#he's going P.U.!!!!!

[jaegertime]

I'm no animator but sometimes I like to imagine I can be

[yeonbinwyd]

a night out

pairing: sub!fem reader x dom! vampire Sunghoon

synopsis: You were out with some friends at a new club opening and you caught Sunghoon’s eye. He can tell something about you was different and wanted to know more. You two get to know each other more than expected.

genre (w/tags): smut, minors dni, possessive sex, praise kink, mentions of alcohol, slight masochism, breeding, spanking, and choking

a/n: I’m sad I didn’t get to do kinktober but here’s one before the month is over!

Word count: 1,399

The new lounge opening up was all you could hear about. All your friends could talk about was how they couldn’t miss opening night. They begged you to go and you agreed. You were always up for a good time,p.us there wasn’t any reason you’d miss out on a fun night.

The night comes around, the club’s atmosphere was crowded but the vibe was everything. There were so many good looking people getting your attention but you just wanted to focus on the music and to have a good time. The DJ was playing addictive house music with lights flashing all over. The drinks

were flowing and the energy was unmatched. As the night goes on, you felt a strong presence. It was hard to ignore. You tried looking all around you to see if you could spot the feeling but you couldn’t pinpoint it. You finally take a glance at the seated section on the second floor. You catch the eye of a mysterious guy sipping his drink. You pause, taking him as well. His demeanor was cold but you were intrigued. He takes you in from head to toe. In a blink he was standing before you. The lights had been flashing constantly. Was he really there in front of you?

“Hey” he says halfheartedly. You give a small smile to mirror his excitement. You turn the other way but he was there with a smirk. He was fast. You had heard of demons like him but didn’t believe they were real. He now was fascinating and had you invested.

“Hi” you say in return. Sunddenly a more laid back beat comes on. It felt infectious and really spoke to your soul. He could tell you were really into it.

“Dance with me?”he asked while reaching his hand out. You accept with thoughts running in the back of your head but you didn’t feel threatened. He grips your waist, moving to the beat with you. The beat picks up a bit, You place your hands around his neck. Just you getting closer is giving him the green light to get closer too. You find yourself turning around to grind against him. He pulls you closer to feel you more.

“Sunghoon” he whispers his name in your ear. It sent shivers down your spine. You reach up to push his face into your neck. He took a deep breath in to take in your scent. You smell delectable. Not only did it entice him, but had him feeling committed. His pupils dilate, his hold on you becomes tighter. He had to have you. There wasn’t anything standing in the way of that. Not much small talk was had between you two. You two danced a while longer. Your friends refused to try to separate you from him.

It was getting close to closing and your friends had already headed home.

“Come home with me” Sunghoon begged. You turned to him, eyes wide. You nod in agreement. He pulls you off the dance floor thru the back door of the club. His car was parked nearby but you couldn’t keep your hands off of him. You kissed his lips, leaving small bites on his lower lip. He did the same in return but his bites were harder. So hard he drew blood. You a bit shocked at first, backing away. His mouth, desperate for you, is left open with his fangs exposed. It had been your first time seeing any in person. They were so sharp, ready to kill. You opened your mouth for him to return. He looks into your eyes, running his hand up your backside. Sunghoon takes your lip into his mouth again. He started sucking in the blood he drew from before. The pain was hot to you. Moans escaped from you as he continued. He began to come alive. The both of you more lustful than you’ve ever been. He takes you in his strong arms, hold you close as he feeds on you. He pulls away and helps you into his car that wasn’t that far from the two of you. You both head to his place without a second thought.

After pulling up to his place, he guides you through the door. He immediately attacks your neck with kisses from behind. You start to shed off your clothes.

“You can bite me again.” You say as you unwrap layer after layer. He helps you with your top over your head. He’s in awe at the sight.

“No I want to take my time with you.” He buries his face in your breasts, giving them a light squeeze.

“You’re perfect.” He admires. He’s been looking for someone to have a blood bond with for a while. You’re exactly what he was looking for. Sunghoon was obsessed with your blood and the chemistry was so natural. You straddle him on the couch as he continues his kisses. You return the favor by helping him with his jacket and shirt. His hands roamed all over you then suddenly began to choke you lightly.

“You’ll be mine right?” He questioned. You gave a light nod in return. He had a devious smile on his face, over joyed by the agreement. Sunghoon lets you go and goes to kiss your lips, more desperate than before. You grind your hips against him causing him to moan in your mouth. You abruptly drop to your knees. It felt like so much build up, the suspense was killing you. After brushing against his cock, you undid his belt buckle. Your fingers trace along his boxers, you can see his dick throbbing, being impatient. You let him free and he groans in relief. Sunghoon viciously grabs the back of your head. A handful of hair, showing his control. He caresses your bottom lip, opening your mouth with the other hand. He then roughly pushes your head over the tip. You gag a bit but take over control. You swallow him whole, slowly moving up and down, causing his eyes to roll back. Sunghoon curses under his breath, grabbing the back of your head again but with both hands.

“You’re such a good girl” he praises as pushes your head down.

“Take more you can do it” he demands this time. He was a lot bigger than expected but you did as you were told and took him in.

“Yes just like that” he coos, satisfied now with your actions. He couldn’t take it. Your mouth felt so good, how did that cunt feel? As you were picking up speed, he pulls you off for you to stand before him. He bites his lower lip as he takes you in. Without a thought, Sunghoon swipes your panties to your ankles. Aggressive but assists you in stepping out of them. Once he does, his large hands pull you into to take a seat. You both gasp in unison as you slowly slide down. He grips your cheeks tight, leaving marks behind.

“Ok baby you got it.” Sunghoon encourages as he looks up into your eyes. They were loving, somewhat tender but still lustful. You couldn’t help but obey his command. As you rode him, you could feel him expanding and throbbing inside. He threw his head back, trying to contain himself. His mouth opening in awe showing his fangs once again. You rolled your body, grinding against him. He had to have you all the way. Sunghoon held your waist and thrusted upwards. So rapidly it was beating up your core. He didn’t care. His fangs still exposed, his tongue hanging from his mouth now. He was entranced by the feeling. You, drawn in by the look of him, go to kiss his mouth. It awakens him as he locks lips with yours. He continues to thrust upward, poking you constantly. It was almost unbearable.

“I’m so close baby” he hugs you near and dear. your nails digging into his flesh. You almost to your point, clenching around him. He starts to whimper, pumping so hard into you. You violently cum, crying out. He feels you tighten around him, not letting go. He follows suit and cums inside of you. Sunghoon crosses his arms to lock you in his hold.

“Don’t go anywhere” he demands as it seems he can’t stop cumming. “I’m marking you” he places a few kisses on your cheek.

[madameaug]

Jungkook's Random Morning w/ Peanut

Pairing: Jungkook + Peanut

AN: Italics represent Jungkook speaking in Korean :)

Fatherhood surprisingly reversed Jungkook's late-night habits. His career as a boxer undoubtedly helped, but fatherhood would be why he states if asked. Peanut can get quite gasy, leading to her be fusy. Jungkook would hear her congested whines and walk across the hallway to her room.

