#i decided to do some things like notion for organizing my stuff if possible. .and im working on some more spreadsheets

[onepiexe]

already grinding my teeth at work

[silverjojo08]

General KH Brainrot

I have finally caught up to every Kingdom Hearts game released so far. To celebrate, I decided to write this thing about all my thoughts. This is not organized. It’s not formal writing. It’s a mix of general rambling and speculation and shipping and just fun stuff. Topics will be in the order I think of them. Great games imo (tho I think some other action RPG series do certain things better, more on that later).

Spoilers for everything including Union Cross (I recommend this fandub if you’re not familiar with it) and Dark Road (I recommend this cutscene compilation). And again, I’m not really trying to proofread or write this as a proper article or anything. It’s just literally my assorted ramblings. Most of these will be familiar if you’ve followed my ramblings on twitter as I played through the games. I have not read really anything from outside of the games (interviews, guidebooks, etc) nor have I watched any theory videos. I have picked some theories up from others, but I’m not fully convinced of anything. Anyway here we go.

(If I linked to your stuff and you’d like that removed just let me know. I wanted to source discussions/thoughts I had, but I don’t intend on being intrusive.)

I Think Apprentice Xehanort Should/Will Return

Mainly to me, I feel like it doesn’t make sense that he’s considered to just be old man Xehanort. Xemnas has some memories from Terra which indicates that the apprentice is not just old man Xehanort in there, and the KH3 battle uses the young version of Terranort (from the fight vs Aqua) rather than the apprentice somewhat implies that the apprentice was simply too much of a unique entity to have been used for the evil plan. Old man Xehanort does have a scene in ReMind where he explains that Terranort simply recompleted into a younger version, but that was nonsense to me and I reject it. Either he was simply wrong or simply lying. Yes this is more hopium than actual speculation. I like him. He’s hot. I need him back. Also he specifically being the one connected to Kairi’s origin and also telling the cast about Quadratum suggests to me that he is important enough to show up again.

Kairi Being a Princess of Heart

I find this notion to be particularly curious because given the evidence so far, it seems as though princesses for each world should be characters of which the narrative focuses on. And of course as we all know, Kairi is severely underused and has mainly been portrayed as a damsel in distress. In addition to this, her native world (Radiant Garden/Hollow Bastion) hasn’t really been all that important to the narrative honestly. Yes, I understand the heart experiments were going on there but it doesn’t seem like the intrinsic nature of that world is particularly crucial compared to Disney Town (has the time portal there), Keyblade Graveyard (literally all the dead children and Keyblades and has been used as a nexus point to summon the chi blade), Daybreak Town/Scala ad Caelum (again, just magical in nature due to *waves hands*), and other actually important original locations (Land of Departure/Castle Oblivion!!!!) thus far in the lore other than the fact that the modern ongoings are essentially Ansem the Wise’s fault (maybe more on him later but I do not like him). And I get there’s been some retcons along the way on everything (arguably Radiant Garden as a concept in itself, arguably the idea that the princess of heart duties can be passed along to others, etc etc), but I’m not sure the retcons are really that important here. At this point for this narrative notion to kind of matter it feels like she needs to do something huge for the sake of her world imo.

To me the stronger possibility is that her world for the purposes of princesshood is actually considered Destiny Island since that’s where the story actually jumpstarted and there’s also a door to darkness there plus there’s the Child of Destiny concept (see below), but we’ll see.

Kairi and Riku’s Fated Oomfship

This is one of the last sections I’m writing despite being one of the first sections I thought of. Part of this is because I wanted to go over some of the old Ansem reports again after beating Melody of Memory. The other part is that it’s kind of hard to nail down what it is that I have to say on this matter. But I just think it’s really, really neat that the story begins when Kairi is literally sent as a beacon to Riku. They were fated to meet and bond, and then it worked! In some stories this sort of destiny hogwash (sorry to plagiarize Fire Emblem Awakening, it will happen again) can feel like a prison for the characters. But here between Kairi and Riku (also somewhat paralleled with the BBS kiddos, more on that later) it’s just really sweet and magical to me.

Now of course it was a sinister plot. Apprentice Xehanort didn’t send her to find Riku out of the goodness of his heart. He wanted a Keyblade wielder to study and manipulate for his own purposes. But these kids are just funny little guys and villains never think about the power of love and friendship. Even in KH1 during the worst possible cringe 15 year old, 9th grade year angst possible Riku was concerned over Kairi’s safety.

They don’t get a lot of scenes together, but those that they do get are to me a nice mix of playful and touching and just truly pure friendship goodness. I think that’s truly just a really lovely thing. At the end of KH2 I was so excited for the idea of them as a duo (and then I learned that she doesn’t get to do shit most of the other games, tragic). Their scene in Melody of Memory after she woke up inspired this whole section honestly because their chemistry is truly so bestie-coded.

Anyway as I spent time waffling on this section I came across this twitter thread that does a way better job than me at thoroughly analyzing Kairi’s friendships and other relationships in general and I think it’s really good and insightful and you should read it.

The Child of Destiny

Ok, so this could really just be grouped with the KH4 theories, but I started speculating too much so it will be separate here. This is from the Dark Road epilogue. Our dear Player-kun who reincarnated to Missing Link raises Xehanort and believes Xehanort to be the Child of Destiny. They turn out to be incorrect, but here’s some stuff they say about the theory:

Now obviously this could refer to multiple characters. Sora is the no-brainer pick (especially given the “connect their heart with another to become one” note tying to his connection with Ven) and maybe it really is just him. Kairi could fit too if we ignore the gendering in the statement. But Riku is also a curious possibility. A lot of the hints point to him: Kairi landed on Destiny Islands due to his presence, Destiny Islands fell due to him opening the door, he and Ansem SoD did sort of become one together and he gave Ansem SoD form (more on that in the KH4 theories section btw), during CoM in particular he has been shown to be able to sense (“smell”) darkness and identify people (again, the smell thing lol) in a sort of innate way, he is the literal representation for the narrative as the avatar for Jiminiy’s journal, and he uses both light and darkness together in a harmonic sense for the powers of good more than any other named character. This is another “we’ll see” situation I think, but if it turns out to be Riku I wouldn’t be shocked.

Vanitas, a darkness entity vs The Darkness™

Skip to the next section if you don’t want even more Union Cross or Dark Road spoilers. Anyway my interpretation of the events is that I do not believe Vanitas to be one of the true Darknesses. Old man Xehanort certainly thought he was on some level, but it is imo very clear to me that isn’t that case. As we all know, Ventus did absorb within him one of the true Darknesses. However, when he was sent to the future (ie current KH present time before BBS) old man Xehanort tried to split the Darkness from his heart. I believe Xehanort’s split attempt was somewhat imperfect and Vanitas had a little bit of Ven’s heart within him. This fragment of heart was enough to make Vanitas a unique and individual entity. To put it more succinctly: I believe he was once part of that Darkness which Ven absorbed, but he is now a separate being due to having a sliver of Ven. Ultimately Kingdom Hearts is all about unique circumstances and having your own sense of self even when “nature” argues you should behave otherwise. There’s more to this theory in that the Darknesses notoriously cannot act without controlling another being, and also Sora fights the Darkness still within Ven during ReMind but also I’m lazy and don’t feel like explaining any further. The end result to me is that ultimately I think Vanitas is a separate dude who could keep showing up if they wanted him to even after the Darknesses are taken care of. He could even team up with the good guys to fight the Darknesses!

There’s Only One Canon Ship to Me (and it’s not Sora/Kairi)

To be clear here, the title is somewhat facetious. And it’s inaccurate, I actually have two instances. Also I’m judging things on a bit of a curve. There is basically no explicit romance in Kingdom Hearts outside of what is canon in the various movie worlds. And that is fine honestly, I like the flexibility given to interpretation.

That being said, when I say “canon” I mean both “intended by the writers” and “portrayed more than ambiguous on screen” which are obviously both extremely loaded and interpretive sentiments.

Don’t use anything I say against others. Shipwars are dumb. (This actually applies to the whole essay not just the ships section. It’s a fucking video game with Donald Duck. None of it is serious enough to be harassing people.)

Anyway it’s Lea/Isa, they are so good omg. I was invested from the moment I saw them in Days. There’s just so much tension built into every one of their interactions. So much history. So much weight. They are so married. They are so divorced. It’s crazy. Isa literally conspired against the True Organization XIII to bring back Lea’s kids (that yeah he treated terribly when they were first alive) and then in the Keyblade Graveyard intentionally goaded them all into remembering each other. It was crazy.

The first time you see them you assume they’re the usual fire+ice duo. But then you learn the ice guy is Vexen so that can’t be right. And then you learn the water guy is Demyx, so they’re not fire+water either. Then you see Saïx in battle, and you understand: they’re sun+moon coded. Then you think about the concept and name of TWILIGHT TOWN. It’s just crazy.

Xehaqus is the other instance that feels basically canon to me. They are literally so teenage couple-y in Dark Road. All the other students constantly comment on them. They have the best chemistry just talking to each other. How they bounce off one another is really cute. Yeah it gets complicated and toxic as they both choose the most self-destructive ways of coping after all the horrors. But then it takes literally just one letter from Xehanort for Eraqus to welcome him back. The BBS trio literally feels like their kids (Aqua being closest to the one who left the other, Terra being split between the two, Ven moving from one household to the other). Their KH3 reconciliation???? (Scroll down for more on that) They’re so married. I hate them (complimentary).

Other Notes on Ships Tho

Sora/Kairi: They’re really cute and obviously intended to be read as canon, but I find their scenes to be like oddly ambiguous. They feel like a straight ship being written as if it were a queer ship trying to duck the censors. I like thinking about them conceptually more separately than together, but together they are still good. The fruit scene was really good in KH3.

Sora/Riku: Speaking of “queer ship trying to duck the censors” but Sora is very shippable he’s a nice kiddo who has good chemistry with everyone. I do think Riku having a crush on him feels fairly canon after DDD especially. And the Sora action command in KH3 was CRAZY. I feel like I should write more because I think they are genuinely my favorite duo of the series, but idk I do that every day on twitter probably anyway. They’re good.

Aqua/Terra: I think the prevalence of it in the fandom is mostly heteronormativity rather than something to be fully read into the writing since she treats him basically the same as Ven. In concept I kind of like it because there’s tragedy in their story, but I don’t know that it’s like there on the screen. They’re cool tho. If they got fully canonized I’d dig it.

Riku/Naminé: The replica Riku is the one who has the bond with her and does the huge sacrifice for her and everything. Maybe that in itself proves there’s potential there for him so also have something with her, but I don’t really see it personally.

Axel/Roxas: I extremely give a pass to the people who only played the games before BBS. But given that BBS confirmed Axel is an adult, I truly don’t understand shipping this. Like even in an AU setup where Roxas is “aged up”, it’s still conceptually weird? His character is all about being a young teenager. What is the appeal besides being a creep? (That is a rhetorical question; if you ship this please don’t speak to me.)

Terra/Ven, Aqua/Ven, any other combo of “clearly 19+/an actual 8th or 9th grader”: Literally what is wrong with y’all?

Sora/Roxas, Roxas/Xion, Roxas/Ven, Xion/Naminé, Roxas/Naminé, Kairi/Naminé and other ships that are morally fine but they feel too related to me: I wouldn’t call them siblings (maybe cousins?) but they definitely feel like family of sorts and I don’t really get how folks don’t feel the same (belatedly, I realize it might be the Marvel comics fan in me defaulting to “shared brainwave patterns = related” logic idk). I don’t think poorly of anyone who ships these, but they creep me out. True neutral NOTPs.

Ven/Van: Kind of a more specific version of the previous bullet, but I think they’re more related than those. Scroll back up to the Van section if need be, but given my interpretation I think they’re the closest to literal family even if the “brother” stuff is mostly just for taunting purposes. Anyway it’s more of a squick for me than the above section to me even if I don’t know that it’s like immoral or anything. Purely vibes-based, and if canon proves me wrong maybe I’d reconsider my interpretation.

Riku/Roxas: This is inherently really good for a drama-enjoying sicko such as myself. They canonically may never speak again, but it’s really good imo.

Elrena/Lauriam: I like this flavor much better romantically than their Nobody versions. Interested to see how they will behave with hearts after all their years together. It feels like we’re supposed to believe that they’re canon since like she followed him through space and time, but we haven’t seen them enough to be certain (largely due to all the troubles).

Anything else not listed here is probably fine to me or even enjoyable (like Aqua/Cinderella is really good to me), but I don’t have as many thoughts on them in particular. I’m very much an omni-shipper at heart. You can almost convince me of anything that doesn’t have consent issues, and I will at least see some cuteness in it.

Xehanort-Specific Brainworms

This is mostly about how the KH3 ending for him was perfect. Yes, he earned the happy ending. And yes specifically the version of him who will get to enjoy that ending is not quite the adult version who committed all the crimes. But also it sort of was? Let’s explore that.

The child version was set up to fail every step of the way, and I’m genuinely not sure it’s anyone’s fault in particular besides maybe MoM for starting up the whole “grooming children to die for your cause” Keyblade warrior culture. We don’t exactly know the circumstances that led to Xehanort being sent to Destiny Islands (#BringBackMissingLink), but it’s clear he was believed to be the Child of Destiny.

The teenage version especially just very doomed by the narrative in a way that is truly haunting to me. Player tells him all that stuff when he’s little and fills his head with hope that he must/would be the savior of everyone. Before he faces any proper training he is shoved through the realm of Darkness with no protection by Ansem SoD, thus changing him irreparably. Then he has a few good years with his newfound oomfs before they all experience everything in Dark Road. Then MoM comes to him when he is very emotionally vulnerable after all of those losses and basically offers him a deal with the devil (this post from the official twitter about the usage of this imagery in the series was really cool btw). His future adult self pulls him to the present to die and he doesn’t even get the chance to make things right after this (another good twitter post here, sorry for linking all these but folks on there are cooking a lot).

It’s just very sad to me. It’s sad in a way uncharacteristic of Kingdom Hearts, a series built upon hope. That’s why he does get a happy ending in the end I think. Not un-marred of course. He can’t undo the evils his adult self has committed. But the inner child who had gotten a raw deal all his life gets to hang with his bf for all eternity or whatever, and that’s nice to me.

Also in Dark Road he says something about how he’d need 13 lifetimes to make things better, but then corrects himself and says 14. The final life would be to experience the world after he was done, so I think the KH3 ending was meant to illustrate the beginnings of that 14th life after the 13 from the war all died, and we may see him again. Sorry this is hopium again, but I really like the ‘Norts. I hope some of them come back.

Unimportant Axel vs Lea Distinction

Absolutely does not necessitate its own section but I think he was only going by Axel because his heart was trying to remind him about Xion and this is supported in the ReMind stuff where Saïx also uses the name Axel to trigger the memories. This is not intended to be transphobic, so if you want to use it as an allegory or a chosen name for textually trans headcanons like that’s cool. I just mean canonically I’m not sure he actually would use Axel over Lea now that the kiddos are back and they properly made the bond their own. This whole section could probably be deleted, but whatever.

Thoughts on Trios

Similar to the Kairi and Riku bestie section, this is one of the first ones I thought of and will kind of be one of the last ones I write because I got intimidated by it. There’s just a lot of feelings I have about the cast of these games and how they link and how related and different there are from one another and it fascinates me. I don’t want to leave out non-player (Sora-Donald-Goofy) or mobile game trios (Player-Ephemer-Skuld), but that’s a lot to touch on and I’m running out of steam and kind of just want to post this essay thing ASAP. Maybe I’ll revisit this in a separate post one day, or maybe not. Anyway, I’ll do my best starting with the thoughts that first got me to this point and see how much I can talk about before I feel like dying idk.

I feel like the usual (both in the games and in the audience) comparisons between the main playable casts are mainly Sora=Roxas=Ventus, Kairi=Xion=Aqua, and Riku=Axel=Terra. And yeah there’s a lot of connections there. And of course there’s a lot of mixing things up. I feel that while the Days trio does work to parallel the other two groups the other two groups repeat story beats from one another much more strongly, and that’s what got me thinking of this.

I ended up feeling closest to Sora=Axel=Terra, Kairi=Roxas=Ventus, and Riku=Xion=Aqua which still sounds vaguely insane typed out, but also works in my brain for whatever reason.

I guess I will start with Sora and his parallels. Sora=Ventus is obvious based on their narrative connection and both DDD and KH3 reference him as such. Sora harbored his heart, slept for a while, etc. DDD to me is almost literally Sora=Terra as literal as they could get without saying it in the script given how he fails the Mark of Mastery exam and gets kidnapped by the bad guys (also he has brown hair, hair color is not really important in this but it’s fun). And then KH3 does Sora=Aqua explicitly in the English script and the parallel there is very clear. Sora=Roxas feels too obvious to need to type up, honestly; that’s literally what KH2 AND their scene in re:Coded AND their scene in DDD were about. Sora=Axel feels right though because of both of their protective natures and how they both use humor to lighten a situation as they drown under the weight of that role. This feels kind of like a weak statement as I type it out, but it is mainly just vibes honestly. It feels right. Sora=Xion is probably his weakest one across all of them for me since it feels more reliant on her nature of copying memories (again not bad, I like the plot ones obviously but the personality parallel isn’t quite there for me).

Kairi=Ventus is extremely obvious given their origins. They were both literally sent in the lifeboats and fell from the sky to end up with their current friends. They both literally have hearts of pure light. They both literally had those hearts sheltered by Sora at times. They are both sort of spending a lot of their time “chasing” after their friends who have more (or at least more remembered, since Ven *handwaving* y’know) Keyblade experience and dealing with that insecurity to varying degrees of success. Roxas comparison is a bit weaker here, but all the Days ones feel weaker to me so whatever. But Roxas shares that sort of “chasing” concept as well. He also has amnesia like them, and a “weird” Keyblade wielding technique like them (Kairi does a funny thing where she like dismisses and resummons hers a lot in Melody of Memory, Ven has his backwards grip, Roxas has his dual wield). DDD visually did Kairi=Aqua, and KH3 went heavy with Kairi=Xion as well but I do think that was mainly to service Xion’s return through Axel feeling the visual/auditory similarity more than them really being too similar otherwise.

