#hyunjoon angst

[44meiz]

t1 masterlist — @44meiz

fluff: ★ | angst: ✿ | smut: ꩜

doran — choi hyunjoon:

[nothing here yet!]

zeus — choi wooje:

[blurb] butterfly kisses

oner — moon hyunjoon:

[nothing here yet!]

faker — lee sanghyeok:

[nothing here yet!]

gumayusi — lee minhyung:

[drabble] ignite ꩜

keria — yu minseok:

[nothing here yet!]

[vernonverse]

🏛️ Call It What You Want | Choi Seungcheol | PART ONE

🕮 At Carat University, a fierce rivalry brews between Sigma Veta Tau and Delta Kappa Epsilon. Choi Seungcheol, the confident frat president, leads one side; you, a sharp-tongued women’s rights activist, lead the other. You've clashed for years—total opposites who can't stand each other… or so it seems.

ⓘ Paring. Seungcheol x f!reader ⓘ Genre | tags. Forbidden love/rivals to lovers, angst, fluff. ⓘ Warnings. Minors do not interact, implied smut, suggestive, swearing, slight slut shaming. ⓘ WC. 896.

━ This is part of my series ‘The Greeks’ to celebrate Seventeen’s 10th anniversary! All the stories are in the same universe, but you can read them as standalones.

ʚ A/N: This one’s ended up being in three parts because I simply couldn’t stop writing. Part two is coming out tomorrow, same time!! Also, one of the dialogues here was heavily inspired by a scene from Gilmore Girls.

→ Read part two here.

THERE IS AN ANCIENT MYTH that has circulated around the campus of Carat University for years. It tells the story of how the infamous rivalry between Sigma Veta Tau and Delta Kappa Epsilon began—and why their members don’t mix under any circumstances. And when it says any, it really means any. In every sense of the word.

No one actually knows if it’s a true story, which is exactly why it’s called a myth. But even with that label, it remains the only explanation students have ever had, and the one they’ve treated as absolute truth for nearly forty years.

According to campus gossip—and like all the best stories in the world—it all started with a broken heart. Or, for those who prefer the direct version: a massive cheating scandal.

Kim Jieun, sweet and angelic, was the former president of Delta Kappa Epsilon. She was the golden girl of the university when she was elected back in the late '80s—charming, beloved, and effortlessly popular. She turned heads wherever she went, and as fate would have it, two of those hearts belonged to Choi Hyunjoon and Park Daejung: inseparable best friends and proud members of Sigma Veta Tau.

Jieun was Hyunjoon’s first love. For him, crossing paths with her was faith; he was sure she was his soulmate. Everyone knew they were in love, and they were the kind of couple people rooted for. They even started planning their wedding with just a couple of months into their relationship. 

But that was before she set her pretty little brown eyes on Park Daejung, who, rumour has it, looked like he’d stepped straight out of a Hollywood movie. He had all the classic bad boy traits that girls in books and films seem to fall for: dark hair, brooding eyes, a hint of danger in his smile and, naturally, a motorcycle.

You know that magic in movies, when two people lock eyes for the first time and suddenly know they’re meant to be? That whole love-at-first-sight, soulmates-on-the-spot, burning passion kind of thing? Yeah, that. Apparently, that’s exactly what happened when Jieun and Daejung exchanged glances for the first time.

After that day, a wedding was called off, a friendship shattered, Sigma Veta Tau lost a member, and Choi Hyunjoon was left with nothing but a heartbreak that would take years to mend. Rumor also has it he married another woman sometime later, though not before filing a lawsuit against Jieun, claiming emotional damages.

But that’s not important.

At least, not right now.

The point is: it was Choi Hyunjoon’s broken heart that birthed the greatest rivalry Carat University has ever known, especially since he was also the president of Sigma Veta Tau at the time, just as Kim Jieun was Kappa Delta Epsilon. 

The moment the two fraternities officially declared their rivalry, the entire campus felt it. The atmosphere shifted overnight. Tension became palpable. Hostility spread like wildfire among their members and spilled into every corner of student life at Carat University. People started choosing sides, and the division only deepened from there

These two fraternities, once friendly, began competing in everything—events, fundraisers, social activities—each trying to outshine the other. What started as the aftermath of a heartbreak soon evolved into something much bigger: a legacy of competition, historical resentment, and completely opposing philosophies.

Sigma Veta Tau built a reputation as the party fraternity, infamous for its chaos and packed with self-proclaimed heartthrobs. Delta Kappa Epsilon, on the other hand, prided itself on activism and social justice, particularly focused on women’s and children’s rights. Those wildly different values fueled the fire, turning their rivalry into a constant tug-of-war for recognition and influence on campus.

CaratU became a non-fictional version of West Side Story.

Except, there’s no forbidden love tale here—or at least, not yet.

Just the Jets and the Sharks reimagined as the Vetas and the Kappas.

Of course, over the years, a few brave souls tried to rebel against this unspoken rule. A couple here, a friendship there, modern-day Marias and Tonys. But at Carat U.? That’s basically social suicide.

The first commandment of both Greek houses? Never, ever, fraternize with the enemy.

No Kappa is ever seen with a Veta, and vice versa. Doing so is basically sacrilege. on and off Carat U. grounds. You’ll get glares in the hallways and lecture rooms, dirty looks from housemates and sisters, maybe even from your fraternity coordinator. That’s if they don’t just choose to ignore your existence altogether, treating you with chilling cold silence.

No one ever gets officially expelled, at least not properly.

The university doesn’t allow it without right cause, and breaking an unofficial rule doesn’t qualify. But don’t get it twisted: you’re exiled all the same. You’ll fade into the background, your presence barely acknowledged. No matter how dedicated or talented you are, your contributions won’t matter anymore. You’ll be benched. Forgotten.

It’s unfair, yes. But no one cares.

This is a silent social contract, and it’s been respected for forty years.

No one’s ever had the courage to challenge it.

And those who did? They gave up eventually. They left. Moved on. Found other groups to join.

Because it doesn’t matter if the relationship or friendship you risked everything for falls apart.

Your name will still be stained in the halls of Kronos for one reason and one reason only: you fraternized with the enemy.

Period.

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Every ask & comment gives me life 💗 If you’re enjoying it, don’t forget to reblog—helps so much and gets the fic out there!! Sharing is caring before you scroll!

💌Series taglist: @hoshstruck, @mingyuuulover, @ateez-atiny380, @zealouscookierebeltrash, @pleasetellmenow, @gyuhao365, @auroramilaa, @choco-scoups, @peter-knows-spiderman, @theidontknowmehn, @bruhmoonlight, @s3oblvr, @coffee-addict-kitten, @nightshadeblooming, @booseoksoonfighting, @li-lilyvi, @headlockimnida, @joanne-127, @paradiseoflosers, @aaronwarners69thwife, @wontechno.

© VERNONVERSE. I do not condone reposting, plagiarizing or translating my work in any form.

[tryhardgwen]

rs archive 02/12/2024:

hello! reader with intense ‘all my love’ universe brainrot, I’m pretty sure your work actually changed my life lowkey HAHA I explored the music that you put into it and I can now say I’m listening to more 80s’ rock/alt and the song from the title was my top Spotify song for the last few weeks! (along with the 80s’ stuff heh) I literally made a playlist dedicated to this fic and I even was able to sorta reconnect a little with my older brother over the music which.. has shaped aspects of our siblingship..? (lol) now but I can’t thank you even more, I feel like the title itself reflects the amount of care and love you yourself put into this, anyways (sorry about the rambling LOL) I just wanted to reach out with a lowkey very angsty headcanon I had LMAO basically, and maybe because it was like semi recent idk I’m terrible with time HAHA, I was wondering/exploring how wooje’s birthdays were celebrated while he was still in his no-contact era away from home. I thought that it would be a day everyone would always remember and it would be this unspoken heavy weight that intensified the almost-family’s longing for their baby, I was like maybe minseok would bake his favorite flavor of cake or whatever and just have it sit on their dining table untouched, staring at it and spacing out till minhyung brought him back, or maybe all of them would meet up and just do something as a collective that reminded them of wooje without saying anything but would kinda wait to see who would be the first to say his name out loud. at the same time wooje celebrating with jojo, the idea of jojo just failing to attempt to bake smth for wooje and somehow trying to incorporate mayonnaise into it (ew I’m sorry HAHA) always makes me smile (cause I don’t wanna dump too much angst LOL) but anyways those were just some thoughts I had circulating my head along with ones just regarding more deeply on what the almost family had experienced and felt during this distance (ofc feel free to give your input), as always I’m so thankful for your amazing writing and I’m always supporting and heavily admiring your work, take care of yourself! <3

okay i think you blew my mind with this submit um. thank you. you're welcome? im so happy you loved the music and i am so. SO happy/glad/astonished that you managed to reconnect with your older brother. bonding over music>>> (also um wow.)

as for the headcanon ih my GOD just stab me through the heart will you?? THATS SO ANGSTY... HELP MEEE... tho minseok in aml universe is such an interesting character because like... while wooje is no functioning/low functioning depression, minseok is definitely high functioning depression. he pretends nothings wrong but he's still falling apart on the inside. during the four years he mainly focuses on starting his business and working every day. hes a people pleaser. i think really the only person he would ever open up to would be minhyung, really. everything he does is unspoken from caring for woojes grandpa to cleaning woojes house when it became vacant. he'll do things and not talk about the reasoning or emotions behind them. he bottles stuff up until he explodes. while this headcanon is so good and sad i honestly think they wouldnt do anything in particular..? i mean, itd be a harder day for them. they miss him, so any time of year wooje would typically be in--birthdays, halloween, christmas--would be hard. rather than an outward display of their heartache i think it'd be more internal. they feel lonelier than usual, so minhyung and minseok would have each other, and hyunjoon would probably go to sanghyeok's and seongwoong's for dinner. they just cant be alone, because theres a wooje-shaped hole there. but all that being sad, four years is a long time. it gets a little easier each year. it hurts a little more each milestone. i think, when woojes gone, they do talk about him in passing, though its a tough subject at times. you know, sometimes its cheery and "i wonder how woojes doing!" and other times its.. "i wonder how hes doing." back and forth. some have healed more from it than others. i think its a partly healed scar until he arrives back home, and he sort of rips them open again (but thats sort of necessary to properly patch it back up. like they were wonky and badly fitted stitches that didnt allow for proper healing.) whew that was an accidental paragraph im so sorry.

as for jojo he is so low effort he probably buys a safeway cake and they eat it with their hands. cutie pies :> i love them

again, thank you soo much for the comment and the headcanon i loved them so much and brainrotted and though abt it bc... i never really thought about how they would treat woojes birthdays before this!! im so glad and so touched you like this fic so much. i hope you have an amazing day <3

[soobljy]

hey mar! how are you? also, I saw your reblog and that you write for hyunjoon! can I request a fic? It could be angst or fluff (no smut pls, since I'm a minor) take ur time, it's okay if you can't <3

hiii!! i’m doing good! thank you for your request i hope you like it!! <33

SORRY NOT SORRY

pairing: hyunjoon x reader

genre: angst

wc: 611

song rec: sorry not sorry by monsta x

▅▄▃▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▂▃▄▅

i don’t want to stay

After meeting each other in high school you and Hyunjoon have been dating ever since. You two are so used to being together, you don’t even know what it’s like to be apart from each other.

