#i decided to not fully line these because it would take forever and ever and ever and it would make me want to colour them which would take

[kiiirtiiiniii]

Sovi had planned their first solo launch a week before it actually happened. Esker visit first, of course, per tradition! But, they knew Riebeck would be anxious about BH's black hole, so they wanted to check in with them and see if their company would help. Then, whatever they felt like. It was gonna be a good time, a great first foray into the Wilds, and they'd get to Real Science after a few days enjoying the freedom.

I'm planning on doing a few more of these, maybe not Sovi's entire story, but some of the more important bits. Definitely not all fluffy stuff like this (Sovi is really gonna lose it at points) but I'm not so good at drawing negative emotions so it's gonna be a challenge 💪

Oh, and if you don't know them yet, you can find info about my Hatchling, Sovite, in my pinned post! ::3

> next Sovi comic here <

> previous Sovi comic here <

[xitsensunmoon]

My first ever comic con! And first cosplay too. Of course it's gonna be my boy :] Ramblings about the process are under the cut(Let me know if?? You would want me to elaborate with process images for any of the steps?)

The costume took me forever to make, as I've never done any machine sewing, sculpting, fabric dying or spray painting before but learning all of these was so fucking fun!! I never realised just how many different skills go into making a cosplay but it was so worth it!!!

Almost all of the clothes(except the hat) were purchased first as bases, but all of the detailing was added by me. All of the fabric used was originally just scraps that I was given for free so I needed to learn how to dye and dye all of the stars, they were originally white.

The sewing machine was its own beast that brought me tons of frustration from the lack of skill and knowledge (it was devastating to find out that 95% of fuck ups were my fault and not the machine's lmao). But as a result, a hat sewn from scratch, all of the fur trims, embroidery on the corset, stars and the collar(which is very hard to see on the pictures unfortunately) was all added manually. The stars and the stripes(on the back of the cape) were attached using heat-and-bond adhesive (I WISH I knew about such thing just when I started working on this. It would save me so much time and nerves.)

Then I found out about polymorph(mouldable plastic) and it has become the next thing I wanted to learn, to sculpt the claws and the fangs(yes, they're handmade jfksjs). The claws I then primed and painted in trillion coats because I wasn't satisfied with the colour of the spray paint. The fangs I moulded to my own teeth and then stained with tea to match the colour of my teeth :)c

As for makeup, I used Mehron Paradise water activated paints. At first I wanted to try to save money and bought myself Snazaroo instead, which unfortunately turned out to be a waste. Snazaroo didn't hold on my face for longer than 2 hours, cracking and peeling awfully. Mehron on the other hand survived 11 hours of me smiling, talking, emoting and such and didn't even crease at the smile lines(I'm actually shocked about that). It obviously works like any other makeup which means your skin texture and wrinkles won't go anywhere but Mehron's elasticity pleasantly surprised me. It did obviously smear from sweat and saliva(if you're eating and licking your lips) but if you don't touch the skin it just dries again, self setting. But if it's dry it's fully smear-proof. Highly recommend!

And last but not least, I've decided against painting my hands as it was very risky that I will stain everything I touch at the smallest hint of sweat. So instead I got myself gloves-tights(? Not sure how they're called but it's made from the same fabric as tights) and painted them with normal acrylic paint(did you know you could dye fabric with acrylic paint? I personally didn't), then heat set with an iron and voilà, they're reusable, my hands are not stained after an exhausting day and I don't stain everything I touch. It worked wonderfully which honestly was a surprise as I was really sceptical that acrylic paint will somehow stay in place.

I think this whole thing took me minimum of 6 months with big-big breaks for my school and life in general. But I'm really proud! This project taught me so many new skills and I couldn't have been happier about learning new knowledge, even if it sucked to fail in the meantime.

Everyone at the con was really nice and gave me a large confidence boost even tho it was my first time and I had no idea what I was doing. Taking photos with other people was really awkward/new for me as I hate cameras so I really had no idea how to pose/behave in front of one. But that's okay I think. This whole experience definitely made me want to do this again, so I think that will come with experience. Thank you for reading this far, hope you enjoyed this little summary :)

[evilminji]

You know what? HAVE we tried Yoda's "younglings fix everything" tactic on Skywalker?

New SI-OC Time!

Smol, adorable, has a bug out bag and enough credits stashed for their life on the run! Already learned how to tie the hover prams together in like .001 seconds flat and (SUPER gently) toss the babies into um. Knows where the baby food is. Conveniently, has helped ORGANIZE said baby food. (Some of which was "organized" straight into bug out bags)

The whole works.

But like.....?

Better part of a cure? Is prevention you know? And the Tragedy Of Anikin Skywalker? Is that he WAS a GOOD MAN.

And she's standing there, with her Fully Grown ADULT SOUL, looking at this KID who thinks he's a man... this TEENAGER who's been GROOMED by a Sith Lord, a fully grown adult he TRUSTED in a position of power and authority over him, the FORMER SLAVE, and she just...?

How can she look upon his soul? So brightly burning with light and emotion and a sense of JUSTICE? A young man who CARES so much he can barely function some days. Who's heart's ambition is to Free The Slaves so NO ONE will ever again suffer as he and his mother did? Who looks at his partner like she's the most wonderful person to ever draw breathe?

So bright. So GOOD. Struggling and trying and fighting a battle he doesn't even know he's IN, against a Sith Lord he thinks is his FRIEND?

How can she look upon that young man... and just? Abandon him. Decide he's too much effort to save. To even TRY. That his fate is a forgone conclusion and he is destined to Fall. Such things are a CHOICE. And Anikin Skywalker? Has had precious few of those in his life. Between Duty and his youth, lives on the line and Master's that owned.

This is HIS Soul. HIS future. And Palpatine is trying to chip away at his ability to think clearly. Trying to pressure and rush rush RUSH! So he chooses in fear and desperation, like the bad sell it is. Knowing he'll feel he's "too far gone" to back out. Letting him spiral. Ever tightening that noose.

But? Like... the man DOES want to be a dad. Have a family. The thought HAS to be there.

"I should practice taking care of Force Sensitive younglings..."

You know... in case he in Padme... I mean, he's not SUGGESTING anything! But, I mean? If she WANTED too? And he knows they're young and all... and it would complicate everything... but? But!

They'd be KIDS. His kids. HER kids. THEIR KIDS! A... a family. He can barely imagine it.

A problem though? Is how LOUD he is. He can't help it. No more then one can help their hair or eye color. Reminders to "remember his shields" are a great deal like hearing "your breathing is upsetting people. Kindly stop." Like? What do you want him to DO, exactly? Cease existing?

Yes, he COULD be shielding better. If you met him at WHERE HE IS. Not continued to try and make him conform to a mold he'll forever be too big to fit. He's not an IDIOT. He is AWARE that babies are hypersensitive to the Force, since they are so new and rely off it for basicly everything. He KNOWS he's overwhelming to even ADULTS sometimes.

Obi-Wan can handle him because HIS shields are basicly High Council levels. He could TEACH classes to knights and masters. Everyone else? They feel a bit... projected at. It's RUDE™. Very "getting all up in my personal space and shouting". you know?

Babies can't handle that!

That UPSETS babies! Younglings too, they just don't have the words for it.

Knight Skywalker is just "So Much". It's upsetting and alienating. Force Sensitives are basicly MADE to connect to each other. Are THE most social of their various personality types, races, and various cultures. It's just?? A "ducks trying to raise a swan" scenario.

Anikin has subtly different needs. Is gonna grow to be bigger then them. What works for THEM may very well be wildly unnatural for HIM and that's OKAY. Neither of them is wrong! The PROBLEM here? Is rigidity. Refusal to meet a youngling where they ARE, out of fear of change. Clinging to tradition rather then ADMIT to ignorance... thus? Never treating that ignorance with the healing hands of Knowledge, as is the Jedi WAY.

The Sith have been at work for a long, long time.

But OC does not have to play part in their games. Bow to their rules. To hell with tradition and fear. Paths upon paths that MAY, conceivably, lead to SOMEWHERE. Did you not SAY, Master Yoda? That the Future is always in motion? Attachments may lead to darkness, but they also lead to light. They LEAD to everything. Because they are part of being ALIVE.

OBSESSION and CONTROL are the Darkside. But mere Emotions are the flowing of tides.

She prescribes hugs.

An adorable youngling, herself of course, following Skywalker around the Temple like a duckling and flopping against him every chance she gets. Asking bright eyed youngling questions of her Super Cool Esteemed Knight Elder that he'll have to look up. Or look up WITH her. Sometimes indulgent listen to HER ramble about.

Or? If he's sand blasting the soul of everyone around him? Welp, time to brace for it! Once more into the breach! She is small and squishy. Warm, huggable, and filled with light. Can hum and hug his head. Smell like Baby. Itty bitty lil light and heart beat and body. Not a threat. Cares about him. Fellow Jedi. Safe safe safe.... calm...

Does she feel a bit... rubbed raw? Soul wise, afterwards? Fuck yeah. Ouch, her everything stings. But that's not his fault. AND! He's getting better.

QUICKLY.

Cause there's nothing QUITE like an adorable wittle baby child, whom you BLASTED IN THE SOUL FACE with abrasive anger-sand hard enough to probably scour them to the BONES, wincing but smiling up at you and asking if you feel better now... to make you just a LIL bit "fuck asking Master's, I'm gonna tear the Archives apart until I can solve this on my own" hysterical. Ha ha....

Oh Force he MAIMED A CHILD! (Soul bruised, at BEST. And not intentionally.) (THATS NOT BETTEEEEEER!!! *hysterics in Skywalker*) Padme! Put me down like THE ANIMAL I'VE BECOME! AaaaaaAAAAAAA-!!! (He says, showing up at a senators apartment, holding a youngling she's never met like a teddybear. The MAN SHE MARRIED, everybody! He's so lucky she loves him. Ffs Ani.)

But like?? Shielding? Leads to SO MUCH better emotional regulation and stability? Plus an immediately increase difficulty scale for Certain Sith Lord's.

Especially! If the technique Anikin has to use? Is OLD AS FUCK. Like... Pre-Rebulic old. Considered a wildly overly complex and exhausting way to Shield for most people who just don't have the midi-chlorians count to NEED it.

A case of "the side effect of THIS medicine can actually address THAT crippling symptom!? Huh." So Anikin? Starts? INTENTIONALLY Projecting. Yeah... wild right? After so long trying NOT too! He starts learning to? PROJECT a "bubble" into the Force around him.

So that he'll only sense himself. So he can FOCUS on projecting and politely not project AT people. Kinda like elevator music where normally there is just nature noises. Very clearly artificially made? But not? "Every thought you have shouted at me" intrusive.

Kinda pleasant actually! Especially here on Coruscant. Where everything is so discordant and murky. Suddenly? There's this walking Air Filter/Lovely Ambiant Noise Machine walking around and???

Anikin has NEVER been so popular?? O:

Padme. Padme! The Crechelings FELL ASLEEP ON ME! Just?? Clambered RIGHT on up, dumped themselves in my lap, and fell asleep! Everyone wants to meditate near me! There were ARGUMENTS! Obi-Wan! OBI-WAN feel asleep on me the other day! Just?? Slumped over against my shoulder and started to CUDDLE!!! (/ T^T)/ hold me Padme! Everything is Beautiful and nothing hurts! I should have done this YEARS ago!

Also! Did you know it's Totally Cool for us to get married? We just have to get JEDI married! Wanna help me lie to the council? (Totally, you even got to ask?) O/ \O *highfive!*

Palpatine would HATE it. Fucking LOATH it. But the thing is? You can plan for actors on the stage, plan approximately for players to come, but? NO ONE can plan for a SI-OC. And even then? Any plan accounting for what children will do? Usually discounts how intelligent truely really are.

The Sith Did Not PLAN for "smart baby knows what you are up too and decides to stop you".

Because WHO WOULD PLAN FOR THAT?

Well....? Maybe don't be SUCH a dick? That the Actual Force Itself decides to fuck with your plans by introducing Chaotic elements? Ever thought of THAT??? Anyway... THAT is how the Big MEAN Sith Lord was unveiled targeting an INNOCENT and TOTALLY not provoking him, itty bitty child! Oh no! Anikin! Save meeeee! The scary bad man wants to HURT ME!

A CHILD! Who you gonna pick? Me, the crying lil girl you basicly adopted with your wife, or the man you THOUGHT was you friend... before he ATTACKED A CHILD! With a RED LIGHTSABER! And lightning! Someone's throwing around mention of SLAVE CHIPS and he's suggestinghe can "save you wife"!!!

Real CONVENIENT. Since Anikin's wife is both completely FINE and under the care of Jedi healers, yet he's been having MYSTERIOUS DREAMS about her DYING HORRIBLY. Dreams that Don't Feel Right. Like they DONT come from his head! So? How do YOU know about those dreams, HUH? SHEEV??

*Chosen One INTENSIFIES*

[kittycatfite]

Symbiote Stobotnik AU!

All these eldritch horror!stone fanfics got me thinking. What if I wrote a fanfic where Stone is Venom and Robotnik is Eddie? (I thought about it as the other way round and I like this more, I think)

Ideas under the cut but this is going to be a multi-chapter fic and it will take me a month to write this but holy shit I think this is a Great Idea. i do hope there is overlap in these fandoms! PLS ask me questions but this AU, I need to talk about it!

It’s called Trusty Barnacle

All Stone text is in bold like venom in fanfics but it’s still Stone’s actual voice not Robotnik with a filter like Tom Hardy in the movies :P

Dr. Robotnik has a job as the guy studying aliens, they bring in this alien goop they found on a crash sight

Goop Stone gets attached to Robotnik and decides yes this pathetic man who hasn’t slept in almost a week will be my host. I lub him sm. He will be mine forever and ever. He is my precious. 

In this AU Robotnik is still S1 Rob with the neat hair and mustache but as it progresses and he gets a parasite bf he gets increasingly Eggman like

Symbiote Stone breaks his glass case, bonds with Robotnik and forces him to go home and take care of himself (Stone has no idea how to take care of a human, but neither does Robotnik but they are going to make this work! Even if that involves stealing pizza from a street cart and climbing a building) Robotnik is having the time of his life unlike Eddie who Was Going Through It in the first movie

Which causes Robotnik to lose his job

Cause he did just accidentally steal the alien goop he was supposed to be studying

Monsterfucker!Robotnik stays thriving

Stone still has to eat people’s brains/chocolate etc to be happy and healthy but Robotnik is willing. Stone gets to eat imbeciles in back alley ways as long as Robotnik doesn’t have to taste them.

They live in a little one studio apartment in LA like symbrock (not in great condition but then again Robotnik has an alien latched on to his heart like an angy cat 

Maybe fully symbioted name is Agent Stone or Dr Stone or something

The government keeps coming after them because again they think Robotnik stole the alien, not the other way around. Stone is very possessive of his human.

Maddie and Tom are Anne and Dan (Robotnik didn’t date either of them, they were just friends in college) Idk what to do about the hedgehog children

Mrs. Chen is still Mrs. Chen because I love her too much and I think she would be the only person (besides Alien Goop Stone) to love Robotnik and actually try to look after him.

