#i am normal about these two. trust

[vampiric-fangirl]

^ me when i have religious trauma and self-worth issues that revolve around believing i am nothing more than a weapon to be used so i attach myself codependent style to the first person who shows me kindness/gives me attention/makes me feel like i'm worth something and devote myself to becoming perfect for them and supporting them and serving them and making them happy in every way i can for the rest of my existence (if they die, i will feel like i have not only lost everything but also myself, entirely). because that's the only purpose i can ever imagine myself having. because i have religious trauma and self-worth issues.

for better or for worse.

[silverquillsideas]

So. I have a lot of feels about suo wei's drunk confessions 😭 and I just need to sort them out here.

it all begins at the car, where suo wei tells jiang xiao shuai that he and chi cheng will be strictly business partners from now on, and not get into a relationship, because now that yueyue was out of the picture, his 'goal' was achieved- there was no need for any more contrived plotting, and no reason for him to be involved with chi cheng beyond professional partners.

when jiang xiao shuai asks why, he pulls out a random excuse of being a "straight man" and that he will "marry a woman in the future".

and while we can all laugh good naturedly and dunk on him for unaware of his own sexuality, there's still a grain of truth there. suo wei has always held on to this idea of an imaginary future, a wife and family, a stability, and maybe it was the product of societal conditioning, but he's still struggling with it, in denial about his real feelings. because if he chooses chi cheng, he will have to unlearn all of his "20 years of being straight" conditioning, choose a new path for himself, and that's not something he's ready for yet- because the prospect of going off a familiar, beaten script, one that will never be approved by society (or their families) at large, is terrifying.

but when jxs presses for the real reason, he admits that he does have feelings for chi cheng, that it was different now.

and he then goes off on a dramatic tangent of how, if he starts a relationship with chi cheng, he'll surely have to be the "bottom" and we see jxs laughing at his ridiculous complaints.

and to me, this line is really interesting, because while his silly fear is partially true, but the way suo wei says it here, specifically, is in an intentionally loud, exaggerated manner- almost like he was doing a bit. it's a ready, accessible excuse- a diversion- that he can pull out whenever he feels wrong footed, not yet ready to face the more difficult, more complicated underlying emotions.

because later, we go on to see that that ridiculous excuse wasn't suo wei's real reason at all.

cut to the party, where we see an inebriated suo wei chugging drinks with abandon, so much so, that chi cheng has to come intervene.

and it's here- when his walls are down and his inhibitions are lost- that suo wei finally blurts out his real fears, his most vulnerable, closely guarded feelings.

he can't bear to leave chi cheng.

no matter how many fake excuses he pulls up, no matter how many smoke screens he puts up in front of others, no matter how much he's still lying to himself, his subconscious has already decided what's most important to him- his feelings for chi cheng. the messy, tangled emotions that keep bothering him, his tentative, newfound desire for chi cheng- a man- that he himself isn't ready to face yet. but he still wants to hold on, so badly. and he's terrified that now that he doesn't have any manipulations or schemes left to reel chi cheng in, chi cheng wouldn't have any reason to stay either.

but chi cheng is baffled. because this guy (this extremely besotted guy) can't fathom any other outcome. he reassures suo wei that he was here, that they are not going to part ways.

but suo wei keeps on rambling- pours out all his fears, because now that he's started, he can't stop.

and there it is- suo wei's deepst fear. he doesn't believe in love. because he's been heartbroken before, he's been cast aside repeatedly, he's been bad mouthed and constantly criticized for not doing things right- not being rich enough, not cool enough, not educated enough- a never ending list of just suo wei never being enough.

suo wei doesn't believe in love- because to him, being liked or loved by a partner has always been conditional- in exchange for the things he could offer to the other person. if he paid for expensive meals, yueyue would praise him, if he paid for her clothes, showered gifts on her, she would be happy. and I think, deep down, for the longest time, he'd been convinced that if he had just provided her enough, in the ways she wanted him to, maybe she would have stayed.

yueyue's repeated rejections of him is what ultimately lead to him losing faith in the feeling of love itself.

and so now, he's devastated, because he has nothing else left to give to chi cheng- no more mind games, no more manipulation, no more little lies, no tug of war- and so, what else does suo wei have to offer, so that chi cheng will stay? because surely, it can't be something as flimsy and stupid and untruthful as love.