"Bicycle kicks." In a back-and-forth motion, Jungkook moves Peanut's chunky legs. She let out tiny grunts before releasing a powerful funky fart.

"P.U Peanut." Jungkook fanned his nose. Peanut let out a sigh of release. Now that Peanut was in that stage of tummy time, Jungkook would lay a soft blanket on the carpet. Place Peanut on her stomach and do a couple of simple mobility stretches. He had to stay as loose and limber as possible. He was doing mock punches in the air, staying light on his feet. He was far enough to ensure he didn't accidentally step on little Peanut. Oh, his heart would be crushed, and Jennette would actually murder him.

Once his heart rate was elevated, Jungkook noticed Peanut turning her head. There was a slight shake in her neck, but for the most part, she had it down-packed. Peanut was such an easygoing baby.

Getting down on his stomach, Jungkook was face to face with Peanut. Her glossy, dark brown eyes were concentrated on his face. As if her little eyes were trying to take mental pictures of his face.

Jungkook was falling in love within seconds. Jungkook was a firm believer in the multiple loves a person can experience. It is platonic, one that he shared with his friends from Korea. The six older guys truly took Jungkook under their wing. Namjoon, Seokin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung were like brothers to him. Big brothers who were amazing uncles to his Peanut.

Romantic love is next, the one that he's experiencing with Jennette. He had an average dating life, a couple of girlfriends after high school, and a few series ones when he was a novice boxer. Yet none of them stuck around or even evolved past physical attraction. Jennette was truly a friend in the beginning of their relationship. A social worker and boxer, a weird combination that no one initially thought would sprout onto something further. She loved him as much as she pretended to downplay it. She loved him, and Jungkook could shout from the rooftops how much he returned those feelings. He was going to marry Jennette one day, one day soon.

And finally was paternal love. He was basking in the one every day since Peanut took her first breath. Every spit-up, changing of shitty diapers and foul-odored farts rarely phased him. Jungkook embraced every moment of this stage in Peanut's life. This brief time Peanut is totally dependent on him. During this brief time Peanut's only method of communication is a whine, cry, or smile. These were the moments that would become invaluable.

"I love you Peanut"

In slow motion, Peanut started to lean over. The unequal weight distribution caused her to rock slightly. With his natural dad instincts, Jungkook used one hand to catch the side of her face before she tilted over. Jungkook's thumb rubbed over her cheek.

He kept repeating his love for Peanut.

"I love you Peanut"

"I love you Peanut"

"I love you Peanut"

"I love you Peanut"

[forgottenyear]

[tw: mentions of past suicide attempts and rape - without elaboration]

--

I was not consciously aware that Angela prepared this life for me. Granted, she was helped with extraordinary luck, but she made sure I would be okay.

It is recorded in the immutable facts, but I do not always connect the dots.

Angela, who had already given up on life, began dating my partner. I would surely have been unable to make this happen, but I did not fade in until the relationship was established.

I remember when we first met, my partner and I. This was during the two forgotten years, so it had to have been Angela’s experience / memory. It was in June of the second year. I do not know the dates of the hospitalizations, but there were several around this time. I think the most nearly successful attempt was around this time. My partner and Angela met again in October, while going out for coffee with friends (including the two friends who wanted to date Angela). We began dating before we considered ourselves dating. It was not until the following summer that I know I was here. I am still foggy about the first year or two, but I know and feel I was here.

We were not hospitalized after dating my partner. I suspect this was also the time the hospitals expected we would finally succeed in destroying ourselves.

If I believed in deific interference, this would be my proof. I am alive today because of my partner. I am alive today because Angela stopped trying to kill herself and started dating my partner, with no apparent intention to hang around after the relationship was established.

--

In my ignorance, I have been far from appreciative of what Angela did for me. I have assumed she was too jaded and cynical. Too suicidal. Too selfish.

[Please know that I would write this better if it were a work of fiction. P.U.]

Angela was all that was good about us, hidden out of reach of the world. After the rape, she was no longer out of reach of the world. The hospitals were right to expect we would not be around much longer.

But we are we. I tried that much harder to be good enough. The strange part of it is that I managed to accomplish this. I was never “punished” for not being good enough, at least.

I have a memory of Angela walking a friend’s boyfriend home, when he was too drunk to find his way. We ended up a few streets off, and had to backtrack, but they did get there eventually. With him safely home, Angela walked through the worst part of town to go back to her home.

Angela helped another person, then unnecessarily risked her own life after.

Angela did not want to live but could not bear for another to come to harm.

Angela did not want to live but made sure I was safe before she went away.

And I have taken the caution that I should not be Angela, and I have turned that into a form of loathing for her.

--

And in writing this, I have dreamt up another reason for which I must atone.

But no. Enough of that.

The best atonement would be to focus on her. Not to solve her problems for her, or to make her good enough to be admitted into my presence, but to repay the favor and to make life livable for her.

I owe her this much.

--

[this did not go where I expected it would]

[my-jokes-are-my-armour]

Unnecessary post about my pokemon team under the cut 😅

OU = over used, UU = under used, RU = rarely used, NU = never used, PU = crappy pokemons lol (P.U. sounds like pew).

I always play pokemons nobody wants to play or with custom sets. For my championship mono type team I didn't have the choice, so I have one that is ranked OU on its best days but I play it like it makes no sense at all.

I don't like OU because pokemons are so strong that this is more of a mind game to anticipate well to survive than having fun with strategy. Full OU teams are beautiful to watch fighting but I don't find them fun overall. Whereas RU, NU and even PU are really fun and you have diversity.

Last time I had a real fun game against someone who had one of the worst pokemon in competition to setup his strongest ones. And it was so good. I only won because I had my own shenanigans he was not prepared for, but I want to play his pokemon too, to see if I can make something of it.

Also, I didn't know my Spectrum (sorry I use French names, they sound better to me) could actually surprise people 😳. I mean I know I don't use common sets and I still have a big fail rate but when I win Spectrum is like the 🐐 of my team. I just checked the rank and it is PU lol. That because its evolution has better stats. But not that much so hihihihi. Surprise surprise 👻.

Those two are my main killers. They are really annoying when I can use them correctly. They have strangely good staying power but for totally different reasons and they can hit strong.

Those other two work well together. Plumeline is setting up Virevorreur. And then he can speed tie most of the time and hit strong. Also I find them cute 😅

And those two are just for coverage. Lugulabre can make some difference but this is very circumstantial. I don't think I have time for training new pokemons but I should probably change them.

My team is not well balanced but we'll see how far I will go.

[mjilv]

HE STILL GOT THOSE ON?????? AAAAA BRO GO TAKE A SHOWER, P.U. 🤢

Punk Rock, Grumpy & Gorgeous

[loserchildhotpants]

‼️ emergency commissions open ‼️

My cat Merry is back in the hospital. The last month has been sort of Hellish w my dog Milo passing, then Merry getting horribly sick not 2 days later, going in and out of the hospital, and I’ve really been gouged. I was just getting my footing back, but he’s back in medical boarding, and I’m working, but I really need some extra bits of income to help w this

Look at his precious face 🥺

my babu 🥺 his brother, Pippin, is at home w me, also anxious for his return. It may be a hot minute, though — Merry needs a pretty severe surgery (P.U surgery for those wondering), and he’s going to be boarded at the hospital for some time, i think (my apartment is way, way too small to be good for his aftercare, so I’m going to have to board him).

