#i dont know if i will be able to keep up with 1 chapter/week

[fairytaleendingss]

Room for One More?

Chapter 9

Summary: Secrets are revealed on New Years Eve.

CW: Alcohol consumption, sexual references, mention of cigarettes, swearing, lots of drama.

Pairing: Poly!Marauders x fem!reader

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8

--

"YOU SLEPT WITH SIRIUS?!"

"Shh! Mary keep your voice down," you uttered, looking around to see how many of your coworker's heads had swivelled towards you in response to Mary's loud exclamation.

"Sorry," she grimaced. "I'm just.. I'm in shock."

You sighed and leaned back where you were perched on the corner of her desk. "I think I am a bit as well."

There was a pause.

"Well, was it good?"

"Mary! Oh my god!" you groaned and threw a hand over your face to hide your mortification.

"What? I'm just asking. I can't say that I haven't imagined it once or twice myself-"

You slapped her gently across the shoulder with the back of your hand. "You're distrubed. You know that?"

She smirked. "You know you love me."

You rolled your eyes affectionately at your friend. "Anyway, we'd been drinking and it was Christmas and we were having such a wonderful time. I think we just got swept up in it all and now I don't know what to do. Things have been kind of... weird between us."

"Well have you guys talked about it?" Mary inquired.

"That's the thing. Afterwards he just kind of moved on like it never happened. I don't know if he thinks it was a mistake or something but it's stressing me out."

"Hmm," a thoughtful look crossed Mary's face as she took everything in. "Well how are you feeling about it? Do you think it was a mistake?"

You bit the inside of your cheek. "No? I-I don't think so. I dont know."

A look of realisation washed over Mary's face. "Do you like him??"

"I mean, of course I like him. I'm just not sure I like like him."

Your friend sighed exasperatedly. "Oh my god! We're not in Primary School, just answer the damn question!"

"Fine! I guess the answer is... yes?" you sighed. "But whatever! Does it even make a difference? He's made it exceptionally clear that he doesn't feel the same way."

"Look," Mary huffed, her expression growing sincere. "Sirius is great. He's fun and friendly and a total flirt but he's also been known to be a little emotionally constipated. Just be honest with him. Talk to him about it. He's not going to be able to pick up on any signals you're trying to send him."

You squeezed your eyes shut and let out a breath throught your nose. "Ugh fine."

"Good girl," Mary smiled. "Now go away. I actually have some work to get done today."

"Oh fine. I suppose I know when I'm not wanted," you teased, getting up and walking back towards your desk.

"Love you!" Mary called lightheartedly as you walked away.

"Yeah, yeah," you joked in response.

As you arrived back at your desk and slumped down in your chair, prepared to get back to work, a head peaked down at you over the cubical.

"Oh, you're back, I see."

You jumped slightly at the unexpected voice and looked up to see its perpertrator.

"Yes, Glenn. Hi. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Glenn was a new employee in your office and he sat in the cubical opposite yours. He was only a few years older than you and he was tall and fit with short blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. In the few weeks you'd known him for, he'd been particularly friendly towards you and recently you'd been getting the idea that he had taken a liking to you.

You weren't interested of course. He was an attractive guy but not really your type. And with everything going on with Sirius over the last week, you'd been making a effort to put some distance between you. You definitely weren't looking for anything of that nature right now and you didn't want to give him the wrong impression. However, Glenn was nothing if not persistant.

"Actually, I was just wondering if you had any plans for new years tonight? A few of my mates are throwing a party and you're welcome to join us if you're interested."

You sent him you're most empathetic smile. "That sounds lovely but unfortunately I already have some plans with my friends."

He sighed, flashing you a grin that looked suspiciously rehearsed. "Oh well. No problem. It was worth a shot. You have fun tonight."

"You too, Glenn."

As the man dissapeared back over the divider, you let out a heafty sigh. Tonight was surely going to be interesting.

--

The view was impeccable from the bar where your friends had gathered to spend New Years. In fact, seated beside a huge floor to ceiling window, you suspected you'd have a clear view of the New Years fireworks.

It was a classy joint, one that Dorcas had managed to get you access to through one of her fancy lawyer contacts.

Everyone was assembled on stools around a table, looking out over the London skyline. It was about four hours until midnight and the group was chatting excitedly in the lead up.

"I've got shots!" Mary called out and everyone cheered as she returned to the table with a tray.

She passed the drinks around and then took her seat beside you.

"Well, I suggest a toast!" James called out, grabbing the attention of the group. "To a wonderful year ahead, and many more memories with old, and new, friends!"

He emphasised the last line with a pointed look in your direction and you felt your cheeks growing hot.

"Cheers!" Marlene shouted enthusiastically and the others echoed her sentiments, clinking glasses and swallowing their drinks.

The burning of the liquor was welcomed as the drink ran down your throat. You'd been thinking a lot about what Mary had said to you in regards to your situation with Sirius. And as he sat beside you, laughing animatedly at one of Peter's stories, it only confirmed your worst fears. Maybe you were starting to develop feelings for your roommate. You grimaced at the thought. Things were bound to get messy in situations like this.

"So guys," Sybil piped up from across the table. "Let's all go around and say our New Years resolutions."

"Oh, I'll go first!" James volunteered. "I hope my team continues to play a great season annnddd... I want to work out more."

There was a collective groan.

"Come on, James. That's not a real one!" Mary complained.

Sirius chuckled, taking a pointed sip of his drink. "Yeah! You already work out like 7 times a day!"

"Ugh, okay fine!" James responded with groan. He thought for a moment. "How about this one. I'd like to fall in love this year."

You didn't miss the way his eyes flickered across the table towards Lily and you felt your heart sink. Lily seemed to take notice a well as she averted her eyes, taking a heafty gulp of the drink in her hand.

"Aww, James. Always the romantic, aren't you?" Marlene chuckled.

"Shut up." James rolled his eyes playfully. "Your turn then, Marls."

"Okay," She took a deep breath. "My goal this year is to become super rich and famous and sucessful."

"I second that!" Mary called across the table and you giggled as they clinked their glasses.

"Y/n. Your turn," Dorcas announced.

"Oh okay, um..." you thought for a moment, your gaze flashing to James and Remus across the table, then over to Sirius, who was watching you expectanly, a playlful glimmer in his stormy eyes.

You then looked back towards the rest of the group. "This year, I'd like to spend some more time with you lovely people."

A round of cooing echoed across the table and Mary threw her arms around you.

"Well aren't you just the sweetest!"

"Oh, and I'd like to work more on my novel," you added.

"Alright, alright. Sirius, you're up!" Marlene chimed.

The boy beside you pursed his lips, looking off into the distance as if deep in thought. Then, after a long moment, he turned back to all of you with a mischievous smirk on his lips.

"This year, I want to have lots of amazing sex!"

"Ew. Sirius, you're so foul," Lily exclaimed, followed by a symphany of similar sentiments from the other members of the group.

While everyone else was distracted, grumbling and groaning about Sirius' bluntness, the man leaned down towards you.

"You look great tonight, by the way." He whispered into your hair.

You gulped thickly, not quite sure what to do with yourself. You opted for downing the remainder of your Vodka, Lime and Soda.

--

As the evening drew on, you found yourself growing more anxious in Sirius' presence. You weren't quite sure what his game was, whether it was the alcohol or he was just feeling extra bold tonight, but he'd been suspiciously flirtatious.

You didn't know how to respond. Part of you wanted to let him. To let him woo you and go crawling back for more of what you'd had together on Christmas Night. However, the other, more logical part of you, told you that was a terrible idea. He was your roommate afterall. The last thing you wanted was to start some complicated friends-with-benefits situation with a guy you lived with, especially one that you had sort of, maybe, possibly had caught feelings for.

You downed another drink, feeling the alcohol grip you and hoped it would help to ease the nerves ever so slightly. You realised then, that you were staring.

Sirius had gone to the bar to order another round of drinks and you'd been watching with bated breath as he sent his signature smile to a girl wearing an explicitly tight black dress. You noticed the way she leaned forward, pressing her cleavage up against the bar as she spoke to him. God, could she be anymore obvious?

"Calm the hell down, y/n!" You thought to yourself. "It's not like you guys are together. He can flirt with whoever he wants."

"Hey, are you okay?" you raked your eyes away from the scene as a voice came from beside you.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine," You muttered absently, too distracted to notice that it was Remus who asked the question.

"Okay, never have I ever... made out with more than one person on the same night!" Mary's voice rang out and you forced your attention back to the group.

You weren't sure when this game had begun but you suspected it was suggested by one of the girls (likely Mary or Marlene) as a way to pass the final hour until midnight. You hadn't participated in this game since probably highschool, but you were all a few drinks in at this point so you figured, what the hell?

You watched as Marlene, James and Dorcas all took a sip. Then Lily sent Mary a pointed look.

"Come on, Mary. That's not how the game works. You have to say something you haven't done."

"I haven't!" Mary responded. Then she paused. "Oh wait, yeah I definitely have."

Everyone chuckled as she took a drink.

"Alright! Dorcas! Your turn." Mary nudged the girl in the side.

Dorcas rolled her eyes. "For the record, I just want to say, I think this game is stupid."

"Come on babe. Don't be a party pooper!" Marlene exclaimed, leaning in towards her girlfriend. "How else are we supposed to learn everyone's deepest darkest secrets."

Dorcas sighed and shook her head but there was a hint of a smile on her face. She really could never say no to Marlene.

"Ugh, fine. Never have I ever stolen something."

"Well that's a hard one," Mary muttered. "What do we count as stealing? Because I've stolen stuff from James a ton of times."

"Oi!" James shouted, looking positively affronted. Mary sent him an apologetic smile.

"No, not like that," Dorcas clarified. "It had to have been from an actual shop."

You all sat up straight for a moment, curiously looking around the group to see if anyone had. Hesitantly, Peter lifted his glass to his lips.

"Pete! What the hell!" James exclaimed.

"I don't know, I went through a phase in highschool!"

"What sort of stuff did you take?" Marlene pressed.

Peter shrugged. "Chocolate and ciggarettes, mostly."

There was an eruption of laughter that rippled across the table at Peter's revelation.

"Wow, I didn't know there was a degenerate among us," Lily teased, watching Peter's face flush bright red.

"Okay, okay. My turn!" Marlene said, once the laughter died down. "Never have I ever... gotten really sloshed and fallen down the stairs at my 18th birthday party"

"Hey! That's not fair!" James moaned, taking a sip of his beer. "You can't do targeted ones!"

Marlene just shrugged. "Sorry, but I don't think that was established in the rules."

James smirked. "Fine then! Never have I ever had sex with someone at this table."

Your blood ran cold for a moment as you glanced back towards the bar. You sighed in relief when you saw that Sirius was still over there. In that case, you technically hadn't slept with anyone at the table. You were off the hook for now.

Marlene rolled her eyes at James and took a drink, as well as Dorcas, Peter and Sybil, however, you watched James' eyes widen as Mary also took a long sip.

"Mary!" Lily hissed across the table. Your heart plummeted.

"What?" Mary shrugged, the alcohol clearly having gone to her head. "We have to! It's the rules."

"Wait! Hold on," Marlene murmered, her eyes drifting between the two girls. "Did you guys..."

There was a heavy anticipatory silence that hung over the table as you all awaited Lily's response. The girl grimaced, as she tried to muster some kind of explanation.

It was then that her eyes drifted up to meet James' pleading ones.

"Lily?" the boy asked softly. Your heart broke for him.

"So I guess the cat's out of the bag huh?" the girl sighed. "Mary and I have sort of been seeing each other. Romantically."

"Holy shit!" Marlene shouted, candid and straight to the point as she usually was in these situations.

"How long has this been going on?" Dorcas questioned.

"It's still really new," Lily explained.

"We were just trying to figure out the right time to tell you guys," Mary added.

"So you're the one Mary has been seeing?" James murmered.

"Yes," Lily responded. "I'm sorry James but you had to know it was never going to work out between us."

The boy sighed, running a hand through his unruly curls. "Yeah, I know."

Then he started to stand. "I think I just need some air for a minute."

"James, wait-" Remus reached out to grab his arm but James shook him off.

"I just need minute," he repeated, grabbing his coat from the back of his chair and hurrying towards the exit. Part of you wanted to go after him but the other part recognised that he probably needed some space to process things.

"Sorry, everyone. I didn't mean to ruin the night," Mary murmered folornly.

"No hun! you didn't ruin anything," you comforted.

"Yeah, we're really happy for you two," Dorcas added.

"Really?"

Everyone nodded.

"Absolutely. You both deserve to be happy," Remus confirmed.

Wide smiles crossed over the girls' faces.

--

It was two minutes until midnight and Sirius was nowhere to be seen. Despite your better judgement, you couldn't help but feel slightly disapointed. You supposed that there was some small aspect of your mind that hoped Sirius would be your New Years kiss.

You knew it was wishful thinking, especially when you hadn't even spoken about what happened between you, but with how he'd been acting towards you throughout the night, you'd allowed yourself to nurture that flicker of hope.

As people crowded around the window and the countdown began, you found your eyes searching the room for the dark haired man, wondering if just maybe, he'd make a last minute appearance.

"Five, four, three, two..."

You scanned the space one last time.

"One!"

You're last flicker of hope died out as your eyes finally landed on his form.

"Happy New Year!"

The shouts and cheers faded into the background as you watched Sirius press his lips to those of the boob-y blonde you'd seen him flirting with before.

The moment seemed to go in slow motion. You watched from afar as he tangled his hand in her hair, just as he'd done in yours only a week prior.

"Of course," you thought. "Typical"

It was Sirius Black you were talking about. You were stupid to think you meant anything more to him than a casual night of fun.

In an instant, you turned on your heel and walked towards the door, the sounds of the party fading into the background. You decided, instead of bumming around waiting for Sirius to notice you, you'd go look for James, just as you should've done much earlier.

The cold hit you like a block of cement as you stepped outside onto the street. It didn't take you long to find him.

He was sitting on the curb, outside of he bar, arms resting on his knees as he looked up towards the sky. Another explosion sounded and a flash of colour filled the air. In the distance, you could hear the cheers of excited people all around as they celebrated.

"Happy New Year, James."

He turned to look at you and in the flash of light, as another firework flickered across the sky, you were able to notice the faint tear tracks that lined his cheeks.

"Oh hey." he sniffled, rubbing a hand beneath his glasses and trying to regain a semblance of composure.

BANG!

You flopped unceremoniously onto the ground beside him as another flash filled the sky. You gave him a sympathetic smile. Funnily enough, in that moment, you knew exactly how he felt.

"Are you okay?" You asked him gently.

He let out a dry chuckle. "Yeah. I will be."

BANG!

"Good."

You both turned your gazes back to the display, taking in the beautiful array of colours filling the air. It wasn't quite the view you'd expected for the night, but somehow, that didn't seem to matter.

As you continued to watch the fireworks, you felt the gentle touch of a hand wrapping around your own. You smiled slightly as your fingers intertwined.

BANG!

Slowly, you shuffled closer and leaned into him, gently resting your head on James broad shoulder.

You stayed like that a while, just taking in the show, and each other's company.

--

Taglist:

@hisparentsgallerryy @navs-bhat @shushbruv @magicwithaknife @eeviee4 @notapoetjustscar @gugggu6gvai @robertsmithclone @ilovesugurugeto69 @taytayy178 @its-notkiee @bugworldsworld @switchingfandomslikecrazy @evangelquill, @delusional-4-fake-people, @ch4rlotte35, @insideoutjulie, @hiireadstuff, @laniirackssss, @starrystormwritings, @strategicsweetheart, @1800brat, @sammyreid, @frootloops1213, @ill-be-okay-soon-enough

[dingo-ate-my-hot-lettuce-crazy]

Rearview - Chapter 1 - Fragments

Summary: You accept Cas' offer to stop by the party for a few, and you and his friend hit it off more than you expected to. Although, Cinderella has to leave abruptly, after someone wicked notice's your presence.

