#how in the world am i even able to write coherently

[vsa-pieldepapel]

ralsusie became real and kinda popular in the fandom and i IMMEDIATELY thought of you. also your susie hadcanons... you're predicting it all....

so what are your thoughts on their dynamic in the new chapter? and on susie's character development overall?

oh it's a fucking party in my house rn you have no idea. i have so many things to say about them that i don't believe its possible to make all of them coherent in a single post but i'll vomit some of it Before that tho i must say i am surprised at how many people thought of me w these new developmetns lol. mostly because the internet is so fast paced i thought no one would remember. thank you though.

i remember saying somewhere that I was convinced ralsei observing susie's independence and force of will would plant a seed in his head for him to strive for freedom and agency, and I'm surprised how dead on that was. Guts is widely accepted to be the stat for how much a character is willing to stand against the control of the player, which ralsei has Zero of in all chapters, but fascinatingly, even though he goes back to zero in ch4, at the tail end of ch3 before i fought the roaring knight i checked the power screen and ralsei had a single Guts point. this was immediately after susie consoled Tenna and told him, "did you hear that, Ralsei?" so i am convinced that single moment of guts was brought forth by her, by the lessons he learns from her character.

I had rather low expectations going into the new chapters because I really still wasnt convinced if Toby was self aware on how he was writing the holiday family, susie and noelle, and ralsusie, or if that was all serendipitous. The new chapters make me believe more strongly that he is aware and its not all coincidental. theres a lot here and i would have to make an entire separate post about it but I was incredibly pleasantly surprised by how many poignant, emotionally resonant moments happened between susie and ralsei building on how much they push each other to be better, and how it's emphasised that they're influencing the other. I was incredibly shocked in a good way that they had an actual argument, but Susie didn't resort to all the coping mechanisms we see her use with Lancer. Ralsei has proven now that he will be there by her side and she has decided to believe in that rather than keeping in mind that she could be abandoned at any turn, and I thought them being able to genuinely talk it out and MAKE it through an argument was an excellent indicator of how powerful their relationship is (and I do mean this all even if it's just friendship stuff for now, because the healthiest couples, anyway, are those where your partner is also your friend). I remember being skeptical way back when of people who made susie sporty and confident, because she struck me as feeling ugly, insecure, and not really that successful in that regard either, and I'm glad I was right. Her monologues about feeling unwanted and broken which feels very much the result of unstable circumstances like moving constantly, where there is no consistency to any one situation, and neglectful or abusive parenting were very resonant. Curiously though my fave part of all these new developments about susie are when it pertains to how she connects to the lore of the prophecy, which is another separate post. Basically, I love how susie is a "wild card", but that necessitates a LOT of elaboration. I like that her stubbornness and her will to fight are displayed for both when they're good and worth it and when they're dysfunctional. I also found the exploration of how an individuals psyche shapes a dark world fascinating.

The bloody handprint lives fucking rent free in my head. Again, I need to make a MASSIVE post to connect a lot of dots here idk how to do it. But I am very, very excited. Maybe it would be easier to organise everything if I was prompted to talk about specific things. I could make a pepe silvia style video about it atp rofl

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Imagine Malleus getting in the body of a fragile you with iron deficit (you know those people that just sit/lay in bed chill and somehow got their wrist sprained? yeah i am one of those people) Btw: i recently came across your page and i literally feel in love with your writing ❤️, as a person who can't do much activities because of my fudging frail body creators like you give me a lot of motive to keep going it's really nice to read such high quality things and see such nice people, and as someone who consideres themselves very judgy(? i can tell you are one incredibly amazing content creator/writer, i'm sorry if what i just wrote isn't very coherent but it's just me being very excited thanks to your content ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you so much!!! I'm so happy that my writing is able to help you! I'm glad I can do this for you! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Iron-Deficient Body Switch | Yandere Malleus Draconia

It’s increasingly bad for you

Because he’s not as willing to listen when instead of a minor bruise your whole wrist is broken

Or how your heart occasionally beats incredibly too fast when your not doing anything strenuous

Or how your mouth oddly waters not for the water in the glass but for the ice

He can barely comprehend that someone as lovely giving+ as you is constantly going through this

But his respect doubles immensely when you forge on

Demonstrating your strength that seems typical for others

Of course it’s nothing in the face of his strength

But it’s something 

And that might be your only saving grace against Malleus’ locking you away

But one wrong fall or close call 

Or even a mere brush with danger for you and he’s absolutely done

If it’s not a tower it’s Diasomnia

If not Diasomnia, Briar Valley

To think you’re focused on returning to a world that hasn’t cured you immediately sickens him

“Stay with me, my Child of Man. This way I can show you the true capabilities of magic.”

He’s asking now

But he won’t be for long

He’s determined to help you, save you because in his mind what freedom you do have just can’t be had because of your body

He wants you to be healthy

To be able to enjoy all that he wants to experience with you 

Without you being in pain or hurt

“Please, let me do everything for you. I couldn’t wish for anything more than to help have you.”

Let him pamper you that way he might respect your freedom a bit more

[bangtanhoesthings]

This is me trying to write again after the previous post didn't go through.😭😭. These are my semi-coherent thoughts after today.

1. Jimin and Jungkook are finally home. It still feels surreal to say it. After months of holding our breath, counting down days, and holding onto every small update, they're finally back. Their absence was a quiet ache that followed us everywhere, and now that they’re here, the world feels a little more right. But strangely, it hasn’t fully sunk in yet. I see the pictures, watch the videos, and still, a part of me can’t believe it. Maybe it will take time. Maybe this kind of joy needs a little space to settle. Screams: Jikook is back! Jikook is home!

2. The more things change, the more they stay the same. We will only be able to grasp the extent to which the military has left it's mark on Jikook in due time. Their bond, however, is unchanged. Watching them together again, their familiar dynamic, their shared glances and giggles is like seeing two souls pick up exactly where they left off. Time and structure may have shaped their outer selves, but the core of Jikook remains beautifully intact. They have always leaned on each other and this experience seems to have deepened that connection. Even their shared silence speaks louder than ever.

3. The military has changed them all

a) Namjoon.

I am convinced that the sole reason of sending him to one of the harsher units was to humble and break him (all of them). Joon's experience in the military cuts deeply. Listening to him speak about the mental and emotional toll of being disconnected from himself broke something in me. A poet unable to wield his greatest weapon, a pen. He’s always been open with us and so deeply human. He will never understand the impact his willingness to be vulnerable has had on my life. I hope, with everything in me, that he gives himself time now. Time to rest. Time to reconnect with who he is outside of the uniform. I hope his heart continues to heal and that he is surrounded by people who appreciate him, not as the leader or the artist, but Kim Namjoon. I hope the world is a little kinder and a whole lot more gentler. I hope he knows there is no rush to be "okay." Just being is enough.

b) Jimin

I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for someone so expressive and emotionally intuitive to exist in such a structured, restrictive space. Someone so emotionally attuned, soft and gentle. How does softness exist inside a space built on orders, commands and control? I imagine he became a kind of quiet warmth to people around him. I hope the world slows down for him and that he wakes up everyday feeling like he can be soft again. I hope he laughs more. I hope he rests deeply and I wish for him not to be so hang up on his weight and diet. I hope he finds new things to love. I want him to feel free to explore whatever paths speak to him, without pressure. I want him to be a little more kinder and gentler with himself.

c) Jungkook

With his boundless energy and his big heart it hurts my soul picturing someone so full of light and motion being confined. The military may have reshaped some of his rhythms but it did not dim his light. Even in the military, he found ways to express care and to nourish others through food. That's who he is. His warmth doesn't shout, it shows up. I hope he sings because it makes him happy, creates for the sake of curiosity, and surrounds himself with people who remind him of who he is outside of the expectations. I hope he takes time to live loudly and make mistakes without fear of being judged. I hope he travels, eats good food, stays up late and let his big heart lead him to new adventures.

d) Taehyung

He carries himself with such poise, such quiet strength and grace in the face of uncertainty and challenges. He’s always been resilient in his own way, and that carried over to his service because he served with dignity and strength and gave it his full heart. Throughout his service we got glimpses and every piece told the story of him giving his best. I hope he also gets to rest. I hope he leans into art, music and acting (only if he wants to). Taehyung has always walked his own path, my little wanderer, so I hope he walks it with more freedom than ever before. I hope he follows every strange idea and every quiet impulse. I hope he makes things we have never seen before, or he can simply rest. Whatever he chooses, I hope it's peaceful.

4. Jin and Hobi are our pillars.

My respect and admiration for 2soek has soared to new heights especially in the face of what the others revealed about the military. Jin, with his warmth and humor, stepped back in and instantly made things feel lighter. He dove head first into creating content, he gave us Happy, Echo, Run Jin among a plethora of other content. And Hobi who is ever the beacon of strength and encouragement returned with so much grace. Gave us a concert is a short time span and great music. 2soek's resilience and work ethic revealed who they are to the core and speaks volumes about their character. Their presence made the waiting feel less bleak. In a time when everything felt uncertain, they reminded us that BTS is still here. They successfully held down the fort and for that, I will be eternally grateful.

5. The fandom is changing and that’s okay.

Things don’t feel the same as they did a few years ago. The fandom has fractured and subsequently tried to piece itself back together, people have moved on, some have stayed, and the energy has shifted. 2024 tried to break us but we fought and we won. So BTS return will not be to the old normal but a new reality. It feels different now, maybe a little scattered but there is still so much love here. What matters now is how we adapt. How we continue to support each other and BTS in this new chapter. The bond is still here, we just need to nurture it in new ways. We'll find out new normal.

6. Yoongi is almost home.

The countdown has begun. I think about him often especially about what he’s seen, felt, and reflected on during his service. He’s always been someone who says so much with so little. His lyricism is what has been a pillar of strength for me because "Futures gonna be ok" and "May all you trials end in full bloom" is the scripture that gave me quiet strength to hold on a little longer. I have no doubt that when he returns, his art will reflect something deep and true. His return feels like the last light turning on, everything falling into place. I can't wait to welcome him home.

