#i did so much research on tarantulas for her

[alexanderlightweight]

The latest Dressed To Kill prompt was just chef's kiss. Could I request for them asking Magnus if he could spare Alec for a shopping trip and stuff happens and Alec goes stabbing if necessary else would like to see Alec on a shopping trip with the other Mob Boss wives and just sales people being traumatised by Alec while the wives just giggle and have fun.

Thank you

I'm so glad everyone is enjoying it so much! it was a long outside pov with mostly, interpretations of malec so i wasn't sure it would be as enjoyable. last part here

and this gets into the start of the shopping trip! i hope you enjoy!

<3 lumine

dressed to kill

Despite luring Alexander to his side with texts, Magnus remains disappointed by a lack of public affection or indecency.

Alexander apparently brought a book — and even Magnus isn’t sure where his husband was hiding the damned thing because it certainly wasn’t in his pants — of poetry. Handwritten by Magnus and one Alec probably got from Ragnor.

It’s with a frown that Magnus realizes he doesn’t recognize one of the rings on Alec’s fingers and he claims Alexander’s fingers for his own as he considers it.  When he looks over, Alexander is smirking at him from over the book, a smug grin stretched across his face.  He’s a tiger, full from his catch and warm from sun and blood in his belly and Magnus scowls.

“I did not buy you this ring. Or give it to you.”

“No, you didn’t.” Alexander returns and Magnus knows they’re being approached but this is far more important.

“Except it is one of my rings. One I thought I lost… a long while ago.”

Alexander’s grin grows even as his eyes turn back to the book and he turns a page.  “Yes, it is.”

“I lost it before I met you.” Magnus adds, because this conversation is going nowhere.

“Well, actually you misplaced it at Ragnor’s after he cleaned up that mess you left in Peru.” Alexander’s words are as sweet as honey and twice as deadly as a tarantula-hawks stinger. “He made a few improvements and then, when we met. He gifted it to me. Said that it needed to find it’s way back to you eventually and well, I am yours.”

Magnus can’t argue with that so he scoffs, loud and obnoxious, with a cluck of his tongue to let Alexander know that this is. Not. Finished.

“Ladies, how may I help you?” Magnus finally turns his attention to Mari and the two women with her who have approached them.  They’re all watching him and Alexander with wary, confused expressions.

“If now is a bad time—” Mari offers, a polite concession but an unnecessary one.

“One of my dearest friends is visiting  from abroad.” Magnus waves his hand in a dismissive gesture, “and has decided that Alexander is his new research partner. Last week he gave me the wrong address, three different times because he didn’t want me to interrupt Alexander’s translating something for him.”

At that, they all seem surprised and yet when they look at Alexander they don’t bother asking. Alexander has met his limit and is back, truly engrossed in his book and the only sign that he’s somewhat listening is the fact that his face is blank.

“Alec’s been such a delight to our group—” Mari starts and Magnus tries very hard not to laugh at the bald-faced lie. Especially because she’s clearly trying very hard to be sincere. “There’s a shopping trip we’ve been planning.  A day of it really.  Considering his taste, we thought he’d like to join.”

Alexander’s book-free hand has been on Magnus’ thigh and his shadowhunter’s deadly fingers contract, vicious points of contact that threaten to tear through fabric and muscle alike if Magnus dares to give the incorrect answer.

Magnus is delighted.

“Oh, Alexander does have the most uniquely exquisite taste.” Magnus offers a smirk, because he still has an image to keep  up — at least here — but suddenly he’s delighted by the opportunity this presents.  Alexander does have unique taste and it is exquisite.  However what these mundanes see is not Alexander’s tastes, but what Alexander is comfortable wearing that’s tailored to Magnus’ tastes.

If these poor women think that Alexander will be anything but a lost menace on their trip then Magnus truly pities them.

Not that he’ll let it get to that.

“It’s good for you to get out.” Magnus turns his head, directing his words directly to Alexander who gives him an incredulous look in turn. “I think it’s splendid. Text me the details, I’ll ensure he meets you there.”

They don’t seem to realize that Magnus isn’t giving Alexander permission, he’s luring his boy into a trap.

—

Mari can’t help but feel a bit giddy. Her dress is far shorter than she normally dares and sleeveless as well. Which is perfect because it’s hot and it’s humid and New York hasn’t had a breeze in two weeks.

It means that she and the girls are excited and ready to not have to die of heat exhaustion for once.

It also means she’s not sure what to do when she recognizes Alec’s tall form, heads towards him and stops short.

Because he’s not alone.

“Is it a bodyguard?” Alyssa asks, because they hadn’t thought they’d need to tell him not to bring one. Or that he’d need one.

“Worse.” Kumi mutters because the man turns around and it’s Magnus Bane.

Except not as they’re used to seeing.

His makeup is light.

It softens his face, his eyes lined in soft peach and his hair streaked with dusky rose. There’s glitter across the bridge of his nose and dappled over his cheekbones like magical freckles.

Standing next to Alec, who is in minimal but tasteful makeup, mostly just some gold highlighting his eyes and cheekbones, they look simply like two queer men.

“I think I may have given the wrong impression.” Bane tells them instead of a greeting, “but I’m afraid that Alexander is rather terrible at shopping. At least without me.  I hope you don’t mind if I join.” And then with far gentler and wider smile than Mari has ever seen Bane wear during business he adds, “and if you’d like. I was never here.”

Mari understands then.

Bane knows what this place is.  Far more than Alec does and he understands their goal.  Instead of being upset for them using his husband, he’s merely altered the plans.  Probably to help them if the way Alec’s curled lip as he looks around means anything.

“Darling, please. This is perfectly lovely place to shop. Yet you look like you want to light people on fire with your gaze.”

Alec rolls his eyes and then presses a kiss to Bane’s forehead, giving a passing business man a vicious glare when he flips them off. The man goes sallow, turns the way he came and Mari thinks that maybe, Bane being here will be a blessing and not a curse.

“I actually have to thank you.  I’ve been trying to plan a shopping trip for ages but my darling is always too busy of late.” Bane huffs, ignoring Alec’s grumpy ‘Magnus’ and continues. ”By all means call me Magnus for the day. My only interest is finding as many beautiful things for my Alexander to wear as I can take off of him later.”

That causes them all to laugh, especially because Bane— well Magnus, is far less intimidating like this and in the daylight. There’s an elegance to him that is never hidden but normally overshadowed by the danger he wears as a second skin.  Here, there is  no business and his outfit is opulent, not merely a statement.

 In fact only ten minutes later and Magnus is treating them all to boba and pastries and Alec is refusing to hold his own cup. Only taking sips from Magnus’ with little happy sighs of delight that have his husband cooing at him.

“He’s always like this now.” Magnus says with a pleased laugh, “but you wouldn’t believe how many times it took holding his cups hostage before he just gave up.”

It occurs to Mari then that this is all curated.

Magnus and Alec do these things because it makes them both happy, not for any other reason. Here, even Alec’s scowls are softened and by the time they arrive at the first shop, she and the girls are enjoying their conversations, with and without Magnus.

Because he interjects effortlessly and without accidentally traumatizing them all.

“If you want help with design, I am your best option.” Magnus says even as he reaches out to run a finger down a fabric with a frown. “However if you know what  you want and someone is being difficult, take Alexander.  He won’t even need to say anything. He’s very good at using his white, male privilege without ever opening his mouth.”

Half the girls giggle warily, looking at Alec like he’ll take offense and he just shrugs, as if he actually is aware of his place in the world and the ease his skin and gender offer him.

“Magnus knows what I look pretty in better than I do.” Is the only thing he says when asked about his preference. In fact, the look of suffering that comes over his face when Magnus asks him to pick out just one outfit — asks sweetly and gently and so coaxingly that Mari isn’t surprised Alec agrees. The only surprising thing is how upset Alec is by it.

“The entire reason you came was so that I wouldn’t have to pick out anything.”Alec complains, clearly not wanting to but already giving in.

“Yes darling, but it’s always a delight to see what you pick.”

It’s eye-opening is what it is.

Alec has no patience to try anything on, he just grabs what he thinks will work, stalks over to Magnus with it. Throws it on his lap and goes, “I did my part .Now you do yours.”

—

AN:

is anyone surprised? i was worried it was too obvious. but there is no way alec isgoing on a mundane outing without his husband. he loves magnus but that is too far. but magnus also wouldn't everask that of him.

--

Mari: aren’t you worried about your reputation

Magnus: if anyone even believed you,  all it would take is one sentence from me to remind them of my place.  Which is above them.

Alec: did you say someone disrespected my husband?

Magnus: there’s also that. My darling husband is a bit of a menace you see.

-

Alec who likes practicality or what makes Magnus' pupils dilate

Mari and everyone else: -i see what you meant by... unique

[vieramars]

Bc the post I just reblogged gave me ideas here's a bunch of silly tmagp headcanons about what kind of pet owners they'd be

Sam - he's allergic to cats, and he used to be terrified of dogs. When he dated Alice she had a dog, and he pretended to be comfortable around the dog until it became genuine. He's still uncomfortable around most dogs but if he gets to know them he really likes them. I don't think he'd own a dog though. I think if anything he'd have a bird (maybe a canary hehe). He got the bird before he was really ready or understood its needs but then dove headfirst into research and now he knows enough about owning birds to teach a class. Also he got really into birdwatching and bird ID as a side effect.

Alice - she's a cats and dogs person, can't have one without the other. And she's actually responsible about it and socializes her pets together well. I think she'd also really like bug pets like tarantulas and mantises. She's a bit of an amateur bug keeper but she's doing her best. She did once accidentally have a mantis last eggs and then her entire apartment became the Mantis Domain for a few weeks.

