#i do hate when something “gross” and “weird” is masculine and something “beautiful” and “angelic” is feminine

[emioliravioli]

Imagine the white arms looking like more angelic aliens than their demonic looking counterparts...but are still super fucking evil.

weirdos.....

based on mariana snailfish, which are the deepest fish ever found :>

[trans-bastard-dogboy]

the other day i had an interesting conversation with my trans gal friend. i had a dysphoria breakdown on a call while she was doing something to feel euphoric. and those were likely connected. but in the weirdest way possible imo.

when you are raised as a girl, there will always be a constant: the idea that men are lustful trash who only want your body. whether you were called a temptress for wearing a sundress that was a bit to short for your mother’s liking or you were told by every man and woman you were related to that men are gross and bad and to stay away from them, you kinda had a way to connect those dots. and when you realize you’re a guy, shit gets a lil weird.

i will say i’m speaking for myself here and from what i’ve learned to see stuff as, but since no experience is original this has probably been felt by others. sometimes i think about all the times ive been told men are bad, not to trust them, not to date, that they’re smelly and awful and all those types of things in one way or another and i think that im going to turn into that. whether or not i do, idk, but still. it feels like femininity, despite all the baggage that comes with it is seen as a more positive quality. caring, nurturing, friendly, clean, beautiful, emotionally intelligent these are all things i’ve learned to associate with femininity and things i see the idea of that perpetuated.

but masculinity, even the traits men are “supposed to have” i just… i see them and i can’t help but feel like there’s no way to win. on the bad end we have violent, angry, overly lustful, emotionally unavailable, messy, kinda helpless in terms of chores, so on and so fourth, but the thing is, kinda unlike femininity where the bads mismatch with the goods (ie, gold digging, vindictive, crazy, etc), the goods of masculinity kinda follow the same pattern as the bads almost. like, men are supposed to be assertive, not show much emotion, have the wife do the chores, initiate and dominate someone for sexual stuff, etc. and then we get into other stuff like the high extremes, men want people for their bodies, men want someone else to do the chores, men suck, men are unhygienic, we what i’m getting at?

it feels like i, as a trans dude have 2 options, i can suffer with the angelic, caring halo femininity is made out to be, or i can live freely as the demon anyone with an ounce of masculinity has been told to be.

i am stuck in the weirdest possible place of thinking i can either be a horrible dude by virtue of being a dude or a girl and hate my life.