Riku=Aqua is the one I felt first while playing the games. He’s literally her son. He plays just like her. Going from her in BBS to him in DDD felt like I was playing the same character. Their animations (and hair color, I know lol) are similar. Their spell lists are similar. I’m sure the way a lot of this went developmentally is that they had some plans for Riku (there’s concept arts of him as a dancer) and then used them for her, but the similarities remain for whatever reason they were cooked up and I love it. Riku=Terra is obvious for tall (taller than his friends at least) boy darkness reasons and he was literally chosen to be Terra’s successor. Riku=Xion(=Terra) comes from how they physically experienced trauma and losing their bodies/sense of being to others. Terra had less control than the other two, but they reacted by trying to pull away from their friends and shielding them from things (tho all Keybladers do that it seems, my poor children).

I don’t know how to end this section honestly, but I just feel like it’s really cool how the franchise plays with all of these even if it’s also somewhat inherent in coming-of-age stories. This is a chart my friend sketched up once on twitter when we were talking about this before.

Other Character Notes, Etc

Could have included this above but the only trio I see as strictly romantic all the way around is Player-Ephemer-Skuld.

Also could have been above, but I mentioned it a little in the shipping parts: really loved how Saïx scheming against the True Organization with Vexen and Demyx was like so subtle that it’s easy to miss.

It’s really funny to me that both of Ven’s (evil) adopted dads were descendants of two guys he was besties with. Like if he ever gets his memory back from the age of fairy tales he’s going to be so annoyed lol.

Gee Ventus, why does Nomura let you have like 5 (Brain, Lauriam, arguably Player, arguably Ephemer, Terra, arguably post-skip Axel) big brothers? Greedy as fuck

Bro we gotta kill Ansem the Wise. Especially for the way he was talking to Ienzo in KH3; it was CRAZY. That boy was like 10 when he became a Nobody and owes no one anything for his “crimes”.

Ienzo in general I think about a lot. They stole his adolescence from him. He was literally just a baby when they stole his heart. It’s truly horrific what happened to him in particular. I feel very bad for him. (Tho maybe skipping puberty and its associated emotions aren’t THAT bad.)

I don’t have any specific theories on her at the moment, but I find myself thinking more and more about Strelitzia. I feel like she’s being relatively underrated considering she was a strong enough wielder that she was chosen to be one of the vessels for one of the Darknesses.

I doubt they had decided this far when making the decision, but I wonder if Marluxia being originally designed as a woman meant that we would get a sister duo with Strelitzia or if it could have been a role swap (older sister Strelitzia and younger brother Lauriam). Fun food for thought if you want to do an AU.

Luxu reveal was nuts. I stood up and applauded (I did not, but I felt like I did). It changes everything. It changes nothing. It’s amazing. Kingdom Hearts is good as hell.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: we NEED a Days era workplace sitcom. Everyone scheming and backstabbing is just enhanced by the knowledge that Xigbar is just waiting for everything to fall apart so he can rejoin his real gang.  

Sora as a Madoka Kaname Parallel

Ok so I came up with this idea while going through Exedra’s (the newest Madoka gacha) story mode and Madoka reiterating that she isn’t special nor does she have any talents. And like god, that is such a Sora-coded notion to discount all that is cool and good about yourself. Of course much of the overlap is kind of the nature of the beast in that they’re protags of coming-of-age narratives, but there’s a lot there. Both start their journeys at 14 years old. Both constantly downplay their importance while propping up others. Both are nice kids who just want to help people. Both willing to sacrifice their personhood to make things better for others.

There’s some other parallels in general that could be drawn (like Riku feels strongly Sayaka but also with threads of Homura, could also buy Kairi as Sayaka, can you tell that Sayaka is my third fave? Sorry), but I do think Sora = Madoka is the clearest one. Like you could very easily swap their franchises and literally nothing would change (ok, the genders would screw things up especially because both Homura and Riku are gay as hell so things would not play out exactly the same, but I feel like Sora and Madoka would make basically equivalent choices).

Before I was able to write this section, I came across this thread (which does have some inherent Madoka spoilers, actually stop reading this essay and just go watch the show it’s like 12 episodes and really good) on twitter where someone else spitballs the same idea. And yeah, like it’s kind of just us linking concepts together that we like a lot, but also we’re so correct and right.

Guy-Who-Has-Only-Played-Tales-of-Playing-His-Second-Action-RPG-Franchise:

Ok this is where I’m giving myself permission to be a hater, but I feel like mechanically speaking there’s a lot of things that KH just does…. objectively poorly to me and makes the games harder that they should be to play. A lot of the menus just don’t explain things well and makes it uncomfortable to play the games to some degree. The first screenshot above is from Tales of Symphonia (a GameCube game from 2003) and the second is from KH3. You’ll see the tooltips are much more descriptive and give actual numeric information that allows the player to make better decisions when it comes to party setup even while working with much less screen space. And again, this is a GAMECUBE game. You don’t want me to compare to newer entries with even more options and information.

Maybe most of this isn’t a big deal to most people. As the section header suggests, I did play Tales of games (specifically Vesperia, Symphonia, Zestiria, and Arise so far) before Kingdom Hearts games. But because of this it’s kind of crazy just how bad to me it feels to play Kingdom Hearts sometimes. I feel like even something as simple as the skills and statistics are also confusing. I can’t often tell how much damage a thing will do because the game doesn’t say. I can’t tell which stat an ability will use the calculate damage or reduction because the game doesn’t say. I can’t tell what the opening game choices mean and at this point despite having played all of them I am still mostly just guessing or checking gamefaqs for the recommended one. It feels bad to have to deal with this when I feel I should be comfortable with how the series works. But I don’t, and I consider that a flaw. Anyway despite all this I do think the games are good. I just wanted to vent a little at how I feel like it has poor communication of mechanics.

MoM Identity Theories

I think MoM is definitely immoral, but in typical twisted guy fashion if he’s operating on a logic that says he’ll be able to bring all the Keyblade wielders who have “died” back to life (via Chirithies) then it becomes easier to follow the logic of this being a character who may be acting for the “good” of everyone still. I don’t think he’s behaving selfishly at least (which may just be me falling for his act). I just feel like there’s way too much going on related to birth and rebirth to say that MoM doesn’t believe they’ll be fine in the end. I do think it’s still obviously very cruel and evil to put those children through so much suffering in service of a plan that ultimately may fail, but from the MoM’s perspective he might “feel” that they would honestly be fine and it’s ok if they’re still alive in the end.

Baldr dropped this quote in Dark Road which feels apt (also I just wanted to include it somewhere because it’s rad): “darkness grown from your unwavering devotion to light”.

That all being stated: this is why I love the Sora theory. And just in general I love a fucked up and twisted version of a hero showing up. A lot of how Sora behaves does follow a “we’ll fix it in the end, it’ll be fine” vibe especially in relation to himself. Now obviously this is a mask, but if something happened to make him live through so many lives and so much time and so many worlds restarting then it’s possible eventually this version of him could become this Machiavellian figure who believes his mask. The main reason I think people don’t like this is they don’t want to see him becoming this type of character, and I get that. But it is a narrative choice that would get my brain chemicals going. (See also: Legion of Super-Heroes Legion Lost miniseries from 2000-01 for a further illustrative example of this.)

The Demyx theory is intriguing to me. They definitely share many mannerisms, though I’m unsure if that is a clue or just animations being reused. I think the fact that we know so little about his Somebody makes it less compelling right away, but it could be a cool usage of a character who hasn’t done all that much just yet. And just like the Sora theory, I think it’s potentially really good and funny if Luxu didn’t know all along and would be upset by such a reveal.

Anyway he’ll probably just be some dude we don’t know yet, ignore this section unless I’m right.

Miscellaneous KH4 Theories That Are Definitely Happening

This is just things I’m saying now that I’ve generally considered that will hopefully become true and make me look smart:

Ok so as we (everyone who watched the full mobile game scene videos I linked at the beginning of this) all know the basics of MoM’s plan are that he intends on inserting the True Darknesses into people with strong hearts to make the Darkness fightable because without being inside someone they do not have a form. Once they’re fightable he’ll destroy them properly, but he didn’t have the ability to do it back during the age of fairytales. There are 13 of these and the current locations by the end of KH3 seem to be: 1 inside his own heart, 6 in his kids mentees (Foretellers+Luxu), 1 inside Ventus, 4 trapped in the Wreck It Ralph world originally intended for the other Union leaders, and 1 is unaccounted for. I’m not speculating on the final one’s location, but what I will speculate on is that we have seen a prototype of his plan sort of work with Riku. Riku’s heart has been shown to have darkness immunity and this exchange on twitter kind of got my brain cooking in that I think this ability will become highly relevant.

MoM’s battle theme will be a play on the Dream Eater theme, if not a full remix then at least it will be interpolated

Luxu is probably going to die and make MoM go sicko mode surprising himself and everyone else because he thought he calculated everything well and protected his funny guy

Subject X is Skuld because I like that theory more than her being Ava, and I don’t believe Luxu would have allowed Ava to be experimented on at all given that she is housing one of the Darknesses. But yeah if MoM told him to do it then yeah he probably would, so that’s not really a good argument. Idk, she’s Skuld to me until proven otherwise by KH4 itself or Missing Link (RIP Missing Link, gone but not forgotten).

I was just kind of spitballing on twitter but I think Sora could have inadvertently created MoM when he had the chi blade or something. I don’t know. This is not a developed theory.

Jiminy Cricket’s journal is the book of prophecies or at least connected to it. This was another joke theory of mine I posted on twitter, but it also feels like the sort of thing KH might do to “explain” a feature of gameplay.

I don’t have any Yozora thoughts and I never even watched the game over bad ending scene (I played against him on easy difficulty with maxed stats), so there’s a lot about him I’m missing. I liked reading this piece tho as a Morrison-head.

The box intrigues me because I thought at one point maybe it was the mechanism for the resurrection (or whatever) of MoM and the Foretellers. But MoM is already there in the present day before Luxu regains the box, so that can’t really be it. So at this point I’m out of theories. Hopefully it’s cool tho.

Ok I think that's all I have for now. I think these games are really fun.

[my-writings-and-musings]

Here's my latest commission from another wonderful and amazing person! A human reader is secretly a pyrokinetic, but an attack on Rodimus forces them to reveal their powers, and the more they unleash the more their appearance changes...

Warning for some violence and angst!

In the back of your mind, your relationship with Rodimus had been oddly perfect and ironic in ways you'd never dare tell him. The Autobot's love of heat had extended well beyond a simple temperature preference; he had a power over fire you'd never seen the likes of before. Even his own species didn't seem to understand how naturally he wielded flames for combat, nor how he possessed such an incredible resilience to temperatures that would have been painful for most. For his part, the cocky captain took the peculiarity in stride, emblazoning himself with fiery motifs and embracing his nature using an adorable mixture of puns and catchphrases.

It was something you loved about him, and while it perhaps explained some of his adoration of the seemingly unremarkable human that had plopped into his life, it also made you a little wary for his sake. If he only knew how attuned with fire you really were...

The thought of him discovering your greatest secret was a daily intrusion, but for today, you decided that it could go on the back burner. The Lost Light would be docking on a planet safe for humans, and you wanted to enjoy the time off to the fullest of your ability. No worries, no paranoia, no thoughts of past rejection... just you and Rodimus exploring a vibrant alien city together. It was going to be perfect.

"Got your debit chip, Y/N? I'm planning on doing a lot of shopping, and I don't want you to feel left out!" Rodimus said, exuberant even by his own standards as he stepped out onto the landing pad. Giggling as you kept your balance on his shoulder, you let the warm light of a foreign star cascade over your body with a sigh, the sight of a bustling alien port making your heart accelerate in your chest. All around you were races from a hundred different worlds, selling their wares and taking rest stops to relax during long intergalactic trips, and the flurry of sounds and sights and smells was intoxicating. You almost forgot to confirm the device Rodimus mentioned was indeed secure around your neck in a makeshift necklace.

"Got it right here! Show me where we should start, Captain!" You held the tiny black square in between your fingers, unable to imagine something so small holding so much value. Evidently it was the spacer equivalent of a debit card, as the name implied, and after a purchase it would simply be scanned and the necessary amount deducted from your account. Its simplicity was almost as hard to grasp as the fact you'd been gifted a ludicrous amount of money for this trip by Drift. In his own words, the ninjabot had told you to spend it on having a fun day with his best friend. The kindness of the entire crew was still so foreign to you...

"Let's check out the surf shop! My last board melted on an especially high power asteroid, so I need a new one." Rodimus said cheerfully, hefting you a little higher so you were right beside his helm. As a somewhat taller than average individual from a naturally towering species, he had an ideal view over everything in sight, resulting in you having the same. Between the packed landing strip and the notion of a store that sold surfboards for space, you were a little too overwhelmed to speak. Rodimus had no such difficulty. "Oh, or if you're hungry, we could check out an interspecies cafe! They've always got lots of earth food, even out here. Especially the extra spicy stuff you like so much."

For an instant, you were taken aback by his mention of your preference. Had he truly been paying so much attention he noticed such little details? On the one, more dominant hand, you were flattered. Rodimus had to care deeply to have noticed you preferred your food as hot and zesty as physically possible.

"I'm not hungry just yet, but thanks." you said in genuine gratitude, hiding some wariness that you desperately wished would go away. In the past your unnatural preferences had been the first clue most had to your "peculiarities", and it had never taken long from that point for things to come together in the worst possible way. Holding on tight to Rodimus for more than just balance, you quickly returned to the wonderful present, refusing to fall into the belief that the past would repeat itself. "I just want to start wherever you think is best. You're the experienced one, show me what's fun around here!"

"Well, if it's fun you want..." he said in a fake contemplative voice, having obviously had an idea he was preparing to spring on you. Taking long strides through the narrow path left by the many other denizens of the spaceport, he gave you an eager and barely restrained grin. Something almost like childish glee seemed to twinkle in his brilliant blue optics.

"There's a holo-suite lounge in some hole in the wall locale by the bay. I've heard nothing but good things about it, and it's all above board. Want to go on a vacation in a vacation?"

Thinking over your limited knowledge of the virtual reality establishments, you knew more than anything how your beloved bot adored the experience of risk free adventure they offered, finding it to be relaxing due to his day to day life. You were more than happy to let him show you one at long last, and chuckled happily as you leaned against his helm. "I'd love to, Captain."

"Yes! I have got to show you the coaster simulation, it's totally wild!" he said in victory, pumping his arms so suddenly you were nearly cast off his shoulders. Recovering quickly and catching you, he let out an abashed cough as he made sure to resettle your tiny form before proceeding far more carefully. In the moment it took you to realize the lack of leg room would make it rather hard for him to trek it anywhere in good time, Rodimus gestured to a narrow gap between skyscrapers. "We can cut through some alleys to get there faster. I plotted it out on the satellite map before we landed."

Though it didn't seem especially smart, there wasn't anything to suggest the move would be dangerous, as the planet had been cleared entirely as a secure zone. The few whisperings of anti-Cybertronian bias were too small for anyone to be worried, so you nodded your assent to use the shortcut. Careful to stick to the narrow walkways for beings of his size, Rodimus kept you secure with one hand as he hopped an underwhelming barrier to access the alleyway, chatting the whole time about all the possible simulations the two of you could try. He's talking so fast it's actually impossible to keep up as he walks between two superstructures and down the alleyway that feels more like a canyon. As the hubbub of the crowd fades to the gentler din of the machinery keeping the city going, it's easy to forget your surroundings entirely, all to allow the other's excitement to wash over you. You don't even notice how the alleyway has tiny side sections for maintenance and smaller species to traverse safely.

Until you see one pop out right in front of you.

Rodimus stops politely, assuming initially he's just met another traveler that he plans on letting pass so as not to be rude. But the alien doesn't move. Though you can't read their expression, the none too tiny organic immediately sets of your alarm bells, and a hot knot of anxiety twists in your stomach as you tense atop your partner's stiffening shoulders. As awkwardness morphs into tension, the Autobot speaks with an even and cool tone.

"There a problem here?"

An answer came not from the insect like being in front of you, but from another stepping out in the space behind, their clawed hands curled about a weapon of unknowable function.

"Typical tin man, cutting corners and plodding around like it owns the place." they said, rasping voice echoing through the translator in your ear. Before you could even guess what they meant by a phrase that was probably intended to be an insult, more began to slowly emerge from splintering alcoves and alleyways, and in moments the two of you were surrounded. Skillful as Rodimus was in a fight, there had to be enough firepower between them all to make this far from an easy win. As heat crackled instinctively to your palms, the Autobot remained calm.

"Look, if this is your filthy back alley, I'll happily leave you to it. I've got better places to be and far more attractive company to enjoy." he said glibly, making you want to kick him for not being diplomatic. For his sake he needed to be, and as for you, situations like this one had never gone well in the past... Your heart began hammering as the lead alien replied with what was likely a glare.

"Bit too late for that."

Like sharks, they began to close in on the much bigger bot. You wondered how things could have taken a turn so quickly. This was a reputable port on a stable planet, how could it be unsafe? Had the two of you not just been planning a day of fun? These aliens had to have been waiting to be this prepared, and as the next one spoke you started to understand.

"Should have stayed in your own corner of space, tin man. We're not gonna let your kind set up shop here."

"Last I checked, this was a bot friendly planet." Rodimus replied, still unnerved but tense as a rock beneath you. He was getting ready, you knew, but for what was anyone's guess. As you held onto him you prayed the plan was solid, because the heat in your body was starting to grow to levels he might notice, and that couldn't be allowed to continue. Hopefully his need to stall wouldn't last long...

The circling group, that you counted at twenty or more, took the bait. "For now, until the beauracracy gets its priorities straight. In the meantime, we're here to make sure you don't bring your trouble to our home, like your kind always does."

"Plus, can't hardly expect the authorities to prosecute what they don't know about, can you?" another said, now so close Rodimus could have kicked them. The hatred in their eyes was beyond you, and their words made the heat in your gut twist into nausea. "Your kind is easy to clean up afterwards; melt down what you can and sell it all offworld."

Rodimus, one hand still steadying you, tightened his grip possessively. Time felt like it was slowing down as you looked about madly for an exit, swearing that the enemy seemed to double every time you blinked. There had to be over twenty of them now, and the high but narrow space gave your partner little room to work with you in the mix, something he seemed well aware of as he next spoke. "What about the human? They're innocent in all this, and organic. Let them walk away."

"They chose the wrong side." the apparent leader clipped.

Bright blue optics looked to you, and a hushed voice whispered at impossible speed.

"Y/N, when I say now, be ready to tuck and roll and run. No looking back, understand?"

There was no time to say you agreed, let alone to argue.

"Now!" he shouted as a high energy weapon began to hum in preparation, followed by so many others. Before you knew it you were being moved in a wild blur. Rodimus made good on his plan, moving as precisely as he could with your comparatively fragile body to toss you over the heads of the enemy. Using the reflexes you'd honed in his company, you did as you were bid more or less subconsciously, curling up and moving with the momentum so that your landing was less than disastrous.