Gwen - probably wasn't allowed to have pets as a kid and internalized that way too hard. She thinks having an animal in your house is "dirty." She is definitely befriending the stray cats around the area of the OIAR (she will deny these accusations to the grave). She doesn't try to, but they keep coming up to her so how can she refuse to give them scritches? I also think she's incurably scared of dogs. And she's absolutely a horse girl deep down. And, tragically, I'll hc that she really wanted a pet fox when she was a kid (until, you know...)

Colin - as we know, he's the world's best fish dad. I think it's fish and only fish for him, though maybe some other aquatic creatures. I feel like he thinks he's too much of a mess to have a pet that requires space. His fish were a therapy recommendation that he got really invested in and, like Sam, he did tons of research to figure out which fish were right for him and how to take care of them. If he wasn't busy fighting for his fucking life he'd probably have multiple fishtanks so he could keep different kinds of fish that don't mix so well.

Lena - I feel like she does not vibe with traditional pets at all but she really vibes with fish and reptiles. She doesn't want pets that require an emotional connection. She read that one post about how reptiles may not feel love in the way human society values but they can have a bond of trust and she felt personally called out. I'm torn on whether she actually owns any pets; I feel like she's both too busy and too afraid of failure to actually take the life of any animal into her own hands. She's been "waiting until she has the time" since she was 20. She knows or knew people with reptiles and would go over to their places just to chill with the creatures. Somewhere on her computer are a bunch of old pictures of her holding various snakes and lizards and they're the few pictures where she's smiling. If she survives the series relatively unscathed (by which I mean alive to a certain extent and able to carry on) someone please get her a snake.

Teddy - seems like a dog person. Probably has a very chill old dog who's well taken care of. The kind of dog everyone loves when they visit cause he just walks up to you, plomps down, and waits patiently for pets. Teddy's worried about being able to take care of him if he can't find a job soon.

Celia - I don't think she'd have a pet, since she seems to not want to form too many attachments to this world. With how much stress the dilemma of Jack is for her, a pet would just complicate things further. If she were able to though, I think she'd be a cat person. Also I love cat person + bird person dynamics so it feels fitting.

Bonus headcanon Klaus was one of Lena's reptile owning friends who owned an iguana. He took the iguana with him in the friendship divorce.

[flambeaufelid]

Dr. No (1962) Review

Uggggggggh.

3.1/10.

Sean Connery is hot. I want him to cum down my throat. That's not enough to make this a fun movie.

It's classic in a bad way. Shots that linger oddly, weird cuts, details that don't matter, terrible special effects that didn't charm me, characters that are introduced and swiftly forgotten- it FEELS like a movie from a time when the craft of moviemaking was underdeveloped. It lacks the feeling of intentionality that most of the things I've watched so far have had.

Did I like that the plot of Mission: Impossible was so complicated? No. But they probably WANTED a complex plot.

Did I like that the Scarlett Pimpernel didn't explain what the deal with the French revolution was? No. But why would they want to bore the people who did know?

Did I grate at the anticlimax in Oceans eleven? Sure. But it was also pretty funny.

This movie though. This one just has scenes that suck. Scenes that I can't imagine are the way they are for any good reason.

Why did Bond kill a guy he was in the middle of questioning? Why was he stupid enough to let that one guy go for a cigarette? Why did the villain poison them when he actually just wanted to talk to Bond and Honey? Why the fuck WOULD the tarantula plan work? Why was the vent system so stupid?

Wait, what was the point of Honey anyway? Just to give Bond someone to make out with at the end probably, because taking down the villain sure doesn't feel like a satisfying enough conclusion by itself. Because the titular villain is barely a character.

Speaking of characters, the most likable and interesting one to me was Taro... who is somewhat unceremoniously arrested, and then we never see her again. Couldn't she have been the Bond girl instead of Honey? Have it be that she's charmed by Bond, and/or was only ever threatened into working for the doctor, and is useful to Bond as someone who maybe knows the layout of the guy's base, and so gets dragged along- but eventually decides she really is more on Bond's side, and helps him willingly?

Honey, meanwhile, is the actual Bond girl of the film. She sucks. She does nothing. Pure damsel in distress, with a weirdly detailed and kinda upsetting backstory that means nothing in which she gets raped, and then it's maybe implied she gets raped again later???

Apparently, the book was much better. I'm seeing a lot of explanations for these things... Which I'll be disregarding, because this ain't a book review. But I'm sure it'd just make me madder to know the ways in which the movie mangled things.

Also I got spoiled for the death of a character I liked at the end of Skyfall while doing research for this post. :(

[practically-an-x-man]

I won't lie. I got distracted watching a video of a guy who's tent was being torn apart by leaf cutter ants and began researching the logistics of that.

BUT I'M BACK with an ask ONCE AGAIN. And it's bugged themed. For definitely unrelated reasons.

Your characters gain the ability to control one species of bug (specific species, not all of ants or all of wasps), and they have as much time as they need to research what bug they'd like. What qualifies as a bug in this case is subjective. Anything in class insecta is fair game but arachnida is cool too.

First of all, that documentary sounds fascinating and I can totally appreciate going down a research rabbithole like that :D

Second, I love this ask, let's dive right in!!

Rae: Copidosoma floridanum - a type of cosmopolitan wasp. The main reason she'd choose it is for it being cosmopolitan, she can utilize this power regardless of her travels.

Robin: Reticulitermes flavipes - the eastern subterranean termite. She'd pretty much exclusively use this power to keep them away from the operahouse and its wooden sets (same with her parents' house, since it's pretty old)

Madison: Pachydiplax longipennis - the blue dasher dragonfly. Technically any dragonfly would suffice, but blue dashers are common where she lives so she wouldn't have trouble finding them. Either way - semiaquatic, predatory, and edible in a pinch.

Ophelia: Camponotus pennsylvanicus - the black carpenter ant. Am I stealing this from Ant-Man? Maybe. But she'd find a way to use them in her lab, for sure.

Gia: Apis mellifera - the Western honey bee. Having an infinite supply of pollinators is a surefire way to keep her shop, and her clover, as healthy as possible.

Jasper: Melolontha vulgaris - the May beetle. Oil from their larvae is sometimes used as a topical treatment for scratches, abrasions, and rheumatism in traditional medicine - it's not quite Neosporin, but it'll work in a pinch

Kestrel: Eristalis tenax - the common drone fly. Another cosmopolitan species, good for use on their travels, but small and unassuming enough that could be good for some quiet espionage.

Katherine: Anthrenus scrophulariae - the common carpet beetle. They're one of the four common species of beetles that cause damage to textiles and other artifacts in museums, so that's a 25% lower chance that they'll get damaged on her watch

Quinn: Pepsis grossa - a North American tarantula hawk moth. Its sting is said to be incredibly painful and is among the highest ranked on the Schmidt pain index - she'd go with the bullet ant, but she's a lot less likely to find those in the California desert.

Eris: Paraponera clavata - there's the bullet ant. Eris just wants to cause as much pain as possible, when they need to. What kind of bug could double as a weapon to be used in battle? Bullet ant.

Nikoletta: Periplaneta americana - the American cockroach. It's gross, and she honestly hates roaches (and half of this power would just be used keeping them away from her home), but they're so common in big cities like New Orleans that she's always got a few around to control. It's a similar strategy to Cleo and her rats, really.

Jimmy: Drosophilia melanogaster - fruit flies. Look, here's his logic: they were first used in genetics back in 1910, and they were a big deal, and he works with scientists now too... maybe they'd have use for this power of his? (also credit to the one scientific name I did not have to look up beforehand because I had it memorized lol)

Vivienne: Aedes aegypti - the yellow fever mosquito. Disease is... kind of a big deal in her time, there aren't a lot of cures for these horrific ailments, and while Vivienne itself is largely immune by being a siren, she doesn't want Wojchek or his crew stricken ill by some tiny little bug.

Spider: Sigh... I'd been so careful about strictly insects this whole time, but it would be wrong to give him anything but a spider. Hogna carolinensis - the wolf spider, and the largest wolf spider species to be found in America. He just thinks it would be cool to freak people out by having this massive wolf spider crawl out of his mouth or something. He's... an odd one, that for sure.

[safety-writes-noms]

AU Ask!

Have you seen any of the Drider!Miguel fanart? I love that concept as an AU for him since it's basically just a reimagining of him being 50% spider in a much more visually striking way.

Any thoughts on Drider versions of Miguel and/or other Spiderpeople? What spiders would you imagine for the spider-half of their bodies? (If you don't like spiders, feel free to ignore this part - or this whole ask - LOL!)

Hi moot!! :D I haven’t seen any of the fan art actually :( very sad but I’ve done some research and wow, I love the idea of Miguel being a drider.

I’d like to think that his lower body would be some sort of mix between a wolf spider or tarantula? Maybe? And it also being a striking dark-ish blue with red markings patterned on his legs and abdomen. Or a black widow, but only the females have that red hourglass marking so idk.

I was originally going to go with wolf spider for the bottom half but then I saw that they don’t make webs since they hunt and I kinda liked the thought of Miguel lounging around on a giant web doing his usual monitoring of his society so I just thought it would be fine to make him a mix n match of a bunch of different spiders since it kinda fits with his origin in the comics.

(I’m deathly afraid of all and any spiders so :D tried my best to avoid looking too much at them on google.) since he’s physically half spider now he’s going to be a whole lot bigger. Obviously. He’s already huge without the spider half but with? That man is massive and completely more in tune with his spider side. He kinda has to be since he’s spider from the lower half down.

for something so huge he’s disturbingly quiet. Eight legs proves for insane mobility and stealth. He’s more balanced than a four wheeler on concrete and probably stronger than one too. The horror element is strong in this one.