Robotnik is still an orphan in this so Mrs. Chen is the one who raised him, maybe?

She still has her convenience store and is absolutely delighted that Robotnik found someone. Doesn’t matter that he's an alien parasite, he’s an absolute treat to be around. They have tea together every Thursday with Robotnik as a reluctant participant because Stone can't leave his body or he will die (he enjoys it and Stone knows cause he is in his head)

Maybe instead of the lobster scene that Eddie has, Robotnik is overly nice and friendly because Stone is in charge now and everyone is like WTF is WRONG WITH HIM. he said my dress looked nice? Is he dying? But no goop Stone just wanted to make friends with humanity because Robotnik is so awesome that he thinks everyone must be this awesome. (some of that naivety that Stone used to have back when we only had S1 Stone to go by but it's because he is an alien and not because he had no character development)

Poor Stone is severely disappointed that their all imbeciles besides Robotnik, Mrs. Chen, and maaaybe Maddie and Tom

But hey, people are still tasty, at least.

I am imagining the full transformation to be all black with the purple but with Rob’s body type (no tits for Stone I am sorry guys.

And also more light blue or red tech lines as Robotnik integrates some of his robot-y ideas to give them extra protection just to be on the safe side.

If mpreg does happen their kid is Sage and she is all red and techy like her arms and symbiotes with a cat at first like Sleeper does in the comics. 

OOH OOH Robotnik overworks himself and Stone makes himself like a onesie around Rob so he can be comfortable

Y'all I really like Stobotnik and Symbrock, can you tell? This was no way influenced by the fact that these are the two squishmallows that sit on my bed (ignore the vibrant pink blankets, my quilt broke and I had to use my old one)

[starredblood]

CHIHIRO

PART TWO

kang sae-byeok x fem!reader

synopsis: you start suspecting a deeper history with sae-byeok, who is letting you in so easily.

wc. 5.1k

warnings: reader gets bad migraine, bit of angst and fluff

(chihiro masterlist)

(summer, 2021)

You’re walking like you don’t want to be approached. Headphones on and sporting your darkest sunglasses—but it was all because you couldn’t stand being in the sun too long. That’s how the migraines start. You didn’t always have this problem and adjusting to a different lifestyle is harder than it looks.

You don’t want to think too much about it though. The impact one minuscule moment made to your life. But there was a brief time a month ago when the loss was all you thought about—it left you immobilized in your room even when you were fully able to step into the real world. But you were just too sad. You lost yourself…and you don’t know how many others lost you too.

That feeling brewing in your stomach is still there—the shifting of your world. You try avoiding anything that has to do with change to make sure your gut feeling is lying to you. So, you go to work, do your job (somewhat poorly) and go home, your home—that’s what you want your life to be forever now. Preferably alone.

But you already failed to fight back the change when you saw a small feline curled up by the edge of the sidewalk.

You gasp seeing the fragile state of the black kitten, who was trembling profusely and was barely able to open its eyes. Removing your sunglasses to take a better look at the cat, you then glance around to see if it belonged to any passerby’s but no one paid attention to the stray. You frown, thinking that maybe you’re hallucinating this cat that’s crying for help in the sea of pacing legs.

When you bend down and gently pat the cats small back, it flinched horribly making your heart clench. At least the kitten was real, and you’re too afraid to leave it here alone. Someone could trample it.

“Poor thing.” you coo to the kitten and it weakly mewls back. When it gets used to your touch, you scoop the cat in your hands. “Are you lost?”

You exhale through your nose. Your mom never liked cats and would always disapprove the idea of adopting one ever since you were a child. Good thing you moved back into your apartment and can do whatever you please. But can you really take care of another living being in your state?

The kitten, which you find out is a girl, begins to doze off in your warm palms. This has to be a sign for you to keep her. You rub her tiny back with your thumb and decide to take her home.

It was a good thing that you weren’t far from your apartment. The plan is to take her home, scurry to the nearest pet store and tomorrow you will take her to the vet. This change is good, you try to tell yourself as you keep on trudging.

One change you didn’t particularly favor was Cheol’s sister who is apparently everywhere now. You didn’t think it was her, sitting on a bench only a block away from your apartment, but it’s her. The short unruly hair and cold eyes gave it away. What are the odds of finding her here?

And it’s like she too can feel your presence because she spots you trying to brush past her. But meeting her icy glare only gave you more courage to speak up.

You pause in your footsteps, turn back around and walk back to the girl sitting on the bench. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re stalking me?” you ask her, sounding aggravated.

“I was working nearby—don’t get your ego inflated.” she scoffs, then breaks eye contact to look at what you’re cradling. She blinks. “Is that a cat?”

“I found her by an alleyway.” you state apprehensively and continue to pet her.

“And you’re going to keep it?”

“Why not? I always wanted a cat.” you shrug. She presses her lips into a thin line and you use that as your cue to walk away from this conversation. But in the middle of spinning back around, a question pops into your head. “Hey, what’s your name by the way?”

Her expression is bleak and unreadable as usual, but you noticed the small gulp. “Sae-byeok.” she answers quietly.

You curtly nod and start backing away slowly. “Have a nice day, Sae-byeok.” you mutter back awkwardly and start walking faster before another interaction from her erupts. You can feel her stare on your back however.

Ever since you started talking to her, you feel like you see her everywhere. Your mind can’t catch a break from thinking of her. Especially not at work, that’s where you usually find her lingering around but today is a different day with a different challenge and she always seems to be part of the challenge.

A few days after adopting your new kitten, who’s still nameless, you feel a new sense of purpose in your life. You want to take living more seriously.

You sacrificed two hours of your life this quiet Monday morning to go to the library earlier than scheduled to fix the mistakes you’ve made the past couple of weeks. And you have a good feeling about this, your mind is more clear and sharp than before. You might not get paid for these hours of work but it’ll be worth it seeing the look on Dasom’s face when you prove her wrong. Prove everyone wrong.

In your notebook, you mapped out the layout of the library so you spend less time getting lost. After successfully placing every book away in their actual correct spots, you spend the last thirty minutes in the back office organizing and cataloging the library materials—which were completely disarray thanks to you. By the time you finish, it’s time for you to technically—officially be working.

When you clock in the break room, Dasom bursts in a couple of seconds after. When she sees you, her malevolent smirk appears. “Do you happen to be well acquainted with, Remy?” she asks in a mocking manner. You don’t answer her instead roll your eyes and avoid her gaze. “The library looks nice—I’m assuming you had to have a rat underneath your garments or something that helped you make this place finally look satisfactory. Because god knows you didn’t fix this place all by yourself.”

“You’re the exception to the rule, Dasom.” you sneer and try storming off but she had a tight grip on your shoulder blade.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she queries.

You don’t say anything, knowing that she isn’t worth arguing with, and swat her hand off you. When you step out the break room, you hear her clearly muttering insults underneath her breath. You feel bad for her, truly—a once spoiled child isn’t getting what she wants and is taking out her frustrations onto you.

Once your other coworkers start trickling in, you saw less of the likes of Dasom. Most of your morning and afternoon was working on the library’s catalog, the most tedious part of being a librarian. And having to sit down for hours irks you and your poor back.

Now that summer break officially started, more kids began coming into the library to mingle rather than learn. You get it though, you were a kid once after all so you didn’t mind that they came in just to socialize. However, there’s always a handful that come by to get a head start for the next school year—you were once also that type of child. But you didn’t expect a particular kid to be the same.

You look away from your computer screen and become surprised when you see Cheol accompanied by his sister Sae-byeok. He has a thick book pressed on his chest and smiles shyly at you.

“Hi, Cheol.” you greet him casually.

“Hi, noona.” he says back.

“Can you help him?” Sae-byeok asks right after. You look at her and your face morphs into confusion.

You wanted to question her. Why—Why now? Was she not able to help him after all? But this wasn’t about her or you, so you put those thoughts and animosity towards Sae-byeok away and look down at Cheol.

“Of course.” you say, grinning at him. “What do you need help with?”

“It’s hard for me to read this book…”

And with that, you take him to his favorite spot in the library and help him read through the first few chapters of a book that’s clearly above his grade level. But you’re impressed he’s succeeding. It makes your heart full because this is what being a librarian means to you. However, it would’ve been nice if Sae-byeok wasn’t watching you guys like a hawk. But at some point she starts picking up her own book and starts reading.

Halfway through reading the third chapter, Cheol breaks into conversation. He starts rambling about his favorite book that every kid his age loves and he can rarely find it in the library.

“Can I show you my favorite book if I find it?” he suggests, but already rose from his seat so it’s not like you can decline. But why would you—it’s refreshing to see someone his age fall in love with the world of reading.

“Sure.” you say and watching him scurry off to the kids section across the library.

Now the only people in this table were you and Sae-byeok who was sitting across from you. When she sees that his brother left, she lowers the book covering half of her face and starts sending you fleeting glances. You avoiding them by staring down at your hands folded on top of the table.

“Thanks.” she says out of the blue.

You snap your head to look at her briefly. She is leaning against the table, tracing circles on the cover of her current read, Human Acts by Han Kang—an amazing book you might add.

Maybe you’re being too harsh on her. There’s a lot you can learn about a person by knowing what they like to read. And a book as profound as this gives Sae-byeok a whole new layer of depth that you didn’t expect. Now, you’re curious to know her thoughts on it. Instead, you just clear your throat when she spoke up.

“No problem.” you breathe, fiddling with the bookmark you picked up. “He’s a good kid.”

“He is.”

When you eye her again, you see her glaring at something past your shoulders. Out of curiosity you turn around to see what she’s looking so harshly at. It was Dasom, who was also staring back but looks away when she spots you. She disappears into one of the bookshelves.

You whirl your head back around and give the icy girl a tight lipped smile. “I don’t like her either.” you bluntly admit.

The corner of her lips start twitching, like she was fighting back the urge to smile. You start to wonder what’s taking Cheol so long, it’s like he’s purposefully trying to give you a hard time right now. This awkward pause was too much.

Sae-byeok sucks in a breath of air like she was purposefully trying to get your divided attention. She starts rubbing the nape of her neck, appearing to have a hard time making her mouth say words, “Are you um…free later?” she carefully asks.

When she says this you already know where this is heading. You aren’t sure why she’s suddenly trying with you, but it intrigues you. Her cold nature was unraveling.

“I am.” you say plainly.

“I figure that I owe you for helping Cheol…if you want we can go to the cafe we ran into each other maybe like later today…?”

“…Uh—“

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” she cuts you off, determined to avoid your eyes.

You didn’t expect her to be such a wildcard. The timidness seeping through her voice and her softening gaze made your curiosity peak.

“It’s the cafe that looks like a little fairy cottage, right?” you ask her and she nods. “That’s my favorite. I’ll go with you. I get off at three—I’ll meet you there.”

You were too focused on Cheol’s reappearing figure to see the glint of hope in her eyes.

“This is your favorite book?” you ask Cheol, who comes back out of breath but elated with the book he hands you.

After another hour went by, it was time for you to fulfill other duties you had to complete before your shift is over. But you take your time to walk with the two siblings out the library.

After wishing Cheol goodbye, it was now Sae-byeok’s turn. But you couldn’t find anything to say—not after what occurred before.

She stands in front of you, with her muscles tense, stiff shoulders, and hands shoved in the depths of her jean pockets. “Thanks again. I guess I’ll see you later.” she murmurs with a deadpan expression.

All you could do is nod to that, ignoring the queasiness that you felt in your stomach. You wait for them to reach the doorframes to turn around.

You bite back a smile when you overheard Cheol tell his sister as they were heading out, “You guys are seeing each other later?”

When three o’ clock came, you entered the break room with much eagerness than when you started this morning. But the excitement quickly vanished when you saw something of yours suspiciously on the floor. Upon further inspection, you saw that it was your sunglasses split in half—the ones you need to help with migraines. Someone was holding back laughter nearby and you knew who it was. You didn’t want to give Dasom the satisfaction.

Instead you hold in your anger and kick off the broke glasses to the side and grab your purse from your locker. You can feel her throwing daggers when you walk out.

You don’t rely on a map anymore to the cafe, you come here almost everyday now. The only thing you have to do is find Sae-byeok when you enter.

It was easy to spot her quiet and enigmatic figure. She sat by the window again, her hands propped up on the table with her hands folded. She had her hair styled into a short ponytail which she didn’t have earlier. Her once sharp eyes rounded when you stood by the door in a frigid posture. Something about her face feels more familiar day by day.

“What do you usually order?” she asks making you snap out of your thoughts.

You slowly pull up the chair across from her and sit down. “Uh—vanilla latte, iced.”

She nods and gets off her seat to go order. You observe her some more. Her guarded behavior is present to anyone she encounters but with you she speaks in a much softer tone. The way her arms are crossed and her eyebrows are knitted when she orders is a telltale sign to stay away from her.

Your mom told you that you didn’t meet anyone new the past year. And you believed it at first because you didn’t have the energy to go and search if she was telling you the truth. But maybe you want to try now. Unless Sae-byeok is just being nice this whole time and you’re just paranoid.

“Thanks.” you murmur when she passes you your coffee. Neither of you speak as you take sipping your drinks. You feel like there is a big elephant in the room. Your past animosity towards her is no longer present—it left the second she came to you asking if you can help her brother. “Hey, about the past— I’m sorry for lashing out on you…so many times.”

“It’s fine.” she shrugs after finishing taking sips of her cold brew.

“No, it’s not.” you state and frown when she doesn’t look up at you. So, you scoot your seat closer to lean on the table to make her. “I was too cowardly to defend myself against Dasom because her parents donate to the library. So, I threw my frustrations onto you.”

“Like I said—it’s fine. I don’t care.”

“Okay.” you whisper.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” she sighs and starts playing with the hem of her sleeve like she was in careful thought. You wait for her to gather them to say something else. “Just figured you wouldn’t want to tell me after finding out…” she trails off, quieter than the wind.

“About what happened to me?” you ask cautiously. When she nods you chew the inside of your cheek. You don’t discern the fact that your legs are bouncing aggressively underneath the table. “Do you want to know?”

She nibbles on her lower lip. “Only if you want to talk about it.”

It’s been awhile since you spoke aloud about your accident. And how it took a year out of your life. Your heart starts racing, you try to convince yourself it’s just the caffeine but deep inside you know it’s because you’re anxious. Sae-byeok couldn’t look away anymore, clearly wanting a question but isn’t blunt enough to directly ask.

“I got into a car accident. Most of the injuries went to my head.” you explain shortly. But it took everything in you to finally say it. “I lost a year worth of memories because of it. And I get really bad brain fog so…that explains all the confusion and getting lost.”

“Sounds hard.” she whispers and starts glancing out the window.

“It is.” you heave. “My therapist says that music therapy and creating lists help with it.”

“Is that why I always see you with headphones during your breaks?”

“Are you always watching me?” you snort seeing the blush creep up her neck. That’s a sight you never thought you’d see. Her posture becomes guarded again, the arms crossed and contorted expression so you clear your throat. “Let’s change the topic okay?”

“…Fine.” she hesitates.

“Cheol told me his favorite book—what’s yours?”

“Heaven by Mieko Kawakami.” she responds right away, it took you by surprise.