Here are some commission pieces I’ve done most recently:

DM me here or on Twitter (@loserchldhtpnts) for inquiries, payments will be made on Venmo or at PayPal.me/loserchildhotpants

Please, please reblog!

[watchmenanon]

Behind the Scenes of Noah Schnapp’s ‘Stranger Things’ Premiere Look

"I had many fans of him contacting me on Instagram and suggesting to see Noah in pink," says his stylist. "So after discussion and many times trying to find the perfect outfit, we finally decided to go with the pink tone."

By LEIGH NORDSTROM

MAY 16, 2022, 3:26PM

The fourth season of “Stranger Things” comes to Netflix this summer and over the weekend the cast gathered for the premiere in New York. WWD chatted with star Noah Schnapp’s stylist Philippe Uter about the Dior look he chose for Schnapp, accessorized with an unreleased Hublot watch.

WWD: Tell us about the look you created for Noah for the premiere.

Philippe Uter: I really had the desire of dressing Noah in a brand that we never used before. Something trendy, cool but still luxury. Noah is between the teenager and adult life so I couldn’t go too classic nor too young. That is why I decided to collaborate with Dior on this appearance. It is the perfect combination between elegance and streetwear. I always have been a fan of Mr. Kim Jones and I thought this could start a great relationship between the iconic fashion house and us.

WWD: What made you go in this direction?

P.U.: Noah wore lots of toned down colors such as black, navy, beige or light blue. He only wears stronger colors for press appearances where we can play a little bit more. I had many fans of his contacting me on Instagram and suggesting to see Noah in pink. So after discussion and many times trying to find the perfect outfit, we finally decided to go with the pink tone from the spring/summer 2022. We didn’t want to do a full pink look either so I thought, due to the summer coming (finally), mixing with white can be a nice touch on the carpet.

WWD: How long have you worked with Noah?

P.U.: I have been working with Noah since he was 12 year old, so five years ago (I can’t believe he is turning 18 soon). We started our collaboration a bit before the promo of “Stranger Things” season two. I was already a fan of the show and loved these kids’ energy on carpets and promo.

WWD: Are there messages/themes you’ve tried to convey with his style this press tour?

P.U.: The last press tour, we tried to find the best combo between fashion and comfortable/young. This season, it is a bit the same but with a grown up version of it. I tried to go with trendy brands but also cool and easy to wear. Such as Jacquemus, Celine, Acné, Ami Paris, Lacoste, Fauré Le page, Santoni.

WWD: What are some special details about the look?

P.U.: To complete the look, we added a Hublot watch. It resumes pretty well what I said earlier, as it is very luxurious but young and super fun due to its violette shades. This watch is actually showing in exclusivity on Noah’s wrist as it has not been released yet. Also, Noah is wearing a silver necklace chain by Dior. It also gives a little kick to the look.

WWD: Who is your style inspiration for Noah?

P.U.: I am trying as much as possible to not have any inspiration so I can create with Noah something unique to him. I do think about Timothée Chalamet and Justin Bieber a lot. First, due to their similar body shape but also as both have a very strong style: one more fashionable and chic, the other more trendy and street.

[themrswallace]

Professor Utonium is one of the best dads in cartoon history cus he puts his girls first and despite them having super powers, wants them to be careful and NOT do anything to get hurt. Like you can bet he keeps a hair braiding 101 book by the bed so he can prep himself for when Bubs or Bloss want to get fancy, but also has short style mags under the bed which he claims is just "Guy stuff" because OF COURSE he wants to make sure if Butter wants to change up her lil bob cut, he can get to it. --- Like this man wanted a family, made himself one and then went on to prove how much he'd do for that family if science blessed him with it. Which science fucking did. --- Like he fucked up with Mojo, but is happy to get him back and makes a point of not wanting the girls to go "Overkill" on him. P.U is a decent, human dude who just wants a family and to be the best he can be

[neomodernframes]

The Invisible Pink Unicorn, Pastafarianism and Theists.

PINK UNICORN-MAN: hello gullible.

CHRISTIAN THEIST: hello heretic.

P.U: I went to church today but I didn't see you. Did you have a party last night by any chance?

C.T: what nonsense are you saying! I was sitting in the back, far enough to admire the bleeding cross of our lord jesus ...

P.U: ... or maybe because you were chatting and were afraid that the deacon would scold you and make you recite twenty rosaries!

C.T: you dare to speak when you rarely show up here. Why did you decide to attend today? Are demons starting getting tighter in the kitchen of your soul?

P.U: look, my demons are totally fine. Today they would have prepared an exquisite Bolognese sauce, but unfortunately I was dragged here against my will.

C.T: to learn a lesson from the Holy Spirit would only help you. Instead, I came here out of my will, but then I saw you.

P.U: I see that I am no different from the Lord: as he weighs on your conscience, so I weigh on you!

C.T: sure. However our savior weighs on the conscience of us all, while being nowhere. Instead you are here and I notice it from your horrible scent which is too recognizable. But geez, change it!

P. U: damn man, you are so mean! I would rather want to know how can you say that your lord is nowhere if you find him leaning against the arch of the church right now.

C.T: you talk as if he was sunbathing, but can you hear yourself talking? Fortunately he is far away enough to not overhear this conversation ...

P. U: but I do not understand: you say that he us nowhere and yet you worry that it may hear us. You say it's all over the place, but then why are we talking in such a low voice, like we're mourning the cat?

C.T: with all due respect for the cat, you are truly incorrigible! So, it is a matter of faith: I cannot make you understand why I see Jesus and you do not. He is invisible to the eyes, you can only grasp him with heart.

P.U: What if I had a heart attack and had a pacemaker implanted in the body?

C.T : you are so funny.

P.U: wow, did you see it?

C.T: what?

P.U: the invisible pink unicorn!

C.T: eh?

P.U: Incredible, I'm the only one who has seen the invisible pink unicorn!

C.T: but if it is invisible how can you have seen it?

P.U: I grasped it with heart, my friend. Come on, let's have a drink, in the name of the heavenly pot...

At the bar

C.T: I can't think about it, you are so disrespectful! You will burn in the fires of hell for this!

P.U: Hey, calm down, take it easy for a moment. How can I believe in God when you don't want to believe in my pink unicorn?

C.T: What does this have to do with it? The unicorn is a human creation, how could it possibly be comparable to our lord who first became man, then baptized us in the waters where the holy spirit descended?

P.U: Well, I really don't know...

C.T: You cannot prove the non-existence of God then!

P.U: To tell the truth, no affirmation can be believed only on the basis of the fact that its inaccuracy cannot be proved. This is why it is not up to me to show you that the unicorn exists, or that beings made of pasta have created man in his image and likeness, that is, a very hungry animal.

