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blackvail22 · 2 years ago

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9/22/23 — 1:20am

i hate wanting to be productive in the middle of the night. i was tired all day tdy, and now i just want to do something productive. no!!! i work earlier than usual tomorrow!!!!

im doing my skincare now... i wore makeup tdy so i have no choice but to do it 🤯

im tired still but i dont want to sleep. i feel like i havent been productive enough tdy even though i went to 3 different appointments and within the 2 hours before work i cleaned my bathroom sink (that was incredibly disgusting, i am not exaggerating. no one has cleaned it in like a little over a year. my dad shaves his face there whenever it gets like 5 inches long and doesnt clean the hair out of the sink/on the counter. its gross.), made ramen (it wasnt v good).... at work i walked around almost the whole 6 hours. my feet hurt so!! bad!! after i work. it happens every time. it doesnt help that when i fell down my stairs, my "sprained" foot didnt heal properly. i also hurt my hand at work and have not seen a doctor .... im ngl im like a mess and if i tell anyone abt this theyll tell me its because im fat and need to lose weight WE GET IT. I KNOW. IM TRYING, AND JUST BECAUSE I AM DOESNT MEAN THAT I CANT HAVE SMTH WRONG WITH ME?????

anyways

im tired. like mentally and physically. i had counseling tdy and i told her everything and the time still wasnt full. she shared some things abt her life recently... still didnt fill the time. she didnt respond much at all, but she's grieving, so i understand

im not telling anyone except u and my digital diary about my situation with my ex... i need to stop complaining to people abt him and making it everyones problem when its really my fault i keep letting him back in my life. its bad! ive literally had dreams where he did that *thing* but like in an extremely worse way, and i told myself that i just had to live with it, that i have to get used to it. and, i mean, i guess i do... if i can *** ***** then he can do whatever.

im not even with him... just flirting heavily. he picks up on it, i think so, anyway....

im tired

i saw that u updated ur music playlist you sent to me recently ! so heres a song for u in return

2:51am

idk why it pisses me off so bad but when b says shes ugly it makes me so angry. "why cant i be like the pretty girls?" she is the definition of a pretty girl... she may not see it because people were mean to her growing up but its like... ive cried SO much because of how pretty she is. my parents call her the pretty girl, people at school say shes pretty all the time... it just makes me so upset that someone as pretty as her cant see it. and i wish she could, honestly.

and i hate that this makes me so angry. i have so much envy that it rips me apart every second of the day, and i hate it!!!!! im the fat, ugly friend, and i always felt bad for her being friends with me. she says that im one of the prettiest ppl she knows.... if that were true, would she have deleted all the photos of me off of her phone? who knows. and the fact that people compliment her all the time at school and in public should say A LOT about how pretty she is. it happens all the time! and i mean all the time. maybe she doesnt think it was genuine or she forgets? idk... i think the last time a stranger complimented my appearance was a year and a half ago at a taco bell drive thru. the last time i was called pretty (besides when my mom says it) was at leastt 6 months ago. im like distraught because she is literally so beautiful fuck

this is going to make me cry myself to sleep because i cant say any of this to her because this is really just unhealthy of me, like the envy and making me seem like the victim. it just makes me so upset that everyone thinks shes pretty but herself

yeah im def crying myself to sleep gn i work in 11hrs which sounds like a long time from now but i havent slept yet lol

3:16am

ok i lied i messaged her and said "i saw you commented "i wish i was one of the pretty girls" on a tiktok, and i really need you to know that you are the pretty girl. youre so incredibly beautiful not only on the outside but the inside too... it can be rare to find someone like that. i hope youre able to see yourself through my eyes someday and see yourself for what you truly are—beautiful"

i hope it doesnt come off weird

ok i cried and messaged her i should rlly just sleep now

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ohwonzs · 3 years ago

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𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝑭𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆🌹

PAIRING(S):: nsb x reader

GENRE(S):: soft/fluff

W.C:: + 1K

WARNING(S):: cursing, none

!!not checked twice

AUTHOR’S NOTE:: tumblr keeps deleting this shit im so done fr- enjoy<33

𝐎𝐥𝐢��𝐞𝐫: 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐬

As I already said, Oliver is a teddy bear: he is so lovely and soft im crying. We already saw how he is when he meets stars, so the first thing I'd think abt Oliver's form of love would be hugging. He would hug you whenever he can, no matter the situation: for example, if u are sad or not feeling good he'd hug you tight and whisper smth like "Hey, don't worry, I'm here with you okay?" or just a simple "I love you" (simple but full of love uwu). He would hug you after a long day at school/work, while you are cooking dinner for the two of you, and even while you sleep. He just wants you to know that he loves you a lot and that he is beside you.

𝐊𝐚𝐧𝐞: 𝐜𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐬

I think Kane and Oliver would have similar forms of love: Oliver's is hugs, and Kane's is cuddles. Cuddles, cuddles, cuddles, this is what goes on Kane's mind whenever he sees you. Like Oliver, Kane just wants to make sure that you know he is and he will always be right there for you, but also he likes to see your body wrapped in his arms (it makes him the happiest human being living). He loves to cuddle, especially before going to sleep because he has the opportunity to protect you while you sleep. He would pet your hair, hug you tight, and whisper romantic ass things to you, such as "I love you so much" "you make me so happy" etc. You better marry this man or I'll go after you 😤😤

𝐒𝐞𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐧: 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮

We know how is Sebastian, and honestly, I think he would show his love for you not by doing smth romantic like Oli or Kane, but by making fun of you (not seriously). He would do it if you are shorter than him, or for things that happened in the past. You would complain and tell him it's not funny, but this mf finds you so cute when you get mad, especially when you pout and go away angry (he'd do it on purpose no cap). Sometime you'd stop talking to him and he would do anything to make you talk to him again- i mean it. He may be annoying as hell sometimes, but he just wants you to know he loves every imperfection of you ngl this is a weird way tho

𝐑𝐲𝐚𝐧: 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬

When we think about Ryan one of the first things that come into our minds, after the fact he is hot as fuck look at me simping lmao, is that he doesn't like skinship and affection, but YOU ARE WRONG GRR. Ryan himself told us that he likes PDA (his TikToks r a PURRFECT example fr). For example, once he said that he would put a pic of him and his s/o kissing as lockscreen, he even said he would kiss his s/o 24/7, so dont think he'll stay still cuz bruh he won't😭 NO BUT I WANT THIS😭😩 I think his forms of love would be kisses but also holding hand yk. This mf clearly said he loves kisses, so be ready to be attacked by his lips lmao😭😭 He would kiss your cheeks, your neck, your lips, your hands, your fingers, EVERYTHING, he loves to kiss you and he will always do that, no matter what. Maybe he won't kiss you that much when you are in public or when the members are around, but still. He'd probably kiss your hands randomly, but mostly when you two are holding hands I fucking want this holy shit: he'd hold your hand randomly, just because he wants to feel your presence. He'd do it while you two are hanging out, while driving, or when you are cuddling on his bed. Please please please show him affection or I'll do it back off LMAO he will play valo for a whole day😟😟 (straight)

𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧: 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬

Like Ryan, I think Justin would show his love by holding hands. He wants you to know he is with you and that he will never leave your side, no matter what. He wants you to be conscious that he loves you to death, and that you are one of the most important people in his life. He would hold your hands especially when you are feeling nervous, or there's something big coming (such as graduation, meeting parents and friends, etc) and he'd probably tell you something like "Don't worry about it, you'll make it" "I'm right here, dont worry okay?" or just a simple "I love you" in a very comfortable way. He loves to see your small hand holding his, he finds it really cute uwu. Holding hands makes him really happy and better, so please hold his hands whenever you can:((

𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐞: 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬

It may sound pathetic as hell, but Regie would let you wear his clothes. He loves to see your lil body in his clothes, he finds it hilarious🧍‍♀️ "LMAO BABE YOU ARE SO TINY HAHA" 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️ anyWAYS- It all started when you slept at his place and the next morning you put on his hoodie cuz it was cold and your dumb ass forgot to bring a sweater, since then Reg's obsession started😭 He'd do anything just to see you wearing clothes of his, and I mean it: for example, he'd hide your clothes and act like he does not know a thing. "Regie where are my clothes??" "I don't know, well since you can't find them you can wear mine". He even left some of his clothes at your place, in case you want to wear them. If he tells you to wear them, dont complain, just do it, you'll make him the happiest. MY HEARTEU

𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧: 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮

Darren fought so hard to get a partner 💀 that now he doesn’t want to ruin anything (you are basically stuck with him LMAO HELP-🤡🤡). He knows too damn well you love the food he cooks, so he would cook for you almost every day give me a Darren pls. He’d cook for special occasions (such as birthday, mensiversary, graduation or/and meeting your parents) or even randomly, you know, just because he loves you so much. Speaking of parents, after eating Darren’s food they’d probably tell you to marry him asap😭😭😭 no but fr they’d be speechless who wouldn’t bruh

DO NOT STEAL MY WORK!!

credits to the owners of the banners

#sebastian moy #regie macalino #north star boys #azngami #darren liang #justin phan #kane ratan #oliver moy #ryan nguyen #fanfic #reactions

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tears-of-boredom · 2 years ago

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i want to be dead. but you know, in that passive way where its just kind of a fact. im pretty sure its just my womanly hormones talking but i really dont see myself ever getting out of this mud. metaphorical mud i mean. im like laying in mud, and sometimes i manage to stand up,, but you know, im still standing in it, and covered in it. and eventually i fall back down. you know i seemingly really like to make up stupid metaphors. i have no idea why, maybe it makes me feel smart.

im tired. tomorrow i have a driving lesson. my first one. ever. im not really worried for myself, i just feel like the teacher is going to be dissapointed in me or something.

ive been having annoying dreams. in the last one i was smoking with my sibling and i talked to them about how ive been having so many dreams where ive smoked. i hate that my dreams do that. reference other dreams as if they arent dreams themselves. makes it harder to wake up ya know. i wish id have a positive dream for once. amybe one about moving on my own and getting away from this family finally. or more like just getting away from mom. shes literally the only one i want to be away from.

ive been decorating my room. setting up shelves and buying trinkets from kontti. it kind of halted because i couldnt figure out why our nail gun wasnt accepting the nails i was putting in it, and then i couldnt find any other kind. and i didnt want to ask mom for help. and also i decided to do the net thing, which is the main thing, cuz ill hang shit from it. i guess i could hammer a hook into the wall for a painting...but the point was that ive been thinking about the fact that if i wanna move before im 18, all this decoration ive been planning wont have the opportunity to be up for that long. but also that was the reason that ive literally never felt comfortable decorating my room, even when the ones that were completely my own. and i decided that this time im not gonna make that mistake and just decorate if i want to, no thinking about how itll have to be taken down eventually.

