reach you, he panicked.  What if you left him?  

His yell of fustration and a mental link to his pack woke everyone up.  His pack up and alert at the tense air of their leader and the missing void that is his lover.  

It was 3 in the afternoon when you woke up with a violent shiver.  You curled into yourself more, wanting to curl into blankets, but having nothing around you.  Momentarily, you had forgotten where you were.  When the past came back to you, you looked around.  It was late afternoon, and Taehyung wasn’t here.  

A part of you wished so deeply he’d come to find you here, in a spot ment for the two of you.  So, when he wasn’t near, not even his scent flutering your sense, you let the thoughts take over. 

“Maybe he doesn’t really love me?” You voiced as you pushed yourself to sit, rather than lay on the rocky ground. 

“Y/n?!”  A voice screamed into your head, making you wince.  You covered your ears as you opened your mind back up.  “Y/n!”  

“Taehyung?” There was a pregnant pause. “Taehyung, I think-”

“Where the fuck are you,” he sounded angry. “Tell me where you are before I fuckin’ lose it, Y/n.” What was he talking about?  Taehyung caught word of your thoughts, doutbing yourself.  Doubting the connection between the two of you.  Doubting his love he’s sworn is true.  Though, he guessed it was only natural.  He hardly acted like a lover towards you. 

“I’m at the waterfall,” you whisper.  

“Don’t you move. We need to talk,” he said before he completely shut up.  You couldn’t tell if he shut his mind again or if he simply stopping talking with you.  Whatever the reason, it didn’t matter because 10 minutes later you heard a splash in the water in front of the waterwall before the sound of someone treading through it, only for Taehyung’s body to burst through the stream into sight. 

He looked out of breath, worried and scared?  It confused you, the misty look in his dark eyes as opposed to how angry he sounded before.  He scrambled out of the water as you stood to greet him as easily as you could after another night of doubt.  

“Taehyung, listen.  I-”  you were cut short when you squeaked as Taehyung plowed into your form.  His lower half was wet, dripping with lake water as he held you close enough your skin get damp from his clothing.  A chill ran over you.  

Taehyung felt weak, like is knees were going to buckle.  he was a strong, proud standing Alpha, yet the prospect of you disappearing left him feeling worthless. You were his Omega; he didn’t want anyone else. He held you tightly, pulling you tot your toes as his arms caged your neck and shoulders. 

You smelt like freshwater and honeysuckles.  Looking like absolute sin with those pjs of yours and smelling like a fresh piece of fallen heaven.  Yet, your thoughts still haunt him, even if they are directed at yourself. 

“Why would you think something like that?” He whispered into your ear.  You knew what he was referred to without having to ask.  You both knew each other very well, almost too well in the aspect of emotions. You just pushed your face into his chest, keeping your arms at your sides.  You wanted to embrace him, but you could bring yourself to lift your arms. 

“You know why,”  you whispered back.  Your voice hurt him.  Like you just set off a firecracker at his feet.  

“I’m going to stop,” he decreed.  “I can’t take this anymore.  I don’t want to keep doing what I have been, I want to stop.  I want to change.  I want to make things better and make sur eyou know what you mean to me.  I want to be someone you don’t have to run from.  I’m so sorry, and I know it doesn’t make up for anything I’ve done.  All the sin’s I’ve committed when I love a single soul.  So, don’t go.”  He was pleading with you.  You’ve never seen him so weak.  He wasn’t ‘suppose’ to be, but even if he was an Alpa, he was still partly human too.  

“Taehyung.  Do you love me?” You were fearful of his anwser for a split moment.  He tightened his hold on you. 

“Undoubtably.  I’d sooner stop my own heart than to see you leave. I chose you for so many reasons.  So many reason I can’t name beause they are so complicated to put into words.  So many reasons that it’d take centuries to explain how great and vast my love is.  But, Y/n I love you.  I’m in love with you.  I just need you to believe me.”  