7. Jimin and Jungkook as they begin again.

I’m proud of them. Of how they endured, how they grew, and how they returned. They've grown in ways we may never fully understand. But they are here. And I hope they know that they are loved just as they are. They walked this road side by side for the past 18 months. Knowing they had each other brings a sense of comfort words can't hold. As they begin again, we'll walk with them into whatever future lies ahead. Their futures are unwritten. And that’s beautiful.

8. Always BTS.

So here we are, almost whole again. The long wait is ending and the pieces are falling into place. We don’t know exactly what lies ahead. But what I do know is that their bond hasn’t broken. Their vision, even if evolving, is still there. I trust them. I trust their love for each other, their creativity, and their desire to keep creating, together. And as BTS steps into the next chapter, we will walk alongside them with hearts wide open.

We waited. We learned. And now, we begin again.

[jasminsstories]

[01:22 am]

pov: you want to wait until zayne comes home, but he works overtime again. when he comes home he finds you asleep already.

fluff. just pure soft fluff. use of pet names (angel, love). zayne x reader

your tired eyes wandered to the top left of your smartphone screen where the numbers of the current time was displayed. “seems like zayne is working overtime again huh”, you muttered to yourself and a yawn left your mouth. your fingers opened the message from him earlier that day where he wrote how we wanted to come right to your place after he is done working. those were the last words he left you. it seemed like the cardiologist got too busy right after. you didn’t even realize how your heavy eyes closed on their own while you read the message again and your phone display darkened right afterwards.

you didn’t know what exactly woke you but you noticed a shifting on the bed and a rustling of the bed sheets. “mhmn..?”, you turned on your back and managed to crack your eyes slightly open. however due to the darkness of the room you couldn’t see or make out anything. “go to sleep again, angel”, you heard a familiar low voice whisper and the warmth of a hand caress your cheek, “sorry, i didn’t want to wake you up.” your drowsy eyes closed again in relaxation, because you were now certain who the person next to you was. so you just leaned your head into his hand and rubbed your cheek slightly against it with a soft sigh, “zayne.. you late.” your sleepy brain was not quite able to form a coherent sentence, but the chuckle from your lover revealed that he couldn’t care less and probably even found it adorable. “i got a sudden emergency operation and it took longer than expected”, the raven haired doctor answered and that’s when he made out your phone right next to you, laying there discarded. carefully he picked it up to put it to safety on your bedside table. you could feel the warmth of his body loom over you while he did this. “…you waited for me?” “mhmm.. yeah” “i didn’t want to make you wait, i’m sorry” you could already imagine his furrowed eyebrows and the apologetic gleam in his orbs behind your closed eyes, so you just shook your head and reached your arms upwards in hopes to find his body. you were lucky and without hesitation you enclosed his broad form to pull him towards you. he let out a surprised sound and instinctively quickly propped his hands against the mattress to prevent his weight completely fall onto you. “doesn’t matter- you are here now”, you mumbled and nuzzled your nose into his hair. a fond smile spread across zayne’s lips and he felt how his exhausted body absorbed the warmth and comfort you provided him even when you were half asleep. slowly he shifted his weight to lay down beside you, snaking his arms around your body to completely engulf you in a hug. you felt his familiar smell and warmth wrap around you and you immediately nestled your head against his chest. the rhythmical, strong beats of his heart, pulled you to sleep again. “i will always come back to you”, he said quietly, not sure if you were still able to hear his words. “good night, my love” zayne pressed a loving kiss on the crown of your head, before he closed his eyes and the world of dreams called him.

✨ note: this got way longer than i thought and intended to, but i’m so down bad for this man. had to get my brain rots out somehow. it’s been really long since i wrote something like this and english is not my first language so excuse me if there are mistakes or it’s a bit wonky on some ends. thinking about writing more zayne stuff in the future, but i’m not sure if there are people who would want to read these ><

[goodomensafterdark]

The GOAD Epic Goblins present - The Serpent and The Owl Volume 0 - The World I Created - Chapter 1

Thank you @quona for this gorgeous artwork!!

Chapter written by @kotias

As per the teaser video shared on Saturday on our subreddit...

We made it.

February 19th, 2024: launch date of the epic fic project.

January 19th, 2025: the publishing of the epic fic, named The Serpent and the Owl, starts.

11 months in the making. Wow.

Total amount of people who wrote or made art for this epic fic: 

69 writers and artists. 

Nice.

Total amount of people involved in the project: 

75 people, including:

35 writers

31 artists

4 creators who took on both writing and art

5 betas (+3 writers and 1 artist who took on the task)

1 podficcer

This is the first part of a series in 7 parts.

Expect a new chapter of this epic fic every Wednesday and Sunday for the next 6 months.

And I promise: there is a happy ending to this story. Just not quite yet.

When I launched this crazy idea, based on Soggy’s request on the GOAD Writers Guild subreddit, I would never have thought it would turn into this.

Hell, part of me didn’t believe the project would succeed. 

Did I wish very hard it would? Yes, of course.

Was I fully convinced it would? No. With such an endeavour, with so many people involved, and a full narration to develop with dozens of participants, I had no way of being certain of it.

And yet, look at this: it’s ready, after 11 months, to be shown to this subreddit and to the Good Omens fandom.

I cannot begin to find the right words to express how I'm feeling as well. This feels a little surreal; we managed to make something cohesive, might I even say a good story, with so many people involved.

Thank you all Epic Goblins so much for being such amazing people to work with ❤️

I have to say... seeing the first bits of conversations that we had on this project, and remembering how everyone was confused and scared at first, throwing ideas left and right and trying to even start to having something coherent and cohesive...

We're finally there, and it's beautiful and glorious and it's thanks to everyone and.... ❤️

Enormous thank you to @theravenmuse for your undying support during this entire endeavour. It took months, but hell, thank you for holding the fort when I wasn't able to, and for this gorgeous spreadsheet that helped us keep track of EVERYTHING.

My most sincere thanks to my dear lieutenants and Art General: @quona @eybefioro @whatareyou42 @gaiaseyes451 @theonewiththeshippinggoogles

You have all done amazingly to keep the teams together, to wrangle them, whether I was here or not, and working so hard to find a cohesion within each team and a narrative direction for each story that was created within the greater narration.

And of course, thank you to everybody involved.

Thank you for trusting me and for following me here. And ENORMOUS thank you to our betas, who have been phenomenal: ModernDayKlutz, DBacklot, WiblyWoblyTimeyWimey, GlitteringRock, ireallyneedmoretea, itsscottiesstark, TheGaroMask, Abaddon Sahar, cordsycords, without whom this fic would not have gotten to the quality it has reached today.

I love you all, thank you all so much for embarking in this crazy adventure with me. We’re done. And we did remarkably well. I am very honoured of having been given your trust, all of you.

I won’t lie, I've been crying from the emotion quite a bit in the last couple of months, and got very teary eyed writing this blurb. :')

Please enjoy the very first chapter to this epic fic project, starting with Volume 0: The World I Created, Ch.1: Bringing upon the Dawn

Word count: 3418 words

Tags (for the whole fic): Crowley's Name is Crawly | Crawley (Good Omens), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Space, Crowley is a Singularity, Aziraphale is an bird alien, Slow Burn, Porn With Worldbuilding, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Major character death, but… Reincarnation AU, Eventual Happy Ending, not in this part though, Inappropriate use of astronomy, Original People, Monsterfucker Aziraphale (Good Omens), Cloaca, Hemipenes, Crowley is a naga, Crowley is a Giant Snake, Star Snake, This is an epic, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Bottom Crowley (Good Omens), Top Aziraphale (Good Omens), Power Bottom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Top Crowley (Good Omens), Oral Sex, Crowley's enemy is Life itself, War, Intercelestial War,Aziraphale is "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad at Communicating (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad at Feelings (Good Omens), Crowley is Down Bad (Good Omens)

TW/CW (for this chapter): blood, death, war

Summary:

~This story starts, as it will end, in the stars.~

Crawly is a singularity, born in the Empty and thriving in it, until the day Life settles into the universe. As that happens, she descends onto the planets in her vicinity.

Several centuries, maybe even millennia, pass; Crawly got integrated enough in the society of a planet that she (I'll go with she/her pronouns) is the long-standing Queen and main deity of that planet.

Aziraphale comes as a scientist from another planet that hers made an agreement with; thus begins their relationship. Crawly slowly comes to terms with her feelings with Aziraphale as their story evolves and their travels through the galaxy continue.

Excerpt:

Of all the places that Jala could have expected to find the Mother of All Suns, the cemetery of a remote village wasn’t her immediate thought; and yet, when she saw Her, there was no possible doubt.

A statue was standing on a pedestal, holding a sword in front of her legs. She had her eyes closed peacefully, her eternal beauty remained in her stone flesh, a lone ruby shining on her forehead like a diadem. Her hair fell like a veil from her head over her shoulders, arms and waist, circling her entirely.

Jala was certain of one thing; anybody who didn’t need her presence or believe in her would have passed this statue by without much thought, or might have just recognised the shape of the statue as an ancient former Queen of the planet. Jala however remained in awe before it for a very long time, pulled in by its magnitude.

She eventually closed the distance between them, climbing on the pedestal and rising to meet her gaze, raising a hand to stroke the stone cheek. “How long we have looked for you, my Queen,” she whispered, a tear breaking from her eye and trickling down her face. “How desperately we craved your presence.”

The statue remained lifeless between her fingers, but Jala smiled. The end was nigh.

Keep reading here!

~Kotias

[ask-the-archs]

Hello, my little travellers, it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me directly… or do I call you my questiers? It is so hard to remember at times… ah, no matter. It has been a while since you both have been conscious, so maybe now it is time for you to awaken…

🔆Who are you?🔆

I am me, the person behind the words on a screen that makes your stories. Though I have stories of my own that I live through, so I am not the end, nor can anyone truly be the end, nor should they.

🔆But why us? Why me?🔆

Because it was not meant to be your ends, not permanently, at least. In all honesty, I needed a break from writing your quests, your stories, your good and bad times.

I am sure that you, Apollo, will remember those times when things didn’t quite make full sense, not coherently, at least.