Hyunjoon sighs as he walks to your apartment complex. It’s been raining and it’s late at night but he couldn’t wait until tomorrow to tell you what has been on his mind. He didn’t want to feel like this. He wanted to be with you for the rest of his life. If someone told him back in high school that he would fall out of love with you, he would never believe them. He mentally prepares himself as he makes his way to your door.

i don’t want to play

He hesitates when reaches your door. He rings the bell even though he knows your password. His birthday. He sighs waiting for you to open the door. “Hyunjoon?” You ask, voice mixed with confusion and tiredness. “It's 2:30. What are you doing here so late?” You give him a tired smile.

“I need to get something off my chest.” You let him in and sit on the couch while stands in front of you. How does he tell you he’s grown tired of you?

“Is there something wrong?” You look up at him with a worried expression, no longer smiling. Back then he would do anything for you to only look happy, now he could care less.

“Let's break up.” He coldly says. “What?” You stand up. “I wanna break up.” You start to tear up. “What? Why? Did I do something wrong?” He shakes his head before sighing. “It’s better for the both of us to not be together.” He turns to face the door, but you grab onto his arm before he can’t start walking.

“No, baby please. We can work this out together. Whatever it is, we can make it through.” He shakes his arm out of your grip. “I don’t love you anymore.” He turns to face you. It’s true his heart doesn’t beat faster anymore when he holds you, when you smile at him or when he holds your hand.

It feels like your whole world has fallen down. Hyunjoon is all you know. You don’t know how you would survive without him. You wonder what went wrong. Is there someone else?

sorry i’m not sorry, i don’t think it’s my fault

You honestly don’t know why it came as a surprise to you. Hyunjoon has been acting so weird to you for the last few months. But you’ve never expected to break up with him. You two were the high school sweethearts, the couple that everyone thought would be together forever. You loved him unconditionally, how could he be like this.

“How about we just take a little break?” He rolls his eyes at you. “Hyunjoon please, we’ve been together for so long.”

it’s so clear in my eyes, don’t know why, i can’t help it

“Y/n, grow up. It was just a high school thing. Did you really think we were going to be together forever? I’ve grown tired of you. There’s nothing to fix.” You start crying, your heart broken into a million pieces. He looks at your state feeling nothing. He grabs your shoulder, making you look at him. He looks you dead in the eye as he starts speaking again. “I never want to see you again.” There he goes. He walks out of the door and out of your life.

you’re never gonna see me again

[hwallout]

[06:57pm]

“I’ll see you next time, Hwallie!” You exclaimed with a smile, nervously shuffling to move towards the next member in line. What stopped you from advancing was Hyunjoon’s tight grip on your warm hand, his fingers still interlaced with yours in a strong lock. 

The idol held on for a couple of more seconds, taking in your beautiful, euphoric appearance, along with your positive energy. You were the last fan of today’s fansign and that day, Hyunjoon swore to remember the faces of as many fans as possible. The words you told him just a few minutes ago rang inside of his head, panging his chest heavily.

“I love you with my whole heart and I want you to be happy and healthy. I hope you know that”

The more Hyunjoon looked at you, at every fan that he met, the more emotional he felt. You expected him to say something back, but he never did. What was there to say? Hyunjoon wasn’t a liar, but at that moment he wanted to promise you that he’ll be there the next time you came.

Instead of a verbal answer, the boy smiled endearingly and the grip on your hand tightened before he finally let go.

“I’ll see you” The idol whispered, more so to himself than for anyone else to hear. He’ll be there to greet and see you again one day. But not like Hwall. He’ll be there for you as Heo Hyunjoon. 

He was sure that you’ll also be there to support him, no matter what, just like you always did.

[viastro]

snow flower | hur hyunjun

ミ★ synopsis: in which hyunjun finds himself falling in love with you over a span of six months. [part of the 12 months i loved you collab]

ミ★ genre: strangers to lovers!au, fluff, humor, minor angst

ミ★ warnings: none !

ミ★ word count: 5,147

ミ★ parings: hyunjun x gender neutral reader

ミ★ notes: hi guys ! this is my first ever oneshot for the boyz i’m literally gonna go into cardiac arrest uh BAKGBSRH i finally decided to start writing for them, but it most likely won’t be as often as i post for seventeen. however, i will try my best ! i love the boyz so much, and i love hyunjun a lot. so make sure to check out the rest of the works that will appear for the 12 months i loved you collab that was created by @sunlightwoo​ !!

12 months i loved you masterlist 

It started out with the sparkle he saw when the two of you first locked eyes.

“You’re insane, Kevin.”

“Just a bit.” 

You tilt your head to the side in concern when your best friend sends a wink in your direction, before going back to attempting to slingshot a water balloon at his unsuspecting victim friend, Kim Sunwoo. Letting out a sigh, you glance back down at your phone, knowing that Kevin is literally going to get murdered when Sunwoo gets splashed.

“You want Formation to play when they bring your casket into the funeral home?” You ask Kevin, and he nods his head quietly. You look up to find Sunwoo still talking animatedly to a guy you haven’t seen before, but then again, you can only see the back of his head.

“Kevin, what if you accidentally hit the guy Sunwoo is talking to?” Kevin turns to you, and simply places a finger over his mouth as a means to tell you to be quiet. Your concerned expression turns into one of annoyance as you squint your eyes at him, and he gives you a grin. “I won’t hit Hyunjun, it’s fine.” 

“Hyunjun?” Kevin nods his head, turning back towards Sunwoo and preparing the slingshot once again. 

“Sunwoo introduced him and I on our first day at uni because he thought we looked really similar.” You purse your lips, leaning over slightly on the bench to try and get a better look at the man. Now curious of what this Hyunjun may look like, you open your mouth to ask Kevin if the man has an Instagram, only for your eyes to widen when you watch the water balloon fly in the air. 

“Oh Neptune.” 

Kevin lets out a cheer when the water balloon lands right smack on the top of Sunwoo’s head, now drenching the man in water. You watch as your friend looks around angrily, only to stop when his eyes land on you and Kevin. 

“KEVIN MOON!” 

You let out a loud laugh, covering your mouth as you watch Kevin begin sprinting away from Sunwoo. Your eyes land on the man Sunwoo was speaking to, and you feel your laughter slowly die down when you find him staring directly at you as well. 

His black hair is in soft waves over his forehead, catlike eyes staring at you in interest as he nonchalantly wipes away some of the remnants of water from his fancy clothes.

Damn you Kevin…

You raise your hand up to wave at the pretty boy, only to stop when Kevin and Sunwoo run past you, with Kevin screaming bloody murder and there being nothing but murderous intent behind Sunwoo’s gaze as he tries to capture the man. 

You let out a bright smile, turning back to find Hyunjun’s features slowly lifting up into a beautiful smile as well. He raises his hand up and waves at you, and you wave back, warmth flooding your face from the simple interaction.

Hyunjun always thought it was bullshit when people said that they can see sparkles in someone’s eyes, thinking that it just depended on what type of lighting they were in. However, as the warm summer sun rests over you, he knows that it’s just you. 

The sparkle in your eyes is from you, nothing else. 

Then he noticed the strange feeling he’d get when he’d hear your laughter.

You and Hyunjun watch with amused smiles on your faces as Juyeon, Kevin, and Changmin attempt to play Just Dance in your small dorm room. 

“Ow! Changmin, your elbows are sharp.” Kevin whines when he accidentally gets elbowed in the side from Changmin’s aggressive dancing. The blonde ignores the black haired beauty, continuing to focus on winning the game.

“Juyeon is taking this very seriously.” You mutter, having noticed the red head’s silence as he sharply hits the dance moves displayed on your tiny TV. Hyunjun nods his head, letting out a small chuckle at the furrow to Juyeon’s brows. He nudges you with his shoulder, causing you to turn to glance at him. “Imagine if Sunwoo and Eric were playing too.” 

You let out a smile at the thought of it, making Hyunjun’s heart flip tenfold within his chest. You shake your head, imagining the absolute chaos it would be if Sunwoo and Eric were also in your dorm, knowing their insanely competitive nature. However, Sunwoo has a lab today and Eric has a math lecture, so they were unable to join in on the besties activities. 

It’s been a couple months since you and Hyunjun met, having gotten close rather quickly. You later met Juyeon, Changmin, and Eric as summer was coming to an end. Now the six of you hangout more often than not even though Autumn quarter has begun, and your dorm room became the unofficial official meeting spot even though the other five have much larger dorms/apartments. 

“I WON!” Kevin shouts, regaining you and Hyunjun’s attention as he jumps up and down in excitement. Hyunjun bites back a laugh at the shock on Juyeon and Changmin’s faces, as Kevin was simply just moving the switch controller whenever it was required, and the two dancers were actually busting their ass off.

“I feel like I just got swindled.” Changmin breathes out, wiping away the accumulated sweat that formed on his forehead. Juyeon runs a hand through his hair, before squinting at the celebrating Kevin. 

“Do we murder him?” Kevin turns towards them with wide eyes after hearing the absurd question. 

“Heh?”

Changmin and Juyeon exchange a glance in silence, before turning back towards Kevin, who is now staring at the two in fear. 

“Yeah.”

“WHAT!” 

You let out a burst of laughter as the three begin to chase each other around your dorm. Hyunjun turns to look at you with a smile on his face, the screaming of his friends slowly becoming background noise when the sound of your laughter is all he can hear. 

Hyunjun gulps when he feels his heart thump against his chest, noticing how pretty you look when you’re happy. He bites the inside of his cheek, a thought coming to his mind that makes him turn away to try and focus on his three friends fighting each other, promptly ignoring the overwhelming feeling in his chest.

And then you experienced heartbreak.

Hyunjun lets out a groan when his phone rings beside him, glancing at the time to see that it’s 2 in the morning. He rolls over and picks up the cool metal, squinting at the screen when he sees your name shining brightly back at him. Immediately he answers the call and places the phone next to his ear, 

“Yn?”

“H-Hyunjun..” 

The black haired beauty sits up at the sound of your sniffles, eyes wide open in concern. He climbs out of bed, already walking towards his closet to put on a sweatshirt. “What’s wrong? Where are you?” 

“Can you come get me, please? I’m outside of Donghyun’s building.” You mutter quietly, watching your breath crystalize in the cold November air. Hyunjun bites the inside of his cheek at the mention of your boyfriend’s name, already having an idea of what may have occurred. 

It’s happened quite a few times with the different guys you’ve dated over the last few months.

“I’ll be there in five minutes, don’t hang up the phone, mm?” Hyunjun says, and you nod your head quietly in response, “Okay.” 

Within 5 minutes you notice Hyunjun’s tall figure walking towards you, and his heart breaks when he sees the tears immediately fall from your eyes. You quickly walk over to him, wrapping your arms around his middle and hiding your face in the crook of his neck. 

Hyunjun freezes at the contact, cursing to himself at the way his heart practically palpitates in his chest from the warmth you bring him. His arms slowly wrap around you, hand cradling your head as you cry quietly, no words needing to be exchanged for him to know that you and Donghyun didn’t work out. 

“Do you want me to beat his ass?” Hyunjun asks quietly, and you let out a wet laugh, shaking your head and holding your best friend tighter. “No, we were only together for a month anyways. Can we just go to your apartment?” 

Hyunjun nods his head, and you pull away from his embrace. His heart falls at the sight of your swollen eyes, and he instinctively reaches out and cups your face with his warm hands. You look up at him with watery eyes, and Hyunjun wonders how you’re still the most ethereal being he’s ever seen. 