anyways im just really sad, and i visited my sister recently and i was really close to crying just because her apartment seemed so safe and so much like it was hers. and i like really want that for myself. and im just sad. and i dont wanna go to the driving lesson tomorrow. not because i dont wanna go to the lesson itself, but because i feel like ill be like at my worst, and thus wont get that much out of it.

i really want to get out of this house. when we were moving, there was like two weeks where me and my brother spent the nights at this new apartment, while mom slept at the old one, just because our trips to school would be much shorter. and those two weeks felt like heaven honestly. i didnt even realise why i felt so good and happy, until mom started sleeping here as well, and all the joy drained from me in an instant.

i dont know how to express to the adults in my life how much i want to live on my own. because im just a child. a fifteen year old child. and living with a different adult wont work. it has to be alone. i can promise you that when i fucking get that apartment, no matter how small or shitty, i will cry tears of happiness and relief.

im hesitant to even type these words but: maybe i should talk to my mom about this. just tell her that i really want to move out. no feeling-sharing needed.

i wanna go skydiving without a parachute. soar through the air for the first and last time in my life.

i wish i could fly. ive wished that for a long time. i remember wishing it ever vacation i had to spend up north. and everytime i spent a recess alone in the school yard.

i hate that im crying just because im menstruating. it makes me feel like my emotions arent true. not like i trust my emotions to be true any other fucking time.

why is life like this. why do so many people get to live so easy lives and then i have to do this shit.

ohhkay i just felt the urge to go get a knife so im not going to feed my own anger.

im tired.

its weird because i do dissociate clearly, but its always more liek just, my body seems weird, and it feels realy creepy how my body just moves when i want it to. and i feel like im just watching through someone elses eyes. it cant be me whos so good at typing. im clumsy, i struggle with guitar chords and mute the wrong strings. why are my hands so soft. it feels really gross to be in this body. but still, in the back of my head i know that im ust making this all up in my head. because who the fuck else is this. of course its my finger that are typing my thoughts out.

even my fucking ring looks weird and foreign.why does my skin have a texture. why are humans os fucking gross.why do i have to feel things.

oh my god im driving myself into a fucking meltdown right down im going to force myself to stop.

#sorry #and i took off my glasses so i cant see my screen that well so im not fixing the typos..#ew why does being a human feel so gross..#tearful stuff

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t0shii · 4 years ago

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hq boys when you're feeling anxious or stressed

suna rintaro, hinata shoyo, oikawa toru x gn!r

!warnings! mentions of anxiety, reader comparing themselves to others, mentions of food & hunger, driving. this is like all fluff no angst rlly tbh.

SUNA RINTARO.

he could tell something was up but conviced himself he shouldnt pry as he had already asked you twice if you were feeling alright, to which you reasurred him with a "yep" both times, it was suspicious but he thought maybe you just wanted to be left alone. meanwhile you weren't sure why you lied him, you obviously were not doing okay at the moment. currently he was driving you home and your anxiety was going absolutely crazy from the amount of school work that was piling up on you, it's unfair you thought to yourself, looking out the window. not only were you stressed from work but trying to keep up with your friend was hard, to say the least. they were phenomenal students, straight As in their transcript and though your grades were just fine, you couldn't help but feel inferior and insecure. it's unfair how effortlessly smart they are and how i'll never be able to catch up.... oh boy if your thoughts weren't running wild before they definitely were now, you hadn't even realized your boyfriend pulling into your driveway until he slightly tapped your shoulder. "are you sure you're alright? i don't wanna pressure you ofcourse but, you know you can tell me anything right?" ... and there were the water works! the little string holding you together had snapped just like that. you sat there in the passengers seat sobbing into your hands and suna rintaro hadn't a clue what to do in the moment.

"give me just a sec" you heard him mumble but not before he gave you a kiss as light as a feather on the top of your head. somehow you didn't notice him exit the car and rush to your side until he opened your door and hugged you so tight you honestly couldn't breathe. after a few seconds your boyfriend let go of the embrace which, to his dismay, only made you cry even harder. now, he knew he was known for being quite... stoic but he was definitely panicking on the inside and it was really difficult to remain calm on the outside. your boyfriend carefully reached over you to unbuckle the seatbelt that you had yet to unclasp. "lets go inside baby." his voice was so gentle it would've taken you by surprise had you not still been crying. you nodded in response and he helped you carefully out of the car, holding your hand all the way to the door, "d'ya have your key?" you nodded trying your best to unlock the door, after a few struggled and shakey attempts you finally had your door unlocked but not without rins help because he couldn't bare to watch you struggle any longer.

stepping inside rin helped you take your shoes off, removing his own after, "bedroom?" having calmed down a little you whispered "yes," with a small nod. he nodded with you in response and took you to your bedroom. after helping you change into comfy clothes he helped you into bed, crawling in right behind you. your back was snug against his chest and he held you super tightly, it was silent for a few minutes until finally he spoke up, "please tell me how i can help" you could feel your lip quiver. "well... you don't have to say anything right now, you know i can wait. i'll even leave if you want, i just wanted you to know that you can tell me whenever you're ready and that i'll listen." neither of you were sure when you'd be ready to admit what had gotten you so upset but you felt comfortable knowing suna rintaro would be there whenever you were ready, whether it be minutes from now or even months.

HINATA SHOYO.

your silence on the walk home was starting to concern him.. maybe im just talking too much... he thought, "hey... im sorry if im talking your ear off.. how was your day angel?" to say he was disappointed with your response would be an understatement. not thar you HAD to talk but usually you were talkative with him and the worry in his tummy was only growing more. a simple, "oh.. my day was alright sho," simply woundn't cut it! "hey, are you feeling okay?" it was silent for a few seconds before you answered a mumbled "i think so, are you feeling alright, sho?" he simply nodded with a "mhm" and you told him to continue on with his story from earlier.

he complied but only to fill the silence. hinata decided to trust you when you said you were okay because you know your own feelings and he knows for a fact he's made it clear before that you could and should let him know if something was bothering you. though you enjoyed listening to hinata's stories you only found yourself getting lost in your own mind whilst he rambled on.you could tell he was suspicious of your behavior but was grateful he had left his curiosity behind because you were sure you would snap if he had asked you if you were okay again, you really didn't want to cry in front of him. truth is, your thoughts were running wild, stressing over the smallest things; assignments due at the end of the week, what you were gonna get your boyfriend for your anniversary, how you were gonna make time for your friends surprise birthday party and helping sho with his studied all the while trying to take care of your own self and keep your own grades afloat. "y/n..? we're at your house.. are you sure your alright? you look a little pale, are you ill?" crap! how had you not noticed you were approaching your own driveway you wanted to slap yourself for being so clueless. you couldn't help but feel horrible for not listening to your boyfriends story also.

"yes sho i'm fine really, i just didn't have time to eat lunch today but i have food inside so don't worry m'may?" he looked at you suspiciously and you knew he was onto you, "y'know y/n, i'm not gonna force you to tell me what's going on but just know i'll always be here for you, okay?" he gave you a small smile before engulfing you into a tight hug, it honestly melted your heart. surprisingly, you didn't start crying on the spot. "y'know, i wanted to trust you when you said you were okay but now i'm not so sure if you were telling the truth," he mumbled into your shoulder. you sighed, giving up the facade. "sho.... i just don't know what to do honestly, i have alot on my plate right now and i'm really stressed with all the responsibilities ive piled onto myself," you admitted. he nodded lifting his head from your shoulder, giving you the brightest smile, "well, i can always help out! i might not be the mooost helpful person ever but i'll try my best, and if anything i'm good moral support!" you giggled at that but suddenly you felt your lip quiver from the sudden guilt you feeling, "i'm sorry for lying to you sho-", "hey! its alright! you dont need to apologize. especially dont need you crying on me now!" he smiled cupping your face in his hands, wiping away a few stray tears of whom managed to escape.

OIKAWA TORU.

you smile back at him and thought of how silly it was that you tried keeping your feelings a secret from your boyfriend of two years, hinata shoyo, feeling glad that you confided in him. he knew you were upset as soon as he saw you that very morning, he could read you like and open book and you knew that fact very well. still though, you tried your best to hide yourself from him, though it was hard considering you sitting right next to him in the passenger seat of his car. finally after a whole day of being worried sick, he was tired of leaving things left unsaid "babyyyy," he sang for you from the kitchen, "please come here a sec!" he yelled for you louder. soon you came trudging down the hallway, blanket wrapped around your body, he couldn't help but smile at how adorable his s/o looked.

"c'mere quickly," he said will a grin, opening his arms for a hug, which you gladly accept, wrapping your arms around his waist tightly. "now, i know you know that i know that you're not feeling well, so please tell me what's got my angel so upset?" he said softly rubbing his hand lightly over your back, his voice a little muffled from his cheek being squished against the top of your head. you let out a breath you hadn't even realized you were holding, "'m sorry tooru, i don't know what's wrong with me today.... just not feeling well." you felt him nod against your head in response, "well good thing your amazing boyfriend is here to make you feel all better huh?" you let a out small giggle at that. "you know you can tell me when you're feeling down right? you shouldn't keep things bottled up inside", "i know tooru... im sorry, i just dont really know wbat i'm feeling so down about though," you admitted shyly. "hey that's okay! there absolutely no need to apologize for that, here, look at me, angel," he tilts your face so you're looking up at him, his big soft hands holding your face, thumbs stroking your cheeks lightly, "i'm here whenever you figure it out, hell, even if you dont figure it out or there just isn't any reason at all. you know i'm always, always, always here. i promise you that, m'kay?" he finishes his little speech with a smile, smothering your face in kisses. you could only feel relieved, thankful and loved. because you knew that you would always have your soulmate, oikawa toru by your side.

