#how to hide kudos

[mishy-mashy]

Kudo makes funny facial expressions

[detco-hell]

sus

[movie 8 - Magician of the Silver Sky]

[recurring-polynya]

why do i have poster's disease? i wanted to write a weird little vaguely horny story that i've thought about for a long time but i did so under the pretense that it was 'just for me' and i wasn't going to post it b/c i really do not want put it up for public opinion, but then i wrote it and was like 'what if...ha ha...j/k...unless...?' Part of my problem is that i always think 'what if someone else wrote this and they wouldn't let me see it...i would be so saaaaad...' and then i feel bad for this theoretical lurker me who doesn't even write me fanfic back. Like, I read all these posts where people are like 'no one interacts with fic anymore, i'm going to stop posting my work' and i'm always like 'hmm, i understand your feelings, i have noticed the same' but it could not be me. i will keep posting my unpopular shit and feel bad when it doesn't get much in the way of kudos and have a hundred regrets and then i'll just do it again later. idc. (it's a lie, i very much do care)

[restlessthio]

An idea for a print, or maybe keychains/acrylic charms =) (which would y’all rather have??)

I rewatched a bunch of Conan eps (and made my parents watch it- they loved it!) and I really like how much Heiji helps out ☺️

[aerodaltonimperial]

I was today years old when I realized that muting an account on ao3 means if they leave you a comment, you won't be able to see it. 🤣🤣🤣

[sherlock-is-ace]

ok when I said I didn't like Clara all that much, I was thinking of series 8. This is the Clara I remembered, too bossy, too mean to the doctor, too "I'm the boss here, you're just my chauffeur" type of dynamic... Maybe it's not as bad as I remember, maybe it was just the vibe of ep1 cause it had the whole regeneration trauma, but this is closer to what my memory of her was kdjfhgdfg

(my own personal subjective opinion, if you like clara that's awesome, not my fault i don't love her, don't come at me, etc, etc)

[artemisdesari-blog]

A writer friend told me something that broke my heart a little bit today; they're going to quit publishing their fanfic.

My instant thought was that they had been trolled or attacked or that something terrible had happened in their life because this person is so passionate about their writing. It wasn't any of that. Engagement with their works has been going down, as it has for many of us. Comments are like gold dust a lot of the time, and just looking through the historical comment counts on old fics on ao3 demonstrates this trend very clearly. It was not simply the comments dropping off which caused them to decide to stop posting, however.

My friend came across a discord server for their fandom (I should point out here that their fandom interest and mine diverged a couple of years ago, we stay in touch but don't currently read each other's posts because I'm not into their fandom and they would rather gouge their eyes out with a wooden spoon than read anything Star Wars) and specifically to share fic in that fandom. They joined, because we all love a good fic rec, only to discover that their latest multichapter fic, which has almost no comments and very few kudos, is being hotly discussed in this server as one of the best stories ever. Not one of these people has bothered to say this to them on the fic. When they asked, none of participants could see the point in telling the author of the fic they apparently loved so much that they love it.

This discovery has absolutely destroyed my friend's love of sharing fic. They share because they love seeing other people's enjoyment, and fic writers do that through comments and kudos/reblogs/likes because we don't get paid. There is no literary critic writing a blog post/article about how amazing the story is for us to copy and keep/frame. There is no money from royalties. All we have are the words of the people reading our works.

Those people on that server could have taken five minutes of the time they spent gushing about how amazing my friend's story was to other people and used it to tell the one person guaranteed to want to hear that praise how much they loved it. They could have taken a moment to express their opinion to the person who spent hours upon hours plotting, writing, editing, and posting those chapters. Instead, they deprived my friend of thing that keeps them sharing their writing, and in the process have killed their love of it. My friend now feels used and unmotivated.

I won't be sharing a link to their fic, they said I could share their experience but not their identity. I know they plan to post one final chapter. I know they intend to express their hurt at being excluded from the praise for the thing they created, and I know they intend to announce that as a consequence they will not be posting for a long while, if at all.