“Really?” you gape, your eyebrows raising up. You see her lips start quivering again. “I love that book—not my favorite though but it’s definitely up there.”

“What’s yours?”

“The White Book—Han Kang.” you say without further thought. You take your last sip of coffee so you hold back the urge to laugh at her crestfallen expression. “You look so surprised when I said that:”

Sae-byeok exhales, like she was holding back the laugh that was ready to escape. You continue to gawk at her—you couldn’t distinguish what was different about her but something definitely was. Like flicker of a switch, you feel more at ease with her. It feels like you can tell her anything. Your heart drops at the possibility of—

“Do you want to go somewhere else?” she asks casually but already rose from her seat before you could answer. “There’s a spot I think you might like.”

A quizzical look etches your face. “Sure?”

She grabs your empty coffee cup and dumps it on the trashcan. When she opens the door halfway, she pauses and waits for you to catch up.

The moment you’re out in the sunlight your head feels like it’s tightening. This torturous sensation couldn’t be alleviated because Dasom broke your sunglasses. But you are dying to know where she will take you so you might just have to put up with the blaring sunlight.

When you reach the park, you think she’d lead you to a bench and sit by the lake. What you didn’t expect is to stand in front of a large wired gate at the end of the park. On the unreachable end of the gate, you see a massive greenhouse that resembles a mansion.

You’re confused when Sae-byeok bends down to lift up the wired fence, leaving a quaint gap for anyone to trespass through. She doesn’t say anything, but the glint of mischief in her eyes tells you enough—she wants you to duck underneath.

“Do you want to pay fifteen bucks to enter?” she asks you like the clear and obvious answer is to sneak inside the botanical garden.

A sigh escapes your lips. You don’t answer but you always wanted to go see the botanicals. You let your heart speak for your actions and duck underneath the fence. When you make it to the other side, you fight back the urge to wince at the headache starting to kick.

You shield your view from the white sunshine using your hands. But when Sae-byeok crawled to the back of the garden, she took one of your hands with hers and makes you run with her to the enormous greenhouse.

Her warm hands enveloped with yours and it confuses you. You don’t get it—why is she so relaxed with you?

She sneaks you into one of the back entrances, letting go of your hand and guides you by pressing her hand to the small of your back. Every now and then, you feel her hot and unsteady breath hit the side of your neck.

“We’re good.” she whispers when no onlookers or staff caught onto you both for trespassing.

You’re so in awe of the tall strangely shaped trees and arrays of flowers you didn’t even know existed that you almost forgot about the excruciating migraine starting. Sae-byeok quietly watches you, as if she was waiting for you to come to some sort of epiphany that never happened.

She trails after you for a solid ten minutes while you observe and snap photos of different plants you come across.

“There’s a spot outside with a pond—if you want to sit down.” she falters.

Her voice startles you. At this point, your eyes were squinted because you couldn’t take the sharp throbbing pain anymore.

“Lead the way then.” you still say.

You want to hold on longer. You’re dying to know how to solve the unsolvable puzzle that is Sae-byeok.

The pond was small and inviting with only a singular bench that can barely fit two people. When you both sit down she stares straight ahead at the lake as if she was pondering the great mysteries of the world. She has to know you’re looking at her right now.

You didn’t notice her splatter of freckles across her cheeks until now that the sunshine beams straight down on them. A blurry memory pops into your head about the same freckled person in front of you—you feel like you’ve seen her before.

Her posture slackens and she leans the back of her head on the bench. She was squirming at the intensity of your gaze.

“I feel like I know you.” you say outright.

Sae-byeok’s pokerface becomes stern. “From?” she says with a light tone—hope?

“I don’t know…Never mind.” you shut your eyes at the feeling of the sun hitting your corneas. “I need to stop assuming that everyone new I meet is from the past.”

You hear her keep shifting on the bench. “Can I ask you something now?” she asks. You flutter open your eyes and hum. “Do you have any friends right now?”

“Not really. I had a good group of friends in college but we all just naturally grew apart. But as of right now no.” you answer honestly. Adulthood is lonely, you doubt you’re the only one. “How about you?”

There was a brief pause after you ask her the question. Sae-byeok couldn’t tear her eyes away from the pond, it was like nostalgia washes over her. The small rare smile on her lips and fond eyes were a strange yet silently beautiful sight.

“I had one. But she left a long time ago…So, I guess not.” she answers bleakly.

“I’m sorry about that.” your frown. “Did she…?”

“Die? No—just left without saying a word.”

“Ah. That must suck.” you say, looking down at your lap. The migraine was getting worse. You feel your mind get more foggy and your eyes are starting to see all white. But you don’t want to stop talking to her.

“It does…I asked that because—I’m trying to make new friends.”

“You want to be friends?” you say breathlessly and she faintly hums in response. Now you feel awful for the way you behaved around her. But the light was becoming to unbearable you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore. “I’m sorry.” you apologize for your past actions and for what’s about to occur next.

Sae-byeok didn’t notice your odd behavior yet. “For what this time?”

“Being so judgmental.” you say, your voice shaking like you were dealing with a lot of pain. “You didn’t deserve it.”

That was the last thing you were able to croak out until you had to press your palms to your aching forehead. The pain was too unbearable, you wanted to collapse on the ground and curl up into a ball by how weak and small you felt.

You feel a hand on top of your shoulder. Sae-byeok’s hoarse voice rings past your ears, “Are you alright? Hey, are you okay?”

“My head.” you say—you hope you did. The discomfort was becoming too much by the minute, that’s when the tears threatened to spill.

“What? What’s happening with your head? Did you get hurt again?” she frantically asks.

She gets off the bench and kneels down in front of you to get a better look at your wet face. Your silent cries were enough to signal that you were fighting an internal battle.

You feel so ashamed, so useless. She shouldn’t be dealing with your mess. “Sorry—“

“Do you need to go to the hospital? Please—Please say something.” she cries. You shake your head, instead you’re barely able to reply with the word home and that’s enough for her. “I’ll take you don’t worry.”

The recollection of what happened after she said that was foggy. You think she carried you on her back all the way to your apartment—but you don’t recall giving her your address or specify what floor you live on. And you’re almost certain that you didn’t tell her the precise location of your bedroom.

It wasn’t until you feel your body lay comfortably on the mattress and hear all your curtains in your room being shut and your cat mewing that you know you’re safe. But the tears couldn’t stop flowing from the pain—you feel as if your eyes were about to pop out of your skull.

“Do you have any medication that’ll help?” you hear her shaky and out of breath voice. At first you thought you were making it up. When you try to sit up, she gently pulls you back down. “Just tell me I’ll—I’ll know.”

You take a deep breath in to gather the words that were disarray in your mind. “Kitchen…cabinet.”

The shuffling of feet’s lets you know she’s left to find it but what you’re surprised about is how quickly she came back. Maybe your mind is too hazy to accurately reflect the concept of time.

The darkness filling the room helped. Your eyes started to adjust better, although it was still a bit blurry you were able to make out the shape of her sitting on the edge of your bed with a handful of medications.

“Be careful.” she gently murmurs when she saw your frail attempt to sit up. “Just point which one you need.”

You point to the orange bottle. She passes you two pills and a water bottle that you slowly take. After chugging almost the entire bottle, you let out another shaky breath.

Your body slowly begins to relax and all you wanted right now was to rest. The pain will take some time to subdue after the medication. You press your forehead against her shoulder blade and inhale her scent of wood-sage and cigarettes—you don’t know why you leaned onto her but it just felt right. What anchored you was the warmth of her hand rubbing circles on your back and her chin propped up on top of your head—and that’s when you knew.

“Sae-byeok…”

“Hm?”

──・──・・✿ ・・──・──

(summer, 2020)

“Look what I recently found.” you say, smiling mischievously at the guarded girl.

Sae-byeok humored onto you. She doesn’t know what sort of magic you did you spell her into agreeing to hang out with you but it worked. Maybe it’s the immense loneliness that she can’t get away from is what made her say yes to spending this afternoon with you. She just wants to feel something other than isolation for once. But so far, you were off to a terrible start.

You pull open the wired fence and crawl underneath it. Once successfully on the other side of the fence you encourage her to follow suit.

“What the hell are you playing at?” Sae-byeok snarls, slowly stepping back. She’s already got a lengthy history of breaking the law, she can’t add trespassing to the list.

“Come on I did this last time I was here and I didn’t get caught.” you say encouragingly, still holding onto the edges of the fence. “It’s either this or pay fifteen dollars—now hurry or we’ll really get caught!”

At this point Sae-byeok is frantic, she whips her head around to make sure no one is watching before she starts crawling underneath the fencing. She feels your hand wrap around her wrist to lure her to the back of the greenhouse. Are you some sort of adrenaline junkie? You currently have her ducking behind several displays of wildflowers. If you get them caught Sae-byeok swears this’ll be the last you hear from her

“We’re in the clear.” you whisper and let go of her wrist.

“Why did you take me here?” she hisses and grabs your arm before you have a chance to move around. You look at her with a startled look. “I didn’t sign up to trespass.”

“Well, you said you don’t see pretty things often.” you explain, blinking at her.

Sae-byeok sighs. There’s a reason why she’s so closed off—when she opens up things like this happen to her.

And you seem to determined to explore this garden, you slowly start backing away to a particular spot of this large greenhouse. Sae-byeok could only follow behind you. She silently observes the way you inspect the flowers and read off the signs that list fun facts. Cheol always boast about how smart you are and she isn’t going to deny it. Smart people tend to be the most curious about the world around them. She wishes she had that kind of wonder about life.

So, she tries. She tries mimicking the way you stare at these strange flowers and plants.

“It’s pretty right?”

Sae-byeok flinches by your voice. You are hovering over her, smiling like you’re trying to tell her ‘Told you so.’ She rolls her eyes in response. But they were somewhat nice to look at.

“So, did you like the book I recommended?” you ask her, curiously. She only shakes her head to reply. You conceal the grin itching to form. “Would you consider more of my book recommendations?”

“I don’t read.” she says sternly and knits her eyebrows when you threw her a strange look. “I don’t have time to read.”

The two of you quietly keep observing the flowers. Sae-byeok holds her breath, sensing that you weren’t finished talking because your body was still facing hers.

“You can always come to the library to read.” you suggest. “I always say that time stops when you enter a library—you should try it out.”

She shoves her hands into her jean pockets and walks away from you and this conversation. Sae-byeok doesn’t need life advice from you or anyone else. You don’t have a single clue as to what she has to deal with on a daily basis.

After today, she doesn’t wish to see you anymore—not after this stunt you pulled. Her mind is made up.

🏷️: @lyzem @monkey4lifer @tlouloser @bitchybananaflower @yenyu1s @marfe816 @gummyoonji @peelover25 @saebyeokbliss @knfthxv @we1rdth0ughts @monroesturnns @wiltingconquest @noaanotfound @tyresedidujsfart @madebysae

[myanmardoesnotexist]

Hi ya'll, got tagged by @fourth-shot for this!! Thank you my friend!!

WIP Wednesday! (Friday rather, or actually almost Sat haha oops)

Another week, another tag game! Please share your last sentence; or, if you don’t have one, share a plate bunny or idea! (OR sketch for your artwork!)

I have decided to put a few passages (more than last sentence haha) from my future long fic time travel AU (2025 Marc goes back to the late 90s).

*****

Maybe it wasn’t just Valentino, though he was perhaps the biggest. Maybe it was returning to the sport after years of injury and finding himself more alone than he had ever been. Alex was present, always, but perhaps that even made it all worse. Because he wasn’t racing his own peers anymore. No, he was racing his brother’s, the riders Alex had fought bitterly, connections trailing back into the past and the ebb and flow of respect and rivalry that can only ever be developed through time and familiarity.

They were talented. They were good. They were even sometimes interesting. But there was no comparison to how it used to be, the battles he used to wage, the adrenaline that would spin though his chest with another monster like him trailing just a bit too close. There is no replacing any of the so-much that surrounded him before.

Not that he had such great friends in the riders of before. True friendship doesn’t often fly in the paddock, friendliness twined with a strange sort of desperate hatred, sometimes mixed in with obsession if the relationship was… intense enough. Like Dani and Jorge, or him and Valentino. Toeing a little too close to the edge of a somewhat twisted cliff that sane people couldn’t understand. And in truth no MotoGP rider is right in the head, but there are some who are abnormal even for them and that is where Marc lives, stuck there forever with Valentino and Dani and Jorge and all those they called alien.

2025 was when he really felt it. It settled over his shoulder at the end of the season, a season of unparalleled dominance, when he won the title in Motegi, crossing the line in first. Victory ripped through his chest as it should, but or a split second he glanced back at the riders and fully expected to see neon yellow and blue, or that familiar bright orange, or a tilted head in red. Then he remembered that red was his color now, and Honda hadn’t been orange in a few years now, and Yamaha does not have a trace of yellow anymore. After that the taste victory remained, because how could it not. But the flavor was somehow more bland.

He tried to explain that to his brother once when he was tipsy and too honest after another weekend of brilliant victory. The almost-longing, the way he felt clicked out of place, even the strange thunk that always seems to follow these days. All it had gotten him was a furrowed brow and that look Alex always holds when he says something particularly strange; incomprehension but enough experience with him to be nervous.

Really there was only ever one person he thought would maybe understand, though he could never say such an open thing, not anymore. Him and Valentino had stopped being honest with each other years ago, after all. He would sooner take another fall like Jerez then sit the older man down and say that he misses it all, or that he dreams of it sometimes, or any other number of the silly, mindless, pathetic thoughts that threaten to eat him alive whenever he rewatches old races.

So he holds his head high, lets the joy of that championship settle over his shoulders and smiles he cheers with his team. Pretends that Pecco Bagnaia doesn’t have the morose, tight look on his face, also pretends that it doesn’t make him a little bit smug to see, as it bitterly has all year. He goes on with his day. Sprays champagne, cycles through the media, laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs. Because the world is his once more. And that was his goal, right?

Once the dust settles and the videos are posted though, he gets that feeling again. Sitting there right below his solar plexus, thunking his breath away every couple of seconds. It becomes thick and heavy and bad once he returns home, to that concrete fortress he shares with Alex and his brother’s girlfriend, attention-snatchingly bad. When he sat by the pool and toed the surface of the water, it thunked. When he napped on the couch, he awoke to thunks. When he played with the dogs it thunked the worst and he had to pause and hold a hand to his chest to try and breathe a little easier.

*****

Tagging @motomamithings @fall0utmind @ray935sworld

If you want!

[hogwartslegacyreactions2]

hey!

I love your blog, you are so talented at making the reactions realistic to each character! great job!

can I ask a reaction were they (students and professors) see the MC be bitten by a werewolf?

or they discovered that they are one?

the choice is yours!

A/N: thankies! I try my best! ❤️

HLC REACT TO MC BEING BITTEN BY A WEREWOLF

WARNING: some angst

Wrong place. Wrong time. That's how it happened. What was just thought to be an ordinary mongrel turned out to be a werewolf. MC laid on the ground in a pool of their own blood, grasping their wand arm. MC managed to kill the beast, but not before it got a nasty bite on them.

Even as new to the magical world as they were, they knew this was bad news. There was no cure to the werewolf disease and as soon as the light of the first full moon hit them, they would become a mindless feral beast. This would be their fate for every month for the rest of their life.