“When will you realize that you deserve so much more than gross Tinder men?” Hyunjun asks you with a teasing smile on his face, completely ignoring the way his heart is beating crazily within his chest at the close contact between you two. You pout up at him, punching Hyunjun’s shoulder lightly even though you know he’s right. Softly, you mutter, “I just want to find someone who loves me.” 

Hyunjun bites the inside of his cheek at your confession, before wiping away the leftover tears on your cheeks and letting his hands fall to his sides. He quickly wraps an arm around your shoulders and steers you in the direction towards his building. 

“You’ll find someone, yn.” He mutters quietly, and you let out a breath, before leaning your head onto the black haired beauty as the two of you walk in silence.

Hyunjun glances up at the stars in the sky, feeling his own heart break within his chest. He bites back a sad laugh, now understanding what it is he’s been feeling over the last few months of knowing you. 

Love. It was love.

And here we are now, the 31st of December. With Hyunjun laying on Kevin’s floor, screaming and punching the air.

“Hyunjun, please. My neighbors actually like me, you screaming is gonna ruin their view of me.” Kevin tells Hyunjun from his desk, not sparing him a glance as he just hears the sounds of his existential crisis going on behind him.

Hyunjun lets out another garbled scream, and Kevin lets out a tired sigh in return. He finally turns around in his seat to see his friend staring at his white ceiling with a blank expression on his face. Raising an eyebrow in concern, but also in fear for his life, he simply grabs a pencil, and reaches out and pokes Hyunjun’s foot. 

“Bestie… you good?” 

Hyunjun punches the air as his response, and Kevin furrows his brows. He climbs off his chair and walks over to where Hyunjun lays, moving and sitting down beside him. Kevin watches as Hyunjun just stares at the ceiling in silence once again, and he rubs the back of his neck. “I need words, Hyunjun.”

The black haired beauty lets out a breath, before closing his eyes in frustration. Resting his hands over his face he mutters, 

“I wanna kiss yn when the clock hits midnight.” 

Kevin nods his head, turning away and looking back towards his laptop. Only to pause when the words register in his mind, and he immediately turns back towards Hyunjun in complete shock at what he just uttered.

“You wanna WHAT?!” 

Hyunjun groans, sitting up from the floor and glancing at Kevin with a frustrated expression on his face. He runs a hand through his hair, feeling his heartbeat wildly within his chest at the fact that he finally confessed his feelings for you out loud. 

“I want to kiss them.” Hyunjun repeats, and Kevin continues to stare at him in shock.

“Like, their forehead?” 

“No.”

“Their hand?”

“No..”

“Their booboo?”

“I wanna kiss them on the lips, Kevin.” Hyunjun deadpans, causing the latter to slowly close his mouth and nod his head, turning back to look down at the floor. After a moment of silence passes between them, Kevin glances back at Hyunjun.

“Like, platonically?” 

Hyunjun stares at Kevin, before resting his head onto his knees in absolute disappointment and embarrassment. Kevin runs a hand through his hair, quietly asking the universe how he managed to be such a good friend that he’s now stuck in the middle of a situation that he did not ask to be in whatsoever. 

“How long have you felt this way about yn?” Kevin asks, and Hyunjun purses his lips when the memory of the first time he saw the way your eyes sparkled comes to mind. He lets out a sigh, letting his head fall back as he says, “Since June.”

Kevin’s eyes visibly widen once again as he raises his hands up towards his face to count how many months it’s been on his fingers. His mouth drops when he counts six months on his hands, and he looks back towards Hyunjun. 

“Six months?!” 

“Is it really that shocking that I have feelings for yn?” Hyunjun asks, and Kevin shakes his head, shutting his mouth to stop himself from mentioning a piece of information that could possibly make Hyunjun shit himself.

He’s sitting on a bad boy piece of information right now.

“So, do you have a plan on how you’re gonna kiss them tonight?” Hyunjun looks up towards the ceiling and shrugs his shoulders. He turns towards his friend, giving him a small smile.

“We’ll see how I feel tonight.”

Hyunjun is fucking wasted. 

If it makes anything better, Sunwoo, Eric, and Changmin aren’t doing very well either. As the three are currently in a drunken argument over who gets to have the last cookie before the clock strikes midnight. They’re incredibly loud, making it a bit hard to listen to the New Year’s Eve special on the TV.

“I get to have the cookie because I’m the oldest out of the three of us!” Changmin declares, wobbling slightly as he points a finger towards the younger two. Eric rolls his eyes, reaching out to grab the cookie again, only for Sunwoo to shove him to the floor. 

“Age doesn’t mean shit.”

“You’re a fuckin whorebag, Sunwoo.”

However, amidst all the chaos in the middle of his apartment, his eyes remain on you from across the room. You’re playing a game of UNO with Kevin and Juyeon on the floor, watching as you let out a gorgeous laugh when the two scream at your +4 card. 

Sensing a pair of eyes on you, you turn your head to find Hyunjun staring at you with those sharp, catlike eyes of his. Biting back a smile, you place your last card down on the table, shooting finger guns at the boys after winning for the third time in a row, and walk over to where Hyunjun is sitting.

Oh God, Hyunjun thinks to himself as you get closer. The purple LED lights on his ceiling cast an iridescent glow over your features, making him drunkenly wonder how you could manage to get more ethereal as the days go by. 

“Hey, stooges! There’s more cookies in the kitchen, so stop arguing.” You shout out towards your three drunk friends, and they all turn towards you with shocked expressions on their faces. They quickly scramble over into the kitchen, slipping and falling a few times as their coordination is no longer intact. 

Noticing that they left the single cookie on the coffee table, you let out a giggle, picking it up and turning back towards Hyunjun. You tilt your head to the side at his serious expression on his face, holding out the chocolate chip cookie in his direction. 

“Want it?” You ask with a grin, and Hyunjun feels his legs turn to mush. 

How am I supposed to kiss them? He wonders, watching silently as you move closer so that your faces are a few inches apart. Without another word, you place the cookie in his mouth, before plopping down on the couch beside him. 

Hyunjun quietly chews the cookie, distracted for a moment over how delicious it is, before turning back to look at you. Only to freeze when he finds that your eyes are already on him, tilting your head to the side as he catches your gaze.

“My Hyunjun is such a quiet drunk~” You mutter softly, but Hyunjun feels his heart flip within his chest at the possessiveness of your statement. You reach out and pat down a few flyaways of his black hair, and he wonders if you feel as nervous as he does when the two of you are this close to each other. 

“Oh shit! 30 seconds until midnight!” Kevin announces, making the two of you turn back to the TV. Hyunjun watches as you scramble to grab the noise makers (not Sunwoo, Eric, and Changmin, but a close second). 

“HAHAHAH! Eric passed out on the floor!” Hyunjun hears Juyeon laugh from the kitchen, watching with blurry vision as Sunwoo and Changmin giggle at the sight of Juyeon carrying out a very drunk Eric into the living room. 

“Hyunjun, stand up!” You say happily, and his eyes slowly fall on you, letting you pull him up without a second thought. 

“10!” Kevin begins the countdown. Hyunjun stares at you as you squeal excitedly with Kevin, obviously elated to start the new year with your best friends. 

“9!”

“8!” Changmin and Sunwoo shout out belatedly, drunkenly eating the cookies as they count down along with the rest of you guys. 

“7!”

“6!” You turn your head when the feeling of someone burning holes into your cheek becomes more apparent. You find Hyunjun just staring at you with a dazed expression on his face, and you raise an eyebrow in amusement over how drunk he is. 

“5!” 

“4!” Hyunjun bites the inside of his cheek once his peripheral vision turns blurry as his focus on you heightens. He slowly leans forward so that your faces are close to one another, and you hear your heartbeat crazily against your chest even with all the ruckus going on around you.

“3!”

“Hyunjun? Are you okay?” You ask, but your voice is barely above a whisper as you somehow lost all control over your vocal chords. He stays quiet, as he continues to stare into your bright eyes as if they hold all the stars in the sky. To him, they do.

“2!” 

“Hyunjunie?”

“1!” 

“Can I kiss you, yn?” Hyunjun asks in a soft voice, and your eyes widen at the question. 

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Kevin, Juyeon, Changmin, and Sunwoo cheer as they start blowing into the noise makers. You and Hyunjun continue to stare into each other's eyes in silence, with you gauging the question he just asked, and Hyunjun wondering why his vision is beginning to spin. 

“What did you say-” You’re cut off when Hyunjun collapses onto you, making you topple backwards onto the floor. Kevin’s eyes widen at the sight of a passed out Hyunjun laying on top of you, knowing that the latter is going to eat his own ass when the memory comes back in the morning. 

While you, you’re left with a warm face and hundreds of questions swarming around your brain as to whether or not you heard him correctly. 

“Ugh.” Hyunjun mutters, raising his hands up to his face once the raging migraine hits him. He rolls over in the bed, tightly squeezing his eyes shut as if it’ll make the pain stop. “Why’d I drink so much?” 

“Cause you’re stupid.” He groans at the sound of Kevin’s voice, choosing to not snap back as he just doesn’t have the energy at the moment. He listens to Kevin’s footsteps shuffle along his floor, before hearing the sound of plastic rest on his bedside table. 

“That’s acetaminophen and water. There’s also a piece of toast for you to eat as you shouldn’t take medicine on an empty stomach.” Hyunjun peeks through his hands to see Kevin standing beside him, and he raises an eyebrow at the man. “You know I don’t care about that.” 

Kevin nods his head, running a hand through his hair as he gives Hyunjun a small grin. “Yeah, but yn’s orders.” 

Hyunjun squints at his friend, before his eyes widen once he remembers his original plan from the night before. He immediately sits up in bed, only to regret it when the pounding in his head becomes a lot stronger. Kevin hands Hyunjun the toast, and the hungover man quietly chews on it with his eyes closed as he tries to remember what happened the night before. 

“Did I kiss yn?” Hyunjun asks Kevin after he finishes the toast, reaching over to take the pills and water. Kevin purses his lips, before shaking his head ‘no’. Hyunjun bites the inside of his cheek, wondering what he could’ve done as he throws back the pills and swallows it down with a large gulp of water. 

“Are they still here?” Hyunjun asks, running a hand through his black hair as he takes a glance towards his bedroom door. He only hears the sounds of Sunwoo and Changmin playing games in his living room, but nothing from you. “Nah, they left after preparing breakfast for us.” 

“Did I… try to kiss yn?” Kevin only stares at Hyunjun, before shrugging his shoulders and turning to walk out of the bedroom. Hyunjun frowns at his friend, “Kevin!” 

“Why don’t you ask them yourself?” Kevin suggests with a wink, before stepping out of Hyunjun’s room, closing the door behind him. Leaving the black haired beauty sitting there, alone with his thoughts. 

“Nah, I wouldn’t have kissed yn. I care too much about our friendship, that’s why I decided not to go through with the plan after we ate dinner.” Hyunjun mutters, tilting his head as he still tries to remember what happened the night before. He reaches over and grabs his phone, only to immediately hiss at how bright his screen is. “Why did I think it was a good idea to have my lockscreen be so bright?”

hyunjunie: where are you?

you: i wanted to go to the seoul christmas festival >:D

hyunjunie: it’s not dark enough for you to see the lights yet 

you: bleh bleh, it’s the last day

hyunjunie: wait until 6, i’ll come take you

you: mmm, okay

are you sure you’re not too hungover for that?

hyunjunie: nah, i had toast before my medicine today. 

i’m 100% cured

you: okay king

hyunjunie: i’ll see you later yn

you: mmhmm

Hyunjun let’s out a smile after your guys exchange, placing his phone beside him as he lays back down, staring up at the ceiling. He sighs, the thought of what he could’ve done the night before still lingering in his head. 