So please, I beg you, don't hide your love of a story from the writer. It's just about the only thing we have.

[ao3commentoftheday]

the stats spiral

That's what I call it when I start obsessing over the numbers I get on fics or posts. When I refresh AO3 every five or ten minutes to see if I've got more hits or kudos. When I keep my tumblr activity page open in a tab to see new notes as soon as they come in.

It's not fun. Not really. Even when I sometimes tell myself it is.

You see, it starts out exciting! I've put a thing out there and now I get to see the reactions to it! I'm like a kid on their birthday who can't wait to see their presents. What are people going to say? Will they like it? Will they talk to me about it?

I'm lucky enough that I do get notes on tumblr posts and I do get comments and kudos when I post on AO3. But depending on how excited I am about the thing that I made and depending on how uncertain I am of whether it's any good, I want to get a lot more attention than I end up getting.

I know that that's a normal feeling. I know it's even a rational one! I've put a lot of effort into making something, or I've made something that I think my community will like, and not hearing back like I'd hoped can sometimes feel like rejection. It can be a huge disappointment that makes me doubt myself, my abilities, my connection to my community.

That's why I say it's not fun. Because even though 'engagement' can give me a really high high, it can also give me a really low low.

When I finally realize I'm in one of those lows (and it sometimes takes me a while to realize that I am), that's when I know that I need to step away.

When it's really bad, I just stop posting until I'm in a better mental space. For me, I now recognize that those feelings are often coming from me wanting a connection of some kind. The need for attention is coming from a feeling of loneliness or isolation, and so I need to counteract that by reaching out to people I know and care about to have a chat or a meal or just some time spent doing something communal.

When I can catch it early, then I force myself to close the activity tab here on tumblr and hide whatever stats are making me spiral on AO3. I've learned to recognize that I'm looking to those metrics as a way to feel important or special or cared for in some way and that I need to figure out where I'm feeling insecure in my life and how to get some reassurance - because strangers on the internet won't be able to give me what I need.

If you're currently spiraling, first of all lemme give you a hug ❤️ I hope you can take some time and figure out what it is that you want those stats to tell you about yourself or what it is that you think those stats will give you that you're not getting from somewhere else.

And if you haven't heard it lately, I'm glad that you're in this world - no matter what kind of numbers you have on your posts.

[minty364]

But can you imagine Jack you know, being Jack in front of Bruce, like:

“Brucie!! Guess what!? We’ve both adopted bright boys!!” Jack Boomed through the hall gesturing over to Danny who was trying to shrink into a corner.

DPXDC Prompt #51

Danny had reservations about this collage friend his parents were talking up, his training in the league made him feel like something wasn’t right with the billionaire. They were headed to Wisconsin for a class reunion and Danny didn’t want to be here, but at least he could protect his family if things got out of hand and they would knowing the Fentons. Little did he know they had another friend they met in their college days and Danny wanted to avoid at all costs. His real father and his twin along with 2 of his siblings along as well. (You can pick anyone but I feel Tim and Dick would make the most sense)

Can he discover what Vlad is playing at and stay under the radar from his twin and father? He knows he isn’t that lucky, but at least his twin thinks he’s dead.

[dramioneasks]

Top 10 Most “Kudos-ed” (Completed) Fics on AO3 of 2024:

BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC by WhatMurdah - E, 21 chapters, Words: 195,969 - “In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three. When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press. Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body. (With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)

The Gallows by gillianeliza - E, 23 chapters, Words: 47,332 - Five years after the Battle of Hogwarts the Ministry of Magic has one more wizard to bring to trial: Draco Malfoy. However, it's not a trial they're after, it's a spectacle to celebrate the end of the Death Eater regime with the execution of their final prisoner. When Hermione realizes their plan, she halts the trial and invokes The Gallows Law — an ancient law that pardons any pureblood male without an heir if a witch will marry him. What Hermione isn't ready for is the reality of bonding a broken, shell of a wizard and her new life as she moves into Malfoy Manor as the new Lady Malfoy.