Pairings: Dean x Reader, Cas x Reader!Platonic, DeanxJo!FWB

Characters: Dean, Cas, Charlie, Jo, others

Word Count: 5.3K

Warnings: drugs/alcohol, cursing, anthropology hate-joke directed at cas (i dont hate anthropologists or people majoring in it I SWEAR), frat guy mention, probable inaccurate college major descriptions, cas slander (all jokes), jo the ho,

Author's Note: this is my first time ever writing a LONG ass series like this, so you can be brutal, i'll only cry

Song: OMG (feat. will.i.am) by USHER, will.i.am, Feel So Close by Calvin Harris, The Weekend by Michael Gray, any 2000's-2010's radio hits work

Series Masterlist - Chapter 2

You didn’t even need to know the apartment number, all five of your senses are activated when you hit the floor it’s on. You wonder how the neighbors allow it, or if they are at the party as well. Finding the source of the overstimulation, you twist the knob and step into the room with caution. You almost have to squint through the haze of tacky multi-colored lights bouncing from one corner to the next, and the slight fog of something you were sure was not just tobacco. 

Great, my hair will smell for a week after tonight.

You’re no stranger to marijuana or even a couple of pills, but the fun died when it was a catalyst for this past summer's events- part of the reason you moved in with Jo and Charlie. Addiction wasn't a problem for you, though. The fear keeps any desire at bay. You've made a silent vow to never do any of that again. But for now, drinking is on the table. Funny- because that's often where you end up while having a few.

Basic radio-play from the 2000s blasted through synchronized speakers in each room, bass overpowering most of the lyrics and other elements. You take a surprised notice at just how many people are able to squeeze into this apartment space. Granted, it's bigger and has a slightly more open layout than the one you're sharing with the girls now, but even so, you're sure there are over fifty people here. You respectfully squeeze by some of the groups lingering by the front rooms, apologizing if heads are turned to you trying to maneuver around them. From the entrance was the kitchen and living space, where your eyes found Cas', thankfully. He was listening to a couple of other guys fraternize, or chuckle that frat-guy-chuckle, or just exuberate that frat energy, as they continue to frat.

 Okay, I need to relax- I can't be tired of everyone yet.

Cas' absent-minded nodding towards the guys transforms into a pleased smile as he meets your gaze. He stands up a bit straighter, beckoning you over with the flex of his fingers. A mix of a grin and smirk rests on your face, at Cas' welcoming reaction. He steps aside from the disfigured circle to give you a quick hug, saying your name, "I didn't think you were coming."

You shrug, as he lets go of you, both of you still grinning a bit, "I don't like to be predictable."

Cas scoffs with platonic affection- you’re glad to see him let loose some. He had been overly concerned with you since helping you move out. It only tacked onto your list of things to feel guilty about; abruptly moving into your friends' apartment, the emotional tolls of friends after the events of this summer. This guilt shit is starting to be a buzzkill. You push it to the back of your mind and try to keep the small smile plastered as Cas turns his body to one of the members of the outer social circle. Cas waves his hand, getting his friend's attention. You inwardly raise an eyebrow, trying to look at this guy's features with this awkward lighting in the kitchen, as he nods his head once to Cas in acknowledgment. He steps over to us with a red solo cup in hand, eyebrows raised, as he claps Cas on the back lightly. "What's up?"

Oh, interesting.

If you have to guess, he is most likely your age or slightly older. He carries a natural confidence, maybe too confident. Maybe slightly cocky, but it works for him. He can get away with it. His dirty blond hair frames the top half of his face. Very Prince Charming. 

Cas points to you, as he speaks to his buddy, "This is," he says your name, "You remember that I said I was inviting her?"

His green eyes are captivating and full of life as he directs his gaze to you. His face brightened at your mention, which felt like a crime the way it flustered you. His lightly freckled face and symmetrical features almost distract you from his voice laced with charm. You know he is talking to you but it just goes in one ear and out the other as you find your way to the present again. "Dean-" He extends a hand which you gladly take and match his grip. At least I didn’t miss the important part.

"Nice to meet you, Dean." You smile, and for once it seems to come naturally. "I take it you go to school here, too?"

"I do, yeah," He dips his head. "I'll be graduating this year."

"That's great! What's your major?"

"Automotive Engineering."

Dean replies with a precise inflection, almost like he regrets it. 

You nod, slightly impressed, "Oh wow, so like mechanics and such?"

Dean raises his lips into a wider smile, expecting to have to explain, "Short answer, yes, and long answer is that there's a focus on fixing and improving cars, but there's design work, as well. It's a lot of electrical and mechanical work tossed into one. Lots of computer work."

You dare take in every word he says like it is holy, because it sure sounds it coming from that mouth.

Woah, chill.

"Well, at least it's not Anthropology."

Maybe if you poke fun at Cas, he won't hear your thoughts. Dean gives a quick huff of laughter, eyes widening as he's taken aback by surprise at your immediate play toward Cas. He looks to Cas, who is blinking for a comical beat, and then turns his head to you with a tight-lipped smile. "I don't understand your gripe with my major."

"Explain your major to me." You prompt knowingly.

Cas huffs, knowing where this is headed but elaborates anyway, "Anthropology has to deal with observing humanity and trying to understand humans from a sociocultural standpoint."

I look to Dean with conviction, "He wants to professionally people-watch."

Dean turns the corner of his lips down in thought, leaning to Cas, "She's gotta bit of a point there, bud."

Cas incredulously darts his eyes between you and Dean, mouth partially agape as he searches for a defense that they can't use against him. He comes up empty before swiveling his body towards you, "You don't have a drink yet?" Then to Dean, "She doesn't have a drink yet," He backs away from them, slowly ducking from the conversation, "I'll go get you a drink."

You smirk, eyes moving to the floor, burning a hole in it because if you look at Dean you think you might embarrass yourself. Alas, you lift your head anyway, conversation bouncing right back in its place as Dean points his solo cup to you, "You didn't say what your major was."

"You didn't ask." You cock your head slightly, in playful accusation.

He purses his lips playfully, licking them before he drawls, "What's your major, sweetheart."

You shudder internally, desperately remaining collected. "Education with a focus on English. I'm working on becoming a high school teacher."

He hesitates, running his teeth over his lips- I should probably stop looking at his lips. "Didn't think I'd see a teacher at a party."

You narrow your eyes with fake offense, "What's that supposed to mean?"

The same stupid smile he won't wipe off seems to only get brighter the more you talk to him, he shakes his head, "I mean, a future teacher in an apartment full of alcohol and kids doing God-knows-what. Seems a little..."

"Oxymoronic?" You finish for him.

Dean searches your face, and you swear you can see the gears turning in his head at the word. "I think so."

You actually let out a laugh at that, not faking anything, it just springs out from your stomach.

"So. Why do you want to teach a bunch of hormonal teens?" Dean queried, intrigued.

"The salary, obviously." You deadpan.

Dean hums, leaning back on his feet, "Right. Like how I chose automotive engineering for the easy classes."

"Not because you would get a bunch of girls?"

His smile widens, almost upset that he didn’t come up with that first, "I like the way you think."

You flash your eyes up with a devilish innocence, a smirk unraveling on your face.

He shakes his head, his grin softening into something deeper, "No, really. What makes you wanna be a teacher?"

You let the silence stretch for a beat, gathering your thoughts like fragile threads, piecing them together.

"Believe it or not, I hated school. Always did. I was a good student...well-behaved, for the most part. But, I did the absolute bare minimum. I just was never engaged in anything, and I was just bored out of my skull. My parents would tell me that everyone hates it, and to get used to it, but...I was so miserable. In high school, my parents divorced and so, I was just utterly checked out. I stopped trying, and none of my teachers did all that much."

You pause, a soft grin opening on your face, "Except my sophomore year English teacher. One day, after class, he asked me to stay behind. And, of course, I was ready for the same, droning speech that I had heard about fifteen other times from every other teacher about missing assignments or failing grades, but instead... he asked about what music I listened to, what movies I watched, and what I did outside of school. And, God, we were talking for like an hour after class ended, and... I don't know. I just felt like he really listened. The next class, he started connecting the books we read to the things we'd talked about. If we were studying a novel, he’d bring up a character or a theme he knew I’d relate to. If there was an essay, he’d tell me to write about something I was passionate about. He didn't put these restraints on learning, and he taught us, not what he had to learn but what we wanted to. It made the whole damn class realize that we loved to learn...we just didn't like school. I guess... I want to be that. I want to connect with students the way he did with me, otherwise, I'd probably be a dropout by now."

Dean's gaze flickered with a sense of awe, and you just realized how long you must've rambled for.

Your brows draw together with self-consciousness. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No, no..." Dean softly interrupted, "People don't always choose the route they're passionate about. It's nice to see a change in pace, y'know?"

You cock your head, an innocent deduction vocalizing itself before you have the chance to filter it, “You’re not passionate about your major.”

He flashes his eyebrows up, his mouth opening, but no sound comes out. He lets out a huff of air that forms a smirk, “I am. I like my major, but, uh, sometimes I feel like I have other callings. I just grew up around cars, so I figured I wouldn’t be wasting my time.” He shrugs in resignation.

“Why not pursue your other callings?”

“My dad owns a mechanics shop, well… the building anyway. When I was four, uh- my dad had to take care of me and my little brother, so we shut down. He wants me to get it back up and running again. He's basically guaranteeing that he's giving it to me after I graduate.”

“But you don’t necessarily want it?” You coax out of him, tilting your head empathically.

He huffs again, shaking his head, “It’s more of an obligation. He…” Dean bites his cheek for a moment, wondering if he’s sharing too much but opts to continue anyway, he found it easy to share with you, “He gave it up for me. And my brother. And, I want to do this for him. I owe it to him.”

You nod, a brief, almost imperceptible nod, as you drown in his gaze and his genuine talk. For once, it wasn’t just something shallow, but it certainly makes you wonder about his family life. 

“And your mom? What does she do for work?” You query.

Dean swallows and licks his lips. Time heals all wounds apparently, but still, it’s not an easy thing to talk about, nonetheless know what kind of reaction to expect every time. 

Cas comes back- thank whoever- with three solo cups, about halfway full, with what looks like punch, which you assume is spiked. Dean tosses his old cup away, and thanks Cas as he reaches for the new one. Cas reads you as he passes you your own.

“D’you get lost over there, Cas?” You play at him, and he barely even looks at you as he brings the cup in your hands to your mouth and essentially forces you to take a sip or two. It makes you smile a bit, and you can see Cas trying to fight his own mouth from doing the same.

"So how do you guys know each other?" You beg the question, taking a sip of the punch with your own free will this time.

Cas lets out a light chuckle, "Freshman year, I took my Continental to Singer's Auto-"

You gasp adoringly, "Oh, Betty..."

"Betty?" Dean practically grimaces.

"Cas' car." You answer lovingly.

Dean snickers at Cas, "You named your car Betty?"

Cas glowers defensively, "I didn't, she did."

"You name your cars too?" Dean's face lights up to you.

"I do." 

Cas clears his throat, continuing, "I took my Continental-"

"Betty," Dean mockingly coos, tilting his head to the side the same way you did.

Unimpressed, Cas glares at Dean, "...to Singer's Auto while Dean was under an apprenticeship. The following week, he had been a customer at Silver & Flames, and I served him, which I thought was a humorous coincidence. Then we were in the same aisle at the library somehow two days after. I figured he was obsessed with me after our first interaction, so I introduced myself." Cas is evidently proud of that little spin at the end.

Dean sarcastically frowns, "You left out the part where you asked me to dinner."

Cas sighs with faux anger, "Beers and Doritos at my dorm after a football game is not a dinner."

Dean turns his head to you, winking, "He was totally trying to take advantage of me."

You giggle, enjoying their banter.

Out of nowhere, your name is squealed from somewhere nearby, and before you can gauge where it came from, it comes close to knocking you to the ground as it envelopes you in a hug from behind. "You came!"

"Hey, Charlie-" You grunt, concern and amusement mixing in your compromised vocal cords at her squeezing. "Having a good time?"

She's still attached to you, as she bubbles, "Yes! My D&D group finally found a time to meet up in person this time because this year a lot of our classes are actually pretty synched up on the times- Woohoo! And, with our new campaign, we're testing out a new theme which is gonna be sooo exciting- oh, and these drinks? Totally reminds me of the saloon-type things that we role-play with too, especially for my character that I made-"

You interrupt her, "What did you have to drink, babe?"

Charlie lets go, holding onto your shoulder still, evidently buzzing, "Like two or three somethings- I don't know but th'punch is great!"

Your eyes widen as you look from your punch cup to Dean, and you quickly dump the rest of it into the sink that's about two feet to your right. And Dean's standing there, desperately trying to wipe his concealed laugh off with his hand as he holds it to his mouth, turning his head slightly so he doesn't falter.

Cas just puzzles at all of the new lingo from Charlie while watching the interaction from the outside, but he isn't safe for very long. "Charlie, you remember Cas, right?" You point to him.

Charlie drunkenly squints her eyes a bit, and exaggeratingly gasps, "Oh yeah, Casss!" She moves over a bit to attack him with a hug.

His posture sways, as he takes a step back to balance himself, taken aback by her physical affection, but nonetheless, he awkwardly pats her back. She was off him as fast as she jumped him.

"I r'member you from this summer. It was so cool when you were all Terminator when Nick came banging on her door," Charlie points to you, "and you jus' stood there like a brick wall with the meanest little Cas face-"

You freeze, eyes blown wide and inhaling sharply at the unexpected reference to Nick, pulling Charlie back gently so she wouldn't fall, failing to ignore Dean's slightly furrowed brows at the story, "Woah- ha, Charlie, I think they're playing Kingdom Hearts in the living room!" You divert her attention, pointing elsewhere.

Charlie's face lights up at the mention, "They're playing Kingdom Hearts? Oh my god- I gotta go!" She cheers, and practically stumbles away to go towards the living room.

You glance at Cas, who glances at you, unsure of what to say at Charlie's uncensored blabber. Luckily, Dean speaks up first, mostly unaware, "She seems fun."

You let out a bit of an embarrassed chuckle, "God love her, she's my best friend."

Cas searches the room for her, piping up, "I'm going to make sure she stays away from the punch."

Dean fixes his gaze on you, "She an avid partier?"

"No. Not at all- I think she's just...indulging." You reason.

"And you?"

"And I, what?"

He flashes his teeth, "Are you an avid partier? Or, just indulging."

You take a breath, leaning your arm against your body, your empty cup sits at your lower thigh, as you find the right words, "I'm not here to get crazy. Cas, Charlie, and my other roommate Jo...they were begging me to not recluse this year."

Dean's eyebrows lower, his pretty eyes concentrated, "Jo Harvelle?"

You nod once, "Yeah, you know her?"

He pauses, rubbing his jawline, before conceding with a flustered grin, "Yeah, I've met her a few times."

It takes you a moment to let that sink in, by what he meant by that.

Oh.

Oh.

Fuck.

Of course. Of course, they knew each other. Who did Jo not "know" by now.

It doesn't matter, why would it? You just met him, and you aren't looking for anything. Right?

Right.

Except it only matters a little, because you just gave him half of your life story and you kind of want to give him the rest of it.

You do your best to conceal the slight bitterness at the idea, unsure of what to say. "Oh, okay."

He smirks, unable to read you, "What?"

You lift your shoulders slightly, "Nothing, I've just never seen you walk of shame out of our apartment." You snort, unable to help yourself. But, it is true. You don't recall ever seeing him, and you would frequently hang out at Jo and Charlie's place before you moved in. You would remember a face like that.

He isn't fazed by the hostility of the comment, just a bit curious, "And...you've seen a lot of guys in there come and go?"

Well, shit. You didn't want to gossip. You bring a hand to your neck, guiltily leaving him unanswered, which was an answer in itself. You blow out an exhale, staying neutral, "It's not my business. I just live there."

"Right, right." He understands what it means.

The beat of awkward silence was somehow louder than the blaring music still playing. You dip your head for a moment, glancing around the room before gesturing to the living room. "I'm gonna check on the girls real quick, make sure Charlie isn't flat on her face or anything."