I feel like he might be a bit more instinct driven when it comes to people he cares deeply about. They’re like a constant stream of secondary thoughts underlying his usual human rationale. A quiet blip of hey, some of the kids are injured, you need to bundle them up and store them away or Peter is trusting mayday to us, keep her safe always, she’s going to fall, why did he give her webshooters, hold her close etc. it’s basically a very mixed muddle of semi organized human and spider instincts/thoughts threading together to form coherent words in his head. Sometimes one side is more in control than the other. It just depends.

since Miguel really doesn’t like being Spider-Man in the comics and also probably the movie, he probably hates being half spider too. He hates being inhuman, feeling like some sort of monstrous being who’s made for nothing but the lowest form of sentience and bloodshed. His fangs don’t retract like they do in the movie, his claws are longer and sharper, but he still tries his absolute best to seem human to people. Poor guy can’t catch a break.

he gets kinda clingy in certain times of the month when his spider instincts start going rampant with the need of being close as possible to whoever he’s currently fixated on. Or multiple people. And the fixatipn never goes away, it just gets a little more easy to ignore during other times. Any of the spider kids or his closest second hands (Peter, Jess, etc) are all up for grabs in his mind. It’s even worse if he knows one of them are hurt or emotionally troubled. To his spidery side, he’s the main protector, he’s the one who’s meant to make sure everyone’s still alive, still in one piece. After all, his precious spiders are… not as spidery as him. They don’t have the necessary amount of limbs, they’re much smaller than him, they don’t even have claws like him! who’s going to protect them if he’s not there?

When he’s in that kind of mindset he’s not really too bothered by the idea of nomming them either. After all, he’s just making sure they’re safe and warm, tucked away in his belly securely. And what other place is safest in the world than with him? Besides, some parts of his human side agree too. They’ve already had one precious spider slip out of their grasp, disintegrating into thin air so… y’know, can’t have that happen again. He’s calmer when he knows where they are constantly. He’s like a helicopter parent. Except ten times bigger and grumpier. But yeah. Any spider that manages to worm their way into his heart will inevitably land under the umbrella that is the mess of his protective instincts. I’m so sorry for not doing the second part of ur ask 😭 I hate spiders a bunch and I don’t really want to research more of them so I can find which ones would match each spider person. Maybe a black widow for miles since they’re usually red and black?

[uslv]

Shayne Topp oneshot <33

Introduction: You and Shayne have been together for awhile, Shayne being a part of the crew while you were a writer. You were completely open with your relationship with your co-workers and the public. Since the reveal of your relationship it's been quite controversial. To tease your audience you did a two truths one lie video...

You sat down in your chair as Erin fixed the angle of the lights.

"Are we ready?" Shayne, your boyfriend, asked as he sat down, cars in hand.

"Here's your cards." Erin gave you, you had written your truths and lies a few days ago.

"Thanks." You passingly said as you took them. You looked at everyone having their conversation as you patiently waited, tapping your cards against the table.

"Is everyone ready to go?" Erin yelled out, she being the person of today's video. The room fuiled with yesses and yups, getting you to straighten up and fix your posture, smiling for the camera.

"And we're rolling!" Erin yelled out as the red light on the camera turned on.

"My name is Shayne, and across from me is Y/N." Shayne said in a dead serious voice.

"We've known eachother for several years now. We've been friends, but mostly enemies." Shayne jokingly winked after saying friends. You made a shocked face as he spoke, saying that he consideres you enemies.

"Today we will test our knowledge of eachother, how much have we been observing, analyzing, researching our pasts." He continued with the introduction keeping the cold tone.

"And we're going to play two truths one lie. We both have three cards here, each consist f two truths and one lie. We will read them out load, the other person will try to spot the lie. If they successfully spot the lie, they will get to spray their opponent with water." He explained reaching to his right, grabbing a giant water gun fuiled with water.

"If they fail, they get sprayed with water." Shayne spoke just before he placed down the water gun.

"it's very cold in here." You said, tightening up into a little ball to keep warmth.

"Yeah I agree." Courtney said to your left.

"But the water in these guns is colder." Shayne said pointing his finger up, everyone made a 'ou' sound.

"I'm just exited to learn more about my friend." You sheeply smile, adding a obvious wink after friend.

"Awh that's so nice." Amanda said, being seated in the middle with her legs crossed.

"Friend." Courtney, awkwardly laughing but in a sarcastic matter.

"Thanks for having us by the way!" Amanda ironically said.

"Yes, here we have our three fates." Shayne said as each one of them posed. "Courtney, Amanda and Angela are here." Shayne introduced them.

"We'll be judging and watching." Angela said in a threatening voice. Your eyes widened, pretending to be scared. "Do you wanna start?" Shayne asked you. "Nope." You simply answered. "Then I'll start." He said taking his cards and going thru them. "Well start off easy." He smirked, you squinted your eyes looking at him.

"I have eaten a tarantula on camera." You raised an eyebrow. "I have eaten a bull penis on camera." You squinted your eyes from disgust and confusion. "And I have eated fermented fish on camera." He said the last choice as he plopped the cards back on the table.

"Okay, I'm pretty sure you have eaten a tarantula. I remember you telling me that." You said connecting your hands together to think.

"I'm not sure about the other two though." You said looking up at Shayne, he had an raised eyebrow.

"What does the fermented fish smell like." You asked.

"Uhh, like month old diarrhea." He answered, the room beeping filled with gross.

"It's like you had diarrhea, put it in a container and fermented it for three months." He went more into detail. You felt disgusted, covering half of your face with your shirt.

"That's actually disgusting." Angela commented.

"How did the can look like?" You asked.

"It was like in a red and yellow can." He simply answered. You could see him visualising the can in his head, so you thought that could be one of the truths.

"Yknow what, the bull penis is the lie." You answered.

"Wow immediately?" Angela said.

"I think you didn't eat the bull penis." You chuckled to yourself. Shayne looked at you with suspicious eyes, like he was warning you. But you thought it was double sided psychology.

"Is that your final answer?" Shayne asked as he pulled out the water gun.

"Yes." You answered shutting your eyes embracing yourself for the water. A strong stream of water hit your chest. You bungled up from the cold waiting for Shayne to stop spraying.

"Nooo." You whined. "I was forced to eat the bull penis." Shayne answered putting the gun down.

"So you didn't eat the fermented fish?" Amanda asked.

"Yup, i helped open the can. Noah actually ate it." Shayne casually said.

"Poor guy." You said feeling bad for noah.

"Okay my turn." You cheered up, straightening your back while you looked at your cards.

"I got asked out by the prince of Monaco." You said the first choice, everyone in the room raising an eyebrow.

"Someone wrote 'Fuck Honda' on the side of my car." You said the second option making some of them laugh.

"And my old boyfriend cheated on me with Heidi Klums daughter." You said the last choice leaving everyones mouths wide opened.

"Woah okay." Shayne said processing all the information.

"I feel like you could be asked out by the prince of Monaco but you would tell me that." Shayne sat there and thought.

"So what's the story, what happened?" Shayne asked to get more detail.

"So I was on a family vacation in Monaco, we were in the city and the prince asked me out." You answered halfway on purpose.

"What did you say?" Courtney asks invested into the story.

"I remember I really wasn't interested, but my mum really pressured me to go." You answered. "So did you go?" Angela asked.

"No, I didn't. If I did I would be hanging out with you losers." You joked, sarcastically rolling your eyes.

"I honestly believe you, but I'm not sure." Shayne speculated, staring at you intensely."What were the other ones?" Shayne asked. "That someone wrote fuck honda on the side of my car and that my boyfriend cheeted on me with Heidi Klums daughter." You answered.

"Wow that's crazy. The fuck honda seems believable. Was it just like written down I don't get it?" Shayne questioned.

"It was like giant neon orange letters drawn on with spray paint. I was so embarrassed to even drive around in it." You chuckled.

"Was your car a honda?"

"Yea it was, it was honda civic." You answered. "What did honda do to them?" Amanda asked furrowing her eyebrows.

"I don't know, maybe I cut them in line, maybe they got fired by honda, I really don't know." You shrugged.

"What about the Heidi Klum, what happened there?" Shayne asked.

"No, he just admitted to cheating and bragged about it being Heidi Klums daughter." You simply answered.

"That's it?" Shayne speculated.

A"Yeah, that's it." Pursed your lips. "Hmm, I really don't know. All three are pretty crazy. I can believe the honda one, I think that one is the truth." Shayne thought out loud.

"What's the lie tho." You squinted your eyes. "I think... That you didn't get asked out by the prince of Monaco." He sceptically answered.

"Is that your final answer?" You asked pulling out your water gun.

"Yes?" Shayne said. You sprayed him all over his chest as he jumped from the suprise cold water.

"So Your boyfriend didn't cheat with Heidi Klums daughter?" Shayne asked in realisation.

"Yeah, but the prince of Monaco did ask me out and someone did write fuck honda on my car." You shrugged.

"That's so crazy tho. Just 'Fuck Honda', that's inspirational." Angela thought.

"He wore this white shirt on purpose." You joke pointing at Shayne. The white shirt on him now being see-thru from the water.

"Oh my god." Amanda rolled her eyes at him.

"Okay, it's my turn." Shayne said, being extra exited by this one.

"I got drunk once and ran half naked thru a park at 2PM." Shayne said the first option, making you furrow your eyebrows.

"How aren't you a registered sex offender?" You joke making Shayne laugh before he read the second option.

"I got the idea of 'Guess who slapped me' when I slapped you during our bedroom activities." Shayne spoke out, giggling a bit to himself.

Embarrassment overfuils you as you buried your head in your hands. All around you you heard screaming. You melted down in you chair wanting to disappear.

"And I went hiking and a goat chased me all the way down from 500 m." Shayne shrugged, acting like he didn't just violate you.