PASTAFARIAN: sorry? Who dares to name in vain the prodigious flying spaghetti, creator of restaurants and coca cola?

P.U: Oh my, here's another one.

C.T: Haha, here's another heretic standing in the way of the house of Christ. You are many apparently!

P.F: Christian, I do not persecute the followers of other religions: but do not disturb me while I honor my meal, otherwise it will be trouble for you!

C.T: Who are you to talk to me like that? Show yourself, devil!

P.F: I'm a five-foot-tall boxer, that's who I am. You know what? I am gonna beat you, not in the name of spaghetti, but because you're a sucker!

P.U: guys, please calm down, it's not worth the slaughter. I think that in the end what really matters is that we all have the same intuition of a creator of the cosmos and the providential order of things. The ideas of men are changeable, so it is normal to have different representations of God at the same time. For me, it could be a Pink Unicorn, for you it could be a Person who gets close to us because of suffering, or for you it could be an appetizing flying Monster made of Spaghetti. We should be closer than that. Religion has left us precepts concerning the care and love of our neighbors, it has not told us what color or shape God is. So let us love each other: men are Gods to men.

P.F: that was beautiful...

C.T: I agree with you. But, who's going to pay those drinks over there?

[yourreddancer]

Sorry, with all the talk about Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, I couldn't resist this.

 A girl Potato and boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married and had a little sweet potato which they called 'Yam,'  Of course, they wanted the best for Yam, and when it was time they told her about the facts of life. 

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of tater tots.  Yam said not to worry, no spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her, but on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a couch potato either.  She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France called the French fries.  Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.

'Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the chips.  But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.Tom Brokaw!

Mr. And Mrs. Potato were very upset.  They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just.....

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure? OK!

here it is!" A COMMONTATER  "

[thattimdrakeguy]

Tim hasn’t been himself in over two decades and people still think this version of himself is good.

Tim hasn’t been properly seen since 2003.

Ever since 2003, they started writing him different, drawing him different.

Like look at Pete Wood’s art during his Robin run, around the time Teen Titans the 2003 run came out, they started drawing Tim to look almost completely different.

Than they started making him more pretentious, arrogant, paranoid, generically brilliant, and a bit snobby even, because someone at DC, probably Didio, thought that just making everything really cynical would make it more interesting. When that’s what freaking 13 year old boys think.

After that they changed his costume to be more like Batman’s, very edgy in design and color pallet, but ya know at least the color pallet actually had a reason that made sense.

Killed his friends and some of his family to make sure his relatable, casual, realistically done and not over done teen angst, turned into bitter, frustratingly overdone angst.

Of course they had to change his identity as well. Make his outfit even edgier, and have him act even dark even though it’s out of character.

For the finishing touches, in the New 52, they right out of the gate made it seem like this was how he always was in this new universe, and then solidify it by changing his origin, and revealing he isn’t even the actual Tim Drake anymore.

Although, with the sales failing and all that, with terrible fan and critical reviews, they had to at least make it SEEM like they cared.

So back his origin came, but they still drew him wrong, gave him an edgier slightly more militaristic look of his classic uniform he had when everyone liked him and he was actually popular, to make sure that it seemed like they cared, but not quite, they still wanted to make sure it was passable to them.

So they kept that new paranoid, pretentious, mildly snobby attitude anyways, despite making it seem on the surface they brought him back. Gave him a story that’s supposed to be a sequel of sorts to his intro story, despite the best part of it being the freaking flashbacks to it, because we at least know he’ll be written well there.

But almost like a miracle, Wonder Comics was coming with what looked like Young Justice, almost exactly like how you remembered it, besides modernized costumes (that actually work for the characters this time). They were even drawn very well, maybe not Tim so perfectly at first, but even by issue 4 they nailed his look just right for him.

So all that good will. Gotta make sure that goes away. Tim’s drawn to look like Dick in the 80s if a bit skinnier now, make his costume atrocious, call him by his last name and call it the most dangerous bird when that doesn’t make any damn sense in a serious context, make sure he has no real actual personality besides bland leader man that knows Batman, and keep lapping him with his toxic ex-girlfriend that they can never freaking write right. So they can ruin it all anyway.

At most the art got a little better, with even John Timms stopping with the Dick look, but he still never drew him to look like his dang self. Scott’s showing promise, but after all this and remembering it. I’m not sure if I can get my hopes up even when I’m desperate for at least one person to do something right with him on that creative team.

Where has freaking Tim gone? I’m not sure.

But he’s disappeared in 2003, and no one seems to know where to find him anymore. Made a brief reappearance in the Adam Beachon run, but sadly he had to deal with some bizarre fake Cass imposter that didn’t act or talk like her at all, that they weirdly retconned away, but we all know that wasn’t the real Cass as far as actually meaning it goes. Then Tim disappeared again, and some miswritten, and misdrawn edgelord came back to take his role all over again, and then Robin was gave to someone else entirely. Miraculously he came back for the first 4 issues of Wonder Comics Young Justice, but even then, replaced by a misdrawn miswritten imposter shortly after that, and made sure to make it so he wasn’t actually Robin. Because who wants that? It’s not like Tim ever said he was happy being Robin while implying he didn’t wanna be his own hero. Gotta make him a c-list trash bag character so no one gives that attention.

It’s a very tragic story. Brings a tear even if you care enough, but it’ll never be correctly acknowledged by DC as of yet, because they aren’t even aware of what they actually did.

If they really wanna convince us that this character they keep calling Tim, and awkwardly shoving in the real Tim’s backstory for, is actually Tim. They’re going to need to do a better job than what they’re doing, because it really is pathetic.

If I can’t look at him and see Tim, or read him and hear Tim. Like is it really freaking Tim? Is it? Doesn’t even have the write identity, like cripes it’s pathetic. You’d have to be blind to believe that this Tim they’re passing off is really him.

I won’t even believe it until they actually do better, and start writing him and drawing him right again. Until then I’m not accepting this C-list rip off, they lazily gave the same name, and apparently origin to.

Awful, abismal work, DC. Just so bad a real word can’t even describe how bad it really is. Just awful, awful, stuff. You can smell all that burning garbage from here, and I don’t even live near any of the creative team or the DC headquarters. The stink that can be smelled anywhere across the world once they focus enough it enough.

P.U. ...