They can't tell anyone. They would never be trusted again. Everyone would abandon them. They would be expelled from school. They would never have a normal life.

They try to claim ill when the full moon would come around and disappear into the forest until the moon would wane again. Unfortunately, this pattern doesn't go unnoticed.

~~~

SEBASTIAN SALLOW: Werewolf is the last word he expected to come out of their mouth. That's why they've been avoiding him? They thought that something like them being a werewolf would make him not want to be their friend? Please, that's the most incredible thing anyone has ever told him!

OMINIS GAUNT: What He really cares about is if they're managing themselves responsibly. They could seriously hurt or kill people, they are not themselves when they're forced to transform. He'll take it upon himself to keep track of the moon cycle and constantly remind MC when the next full moon is.

ANNE SALLOW: Now they're both cursed forever. Misery loves company. At least the company is nice.

IMELDA REYES: She doesn't believe MC at first. That's got to be one of the most wild stories she's ever been told. But the monthly disappearances keep happening. She follows them one night on her broom and sees them transform. They never see her in the canopy of the trees. There's a twinge of fear in her eyes the next time they interact.

NATSAI ONAI: She's curious about the form of lycanthropy. Do they turn into a werewolf specifically or is that just a blanket term for lycanthropic creatures in this area of the world? Because where she's from, lycanthropy takes many shapes. She shows genuine interest in learning about MC's condition and helping them manage it. She'll stupefy them if they don't keep up with their moon chart.

GARRETH WEASLEY: That's a pretty heavy thing to admit to, but he can see the silver lining in this. MC is now a source of pretty rare potion ingredients. Don't look at him like that, of course it's the first thing he thinks of. Werewolf teeth and claws are hard to come by without...well, without a lot of unpleasantness.

LEANDER PREWETT: He reflexively jerks away when they admit it. He's heard horror stories of what werewolves do to people, if they bother to leave you alive. MC couldn't possibly be.... He needs time to process. He won't tell other people, but it's hard for him to look at them the same way.

AMIT THAKKAR: Please, he knows the moon cycle for the next 10 years by heart. While he may stand an extra foot or two away from them, he will still gladly be their friend. They're not dangerous as long as they're being smart. Everything will be all right.

EVERETT CLOPTON: He's uncharacteristically quiet for a long time after MC confesses. It's a lot to take in that someone you know is now considerably more dangerous and unpredictable during certain times of the month. He'll need some time to decide if he's willing to stick around.

POPPY SWEETING: Who's a good dog? Kidding. MC has nothing to worry about with her. She's fully accepting of them in their condition, it's not their fault. And for what it's worth, beasts don't really care either. Stick with them and MC won't have to explain wolf tracks constantly in their vicinity.

~~~

ELEAZAR FIG: Because of the amount of time he has spent with MC, he's the first Professor to notice the change in their behavior. It didn't take long for him to realize they would mysteriously disappear during the full moon. Oh, MC, he's so sorry. This wasn't the end of the world, but this was going to make their life difficult. He'll do what he can for them, they still have him after Hogwarts. He won't let them leave school without a plan.

He informs the other professors individually. He wanted them to be in the know so they can continue to manage MC's education without letting the headmaster catch wind of MC's condition.

MATILDA WEASLEY: This news weighs heavy on her. If any parent caught wind of MC's condition, this would be a nightmare for staff to deal with. They were allowing a werewolf within the walls of a school. But this was MC. They were managing it, everyone else that was important knew about it. They were managing it too. They were doing everything in their power to keep accidents from happening. But what if something does happen?

CHIYO KOGAWA: She and Hecat keep close tabs on MC when the full moon draws near. The new transformations wouldn't happen until the moon was at its peak, but they weren't taking any chances.

AESOP SHARP: He met werewolves during his time as an auror. MC is in for a hard life. The vast majority of wizards do not look upon werewolves kindly. In his spare time, what little he had, he researched treatments for lycanthropy. There had been no successful cures or treatments yet invented, but he could take it crack at it.

ABRAHAM RONEN: Next to Professor Fig, he's the professor MC goes to when they need to talk. This condition that they will have to deal with for the rest of their lives has to be weighing heavily on their mind. Mc can tell him how they're feeling. They will get no judgment from him, only comfort.

MIRABEL GARLICK: She's up for MC experimenting with some new plants she has. One in particular called Wolfsbane. There's a superstition that it repels werewolves. Is it true?

MUDIWA ONAI: She does a palm reading for MC and explains in great detail that their condition does not define them as a person. They are MC. They are a person with feelings and emotions and desires and dreams. Not a monster.

BAI HOWIN: She knows someone. She'll give MC a name and tell them to write to that person. They are the liaison to a small werewolf community, perhaps being in touch with others who have dealt with this will help MC cope. Don't worry, no one else needs to know about this.

DINAH HECAT: She's on watch with Kogawa. She knows MC isn't dangerous until the moon is actually out and at its peak, but it's Professor weasley's orders that they keep visual on MC until they are in the safe zone the nights of the full moon.

CUTHBERT BINNS: As long as MC is well behaved in class and keeps up with their studies, he could not care less what is in their blood.

SATYAVATI SHAH: It crosses her mind to inform the headmaster. Even if they're not intentionally dangerous, they are still potentially dangerous. The safety of her students comes first. A direct order from Professor Weasley keeps her from saying anything and she helps MC keep track of the moon cycle.

PHINEAS NIGELLUS BLACK: He never notices what individual students are up to. It's a good thing too, because MC would be immediately expelled if he did. He won't have a dangerous half-breed in his school.

[razorblade180]

HEAVY MHA MANGA SPOILERS

People: Horikoshi loves subverting expectations! How could this be what he’s written!?

Me:…You wanted the 15 year old Shonen protagonist to achieve everything he ever wanted and for everyone to make it out okay. He did subvert expectations. They just weren’t yours.

People:I like how realistic children of Endeavor acted in the end because that what happens in abusive households. You don’t have to reconnect.

Also People:I can’t believe we didn’t save the villains, some citizens don’t care, and Deku failed.

Me:Man, it’s almost like it’s realistic that a teenager with strong conviction came up short despite trying everything he possibly could against someone who never once said he wanted to change; how could a growing boy possibly not achieve perfectly going against the weight of the world?

I don’t mean to be completely insensitive but a section of this fandom really just can’t seem to balance reality with extreme optimism. (delulu) Admittedly, I’m shocked about Toga but when it comes to everyone else there really is no reason to have expected them to get any semblance of a nice ending. Bare minimum they’d all go to prison because they destabilized a country and murdered so many people. No tragic backstory is getting you out of that.

Now I will say the most recent chapter feels a little rushed to me but the overall message the show has been preaching is still communicated. They never looked away from taking the hard path; to the very end, they tried to save everyone they and they will do it again despite the risk. We even get the panels of an old lady deciding to reach out this time instead of waiting for a hero to take care of it because “The essence of being a hero is meddling where you don’t have to.” People are starting to actually look at their fellow man! That was the original complaint from the league; hero society just letting people fall through cracks without a second thought!

Everyone has a right to be mad, but you can be mad and still see the point even if it’s not point you wanted to be made.

All and all I can’t say I’m particularly mad about how most things generally went, but that’s because anything that would’ve upset me would have to come from immense character favortism/bias that muddies narratives and character traits. For example, you can’t have Izuku save Tomura and he gets some kind of decent ending, but then have Overhaul rot in prison. Touya can’t have a happy life but Endeavor is condemned forever by everyone. Doing that doesn’t make with any sort of messaging and character ideals that want to be presented. None of that happened though so I’m chillin.

As for the shippers, I don’t know what to tell ya? Welcome to your Naruto initiation? Balance your preference with what text and scenes are actually saying to see the obvious boats that will probably make it to end so you can at least brace impact next time. You can ship proudly and be fully aware your boat is sinking, or in some cases, smile snuggly because you always knew you’d make it to the finish line.

[oktopiasscarletqueen]

Neurotic Erotic (Bloodweave Fic) playlist

Alright, so, heres the playlist I made for the fic and unreasonable analysis I made relating the songs to Gale and Astarion.

I know writing all this is a touch cringe, but I’m at peace with that; BG3 is a special interest of mine, and so is musical/literary analysis. That being said, I’m not trying to write any kind of groundbreaking, profound interpretations here. Moreso, I’m yelling my funny words at you because I like to yap. And, sometimes this is what me and my little sister do for fun; J and I put on music and go, “ [insert character would like this sound in a Modern AU” or, “this song is incredibly [insert character]-core because…”

Before you jump in, I’m gonna warn you, the transition between ‘Francis Forever’ and ‘Cancer’ (track 6 & 7 respectively) is a touch jarring, as is the inclusion of ‘Cancer’ in the middle of the playlist  in general, lol. Second, I’ll warn you this list is bound to get updated here and there eventually. Also, I may update/add to these in future.

I have put the songs “in order”, or as best “order” as my brain can think of right now.

Oh, and of course, spoilers ahead for essentially the whole game.

Fic Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56262295/chapters/142934368

Youtube Link: https://www.youtube.com/@Oktopiasscarletqueen/playlists

Spotify Link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3BIufG9W5783HUh3OvDboD?si=675313ddfbbe4664

Song list, and correlation (with my interpretation and justification, if that interest you at all, lol):

INTRODUCTION:

¡Aikido! (Neurotic/Erotic) – Everything is a Lot by Will Wood & The Tapeworms

This song is about being obsessed with death, or the idea of dying; Theres something very Gale & Astarion about it (one being asked to die and the other literally being dead). Astarion being dead is a sort of representation (within this fic) of Gale’s later focus and near idolisation of dying, which really reminds me of the song. It’s title and the general idea behind it inspired me to write this fic. Mostly the title, its catchy and interpretive whether you know the song or not.

2. Maya the Psychic – Hesitant Alien by Gerard Way

So, y’know the tadpoles, right?

3. Starman – The Rise & Fall of Ziggy Stardust & the Spiders from Mars (2012 Remaster) by David Bowie

So, y’know the ���Dream Guardian”, right?

GALE:

4. Cover This Song (A Little Bit Mine) – Everything is a Lot by Will Wood & The Tapeworms

Early game, Gale’s caught up on Mystra, and that’s an objective fact.  That’s what this song is in relation to him. Wishing to have her back, or at least her grace and favour. Like, imagine being cast aside by a god. A god who was your previous lover and kinda decides your fate.

5. First Love/Late Spring – Bury Me at Makeout Creek by Mitski

More Gale “pining” songs (you’re gonna see a lot of this). In the case of this one, the song is a sort of ‘love, life and duty is painful’. After the Mystra heartbreak, I can imagine Gale’s not exactly keen on letting anyone in else they abandon him again (Gale has a big ego, but he feels he’s not enough—he’s scared he’s not enough). Also, a few lines stick out for interpretation in regards to Gale. ‘One word from you and I would jump of this cliff I’m on, baby’ is very fitting for Mystra being like “lmao, kys” and how Gale is fully ready to do that as a show of faith. Another line that I wanna note, ‘And I was so young when I behaved 25…’ reminds me of not only Gale’s early magical prowess, but the fact  Gale being only 8 when he met Mystra for the first time; Gale had big shoes to fill, extremely high expectations to live up to and also an omnipotent, ever-present god leaning over his shoulder. This is where I’m gonna put a link to this Tumblr post because the OP does a fantastic job at dissecting all that (TW: mentions of grooming): https://www.tumblr.com/kirain/739521230081851392/i-want-to-take-a-moment-to-talk-about-gales

6. Francis Forever - Bury Me at Makeout Creek by Mitski

Kinda similar to above, but more “romantic” in a really twisted way. Gale really did love Mystra, I think; In the case of this song, it’s less about him as a character but more his past feelings and the grief there (obviously this isn’t what the songs exactly about, but we’re running on interpreting them into fictional characters, so… lol.

7. Cancer – The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance

So, y’know the Nether Brain fight and Gale’s Orb, right?

8. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road – Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (Remastered) by Elton John

Acceptance and a return to the “average”. If you don’t let him ascend, Gale has the option to just live life at his own pace, and for me that’s his canon ending. My boy deserves a rest, and this song just remind me of that.

BLOODWEAVE (songs that just scream them)

9. Cannibal Queen – Tell It to the Volcano by Miniature Tigers

I just feel like the lyrics suit Gale’s feeling for Astarion in a really  fun way, idk man. It’s just weirdly them-core.

10. Baby You’re a Haunted House – Single (no album) by Gerard Way

Another ‘Gale to Astarion’ song. ‘…you’re a haunted house’ as a lyric reads as someone who has a lot of metaphorical ghosts in them (closet full of skeletons). Shout-out to the versus: ‘In the dark, we dance together…’  ‘In the dark we laugh together, because the misery’s funny to you’ ‘Sometimes you scare me, but I’ll come around to you… And I’ll find a way to scare you too’.

That’s just them (you’ll hear this from this section a lot).

11.  Red Moon – Everything is a Lot by Will Wood & The Tapeworms

First and foremost, this song is SO underappreciated (as is the album). It’s one of my favourites. This so in particular just sounds like the embodiment of Bloodweave. I take a lot of inspiration from this song when it comes to Neurotic Erotic (the fic). This song analysis would be paragraphs upon paragraphs long, so I’ll sum this up as simply as I can:

- Astarion is kinda ethereal looking (moon-elf-core) - Gales heart go doki-doki later in fic (referring to the 5th verse: 'Waxing to the rhythm writhing my chest’) - Gale and Astarion are drawn together by circumstance - They remain in each others orbit regardless of circumstance - Night is their time

Theres so much more, but I’ll leave some of the linking to you, lol

12. The Rhumba of Death – Camp Here & There: Campfire Songs Edition by Will Wood

*see to every other comment in this section*

13. We’ll Never have Sex - Single (no album) by Leith Ross

I think it’s not necessarily an argument that Astarion has issues around intimacy, particularly sexual intimacy. That’s what this is; this is why the song is here.

TRANSITION (A heads up to Astarion Territory, lol. Plus, I just like the song :P)

14. Interlude – Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge by My Chemical Romance

Every playlist needs a good intermission, and this one has an Astarion-vibe to it. Serves as a good heads-up for whats to come and as a cool down from the previous song instead of just jumping right into a different tone. Plus, I’ve not gotten over my emo days, so…

ASTARION

15. The End – The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance

The end. The end of Astarions mortal life, the end of being under Cazador’s thumb while tadpoled.

16. Dead! – The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance

You can’t put ‘The End.’ without ‘Dead!’ and vice-versa. But, the lyrics do speak to me in encapsulating some surface-level Astarion plot, especially when it comes to his mortal, Magistrate days. Did Astarion get what he deserved? (referring to the versus: ‘I’ll be here waiting, babe; Did you get what you deserve?’). The BG3 artbook tells us Astarion was a corrupt magistrate, so this feel fitting. It’s speculative, but I think Astarion wasn’t too popular when he was alive, lol.