( a/n ; ahh so im sorry if this has any spelling or grammatical errors it's sort of late as i'm writing this! and im too lazy to proof read.... also it might just all be word vomit and if it is im so sorry 😩 ++ i'm positive ive kept the reader gn throughout the whole thing but if there are slip-ups i promise i'll do better next time! i rlly wanted to write some hq boys when ur feeling anxious and beyond stressed because i have been MEGA struggling with my own anxiety lately, especially bc of school so i just needed to let my feelings go! anywhooo i hope everyone who reads this has an amazing day or night! ) p.s. im new to writing so be nice 2 me or whatever 😩🙄😌👍🏻

#oikawa x reader #oikawa x y/n #oikawa toru #oikawa headcanons #suna rintaro x reader #suna x reader #suna x y/n #suna rintaro headcanons #hinata shoyo #suna rintaro #hinata x reader #hinata x y/n #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu fluff #rintaro x reader #shoyo x reader #toru x reader #sunni's works 📓

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corpsentry · 4 years ago

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january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

#my stuff

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kraviolis · 4 years ago

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sorting the owl house characters into hogwarts houses, because im cringe

luz - ravenclaw

she’s creative and clever and is always searching to learn new things and loves learning just for the sake of learning. shes incredibly witty and quick thinking and open-minded. she’s constantly finding clever, creative, and original ways to solve her problems. she hardly blinked when given the opportunity to learn magic, and only continued to show an intense amount of intelligence and appreciation for academics. shes very resourceful as a human learning magic, finding a entirely new form of magic when it was apparent that she couldnt do it the traditional way. she’s very aspiring, wanting to be a witch and an author since she was very young. she’s very logical about a lot of things, like how it doesnt make sense to not allow witches to study multiple tracks or that people were imprisoned just for being themselves. she’s highly encouraging of individuality which is a lesser known trait of ravenclaw but very important. she can be a perfectionist at times and tended to avoid social interaction so she could persue her creativity. she’s outspoken, an overthinker, and very competitive. i think a lot of people might say she’s a hufflepuff, as she’s loyal and kind and hardworking, but luz values learning and creativity above any of those other things— this is evident, when she makes the decision to stay in the boiling isles to learn magic rather than go home to her mom, thus putting knowledge and creativity over her own family.

eda - gryffindor

she’s not afraid to stand up for herself and others and will never back down from a challenge. she would rather die as herself than live unauthentically. she’s very passionate and empathetic. she’s rebellious against rules that dont make sense to her and cares intensely for her friends and family. she has a strong internal moral code that she sticks to intensely, never straying from it. in the very first episode, she breaks into the conformatorium just to get a paper crown thats important to king. she let raine break up with her because she didnt want to burden them with her curse. she forfeited the match with lily because she knew her sister wanted to be in the emperor’s coven more than she ever did. she’s sacrifices herself for luz & king over and over again because she cares so deeply for her.

king - slytherin

he’s self-centered, smart, arrogant, and highly ambitious. he would do anything to achieve his goals— which was at first reclaiming his throne as the king of demons, and then turned into finding out where he came from. he tried to use luz as a means to reach his goals when he became an author, nearly sacrificing their friendship. he became incredibly loyal to luz after that in the same way he’s loyal to eda, the one who raised him.

(other characters under the cut)

lily - slytherin

it was between this and ravenclaw, because she’s incredibly intelligent and does seem to enjoy learning and has a great mind, she’s also incredibly ambitious and prideful. the deciding factor was that she cursed eda just to reach her own goals. she’s still loyal to eda even when working for belos, which says a lot to how she’s loyal to only a select few people. to her, the ends justify the means (making amity cheat to appear like the better teacher, cursing eda to win the duel, kidnapping luz to get belos to cure eda, losing her magic to help eda)

amity - gryffindor

this one was hard, i swapped between slytherin and gryffindor a lot for her. she’s ambitious and intelligent, but also not afraid to do whats right even if means breaking the rules. she’s self-sacrificing and empathetic and prideful. she ended her friendship with boscha to help luz and willow win. she didnt like luz at first because luz kept cheating and messing up her life, which means she has a strong moral code against cheating and bullies. she’s rebellious in small ways at first but once she started realizing how terrible her parents and belos really were, she pulled away extremely quickly.

willow - slytherin

not surprising, if you take into her account of self-preservation and bending of the rules to suit her ambitions. in the first episode she agrees to cheating just to get ahead in school because she wants to make her parents proud, and in the end she switches to the plants track so to her the ends justify the means. she pulled out of the grudgby game when luz pushed her & gus too far, a perfect example of that self preservation. she has a sense of loyalty that extends to very specific people but she always makes sure those people are taken care of. her parents, luz, gus, and eventually king, eda, and amity, too. she wouldn’t die for them, but she would kill for them.

gus - hufflepuff

sure, he has the ravenclaw curiousity and thirst for knowledge, but he’s very kind, hard working, has a strong inner sense of justice and fairness, and is tolerant of others. he helps mattholomule even if he’d been a jerk before because it was unfair if he didnt. he helps luz break into belos’s castle to find a cure for eda, lets luz borrow his library card to see amity, and hated it when mattholomule tried to lie about the human objects. he knows what it feels like to be left behind and underestimated, so he makes an effort to be kind to others who seem to be in the same boat. he’s very young but already so accomplished which is a testament to how hard he works.

hunter - hufflepuff

this one was HARD. it was either slytherin or this, and a deciding factor for this is the fact that he is self-sacrificing. he sacrifices a lot for other people, even if it doesnt seem like it. in the palisman episode, he sacrifices the palismen getting away despite knowing he would be punished for returning empty-handed. in eclipse lake, he leaves to find the titans blood for belos when he simply could have stayed in the castle and been safe. he’s viciously hard-working, dedicated, and loyal to his family. he lets people’s actions speak for them. he doesn’t immediately judge luz for using wild magic and actually seems interested in it before remembering to be loyal to belos. he’s patient, too, as seen by his interactions with luz. he gets frustrated, sure, but he still works with her. he’s modest about his rank and title, preferring to not flaunt it more than needed. but he does take pride in it. he’s kind in his own way, specifically to belos and lil rascal, but you can see it in his interactions with amity & luz, too. with amity, he empathizes with her and gives her advice that he thinks is true, and offers to dig a grave for her too when its apparent that neither of them are getting any titans blood. with luz, he gives up the palismen and protects her from kikimora. that boy is a hufflepuff for sure.

raine - gryffindor

oh buddy theyre the biggest gryffindor ever. they extremely, extremely brave. they have terrible stage fright and anxiety but they still became head bard, and they still ran an underground resistance group, and they still gave everything up just to help eda. they have a strong sense of whats right and whats wrong and incredible amount of passion, empathy, and integrity. they have a great sense of pride— “How did someone with stage fright end up as Head Witch?” “I’m just that good.”— and are very selfless. they stopped eda from sacrificing herself because they knew her kids needed her more, they sacrificed themselves in eda’s place and gave up everything they had just so eda wouldnt have to.

camila - hufflepuff

she’s extraordinarily kind, even when she’s terrified. she’s accepting and open-minded and hardworking, making sure to show luz that she loves her creativity but still wants to make sure luz can do well in school and can make friends. sometimes you can do something you think is kind but isnt really. she’s also a single mother doing her best to give her daughter a good life, which is a credit to how hard she works and how dedicated she is to her daughter. she even took the day off of work to drive luz to camp because she knew luz was anxious and wanted to reassure her. she’s patient with luz, and even when faced with the scariest moment of her life, she’s still thinking of how luz feels rather than her own fears and anger. she’s very much a hufflepuff in the way that she’s quiet and unassuming but fiercely protective of her family.

vee - slytherin

she’s opportunistic and has a sense of self-preservation. she’d rather save her own skin than do that right thing. she’s cunning, having pretended to be camila’s daughter just to have a place for herself. this isnt a bad thing at all, though. she’s also loyal to camila, who she sees as her family, and even got into a fight with luz over how she treated camila. she still listened to luz and let luz help her so that vee could remain living as luz. she doesnt feel guilty about valuing herself ahead of luz.

belos - ravenclaw

honestly? not a hard decision. he’s smart, sure, but he’s not people-smart. he didnt think lilith would betray him after he admitted to lying about healing eda. he doesnt understand loyalty, not even to those close to him. he’s rational and logical rather than emotional. if the theory that he is philip wittebane is to be believed, then its obvious he has an appreciation for learning and knowledge. belos distinctly reminds me of lockhart, or even quirrell, who were also in ravenclaw. he’s got an arrogance to him that blinds him, believing himself to be the smartest and strongest witch on the isles and thus underestimating others, which will only lead him to ruin.

#the owl house #toh #toh spoilers #the owl house spoilers #luz noceda #eda clawthorne #king clawthorne #amity blight #krav talks #my writing #character analysis

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twink-frank · 4 years ago

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hi i’ve noticed the pencey prep gay conversation going on over on @awsugar and i have spent lots of time dissecting pencey prep lyrics and subjecting nathan @faggot-frank to my deranged ramblings so Here is my pencey prep super ultra mega gay lyrical analysis masterpost. it’s very long so its all under the cut but i will include a TL;DR for those who dont wanna read paragraphs of my deranged ramblings: Pencey prep uses lots of themes of: heartbreak, forbidden love, keeping love a secret, and toxic relationships. which none of that is gay on its own but combined with them almost never using gender indicators in their songs and the “nail in the coffin song” of 8th grade it ends up being a very Fruity Album.

I will be going through heart break in stereo in order and pointing out which lyrics and elements of certain songs jump out to me as Super Mega Gay and then summarizing my conclusions at the end <3

1 ) PS Don't Write

PS don't write is about leaving a toxic relationship, it has notes of moving on and leaving someone behind. "packed up all my shit / stole back all my tapes / left your spare key under the mat / this is not a joke / you'd better learn to take a hint / 'cause i'm not coming back / maybe you'll understand / when you're waking up alone / in a cold and empty bed." it has no gender indicators or pronouns which is the case in a lot of pencey prep songs, and something i'll bring up quite a bit. it also has general "coming of age" themes, something common in lots of pencey prep songs. which Yeah apply to straight people to but read in this context combined with future evidence can be pretty Fuckin Gay. "somewhere along the line / i found a hidden strength / i didn't know i had / standing on my own / cutting all the strings / that you used to control / surprise surprise / i am long gone / if you thought you could hold me down / by holding me up / you were wrong / you don't call the shots anymore." not to say only gay people can find inner strength and the room to love themselves but combined with other context it is a really poignant message about accepting yourself for who you are.

2) Yesterday

Yesterday is very repetitive and has a lot less to analyze, but the constant themes of wanting to "run away" strike me as very Fruity. once again, not saying gay people are the only people who can want to run away or escape from something But Combined With Other Context. and once again a song with no gender indicators, doesnt specify who the speaker is running away with or what they are running away from. just that they want to Leave. "i wanna run with you / i don't care what we do / gotta get out of this place / because it feels like yesterday." also saying "it feels like yesterday" could mean that the town feels backwards or old timey in its beliefs, implying homophobia. how the speaker wants to run away from an old fashioned town.