[salingerisaghost]

great english qualifier | selena & edison

Somehow passing through the door shed Edison’s of the small throng of people that had been following him. They hadn’t continued after him & were left stranded in the marble entryway like pixies just beginning to remember they had other things to do. That is to say, the small group of assistants, journalists, & Cannons personnel hovered for a moment, quills in hand before dispersing in seven different directions. Instilling said rule was one of the smartest decisions Edison had ever implemented & arriving early enough before the match start time meant he got the owner’s box to himself for a good quarter hour before others trickled in for the game between Chudley & Puddlemere. Normally it might’ve been forty-five minutes, but seeing as it was a rivalry game, folks tended to arrive earlier, driven by their own internal buzz of excitement. At one point in his life, Edison had suffered the same affliction, now however he moved out of routine but was regrettably anticipating something other than the start of the match. A bout against P.U. meant Selena Newf would be in attendance. Since the season had begun, the Cannons had yet to have a match with Selena’s team. This was something that Edison both looked forward to & worried over. That was probably why his first order of business was to see about getting a glass in his hand. Beating Selena even once meant constantly having to perform at a higher & higher level to best the standard that was right behind you. Even after two successful years, Edison had yet to shake the feeling that he & his Cannons didn’t belong at the top & was merely there to entice Newf & her P.U. squad like a steak left at the top of a pole for a lion. Eventually the steak would get got. In the meantime, Edison would have to go on pretending he was cocksure. Behind them, the door was beginning to open & Edison indulged himself in sip of liquid courage. “Was beginning to think I’d be the only sap to show up to this low-stakes scrimmage.”

[crazy-hand-official]

Day 1 of my self imposed challenge: shuffle your iTunes and pick ten songs, post your opinions and favorite lyrics.

1. Bitch Theme - Bratmobile

Onions: A really simple song, reminds me of a woman with internalized rage.

Favorite lyrics: “You’re such a bitch” (not many to choose from here...)

2. Public Image - Public Image Ltd.

Onions: Call me a bitch but I don’t like their more experimental stuff. Maybe it’s an acquired taste, as I’ve only given it a cursory listen. This song is an example of what I wish more of their music was.

Favorite lyrics:

“You only seen me

For the clothes that I wear

Or did the interest go so much deeper

It must have been

The colour of my hair”

3. Nowhere Fast - Lunachicks

Onions: Luxury Problem and Binge and Purge are the only good Lunachicks albums. The others fucking annoy me and I don’t know why. Maybe I’ll get over it someday. I mean I love the Lunachicks I just dislike most of their music lol. Anyways this song rocks.

Favorite lyrics: “We've seen every floor Of every motel six We got dirty clothes and lost guitars And we're all sick”

4. The Day I Was A Horse - The Vaselines

Onions: Simple, funny little song that gets stuck in my head sometimes. They’ve got a live version where they really get into it and I love the way Frances says “of course”.

Favorite lyrics: “I think I'm on a motherfuckin' trip!”

5. Garbadge Man - Hole

Onions: Oh, I love nearly every Hole song and maybe one day I’ll write my opinions about each and every one of them. Hell, every Courtney Love song. For this one, I’ll say I’ve always wondered about the significance of the misspelling. I mean, I know I have Google and all. But I’ll let it be a cool mystery until I stumble upon the answer one day and let it blow my mind. Anyways, great song as always! First album is so gritty and harsh. It’s not my preferred album or song but still a good listen. Interestingly enough, although Love is a fantastic lyricist I don’t think this song’s lyrics are her best work.

Favorite lyrics: “I spread my rot all over this town”

6. Miss World - Hole

Onions: Thank god I got another Hole song whose lyrics I was more in love with! Miss World is a classic song I’d recommend to anyone who wants to check Hole’s music out. It’s a powerful song, much like the rest of Live Through This, starting out with the line “I am the girl you know, can’t look you in the eye” like, already I’m hooked on her pain.

Favorite lyrics:

“I’m Miss World

somebody kill me

kill me pills”

7. Them Bones - Alice In Chains

Onions: All I’ve got to say is he’s got the voice of an angel. Not my favorite Alice In Chains song, but excellent nonetheless.

Favorite lyrics: “I believe them bones are me

Some say we're born into the grave

I feel so alone”

8. My Friend Goo - Sonic Youth

Onions: Goo sounds so cool and gross I want to be her friend so fucking bad lol. She has a real tattoo!!!!! This song is such a blast my absolute favorite part is when the boys go “hey goo, what’s new?” In their drab boy voices lmfao oh my god brings a smile to my face every time! Hands down best Sonic Youth song.

Favorite lyrics: “And the boys say ‘Hey Goo, what's new?’

My friend Goo goes ‘P.U.’”

9. Perfect Day - Lou Reed

Onions: I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t like most of Lou Reed’s solo stuff, and I’m not going to force myself to. That being said, Perfect Day is a masterpiece and one of the very few songs that can sometimes make me cry. It just reminds me of my boyfriend too much and how after perfect days we have to separate and go home and I don’t know, it just makes me sad? It also reminds me of Trainspotting and I’m like “hell yeah”.

Favorite lyrics:

“You made me forget myself

I thought I was

Someone else, someone good”

10. You’re a Million - The Raincoats

Onions: The Raincoats are amazing and I JUST REALIZED THEY HAD MORE THAN ONE ALBUM oh wow. I fell in love with every track on their self title. They’re magical. The lead singer’s voice is so unique, and the use of stringed instruments makes the music sound like it’s filled with heart and soul. It just sounds warm.

Favorite lyrics:

“You're a million and I've loved you

You're a million and I'm yours”

sorry this was late! but here ya have it!

[atomicwedgienerd]

A Family Resemblance

CW: Scat, incest, everything else. You’ve been warned. This was a collaboration with Smelliot the Slob, who is probably as dorky and gross in real life as the victims in the story. 

Elliot came downstairs into the large living room. The room was split into the lounge area and kitchen in one room. In the corner he could see his father, Dan in the corner instructing one of his private clients. Reaching into the fridge Elliot pulled out the milk and poured himself a large glass before taking a long swig of it.

Dan counted off on his hands as the patron was on the ground doing a pushup. "Come on! Keep pushing! Don't give up now man, you don't want to end up flabby do you?"

“It’s hard Dan!” The patron said as he struggled. He looked up and saw Elliot. Everyone saw the patron as just an out of shape middle aged man but none could see him for what he really was. A being of pure chaos who could shape reality just using his words. This time, his target was Dan, the hottest personal trainer in town and his equally hot son Elliot. “This must be your son! There’s definitely a family resemblance!”

Elliot smiled and gave a thumbs up "Alright dude."

Dan turned and smiled "Yes, very proud of my boy, and he and I worked hard for our bodies. You can too. It is hard, but the rewards are worth it, so keep pushing!"

“I am!” said the patron. “Maybe if you were wearing your glasses you could see how hard I was trying” A pair of thick hornrimmed glasses appears on an end table. Elliot frowned at this but Dan just reaches over to the end table to grab his glasses and slide them on his face. "Since when did you wear glasses dad?"

Dan threw a bewildered look at his son. "I've always worn glasses." This caused Elliot to mimic Dan's bewildered expression.

“Whew Dan! Could you close your mouth?” begged the patron. “Those crooked yellow teeth are so hard to look at and your breath is so foul I bet your son can smell it from across the room!”

Elliot frowned. “Watch your tone buddy!" Clearly the lad was getting upset at someone insulting his dad, although he did a double take as he saw his dad’s now yellowed teeth.

"Well I need to open it to keep you motivated. Maybe it will motivate you to work harder."

“P.U.! That’s  an awfully condescending tone for someone with such a big gut too!”