"Why did you do that?" You asked him, you hands covering your face.

"What's the lie?" Shayne asked, acting all calm.

"I really wish for one of those to be a lie." You awkwardly joked, as everyone had a pitty laugh.

"Uhm, what was the first option?" You asked Shayne.

"Second option? It was that I got the idea of 'Guess who-"

"Nonono, first option." You die yet again inside.

"That's the one where I got drunk and ran half naked through the park at 2pm." He responded.

"Oh, well. I have my answer." You said itching your head.

"I think the lie is the second option." You told him.

"The idea of 'Guess who slap-"

"Yeah that one." You interrupted him.

"Are you sure?" Shayne asked taking out the gun.

"No not really." You whined.

"Too bad." He chuckled as he lifted up the water gun.

After a few seconds you thought you were good, but then a cold line of water hit you, making you jump. Everyone around you got surprised as you got even more uncomfortable now. You burried your head in your hands out of embarrassment.

"That's amazing." You rubbed your forehead.

•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.

A/N: not the best ik :(( Also first post :3

[mamadarama]

sorry im late to the conversation about pets, but the discussion of mayoi having a pet tarantula reminded me i have a post-canon/fankids au thing im working on intermittently, and thought you might be amused to know that hiiro adopts a tarantula in that (much to his partners distress+his 4y/o daughter's joy) (this is Hiiro's Kid. ofc he was showing her all sorts of Cool Bugs growing up)

my logic is like. hiiro's creeped out by animals bred by humans for pets (iirc, in matrix he says the concept of a pet shop still Bugs Him, and he actually thinks insects and bugs are much cuter), so i thought it would be funny if like. aira really wanted a pet bunny or something and hiiro was still bothered by it, but in the end they reached a compromise of they Both get to pick a pet (aira didnt know this would be the pet he picked when they made that deal,, Regret)

(also you might be happy to know that i ended up giving So Many Characters cats,, i did so much research on different kinds of cats to ensure Proper Cat Variety,, if you would like me to Elaborate,, or if you have any of your Own Opinions,, just say the word)

awww thats really cute :DD hiiro would be such a good dad :'] it makes sense that a lot of the idols would end up adopting cats cuz theres so many stray cats around es and yumenosaki , theyre all pretty used to having cats around. i think a lot of the idols would take one or two of the strays with them when they retire .

i havent thought too in depth abt post canon beyond vague concepts and that one time i talked about how chaotic it would be for ibara to have kids, but i have thought a lot about what everyone would be doing if they never became idols . like if theyd bother with college, what their majors would be if they do, who would still be doing music related things as a hobby, stuff like that

[borrelia]

i think you have a pet tarantula right? would you recommend them as pets? did you have experience with non-conventional pets before getting one or is it like a learning process as you go? i’d like to get a cool little guy to take care of whenever i have more room for an enclosure but im curious what it entails exactly and what your experience has been. sorry for all the questions haha

yep! i've had miss franklin for like ten years or something! she's a rose-hair tarantula (which means she's a species you can get for pretty cheap, including at chain pet stores--but watch out! chain pet stores will not sex their rantulas and you could end up with a short lived adult male! check out any smaller sellers in your area so you can get an itty baby or at least a female, which live forever) and she's definitely an easy pet! not a very social one if that's what you're looking for--some people train their rantulas to be handled, but they don't naturally crave it and you shouldn't expect them to be friendly otherwise. if you're looking for an exotic pet where the appeal is just "i have this thing and I like to take care of it," tarantulas are a good place to go. if you'd rather have something that can entertain you by moving above ground during the day or that can be held and have a recognizable personality, bearded dragons and leopard geckos are generally considered good starter pets.

I wouldn't say there's much of a learning curve for tarantulas, esp the more affordable/common ones. I'd say this is one of the few instances where you probably CAN trust the petstore pamphlet for care instructions (always cross reference these with better sources tho). the biggest learning curve was probably getting used to how scary it looks when she sheds her skin (it still gives me a heart attack every time...) and realizing she needs a Deep substrate so she can dig a little hole. vertebrates like the above are going to have a lot more involved care--you will have to do a good amount of independent (ie: not petstore pamphlet) research into their care, they will need more expensive equipment (heat bulbs, light bulbs), and will have greater nutritional needs (a more varied diet, more frequent feeding, etc.)

if you're interested in other inverts, @/crevicedwelling is someone I follow that seems to have quite a bit of experience with various creatures! they might have some useful insights into good resources or finding an invert that would meet your expectations :)

here's a rosalind for you <3

[tyrantisterror]

Ok, so, not gonna lie, the one-two punch of you referring to me in the third person in a direct response to my post (which you tagged me in no less) and then saying I'm not well-versed in 50's monster movies really pushed my buttons - just an immediate activation of my internet fight response, teeth bared, hackles raised, well and truly pissed me off. But before I could respond I had to go pick up a pizza, which gave me time to simmer a bit, and while I'm still honestly very irritated, I'm hopefully calm enough to try to give a rational response in good faith rather than, like, incensed fury.

I'll cop that my two paragraph blog post about my initial reaction to a TV show made a generalization about 50's monster movies that does not hold universally true for every single one of them. That's the big flaw in making generalizations - they fail to account for anything and only really work in casual discussions about a topic.

I do not, however, agree with your generalization that 50's monster movies were mostly progressive in regards to gender. From my experience, I'm fairly certain that for every one 50's monster film where the female lead gets to prove her mettle against the sexist expectations of men from start to finish, there are just as many where whatever moxie she showed at the start withers away by the third act and she's reduced to just a shrieking damsel who's incapable of dealing with the monster problem while the men around her save her - IF she ever showed any moxie at all.

Now, since you brought multiple examples and cited sources into this, I'm aware that I can't really prove my view in the court of public opinion without doing the same, and man I work for a living, I am tired, it's Saturday and I just wanted to ramble a bit about monsters without having to do work, and I'm just - I'm not going to do that! I'm not writing a works cited for a tumblr post, you can't make me.

I can think of one counter-example off the top of my head because I watched it last week: Tarantula, where the male lead goes on a long rant about female scientists to the female lead, which she mostly just sits and takes. When she gets to the lab to do science, she proves capable of all the reading and writing part of science well enough, but once shit hits the fan, she's mostly just there to be menaced by the monster and the abrasive scientist trying to fix his fuckup, and does not do as a male scientist character would do in this story, i.e. take charge and figure out how to kill the monster. She is incapable of proving equal to her male peers.

But that's just one example, and I guess, by the rules of academic debate, yeah you win, all the women of 50's monster films are feminist icons and the narratives were 100% in their court all the time, and I don't do enough research on monster movies. But I don't know man, I don't think that generalization holds much more water than mine did.

Really enjoying Monarch: Legacy of Monsters so far. The flashback scenes in particular are very much my cup of tea, for reasons anyone who's read ATOM could easily guess. There's a thing that happens a lot inf 50's monster movies where a lady scientist is introduced and the male character initially can't believe she's the scientist they're looking for because she's a woman, and in the old movies it's played as a "Wow, times are crazy because broads can have jobs now, how fucking weird is that, they better get husbands and become wives soon!" thing, with the men's disbelief being justified and the women often being incapable.

And, like, I mocked this pretty relentlessly in my two kaiju books, but Monarch: Legacy of Monsters takes a jab at it too. Monarch has the same setup as the old movies, but in execution it's clearly the guy making presumptions who's weird by the narrative's standards, and presented as an embarrassing moment for him, where his prejudice made him look like a jackass, and the lady scientist goes on to be INCREDIBLY competent and capable. It's nice, I like it.

[spidey-bie]

General Information

There's more to come but here's some basic personal/physical information about my OC Ansi.

Full Name: Ansiniya Taratella

Pronounced On-zuh-niya Tear-Uh-Tell-Uh

Nickname: Ansi or Ni (Don't call her Niya)

Pronounced An-zee

Alter Ego: Tech Tarantula

Race: Black

Gender Expression: Gender Non-conforming

She refuses to let society ever dictate what she can and cannot do. He goes by all pronouns but prefers she/he and loves it when you switch it up.

Sexuality: Aspec, Genderqueer

Eye Color: Reddish Brown

Originally they were dark brown but changed due to mutation.

Hair: Black medium sized, mid length dreads, with bright orange tips.

Height: 5'4

He's often mistaken for a much younger age than what he is.

Likes: Hobie Brown, Music (preferably grunge, rock, and rap), Hobie Brown (yes again), apple cider, lighting things on fire, cooking, baking, singing

Dislikes: Her mother, her job at Alchemax, injustice, liars, people looking down on him

Distinguishing Marks: Because of her mutation she now has large freckles along her arms that are a bit darker than her actual skin tone that only appear after she uses a specific power

Her marks aren't noticeable under low light and she wears mostly long sleeves since she's so sensitive to the cold.

Piercings: Spider bite, helix, industrial, 3 lobe, jestrum, daith, septum, tongue tip, nose, conch, forward helix, and eyebrow. 15 total.

Body type: Short and fat

Random Pieces of Information: After being injected with the spider venom she has very hairy arms and a small set of fangs. (Most people assume that the fangs are a piercing)

Disability: She has fibromyalgia and mainly uses her forearm crutches to get around.

He prefers walking so he's never owned a wheelchair.

God I wanna go into their lore and so badly. It's too late and my brain is loopy so I'm gonna make another post later.

[cloudy-leonhart]

AOT veterans with a Filipino S/O!!

[author note: did I write this as soon as I posted the first part?? yes. I like writing for this, it’s so fun lolol up next, Marleyan Warriors!!]

Summary: not much, just the AOT vets with their filipino S/O.

Gender Neutral Reader.

Recommended Song: Buwan - Juan Karlos.