Dean looks like he doesn't know how to recover either, "Yeah, sure- uh, I'll be here."

You excuse yourself, and peer around the visible corners of the joint, scouting for the girls. A couple steps further in you see Charlie having the time of her life, controller in hand with a swarm of people cheering her on at Mario Kart. You smile to yourself, and search the room for Jo, ambling towards a couple of smaller groups of people, to find that she's in the corner, seductively leaning her back against a door frame as she talks to two guys who seem very interested in whatever she has to say. They respond eagerly it seems, and she bats her eyes as she dunks her cherry into her coke and wraps her lips around it.

She's just fine.

Walking back to the kitchen area, your eyes fall on someone making direct eye contact with you. It takes you a moment, as you halt in your footsteps, and your stomach does a flip.

It was one of Nick's friends- Chuck.

Chuck was a solid piece of shit. Anytime Nick had his cult over, most of them would pretend you weren't there, but a few, Chuck included, would hit on you even if it was in front of Nick. He would make you deeply uncomfortable, squirming on the couch trying to get away from him as he laughed, or the others did. And Nick never really did much to stop it, or would blame you for it if he did say anything. "Shouldn'ta been wearin' a skirt then."

Chuck leans over to some other guys he was with, keeping his cold eyes locked on you as he grabs their attention.

Your blood runs cold, darting away quickly, you weave through the crowd as your heart starts to pound in your chest. You knew this was a bad idea, you knew you could never really escape this- God, how foolish you were. The front door only seems to get further and further away, as your breathing picks up. Your hand slips on the knob before being able to press down and rush out. All you can do is just start to walk back home. You turn your head behind you, checking for anyone that follows, and you start to tell yourself to relax, as the door remains shut.

You shake in the elevator, wringing your hands as you try to calm yourself. The light flashes red as the door opens as you hover close to the exit, and he's right there.

Nick.

Your hand flies to your chest, snapping your eyelids shut momentarily.

"I'm so sorry, Miss- didn't mean to scare you!" The middle-aged gentleman in a white dress shirt and black slacks apologizes as he takes a cautious step into the elevator.

"Oh, my mistake. You're alright..." You timidly bow your head after blinking Nick away, leaving the elevator with the somewhat confused man, bracing a hand on the door as you attempt to make your way to the street.

The wind nips at your face, not sharp enough to be uncomfortable but enough to ground you. You keep up the fast-paced strides back home, appreciating the closeness in proximity it was from Cas' complex.

THE PARTY

Oblivious, Cas returns out from the restroom at the party still, double-taking at the sudden line that has formed outside of it. He peers around the room, finding Dean. He's wallflowering by the kitchen, swirling his cup before he lifts his head up to see Cas as he walks back over to him, looking around. "Where is she?"

Dean's eyebrows raise, his lips jut out as he glances around, "She said she was checking on the girls."

Cas' face falls slightly, "I didn't see her around."

High-heeled combat boots clunk over to the two, making their heads turn to Jo, a bit of a curious look on her face.

"Hey, Cas. Where's, uh," Jo says your name.

"I have no idea, she said she was looking for you and Charlie." Cas shrugs, still searching for her, even going to lengths to stand on the balls of his feet to look over the crowd.

"Oh, okay." She doesn't give it much attention. "Maybe I'll see you later, Dean?"

Dean tilts his head to Jo, his face subtly pinched, "Uh, yeah... later, I guess."

She tries the "hate to see 'em leave, love to watch ‘em walk away" exit, but Dean's a little less focused on her. He directs himself back to Cas rather easily and watches him pull out his phone. "Did she text you or somethin'?"

Cas sighs worriedly, "No. Not yet, I just texted her." He puts his ringer on and keeps his phone in his front jacket pocket. He narrows his eyes at Dean in a questioning manner, "Are you and Jo..."

He darts his eyes from one side of the room over to Cas, "Are we what?"

Cas pushes, "You know...benefiting from each other?"

"Oh, yeah. I guess," He relents, noncommittally. "Why?"

"Nothing. I just didn't know if you guys were planning to become anything more. She seems to have an interest in you…from that little pass a moment ago." Cas has always seen an extra gleam in Jo's eyes when she was standing next to Dean. She tries harder around him, he noticed. At social functions, she would act as if they were more than just their agreement. She would interlock an arm with him, and force a bit more of a romantic chemistry rather than just the sexual one. To be honest, Dean didn’t even really see much in her, but she was different from his ex. And he was satisfied with that. She made him forget for a while, which was all he really wanted from their situation.

"Nahh," He rasps. "I don't see it going anywhere. It's just a casual thing- and it’s mutual, so."

"Was merely wondering. I know it's been a while since Lisa, but-"

"Woah, dude- let's not." Dean holds his palm up, "This is a party, alright? We can talk women, but just... not past women."

"Right." Cas' lips tighten into a thin line. He unconsciously begins to look around for her again, and his eyes land on Chuck, who is discretely edging his way to the door. Now he understands why you disappeared. Damn it.

"I'll be back." He says to Dean, who has no time to answer as Cas stomps off.

Chuck's hand is on the knob and opens it about three inches before it slams shut in front of him. Cas towers above him, "Hey, man. Where’re you headed?"

Chuck snaps his head to Cas, shrugging with shifty eyes, “I was just heading out, I got somewhere to be, man.”

"Do you." Cas challenges.

"Yeah. I do." He tries again to open the door, but Cas doesn't budge.

"I'd be careful if I were you. You remember what I did to your friend." Cas threatens, glaring intensely. He knows he can't hold him here, but he can at least attempt to put the fear of God in him.

Chuck scoffs, but he doesn't quite come off as the tough shit he thinks he is, "I'm not fuckin' scared of you."

"That's your first mistake. If there's a second, it'll be too late for you." He warns, eyes staring daggers into Chuck's as he slides his hand off the door.

Chuck does his best to remain stoic, as he takes off with haste out of the door. Cas stands idle and pounds the frame faintly with anxious frustration. He whips out his cell, thumbing through his contacts for her. He clicks the call icon for her contact, bringing the phone to his ear. It rings four times before her voice picks up, “Hey-”

Cas says her name with an urgency, “Where are you?”

“Yeah, Cas, I’m sorry. I was just about to call or text, I’m home now. I was just starting to get a bit congested.” She sighs into the phone.

Cas breathes out an exhale of relief, “No, that’s…that’s perfectly fine. You showed up, didn’t you? All I asked for.” 

“Yeah…yeah, I mean, it was fun. Your friend’s nice.” 

“Yes, Dean is good company.” Cas nods into the phone, now reminded that he should go back to find him.

“Well, maybe we can meet up sometime this week after class? I feel bad for taking off early.” She amends.

He sighs, locating Dean by the kitchen still, holding his forearm out in confusion as he watches Cas walk back over to him, “That sounds great. Don’t feel bad, though. I’ll see you next week.”

She says a quick goodbye before Cas hangs up. Dean gives Cas a look, pressing him to explain, “What’s going on?”

“She, uh, had to go take care of something.” Cas frowns a bit.

“Oh, alright.” Dean seems to match Cas’ disappointment, adding. “She’s cute.”

Cas wears an amused grin, “You think she’s cute?”

Dean turns pink slightly, clearing his throat, “Well- I mean, ‘cute’ in like, a ‘college-girl’ kinda way. Like, a normal…way. Y’know, cute for a future-teacher-kinda-way…”

“I see.” Cas tries to contain his snigger.

A break of quiet between the boys breeds a bit of awkwardness before Dean pipes up “And you guys aren’t…benefiting or anything?”

Cas doesn’t hold back that time, a chuckle leaves his throat, “No, we aren’t. There’s no romantic inclination there either.” He thinks to himself for a moment. “I’ve grown rather protective over her, but I don’t view our relationship in that sense.”

Dean listens to Cas and brings the cup of punch to his lips. Mulling over his words, “Yeah, I gotcha.”

“That does entail that she’s single.”

Dean twists his face as he almost coughs the punch up, “Woah, man. I didn’t say anything about…”

Cas tilts his head, “I can tell you’re at least interested.”

Dean exhales, convincing himself that it’s nothing more than interest, “I mean, I hardly know her, Cas…”

“I can still tell when you’re interested in someone.” Cas remarks. 

Dean crosses his arms defensively, scoffing at his friend, “Whatever, man.”

“I am talking women with you, Dean-”

“Yes, you certainly are.” He takes a sip of his drink.

“But I’m not talking…you-know-who. So, I find this acceptable.”

“Is this some kind of social experiment for your major?”

Still ignoring his protests, Cas continues, “And I figure, I know you both rather well and I find that you are fairly compatible. You share some interests, and conversations seem to flow well, and you both have a similar, dry humor. And given two bumpy roads for romantic connections-”

“I take offense to that.”

“I’m sure you both would enjoy each other’s humble company, having some experience in relationships in general. And if nothing becomes of it, and you hate her, then I’ll take an F for my grade.”

Dean snaps an excited finger to Cas, “It is a social experiment!”

Cas gives him a pointed look, “I just want the two of you, as individuals, to forget about the past.”

“I get it, Cas. I do, I really do. But, you don’t throw shattered glass together and hope the cracks are fixed.”

“No. In fact, it’s how you create mosaics.” 

“Mosaics- the hell is that?” Dean blinks.

“A mosaic is made of small, fragmented glass or tile that creates a work of art when placed together."

“So, two broken halves make a whole, right?” Dean mockingly reiterates.

“Precisely.”

“We gotta get you away from Lifetime TV.”

Cas relents, shaking his head, “Just- don’t shut it down so fast. I know her, and… she could use someone like you, Dean. And, you could use someone like her. A lot of people could.”

Dean soaks in Cas’ words instead of joking again. He chews his lip for a moment, opening his mouth partially. Bringing the last of his drink to his mouth, he considers it. He really does.

A/N: Sorry if this is slow and dragged out slightly, im kind of just throwing this out to the wind- please let me know what you think!

[baconcolacan]

Hi Neil!! I love your work so much! I'm a beginner writer (just started getting into the hobby a few weeks ago) and I'm hoping you could give any tips or words of advice on writing fanfiction? You're actually the main reason why I got into Eddsworld and fanfiction in the first place, so I look up to you a lot and wish to reach your level of skill one day! Hope you have a wonderful day/noon/night!

Oh sure! I’ve given writing advice before, the gist of it is that you start with a skeleton plot; chapters with specific themes and sub scenarios that happen in them.

e.g. for chapter 1 of Regimen, my skeleton plot looked like this:

REGIMEN CH1: Escape

>What has Tom been up to (get to know the squad)

>News segment reveal with Tord

>Escape from Norway and its consequences

Pretty barebones and it looks short, BUT if you’ve read my fic, you know how long just one chapter with these points is.

Another thing to keep in mind is your writing style. I’m an introspective writer, so a majority of my writings have a lot of personal thoughts from my MC, even if they’re not in first person.

e.g. Regimen again with Tom (Chapter 1)

‘None of the paths were to be used more than three times by anyone so that there wouldn’t be any traces of footprints. Tom had, like everyone else, been forced to memorize all of the General’s paths, it gave him a splitting headache on most days but fortunately he had used the path he was currently on only once, this allowed him a second tread back as long as he kept his steps light.’

You notice that while I’m world building, Tom interjects with his own experiences and thoughts about the world, you’ll find better examples in the fic but I often dont world build without a comment from my MC.

There are also paragraphs where it’s Tom just thinking about things, because again, I like introspection. Some writers are purely hands off characters and more world-buildy, some writers are omniscient and would tell you everything about what every character is feeling. In my case, I like focusing on one character’s thoughts and feelings at a time.

This is entirely up to you, but it would be best if you chose a solid writing style to follow through with.

And one important thing I like to repeat: EXPERIENCE things. The arts are all about US, human life and emotions, and writing hopes to put all those complexities to words.

Life experience is important, it’s how we connect. I’m not saying you should SUFFER for your art per say, experience can be something as easy as media consumption, see what works for other stories and artforms, you might be able to implement it into your own writing.

Be sure to BRANCH OUT as much as you can, many genres and artforms are great sources of creativity you can slowly learn to translate for your own purposes.

And one last specifically fanfiction related advice:

When writing a particular character, I always try my best to “hear” their voice for specific dialogues, we always joke about things like ‘He would NOT fucking say that’, but it’s steeped in truth, if you really can’t hear their voice saying certain lines, it would be best to revise them.

[just-a-shark333]

Dadbaccio Au chapter 3 finally!!!!

ehehhe im sooo excited its literally been like 4?? or 5 months since chapter two came out and so much shit has happened since then. My computer broke twice and i got really really depressed for a few weeks, but its finally here!!! so enjoy bc i dont know when chapter 4 will be lol

word count: 1,629

[chapter 1] [chapter 2]

Abbacchio’s kitchen looked similar to the rest of his apartment. The walls were a weird off-white and there were takeout boxes stacked in the corner of the room next to the trash can. It was minimally decorated with only basic kitchen appliances and an almost dead plant in the center of the kitchen table. Said kitchen table had about half of it covered in various papers relating to various cases he had been assigned in the past and had yet to put away.

‘I should put that away soon, especially if I’m going to have a child running around here now,’ Abbacchio notes upon seeing the mess when the two enter the kitchen. A child…Haruno was just a child, wasn’t she? A child that would be living with him in his house from now on. Did that make Haruno his child? Him her…dad?

Nevermind that for now, he pushes the thoughts out of his mind. They could wait for tonight when he tries (And likely fails) to sleep.

For now, the topic of dinner was what needed to be figured out. Abbacchio opens his freezer, looking at its contents for a moment before deciding to just throw a frozen pizza in the oven. It’d be easy enough, honestly, how could anyone fuck up a frozen pizza? Haruno was bound to like it, what kid doesn’t like pizza? And they could probably just heat up leftovers when he inevitably didn’t feel like cooking actual food the next day.

Abba takes the pizza out of the box and tosses it in the oven, not bothering with a tray or preheating the oven. He turns the oven on and returns to the topic of what to do with the mess on the table. And the chairs. One of them had disappeared to fuck knows where, another had made a nice home for some boxes he’d had laying around since he first moved in. The one on the clear side of the table was also clear of anything occupying it, as that was the one he actually used.

Abbacchio picks up the stack of boxes and moves them to the floor next to the chair. He then turns back to the chair, and scoots it over to the clear side of the table.

“You can sit down if you want. Food should be done in…15 ish minutes, I think.”

He watches as the girl makes her way to the chair and sits on it, looking up at him with something akin to fear in her eyes. Just what exactly had this poor child been through?

Abbacchio takes a seat on the empty chair next to hers. If he was going to house this child and take care of her, he really ought to get to know her a bit. At least know the basics, right? “Soo, what kinda things do you like?”

Haruno stares at him, her gaze as hard to read as it had been the whole time. She looks…confused maybe? A little scared? Sort of..contemplative. Overall complicated. He keeps staring back at her, waiting for an answer.

“I..um..i like ladybugs..most insects actually..” she looks a bit like she’d like to say more but oh well, at least she said anything at all. So. The kid likes bugs.

“That sounds cool. Know any cool facts about ‘em?” maybe he'd be able to push the conversation somewhere this way.

“Umm…did you know that ladybugs are carnivores? They eat other, smaller, insects.”

“Oh really? I always assumed they ate plants or..dirt or something.”

“Yeah! A lot of people assume that but actually, ladybugs eat a whole bunch of insects! In their lifespan, which is about a year, sometimes two, they can eat up to 5,000 aphids!” Haruno was really starting to open up now. Ladybugs were the key to her trust, he supposes.

“Wow, that's a lot. Got anymore?”

They spend the rest of the 15 minutes talking about ladybugs, and some other bugs Haruno thinks are cool. Abbacchio had never been big on bugs himself, but he thought hearing all those facts about them were cool. He also learns that Haruno likes frogs. Not quite as much as she likes ladybugs but she still likes them.