Meet Me In Dreamland by sinflower81 - E, 39 chapters, Words: 229,631 - If there’s one thing Hermione Granger is good at, it’s using magic to fix her problems. And this time, her problem is sex. Luckily, she has the perfect solution: a locket enchanted with the Patented Daydream Charm. Whenever she opens it, she’ll find herself in Dreamland, where she can live out all her filthiest fantasies risk-free. The magic is a bit tricky, though. For some reason, Malfoy keeps showing up there with her. Thank goodness it’s only an illusion—if that was really him, she would never live it down. Meanwhile, Draco is determined to figure out who the fuck is cursing him to suffer through highly realistic, erotic hallucinations of his secret childhood crush. When he finds the culprit, there will be hell to pay.

The Missing Sister by singularritae - M, 75 chapters, Words: 652,727 - The owl appeared late at night and left just as suddenly, he recognised the handwriting immediately and ripped open the envelope. She is yours. If something happens to us, I want you to hide her. Name her Hermione, for she will have my last libation before I sleep and be the messenger of dreamers. Moony and Mary know. Three words. Three words that forever changed the course of the war.

A Gallows Marriage by MilaBelle - E, 31 chapters, Words: 162,244 - “Glee was the last thing she felt staring into the empty eyes that should have been a bright grey. His face had always looked pointed and sharp, but now that gave way to gauntness. His hair, which he had been so particular about in school, hung long and limp. It reminded her of how his father had looked in his mugshot. How he had wanted to be just like his father growing up. And now he was, maybe more than ever. A ghost.” After doing more than her fair share in saving the Wizarding World and bearing the scars of what it cost, Hermione Granger thinks she has earned herself a little respite. But when a charismatic albeit chaotic Theodore Nott convinces her to use an old law to save a dear friend who is about to meet the Dementor’s Kiss, she simply cannot stand by and watch. Follow Hermione as she navigates a world that still believes in blood status, a marriage to save the life of an old enemy and the hurt that comes with surviving.

an ever-fixed mark by ninepiecesofcrait - E, 28 chapters, Words: 208,118 - It was a comedy of errors how Hermione Granger ended up engaged to Draco Malfoy, really. A series of unfortunate events. // Malfoy looked at his bloodied hand and the ring on the cobblestone floor, and sighed. “Well, Granger.” Grey eyes finally raised to look at her. “Now look what you’ve done.” // [while working to break a curse in malfoy’s cellar, hermione accidentally touches an enchanted betrothal heirloom from the noble house of black. things rapidly fall apart from there.]

The Best Mistake by Chels_Writes_a_Fic - E, 26 chapters, Words: 127,444 - Hermione Granger does not make mistakes, at least not often. After making the biggest, dumbest, most horrible mistake of her life, Hermione must deal with the repercussions while keeping her relationship with her Auror partner, Draco Malfoy, strictly professional. He, of course, has other plans. Amidst a resurgence in Death Eater activity, the likes of which Britain hasn’t seen since the First Wizarding War, Hermione will come to realize that the mistake she’s made with Draco might not be so bad at all. It just might be the best mistake.

disparate by Stars_in_motion - E, 4 chapters, Words: 40,708 - au where omegas who go neglected by their alpha for a long time often go into breakthrough heats when being around a different, compatible alpha who displays one (1) caretaking trait around them "You– you brought me supper?" Malfoy eyed her warily. "Don't look so stricken. Do you think I haven't noticed you've been starving yourself for days? You were at your desk when I arrived this morning and haven't moved since." He opened the box of fruit and plucked out a single grape with his sinfully long fingers. Still seated in her desk chair, Malfoy loomed over her entirely so she couldn't look anywhere else. Sometimes it was easier to forget how large he really was. "Now eat."