Theme: Fluff, Modern AU.

TW: Swearing.

Characters: Hange, Levi, Miche, Erwin, Moblit, Nanaba.

Hange Zöe

Honestly they fully immersed themselves in your culture, as you know Hange LOVES learning about new things, discovering about your culture, they probably forced you to go the Philippines with them.

They started asking people for directions in english?? You had to step in translate for them, in which they responded to ask to teach them the language.

Yes they keep a small notebook of words they think are interesting. Yes even swear words are in there, not to mention they absolutely just butcher the way you say it.

One time when you both came back, Hange told Erwin that Bakla was a word for a good man, and they laughed their asses off watching Erwin tell people he was Bakla LMFAO.

They actually visited your province, they met your family and was surprised at the fact that they owned a whole farm, they tried to learn with your siblings on how to harvest rice, they nailed it btw.

they named your carabao, Sawney, and your chicken, Bean.

And respectfully so, your family started to call their animals by the name Hange gave them.

They started to cry about the fact that you guys had to go back, and like every time, your mom and dad encouraged y’all to bring filipino snacks back home, in which you did, because you knew that you’d probably miss it when you flew back home.

You guys have a tradition of going to the Philippines for your guys’ anniversary.

THEY SUPRISINGLY LISTENS TO FILIPINO MUSIC

They were the one to suggest Aegis to Levi but they prefer someone like Jireh Lim.

Favourite song is probably, Buko. They love the guitar in it.

Levi Ackerman

He first found out you were Filipino when he caught you packing a balikbayan box for your family back home, (for those who don’t know, balikbayan box is a box full of your country’s snacks to send back to the PH for your family to try.)

He had asked you what it was, and you answered that it was for your family back in the Philippines, in which he responded with helping you, and mainly scolding you about the way you packed it.

“Idiot, pack it like this, so you have more space to place stuff.”

When he first went to the Philippines, he first noticed the cleanliness of the hotels, he looked at you with a ‘is this why you’re so good at cleaning?’ look. 

God when I say your parents loved him, YOUR PARENTS ABSOLUTELY ADORED HIM. He would clean for your mom, and not only that, your mom approved of his cleaning technique, yes she told you to marry him that second.

And that you did, you had your first wedding with you family in the Philippines, and another in where you guys currently lived.

Bye, he absolutely looks AMAZING in a Barong. Your dad helped him slick his hair back.

Your mom and him, bonded of cleaning, sometimes when your mom needs help removing rust on her pans, she calls Levi.

like Hange he and you go to the Philippines for y’alls anniversary. 

Please save this man from the streets, I’m not saying it to be mean but this man almost gave his wallet to a bunch of kids who were hungry.

You gave money instead because you didn’t want your man to be broke lmfao.

He loves seeing you so happy while you’re in the Philippines, he just thinks it’s adorable when you speak your language.

Aegis listener, absolutely no discussion, mans listens to them while cleaning, he listens to “Sayang Na Sayang” religiously.

when Aegis plays in the house, you know it’s a cleaning day lmao.

Erwin Smith

Please, remember when I said Hange told him bakla was a word for a good man, yes, that’s how he found out you were Filipino, you literally was so dumbfounded, you waited for him in the living room, your friend’s laughing over the phone, man thought he did something wrong until..

“Erwin, can you tell me why you’ve been telling your friends you’re fucking gay??”

Yeah he’s got trust issues now. But he wasn’t that shocked to find out you were filipino, he just thinks it’s neat, he butchers pronouncing shit, he tries to learn filipino jokes??? It’s really bad, like you need to stop him from telling your family to save HIM from embarrassment.

He knows how to cook barbecue lmfao, he sits at your family’s barbecue spot and cooks for them, your dad appreciates the help so much lmao, also he loves drinking the gulaman whenever he’s there, your dad gives it to him for free because, he basically considers Erwin his son now. His awkward, barbecue-cooking, son.

You guys go on hiking in Mt. Butalao, yes you sneak peeks when he’s climbing because his muscles flex, and he sweats. You guys go on a double hiking date with Miche and his S/O all the time.

He was kind of fearful when you went to a province to get in touch with your grandparents, he watched you help their carabao back into their pens, he’s scared of carabaos, don’t blame him-

Surprisingly he’s as good as your dad in basketball, bye I just know the women of your community comes to watch him, he’s ripped, you’re jealous but you don’t say it lmao.

He’s got those jeep keychains lmfao, the fact that he kinda looked like a lost puppy when you’re traveling, like so many people, so little space-

please educate him, he’s confused on everything-

he probably listens to Eraserheads, Huwag Mo Nang Itanong. Yes his ultimate song. 

Miche Zacharias

probably the only veteran that knows what to do?? Beside Moblit?? He knows how to bless, he knows to call your parents nanay and tatay. He also loves going to where there’s a lot of Filipino street food because he loves the smell, he prefers the smell of bananaque over anything, hotcakes are a close second.

mf was scared when your mom suddenly said, “Oh yeah, I kept your childhood spider.”

YOU OWNED A MF SPIDER?? You were all like ‘omg i miss him’ he was a little scared bitch omg.

You had to explain that you would buy them from the local toy store and you and your friends would make them fight each other to the death.

HE THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE SMALL- IT’S A WHOLE MF TARANTULA BYE

you know those dyed chicks you get from winning a game, yeah, he was attached to one you guys won, but as always, they weren’t going to live long, I think he sulked for a whole 2 days. He named the chick Richard AHAHA.

ah yes, absolute unit in basketball, yes you and Erwin’s S/O would watch them play basketball together with your guys’ dads. Yes y’all gossiped about how hot they were in tagalog.

Just saying, Miche got some that night. 

He doesn’t fit in tricycles- neither does he fit in jeepneys lmfao- he kinda has to sit on the ground if you force him to fit, in which he has to awkwardly crawl to get out lmfao.

He literally looks godly while hiking, you guys don’t go to your parents’ house when you first arrive, you guys hike.

You guys go whenever y’all feel like it honestly.

“hey hey, reader, Mahal Kita.”

He listens to anything in filipino honestly, he likes chill filipino songs like Tell Me Where It Hurts by MYMP.

Moblit Berner

He’s a researcher, he makes sure he doesn’t disrespect the culture.

he knows to bless and all that jazz like Miche.

Wait but your family loved him as soon as you told them he was a doctor lmfao?? He’s in nursing.

He’s basically already apart of the family, all your little siblings call him kuya Moblit, he absolutely thinks it’s adorable.

when you guys are sending a balikbayan box, he places toys he bought for your little siblings in the box, with a note written and translated by you for them.

Moblit also knows about poverty in the Philippines, he’s apart of an organization where they give to those who can’t afford real food, even when he’s back home with you, he donates from abroad, everyone knows him as the generous kuya.

honestly I can see him as someone who’s also known by your community, people call him kuya Moblit or tito Moblit, it’s very wholesome when a kid asks him to carry them.

This man looks so nice and kind on the outside but when you guys are at your tita’s bday party and there’s a whole mf buffet, he’s a whole beast.

You know when your uncles have like, food stacked on their plate, and like a cup of buko pandan at the side?? yes, him. definitely.

He’s kinda like sasha in this au, he loves the food so much, he probably finished a filipino dish by himself (it’s the palabok)

he’s also a god at making ice candy?? like he’s so good at filling up the plastic with the liquid lmao.

you guys adopted a stray dog in the community and his name was Moblit, your family takes care of him while you guys are back home.

genuinely, it’s mostly wholesome with him, he doesn’t really do anything wrong besides butchering pronounciation.

Moblit probably watches boxing with your dad though, it’s just too accurate not to be true.

More of a movie watcher than a song listener, his favourite movie so far is Four Sisters and A Wedding.

he cries every filipino movie, them do it to you.

Seven Sundays, he cried for days straight.

Nanaba

Nanaba found a filipino flag from your collage years in a box, asked you about it, then encouraged you to visit the Philippines because she wanted to meet your family. 

Okay but your family thought she was a guy because of her hair?? 

your siblings can’t say Nanaba, so they call her Ate Nana.

She was kind of jealous of your bond with your family, she knows she shouldn’t be, but she couldn’t help it since her and her father’s relationship absolutely sucked.

And you know this, you had talked with her about it too, it was kinda like a, “are you okay?” and “it’s nothing.”

You had to drag her out to family events, eventually, she started to feel like she was apart of the family, she went swimming with the fam, did karaoke nights, she was basically in the family now.

She felt really happy that you decided to help her educate herself in your culture, and that your family openly accepted her into your family.

when you and her married, she wore a baro’t saya for the wedding reception and she looked absolutely gorgeous in them. She took your last name.

Your mom taught her to do the tinikling dance, and she mastered it easily, you of course danced with her.

she kinda had a guilty pleasure of going to McDonalds in the Philippines, SOLELY FOR THE ROOT BEER FLOAT, that stuff be bussin.

she forces you to go to McD’s whenever’s there’s a new flavour released.

Nanaba loves going on the jeepney, she likes the fact that you ring a bell when you have to get off and she does it every time you guys use a jeep for transportation.

Nanaba knows one word in filipino and that’s Mahal, she uses it so weirdly though, but she’s adorable so you let it pass.

“Reader..erm, I mahal?? you?..” 

she’s both a listener and a movie watcher, she listens to more modern filipino singers, like Patch Quiwa.

Favourite movie is when Vice Ganda’s in it, she just thinks all his movies are funny.