When the oven beeps signalling that their food is ready Abbacchio waits for Haruno to finish what she was saying before he gets up to go take it out. It wasn’t a lot, but he was kind of proud of how much progress he had made with her in the little amount of time they had been talking. He pulls the pizza out of the oven and sets it on the counter, pulling out a knife and cutting it into as even of slices as he can manage. He puts a slice on the plate he pulls out for himself, and then a slightly bigger one on Haruno’s. She probably hadn’t eaten in days, so she must be hungry…but, he hesitates for a moment, she hadn’t eaten for a few days so she might not be able to handle so much food…Abbacchio pauses to think about it for a minute before deciding to just give her the slightly smaller one that would've been his.

He makes his way back over to the table and sets down the two paper plates, one in front of Haruno and the other in front of his own chair. “It’s not great but it’s food, you can go ahead and eat if you want. I’m gonna go get us some water.” Usually he would drink a glass (or more, but he tries not to) of wine with his half-assed dinner but with a child in the house with him, he’d rather not. He pulls two cups out of his cabinet, throws some ice from the tray in his freezer into them and fills them with tap water.

When he turns around to walk back to the table he’s surprised to see that Haruno hasn’t even moved to think about touching her food yet. In fact..she looks even sadder and more worried than before their conversation.. All she did was sit there, staring at her lap. He walks back to the table and sets down their glasses. Maybe she just needed more reassurance..? Or she just really genuinely didn’t want to eat or wasn’t hungry? He’d try the first theory first.

“You can eat now. If you want of course, but you really should try. At least a little.”

Haruno gives him a hesitant look before slowly picking up her piece of pizza and takes a small bite out of it. When he smiles in response she picks up the pace significantly, as if he would change his mind and take it away the moment she stopped. It saddens him, but he still lets out a soft chuckle and starts eating his own piece.

“You can have another piece if you want.” he says as the girl nears the end of her slice. He sees the hesitation in her movement before she rapidly nods her head and eats the last of her crust in one bite.

From that point on dinner goes pretty smoothly. Haruno doesn’t talk much throughout it but she eats and that’s all that really matters to Abbacchio right then. As the two start to finish their last slices of the night he takes their glasses to the sink and tosses the empty plates into the trash, mind moving onto its next topic for the night: where would Haruno sleep? Bringing her into his home was a total impulse decision, one that he would do again, but one that he wished he had planned out beforehand.

He has a guest bedroom, but its current state was absolutely unlivable, from what he remembers of last being in it.. Haruno would just have to sleep on the couch tonight and he’d clean the room tomorrow. He goes and grabs some spare blankets and pillows from his closet, instructing Haruno to stay in the living room where they had both been previously. When he returns, he lays them across the couch, forming a make-shift bed.

“Ok. This is where you’ll stay tonight. I’ll try to get your actual room cleared up tomorrow, kay?”

Haruno hesitantly nods before sitting down on the undoubtedly uncomfortable mock bed on the couch.

“If you need anything at all, my room is at the end of the hall. The bathroom is the one next to it to the right. Don’t be afraid to come bother me if you can’t sleep, or get yourself something from the kitchen or whatever.” He does his best to come across as as chill and comfortable as possible, really wanting to get the point across that he doesn’t mind. Haruno, again nods her head without a word. “Alright, night kid. I’ll be in my room if you need anything.” He slowly turns to leave for his room, waiting to see if Haruno has anything to say. Once it’s clear she doesn't, he actually leaves.

Abbacchio doesn’t fall asleep for hours, only actually getting an hour or two of sleep the whole night. He had stayed up mentally working out the details of keeping this kid he found. He’d simply have to..adopt her? Yeah, there’s no way he’d willingly let himself give her back to her parents and they'd already eliminated putting her into the system as an option, but he also couldn’t just keep a child in his home without paperwork. He’s pretty sure that’d count as kidnapping. So, he’d simply have to become a father. How hard could it be?

(The answer was very, but Abbaccio would worry about that when he got there, for now, he just had to get this child to be at least a little comfortable around him.)

end notes: sorry i posted this on ao3 like a week ago, ive been kinda sick and tierd and bust and just havent gotten around to posting this here until now

[noxiatoxia]

Can you give komahina (toxic yaoi?) headcanons

lemme see here. this is hard bc i dont necessairly have ~komahina~ headcanons i just have headcanons for komaeda and hajime it really has nothing to do with them as a ship;. but uh

ok so here's one. long winded. but i think from what we can gather about hajime he was a bit of a loner child. his parents didnt seem to gaf abt him. so i think he does get attached to people easy. tbh sdr2 was like a miracle scenario in some ways bc there's this guy who has little to no friends (be he never goes out of his way to make them) and then hes stuck with 15 other people his age and he's like i guess i'll talk to them what else can i do....and turns out everyone desires him carnally. tbf he's able to match ppl's freak and he's just good at listening (or pretending to listen) so this makes him popular. so its like ohhh ok we're friends now. hajime is that kind of guy who if he talks to someone once he calls them his friend. but like everyone IS actually his friend. anyways i think if hajime goes a long time without talking to someone he knows he starts to get a little nervous like if its been 1 whole week and he has not even exchanged small talk with like idk mahiru he's like "something is Critically Wrong" so then he'll go find her and be like "hi hows it going". its like disrupting his routine or whatever. i think the time periods for "how long hajime can go without talking to this person" varies depending on the person obviously. like with hiyoko it's like. they don't interact much so if it's been a week and a half he'll be like ohhh ok...maybe i should say something to her....but someone like kazuichi it's like. 3 days hasn't spoken to him once he's like Where Is That Mother Fucker.

this is all to say when it comes to komaeda in a komahina scenario it's devastating bc if he does not see komaeda in a while he gets fucked up abt it in like his anxiety/ptsd spiral his first thought it KOMAEDA IS DEAD. HIS LUCK GOT HIM KILLED. HE KILLED HIMSELF. and then hes like banging on komaeda's cabin door and shit like KOMAEDA. PLEASE.PLEASE. and komaeda is like um hi. flip side: komaeda is also very much like this but with people he's close-close with bc if he does not see hajime in like three days he's like HAJIME IS DEAD. MY LUCK GOT HIM KILLED. HE KILLED HIMSELF. and then he also goes crazy so they have to at least be makin small talk every day to ward off the demons....

as for like. TOXIC YAOI headcanons idk........anything in the chapter 4 area would be bad. i think. i have read so many hate fucking doujins in the chapter 4 time period. while dat all doesnt seem very canon to me (i just dont think hajime be doin all that. nor komaeda really) i see the vision. kamukoma was probably unhealthy on both sides if we want to go there. but like komahina. idk . 1) my brain is fogged up rn so it's hard to think you can ask again later if you desire but 2) really they aren't all that toxic like outside of a killing game environment. komaeda tends to keep to himself and hajime tries to understand people. so like. hajime is very much a "if it sucks hit da bricks" kind of philosopher so if komaeda was being a detriment to his health and he DID have a way out then it's not like he'd stay. hajime does put his foot down when things get too much. (if komaeda was a woman tho she could abuse hajime and he wouldnt gaf #mikanislandmodeending #hiyokoislandmodeending ) but see again komaeda wouldnt be doin all that. i cant see him intentionally hurt hajime post sdr2 canon, at most unintentionally toxic/unhealthy but again i thinnk hajime would in that case try to help him out like couples therapy style or something. WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS. im bad with headcanons it seems.

[angel-eyes05]

bite the hand (chapter 8)

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

pairing: spider-woman!oc x miguel o’hara 

summary: lorena's whole world was taken away from her in the blink of an eye, after she accidentally broke a canon event. lucky for her though, she was able to find a portal watch in her dimension and used it to get out before she glitched out of existence. unfortunately though, running from dimension to dimension, she's been named as an anomaly by the spider society. now, she's constantly on the run from them, their leader in particular. when she eventually gets caught though, she's recruited onto a mission to catch another anomaly who might be from her past. to her dismay though, her partner on this mission is her very captor. will she be able to stop arguing with him for long enough to get the job done?

info: enemies to lovers, maybe a slow burn depending on chapter count, oc is 24 and miguel is 27, both oc and miguel are super sad lmao, they're also both super violent so, they also hate each other what a slay, in regards to my oc you can read her character sheet right here

warnings: there might be spoilers for atsv in this so watch the movie before reading this, i made up some weird rules for miguel's suit and idk if theyre entirely accurate to canon so just go with it, tension lol, cursing, drinking

word count: 3.4k

notes: i gotta start repeating the banners at the top cause i ran out LMAO. also, expect less frequent uploads cause 1) i kinda have low motivation rn and 2) im pretty busy rn (going out, vacations, and doing job applications). writing also gets a little draining for me after a while and i gotta put me first😔✊ ill keep uploading though dw i just gotta do it at my own speed to make sure i dont drop the series cause if i try to push stuff out too fast, im gonna end up dropping it so just bear with me lol. also i didn't proofread this before posting cause its 3:30 when im dropping this, and im so tired lmao

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It was the sun that slithered into the room through the cracks in the blinds that woke her up. Lorena preferred that to the normal wakeup call from a nightmare, or the sounds of honking cars next to her on the street. The way the bed had molded itself to her shape made it impossible for her to move. Almost like it was trapping her in its comfort. Even if the mattress was old, the fact that this had been her first time sleeping in an actual bed, and not a bench, sidewalk, or cot, in months was enough to provide her ease. 

She turned to face the other side of the bed, surprised when no one was in sight. Miguel was probably in the bathroom or something. She was more focused on a different fact: this had been the first sleep in weeks without a nightmare.

Huh. Weird.

She sat up in bed, noticing she was still in her robe from the bathroom. She rubbed the drowsiness off her face as the click of the door lock called her attention. Letting in a stream of early sunlight with him, Miguel walked through the door, pitch black sunglasses covering his eyes, a box in one hand, and a cup tray in the other. “Figured you’d be hungry when you woke up,” he said once he noticed she was awake. He softly kicked the door closed behind him, setting the tray on the desk near the door and the box on the bed. 

Pulled by curiosity, she moved her hands towards the box and opened it to see what was inside. Her mouth immediately started watering when she opened it to see assorted treats such as conchas, bigotes, and mantecadas. “I was in the mood,” Miguel said, pulling the drinks out of the tray. “I didn’t know how much cream or sugar you liked so I just got you black cause that's what I get,” he said, handing the hot cup of coffee to her. 

The smell of the pastries mixed with the coffee was enough to make her want to cry. It reminded of the smells of her aunt’s kitchen in the morning. The bitterness of the coffee stung at her throat, but it was overshadowed by the comfort it brought her. She picked up one of the bigotes, and had to hold back her tears of joy when she took a bite. “Gracias por todo,” she said, mouth full of food and covered in sugar. Miguel smiled at the sight of her. “De nada, cariño,” he said sweetly, taking one of the conchas for himself. 

As he walked away with his food, towards the bathroom, Lorena noticed something about him. “Where’d you get the clothes?” she asked, mouth still filled with food. He was now wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. “It’s part of my suit,” he responded, fixing his hair in the bathroom mirror. “¿Cómo?” He sighed. “Remember what I said about the whole nanotech thing last night?” “Yeah, what about it?” Suddenly, the shirt and sweatpants shifted into his blue and red suit just before her eyes. “Woah…” she exclaimed in awe. “I can change its appearance as long as the outfit is downloaded to my suit’s database.” “Oh,” Lorena expressed, even if she still didn’t fully understand what he was talking about. 

“Why’d you get to be born in the crazy, futuristic dimension with all the fancy tech,” she complained to herself, just loud enough for Miguel to hear. “Why, do you want one?” he asked, in between a small chuckle. “I mean it would be nice to wear something other than a tight spandex suit for once,” Lorena joked, getting an actual laugh out of Miguel for once. Lorena blushed and smiled at his reaction. “Well lucky for you, you’re gonna need one for tonight,” he responded. “What do you mean?” she asked, after taking a sip from her coffee. 

He tossed her a small, golden chain. “The outfit should form around that chain. I had Lyla upload different outfits for the day, since she probably knows better than I do. When you’re ready, put it on.” Lorena admired the golden material. She was lucky she wasn’t a silver jewelry girl. “So what’s on the to-do list for today,” she said, still looking at the chain. “Stay undercover for the majority of the day, then head over to the Moonlit River club at night. Lyla should have that outfit uploaded by now,” he responded, brushing his teeth with the provided amenities in the motel. 

“Why, are you finally deciding to take me out dancing to pay me for my troubles,” she joked, taking a sip of coffee after. Miguel spit out his toothpaste and sighed. “Brock meets up there on Thursday nights to trade weapons.”

Silence filled the space between them.

She knew this day had to come. She just wasn’t expecting it to be so soon. 

“I see,” was all she could manage to say, before taking another sip of her coffee.

Miguel could feel the turmoil radiating off of her from the bathroom. He washed out his mouth, and splashed a bit of water on his face before walking over to her. He pushed the box of pastries to the side, and took a seat in front of her on the sheets.

“Mirarme,” he softly spoke, using his pointer finger to guide her eyes to his. She looked up at him, trying her best not to get lost in the crimson shade of his eyes. “I-” He cut himself off before he could continue. He melded her hand into his before speaking again. “I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. I want you to know that if this becomes too much for you…you can back out.” His inflection was weird. As if he didn’t want her to, but still wanted to keep her comfortable. A wrestling match between what he wanted and what was best for her. 

“And I’ve said it before too. I’m not running away from this,” Lorena said back, voice strong. “Ok. Just know if things get bad for you in there, I’ve got your back,” he said, concern in his voice. He had also found his eyes roaming her face, not realizing they had both subconsciously moved closer to each other. “And I’ve got yours too,” she said back. Once he had realized Lorena’s robe was loose enough to see inside to her chest, Miguel cleared his throat and got up from the bed quickly. 

“I’m gonna go into town, see if I can pick up any information on the street. You can do whatever you want until its time, but make sure to-” “Yeah, yeah, lay low. Relax big guy, I’ve got this,” she cut him off, reassuringly. He exited the room quickly, like he was in a rush to get away from her. He was gone for almost the rest of the day. 

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About 8pm that night. 

Miguel was outside in the main room of the motel while Lorena was getting herself ready in the bathroom. Miguel had gone out earlier and bought her some cheap makeup and perfume from a local drugstore, a sweet gesture. 

Once she finished with her makeup and straightening up her hair, she tapped on the middle part of her gold chain, causing a menu to pop up. She scrolled through the options until she came across the last one, labeled by Lyla as “night time😉”. She clicked on the option, as she watched in awe as her casual t-shirt and sweatpants shifted into her outfit for the night. A tight black dress, cut asymmetrically to show one of her thighs, and a turtle neck part detached from the rest of the dress, with glove-like sleeves. This feature allowed for the perfect peephole towards her chest. Lorena had a feeling Lyla would try to do some matchmaking with her outfit.

With a quick spritz of perfume, a double check of her face in the mirror, and quickly putting on a black headband for her hair, Lorena quickly exited the bathroom. Miguel was standing there, waiting by the door and checking his portal watch. He was sporting a black, silk, button up shirt, tucked into black dress pants. The fact that the shirt was way too tight for him was accentuated by his muscles sculpted by the fabric and the fact that the first two buttons were open. His eye was caught by Lorena when she stepped out of the bathroom, his mouth slightly agape in awe and his eyes almost stuck to her.

“It’s flashy, I know. But it’s better that I fit in,” she said, trying to divide the tension in the room as she walked closer to him. “I-...um,” he stammered. “At a loss for words for once O’Hara?” she teased. Noticing a stray hair on the top of his head, she reached up to him to push it back. “Quédate quieto,” she commanded softly, while she stuck the piece back into the gel, trying to ignore how he was admiring her. 

“There you go. Ahora te ves guapo,” she teased, patting his chest with her hand. Miguel still had that stupid smile on his face. “Y te ves hermosa,” he said softly, and with utter sincerity. 

She couldn’t tell if she was caught more off guard with his words of affirmation, or the fact that the blush quickly forming on her cheeks was confirming her secret love of it. 

Clearing her throat, she unlocked the door, opened it, and gestured her hand to outside. “Lead the way big guy.” He smirked at her as he walked outside. He even got the courage to offer her his hand. This confidence was quickly deflated when she smacked away his hand, giggling to herself as she took the lead down the stairs. 