Mind the Bump by Soap1 - E, 28 chapters, Words: 84,050 - Hermione Granger and her colleague (and, though she sometimes hates to admit it, her friend) Theo Nott, are busy at the Research Institute for the Alchemical Sciences, working together on an innovative, though secretive, project that more than one person might like to get their hands on. She doesn't have much time for dating, and certainly isn't ready to think about starting a family. But after an exciting, though unexpected, one-night stand, she finds herself pregnant. With Draco Malfoy's baby. As her research continues, as her pregnancy progresses, will she be able to make room for Draco in her life?

Détraquée by Hystaracal - M, 108 chapters, Words: 728,097 - "All her growth was the conveying of a corpse of hope." (From 'The Rainbow', D.H. Lawrence) This is a story about coming into one's own, a meditation on the twilight of girlhood and the violence of crash-landing into womanhood. Follow Hermione as she navigates through the quagmire: Saving the world, getting top grades, falling in love, lust, and a whole lot of trouble, and comes out of it hopefully (at least) partially sane.

[sulphuricgrin]

People who read fanfics but don't interact with it, here's a harsh reminder:

Comment.

Comment like the fanfic's life depends on it, because it likely does.

The author behind it is writing this for fun, writing this to share with others, for free. Don't bother saying "Oh, they write it for themselves." No, not really.

Art is meant to be shared and enjoyed and discussed.

Comments are motivation for an author to keep going. Comments tell an author someone is enjoying their work.

Comments mean more than kudos! Kudos can only be given once and could be given early when a fic is young. But if people are reading but not commenting on later chapters, an author has no idea if anyone is enjoying or even reading their recent updates! They might think people have lost interest! An author might give up if not given a reminder that at least someone is reading and loving it.

"But I don't know what to comment!"

Easy! You've got several different styles to try! Mix and match if you want.

The simplest and quickest: Thanking the author for the update or maybe even just a 💚.

Screaming: Caps and chaos, scream at the author all your thoughts. I assure you, authors love seeing this:

“NOOOOO 😭😭😭 WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME??? ajdkskfjskfj”

You can even go further and write line by line as you 'live react' to the chapter/fic:

“Okay the opening is already killing me.” “OH MY GOD THEY FINALLY KISSED!!!” “WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE???”

Quote: Pick out a quote from your favourite part and make a comment around it. Was it a good line? Did you really like what happened?

My favourite line is "she had more money than sense sometimes, but she’d hardly cry over this." It's a small one but I love how it conveys his attitude towards her mixed with his desire.

Hype: Maybe you don't have much to say, but just announcing your love is enough!

"I'm obsessed with this fic." or “frantically mashing the kudos button again and again"

Speculate: Guess what might be coming next!

"i wonder why lilli would rather Elikar take her and Cinnara 👀 👀"

Analyse: Offer thoughtful commentary on themes, motivates, foreshadowing, or symbolism. An author would be thrilled to see all the little details they might have written are being picked up!

"Her mentioning the magic being different somehow seems to imply she's already dimly aware of the sea's connection to Apocrypha, maybe?"

Just remember one crucial rule: Don't offer criticism unless you know each other and you've been asked.

Now go! Go support some of your favourite fanfics and authors! Show the love, and don't hide it behind discord servers!

[kindaasrikal]

I whole heartedly love making really cool characters be even bigger losers than they actually are, and the Ninja are the definition of cool losers

Lloyd writes really cringe fanfics about whatever fandom he’s in. Sometimes he makes self insert fanfics of him being wooed by whatever character he is the most fascinated by. Other times, he writes ninja fanfics under a name no one will suspect him of. He has indeed written a fanfic making fun of each of them whenever they make him mad. They definitely don’t have thousands of kudos and he’s definitely not the reason why villains now know Nya is ticklish. Definitely not.