17. The Sharpest Lives – The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance

‘I’ve really been on a bender and it shows’Astarion doesn’t have the best coping mechanisms and skills, and this song is that. Plus, it’s another vampire-related song so it fits in well. And the lines below feel like they were written for him (y’know what I mean?): ‘You can take off your skin in the cannibal glow, Juilet loves the beat, and the lust it commands, Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo’

18. Brand New City - Lush by Mitski

I feel like Astarion has a lot of issues around control, like specifically in regard to needing to be in control in some small way. He’s emotionally withering away with his destructive ways, but it’s the only way he knows how to grasp onto some semblance of control over his life. ‘I think my ways are wearing me down, But if I gave up on being pretty, I wouldn’t know how to be alive,’

19.  The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill You – Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge by My Chemical Romance

This song is about Gerard Ways substance abuse and struggles with it, his addiction personified as a woman. In a similar vein, I’m using this song as a representation of Astarion’s own addiction (or obsession) to power and revenge. Its fuelling him, but its also slowly him a dark, toxic (and even dangerous) path.

20. Hand Me My Shovel, I’m Going In! – SELF-iSH by Will Wood & The Tapeworms

Another case of a song about self-destructive behaviours that just really fits Astarions own trauma and his response to it. Will Wood is a genius lyricist, don’t @ me, and this is a prime example of his work capturing addiction and other self-destructive behaviours, feeling powerless in stopping/not being able to stop, even though you could (with a lot of effort of therapy, mind you).

21. Kill All Your Friends – Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance

The opening lines capture more Astarion plot:  ‘Well, you can hide a lot about yourself, But honey, what’re you gonna do?’ Mainly, this song just feels like it fits him, especially with ‘I was killing before killing was cool,’.

22. Laplace’s Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!) – The Normal Album by Will Wood

Another vampire song, so naturally its here. A number of the lines in this song feel like inner turmoil within Astarion, but I can’t just copy paste the whole thing here, lol. Side note, this song has been in my private Astarion playlist for the past 2-ish years and I’ve always been like, ‘man, I wish I had the time to make an animatic to this (or Hand Me My Shovel) for Astarion’, and recently I stumbled upon an Astarion animatic someone made to this song and was SO SHOOK. So, I’m going to link it, because its fantastic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWKObQgHaGg

23. Your Body, My Temple - Camp Here & There: Campfire Songs Edition by Will Wood

POV: Astarion’s manipulating you.

24. Vampire Reference in a Minor Key – “In case I make it,” by Will Wood

Very Astarion-core song, but specifically in regards to his softer side (in the case of this fic, his feelings down the line for Gale). Obviously the vampire song is gonna remind me of the twink vampire.

25. The Chain (2004 Remaster) – Rumours by Fleetwood Mac

So, y’know Cazador and Astarions “siblings”, right?

26. Against the Kitchen Floor – “In case I make it,” by Will Wood

So, yknow the confession Astarion has in act 2, right? My canon ending for Astarion is him healing, finally. He’s a spawn, yes, but he’s making the most of that his immortal life as he can. I’ll say it again, Will Wood is a GENUIS and (most definitely because it comes from his own experiences) he captures the process of healing but not being fully there in this song. In relation to Astarion, this is him trying—genuinely trying to be better and work out what he’s going through. He’s not there, he won’t be for a long time, but he’s willing to try. Trying is the first step.

[rollinouttahere-writes]

This question might be off topic..👀 or strange perhaps.

In your opinion , how do you think other Strawhats if each of them were in Luffy's place instead and instead of Ace , Luffy died at Marineford?

I am trying to find a way to draw other Strawhats but slightly having troubles with finding best devasted like poses/things they's do upon such trauma☆

This wound up focusing a lot more on the long term aftermath than the initial devastation because I believe it would be pretty similar for everyone (whole lot of screaming and crying), but I hope you still find this useful or at least fun to read.

In the event of Luffy dying at Marineford, everyone would be in shambles. Whitebeard (assuming he lives) would offer them a place to stay on his ship while they regroup and try to grapple with the trauma of what happened. He isn't forcing them to join his crew or anything. They're free to go whenever they please, but he would also welcome them with open arms should they choose to stay.

Zoro splits off almost immediately and returns to his life as a bounty hunter. He is very much still pursuing his goal, just in solitude. He is constantly being inundated with invitations to other pirate crews, but he rejects all of them (sometimes violently). Luffy is the only person he will ever all captain. He blames himself a lot for his death. He was supposed to support and protect his captain, but he failed miserably. He's even more cold and removed than he used to be, and he'll never let anyone else in again. He also drinks more, to the point that it becomes genuinely concerning.

Nami also leaves, but takes more time to do so. She claims that she's only going back to Cocoyasi village temporarily so that she can process everything that has happened around familiar faces, but she never sets foot in the Grand Line again. Luffy was her safety net. Even in the most scary and intense situations, she could find solace in the reassurance that Luffy would be there to handle it... But now he isn't. He's gone forever and she feels lost without him. The Grand Line is much more scary without him leading the way. She will eventually start venturing around the Blues, but that is it.

Usopp cannot handle the survivor's guilt. He latches onto the Sogeking persona to cope after Luffy's death. It becomes extremely rare to see him without the mask, and he doesn't even respond to hearing the name Usopp anymore. He wants to go home so bad, but he can't bring himself to. He can't stomach having to look everyone there in the eye and telling them why he's back. Now would be a great time for Yassop to step up and be a father, but he's nowhere to be seen so Whitebeard steps up to the plate. He supports Usopp and actually talks him through the intense grief that is choking him. It takes time, but Whitebeard does succeed in making Usopp take of his physical and metaphorical mask by properly addressing his emotions on the matter. Usopp decides to stay with the Whitebeard Pirates and accepts becoming one of Whitebeard's sons.

Sanji is devastated. He wanted to leave immediately, but waited around for Nami to be ready to go before heading back to the East Blue. Sanji goes back to the Baratie and refuses to talk about what happened. He blames himself intensely for not being there for the battle and fully believes that it's his fault that Luffy is dead. On top of his smoking habit, he starts drinking. Everything feels so hollow now, and nothing will fill that emptiness. The only times that Zeff or the other Baratie staff members get a glimpse of the old Sanji is when Nami stops by to visit with him. Even then, he's much more subdued. He never really recovers from this and has abandoned the idea of ever finding the All Blue.

Chopper is inconsolable after Luffy's death. He feels like a failure as a doctor for not being able to save him even though there was nothing that he could do. He also chooses to stay with the Whitebeard Pirates and becomes Marco's apprentice. As devastated as he is by Luffy's death, he copes with it relatively well by throwing himself into an education. He does becomes obsessed with curing Whitebeard, however. He can't stand to watch two captains die back to back.

Robin up and vanishes as soon as night comes. This breaks her. She fully believes that Luffy's death was her fault. Someone finally loved and accepted her and look what happened to him. As far as she's concerned, she's cursed. Naturally, she distances herself from literally everyone. She refuses to let anyone else die because of her. She'll spend the rest of her life in solitude, and it probably won't take very long for that to happen.

Franky goes back to Water 7 with the Thousand Sunny after confirming that the Straw Hats were disbanding and that no one else wanted it. He makes the ship into a memorial for Luffy and takes meticulous care of it. While the death absolutely does hurt him, he copes with it the best out of anyone. He is no stranger to grief, and he bounces back relatively quick. He works for Galley-La designing ships, as well as doing so as a hobby.

Brook is similar to Robin in the sense that he believes that he is cursed. He finally let someone in and joined another crew, only for the captain to die almost immediately. He resolves to never join another pirate crew. Unlike Robin, he doesn't completely sink into despair. He pours all of his pain into music, and you can find a lot of clear inspiration from Luffy and other Straw Hats in his music. He also takes the time to visit Laboon whenever he can. He doesn't want the poor thing to be abandoned all over again.

Bonus round for Ace. Ace will never emotionally recover from this, and his grief is messy. He alternates between hysteric sobbing and an uncontrollable rage. One moment he'll be begging a god that he doesn't even believe in to give Luffy back and take him instead, but the next second he'll be destroying everything in arms reach while scream his throat raw. He's cursing Luffy for being a damned martyr. For putting himself somewhere he had no business to be. For leaving him to pick up the broken pieces in Luffy's wake. There is a noticeable improvement in his psyche once he reunites with Sabo and realizes he isn't the last brother left alive, but he is never truly the same after Luffy's death. It should have been him. He is very much at risk of dying not long after Luffy because if Garp doesn't kill Akainu, he will. And he will die trying.

[fanficmanic]

I just finished watching 8x08, and I have so many feelings.

So. Many. Mixed. Feelings!

Fair warning - long post ahead.

For one, I re-blogged a post sometime after 8x01 or 02 aired, I can't really remember, about the parallel's between Eddie's first season on the show and this one. With the insane amount of presence that Ryan has had so far in promoting the season so far, I've had this bad feeling at the pit of my stomach that this would be his last season. Now, hear me out, I don't think today's episode was his last (the masses would riot if it is), BUT, they have left the room wide open for it to happen fully by the end of the season.

Two, the level of act-ception this show is doing is hilarious! You have 3 of the most talented actors out there (I'm looking at you Oliver, Ryan, and Kenny) act so badly that if it wasn't so funny I'd die of second-hand embarrassment. Who ever said that this show was serious is sadly mistaken.

Three, Buck's reaction on the couch after finding out Eddie has a realtor interview for houses in El Paso. I've read so many comments and posts, and again, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I want this to be the start of Buck's realization of his feelings for Eddie, but on the other hand, if it is, it feels like almost anti-climatic! This was the fall finale (granted, I don't have much experience with those) but shouldn't it end with more of a cliffhanger? (Promo for March's 2-part return is not included in this rhetorical question)

Now, what do I want to see happen (I know the chances of it actually happening is slim-to-zero but I'm saying it anyway)?

For the Eddie-Chris story, I want Eddie to go to El Paso, scream at his parents and say something along the lines of "you feel so guilty about taking my childhood away that you're overcompensating with my son and giving him the childhood that I should've had". Moreover, I don't think Eddie ever badmouthed his parents in front of Chris because: 1. he's a great dad who would never jeopardize Chris's relationship with his grandparents (proven by the fact that Chris felt safe enough to call them when shit hit the fan), and 2. Eddie rarely (if ever) expresses his feelings to anyone (but Buck), so him showing his true feelings about his parents in front of Chris is virtually impossible. So, when Eddie shows up at El Paso and screams at his parents (I want it to happen in front of Chris but without Eddie knowing that Chris is there), Chris will feel like he's just his grandparent's second chance at being good parents and will want to have nothing to do with them. Also, I want Chris to freak out when he finds out that Eddie is looking to buy a house in El Paso because it was never his plan to stay there forever.

If Tim and Co. use this story line to have Eddie leave the 118 and LA, I want him and Chris to decide on a fresh start by going to Hawaii. Dum dum dum: Enter 9-1-1 Hawaii where they follow the lives of members of the 366 fire house who are having to cope with a new captain that just transferred over from LA.

For Buck, my beautiful beautiful Buck. First of all, I bow to the beautiful portrayal that Oliver Stark does with his face alone. He's so expressive when he wants to and being able to show such a wide range of emotion without saying a single word is otherworldly. (This is not saying that the others aren't great actors, I just have a stupid crush on Oliver Stark and I'm self-indulging here).

Anyway, back to what I was saying. The scene between Buck flipping over the tablet, Eddie explaining things, and Buck going to take a seat on the couch with the camera focusing on his face while Eddie wasn't looking wasn't longer than 2-3 minutes at best (could've been longer - seemed too short for my liking to be honest. These two haven't had enough screen time together this season IMHO). However, within just those few minutes, Buck went from panicking about wanting to call Tommy, to skeptical about why Eddie flipped the tablet, to playful about what Eddie must be hiding (like only a best friend would), to shock at hearing Eddie's explanation, to supportive of his best friend's decision (because he knows that Eddie must be dying on the inside at being so far away from Christopher), to panicking again at the possibility of losing his best friend. Buck spirals so easily on a good day. Today? It's a terrible, horrible, no good day and for Buck to be able to put a lid on his emotions so he can be fully supportive of Eddie says a lot! I also think that THIS is what will throw Buck back into his fuckboy phase, and NOT the breakup with Tommy.

Don't get me wrong, I hated how they ended things between Buck and Tommy (the struggles of being a multi-shipper), but in the grand scheme of things, who would have a more profound effect on Buck? Tommy leaving, or Eddie leaving? How about both of them leaving, making him spiral on his own?

Anyway, like I said in a previous post, this is my first time having to go through a fall/holidays hiatus. I don't celebrate Christmas - so I don't have that option to keep my minds off of things. This leaves my mind to wander on its own, which can be a very scary thing. I know that I already planning so many stories (as if I don't have enough ideas in my 9-1-1 folder), but I also know that I'll probably re-watch the show and dissect it with a fine-tooth comb, which will probably results in more story ideas.

I'm also really looking forward to all of the fanfiction that will come out during the coming 3 months.

Right now? This is exactly how I feel.

👇👇👇👇

[floofanflurr]

Your pirate au looks awesome! But now I keep thinking if they met the sea au, since it’s kinda like a reverse of the au? And also I don’t they’d get along well lol

EHEHHE THANK YOU!!! :D

You're right that it's basically a reverse! I kinda designed it that way. They were both made for Mermay in 2023, though I never posted either... I couldn't decide who I wanted to be the mermaid (Or siren, in Papyrus's case!) so I just... did both?

Though, the pirate AU has been put to the backburner, but Sea Glass (The siren Papyrus fic!) has been steadily been worked on! I'm hoping to post it by this May... I digress!!!

But HMMM. It sure would be an interesting dynamic if they met each other!!!

OH! I finally get to post their AU names publicly!

Sea Glass (Siren) Papyrus - Sea

Sea Glass Frisk - Glass

Pirate AU Papyrus - Captain

Pirate AU Frisk (Mermage) - Scamp

Pirate AU Sans - Sail

And now to ramble about how they would interact under the cut!

Okay, I'm NOT bringing Sail into this - there's already a billion dynamics to write about so lets just leave it at the Papyri and Frisks...

The Frisks would love each other - hands down. Best friends forever. Another kid that can sign?! Sign them up. (ehehe)

The interesting interactions would be between the skeletons. Of course, all this interaction depends on WHEN in their story lines they're meeting, because they go through character growth!

Captain wouldn't really mind Glass, because Glass is just a normal human - no magic, unlike his own Frisk.

If Captain has already fully taken Scamp in, he would probably try to take Glass in, too, since they're all alone and Scamp likes them. Poor Glass is not in great shape. Always hungry, doesn't have a roof over their head... they're. Not doing well. And Captain is a bleeding soul sometimes.

Glass would be... well. They'd be torn. Glass wants nothing more than to not be alone and they don't have a guarantee of that with Sea. Hell, they don't even feel they have a guarantee that Sea isn't going to snap and kill them. Neither of them have really talked about Sea's human-eating habits...

If Captain promises to look after Glass forever... Well. They would be hard pressed to say no. He's so similar to Sea! But with legs!!! ...And no people eating.

But Glass loves Sea. He's the first person to really care about them since their mama died, and he's Glass's entire world now. They live for the times they get to meet up with him.

Glass would have a hard time choosing what to do, and ultimately, it would depend on if they would be able to still see Sea if they went with Captain. They refuse to lose another parent, even if that parent probably doesn't think of them the same way.