"Rodimus!" you choked out upon catching your breath, turning to see the group advancing with their weapons glowing hot and ready.

I said run!" he shouted, not looking at you before taking care of the first row of attackers with a wide arcing kick. More seemed to be emerging every second, but the Autobot only looked concerned for you as he swiped away another batch. "Get the others! I can hold them off until-!"

With a screech, the first weapon fired, but there was no energy beam or bullet. Instead, Rodimus was ensnared in a tangled mess of high voltage cords, their arcing metallic webs circling his upper body like a snake. Crackling electricity seared across him in a blinding burst, and he was on his knees in moments, crying out at the agony that left him helpless. In rapid succession several more shots were fired. The Autobot was left to scream on his hands and knees, the electronic pulse weaponry having been specifically designed to cripple Cybertronians in seconds and kill them in minutes.

You knew he wouldn't last long enough for you to get help.

In last ditch desperation, you grabbed the cord on your neck and pulled, snapping it so the microchip in your palm could be held aloft. "Please! I have a debit chip worth thousands! Just take it and leave him alone!"

"Just something else to make this more worth our while." the alien you'd begged to sneered, giving you a kick straight to the gut with a deceptively powerful leg. The wind was knocked from your lungs, and you were left trembling on the ground. Vision spinning, you caught sight of Rodimus barely clinging to consciousness, his flaring optics pleading for you to run. Clawed hands had a hold of your arms before you could attempt to fight back, and the leader gave a casual order as they continued to fire pulse after pulse through the metallic web. "Grab the sympathizer; we'll take care of them after this one's fried."

It was clear that survival hinged on the unthinkable. Heat in your gut became molten as you summoned what you knew was your only hope, the air about you filling with the scent of smoke as you looked up Rodimus one final time as his partner. You'd always hoped it would never come to this, but fate, it seemed, was determined to be unkind.

"I'm sorry..."

The aliens on either side of you yelped and released their hold on your arms as the skin went from hot to searing, their confusion turning to fear as the heat only continued to intensify. Your clothes singed and the air thickened, and while it only took moments, the remaining attackers became aware of the change far too late. Shouts of alarm didn't register amongst the crackling sparks that started dancing up and down your body. It had been very long since you'd used these gifts, but you knew the steps far too well to ever forget.

A jet of flame erupted from your palms with the force of a rocket leaving the earth, blasting back numerous aliens from the sheer power. You heard screams but they hardly dissuaded you, as they'd all more than earned what was coming. The heat began to reach levels high enough to clear the air of any moisture, making those still alive after the first blast cough and struggle to breathe, all the while rendering them incapable of fleeing.

You should have just ended it there; cut the flames and told the survivors to get lost, but you weren't done. It felt far too good for you to stop.

A literal ring of fire encircled the gathered aliens, trapping them all in with you as they tossed aside their white hot weapons and tried to find a way out. Rodimus was immune even to the extreme heat, but dazed enough from his shock not to truly be conscious. You stepped over to him as the fire danced at the command of your fingertips. After the fear of the ambush, the choking heat and crackling flames felt like a breath of fresh air. You were at home in the inferno.

Hearing a scream, you realized rather quickly that payback was still due. Smiling softly, you beckoned the fire to move, controlling it with mere gestures and the simplest of thoughts. It danced like a snake would for a master charmer, coiling about the enemy and suffocating them. You were far too busy indulging yourself to notice how the waves of heat washed over your skin, particularly how the flesh hardened and patterns began to emerge like the scales of an otherworldly being. Similiarly, the sharpening of your teeth and the rise of claws from your fingertips drew no trace of concern. All that mattered was how good it felt to make your attackers pay.

There were more than enough of them for you to take your time, and so you did, keeping them corralled in the fire as you picked them off one by one. Had they expected anything like this when they'd made you a target? Had they prepared for the possibility that not everyone would just lie down and die? Had they even bothered to consider the Autobot wasn't the most dangerous being here?

As one body crumbled to ash, you got your answer in a way that made you smirk; clearly they hadn't.

As you began to run low on targets, it occurred to you that keeping up your wall of fire might draw unnecessary attention. Frowning around canines you realized had developed a lovely point, you decided to finish the fun. Clawed fingertips snapped together to command the flames to converge, and they did so in a heartbeat, jumping upon the survivors like rabid dogs on a meal. You barely registered a scream before ash and cinders began drifting past on a hot breeze. With another smile, you recalled their comment on crimes going unpunished when they were properly cleaned up. Dismissing the fire with a wave of your hand, you thought smugly on how these piles of soot would hardly suggest what had happened here.

Rodimus stirred from his daze, groaning in discomfort and shifting beneath the web of deactivated electric pulsers. Frowning at the sight, you summoned a thin jet of fire from your fingertips and got to work. The metal coils turned to red slag with very little effort, which melted down the heat resistant bot's body like wax before dripping to the ground around him. In no time you had him free, and while the flames actually seemed to perk him up a bit, the Autobot was clearly not in a good way. When he failed to awaken after you said his name your confidence started to dissipate. Heart hammering once more, you dropped to your knees beside his helm, hoping to wake him with some gentle encouragement to get him moving.

It was when you laid your hands on his helm that your thoughts shifted to horror, but not for his sake. The normal human hands you had once possessed were now tipped with wicked claws, and as your eyes trailed upwards you saw that your skin was patterned with scales of an equally inhuman nature. Sharp fangs registered with proper horror in your mouth now that the adrenaline of the moment was gone, and you realized that unlike every single time before, you weren't turning back to normal. You must have gone too far this time... How could you not have, killing dozens of people, as desperate as the situation may have been? You had liked it too, and even now you couldn't bring yourself to regret what you'd done...

"Y/N?" a raspy voice spoke up, startling you with good enough news that you momentarily forgot your panic. Rodimus stirred more effectively, groaning in pain but appearing otherwise stable as he lifted his helm off the ground and looked to you. His expression turned to fearful concern before you could speak. "Are you okay? What did they do to you?"

"I..." You didn't have the words. No doubt you were a horrifying sight, twisted as you were and smoking in your burnt clothes... It was a miracle he recognized you at all.

Rodimus narrowed his optics, perhaps thinking everything he'd seen was the result of processor trauma from his shock. "You burned them... I saw... but you don't have a weapon."

"I am the weapon." you blurted out, baring your fangs without meaning to. At his confusion, you tried to explain, a sinking feeling pulling you down as you did so. There was no way you could be with him like this... Appearance aside, you'd awoken a part of yourself you couldn't trust. Still, he deserved to know. "I never told you... I've always been able to do this, but could never go too far, unless..."

"You saved me." he whispered in awe, weak but insistent as he reached for you. On reflex, you pushed his hand away.

"I killed them. All of them. I finally lost control and now..."

Rodimus perked up a bit, looking desperate when your intent became clear to him. Even after a beating, he could read you well, and your decision to leave for his sake was clear in your face. "They were going to kill us both! You didn't do anything wrong-"

"Look at me!" you shouted back, curling clawed hands into fists as each grabbed at your head. You swore you felt newly erupted horns crowning your brows, and that discovery drew sizzling tears down your cheeks. "I burned them, and I liked it, and now I look like this! I'm a monster, and I'd do it again!"

"Y/N-"

Wiping away the wetness from your eyes, you stood up sharply, knowing he wouldn't accept what was best for him. "You can't be with me like this, Rodimus. I'm not even human..."

"I'm not either!" A gentle but insistent hand looped about your middle, turning you back around to look at him before he nearly collapsed from the effort of the movement. Wide blue optics pled to you as he did the same, baring his spark with every single word. "Please, Y/N, I know this is a lot for you but please... don't leave me... I can't lose you."

"Haven't you already?" you said bitterly, optimism nowhere to be found as you surveyed a clawed hand. Rodimus didn't flinch at the sight.

"You think a new look will scare me away? Plus, I'm fireproof, remember? You can't hurt me." he said with his best attempt at a winning smile in his current state. Losing it in an instant, he hugged you closer, optics betraying the depths of his pain and desperation as he did so. The Captain was holding on to you like a lifeline. "I need you, okay? Please, just give me a chance to work this out with you. I love you, no matter what."

It was the first time he'd told you that, but you knew he meant it. A softer heat, like a pleasant campfire, filled the space around your heart. Holding a digit of his in your hand, you gave a gentle squeeze. "I love you too..."

"So stay with me?" he said softly, pulling you in for something like a hug. Getting down on your knees, you cuddled close to his helm, a few stray tears dripping down onto his armor. Rodimus didn't even flinch as he whispered into your ear. "We'll figure this out. I don't care if this is the new normal, as long as you're with me."

"Okay..." you replied, nodding as you recalled the thoughts of irony you'd had just that morning. How perfect he was for you, a fireproof being so enamored he didn't see what a risk you were to everything... But if he was willing to try? Well, you couldn't deny how much you wanted this to work either... Holding him tight, you replied with the best promise you could give at the moment, but like him you meant it.

"We can try..."

Like this? You can commission me for a story of your own here!

[yourgalaxy]

~Eight Senses~ ( Preview)

Pairing: Hoseok x Female O/C, mentions of platonic OT7 x Female O/C

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Action.

Mafia Au

Summary: When he met her, he felt a void being filled that he didn’t know excisted. 

Warnings: None

Word count: 1542

Disclaimer: This is an original story but I don’t own any of the personages aside from the female lead. I don’t do swear words. English is not my first language so bear with me.

The rumors had it that the only child of one of the biggest mafias on that side of the globe had moved back from studying abroad, that she had moved back for good and that she was moving on her own. The majority of the gangs around knew better than to mess with him, the boss had made really clear what happened to anyone who dared to threaten what was his, and it seemed way too obvious that his family was part of that all. 

 But Hoseok and his brothers weren’t a gang, they were far more deadly, far more reckless and independent. They were the wild card of the industry, doing favors for everyone but never really tying themselves to any organization. They were good at what they did, always impeccable, they did the job fast and clean, covering their traces perfectly, so even if you knew of their existence you never knew when they would be working in your favor or against you. 

They played the game on their own terms, doing the jobs they saw fit and directing their business according to their own moral code. Nobody had ever seen their faces but everybody knew their names. 

 Bangtan never took things personal, in their eyes it was all business but this time they were taking this case in their hands without expecting payment for it. This was the time some of them were waiting for and the others were ready to assist them till the end, because at the end of the day they were indeed one, and if one member was hurting, they were all hurting…

  …

 Ezra couldn’t be more excited about coming back, she had always loved her country and even though she tried to ignore some of the memories that stained her mind, she was fond of the way the air of the place reminded her of her happy childhood and the memories of what her family was. 

 Moving on her own, in a little town far away from the city, far enough, where no one would think twice about her last name, far enough, where she wouldn’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations or demands, was Ezra’s dream come true. 

 She was well aware that her father would know of her arrival by now. Even though she tried to move as quietly as a shadow, she knew he had eyes and ears on her all the time,she probably knew too much about him and his business after all. But she deemed it safe to assume that he wouldn’t dare get involved with her, not after disowning her long ago, not after treating her like a stranger and sending her as far as he could when she was barely out of highschool. 

 She hated her father.

 She felt like puking every time she would see him in an advertisement or giving an interview for the business magazine. She hated everything he standed for and everything that he made her to be. She hated everything he had done to their family and the way he dismissed the collateral damage of his actions. 

 She was nonexistent to the public eye and that was probably the only thing she thanked her father for. Deciding that it was time to move on and live her life as a happy orphan, she was excited to redefine her notion of home and create a new future for herself, far from the world she was raised in. 

 Oh, how different was the plan that fate had prepared for her.

 …

 It didn’t take long for Jungkook to find the whereabouts of the infamous mafia child, it was actually way easier than what he expected, the kid was really careless, for a moment he wondered if they were trying to play the “lay low and hide in plain sight” game, because if so, they were doing a good job at it, he was just really good at doing his part of the job. 

 “No pictures, Kook?” - Hoseok was going through the information Jungkook had provided, it was a surprise for him to not have a visual image of the target, not even one of the younger boy’s impossibly detailed sketches. Jungkook hummed in response, a uncertain look taking over his eyes.- There is something weird, Hyung… For some reason, even after knowing where he is hiding, Jin hyung and I can’t really see him… - Hoseok didn’t miss the slight panic on Jungkook’s voice even when the youngest tried to downplay it as something minimal. This was the first time something like this happened, Jin and Jungkook’s vision had never failed, there was usually no living thing that could hide from them, especially if they knew where to look. 

 "It's ok, Kook! You and Hyung are probably worn out from this week. It has been really intense." - He dismissed it for the younger's sake, but they both knew better even if they decided to leave it at that for the time being. They had truly had an exhausting week, but that had never been a limitation for any of their abilities. - " I'll make sure to mention it to Namjoon once he comes back. You go to bed and rest a little bit." - Jungkook was tempted to deny the fact that he was too tired to even think properly but with a yawn escaping his lips he decided to just comply and go to bed for the night.- 

 Hoseok's finger tips clicked against the wood of his desk, he had a sickening presentiment in the pit of his stomach and for people as intuitive as them, that was never a good thing. 

 …

 The room was dead silent as the two slim men stood next to each other in front of the seiling tall window. The reflection of the moon against them, making their sharp features look even sharper. Intimidating and lethal but beautiful and ethereal nonetheless. That was the charm of these 7 Men.

 " So, what's the plan, Hoseok?" - Namjoon asked after the silence allowed both of them to ponder about their situation and the unusual situation with this new target and the inability of the eyes of the team to actually see him. Namjoon was the leader of the team ever since they got together, but they both knew that this mission needed to be led by Hoseok, it was originally his best interest that was at risk there, they were all doing this because of him and Taehyung after all.-

“We do what we do best, Joon. We snatch the bastard and squeeze the information out of him. If you are ok with it, I would like to start the recognition face as soon as possible’’ - Namjoon just hummed in response, he knew Hoseok and what this mission meant to him but he was worried about his brother and what this mission could take from him...No matter what, Namjoon was ready to support any of his members in any way, even if it meant to fix them back up after they were shattered to pieces, because he knew they would do the same for him… They had done the same for him.- “Take Jin hyung, Taehyung and Jimin with you… And Hoseok… Be careful.’’ - He squeezed his shoulder in a reassuring way before leaving hoseok to his thoughts and exiting the room.-

…

 It came as a surprise to all of them when they realized that Lee Jaemin was actually a girl. It made all of them doubt for a second, they normally didn't mess with any job that involved women or children but Hoseok couldn't afford to back off now, he was too close to finally get to the monster that had destroyed his and Taehyung's lives, he just couldn't give up that chance. Even if it meant betraying everything he believed in, he was going to kill Lee Taejoon and destroy everything he stood for. 

 "Let's get going" - He said, missing the worried looks that his brothers shared behind him, Jimin opened his mouth a few times trying to come up with something to say but once he noticed the fire in Hoseok's eyes he knew there was no other way.- "Yes, Hyung!"

 The recognition face was easier with this target than what they would have expected, but again up to this point nothing had gone as expected with this person. 

 They had been observing her for about two weeks and she was suspiciously underprotected for someone of her status. The girl seemed to be trying her best to lead a peaceful and quiet life. She had started to work at the only flower shop in the little town. She seemed to be like any other girl in their 20's, very friendly and happy. but they knew better than to underestimate an opponent. 

 Hoseok felt sick to his stomach. After all the stuff her father had done and continued to do, she gets to live happily ever after? Oh, hell no. 

 "I'm taking her tonight, Namjoon. So get ready." - Namjoon wasn't able to respond before Hoseok hung up. He sighed, praying that things wouldn't get out of hand. He had a bad feeling lurking around his mind-

[thebestbooksaround]

Second ask because I didn't want to post both in the same one. Hope that's okay! Do you know any rare pair fics? I read a Stiles/Danny fic and loved it and would love to read more! Possibly Stiles and Parish or Derek and Parish???

Hello! I mostly read Steter and Sterek, but I have read a couple that doesn’t feature them as the main pair. 

Elemental by Copperspecks 

Stargent | 20k | Teen

Chris is a man driven by guilt and desperation. Stiles is a lost, stolen child who thrums with undeniable power. Chris knows he’ll do whatever it takes to save the only family he has left, no matter what he has to do to succeed. One more sin can’t destroy an irredeemable soul.

Stained Glass Windows by KouriArashi

Petopher | 85k | Mature

Peter survives the fire and suddenly finds himself trying to raise children with only a vague notion of what he's doing, while trying to cope with his own grief and find his family's murderer. He ends up turning to Chris Argent for help, and nothing goes as expected.

'll Dissolve When The Rain Pours In, When The Nightmares Take Me by clotpolesonly

Stackson | 38k | Teen

When Stiles finally managed to contort himself the right way without causing injury, he stared at the words on his inner thigh. And then he stared some more, long enough for the water to grow cold around him, wondering if this was part of the dream. Finally he decided that it had to be real only because his subconscious was not creative enough to come up with this.

There, in freckle-brown letters stark against pale skin, was the name Jackson Whittemore.

Possible Still by rosepetals42

Skittles | 10k | Mature

Stiles gets very good at putting himself back together. He learns which cuts just need butterfly bandages and which need actual stitches and he knows to keep a needle threaded because trying to get everything ready when you're shaking from blood loss is fucking hard. (Not impossible though, he learns that too. There's not much that is impossible when you don't have any other options.)

Post 5A - Stiles may not be in the pack anymore, but that doesn't mean he's going to stop fighting.

Dude, bro by rosepetals42

Skittles Friendship | 7k | Teen

“It’s Mister Stilinski,” Stiles repeats. “That- uh. There’s a mistake. On the paperwork. It’s Mister.” That was all it was. Just a mistake on the paperwork. On the school records and his birth certificate and his social security card. On all the paperwork. But still, just a mistake. That’s what his therapists said. His cells had made a little mistake but it isn’t disgusting or wrong or sick. He isn’t a mistake. Just the papers. His body.

--

And I realize now that my list isn’t half as long as I thought... So if anyone has some good recs, send them our way!

Also, I am a HUGE Stetopher fan, so I don’t know if they count as rare, but they aren’t common?