The night life of the city was bustling on the streets. Couples together, arm in arm, surely walking to a fancy restaurant for a night out. Lines forming outside of nightclubs, patrons with an urgency to get in. Everyone walking down the street with their own story to tell, just like Lorena. 

After walking for a couple of miles, the bright, neon blue sign shone in front of the entrance. The door was a mahogany red, with three stairs leading down to the entrance. But opposite to Miguel’s eagerness to get inside by opening the door, Lorena slightly froze, eyes blank. 

This was it. It was going to happen. Whether she was ready or not.

“Hey.” Miguel’s calm voice pulled her back to reality. “Stay with me. Okay?” He held out his large hand for her. This time, she decided to take it. “And remember to try and fit in,” he added. Her smile quickly turned sour and annoyed.

The atmosphere was loud, a mixture of people talking and the bass of the music filling the room. The fact that the lights were out didn’t seem to matter much with the amount of strobe and neon lights flashing within the bar. Lorena noticed Miguel quickly putting on a pair of sunglasses hidden in his jacket pocket. “I thought you said we needed to fit in,” Lorena stated as the two walked towards a high top near the bar. “I did. And?” “You really think you’re blending in with a pair of sunglasses on indoors? At night? In a club?” Lorena joked. “The lights hurt my eyes,” Miguel said, puppy dog hurt. Lorena had to fight to contain the laughter rising in her chest.

Once they sat down, and the reality of events settled down on Lorena, she began to look around the club. People sprayed out on couches, drunkenly conversing or making out. People out on the dance floor. Men walking into booths in the back, shielded by curtains. Eddie was probably in one of those. “I’m heading to the bar. You want anything?” Miguel asked, snapping her out of her daze. “Uhhhh, just get me something strong,” she brushed off, still not entirely paying attention. He shrugged and walked off to the bar. 

Lorena continued to inspect the area, her thoughts bouncing all over the place. What did this Eddie look like? Did he have black hair instead? Was his voice higher? Her Eddie always had a particularly deep tone. Smooth like silk as well. She would spend days on end focusing on the way he would say a single sentence back when she was first crushing on him. Would he act like her Eddie? She realized quickly she probably wouldn’t get the opportunity to find out. She didn’t necessarily want to find out anyways.

…

Would she have to kill him again? Would Miguel make her?

The smack of the glass on the table brought her back to reality. “You weren’t really specific, so I just got you a negroni,” Miguel said, open bottle of beer in his hand. Without a second thought, Lorena downed half the glass just then, proven to be a mistake with how strong the drink actually was. Her mouth curled inwards as her eyes shut closed, letting out a few coughs quickly after. 

Miguel laughed slightly, and slammed his hand against her back to help her cough. “What the fuck was that?” “Hey, you told me to get you something strong!” Miguel defended. “I thought you were gonna get me a margarita or something,” Lorena said, rubbing her chest with her hand. “Haven’t had alcohol in more than a year and you hit me with that straight away,” she said to herself. Subconsciously, he handed her his bottle. “Take a sip of that then.” She smiled to herself as she put her lips to the bottle and took a good sip of the beer. “Better?” he asked, like she was a child. “Yes, thank you for your charity sir, you’re so kind,” she responded sarcastically. 

“Find anything interesting yet?” Miguel asked, taking back the bottle. Lorena’s eyes went back to the curtains. “Those booths back there look promising. Are we sure he’s here yet though?” Lorena asked. “I have a hunch.” Lorena looked up at Miguel, annoyance on her face. “We’re going…off of a hunch?” “Just trust me on this okay.” Lorena sighed and took another sip of her own drink, wincing again when she put it back down. 

Her eyes were drawn away from the drapes and over to the lit up dance floor. She had always been the first one to bring her friends to dance with her when she was younger. Seeing it again brought feelings flooding back to her heart. Spontaneously, she jumped up from her chair and held out her hand to Miguel. “...What are you doing?” he asked, incredibly confused. 

“You said we had to blend in, right? We’ll do that better if we’re out there dancing,” she said. “Oh, no way. I don’t dance, chiquita,” he said, almost embarrassed. “Oh come on, for someone with your build? You’ve definitely danced before. Don’t be a debby downer Miggy,” she encouraged, both of them caught slightly off guard by the nickname slip. He rolled his head back, wiped his hands over his face, and let out a deep, annoyed groan. Once he stood up though and took her hand, it was impossible for Lorena to lose the smile growing on her face. “You’re taking the lead though, Loré,” he said, having come up with a nickname for her as well. She hoped the sunglasses he had on would keep him from seeing the blush on her face.

…

They didn’t.

Hand in hand, Lorena led Miguel over to the brightly lit floor, music blasting in the speakers next to them. Miguel stook out like a sore thumb, his huge build making him extremely identifiable among the other strangers on the floor. Lorena fit right in though, immediately beginning to dance to the blasting music. Miguel tried his best to copy her moves, but ended up looking like a fool. “You were right, you really aren’t that good at this,” Lorena teased. “Ha ha, very funny,” Miguel said monotonically. As the music changed slowly to a slower pace, they noticed the people around them grouping to dance into a pairs. She looked up to Miguel. He raised his eyebrow at her, asking her without words. Her smile was confirmation, as they inched towards each other. 

Almost as if they were pre-programmed to do so, Lorena wrapped her arms around Miguel’s neck, and his wrapped around her hips. They swayed together slowly to the music, melting into each others touch. He rested his head on her shoulder, his hot breath leaving goosebumps on her skin.

“This isn’t my wheelhouse,” he quietly whispered into her ear, sending shivers down her spine. “Why, better when other music is playing?” she whispered back sarcastically. “Everyone here’s lucky they aren’t playing salsa right now, or I’d be stealing the show.” Lorena let out a laugh. “Is that so?” He nodded, a huge smirk on his face. “I’m more of mambo person myself,” she responded. He smiled at her remark. “You’ll have to teach me some day.”

She struggled to keep the smile on her face as those words entered her head. You’ll have to teach me some day. She hadn’t even begun to think about it. What she would do after this mission was over. The whole point of doing this was so she could be granted her freedom. She wanted it so badly a couple of days ago. But now. She hadn’t even thought of staying as a possibility. Because to her, it wasn’t. She couldn’t invade Miguel’s life like that. She wasn’t even 100% sure how she felt about him, much less on how he felt about her. Besides, no matter how much she just wanted to settle down with someone. To live an actual life. She didn’t deserve it. 

Pulling away from him was like separating herself from her source of life, but she did it anyways. “You okay?” Miguel asked concerned. “Yeah, I just gotta freshen up for a second,” she said, wiping her nose. She turned around quickly to get away. Too quickly though, bumping into someone’s back on her way to the bathroom. 

Knocked off her balance, and her headband knocked out of her hair, she fell to the floor on her ass. “Sorry about that,” she said, slightly dissociated, reaching out for her headband. The stranger also reached down to help with her headband. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it gorgeous.”

Her heart dropped to her stomach.

That voice.

“Don’t lose your heart.”

She desperately wanted to keep her eyes glued to the floor. She didn’t want to look at him. But she had to keep her cover up. So she did, as slowly as she could though. And it was the worst possibly outcome.

He looked just like him. Strawberry blonde hair. Deep blue eyes. Small scar just above right eyebrow. His bottom two teeth fighting for room on the bottom row of his mouth. There was only one difference though. One of her favorite parts about him. This Eddie was missing his freckles. His beautiful light brown freckles.

She gave the stranger with her dead boyfriend’s face a strained smile while she grabbed her headband and rushed behind to the door. Her own brain pounding in her head was too loud for her to hear Miguel as she nearly ran passed him. She slammed the door to the outside open as she took in the air like it was her first breath ever. Even if she was outside now, she kept running. She sprinted down the streets, not taking any of her surroundings into account. She saw him in everyone’s face. His ghost had always been haunting her, but she wasn’t ready for him to move from behind her back to in front of her face. She ran so far and so fast until her legs ached, and even after that. She didn’t even know where she was going. She didn’t care. She just needed to get away from him as quickly as possible. Even if that meant leaving Miguel behind too. 

Her sprint was interrupted when her foot was caught in a change in the elevation on the sidewalk. Her face slammed into the concrete sidewalk, scraping her cheek and her knees. She used the rest of her strength, all drained out from her bolting, to crawl into a nearby alley. She made her way to the back and slunk down into the corner, hoping to meld into the brick behind her. Especially if it meant she never had to see him again.

-----------------

a/n: THIS TOOK ME SO LONG OH MY GOD. sorry if i messed some stuff up with the drinks, i dont drink so i really have no idea (im just a stoner instead lmao). UGH BUT I THINK THIS WAS MY FAVORITE CHAPTER TO WRITE I LOVED IT AND I HOPE YOU GUYS DID TOO

taglist: @the-ikran-man @jenniferdixon05207 @yuuuumii @elwyn7 @waniesss @lust-for-pan @natthernandez @pix-stuff @ang3lf4c3 @artfulthoughtswp @notwildlyfamous

[lizard-shifter-noms]

Still Subject to Change Chapter 12 (NEW)

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Hello everyone! i decided to repost arc 1 of SSTC

(the chapters were way too long and had a bunch of typos but hopefully this will make reading easier)

this Story contains Vore, Dont like dont read.

if there are still any grammatical errors i’m sorry.

——————————————————————————

Making my mind up I turned back to Oakley and twisted the gem to turn back into the smallest form which was a bit difficult given that I now had an extremely short thumb like thing that was half covered in fur.

“Can I come back later? I do want to take your offer, i really do, but i promised to bring them back to Kamerasca and i still plan on doing that”

He nodded and tilted his head back into a normal position shuffling his wings a bit closer to his body.

“Keeping promises is important so of course you can come back later! This isn't a one time offer i'm not an asshole so take your time, i'll still be here even in a week or two, no need to rush”

I was relieved to hear that, but we still didn't really know what direction we had to go in to get to Kamerasca.

“Say, do you know the way? To Kamerasca i mean, we got kinda lost”

He nodded and rummaged for a second in his green patterned cloak before taking out a round metal object.

“Here this will help, you just have to go south south east then you should find it and to get back to me just go north north west”

He Handed me the metal thing and I could see that it was an extremely well made compass in an expensive looking hull that seemed to be made out of actual steel.

“I- Thats- Thank you! That's really useful! But it looks very expensive. 

Are you sure you want to give that to me? You already gave me the bracelet”

He nodded and fished out at least three more of the compass out of his cloak, all held together by a thin but sturdy rope.

“I have lots of em, giving one out isn't gonna do anything to me, now you should probably get on the move i'm sure you can cover some ground until it's dark, it's only midday after all”

He was right, we had spent the majority of the morning here and still had plenty of time to cover some distance.

Walking back to the Humans I saw that Robin had once again made about a dozen flower crowns and planted some on the head of Arthur and was About to put one on Rikaad’s head.

Rikaad bowed his head in front of the smaller boy who then slowly put the flowers on his head.

It kind of looked like a coronation and had to smile, It was kinda funny that Rikaad just let Robin do whatever.

Suddenly Robin's head whipped around and a huge smile plastered onto his face as he saw me.

“Donovan! Do you want a flower crown too?”

He held one up that was made of lots of daisies and I nodded.

“Sure! You're good at making them”

He carefully put it on my head and it fit perfectly.

“Oh also! Oakely showed me how to use the bracelet and gave me a compass so we could find Kamerasca”

I held up the metal object for them to see and I could see Arthur face light up at the prospect of getting home soon, while Rikaad was as professional as ever even with the flowers on his head.

“That is very good news, i say we pack our belongings and start moving”

Rikaad had already put his small bag over his shoulder and tossed Arthur his as i was now unable to put it in my pockets as a human sized being.

Oh wait, I could fix that, but I probably should ask first to avoid scaring them half to death by suddenly shifting.

“I could go Giant again and carry those? Oakley let me have the Bracelet so i can shift whenever”

At the mention that I was now able to switch forms whenever I wanted Robin's eyes lit up and he bounced a bit on his feet.

“Can you turn back into the green kitty? It looked so cool!”

All of us gave him a weird look and he pouted before grabbing some more of his flower crowns.

“Maybe later, i don't have pockets in that form”

Going a few steps back I turned the gem and grew back to about thirty feet tall give or take as I had nothing to actually measure myself with.

“Ayo what the hell, this is really weird”

“Arthur you literally have seen this before if anyone should freak out about this it would more likely be me”

Rikaad was right, he'd never actually seen me shift before whereas Arthur and Robin have as they were there when I first grew into a giant.

Robin seemed completely unbothered by it, just smiling and holding his multitude of flower crowns.

Speaking of flower crowns, the one he gave me had stayed on my head till now but was still normal sized so when I moved my head a bit it slid down my front where I managed to catch it.

It was way too small now to properly wear but I probably could put it on a finger.

The only finger it fit on was my pinky finger but I put it there nonetheless even if it would probably fall off soon.

Picking up the bags and stuffing them in my pockets, I took out the compass again only to realize that it was too small to properly read now.

One of the smaller men would have to direct us then, but I pondered who I should give it to.

Probably Rikaad, he seemed the most responsible of the three and I was sure he wouldn't end up accidentally destroying it.

So bending down again I held my hand out to him, presenting the comically small looking item to him.

“I can't read it, it's too small right now can you lead with it? Oakley said we had to go south south east to get to Kamerasca”

He carefully took it and held it up to his face, determining which way to go.

“I will try my best as a navigator, for now we have to go back into the woods across the clearing”

He started walking in the direction he had pointed at a few seconds ago and all of us followed him.

As we went past the stump Oakley was still standing there waving.

“Safe journey! I know the woods can be a pain in the ass sometimes!”

He was grinning hugely and suddenly Robin went up to him with his dozens of flower crowns in hand and put one on his head, This one contained some daisies and violets but also some nice yellow buttercups before he ran up to me.

Oakley looked confused for a second and touched the crown, going a bit cross eyed from trying to look at his own head but went back to smiling immediately, showing off his fangs.

“Thank you! What pretty blossoms! I wish you well, little human!”

I could swear that his tail was subtly wagging behind his cloak but chose not to comment on it, and everyone else just said their version of bye and waved.

We crossed the threshold of the trees and I turned around one last time waving at the weird nonhuman.

“See you Donovan! I will try to find the scriptures about Ardua so when you come back I can tell you more!”

He spread his wings and flew up into the air and out of sight towards his little hut where he disappeared inside.

“What did he mean by that? Do you have to come back to return the compass?”

Robin looked up at me confusedly, right, I hadn't told them that I was going back here once I brought them to Kamerasca.

“Oh right, since going back to… any Kingdom really, is a bad idea as i’ll just be killed im going to come back here after i bring you guys to Kamerasca”

He suddenly had a downcast expression and looked at me with sad, pleading eyes and i felt a pang as i realized yes this is my friend, and i was going to have to leave him for my own safety.

I knew it was for the best but I couldn't help it, the feeling of loneliness would be back even when living with Oakley i knew something would be missing.

“Do you have to? Maybe we can convince the guards that a giant would be great for the troops? Or just have you protect something? Like a field or-”

“Robin you know that's not going to work, the King would lynch us all”

I looked to Rikaad who had spoken, his face stoic and focused on the path forward.

“I don't know what exactly the kings problem is with Fae folk that he hates them that much, but i do know that just because some Guard apprentices want to convince them that what they believed to be dangerous for their entire lives won’t make them change their minds”

He was of course right, but I did wonder what could lead to someone hating on an entire species this badly.

I would never know, and I would also never have to see him, which I was glad for as I didn't want to be scrutinized by such a hateful mind.

“Soooo we just go home after all this and then what? Go back to normal? I don't really think i can do that after this weird misadventure”

Arthur had a point, what WOULD i do once this was over? Live with Oakley sure, but what would I do? Just sleep? 

“I don't know, but for now getting you back to Kamerasca is the best option, the woods are no place for humans”

The slowly healing and scarring over wounds from the manticore on Arthur's side proved that on its own already, but combined with the fact that they didn't even know what plants were safe to eat and which ones would kill them it was a recipe for disaster.