“Why did you wait until January 1st to go to this event?” Hyunjun asks as the two of you walk around, just to watch you excitedly walk up to the bright lights without a response. He tilts his head in amusement, only for his heart to go crazy within his chest when you turn around to look at him with a big smile on your face. 

“Come here! Let’s take a photo!” You say happily, eyes sparkling underneath the beautiful Christmas lights. Biting the inside of his cheek, he walks up to you and stands close beside you as you take numerous selfies of you both. 

“Do you guys want me to take a photo for you?” You glance up at the voice, seeing a mom and her child smiling at the two of you. You look at Hyunjun to see his reaction, only to find him already nodding his head and handing her his phone. 

“Can I kiss you, yn?” You stare at him as the memory pops back into your mind, and he looks back down at you.

“You gonna smile at the camera or just oggle me?” Hyunjun teases, making you look away with a scoff. He giggles at your reaction, but it’s a sound of relief as he wasn’t sure how much longer he could take of your intense gaze. 

“I’ll take a lot of photos!” She tells the two of you, and you give her a thumbs up. You tentatively wrap your arms around Hyunjun’s arm, before smiling brightly at the camera. He stiffens slightly in your hold, but tries not to let it show as he rests his head over your own, smiling into the camera as well. 

“What other pose should we do?” You ask Hyunjun as the two of you pull away, and he glances down at you, shrugging his shoulders. “Anything you want.” 

Pursing your lips, you think to yourself for a moment. An image pops up into your mind, causing you to grin evilly as you suggest, “What about one where you’re bowing down to me?” 

“Are you crazy?” 

You let out a bright laugh at Hyunjun’s immediate answer, and he finds himself automatically smiling back down at you just from the sight itself. He reaches out and fondly pats your head without a second thought, making warmth rush up to your face at the touch. 

It’s something Hyunjun’s always done, but the memory of last night is still fresh in your mind. Making you wonder whether all these things he’s done for you have been platonic, or romantic. 

His eyes search yours as your laughter dies down, finding you to be deep in thought as the two of you stare at each other. His hand rests on your shoulder, and he doesn’t feel the urge to pull away. 

What have I done in my past life to deserve such a beautiful sight like this? Hyunjun thinks to himself as he looks into your sparkling eyes, feeling nothing but warmth as he does so.

“I think the photos are cute! I hope you guys like them.” The mom says, causing the two of you to break out of your trance. She gives the both of you a grin, “I think you guys are a cute couple.” 

You immediately sputter, about to deny it in fear of making Hyunjun uncomfortable, only to freeze when you hear him say, 

“Thank you.” 

You turn your head to glance at him as he waves bye to the mom and her child, before he opens up his phone and scrolls through the numerous photos she took of you and him. He giggles at a few photos, a soft smile on his face as he does so. 

“They turned out cute, I’ll make sure to airdrop them to you later.” Hyunjun tells you, and you nod your head without another thought. He gives you a close lipped smile, before gesturing over towards the other christmas lights. 

“Let’s keep going so that we can get food, it’s cold.” He begins to walk forward, only to pause when he realizes you’re not beside him. Hyunjun turns back to glance at you, finding you still standing in the same spot. He tilts his head to the side, “Are you coming-”

“Did you really mean it when you asked if you could kiss me last night, Hyunjun?” You ask, and Hyunjun feels his blood run cold at the question. The memory of last night that he couldn’t remember suddenly floods into his brain all at once, and he internally panics at the fact that he actually tried to make a move. 

“Did you?” You ask again, tightly squeezing your fist at your side as you await his answer. Hyunjun bites the inside of his cheek, realizing that it’s all or nothing as he answers, 

“And what if I did?” 

The two of you stare at each other in silence for a moment, the bright christmas lights hanging around you both. His eyes search your face, still finding you to be the prettiest thing he’s ever seen. Ever since that warm summer day, it’s always been you. 

You take note of Hyunjun’s gorgeous features, having always known how attractive he was from the moment the two of you met. However, as you both grew closer as friends, as well as your feelings, you knew you had to push it down. Kevin’s the only one who knew of your feelings after a drunken occurrence where you cried on his lap, but the next day you told your best friend to ignore everything you said the night before. You didn’t want any false hope, as there’s always only two possibilities of catching feelings for your best friend. 

Friendship ends as the other doesn’t feel the same.

Friendship turns into relationship but this only happens in fanfiction.

You didn’t stand a chance for Hyunjun, but as you stare into his eyes right now on this cold, winter night, you realize you were wrong. The warmth to his gaze has always only been for you, and you were the biggest chance Hyunjun’s ever wanted to take. And so, you finally say, 

“I wouldn’t mind.” 

Hyunjun stares at you, and you gauge his reaction to your answer. He takes a few steps forward until there’s only a few inches left between your faces. “Please tell me you’re not kidding, yn.” 

You let out a soft smile, the sound of your heartbeat in your ears as you stare up at your best friend’s face. “Why would I joke about this?” 

Hyunjun’s hands slowly trail up until they’re cupping your face. His thumb draws circles on your cheek, and he breathes out nervously, glancing back up into your eyes to double check. You nod your head, and Hyunjun bites the inside of his cheek, before finally leaning in and capturing your lips in a sweet kiss. 

Heat floods your features as your hands reach up and grip at his shirt, the brisk night air being a stark contrast to the love and warmth you feel from Hyunjun alone. 

Hyunjun feels dizzy, his heart bursting within his chest after the moment he’s only dreamed of for the last six months is now happening right at this moment. Your lips taste sweet, similar to that of strawberries, and he decides that your strawberry flavored chapstick is truly godsend. He pulls away and rests his forehead on yours after a moment, warmth flooding his features as he stares into your eyes.

“I love you.” Hyunjun confesses, and he watches as the brightest smile he’s ever seen forms on your face. You reach up and cup his face with your own hands as well, pressing a quick kiss to his lips, before pulling away to say,

“I love you too, Hyunjun.” 

The two of you let out giggles after a moment, before Hyunjun pulls you into his chest, holding you tightly as he realizes that you’re finally his. He closes his eyes, smiling to himself at the overwhelming feeling of love flooding his chest. 

To Hyunjun, love was warm. They had sparkles in their eyes, and had the brightest smile he’s ever seen. 

To Hyunjun, love was you.

Love was you.

[kpoptionate]

[14:44] you sigh as you shift your gaze away from mark, brushing your hands over your face before resting your head in your palms. you can’t even for a single thought other than that you fucked up and now you can’t do anything about it.

you don’t even dare to look back at the poor boy as you already know what he looks like: tear-stained cheeks, unkempt hair, bouncing leg. you’ve always hoped you’d never be the cause of him looking like this, yet here you are, almost regretting meeting with him at all.

an unbearably long moment of silence passes between the two of you before mark finally gathers himself together enough to softly choke out a simple phrase: “how long?”

you can’t find it in yourself to respond to him. he looks at you for a few seconds before slamming his fist down on the table to repeat his question louder and harsher. “how fucking long, y/n!?”

another moment goes by. “three months,” you sheepishly answer, causing him to scoff in disappointment—not only in you for taking advantage of him for so long, but in himself for letting himself look like a fool. his mind is crowded with memories he used to want to never forget but now doesn’t want to remember them again, memories of him telling you he loved you, memories where maybe, if he’d paid just a little more attention, he could have caught onto suspicious details that should have been way too obvious.

you try not to let the tears fall from your eyes. you don’t deserve to cry right now. you were in the wrong and you knew it the whole time. he’s the only one who has any reason at all to be upset.

“i’m sorry, mark. i really did lo—”

“bullshit,” he spits out, not wanting to hear anything you have to say that you think could possibly make this situation better. you finally take a look at him, at his shaking figure, at the person who once loved you with everything he had but no longer feels anything but hatred and resentment. “sorry? for what? for breaking my heart? for making me look like a damn fool?” his voice is loud. louder than you’ve heard, words laced with venom you never knew he had. “or for taking away all the fucking happiness you ever gave me when you knew how i fucking felt about you?”

it scares you, this side of mark. you’re completely speechless, quiet enough to hear the guilt resonating through your body. you weren’t lying when you said you loved him, but you don’t know what happened after that. you think you probably thought he was too deep in love for you to get caught, but you did. you let the greatest thing ever given to you slip away, but you deserve it.

he only gets angrier at your lack of response, picking up a coffee mug on the counter and pitching it at the wall opposite the two of you. his hands are clenched in fists, chest heaving, breath shaking, eyes scrunched closed in an attempt to calm himself.

mark doesn’t apologize for breaking your things; he simply leaves the room to roughly collect his things to the point where you think he might tear some of his clothes. he doesn’t even turn back to look at you one last time before he’s walking out of the apartment, slamming the door and leaving you to yourself, the only company in the room being your own regret and selfishness.

[iovnyu]

series.

do not duplicate, copy or translate ANY of my writings on any other social media platforms or tumblr. please do not repost any of my writings unless it is a reblog of the post.

OT12.

➸➸ nothing yet!

lee sangyeon.

➸➸ nothing yet!

bae joonyoung.

➸➸ nothing yet!

kim younghoon.

➸➸ nothing yet!

lee hyunjae.

➸➸ nothing yet!

lee juyeon.

➸➸ nothing yet!

choi chanhee.

➸➸ nothing yet!

ji changmin.

➸➸ nothing yet!

ju haknyeon.

➸➸ nothing yet!

kim sunwoo.

➸➸ nothing yet!

sohn youngjae.

➸➸ nothing yet!

main masterlist

[tbzhours]

so sick

hwall/hyunjoon x you, angst 

[summary] you had enough; it was really time to end it with hyunjoon [words] 1.1k  [a/n] warning: foul language & heated argument(?); you guessed it right, it’s a break-up fic :’) // also while reading, listen to a.c.e - so sick 💔  

You were getting inside your apartment room late one night after hanging out with a friend at a nearby cafe, your heart filling with thoughts of Hyunjoon all of a sudden when you were all alone. The heaviness that overflowed in your mind, you deeply sighed and got yourself inside. 

The room wasn’t dark as the kitchen lights were on, as if you forgot to turn them off before you left the place. You dropped your coat by the door and headed toward the light, peeking your eyes as you felt like you knew who was there. 

There he was, leaning onto the island counter with that same smile he always had, whether he was with you or not. You almost rolled your eyes, turning away from him as you continued your way past the kitchen room, hoping he’d catch what your body was saying to him. 

Your name slipped from his lips, the sound of his voice tugging at your feet. You halted and leaned back and held a hand onto the opening wall into the kitchen, meeting his eyes. 

“Hello? Did you miss me?” 

You didn’t know if he meant that you missed him physically or that you missed him emotionally. For sure, it was one of them purposely. 

Hyunjoon giggled, waiting for you to walk over to him but you didn’t. You stood there, lips twisted to one side as he put his hands into his pockets. 

“Not even a hug?” He asked, his eyes turning puppy-like. You imagined another eye roll before walking towards him as his lips beamed. 

His arms opened widely before you held a hand up at him in rejection. He caught the annoyed look on your face before he set them down. He quickly understood and shrugged when sighed quietly, something he normally does when he’s about to tell you a story. 

“After I left Hyunjae’s party, I thought of making a surprise visit. I guess it wasn’t a good idea huh?” He let out a small giggle, hoping you’d do the same. 