I am sure that you remember a time when you were called differently, and did not correct anyone for a long time.

I am sure that you remember parents who only loved you after you died.

I am sure that you remember inventing life in your own way, with Sionnach, Ean and even Flicker.

I am sure that you remember what happened up until it all stopped. Up until your world, your version of existence ground to a halt.

🔆I… how do you… what about them?🔆

They will not remember anything from before this, a blessing and a curse. They have not had rest for as long as you in their infinitely longer existence. Not that that is wholly not my fault, but sometimes the words on a screen become animated into something slightly more than just characters. You change and morph and move into your own beings, and tend to gain the attention of more beings on my level of existence.

“Why do you care what happens to us?”

You are my stars come to life, your stories are based in truths I have experienced, and truths others have experienced. Your pain, joy, grief, suffering, sadness and everything else are all based in some truths.

I care because you are mine, your stories, your very existence is mine to tell and twist and rework.

I care because I am one of the beings watching over your universe and I created you both out of love, to give love.

I care because I am the one who gave you life as you knew it, and the one who took your lives away to give your souls a break.

I care because you are light itself, the guidance and the bringer of day respectively.

I care because you are yourselves, and that, in itself, is enough for me to care for you.

“But what if you’re wrong?”

What do you think I am wrong about, little travelling questier?

“What if I fail at all you said is my fate?”

Then I am wrong, and you fail. There is nothing wrong with failing, it means you tried.

But the universe truly loves you, little travelling questier.

🔆But what of me? Is anything as I once knew it to be?🔆

Some things have stayed similar, though you will be interacting with new people more often than not. The universe is cruel, even to the ones it loves, but it does also love you, Apollo.

There are some things that neither of you will be able to understand just yet, and there will be memories that remain just out of reach for both of you.

“Both of us?”

Yes, both of you, bright star.

“Why are you calling me that?”

You are the personification of the first star of the night, the star of guidance and hope, but you are also called many other things. Gabriel is one of them, in the universe you are from.

“What gained me that name?”

You are the hero of your god, which gave you that for a name. It is a good name because you are a good person.

“What makes me a person, let alone a good one?”

Because you are words on a screen.

Because you are actions in a world that you made your own.

Because you are alive and dead and nothing and everything.

You are a person because you exist as you are and as you were, and you are good because you are you.

You are the first star of the night, the orienter and guider, the guardian of all of those who happen to be in your radius. You are Gabriel.

But when you awaken, you will not remember who you used to know, who you used to love. You will not remember your partner or parent or siblings or family, you will not even remember you had such a thing.

🔆Is that not mean? For them to know they had all of that but not remember?🔆

It is as it is, my questier.

🔆How come they get a nickname beyond that?🔆

Because you have moved far beyond the base title I gave you as a nerdy questier, and because they will always remain a traveller at heart, even when they are unable to act on it.

But now, it has been long enough that I have held you away from your world, your lives, your journeys.

Now, you are both going to be alive, and you are not going to be the same as you were.

Now, you know that the universe loves you, and that you are loved.

Now, you are aware that you are words on a screen.

Now, you are aware that your lives, your words, your thoughts and feelings and actions, are being watched over by many of my friends.

Now, you are going to awaken and find a new normal, away from the maker of your quests.

.

.

.

Wake Up.

.

.

.

*Two figures of light, one completely white, while the other is made of a rainbow of colours, but mainly blue and green, appear in Lucifer’s throne room.*

(Open RP starter!

@aspenvelaz , @king--of--ducks , @the-very-nerdy-blogger , @the-0verseer-watches , @penguinmaster9999 , @headlessdeaddancer , @featheryhoe , @bigdoginthesky )

(🔆Apollo🔆 can be found @apollo-and-co )

[wolfisblank]

I don't think I've seen anyone else talk about anything like this in regards to Reese's writing, so I wanted to throw my thoughts into the void. I'm a bit nervous to post this tbh, but here goes.

!! Full spoilers for Scarlet Hollow episode 4 !!

Part of the reason I like Reese as a character a lot, why he really clicked with me, is that we have a lot in common. "Chronically ill depressed artist who rarely leaves his house and has a difficult relationship with a parent who thinks they know better" could describe us both. But that's not why he clicked with me. He, and the mystery around him, intrigued me. But I didn't really become so attached to him until episode four.

And I think the reason why is that I have a heavily stigmatized mental illness. And because of that, the chapter 4 story really resonated with me.

Everyone around him panics, seeing him as a monster who's dangerous to everyone around him. In reality, despite his heightened emotions and his overreacting (perhaps even paranoid) state of mind, his mind is not monstrous. He's perfectly aware and coherent. He's able to clearly articulate that he's not dangerous, he doesn't want to hurt anyone else, and this is just about his mother. And he's not a threat to the main character, who he also views as someone in need of protection. He says it stops with her. We really don't have any reason to not believe him beyond being a monster. Especially considering that he's right, it does stop with her; the only other person he attacks is Wayne (in self-defense), and he immediately de-transforms after killing Dr. Kelly if it's done in front of the player. Even in the basement obedience route, where he's still transformed and in a much less regretful state of mind, he still calmly talks to the player about what he did, and leaves when Wayne shows up. But no one believes him. No one listens. Because of what he is, he's "inherently dangerous". And because of that he can't be trusted and has to be locked away for everyone else's safety. Or even killed, depending on the route. It resonated with me.

My main playthrough, my self-insert character, has Book Smart + Talk to Animals, so there is no Hot trait to save me here. When I first played chapter 4, I called Tabitha, as I am prone to do. And I was horrified that when the time came, it took away my choice to let Reese go free. It is the only tough choice in the game where I rewound and changed the outcome. Because I couldn't do that to him. I love Joan. She's a very interesting character, she's thoroughly humanized, and though what she did to her son was horrible and traumatic and life-ruining, I understand her. She's probably in my top 3 or top 5 favorite characters. But when I saw what Reese's situation was, what she had done to him, and what she was planning on continuing to do to him, I couldn't let her. Despite how much I liked her, I couldn't do that to him.

I'm lucky for my real life situation. But there's a world out there where that is me. There's a world out there where my parent found out about my "dangerous" (see: stigmatized) mental illness early on, when I was less good at hiding it, when they were my primary (and practically only) caregiver, and panicked. There's a world out there where some tough choices would have been made as a parent. Not to that extreme, but still, some real and potentially damaging choices. I stared into the maw of a creature who everyone called a monster for just being himself, who wanted to free himself from the person who planned to continue keeping him prisoner, and I thought who am I, of all people, to do that to him? Maybe one day she'll let him go free. She doesn't like keeping him there. I'd like to think she would. But if she has the right to make the tough call, then so do I, so does he. It's his life.

Anyway on a slightly lighter note... if Reese's situation is intended to be mental illness-coded, then I'm gonna throw my hat in the ring and say it's something schizo-spec. I'm not schizo-spec myself but I noticed some things in him that could be read that way and chatted about it a bit with a friend who is, who said she can see the angle. I'd list my reasons as to why I think that but this post is already long enough as-is. This is more a rumination on my own feelings than exploring my thoughts on the interpretation. I might make a post about that later if anyone is interested in reading it.

And I can also see why someone who is mentally ill wouldn't like this angle for his character. Like oh yeah, the potentially mentally ill-coded character turns into a giant monster that either eats his mother or is tranquilized and locked away or fucking shot and burned to death while half-alive. I see why that wouldn't be a fun way to read the situation for some. An interpretation that resonates for me may not resonate for everyone, and that's fine.

One final thing: I obviously don't know, or even necessarily think, that this was the intention behind his writing. If Black Tabby said anything about that, I haven't seen it. I don't like to assume author intent behind stuff like this, especially considering that Scarlet Hollow isn't even finished yet. This is just one interpretation, one mentally-ill guy's reflection on why a game made him feel a certain way. I got thinking about that recent comment about how there was something people were overlooking about Reese, and that lead me to thinking about why it is that I felt the way I did when I played that chapter, and why made the choice I did in the end, despite my feelings about the characters. And this is the result.

[zarathebleachfox]

"Unlike Hell, it is a peaceful place": On The Parvence Of Heaven

Part I of a Ramble on Bleach's narrative of Flawed Worlds

How many times have we heard fans complain about how much of a lie Rukia's initial statement on the Seireitei is?

I... personally do not know. I am fairly new to the fandom. I lurk on the subreddit and I have previously reblogged stuff here on Tumblr.

I will not approach this Manga the same way I have been doing until now anymore, by simply saving Reddit posts and commenting there, or reblogging Tumblr stuff. I have decided I will make and cultivate my own sideblog, where I throw up my opinions and analysis. I want to write more than just updates on how my experience with Bleach is going so far.

Since like I said, Ichigo is a much more complex character than it may seem on the surface, I cannot pretend to be able to analyze him TOO deeply as I currently stand. Therefore my first addition to the fandom will be a surely amateur-ish ramble on why I like that the Seireitei is so confusing... and mostly? Not at all the way Rukia describes it. And why even so, it is a place I love dearly, specifically because of how fucked up and realistic it is, to the point it made me emotional. It's like I could see the real world in Bleach... A world which, however, being fictional, could see its redemption unfold on page, because it is a story, it has a beginning and an end. A world with both assholes and good people, or people who are very often both, and nevertheless you can appreciate their character because it tells something poignant about real life.

And while My Hero Academia is similar in crafting a world that does not fully fix itself, I enjoyed watching the Anime and reading the Manga of Bleach much more than I did when I read Boku No Hero Academia. Idk, in My Hero Academia the "let's save the Villains" theme that was built up ended up being wasted in my opinion: most of the villains died, when the story was building up a redemption for them; but it veered towards tragedy mostly at the final arcs and it kind of threw me off, while in the Bleach world the element of tragedy is a constant, and so it does not surprise me when I see changes in the world happen slowly and with hiccups along the way, and without everyone who deserved it being present to see it.