I was very aware that only my presence as a Giant kept some of the smaller creatures away so I would make sure to stay big to protect the smaller humans.

The short conversation had left us all in a slightly bitter mood as we all realized our collective time together was coming to an end soon.

After about half an hour someone did break the silence.

“I think we should look for a place to camp overnight”

It was once again Rikaad breaking the silence with the suggestion of doing something completely reasonable, so we did just that and ended up setting the camp under some trees.

Putting some logs into a heap for a fire after I scared off some other weird creature that looked like someone had crossed a badger with a squirrel I made sure to stay close to the others in case there were more.

As the sky grew darker and no more creatures appeared I laid on my side, as close to the humans- no, my friends as I dared.

It was weird, actually considering someone as a friend after being so long alone but i couldn't say that i hated it.

Still, feeling Robin sleepily snuggle up to me as the night grew a bit colder I knew that I'd miss being with people.

I still was going to go to Oakley after this was over but he was a weird hermit and i only would because he was looking for more information on Ardua and i didn't want to be completely alone in the wilderness, Any company was better than none.

Falling asleep next to the smaller body of Robin i was sure Rikaad and Arthur could handle the first shift watching, switching between sizes had made me more exhausted than I had initially realized and walking hadn't helped that at all.

I knew if something was the matter they'd wake me up or just shout loudly, besides both of them could hold their own pretty well, especially Rikaad.

I slept until about midnight, a deep dreamless sleep that was interrupted by Rikaad poking at my elbow, it was now my turn to take watch.

The silence of the night was weird, nobody spoke and was even trying to be extra quiet as the other two went to sleep, leaving me and a Quietly complaining Robin in the pale moonlight.

It was colder now, not as cold as those first few nights but still a bit chilly and I guessed it was because of the missing sunlight that would have warmed the earth at day.

Just sitting there in the silence of the night was weirdly calm, and even a bit relaxing.

Feeling something slump against my leg I looked down to see that Robin had fallen back asleep and was using me as an oversized pillow.

I debated whether or not to wake him up but ultimately decided against it.

If he was this tired i would let him sleep, Besides, I could keep watch over the camp myself.

After about two hours it was starting to get really boring, So to keep me from falling asleep I decided to mess with the Bracelet.

Gently moving Robin to lie on the Floor i went a few steps away to avoid waking anyone or accidentally destroying parts of the camp.

I wondered that since turning the gems once around themselves was what let me shift what would happen if I only turned them halfway.

Would I just shift anyway? Or stay as I was? Only one way to find out.

Hesitantly and slowly I turned the bottom gem about halfway before I stopped.

For about a second nothing happened, then I felt my muscles and bones shifting again.

But not as much as they would have to turn fully into the Ardua.

Inspecting myself I saw that the only things that had changed were that my nails had grown into claws and I had the lion esque tail swaying behind me.

A twitching motion out of the corner of my eye also told me that my ears had grown longer and were covered in greenish fuzz, and I wondered what my face looked like now.

Sadly I did not have a mirror but I could feel that my fangs had grown a tiny bit and were poking over my bottom lip.

It was kinda funny and I wondered what else I could do.

So I went to turn it again only to find that I couldn't turn it further than it was.

Oh fuck.

I really hoped I hadn't just somehow managed to break the thing.

Frantically trying to turn either of the gems fully did not work and I had to accept that I was now stuck in this weird half form of beast and man.

Of course leave it to me to break it on the day I learned how to use it.

At least I still had opposable thumbs even if I was sure that the entirety of my hair had a greenish tint now.

Panicking was not gonna help me, and I was sure I had at least another two hours to figure out how to fix this.

Trying again and again to turn either of the gems in the direction they were supposed to just proved that they were stuck very thoroughly.

I even tried turning the other gems that did not really have anything to do with the two main gems, hell I ended up pressing them like buttons too hoping that would somehow fix it.

In the end it was all futile and I was still stuck being a fuzzy half man half beast.

Since fixing it didn't work even if i had tried for over an hour to revert back to normal realized it would be day soon and the others would see that i had fucked up.

For a brief moment I wondered if I could keep it a secret but the fact that my ears were now even longer and fuzzy as well as the tail would give it away immediately so that was not an option.

I wondered how exactly I should tell them that I was now stuck as a giant, again.

I bet Arthur would either laugh or hate it, maybe both, and Robin would love the fuzzy tail.

I couldn't predict how Rikaad would react though and I kinda dreaded telling him, he was still the one i knew the least about, and he was the scariest too.

At the end just telling the truth was probably the best option but I would put it off until someone asked, maybe I got lucky and no one would question it more than to point out that I had a tail now.

And after that I could go back to Oakley and ask him for help.

I just hoped he wouldn't get angry about it but from the short amount of time i had known him it was more likely that he would cackle at me and then fix it.

Glancing over the sleeping forms of the humans I felt myself grow a bit sad again but shoved the feeling away.

I could be sad when I was alone again and on my way to Oakley’s home.

Well my home also in the near future, which was weird to think about so i didn't.

Tossing some more logs into the fire and sitting back down next to it I stared at the moon.

It was strangely peaceful, aside from that weird creature from before nothing else had tried to come close, probably afraid of the giant that guarded the smaller humans.

It would now only be one or two hours until sunrise and I could see that my breath came out as small puffs again, indicating that it had once again gotten colder over the course of the night.

I tossed a few more pieces of wood into the gently crackling fire to make sure the others wouldn't be cold.

Then I went back to just staring at the surroundings, keeping an eye out for everything that might dare come close and tossing wood on the fire when I saw it got smaller.

As the sun finally began to rise and I felt the first sunbeams hit our camp Rikaad got up, startling me with how he could just awaken at this exact time while everyone else would have continued sleeping.

Seemingly not a trace of tiredness on his face he looked at me and did a double take seemingly confused at my new appearance.

Apparently deciding that whatever I did with the bracelet was my problem he left to go wake up Arthur.

Following his lead I went over to Robin and gently nudged him with a finger.

“Robin? Wake up, it's morning time to move”

He rolled over and mumbled something I couldn't understand, if it even was words at all and not just displeased sounds at having to get up.

Trying again to wake him up I rolled him over onto his back telling him again to get up.

“Sun is out, get up we have to go”

He finally blinked owlishly at me before noticing my ears and clumsily getting up.

“Why are your ears like that? Wait, are they fluffy? Can I touch them? Ohh you got the cat tail too!”

As expected he was overjoyed at my new traits and I bent down to let him touch one of my fuzzy ears.

“Fine, just don't yank it or you can carry your stuff yourself”

He nodded and carefully went to touch the fuzz on my half shifted ears with gleaming eyes.

“So soft! It's like the coat of a lamb!”

I had to admit that seeing him so happy about something so mundane made me smile, and having tiny hands gently massage my ears felt weirdly nice, not that I'd ever tell anyone that.

Though we still had to continue traveling, I cautiously stood back up much to the dismay of Robin who then opted to try and get my tail in his grip.

Ignoring his attempts for now and holding the appendage just out of his reach, I went to put all of their stuff that they didn't really need for now in my pockets.

Looking over to where the other two humans were standing I saw them checking the compass to make sure we were still headed in the right direction.

At our approach they both turned to us and I could see Arthur's brain stopping to work for a few seconds as he noticed my new features before his expression turned into an amused smile as he saw Robin attempting to grab my tail.

Speaking of that, I stopped holding the appendage out of his reach so he could finally grasp at it which sent a weird sensation across my nervous system.

My brain told me that it was a ghost sensation of something not actually there even though it was.

Yeah this would take some getting used to.

Ignoring Robin as he climbed onto the topside of my tail holding onto it like a baby opossum as I let it rest on the forest floor.

Looking at Rikaad who had stopped staring at the compass, I offered my hand palms up to take their bags if they wanted.

Both of the smaller men handed me their luggage with a small thanks and I stashed it in my pockets to keep my hands free.

“We should keep going, just standing around won't get us any closer to home”

So, following Rikaad we went towards South south east, past places i hadn't seen before.

We traveled for about two more days but something just felt…off.

The closer we got the colder it seemed to get, so much so that it had started snowing overnight again.

And it seemed that I wasn't the only one that had started to worry about it.

“You are SURE that we are going in the right direction? Because i don't think it should fucking snow during Spring!”

Yep, the colder environment had made Arthur a bit more Snarky, or at least exaggerated his use of curse words.

“Well yeah, we are going in the direction Oakley told me I don't know why the weather is so weird, maybe it wasn't really the start of spring and instead just a few weirdly warm weeks?”

Nobody looked really convinced at my words and i kinda wished that those Fucks from Maringand hadn't taken the Boarpelt Robin had used to keep warm those first few nights.

At least I still had my handkerchief, even if the roughly woven fabric wasn't exactly thick it was insulating enough to trap at least some warmth.

That and two people fit under it so sharing warmth was also an option even if most of the time Robin was the only one using it.

For Arthur it was Probably pride that kept him from taking the offer to share, as for Rikaad… well I didn't know but it did not seem like he needed it.

Aside from myself the cold affected him the least so he was probably fine, even if it still got colder and colder the closer we got to our destination.

It had gotten to the point where the snow didn't melt anymore even during the day and I let Robin use my Handkerchief as a sort of warm cape wrapped around him.

At least the fuzzy tail had an actual use now as a windshield and source of warmth even if I didn't dare bring it too close to the campfires we made.

Randomly going up in flames was not how I wanted to die.

And so far i had been lucky that no one asked why i was in this weird half form as i still hadn't managed to turn either of the gems fully and remained stuck in this weird form.

On the plus side at least having fuzzy ears prevented them from freezing off my head as icicles.

“How far do you think it is now? Oh maybe you could hold me above the trees again and then I'll see it?”

While Robin's idea wasn't bad I was worried that the now harsher winds would blow him out of my hands.

“I'm not sure, what if you fall? The winds have gotten stronger those last few days and i'd rather not have you break your neck from falling”

He nodded and curled back under the cloth while trying to snuggle closer to my chest for warmth, seemingly not disappointed much.

“Hey, can any of you try to find dry firewood? Most of it what i found was soaked through from snow”

Looking over I saw that Rikaad was right, the clearing we had stopped had sparse vegetation, with only some sad looking leafless shrubs between the widely spaced tree trunks.

So I went to try and find some Wood to feed the meager flickering embers that Arthur was desperately trying to keep lit.

PREVIOUS / NEXT / OVERSIGHT

[luckyduckwrites]

The Sins of the Past Chapter 1-13: The Fortuneteller

Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Katara/Original Female Character, Avatar Roku & Original Female Character, Avatar Aang & Original Female Character, Sokka & Original Female Character, Toph & Original Female Character

Characters: Original Female Character(s), Aang (Avatar), The Gaang (Avatar), Katara (Avatar), Zuko (Avatar), Sokka (Avatar), Toph Beifong, Roku (Avatar)

Additional Tags: Precious Aang (Avatar), Bisexual Katara (Avatar), Protective Sokka (Avatar), Firebending & Firebenders, Firebender Original Character, POV First Person, POV Female Character, Original Character-centric, Toph Beifong is a Menace, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Disabled Character, Childhood Trauma, Slow Romance, Slow To Update, Friends to Lovers, Canon Lesbian Character

Summary:

My name is Ryuza. My father was Avatar Roku, but he died when I was 4. A few years after his death, Fire Nation soldiers burned our house down. I dont know if my mother and sister were able to get away, but my left arm got caught in the wreckage. I would have died if one of the soldiers hadn't helped me, but I had to lose my arm due to the damage. He helped me escape, and I ran to the Earth Kingdom, finding refuge in Omashu. I met Aang, an airbender, and he brought me to stay with him in the Air Temples. He tried to run away after finding out he was the Avatar, so I went with him and got trapped in an iceberg for 100 years. What's happened since we were gone?

**AO3 & Wattpad links in masterpost pinned to the top of the blog**

A/N: I'm removing Kataang from my fic bc I don't like it and also... this is Katara x OC. Aang gets nobody and he's a simp (that's a lie I have a plan to give him somebody). That is all, enjoy!

I wake up on Appa's saddle, and I'm actually able to open my eyes! I try to move anything else, but I'm only able to control my facial muscles. Well, something's better than nothing, right? I yawn and clear my throat, and I hear a gasp nearby.

Katara exclaims, "She's finally awake!" She climbs into the saddle and helps me sit up and lean against her, asking me, "Are you okay? You've been out for two days!"

I blink a couple times, trying to adjust to the light and mutter, "I'm okay now. Thanks for saving me, Aang. I was starting to think you guys forgot about me."

Sokka runs over from where he was fishing, saying, "Are you kidding? I mean, I know you're Fire Nation and all, but you're our friend! We've been searching for you non-stop!"

I chuckle, tearing up a bit as I hear that. They were looking for me.

Aang asks, "If you're comfortable answering, what did Zhao all do to you?"

I cough a couple times, nearly falling onto my face before Katara catches me, and I respond, "A lot of things. Think you can handle the details?"

Aang seems to think about it for a moment, then slowly nods.

I start, "He starved me for the first week, keeping me chained up in the servant's quarters and giving me a new burn every day until I finally agreed to serve him." I blush a bit as I say the next part, "I... bonded quite a bit with one of the servant girls there..." My blush goes away, and I frown, trying not to cry as I add, "But Zhao, who's an Admiral now, had her killed when we tried to escape when we docked."

My friends gasp in horror, and I take a deep breath to steady myself.

I continue, "I watched her go, and I got hit by an arrow dipped in highly-consentrated Shirshu venom. That's why I haven't been able to move until now. I really only have control over my face right now, and it'll probably be another week before I have full control over myself."

Katara looks reluctant to say it, but she asks, "And... your arm?"

I respond, "I'm not sure, actually. I'm guessing he broke it when I was passed out from the venom. Thanks for wrapping it up and removing the arrow, by the way. I feel much better."

Katara smiles, saying, "Of course! You probably shouldn't use your arms much until they're healed. We'll try to keep you out of fights for now so you can heal properly."

I say, "Sounds good. I'm not sure I'm very fight-ready right now anyway. I've only had a single small meal per day and I'm not sure how long I was passed out from the venom. At least I was awake when Aang found me, I just couldn't open my eyes."

My stomach growls loudly, and Sokka says, "Well, I should probably go back to fishing. You need food."

I say, "I'm so hungry I'd eat just about anything, but not fish."

Sokka asks, "Why not? Fish is good!"

I respond, "I'm allergic to seafood."

Sokka says, "Oh. Huh. I didn't know you could be allergic to fish."

Aang says, "It's okay, Ryu. I went rummaging in the woods earlier for some fruits and nuts since I don't eat fish, either. Want some of those?"

My stomach rumbles again, and I say, "Spirits, fresh fruit sounds so good right now."

Sokka goes back to fishing in ankle-deep water, and Aang places his bag of fruits and nuts on the saddle, then sits down against Appa, fiddling with some string. Katara slices some fruit into smaller pieces and removes the shells from the nuts. She helps me eat, reminding me of Crystal. I blush a little, trying not think of her, because I know I'll just end up crying if I think of her too much. Once the fruits and nuts are half gone, Katara packs up the rest back into Aang's bag.

Katara asks me, "What's wrong? Your face looks flushed."

I respond, "It's nothing, really. You just reminded me of... Crystal. The servant girl on Zhao's ship. She used to sneak me meals and help me eat when I was chained to my cot." A tear rolls down to my chin, and I add, my voice shaking, "She was my first kiss, a- and now she's gone. It all h- happened so fast."

Katara hugs me, letting me cry into her shoulder. I end up crying myself to sleep against her, and I wake up in a strange building in her arms.

I groggily ask, "Where are we?"

Katara responds, "We're in Makapu Village waiting to see Aunt Wu, a Fortuneteller! You must've passed out earlier."

Sokka protests, his mouth stuffed, "She is not a Fortuneteller, she's a fraud! Nobody can predict the future!"

Aang says, "But she was right about the rain! And she was right about the guy and the platypus-bear."