Of course, you did but it wasn’t the kind that he’d expect. Your sarcastic smile destroyed his as you leaned onto the dinner table behind you, hiding all of the feelings you’ve been for the past few weeks with your hand covering half your face. You looked back at him and nodded, “You’re right. It was a bad idea.” 

Hyunjoon couldn’t say anything as seeing you like this was so new to him. His heart was racing watching as you shook your head. 

“You think it would faze me after all of the times you rather be somewhere else than with me? Hyunjoon, get your shit together.” 

The rage was still hidden inside of you but he could feel the anger you held but he didn’t understand it. His hand reached out but not close enough to you when he defended himself. “What are you saying, (Y/N)? I told you at least-” 

“At least?” You scoffed with a short laugh as if he was bs. The silent second you left in the air had him holding his breath as you continued. “Then I will say the same. You should at least get your shit together.” 

Hyunjoon sighed in frustration, not getting what you were trying to say to him. “What shit? Can’t you tell me?” 

“I don’t know. We always have this talk and you say you’d figure it out soon, and how long as it been?” You shook your head at the last word, arms crossed over your chest. 

He chuckled, the thought came through him as he smiled. “I’m still doing that. Ah, just give me a few more months but for sure, I want to be with you right now.” 

“Heo Hyunjoon.” You held in your voice as you covered your eyes, not knowing whether you were trying to hold your frustration or the tears that were about to fall. A few seconds went by before your eyes turned red from the concealment of your sleeve. You sighed, “Being indecisive right now won’t make me stay. Do you want to be with me? Not just right now, but for the long run… too?” 

“I don’t know, (Y/N). I still need that time, you know?” 

“What time? It’s been months since I asked you and I’ve compromised enough and got too much time wasted waiting for you like this. My god, Hyunjoon, it’s not working.” You sighed loudly to the side when your hands held tightly onto the edge of the table beside your hips, still covered in your sleeves. “Isn’t it time for you to realize that?” 

“I’m making up my mind right now though, to be with you.” Hyunjoon took a step closer to you as he tried to reach for your shoulder, to pull you into a hug but you stood up. You were never in the mood for intimacy if it weren’t for his indecisiveness. You understood him though, about how hard that can be but it had reached your limit. Your desires to be with him in the long run was gone. 

“It’s too late because I’m making up my mind right now too.” You whispered, holding in your tears of bitterness with your fingers curling tightly on the table. “It’s over for us. Please leave.” 

Hyunjoon’s eyes widened, the words echoing in his ears before he held onto your arm with a desperate whisper of your name, a hope that you’d stay with him. You shook it off and stepped away from him. The rivers on your face stained in his no longer enduring eyes from that turn. You couldn’t handle it anymore, letting it all gush from your eyes. 

“You’re breaking up with me?” Hyunjoon was shocked still, his touch seeming to pull back, knowing how it could hurt you even with just a tap on your skin. 

“Is it not clear at all?” You gave him one last good look, your eyes sparkling deeply in despair. “Don’t make me walk with you when you I’m always at the start, waiting for you. We’re over.” 

Hyunjoon had never felt so defeated. Hurting you was never on his mind. You didn’t glance at him anymore when he finally dragged his feet across the floor toward the front door. If only you did the same back, he would beg for another chance. His tears began to form when he closed the door. 

It was going to take a while for you to get over him as you fell onto the floor, curled up onto your knees, not knowing if these tears were for the break up or the release of the anger you held in your heart. 

[timelesstempo]

{7:25 am} “you did so well, hyunjoon. i’m so incredibly proud of you.”

you hold hyunjoon close as tears silently cascade down his face, rubbing his back softly as your own tears begin to form.

he lifts his head to smile at you. you brush his disheveled hair from his face.

“thank you, y/n. your support means the world to me. please don’t ever leave me.”

you give him a sad smile, your heart breaking for the wonderful boy in front of you. you reach up and place a gentle kiss on his forehead to reassure him.

“i wouldn’t even dream of it. i love you. your members love you. and deobi loves you. forever and always.”

[markftmingi]

end it.

requested by anon.

pairing: tbz hwall x reader

requested number(s): 5 + 9 + 10

5: “why do you hate me?”

9: “i can’t believe you!”

10: “we can’t keep this up forever.”

[hwall is my ult in tbz so i hurt my own feelings]

you didn’t know what to do. you didn’t know what to believe. you were confused but you were also heartbroken. it was your one year anniversary with hwall and he wasn’t there. you had called him earlier and he didn’t mention it but you didn’t think he’d actually forget your anniversary. you didn’t think he’d forget until you saw his friend’s, eric’s, snapchat story of hwall grinding on some girl at the club. you couldn’t face him especially if he just knocked at the door.

“hey baby,” hwall said hesitantly, “i heard you saw eric’s snapchat.”

you scoffed, “why do you hate me?”

“i don’t hate you, y/n.”

“you must hate me... to forget about me? on our anniversary? i wanted hours for you! i called you multiple times! and for what? someone who doesn’t give a fuck about me? you skipped our anniversary to go dance on girls at the club.”

“it was a mistake,” he began to say.”

“yeah? a mistake? is that what you’re calling it? are... are the hickeys on your neck a mistake too? you let her mark up your neck like that? hyunjoon, i can’t believe you!”

“i know i fucked up... badly but baby, please. i swear i won’t do it again. i can’t lose you like this.” hwall begged.

“and how do i know that? how do i know that you won’t do it again and again and again? i can’t do this forever. we can’t keep this up forever.”

“y/n... please don’t. i’m sorry.”

“i’m sorry too but i can’t do this anymore. goodbye, hyunjoon.” you said before shutting the door.

[noris-nebula]

[12:38 am]

Y/N watched him try the same trick he failed just seconds earlier, and giggled when he failed for the third time in a row. "You're gonna break your nose if you keep falling like that, babe."

Son Youngjae

[theboyz-engup]

To All The Boyz I’ve Loved Before; Letter Five

Summary- It was wonderful what a few little letters could do; they could make or break a friendship, cause someone to laugh or smile, make someone remember the time of their life or that moment they wanted to forget. Just some words on paper and poof, everyone knew the way your heart beat and workings of your brain. High school really did wonders on you, as did those twelve boys. Maybe they didn’t know it, but they changed your whole life with each smile, each wave, and each word you typed into paper. You made them permanent, and now they had to know why.

Word Count- 8.3k

Previous Letter - Next Letter 

Hyunjoon unlocked the door to his dorm, exhausted and sweaty from practice. He wasn’t supposed to be anywhere near his university at this time but he moved in early because of a dance school he signed up for. The summer heat made him regret it, though he could still feel his cheeks hurting from the grins of getting his moves right. Ever since that injury in grade eleven, Hyunjoon had been scared to be too rough with his moves; but today showed him he could do more than he thought he could. Thinking back on that, Joon smiled shyly to himself, rather proud.

As he passed by the three empty rooms that would soon be occupied by his roommates, he caught sight of himself in the mirror in the hallway and sighed. He could not get on the train back home looking like this, his mum would be extremely disappointed and fuss over his skin and hair. He took one look at the clock, timed himself mentally, and began his little mission.

Luckily, he left the house quickly and managed to make it to the train station with time to spare. His headphones in, he played the song he was practicing in dance class and shifted around in his spot trying to mimic the moves without seeming obnoxious in public. One hand held a juice packet Sunwoo gave him that was supposed to help with his electrolytes or something to that effect, which Hyunjoon had to admit was growing on him. He always saw his friend chugging these down, especially in the summer after his practice games for soccer, and thought it was ridiculous until he had the watermelon one- and wow.

It was a good day, filled with sun and no clouds that passed overhead. Despite the heat and humidity, Hyunjoon felt at peace. He was excited to go home and see everyone again, even Sunwoo said he’d be back this week. It would be nice to hang out just one more time before everyone went their separate ways. That thought wiped his little smile off his face and made his bones take pause. University was really going to end your little group, wasn’t it?

Clicking his tongue, Hyunjoon sat down on a bench, bringing his knees up to cross his legs comfortably. He couldn’t think of doing much more other than taking a break. He would have plenty of time to practice and dance and do what he loved. Maybe he should relax and even see what you’d written to him this week. Over the course of the summer, you went travelling with your brother and promised to send everyone notes from wherever you were. You started off in Lisbon and worked your way wherever you wanted. Last you chatted, you were in the south of France, on your way home. Hyunjoon reached inside his bag, pulling out the letter he got. Despite the mess of not being able to see each other much this final summer, these postcards made him grin. It was like you were right there with him and Amalia, when they read it together, or whenever Sunwoo called him to laugh about the stupid shit you sometimes said.

Another tinge of sadness hit his heart but he ignored it. As he grasped his letter, he stood up for the coming train. The wind from it nearly blew the letter away but he caught it in mid-air, side stepping a bit and bumping into a lady. She gave him a rude look, not caring much for his apology or his bow, but it didn’t bother Hyunjoon much. He was used to the blush on his cheeks at this point, somehow always feeling shy about something. Getting on the train with the air conditioning on and sun streaming into the cars, he found his seat and quickly settled to read what you had to say next about your trip.

Dear Heo Hyunjoon,

I know it’s weird to write to you in a letter but I hope you can forgive me this one time. It’s not like you’re ever going to read it anyways but I just needed to tell you, or at least imaginary you, how I’ve been feeling lately. It’s all been confusing and weird but I want you to know that, despite everything, you’re still one of my best friends. I hope we stay this way.

Late November, 2015

“Y/n!”

Hyunjoon came running down the halls, slipping past people with his very long flannel waving behind him in the wind he was making. He nearly tripped but made a graceful circle and managed to make it in one piece next to you. You were at your locker, waiting for Amalia, whose class was running late again. Looking up, you were faced with a tall, spindly boy who was clutching makeup in his hands.

“Can you help me?” His voice was worried, like he was genuinely worried. You snorted, plucking the concealer and the sponge from his hand. He was going to a performance right after school and he needed to look perfect. All of you were going too which explained why he looked stressed out of his mind. He wouldn’t have time to get ready so he needed to take all his time at lunch, which meant all of your time.

“C’mon,” you hummed, motioning for him to follow you to the hallway behind the auditorium where you’d done Amalia’s makeup, “and text Sunwoo because god knows where he is now.”

Hyunjoon made a sound to tell you he heard you, whipping out his phone as he kept up his pace beside you. You pulled him away from people he was going to walk into as he texted, shaking your head a bit but finding it funny.

“Should I tell Amalia too?”

Nodding, you rounded the final corner to find the place you’d been almost exactly a year ago. The memory of Younghoon helping you with Amalia’s makeup reminded you of the time you spent here, seeing everything in gold. It hadn’t been long but somehow, you felt like you’d changed. You couldn’t quite decide if it was for better or for worse.

Hearing a small ‘ouch’, you turned just in time to see Joon rubbing at his shoulder and disconnecting himself from the wall. “When did that get there?”

The laugh that escaped your mouth couldn’t be stopped, though you just motioned for him to sit down on the chair. He was much taller than you sitting down even so you huffed, trying to figure out a good place to put him to help. Seeing the high counter that stretched from the mirrors to put bags and the like on it, you dared to sit and realized he would be the perfect height if he just-

“Can you stand up for a second?”

Quietly, he did as he was told and you felt a bit of relief. With the light coming from the mirrors behind you, which you switched on just now, you could see all his little blemishes. Joon looked timid now, a bit of pink on his cheeks as he removed his eyes from you.