3) Don Quixote

i'm going to bring up the cultural significance of this title and literary reference first. Don Quixote is a classical novel by Cervantes which is about a crazy dude who thinks he's a knight, and goes on weird adventures with his best friend. It's typically used as a symbol of following your dreams and breaking free from what people expect of you. In the context of the song its used as a symbol of following your dreams with Someone. once again this someone is given no gender indicators. "you say it's not worth it / been burned too many times / if your spine's receding / you can borrow some of mine / don't go and quit right now / cause i'd follow you through hell." "you say so many things / and not a word of it was true / if you're still in that state of mind / i'd still vacation inside of you / cause i think you're worth every minute / and every dime that i spend / i'd spend all my time fighting dragons / just to keep you alive and talking." it's about wanting to spend time with someone, wanting to be with them no matter what. and its also about how this person feels unreachable, like being with them would be a fairytail but the speaker Still Reaches for it. "your imaginations running wild / round your deceptive heart / this is my crusade / and you're the unreachable star / but i'm reaching." talking about this person being unreachable and unattainble. which isnt gay By Itself but again combined with the other context. FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

4) 10 Rings

another breakup song once again with no gender indicators, are you guys sensing a theme here? anyways this song is about someone cutting you off and then coming back suddenly wanting to talk again after breaking your heart. it has a sense of forbidden love, like this person Told the speaker they cant be together for Whatever Reason ;] and is now trying to come back and repair their mistake when the speaker is already hurt and reeling. "learn to live with decisions you make / i learned things from the break i can't forget / catch you doing drive-bys at 1 AM / it must kill you to know we can't be friends." "end of the summer you cut me off / i cut you out all the pictures i have." which this Isnt Gay By Itself. but bringing that phrase back with other context this is such a uniquely gay experience. being in love with someone and they cut you off Because theyre weirded out by that and then they try to come back, convince you it meant nothing.

5) The Secret Goldfish

my FAVORITE pencey song. this one has a lot. it's another breakup song about heartbreak and loss and im not even gonna dwell on the no gender indicators because yall see the theme now. it has themes of heartbreak and losing someone who is very close to you and having to let go of them and having to accept that this person cant be yours and you cant be with them. "land of the lost / i found myself in nothing / this time, promises broken find me / clutching to you for something / something that you're not / believing in what you say / it makes me lie awake at night / the truth, the truth is not what scares me / it's why you have to lie / all the time." here we see these themes of having to let someone go because they just Aren't The Same as you. "clutching to you for something / something that you're not." maybe like chasing after a straight boy and getting rejected? also the repetition of "heartbreak is forever" when you're young and gay losing that first person you felt some kind of love and attraction to can feel like the end of the world and can be a huge deal because of the lack of representation and guidance young gays get. and the themes of nothing lasting forever, the fact that gay people never get promised eternal love the same way straight people do.

6) 8th Grade

this song is the nail in penceys fucking coffin honestly. the rest of these songs have a lot of plausible deniability, just vague enough to maybe Not Be Gay. but framed in the context of 8th grade they all start to get a lil fruity. Im just gonna go through lyric by lyric for this one. "caught staring again / like a deer in the headlights / when you can't move fast enough / i take a hit for the team / pretty girl is blushing / i can't tell if she's disgusted / laughter starts to swell / someone gets the joke." this kid was staring at some cute boy ass and got caught and everyone is laughing at him for being gay. the "pretty girl" here is what most people think he's staring at but with the rest of the song it's obvious she's not the one he's looking at. "bells ring, i make my escape / helps a little, but doesn't save / beat downs a common thing / with us every day / maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools / so maybe i like the abuse / or maybe i just like you." literally This is the nail in penceys fucking coffin. "maybe i like the abuse or maybe i just like you." this kid purposefully takes beatings from his bully who is Obviously male if you take into context the next verse. because he Likes Him. "maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools" literally willingly taking beatings from his bully bc he has a crush. "another confrontation / you've got something to prove / your girl can't tell how tough you are / when you beat me up in the boys room." this just confirms that the subject of the song is a boy, and a tough macho boy with something to prove. maybe also hiding his own internalized homophobia through bullying? "well i made a big mistake / but i can't help who i like / this may not cost my life / but i am branded forever lame." LITERALLY ITS RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. "can't help who i like" "branded forever lame" do i even need to fucking explain this oh my god. he got outed as gay, he Can't Help Who He Likes and is now branded forever as "the gay kid." the rest of the song is general "im gonna get back at my bully" stuff but literally THIS. THIS is the song that brands all penceys other very vague songs as 100% verified super mega ultra gay.

7) 19

this song has a lot less, and is more about internal struggle than anything. but it is the only song with a "she" pronoun in it. but there is one thing i wanna mention. "I scream out loud / but no one hears a sound / i take my life with lack of sleep / i believe the things i feel / the things i see are fooling only me." this song is about not believing what the world shows you, believing what you think is true in your heart and what You feel. not what anyone else tells you. which is a gay experience. believing in yourself and your heart and your feelings, believing theyre right and theyre true and valid. Also this song has a significance in coming right after 8th grade on the album, going from being 13 to 19, from being unsure in your feelings and angry about the people who dont like you to lost and hopeless but somewhat grounded in yourself.

8) Trying To Escape The Inevitable

this song is about an abusive and toxic relationship, knowing you Need to escape it but being so infatuated with the person you literally cant. “i have this reoccurring dream / you make it hard for me to breathe / i gave you everything i could / i gave up everything i owned / and when you smile it’s not for me / you offer little sympathy / your grasp so far exceeds your reach / i wake up, this is not a dream.” “i have this reoccuring dream / where you admit that you’re not happy / i know that you will never leave / you’re here just to torment me.” which like again this isnt an exclusively gay experience but it is very interesting when framed that way. in that gay people are way more likely to throw themselves into abusive and toxic relationships because they dont feel like they can get anybody else. the repetition of “i know i should run” makes it seem like the speaker Knows he should get out but he just Cant because what if he never finds love again? and the little reprise in the middle “i have a new dream / and everything is perfect / the sky is pink, yellow, green, blue, and orange / and all the past has been forgotten / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and i fell into your trap.” implying that even if he escapes, even in his dreams he still falls for this person because he feels like he cant have anything else.

9) Lloyd Dobbler

another love song about wanting to have someone but not being able to because of Unspecified Forbidden Reasons. “why are you so far away / even when you’re standing next to me? / your eyes give you away / telling secrets your mouht don’t feel like talking.” falling in love with someone, maybe sensing that they like you too. that they Are Like You and that they have a Secret they dont want to vocalize. do i even need to explain it at this point? and in the chorus “That I’ll be your lloyd dobbler / with a boom box out in the street / and i’ll be there if you need someone / even if he isn’t me.” saying you’ll be there for someone even if that person isn’t you, also the use of Pronouns which is big for pencey prep. which yes the use of “even if he isnt me” could imply a straight girl ooorrr....Fruit Behavior. also this line “There’s a norman rockewll painting / of two kids sitting on a bench / it reminds me of all the stupid things / i’d like for us to share, but i dont care.” normal rockwell is a painter that paints traditionally “american” scenes. like the american ideal, that maybe he wants with this person. but he knows he cant have, but its stupid and domestic and he wants it but he Cant Have It because of FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

10) Florida Plates

another of my favorite pencey songs, and this one brings back those tragic “love but we cant have it” themes, except with a more somber tone. instead of being angry or resentful or spiteful in the face of adversity. its an Acceptance, of what they had and how good it was and how it just Cant Last. “kiss a mouth to open eyes / stall one last moment before goodbye / drive in different cars in different directions / never write all the letters full of good words, better intentions / it’s for the best although we don’t know it / paper words will cheapen the moments we shared / it’s better if i say nothing at all.” it’s about knowing you have to leave someone, even if having them in the moment is great they Can’t Stay and you can’t even talk or write about the moments you had. which do i even need to explain it at this point? forbidden love, not being able to have each other, not even being able to Talk about it. its a secret, and painful one but its beautiful while you have it. Conclusion alright!!! thank you so so much if you read all the way through that i Know it was long i Know it was a lot of repetition but i wanted to make my point. pencey prep has very big gay themes in their music. with forbidden love, letting go, heartbreak, keeping secrets, toxic realtionships. which none of it is gay on its own but in the context of: almost none of the songs having clear gender indicators and always speaking really vaguely about the subject and Eight Grade the “nail in the coffin song” you can see my point thank you and goodnight.

#adrian speaks #mcr #pencey prep #frank iero

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smute · 4 years ago

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i was tagged by the wonderful gem gem gemmaaaaaaaaaa @whenwinterfell

1. what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

name-calling? bitch (affectionate) or bro (sarcastic) but jan is also fine

2. when is your birthday?

10 april

3. where do you live?

atm im still enrolled in bremen but i moved back to [redacted] to live with my parents when i started going insane(r) in my dorm room after months of isolation. will probably move to berlin in the fall bc my plans a, b, and c fell through and i dont know what else to do but lets not talk about that 🥲

4. three things you are doing right now?

having a really bad day, drawing on my arm like a child, listening to marina

5. four fandoms that have peaked your interest?

i honestly dont even know what a fandom really is lmao my obsessions with stuff never last long enough to grow into anything substantial

6. how has the pandemic been treating you?

idek how to answer this.... i know im one of the lucky ones and im very grateful, but at the same time im doing worse than ever before... the past 15 months have been hard, a lot has been destroyed and im struggling to look ahead or feel hopeful ✌️😗

7. a song you can’t stop listening to right now?

VENUS FLY TRAP

8. recommend a movie:

Legally Blonde (2001)

9. how old are you?

29 and fuck you for asking (jk lol)

10. school, university, occupation, other?

im about to start an MA in english lit 🤡 and i justify my existence in this capitalist system with 3 separate jobs in 3 diff teams of my uni's pr department (yes its about as adhd friendly as it sounds)

11. do you prefer heat or cold?

COLD!!!! im a sweaty bitch and my skin is a beautiful, delicate shade of raw pork so i really hate the summer. i can admit that the concept has a certain appeal tho

12. name one fact others may not know about you

not really a fact but a fun anecdote: i transferred schools in first grade, just a few months into the school year and, on the first day at my new school, went home with a random girl. apparently sabrina had invited me to hang out, so we went to her house and spent the afternoon watching cartoons and eating candy. we were both latchkey kids (quite common where im from). my mom finished work around noon and obviously shat a brick when she came home to an empty apartment. my parents freaked the fuck out, called everyone they knew and eventually a major police operation was launched within hours of my disappearance... like friends and family were searching all over town for me, police were sweeping fields and the forest next to our neighborhood and 6 year old me was just chilling at this girls house lmaooooo... her mom came home later that night and asked me if my parents knew where i was BECAUSE SHE HAD HEARD A RADIO ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT A MISSING BOY. the weird thing is that sabrina had TWO older sisters who were obviously supposed to watch her (us?) but neither of them had the wherewithal to ask "hmm do the parents of this new kid you dragged in from the street know where he is?"