Ok, what did I miss again?

I ask Sokka, "What are you eating?"

He holds out the bowl to me, responding, "Bean curd puffs. Want some? You should probably eat something more substantial than fruit and nuts."

I say, "I'd love some, but... I still can't really move much yet."

Katara says, "It's ok, Ryuza. I'll help you."

She helps me eat some bean curd puffs, and I can feel my cheeks heating up again. A girl around Aang's age peeks around the corner and blushes at him, her hair sticking straight up into the air in two thick braids. Aang shyly waves at her, and she disappears back around the corner.

I ask, "Who's that girl?"

Sokka responds, "Some girl named Meng."

Katara adds, "She's Aunt Wu's assistant." She then whispers in my ear, "She's got quite a bit of a crush on Aang."

I roll my eyes, whispering back, "Oh, really? Couldn't tell."

The two of us giggle to each other, and a kind-looking older woman exits from the hallway, saying, "Welcome, young travelers. Now, who's next? Don't be shy."

Sokka looks uninterested, and Aang casts a look at Katara.

Katara says excitedly, "I guess that's me!" She carries me with her into the hallway, and sets me down against the wall just outside the room, saying, "I'll get you in just a minute, and you can go next, Ryu."

I smile, saying, "No rush, Kat."

She goes inside and I mentally panic. Why did I call her that?! She's not an animal! As I sit there, I accidentally end up eavesdropping on their conversation.

Aunt Wu starts, "Your palms are so smooth. Do you use moisturizer?"

Katara responds, "Actually, I have this special seaweed lotion. I can get you some if you want."

Aunt Wu says, "No need, dear. Now, is there anything specific you wanted to know?"

Katara asks, "Do you see anything interesting in my love life?"

Aunt Wu responds, "I feel a great romance for you. The one you are going to marry."

Katara excitedly says, "Tell me more!"

Aunt Wu continues, "I can see that they are a powerful bender, and I can see you being a caregiver for them. They may not be who you are expecting, however."

Katara seems confused, asking, "Huh? What do you mean by that?"

Aunt Wu responds, "You'll know in due time, dear. Do you want to bring your friend in next?"

Katara says, "Of course!"

She exits the room, and I pretend I haven't been listening, asking, "So how'd it go?'"

Katara responds, "Kinda confusing, but mostly great! Oh, I can't wait to see who it is!"

Katara picks me up and sets me down in a chair in the room in front of a fire, and exits the room to give me privacy.

Aunt Wu grabs my hand and runs her fingers gently against my palm, saying, "I can tell you've been through much pain, both physical and mental, but I can promise you it'll pass."

I ask, "How do you know?"

Aunt Wu gently smiles, saying, "Time heals all wounds, as well as a good support system. Don't worry, you will be moving on your own shortly, and you will get over your grief eventually. Your family isn't all gone, as much as it may seem that they are."

I frown, saying, "I know, I know. They're never gone as long as I keep them in my heart, and found family and all that."

Aunt Wu says, "I don't mean that, dear. I mean that your family has grown in the time you've been gone."

I raise my eyebrows, asking, "What? I mean, yeah, Aang is my dad reincarnated and all, but my Mom and sister are long gone. I haven't seen them in over a hundred years. They were probably captured by the Fire Nation long ago."

Aunt Wu says, "No, dear. You are not understanding. Yes, the ones you knew may be gone, but you have more family. Your sister had grandchildren, and they're doing just fine."

I ask, "How can you know that? There's no way anybody could know that!"

Aunt Wu smirks, saying, "Ah, but I am not just 'anybody', dear."

I mutter, "Right. Fortuneteller and all. Just tell me; will I ever get to meet them?"

Aunt Wu responds, "You already have met one of them, and you will soon meet the others. Just keep an open mind."

She knocks on the door and Katara scoops me back up, taking me with her back into the waiting room with Aunt Wu. Katara was right, those fortunes really can be confusing. How could I have already met one of Rina's grandchildren?

Aunt Wu asks Aang and Sokka, "Who's next?"

Sokka rises to his feet and dusts off his shirt, grumbling, "Okay, let's get this over with."

Aunt Wu says dryly, "Your future is full of struggle and anguish, most of it self-inflicted."

Sokka holds up his hand sin protest, exclaiming, "But you didn't read my plans or anything!"

Aunt Wu says, "I didn't need to. It's written all over your face."

Sokka sits back down and starts angrily picking his teeth.

Aunt Wu points to Aang, saying, "You there, come with me."

Aang follows her into the fortune-telling room, and exits a few minutes later, an excited bounce in his step.

The four of us exit, and Sokka says, "Well, now you got to see for yourselves how fortune-telling is just a big, stupid hoax."

Katara says, "You're just saying that because you're going to make yourself unhappy your whole life."

Sokka's voice rises in anger, and he exclaims, "That woman is crazy! My life will be calm, and happy, and joyful!"

He roughly kicks a stone, which soars into the air and comically ends up ricocheting off a hanging metal sign and strikes him directly in the back of his skull. He covers his head in pain and falls to the ground, hunched over.

I chuckle, asking, "What was that about self-inflicted pain?"

Sokka raises a finger in protest, saying in an agitated tone, "That doesn't prove anything!"

Katara says, "Well, I liked my predictions. Certain things are going to turn out very well."

I sigh, saying, "I hope mine will, but I'm not sure."

Katara asks, "Why? What did she tell you?"

I respond, "She said my family isn't all gone, that my sister had grandchildren. She also said I'll meet them all soon, and I've already met one."

Sokka says, "Huh. I wonder who it was."

I say, "Yeah, me too. I just wish I knew."

We make our way to a hut we've been allowed to stay in for as long as we're in the village. The next day, we follow the villagers to a courtyard, a pagoda-like structure in the center, where all of the villagers are staring up at the sky. I'm able to move my hand a bit, so I know I'm recovering slowly.

Katara looks up at the sky, asking, "What's with the sky?"

A calm man responds, "We are waiting for Aunt Wu to come and read the clouds to predict the fate of the whole village."

I ask, "Why? The village seems quite safe already. As far as I know, it's far from any Fire Nation-controlled villages, so I doubt you'll be invaded any time soon."

The man says, "No, it's not the Fire Nation we're worried about."

Must be nice to not have to worry about them.

Aang points at a cloud, saying, "That cloud kind of looks like a fluffy bunny."

The man starts getting worried, dropping his calm demeanor as he says, "You better hope that's not a bunny! The fluffy bunny cloud forecasts doom and destruction."

Sokka asks in a disgusted voice, "Do you even hear yourself?"

A woman gestures to a volcano, saying, "The cloud reading will tell us if Mt. Makapu will remain dormant for another year or if it will erupt."

The man from earlier regains his composure, adding, "We used to have a tradition once a year of going up the mountain to check the volcano ourselves, but ever since Aunt Wu moved to the village twenty years ago, we have a tradition of not doing that."

I blink a few times in shock, then mutter, "I guess whatever works."

Sokka exclaims, "I can't believe you would trust your lives to that crazy, old woman's superstition!"

Katara glares at Sokka, whispering, "Shh! She's coming!"

Aunt Wu ascends a staircase to the pagoda, and Meng slides herself next to Aang.

She says, "Hey, Aang. Don't you think that cloud looks like a flower?"

Aang awkwardly says, "Huh? Sure, I guess."

Katara shushes them, and Aunt Wu spreads her arms outward dramatically, holding a book on cloud reading.

She says, "Bending arrow cloud... Good crops this year. Nice big harvest."

A farmer man hugs an elderly woman, likely his wife, exclaiming, "Darn good news!"

Aunt Wu continues, "Wavy moon-shaped cloud... Let's see... Gonna be a great year for twins!"

Two identical boys high-five each other joyfully, exclaiming, "Yes!"

Aunt Wu finishes, "And a cumulus cloud with a twisted nob coming off the end of it... The village will not be destroyed by the volcano this year!"

The crowd cheers ecstatically, and I mutter, "Well, that's oddly specific, but again, whatever works."

After another day in the village, I've regained almost all control of my arms, and spend most of the day reading in our hut while Katara bothers Aunt Wu for more fortunes and Sokka bothers the villagers. It's a relatively peaceful day so far, but I just can't help feeling like something's gonna go wrong at any minute. Maybe that's just my nerves after what I've just been through.

My anxieties are proven correct when Sokka and Aang burst inside the hut, Sokka scooping me up and making me drop my book as he says, "We need to work fast! That volcano's is going to erupt any minute now!"

I ask, "What? I thought Aunt Wu said it wouldn't!"

Sokka responds, "Aunt Wu was wrong, like I've been trying to tell you guys!"

They run across town with me and we find Katara fuming just outside Aunt Wu's building.

I say, "Hey, Katara."

Katara annoyedly asks, "Can you believe she won't let me in? And after all the business I've given her?"

Aang says confusedly, "But she doesn't even charge."

Katara shrinks down, saying, "I know, but still..."

Sokka says, "Well, we have other things to worry about. Aunt Wu was wrong about the volcano."

Katara raises her finger at him accusingly, "Sokka, you tried to convince me she was wrong before. It's going to take an awful lot to change my mind-"

She interrupted when a loud explosion is heard and the ground rumbles violently, Sokka almost dropping me. We look up at the volcano, grey smoke starting to emit from it.

Katara mutters worriedly, "Oh, no."

Sokka urgently says to the villagers that are mingling carefree, "Everyone, that volcano is gonna blow any second! Aunt Wu was wrong!"

A woman rolls her eyes, saying, "Yeah, yeah. We know you don't believe in Aunt Wu, Mr. 'science and reason' lover."

Katara steps forward, using her people skills to say, "If you won't listen to him, maybe you'll listen to me. I want to believe Aunt Wu and her predictions as much as you do, but my brother and Aang's aw the lava with their own eyes!"

The calm man from earlier says, unmoved, "Well, I heard Aunt Wu's predictions with my own ears."

I ask the villagers, "Are you really going to let your village be destroyed because you refuse to listen to reason? That's how my father, Avatar Roku, died! He tried to take down a volcano by himself, and lost his life in the process."

They seem to finally start listening, and Aang adds, "Please listen to us! You're all in danger, and we have to get out of here! You can't rely on Aunt Wu's prediction, you have to take fate into your own hands!"

We hear another explosion from the volcano, and the villagers finally look alarmed.

Sokka points one arm at the volcano, asking, "Look! Can your fortune-telling explain that?!"

Grey plumes of smoke pour out from the top of the volcano in waves, and a man amusedly asks Sokka, "Can your science explain why it rains?"

Sokka yells angrily in response, "Yes! Yes it can!"

The villagers walk away, oblivious to the danger after seeming so worried earlier.

Katara says, "They just won't listen to reason."

I add, "Those idiots are going to get themselves killed!"

Aang brightens, saying, "But they will listen to Aunt Wu!"

Sokka grumbles, "I know. That's the problem."

Aang says, "Well, it's about to become the solution. We're taking fate in our own hands."

I say, "I'm in. I'll help as much as I can. What's your plan?"

Aang responds, "First, I need to borrow Aunt Wu's cloud reading book."

Sokka, and Katara stand in front of Aunt Wu's building while Sokka holds me, and we try to act casual while Aang sneaks in through the rooftop. He exits a few minutes later with the book, a blush on his face. He must've run into Meng in there. Aang, Katara, and I get into Appa's saddle while Sokka gets Aunt Wu.

Aang says to Katara while I look through the book, "Clouds are made of water and air, so between the two of us, we ought to be abke to bend them into any shape we want."

I exclaim, "I found it! The symbol for volcanic doom; a skull. Oddly fitting."

Aang and Katara bend the clouds into the shape I showed them, and I spot Sokka leading Aunt Wu to the pagoda, showing her the clouds. The volcano speed more smoke into the air, and we land, Katara carrying me as we make our way back to where the villagers are gathered.

Aanga dresses the crowd, "We can still save the village if we act fast." He gestures to Sokka, who's standing on the pagoda, and adds, "Sokka has a plan."

Sokka makes motions with his arms to emphasize his point as he explains, "Lava is gonna flow downhill to this spot. If we can dig a deep enough trench, we can channel all the lava away from the village to the river."

I add, "And I can try to slow down the flow of lava to give you all as much time as I can."

Aang says, "If any of you are Earthbenders, come with me."

One of the twins from earlier raises his hand, exclaiming, "I'm an Earthbender!"

His brother raises his hand and mirrors him, adding, "I'm not!"

Sokka says, "Everybody else, grab a shovel."

Another explosion resonates, and Katara almost drops me, instead bracing herself against a building.

Sokka exclaims, "Come on! We've gotta hurry!"

The crowd disperses very fast, now desperate to put Sokka's plan into action, a few cries of urgency are uttered. Around twilight, a deep trench is beginning to form, everybody but Katara and I still working to dig the trench further out, both by earthbending and manual means, and Appa transports loose boulders away, using a net attached to his body. Another explosion booms, lava starting to spew out. I reach my arm out and try to hold the lava in place, only able to slow it down to half it's original speed.

Katara and Sokka marvel at me before Sokka exclaims, "Dig faster! Dig faster!"

The second the trench is finished and everyone is a safe distance from it, I accudentally lose my hold on the lava, making a grunt of exertion as it starts moving quicker than before.

Aang shouts, "Everyone needs to evaluate! We'll come for you when it's safe!"

The villagers all run as well as Appa and Momo. The volcano erupts again, even more lava coursing down the mountain and into the forest. An eerie reddish light emerges from the forest with its source, the lava, close behind. The second it touches the town's gate, it causes the structure to catch fire and crumble down almost instantly.

The all-conduming lava continues it's descent through the cemetery, destroying several headstones as it passes over it. Reaching the trench, the lava starts spilling into it, though the steady oncoming river of lava threatens to overflow the trench.

I shout, "It's too much! I can't stop it!"

Katara adds, "It's going to overflow!"

Another explosion rocks the village, and a huge column of lava and smoke explodes from the peak of the volcano. Burning rocks begin to rain down in addition to the ash. Katara and Sokka start running for cover, but Aang hasn't moved. A huge boulder falls out of the sky and lands in the trench, throwing up a fountain of lava. The massive wave begins to head toward the village, but Aang rushes forward with a furious expression.

He propells himself into the air and begins to airbend, blowing the lava straight up, not allowing it to get any closer to the village as it cools almost instantly. I take a deep breath and reach my short left arm out toward the lava, concentrating on the heat and trying to pull it out. It works, being pulled out as steam, and I use my right arm to direct the steam into the air away from my friends. Sokka and Katara stop running, staring at me in shock again as the lava starts cooling off into hard stone.

I grunt in exhaustion, shouting, "Aang, can you do a sweep over the top?! I can't do all this myself, especially not in the condition I'm in right now!"

Aang nods, and takes in a deep breath as he jumps high into the air. He expells his breath, air ending it as it exits, cooling the remaining lava. I stop what I'm doing and pant heavily.

Sokka mutters, "Man, sometimes I forget what powerful benders you guys are."

Katara's expression changes, asking frantically, "Wait, what did you say?"

Sokka casually responds, "Nothing, just that Aang and Ryuza are powerful benders."

Katara's eyes widen like she's having an epiphany, muttering, "I guess they are."

Luckily, the volcano is only smoking now, not longer erupting. Once all the lava was cooled, all of the villagers, Aunt Wu, and my friends and I gather in the town's square, a tall, jagged, wall-like formation of cooled lava towering over the square. Aang stands in front of Aunt Wu, offering her back the cloud book he took."

He says sheepishly, "By the way, we kind of borrowed your book."

Aunt Wu asks annoyedly, "So you messed with the clouds, did you?"

She grabs the book in anger while Katara has a guilty expression, and Sokka smiles and points at her, indicating that she had a part in the cloud manipulation, too."

Aunt Wu suddenly laughs, exclaiming, "Very clever!"

Sokka says, "No offense, but I hope this taught everyone a lesson about not relying too much on fortune-telling."

The calm man says cheerfully, "But Aunt Wu predicted the village wouldn't be destroyed, and it wasn't. She was right, after all."