.

chi cheng attempts to talk to him once more, but suo wei is still very drunk, and his words don't exactly reach him. chi cheng ends up carrying him away from the noisy club room, to the corridors outside, where they can have some semblance of privacy.

and once again, suo wei latches onto his desperation, and pleads chi cheng not to leave him, no matter what.

and once again, chi cheng reassures him, that he isn't going anywhere, that he'll stay the night with him, take care of him- even though he knows that suo wei can't fully comprehend whatever he's saying at the moment.

this last hug is so precious. my heart absolutely melted to a puddle on the floor. you can literally feel how much chi cheng means every single word he says here- I'll always be with you.

because now that chi cheng has finally let go of his past, defied his family, and thrown his lot with his Da Bao- his one and only silly little loser guy (affectionate), he'll be making very sure to keep his promise, keep on loving suo wei- until suo wei can learn to love himself.

[konsaiki]

URU DROPPED MORE JARLO MATERIAL AND NOW I'VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

THIS IS THEM RIGHT.

COUGH, OKAY NOW LOOK AT THEIR HANDS.

ARLO HAS HIS HANDS IN HIS POCKETS, WHILE JOHN IS 'LAXING ARM ON ARLO'S SHOULDER. (may I remind you that Arlo is canonically 4 inches taller than John, which means John's arm probably is NAWT comfortable at all being up on Arlo's shoulder... HE'S PURPOSELY ON ARLO BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BE NEAR HIM I SWEAR!!!)

AND GET THIS, JOHN'S LEFT HAND IS HIS NECKTIE RIGHT BUT WE ONLY SEE HIS PINK AND HIS THUMB...

COUGH COUGH, WANNA KNOW WHICH HAND THE RING GOES ON?

YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS BULLSHIT UP. THEY ARE HIDING THE WEDDING RINGS. JARLO MARRIAGE IS REAL!!1!🔥🔥🔥

[kookidough]

analysing vance hopper because he lives in my head 24/7 !

tw for like. literally everything the black phone covers!!!!!!

also there's some special effects gore rather far down in the post idk just i feel like i should warn you just in case

okay so before anyones like "but bee!!!! he only had 6 minutes of screen time in a 102 minute long movie!!!!! he was only on screen for 5.8% of the movie!!!!!" and to that i say i Know it was a real tragedy so a lot of this will be built on personal interpretation and subtext and stuff said behind the scenes and whatnot

so firstly i wanna rot about what his childhood/upbringing might've been like..... i havent quite decided on something definitive but i think we can take one look at his character and realise that is glaringly obvious he had a bad childhood, in one interview the actor that plays him (brady hepner) says "the background i had set up for vance is that the reason he was the way he was is his home life was fairly difficult, you know maybe his dad was either not there for him or he wasn't supportive, maybe he was fairly abusive, and so that creates a hair trigger sense of rage in vance" hair trigger meaning his patience is literally as thin as a strand of hair it does Not take a lot for him to snap

there more to it after that which i'll get into soon but yea thats the gist of it it's clear he had absent/neglectful/abusive parents and that would certainly contribute to why he's so angry all the time, maybe acting so explosive was the only way to get his parents' attention, either good or bad, so he just internalised that. obviously rage and anger issues like vance's lead to violence (not in all cases but in his case it does) and i think a neglectful and abusive upbringing would obviously expose him to more violence than a normal childhood would, therefore normalising it and desensitising him to it, whether he's seeing it play out in his own home and/or on television or something like that (because i doubt his parents would be the kind to monitor what content he's viewing)

i feel like he has little control over his life and that only adds to his anger, which in his case leads to a fight when his buttons are pushed too many times. i think he probably takes great pride in being the toughest in town and whatnot and winning fights and being perceived as strong and scary is good to him and helps him regain control/power, something he doesnt have at home. the rest of the quote from the interview i mentioned earlier states "this pinball machine could have been the only thing that he has in his heart that's like, good, like 'holy cow i did this, i set the score,' so when someone comes along and messes it up for him, it takes away the only thing that he has. i think that that's when he switches to a 'now you're gonna pay for that'"