“What is it?” you asked, pressing a bit of the concealer on the back of your hand and getting to work. He had quite a few red spots, acne from stress or maybe bad food getting to him. Clicking your tongue, you reached in your bag, hoping to find something that could control the redness before you dabbed the concealer on.

“Also, do you have a colour corrector or something?”

Hyunjoon, who was going to answer your first question, shifted focus and reached into the pockets of his flannel. He had to go deep but eventually pulled out a little, unopened box, and raised an eyebrow. “This is?”

“Sure is,” you mumbled, taking that out first and dabbing it on all his little spots. You didn’t notice it right away but your mouth fell open just a bit, mimicking what you’d seen your parents do when they focus. Hyunjoon’s eyes fell to the floor again though he stepped closer, hands folding in front of him.

The silence that filtered by, which was dabbed with students laughing or passing by and the commotion of a lunch room far away, felt tense to you. Pressing your lips together, you knew he wasn’t going to say anything unless you did.

“Seriously, what’s wrong?”

His cheeks became more and more red and you knew that no amount of colour corrector would fix that. No words came through and you frowned, dropping your hands to look at him properly. A wild guess came through your teeth, eyes noticing the way he was fidgeting with his fingers. The hand that was free of makeup came to place itself on top of them  and give them a squeeze.

“Hey, you’re going to do great today, Joon,” you crooned, hoping he would take your words as a promise, “you’re amazing at dance, you know you are. You and the rest of your group are going to kill it. Don’t worry about Astro or S.T.A.Y. Academy or anyone else. You just gotta believe in yourself.”

Your other hand bumped against his chest encouragingly, as if that was supposed to help. Sometimes, you were deathly awkward when trying to comfort people. Physical touch made you feel better sometimes but definitely not a little chest-fist bump or something stupid like that. You cringed at yourself, hoping he didn’t think it was weird.

“T-thanks, y/n,” he said, sounding sincere. An exhale left his lips with those words, a breath he seemed to be holding for a very long time coming out in those seconds. The little smile that touched your cheeks was enough to make you feel like you’d done something good.

“I just don’t want to bring the team down,” he continued, looking a bit sad but mostly anxious. Listening was no problem, letting him say the few words he could manage while you finished up your work on his skin.

“They’re all so good. Changmin and Hyunjae and even Juyeon, they’re all so good. I feel dumb asking them to help reteach me some moves but I just want to perfect it. I want to be just as good but also have my own style. It’s weird and complicated but I like it: I like it so much, y/n.”

“That’s why you’ll do good though,” you promised, hearing this over and over and just starting to believe it, “when you do something you like, you do well in it because you like it and try hard at it. You don’t have to be the best ever. Just do your best, which is pretty damn good if you ask me.”

He let his hand slip into yours and somehow, something shifted in your heart. This felt so different than how you meant it the first time, your heart somehow beginning to hammer in your throat. Hyunjoon looked entirely vulnerable now, eyes meeting yours with no filter over them. You felt yourself getting lost in them and the way they shifted from darker brown to lighter brown. It was only a second but the moment seemed to drag on in your reality.

One more little squeeze was given, this time from him as he admitted, “that means a lot, y/n. You’re a good liar but I don’t think you’re lying about this and that makes me feel really good.”

“Oh, come on,” you whined, letting the moment break as you tapped your hand against his chest to push him a bit at his little joke, “I lied about one thing once, that doesn’t make me a liar.”

Hyunjoon was now laughing, eyes nearly slits as his lips touched his ears, chuckle barely audible unless you were as close as you were to him. “Two months is a long time!” “Shut up,” you complained, though you couldn’t help but giggle as well. You swatted at him, creating enough distance to not make Amalia suspicious as she entered the hallway.

“Thought I heard you guys,” she said, looking exhausted from her class. You pulled her closer for a small hug, which she fell into. Her head rested on your chest, not thinking of removing herself as she whined, “I hate science so much.”

“What happene-”

Joon was in the middle of asking what was wrong when Sunwoo came bounding around the corner. He was running so fast he nearly slipped straightening his steps to meet your group, just about yelling to get your attention. He got it all right, eyes bright and sweat on his forehead from running, you guessed.

“And where have you been?” Amalia groaned, arms still wrapped around your waist as she rested against you. She didn’t notice how bright he looked, not like you did.

“Oh my god, did you get it?”

Sunwoo, out of breath, nodded. He looked beyond happy, unable to say what he wanted to say. Your screech echoed as you threw your hands around his neck, bringing him closer. Amalia was very obviously squished and it took her a while until she realized what Sunwoo meant.

“Got what? Am I missing so- oh my- Sunwoo!”

She joined in on the hug, jumping up and down as best as she could. Hyunjoon was grinning as well, seemingly understanding without feeling the need to be as loud as you and Amalia were.

“Congrats, Woo.” Joon’s hand patted his back before Sunwoo went to give him a hug as well, nearly jumping into his arms.

After the correct greetings went around, Sunwoo began to explain how it happened. He was playing some soccer in the gym and his phone rang and he didn’t want to check but something inside him said he had to check. He answered and suddenly his whole life had changed- he was going to be on a television show as a trainee under his new company. He was beyond excited, not even stopping to take a breath as he spoke. When he did, he inhaled deeply and then wen all over again, words falling out of his mouth like torrential rain. Hyunjoon was following along, trying to be excited but you noticed the worry that seeped between his eyebrows. Behind Amalia, you reached for his arm and touched it lightly. When your eyes met, you smiled for him. Slight relief spread through him,

“Told you I was going to be a rapper, didn’t I?”

Sunwoo’s proud face filled your gaze as you looked back at his straight shoulders and the new light in his eyes. For a second, you remembered how he was pressing this fact when you bumped into him the first time. The smile that touched your lips was enough for you to think yes, we’ve all come very far from a year ago.

I felt bad because I thought maybe Sunwoo stole your thunder that day, but man you should’ve seen you dance. You looked better than ever on that stage and you looked so happy- but I felt like you had something to prove. Amalia kept looking at Sunwoo, amazing at how well he’d done to get casted and I knew it upset you, so you danced harder. There wasn’t anything you wouldn’t do for her and I doubt that’s ever going to change. You liked her so much that I doubt you saw how much she liked you. Silly how little things like emotions can blind us.

Late December, 2015

Amalia was video-chatting with you, though neither of you were speaking at the moment. Both of you were focused on getting ready for your little outing tonight, which resulted in needing to call for opinions and just refusing to hang up at this point. As you fixed your hair in the mirror, she came with you, dabbing makeup onto her face. You followed her as she moved from room to room looking for good lighting. In the background of her video, she was playing music she knew both of you liked so you could listen in without hanging up.

“Still there?” she asked, noticing you’d gone still as you decided on covering up the blemishes on your skin. You’d paused in your spot for so long that it clearly worried her but you only made a sound.

“Are my zits and whatever noticeable?” The frown on your face was prominent as you moved your face way too close to the screen. She giggled, clicking her tongue.

“You look fine, just finish getting ready.”

“You’re not ready either,” you whined, pressing back at her but noticing she’d done most of her makeup already. On her lips, she applied lip gloss very carefully before responding, knowing it was her weakest skill.

Once she capped her gloss and set it down, she looked straight into the camera and chimed, “done,” with a little grin on her face. You stuck your tongue out at her but she filled you in with the rest of the details of how she was getting to your house. Lifting up a small bag, she gave you an encouraging look, talking about how excited she was for your sleepover.

“We haven’t had one in such a long time, it’ll be so exciting,” she drew out, looking bright as ever, “plus, I get a weekend away from my parents, which is sick.”

“Hush,” you chided, a bit of a chuckle catching in your throat, “you’re going to get back here after the party and cry because you miss them.”

“Maybe so,” she deadpanned, hoping to mimic a popular video you both laughed at. With that, she wished you goodbye, saying she’d be at yours soon.

“Be ready!” she pressed before blowing you a kiss and hanging up. You waved before she did so and then quickly closed your laptop to finish up. You decided on everything in split seconds, needing to clean up your room as well to make up for having someone over. Hardly finishing, the sound of Barly’s barks alerted you that Amalia’s car was pulling in.

“I’ll get it!” Your call echoed through the house and you ran down the stairs and to the door, opening it before Amalia rang the doorbell. Her hand was against the door but you were quicker, grin spreading across your face as Barly kept on barking.

“Shh,” you whispered to him, rubbing between his ears for a second before giving Amalia a quick hug.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” you admitted, taking her in only for her to drop off her stuff before the party. Tonight was definitely going to be some type of magic, you could feel it. Deep down though, there was a warning in your heart. The nervous jitters spilling down your spine were enough to distract from it.

You replayed that moment over and over again as you sat on the kitchen counter, sipping at your pop. There was alcohol there and you did have some but it made you feel lightheaded so you left to sit in the kitchen and think. People filtered in and out, music bumped up against the walls and made cups shiver, but everything was a little bit muffled where you were- just a little bit distant.

It never hit you how entirely awkward and anti-social you became after a certain while around people, especially students who ranged from your age and up. Yet, sitting there, all you really wanted to do was go home. Amalia was definitely having a lot of fun though, dancing and singing and playing beer pong while convincing others to take the drinks for her. You envied how outgoing she was, looking at her excitedly talk to Hyunjoon, who was listening very closely. He leaned down, ear close to her mouth to hear over the music and laughed when she told her joke.

“They look good together, don’t you think?”

Sunwoo’s voice trickled in over the general noise, snapping you out of your thoughts. He was wearing a white tee and beige pants buckled around his hips, hands firmly in his pockets. You wondered where his jacket went but didn’t ask, knowing it was too hot in here anyways. His hair was growing longer, falling into his eyes again. For a brief moment, you realized how good he really looked.

Had you never seen Sunwoo before until then?

“Hmm?” The sound slipped from your lips, genuinely confused about the words that came out of his mouth. Replaying the moment in your mind to try and output a proper response, you had to look away and back at the two of them. He was right.

“Yeah, I guess.”

Sunwoo, taking his place beside you, hoisted himself up and reached across you for an unopened bag of chips. He rested them on your lap after opening it, mumbling, “everything okay?”

He liked to do this, act casual when he was really concerned about your well-being. Except, he never realized that he was generally more affectionate doing so. Smiling a bit, you nodded and wondered what to do next. You didn’t want to just sit there and force Sunwoo to talk to you, nor did you want to take him away from the party which was partially thrown in his honour for his acceptance into a television show. Picking up your now empty bottle, you were suddenly struck.

“Let’s play a game or something,” you suggested, elbowing Sunwoo lightly in his ribs to grab his attention, “and be basic teenagers, like in the movies.”

Noticing the bottle in your hand, he snorted, shaking his head. Chips in his mouth, he started, “Spin the bottle? Y/n, I really don’t know about that.”

“But it could be fun, we could set out ground rules and whatever,” you suggested, waving the bottle in front of his eyes with a silly grin on your face. He was amused, though he was trying to hide it as he swatted at the glass in your hands. You watched ideas play behind his eyes but couldn’t tell what they were.

“Spin the bottle?” Amalia called from just outside the kitchen, Joon just behind her. She had gathered Jace and Shankeri, holding them by the hands as she dragged them forwards excitedly. “Yes! Oh my god, yes!”

“You sound like you’re getting proposed to,” Jace quipped, looking unsure. His tongue always did bite when he was the slightest bit uncomfortable. Sunwoo held back a snort, ignoring the look he got from Amalia as she grasped the bottle and clutched it towards her chest.