You knew it was telling the truth.  His mind was open completely.  Peering into his thoughts, his feelings his emotions running rapid like a raging fire.  The love he held for you felt like a safe blanket around you, keeping you safe inside and away from the cold woes of outside. 

Finally, you lifted your arms to hold him back just as tightly as he held you. 

“I believe you,” you spoke. “Do you really promise you’ll stop sleeping with Betas’?  I don’t mind, if it’s for the good of the pack like you say.”  You lied as he pulled away, holding your cheeks in his palms and pushed his forehead against yours. 

“I’ll quit.  I don’t need them and they certainly don’t need me.  They can go and find other ways of satisfation and soon they can find their own mate on their own journey. I have one; I have my perefect mate.  My cute little Omega.  And I intend on keeping her.”  

“So, you’ll keep me then?”  He smiled, pushing his lips to yours in a kiss you felt you haven’t shared in eons.  

“I’d never give you up.” 

[maximuswolf]

Is there anything I can do on my side to help with this? via /r/BPD

Is there anything I can do on my side to help with this?

First attempt at committed relationship need advice

I’m a 28m I’ve been with my partner 36f for around a year and a half It’s been full of short lived highs followed by many lows My background: I don’t have great relationship experience myself I never actually wanted a committed relationship until me and my ex broke ( we started as fwb ended up getting on amazingly well and had a very strong team like relationship going on , eventually it dawned on me that things were getting very serious and she has two of her own kids , I wasn’t ready for that lifestyle so we agreed to part ways) after that I felt I was truly ready to go for a committed relationship in line with my life goals (plans to travel) , before this I actively didn’t want a relationship I was more into fwb arrangements , I’d had a couple of relationships in my late teens/early twenties which i pretty much just ended up in knowing I was ready for it yet , none of them were bad relationships I’d ended them due to me knowing it’s not what I wanted (I’m aware I’m an asshole for entering them in the first place)

Her background: In her teens she started a 10 year relationship which was nothing other than abusive , constant cheating on both sides it was constant hurt and abuse according to her , she then had a few relationships which haven’t really been spoken about in between and then she met her ex at work who she’d been with for 10 years , she said she new from the off she didn’t love him or what they had and he didn’t have the lifestyle she wanted (they’d work together , come home and sit infront of the tv all evening on repeat) she said it was just easy , other things to note she doesn’t get on with her parents

Fast forward: She started working at my place and we got on like a house on fire , she didn’t tell me she had a boyfriend but I’d heard it from someone else and found it on her Facebook (she wasn’t aware I knew) so I ended up backing off abit , she then started getting really friendly with another guy at work who’s the same age , same shape ,same hair/beard style , similar interests as me and would actively flirt heavily with him infront of me , I didn’t react.. she then went out with him to a festival/met his mom and at work that week she told the guys I work with about it knowing they’d tell me (she eventually admitted this) once I found out I reacted by giving up on the idea of me and her , later that week she turns up at my house saying she did it to see if I get jealous so she knows if I like her , I told her I do and that’s when she confessed she has a bf and needs to leave him , after this she started to tel me how much the other lad at work fancies her/is in love with her (she’d constantly becoming to me saying all the things he’d said and playing the love songs to me that he’d sent her all with a massive grin trying to get a reaction but I knew what she was doing so never reacted) that just got worse and she started meeting him more , I confronted her on it after the 3rd or 4th time and said if this happens again I’m done it’s so disrespectful towards me and I will not tolerate it , she agreed and said she can see how wrong it is and how sorry she is for it and that’s it’s bad what she was doing to him as this lad really really liked her , a week later she’s back saying she’s met him again and I said were done , I managed to keep out her way for abit but she kept trying and trying with me until I gave In, on top of that everytime I was around her at work around another male she’d be talking heavy sexual stuff and I could see she was going extra knowing I was there , I called her out on this