Now Sea. SEA, my beloved... THIS is where the tensions come in.

He's not a jerk. He's a Papyrus like any other!!! But... Sea has... well. A lot of insecurities regarding his ability to take care of Glass. Namely, that he can't.

He's literally too petrified to even touch Glass for the first half of his story, because he thinks he'll hurt them.

And so he would be seethingly jealous if he saw Captain who has everything Sea has ever wanted - blunt phalanges, no spikes, not a man-eater. Captain is respected by his crew. But most importantly - Captain can hold Glass, and take care of them, and help them in a way Sea doesn't feel like he can.

He's not going to be a jerk to Captain. In fact, if Captain offers to take Glass in, he'll probably support it, even if it shreds his soul into little pieces.

But the tensions would mount between Captain and Sea. Captain would originally find Sea quite interesting! Though he would probably make Captain a bit uncomfortable - the only "sirens" in Captain's universe are water mages, and so despite the fact that Sea is a monster, it probably would still brush him the wrong way.

So Sea's resentment and Captain's discomfort would make things stilted and awkward, though not outright hostile. They're both Papyri - in many circumstances, they'd like each other a lot! They'll certainly return insults or hostility if one of them opens that avenue up, but neither are the kind to do so.

So just... really awkward. And Sea kind of sort of hates Captain immensely (but not really. he's just so jealous it brings him physical pain) (another part of him will be incredibly grateful to Captain for taking care of Glass in the way Sea feels that he can't.)

OH. ALSO WORTH NOTING. Captain is in his late 30s timeframe, thereabouts, while Sea is only in his early 20s. Think somewhere around 21-23.

(Glass is 12 and Scamp is 10)

Meaning Captain is more settled into himself than Sea. It just adds another interesting layer to the insecurity Sea feels in comparison to Captain when it comes to taking care of Glass.

Also, Captain has NO IDEA that Sea thinks of Glass as his pup - he just sees that Glass doesn't have a home. He would NOT be taking Glass away if he realized that Sea and Glass loved each other. He would probably try to pull an intervention...

But both Sea and Glass are too emotionally constipated and traumatized to admit that, and so Captain has no idea.

NOW FOR SCAMP! My love!!! They would be absolutely THRILLED to meet Sea. Sea would be... hesitant around them, but less scared of hurting them than he is of Glass. (Sea has a very particular fear of hurting humans due to his nature as a... well. As a man-eater.) And while Scamp is human, their tail and ability to breathe underwater would kind of soothe his subconscious into thinking of them as more of a mer.

Scamp would totally drag him into showing them around the open ocean. They can't really... well. They never had a real chance to explore since they were around 6, and the open ocean is dangerous for a single small human. They don't know how to navigate, or hunt, or protect themself. Sea will gladly take over showing them, though he'll probably refrain from touching them unless absolutely necessary.

Sea's chest will hurt, part of him wondering what it would be like to have this with Glass.

...In a more permanent scenario - them being stuck in the same universe indefinitely - it would probably end up being Captain taking in both Glass and Scamp on his boat, and Sea following along and helping out with Scamp - teaching them a lot of the things they need to know about being a water mage (there's a large amount of skill overlap).

Eventually tensions would be soothed and they would get along better. I imagine, once the conflict has been sorted and the misunderstandings cleared, Sea and Captain would be good friends. It might just... take a pretty big explosion and a lot of rising tensions to get to that point.

...And they'd both probably end up adopting BOTH Frisks. An odd little family, that's for sure, but a family nonetheless.

...

WOW OKAY I RAMBLED A LOT. LEMME WIND THIS DOWN.

If Sea and Glass feel more fleshed out than Captain and Scamp, that's because Captain and Scamp only live in my head right now... Sea and Glass have tens of thousands of words written about them. Probably over 100k if you count rewrites, scrapped scenes, and crossovers with friends. (though the published story is only going to end up being around 40-50k)

I've rewritten Sea Glass 6 times at this point - I'm on V.6. currently. And I only make a new version for MAJOR changes that require me to rewrite the whole thing. I've made so many little changes to each draft...

Well. I digress. The point being, both Sea and Glass have gone though so much character development and workshopping, and a billion and one little exercises to make them feel more like people. Meanwhile, Captain and Scamp I still have only surface level knowledge of.

If you've actually read through this entire ramble... thank you??? Seriously wow that's a lot of random words to read about my little blorbos that aren't even posted anywhere.

Anyone that's read this far gets a cookie 🍪

Thank you so much for your asks!!!! I'm absolutely loving them. You're giving me the chance to ramble about my beloveds... sorry if it's more words than you wanted!!!

[cetaceanhandiwork]

the conversation around generative neural networks is a dumpster fire in a dozen different ways but I think the part that disproportionately frustrates me, like on an irrational pet peeve level, is that nobody in that conversation seems to understand automata theory

back before most of these deep learning techniques were a twinkle in a theorist's eye, back when computing was a lot less engineering and a lot more math, computer scientists had worked out the math of different "classes" of computer system and what kinds of problems they could and couldn't solve

these aren't arbitrary classifications like most taxonomy turns out to be. there's qualitative differences. you can draw hard lines: "it takes class X or above to run programs with Y trait", and "only class X programs or below are guaranteed to have Y trait". and all of those lines have been mathematically proven; if you ever found a counterexample, then we'd be in "math is a lot of bunk" territory and we'd have way bigger things to worry about

this has nothing to do with how fast/slow the computer system goes; it's about "what kinds of program can it run at all". so it includes emulation and such. you can emulate a lower system in a higher one, but not vice versa

at the top of this heap is turing machines, which includes most computers we'd bother to build. there's a lot of programs that it's been mathematically proven require at least a turing machine to run. and this class of programs includes a lot of things that humans can do, too

but with this power comes some inevitable restrictions. for example, if you feed a program to a turing machine, there's no way to guarantee that the program will finish; it might get stuck somewhere and loop forever. in fact there's some programs that you straight up can't predict whether they'll ever finish even if you're looking at the code yourself

these two are intrinsically linked. if your program solves a turing complete problem, it needs a turing machine; nothing less will do. and a turing machine is capable of running all such programs, given enough time.

ok. great. what does any of that jargon have to do with AI?

well... the important thing to know is that the machine learning models we're using right now can't loop forever. if they could loop forever they couldn't be trained. for any given input, they'll produce an output in finite time

which means... well, any program that requires a turing machine to run, or even requires a push-down automaton to run (a weaker type of computer system that can get into infinite loops but that you can at least check ahead of time if a program will get stuck or not), can't be emulated by these systems. they've got to be in the next category down: finite state machines at most - and thus unable to compute, or emulate computation of, programs that inhabit a higher tier

and there is a heck of a lot of stuff we conceptualize as "thinking" that doesn't fit in a finite state machine

...I suspect it will some day be possible for a computer program to be a person. I am absolutely certain that when that day comes, the computer program who's a person would require at least a turing machine to run them

what we have right now isn't that. what we have right now is eye spots on moths, bee orchids, mockingbirds. it might be "artificial intelligence", depending on your definition of "intelligence", but prompt it to do things that we've proven only a turing machine can do, and it will fall over

and the reason I consider this an "irrational pet peeve" and not something more severe? is because this information doesn't actually help solve policy questions! if this is a tool, then we still need to decide how we're going to allow such tools to be built, and used. it's not as simple as a blanket ban, and it's not as simple as letting the output of GNNs fully launder the input, because either of those "simple" solutions are rife for abuse

but I can't help but feel like the conversation is in part held back by specious "is a GNN a people" arguments on the one hand, and "can a GNN actually replace writers, or is it just fooling execs into thinking it can" arguments on the other, when the answer to both seems to me like it was solved 40 years ago

[gatesofember]

hewwo I am rereading amau. I'm sure you've talked about this before but after Lee and Michael die will is technically next in line to inherit, right? but how does that work if he's already married off? does it go down to Austin?

get cozy and be ready for a bedtime story, because as usual, this answer got away from me

Will actually isn’t next in line! he and Austin aren’t able to inherit because they’re illegitimate. the duchy goes to Kayla. she thought about joining the sorority as a kid but fortunately had abandoned that idea by the time she became first in line.

Will and Austin could become next in line if Apollo legitimizes them (natural-born kids can be legitimized in a legal process; Aphrodite legitimized all her kids). but becoming the duke is Austin’s worst nightmare tbh and Will wouldn’t be able to take over the duchy while married to Nico.

if Kayla did decide to join the sorority, the duchy would go to the next person in line: everybody’s favorite guy, Octavian.

I did have the idea that Nico would offer to have the marriage annulled so that Will could take care of his family, since Austin had no interest in becoming the duke and Kayla (they thought) wanted to be a soror. of course this made Will angry:

Nico swallowed thickly.  “Perhaps...perhaps if it comes to that, you and I will have to...annul the marriage.”  Will, in the eyes of the Juvian Empire, was a Pluton now.  Only an annulment would change that.  And later, if Will became the duke, he would need an opposite-sex marriage to create a more legitimate heir than Octavian. Will rubbed his temple.  “No.  No, I...Nico, there will be another solution.” Nico nodded in silence.  He watched the curve of Will’s face and the occasional blink of his eyes as Will sat in deep, solemn thought.  He did not share those thoughts with Nico.

...

After several moments of silence fell between them, Nico cleared his throat.  “Have you given any thought to what I said last night? Will ground his teeth without replying.  He did not want to think of it. When Will gave no answer, Nico said, “Will, if it comes to it and you want an annulment, I would support you.” “We can’t,” Will said, just as he had the day before.   “I won’t allow it to come to that.” “But Will, if it’s best for Diana--” “What about what’s best for me, Nico?” Will interrupted softly.  “Had you thought of that?  Maybe an annulment wouldn’t be as hard for you as it would be for me.  You’re a prince; you could just find another duke’s bastard to marry.  But as for me?  I’ll find a wife — a countess, most likely.  Someone to build a family line with.  I’d never have a marriage as advantageous as this one.  I could never have a life like the one you’ve given me.  You could easily find someone as good as me to marry -- probably better.  But I would be forever miserable, knowing the life and the man I left behind.  How could I leave the palace and its wonders, or your sister and my dear Bonnie?  How could I abandon Pluto and the people I have adopted as my own?  How could I ever smile again?  How could I ever lie with anyone when I know what it’s like to lie with you?  I could never be so happy with anyone else -- yes, because of the things your status enables me to do and the people it lets me help, but also because of my love for you.” “Will--” “But by all means, if our marriage means so little to you, then perhaps an annulment would be best, should it come to that.” “Will, stop this.  I did not mean it that way and you are fully aware of it.” “Am I?  You suggested it so casually.” “Casually?  You think I am casual about the possibility of ending our marriage?” “It wouldn’t be the first time that our marriage meant less to you than it did to me.” “Will, I’m offering for you.  I suggested it not because our marriage means little to me, but because you mean more to me than our marriage.  If you needed it, I would make that sacrifice.  Do you truly believe that I could replace you so easily?  I wouldn’t see another suitor as long as I live.  You are the only one who wants me.” “You know very well that’s a lie--” “It isn’t,” Nico insisted.  “You were the only one who ever told me you wanted to see me again.  You were the only one to smile at me and the only one who always looked happy to see me.  No one wants me, Will.  I have a terrible temper, my father’s kingdom is in debt, and anyone who could possibly help would never agree to a marriage because I have nothing to offer but a name.  I was refused by everyone who I ever tried to court -- except you.”  Nico folded his arms in front of himself, looking very small and cold and afraid.  “I don’t want to marry anyone else.  Not when I know what it’s like to have someone as wonderful as you.  I am completely yours, Will.  I always will be.”

...

“I lost my brothers, Nico.  I cannot lose my husband, too.”

but Will did bring this up with his family later on while they were discussing what to do next:

Will took a breath.  “Nico and I have discussed annulling the marriage,” he said.  “Should Kayla join the Sorority, His Highness would be willing to part amicably.  I...I have told him no, but if it is what is best--” “Don’t be stupid, Will,” Kayla cut in.  “How could I ask that of you?  I will not be joining the Sorority.” “Kayla, it has been your aspiration for years--” “When I was a child,” Kayla said.  “This is my duty now.  Your duty is to your husband.”

however...the family thought there was another option:

“There won’t be any need for that,” Lou Ellen said quietly.  Will noticed her hands shaking.  “Lee and I planned to tell you that night.  I’m expecting a baby.”

Lou Ellen and Lee's baby would have had a better claim to the duchy than Kayla. so Will reported this to NIco:

“Lou Ellen is expecting,” Will said stiffly.   “She is?  Oh, Will, I--” “So you can forget all your ridiculous notions of annulling our marriage,” Will interrupted. “I already have,” Nico answered.

unfortunately, the baby was stillborn, so Kayla stayed next in line.

(the big am au file is so massive that the app kept crashing on my phone so I had to find all this on my computer)

some other excerpts from the "Will's brothers die and everything goes to shit" fic because I can't help myself I NEED someone to read this because I'm never going to get around to writing this:

(note that I wrote all this before deciding that Will was enby so if you see any mistakes, that's why)

“Will...” Nico started.  “If there is anything you need, ask for it.” “I need my brothers,” Will whispered. Nico closed his eyes.  He still remembered hearing about Bianca’s death.  He remembered the fear that rattled his body at the thought of succession.  He remembered the confusion, the anger, the guilt.... Truth be told, he still felt that way. Will blamed himself, Nico knew.  They had been the targets of the assassination, not Lee and Michael.  But Will and Nico had been off on their own, enjoying each other like two foolish young lovers. No, that wasn’t true.  It had been Nico -- Nico was the person who was meant to be assassinated, not Will.  Oh, how Will must despise him.... “Will, I....”  Nico did not know what to say.  An apology did not seem to suit the situation.  Will would not want an apology. “I would like to sleep in my own room tonight,” Will said softly.

...

Will hardly slept, but did not venture from his bed until after the sun had risen.  He felt terribly alone and for a moment, he regretted his decision to sleep by himself.  But no, he did not wish to burden his husband with his grief.  His restlessness would have kept Nico from sleeping. He pulled his dressing gown over his nightclothes and stepped into a pair of silk slippers before leaving his room.  He found his husband seated outside.  Nico rose to his feet when he saw Will, as though he owed Will that respect. “I was thinking of waking you,” Nico said.  “Chiron came by.  I told him we would take our breakfast here.  Would you prefer otherwise?” “No,” Will said without feeling, taking a seat on the couch by the fire.  “That will do, thank you.”  He realized he sounded as though he were dismissing a servant after the words left his mouth, but Nico did not appear to take offense.  He merely reclaimed his seat in silence, and they did not speak until their breakfast arrived. “I have no appetite,” Will said when Nico offered to fix him a plate from the tray of cuts. “Would you please try to eat?” Nico asked.  “At least a bit?” Will hesitated before nodding his consent.  Nico prepared him a plate and sat with him on the couch, where he cut Will’s meat for him and even brought it to Will’s lips like Will was little more than a helpless child. Will felt like a helpless child. “No more,” Will said a little while later, when Nico offered him another bite.  Nico nodded and took the plate away.  He did not get a plate for himself before sitting beside Will again, but Will did not have the energy to question him.