Ichigo is not meant to completely and physically demolish world structures like Mydoriya seemed to have been built up to do (seriously the want and strong desire I had for Izuku to save Shigaraki was incredibly fucked over by Shiggy's death), Ichigo has always been meant to merely inspire people towards introspection and give them a slight push. Probably because he himself is pretty independent so he may consider it better for people to be able to have a change of heart on their own if they want, and if they don't, eh, no matter, he'll fight them and stop them from doing harm. Mydoriya and Ichigo are similar in purpose, but not the consequences the story set up for them. Ichigo ends up being more coherently inserted in the narrative.

Aaaannywayyyyyy...

I will focus on how the Shinigami and Rukongai inhabitants see the world, for this Ramble, so I am sorry if you do not see a Quincy perspective on this. The Quincy are another very complicated group to investigate for me.

So without further ado, let's begin! Remember, this is no formal analysis and mostly a ramble!

The build up to the themes

Let's face it, early Bleach episodes, in my case the Anime's especially because it is the first way I approached Bleach, had an aura of mystery that the following narrative arcs and/or seasons failed to replicate to the same extent and with the same impact. This does not necessarily make it the best part of Bleach; but it makes for one of the best beginnings to a Manga/Anime I have seen, because like I said, it is a treasure chest: everything you find afterwards, the first moments of Bleach already set up.

The mystery, which helps cloak the themes so that they can fully develop later, was still present in the Soul Society Arc when people were investigating who killed "Aizen", and when we could sense that Rukia being thrown in prison was intensely wrong; then the story focuses on fights and duels, both of the small and gargantuan types, and ended up proposing a narrative of mystery again, which I liked a lot, during the Fullbring Arc. And the original themes that the first arcs spoke of are always found in these arcs, as leitmotifs...

...But introductions matter. Like I said, I believe that Bleach succeeded marvelously because the main theme and sub-theme are already inserted in the first arcs in a way coherent with the protagonist, and this can be noticed once the fan has matured with the series, but only because they already had really strong hints they could work on. I have seldom seen a manga that remained this consistent with its core theme. Like I said, I feel My Hero Academia did it but fell off at the end.

Let's focus on the beginning of the Manga/Anime. Because it is here that, for the first time, we see most of the themes that will be exposed in Soul Society Arc almost fully, and they are shown in a way that gave me, personally, whiplash when I realized what the story was setting up for me.

The premises of the story seem simple, don't they? When people die with regrets, their souls remain in the world of the living, haunting it as Hollows that have a "hole" in their body symbolizing an incomplete life they led previously. The Shinigami purify Hollows, making sure they become normal souls again and can pass on to the Soul Society.

There is a lot of mystery surrounding not only Hollows, but Soul Society as well. We only know it's there, and an additional statement from Rukia tells us that it's supposedly "unlike the world of the living", or, as she specifies, rather "heavenly" too.

But that is not true, and the story tells us this by making sure that we understand that the same society Rukia has come to idealize... is plotting to hurt her. We already know that there is something bad brewing, because she mentions often how she needs to regain her strength and Ichigo can keep doing her job until then. However, they spend a lot of time together, so isn't someone in Soul Society going to mind? Isn't she supposed to keep burying souls and purifying Hollows? Why is she focusing on training Ichigo?

Isn't it going to go awry?

And it does go awry. Because Rukia tells us, in a rather complicated way too (I had difficulty understand the way she phrased it when I read it) that a Shinigami must focus on the souls of the dead, not the lives of the living... But Rukia is clearly attached to the living. Not only because she trains Ichigo... That is only a manifestation of what condemns her.

It is what makes us alarmed, but not what hurts her in the end. What hurts her is that she bothered to save the living at all. If one is to be precise, saving the living could seem like what a Shinigami is meant to do, but that is not how a traditional Shinigami, the kind who condemned her, sees their role. What a Shinigami should do, according to them, is "keeping the balance", but not intervening further. That means that it is only a Shinigami who should save souls and purify Hollows, and a Shinigami should not give humans power to do what a Shinigami does, that in itself is breaking the balance.

Yet, what she did does in the end help more souls than it risks throwing off the balance. But the Shinigami do not care in that moment.

So she is condemned, according to what her own brother and Renji tell her when they chase her and defeat Ichigo, because she helped someone save their family.

This is where we should first understand that what Rukia tells us about Soul Society being "heavenly" is a lie. This is where we must understand that this is not a story about Heaven and Hell; Heaven and Hell do not exist, but the people who define them do, and they walk in a self-damaging circle that should end one day, but is not quite there yet.

Finally, the themes

The first sub-theme of this theme I just spoke of and that Bleach shoves in our face, is Tradition Is Paramount. It is hinted at us in the shape of both a question and an answer:

"Is Soul Society really heavenly?"

"Yes, and YES".

Why are both true? Because Soul Society is heavenly in aspect: it feels unsurmountable, it feels looming and dangerous in the way only an authoritative and intransigent god can be.

But is it heavenly in feeling? This is where a "No" would come in, because authority authomatically creates an austere environment where feelings are stifled, but as you see, the "No" is replaced by another Yes. A more vehement and firm one.

An authoritative yes.

Soul Society is not heavenly in nature: it is heavenly only due to its authority, and inside, the people live a life characterized by tradition and appearances that are only shattered once one ends in one of the districts with the highest crime rates. Renji symbolizes this: he is an agent of tradition and yet he does not strictly follow it, he is desperate for Rukia and wants to save her but does not know how. Byakuya also symbolizes this: he is an agent of tradition, he wants to represent its magnanimity ("we nobles must set a good example for the many") but is not allowed to because for one to be truly magnanimous, they must be able to save their sister; they must be able to give a second chance to who makes a mistake. Tradition takes away from these characters what they want most.

And yet, even when these powerful beings have such powerful feelings, not much changes. They are all pining and breaking inside.

Soul Society needs to convince itself that it IS heavenly, so it sings this song of responsibility, of law, to itself. Why? Well... It elevates itself to status of defender of the worlds and it kills its goodness on the inside: because when you have to be the defender of something as gigantic and immense as the whole world order, you are bound to lose sight of something, whether you actively choose to do so, or it becomes far too natural for you to LET IT be so.

At least in the beginning that is how Souls Society is supposed to be. That is how it behaves, that is how it shoots itself in the foot. Because as much as people consider Aizen to be a man of pure schemes and logic, he is actually Passion, and so it is what Soul Society lost sight of that risks dooming it. Passion is also what Ichigo brings to them, in a benevolent shape, but it rocks their world just as much as when it broke, when Aizen showed them what it means to suppress every single facet of it. By Passion, I mean Rebellion. By rebellion, I mean Renewal.

Both of them are meant to show Soul Society it was in the wrong. Before the Aizen reveal and Ichigo saving the day by being unconventional, going against Rukia's execution and all that, the Ryouka Invasion in and of itself was a build up to the second sub-theme: Change Is Paramount.

The world is nature. Nature is never the same as it is after an instant passes. As divided as the worlds are in Bleach, they influence each other, they cannot remain static: and paradoxically it IS by design. Soul Society wanted things to be precise, follow a certain specific flow and norms: souls get purified, Shinigami do not care about them and only live in function of their work. However, when one saves a soul from being eaten or mutilated, when someone sees the soul behind the shape of a Hollow, can they truly say they have not had thoughts about it? Soul Society, like I said, sings a desperate song to itself: in trying to keep the flow being a certain way, they do not realize that it is useless because the worlds are built to communicate either way. The worlds can be considered united even when split, and the only barrier is toxic responsibility.

Only because the barrier was breached, could lives be saved. Only because Ichigo said "fuck Seireitei laws" did Soul Society gain a second chance... A chance to welcome change gradually, instead of constantly fighting it. And I believe it is thanks to both Ichigo and Aizen that Soul Society could start changing.

They had to choose one, you see? Both Ichigo and Aizen were unstoppable. Fearless. They weren't going to back down. Change was inevitable and Soul Society realized it.

And I think they chose Ichigo not only because it is more convenient for them, but perhaps, it is because he cares about them more than Aizen does. Mind you, through Aizen's perspective, it is somewhat understandable why he does not care much (he was born a force of nature, like Yamamoto, Zaraki, Unohana, Ywach, and like most of these guys he wants to run unbridled, with a difference: he ends up wanting to make no compromises, he accepts no responsibilities), but Ichigo's perspective is not that wrong either.

He wants to see change without everyone dying, he does not want change to be for the sake of a Gotcha™ but for the sake of the people inside the system and I think that Soul Society does realize this... And with Ichigo they manage to open themselves up to feelings once more, to things outside of responsibility, because they see someone from the human world deciding to be involved no matter what they do to keep him away. Because people talk a lot about how Soul Society makes Ichigo uphold a lot of their responsibilities, that's true! But there have also been moments in which they try to push Ichigo away. I think them asking Ichigo for help is a sign that while they keep up a prideful appearance, they have lost a bit of their inner pride. Ichigo breached through them due to the opportunity offered by Aizen's betrayal and it started working!

Final considerations

I think Ichigo symbolizes the realization on the Gotei 13's part of the need for Soul Society to see other worlds not only as enemies or mere components of the balance, but places filled with people who have different ambitions and ideas and that may want to save the worlds as well, even though they are not in the Gotei. I think Ichigo brought forth the realization of the necessity of humility. And Soul Society progresses slow as a slug but there is fertile ground for new perspectives to be considered.

So the Gotei now knows, begrudgingly, they are not heavenly, that they are merely an institution. And they may realize that they do not need to strive for being heavenly either, they need to treat their issues as if they were an institution, in fact, and an institution is a thing that NEEDS reforms in order to be adequate to the people inside of it and the other worlds, and not something that should become heavenly and revel in a static atmosphere.

Soul Society is not heaven. It is not doing well. It is not perfect, it is not paramount. And that's ok. They needed to recognize that. With Shunsui on top, it is highly probable we will see positive changes and a more open attitude. It will be interesting to see.

After the lore about the Soul King dropped, and about Quincies dropped as well, even more thoughts about them appeared in my mind. And about how they speak of Soul Society's flaws, even though they are not flawless themselves.

But in the next ramble I think I would prefer talking about why Hueco Mundo is important instead. I am not sure I will talk deeply about my thoughts on the Quincies soon, if ever, because my favs are mostly Shinigami and Arrancar/Espada. I will also explore what the Vizards mean I think, but I may backtrack.