13. are you shy?

idk man... yeah? but then people keep telling me i come across as an extrovert and outgoing or whatever and i just think to myself omfg? i have to stop overcompensating

14. preferred pronouns?

he/they

15. biggest pet peeves?

"people who chew with their mouth open" <- yes absolutely! and when people interrupt others... which is slightly hypocritical of me but it just drives me up the wall!!!! even when it happens to others and im just a witness it makes me flip my lid

16. what is your favourite “dere” type?

my what now

17. rate your life from 1-10: idk man my brain doesnt really do long term analytics? i find a gummy bear on the floor - its an eleven. i experience a minor inconvenience - i want to kms.

18. what’s your main blog?

this is my only one

19. list your sideblogs and what they’re used for:

i feel like you're not even listening to me

20. is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

i guess it takes me a while to warm up to people but once we reach the friendship stage its basically impossible to get rid of me and im very loyal and committed? sounds like a dog lmao. BUT at the same time that can be hard to see for other people bc im also impulsive and not the best when it comes to consistent communication so... dont take it personally when i disappear for a few days and then message u like nothing happened🥺

tagging: @shyredpanda @mmolia ❤️‍🔥

#tag game #moochies

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bedtimebrain · 4 years ago

Text

EXO Chanyeol: Oppa?

First Chanyeol Scenario! And have you heard his ‘Without You’ ? Damn it got me stunned when i listened, i didnt know it was going to be the one by Mariah Carey. I mean ofc chanyeol doesn’t speak perfect English but what can get more attractive than him playing the electric guitar😭 His film’s gna be released globally soon, wish him the best!

Also I took so long to write this, that by the time i’m done, he has enlisted:,) Sigh, Chanyeol, see you the 27th of every month!

Characters: Chanyeol x reader

You caught Chanyeol’s attention, but… You’re not so into rowdy guys. How will it turn out?

Ding Dong!

You were outside EXO’s dorm with a bottle of Cola. You didn’t really know EXO, in fact you only actually knew Jongin. The story goes where one night you saw a really sick man swaying side to side along the streets. Being the nice and kind soul you were, you went up to help. And that person turns out to be jongin, which at that point you didn’t know was an EXO member until much later when your friend showed you an EXO poster.

You helped him to the apartment building and you left your number with him out of worry because he insisted he head up alone. After that you guys somewhat became friends. And ever since you knew he was a celebrity, you occasionally ran errands for him just to save him some trouble.

‘Annyeong y/n! Thanks for buying the cola!’

‘Sure Jongin oppa! I’ll be leaving then !’

‘WAIT!!!’

Just as you were about to leave, a shout came from inside the house

‘Annyeong Jongin Chingu! Are you free? Wanna join us? I wanted to play a 2v2 switch game but we are short of 1 person. THERE’S PIZZA HERE TOO, ARE YOU INTERESTED?!’

Honestly, you haven’t even spoken once with chanyeol but here he is, trying to aggressively convince you to play games together. Not exactly an extrovert yourself, that overpowering energy was quite a turn off for you. You raised a brow at Jongin, trying to ask him to get you out of this situation

‘Erm.. Actually, i...’ In your mind ran a 1000 different thoughts on what’s the best way to politely reject this but you just couldn’t think of any, just then jongin finally cut in, only to say

‘Yeh come join us! It’s going to be fun, plus I’m sure you haven’t eaten dinner too��

Although you were a still a little reluctant, you relented for the sake of Jongin and entered the house. Seeing Sehun was also in the house, you both greeted each other politely and you proceed to sit quietly by the dining table.

‘LET’S EAT QUICK CANT WAIT TO TRY THE NEW GAME’ Chanyeol just sounded overly excited about this.

Over dinner, Chanyeol in particular was really friendly with you, probably just trying to make you feel comfortable as he tried to get to know you. But after a while, the conversation floats back to him talking about himself. You weren’t complaining though.

‘Okay so that day..’ Chanyeol begun his 5th or 6th anecdote during the dinner but couldn’t stop laughing before he could even get started on it.

He was laughing so hard he started hitting jongin beside him and his exaggerated movements actually hit the table so hard it toppled your coke glass over onto you

‘oh my gawd!’ you reacted in reflex and got up immediately from your chair.

‘HYUNG! SERIOUSLY?!’ Jongin reacted with shock then laughter. He quickly passed you some tissue

‘Let’s just clean up right now and start the games’ Sehun added calmly

‘Y/N I’M SO SORRY. LET ME GET YOU SOMETHING TO CHANGE INTO, IM SO SORRY’

You could tell Chanyeol was really feeling sorry when you saw that panic in his eyes when the coke spilled. Though it’s really weird to be wearing some other guy’s clothes when you just knew him for hours, you couldn’t be possibly telling him you would only wear jongin’s and not his... So you followed him to grab something to change into

Stepping into his room you can’t help but get abit wide eyed. His room was almost like what you would imagine a musician’s to be. Guitar, piano, bass, iMac, subwoofer etc. You were so amazed you couldn’t stop glancing around as he tries to uncover some clothes from the depths of his cabinet.

Finally finding it, chanyeol turned around and caught how your face literally wrote ‘amazement’, he couldn’t help but laughed beneath his breath before handing a sweater to you.

‘Why do you look so amazed? Your expression made it look like you just walked into a museum.’ Chanyeol asked

You felt embarrassed from his question and was absolutely tongue tied. Looking towards the corner of the room you caught sight of a basketball and a miniature basketball hoop. You quickly switched the topic

‘um you play basketball too?’

‘Yes I do! Like in my free time, once in a while. Outdoor activities keep me sane when I feel like I need a break, apart from jamming of course, as you can see. Why, do u play too?’

‘Oh I see, haha. And yes I play basketball too.’

‘I wasn’t expecting that! You really dont look like it though! What’s...’ before he could finish his sentence, jongin came into the room to check on you.

Breaking off that small talk with chanyeol, you changed out of your dirty top into the sweater. Sigh, the game hasn’t even started but you were almost already drained.

—-

2 hours into the game, you were getting really really sucked out of energy. Looking at chanyeol still so engrossed in the game, you wonder how could he still remain so fired up.

Just then the bell rang and the boys looked at each other,

‘Who’s that? Any of you got delivery ?’ Sehun asked as he walked towards the door. Looking through the peek hole before opening the door.

‘Ah Suho Hyung, why did you not open the door on your own’ Sehun asked

‘I left them in the car, too lazy to grab it. Oh, hi y/n, what you doing here?’

Feeling really tired now, your honesty got the better of you and you replied without thinking

‘Hi Suho-ssi, I got called to play some games, but now i’m stuck here’

‘Ya, you punks , it’s really late now you know. It’s way past 1030, Y/N still needs to walk home. Just shut off the game right now.

And Chanyeol didn’t you say you were meeting your high school friends tonight?’

At this Chanyeol loudly cursed then exclaimed

‘AH RIGHT I FORGOT! I GOT TO GET CHANGED NOW’

Phew, Suho surely is a life savior. More than happy to be out of this situation, you quickly packed your stuff and thanked the boys

‘I’ll be leaving, thanks for having me today and the free pizza.I had fun. Jong-in oppa please tell Chanyeol ssi i’ll wash his sweater before returning to him.’

At the same time chanyeol came out from his room hastily,

‘Y/N wait for me! Let’s leave together!’

You would have preferred having some quiet time by yourself right now, but you didn’t want to make things awkward by saying no. Seeing how Chanyeol got comfortable with people so quickly was beyond your understanding.

You were always took really long to warm up to new people unless you could really click with them, just like jongin.

‘Ah thanks for waiting, let’s go! Where do you stay? Is it near?’

Trying your best at a comfortable and casual tone, you replied ‘Uh yes it’s just about 5 to 10 minutes away if I walk. Where you going to?’

‘Oh just meeting my friends for supper. Let me walk you home since it’s not too far, anyway my friends are still on the way

So you were saying you play basketball do u watch nba or something ? What position do you play’ Chanyeol naturally strike a conversation with you

‘I DONT really follow, but yeh I check out the highlights and stuff. I play the Center position’

‘SERIOUS?! YOU’RE NOT VERY BUILT FOR A CENTER!’ You must be really good then!’ Chanyeol seemed to genuinely be amazed

Chuckling a little, you just shrugged and said

‘Erm yeh but the coach just thinks I’m pretty tough I guess.’

‘Oh and i heard from jong-in you didn’t know EXO until recently, so what music do you like ?’

Feeling a little self conscious about the fact that a musician is here asking you bout your music taste, you answered hesitantly

‘ R&B, acoustics, ballads , those sort? Ed Sheeren , AKMU and some other English oldies’

‘Then do you know ‘Without you’ by Mariah Cary? I’ve been listening to it lately and it’s been stuck in my head!’

Laughing at how random that was, you softly started singing along with him as he started.

At this hour of the day, at about 11 pm your mind isn’t too functional to overthink, you felt like you were loosening up towards him. Though he was a little too over enthusiastic and animated, you somehow liked that he seemed to have this innocence to him.

Just as your short jam ended, you have also reached your apartment

‘I’ve reached! Thanks for walking me back. Bye, drive safely later!’

You flashed a smile, bowed politely and was ready to head in, but chanyeol actually called out before you could head off

‘y/n! Wanna exchange numbers? We could go shoot some hoops at arcade someday or just ball.’

You were not too keen actually, wanting to just keep your relationship with him as simply acquaintances. Thinking bout how to put the rejection across nicely , you said

‘Oh, thanks for offering. But I’m really not a night person . And you know, you guys being EXO and got to be stealthy , everything goes on at night. Really not my thing though, I don’t think we can ever match a time.’

But turns out he was more insistent than you thought

‘Oh then I could invite you for games or a jam session ! I wouldn’t say we have exactly similar tastes in music but I do like the music you listen to and you sound great singing!’

That made you blush a little , partly embarrassment partly being shy at his straightforward words.

‘It’s fine chanyeol-ssi, I’ll just see you at your dorm when I pass by to see Jongin oppa and return your sweater. Bye’

—-

For the next 2 weeks, you somehow got more frequent calls from Jongin to run errands for him. But when you turned up at their dorms and Chanyeol was in, he would either be the one to get the door or be inviting you in for whatever they were doing.

Today afternoon, you were over at their dorms again, but just with jongin and chanyeol. You had bought tteokbokki and corndog for yourself and decided to buy some for EXO too, but turns out it was just the 2 that were in.

‘ah, y/n thanks for the food. i’m going to change and leave for dance practice soon’

‘you’re welcome jongin oppa, i’ll leave soon too’

just as jongin headed to the room, chanyeol took the chance to ask

‘y/n are you free? Do you want to hangout together instead? Since i’m free today and you’re already here.’ Chanyeol asked expectantly.