...

Will turned back to his father and stepmother and saw that their heads were bowed together, their fingers loosely linked between them.  He couldn’t recall ever seeing them be physically affectionate with each other, even in his childhood.  They avoided speaking to each other or even being in the same room if they were able to.  A part of him suspected that Kayla was natural-born, as well -- a child of Daphne and one of her favorites.  But it was not the time for questioning Kayla's legitimacy.  That time would never come.  If Kayla was natural-born, the secret would die with Daphne and Apollo.  Will turned away and left the room.

...

“Would you come to bed with me?” Nico asked, his hands shaking in his lap. “I would like to sleep alone,” Will said. Nico closed his eyes and forced himself to remain composed.  It was selfish of him to want Will to himself.  Will was hurting and Nico had no right to impose if he wasn't wanted.  And, after all, why would Will want him?  It was Nico's fault his brothers were dead.  “I...of course.  Of course.” Will remained still, his hands unmoving and his eyes unseeing, as Nico stood to retire to his bed. “Will, my love?” he said. Will glanced at him. “You must know that should you need me, my door is always open to you.” Will nodded in silence. “Sleep well, dearest,” Nico said.  He received no answer before he closed the door to his room.

...

“I would like to sleep in my own room,” Will whispered. Nico took a deep breath.  “Then may I join you?” he asked. He rarely stayed in Will’s room.  When they slept together, it was always in Nico’s.  It had become a habit; they naturally went to Nico’s room to sleep.  Nico had never questioned it before, but now he wondered why that was. Will stared at him without answering.  Nico said, “Never mind, my dear.” Nico turned to walk into his own room, but he heard Will stand and whisper, “Wait.” Nico turned back and Will dropped his gaze.  “Would you stay with me?” he asked softly. “Of course I will,” Nico answered.  “Anything you want.”

...

“I feel better when you hold me.” “Then why did you want to sleep alone?” At first, Will said nothing.  But then— “Because I didn’t want you to see me cry,” Will whispered.

...

“Are you angry?  Do you blame me?” Will’s arms tightened around Nico’s waist and he buried his face in Nico’s chest.  “I don’t want to,” he said softly. “But you do.” Tears stung Will’s eyes.  “I love you so much,” he said, his voice cracking with tears.  “I’m so sorry, Nico, I’m so sorry.  I shouldn’t blame you this way.” Nico kissed the crown of Will’s head.  “I blame myself, as well.” “I know,” Will said, his body starting to shake with sobs.  “I...I hate this, Nico.  I don’t understand any of it.  I wake up every morning and think about something I have to tell them, but they’re not here, or I think about how I will miss them when we go home, but I will miss them forever.” “Will--” “Gods above, don’t ever leave me, Nico.  Don’t ever make me feel this way.”

...

“I hate this, Nico.  I love you so much, but I can’t...I can’t even look at you without thinking that it’s our fault my brothers are dead.  They took my brothers from me.  They want to take you from me.  And I feel like they’ve torn this divide between us, like we were good and pure and they ruined it with stains of blood.  They’ve taken my family from me.  They’ve taken my love for you and twisted it into something so confusing I can’t make sense of it.”

...

“I think you should return to Pluto.” “Yes.” “And I will remain here.  Until things have begun to settle, I must stay with my family.  I will see Lou Ellen through her pregnancy and ensure the baby's health.” “Then I suppose we will not see each other for a very long time.” “No.  It may even take a year.” “It...it won’t be easy for me.” “It won’t be easy for me, either.  But perhaps it’s for the best.  Being apart...it will give me a chance to think this over.  I need time to mourn and heal with my family.” “And you’ll come back home to me?” “Yes,” Will said.  “I always will.  Do you trust me?” “Yes, of course.  But I’m still afraid.” “So am I.” “We’ll write to each other,” Nico said, lacing his fingers through Will’s.  “Just like when we were courting.” Will smiled.  But it wouldn’t be like when they were courting.  They both knew that. “Will you still love me when I see you again?” Nico whispered. “I don’t know what it’s like to not love you.” “Well, I hope you don’t learn.” “I don’t think I can.”

...

“Write to me.  Write to me whenever you are able.” “I will.” “And be there for me to come home to.” “I’ll be waiting.” “Give Bonnie my love.” “Always.” “And kiss your sister for me.” “Of course.”

...

“You have a son, Lou,” Will said.  “Would you like to hold him?” “I…” Lou Ellen stopped and sobbed, her hand flying up to cover her mouth.  “I don’t...I don’t know.  I don’t know.” Will tried to hold his tears back for Lou Ellen’s sake.  She didn’t need to see him cry.  “Would you like me to tell you about him?” he asked.  Lou Ellen nodded to that, still sobbing quietly into her hand. Will swallowed and looked down at the lifeless baby in his arms.  “He’s beautiful,” Will said.  “He has two eyes and ten little fingers.  He has your dark hair, but his complexion is more tan like Lee’s.  He looks so peaceful, Lou.”  Will had to stop talking to keep his voice from cracking.  He didn’t know what else to say.  How could he describe this wonderful, horrible gift? “May I hold him?” Lou Ellen asked shakily. “Of course,” Will croaked, going to her bedside and passing her the baby. Lou Ellen was silent for a long time.  She gently touched the curve of his cheek and ran her fingers over the thin hair on his head. “He looks like he’s sleeping,” Lou Ellen finally whispered.

...

The baby was stillborn, Will wrote.  I am coming home.  Lou Ellen will accompany me. He didn’t know what else to say, so he folded the letter in an envelope and sealed it.

...

“Will,” Nico whispered, not sure if he was welcome at all.  He wanted to cradle Will’s face in his hands, to brush his fingers over Will’s cheeks and memorize his lines again.  Had Will changed?  How much had he aged?  How much had Nico missed out on?  “I missed you.” It seemed like such an understatement.  Nico had felt like a part of himself was gone.  He’d felt hollow without Will.  His bed had been empty — no Will, no Asterion...Bonnie sometimes followed him to bed and spent the night with him, but more often than not, she stayed with Hazel. The corner of Will’s mouth quirked up so subtly that Nico would have missed it had he not been looking for it.  “I missed you,” he whispered back, and then suddenly they were both rushing across the room to hold each other.

...

“Will things ever be the same between us?” Nico asked in a whisper. “No,” Will answered.  “But I love you, Nico.  We will heal and grow, and you and I will become stronger than we ever were.” “Then you don’t hate me?” Nico asked, despising the pathetic taste of those words on his tongue. “Nico, my darling prince,” Will said, slowly turning to face him.  “Do you really believe that I could ever hate you?” Nico swallowed.  “I don’t know, Will.  I really don’t.  I don’t know anything anymore.” Will took Nico’s chin in his and tilted his head up, forcing Nico to meet his eyes.  “Well, I don’t hate you.  And I never will.  I will love you through anything, Nico.  Through the coldest of winters and the darkest of nights, through ridiculous arguments and petty misunderstandings, through the best days of our lives and through the worst.  I will love you when you are weak and when you are strong, when you are stubborn and obstinate and when you are sweet and kind.  I will love you when you push me off the bed in your sleep and I will love you when I wake up in your arms in the morning.”

[hellerfanboy91]

Supernatural Revisited 5x04 The End

Dean and Sam are still taking separate holidays, and this time Sam is mostly absent from the episode. I would say this makes the split between the brothers feel more real, but unfortunately the opposite is true. The main thrust of this episode is that separation is apparently bad for Dean and Sam because they keep each other human. Or so the show wants us to believe. Not five episodes ago, Sam nearly killed Dean in cold blood, and a handful of episodes before that a siren played on their deep-seated resentment of each other to get them to kill each other. In the very next episode (5x05 Fallen Idols) Sam will blame everything on Dean and Dean will let him, thereby ensuring Sam does not grow up, but please do go ahead and tell me how their fraternity is a good thing which keeps them human.

Dean and Sam's brotherhood is one of the selling points of this show. A huge percentage of the fanbase watch it for them and their relationship, and many will claim the show is 'about the brothers' as though they are saying something profound. The result of this is that the two have to be kept together and schisms between them cannot be long-lasting of have any real consequences. Part of the reason for this is the nature of serial television: it is reliant upon viewership and people coming back week after week. In order to ensure that, the audience needs to be given what they want. The network, producers, and many of the writers insist that what the viewers want is Salmondean in stasis. Were the show shorter, this would be less of an issue, but long before the show ran out of steam their relationship became tiresome and repetitive for me.

As a point of comparison, I will once more refer to Vilhelm Moberg's The Emigrants series (and not just because I finally got to see the musical version Kristina frå Duvemåla in Oslo last month). Two of the three main characters in the novels are brothers; Karl Oskar the elder brother and Robert the younger brother. The two are fundamentally different characters representing different archetypes of men, and this causes deeo disagreements and misunderstandings between the two. Karl Oskar is the ideal of a rural man in 1840s Sweden: practical, industrious, perseverent, realistic, and earns his living with his muscle and by the sweat of his brow. He sees how things are and deals accordingly. Robert, on the other hand, is a hopeful yet naïve idealist who dreams of a better life for himself but sees only what he wishes for.

Karl Oskar sees Robert as an air-headed, idiotic liar in need of a good slap and an honest day's work, whereas Robert sees Karl Oskar as a decent man but not something Robert ever aspires to be. This difference in character means the brothers can never fully understand each other, and the difference leads to resentment, anger, mistrust, and ultimately violence (mostly because Karl Oskar refused to ever entertain the notion he might be wrong and assumed the worst of his brother). Without spoiling too much, the conflict between Karl Oskar and Robert had dire consequences which separated the two of them forever.

I am aware you are not here to read about my thoughts on post-war Swedish literature, so back to Supernatural. Dean and Sam had reached a breaking point in their brotherhood and decided to have a lengthy break from each other. I was thrilled when Dean cut Sam out of his life; it showed growth and implied awareness of his ability to live without being his brother's keeper. It should have also been a slap in the face for Sam because his actions at long last had consequences and his 'puppy-dog eyes', sanctimony, and apologies no longer work.

Sam was taking baby steps towards accountability, adulthood, and facing the consequences of his actions. He had lost the closest he had to a friend and the person shielding him from the world, and might have ended up repenting and changing his ways. Dean was finally able to be independent after drawing a line and saying what he is not willing to accept from his nearest and dearest, but The Show insisted on yeeting him back into the poisonous co-dependent relationship with Sam. After the promise of consequences and character development, all is essentially back to normal after only two episodes. This is a problem which is perennial in this show: characters are not allowed to truly learn from their mistakes (except Dean sometimes) and are not allowed to properly grow.

Part of the reason is the abovementioned audience who watch for Salmondean. They are watching a show about two brothers with a dysfunctional but ultimately loving relationship and they want nothing to get between the brothers. To the detriment of the narrative, this section of the viewers is the onle the writers and producers mainly cater for because it is the safe, conservative option which leaves everybody's boats unrocked. It is easy to sell and has worked well enough so far, so why fix it?

The fact that the show's viewership tanked in series seven after Cas's apparent death and absence from the show is proof that Salmondean ran out of fuel relatively early in the show and the viewers wanted something else. Even my friends who are watching the show for the first time got tired of Salmondean's bickering and their damaged relationship somewhere around series three.

There is another part of the fanbase and viewership who are watching quite a different show about two brothers with an unhealthy, destructive relationship with the narrative keeps them trapped in. This, however, is more complex, less 'feel good', and harder to sell, especially when a huge part of their unhealthy relationship is the abuse they experienced at the hands of their father, both canonical and implied.

The final series of this show as good as told the viewers that the writers were being censored and not allowed to write the stories they wanted. The network and producers perhaps more so than the showrunner decided what could and could not happen (see e.g. Misha Collins' surprise that Cas's 'I love you' was actually allowed in the show), and it seems like what they wanted to happen was for the formula to continue.

The result of this is that the show cannot have real long-lasting consequences and cannot keep Salmondean apart for long, because that is the formula used to sell the show. The potential for conflict, organic drama, change, and recovery was wasted so that Salmondean could be together and the story could be reduced to the simplistic premise of 'two brothers fighting monsters'.

Now with that lengthy preamble aside, a brief summary of the episode. After Lucifer told Sam he is Lucifer's vessel at the end of 5x03 Free to Be You and Me, Sam calls Dean in a motel to tell him he 'wants back in'. Dean wisely refuses to let Sam back into his life, stating that they are safer as far apart from each other as possible, then goes to sleep. Unfortunately, he wakes up a few hours later in an Apocalypse world. The year is 2014 and the Croatoan virus is turning mankind into not-zombies. After a run-in with some not-zombies, Dean ends up with a group of survivors whose leader is his future self. After telling Dean that Sam said yes to Lucifer, future!Dean leads Dean and a group of survivors on a suicide mission to kill Lucifer. The mission ends in failure with everybody but Dean dying, and after Sam!Lucifer talks for a few minutes while wearing an ugly white suit, Dean is zapped back to the real world.

The whole thing has been orchestrated by Zachariah to show Dean the consequences of not saying yes to Michael. Zachariah's plan failed and Cas rescues Dean at the last second. Following this, Dean shows that he did learn a lesson from Zachariah's holodeck and invites Sam back into the fold. Apparently the real problem in Zachariah's future was that Dean and Sam were not together to keep each other human.

Due to this being another 'gimicky' episode, I only have so much to say about it. Other than the last two minutes, I enjoyed it. Cas and Dean having more screentime without Sam present is a joy, and stoner-hippie future Cas was an interesting take on what Cas could become in a post-Apocalyptic world. The not-zombie apocalypse world was atmospheric enough for a genre show on a budget (and about a year before The Walking Dead premiered) and the Lucifer!Sam scene was ominous (though if we are told something is definitely one hundred percent going to happen, it takes some of the drama out of the story).

That said, my latest rewatch of this episode crystalised a conviction, that being that the vision of the future was a complete fabrication. I hinted at that earlier with my 'holodeck' reference, and the main thing which finally convinced me was how completely convenient future!Dean's exhortation to say yes to Michael etc were.

If we speak in philosophical terms (which physicists might agree with), the future does not exist. There is only the past and the present, and it is impossible to know the future because there are so very many different things which can affect what the future will look like when it becomes the present. Early last year, I read Melvin Burgess's Loki wherein Odin was driven mad by his ability to see all possible futures. There is simply too much which could possibly be and too much which can impact it. As a result, Zachariah cannot see 'the' future and cannot show 'the' future to Dean. He might be able to see 'a' possible future, but no more than that.

However, this does not diminish th epossible impact such a vision can have on a simple mortal. Once more, I am reminded of Buffy, this time of 6x16 Hell's Bells. It is Xander and Anya's wedding day, butwhen a demon shows Xander a vision of his future wherein he and Anya are a miserable, middle-aged married couple who hate each other and are physically abusive, just like Xander's parents were. Even though Xander finds out the vision was fake, it still seriously affected him and people who have watched the show know how that episode ends.

Future!Dean telling Dean to say 'yes' was clearly Zachariah talking, but the idea of a future Dean wishing he had let Michael use him as a vessel is not too ridiculous. After all, some of us have watched the whole show and know what happens later. But this was Zach's holodeck, and Dean's takeaway from it was to keep Sam close in order to prevent him saying yes to Lucifer like he did in Zach's future.