“It’ll be fun and we can have rules for people who wanna play but don’t wanna get smooched fully and ah, it’ll be so fun! Don’t you think?”

The last bit was aimed at Hyunjoon, who was unusually silent. He was put in an awkward position though. You see, he always said yes to Amalia; there was something about her smile that could convince him of anything. He couldn’t say no even if he wanted to, and so, he nodded.  

“I think the rules thing is a good idea,” he said softly, placing a hand on Amalia’s head. They exchanged a rather sweetened look, one that made you happy to see. Amalia had been pining over Hyunjoon since they first met and you thought that maybe there could be something out of this little party that would make them grow closer. Sunwoo elbowed you lightly, snickering before they could see.

Once Amalia snapped out of it, she started taking votes for who was up for it. You, though having brought it up, were unsure but Amalia took it as a yes. Shankeri made a slightly worried face but agreed as well. Jace breathed better knowing he didn’t have to subject to the normal rules and put his hand up too. The last person to agree was Sunwoo, who protested a bit before sighing.

“Not like I’ll win anyways,” he huffed under his breath, hopping off the high counter. He looked towards you as they all filtered off to the living room to find more recruits. Extending his hand, Sunwoo asked, “need help getting down?”

“My hero,” you drawled, hopping off yourself but very close to him. He laughed, somewhere between surprised and impressed and followed after you to the gathering of students.

“You jump like a cat,” he stated, almost incredulous.

“Learned from the best.” Your eyes drifted over to Hyunjoon, who was always trying to teach everyone how to fall properly so they didn’t hurt themselves. Sunwoo sat right down with you in the circle, mostly comprised of people your age that either Hyunjoon or Sunwoo or Amalia knew. You preferred not to talk to too many people, knowing you’d get a bit confused after a while, though some kids you knew from class.

Amalia explained the rules very pointedly, cradling the bottle between her two hands and the floor. Her legs were crossed and she looked sophisticated, like a teacher telling a classroom what to do. The room was enraptured, though some people asked dumb questions and causes waves of laughter to go up and down. Either way, it was decided that everyone had to either be a cheek kisser and receiver or a lip kisser and receiver. It seemed only fair for those who wanted to play for fun, and that was how Amalia explained it.

About half the kids split into cheek and the other into lip. Unsurprisingly, all of your friends were in the former category, neither one of you having had your first kisses yet. You were all rather sentimental about those too, wishing for them to be special. As you watched the bottle get spun and prayed it didn’t land on you, you wondered what it would be like to have your first kiss. Would it be sweet, after a date? Would it be passionate and crazy, like the person had chased you after you ran away from something and grabbed your cheeks and kissed you?

These ideas were in your head often but you never quite acted on them because, well, whenever you imagined it, the person kissing you wasn’t a real person. They were just someone. You never imagined kissing someone yet, not even Chanhee, who was your closest thing to even then beginnings of a relationship. It wasn’t until a girl named Heeju came up and planted a kiss on your cheek after asking very nicely did you realize it was your turn.

Very hesitantly, you reached out and spun. It was a weak spin but it seemed to take forever until-

Hyunjoon’s eyes met with yours carefully, as if trying to read you. There was just the slightest bit of shock on your face and you tried to say that maybe it was for the person next to him but the rest of the crowd was invested.

“Hyunjoon! It’s Hyunjoon!”

“Come on, go and kiss him!”

Sunwoo’s elbow hit your side again, this time a little harder to grab your attention. He seemed to shake his head, looking discretely at Amalia. When you met her eyes, you could tell she was almost watching to see what you’d do. She looked guarded for once and you were caught.

“I- I’ll just spin again, it’s-”

“No, you can’t,” a girl to the left of you called, shaking her head fervently. The more you tried to protest, the less slack you seemed to be getting until Hyunjoon said your name.

“It’s no problem, y/n, it’s just a fast kiss.”

He tried too look encouraging to you but there was also slight worry in his eyes. Neither one of you wanted to hurt Amalia’s feelings but asking her here felt so public, like you’d be outing her little secret. When you turned to look at Amalia again, her guard seemed to be dropped and she nodded.

“It’s fine,” she mouthed, motioning to you; and so, you crossed the circle to Joon and sat. Your legs folded under you so you were tall enough to reach his cheek comfortably, your hands pinned under your legs to stop them from shaking.

It felt so odd, hearing all these people chanting and telling you to ‘do it, do it,’. You felt lime something horribly wrong was about to happen, that feeling from earlier now coming back full force and with a pressure in your stomach. You got the okay though, right? The go ahead? Mind running at a million miles a moment, you decided to just close your eyes and get it over with. Lips set, you leaned forward and-

Were those lips against yours?

Blinking your eyes open and recoiling automatically, with the sound of a gasp following, you fell back on your hands. Shock was written on Hyunjoon’s face, as it was on yours, you were sure. That was your first kiss. He was your first kiss. The thing was that your kiss didn’t even matter to you. What mattered was the way Amalia looked at you when you met eyes. What mattered was the way people started scolding this stupid kid who pushed Hyunjoon’s head at the last moment. What mattered was that you could never get that moment back.

“E-excuse me,” Amalia murmured over the racket, not caring if she was heard or not. She used her hands as support and kicked up from her seat, pushing past people to leave as nearly everyone in the circle heckled the other kid. Sunwoo gave you a quick glance before getting up quickly and following her.

“Why would you do that?” Shankeri called, raising her voice for what felt like the first time in centuries. The kid looked like a fish out of water, cheeks filling with air but nothing to say.

“I- I thought it’d- I don’t know, I-”

“Y/n,” Hyunjoon hummed, hand coming onto yours. Was he worried for you?

Looking back at him, you saw that he was hurt. Immediately, you managed, “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “Not your fault.”

“I- I- Amalia..” you didn’t know what to say, blinking now to try and get your brain to start working again but he just shook his head again.

“Maybe we should let Sunwoo handle this one,” he suggested. There was something somber in his voice. Hand slipping away from you, he used it to help him up. “But we should leave.”

Shankeri and Jace, both heated, were on your footsteps, following you out and asking if you were okay. You didn’t quite have a response. You didn’t feel much at all, not much outside of worry for your best friend. Had you just done something to ruin one of the best things you’ve ever had? The thought sprung pricks in your eyes.

Great. Your first party and you were crying.

It’s pretty safe to say that the rest of that night was… weird. I’m sure you remember most of it, especially the awkward drive home while Haymond happily asked how everyone’s night went. The sleepover didn’t go as planned. Amalia was very upset but not necessarily at you. Then, Saturday came and she was off to her parents house for vacation and I was off to my old town to see my family and Eric. We spent so much time apart, not talking. It felt so weird but I never felt weird about you, which you deserve to know. You were just my friend and we were just in an unfortunate situation but it was never your fault.

Early January 2016

Maybe it was a good thing that your parents agreed to go back to your old city for winter break this year. It created some distance between you and Amalia, who was on vacation anyways so she was unable to text much. It gave you two some time to cool off too, which was more so needed for Amalia. You knew that you hadn’t done anything on purpose but you felt like you had to give her space. She once told you that she wanted Joon to be her first kiss and vice versa. It was a pipe dream, as she said it, but there was some basis for it, It could’ve happened. Except now, it couldn’t. You’d gotten between that and for all three of you, something had changed.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

Your hands were hovering just above your guitar strings, not moving at all. You were practicing, as you did whenever you could catch a break, hoping to see Jacob when you got back home to show him your progress; but your mind was elsewhere and Eric could tell. He waved his hand in front of your face once, then twice, and frowned.

“Hello? Is there someone in there?”

“Unfortunately,” you grumbled, frowning at him before putting down your guitar. Your head fell into your hands, palms digging into your eyes. Eric sat down beside you, placing down the glasses of water he brought up from the kitchen. The bed sank beside him and he hummed.

“Amalia, right?”

You nodded, not making a sound. Your wanted to hide in your hands a bit more but Eric was could at plucking you from your sadness. He flicked at your hands repeatedly until you whined and gave in, looking at his wide eyes. His hat was on backwards, even though his mother had just chided him for having it on, and his forehead was exposed. His skin was clearing up.

“Just text her,” he suggested, handing you your phone. You shook your head, pouting like a child.

“No,” you mumbled, knowing you sounded young and dumb but needing to play into it for now. Eric huffed, opening your hand and placing your phone in it.

“Do it, y/n, She’s back from vacation, she posted on her story yesterday.”

You gaped at him, confused. “How did you know that?”

He shrugged, saying offhandedly that she added him on social media when you told her his full name. You furrowed your eyebrows, folding your legs inwards as you thought. She never told you that though. Why wouldn’t she tell you?

“When did she do that?” you prodded, narrowing your eyes now. Standing up to grab his glass of water, he shrugged.

“Last year, maybe? Why?” He took a sip, free hand in his pocket as he faced you. The light from his standing lamp created a golden aura about him, shrouding him in dim light that grew brighter as the sun went down.

“She never told me,” you mumbled, looking down at your phone. You had a few texts from Sunwoo and one from Hyunjoon, telling you he wanted to talk when you had the chance. It was sent a few minutes ago and you figured, since you hadn’t responded right away, he was just gong to send you a long paragraph telling you whatever he wanted to tell you for you to read later.

“Yeah, she told me not to tell you either,” Eric admitted, looking a bit worried about saying it. Your mouth opened a bit and you leaned back to grab a pillow. By the time you’d thrown it, he had already defended himself, chuckling a bit.

“Why didn’t you?” Your voice was loud, raising just a bit out of frustration. He’d really kept this from you all this time? He wasn’t generally good at keeping secrets but this one had been for almost a year.

“Because,” he said, still chuckling at your little outburst, “she wanted to ask me about you and how to make you more comfortable and didn’t want you to think that she was being creepy or anything.”

“What?”

He nodded, setting down his cup far from your range of pillow-throws, and leaned against the desk now. His hands were both in the pockets of his sweatpants, t-shirt too big for him and tucked in. Seeing him like this reminded you of those countless times you’d come over when he was sick or feeling under the weather and you’d try your hardest to make him feel better. You were missing out on a lot of those moments now.

“Do you see your face now?” He fixed you with a look as he asked it, chin moving to point at your frown and the way your cheeks bunched up when you got upset. You were going to say something witty back at him about how you couldn’t see your own face but he kept talking, hoping prevent that.

“That’s why she messaged me. She thought you were really upset and she wanted to help you, even though she just moved schools too. She texted me saying she was worried about you and she wanted to know the things that made you happy because she wanted to be someone like me to you.”

You blinked, a bit of a tear coming down your cheek. Wiping it away you, murmured, “o-oh,” and let your gaze hit the floor. She did that for you? She cared so much and you never even realized. How could you know? You didn’t quite pay attention.

“Apparently, you talked about me a lot,” he joked, coming to sit back down beside you. His hand closed your fingers around your phone, hoping it would convince you.

“I missed you a lot,” you admitted, feeling the ball in your throat forming without permission. His arm fell around your waist, pulling you closer for a hug. Resting his head on your shoulder, you felt the cap he had on loosen and fall off behind you.

“I know,” he hummed, though he didn’t say it back. He was a man of many words but affection hardly passed through his lips. “She knew that too. So talk to her. Neither one of you hate each other, you’re just scared and she’s just psyched out; but it has nothing to do with you so just talk to her.”

“You’re right and it’s annoying,” you mumbled, pressing the bottom of your hand under your eyes to catch a tear or two.