similar to what i said about fighting, the pinball machine and his high score is something he has control over and its an important part of his reputation/image like. hes literally pinball vance ! and the whole thing about that high score being the "only thing he has in his heart that's good" implies that hes. well. pretty shit at everything else, which is pretty much canon if you remember that gwen said vance was held back twice in school. makes me think that while he's not the brightest in school he's certainly street smart

moving onto ermmmmm him getting kidnapped era because im sure youre wondering "well bee if he's so street smart then why did he get kidnapped" so may i raise two theories (this is. literally all i got and its not even concrete, me and my friend gray (@staggersz) tried to figure out how this could even happen and this is the most plausible thing we've got. so shoutout to him real quick he has had to deal with me being unnormal about vance for like a year and a half thanks king couldnt have done all this without my rotting buddy)

so either he got taken by surprise (most likely option) or vance's trust was gained first via getting given quarters at the pinball machine and small talk and shit like that but this is unlikely because i feel like it'd take a loooooong time for someone like vance to trust a some random stranger adult man when he clearly has issues with trusting and respecting people older than him and people with authority (e.g. cops, his parents, or school officials) so yea being taken by surprise would probably be the most realistic option, i always see people on tiktok being like "how did the grabber kidnap vance hes so strong!!!!" dude its a 15 year old boy against like. a 45 year old man who's already claimed two lives its really not gonna be a fair fight here

before i get into the next part i wanna quickly address a theory i absolutely Hate and it is so easily disproven and that is the theory that vance is the grabber's son or is related to him in some other way and i see it Far too often on tiktok and i HATE it. from what ive seen this all stems from his dream sequence where he kicks open the fence to albert's house and, presumably, goes inside after being dropped off by the police after the grab n go fight. idk if some people just straight up didnt realise this but clearly in real life he is going to his Own House??? in the dream it's only albert's house because this is how he chooses to show gwen the house she's trying to find her brother in, the house that he himself was killed in??? i hate the theory i hate it sm

the dream sequence itself is interesting though as the ghosts seem to only be able to conjure up what theyve seen in real life (like how bruce can picture the outside of the house and show that to gwen but the house number is all flipped and not right beause he doesnt know it) so vance being able to picture the house and the number and the gate and every detail would imply that hes seen it before, but im going to explain that away as either he got out once before like with finney's failed escape attempt, or the house is most likely on the route he walks to school or the grab n go or something and he hasnt actually been there prior to being kidnapped

mini rant over now onto being kidnapped i guess, so i used the missing posters to try and estimate a timeline of how long each ghost boy would've been in the basement for (although the missing posters are notoriously unreliable for details such as looks/height/age/etc, the dates seem to all line up). so we know the order is griffin, billy, vance, bruce, robin, finney, right?? if we use the poster date then billy was taken on may 4th, 1976, a month and two days after griffin was taken (april 2nd 1976). vance was taken on september 23rd 1977, almost a full year later (stay with me im going somewhere with this), and after that bruce was taken on july 18th 1978, again almost a full year later

its established in the movie that the grabber stalks his victims before he takes them (canon because we literally see the van watching finney and gwen as they walk home from school early on in the movie) but we dont know how long he does this for since griffin/billy and robin/finney were taken such short distances apart and then the others were taken such long distances apart, also it's possible he could stalk his next victim while the previous one is still alive, etc etc lots of confusing factors, but if i've done the maths right then the absolute maximum time vance could've spent down there is 9 months and 25 days, or 298 days, so erm . let that sink in !

howeverrrr in the movie gwen states that vance went missing "last spring" and september is definitely not in spring, meaning he could've been down there for a year or even longer. an explanation or excuse i could think of for the movie and the missing poster saying different things (other than the missing posters being known for some areas being wildly inaccurate) is that maybe he was taken in spring but wasnt labelled as officially missing until september, when he was properly linked to griffin and billy's similar disappearances and the mysterious grabber? i can imagine it'd be very easy for law enforcement, especially in the 70s, to dismiss someone like vance as a runaway until they get solid evidence that he was taken. idk though thats just my personal excuse / angsty headcanon for the difference in information