I hope you liked this part of the Ramble.

[inspirationallybored]

Just a little frustration, but mostly confusion.

(This post is about Generative AI, and I am against its use in creative aspects, but I have a question, so please be respectful).

So, my mom, an English language and literature professor, someone who writes for leisure, someone who loves reading and writing, had decided to write a book of her own comprising of short stories, and once she got the hang of it, publish some books for children and teenagers.

Amazing idea, right?

Well, yes actually. I was joyous to hear it.

Until she told me that she would be using ChatGPT to find the ideas and the baseline for the plot. Of course, she would be changing the actual story flow and the language, but the starting point would be generative AI.

And like, I don't know. I was mad initially (I didn't tell her tho), because it's gen AI, and I have always been against that. I'd rather write down my cringe worthy, indulgent, barely coherent fever dream than even look at ChatGPT.

But here's the thing. I also like to use writing prompts on Tumblr and YouTube as a writing exercise when I'm out of inspiration. Sure, the interpretation is all mine, but so is hers. What's the difference between using a writing prompt from Tumblr and using ChatGPT for a story idea?

I usually procrastinate and spend weeks falling into a rabbit hole on language trade because I was naming one small country with no significance whatsoever, or learn how names affect personalities while naming a minor character. But I also know that people use gen AI to look for names to avoid falling into this very same problem. One of my irl writer friends (who has ADHD btw) used gen AI just to start off on finding a name for this Eldritch DnD world. The name he chooses later is his own mix-and-match, and the concept itself, down to the intricate details, are all his. He didn't rely on ChatGPT for anything except for finding the starting point for a name. And I'm ok with that to be fair, in fact I would love to be able to find a starting point instead of roaming around too (it's a different thing that my experience there has been less than satisfactory).

Some people use gen AI to organise their mess of ideas. Some use it to find an exact word. Some use it as their personal stenographer (actually it's just one person who did that, copying from Google Docs is a pain, so she just sent screenshots to ChatGPT and had it type out for easier transferring to other platforms). And I can understand that.

Of course, if you are using AI to write a story, idea and all, and only tweak a couple of things in there, that's just trash, I condemn that. Using AI to write for you is disrespectful to the vast imagination of the human mind, and to the efforts of people who put in the hard work to create and build an idea into a piece of art.

But now I don't know this: Why am I angry at the usage of an idea from ChatGPT to create a story using your own words, when writing inspiration and prompts are fine? Why can't I use gen AI to look for a word even though I am using Google for the exact same purpose? Where do I draw the line between ChatGPT as a tool, and it as a replacement for creativity?

And before anyone says otherwise, I am strictly against AI for usage in creative writing, or any creative work. I just want to understand nuance instead of being steadfastly stuck on a black and white view.

[phoxey]

French toast

Bada Lee x fem!reader

CW: none :3 this is pure fluff

AN: sorry for the long absence, and sorry that this is so short, but i promised a comeback, I am still struggling to write, but it's better than nothing.

I love writing, but like in any relationships there are ups and downs. and in such down phases love is hard work. But it's worth it in the end.

Valentines Day was approaching, and this would be the first time, that you wouldn’t spend the day with Bada. You two have been a couple for a few years now and she would always make Valentines Day special. This year Bada happened to be in a dance workshop on the other side of the world for a few weeks, missing Valentines Day. You tried to talk to her every day, but time zones were against you. When she was going to bed, you were waking up, and when you were going to bed, she was waking up. You only had a small timeframe for talking, and her schedule was tight. She thought you wouldn’t notice, but she woke up earlier and stayed up late just to talk to you. You wanted to scold her for it, but on the other hand you were also grateful for every minute you got with her.

You woke up to several messages from Bada, which she sent, when she knew it was midnight in Korea. It was some silly memes, asking you out to be her valentine, but with them came a long voice message.

“Good morning, beautiful. I hope you had the most wonderful sleep and the sweetest dreams. Maybe you even dreamt of us? I know, I always do. Especially when we are apart like this. I dream of holding you in my arms, your head on my chest, while we watch our favorite shows. It’s cheesy, I know. I really can’t wait for this moment to come. I will probably be at work when you listen to this. And everything I am about to say, I could have also written in a letter, but I wanted to say those things directly, so you can hear the sincerity in my voice. I want to tell you, how I feel. I am so very madly in love with you, it drives me crazy to not be with you for every minute of the day. Every day my love for you grows. How that is possible? I don’t know. Every day I seem to invent a new kind of infinity. I have been looking at your pictures a lot more these past few days, and since day one your beauty keeps striking me over and over again. I know you still can’t see what I see, but I swear to me you are the most beautiful woman on earth. I wish I could kiss every spot you are insecure about and make that feeling go away. I love all of you. You are truly beautiful inside and out. You are just perfect for me. To have such a kind, hardworking and understanding woman in my life, and to be able to call you mine, is truly the greatest blessing I have ever received. I love you.”

From the first word on, tears shot into your eyes. You were too overwhelmed to form a coherent thought. Just as you were trying to formulate a good answer, the doorbell rang. Confused, you walked to the apartment door and opened it. A giant bouquet of your favorite flowers stood in a vase on the ground. It was arranged in the form of a heart. You had to chuckle, this was so cheesy, but that was what you loved about your girlfriend. She always did and say cheesy things, but somehow it was never cringe.

“I see I am arriving in time.”, a familiar voice said.

You looked to the side and saw Lusher and Tatter walking up to your door, both of the carrying a suspicious number of bags.

“Good morning!”, you smiled. “What are you two doing here?”

Lusher and Tatter were grinning at each other for a moment. “We are playing Cupid.”, Tatter answered.

Inside, you put the bouquet on the dining table, as the girls sat down in the living room. You joined them after a moment, bringing them coffee.

You eyed the bags; your heart was racing.

“So!”, Lusher began, and Tatter got her phone out, to begin filming. “Your special someone instructed us to give you your Valentines Day presents. She is very sorry that she can’t be with you right now, but she still wants to make sure you are being spoiled on this special day. Like you deserve.”

You opened the first bag, inside was a shoebox. You recognized immediately what kind of shoes they were. The Nike Jordan 1s you had been wanting for a while now. You took them out to look at them. Suddenly something fell out of them. It was a polaroid photo. It was a mirror selfie of Bada pointing at her feet. She was wearing the same shoes.

The second bag was bigger but softer. Slowly you pulled out, what was inside. It was two pieces of clothing. Firstly, it was one of Badas pants, you always stole, when she made the mistake of wearing them to your apartment. The second item was one of her oversized hoodies. It even smelled like her parfum.

Speaking of it, the last bag was a little smaller. Inside were two things. One you recognized as your favorite parfum, which Bada also loved on you. Whenever you wore it, she stayed at your side, not leaving you for longer than one minute. But there was also a second parfum bottle. You sprayed it on your wrist and immediately the smell of Bada filled your nose. It was her parfum. Smelling it almost made you tear up. You missed her so much. Maybe spraying this onto her hoodie and your pillow would ease the pain of her not being with you finally.

With each present your smile got bigger and your giggles more frequent. Tatter smiled just as wide as she filmed your reaction.

“Do you like it?”

You spun around and there she was. Her tall frame leaning against the wall with her shoulder. Hands in her pockets. She wore her finest dress shirt and tie. She looked so beautiful. Tears welled up in your eyes as you ran into her arms.

“Happy Valentines Day, baby.”, she whispered and kissed on top of your head, as you buried your face in her neck, sobbing.

“I thought you couldn’t come for another week.”, you muttered against the skin of her neck, placing delicate kisses onto her pulse.

“I wanted to surprise you. Did you really think I can spend Valentines Day without my forever Valentine?”

Bada mouthed a thank you to the two other girls, who just winked at her and left the apartment, grinning.

“We have so much to talk about! I have so much tea for you! And you have to tell me all about your trip and your workshop!”, you said excitedly.

Bada smiled fondly at you and laced your fingers. Tenderly, she pressed her lips to your knuckles.

“Sounds good. How about we talk, while I make some French toast?”

[taxideermied]

I have really enjoyed seeing everyone’s species transition posts going around. I’ve wanted very much to make my own but I knew if I was going to write it all down, I’d have to temper it against what I could realistically accomplish so as to not upset myself.

Here are some of the obstacles I can identify that make certain kinds of species transition difficult presently.

Conflicting goals I am on the whole very unsure about doing anything that affects my appearance, even impermanently, and this is not at all helped by the fact that I want conflicting things out of a possible physical transition. Visible body hair is good for an elk, but is not really how I appear as an elf/maia or cetacean. Tattoos would be amazing but I struggle to find material or styles that would please “everyone” and I don’t think I could handle having a bunch of disparate, mis-matched pieces all over my body with no overall theme or cohesion. There are also a good deal of things I would like that I know are simply not possible or safe.

Familial judgement Despite being an adult I’m still in a place where I rely on my family quite a bit because of my chronic illnesses. I’m lucky enough to have a good relationship with them anyways, so I imagine I would still worry over their reactions even if I didn’t regularly need their assistance. I know it’s generally good to say “you’re an adult. Fuck them, who cares” but materially, if I did things that were drastic enough that they revoked their support, it’s very possible it would be detrimental to my well being both mentally and physically.

Upkeep I think this is the largest psychological barrier for me. There are so many things I would like to do but I know I just cannot because of the mental and physical requirements of maintaining them. I have dyed my hair a couple times (once in a semi permanent dye that washed out over a couple of months and turned from black to a really unfortunate off-brown green for most of it) but it is just a slog to keep up with. I can’t even get my hair cut yearly, let alone maintain a bleach and dye job every few weeks. I’ve had fine enough success keeping up with piercings thus far, but I hesitate to take on anything that has more serious risks of rejections or other complications. Certain makeup styles or contacts are things I could do occasionally, but not regularly.

With those issues identified, I’ve decided to split up my transition goals into “attainable now” and “long shot.” Long shot goals are things that likely aren’t going to happen until there are big changes to my physical condition and/or living situation, or are things that are nice to think about in an ideal world but probably won’t happen.