Kai talks to himself in mirrors like a loser, and this one is CANON. He flexes in front of any mirror and calls himself ‘hotshot’ and absolutely pretends the mirror is someone else complimenting him. “Oh ho, you wanna know how i got these bad boys? Well, ehe, being a ninja is no easy job sweetheart. Saving the world means I’m saving you, after all.” And he winks at himself with the biggest smirk and yes Jay is recording from the bathroom door.

Nya often acts confident in things she ends up struggling to do, like lift up a building. Shes not Cole yet she aspires to look as badass as he does when picking stuff up. No her arm isn’t cramping Zane, no its not bending at an awkward angle Kai. Leave her alone her arm is absolutely not in pain right now.

Zane really enjoys sounding smart, so often that he names random facts or tries to predict situations without using any of the software in him thats actually supposed to help him get it right. Because of that, you can see him predicting the world is gonna end and they’re all gonna die to the ninja who are all understandably panicked by that, only for that to not happen. The only response he has is “I told you all the world wasn’t going to end. This is why I believe you all should listen to me more often.” Whilst looking away from them. Lloyd throws a rock at Zane.

Cole is horribly bad at lying. So bad that it hurts. Big lies he can for some reason do, smaller ones and he’s like a stuttering baby and everyone’s now gonna die. No one even knows the reason why is because his dad told him when he was younger heroes never lie and he embarrassingly held onto that. Nya has learnt her lesson not to get Cole to be the one to lie as to why she’s not home, Kai standing unimpressed with the magical sword she found a few days before and was researching for enough proof.

Jay gets injured often and hides said minor injuries, that could easily be patched up. So now you have Cole watching confused when Jay is walking like a weirdo. They’ve reached a point in their lives that they’re all aware Jay messed up his toe somehow and thats why he’s walking funny, but its so much funnier watching him walk around like a new born baby or a penguin. And hearing him say his excuses is even funnier because what do you mean your arm is spinning around like that because a screw is loose you aren’t a nindroid Jay.

Extra+

Morro trips. Often. He trained himself heavily with and after Wu to better his balance so it won’t be an issue later on and his balance is quite literally perfect. It’s not even a question if he can stand on his tiptoes carrying a box on his other leg thats held up straight like a line, because yes, he can. Somehow, he still trips often. People believe he is making excuses for his lameness by blaming the wind but he swears he’s telling the truth. He’s gotten used to floating around to save his nose the embarrassment of being squished again.

Okdokeodki im done

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 10!

and oh, what a week it's been... so, how are we feeling about 8x09?

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might contain spoilers for season 8.

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

atomic spiral | ameliahart/@melliehart | 13.3k | E

Eddie starts cockblocking Buck. Things escalate from there. oh crazygirl eddie, how much i love you <3 absolutely loved his characterisation here and i though the bit with chris' "emergency" was super fun!!

blame it on the [painkillers] | OneTrueEmotion/@one-eighteen | 2.7k | GA

Featuring a broken arm, some painkillers, and an accidental love confession. so cute and soft and fun <3 i loved buck being a little loopy!!

brojob | WendigoBaby | 6.8k | E

eddie asks buck to show him a good time and they find joy along the way. loved buck's characterisation here!! and the premium buck 1.0 bit made me giggle <3

broken pieces fit together | foxwatson/@eddiediazes | 2.7k | T

When Buck gets home from the hospital, he stays with the Diazes - and stays in Eddie's bed. Maybe Eddie isn't the only one getting comfort from it. i can't even count how many times i've reread this, that's how much i love this one! such lovely hurt/comfort <3

deep inside a gold mine | marviless/@marviless | 8.5k | T

in which eddie is in love and a bit clingy about it. oh, how i adore clingy eddie <3 he deserves to be clingy!! let him cling!! this is such a gem of a fic for sure <3

everything's growing in our garden | mostardent/@laracrofted | 29.8k | E

Eddie moves to El Paso for the rest of the school year, and Buck grows a garden in his backyard and waits for him to come home. this fic!! i genuinely think this is my favourite eddie goes to el paso fic ever. it's so beautifully written, has some really funny moments too but is mostly just so gorgeous. my green thumb starts and ends with the one succulent i've had for two years, but this makes me want to pick up gardening for real. so, so good <3

feel you forever | semperama/@semperama | 5.8k | E

Buck isn’t hard, not yet, not all the way, but he still can’t help but squirm, like Eddie can see through his clothes, through his skin even, to the heart of him where he’s hiding all these fucked up desires. “Is this…” Eddie meets his eyes again. “Is this new?” SO hot. buck is so real for having a thing for eddie's hands for sure, and i loved reading about it!! so good!!