not sure what exactly killed him but we do hear from vance himself that "he took his time with me" so it was probably blood loss from a variety of injuries, if we look at him in his ghost scenes we can see his hair is absolutely covered in blood which indicates head injury, he clearly has a broken nose and bruising around his eyes as a result of it, he has these deep cuts on his abdomen area (apologies for the image quality but i believe they're like. sfx pieces you would wear under clothing)

and he also has just like. minor bruising (like the fingerprints on his arm) and other random blood splatters on his face and neck (assuming the blood down his neck comes from wherever he was bleeding on his head) so Yeah overall very unpleasant way to die obviously

okay now the part thats actually in the movie and it only took me 13 paragraphs to get here: vance as a ghost!! first thing i wanna point out is appearance wise i just want to say that when he's a ghost he's missing his choker and that fact Pains me. anyway personality-wise i feel like being violently murdered has, understandably, kicked his rage up to like. the highest level it could possibly go. he's insanely snarky and downright rude to finney on the phone, showing no empathy to the fact that finney is literally in the exact situation he was in

i feel like the whole "this is the nightmare end of your pathetic little life" and "if you knew what you had coming, you'd be fucking terrified" thing is definitely to scare finney on purpose and to get him to do something, vance might as well have just told him he's never going home cuz thats how it came across LMAOO, it is startling though because vance is clearly speaking from experience, that he was literally fucking terrified, and he is warning finney in his own weird way

the thing i think sets vance apart from the other ghosts is that while he does help finney, he does it for a different reason than they do. the other ghosts want finney to escape, to get out, to be free, to live, but personally i dont think vance cares about that. the only thing he wants is for albert shaw to be dead, for someone to seek vengeance, to do what vance couldn't. vance doesn't care if it's bruce or robin or finney or whatever boy could've come after that, he doesnt care as long as that man gets what he deserves after what he put vance through, and i see this through the scene at the end of vance's call where finney thanks him for his help and vance says, and i quote, "helping you? this isn't about you, fuck him! and apologies for being repetitive but to me it just literally proves that to vance, this isnt about finney or his escape, its just about revenge

we dont get to find out what happens to the ghosts once the credits have rolled, and i dont think we quite know enough about tbp's version of ghosts to guess what theyre up to, but i have a few theories :3 maybe theyre no longer bound to those two houses and they can now go anywhere they want in town? or maybe since their shared goal of stopping albert has been achieved, the ghosts can finally pass on to whatever is waiting for them next. i dont think vance would be content to pass on that quickly or easily as anger lingers, but i hope he'd be able to let go of it eventually, and hey we might find out in the sequel. i pray it mentions him cuz i will just die if it doesnt

sometimes, ok thats a lie, frequently i think about an au where he survived or escaped or whatever but ohhhh boy this post is already a train wreck so that au would deserve its own essay of a post :3 if u actually genuinely read this far then Wtf thanks for reading the ramblings of an absolute madman, only pure delusion could get like 20 paragraphs about a guy with 6 minutes screentime but hey thats how i roll, thanks again to my pal gray for letting me rot and thank u to my other pal ana for also enduring all this rot

hope u enjoyed my interpretation of vance hopper im going to crawl in a hole now and probably brainrot some more, thanks again for ur time :3

[rotspecialist]

white guy yaoi 💛💛💛

[aromanticasterisms]

no but actually. the parallels to other Twins in different nations of teyvat in relation to the traveler and their desire to reunite with their own sibling makes me a little bit bonkers. like.

diluc and kaeya as what the traveler has and fears, after we will be reunited [separation born from conflict that seemingly cannot be mended; they both care for each other but ultimately their opposing ideals mean they cannot be at each other's side in the same way that they used to, and no longer have the close bond they once did]

ei and makoto as what the abyss sibling experienced [a crushing loss not just of one's twin but the last remaining friend they had and the safety and security of their nation, coming out the other side traumatized, cold and jaded and making decisions that will ultimately hurt the people they claim to want to protect for the sake of an unattainable goal]

and lyney and lynette as what the traveler and the abyss twin used to have before they were separated [never apart for long, home is wherever we are together], what the traveler wants [their separation brief and quickly amended, continuing to be inseparable after they reunite], and also the choice they'll have to make [the twins being together in an organization the traveler inherently doesn't trust - does the traveler want to be by their sibling's side badly enough to throw their lot in with the abyss, and turn their back on everyone else they've met on their journey so far?]