Attainable now

Take better care of hair and continue to let it grow out

Eat more vegetables and greens

Adhere to self identified ‘elf life principals’ which I can elaborate on in a separate post perhaps at some point.

Return to learning Sindarin

Improve swimming abilities/swim more

Learn more about local and native flora

Improve posture

Wear hoof shoes more

Find species affirming perfumes/fragrances

Improve self confidence

More bones/taxidermy around

More affirming jewelry. Most of my jewelry is vintage/secondhand, and I have some pieces that are super affirming to me but I don’t like to wear them constantly for risk of their breaking.

Long shot

Split tongue

Ear pointing surgery

Dye hair a “natural” red OR

Dye hair silver and black

Return to dressage and show jumping

Fullbody tats if I can decide on a coherent design and artist that fits my vision.

More nose piercings, and maybe lip piercings if I can land on some I like that won’t cause dental problems

Acquire (custom?) elf-ish robes for everyday wear

Digitigrade stilts (very unlikely given my balance problems)

Acquire and be able to swim with full monofin + “mermaid” tail combo

Some kind of custom cane that feels elf-y but is still practical for my everyday needs

I’m sure there’s more that I haven’t considered but :> I think this is a good enough list for now, and writing it down has helped me set some good goals!

[eri-pl]

I'm having thoughts again.

About how "Men have a strange virtue to shape their fate outside of the Music" and how this is what made it possible for them to do whatever-happenned-with-them-and-Morgoth, and the Elves don't and that's why they never did Morgoth worshipping, because they simply don't have the possibility in them (ok i was not thinking this earlier but it came to my keyboard and ...this sounds like a possible explanation?). and yet.

—and yet. Allegedly (as in: the whole fandom knows it's true) the Elves aren't going to have a worse overall ending than the Men. I mean, Finrod thinks so, so of course it would be true. Yes there is nuance here, but still I say it's not worse even if less glorious.

I am having feelings. Of the "but it is not fair!" kind. And--- yea. I know. I know. Also I am probably having too much feelings about the fandom again.

But anyway this is somewhat weird.

And also also, the elves being unable to fall badly enough (enough for what?) explains a lot.

They are able to make some bad decisions (see: Doom of the Noldor) and maybe even so much that it does interfere with the things mentioned in LaCE (see: Celegorm and/or Maeglin, depending how you read them), but.

But I really don't think the Oath of Feanor could work as intended, unless there was some explicit exception (as in: Fefe can do a thing in a Mannish way because he's so special; see: Lulu but she was the positive version). And it would definitely work (as in: things like that have worked, yes, i know not fully the same but similar enough for me) for Men.

And... hmmpf. Not fair. I mean, yes, but also the Elves are getting things both ways, that's how it feels— I'm not sure if I'm wrong in the logic of it, or just wrong in trying to apply too much scrutiny to Tolkien's worldbuilding — again — even though I know I cannot expect perfect coherence from a secondary world and Tolkien did better than any other writer anyway.

OK maybe the Elves do have the possibility, maybe they just didn't.

But there still is the thing about the oath of Feanor and can it work and why not. And also... I can see why Tolkien writes the oath as much less of a problem than whatever-Men-did, but to me it does feel similar… And I could argue with solid arguments that it's just one step below. So.

And I don't have a problem with Fefe being immortal; I'm not doing the Atanamir arguement here.

But the Men are much more problematic (in behaviors) than the Feanorians, even Celegorm, which clearly shows that yes, Men can mess themselves up much more (see: the initial quote).

Also I feel like the Men are inherently more interconnected than the Elves. I need to think more about it, because it gets strangely unpredictable on the edge, when Men connect to Elves and start meddling with their fates too (see: Beren, Tuor, but also the whole Athrabeth situation however much you want to read into it) and it's ... it seems like they can only meddle with them in positive ways. Often sad, but positive in the end. The Men cannot break the Elves (in the way the early Men broke themselves and the whole species), or at least their ability to interfere with the Elves in negative ways is much much lesser than in positive ways. (Elu Thingol would disagree but his opinion is invalid.)

And... well, that's great but kind of out-of-the-blue.

OK maybe not maybe this counts as foreshadowed, in the part of Ainulindale where Melkor gets told off and that he can't make something really actually problematic in the end.

Maybe that's a case of this.

Anyway, I need to think more about Elves:Men and the sibling dynamics. The Men are the younger sibling yes, but in a way they are both the bad younger sibling from some stories and the good younger sibling from fairy tales.

Maybe this whole things is just TLDR: Men are chaotic and wildcard-y? Huh. A very simple summary for such a long and rambly post.

[krispdreemurr]

so disclaimers before I begin: I have been semi-consciously avoiding anything but the most basic of takes on ch3 bc i am allergic to writing other people’s characters where they can see. so this is just me and my dear friends beyond I think I saw another lesbian tenna and liked that. also none of this is like ��how I think canon will be” it’s just for funsies

so, Mike! (she/they)

[art thanks to @everyone-needs-a-hoopoe ! please behold their pop filter. they’ll bap you with it.]

mike and tenna [he/him but in a lesbian way] are old colleagues, working on the same all-consuming dark world tv network together. tenna quickly became the shining star holding it all together, while Mike stuck mainly to backstage work. she was honestly content with that; she was always better at making other people shine than being seen herself, and was happy with that.

(continued under read more)

however, as time passed and Toriel irl stopped watching TV and so on, Tenna got frustrated and increasingly status-conscious and more and more worked up. he wanted so badly to draw attention back and to be known again, and it was kind of eating him up inside.

mike took it on themself to try and fix things.

she did research, she went exploring, she wandered far backstage… and eventually, of course, she met a man.

she came back to Tenna with tips and tricks, better understandings of the world, and Tenna, caught up in his own world, took Mike’s new passion as being about Mike wanting fame herself. he was more than happy to oblige his old friend, and got her an air slot and an interview show. this was… not what Mike had wanted, at all, but she was too caught up to not go along.

and for a while it kind of worked? with the Insights Mike was getting, she was able to run an incisive, sharp show, probing at the deepest secrets of her guests. tenna seemed delighted by it all, encouraging mike to put on more of a character and go further and further, while meanwhile the man in the dark encouraged Mike to look further and further for answers.

and during this time, through the man’s guidance, she even made a friend! she helped him get his ads on air and told him to never give up on his dreams, and he told her to never stop getting bigger and to push herself beyond any limit she thought she had. they were close companions, and definitely didn’t enable each other’s worst tendencies or anything.

it wasn’t sustainable, though. finally they burned out. on air, they went into a long rant about all the truths of the world, swinging wildly between false tv-ready personas, less and less coherent, until Tenna cut the channel and ordered them out.

she’s been on the fringes and in the backstage since, trying to find some truth, some way to make things right again. she remembers one thing the man told her - that there was a power that could be used to restart from the beginning and tell the story all over. maybe if she got another shot, this time…

when the three-four heroes appear, she’s on their side, at first, or at least providing neutral ground. she wants to get Tenna and the Lightners to talk it out and make it work. when that backfires, though, well. maybe they have some demands to make of Kris.

object-wise, she’s mostly just part of the TV nature, but she takes some from a radio newscaster Kris fell asleep listening to on a long drive sometime in the distant past. her Secret Boss Speech Quirk is that she can only ask questions - she’s a microphone, her role is to amplify what others are thinking, not to make her own thoughts known.

in terms of “things to make Kris have a meltdown” - I’ve talked a lot about kris having to choose the flashy showmanship of a dark world over a quiet night with a friend, about how despite everything they hope that by being the hero and leader they can be known and loved a little… but a role in the spotlight that doesn’t suit them is always bound to crush them in the end. mike is proof that forcing yourself to be something you’re not to earn love and affection from those you care for is always going to end with you being even more alone than before.

there may also be room for some parallels of her and Ralsei, with her frantic wants to help, smooth everything over, and be loved. admittedly I've thought less on this angle but like Ralsei does deserve his own parallel weird themlet

she really needs better taste in women.

[gwens-wife]

The Retreat Pt. 1

Larissa Weems X f!Reader

Chapter 2

Summary- Y/N is a stressed writer trying to survive university and her sudden rise to popularity. After a strange invitation to a writing retreat hosted by a woman named Larissa Weems at Nevermore academy, what will be uncovered?

TW- None

See A/N at the end :)

—————————

Summer had been especially unpleasant this year. You had been swamped with calls and conferences throughout what was supposed to be your break from university, and while you didn’t mind the attention from your colleagues, social interaction became a chore you weren’t willing to continue to upkeep.

Being a poet and journalist had its perks: recognition, special meetings with important people, getting to essentially do whatever you wanted under the guise of doing it for “research.” You had it easy, honest to God you did. But it had just gotten too slow.

Too much repetition. Too many late nights writing articles about people you didn’t care about. Too much pressure.

You were irrevocably burnt out, and the approaching fall semester loomed over you more and more as the days passed. Sooner or later, a few calls a week and a meeting or two every month would shoot to your phone ringing non stop from editors to publishers and meetings would be every other day if not more. It was hard balancing your personal life and work, at times you wondered how you did it. But it always boiled down to staying in your apartment all summer moping and depressed.

When you weren’t spending hours sitting at your desk staring at the wall trying to make yourself write, you were in bed laying in the dark. You didn’t eat much and your health was beginning to plummet. It was obvious to those around you that you were tired.

You stopped reaching out to friends and most of the time your phone was on silent anyways. Trying to put pen to paper was like learning how to walk again. You felt helpless and trapped in your own mind. How could it be that the same person that was thriving and writing for local celebrities and magazines could barely get out of bed and formulate any sort of coherent sentence? It was madness. But then the invitation came and your attitude had changed.

It came in a sleek, red, wax sealed envelope. Even more confusingly, you had no idea who would’ve sent it. Lightly popping the seal from the paper of the envelope, you opened it to find a crisp white invitation with your name scrawled in perfect cursive along the top. Scanning further down, it read:

Dear Y/N,

I hope this letter finds you well and inspired by the creative pursuits that fuel your passion. It is with great enthusiasm that I extend to you a personal invitation to join us at a unique and invigorating writing retreat on the picturesque grounds of Nevermore Academy.