You were already much more comfortable with him, but together in the house? You wouldn’t even with Jongin.

‘Erm, Chanyeol-ssi, it’s okay. I’m not too comfortable staying in the house with another guy ..’ you said it hesitantly, feeling a little bad for rejecting him.

‘Oh actually, I meant to head out, there’s this place which I thought both of us will like’

oh shucks, that was embarrassing. In an attempt to cover up your embarrassment, you laughed abit harder than you should and agreed more enthusiastic than you would normally

‘OH ! HAHA! Ok, sure then let’s go!’

Almost instantly, you saw Chanyeol’s eyes brighten up. He got up immediately got changed and you both headed out.

—

In the car ride, you finally calmed your senses down and became sane enough to realise

‘Chanyeol-ssi it’s still pretty early right? Wouldn’t you heading out with me like this be really dangerous?’

Stopping his incessant rap and singing ever since you got in his car, he replied

‘There’s this arcade I used to go to when I was a student. It’s really old now and no one really goes there anymore. It closes around 5pm everyday , but I know the boss! I’m gonna ask him to just let us use the place for a short while’

With one hand on the steering wheel, he looked at you and was bubbling with excitement as he explained. You laughed seeing how excited he was, somehow also making you look forward to the fun to come.

Being really chatty as usual, he spoke the whole ride about anything and everything, slowly without even knowing, you dozed off.

The next moment you woke up, the sun was already starting to set and you’ve both reached the arcade, which was on the second floor along a shophouse street.

It looked so rundown and shady from the outside. The signboard was unlit and had completely yellowed. The window panes were blue tainted and so dusty you could see the dust from the streets.

‘Chanyeol Ssi are you sure about this? Please don’t bring me to a haunted house’

‘Ya, trust me, you’ll be surprised’

Together you headed towards the dark staircase that led you guys to the arcade. You struggled to catch up with his pace as he went up the stairs. The narrow and unlit staircase made you so jumpy that when the lights suddenly came on, you quickly latched your hand onto chanyeol’s sleeves without thinking.

Laughing at how scared you were, chanyeol slowed down his pace, walking side by side with you instead.

‘Why you so scared! We’re reaching soon, don’t worry, it’s hella cool place!’

Not really having the capacity to respond now, you continued holding on to his sleeves until you reached the end of the stairs.

Letting go, you awkwardly said thanks and entered the arcade, finding that it was certainly better than you thought but not fantastic.

‘Lee Soo Hyung! I brought my friend here today , could you let us use for about an hour + after you close?’

‘Chanyeol ah! It’s been a while! After all these years I finally see you with a girl. Hello Agassi, why did you come here with him? Be careful he doesn’t slaughter you like how he does when he plays games with his friends’

Not knowing to whether tears of joy or sadness would fit this situation, you raised your brows at chanyeol.

‘Alright I’ll leave this place to you guys, I’ll be back in about 2 hours after I eat and run my errands’

2 hours passed by in a flash. And you sure had lots of fun, shooting hoops, playing Daytona, Mario kart , and even challenging him to dance on pump it up. All of which u lost rather miserably cause you were just horrendous at games.

As you both left the arcade, you thought back in realisation that you didn’t see that annoying over competitiveness today in him today. Instead it felt Chanyeol wanted to make it fun for the both of you rather than winning you.

Internally feeling a little touched about this, you thought to subtly show your gratitude by treating him later.

Walking out of the stairs to the streets, you saw Baskin Robbins just right across, below a dancing school.

‘Chanyeol ssi! Let me buy you ice cream ok! Let’s cross the road to Baskin Robbins’

‘Haha, y/n why the sudden treat? I’m not complaining though, I want Choco mint in a cone’

You went into the shop and placed the order for the ice cream. But when you came out, there was a commotion right outside the shop and realised chanyeol was in ‘trouble’.

You panicked internally , where did the fangirls come from? They all surrounded chanyeol and were squealing and asking for pictures.

You headed back into baskin Robbins, not too sure what you should do. It’s not going to turn out well if he is seen with you.. Should you head off first? Or should you help him?

With one hand holding on nervously to the ice cream you looked intently at the situation outside, with a total mind blank.

Only about 15minutes later, you saw chanyeol managed to escape back to his car as the crowd in this secluded area eventually died down.

You didn’t head out to find him, worried that if any Fangirls were left, you would land him in trouble.

You stayed at in the shop, looking at the melted ice cream you bought for him, should you just dump this away? Do you head off yourself soon?

Just then a call came in

‘Y/N! Where are you? I’m so sorry I got caught by those dance school girls. Are you alright ? Where did you go ? In case you’re wondering, i got your number from jongin to contact you’

‘Chanyeol -ssi...? Are u ok? I’m just waiting at baskin robbins .. just head home without me, I’ll just find my way back..’ feeling still at loss about the situation, you replied with a heavy heart

‘Ah, no, just head down to the alley behind I’ll pick you up from there. This place is too secluded , I’m not going to leave you here alone’

‘But ..’

‘Just meet me there’

Feeling down and guilty that this was kind of your fault. You walked mindlessly to the alley with the half melted ice cream. If it were not for you, chanyeol wouldn’t even be heading out in the afternoon right?

As you entered the car, you kept quiet not really knowing what to say. But Chanyeol started apologising repeatedly, and telling you about the whole situation earlier

But all that ran through your mind was how risky the situation was and how bad you felt. You were still quite in shock as you processed that just happened

‘Chanyeol ssi, why did you bring me out today? Seeing that made me realise the severity of how dangerous it could have been for you if you were caught together with me.. and I can’t help but feel it’s my fault you got surrounded by those fan girls..’

Pausing before continuing, you added

‘Let’s never do this again. I’m really sorry’

‘Don’t be sorry, i am not even blaming you or anything! Plus i was the one who wanted us to hang outside together. I knew this might happen, but i still wanted to have fun with you’

‘Why Chanyeol-ssi?’

Without thinking, he answered almost immediately

‘Because i just find you cute’

You blanked out completely as those words, you could feel blood rushing through your cheeks.

You started externally processing your thoughts out of nervousness and panic

‘i know this sounds ridiculous but are you like interested in me? i know i am blushing like mad right now but im not really into loud guys. and though i had lots of fun with you just now i think you should just give up if you are even thinking of anything’ you went on rambling not even knowing what in the world you just said

He looked at you seeming to have something to say. But then looked at the messy ice cream and decided to reached for it instead.

‘thank you for this ice cream, and y/n whatever you said…honestly, can i just have 1 thing from you?’

‘uh what is it?’

‘can you just call me Chanyeol Oppa instead?’

Your heart skipped a beat at what he said and you could feel his gaze was still on you.

After a few moments of silence that hung heavy in the air, you shyly and softly asked

‘Chanyeol oppa shall we go back now?’

Still feeling shy to look at him, you stole a glance at the rear view mirror and saw Chanyeol smile the widest smile you have ever seen since you guys met.

Finishing off the ice cream, he started the engine, ready to drive off. But before stepping the accelerator, he looked up at the rear view mirror and you both caught each other’s eyes and both looked away almost immediately smiling shyly when your eyes met briefly.

As the car speeded off, you kept your eyes on the side view mirror, and you were glad you weren’t the only one smiling like an idiot the whole ride back.

Was this a little boring? I read through it multiple times and can’t really tell anymore. i hope it was fun for you guys who read it for the first time~ though i must admit if i read a fanfic with such an ending i might feel lowkey unsatisfied :p

#chanyeol #loey #park chanyeol #exo #exo scenarios #chanyeol scenarios #exo scenario #chanyeol scenario #exo park chanyeol #exo chanyeol #exo fanfic #chanyeol fanfic #the box

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xsarcasticwriterx · 5 years ago

Text

Childhood friends

Summary: y/n and negan have been friends forever and have done everything togother. When negans wife Lucille gets sick negan 1st tells her. This event leads to hell but also heaven.

Warnings: swearing,rated R jokes,angst

Recieving a text from negan was a daily occurence for y/n but mosf of them didnt say "get in here. Fast." Y/n walkes into negan office seeing a stressed negan sitting at his desk hyperventilating. "Hey hey breathe" she said running to his side kneeling beside him. She put her hand on his back alarming him to her presence. He turned looked at y/n. "Shes sick" is all he can say as tears fall from his eyes.

She knew negan was speaking of his wife Lucille. Negan had been speaking of this for a while saying how Lucille was getting test done and how he had to work overtime to get the money for some of them. Y/n would help when she could with extra money she had. Due to her living alone and spending most her time passing out at negans she usually ended up with a bit of money left to do as she pleased.

She stayed with negan till he calmed down. "So the test came back?" She asked. Negan nodded. "Its bad y/n" is all he said. The look in his eyes was as if he was begging y/n to do something. "I'm so sorry negan" she said hugging him. She felt negan crying into her shoulder. After a while he pulled away. "Sorry." Is all he said. "Hey...its ok..." she said.

"Want me to come back with you after?" Y/n asked negan. Y/n has known Lucille sense highschool and even introduced negan and Lucille. She really wanted to see Lucille before it got too bad but she didnt want to intrude on negans and lucilles time. Negan nodded. "Please....i cant do this alone." He said softly his voice slightly cracking. Y/n nodded.

School had ended so y/n sat sat with negan while he finished his work. They didnt say anything she knew negan was truly hurting and she didnt wanna bother him. When negan was silent she knew to not speak he was never silent always mouthing off about some bullshit. Negan closed his laptop looking up at y/n who was laid out on the couch asleep. Negan couldn't help but just think of all that had happened within the past few hours.

He looked at y/n thinking about how she was why he met Lucille in the first place and now......here he was. He walked over to y/n picking her up walking to his car. She buried her head into his shoulder. He layed he in the passenger side walking back to the drivers side. He sat down and broke into tears. He felt a hand upon his shoulder not long after. "Its ok. She'll be ok." Y/n said softly. She put her head on his shoulder.

They both knew it was a lie the results werent looking up for Lucille but they had to have hope they had to believe. At the moment negan didnt have much hope and y/n had to hope for them both. After a few negan started driving. They reached negans home in silence.

Negan just sat there staring at the house. "It'll be ok negan." Y/n said. Negan nodded. They walked to the door as negan stared at it. Y/n grabbed his hand and nodded. Negan nodded back. They opened the door to see an empty livingroom. Turning they saw a wasted Lucille in the kitchen. "Heeeeeeeeeeeey y/n" Lucille slurred. "She shouldnt be drinking riight?" Y/n said to negan. He sighed and shook his head. "No. No she shouldnt" he stared at his wife shaking his head before walking upstairs. "Well now is just us gals" Lucille said.