After that things became seriously intense between us , she’d told me all about her traumas in life , literally everything about her expecting me to do the same , I found it strange but thought due to the intensity of the love I’ll do the same , there was a lot of strange deep questions from the off , but everything felt like a true love story during this period and almost felt unreal , after about 4 months things took a major turn , constant off and on behaviour at any moment I could change between one or the other , it almost seems as if it comes in cycles I’ll get a few weeks of her been okayish followed by a month of heavy off and on heavy short intense moments of love followed by complete offness until I finally explode (I stopped reacting/pointing out what she was doing and tried to accept her for who she is until it would become to much) I was then been told I was manipulating, gaslighting , controlling , when I’d ask how there be zero response just complete silence when I’d ask how I’m doing any of this , she’d always say these things to me just after she’d been doing them and I’d give her straight examples of how she was being manipulative, gaslighting controlling ect (I learnt the terms from her), another example she was convinced she is a physcopath , eventually she started to say she thinks I’m one and it would make me burst out laughing each time she said I was one , from that each time I’d laugh she’d start crying and saying don’t take the mick out of me so I stopped laughing and eventually started to believe that I’m a physcopath, after a short bit of research this is exactly we’re I learnt what projection was , since her going to therapy she finally has realised she’s not a physcopath and hasn’t said I’m one either , again when I’d ask how am I one there’s be no examples or explanation for it The cycles started going her been off with me for days on end , completely denying being off when I ask her what’s up (one word answers for everything , not talking to me touching me or even looking at me) she’d always say ‘why what’s up with you’, she’d then be praying on my every move waiting for me to mess up , as soon as I would it would explode and all sorts of random accusations would be thrown at me , when I say mess up it’s normal something as simple as me turning the bedroom light off before she’s got into bed , some of the accusations were complete ludacris and as usual I’d ask for examples or where she’s got it from and she’d just go completely silent , anytime I’d stand up to her accusations and ask for how she’s got there that would be me ‘telling her she’s wrong all the time’ , ‘not validating her feelings’ ect. Examples She’d say I’m destroying her , I’d ask how or what am I doing to destroy her then thered be silence and I’d get the old ‘not validating her feelings’ or ‘I’m telling her Shes wrong all the time’ This has been a very common thing , her throwing something similar to that at me , me simply saying ok how have you got to that conclusion what am I doing , no answer , conversation steered to how I’m not validating her feelings ect

Ontop of this when I’ve stated boundaries or my own feelings , like I went through a period were my sex drive dipped , I made it clear it was not related to her it was me going through a rough patch in lockdown , she piled on intense sexual pressure and new sexual needs from that moment onwards

When I’m having a bad day I’ll straight up tell her why ‘I slept crap last night so I’m feeling pretty anxious and low today so I’m not myself it’s not related to anything with us’ that would always cause her to go off with me no matter how much I reassure her I’m not feeling like this due to the relationship, it’s cause I’ve not slept well , I’ve had a stressful day at work ect

These cycles are still continuously happening sometimes I feel like we’re past them other times they seem to be more frequent and more intense

We just had a months break and I explained my problems in this are the constant on/off behaviour, setting me up to ‘slip up’ so there was a reason for her on/off behaviour, not letting me go through my own shit and having bad days , there the main ones I’ve highlighted and have brought up on numerous occasions

Throughout the relationship when she’s exploded I’ve constantly asked what am I doing wrong in this? To which she can’t come up with anything , I study my own behaviour deeply and struggle to pinpoint it to cause there must be something I’m aware that I must be playing some part In this but can’t figure it out, after each explosion/cycle there’s always new and obsurd reasons for her behaviour it’s always got a different reason behind it , she even recently told me it was normal woman behaviour all of them are like this

We met yesterday to signal the end of the break and to talk , I asked what her thoughts were on us and she said she hasn’t really thought cause she knows she’ll just get told she’s wrong , I’d turned up with the intention of ending things but I just ended up in awe of her as she seemed really different and we got on really well