“I’m always right,” he mused, pulling away quick enough to not get completely hit with a pillow you had on hand. The laugh that escaped his mouth was loud and happy, eyes bright and smile wide. You were glad to see it firsthand.

After excusing himself so you could give Amalia a call, Eric shut the door behind him and left you to your own devices. It was odd being in here alone but it left you with some time to think. Did you really want to call after all this? What would you even say? You desperately wanted her to still be your friend but what if she didn’t? What if-

The ringing of your cellphone cut your thoughts in half, making you give pause for a moment before going to check who it was. You hoped it was one of your friends but, what if calling here was long-distance or something?

Flipping over your phone, you saw Hyunjoon’s contact picture and pulled back a bit. It was one of you two on a ferris wheel, the one you went to at the summer carnival last year. He had his chin on your shoulder and a big, close-mouthed grin on. Black hair fell between his eyes and his cheeks bunched up near his eyes. He was very good looking and yet, you didn’t feel like you wanted to be with him. Not in the same way you did when looking at everyone else, not like you did with Chanhee or Jacob or even Younghoon. It didn’t compare in the slightest. You felt peaceful with him and you loved him but not in the way you were meant to love someone who was to be your everything.

Being reminded of that changed everything.

“Hello?”

“H-hey,” Hyunjoon mumbled, sounding quieter over the phone than in person. “You didn’t respond to my text s- so I called. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, of course it is. No need to ask.” You nearly shook your head, wanting to chide him for even asking the question. Never did you have to ask if it was okay to call. Everyone called because ti was something important and you were friends. Friends were meant to rely on each other.

“It’s just that…” he trailed off and you could see him in your head, biting down the inside of his cheek as he figured out what to say. He was only ever this shy if he felt like he was saying something wrong, or that he was going to hurt someone’s feelings. You wondered which one he thought it was this time around.

“We haven’t been texting much or talking at all,” he finished after some deliberation. “I was worried maybe- maybe you hated me or something.”

“What-”

You forced a deep breath in as your processed his words, trying not to be unkind now; how could he ever think you hated him? Yet, the more you thought of it, the more you understood where he was coming from. There hadn’t been a lot of messages in the group chat or to anyone at all, except from Sunwoo, who either raved about his experiences as a new trainee or pushed you to make up with Amalia.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, previously pacing around the room but now deciding to take a seat on Eric’s bed. You brought your legs in, crossing them to comfortably tug at the loose string of your pants as you talked.

“I feel like it’s my fault,” Joon admitted after a beat, letting himself say what he called to say, “but I don’t want to mess up yours and Amalia’s friendship. I don’t want it to mess up mine and Amalia’s either b-but I don’t know. It’s so confusing but everyone’s confused because we-”

“We’re not talking,” you finished, knowing where he was going to go. You nodded, though he couldn’t see you, but it was nice to know everyone was on the same wavelength now.

“Are we okay though?” you asked, knowing he was just as sentimental about his first kiss and everything that went along with that.

He chuckled a bit. “Yeah, of course. It was just a mistake, you know?”

“Wow,” you drawled, knowing how he meant it but feeling the conversation too serious, “kissing me was a mistake? I’m hurt.”

“N-no, that’s not what I-”

Your laugh helped him stop, noticing how you were just kidding. He let out a nervous exhale and a giggle to follow it. He must’ve had his head in his palm, stressed out to the max by your comment. You hoped it actually made him smile.

“I’m kidding,” you promised, crossing your fingers without him having to see it. After a bit of a pause, Hyunjoon spoke again.

“S-so it’s okay right? We don’t have to d-date or anything like that just because of a kiss or something?”

You hummed. “It’s not like we’re bound by the laws of the universe or anything. It was just a kiss, and one we didn’t really mean to happen, so it’s fine.” “Okay,” he sighed, sounding the slightest bit relieved. You knew he didn’t mean it in a rude way, he just had so many feelings bunched up in him. Most of them were for Amalia and you could understand them.

“Talk to Amalia, Joon,” you advised, partially because it would force you to do it as well. “I think it’ll make everyone feel a lot better.”

“You too.”

It was an unnamed promise but one that meant you both would work to repair whatever had happened between the three of you at the party. You knew he would keep up his side of the bargain. He was much braver than you were. A big part of you admired him for it.

“I’ll hang up then,” you chimed, waiting for him to say something else. He didn’t, apologizing for keeping you but hanging up before you had the time to scold him. Very slowly, you were beginning to feel like it was coming together. All that was left was your little call to Amalia.

Like taking a dive, you took a deep breath and held it as you dialled her number. Her picking up was you coming up for air.

After it got solved, everyone slowly came back together again. We talked more on the chat and we called regularly. I know there’s still something weird between me and Amalia but I’ll fix it like she tried to fix me in grade nine. I want to try my hardest for her and for you too. You can’t be together if- if I don’t fix my mistake.

This is going to sound weird but I don't know if I ever really loved you. I mean, of course I did, as a friend and all but Amalia was so clearly in love with you- is so in love with you. I think I loved the idea of someone being my first kiss and having that mean something; but you were my friend and I’m glad at least my first experience wasn't totally bad. It taught me that there’s different kinds of love and that sometimes your first kiss doesn’t have to be the most magical thing as long as it’s a good experience. I’m glad my first official kiss was you, someone I’m comfortable with and who I know well. Hopefully, next time, we get to have real kisses we both wanted. It would make this whole thing worth it, don’t you think?

I won’t wish you anything weird or long term. I’m seeing you tomorrow anyways but I just wanted to say that I’m happy with you as my friend. As long as you, Amalia, and Sunwoo are in my life, I think I can do anything.

Love, y/n, y/l/n, on January 10th, 2016.

Hyunjoon had his letter in hand, upset about how long this train ride was. He wanted to see you and ask you about it. A part of him was touched- he felt the same way. He loved you dearly though not in the way everyone wanted him to. You were someone close to his heart and he wanted to keep you there but because he loved being around you, not because he really wanted to be with you in a romantic way.

There was also the issue of why now though? Why would you even bring it up? You’d talked to each other about this multiple times after that phone call and cleared the air each time both of you started to get confused or feel weird about it. So, what was it now and why send him a letter written nearly two years ago?

He had these thoughts chasing around his head as he hopped off the train. You always picked him up from the station alone, picking everyone else up on your way to the diner so it would be a perfect time. He didn’t realize how fast he was going until he reached the parking lot in record time, eyes scanning for your car before finding you pulling in.

Your mouth was moving as you pulled in, talking over the bluetooth of your car. As you stopped, giving him a happy wave to call him in, you kept talking. Nearing the door and opening it, he heard you say,

““Listen, Chanhee, I don’t know who sent you that letter b- but please don’t read it. If you see anyone else with those, please rip them in half, I- oh fuck, I’m screwed, I’ll- I- I’ll talk to you later.”

Immediately, you hung up, giving him a big, forced grin. “How was the train ride?”

“You wrote Chanhee one too?” he asked, not even bothering to answer the question as he got in. You looked absolutely mortified, looking down at his hands to see his held between his fingers.

“I- I don’t even- how did you get this?” You immediately snatched it from his hand. Scanning over the paper, you groaned and began to tear at the pages.

“Hey, no!” Hyunjoon protested, reaching out to grab it from you. Giving in, you let him have the sheets, figuring he’d already read it.

“This is the worst day of my life,” you mumbled, placing your head in your hands.

Joon only giggled, thinking it was rather funny but also kind of cute you wrote letters to people. “How many did you write?”

“Twelve,” you grumbled, muffled by your palms. This made him laugh harder.

“Twelve?” he repeated the word, chuckling before settling in his seat. As he put his seatbelt on, he mused. “Yeah, you really are screwed.”

“I know.”

Joon looked at you for a moment, hand placed slightly on your back to rub warm circles in. You lifted your head from your hands, going to put your hands on the wheel and pull away. He promised he didn’t think it was weird at all, admitting it was kind of sweet and saying he felt the same. You only groaned some more but there was no elaboration on your part. He waited for a moment, watching the train station pull away before figuring, there’s no better time to ask than now.

“So, you gonna tell me what all of that was about?”

He saw the resignation in your face, knowing you were going to hate the story but you trusted him. You would say it, even if you tried to resist by murmuring, “it’s a long story.”

“We’ve got all the time in the world.”

[deobossincorrect]

Well okay then, I didn't need to breathe.

[soobljy]

SORRY NOT SORRY: THE SEQUEL

pairing: hyunjoon x fem!reader

genre: angst

warning: mention of alcohol

wc: idk i wrote it in notes 😭 but it’s very short bc my mind is saurr empty right now

song rec: sorry not sorry by monsta x

a/n: part 2 of @lomlyeji’s request. i hope you like it bella <33

▅▄▃▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▂▃▄▅

some how a depressing day

It’s been a year since you and Hyunjoon broke up. At first you didn’t understand why he broke up with you. It took you a few months of being heartbroken but eventually you got over him.

Hyunjoon on the other hand just couldn’t forget you. He tried to date others, but no one could compare to you. He hates to admit that he missed you, and he hates himself for hurting you.

i’m drunk on the upset feeling

He finds himself stumbling, drunk, on the streets of Seoul. It’s friday night and Hyunjoon once again he is drinking. Alcohol is the only way for him to forget you anyways.

i’ll say hello lightly

“Hyunjoon?”

He stops dead in his tracks. That voice. He could recognize it as no other. He heard that voice for almost every day for the past few years. He could never forget the voice of his first love.

You walk over to him. His vision is a bit blurry but he could still you. You’re eyebrows are frowned as you worry about his drunken state. You grab onto his shoulder as he stumbles over his own feet.

“Y/n?” He slurs. You’re a bit taken aback as he wraps his arms around your waist, hugging you. “Please don’t leave.” He whispers. “Hyunjoon…” You trail off.

He looks up to see a male figure behind you. He slowly let’s go of you. You sigh, hesitating before speaking again. “This is my boyfriend.” You point at the guy behind you.

And just like that, Hyunjoon’s heart breaks into a million pieces. Just like how he did to you.

i don’t wanna have this nightmare again

[tbzsite]

blue moon

member; hwall

genre; fluff

masterlist [coming soon!]

blue moon

you shivered lightly as you felt hyunjoon’s breath against your neck, his arm wrapping your waist. it felt you two were so close that you could feel his grin as his face rested in your hair.

you saw me standing alone

“i remember when i first asked you out on a date and this song played in the diner that i brought you to”, he said into your ear softly, making you smile and your mind replayed that moment.

without a dream in my heart

“every word to this song made sense. it reminded me of how we met”, you replied to him, you felt him instantly smile in the crook of your neck.

without a love of my own

he sighed, “i really thought i’d never find love again after her. but then you came into my life and i fell so hard.”

blue moon

“hyunjoon, we don’t have to talk about her. i know how much she hurt you-“

you knew just what i was there for

“no it’s ok, babe. it just makes me think how so much better you are than she ever was to me. she hurt me for a reason... to lead me to you.”

you heard me saying a prayer for

you couldn’t help but let a smile spread across your face, a tear threatening to spill as the meaningful words that left his mouth hit you in the heart.

someone i really could care for

“you’re all i care about now. she’s gone and she’ll remain gone. you’re all i need, and all i have. you’re all i want and all i want to have.”

you turned your body to face him, nestling your face into his chest, your smile remained. you wouldn’t trade this for anything or anyone else. you wanted to stay here, in his arms and his only forever.

blue moon