Elliots eyes widened in shock as he saw his father bloat up, gaining layer upon layer of fat, thighs thickening along with his arms, a large flabby gut pushing out. "What the fuck!?" Elliot quickly started to go for the phone presumably to dial 911. Dan patted his stomach. "Mm, but I am proud of my belly, you want to get rid of yours."

“Honestly I think that’s about all I have in me for today. Didn’t you say you wanted to show me the computers you had been building in the gym you turned into a study?”

Dan nodded and started to waddle off with you following him. Elliot however had other plans. "What the hell is going on!?" He asks aloud, phone in his hand. "Someone explain or I am calling 911."

“Oh please you’re just as clumsy as your old man!” the patron laughed. Dan stumbled and tripped over his own feet and Elliot, in a moment of unusual clumsiness, dropped his phone right into the sink full of dishes. Elliot swore as he fished for the phone but it was ruined as it came out.

"What are you doing?" Elliot asked as Dan got his balance back.

“I’m just hanging out with my friend Dan, which is honestly pretty charitable on my part. After all, he may have stopped working out and put on a lot of weight, but he still has the body odor and sweatiness of an entire weightlifting team.”

Dan sniffed at his armpits, smelling his sweaty BO. "Man, I do smell bad don't I?" Elliot had to cover his nose as the room became overpowered by it.

"You're doing something to him! Fine, if I can't call the police I'll go get help." He marches towards the door with purpose.

“Aw but you’ve always liked guys who stink terribly I thought,” the patron said with a grin.

Elliot has stopped covering his nose and is clearly breathing normally. "I mean...sure it's nice but you can't be changing my dad."

“Oh don’t worry, I’m doing more than that. Say, did you happen to pick up your old man’s lice shampoo?”

"I did but...hey wait, since when does dad have lice?" He asked as he saw his dad was now scratching at his hair.

“Since forever! The shampoo doesn’t even really do anything other than leave his hair super greasy but we have to keep trying. That’s what your father told me anyways, even though it took forever with his terrible stutter!”

"I just wish it didn't make his hair greasy." Elliot commented as Dan's hair became very greasy. "and dad you really should see a speech therapist."

Dan nodded. "Y-you got t-t-t-hat right sss-ss-son."

“I don’t know why you’re so concerned. I heard you liked greasy haired fatsos with lice and stutters”

Elliot’s face flushed red and he was glad his lower body was obscured by the counter (“Whatcha hiding there Elliot? I bet it’s a big old hard on just like your dad always has. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a man cum his pants as often as your father”

The front of Dans pants grew damp as Elliot’s face flushed some more. "Its uh...I just woke up, I had an intense dream." He lied, a little ashamed that his father got him aroused.

“It’s a good thing your dad only wears these cheap thrift store khakis and white socks all the time or it would be a shame that he’s constantly wetting himself. At least they look nice with his button down and suspenders!”

Elliot’s mouth fell open at his dads new outfit. "He looks ridiculous like that!" He says as Dan plays with his suspenders and straightens his bow tie.

“Oh please,” laughed the patron. “Everyone knows this is the hottest way a man can dress. And the pants are so cheap, it doesn’t even matter if your dad is usually carrying a few turds in the back”

Elliot blinked as something came over him. "I mean, at least he's dressing in something attractive...despite the shit and piss."

“Come on, the shit and piss make him unique and kind of even hotter!”

Elliot bit his lower lip as he turned around, hoping to stop his large erection. The patron grinned and continued to weave a new reality with his words.

“But I mean you would expect someone to shit themselves every once in a while considering that Dan—errr Dilbert here never stops farting. Phew, it smells like someone threw a hundred hard boiled eggs in a dumpster on a hot summer day in here!”

Dilbert let out a loud smelly fart as a log of shit filled his underwear. Elliots nostrils flared heard the fart, but did not complain about the stench. "Yeah..." he stated nervously.

“Wow” the patron said as he finally peered insides Dilbert’s computer room. “This is the nerdiest room I’ve ever seen, well not counting the rest of the your house I mean. I’ve never seen someone with so many comic books, fantasy novels, and empty pizza boxes!”

Dilbert nodded proudly. "I l-l-love my c-c-c-c-comics! I also a-a-dore pizza. B-b-but I need to u-use my z-z-z-zit cream after eating it to a-a-a-void breakout out."

“Oh yeah it was such a mistake to shave your beard, Dilbert. Your skin broke out so bad after that. Plus look at how bad your insanely large ears and nose look without the beard to distract!”

Dan's beard quickly pulled into his now softer jaw as his skin breaks out in bad acne, white headed zits appearing over his face as his ears got larger and started to stick out. With a snort his nose inflated to a pudgy schnoz.

“And honestly Dilbert, I think you should talk to your orthodontist because considering how big and clunky your headgear is, those two giant buck teeth should be looking better by now”

Dilbert’s cheeks blushed and he adjusted a screw on his braces. "I c-c-cant help it" he whined quite pathetically before his belly rumbled, he let out a loud belch right into your face, the smelly fishy breath was heavy with the scent of pizza and fast food.

“Aw well hopefully there’s a man that appreciates all this out there somewhere. I know how desperate you are for a boyfriend!”

Dilbert looked down at the floor as the front of his pants grow wet again and the smell of urine filled the air. "But w-w-who would d-d-date a l-l-l-losher like me." He looked sad when he admitted he was a loser.

“I’m sure there’s someone out there who is into disgusting dweebs like you.” The patron looked up with a grin at Elliot. “Say don’t you think it’s time your son got his favorite meal. A hot pocket that got your cum and piss all over it?”

The patron’s words made this a reality and Elliot shrugged as if it was normal. "I am pretty hungry dad..." With that Dilbert waddled over and stuck a hot pocket into the microwave. After a few minutes he pulled out the turnover and put it down on the floor. Pulling out his smaller, but hard dick he proceeds to piss over it, a little jerking and globs of cum also cover the treat. He places it down in front of his son who just picks up a knife and fork and starts to take bites.

“Wow Elliot you sure look hungry! I bet it’s from looking at all those posters up in your room. Of those pretty ladies? No wait, that’s not right, you have posters of fat nerds, guys covered in their own pee and cum, ugly pimple faced four eyes, isn’t that right?”

Elliots cheeks burn as he takes another bite, it was true, but he didn't want to show that he was embarassed about it. So he decided to downplay it. "Yeah, I'm into fat nerds. What of it?"

“It just seems like considering your father, it must be kind of a bummer that you aren’t one too. I mean he’s so pathetic and you’re this hot perfect jock. It must just be unbearable not having inherited his extremely geeky genes. It must just drive you nuts. Plus according to your journal, it looks like no matter how hard you beat off, you can’t cum. I bet that’s because you know you need to be a total nerd first.”

Elliot took another bite, this time slower and more thoughtful. "Yeah....dad says I take after mom. I mean look at him. Look at what a loser he is. Who wouldn't want that?"

“I bet you pray every night to become a loser like him. I bet you would give up everything for a chance at that huh?”