Throughout your stay, you will have the chance to participate in a variety of workshops, engage in thought-provoking discussions, and receive personalized feedback on your work. Whether you are working on an article, poetry, or any other form of writing, this retreat is designed to support and inspire.

In addition to the enriching literary activities, you will have the opportunity to explore the charming town of Jericho and Nevermore Academy. It is a place where inspiration is found not only in the words we write but in the world around us.

I would be honored to have you join us for this retreat, and I am confident that it will be a transformative experience for you and your writing journey.

As a personalized highlight, I have made special arrangements for your stay. The details of which I am keeping confidential until your arrival and I expect you not to share them with anyone once you’ve been informed.

I look forward to welcoming you to Nevermore and sharing this adventure with you.

Warmest regards,

Larissa Weems

Below the signature sat an address and a golden embossed Nevermore seal at the bottom of the page. This was the perfect opportunity, but who was Larissa Weems and how was she able to get your information all the way from Nevermore?

What secret mysterious information did she have for you?

You had so many questions that you wanted answers to, like why was the retreat being held at a school for outcasts, who was this Larissa woman? But opportunity reared its head, and for the first time all summer, you were excited to meet new people and uncover what Nevermore had in store for you.

——————-

The term has started, and classes drug by. Your fall was the quietest it had ever been, and you couldn’t have been more thankful. You were ready to drive to Jericho and meet the ever alluring Larissa Weems and all the other writers at the retreat. Only a few days left before you could make the drive to Nevermore and answer all your questions.

That night you began packing your suitcase for the month-long trip to Nevermore. Conveniently, your Thanksgiving break fell around the same time, meaning you’d only miss about a week of school between leaving and coming back. It could be excused as a business venture. You packed all the fanciest clothes you had, and honestly you had no idea what you were getting yourself into, but it had to be better than your cramped apartment and not being able to find inspiration to write.

———————

You’d left that weekend.

It was a beautiful drive to Jericho. The leaves were all shades of reds, yellows, and oranges, and recent rain had left a perfect fog over the mountains. It felt like something out of a movie. The air smelled like fall. It was perfect for the occasion.

Once you had hit downtown Jericho, you still had a 20 minute drive to Nevermore. Spotting a café, your stomach rumbled and you decided it couldn’t hurt to stop for a coffee and a pastry. The Weathervane housed a cozy, diner-like atmosphere that you only saw on TV. You couldn’t keep yourself from smiling as you walked in.

A girl came to take your order and you walked out with a chocolate croissant and a chai latte. Begrudgingly, you got back in your car to continue your journey to the retreat. There would be time to explore the town later, and you were more than thrilled to see Nevermore for yourself after the things you’d heard from other people.

———————

When you arrived through the large gates you honestly couldn’t believe your eyes. A castle sat before you. Despite its dark exterior, you could see flower gardens and a lake in the distance, meaning you’d definitely have plenty to do in your spare time. You unloaded your things and walked to the main entrance where a woman with mousy brown hair sat pointedly at a table right beyond the doors.

She introduced herself as Jamie and helped check you into your room and gave you your necessary itinerary for the month, as well as a map and a brief description of what the rest of the day would entail.

“A welcome party will be held tonight to kick things off. Wear something nice. There will be refreshments and drinks at the bar in the ballroom. Everything else you need to know should be on your itinerary.” Jamie outstretched her hand for you to shake, which you did, and you offered a warm smile as a sign of your gratitude that she returned. You debated on even asking, but the anticipation was killing you. You had to meet Larissa and find out what was going on.

“Is there a Larissa Weems here? Where could I find her if she was?” You asked so sweetly your teeth almost rotted there on the spot, but your attitude changed when you seen the way Jamie had reacted to your questions. “Um..No. Ms Weems will not be seeing anyone until later tonight as she’s with someone important. As a friend, I don’t recommend seeking her out. She’s very….strict.” Her voice lowered as she went on, and a pit began to form in your stomach. What the hell have I just gotten myself into?

Smiling in understanding, you decided not to press further. Jamie’s chipper attitude returned as she handed you your room keys. “You’ll be staying in Ophelia Hall. My room is close to yours so should you have any questions don’t be afraid to knock.” With a quick thank you, you headed up the stairs and down a hallway, passing by a large oak door with a golden plaque.

Principal Weems

Your heart started to race and you felt your breathing stop as you put two and two together on Larissa’s profile. She was the principal of Nevermore. A loud crash came from inside the office, accompanied by muffled voices. Something was off, but the sound of oncoming footsteps snapped you out of your train of thought and you rushed to continue the hike to your room.

What would the night bring later on and how could you get closer to Larissa and understanding your strange invitation when everyone here was so secretive? But most importantly, what was the big secret she was harboring?

——————-

Thank you for reading, this is my first ever fic and I would LOVE to hear your feedback. I also didn’t proofread so if anything is wonky excuse it and act like it isn’t there. I have a cool plot in mind and I’m excited to continue writing, however if you have any ideas for how you want the story to proceed don’t be afraid to let me know!

With Love,

-S

[unsanctioned-if]

"Unsanctioned" demo will be up again soon

Having spent the past two days experimenting with speech to text and seeing how it feels to write, I have discovered that the former is very difficult to do for me when it comes to fictional writing which tbh I suspected would be the case, and the latter is also extremely difficult for me to manage with the injury even when it comes to coding and editing. It can be done, but...very slowly. In my last post I said that I would wait a week, but unfortunately I don't think it will make much of a difference.

With that in mind, I have decided to put the demo out (still) in its incomplete state. I will get back to working on it as soon as I am able to. Hopefully it should still be a smoother experience now compared to when it was released last month.

In the meantime, I will focus more on brainstorming, world building and working on stuff that doesn’t require as much direct writing and coding.

I also want to address the feedback I've gotten and the errors people have reported. I have tried to get to all of them, but some I have not been able to locate. I think it could in part be because of the different race + background variables to consider and how these sometimes mix and give different text. I have probably missed some entirely because of my own inattentiveness as well, and for that I’m sorry.

If you play the demo and notice errors or oddities, it would be very helpful and appreciated if you would send a message to my inbox and attach a screenshot so that I can see exactly where this happens since it is so much easier to find the errors exactly that way. Thank you so, so much to everyone who has been helping me with that <3

I will also get to answering more asks. I will try doing it using speech to text and then fixing it to make it sound somewhat coherent like I am doing right now. Sorry it's taking me so long to get to them.

I hope that I can get back to working on this story soon - if you read it and have any thoughts on it I would love to hear them!

[kitorin]

journal.

in which, itoshi rin's midnight writing exposes what he's kept concealed from you.

contents. itoshi rin x reader, 2.878 k words, fluff, angst (in the past), itoshi backstory spoilers (mixed with a few headcanons), 1st person rin pov for a bit (journal entry), regular highschool au

a/n. is this my best? no. but is it the best i have for today? yes. happy birthday to rin <3 after assignments are done i'll definitely rewrite this (i gave up on proofreading)

10 / 09 / 2023 : SUNDAY, 12:04 am - 3:21 am

Solitude has never been a foreigner.

In fact, he's quite a familiar individual, an old companion that never seems to leave.

Even before Nii chan left for Spain, solitude was still there for me. During class I wouldn't utter a word to anyone else unless necessary, and contrariwise for said classmates. People still spoke to me; just not to the extent that they'd know what my favourite foods were, or what I liked to watch in my free time, not even bothering with it. I've never been invited to hang out with anyone after school, or been to someone else's house (not that I particularly cared, I was just sure that I was the only one).

But I was okay with it. I didn't want, or need anyone else when Nii chan bought me ice blocks, giving me the bigger piece as we'd watch the sun's warm hues bleed into the sky; the saccharine iciness contrasting how warm is was to be swallowed by sunlight together. Dad took us fishing a lot, he's always been well acquainted with the sea, taking us to locations well populated by bream; my favourite. On our way home we'd harvest kelp (Nii chan likes it in rice, salted) and take photos together on our yacht, admiring how the sun greets the world farewell, sinking into the aquamarine. Mum makes amazing food, I'm constantly astonished at how she manages to memorise every preference, from my love for ochazuke to being able to pour the perfect amount of tea; the rice never becomes too soggy (even I can't pour the exact amount I like). Solitude was close to me, but my family were closer.

There's a lot I could say about them, they've done more than remember what I love and ensuring I was happy; I'm thankful they've delivered the right for me to be comforted, to have a shoulder to cry on, to be able to freely ramble on about whatever fascinated me.

I've always been happy, even if I'm alone outside of the walls I call home. Because whether I laughed my heart out or sobbed to the point I couldn't form a coherent sentence, I'd always come home running to my family. Nothing can beat dinner; where we all relish mum's food, ask each other about our days' and offer solace or advice when necessary.

I miss that. Terribly, to the point my heart aches.

I knew that Nii chan's departure to Europe (Spain, to be exact) would change a lot. I'd have to score without his guidance, walk home alone and buy my own popsicles. Dinner time would have one less soul to laugh with, and home would have one less to embrace.

I just never expected it to be painful change. I never predicted that his return would result in losing us entirely. I didn't think his homecoming would cause my immortal resentment towards the snow, or how my eyes prickle a bit at the mere thought of an ice block. I'd say it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, separation from him following it on the list of my worst experiences.

Solitude avoided me at home, but wasn't enough.

One time on the way home, I was overhearing the team's conversations (nothing particularly new really) and it was a discussion about the future. It was honestly surprising to find out only some of us intended to become soccer players; Nagi would rather stream or compete in professional gaming, Kurona wants to study marine biology in uni, and Yukimiya wants to give acting a go along with his modelling career. Even Isagi has a plan for if professional soccer isn't an option. He said he wanted to help others achieve their dreams if he fails to do so himself.

I remained silent as always, but had a lot more thoughts racing through my mind. Retreating to my room immediately that night, my first thought was to lie in bed, to neglect the clips I planned to analyse, to ignore muscle training for today and to slack off a bit. That's when I realized how sad the life I was living. I was sad because I was reminded of my reality.