hold me closer | smilingbuckley/@smilingbuckley | 2.2k | T

Buck has a tough shift when he fills in at the B-shift. He goes to Eddie for comfort. i am a simple person. i see the tag forehead kisses, i click on the fic, i repeat this approximately 27 times. this fic feels like a warm hug after a long day, and i'm sure i'll be back to click on it for the 28th time very soon <3

homophobia in the build-a-bear | paleredheadinascifi | 2.9k | T

Eddie builds a very gay Build-A-Bear. Unless you ask Buck. Then it's just a very rainbow ally bear. this is so fun and cute and so them <3 loved it so much!!

in sickness, in health | earthtolovers/@earthtolovers | 10.9k | E

Eddie gets sick. Buck takes care of him—in more ways than one. domestic and soft and also so hot wow. i love their dynamic in this one!!

let the quiet put things where they are supposed to be | theheartbelieves | 26.7k | E

Eddie and Buck share a bed during their pandemic bubble and things escalate. oh, the glory of freak4freak buddie fics <3 the explicit scenes here are very very good, but i also really enjoyed the moments with hen and chimney!

moving on from him is impossible | playinginthunderstorms/@playinginthunderstorms | 3k | E

Eddie is stressed and has trouble... unwinding, while in El Paso. Buck helps. Like a good friend would. the best buck narration!! and such great dialogue <3 loved loved loved reading this one!!

speaking your (love) language | thelikesofus/@thelikesofus | 11.6k | T

Eddie's love language is acts of service and Buck takes full advantage of this information. this is so soft and full of love <3 i adore it!!

was i even on your way? | rangerdanger/@call-me-medusa | 3k | M

Buck gets reminded of something that happened he'd rather forget. the one thing i'll never forgive this show for is how they treated the dr wells thing, so i'm always so glad when i see fics discussing that further. this was both a really great look at buck's feelings about it, and also has some really lovely buddie <3

you're not saying you're in love with me (but you're going to) | turquoiseviolet/@turquoisevioiet | 29k | T

it takes an attempted home purchase, a holiday trip to texas, and some sisterly meddling for these two idiots to have some realizations. such a stunning fic!! i love the diaz sister so much and this has incredible chris characterisation! the scene on the pullout couch was my favourite <3

[nah-my-mom-said-no]

.

Manglobe will not be forgotten. That studio cooked WAYY TOOO hard

[buddierecs]

evan buckley centric buddie fics

all explicit rating - 18+ only!!!! make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

slaughterhouse by: kithmet "eddie announces he’s leaving. buck, naturally, begins a slow descent to madness." word count: 21k important tags: codependency, possessive behaviour, psychosexual behaviour, freak4freak, masturbation, angst and humour not even the memories are immortal by: allthatsleft eddie leaves for texas. buck sees him everywhere. word count: 33k important tags: feeling realisation, codependency, pining, abandonment issues, friends to lovers, blow jobs, hand jobs, rimming, spit kink the sweetest apparition by: hyruling "eddie moves to texas. buck keeps accidentally telling people eddie's dead. it goes about as well as you'd expect." word count: 20k important tags: pining, crack and angst, evan buckley mentally spirals, codependency, idiots to lovers, sappy sex homesick by: earthtolovers "eddie goes to el paso. buck moves into his house. he'll come back, right?" word count: 34k important tags: angst, abandonment issues, lack of communication, idiots in love, getting together, bottom!eddie diaz tripping over getting lost on you by: prettybegins "buck finds a video of tommy and eddie sparring on his boyfriend's phone and kind of loses his mind over it." word count: 15k important tags: infidelity, not tommy kinard friendly, dom/sub undertones, freak4freak, possessive!buck, anal sex, mild degradtion, bottom!eddie diaz like a dog with a bird at your door by: fleetingheart "evan “i love you like a dog” buckley has only ever known how to love like, well, a dog, but maybe eddie diaz is the kinda guy to give a flea-bitten mongrel a forever home" word count: 51k important tags: pining, whump, pre-relationship, domestic, friends to lovers, eventual smut, protective!evan buckley