"You bet I would! I even looked into a laser eye surgery to see if they'd ruin my vision. Sadly they weren't interested, nor was the plastic surgeon. Besides, dad is lonely now, he has no one."

“Yeah I mean compared to your dad, you’re so cool. Even with the nerdiest bedroom I’ve ever seen. And your bedroom is so so dorky. Dirty clothes everywhere. Three computers. Chess club trophies. Pokémon sheets. It’s amazing you’re as jacked as you are considering how much you love chess.”

"Well, they are online chess trophies. My room is an expression of who I wish I was. Even dad gets jealous. I tell my friends I have a cool room and I play my guitar every night. Well...its not a guitar. It's an accordion."

“Yeah your dad told me you basically never stop playing accordion. That it’s one of the only ways to drown out the noise of your incessant farts.”

A large blasting fart escaped from Elliot's rear, filling the already smelly room with his own gas. "It was no surprise, they did say the chronic flatulence was hereditary."

“The farts are one thing but hoowee the rest! Your BO and halitosis put your father’s to shame.”

"Well, I hate taking showers...and eating these special hot pockets don't help my halitosis. Not that I don't want them, they are my favourite!"

“I know and considering they’re all you eat, it’s no wonder you’ve inherited your father’s.... rather ample physique.”

As the patron’s words changed Elliot’s body, he pat his new belly as he sat there changed, a lardass like his father. “Mmm, I know! I'm a fussy eater...its embarassing you don't need to rub it in."

“Not as embarrassing as the way you rub all the piss from your pants in your hair all the time. It just makes you stink worse and, despite what you read on the web, it’s not gonna do anything to help your lice problem.”

Elliot’s belly rumbled and he lets out a loud fart as his hair grows greasy and lice infested. Reaching into his pants he cups his hand and pisses into it. "But the website said it helped with lice." With that he wet his hair with the piss he cupped.

“The only effect it seems to be having is making your skin break out worse and worse and worse. God you have bigger pimples than even your father does!”

A grin crossed Elliot’s face. "A side effect I didn't expect but I am delighted about. Even if it doesn't help my lice, if it helps keep these zits, just try and stop me."

“I don’t wanna stop you or get anywhere near those zits. I bet they’re so bad because you like squirting the zit pus into a glass and drinking it. That can’t be good for your skin.”

Elliot licked his lips as the patron’s words became law. “Mm, I am thirsty...and I've been milking these babies for months. I'm due a treat." He walked over to the fridge and pulled out a jug with a label reading 'Elliots zit pus, DO NOT TOUCH'. He lifted it to his lips and took some gulps before returning it to the fridge.

“Yeah I mean why do you think I’m wearing rubber boots? Gotta protect myself from the inches of piss, cum, shit and pus that are just sloshing around on your floor!”

Elliot blushed. ”That’s thanks to dad, and sometimes I miss the jar. It’s why I am wearing rubber boots too." A loud fart rumbled from his rear, the heavy aroma stinging the patron’s nostrils

“Wow, well you really do outpace your father in terms of fart stink. And BO. And halitosis. You really do smell terrible. It’s a bummer you can’t close your mouth with those giant yellow buck teeth with the huge gap between them.”

Elliot grinned as the patron brought up his overbite. His front teeth almost looked like fangs with the space between them. "Dad jokes you could drive a train through the gap."

“I mean combined with your giant nose and those big ears, you really look like such a geek. Not that you’d know it since you don’t even have your glasses on. Where did they go? Ah!” The patron sees them sitting in a puddle of cum and piss, the lenses several inches thick and the frames more duct tape than plastic at this point.

Elliot shivered and rubbed at his fat nose, it was even bigger than his dad’s. He absentmindedly wiggled his ears as his vision blurred. "Can you see them? Where did I put them? I'm blind as a bat without them!”

“They’re down there. By your feet. I won’t pick them up so don’t even ask. Besides your tight little nasal passages make your voice so whiny that I can barely stand to hear it. It’s amazing you can breathe at all.”

With another rumble, Elliot opened his mouth letting out a loud belch. He leaned down, his breathing heavier as he picked up the glasses, and without even wiping them putsthem on his nose. "SNORT there we go. I'm always SNORT losing my glasshes, or SNORT breaking them."

“They’re in such bad shape, i imagine they’re a pair of your dads old glasses. Makes sense since you wear all of his clothes too. I’ve heard of hand me downs but you know you’re supposed to wash them right? Instead, you just put on his soiled clothes from the day before and go about your business.”

"We don't have a washing machine..." he adjusted the suspenders, the khaki shorts he was wearing clearly had a dried cum and piss stain on the front, and the back of them looked more brown than khaki. The button up shirt had food and piss stains on it as well as a collection of dried boogers here and there.

“It’s probably for the best considering you shit yourself much more frequently and with much bigger loads than your father does.”

A loud fart escaped him but Elliot seemed to follow through on this one as the back of his pants expanded a little and turned a deeper brown, the rear starting to steam a little from the shit. SPLOOSH...SPLASH, some remnants fell out of the the short legs and splashed in the room size puddle.

“God that smells so bad. Good thing your father had the foresight to name you Smelliot! He must have known you’d be like this.”

He chuckled but it turned more into a series of snorts. "Daddy likes to say I came out shitting so thus the name."

“And you’re so proud of it too. Is that why you’re always pulling your slimy shit stained underpants up into an atomic wedgie?”

"Oh SNORT yesh!" another fart escaped him, the splashing of shit hitting the liquid echoing around the room. "Although it's SNORT much more fun if SNORT it is someone else giving me a SNORT wedgie."

“Well gosh, that sounds like something that’s a perfect bonding activity for father and son.”

The patron turns to Dilbert, seeing he's been busy reading a comic book on the couch in his room, his feet gently disturbing the liquid on the floor. He let out a fart as a stream of yellow piss also slid down his left leg.

“Hey Dilbert. Isn’t it time for you and your son to give each other atomic wedgies so you can see who has the most shit caked undies?”

Dilbert tossed the comic onto the couch and got up, waddling over to Smelliot. A lump formed in the front of Smelliot’s khakis. Both seem to do this like it was a routine, each of them reaching into the others pants, getting a grip on their underwear, and then with a quick count down the two pull, the messy underwear being pulled up. At one time both were probably white but were now more a yellowish with brown stains. Smelliot’s undies were worse on account of them being hand me downs.

“Wow if it weren’t for the stink, I would say someone had poured a few gallons of mud in your pants Smelliot. You’re definitely outpacing your old man.”

Dilbert pouted but then let out a crooked yellow smile

"T-t-the d-d-d..." he took a breath. "d-d-d..." a fart escapes his rear as he also fills his pants with steamy shit, "d....doctorrs! did ss-s-say that the conditions are more s-s-severe for the of-of-ofsp-ofsp...the children"

"It's so nice to see a father and a son get along so well. Is it true that for snacks, you guys pick each others ears and noses and eat each other's boogers and earwax?"

Both nodded as Smelliot digs a fat finger into his fathers nose, a slimey snotty booger pops out and he licked it off, a grin crossing his face. "Y-you bet. B-besides the h-h-hot pockets, i-its all he'll eat."