--

Chaos is my Companion by Bunnywest

Stetopher | 16k | Mature

Stiles is plenty organized when it comes to important stuff like his work okay? It's just little things like finding his wallet, charging his phone, and keeping track of who the hell he has a date with that he has trouble with. _____________________________________________________________ Both men spot him at the same time. “Stiles?” they say in unison, and then stare at each other, looking slightly put out. “This is your date?” Peter says, a crease appearing between his brows. “Well, yeah.” (Chris, the mechanic’s name is Chris, Stiles’ mind finally supplies.) Two sets of eyes turn to him, and Stiles has a sudden sinking feeling in his gut. He remembers arranging to meet Peter, sure, but what’s Chris doing here?

Bigfoot Told Me You Were Coming by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)

Stetopher | 25k | Teen

Peter and Chris are on the run when they stumble across Stiles' home in the woods.

The Rule of Three by DiscontentedWinter

Stetopher | 70k | Mature

In order to make their relationship legitimate in the eye of wider society, alphas Chris Argent and Peter Hale have to claim an omega. Stiles Stilinski, who should be the solution to their problems, instead turns out to be the first piece in a puzzle that some elements in society would prefer remain unsolved.

All My Stars Aligned by Green

Stetopher | 21k | Explicit

Stiles needs to find an alpha ASAP. Actually, the doctors say he really needs two. Damn biology.

Chris and Peter are two alphas in hopeless, doomed love with each other.

--

Also, this one is Sterek, But Derek doesn’t show up until like halfway, and we get to read the amazingness that is Cora Hale and Stiles Stilinski’s friendship.

Dirty Little Secret by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)

Sterek | 91k | Explicit

“Holy shit, this is a date!” he blurted out, turning back to Derek wide-eyed. “This is a date! You intended for this to be a date, this was supposed to be a date!” He figured if he said it enough times, maybe he would believe it, but so far, no dice.

Derek was scowling again—seriously, did he want wrinkles?—but he just reached into one of the bags and pulled out a burger, checking what was written on the foil in sharpie before handing it over to Stiles.

“Of course it’s a date, what did you think this was?”

[jkflesh]

Interview with jesu January 2021 New Noise magazine #56

Read the interview by Antoine "Neredude" Duprez below:

The “Terminus” Bandcamp page states that the album was done between 2016 and 2020. That's a long period in your standards! Did you get some sort of writer's block with Jesu? Or was it because you were so busy with your numerous projects?

— I never get writers block, I just simply move on to the next thing if I’m not currently inspired to work on a specific project. Most my records, for many years, have been written and recorded over extended periods of time; I work when inspiration strikes, when it doesn’t I move onto the next thing; there’s never a block for me with creation generally, maybe just specific areas. i take large breaks for my music so as to afford some sort of distance, gone are the times when an album would be hammered out in a month!

''When I Was Small'' has kind of a Radiohead thing in the vocals, whereas ''Alone'' reminds me a lot of Sigur Rós. Are those bands part of your background?

— Ok, interesting observation, but no Radiohead is not an influence on this song, the biggest influences on the vocals were Liam Gallagher from Oasis, and subconsciously "White Flag" by Godflesh (which I only discovered after the album was complete). I do love some Radiohead though, as I do Sigur Rós, but neither band is a direct or conscious influence. Musically “When I was Small” was mostly influenced by trying to recreate a vibe of early Neil Young mixed with Oasis, in a jesu fashion, coupled with a demo production; intentionally underproduced. I’m not sure where a lot of the influence on “Alone” came from, electronic pop music for sure, short and sweet was the intention, driven entirely by the voice sample.

Regarding “Terminus,” did you set yourself a framework or musical approach beforehand like you did for “Every Day I Get Closer to the Light From Which I Came?“

— Not really no, generally when I work on a bunch of songs things will fall into place naturally, the songs become a whole and then collectively the songs will become conceptual as i write, they build their own logic, so to speak, I don’t force anything, I let things happen organically as I write and record.

I think around 2013, you said “Every Day I Get Closer to the Light From Which I Came” was going to set a precedent for the next album. Now that it's out, do you still think so? Personally, even though both records are different, I can definitely hear a connection.

— Yeah, shame it took 7 years to come to fruition! And many things changed over those 7 years, as ever. Jesu certainly documents my personal journey in life, it’s ultra personal, Godflesh is much more external comparatively. A lot to the solo jesu work took a backseat when I worked on the collaborations with Sun Kil Moon, but that was very refreshing and inspired me to take jesu further, I had notions of discontinuing the project at some point, but the collabs with Sun Kil Moon inspired me to keep pursuing jesu.

"Every Day I Get Closer to the Light From Which I Came” was inspired in great part by you becoming a father. Can you tell us a bit about what was on your mind when you wrote “Terminus?”

— That’s very true, especially the initial journey of bringing life into the/our world. everything is there in the lyrics and artwork for "Terminus" so of course, like a lot of my work, depends on the listeners perspectives, they can make it their own, make it personal. But it’s essentially about endings, and my obsession with finality, my sensitivity to it and my fear of it. There’s a line in the title song that says “my end, our end, the end, the end”, which pretty much sums it up.

The EP “Never” you released before “Terminus” is quite different and more focused on electronics. I remember you telling me that you liked going experimental on EPs, doing stuff you wouldn't do on a full length. So I figure that's still the case?

— Yeah, I like experimenting with everything, I like satisfying myself with different ideas, obviously that doesn’t suit my listeners too much, but I make this music for myself, and I’m always trying to do better. I still don’t know why I put myself through the trial and hell of releasing music, I often think about just recording for myself and not bothering with an audience, but I’m not really capable of earning money in other ways, so I have to finish music and release it, let it go. For me "Never" was just another way of interpreting the jesu mood, nothing deviates too much from the original intention of the project. It’s weird, critically, it was perceived as this big electronic departure, whereas jesu has sounded pretty much like this most of it’s lifetime! “Pale Sketches", "Lifeline" even "Silver” is all mostly electronic, save a real drum loop in the song "Silver", but this EP seemed to get this thing that its all electronic, whereas it;’s no more electronically oriented than any other jesu record I have made. jesu is a mood that can be explored and experimented with, I’m not making the first album over and over, some can’t get over that, but that was a different moment in my life which I captured, and as an artist who challenges oneself besides the audience you can never win, and one will generally never win hah. This is a new jesu, it comes with age, transitions. "Never" was intentionally idiosyncratic and deliberately fvcked up sounding, and I think by and large critically the subtleties were lost on people.

“Never” features two version of ''Never There for You'', one of them described as the ''original vision''. Can you explained how you ended up releasing two version of this song?

— The “original vision” existed like that since around 2010, I shelved it, it was to be a Pale Sketcher song, I had an album’s worth of similar songs, I still do, couldn’t decide if they should be jesu or Pale Sketcher. I sent them to Aphex Twin / Richard James because he was a huge fan of the Pale Sketcher EP “Seventh Heaven”, we were talking about a release on his label Rephlex, I had all these songs that were floating between jesu and Pale Sketcher. But then he folded Rephlex for good, a real shame, so I was left with all these songs in limbo, I still am, but at that period I shelved them all. I returned to them around 2018 and started adding guitars and vocals, thinking that they will now definitely be jesu songs. “Never There for You” was one of them, so I wanted the listener to hear what it was originally before I added more of organic me. I’m working on finalising all those songs for Rephlex into future jesu, probably an album that I hope to release late 2021, it’s not a "Terminus" though, and probably most ppl will hate it hah.

“Terminus” is the first album to feature Ted Parsons in a long while. Did you invite him because you felt these songs needed his touch?

— I wanted some live drums, 3 songs only. I was going to play them myself, like on "Opiate Sun". "Infinity" etc, but I really wanted Ted involved and see how he interpreted my drum parts, he always swings something and makes it interesting. he’s a very real drummer, and a very real human being.

When touring is possible again, would you like to tour with Jesu, with Ted on drums?

— I may tour solo, with electronics and projections. The band thing is tiresome and always just sounds like a band, bands bore me these days because of the constraints of the instruments, rock records also bore me these days; same productions, etc, very little actual aesthetic, but its popular and what do I know. But I’d rather jesu now sound hugely expansive live, not just like a rock band. But i’m still unsure. Live drums swallow my voice live, I can’t sing above them, and jesu is a tiny project, can’t play big venues with stage separation and screens around the drums, and 8 guys diving around onstage, it’s not affordable. I stopped performing as jesu for some time due to all those reasons.

You said “Silver” is probably your favourite Jesu record. Are there other Jesu albums that stand out in your mind?

— Did I say that?! Haha. I don’t recall, and that opinion changes every day I feel. I like how concise and all encompassing "Silver" is; it covers most of the ground that I feel the project should cover. But "Terminus" is my favourite jesu album, and it should be, otherwise I would not feel I was moving forward, and I feel I am, it is the best jesu album I have made.

Last year, you told Olivier ''Zoltar'' Badin that the next Zonal album would probably go in the direction of it's title track ''Wrecked''. Is it still true to this day and what can you tell us about that upcoming album?

— Well, a lot of time has passed since, but I think Kevin and I are still quite struck on that song as a template for future recordings, although everything changes all the time, of course, and time is passing fast once again, we haven’t discussed Zonal in some time.

I know you don't actually consider yourself as a guitarist. With you focusing on your electronic projects like JK Flesh and Zonal lately, do you ever get tired of guitar? I'm asking this because I recently discussed the subject with Steven Wilson. He basically told me that after 30 years writing and doing gigs with guitar, he's feeling more creative and excited when writing music on other instruments and I wondered if you ever felt something similar.

— All instruments are just a means to an end for me; a tool for the bigger job, I don’t really wish to be overly proficient at any instrument, I liked that about punk, and it’s what I’m not that fond of about overly progressive music, it’s like it’s for show, I don’t do anything for show, I’d rather be shit than great, it’s more interesting, it reflects the human condition, imperfection. I don’t wish for things to sound perfect, whatever that is, people should not come to my music for that, they probably don’t and it’s probably why my audience is so small haha.

I recently discovered that you worked with Josh Eustis with the mastering of the JK Flesh / Orphx live album and was a bit surprised. How did that happen?

— Josh is a very good friend of Dominick Fernow’s (Prurient / Vatican Shadow / Hospital Productions, etc), and Dominick is a very close friend of mine. I was aware that Josh does very good mastering besides being an extremely talented artist, so Dominick suggested josh master that collaboration, and it sounds excellent!

I interviewed Lee Dorrian some time ago and we were talking about the impact Napalm Death had, not just the band itself but all the bands who were formed after playing in that band: Godflesh, Carcass, Cathedral, Scorn... Lee thought this legacy had a lot to do with John Peel broadcasting a wide array of music on young aspiring musicians. How would you explain such creativity and versatility from musicians who all played in Napalm Death at one point?

—  Lee is absolutely correct, a lot of very young kids listened to John Peel, most generations did, his taste exposed music to many of us who were already enquiring at a young age that we would not have heard anywhere else and of course back then this centralised things, not fragmented them like the internet does; a kid now can absorb an artist entire catalog in an hour, speed listen to it all, then have an opinion, but it’s informed, no context, no history, no experience. We heard music then on Peel and then hunted it down. It took work, valuable work that paid dividends. Peel’s broad appreciation of eternally subversive music and otherwise told us that music didnt need to exist in such strict compartments, that’s it’s all part of a greater whole, so when groups of musicians collaborated even at such young ages, our tastes were informed and wide, very rarely singular.

Can you tell us a bit about you latest remixing output? What were the tracks that you enjoyed the most remixing? Those are the names I could find: Full of Hell, Oathbreaker and a lot of projects I've never heard of.

— I always and love to remix, I love the fact that I didn’t create this music but can make something new from someone else’s work. Music is endless, for me, it’s just when you wish to end it, but ultimately it can never end. I have some remixes that I love moire than others, but only over time, I never let a remix go unless I am as happy as can be with it. Sometimes I would’ve loved to have done more, my Killing Joke remix is a good example of that, I wanted to go further, but Youth of Killing Joke told me they were happy with where I was at, I think I could’ve made it much better. The Oathbreaker remix you mentioned is a favourite of mine from the last years worth of my remixes. I’ll remix anyone, if they can afford my fee and I have the time!

I'm curious, since you released some of your music with your own label with Godflesh, Jesu and other projects, did it have an impact on the revenue you got from streaming platforms like Spotify, compared to albums released on Earache or Hydra Head? I'm asking this in the light of the neverending controversy regarding streaming revenue for musicians.

— On my own label more money can be earned from these services due to no split with another label, which usually would be 50/50, but streaming is very small as is common knowledge. I never see any royalties from Earache so can’t compare their rates etc since Godflesh is constantly recouping an advance from Columbia / Sony for the "Selfless" album that Earache, contractually, can recoup from, even though they didn’t give the advance, so they’re making money from the band and from an advance they never paid, which these days you would think that besides being unethical that it would be criminal, but such were the contracts in the 80’s / 90’s. So I’ve never seen a single penny from streaming with Earache!

I know it might be pointless to ask you, since someone's mind can change with time but do you still think “Post Self” may be your last album with Godflesh? Your told us last year that you weren't sure if you had enough in you creatively to do another album and also that the constant screaming was a bit harder to do.

— Hah, the shouting/screaming live now takes its toll, it does with age, I’m unsure due to not performing for so long thanks to the pandemic how my voice would be for Godflesh now in a live setting, I’d have very little problem in the studio. I’m still struck on the fact that there may not be another full length studio album from Godflesh, I haven’t been inspired to initiate one for numerous reasons, and I don’t wish for us to repeat ourselves in any way, I do have a lot of interesting old material though, some good rare stuff, demos, “Us and Them in Dub” which is also in the works, but I work on that sporadically, when I feel inspired to do so. So there’s a lot of good stuff coming.

Last time I interviewed you in 2014, Aphex Twin was making his grand return with “Syro”. I remember you telling me that the album was still shrinkwrapped on your desk. Knowing you're a big Aphex fan, I wanted to know if you liked that album, especially knowing that a lot of fans were disappointed by it.

— Ahh it was such a long time ago now that we spoke last! I love "Syro”, but I love Aphex, and since I first heard "Didgeridoo" when it was released and then "Quoth", he will always be a favourite, "Syro" may not be an Aphex favourite for me, but it’s still amazing, he is amazing; creative, subversive and doesn’t give a fvck ultimately, he’d also never release anything if he didnt really have to, he does this for himself, for me the best art is entirely selfish and should consider no one. People are always disappointed, a lot of people just can’t live with the fact that an artist strays from their own personal conception of what an artist should be, it’s some sort of misguided entitlement, I lost that when II was around 14, a lot of people don’t lose it and now these people have the internet. No artist owes me anything, if they gave me one thing in my life then i will always respect their art, regardless of whether it works for me or not, and if I don’t like it much, I won’t be peddling that opinion on the internet in an entitled egotistical manner, I’m glad I did not know that a lot of people were disappointed, haha.

Thank you very much! Best JKB, Jan 2021

[wyrdify]

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. It’s been plastered all over every social media website I’ve been on, and I’ve had friends on other sites talking about it. I’ve also seen it on here, and I decided I’m going to continue my trend of being open about my own mental health. In doing so, I have a few goals: to help lessen the stigma surrounding mental illnesses, to let others know it’s okay to talk about what they live with, and to just get my brain to move onto another topic.

So, let’s get down to it.

My brain works great when I present stuff in list or outline format, so that’s what I’m going to do to start with.

These are the mental illnesses I live with every single day:

Dermatillomania

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Major Depression Disorder

OCD

Trichotillomania

A couple of these may seem unfamiliar to folks, and there are definitely preconceived notions about all of them, so I’ll share a little bit about what they look like for me in another section.

My family/personal history that contributes to my mental health:

Alcoholism (namely family members, but I bordered on becoming an alcoholic before I was 21)

Emotional abuse / gaslighting

Involvement in a cult

Loss of family members

Neglect (namely medical)

Other shit I’m not quite comfortable talking about in a public setting

What these mental illnesses look like for me:

Dermatillomania: It means I like picking at my skin, particularly recently acquired cuts or wounds. For me, my brain likes to make myself bleed, and it perceives that feeling, that pain, as good.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder: I worry about things and blow them out of proportion. Worst case scenarios are easy for me to imagine, and I overthink just about everything. Big surprises, the unknown, and anything outside of my control can make me panic.

Major Depressive Disorder: I’m tired a lot, and I often have trouble focusing or concentrating for long periods of time. Small things like putting something away takes extra effort, and I’ll often lose interest in things I normally enjoy. Since I was at least thirteen years old, I’ve also experienced thoughts of self-harm and suicide.

OCD: This links back to my anxiety, and it’s connected to the derma/trich stuff. I don’t do well when I don’t know something, or there’s any sort of uncertainty. I need things to be done in a certain way, and often in a certain order, or my brain will figuratively set itself on fire. I also need things organized in a specific way, or I get the same result. That’s the obsessive part. The compulsive part comes from following a somewhat strict routine along with counting in specific patterns, arranging my stuff in specific ways, and stuff like that.

Trichotillomania: Similar to the dermatillomania, but with hair. Often without thinking, I’ll pull my hair out. Sometimes, I do it purposefully because my brain thinks it helps with anxiety. This has also led to me having general issues when it comes to my hair in general.

What that family/personal history looked like for me:

Alcoholism: A lot of people in my family, including both parents, are alcoholics. They consume a lot of alcohol. I was pressured to start drinking alcohol when I was around 13-14 years old. When I was in my late teens, I would drink just to make myself feel better. Due to my intense fear of throwing up, though, I never let myself progress past tipsy. I don’t drink any alcohol now due to my medications and the knowledge that I could easily fall into alcoholism.

Emotional abuse: This is wide-ranging and extensive, honestly, and gaslighting was a huge part of it. What I’m going to do instead is link some things that explain what I lived with for most of my life. With this article from PsychCentral, I can check off every single thing on that list. This link from womenshealth.gov also covers what I dealt with.

Involvement in a cult: Insert nervous laughter. Starting around the end of middle school to the start of high school, my parents started getting involved in a cult that centers itself on therapy and self-help with some spiritual elements. Therapy through them was the only way to get help, or it wasn’t valid. My family is still involved in this cult, and I managed to get myself out of it when I moved back in 2013.

Loss of family members: In 2005, I suddenly lost my godfather, my dad’s brother. I saw him as more of a father than my biological dad, especially considering he curbed or otherwise acted as a buffer for my dad’s abusive behavior. In 2011, I lost my paternal grandmother, someone I was incredibly close to and trusted more than my parents. She also helped curb my parents’ abusive behavior, and her house was a safe place for me to go.

Neglect: I’ve said this before when talking about my epilepsy, but I was not allowed to go to doctors. Any medical issues, which included mental illnesses, I had were my fault, too expensive, inconvenient, or all in my head. It is also my belief that my mother pressured my pediatrician to tell me that my seizures were not neurological when I was sixteen years old. To this day, my parents are still very anti-doctor and borderline anti-vax.