okay, fair play, here we go by: earthtolovers "eddie has a new old friend. buck loses his cool. likely thing to happen." word count: 6k important tags: jealous!evan buckley, possessive behaviour, getting together, service top!buck, freak4freak, anal sex, barebacking, biting his eyes only by: smilingbuckley "eddie gets attention on a call, buck feels things. so, of course, he shows the universe that every other person can forget even thinking about what hides underneath eddie’s work pants." word count: 3k important tags: established relationship, possessive sex, marking, topping from the bottom, blow jobs, power bottom!buck

[vroomvroomwee]

Aziraphale's vest

I'd like to take a second and talk about his vest because I think it's a really good metaphor for Aziraphale's internal feelings.

At first glance it's obvious the vest is quite old. Really old in fact if you note the way it's practically disintegrating.

And it got me thinking a bit. The way the white practically bleeds from the edges of the neck, shoulders and buttons, going further and further, one day if he's persistent enough to wear it, it might even take over the entire vest. You could say that that, somehow, mirrors Heavens influence over Aziraphale. Slowly, slowly, biding their time, until it has completely ridden him of any colour. Until it has completely washed him of his identity, of his originality, of his character.

Take a look at his clothing when he's up in Heaven.

Completely and utterly white. Every piece of clothing he's wearing is pure and untarnished white. Upon entering Heaven, against his own accord, it has stripped him of his uniqueness, of anything that might distinguish him from any other angel who blindly follows orders and who's sole purpose is to do Heavens bidding.

Now, he could miracle the white patches on the vest away easily. But he doesn't want to.

The thing is. He likes the imperfect. He likes partaking in human activities and pleasures, like food, music, etc. Likes to indulge himself in earthly things Heaven would label as sinful or "sullying." And as someone who bas been on the receiving end of Heavens ridicule and passive aggression for millenia, as someone who for centuries has been told that he's underperforming and needs to do better, as someone who is all too aware of his own impurity by the standards an angel should hold and of the quite frankly unholy behaviour in performing immoral temptations and directly going against Heavens orders no more than a few times throughout the eras, it's no wonder he finds comfort in the imperfect.

He keeps the deteriorating edges because they are a perfect representation of his own internal feelings and image. After all, there's no rule that says he can't. And a big kudos to the costume department, for the patches perfectly encapsulate his religious trauma. Without it, he would probably be a very different person. He wouldn't be the same Aziraphale we know and love. The same way he likes being old-fashioned with his clothes and how that is a part of who he is, his trauma is a part of him as well, along with Heavens influence that has shaped him into who he is today, whether he likes it or not.

Every part of the vest illustrates Aziraphale's character and internal feelings, which brings me to another point I want to draw attention to, and that is the BACK of the vest.

It's DARK. And I don't think I'm mistaken when I say that most of us didn't expect it to look like that from behind. We all just assumed that it would be the same beige colour as the front, which is in tune with the rest of his attire. After all, seeing him wearing a dozen different outfits all throughout history, all of them some shade of white, it was the logical conclusion.

But no.

It's not white. It's a dark, slightly viridian or a dark blue colour. "Dark blue suggests a more mysterious depth or ominous quality. Power and authority: Dark blue signifies power and responsibility. "

Not what we would have expected that colour at all. Similarly to how one wouldn't expect an angel to perform temptations or be gluttonous, or envious, or slothful, or hedonistic. Not at first glance anyway.