[space-writes]

oh, the juicy nature of Otienne having a Jhesk father is something i really liked when i came up with it. she does consider herself fully Illumin - and yes, the Sunblessed part of her heritage is the thing she prizes above all. she'd probably refer to her father as 'regrettably Jhesk' as well tbh.

as for her relationship with her parents…i feel that she's not close to either of them, and never really was. i think that her mother tried to be when she was younger, but i also have this notion that because they're royalty, Otienne was cared for mostly by wetnurses and nannies and other palace staff; her time with her mother was more Designated Mother-Daughter Bonding Time than anything else. though i do think that her mother did/does love her, far more than Otienne feels in her direction.

outwardly yes, it's very amicable. they're polite to one another, and she'd never be so crass as to accuse her father of anything to his face. i v much enjoy the idea that her parents are actually rather fond of one another, just to contrast Otienne's cynicism.

yes! in my vague politics, the ruler of the Archipelago is always a woman; following the Sun Queen idea, as you surmised. i haven't really thought about primogeniture or such in Jhesk…it being the opposite could be fun, though it being something entirely different is also very tasty. something to muse on, if i ever run over there for story things.

there is definitely something to the egg theory…something to rotate on the backburner…

re: claws - im glad Inbred also makes you stare at the wall because that song fucks me all the way up, esp thinking about Vivien and his backstory. that playlist was a lot of fun to make and continues to inspire me for the story when i listen to it (which is the point of a playlist, i suppose!). im excited to get back into re-outlining it soon.

as for Valloroth - yes! there are things on my writing blog (and i think a few on thespacelizard) under the 'valloroth blogging' tag; a bunch of snippets, loads of tag games, some playlists, character posts, shitty comic sans powerpoints, general rambling…it's a project i've been working on for a while so there's a bunch of stuff if you want to go digging! (and there are a couple of stories on my AO3 that i wrote for various monthly challenges to explore some character stuff as well)

i adore the idea of nobility doing with transition the sort of thing that used to be done when a girl got pregnant unmarried; send her off to the countryside and just not say anything about it when she comes back.

i kinda want to dig in somehow to how different Jhesk transition would be, with the magic. like, it would inherently be temporary, something that can be taken on and off - how would that affect someone's concept of gender? possibly trans people would be seen as more fluid, or perhaps the etiquette of society is just to address people as they're presenting only, and if you meet them when they aren't wearing their 'blessing of gender' you treat them as they look right then, regardless…

i also am somewhat enamoured that although Illumin-style transition would be more permanent, the risks of it make it rare, and also the potential concept that it's considered a form of 'trickery' - because playing with that kind of transphobia gives me a whole host of anxieties to heap onto Ihrone; being outed gets ten times worse if you've not only done dubiously legal magic, but also used it to 'con' your way into a sacred Scholarly sanctum.

re spiders: i have learned so many fun spider facts researching for claws and it's a hilarious nightmare because looking at them too long makes my skin crawl but also they're so neat in so many ways!! i also found out about the paws thing when looking up tarantulas; and learning they really do have lil claws was so neat. im sort of sad i can't get over my inherent dislike of them; they make ideal pets for my current living circumstance, and they're fascinating. currently i merely tolerate Lolth 2 in my kitchen window.

my CoC character was 100% made because i wanted to touch the cursed objects. like that's half the point of the game, to lose your mind; i love making characters whose entire purpose is 'poke the thing'. it makes the GM's life easier to have one in the party, and it's sooo much fun. (i currently have an undead warlock in my friends WoW dnd game, and they are like 5 days old and keep licking things to see what they can learn. it's wonderful. they're so stupid. they let the foxboy eat one of the maggots from their skull)

oh my god, that wizard of yours! the lifespan anxiety is such a wonderful character trait, and so perfect for fantasy settings. i don't think Ihrone's quite that impulsive; but she might be, if pushed hard enough.

hmmm…for things i'm excited about, it's mostly just like. the pile of whump/noncon/dubcon ideas that i have lingering around that i want to play with. it takes a particular kind of character for me to want to use them, which is why i made these horrid women in the first place; i simply cannot do sicknasty things to Ashenivir and Rizeth, it's not the vibe, and there's only so much i can do with Vizaeth (though there is a lot i do with him. wretched boy that he is). and definitely excited to play around more with the Script and Osinyra's magic!

So this morning before the last chapter of Obedience dropped, I was catching up on some other fics of yours I hadn't read yet and had a lot of fun with Thief of Desire and Bleed So Beautiful. Fascinated with these fucked up women. Can I ask for some more information or a little bit of background on Osinrya, Otienne and Ihrone?

i adored your comment on thief of desire earlier! they are truly some fucked up lil ladies

(for your perusal, should you wish, the wip tag is here)

so i'll take them in order:

Osinyra is the sixth of the Moon King's seven daughters. I wanted a devil-type character, so aesthetically that's what she is, with her horns and tail and claws and such. I don't have divinity specifics on how come the Moon King has daughters as-yet (idk if I will, having it Just Be is kinda fun), but they are minor divinities in and of themselves.

She lives in a palace on the moon, but is fascinated by mortals the way a human might be fascinated by a particularly interesting bug. She's a shapeshifter, in that she can alter various aspects of her appearance by using the Grand Script (the magic system of this story). She's like 7 and a half feet tall, technically immortal, and doesn't want to understand mortalkind so much as hold her magnifying glass over its anthill

Otienne is the heir to the throne of the Solar Archipelago - the capital island is Illumé. She's a conniving little bitch who loves playing politics and blackmailing people, and she's the reason Osinyra is down here playing with her and Ihrone.

Because with her royal line, the Sunblessed, she can only inherit her throne if she already has a child, an heir, so that the line is assured to continue. And Otienne, being Otienne, decided Go Big or Go Home, and got Ihrone to help her summon the Moon King to father her child. She got Osinyra instead and now they're being insane lesbians at each other.

Appearance-wise, Otienne is a pretty pretty princess. She's small and curvy with gorgeous tits and immaculate red curls. She likes expensive dresses and jewellery, and has a heart-shaped birthmark on her hip. She has golden eyes, which all the Sunblessed do; they allege it's a mark of their favour from the Sun Queen. Such favour is historically recorded, but kinda debateably Real.

Ihrone is the wet cat of the series. She's from Jheskam, the country on the mainland that the Archipelago sits off of, and an immigrant to Illumé. She wants only to study the Grand Script - and the Sunblessed Scriptorium is the BEST place to do that. Unfortunately, only born women are allowed to be there, and Ihrone is trans. Secretly. So secretly that only her parents back in Jheskam know - and Otienne, of course, who sniffs out secrets like a fucking bloodhound and uses this one to blackmail her favourite Scholar into doing whatever she wants :)

Ihrone is taller and slimmer than Otienne, darker skinned, with long, straight dark hair, like most Jhesk. Her heterochromia has her dubbed moonblessed, as you read in the fic, though i have yet to fully explore what else that might mean other than 'Osinyra Really Likes It'

She is built to be my 'no no no please don't (oh oh i like it)' character to inflict Suffering upon and so far she's doing a wonderful job <3

[staysaneathome]

The Lonely Boy

(A second part to the Entity-swap WIP, where the swap is the places the Entities hold in the world rather than the people who serve them) Jon is cold, and tired, and hungry.

But he’d rather be all of those things than back in The Collection.

He stays away from libraries, from universities and schools, from police stations and research institutes, from everywhere that has learning and investigating and knowing. They call to him, sing to his mind with the promise of knowledge and answers, and that’s how he knows they’ll betray him.

That’s where the man found him the first time, after all.

He compromises with large bookstores and cafes, places of learning that have become diluted over the years with the need to turn a profit, making them safer for him while still making the pouding, watching thing in his head go quieter. Plus the staff usually derive more satisfaction from letting him sleep outside of their places of work and sneaking him food and water on the sly than in turning him over to the management that treats them so poorly.

He learns quickly that he’s in London, capital city of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

It’s something of a blessing to be left in a city this size.

That when he gives in and guiltily Asks someone the Right Question to satisfy his cravings for stories, he can disappear back into the crowd much more easily than he could back in Bournemouth, or in some of the tiny villages down south or up north The Collection passed through.

Nobody really looks twice at another kid left alone and homeless in this place.

He learns quickly that he’s not alone here.

He goes into the house because it’s pouring and he’s soaked to the skin. It takes him far longer than it should to realize that the wet schlurp schlurp schlurp noise is coming from the inside rather than outside.

The Hive wears a red dress and smiles at him when he screams at the sight of her.  But she stops smiling very quickly once he Asks, “Where did you first hear the Song?”

She tells him, each word torn from her lips, exposing her essence to him, filling in a way none of his other meals have been before. He’s so transfixed, he doesn’t notice her attempt to bring him down with her. He’s lucky, really, that the silver worms could only get to his leg before she collapsed, unmoving and pale, and that there were so many sharp things left around the discarded house.

He’s more careful after that, limping on the leg that the Watcher told him how to bandage properly.

Not long after his first ill-fated encounter with servants of other fears, he finds another one.

Jon’s looking for a place to spend the day so nosy people like irritable old people and police officers won’t ask him why he’s not in school. It’s most difficult to do now it’s late autumn, when most other children are safely sequestered away in various schools. Luckily London has a tendency to attract school field trips, so if Jon just hovers around the edges, most people assume he’s part of that other, larger group of screaming children even if he isn’t in uniform and are more likely to overlook him that way. He’s just found one such group in a large park that he can use as protective coloration, content to much on the contents of an unopened packet of prawn cocktail crisps someone threw away as the kids on this school trip gorge themselves from colorful lunchboxes and chase each other around the playground they’re too old for.

It’s then that he spots him.

There’s a boy in the playground.  He’s round and soft-looking and see-through, wearing the same uniform as the others. He’s picking at the splinters on the balance beams he’s sitting on. Thin fog wisps around his ankles.

His eyes are very large and liquid as his head suddenly whips around and he stares up at Jon, blink-blink-blinking like he’s gazing at the sun.