I ended the chat by asking her to state her problems in this and cause her to treat me like this they were all new ones.. 1.she gives more , when I asked the whys and how’s she got to this there was to answers which I said fair enough to Sexually she gives more , I admitted to this and explained again about my sex drives and certain things she’d said to me in the past like ‘don’t worry about me I really like just giving to you’ and the other was that when we go away for a drive I don’t put half the petrol in which she’s never ever stated , we’ve been away about 15 times and on 3 of those occasions when she’s gone to get petrol I’ve got out the car filled the tank and paid for it (she normally tried to stop me doing it) but this would cover 6 of those trips She’s cooked for me a few times and cleaned my house and then complains that I do nothing for her , it turned out that I’ve helped with what I can , I can barely cook but started to learn to when she said I don’t cook for her , other than that she’s completely renovating her House and I’ve offered and helped every step of the way , I’ve spent numerous times helping or asking if I can help , she’s currently out of work and I’ve offered to pay her bills and mortgage until she’s sorted

She doesn’t like how I point out her behaviour (I do this pretty much at the end of each cycle when I’ve finally had enough of the silent treatment) or that I used the word behaviour , she doesn’t like how I don’t validate her feelings ( this is when she’ll throw a statement at me and ask her how she’s got there and she has no answer , for some things she will have an answer and I’ll then give it to her and say fair enough I can see that now and I’ll do something about it which I do , but I’f I don’t agree or she has no explanation for her statements it’s me telling her she’s wrong)

And the third is that she never knows where she stands with me , note on that every single argument we’ve had right from the beginning right up to this moment she’s asked if I’m leaving her , I left her once and that was after the whole psychopath incident, when she said she doesn’t know where she stands I asked how and she said she feels like I’m just going to break up with her at any moment

My points to her were: 1. The same I’ve been saying for atleast a year about being off with me for days on end ect. I’ve explained I’ve got no problem with her having problems and it’s never really the outcome of her explosions that bother me , it’s more the constant off and on treatment I get that bothers me , I’ve said that when she’s off (she’ll deny it but knows it) that it’s perfectly ok for her to say to me that she needs abit of space to herself to sort out wether it’s something in herself or something she needs to raise to me , or if it’s just a bad day for her to state that she’s just having a bad day it’s not to do with us

2.she needs to communicate her issues , like if me not putting exactly half the fuel in is an issue I need to know

That she needs to listen to me and let me have bad days in myself without her being off with me about it

That I never know where I stand because of the constant off/onness it comes out of literally know where and can change at any moment

TD;LR , first time trying in a committed relationship, do I just not understand woman or how they work or is this not right?

Submitted September 18, 2020 at 07:15AM by Fai_Kirby via reddit https://ift.tt/3iJC4OG

[maximuswolf]

Is it likely my partner has BPD? via /r/BPD

Is it likely my partner has BPD?

I’m a 28m I’ve been with my partner 36f for around a year and a half It’s been full of short lived highs followed by many lows My background: I don’t have great relationship experience myself I never actually wanted a committed relationship until me and my ex broke ( we started as fwb ended up getting on amazingly well and had a very strong team like relationship going on , eventually it dawned on me that things were getting very serious and she has two of her own kids , I wasn’t ready for that lifestyle so we agreed to part ways) after that I felt I was truly ready to go for a committed relationship in line with my life goals (plans to travel) , before this I actively didn’t want a relationship I was more into fwb arrangements , I’d had a couple of relationships in my late teens/early twenties which i pretty much just ended up in knowing I was ready for it yet , none of them were bad relationships I’d ended them due to me knowing it’s not what I wanted (I’m aware I’m an asshole for entering them in the first place)

Her background: In her teens she started a 10 year relationship which was nothing other than abusive , constant cheating on both sides it was constant hurt and abuse according to her , she then had a few relationships which haven’t really been spoken about in between and then she met her ex at work who she’d been with for 10 years , she said she new from the off she didn’t love him or what they had and he didn’t have the lifestyle she wanted (they’d work together , come home and sit infront of the tv all evening on repeat) she said it was just easy , other things to note she doesn’t get on with her parents