Y/n shook her head. "Lucille..." was all she got out. Negan didnt come down most the night and y/n spent most the night watching Lucille and trying to stop her from drinking more. She babbled on of childhood memories. Eventually y/n got fed up and stood up and started twoard the stairs. "Y/n" Lucille said soflty. Y/n turned. "When im gone......love him the way we both know you do. He'll need it." She said before crashing. Y/n knew what she meant hell anyone who wasn't negan knew what she meant.

Y/n has loved negan sense she was 4 years old. But inevitably life kicked in and negan chose everyone else but her. She walked up stares to see negan laying in bed. His eyes were closed but based on his breathing he was awake. Y/n layed next to him with her head on his chest. "She shouldnt be alone doing that" he grumbled. "She fell asleep" y/n replied. Negan sighed and not long after was he asleep. Y/n sighed. This was going to be hell. Y/n didnt know how negan was going to do it but however she could help she would. She walked down the hall flopping onto the guest bed staring at the ceiling most the night. Why did this have to be so stressful.

Y/n woke up to the smell of breakfast. Grumbling she pulled herself up and out of bed. Walking down she saw negan and Lucille close while cooking. You'd think being in love with your childhood bestfriend whos married would be difficult to restrain feelings but honestly......y/n just wanted negan happy in the end even if its not by her. But now....well Lucille has fucked that up by saying what she did. It repeated in her head all through the night and even now. How could she put that pressure on her how could she have no hope but stand there with negan like nothing happened. Though to her maybe nothing did happen.

Y/n walked to the counter and cleared her throat. They looked and smiled. "Morning y/n" negan said. "Mornin" she replied. "What yall making ?" She asked. "Pancakes and bacon" Lucille said cheerfully. "Your awfully peppy for as much as you drank" y/n said. "Heh well yknow just want to eat" she said giggling. Negan kissed he cheek before walking to the garage to work on his car while waiting.

"Lucille do you remember last night?" Y/n asked more wanting to know if she meant what she said. "I remember what i told you if thats what your asking. I meant what i said. We both know how you feel and we both know i cant fight this. I can feel myself getting weaker and even with your help we dont have the money to fight this. You love him and once im gone hes going to need that. You need to care for him and show him you love him." She said as if it was just another fact. "Your going to be ok Lucille." Y/n heard her voice crack and felt tears start to cloud her eyes. Lucille was still her only other friend outside of negan. Shed known her sense highschool and the thought of her dying.....it shattered her heart. Lucille rolled her eyes. Y/n couldnt take this she couldn't listen to her friend talk of how she was dying.

Y/n walked out to the garage with negan feeling her legs wobble and her heart break. Negan turned and smiled softly then frowned. "Whats wrong.....y/n" negan said walking to her. He grabbed her face making her look up at him. "Nothing." She said. Negan huffed and shook his head. "Fucking hell never one to talk....." he said. Grabbing her he pulled her to the front of the car. He opened the roof showing all the improvements he had done. She adored the car it had so many memories sense even before he could could drive it. She smiled admiring the shiny new improvements. "Heh thought that could get a fucking smile out of you." He said proud of himself. She nodded. "After breakfast lets go for a fucking ride what you say ?" He asked. She smiled and laughed "absofuckinglutely" she replied happily.

Breakfast was awkward well for y/n it was. She sat only with Lucilles words repeating over and over. She felt so much pressure. After negan did as he said and they went for a ride. Eventually he stopped at a park that they went to often as kids. He walked her to their "hiding spot" that now them as grown adults was not so hiden.

Surrounded by trees and plants they sat by a broken down bonfire that was used not to long ago in the week. They sat in silence for a while. "What you fucking thinking about so intensely?" Negan asked. "Your wife." She replied. Negan laughed at how it sounded. "What about her?" He asked. "Something she said to me....." she replied not knowing if she had the right to say what Lucille said.

"What the fuck she say?" Negan said clearly lost what she could've said to have taken up her thoughts so much. "Promise not to tell her i told you." She asked. "Shit y/n........sure.......what is it?" He asked. "She said when shes gone i need to love you the way i truly do." She said. Negan made a grumble and sighing sound before sitting up more. He rubbed his face. "Fucking hell" he said.

"I dont know what to do....." y/n said. "Im sorry" she appolagize. "Dont be sorry she shouldnt have said that.......fuck." he said. He rolled his eyes and turned to y/n. He hugged her close. "This is not on you. Its not on you to care for me and she shouldnt use your feelings like that." He said before releasing her. He held her face. He kissed her cheek before sighing. He walked back to the car y/n following behind.

They returned back later afternoon. Y/n went to take a shower. After she heard arguing downstairs. She knew she shouldnt have but she sat on the step hearing it. "Why would you tell her that?!" Negan yelled. "Well i wouldn't have if i known she was going to tell you like some puppy !!" Lucille said back. "She was worried!! She got nervous with all the pressure you put on her!!" Negan replied. After a while y/n couldnt stand to listen. Negan had broken a promise and the yelling was making her remember things shed rather forget.

She walked into guest room sitting on the bed. At some point.she mustve fell asleep cause she opened her eyes when her bed dipped. She saw negan laying next to her. "Hey" he said softly. "You promised" she replied. He looked ashamed. "I had to say something. She used your feelings and put too much pressure on you. She......she knows our history and she used it. I had to fix it" he said. "But you made it worse......and the yelling......." she mumbled. Negan didnt say anything after.

Negan pulled her closer. They stayed in silence till she fell alseep. Being told to be with negan wouldve been her dream at 15 but at this point with negan married and her being told if said wife dies to love him BY said wife. This hurt her but seeing how casual negan has been the whole time.....that not only hurt but scared her.

#walking dead #the walking dead imagine #negan #the walking dead negan #jeffrey dean morgan #jdm #negan x reader #x reader #negan imagine #rick grimes #norman reedus #daryl dixon #maggie rhee #rosita #glenn rhee #carl grimes

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luvargas · 4 years ago

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i think i just saw LUCILA “ LU ” VARGAS ride by on a golf cart . at least i think it was her . after all , CREDIT IN THE STRAIGHT WORLD BY HOLE was blasting on the transistor radio . maybe she was on her way to work , i hear she’s a PERSONAL TRAINER . but she totally could have been on her way to SNEAK IN A SMOKE AT THE GARDEN . guess we’ll never know . you’ll definitely know its her when you see LOOSE AND TANGLED HAND WRAPS , BUTTON BADGES ON VEGAN LEATHER , AND HEAR THE SHRILL SOUND OF BICKERING around the country club . let’s just hope she stays off the green after hours or else the sprinklers will get her !

( new muse, messy thoughts, u get the gist. pls know the views of this chara do not reflect my own. the name’s katya, 21, she/her pronouns & im ready 2 party. feel free to hmu wnvr or drop a like to plot n ill com 2 u ! x — oh n pls be a pal n read this quick disclaimer. tysm ! )

BASICS

24 years old

15 april 1997

5′1″ or 1.55m tall

bisexual cis woman, she/her

aries sun, aqua moon, and aqua rising

love languages : quality time & acts of service

BIO POINTS

kid o’ divorce, lived w her ma in chicago til she was 6 then w her dad in highlands til 14 then back to her ma !

def a daddys gorl. so used to her white pop’s leniency that livin w her strict latina ma durin her teen yrs was So Not Her Vibe ergo * cue her rebel grrrl phase *

did not finish hs ! left senior yr 2 to go w her “ radically progressive ” college bf to [ insert dev country. ] they broke up after a few mos but she kept at that life for a couple more yrs

seen some places. lived in new countries. done some shit. some good, some sus, but all generally well-intentioned. tis a whole thing but u get the gist, nywy !

lu’s back in da usa by 21. rel w the ma is strained but the pa is chill w stuff, they kept in touch. he said shell get her college fund if she gets her ged so she does !

her dad is v active n stuff so shes just always been v sporty w him. lu turnin 23 w zilch plans worried him so he implored her to get certified as a personal trainer ! n when she did, he called in a few favors w a pal he knows et voilà ! ur hired.

LU AT WORK

shes been workin at the country club fr a little over a yr now. most her clients are influencer-type gals n they luv her bc shes can take rlly cute pics n stuff for content. lu sorta likes some of em n she fakes the rest for the bread. u can bet she clowns all em richies behind their back

unless she got clients, catch her runnin’ about the club n minglin’ w the other workers. does it annoy mngmt ? yes. n she luvs that. but bc her soon-2-b-karen clients luv her n wont stand for her bein booted, she can milk that impunity

actually knows her shit n lowkey rlly enjoys the work. she picked back up the boxing n tae kwon do she did when she was younger plus she was always in the track team at school. v healthy lifestyle save for her smokin vice n the party moments

PERSONALITY

passionate ! has lotsa opinions. helluva a drama queen, bit of a loud mouth, argumentative n stubborn but her heart’s in the right place, albeit a lil misguided. comes w the whole activist bit, bitin her tongue just aint it. highkey makes everythin political n smtms gotta realize .,.,. it just aint that deep chief. some say shes needlessly defiant, but maybe thats a in the beholder typa thing ? fingers crossed 4 lu’s sake

fun, fun, fun ! can be real naggy but shes no buzzkill. wannabe anarchist-slash-mutineer who wants 2 stick it 2 the man ! get rowdy go crazy

fight, fight, fight ! goin back to the first bit, she talks big. esp w like ,, men n the whites lol. she can actually walk her threats tho she isnt actually violent. w arguments, she likes to start em but finishin is ... ruff. also any dare, she wont back down in either doin it or arguin why doin it wld be smth-ist. shes not the sharpest tool ok rip lu

loyal legend ! fr her friends n buds, shell turn a blind eye. pals r the only exception ! truly ride or die n will do errthng 4 em. v much a believer in the power of community n ppl needin ppl or wtvr, yk, all that stuff. shes mouthy but like, she helps ppl

here’s a brief blurb n a more coherent look into lu as a character

TIDBITS

lu can understand spanish but hers is a bit broken, tis her secret shame shhh

she doesn’t believe in the institution. any institution. u name it, shes got beef

pls dont fact check her she cant hear u

probs lowkey thinks shes better than u bc shes vegan

prefers 2 be called “ lu ” n ny1 who insists on lucila is dead 2 her

comments abt her not lookin like a pt w her height n frame will result in an earful n a dramatic outburst. it aint worth it chief

watches lotsa sports w her pops. mostly indiv ones. mma, boxing, tennis, track, etc

dont ask me abt her principles n politics, i cant explain em either. v inconsistent n just messy at this point tbh but here’s a lil attempt ig

she drives a 2018 prius n lives in a p nice 1br apt outside the club

her mom’s middle class n her dad is almost upper-middle class. he isnt a member of the club but, like ,,, he cld be if he wanted to lol. he spoils her sm while she hasnt rlly Spoken to her mom besides civility, rip they both stubborn, tis a vargas thing

she is v much in a comfy position money-wise n dsnt hav much Need to hustle but sis does hav a couple of organizations she regularly sends some dough to so thats nice ig

she went fr grassroots activist to a veteran twitter/tumblr/reddit/wtvr ranter n a change.org gofundme petition regular. is it burnout ? is she ok ? honestly who knows

WANTED CONNECTIONS / TAKEN CONNECTIONS

found family ! pals n squad wanted. y’all gotta hav patience or ear plugs to power thru her self-indulgent mini-rants but shell luv ya back tenfold !

carpool buds ? cld be a pal ! or maybe yall had a lil argument or small beef but lu still drives ym bc her pride ? said mother earth first even tho the tension n silly drama is funny

homies to smoochies ! just sum nsa makin out. cld be pals, cld be flirty, idk, but if u wanna kiss her shes probs ok w that

smoke bud ! just sum1 thats her go-to 2 smoke w on her breaks. knows not to call her out on how its not healthy fr a trainer yada yada she knows ok. let her live

an ex ? idk yet shes not rlly datey but thats out there

crushes ! this bitch hot but does she know how to flirt ? not rlly. watch her fumble

debate club ! aka sum1 she bickers w relentlessly. its valid, sum1 fite her. r u a worker or a club member ? either works. its a whole club bc she can have tons, lu can be hella annoying n testy

clients ! self-explanatory. do they get along tho ? lets find out !