Not unless you look carefully.

Not unless you know him.

The coat almost acts like a cover. The light over the dark. Almost as if it's trying to hide something. The only times we see Aziraphale not wearing the coat is in his bookshop. Which is logical, of course. You wouldn't wear a coat indoors, obviously. Except he DOES. He wears the coat when he and Crowley are drunk, he wears it when he's reading Agnes Nutter, he wears it when Gabriel and Sandalphon pop in, he wears it when he's talking to the Metatron, he wears it when he's listening to Shostakovich, he even wears it at the Ritz where it would be custom to take off your coat while dining. And it's worth noting that during the events happening (at least in the first season), the season is summer. Which would make it quite ridiculous to be wearing so many layers everywhere you go and therefore risk boiling. But he still wears the coat.

The only times he doesn't wear it is in the first episode after the sushi, when he's all ALONE, and in season 2 at the bookshop when Crowley comes back and in 1941.

And there's something oh so personal about that.

I don't think it's a coincidence that the darker part is specifically the back of the vest. There's always been this natural human instinct to protect yourself by never ever turning your back on a foe. And I don't think this is a conscious effort on Aziraphale's part, but rather genius writing, directing and costume design, and anyone who's watched and read Good Omens knows that almost nothing is coincidental.

Note this is probably the first time Aziraphale has called Crowley his friend, seeing how uncertain and doubtful he was to even say the word in this scene and how quick he was to deny their friendship in the Shakespeare scene. And the camera immediately cuts from Crowley to Aziraphale, who is turned away, whose back is turned to Crowley oh so casually without a care in the world. Just before he calls him his friend. His back is turned, and so is the dark part of his vest.

The dark part he only shows in his bookshop, when he's alone and there's no one there. The part that he now only shows to Crowley as well. Crowley who knows him so well and who's been with him through everything. "I won't tell anyone if you won't." And "you said trust me""and you did". Just this small motion of Aziraphale depicts exactly how much trust he has in Crowley not only that he'll keep him safe and protected but to accept him just as he is, to not judge him, to not demean him for his imperfections as an angel. Practically mirroring Crowley's self-protection mechanism that is reflected in his motions to hide his eyes with his sunglasses (there's a wonderful meta on this by @simply-brightly-zee here )

And it might just be clothing, or it might just be genius symbolism, but note how self-aware Aziraphale is of his looks when Gabriel pops up.

The desire to impress is almost unconscious in this scene, and how does he go about doing it? By making sure he looks presentable. Presentable, despite the white patches and the vest that is falling apart, he doesn't even realise it. Therefore, it's clear Aziraphale puts thought into his clothes, whether consciously or unconsciously.

I personally dont think any of this (the coat, the patches, the way he turns his back, when, where and around who he's most comfortable) is a deliberate and intentional act on Aziraphales part but rather creative brilliance from the directors and producers. So him being shown to expose the back of the vest only in scenes with Crowley (and the one in s2 infront of an amnesiac Gabriel with the intelligence and awareness of a squirrel) is a master move on the costume department's part. The symbolusm being so small and imperceptible, but holding so much meaning. This small metaphor shows how much Aziraphale trusts Crowley and how comfortable he is around him. Crowley who knows about Aziraphale's transgressions, sins, unholy behaviours, lack of interest and dedication to his job, and overall "incompetence" as Aziraphale might put it and how he's "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing". Crowley, who will accept him and love him no matter what. Not despite those things, but because of those things.

They have found their "own side".

Edit: Not that important, but I just want to mention how, despite being tattered and falling apart, the vest is still in perfectly good condition. No matter the white seeping in and draining its colour, the vest doesn't have a single seam torn, not a button lost, perfect as the day it was bought. No matter what it's been put through, it's still kicking, whether by miracle or sheer willpower. Very much like the person wearing it.