Dean's time without Sam was fun while it lasted. It allowed the viewer to see Dean as a competent hunter unburdened by his brother, as well as showing resourcefulness in e.g. pulling a nail out of the floorboards to free himself of handcuffs. He also got to draw and keep his boundaries by e.g. telling Cas to give him a few hours' sleep, and reiterating to Sam in the cold open that no, Sam is not welcome back in Dean's life.

But regarding boundaries, less than a minute after Dean frees himself from future!Dean's handcuffs he is once again assaulted by a woman with hurt feelings. I bitched about this in 5x02 Good God, Y'all when Ellen slapped Dean, and I intend to reprise my bitching here. Whatsherface tried to punch Dean in the head, then tried to knee him in either the stomach or the groin... because of her hurt feelings. I cannot say enough how this is one of my least favourite tropes and it genuinely does make these women look like they have absolutely no control over themselves.

And if we are to believe that future!Dean and Whatsherface ( I know she has a name, but I hate her, so I ain't using it) were in a relationship of some kind, then she has shown that she was perfectly happy to enact partner violence on Dean. In front of future!Chuck, no less. And when Dean's back was turned. This does not make her look kickass or strong, but makes her look like a child in an adult's body who needs to be taught a lesson about what happens when Chihuahuas yap at German Shepherds. If a man had tried that with Dean, he would have got decked in seconds. I absolutely loathe this, and the partner violence aspect just makes it worse. The viewer is also supposed to laugh at this, clearly, because a big muscly man is about to get hit by a woman. Can this just die? The less of this I see in my media, the happier I will be. Having seen partner violence in my life at close range (with men and woman as both victims and perpetrators), I do not want it anywhere near me.

Alhamdullilah she dies at the end of the episode. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Further to the subject of ladies, Dean's line about once having tried on underwear intended for ladies has taken on a life of its own in some sections of the fanbase. This is in spite of it being apparent from the conversation that it only happened once a long time ago. Though Ben Edlund has the writing credit for this episode, Edlund has said that this line was actually a Kripke insert.

I might have known it was a Kripke line because it honestly had his stink all over it. The Boys has all the 'correct' left-wing politics and talking points, but in some aspects Kripke gives the impression of being seriously regressive, e.g. the mockery of male victims of sexual assault and the typical 'male gaze' which sees men's bodies as objects of either disgust or humour. Almost every single violent, on-screen death on that show is a man, just like in Supernatural, and the first three series of the show still give off vague gay men are a little bit gross really vibes.

By which I mean someone on the writing staff seems intent on mocking the idea of Dean being 'manly' by making him the butt of all the homophobic jokes in the show. Moreover, little things like 'Dean once tried on pink knickers' are thrown in which on the one hand could just be silly jokes, but could also be more of the same old 'he's compensating for something' jibes. Coupled with Kripke calling Dean a 'wussy' (because he was not allowed to say 'pussy') in the commentary for 4x22 Lucifer Rising, a picture emerges which is not flattering.

I recently watched this episode with two friends who did not react at all to this line. I think it might have got a nose-laugh from me initially, but it is completely forgettable because they are just underwear. I do not care. Would anybody care if e.g. Ellen revealed she once tried on Jo's dad's boxers? No. So why has a certain section of the fandom leapt on this one line? Ironic that in a time when we supposedly should not care about gender at all, a man trying on ladies' underwear once twenty years ago is apparently earth-shattering. From my perspective at least, it really does look like a bunch of people going 'Oh look, he is a total poof. And the bender even wears ladies' underwear. Ha, what a fruit!' (for the young among you, 'poof', 'bender', and 'fruit' are all derogatory terms for a gay man).

Am I getting a bit too intense and jumping the gun a bit? Perhaps. Then again, having spent thirty-three years surrounded by this kind of bollocks I can spot it immediately. Given Kripke's propensity for playground homophobic jokes in Supernatural and worse in The Boys, it is difficult not to come to these conclusions.

Ben Edlund recently appeared on Supernatural Then and Now podcast (the same one Jensen and Jeffrey appeared on two years ago when Jensen claimed 'Dean didn't really have a problem with John') to discuss this episode. Unfortunately, I have only listened to two minutes of the podcast because I am not made of money, but the section I listened to was enlightening. Some lines from Edlund's script did not make it to screen, and these lines pertained to the nature of Dean and Cas's relationship.

While in the car together, Dean and future!Cas have a conversation about Cas now being human. In Edund's original version, Cas says (with 'unadorned sincerity') that he and Dean are all they have left. On the podcast, Edlund says that he was asked to make the dialogue less obvious, i.e. that the text had to be buried and made into subtext. Suddenly calling me crazy for thinking Dean and Cas were more than friends looks like less of a tenable position, especially considering future!Cas waited for Dean to arrive to begin the orgy.

This is gratifying. One of the other reasons I started these analyses was to explain why I understand Dean and Cas the way I do, since I was heartily sick of the gaslighting and mockery from people who were not really paying any attention but knew for certain that there were no fags, fruits, or queers in their show. It is difficult to gaslight somebody when there is hard evidence to back up what they are saying.

Anyway, future!Cas was first envisioned as a far more insane character after having become human. Unfortunately, the idea of Cas crushing a beetle, bringing it back to life, then crushing it again was thought to be too dark (is this supposed to be a horror show for adults or not?) so instead Edlund wrote him as a stoner hippie type. This does not get any particular complaints from me, and the version of future!Cas in the episode is probably more appealing. He is a figure of fun, but the old-fashioned word 'fey' came to mind, i.e. the kind of 'craziness' a person might feel before death or when s/he knows death is coming soon. His attitude is very much one of 'we're all boned, so let's have some fun while we still can because there's nothing we can do about it.' He has chosen to stick by Dean though, as well as follow him into certain death at the end.

On the subject of that certain death, Dean tried to call out future!Dean's plan to use his friends as bait at the end. "You're just gonna throw your friends into meat grinder? Cas too?" The language here indicates that there is a difference between Cas and 'friends', and the 'too' here serves the same function as 'even', e.g. "Even Cas?" Cas is here put into a category above 'friends', a category of person it is all the more surprising future!Dean would sacrifice. Bearing in mind Edlund's original script where Dean and Cas were all they had left and the 'subtext' he talked about in Supernatural Then and Now, a picture emerges of what the true nature of future!Dean and future!Cas's relationship might have been. Although given it was Dean who said the line, this also says a lot about Dean's own view of Cas.

Lacking a proper segue, time to discuss the cold open. I had to watch the opening of this episode several times in order to digest all the information in it because it was packed and difficult to follow. In the space of about two minutes, there is a street preacher whom the audience must assume will be important later, a brief discussion between Dean and Cas about the colt and its whereabouts, and the viewer learns that Dean has serious sleeping issues.

On top of that, Sam calls Dean asking to be let back into the club, Dean rejects him, and then Dean goes to sleep and wakes up in The Walking Dead.

The opening introduces all of this stuff efficiently, but there is a bit too much. Dean's conversations with both Cas and Sam are important to the end of the episode, but perhaps the part about the colt could have been left out to avoid overload.

As for the conversation with Sam, once again it was All About Sam. 'I want back in', 'I want redemption', 'I can do it'. The reason he left was because he thought he was a danger to himself and others, but now that he has found out he is a bigger threat than ever due to being Lucifer's muppet, he wants to return to hunting with Dean. For once Dean stood his ground and kept Sam out in the cold where he belongs. This is where the conversation should have ended for a few more episodes at least. Sam is supposed to be recovering from addiction, but instead of going to rehab and a support group, he wants to carry on as if nothing has happened. Sam has clearly not learnt any lessons whatsoever.

The point of this episode was to make Dean cave into Sam's wishes and let him back into the fold, but this (and the following episode) frames the whole malarkey as something which Dean needs to learn a lesson from. As if Dean's apology and Sam's lack thereof in the final scene did not make that clear enough, it is Dean who is in the wrong here, not Sam.

You will remember two analyses ago I made reference to Lachrymosa by Evanescence, and it still feels relevant. 'Willing/ to let you blame it on me / and set your guilt free'. Notwithstanding the fact the song is about Amy Lee's break-up with Sean Morgan after a family suicide and alcohol addiction, these are uncannily apt for Dean and Sam. Whether literally or not, Dean is 'lying' in order to keep Sam near him. He is leaving much unsaid and once more allowing Sam to blame him. The loop of mistreatment and self-flagellation in their brotherhood is frustrating, but unfortunately true to life for many relationships. But I sure as Hell ain't gonna celebrate Salmondean or wish it well.

This unfortunately undermined the far more enjoyable scene between Dean and Cas. Their conversation in the cold open ended with Dean telling Cas to pick him up in the morning after letting Dean sleep, whereupon Cas utters the much-memed line 'I'll just wait here then.' And indeed he did wait there until the agreed time when he rescued Dean from Zachariah's clutches in the nick of time. Relieved at being saved and happy to see Cas, Dean looks him straight in the eyes and says 'Don't ever change'. Their relationship has changed a lot since even the beginning of the previous episode, Cas's smile in return says very clearly that Cas was very much in love Dean at that point.

A far more pleasing end to this episode would have been Dean and Cas in the car together with no toxicity or heavy baggage to show that things have changed since Sam left, but alas.

Lucifer!Sam was an interesting take on Lucifer, quite different than what the viewer might have expected. Jensen and various staff have praised Jared's performance. It was very different than Sam and when watching the scene, I did not Sam. However, it did not personally appeal to me, perhaps because this is far from the first time I have seen a deity in human form; Buffy and Angel got there way before this, and The Sandman and American Gods before them. The last of these is perhaps why I do no personally care about Lucifer in a white suit: it almost feels derivative of Gaiman. It also feels too Supernatural, i.e. low-budget.

As for the content of the conversation, I am sure I have heard this version of Lucifer's story elsewhere, but I do not remember where. It is remarkably similar to (surprise surprise) Lucifer in Gaiman's Sandman, who is also heavily influenced by Paradise Lost. Whatever the ultimate source, the idea that Lucifer refused to bow to mankind because he loved God more is clearly an attempt to portray himself as the victim in the whole situation (kinda like Sam, really), whether or not it is true.

But since this is all Zachariah's holodeck, it can be concluded that this was Zachariah's attempt at breaking Dean's will by showing him that Sam will say yes to Lucifer. The only thing Dean can do to prevent what he saw coming to pass is to say yes to Michael, or so Zachariah wants him to believe.

While listening to The Sandman the other day, I heard Lucifer refer to himself as Samael, which jogged my memory after having read that bit of lore a few months ago. This led me down a rabbit hole to a film I watched at about 1 o'clock in the morning on holiday in Skegness in roughly 2008, Gabriel. The main character in this is archangel Gabriel and the antagonist is none other than Sammael, i.e. Lucifer.

Before he became known as Lightbringer (which is what Lucifer means in Latin), his name was Sammael. If I did not know the story of how Dean and Sam's names were chosen, I might think that Sam's name had been chosen for this reason.

As an aside, I also have no idea where the idea that humans are 'hairless apes' comes from. Humans are hairy, especially the men, so who is hairless?

Using the Croatoan virus from 2x09 Croatoan was a clever idea, but unfortunately it did not come to much. One scene with a hoard of not-zombies disappointed me. If this were The Walking Dead, the survivors' compound would have been overrun by sudden, unexpected zombies ex nihilo and only Dean and Cas would have made it out. Fortunately for us, though, this show is not The Walking Dead, because the writing on that show makes Supernatural look fantastic. In the first episode of Dead City alone there were about five instances of zombie ex nihilo, the first one in the first two minutes. And that is not even getting into how silly most of the stuff with the marshals was. Yikes.

One last comment on the not-zombies: Dean had to run from them, but in the scene it is clear that Jensen is not running his hardest. The reason for this is that he runs too fast and the actors playing the infected could not catch up to him. Because of this, the scene would have lacked all threat, so Jensen was asked to run slower.

Thus concludeth this analysis. The angels are putting pressure on Dean to say yes, but he has shown again that he will refuse them and choose his own path. If only he had the same strength of will regarding Sam. Sam's opportunity to sort himself out a bit and become an adult has been scuppered, but at least he does not have to take the blame for anything anymore. And Cas has definitely latched onto Dean. Next time, Paris Hilton eats people and Sam continues the regular scheduled broadcast by gaslighting Dean into oblivion. Such fun!

You can read more of my analyses here:

Series 1

Series 2

Series 3

Series 4

Series 5

Sundry

You can read Paula’s review here and Demian’s here.

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001 for espresso and madeline teehee

THE SCRUNKLIES!!!! (from the character + ship asks!)

when I started shipping it if I did:

I've been an espresseleine truther since CRK launch day in 2021 alskdjfkd I played through their 'We've Never Met' story and was down so bad for them ever since-

my thoughts:

AUGHHH comfort ship of all time!!! I kinda miss the days in like 2021/2022 when everyone was going crazy making art and fic for them... their dynamic is just so fun and I love every interaction they have!

What makes me happy about them:

I love how, despite their surface differences, theyre both really similar people deep down, and because of that, they Get each other, even if they clash at first. They're both competent, prideful, meticulous, and care about the people around them, even if they show it in their own ways - different but same!!

I also like the little ways they’re changing for the better because of each other - Madeleine being more willing to give of himself, even at the cost of his image, and Espresso letting down his guard and finally allowing himself to relax!

What makes me sad about them:

At the moment, their relationship is mostly in stasis, since they’re not as relevant to the main story anymore (which I get but it also means there hasn’t been any new content for them since like 2022 ;w;)

things done in fanfic that annoys me:

Admittedly, I don't read much fanfic of them (I'm really picky with the kinds of stories I read) so I've never come across anything that outright annoyed me, but I do tend to steer away from stories that portray either of them as ‘the villain’ / ‘enemies to lovers’ bc that’s not a dynamic I’m interested in, or think is true to their canon storylines

things I look for in fanfic:

Probably the way they portray each character, in terms of their way of speaking, and their mannerisms and motivations (If I’m reading and can hear the lines of dialogue in the voice of their VAs, it’s a W fic for me-)

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: 

Espresso x nap and Madeleine x a reality check lol

My happily ever after for them:

I’d like for them to have a nice reunion in the Vanilla Kingdom, probably after some months (or even years) spent growing on their own. Either Madeleine would decide to settle down and become the kingdom’s protector (realising that it’s no less heroic than his previous endeavours), or Espresso, having learned all he could, opens Coffee Magic schools around Earthbread, and him and Madeleine spend the rest of their time travelling and having more adventures together!

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

Madeleine big spoon always and forever <3 but when he’s having a hard day Espresso takes over bc even Madeleine needs to be snuggled from time to time :3

what is their favorite non-sexual activity:

Just having a nice meal and shooting the shit tbh (they’d probably bond over good food and gossip)

Also my hc is that they love seeing the other thriving and fully in their element, and they’d take every opportunity to do so - even if it means Espresso pausing in the middle of battle to admire Madeleine, or Madeleine sitting with starry eyes and his chin in his hand while Espresso explains an alchemical concept Madeleine couldn’t hope to understand <3