He’s obviously a servant of the Forsaken, but unlike the Hive he doesn’t seem like he’s about to hurt Jon for seeing him. He’s still feeling full from the stories he pulled from a man who stank of alcohol last night, so he’ll hold off on Asking anything for now. He tentatively nods his head to the soft-looking boy. “Hello,” He mutters through a mouthful of crisps.

“You’re very pretty.” The boy tells Jon, almost absent-mindedly. Then his mouth snaps shut and he goes ridged like he’s stuck his finger in a power socket. He’s got a bit more color to him now, like he’s been brought into focus.

Jon stares at him. Stares down at his mismash of clothing pulled from bins. Then back at the boy. “No I’m not. Are your eyes working?”

The boy sputters, high-pitched. “Wh-I-um, um? I-I, I think so?”

Jon shoves another handful of crisps into his mouth. “What’s the best animal?”

”U-uh,” The boy stutters, twisting his fingers together. “I-I don’t know? I, I like fluffy ones, like there was a nice spaniel I met earlier that made friends with me, and, and some kinds of spiders can be very cute and fluffy, did you know, like tarantulas?”

Jon doesn’t disguise his shudder. Obviously this boy has something wrong with his tastes if he thinks things like spiderscan be cute and things like Jon can be pretty. “Cats are the best animal, obviously.”

”O-oh.” The boy says timidly. “W-well, I like cats. Too. Um. Sorry. Who are you? Are you here with your parents?”

He curls in around his crisps, feeling uncomfortably small. “No. They died when I was small. I’m on my own now.”

“I-I’m sorry.” The boy gets up from the balance beam and drifts closer, fog faintly eddying around his heels. “My dad left, a while ago now. So it’s just me and my mum. But she’s not well, and I dunno what I’d do if she—if she—” He takes in a deep breath, shakes his head like a dog shaking off water, and sticks a hand out. “A-anyway. My name’s Martin. Martin Blackwood. Nice to meet you.”

Jon eyes the hand, then wipes off one of his own on his too-big, stained trousers. Martin Blackwood is warmer than he expected, but cooler than a normal human should be. Maybe the Forsaken doesn’t have as tight a grip on him yet?

”Jonathan Sims.” He recites mechanically, a little rusty with introductions. Then, desperate to break the awkward silence and cover up his discomfort, Jon does the worst possible thing he could do. He Asks a Question.

“Why is the Forsaken attached to you?”

And he stares in horror as Martin’s large, liquid eyes go soft and unfocused. “There were all these adults in for this careers day thing, at my school, like firemen and lawyers and things. And one of them was this tall ship captain, like out of a storybook. And he kept talking about his ship and how even if his crew had nobody on land, they could enjoy hard work alone out on the waves, and it felt like he kept looking at me while he said it, and—”

”Stop.” Jon clamps his hands over Martin’s mouth, pretending he doesn’t feel the Watcher’s flare of anger as Martin’s eyes come back into focus and he tenses up. “I-I’m sorry, I, I didn’t mean to, I—”

”Di-did you do that?” Martin breathes. “H-How did you do that? That was amazing, it, it was like I was right there…” He’s fully solid now, like someone has turned the colors on him all the way up. He has very nice colors.

“It’s not.” Jon mutters, sourly. “The Watcher lets me pull stories out of people, to, to feed it. Like how the Forsaken makes you go invisible—“

”I can go invisible?!” Martin all but yells, covering his mouth when several other kids look over and snicker.

”Yeah?” Jon raises an eyebrow. “It’s the entity of the fear of being alone. Didn’t you notice the fog and people ignoring you?” ”Lots of people ignore me anyway.” Martin says, far too matter-of-fact for comfort, and gaze fixated on the fog around his feet. He leans down and drags his hands through it, giggling as it swirls away from him. “It’s kinda tickly?”

Jon opens his mouth to say something, but he’s interrupted as his stomach growls loudly.

Jon looks down at where his prawn crisps fell in his rush to stop Martin and mourns. He’d been looking forward to finishing those… ”U-um. You can have half of my sandwich, if, if you want it.” Martin says, pulling a squashed, cling-wrapped object that the Watcher tells him contains cheese and bread within. “And you can tell me more about these fear things?”

They end up talking so long, Martin’s teacher has to come over to shout at him that it’s time for the school trip to leave.  She looks suspiciously at Jon, so he quickly makes himself scarce as Martin scrambles over to where all of his classmates are lines up in disorderly rows.

Jon hides behind a tree and watches Martin’s school trip leave the park.

Martin Blackwood sticks near the back of the class, even as some other kids keep pushing him every time he slows. When he spots Jon, he smiles widely, and waves his hand. Like Jon’s a friend of his, or something.

Against all logic, Jon tentatively waves back.

Martin can’t come into London often, of course. He lives too far away, up north, and he and his mum aren’t the richest people in the world, from what Jon will later gather. Train rides are a luxury that it’s pushing it to afford, and he’s got to take care of his mum into the bargain.  And it’s not like he can send Jon emails or text messages or letters, given that Jon has very limited access to electronics and no address to send post to.

But somehow, against all odds (and likely using the Forsaken more than is probably healthy), Martin does make the trip down to see Jon, always waiting for him in that playground where they first met.

And Jon gets used to dropping by the park several times a week, just in case Martin’s there.

[chishiya-of-diamonds]

Whats your favourite animal? I have 3. Tarantula's, scorpions and snakes.

Have a great day/night=)

Favorite animal?

I’ve never given that much thought.

I am unusually captivated by whales, though. Blue Whales in particular.

They’re so…tranquil. Solitary, yet social. Their song is mournful but beautiful at the same time.

After giving it some thought, I suppose I would say my favorite animal is the Blue Whale.

As for your favorite animals, that’s quite an intimidating triad you’ve got there. I’m guessing most people will say they are afraid of even one of those creatures. While I’m not sure I’m afraid of them, I can say that I would go out of my way to avoid all of them. Yet all three of them are your favorites. That makes you a fairly imposing figure in my mind.

Quick story from my past:

I once had a roommate that kept a snake as a pet. I’m not sure what kind of snake it was, but I have to admit that it was an adorable little thing. It was very tiny, a bright green color, and quite social.

My roommate would take the snake out of it’s cage in the morning and it would wind itself around her wrist, like a bracelet. Just like a bracelet, she would wear the snake on her wrist, for hours at a time.

I didn’t handle the snake often, except when my roommate had me hold her (the snake was female) if she needed me to. I spent several hours that day, doing chores around our apartment with the snake wrapped around my wrist, keeping me company.

Later into the evening, as I sat alone in my room reading a book, my roommate approached me with the snake in her hands. She sat down on my bed and let the snake slip onto my bed. Very quickly, the snake found her way over to me and traveled up to my arm. I watched as the snake swiftly wrapped herself around my wrist.

“She likes you.” My roommate stated.

“That’s ridiculous,” I rolled my eyes. “How can you possibly know that she likes me?”

“Because you left your sweater on the back of the chair at the table.” She smirked. “She thought it was you and she’s been tapping the side of her tank all evening trying to get your attention.”

“That’s absolutely…” I shook my head as I looked down at the snake, apparently content enough in her place around my wrist to close her eyes and relax.

“I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” My roommate stood up, smiling as she walked to my door. “Put her back in her tank before you go to sleep.” With that, she slipped out my door and went to her room, closing her door behind her.

“Well, little lady, how about a few chapters of Neil Gaiman before bed?” I said, regarding my new companion. I grinned as the snake cracked one eye open and flicked her tongue at me. I watched as she seemingly settled in for the night, closing her eyes.

Thank you so much; I wish you a good day/night, as well.

Addendum:

I did some quick research and I believe this is the type of adorable little reptile my roommate had. Cute, no?

-SC.

[lucywritesreid]

Our own little island

Thank you for all the feedback from my last fic :3 I really don’t have any explanation for this other than....yeah...Spencer during lockdown haha.

Summary: Spencer and Y/N Have been living in their own private bubble during lockdown. YN has discovered a game and initially Spencer shows no interest...

There wasn’t much to say about the last few months other than they had been… weird. Weird on a global scale. You almost couldn’t believe how quickly everything went from normal to complete lockdown and watching the news every night had set you into complete panic mode. Both you and your highly germ-phobic boyfriend were more than happy to comply with the necessary restrictions. Spencer’s rational and calm mindset kept you both prepared and he did everything possible to reduce your anxiety. You would be forever grateful to have him by your side at such a horrible time.

For you the hardest adjustment was not seeing your work friends every day. It was odd to not spend every waking moment surrounded by all the people you loved the most. You didn’t realise just how much you would miss them despite seeing them all the time anyway. Friday night became the highlight. Your team, set up by Garcia, started a weekly quiz whereby everyone joined a Zoom call and one member was chosen to deliver a set of questions. Granted, it took Rossi a few failed attempts to be both seen and heard on camera, but you had all got it working in the end. Garcia’s quiz was based on cute, fluffy cartoon characters, Rossi delivered a mastermind style quiz all about the ratpack, Hotch surprised everyone with an in depth quiz about the employees of the FBI (where you realised he knew way more about personal lives of his colleagues) and you did pop culture through the ages. You had warned Spencer that ‘the history of the atom’ wasn’t in keeping with the Friday night spirit, and despite being met by many groans, he ended up presenting a fun and engaging quiz where losers had to take a shot for every question wrong. No surprise that he was the only one still standing by the end.