Whoo, that was a lot of stuff, and I’m not even done---because of course not. Now, as the last part (I think), I’m going to list some things I do and personality quirks as a result of all this shit.

Confrontation/angry voices scares the ever-loving shit out of me. I shut down. I dissociate. I freeze, or I otherwise try to escape. Sometimes, this will come across as me trying to find ways to change the subject, not saying anything at all, or just agreeing with things because it’s easier.

I cry when people tell me they love me, and I often have to stop myself from saying things like “Thank you”, “Why?”, or asking for further explanation.

I doubt my memory and emotions a lot. To combat this, I keep logs, paper trails, and notes of just about everything. If I remember something that someone else doesn’t, or I have a different emotional response than someone else, I tend to assume the other person is right.

I feel guilty for everything. Somehow, everything becomes my fault, my responsibility, and I have to fix everything. This leads to apologies being my go-to responses for a lot.

I have trouble advocating for myself or saying that I need something. Needing things = bad in my brain.

I info-dump. My brain tells me people should have all of the information possible, so I do it. This includes telling people when I’m going to bed for the night or when I’m going somewhere.

I only feel safe crying when there’s no one else around.

I overthink every single thing I say and type.

I put everything in alphabetical order if possible.

I use writing to cope with feelings and other issues I’m dealing with.

I will listen to sad or otherwise emotional songs over and over again to help me get feelings out.

I will often perceive my issues as “not as bad as what other people deal with” and not talk about them. I’ll downplay what I deal with and shove it under a rug while trying to help others because, otherwise, I’ll feel selfish, self-centered, and attention-seeking.

If I can’t have my bowl of cereal for breakfast in the morning, it has the power to ruin my entire day, and I feel rather silly about it.

Lots of all or nothing and black and white thinking. Perfectionism also plays into this. If I can’t do something right the first time, or if things aren’t done perfectly, my brain will not let it go.

Physical contact without my explicit and verbal consent makes me cringe and feel incredibly uncomfortable. It can get to the point that even the thought of it happening triggers nausea. 

These are explanations for things I do and why I act in certain ways. They are not excuses, and they are things I’m working on to the best of my ability. I’m currently on a wait list to get a new psychologist so I can start going to therapy again since I know I need it. When I had it in the past, it was incredibly helpful and empowering to me. Since about February, my depression started to get worse, especially as I felt like things were falling apart around me. It rises and it falls. Nowadays, it’s just a little worse in the sense that I find shutting down easier, and I struggle to do anything that isn’t a video game.

Mental health is just as important as physical health, and it needs to be acknowledged as such. If sharing what I deal with helps even one person, then I consider it worth it.

That is all. I hope everyone is doing okay. If you’re not, though, that’s okay. It’s okay to not have good days or otherwise not feel physically or mentally okay. One day, that lesson will stick with me on a more permanent basis.

Love,

Kai

[vavuska]

FRESH OFF THE BOAT, POSTERS AND ART

Season 1, 2 and 3 are HERE:

Season 4, 2017

In 2017, the cast of Fresh Off The Boat re-created the painting "Whistler's Mother" (1871) by James McNeill Whistler for a poster to promote the forth season of the show. Constance Wu posed as Whistler's mother, Anna McNeill Whistler.

Arrangement in Grey and Black No.1, best known under its colloquial name Whistler's Mother, is a painting in oils on canvas created by the American-born painter James McNeill Whistler in 1871. The subject of the painting is Whistler's mother, Anna McNeill Whistler. The painting is 56.81 by 63.94 inches (1,443 mm × 1,624 mm), displayed in a frame of Whistler's own design. It is held by the Musée d'Orsay in Paris, having been bought by the French state in 1891. It is one of the most famous works by an American artist outside the United States. It has been variously described as an American icon and a Victorian Mona Lisa.

Anna McNeill Whistler posed for the painting while living in London with her son at Cheyne Walk, Chelsea.

Several unverifiable stories relate to the painting of the work; one is that Anna Whistler acted as a replacement for another model who could not make the appointment. It is also said that Whistler originally envisioned painting the model standing up, but that his mother was too uncomfortable to pose standing for an extended period.

The image has been used since the Victorian era as an icon for motherhood, affection for parents, and "family values" in general, especially in the United States.

For example, the painting was used in "Fight for Her", a World War I recruitment poster from Canada, urging men to enlist with the Irish Canadian Rangers and to fight for the women in their lives. It appeals to notions of motherhood and family values that were popular at the time, and often attributed to this painting.

The painting become the subject of a 1934 three cent U. S. postage stamp "in memory and in honor of the mothers of America".

In 1938 the painting was used as model for Mothers' Memorial, a statue in Ashland, Pennsylvania. The Ashland Boys’ Association (A.B.A.), an organization of men and boys born in Ashland, raised the funds for the fabrication and erection of this monument.

The A.B.A. was formed in the early 20th century in response to the widespread job loss and dispersion of coal miners as mines began to fail. It was a homecoming organization that welcomed former Ashland residents back to their hometown. Men from all parts of Pennsylvania, as well as several other states, participated in these annual celebrations. The A.B.A. was the archetype of a poignant Pennsylvania story: how successive waves of industrialization and economic development create then destroy industries and communities, leaving large groups of people longing for the associations and comforts of family, friends and home. The Mother’s Memorial stands as a symbol of this sentiment.

The seven foot high three-dimensional sculpture was designed by Emil Siebern and sculpted by Julius Loester. Both artists were sculptors from New York who specialized in public art – funerary decoration, memorials, park statuary, etc. At the base of the statue you can read the words "a mother is the holiest thing alive".

Season 5, 2018

In 2018, the cast of Fresh Off The Boat posed for a Pop-Art poster, that recall the most famous of Andy Warhol seriography.

Andy Warhol was a neurotic and fragile child. Growing up in Depression-era Pittsburgh, he developed Sydenham chorea, a neurological disorder that left him confined to the house for months at a time. During his convalescence, he stoked an obsession with movie stars: he pored over fan magazines and even convinced his older brother, Paul, to write fan letters to the celebrities on his behalf. In exchange, the studios sent him dozens of headshots—autographed glossies of stars like Veronica Lake, Mae West, Marjorie Reynolds and, his all-time favourite, Shirley Temple, who misspelled his name in her personalized message. He painstakingly pasted each one into a cardboard scrapbook, arranging them in orderly grids.

That scuffed album is the key to understanding Andy Warhol: a whimsical career devoted to the reverence and ridicule of celebrity commodification. (Even his fluffy platinum-blond wig looked like a distorted tribute to Hollywood glamour.)

Born to a poor but close-knit Byzantine Catholic family, young Andy Warhol absorbed images of both the saintly icons on the altar of his local church and the glamorous stars he saw in the movies at his neighborhood cinema. Both would influence his life and art.

Warhol was an obsessive collection continued also in adult age: in the 1970s, when Hollywood studios were emptying their vaults, Warhol attended auctions to find photographic treasures. He purchased many photographs depicting celebrities past and present from the great collector John Kobal, and received others as gifts or discovered them at antique stores and flea markets.

After graduating, Andy Warhol moved to New York to become a commercial illustrator.

He was good at it too, creating magazine ads with a particular inky style that was very popular for a time.

Getting his art into the galleries, however, wasn’t so easy. Back then there was a clear line between fine art and commercial art, and Warhol had become a well-known commercial illustrator.

But Andy Warhol decided to use that to his advantage. He began to experiment with the stuff of commercialism itself—logos, trademarks, icons—things that had no fine art qualities at all.

Calling his studio "a factory", Warhol was interested in mass production, in commerce, and in the business of making money. Using repetition of similar or identical ready-made objects as a formal structure, he referred to himself as "a machine".

The use of repetition in the work of Andy Warhol is perhaps the most interesting and challenging components of his Pop Art.

In his works Warhol simultaneously celebrated and criticized consumption choices and mass (re)production, effectively turning his work into a repetitive whirlwind and establishing the grounds for the most successful Post–World War II art movement.

In the obsessive repetitions of Warhol, repetition produces a harmony which frees the shape from the contents.

Warhol's pop art can be seen as a relation to Minimal art in the sense that it attempts to portray objects in their most simple, immediately recognizable form.

On the occasion of Marilyn Monroe’s suicide in August 1962, Warhol used this image for his screenprinting. It was a publicity shot by Gene Korman for the film Niagara, made in 1953.

"In August 62 I started doing silkscreens. I wanted something stronger that gave more of an assembly line effect. With silkscreening you pick a photograph, blow it up, transfer it in glue onto silk, and then roll ink across it so the ink goes through the silk but not through the glue. That way you get the same image, slightly different each time. It was all so simple quick and chancy. I was thrilled with it. When Marilyn Monroe happened to die that month, I got the idea to make screens of her beautiful face – the first Marilyns."

Each print is vibrantly colored to reflect her vivacious personality. In many of the prints, her iconic lips are boldly colored a deep red. Many of the prints also emphasize her platinum blonde hair by adding variants of yellow. The colors ultimately bring to life Marilyn Monroe’s iconic status and celebrity glamour. By creating repetitive imagery, Warhol evokes her ubiquitous celebrity status.

Marylin Monroe is not a person anymore, she is become a commodity good, endlessly consumed by her public. (About how Marilyn Monroe become a sex symbol: LINK)

Season 6, 2019

In 2019, the cast of Fresh Off The Boat re-created the photo "Lunch atop a Skyscraper" (1932) by Charles C. Ebbets for a poster to promote the last season of the show.

The photo appeared the first in the Sunday photo supplement of the New York Herald Tribune on October 2, 1932.

The photograph was taken on September 20, 1932, on the 69th floor of the RCA Building during the last months of construction. According to archivists, the photograph was in fact prearranged. Although the photograph shows real ironworkers, it is believed that the moment was staged by Rockefeller Center to promote its new skyscraper.

Formerly attributed to "unknown", and often misattributed to Lewis Hine, it was credited to Charles C. Ebbets in 2003. Evidence confirming his authorship held in the Ebbets' Estate archives include original work orders showing invoices to Rockefeller Center for the time period surrounding the photo, letters of recommendation from his work at Rockefeller Center when the photo was taken, a copy of the original article from the NY Herald Tribune when the photo first appeared in 1932 in his own scrapbook of his work, photos from his office in NY taken in 1932 showing the image on a bulletin board display of his work, and a negative of him at work on the site that day.

The movie Men at Lunch traces some of the men to possible Irish origin, and the director reported in 2013 that he planned to follow up other claims from Swedish relatives. The film confirms the identities of two men: Joseph Eckner, third from the left, and Joe Curtis, third from the right, by cross referencing with other pictures taken the same day, on which they were named at the time. The first man from the right has been identified as Slovak worker Gustáv (Gusti) Popovič from the village of Vyšný Slavkov in the Levoča District. Popovič was originally a lumberjack and carpenter. In 1932 he sent his wife Mária (Mariška) a postcard with this photograph on which he wrote, "Don´t you worry, my dear Mariška, as you can see I'm still with bottle. Your Gusti."

Gustáv and Mária's joint grave in the Vyšný Slavkov cemetery is decorated with the picture.

[monchikyun]

30. bet you’ll love me

Everything is new to Connor. He is still finding pieces of himself in various places, trying to build himself up as he’s learning more about the world around him. A world that isn’t bordered by a code or defined by his mission. It has been an intimidating notion to be considered a human, he’s felt overwhelmed and lost, at times, but as months passed, the initial awkwardness of being new among other real people has washed out, leaving only the wonderfully mundane stuff behind, like doing chores and finding out that he maybe has a crush on one of his coworkers.

The people who used to fear him and project their hatred by proxy are now more or less becoming his friends or at least casual acquaintances. This of course includes detective Reed, the one person who might have probably been scared of him the most. They are more or less ignoring each other nowadays, but sometimes Connor catches the man stealing glances at him, which is not exclusive only to Reed. Because Connor watches too, whenever he has the opportunity to. Maybe he subconsciously tries to impart his inner-most feelings to him, tries to create something between them that isn’t there. It’s very unproductive and he cannot find a rational explanation for this, but he has been told that’s more than normal when one is not a flawless machine. So he accepts it as it is without trying to solve the mystery it carries around with it, just enjoying the fact that he’s able to experience such a natural thing. The pain that comes with it is just a necessary evil.

But the longer he allows those emotions to course freely through him, the more his overall mood worsens. He doesn’t know what the most correct course of action in this particular scenario would be, and he most certainly won’t find out by dwelling on it inside his overwhelmed mind. There is of course the internet at his infinite disposal, but he tries not to rely on it so much. It feels like cheating, like he’s robbing himself of organic development. So he opts to ask one of his friends, despite the embarrassment he’ll suffer from due to divulging a personal sentiment such as this. The person he chooses ends up being none other than Gavin’s own buddy Tina, and not only because her insight has the best chance of proving to be the most helpful. Connor simply likes talking to the sharp-tongued young woman. She doesn’t keep sweet with him, doesn’t act like he’s any better than the rest of them. He gets grounded by her blunt words, and that’s just what he needs right now.

 “No fucking way. Talk about coincidences.”

Connor partly hopes that this means just what he suspects it would. The other part of him, the one that is readying him to bolt is convinced that it’s a completely unrelated statement.

Tina’s interest has perked up when he confessed that he maybe, possibly likes detective Reed for some weird reason. Honestly, it is more like an itch he can’t scratch, mildly infuriating and begging to be dealt with.

“Do you think I should talk to him about it?” He can’t imagine how that conversation would possibly go, and he isn’t sure he’d really like to find out.

“Absolutely not. It would be a terrible idea, trust me on this.”

Her voice drips sincerity and he loses all grounds not to do what she says. His heart sinks to his stomach, though, despite the small surge of relief that came over him right after he’d got his answer.

He is stupid for believing this would lead anywhere good. Utterly foolish for thinking that there is someone for whom he meant something, something other than just becoming friends with the most advanced android in existence.

So he goes on with his days, pretending like this doesn’t faze him. Days turn into weeks, and he still can’t get rid of that weight inside of his chest. Whenever he finds himself in detective Reed’s proximity, the man’s stress levels rise and his pulse elevates. Either he’s afraid of Connor, or… but there is no “or”, there can’t be, no matter how much he wishes for the detective to like him back, it’s never going to happen.

It’s Friday, an unusually slow one, for which he’s thankful. Connor is in low spirits, counting the minutes remaining until he can go home. Three hundred thirty-nine and counting. He looks at detective Reed for the fifth time this morning and when nothing out of the ordinary happens as a result, he decides to go make a coffee for Hank, since his attention is slipping and he caught him closing his eyes for longer than it would be deemed safe was he driving. He isn’t, luckily so, but his list of transgression is lengthy enough as it is.

He stands in front of the coffee machine, hypnotised by the steady flow of liquid that is filling the plastic cup, not paying attention to his surroundings.  

That’s why he doesn’t notice the figure joining him in the break room, why he’s oblivious that someone is creeping behind him like a silent assassin.

“Connor.” His name gets called in that terrifyingly familiar voice, which is a first. A wonderful first.

He turns around, attempting to present himself as casually as he’s able to, to hide his traitorous nervousness.

“I like you.” 

Reed says it like he’s talking about the downpour behind the windows, like it doesn’t concern him at all. And before Connor can react in any way, he’s gone, leaving the android in an utter state of shock. He can’t be sure it really happened, that it wasn’t just his overactive imagination preconstrucitng indulgent scenarios on its own.

Still, he forgets about the coffee and runs back to the office, not being surprised when he finds Reed’s desk empty. Connor catches him outside just as he’s about to unlock his car. The few moments they spend in the rain are enough to soak them, making them look like they went for a swim without taking off their clothes.

 The detective gives him a look that betrays vulnerability and verifies the truth of his statement.

And Connor can’t help himself anymore.

“I like you, too,” he shouts through the onslaught of raindrops, to make sure the other man hears him properly. A boulder has been lifted from where his heart lies, and he feels like crying. But it wouldn’t be fair for him to do that, so he lets the sky do it for him instead.

“Okay, great. What now.” Not the response he expected, but at least Reed doesn’t flee, which is a success on its own.

Even if Connor knew the answer to that, it’s not like he could afford to do anything at this moment. He’s still on the clock, after all.

“You should go now. But call me sometimes after six, if you want. I know you have my number.” To that, the detective nods and hurriedly enters his car. Connor watches as it speeds away and gets swallowed by the drenched city.

-

“It was a bet.”

“Sorry, what?”

“Tina bet me to say those words to you before you would.” Gavin exhales and wishes that his corrupted soul escaped together with the released breath.

“Oh. You won, then.” And Connor sounds so hurt he wants to scream. At himself mostly, for being such a terrible person and causing the broken sound being spilled from Connor’s lips.

He’s glad he can’t see the android right now, that at least he’s spared the opportunity to touch him. But he wants to do just that, more than anything else in the world.

“No, I didn’t. I… don’t want that money, not anymore.” He squeezes his eyes shut and imagines that he’s someone who has the right to say what he’s about to because there is nothing that would stop him from doing so.  

“I meant it, Connor. I do like you, maybe even more than that.”

 It wouldn’t take much to fall in love with him if, he’s painfully aware of that.

“Is this just a part of that challenge?”

“No, of course not. I realise I have no right to ask you to trust me, not after all this shit, so I won’t. Just know that I’m really, truly sorry. For everything. And I know you deserve-“

“Shut up. I meant it too, you know. I still do, even though I fucking mad at you right now. And at Tina.”

“Didn’t know you were allowed to swear. It’s kinda hot coming from you.”

“Don’t push it.”

Yeah, he figures. It’s just that he has a nonexistent impulse control.

“Will.. will you forgive me?” He gives up on concealing his anxiety, the self-loathing caused by his recklessness. His voice has its own say and there is not much he can do about it.

“We’ll see. Depends on how you’ll behave from now on.”

His absolute best. Gavin can’t do anything but bet Connor’s affection on it.

@convinseptember thank you very much for this challenge! I’m glad I was able to participate ♥ 

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with @mobi-on-a-mission (she/her)

what are you working on right now? I'm in between fics right now after posting The Cockroach recently for Chopped! I'll likely start something new soon (I'm thinking of a canonverse forbidden lovers fic?), but we'll see where the muse takes me! When I'm not busy writing fic or being a human disaster I like to beta read. I beta read several fics for the Bellarke Big Bang, and I'm really excited to read them in their final form once that comes out! Beta reading may not be the first thing people think of with writing, but it's really elevated my experience with fanfic. It's a great way to let out my inner critic, participate in the writing process from a different angle, and read new fics before anyone else (hehe!) while helping out other writers. Going beyond 'this doesn't work' to 'this particular aspect isn't coming through right and here are some ideas on how to fix it' is the crucial step and has really made me a better writer!