[aaasdgnklm]

tw for *described* blood and gore, stabbing, drowning (mentioned)

spoiler alert for epic : the musical the vengence sags

———————————————————————

OH MY GOD

THE VENGENCE SAGA

holy SHIT guys its WILD

ok ok so not sorry for loving you was oretty much what I was expecting calypos va is amazing and the song is so pretty and I almost feel bad enough for her to like her

dangerous was a BANGER I didnt know about the more calm bits at the beginning and end and the pause when the crew usually replied in the 600 lives bit fucking HURT but then hermes shows up and its like WOOOOO PARTYY FUCKIINGGG TIMMEEE AM I DIONYSUS OR WHAT CAUSE WE ARE HAVING A RIDEEEEEE!! the anamatic with ody fighting all these monsters and hermes busting it down was HILARIOUS I love him SO MUCH troy eats every time and its amazing

charybdis was EVEN BETTER THAN I EXPECTED tbh ik a lot of people were really excited for get in the water and dont get me wrong I was too! but I was REALLY excited for charybis and it met my expectations perfectly the vocals and how just fucking DONE ody sounds is PERFECT I love it

get in the water. holy SHIT get into the water. it was what we knew was coming UNTIL IT WASNT AND THEN IT HURT THE BIT WITH HIS DEAD CREW/FRIENDS/MOM WAS OUCH and a fucking jetpack I CANNOT take that seriously bcuz omg thats so funny that he used a JETPACK to fight posideon AND IT WORKED

six hundred strike ima be honest didnt love the 3d render thing it wasnt for me but the water physics were sick but the MUSIC IS AWSOME I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY EEEEEE

first off the crews voices coming back to accompany odysseus as he avenges each of them is GREAT but then

then

the end

HOLY SHIT THE END I

I dont even KNOW what to say because OH MY GOD

posideon basically saying yeah whatever you win but ur fucked you dumbass and ody replying with youre calling that storm off. and posideon going or what bitch

and then the danger motif starts

AND THEN ODYS FUCKING RAMPAGE

STABBING HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN WITH HIS OWN TRIDENT

THE PRONGS TEARING THROUGH HIS LUNGS FILLING THEM WITH BLOOD INSTEAD OF WATER HOOKING BEHIND HIS RIBS AS HIS OWN TRIDENT SINKS INTO HIS IMMORTA BODY OVER AND OVER HURTING MORE THAN ANY MORTAL WEAPON COULD

and the things odysseus is saying? holy fuck theyre almost more painful then the trident because DAMN

you can hear all the rage, the misery, the grief, every single goddamn thing odysseus has been through every person hes lost every person hes fail every. single. emotion. odysseus has felt is so raw and painful and THERE and its awful and amazing and its perfect for that moment

and th animation for that portion is amazing too. the glowing stripes on posideons sides and the flashes of lightning and the blood on the trident and the way posideons body lurches as odysseus stabs him AH and ofc that final line. THAT LINE HOLY SHIT

“with everything youve done… how will you sleep at night?”

“next to my wife.”

so good. im in love.

[llitchilitchi]

setting off for a long journey

[archiebaldo1414]

Been spiraling a lot tonight but the consensus of the crisis is I NEED a bestie I can be overly devoted to again. I’m at my best self when I have someone I’m crazy about? For? who just goes with it

[notasouleater]

so I looked and there isn't much in the way of full royalty aus either and like. torn because if I were to do one I really like Royal&Knight things but Gatomon and Wizardmon wouldn't do that. They would be a knight and a wizard respectively (Kari is the royal). but. but then I thought. you know what Does do knight&wizard whilst keeping the royal&bodyguard dynamic?

BBC Merlin

[moreaujeans]

im so sick of exams i swear to GODDD

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Shoutout to my roommate B for being So Chill about needing to pick me up from class yesterday bc I was too dissociated to drive. Thank u, B, you’re a real one.

[autism-corner]

[]

[twotimetweaker]

Woo first post on this blog ^_^ I like Twotime from Forsaken a tad bit

[citrus-cactus]

So many unhinged posts in my drafts from trying to cope with the Gargoyles brainrot

[remitro]