"You're looking pretty hungry yourself, Dilbert. Didn't you say your son makes you a special pizza that you just can't resist?"

Dilbert rubbed his rumbly tummy and nodded. "Y-yes. I s-s-should c-call the pizza place."

Dilbert waddled over to the computer and booted up the EatingOut app, pulling up his previous order of two cheese pizzas. His history seemed to indicate he ordered this every day...

"Well you certainly have the body and cleanliness of a man who eats pizza every day! I'm excited to see what makes it so special!"

"T-they say it w-w-will be here in an h-h-hour." He stuttered as he pissed the front of his pants again.

An hour passed with the father and son feeding each other their boogers before the doorbell rang. Dilbert waddled, the last few steps cause him to blast a fart out into the room. Grabbing the doorknob he twisted it, the door swinging open. "H-h-h-h..salutations!"

The pizza delivery guy recoiled from the stench, almost ready to barf and bail.

"Ah good," said the patron. "I hear the pizza guy in this town loves nerds too and really loves watching you eat pizza so much, that he gives them to you for free!"

The pizza delivery guy laughed and handed the pizzas to Dilbert. "Oh yeah if you haven't seen the way these dorks eat pizza, you are in for a real shock."

Dilbert blushed as he saw the tent the man is now sporting. Carrying the pizza boxes over to Smelliot, Dilbert asked, "S-s-s-sss-smelliot? C-can you p-p-put daddy's f-favoruite toppings on?"

Smelliot smiled and nodded. "Oh SNORT yeth Daddy! I know SNORT how much you SNORT love it!" He put the pizzas down on the coffee table and opened them, sniffing them. Unhooking his suspenders he let the khakis fall into the wet puddles on the floor, and pulled down the front of his tightly-not-so-whities. All it took was a few jerks and he exploded cum all over the pizzas like a special sauce. Then he turned around and with a fart let globs of shit fall on the pizzas.

Dilbert smiled and took a deep sniff. “Mmm, smells delicious." He took up a slice that got nice and coated with his son's cum and shit and took a bite, munching happily.

The pizza delivery guy just chuckled and laughed. "Now you see why I don't even make them pay. I love seeing that!" The pizza delivery guy rubbed the front of his pants until he came in them and then headed back to his truck.

"H-h-he's alway s-s-s-so nice." Dilbert farted while Smelliot started to play his accordion expertly.

"Wow your accordion playing sounds so good Smelliot. Is it true that your father has learned to blast his massive farts in time with the music?"

Dilbert and Smelliot nodded and  exchanged a look. Smelliot changes=d the tune to something a bit more upbeat. Dilbert started to let out farts of different sizes in tune with the music, creating an almost percussive backing to the accordion. Smelliot farted and shit his pants as he played, the farts starting to make the room smell absolutely foul. With a flourish and a long fart the two finished their routine.

"Well, that was just wonderful. You too are just so in synch! It's a real shame that you're both so lonely and unlucky in love. I know that your son loves big fat farting nerds, but is it true that you like them as well Dilbert?"

Dilbert noded and licked his lips "Mm, y-y-y-y affirmative! I love big fat loser nerds!" A smile crossed his face as he came in his pants.

"That's such a shame then that Smelliot is your son! Except, well, I mean it really doesn't matter does it? Love is love and you two ARE perfect for each other. And your son is an adult, albeit a pathetically nerdy shit stained one, so shouldn't he be able to date his own father if he wants to?"

Dilbert slowly nodded as if coming to a realisation. "S-s-s-ss-sure! L-love is love."

Smelliots eyes widened. "But SNORT..." a fart escaped him. "Incest is..." he was quickly interrupted.

"Incest is perfectly fine if it's what you really want Smelliot and you do want it. You both want it!"

The body language between father and son instantly changed. Both not looking at each other, exchanging side glances, but turning away whenever they met each others eyes. Gently Dilbert reached down and squeezed his son's hand. Smelliot farted and shit his pants. "D-daddy.."

“Y-y-you are such a p-p-p-pathetic dweeb." Dilbert said before pressing his puffy lips against his son's, their pudgy noses pushing together, orthodontic headgear clacking together.

Smelliot belched into the kiss, but broke away. "Mmm SNORT...Pokémon bed?" Dilbert nodded and chuckled "You're such a dork!" The father and son held hands as they waddled towards Smelliots bedroom. The patron followed father and son up to Smelliot's bedroom and watched the two get into it.

The nerds peeled off their clothes, exposing their naked, unwashed, flabby bodies to each other, both of them cumming right there and then. Smelliot rolled onto his bed, the frame sagging from his weight. His dorky daddy climbing onto the bed, grinning as his pathetic member was so close to his son's messy, dirty shit chute.

The Patron smiled and with a click pictures of the slobby nerds appeared around the house, one of them a particular picture of them kissing, in dirty suits...in a chapel.

"I love you my stinky son hubby." and with that he rammed his hard member into his son's rear, blasting the shitty hole with gallons of nerdy cum before pulling out, inserting his giant pimpled nose, and blowing thick jets of snot into his son’s asshole. The patron grinned and disappeared, his work here done. He checked the list of other personal trainers with sons in the city and figured out his next target.

[hecarried]

Dear best friend

  rickie   

     i miss you!   and yes,  i’m leading with that.  it’s all downhill from here,  buddy.    seriously,  though,   how am i supposed to  spend  over three years with a  guy  and  then  just  stop?   i  keep  on   thinking  of stupid stuff to tell you  and   then  think  i can just go  tell  you in  another  room,   and  then  remember that you’re  full - on  in another state with your family!  i’m happy for you,  though,   man.    happy  for me,   too.   finally,  some  space between  me and  your stank.   P.U. !    i’ve finally got some quality of life!  (i kid)

  klaus and i just got our  own  place now,   would you believe that?   i guess that’s  why i’m writing  –  i’d kill for you to come and  visit.    it’s  small,   but it’s real  nice.   not too far away  from my  hometown,   either,  but nice  and  reclusive,   you know?   no raised  eyebrows or anything.   i dunno,   rickie.  maybe you could come spend the  weekend  with us  or something,  just to  say  hello.    come to the  country,  stretch your  legs,   relax a little.  meet the  pets,  too.   make sure us  crazy kids aren’t getting into too much  trouble.   (i shouldn’t complain.    i  married  trouble.       i love it.)

  and  yeah,   i know what you’re  thinking.   katz  is the same  old asshole he always  was.  and  i am!  but here’s the part where i get sentimental,  so cover your eyes if you can’t handle it.   i really do  miss ya,   rick.   isn’t the same without you around.   you really are my best friend,  you know?   a guy gets  sick  if  he’s starved from a face he misses for  too long.    i know  klaus  misses you,   too.   we talk about you all the  time.      so,   consider it,   and  we’ll prepare a guest room for you! 

i  love  you,   kid.   take care of yourself  out  there! 

                                                                                                              your  pal,                                                                                                                                 dave    @creaturxe