 The truth was that despite all the chaos and uncertainty, you realised that you were lucky to have so much time spent with the man you loved. Sure, you worked together, but that was as professional as you both could manage. Stolen kisses at the back of the jet and shoulder squeezes were as close as you could get whilst working. But at home, you both had free reign of each other. You were both night owls, sleeping through most of the sunshine. You spent your evenings playing chess, re-watching old horror movies and having a lot of sex. You were sure that you were keeping your local Thai restaurant in business, living mainly off that and tubs of ice cream. It was almost therapeutic spending your time lounging around in your comfortable clothes. Hours would pass while you both sat reading in silence (you, a few chapters, Spencer, a novel or three…), his arm slowly brushing the inside of your leg as you read. On the more anxious nights, Spencer would do absolutely anything to calm you down, making sure you were okay. He’d perform Shakespeare, teach you how to cheat cards, read to you in different languages and even let you braid the ends of his hair.

 You were very sure you were going to marry Spencer Reid.

 There was one of your hobbies that he didn’t quite understand. In the first few weeks at home, you had invested in a Nintendo Switch, mainly from the push of Garcia but you had been eyeing it up since it first came out. You spent many nights on animal crossing visiting Garcia and her magic candy land island. It was one way to experience the outside world without actually being there. There was something wholly therapeutic about going fishing, planting flowers and giving gifts to your wonderful animal villagers.

 Spencer, of course, didn’t really understand the appeal. Despite having the most wonderful brain you’d ever met, he seemed to have a block when it came to technology. He never discouraged you playing, but always looked over your shoulder with a furrowed brow whenever he saw you.

 “See that, y/n, there’s no way all those fossils would be in such close proximity to one another in such a small area.” He commented on more than one occasion. “What use is archaeology when they are just there on the ground for you to see?”

 “Spence, it’s a fictional world, I really don’t think they took into account geographical locations of fossils…” you couldn’t help but laugh whenever you spoke about it.

 “Don’t even get me started on the physical anatomy of these animals! How disproportioned they are from the real thing! And the colours, y/n! Have you ever met a purple tiger before?”

 You knew that he meant no harm from his remarks and was probably getting enjoyment out of it. So you’d shrug, offer him a turn and wait for some comment about how he was going to read an FBI report from 1987 again, and open your switch back up once he was distracted.

 One night, you had stayed up late to make wishes on your island. You really needed the star fragments to craft your new DIY recipes and had spent hours posed in position, ready to make a wish. You hadn’t realised that you were falling asleep and your switch was falling out of your hand, until…

 “YES! YES! Take that you stupid arachnid!” you heard a shout.

 Waking up and looking to your left, you blinked in amazement to see Spencer sat with your switch gripped between his fingers.

 “Spence? What are you doing? Are you okay?!” Many sleepless nights and bad dreams had left you very susceptible to fear when you heard shouting.

 He looked over to you and his cheeks flushed. “Oh, y/n, honey I didn’t mean to wake you I’m sorry! It’s just you fell asleep with your game in your hand, I went to turn it off and ended up talking about the stars with this wonderful little owl… She just tells you all these facts. And they are accurate, too! I even wished upon a star.”

 “That’s Celeste.” You commented, and yawned. “Spence, what time is it?”

 He squinted at the screen before replying, “4am.”

 You laughed. “And how long have you been playing animal crossing?”

 His focus went back to the screen but he carried on talking to you. “Oh, a few hours now! I’ve just caught a tarantula, the stupid son of a bitch bit me before! Did you know they could bite you in the game? I was just running around trying to get my bearings and it ran up behind me and bit me. But I showed it who’s boss. And hey! It turns out I was wrong about the fossils, in a sense..”

 You raised one eyebrow, “Dr Reid, wrong?”

 “Well, not wrong exactly. It’s still highly unlikely that they would be so close together, so close to houses, and be found in just one dig. But I took one to the museum after I dug it up and was really surprised. I hadn’t realised how accurate the information provided was about these fossils! And the details in the display, too! You’ve got yourself rather an impressive collection, y/n.”

“Mhmm.” Tiredness was setting in but listening to Spencer talk about your game was more than entertaining. You sat up slowly, leaned across and rested your head on his shoulder. “What else have you been up to?”

 “Well I recalculated the position of some of your flowers to maximise chances of getting hybrids. I know purple is your favourite colour so I looked into the best way to get purple flowers!” Spencer was speaking in that quick, animated tone that told you he was really into something. “I even researched the quickest and most beneficial ways of befriending your villagers to maximise the gifts that they give you. I spent a lot of time talking to the Raymond character.”

 “Raymond reminds me of you, y’know. Dapper, sophisticated, looks great in glasses…” you replied, nudging his shoulder with your forehead. “How did you find out all of this?”

 “Well, I read the whole Nookipedia website and that gave me a pretty good idea.” He turned to you and grinned. Of course, the genius had become the master of your favourite game in a matter of hours. “You can test me on any of the villagers’ names and personality types.”

 You looked down and saw piles of notepaper, all scribbled on, splayed out across the bed. You picked one up entitled ‘terraforming.’ Instead of trying to decipher Spencer’s handwriting, you decided to ask him about it. “Spence… what’s all this paper? What are these drawings?” You tilted your head and the paper simultaneously to try and get a better understanding of his scribbles.

 “Oh! I’ve been looking into reshaping your island. I came up with a few designs I thought you might like. My personal favourite is the honeybee, cos I know they are your favourite, so I calculated how we can use the terraforming tool to turn your island into a bee. Garcia would be so jealous and…” he trailed off.

 “What’s the matter?”

 He looked back at you with big puppy dog eyes. He chewed on his bottom lip a little before he spoke. “I’ve gone too far, haven’t I? This was your game, your private space, I never meant to take over. You really have done a great job…”

 All you could do was laugh. You leaned over and planted a reassuring kiss on his cheek. “Honestly? I’m really happy that you’re into this now. It means I can talk to you about it. Just you wait until you see Garcia’s island!”

“Really, you’re not mad at me?”

“It would be impossible to be mad at you, Spence. Maybe we’ll set up your own character now.”

And with that, you kissed him again, nuzzling into the comfort of his arm. “Show me what else you’ve been doing…”

[daydreamingnightowl]

𝗔𝗻𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗹 𝗚𝗲𝗲𝗸𝘀. 𝗝𝗼𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗼 𝗞𝘂𝗷𝗼 𝘅 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

notes: ahhhh this is my first work here! i cant get this idea out of my head. i love ocean man so much, he needs a lot of luv 😔

i did some research about the animals mentioned here! still, please correct me if im wrong. heads up: i made Jolyne a natural born stand user for this headcannon (and she's 7 years old here) and the reader is her biological mom

i hope you enjoy this!

warnings: curse words, mention of syringe, spiders, and baby making?

-you, a veterinarian and Jotaro, a marine biologist? you best believe Jolyne would be flexing her parents to her friends all the time

-the day she asked what your jobs were, her eyes lit up like a christmas tree

-oh man, you and Jotaro would go berserk whenever she would have a homework about animals

-it's pretty funny actually, because at one point yall fighting about which animal is the strongest

-Jolyne: mooom, daaad, i have to get this done asap

-when you go to zoos and aquariums, both you and Jotaro would be saying facts about the animals you see

-Jolyne: mom? dad? what's that weird looking fish?

-Jotaro: that's a sunfish

-Jolyne: it's ugly. i'm gonna call it: ugly pancake

-you laughed loud enough to earn weird looks from the people around you

-sometimes you bring her to your clinic!

-you always remind her that when a patient comes in, she should ask the pet owner before touching their pet

-she squirms everytime she sees you with a syringe

-her anti-rabies shots are always updated!

-oh, and her room is decorated with animals and marine life

-you blame Jotaro for it. he started it. he convinced you into decorating it too. Jolyne doesn't mind at all. in fact, she loves it!

-one time during dinner, she suddenly said "mom, dad, i want a tarantula!"

-Jotaro and you werent surprised. her stand is probably the reason why she wants to own one.

-you: Jolyne, are you sure? i think you should wait til your birthday.

-Jolyne: yay! it's my birthday next month!

-you: ᵒʰ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ

-Jotaro: yare yare daze. fine.

-yall ended up getting her a female greenbottle blue tarantula.

-you don't let her touch it too much, as it's still not familiar with its environment. most of the time Jotaro or Star Platinum handles it for her

-speaking of owning pets...

-yes, you all have pets of your own

-you have a (favorite domestic pet)

-Joot has different kinds of fish. he has two 50 gallon aquariums: a saltwater and a freshwater. it's all in your shared home office (that Jolyne frequently visits)

-she does her homework there sometimes

-he keeps Jolyne's drawings in a locked drawer. (don't tease him or talk about it or else he'll get all cute and pout all day)

-Jotaro wanted a pond after you got married but you decided against it since you were already pregnant with Jolyne. gotta make the house kid-safe.

-maybe you wouldn't be so against it when Jolyne is old enough

-(or you know, if yall done making babies)

���𝗢𝗡𝗨𝗦:

9:32 PM

-Jolyne: (crying)

-you: oh no, babygirl, why are you crying?

-Jotaro: what's wrong? who made you cry i'm gonna beat them up

-Jolyne: my tarantula is missing

-Jotaro: oh

-Jotaro: yare yare. not even a day passes, and she's missing already

-(Star Platinum comes out instantly)

-you: we'll help you find her, okay?

10:36 PM

-you: we can't find her, Jolyne. i'm sorry

-Jotaro: we'll look again tomorrow. go to sleep

-you: we already blocked every opening. she wouldn't be able to get too far from us

-Jolyne: okay :(

-(seeing her sad while going to bed broke your heart)

12:41 AM

-you: goodnight, Jotaro

-Jotaro: night, y/n

-...

-you: Jotaro, cut it out

-Jotaro: huh?

-you: stop tickling my hands, aren't you sleepy?

-Jotaro: but i'm not doing anything

-you: then tell Star Platinum to stop

-Jotaro: he isn't out. what are you talking about?

-you: (opens eyes)

-you: MOTHERFU--

(cue roundabout)