( im officially braindead now but if y’all got more ideas or think theres smth lu wld fit just lmk !!! down 4 wtvr, wld luv 2 hash it out w yall <3 )

#highlandsintro

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smalltragedy · 4 years ago

Text

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

#irvingintro #violence tw #(more of a brief mention)#bt still #jst reposting bc its been so long JFGDHFDSGSLFKG

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gracereadstoomanybooks · 4 years ago

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answering questions I’ve been asked on TikTok✨

QUESTION: how did you get into reading?

So, when I was in middle school (many moons ago) we had this thing called AR Testing. Basically, you read a book and take a test on it—the questions were things that happened in the book, it was really simple. If you got a good grade, you got points. The more points you earned, the more eligible you were for the reading party at the end of each semester. Me, being the nerd I am, got top of my class because I went through 8th grade level books like it was nothing. The librarian at my school brought me books from the high school to read since everything was easy for me, and alas, my addiction began. And now that I have adult money, it’s a true addiction. Also, telling my father “I’m bored” and his response being, “go read a book or something” so thanks dad.

QUESTION: what’s one book you ALWAYS recommend to people?

This one is tough because I’ve read THOUSANDS of books, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be Confess by Colleen Hoover. I fell in love with her work in high school when I first read Ugly Love, but Confess is the type of book that pulls at your heart strings, y’all. It has everything people love: humor, sexual tension, drama, love. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK. Or honestly any book by Colleen Hoover—she’s a fucking amazing author.

QUESTION: outside of making TikToks, what do you do for a living?

I currently work at a restaurant and hate every second of it. If anyone tells you to become a server, DONT. It’s not worth the hassle, I promise you. Sure, you can make decent money but the amount of rude customers and shitty tips you receive each shift is very disheartening. If you really need a job, do anything BUT work in the food industry.

QUESTION: what’s your wattpad story about?

First question: which one? I have about 30 drafts sitting there waiting to be posted. But, I’m going to assume you’re talking about the Harry Styles fan fiction I’ve been working on for the past 4 years and haven’t had the courage to post. I’ll tell you a little about it: Elaine Aldridge is forced into a betrothal to a man she’s never met & loathes. She goes to his court and realizes things aren’t what they truly seem. And the guard her future husband sticks on her??? None other than Mr. Harry Styles. Add in some magic & deaths and you’ve got my story— The First Prince. (Honestly, that’s an extremely shitty description so if you wanna check it out go to my wattpad account)

QUESTION: how old are you?

Ahem. . . twenty-one.

QUESTION: what is your dream career?

Being a published author and having people rave about my books. That’s all. Or, an editor for a publishing company. Imagine reading all day and being paid for it🤩

QUESTION: what was your least favorite read of 2020?

I already KNOW I’m gonna get shit for this but....... the wicked king. YALL I LITERALLY COULDNT GET THROUGH IT IM SO SORRY, I STILL HAVENT FINISHED IT

QUESTION: current favorite author?

Sarah. J. Maas. I don’t know what it is about her writing style, but it’s addicting. Throne of Glass is hands down the best series I’ve ever read. A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first book I’ve EVER reread. Her stories truly suck you in and hold onto you—you get lost so easily in her writing and it’s like once you’re done with a series, nothing will compare. Or, at least that’s how I felt after finishing Kingdom of Ash. Honorable mentions: Jennifer L. Armentrout, Penelope Douglas, L.J Shen, Elle Kennedy and Kennedy Fox.

QUESTION: any recommendations/tips to give to a new reader?

I’ve always given this advice to people who want to get into reading: find what you like and start with that. If you like romance, I’ve got a list for you to choose from. Mystery? Another list. Sci-fi? I GOT YOU. Fantasy? Yes! Sports fiction? It might take me a second but I’ll find you a book. Nonfiction? I’m zero help in that category, honestly. The point of the matter is that you’re never going to enjoy a book if you aren’t interested in the underlying topics.

QUESTION: do you ever find yourself comparing your life to fictional life?

Yes. All the time. I daydream about being apart of the Inner Circle and living in Terrasen with Aelin and Rowan. I think about what it would be like to have real powers and a mate. It drives my boyfriend crazy—but he loves me anyway.

QUESTION: what are your most anticipated books of 2021?

Here’s a list:

A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

The Crown of Gilded Bones by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Gods and Monsters by Shelby Mahurin

Crescent City 2 (Untitled) by Sarah J. Maas

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer (I just ordered this one & it arrives tomorrow)

Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan

QUESTION: why did you start a Tumblr?

Honestly, I used to love tumblr when I was in grade school (way too young to be on here then but what else is new). I like having an extra space to get my questions and comments out without having to compress it into a 60 second video for TikTok to see. Tumblr is a good place to blog & post things like this.

QUESTION: what’s your favorite song right now?

I’ve listened to Carry You by Novo Amor every day for the past two months and I cry each time.

QUESTION: why write Harry Styles fan fiction?

Simple: I love Harry Styles. I’ve been a fan of him and One Direction since they were on X FACTOR. Read that again. X. Factor. I used to watch their performances on YouTube before WMYB even came out. Of course, I love all of the 1D boys but I was always a Harry gal. And I look up to him in a way—I’ve read things about people wishing they knew him personally and honestly? I would never want to meet him. I like the version of him I’ve cooked up in my brain over the past 10 years. I like the symbiotic relationship I have with his music. Fine Line is a ✨masterpiece✨. HS1 is a ✨work of art✨.

now, some topics I’ve been asked way too many times and want to finally get to:

QUESTION: political views?

the saying “anyone but trump” has been in my brain for the past four years. No, I’m not a republican. No, I’m not a democrat. I like to think of myself as a progressive (ahem, liberal) Did I vote for a democratic candidate? Yes, and I’d do it again and again until the US isn’t one of the worst countries—I’m sorry, businesses— to be apart of. I wanted Bernie but got Biden, and I’m alright with that. And my girl Kamala🥳

QUESTION: how did you feel about the BLM protests?

I went to multiple BLM protests and donated a lot of funds to BLM & other organizations. It’s 2021, people... stop being fucking RACIST. And don’t be afraid to call racist people out! Black Lives Matter, even if no one is posting about it anymore.

QUESTION: thoughts on abortion?

your body your choice, queen! not my uterus, not my problem.

QUESTION: there was a comment on an old video of yours talking about r*pe, why did you delete the comment?

I made a video when I first started my account on TikTok about reading in public and feeling “turned on” by it. Go watch it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. BUT, some ignorant male decided to comment and say “this is how girls get r*ped”. Whew. So. I deleted the comment because ....

I am a victim of sexual assault. Along with a lot of other women. 1 in 5 women have been victims of sexual assault. Talking about being r*ped isn’t funny.

No one else needed to see his comment. I reported it immediately and his account was shut down.

I never got justice for what happened to me, and the fact that some random male—who had never even met me or seen me before my video showed up on his FYP—had the nerve to comment that? Unacceptable.

this question isn’t as controversial but

QUESTION: what’s the best way to get out of a toxic relationship?

okay, let me just start off by saying that the people around you who love and support you are going to be your backbone. Leaving a toxic situation is hard, and every situation is different, but my best piece of advice to offer you is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your loved ones are going to be there for you when you need them, even if you don’t believe they will. If you explain what’s happening, someone you know and love will drop whatever it is their doing to make sure you get out safely. good luck my babes.

now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

QUESTION: any tips on making tiktoks?

Literally none. I post what I think is funny and relatable and if anyone agrees, I’m satisfied. Even if it’s one view, it’s good enough for me. So I guess my one tip is to not base your life off of an app and followers.

QUESTION: favorite Harry Styles fanfic?

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. Duplicity is up there, along with Stall 1&2, and Kiwi. After? Absolutely not.

QUESTION: favorite WEBTOON?

y’all already KNOW. LORE OLYMPUS BY USEDBANDAID. Rachel is a genius and I have reread the series a million times. Hades is my soulmate and Apollo can rot in the fiery pits of the Underworld. also, if we’re talking about other webcomics, reading Walk on Water on mangadex...🤫

QUESTION: favorite movie?

Howls Moving Castle. I will be getting my “a heart is a heavy burden” tattoo very very soon.

QUESTION: I read your Elain theory on tumblr, can you explain a little more?

I thought I was pretty straightforward but I’ll say it again: she is always the “good” one and it’s too suspicious. SJM has already given one Archeron sister a happy ending, Nesta’s is obviously inevitable, but Elain? She has too many options for a happy ending. Lucien, who is her “mate”. Azriel, who is intrigued by her slightly. Her human guy—I don’t remember his name—who is disgusted that she’s not human anymore. Or, alone, planting flowers all day. BUT! My point is that she’s not truly happy. She was forced into the Cauldron just like Nesta. She was ripped away from the life she loved so dearly and didn’t want to give up. The man she was going to marry now hates her guts because she’s a High Fae. She has the perfect set up for a villain plot line and I’m all here for it.

well, that’s all I feel like doing tonight. hope you enjoyed my little q&a! be kind, and talk to you later! byeeee!

#a court of silver flames #acotar #harry styles #one direction #sarah j maas #throne of glass #wattpad #tiktok #elain archeron #howls moving castle #lore olympus #q&a time #walk on water #persephone #lore olympus hades

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