I'm also excited to be accepting prompts for Bellarke Writers for Black Lives Matter. Send me a prompt and a donation to an organization of your choice which supports the BLM movement, and I'll write you a fanfic!

what’s something you’d like to write one day? I usually write whatever I want to write! One thing I've never tried though is an ot3. I enjoy them but at this point I don't think I could do that sort of relationship justice.

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? Honestly I'm proud of all my fics. Each one carries its own challenges and rewards, so I never get in a rut! The work I'm most proud of, though, has got to be Revive. It's a canon compliant through s6 Memori pregnancy multichap that I wrote during hiatus. It's by far the longest fic I've ever written, and I wrote it at a time when I was still very uncomfortable writing fic. I must have had my eyes closed half the time I was drafting it, I was so nervous! But I finished it and posted it and from there on writing was just that much easier. I haven't looked back since.

why did you first start writing fic? I wrote my first "fic" in 2014, when I was 14 years old. Then I came back a year later with a really short oneshot. Both of those were for Supernatural, and they're still on my ao3. I was extremely nervous about writing, especially with the fear that my family would find out what I was doing. That fear kept me from writing for years and years, pining to write something. That is, until last July. I'd had enough. So I sat myself down and made myself write, every dad for three days until The Best Back Rubs (my first fic for The 100) was written. Again after that fic I had trouble writing. Four months later though I started writing Revive and like I said earlier, I just kept writing after that!

what frustrates you most about fic writing? The most frustrating thing about fic writing is lukewarm reception. As much as I hate to admit it, validation is important to me and I like to feel like people are enjoying what I write. When I spend a lot of time on a fic and get excited about posting it, a part of me is expecting a whole bunch of comments and kudos and hits. Sometimes that doesn't happen though! Usually that doesn't happen. I have to remind myself that those responses are not reflective of my value as a writer. My friends are a huge help with this!

what are your top five songs right now?

Sweet - Cigarrettes After Sex Foreigner's God - Hozier One More Hour - Anthony Ramos Combustible - Cœur de Pirate Undrunk - FLETCHER

what are your inspirations? My inspiration is a little bit different for every fic I write. I tend toward canonverse, so I pull from interesting aspects of canon and then let my imagination run wild with *what if*s. My own life inspires my writing as well. This helps me to add in little details to make the story feel more real. I've been inspired by writing prompts and movies and songs and other fics and snow falling outside my window!

The one thing that's constant is other writers. I learn so much from reading, beta reading, and of course talking to my friends! They help to give me ideas as well as motivation to keep going. Writing can be a lonely pursuit, but it doesn't have to be. There's only so much going on in my brain—connecting with others is what brings things to the next level.

what first attracted you to Memori? what attracts you now? From the first time they locked eyes, I shipped it a little! But in the beginning, I wasn't that invested in Memori. I kind of took them for granted until s5. But more on that later. What first attracted me to Memori was how non-traditional they are in that they're not standard cut good guys yet they were allowed to meet and fall in love. Add on top of that how they make each other better in a nuanced and imperfect way, and I'm hooked! I also really liked how they didn't beat around the bush with getting together. In a world where slowburn is seen as peak romance, it was refreshing to see a couple that was just like 'you? I like you' and then they got together and eventually became what is (in my possibly biased eyes) the strongest couple on the show at this point. Getting into s5, that's when I really became invested in the ship. It hurt to see their relationship problems like that, but it allowed them to grow from it in a beautiful way. Through it all, they have so much love for each other. They're imperfect people and they make mistakes, but at the end of the day they learn from it and become better as a couple than they are alone. Their devotion to each other really is something else!

Besides Memori, what character or pairing do you like best on t100? Funny story: I actually decided to start watching The 100 after reading Bellarke smut on ao3! It was a non-traditional introduction to the story, but something must have clicked with me and I was a Bellarke shipper from the start (even though I frankly detested Bellamy in the beginning). I still ship them, even though Memori has taken my heart! Oh yeah and I got to give a shoutout to Niytavia as well because apparently canon isn't going to feed us with content for them.

why did you decide to start writing for bellarkefic-for-blm? It's pretty simple, really: Black lives matter should not be a controversial statement, and this is one of the ways I can help make our world a little less sucky for Black people.

what’s your writing process like (esp for prompts, chopped!, etc)? Every fic I write begins with a hodge podge of ideas. Sometimes I scribble them in a notebook and sometimes I use the computer, but it's always a creative mess! Recently I've been using Notion, a free editor which has a great desktop app. A writer friend turned me on to it and now I use it for writing as well as other life stuff too! It's easy to drag and reorganize ideas, so it really helps take a brainstorm mess to a working outline. Once an idea starts taking form I organize my ideas into related pieces and some end up getting thrown out. I craft "scenes" out of this and soon it becomes clear what pieces I'm missing. I fill in those pieces, throw out or rework stuff that doesn't work together, and pretty soon I have an outline.

I absolutely love getting prompts! I haven't gotten one through Bellarke Writers for Black Lives Matter (yet!), but I've written in a few rounds of Chopped. Most recently wrote for Chopped 3.0 Round 2 and won 1st place for best overall with my Memori fic The Cockroach. The biggest difference that comes when writing from a prompt like that is I need to make sure the fic not only fits the prompt but breathes life into it!

what are some things you’d like to recommend? Remember how I mentioned I beta read? Yeah. Right now my friend Kara, aka @queenemori, is writing a slowburn Memori actors au called We Don't Need To Say It. It's out of this world amazing and I am so hype to be a part of the process. The first chapters are up on ao3 and I cannot recommend it enough. ed’s note: this fic just updated!

For writers who are looking for a push, I highly recommend participating in Chopped. Fandom events are fun, the prompts make you get creative, and writing deadlines inspire you to actually get them finished and out there!

I know some of you need to hear this: drink some water! It's good for you and it's yummy yummy in your tummy!

The best place to find @mobi-on-a-mission is right here on Tumblr. Her AO3 is here. Request a fic written by her via @bellarkefic-for-blm.

[hermitreunited]

Hi, I love your fics so much! Could you do 2, 6 and 10 for Everyone Gets Here Eventually? I have such a soft spot for it :)

Thank youuuu!! I have a soft spot for it, too, which is why, oh boy, I went overboard on this reply. So I am definitely putting in a read more and venture forward at your own cluttered risk!

2. Which scene was your favorite to write in eghe?

Some of them I really liked writing because I they were centerpiece scenes that I basically had all the dialogue laid out for ahead of time, so it was easier to sort of just fill in the rest, like the meeting Dave’s family dinner, or when Klaus and Dave have their big fight.

Some I really liked because I didn’t anticipate them existing and then, hello! there they were! and cute and fun, like Rachel teasing Dave about Klaus, and the two of them baking and talking about homophobic dads after, and Diego meeting Dave. Dave going off on Reg was also not a way I thought things would go there and ‘cute and fun’ is not how I would describe it but oh MAN was it satisfying to write.

6. Which scenes did you cut, and which were added in eghe?

ooohh it stayed surprisingly intact, actually! One of the curses that plagues me as a writer is I basically have to write each scene in order, and then things sort of settle in, with scenes leading one to the next in ways I don’t tend to mess around with.

But I pulled out the docs and looked at notes for it, which honestly is where this all went wrong because I have A Lot Of Notes for it. The scene that probably got the biggest changes is in chapter two, where Dave shares about how the afterlife works and that the ghosts Klaus sees on earth are the bad bits that get left out of the afterlife.

So it never made it onto the page, but this was the scene where they decided that they needed a name for this afterlife and they settle on Peace, as in the spirits there are at peace.

And anyway, I always need to know everything that everyone on the page is thinking when I write, so when Klaus learns about the spirits on earth mainly being the worst parts of people’s souls, I have a note about what’s on his mind:  “not only is this a ‘here is why your life is so fucking shitty - solved it’ moment, which sucks, but also I think he’s conflating things a bit and possibly over the top self-pityingly toying with the idea that he keeps getting kicked out because allll of him is the worst of humanity. it’s not an entirely consistent idea, but when he wants to feel really shitty, he dabbles in the notion.”

ALSO in that scene, I have the only chunk of properly written stuff I found that was cut but still saved. I took it out because it seemed like it dipped into too much confusing plot stuff and made the timing weird and it just didn’t work there but - Klaus realizes that with ghosts basically able to time travel, a person or organization could quite effectively change timelines, as long as they had Klaus around to talk to said ghosts for them. (and maybe it was a backdoor idea for a fic that could exist, I don’t know) But anyway here’s a version of what that conversation looked like:

Then the magnitude of this new angle hits him. “This is a lot, Dave. Holy shit. This is turning out to be a lot.” “Too big to mess with.” Dave has had plenty of time to think this over already, and that’s the conclusion he came to as well. “Did you know, there’s a whole group of time-traveling cops who make sure that nothing changes the timeline too much?” Obviously Dave did not know about that. ‘The world got weird’ is turning out to be a greater understatement than he could ever have imagined. “Whatever that even means,” Klaus goes on. “‘Cops’ is actually too sanitized a word, probably. There’s no way they know about this. If they knew that I - I don’t know what they would do. Jesus.” Klaus is slipping into that long distance stare that means he is circling in on a freak-out. “That’s got to stay a state secret, Dave, that can’t be a thing people find out. I can come up with too many ways to exploit that just off the top of my head and I’m the world’s biggest idiot; I’m not half as devious as some of these motherfuckers.” Dave steadies Klaus’ knee as it starts to bounce compulsively. “I’m not going to tell anyone.” The question is unsaid, because they both know the answer, but Klaus flicks his eyes to Dave’s to check anyway before he says it out loud. “Because we’re not going to do anything to save you.”

There’s a part of me that wants to share a little not really written moment from the fic I probably won’t ever write where we get to see Klaus’ side of what happened through all of the fic, but this post is already so stupid long. (maybe I’ll make another post just to spill on that? because I really don’t think the fic is ever going to be written)

10. What are some facts readers may not know about eghe?

So since I went combing through notes, I’m just going to paste in some of the maybe interesting ones here. Most are like, half sketches of a dialogue that never found a spot, but there’s a headcanon and a Thought in there, too.

When Klaus finds out that they just can kind of see each other/be seen as however he wants, he’s appalled with modern religion. “How did modern religion get so hung up on sex? This place is kinky as hell!” (Hm word choice ha)

it cracks him up that he is having this ‘who is older’ argument with his bf and it’s just as nonsensical as it always is with his siblings and that shouldn’t be possible

an unwritten piece of Vanya’s book: “sometimes she wonders if maybe he doesn’t even have powers either, if he’s like her but managed to lie about it early enough to get included. You cant ever see his powers and he never did anything useful with them and he always lied, even about big things like Ben. Maybe he lied about this all this time”

Klaus leaves doors open because a closed door can’t stop a ghost anyway, and he at least likes to know when they are coming.

So anyway just so we’re clear, the subtext story of this whooole thing is about how Dave is carrying around this fear of being unlovable because of gay reasons, which are ridiculous and he learns to set himself free partially due to the ways Klaus shows him that there isn’t nothing wrong with that. Klaus is carrying around this fear of being unlovable because of personality reasons, which are also unfounded and he’s going to learn to set himself free due to the ways Dave shows him that there’s nothing wrong with him. Basically they have the same anxieties, but Dave’s are tied to sexuality and Klaus’ are not. Still about feeling like inherently bad people because of outside influences telling them that they are.

regarding the Diego meeting Dave scene: “Which, good job talking about your feelings, Diego! Klaus might (semi-)jokingly tell him this. Because they are both in therapy. Klaus wasn’t going to go unless Diego did, too.Also, his reaction at first when his doc was like, ‘yeah you’re depressed’ was “if that’s depression than I’ve been depressed for years. Longer than I haven’t” and the response is just 😬😬”

Holy moly I can apparently talk about my own stuff for a while huh?? I hope you didn’t regret asking! I had a fun time looking back at it, so thanks again very much! 💜💜

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “John Wick” Part 3

Y/N left The Organization 3 years ago for the one reason strong enough to make her settle down: love. But after tragedy crushed her to pieces, she decided to leave The Joker and seek refuge with an old friend and mentor - John Wick. Needless to say The King of Gotham can’t accept his wife running away without a word, especially since he didn’t have a chance to tell her things she might want to hear.

Part 1     Part 2

The Joker listens at the bedroom’s door, impatient to have a conversation with you. It seems you are engaged into a fervent phone call with Winston and figured he shouldn’t interrupt.

“Please, anything you can discover would be a great help! U-hum… U-hum… Thank you,” and you hang up, which queues your husband to walk into the room.

You completely ignore him, scrolling through the numerous text messages you sent to your connections; several are already answering back and hopefully you can get some news soon. The more people are involved into the project, the more chances to find Kase and untangle the mystery of what happened to him after he was removed from the car.

“You left me there,” The Joker sneaks in and closes the door behind him. “Luckily we had Wick with us so he gave me a ride.”

No reaction. He takes a deep breath, trying to get your awareness.

“I didn’t sleep with Evelyn; sex wasn’t the reason why I kept visiting her. I know how that asshole made it sound and he was totally out of line!”

You quickly glance at him, busy replying to Ares since you feel you’re going to explode soon.

“The only skill I was interested in is the fact that she is an excellent painter and a popular art smuggler, OK?” J raises his voice, sort of annoyed you neglect to participate into his monologue. “I did not cheat, alright?” he approaches his wife. “First of all: I’m VERY picky! Second of all: why would I want a woman everyone else had?! I don’t like used toys. Third: nobody’s been polishing my gun as you tastefully addressed the issue! I have one Queen and I married her!!”

A little bit of doubt in your eyes and he utilizes the opportunity.

“You said you saw me going to her house? I did! The Bowery King asked if it was for the last 6 months? Yeah, I did! You know why?!”

At least now The Joker got your attention: you play it cool but he guesses you’re torn apart by his confession.

Many unfortunate events crammed in lately and hating the man you love made life infinitely more unbearable.

“Why…?” you barely muster the strength to inquire and he sees it as a possibility to mend a few broken pieces; although you can hide your emotions well, J can still read between the lines.

Maybe that’s why he answers with another question:

“Do you realize there are just three Monet paintings in circulation on the black market in the entire world? You admire his work and it took a lot of effort and a substantial fortune to acquire The Water Lily Pond painting. Evelyn Black helped with the transaction, then I had her make some modifications to the original masterpiece.”

You keep staring at The King of Gotham, uncertain about the stuff being tossed your way: is he lying or telling the truth?... In your line of work translating feelings is a huge part of the job; ultimately you had the best mentor to teach you the ropes when you started with the organization: none other than the legendary Baba Yaga. Despite his reputation and to your own amazement, John was one of the few hitmen with integrity and perfectly mastered the aptitude of not being a jerk. Such a rare gem… And blissfully unaware of it himself.

On the opposite end, The Joker is a jerk and flawlessly acquainted with his own “captivating” personality that made you fall in love with him anyway.

Also, doesn’t appear to be deceitful for the moment.

And you despise yourself even more for wanting to believe him.

“What… modifications?...” you throw him a bone and J is definitely not going to pass on the alternative of explaining his actions.

“I wanted to surprise you so I took advantage of Miss Black’s capabilities in the art field; I had her add small images to the authentic canvas: an evolution of you being pregnant, the nine frames culminating with a tenth: the new mother holding our son. Similar to a timeline,” he emphasize and you look intrigued, which might be a positive sign. “Needless to say it was tedious, difficult work, especially because she had to apply special pigments you can’t find at every corner of the street. Apparently you can’t mix old paint with contemporary shades, thus I had to order aged, special colors from Italy, Spain and France. That’s why I went to her place so often: I had to supervise the long process and make sure it turns out astonishing. Then…” and The Joker pauses,”…Kase was gone and I didn’t know what to do with my gift: bring it home or not? Would you have loved it? Would it make you sadder? I continued to drive to Evelyn’s and glare at the stupid painting for hours, undecided on what to do…”

J watches you bite on your cheek, then straightens his shoulders as you utter the words:

“… … … You ruined a genuine Monet?”

Your spouse might be a smooth talker when needed, yet he’s not wasting his versatility on this statement:

“I didn’t ruin it; I made it better!”

Silence from both parties. A good or bad omen? Hard to decipher the riddle with two individuals tangled into a relationship that somehow worked despite countless peculiarities meant to keep them apart.

“I have to talk to Jonathan,” you finally mutter and The Joker steps in front of you.

“Talk to me!”

“Unless you know the exact location of the suitcase full of gold coins he’s been safekeeping for me, I really have to speak to him. Or do you want to hammer the whole basement searching for it?”

Y/N walks out of the bedroom and J lingers inside, evesdropping on the conversation happening downstairs. He can’t understand the chat, but you are probably notifying John about the details your husband left out.

Might as well join the party, therefore The Clown pops up in the living room with a plea impossible to refuse:

“Hey Wick, can I stay here? I don’t care if you say no, I’m not going to leave.”

Your friend crosses his arms on his chest, focusing on the random topic:

“How could I deny such a polite request? Of course you can stay Mister Joker; my house is your house.”

You’re watching the free show unamused; usually it would make you smile…now you lack the depth for such connotations.

“Don’t get smart with me, Wick!” J growls and Jonathan pushes for a tiny, unnecessary quarrel.

“I’m not; although generally speaking, I fancy considering myself a smart guy.”

The Joker opens his mouth and you’re not in the mood for whatever the heck they’re initiating:

“I’m going to pump, then after you dig out the suitcase I’ll take half to the Bowery King,” you announce your plans to them.

“You can do that and rest; I’ll deliver the coins,” John immediately offers. “I can stop by Aurelio’s car shop and ask for his collaboration: he has a lot of associates, doesn’t hurt to get him involved. You have plenty of gold.”

“I have two more suitcases in the Continental’s safe and two more at The Penthouse. It doesn’t matter if it’s all gone as long as I can find my son.”

“I know gold coins are preferred; don’t forget we have a lot of money too,” J reckons with spite.

Is he reminding you or Jonathan?...

*************

Your husband spent the last hour in the garden, talking and texting with a lot of people; needless to mention he’s capitalizing on his network also. Winston disclosed Stonneberg’s contract is still opened, meaning the son of a bitch is out there; you have to scoop him before anybody else does.