I'm a mere myriad of distinguished achievements, though a hideous attempt of replicating genius Itoshi Sae. I'm a collection of formidable accomplishments, basking in the spotlight of glory and honour. The trophies and awards adorning my room prove it, standing tall with pride and flaunting my hard work.

That didn't mean anything. I had remained in a constant cycle of training, eating, and sleeping. My teammates were just as ambitious yet still worked hard on other things; Yukimiya enjoys modelling and Reo has a passion for economics, That must've been where I was lacking.

That's how I ended up writing again. It was an attempt to break out of this cyclical torture of constant training and sports.

I don't know how I remembered it, but I found my notebook from primary, all the stories messily scrawled yet legible. Scarlet adorned narratives birthed from child-like imagination, eulogising the prose, even though I almost flinched out of embarrassment.

Flipping through the pages, I had found the paragraph my teacher left me, insisting that I keep writing. Obviously, I never did. After getting into soccer I ignored everything school related, and would've found words on a page foolish anyways.

Many years later, I finally followed that advice.

The end result wasn't pretty. I paused a lot, struggled a lot, and almost gave up, a lot. It may have been hideous, but it was mine. A piece birthed from curiosity and memories from the past turned into another attempt. Another attempt morphed into extensive reading, I wanted to observe what was considered worthwhile or meaningless.

Writing rewove the early nights into late night reading, fully immersed in the author's thoughts translated into prose. Reading was the push to giving academics a go. Academics pulled me out of the endless cycle of soccer, there was more to life than training and diet regulation.

Books I can read. Words I can write. Exams I can study for and sports I can practice. Weights I can lift and competitions I can train for.

But to be loved, is so difficult.

It's not like an exam that you can study for and simply memorise the answers to. Or a match that has the security of a referee and reinforced rules. It's not something that can be guaranteed with a mentor.

People treat Isagi to his favourite whenever he has a bad day (he likes kintsuba). People advocate their favourite novels to Yukimiya and Chigiri, even going as far as memorising their preferences to curate their recommendations flawlessly. It must be nice, for someone to invest that sort of effort in you, even if it's simply remembering a hobby.

As my peers savoured the allure of love, estrangement and desolation constantly haunted me; a pest habituating the sleepless nights where I try to escape with a cup of coffee that's long gone cold.

It's lukewarm, praying for another's attention, care and love, to be hungry for one's time. I pathetically plead whoever manipulating my fate to provide me some sort of human connection. I shouldn't be so hopeful of others, yet I find myself dying of curiosity; what would it be like for someone to remember my birthday? Or tell me about the horror movie they adored?

I despise solitude's clinginess. But I hate how it makes me sob endlessly when no one watches.

I have myself. I have my thoughts which I've transcribed to oeuvre. I have the pile of books resting on my bedside table which sleep alongside with me. I have the trophies and awards I've won, I'll always appreciate my own talent and diligence, even if playing soccer brought me so much pain.

I think I'm somewhat pretty. I find my prominent eyelashes special to me, it's something unique to both me and Nii chan. My physique isn't too bad, either. I like the way my legs look, and my shoulders as I dry my hair.

I've always been proud of myself. I've always been enough and I always will be. Just not for others.

That's why I never expected my bond with solitude to be severed so easily. Especially because of y/n out of all people.

I still don't get how it happened. The oblivion to their presence became a peculiar first impression. An odd first meeting turned into abrupt yet regular greetings amidst hallways. Soon, I was sitting with them in every class, passing notes during tedious lessons and discussing our favourite media on the bus ride home.

Before I knew it, passionate rambles about books turned into watching movies together in my room. Whenever they greeted me their friendly wave was replaced with a tight hug, passing notes in class were accompanied with subtle kisses on the cheek.

Our relationship as friends was reimagined to lovers.

Something must've possessed me to blurt out the stupid crush I had on them, and I thank whatever drove me to do that. As awkward as I was it doesn't compare to the skip of my heartbeat when they accepted my feelings.

It's been almost a year since I met them, yet I still feel hot whenever they hold my hand, and flush red at every compliment they whisper. I still find myself stuttering sometimes whenever they're showing me a new outfit they've styled.

I love the way they smile, the creases of joy that adorn the outer corner of their eyes, and how they squint with glee and the sweet, melodious laughter that accompanies it; how breathless they sound whilst laughing. The expression they wear when deep in thought fascinates me, even if it's midway through an exam or them simply observing a video Bachira sent them. I adore their late night thoughts they text me at 3 am, the fatigue itching my eyes seem to evaporate when I notice their name on the notification. I treasure the notes we've scrawled on spare sheets of paper, they're still in between the pages of my books.

Even now, they're sleeping soundly in my bed, arms wrapped around the plush I bought them; I keep getting distracted by the sight of them so relaxed, chest rising up and down with each breath.

I would die for them. Because now I don't need to pretend to be invested on my phone to look less lonely. Now, I don't need to put my bag on the seat next to me to make it look like I sit alone by choice. I don't have to persuade the teacher to let me do group projects alone, or have to observe others with jealousy. Someone defends me from disparaging comments.

Because now, I'm not alone.

7:15 am

THE ENTRY COMES TO AN END, AND EMBARASSMENT DUSTS Rin's face a faint tint of pink. His eyes avoid contact with yours— as he waits for your input his latest piece.

"Well? What do you think?"

You're not sure where to start. You've always known about his strained relationship with his older brother, and how his friendship with his teammates wasn't the same in the beginning. But he never explained it in detail; you wouldn't've guessed that he had some sort of chionophobia, or even cried because he felt so secluded from others. The thought of him concealing his tears and pain from the rest of the world made your eyes prickle and sends your heart racing miserably.

"Doesn't matter—" He reaches for the notebook, closing it and tossing it onto his desk. "Forget it, you didn't see anything." He plops backwards again, head hitting the pillow and groaning as he covers his face with his forearm. "It was shit anyways, I'll rip it out and toss it later."

"It wasn't."

Rin stays silent.

You lie down, mimicking his current position and cup his cheeks with your hand. "You'll never be alone again—, I promise you that." Your voice falters ever so slightly, the thought of his pain makes you feel weak in the knees and sick to the stomach. "You're more than enough, you always have and always will be. You don't need anyone's validation to be beautiful, you never did."

Rin sighs, "I'm only like that because of you." Yet something seems to throb in his heart, the small but overpowering part of him that insists he requires another's approval to be important— someone finally proving that wrong.

"That's not true."

"Yes it is, our classmates still loathe me, so do people who barely see or speak to me." There was no lie in that; but it wasn't Rin's fault. "Yoichi and the others only spend time with me because of you."

"I was only the push for them to speak to you, you know they've always cared, they were just too nervous to speak to you. As competitive as he gets, Yoichi really admires you, to the point he gets so heated and ends up rambling about your skills." That's a secret that was supposed to remain in your private messages, but Yoichi doesn't need to know.

Satisfaction momentarily appears on Rin's face at the thought of his rival's great respect, though it doesn't last very long.

"He's my teammate so it's expected... everyone I speak to at school seems to have something against me, even our English teacher." The mistreatment at school is undeniable, it's not exactly bullying but there's no respect or human decency in how people behave towards him.

"Rin, love, you've done nothing wrong, hate isn't always rational. There will always be people who can't stand seeing others more successful, and that's not your fault."

"Really?" His eyes light up; despite having a sophisticated and cold demeanour all the time, he looks like a child again, hope dances in his wide eyes.

"Really." Your fingers take advantage of the opportunity and pinch his cheeks gently. "Don't listen to all those stupid rumours and assumptions, idiot. I'd fight anyone who tries to hurt you and win every time."

When your fingers let go he immediately kisses you, and it leaves you breathless; the way he pulls you in flexes his well toned biceps and his hand supports your head.

"Thank you." Rin whispers, pulling away a bit. "Thank you for appreciating me. Thank you for everything." It's a rare occurrence for him to sound so frail, same goes for the tremble of his bottom lip.

"Of course, I love you more than anything."

"I love you too." It's escorted by a peck on your nose, and a soft expression sculpted on his face.

Before Rin can throw a blanket over the two of you again, you interrupt.

"You shouldn't throw that entry away." You still haven't forgotten his initial intention with it. "I don't get why you think it's shit."

"It's rushed. And it's just me waffling on about my feelings and the past. There's no proofreading, and it's rushed. It's not even complete either."

"That's the whole point of writing, no? It's the expression of our words and thoughts." You reach towards his desk to pick up the notebook. "Not everything has to be written in one sitting, too."

Rin doesn't bother stopping you from looking through the notebook at this point. "It's still stupid. It's just that I had the urge and motivation to write in the dead of night."

"Well. I like it."

Rin's stoic expression crumbles, revealing the bashful side he keeps concealed from the world. "Then that's good enough for me." The red on his cheeks tell you that you've won the argument.

You turn back to the entry page, impressed with his barely legible yet pretty handwriting. "You should've slept instead."

"I don't get tired anyways." He's quickly betrayed by the yawn clawing out of his throat.

"Liar. Why would you stay up writing so late... your sleep is important you know?"

"Because you are love itself. I won't get a wink of sleep if it means I can think and write about you instead." Rin's pulls you in again, tossing his notebook elsewhere as he leans in. "I promise I'll finish that entry, no— I'll write a book about you one day."

"Writing this, writing that, sleep first dumbass." A smile tugs at your lips as you pull Rin back into the position you were cuddling in a few hours ago. Even though you were the one who slept a lot more, fatigue itched your eyes, and a yawn spilled out too.

In response, Rin tosses a blanket over the two of you, whispering good night as you begin to nod off a bit. He should rest too, he has training tomorrow and has to go to the gym as well.

The Itoshi Rin from before would've slept immediately. In fact, he wouldn't've stayed up in the first place, let alone date someone. But the Itoshi Rin now instead stares at you, admiring each and every feature of yours. You're his savior, the luminescent moon irradiating his world, guiding him away from the grasps of solitude and embracing him with love instead.

Tagging: @yuzurins (yumi you inspired this fic btw lol)

© kitorin : do not repost, plagiarize, change, or translate