Fast forward: She started working at my place and we got on like a house on fire , she didn’t tell me she had a boyfriend but I’d heard it from someone else and found it on her Facebook (she wasn’t aware I knew) so I ended up backing off abit , she then started getting really friendly with another guy at work who’s the same age , same shape ,same hair/beard style , similar interests as me and would actively flirt heavily with him infront of me , I didn’t react.. she then went out with him to a festival/met his mom and at work that week she told the guys I work with about it knowing they’d tell me (she eventually admitted this) once I found out I reacted by giving up on the idea of me and her , later that week she turns up at my house saying she did it to see if I get jealous so she knows if I like her , I told her I do and that’s when she confessed she has a bf and needs to leave him , after this she started to tel me how much the other lad at work fancies her/is in love with her (she’d constantly becoming to me saying all the things he’d said and playing the love songs to me that he’d sent her all with a massive grin trying to get a reaction but I knew what she was doing so never reacted) that just got worse and she started meeting him more , I confronted her on it after the 3rd or 4th time and said if this happens again I’m done it’s so disrespectful towards me and I will not tolerate it , she agreed and said she can see how wrong it is and how sorry she is for it and that’s it’s bad what she was doing to him as this lad really really liked her , a week later she’s back saying she’s met him again and I said were done , I managed to keep out her way for abit but she kept trying and trying with me until I gave In, on top of that everytime I was around her at work around another male she’d be talking heavy sexual stuff and I could see she was going extra knowing I was there , I called her out on this

After that things became seriously intense between us , she’d told me all about her traumas in life , literally everything about her expecting me to do the same , I found it strange but thought due to the intensity of the love I’ll do the same , there was a lot of strange deep questions from the off , but everything felt like a true love story during this period and almost felt unreal , after about 4 months things took a major turn , constant off and on behaviour at any moment I could change between one or the other , it almost seems as if it comes in cycles I’ll get a few weeks of her been okayish followed by a month of heavy off and on heavy short intense moments of love followed by complete offness until I finally explode (I stopped reacting/pointing out what she was doing and tried to accept her for who she is until it would become to much) I was then been told I was manipulating, gaslighting , controlling , when I’d ask how there be zero response just complete silence when I’d ask how I’m doing any of this , she’d always say these things to me just after she’d been doing them and I’d give her straight examples of how she was being manipulative, gaslighting controlling ect (I learnt the terms from her), another example she was convinced she is a physcopath , eventually she started to say she thinks I’m one and it would make me burst out laughing each time she said I was one , from that each time I’d laugh she’d start crying and saying don’t take the mick out of me so I stopped laughing and eventually started to believe that I’m a physcopath, after a short bit of research this is exactly we’re I learnt what projection was , since her going to therapy she finally has realised she’s not a physcopath and hasn’t said I’m one either , again when I’d ask how am I one there’s be no examples or explanation for it The cycles started going her been off with me for days on end , completely denying being off when I ask her what’s up (one word answers for everything , not talking to me touching me or even looking at me) she’d always say ‘why what’s up with you’, she’d then be praying on my every move waiting for me to mess up , as soon as I would it would explode and all sorts of random accusations would be thrown at me , when I say mess up it’s normal something as simple as me turning the bedroom light off before she’s got into bed , some of the accusations were complete ludacris and as usual I’d ask for examples or where she’s got it from and she’d just go completely silent , anytime I’d stand up to her accusations and ask for how she’s got there that would be me ‘telling her she’s wrong all the time’ , ‘not validating her feelings’ ect. Examples She’d say I’m destroying her , I’d ask how or what am I doing to destroy her then thered be silence and I’d get the old ‘not validating her feelings’ or ‘I’m telling her Shes wrong all the time’ This has been a very common thing , her throwing something similar to that at me , me simply saying ok how have you got to that conclusion what am I doing , no answer , conversation steered to how I’m not validating her feelings ect