“Y/N…” The Joker tiptoes in your quarters. “I thought you were taking a nap,” he huffs when he sees you at the edge of the bed.

You glare at the vial on the nightstand, sharing your idea for a future you wish will come true:

“I didn’t have my medicine in two days; I won’t take it anymore because if we get Kase back… I will nurse him. It all goes in the milk and I want to be able to feed my baby… Do you think his little heart is still beating?...” you sniffle and J is currently debating on a clever response since his mind is blank; one could deduce messing up is encoded in his DNA, but on such a huge scale… well, it gives new interpretations to the term even for him.

The grieving woman seeking reassurance for their loss is trying to make sense of the pointless occurrences that lead to Kase being an innocent victim and The Joker can’t render clarification: he has no clue why he asked her to marry him and why she said yes, it’s not that he’s husband material or a family man. Perhaps Y/N thought he could be… just enough to get by, that’s why she accepted his proposal.

Most women would have cringed at the concept. Most women. Not Y/N.

Most women would have flinched at the notion of having his baby. Most women. Not his wife.

Above all, she trusted J with their son and he treated the three weeks old like a trinket: didn’t drive him home because he had an important meeting, didn’t bother to assign escorting cars nor extra security. The King of Gotham took his child’s safety lightly and it definitely had severe consequences. Too late now to fix past mistakes... but he can attempt.

“You’ll be able to nurse him, OK?” he sits by you and hands over his cell. “Can you enter your phone number in here? Or am I not allowed to have the present digits?”

You’re hesitant and he slides the screen while you hold the gadget.

“Lemme help you,” The Joker sarcastically mumbles. “It should be the first on my list, right where the old number you canceled was.”

You exhale and fulfill his demand out of pure frustration when he squeezes in a second innocent petition.

“Chose my avatar.”

You grunt at his rubbish, scrolling through his folders for a picture anyway; J hopes the largest file will get your attention and that’s the point. How could Y/N miss it?!

Entitled “Baby”, the humongous cluster of pics contains 5,723 items. You open it quite absorbed by its size; what’s more puzzling is the collection depicting Kase’s ultrasounds, hundreds of frames with you being pregnant taken without you knowing: there’s a few when your ankles were so swollen you had to sleep with your feet up on 4 pillows, others with you munching on strange food you craved, more with you in the shower focused on your bump, a decent amount of couple selfies when you were sleeping and J had to immortalize the moment without waking you up and approximately 1,500 images of the newborn.

“You didn’t gross me out when you were pregnant,” The Joker reminds a teary Y/N. “Not sure why you would believe such aberration...” he pulls you on his knees and yanks the phone away, tossing it on the nightstand. “I would also like to underline I didn’t have an affair with Miss Black, alright?”

J lifts your chin up, forcing to look at him.

“Let’s put it this way: why would I fuck around with another woman when I have a wife at home that wants to kill me on a regular basis, hm? Where would the fun be? I mean, she didn’t pull the trigger yet but it’s exciting to hope she might. You know me: I’m a sucker for thrills!”

“Do I?”

“Huh?” J steals a kiss and you frown at his sleekness.

“Know you?”

“Yeah,” the green haired Clown acts composed while in fact his feathers are ruffled. Before you catch onto it he has to ultimately admit: “I’m sorry I didn’t drive the car… I should have…”

The Joker holds in his breath when your arms go around his neck very tight.

“I’m suffocating…” he grumbles. “I can’t tell if you’re trying to hug me or choke me to death,” J keeps on caressing your hair, prepared to block your attack in case you’re actually in killing mode.

This is the excitement he was speaking about: with you, one could never know until it’s a done deal.

“I bumped into Magnus at the Continental,” you give him a bit of space to inhale much needed air and The Joker is surprised at your revelation. “I had no idea about his scheme, otherwise I would have skinned him alive right on the hotel grounds! I wouldn’t have cared about the consequences!”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” J cuts you off and he can tell you’re getting mad; maybe you think he doesn’t give a damn but the reason is simple. “You would’ve been declared excommunicado for murder on neutral ground and I don’t want my wife to be the target of such punishment from the company she so proudly retired from. I need my partner!”

The King of Gotham touches your forehead with his as you whisper:

“I hate you!”

“Mmm, regarding this true love affirmation, I’m gonna need you to take a break from detesting me until we have Kase, then you can despise me full throttle again. Deal?” he extends the palm of his hand and you reluctantly shake it, not realizing you’re reacting to his nonsense. “Is that a smile?” J returns the favor with one of his creepy silver grins.

“No.”

“Liar,” he pecks your lips and can’t explain the weird feeling in his heart when you kiss him back.

*************

Jonathan enters the house and becomes suspicious after a few minutes: too much silence.

Omg! Did you and The Joker engaged into a brawling that ended up badly? Did you end each other?!

John frantically runs to the garage, nervous to see your car and J’s are still parked inside. Shit!

“Y/N?” he shouts, concerned about your fate; The Joker’s… irrelevant. Nobody in the garden, patio is empty also. Downstairs is deserted thus he rushes upstairs to your room. The door is not completely shut and he slowly pushes it, knocking.

“Y/N? Can I come in?”

The first thing he notices are clothes scattered on the floor, then he halts his movement at the sight of Y/N and her husband dozing off on the bed sideways: the naked bodies are covered with a blanket, but he can tell you’re snuggled in J’s arms.

Jonathan steps backwards, guilty of invading his guests’ privacy; he certainly didn’t expect to intrude in such a manner and softly closes the door, grateful it’s not what he feared.  

You and The Joker are so worn out the sound of your phones vibrating on the nightstand doesn’t wake you from the deep sleep. Your numerous contacts keep replying back to the text messages, the most important one showing up on his cell: one of the people J reached to is Evelyn Black and the two sentence conversation lights up the screen.

“Let me know if you see Stonnenberg.”

“He’s here.”

 Also read: MASTERLIST

You can follow me on Ao3 and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

ASM v5 #33/834 Thoughts

I er...I kind of hated this actually...

Let me get the positives out of the way. The art is nice, in fact it’s an improvement over the last issue.

The moment of Teresa blowing apart Silver Sable’s head was suitably shocking.

The future predicting software is intriguing in general and as a plot element building towards the 2099 event.

Seeing Spencer again mine old continuity by bringing in the obscure and generic villain Hitman in an organic way was nice.

Seeing Betty rise to foreign correspondent and in particular in connection to Latveria (whom she has history with) was also nice.

Everything else...sigh.

Okay, let me start off with some of the more petty gripes with this story.

On principle, seeing Zdarsky and Slott era continuity come into play irks me. Teresa’s mere existence in fact irks me as I’ve been vocal about before. Calling back to the shitfests that were the Osborn Identity and Ends of the Earth was maybe even worse. Not to mention the story encouraging me to actually read Slott’s current stuff on F4, which MAYBE I will do if I need context for this story but frankly I’m not paying for the displeasure.

Also, these are nitpicks, but I noticed not one but two spelling mistakes along with a questionable editorial box. It advises readers to check out ASM Worlwide volume 6, the trade that I presume is relevant to the plot elements referenced. Wouldn’t it have just been more accurate for future customers to have listed the individual issues? That trade won’t be available forever.

Let’s move onto the more serious stuff.

So Spider-Man’s sister might be a straight up killer and he isn’t concerned about this? At least with Kaine he presumed he was on a redemption tour, Kaine was trying to STOP killing people. Spider-Man isn’t sure if his SISTER meant to blast a hole in a woman’s head or not, and it’s treated as incidental and nonchalant.

The Foreigner’s characterization is seriously, seriously questionable.

The Foreigner is a really, really, really bad dude and there is really bad blood between him and Spider-Man. This guy was not only (knowingly) having an affair with Black Cat when she was also dating Peter, not only working with Felicia to frame him and ruin his life so Spidey would become one of his agents, but was also directly responsible for murdering his friend Ned Leeds! Not to mention he’s an assassin and a mercenary and Spider-Man has typically held such people in notable disdain.

Spider-Man’s nonchalance towards him and letting him go are extremely questionable to say the least.

But that wasn’t even what raised my eyebrow the most about him. It was the fact that he’s practically cooing over his ‘love’ Silver Sable. Frankly as originally depicted the Foreigner was implied as far from the romantic type. He was essentially an evil James Bond, except in charge of his own particular organization. The notion he felt deep feelings of romance towards women is again very questionable, especially given how he’s tried to MURDER his ex-wife Silver Sable at least once or twice.

It’s not IMPOSSIBLE for him to have transitioned into who he is in this story, but Spencer doesn’t depict that transition, it’s played as though he’d always be like that. Maybe I’m just missing developments from Coates’ Captain America run and people need to inform me, but that’s no the Foreigner of the 1980s-1990s.

In fact ‘maybe I’m missing something from these stories’ sums up a lot of my attitude towards this book.

I skimmed at best the Osborn Identity arc because fuck that shit is why. So to see in come back in full force, to see this story about Spider-Man illegally invading a foreign nation with his G.I. Joe Spider Army  is just bad and I thought we’d moved past this shit.

As I didn’t pay close attention to that run and paid 0 attention to the Silver Sable ongoing series it set up I can’t speak to whether or not revealing the Silver Sable of both was an LMD hold up to scrutiny. My gut tells me it doesn’t.

It’s also kind of just...lame.

I love Silver Sable. I think most readers at worst are indifferent to her, so bringing her down like this and making her reliant upon the kindness and care of her ex husband who’s tried to kill her plays as very insulting to her character in my eyes.

I also don’t see the point of it narratively. From what I understood Latveria is making aggressive moves into Symkaria’s territory. Okay. And Silver Sable’s rival for the sovereignty of Symkaria (who’s under house arrest) is growing in power and so Sable needed the LMD to fool her people into thinking she was fit to rule. Ummm...And now the Countess is hiring Chameleon to assassinate Doctor Doom...Um....

Why does any of this demand Sable be disabled (if you pardon the pun)?

Couldn’t you just have Symkarian extremists decide to take out Doom for the sake of their country against Silver Sable’s wishes?

Why retcon Slott’s retcon of Slott’s own story to say Silver Sable didn’t die but when she showed back up all healthy that was just an LMD?

I get Spencer might dislike Slott’s run and wish to subtly tear it down, but we don’t need to tear down all of it just for the sake of it.

I also simply don’t care for seeing so much international intrigue in Spider-Man stories. It worked in Assassin Nation Plot back in the 1980s because back then such things hadn’t been done all that much in Spider-Man stories in recent years. In 2019 though Globe Trotting Parker Industries crap is a very recent raw wound and it WAS the status quo for a very long time, a toxic one at that.*

It doesn’t help when there are scenes of Peter at ESU side by side with the former mentioned scenes. The juxtaposition brings home how this is atypical for Spider-Man and best avoided.

Speaking of which let’s talk about the ESU stuff. I said the technology to see into the future was intriguing, and it is, but I do very much question the relative realism of it. It’s not that I can’t believe that someone in the Marvel Universe could invent such a thing. I just question some random grad student using university resources and a busted Apple Watch from over a year ago could tap into the infinite possibilities of the multiverse, even on a small scale.

By the way, have you noticed anything about this post?

Oh yeah? I’ve barely mentioned the guy on the goddam cover!

And that’s mainly because he’s only in three pages!

In fact between these two issues (that’s 44 pages total btw) Spider-Man 2099 is only in them for seven!

7/44 pages for the character reintroduced 8-9 issues ago, who’s a centrepiece of the event this is all leading to, who’s referenced and featured on the covers and solicits of this whole story?

That’s pathetic.

They’re not even 7 good pages either.

Miguel shows up disorientated and weak and just kind of flails around in an attempt to escape.

That’s it!?

*shakes head*

Pathetic.

Maybe these last two issues will be super duper important, but frankly I’d recommend reading them for free or even reading summaries rather than actually picking them up yourself.

*Not to mention I question in the Marvel Universe if Chameleon could just walk into the UN in disguise, especially considering he’s been caught out at this before in Ends of the Earth.

[cassatine]

Chapter Three finally! Although I toyed with the idea of doing one post for the whole chapter I decided not to in the end, because it’s turning into a monster but also because it’s just easier for me to go over bits of interest one by one. 

After Padmé’s Tatooine Plan, it’s back to regular Naboo fuckery for a bit, and Chapter Three brings a rather generous helping - in fact I went excUSE mE in record time, because we get into election results, and of course it’s an occasion to remind us the Naboo Do Democracy Best before anything else:

Theed was the last region of the planet to vote, and once time zones were taken into account, they were always finished by noon. The Naboo had more than mastered efficient democracy. (Queen’s Shadow, Chapter Three)

I swear I’m like ‘maybe I should tone it down’ and then the book throws “the Naboo had more than mastered efficient democracy”, which is one of these things I’d love if only I was supposed to take it as bias from Eirtaé, handmaiden and Naboo POV, rather than as a statement of fact. Also it’s the kind of thing that should have been fixed at editing - and I don’t mean fixed to conform to my take on Padmé and Naboo, but to EKJ’s, because I very much doubt she wanted Eirtaé to sound like a sanctimonious ass here. More than mastered efficient democracy? Come the fuck on, even if Naboo actually was a democracy that’d just be grating, and it doesn’t have to be - Eirtaé can think her planet’s system efficient without sounding like she’s quoting from some propaganda-filled guidebook.

But also, since apparently I’ll die on that hill, Naboo’s still not a democracy. Yes, Naboo monarchs are elected. They have a constitution that at the very least limits monarchs’ terms, in length and number, although it’s unclear how much latitude they have to modify the constitution. The Royal Advisory Council’s role seems limited to, well, advising, but there is a legislative assembly made up of elected local representatives that we don’t know much about yet. So the Naboo government does have some features in common with contemporary representative democracies - short of term limits, monarchs’ powers don’t seem much limited, however, and ideologically what they do is rule by the wise. The notion that children have a sort of pure wisdom that makes them more qualified to lead isn’t a 1:1 for Plato’s philosopher-kings, maybe, but the fundamental idea remains that exceptionally wise people should be in charge; and lbr that’s about as anti-democratic as you get. Ironically enough, Padmé’s pretty quick to shut down Anakin when he himself suggests someone wise should make people agree in AOTC, with seemingly little awareness that it’s literally been her job description for four years. Then again, it doesn’t seem like political philosophy in the GFFA ever got to the difference between elective and democratic.

I swear I will get to the election results someday, but I wanted to go back to another, previous passage:

The gears of democracy were well oiled, and centuries of tradition made the biennial event run smoothly, even with the inclusion of Gungan voters for only the second time in the planet’s history. Though few of them chose to vote, Padmé knew her efforts to include them were appreciated because Boss Nass had told her as much. Loudly. (Queen’s Shadow, Chapter One)

*cracks hands* AND NOW THE GUNGAN SITUATION. And more specifically, Padmé’s answer to it once they turned out instrumental to saving her own people, ie “her efforts to include them”, ie giving Gungans voting rights. I was a little too brain-stuck on Lucas’ garbage colonial fantasy from the TPM commentary when I first went over that passage (see Chapter One notes), but I’ve thought some more about the voting thing, and since my conclusion is that it’s one of these things that’s supposed to sound good - and to make Padmé, who made it happen, look good - but that kinda breaks down if you think about it, now’s as good a time as ever to go over the details. 

Going back to the situation in TPM, the thing is that Naboo and Gungans are basically separate societies, each with their own government. We’ve touched upon the Naboo, but the Gungan have a High Council, presided by Boss Nass - unlike the Naboo, however, the Gungans do not have space-travel capacities, and since they live separately, it means only one of them has representation at the level of the Galactic Republic. That’s the underlying problem of the Gungan Situation, not whether they get voting rights within the Naboo government. 

In fact, depending on how you look at it, the voting rights are skeevy - again, the Gungans have their own government. The Naboos don’t have a say in choosing Gungan Bosses, whatever the process for that, which leaves us with the question of, should the Gungan vote in Naboo election, actually? Or, put differently - if they vote, they acknowledge that the Naboo monarch’s authority extends to them, because the social contract goes both ways; they become a part of the Naboo polity, rather than remain a separate one. Which is what they are in TPM, and I don’t really see why they shouldn’t want to remain one. After Padmé’s speech and the Battle of Naboo they’re in a pretty good position to ask exactly that, but also to be that on equal standing with the Naboo. To make something like that work you’d need planetary joint institutions, because there will be aspects of local planetary policies of concern to both groups, a legal framework to work out for cases with shared jurisdiction between Naboo and Gungans - basically a bunch of common institutions to smooth things out wherever and whenever there’s the need at the local (planetary) level because of different ways to do things - they actually have it pretty easy, compared to Earth. And finally, representation in the Galactic Republic would be shared; that one’s kinda tricky, because Naboo’s seat in the Senate is for the Chommell Sector - if I remember well some Core planets have their own seats but most seats stand for a conglomerate of planets, Sector or otherwise - also some corporations have seats, which is probably Elon Musk’s wet dream since money can’t buy that yet. AnyWAY, the equivalent of regional capital gets a seat, and everyone else gets Junior Representative, standing for a planet or a specific cultural group. 

Which is what the Gungans get! Jar Jar Binks as Junior Representative. In the hypothetical scenario outlined above, that could work within a rotation system to ensure fair representation for both Gungans and Naboos within the system as it exists - one group gets a Senator, the other a Junior Representative and every so often they switch. I mean, the Naboo are supposed to care about democracy, and the GFFA only knows representative democracy, so you’d think they care about representation and fair systems and the like. 

Buuut this all a hypothetical scenario, since the Gungans vote in the Naboo election! And thus surrendered their sovereignty because Padmé handing voting rights sounds like she cares a lot about democracy so she used her queenly powers to make some more of it happen. That’s some prime fuckery, right there. 

Now, unsurprisingly, we don’t have a lot on specifics on what exactly Padmé did with her queenly powers wrt the Gungan Situation, but the voting rights do imply the Gungans are now her citizens - and there is, I suppose, an argument to make for that scenario, which is that the Naboo are the ones with Republic-level representation, and if you reform their government to ensure that constitutionally it ensures equal participation and representation for the Gungans within it, specific provisions to protect their culture, semi-autonomy as a previously independent polity, etc etc this be the best of all possible worlds… we can come up with something pretty similar to the first hypothetical scenario I went over; instead of preserving the two polities and building a bridge between them, you’d merge them, with a mind to preserve their specificities. Might sound like splitting hairs, but policy and organization-wise the differences aren’t small. For example, the bridging of different legal frameworks would be done differently - you can create a legal body expected to rule over cases implying two different legal systems, which comes down to a system built in great part on precedents but also that treats each case on its own, which does sound complicated, but go retooling a legal framework so it accounts for both Naboo and Gungan systems without privileging either and tell me which is option is actually easier. As far the basic, easier-to-figure-out stuff goes, you’d have a Royal Advisory Council constituted of Gungans and Naboo, in equal numbers or proportional to the overall population, or with double representatives for each post since they’re kind of like ministries, with known posts centering on urban planning and The Arts; the local representatives of the legislative assembly would number both Naboo and Gungans, and again you’d have to chose between different modes of representation: do you have Naboo and Gungan regions, or does each region have a representative that could be Naboo or Gungan, maybe with some constitutional provisions in place to ensure everyone gets their turn? And of course, the office of monarch would also be open to both, again with some provisions to ensure everyone gets their turn, same for the office of Senator. 

Alas, nothing points to that. For now there’s literally nothing to tell me the Gungans get to participate into Naboo politics beyond voting - all the candidates and the people they’ll replace that have been mentioned so far are humans, and the bigger hints to tractations between Naboo and Gungans was a quick mention of treaties in the context of environmental conservation, mainly to make a point that the Naboo cared about the environment before those treaties anyway. Just like the voting thing, the only reason it’s even mentioned is to have yet another ‘Isn’t Naboo/Padmé Great’ moment.

I should reserve judgment, because more info might be revealed, but if the narrative makes a point to tell me Padmé gave voting rights to the Gungans, then I think it could also make a point of telling me whether that’s all they get - and that wouldn’t take an organizational chart. It wouldn’t even take actual Gungans. It could take as little as two words, not even kidding on that one: “centuries of tradition made the biennial event run smoothly, even with the inclusion of Gungan voters and candidates for only the second time”, there you go. 

I wouldn’t even insist that much to be given something substantial to know for sure the Gungan Situation isn’t just a new kind of fucked up post-TPM if the novel didn’t read like an attempt at a panegyric. Admittedly I wasn’t the target audience in the first place, since I’m rather attached to Naboo fuckery for thematic reasons. I don’t exactly expect brilliant political commentary from Star Wars novels either, and this one is YA coming-of-age, the politics an aesthetic more than anything with actual substance. But like, there’s a wide range between brilliant political commentary and accidentally robbing the Gungans of sovereignty because you thought Padmé handing out voting rights has good democratic vibes.

Previous notes: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2.a / Chapter 2.b

[perish-the-creator]

Beware the Insecta

Another writing exercise. At one point I want to do a full horror fic but who knows. BTW, this is purely based on my fear of bugs. I also took the liberty to make this specific kaiju small enough do...this.

Hiroharu was never a paranoid kid. He prided himself in his ability to appear fearless, when in reality he merely relied on logic. Logic keeps him sane and is what the world is run on. But perhaps it was his unwavering faith in that notion that lead him to this position.

He was walking around the nearby woods with his friends after school. They had all finished their homework early and decided to treat themselves to some outdoor fun. They played the typical games of hide n seek as well as samurai. Hiroharu grabbed a large stick, pretending that it was instead a fearsome sword as he stood boldly and pointed it to his friends.

“Step up and face me, if you dare.” He smirk, challenging his buddies. They laughed, each picking up their sticks as well. It was childish fun, whacking and swatting those fallen branches. Hiroharu laughed triumphantly as he pushed a friend backwards before jumping onto a fallen tree. Fist on his hips he shouted.”I am victorious! You must now all bow to me!”

Though his victory is short lived as his companions gang up and push him backwards, causing him to go tumbling. He doesn’t really know how long he’s been falling but eventually he comes to a stop.

“HIROHARU!” One of his friends shout with fear clearly present. Hiroharu groaned, putting his hand on his head to ease the pressure. He feels something warm on his leg and notices a huge cut. There was blood flowing out like as if his wound was crying. Some of it landed on the exposed dirt below him.

“Come help me,” He shouted, wincing as he tried to move his leg. The cut burned. He took a moment to look around and see exactly where he has fallen.

His location was a large hole, freshly exposed dirt with a dark tunnel behind him. The tunnel lead down. and when he moved closer if gave a cold breeze. What on earth?

“Hiroharu I’m coming! Get away from that tunnel!” His best friend, Yoshimi, cried out as he carefully made his way to him. Hiroharu raised a brow. Why was he so panicked?

When Yoshimi made it too him, he was quick to help Hiroharu up and lead him out of that hole. The entire time the other boy glanced back at that tunnel, fear written on his face.

“What is the problem?” Hiroharu asked when they made it back to the top. The other boys had ran off in fear.

“That’s...that’s a Megalon hole.” Yoshimi replied in a low whisper. Merely saying the name was terrifying. “We’re lucky he wasn-”

Hiroharu begins laughing at his friend.He thought they established that such things were just tales their people passed down from generation to generation.

“Really? I thought we talked about that. I’m sure it’s just some construction stuff. I heard they might do some buildings around here.”

Yoshimi frowns and hits his friend upside the head.

“That’s a dumb explanation and you know it. What possible project would A, make a hole like that and B. in such a weird spot? Hm?”

Hiroharu frowns and sighs. There were plenty of projects that would start like that AND would be placed in oddly specific areas. But he kept quite, knowing if he said more this would just end up being a long argument. Besides, he needs to get home so he can mend his legs.

                       _______________________________

Hiroharu couldn’t move. His entire body was still and sweat began to leave his pores. His throat was dry and he could feel his eyes threatening to leak. He had the blanket pulled up to where it barely covered his nose. The sounds of the summer evening winds did not help either.

The moon, though blanketed by clouds, shined just enough to illuminate the figure at the edge of his bed. He began praying to any god that came to mind.

The figure stood towering over him. The large appendage on its head almost damaging the ceiling. Large golden eyes stared the child down, sucking in the scene of its victim cowering under the covers. Its mouth gaped with a long speck of drool falling and splashing on the bedroom floor with a hissing and popping sound.

Hiroharu’s eyes glanced towards his window, dread filling him even more. The window was undamaged. The curtains were drawn back as well in a neat fashion. This made his heart stop. This creature had snuck in through his window, and did so as to not disturb the boy before now. Hinting now that this beetle monster displayed intelligence, which to Hiroharu was more than alarming.

He wanted to scream but found he couldn’t. His throat prevented that.

His heart faced as Megalon came forward, beginning to crawl and descend upon the boy. The bed, not built for the extra weight, groaned in aggravation. Hiroharu could hear the bed buckle and strain. Wood desperately trying to stay up.

Megalon hovered over the boy, drilled arms propped on either side of the child’s head. His antennas droop, twitching slightly as if scanning over his victim.

Hiroharu found it odd that the creature appeared to not want to place his full weight on the victim. He glanced and saw that it was in fact supporting itself on its knees on either side of the boy’s legs, rather than just crushing them without regard.

Soon, the bed gave up and broke beneath them, causing a huge bang on the floor and Megalon to lurch forwards, his insect face mere inches from Hiroharu’s.

The shout of his mother made Hiroharu find the strength to scream.

“MOM! MOM! MOM HELP ME!!” He shouted, making Megalon’s eyes constrict. A loud hiss came from his throat before he bit on the child. Hiroharu screamed in agony.

His mother came barreling in, panic in her eyes as she burst through the door. But panic soon turned to absolute fear as she saw what was before her.

Her son, eyes faded and mouth drooling, hung from his throat by a large beetle. His skin grew the tone of death. To make matter worse, Hiroharu was still alive. Still breathing and conscious.

Megalon, unlike before, broke through the window and jumped out. Hiroharu’s mother screaming into the night as he son was dragged into the darkness.

                  ________________________________________

Hiroharu’s mother wept to the police as they continued to question her. Apparently, Hiroharu wasn’t the only child taken last night.

Yoshimi, the best friend of Hiroharu, went missing as well. Unlike the crime scene at Hiroharu’s, Yoshimi showed little struggle. There was also a foot trail that eventually faded after a few feet into the woods.

The close friends of the two boys had told the police of the hole they had fell the day before. Though the police were skeptical they did investigate. The site was located, and the surface of the hole was still present. However, the tunnel that lead underground was now covered by a wall of an organic material that was almost as hard as steel.

In the years that followed, children were taught to avoid these holes at all cost and to never go near them, as their scent can linger and Megalon can find them.

Though one mother wanted to know. She wanted peace and needed to find out what happened to her son.

Hiroharu’s mother found one of these holes. Taking off her shoes she left them at the entrance and traveled deep within the tunnel. She would never be seen again. Her shoes becoming a warning to anyone else foolish enough to follow.

Welp, that was my shot at horror/thriller. Megalon, despite how cute he is, is my biggest fear. I hate bugs by all means and the scene where he hovers over Hiroharu is taken out of one of my nightmares. Let me know what y’all think. I might do a sequel where we see what happens to the victims of Megalon, or I’ll choose another kaiju.

[andypridee]

Challenge 2; pt. 1 | The Calm

hey guys! so here’s part 1 of challenge 2. I know, I know but this totally got lost on Wednesday and it was a roller coaster to write but here it is, I’m finishing part 2 so I guess that will be up this afternoon. thank you so much @emery-wells, @lady-indiana and @nemesis-mess you guys are a delight! so I leave you with it.

My days here have been more bipolar than mother during the holidays. There are mornings when I feel that everything is going to improve and that my time to act has arrived and before noon I begin to feel the impressive claustrophobic effect that this place has on me. Sierra you would not imagine. They are corridors full of royal gold trim, pristine whites, and rugs as red as the blood that runs through our veins. It inspires greatness and serenity but in my person it only inspires hypocrisy. Is all this necessary to express greatness? In my opinion, the most powerful greatness of a kingdom is seen in its inhabitants, not in a building for four people, with a hundred servants for the poor who cannot care for themselves even though they are the ones who must serve millions. Inside this place you forget that they are servants of the people and not the other way around.

I suppose it is much more complicated than what is seen with the naked eye, but it does not make me less angry. Although I must admit that I could not help but marvel at the beauty of these corridors. I found myself wandering around them one morning, lost, and with the notion of time completely exorbitant. Is awesome. I wish you could see for yourself. And the gardens. Oh Sierra, the gardens seem like something out of a fairy tale that Dad used to tell us when we were kids. Words are missing to describe how beautiful, green and pure they look. I am very sorry that you cannot walk alone there because there are always guards watching us wherever we go and the magic that houses the place disappears completely when there are more than one pair of eyes resting on you. That seems to be a constant in this place. Lack of privacy. We were talking about it the other day with Emery Wells. If you remember her, right? She's Sonage's girl. Anyways, I bumped into her in the hallways and we started talking. It turns out that she is a very interesting girl, really nothing I would have thought.

That day, I contracted myself looking out the window, trying to clear my mind of all the hustle and bustle of being in a place with 35 girls and a completely abstract prince of whatever was going on under his roof, or his mother's roof. to be more exact.

"How are you holding up with all this?" I heard someone ask me behind me, startling me a little. I turned my eyes and found that the question came from Lady Emery.

“Well, really scratching the insane. i hate being stuck in one place, how about you? you are Emery, right? I'm Andy ”I replied and smiled at him. Other than the conversation he'd had with Sara the morning of that fateful interview, he hadn't really interacted with anyone else in the few days he had been cloistered.

Yeah It's a lot more than I thought it would be. I knew it would be hectic but not this much. ”

“It isn't that .. it's just all so strange. like we live here but it doesn't feel very welcomely, you know what i mean? i don't know .. how has your stay been? woh wait i sounded a lot like arin there, didn`ti? ” I giggled a little and Emery joined me.

"You did. I get you, like everything just feels so foreign. ” She stopped for a second and began to whisper. "And i'm afraid to touch anything cause i think i'm gonna break it."

“Exactly, like you can just see but not touch. Everything here looks like a museum! I still think that someone's going to come by and tell me to not lay in some queen's bed. ”I laughed and shook my head a little, not believing this place.

"Oh my god, and the maids doing everything for you ... that's so strange. Like they are so sweet but I don't need help with everything ”

I giggled at his comment as I prominently nodded "yes! I'd like to keep my privacy, private. I guess that, like everything, we'll just get used to it, but I believe that I'm gonna get crazy in here. I need my social interactions with the outside world. ” I joked, relieved to find someone who understood what I was feeling.

"I'm gonna need to escape the palace sometime soon to just take a breath of fresh air." He also joked, although something in his tone of voice showed that part of that statement meant it.

“Count with me, I'll help you escaping and then I'll promise I'll show you my favorite spots in Angeles” i smirked, fully ready to embark on any adventure that might present itself in this place.

Saying this, Emery looked at me in surprise. "Really? Do you come to Angeles a lot? ”

Well, I've come a couple times for family events and so but I get so bored at those so I like to sneak and wander around. Have you come before? ”

She nodded. Yeah, I'm from Sonage so not too far. So we've come out just a couple times for my dad's company but that's about it. ”

"I loved traveling with my parents to Sonage when my siblings and I were little" I smiled and continued. “So you've never explored around Angeles?”

Emery shaked her head and curled her lips “not really no. I'd love to though! It seems like a beautiful area. ”

“It is, it's a bit too urban for my taste but it has the best places, you are just seeing a little bit. Where other places have you traveled? ”

“Traveling is all i do. Hawaii, Alaska, sometimes Paloma and Dominica. Any popular cruise ship destination I've been there. ” she said, laughing a bit.

Cruise ships? Why is that? Isn't that for elders and single people? ” I joke around a bit, unable to imagine Emery in a place like a cruise ship.

"Not all of them. My dad owns Costal Cruises so it's more of a family friendly one. ”

"Oh really? So you literally live in the boat? That's amazing, ”I smiled, impressed as Emery nodded. "What's your favorite destination?"

"I like Hawaii for the weather and Alaska for the views."

“I love Hawaii as well, I love those beaches and the sun, it's just like a paradise. I have been to Alaska but I stayed there in the middle of a snow storm so I couldn't get to see anything. ”

"Wow you sure do travel around," she commented, a little surprised.

“I love to travel, it's one of my favorite things to do. Discover new landscapes everyday, how can it not be perfect? what is your favorite thing to do? ”

Emery took a moment before answering. "I honestly don't know. I mean I like being around friends… ”

"How are your friends? Mine are the craziest guys I know ”I smiled as I remembered the pair of hollow heads I had left in my beautiful house.

"Oh. the weirdest group of people you'll ever meet. ” she said laughing.

"How come? they call you up in the middle of the night asking you if you have feelings? ” I joked, remembering a call from a certain person at two in the morning on an exam day.

"They probably would!"

"What's the craziest thing they've done?"

She took a moment, thinking. “Um, I'm not sure if this counts as crazy, but one time after curfew when all guests were in bed me and my friends Lacy, Cole, and Zach were running around the main deck and Cole decided he would steal one of the menu signs for buffet and when Lacy tried to stop him he picked her up and threw her in the pool and ran all the way to my room with me chasing after him screaming how my dad will kill me. ” continuous. "I made it of course and the sign is still in my room today."

"Wow! That's a wild one! and what did your dad do? ”

We continued talking for a while until the two of us retired to our rooms in an attempt that the wave of madness that the National Team supposed was not catching us yet. I confess that talking to Emery was the perfect remedy for the relaxation I'd been looking for before, and laughing with him was soothing in every sense of the word. Don't get me wrong, but being alone with my thoughts most of the day without interacting with anyone else was absolutely damning towards insanity.

I hope you and the rest of the family are having a better time. How has the hospital been? Linda and Michael already went crazy without me? And how are mom and dad?

I hope to see you again soon.

Until then and with lots of love and bear hugs,

Andy.

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Breakfasts were my little heavenly space of the day and pretty much what made me get out of bed. After going through the tortuous preparation of the day that almost always involved dresses, a crap ton of makeup and that my poor and rebellious hair was arranged in the most "pretty" way possible, I headed towards the large dining room where small bits of heaven. One of those days and if I was still in that place I had to sneak into the kitchen to steal the master secret of those delicacies.

After going through the breakfast buffet, I looked for my label and sat in my new position. The previous week they had eliminated several girls even though he had not crossed a word with any of them, which had caused that the breakfast positions had changed. I put my plate in front of my chair and sat down.

Having already eaten a good part of my breakfast I heard someone speak in my direction.

Hey! I'm Indie ”

Believing that Indie, apparently, was heading towards me, I raised my head, looking in his direction and smiled to see that he was greeting me.

"Oh hey! I'm Andie, well Andromeda but please ignore that. ”

The girl on the other side of Indie continued the conversation whom I recognized as Nemesis Lincer.

"How long have you been next to us?" she asked, confused as Indie looked at the two of us with a smile.

"I don't know" I laughed a little realizing that I hadn't even cared about that. “I don't know how they organize this kind of stuff around here. I just sit down and expect food. ”

"Girl, you are living your best life then." Indie replied, laughing a little. "I was just about Nemesis about the dates coming up. Are you guys excited? ”

So now it was part of the conversation. It didn't really bother me at all, Indie seemed like a very sweet girl and besides I was a complete fan of her films which in my opinion deserved a place in Louvre and Nemesis itself, despite its mysterious aura, it made me want to meet her Plus, it seemed like one of a kind and I'm always up for that.

"Not as much as I'm supposed to." Nemesis answered honestly with a shrug. “I'm not a big fan of dates but everyone is supposed to have one, right? Are you excited? ” she asked Indie and me too, apparently.

"You aren't excited at all? What in the world are you doing here, dear Mess? ” Indie answered with a playful smile. "But yes, I am excited. Actually, I'm terrified. ”

"Again trying to find out more than you should know," Nemesis replied to Indie with a funny smile.

Well, I agree with Nemesis. I'm not excited either, maybe intrigued but definitely not excited. I think that spending time with a long face for more than 15 minutes is just tired. ” I shrugged and added. "But only future will tell."

"At least the other girl knows what she's talking about." she said pointing with her head in my direction. "But I repeat it my problem is not just him, it's the whole idea of ​​being in a date." she smiled and then looked in Indie's direction. "Well Indie, I hope you get a great date."

Breakfast continued and a pleasant conversation with Indie and Nemesis, talking about our ideals of the date and in general of our stay here, what had happened and what the future had in store for us, each one with its style always seeing through . Finally, I believed that Indie was a very sweet but extremely interesting girl with a dazzling career. On the other hand, Nemesis, according to me, was easily the most intimidating and intoxicating person I had ever met. It made you want to keep talking to her but at the same time you were prepared to beg for mercy.

Anyways, all that was left to do is wait and hope that this doesn’t go down at maximum speed. at least.