Ontop of this when I’ve stated boundaries or my own feelings , like I went through a period were my sex drive dipped , I made it clear it was not related to her it was me going through a rough patch in lockdown , she piled on intense sexual pressure and new sexual needs from that moment onwards

When I’m having a bad day I’ll straight up tell her why ‘I slept crap last night so I’m feeling pretty anxious and low today so I’m not myself it’s not related to anything with us’ that would always cause her to go off with me no matter how much I reassure her I’m not feeling like this due to the relationship, it’s cause I’ve not slept well , I’ve had a stressful day at work ect

These cycles are still continuously happening sometimes I feel like we’re past them other times they seem to be more frequent and more intense

We just had a months break and I explained my problems in this are the constant on/off behaviour, setting me up to ‘slip up’ so there was a reason for her on/off behaviour, not letting me go through my own shit and having bad days , there the main ones I’ve highlighted and have brought up on numerous occasions

Throughout the relationship when she’s exploded I’ve constantly asked what am I doing wrong in this? To which she can’t come up with anything , I study my own behaviour deeply and struggle to pinpoint it to cause there must be something I’m aware that I must be playing some part In this but can’t figure it out, after each explosion/cycle there’s always new and obsurd reasons for her behaviour it’s always got a different reason behind it , she even recently told me it was normal woman behaviour all of them are like this

We met yesterday to signal the end of the break and to talk , I asked what her thoughts were on us and she said she hasn’t really thought cause she knows she’ll just get told she’s wrong , I’d turned up with the intention of ending things but I just ended up in awe of her as she seemed really different and we got on really well

I ended the chat by asking her to state her problems in this and cause her to treat me like this they were all new ones.. 1.she gives more , when I asked the whys and how’s she got to this there was to answers which I said fair enough to Sexually she gives more , I admitted to this and explained again about my sex drives and certain things she’d said to me in the past like ‘don’t worry about me I really like just giving to you’ and the other was that when we go away for a drive I don’t put half the petrol in which she’s never ever stated , we’ve been away about 15 times and on 3 of those occasions when she’s gone to get petrol I’ve got out the car filled the tank and paid for it (she normally tried to stop me doing it) but this would cover 6 of those trips She’s cooked for me a few times and cleaned my house and then complains that I do nothing for her , it turned out that I’ve helped with what I can , I can barely cook but started to learn to when she said I don’t cook for her , other than that she’s completely renovating her House and I’ve offered and helped every step of the way , I’ve spent numerous times helping or asking if I can help , she’s currently out of work and I’ve offered to pay her bills and mortgage until she’s sorted

She doesn’t like how I point out her behaviour (I do this pretty much at the end of each cycle when I’ve finally had enough of the silent treatment) or that I used the word behaviour , she doesn’t like how I don’t validate her feelings ( this is when she’ll throw a statement at me and ask her how she’s got there and she has no answer , for some things she will have an answer and I’ll then give it to her and say fair enough I can see that now and I’ll do something about it which I do , but I’f I don’t agree or she has no explanation for her statements it’s me telling her she’s wrong)

And the third is that she never knows where she stands with me

My points to her were: 1. The same I’ve been saying for atleast a year about being off with me for days on end ect. I’ve explained I’ve got no problem with her having problems and it’s never really the outcome of her explosions that bother me , it’s more the constant off and on treatment I get that bothers me , I’ve said that when she’s off (she’ll deny it but knows it) that it’s perfectly ok for her to say to me that she needs abit of space to herself to sort out wether it’s something in herself or something she needs to raise to me , or if it’s just a bad day for her to state that she’s just having a bad day it’s not to do with us

2.she needs to communicate her issues , like if me not putting exactly half the fuel in is an issue I need to know

That she needs to listen to me and let me have bad days in myself without her being off with me about it

That I never know where I stand because of the constant off/onness it comes out of literally know where and can change at any moment

TD;LR , first time trying in a committed relationship, do I just not understand woman or how they work or is this not right?

Submitted September 18, 2020 at 06:52AM by Fai_Kirby via reddit https://ift.tt/32E2knY