Sokka gets way too close to the man's face, saying through gritted teeth, "I hate you."

Sokka pulls him away by one of his shoulders and leads him away, saying in a calming voice, "It's okay, Sokka. Everything's going to be alright." We climb into Appa's saddle, Katara calling down to the villagers, "Goodbye, everyone! It was so nice to meet you!"

I add, "Take care, Meng."

Meng waves enthusiastically, calling back, "Take care!"

We fly off, and I stretch my arms, letting myself fall onto my back as the sun rises, saying, "Ugh, it feels so good to have more control of myself again. Well, I don't know about you guys, but I could use a nap."

They all laugh, and Katara lifts my head, resting it in her lap, saying, "Goodnight, Ryu."

I smile back at her as I close my eyes, saying, "Goodnight, Kat."

[notreallyuseless]

WEEK 4 OF READING MY HERO ACADEMIA EVERYDAY!!! (Vol 22-28)

First off, Juzo Honenuki is my favorite character of class 1-B. Idk why lol his design is weird but cool, his quirk is so powerful, he sounds like a very chill dude IDK!

And now... BLACKWHIP! LET'S GO! IT'S MY FAVORITE OFA QUIRK!!!!!!! AND I LOVE THE TROPE OF CHARACTERS LOSING CONTROL OF THEMSELVES/THEIR POWER!!! YEYEEEAAAAH

Aizawa training Shinso is something i wish we could have seen more of T_T Aizawa cares so much and Shinso is trying so hard to be worth his time and i'm just AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (also you can pry my hc that PresentMic also trained Shinso from my cold dead hands <3)

And Izuku giving compliments on Shinso's fighting style and omg I just love this green bean haha

(Also, first Oboro's first appearance??? I think??? woah)

omg baby Shigaraki :(((( he looks so small

Dabi refusing to help with Gigantomachia just to spend more time with Hawks. I know what you are lol

Twice being concerned for Giran :((((( Calling him his friend :(((( damn... Twice you deserve the world

....Damn long haired Shigaraki is kinda..... haha and him killing a bunch of people during the mla fight. Just... wow Shigaraki. sorry i didnt realize sooner lol He's so cool his design is so cool he deserved better

Himiko killing a bunch of people using Ochaco's quirk is still so cool!!! Curious was like oh poor little girl it must be so hard to be you and Himiko was like "nah" haha

Oh...Oh Shigaraki's past... oh no. This is so gruesome!!! omg his mom reached out to him anyway i'm so DOOOOONE!!!! I FORGOT HOW BAD IT WAS. I always found it weird how the Doctor was able to bring back the hands from each family member but turns out his quirk was cutting people up, not dusting them at the time????

ANOTHER GREAT CLOSE UP OF TOMURA!!! IT'S SO WELL DRAWN!!! HE LOOKS SCARY

Wow the panel with a laughing Shigaraki surrounded by debris and dirt is SOOOO COOL haha

(I'm sorry, reading the holiday chapter while i'm less than a week away from halloween is kinda funny)

Shoto keeps riping into Endeavor. That's so funnnnyyyyyy

Natsuo, fashion icon with his Front/Back shirt haha

Oh i forgot the Aizawa/Yamada/Kurogiri talk would happen soon... ow... Aizawa saying the power of friendship won't do shit (funny) Aizawa looking sadly at Kurogiri remembering his friend (very not funny)

HOLY SHIT THE PANEL WHERE YOU CAN KIND OF SEE OBORO'S FACE WOAAAAH SO COOL AND CREEPY WOAH

Anyway... Hawks... i know what you're about to do... i know it.... i'm going to have to relive this.

(The manga is presenting everything good the Doctor Ujiko did and then they show the Sun Kindergarten(idk if thats the right name) and i'm just here suffering because thats where Touya ended up when he woke up from his coma... the pain!!!)

Mirko is so so cool <3 i couldnt wait to see her fight!!!!

Oh i loooove foreshadowing. There's a panel of a bunch of member of the plf that are runninf towards the main fight at Gunga and you can see Dabi slightly in the background going in another direction... oh... this is going to go baaaad

Under here is me having a breakdown vvv ;)

THERE IT GOES. SCARY HAWKS IS HERE. I FEEL SO BAD FOR TWICE HAWKS YOU'RE SUCH AN ASS I HATE YOU (you look so cool) YOU SAY YOU DIDNT WANT TO FIGHT TWICE BUT IDK WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE. WHY DO YOU LOOK SO SAD. FUUUUUUCK!!!! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

AND THEN ONE OF TWICE DOUBLE SAVES HIMIKO AND SHE TELLS HIM THANKS BUT LIKE THE DOUBLE'S MEMORIES DONT GO TO THE ORIGINAL SO TWICE DIED NOT KNOWING IF HIMIKO IS ALRIGHT AND IM JUST AAAAAAAAAAAA

^^^ breakdown finishes ;)

(to be honest I like Hawks story as a character too much to hate him fully but damn. I *hate* him for what he did to Twice.)

Tokoyami stays #1 in my heart anyway 🥰

OOOHHH the panel when Shigaraki wakes up from his coma to become stronger!!

Unconscious + injured Hawks are the best kind of Hawks 🥰

Omg Aizawa saying that there's no way he's letting his students down and you see all of class 1-A AND SHINSO 🥺🥺🥺 Aizawa the man that you are

_______

And that's it for this week!!! There was a lot of things i forgot about the Gunga fight! I don't even want to think about the Hawks/Twice moment!

[skania]

Warning really long read SORRY! I'm new to the fandom I started by watching episode 1 but dropped it for weeks until I saw reels comments and pictures going crazy with Akane. I picked it back up and started the manga after, Akane and Aqua of course became my favorite characters as I was able to personally connect with them through struggles I also faced. Your post have been very helpful as theres not to many places that aren't filled with negativity surrounding these two characters. These two characters have struggled so much and I can see how much they've come to truly care for each other especially when no one else was there. I wanted to share my thoughts with you but hesitated because I feel like they might not make sense. If it doesn't make sense please dont share I'll understand lol

"Kurokawa Akane is a child who takes you there Arima Kana is a child who brings you back"

This tweet from august 2021 from the author Aka Akasaka has alot of people trying to figure out the meaning, many interpret it and paint Akane in a bad light. When I first saw read it I just found it wierd how it was worded and how everything Akane has done for Aqua is always misinterpreted and they try to make her look as a bad person when she's actually far from it. It really got me thinking and this is my interpretation..

In chapter 51 we see how Akane has figured out the twins could possibly be Ai's secret child she got from her character analysis assumptions. She saw how badly it still affects Aqua and sympathized with him she herself knows the feeling of not wanting to worry others trying to take on the burden by yourself, she knows he cant talk to no one about the incident since it would expose Ai's secret. Akane truly cares about Aqua wanting to be the one by his side and helping him share his pain wanting to take her role of his girlfriend more seriously.

That specific tweet came out august 5 2021 the same day chapter 52 was released. The title of chapter 52 is called "boyfriend girlfriend" and at the beginning the editor note says "Where and how is Akane looking after the sick Aqua?" The chapter starts with Akane cooking a full course meal for Aqua and everyone there. We see the director and his mom complimenting her cooking then the directors mom says something that catches my attention she says "AQUA-KUN! SHE'S A KEEPER, HON! EATING DELICIOUS FOOD IS HAPPINESS ON ITS OWN YOU KNOW?" We then see Akane trying to feed Aqua but he ends up eating on his own we see him thinking its good and even blush alittle. During that time Akane is thinking to herself how she wants to help Aqua with his pain/burden just like he had saved and supported her. After we see Aqua lighten up allowing her see old acting videos of his she finds out from the director how he's been having his PTSD attacks when he acts and remembers his past experiences like earlier that day. She notices his performances are prepared in advance with no emotion behind his acting. Akane then asks Aqua why he's doing theater/acting work as its connected to his trauma. He tries saying she wouldn't understand and won't tell her why but after telling him how hes being contradictory he opens up and says well "What If My Goal Was To Kill Someone?" And how the person was high up in the entertainment world had to keep climbing in order to kill them he then asks her "What Would You Do Then?" Aqua was expecting her to not understand him and probably a negative reaction but to his surprise Akane replies "I'd Kill Them With You." with a smile making his negative emotions go away from his eye and even telling her not to say that lightly. Akane acknowledges if it's him he must have a reason and even if hes truly evil she'd still accept him for who he was. She says how she'd happily carry the sin even if the relationship was only for business purposes making Aqua say she out her mind. Akane then says how she wants his help as her boyfriend against kana and himekawa as she doesn't want to lose and Aqua realizes he should help her as her boyfriend. Even tho Aqua knows emotional acting is hard for him he's willing to practice and take it more seriously to help Akane.

After reading many assume its about the revenege part but i don't think thats it..yes aqua does mention it but he never actually asked her to help him though out the duration of thier relationships Akane finds the dad by coincidence. That chapter shows how they are getting closer and wanting to support each other. So i started thinking about the editors note and what the directors mom had said "Where and how is Akane looking after the sick Aqua" shes cooking for him to make him feel better and it did! The directors mom says how eating delicious food can make you happy and though out the whole manga the word "HAPPY" has always been associated with Akane and Aqua. Even in chapter 50 before his PTSD attack when thinking about happy memories his first thought was Akane related then Kana then the idol group. In every star eye color change he's had Aqua has thought of her as part of his happiness!='( So i was think what if the tweet maybe meant "Akane will take him to Happiness" because we actually already saw she did and he was fighting so hard not wanting to leave it but had no choice to protect her. Aqua is no longer there so thats when I started thinking about Kanas part. After recent chapters i started thinking what if Kana is going to help Aqua get back with Akane in the end. I'm thinking how tho then when I think bout how she's so similar to sarina and Ai what if she confesses to Aqua making him finally understand how he truly feels. The reason i also think this is because in the play arc when princess Saya(played by akane) dies Tsurugi(played by kana) helps in bringing her back to life and reuniting with Touki(played by Aqua). The play has alot of similarities to characters and even to the story you can link stuff together. In the Spur interview mengo says how Aka is a demon of analysis and objectivity.

So to end this my interpretation of the tweet is "Kurokawa Akane is a child who takes you there(Happiness) Arima Kana is a child who brings you back(to akane)"

Hi anon, welcome to the fandom! I wonder how many of us would've dropped ONK if it weren't for Akane and Aqua 😂

Thank you for sharing your theory with me! You explained it very well, so please don't worry about it! I have to admit that it has never occurred to me to read Aka's quote that way, my own read erred on the side of caution. But I mean, if we're here to ship, we may as well have fun while we're at it, right? And your take is so much fun! It's truly a Galaxy Brain interpretation of Aka's statement, and I can only imagine how many minds would be blown by it.

It really is funny how many people interpreted that statement to imply something negative about Akane, when Aka never said that had to be the case 😂

I'm thinking how tho then when I think bout how she's so similar to sarina and Ai what if she confesses to Aqua making him finally understand how he truly feels.

I've been thinking something similar!

The reason i also think this is because in the play arc when princess Saya(played by akane) dies Tsurugi(played by kana) helps in bringing her back to life and reuniting with Touki(played by Aqua). The play has alot of similarities to characters and even to the story you can link stuff together.

Yes!! I'm expecting that scene to be foreshadowing as well. We'll just have to wait and see how Aka plays it out 😂

[rigelmejo]

More progress updates, because I'm having fun!

Glossika japanese: did 1248 sentences, 10,055 reps so far, it says I'm High A1 20.4%. I believe that based on the sentence quality I am getting, they are A1 sentences vocabulary wise. The grammar includes various higher level stuff, but the vocabulary is fairly basic and mostly review of stuff I've learned before and just forgotten or gotten rusty with). Glossika has articles that claim a good first goal is 25,000 sentence repetitions for a noticeable improvement in speaking. So i'll give a little review on progress compared to glossika's claim, when I get to 25,000 reps. Their articles also indicate the eventual goal is to do 100,000 reps in glossika for speaking fluency (i'd argue i'll probably have B1 speaking skills at best by then, but glossika's app claims B2 or C1 so i'm going to score them a bit harshly regardless). I dont think it will be especially hard to do 100,000 reps, as Ive done 10k from around 1000 sentences, and the app has 6500+ sentences, so just going through all sentences ill be around 65,000 reps and then its just a few weeks of reviews.

Reading 默读 by priest: I've read 3 chapters now. Both extensively (not looking up words) and intensively (looking up every word I don't fully know/remember the definition of or pronunciation of). My conclusion is that I am comprehending about 86% percent (like yesterday's calculation) CLEARLY and then another 10% I can guess roughly what's going on and be close enough to use those guesses to learn, or I can guess based on the plot I remember. With that much at least roughly comprehended, it makes reading 默读 extensively doable if I want to do it. I recognize most the hanzi, so when I slow down and read very slowly, I understand closer to 90% of the words (just having forgotten pronunciation), and then using context guess the few unknown hanzi and the words they make, so there's not a huge hit in story understanding. If I read fast, reading along with audio as it plays, I make vaguer guesses about what descriptions mean that use hanzi I know/one I dont in ways I'm unfamiliar with. So far my guesses have been rough, but generally in the ballpark, so I've been able to keep reading without pausing to look stuff up if I choose to.

I am thinking of doing an experiment with 默读. I will read it while listening, because that forces me to practice reading at a faster pace (speaking speed). I will only look words up if I feel like it (so not all the time, probably only occasionally). And I will note if in 20 chapters, 40 chapters etc, I am noticing if I have "learned" significantly more words, noticing if I've gotten better at comprehending words I know quicker while following along to spoken speed (so clearer understanding). The idea of reading comprehensible material to you (say 95% words you know or more), is in theory you pick up more vocabulary through context, and improve reading skills, over the course of reading. Growing up, literature classes and reading assignments basically give you mostly comphrehensible materials to read and that's a major way your vocabulary and reading skills build in your native language. Yes, some classes make you look up vocabulary for a particular literature book assigned (or defined terms in a science textbook). But the vast majority of free reading time is: pick a book for your age level, teacher encourages something slightly challenging but comprehensible. I have read simpler chinese novels extensively, and made progress. But 默读 would probably be the highest unique-vocab book I'd try it with. The upside is? I could potentially learn more new vocabulary from this book. And then in the future it will make reading other stuff easier. So yeah, I'll update on progress later.

Read chapter 3 of 默读. Listened to modu audiobook chapters 1-3. I noticed my listening skills just... fucking suck lol. I can read so much better than I can listen. I was getfing through the audiobook based on phrases I recognized and the dialogues, despite being able to READ those chapters... listening to them I just couldnt recognize as many words. I will also be extensively listening to the audiobook, as see how much sheer Volume of audio listened to helps me improve. I guess on the upside: i used to not comprehend the audiobook much, so this does feel essier, even if its still miles away from full comprehension.

Other things of note:

i find it funny that after a week of getting back into things, im quietly saying the hanzi as i read again. Apparently pronunciatioj WAS locked in my read somewhere, it was just rustier than visual recognition.

I may watch Absolute BL/zettai bl season 3 in japanese. Since its out?!! It exists!!! Which is news to me. It isnt fully translated yet. However, my japanese sucks so i might fail miserably. I Cannot Reach You On Netflix would be another choice (wirh japanese subs available and english). But i miss Mobu. ToT

Its shockingly weird how much reading skill works? Like... it rusts and you "forget" but then if you use it, it always comes back within a week or two. Thats what happens with reading french for me, and apparently with chinese too. I havent read in 6 months ish. Last week I tried to read SCI, i was fucking terrible. Confused as hell, even though it should be easier than modu. Well this week I'm reading modu, which has more unique words in it, and it feels fine and doable and fairly okay to understand. And to be fair, part of that is I just am much more comfortable parsing priest's writing style. So I go back to try reading SCI again today. Well? Easy. What the fuck. It was barely parseable last week. Now I can read: 办公室的门在受到撞击前的一刹那打开了，两人刹车不及，直接摔了进去，双双落地，正中地板。就听楼下有人隔着窗户朝上大喊：“你们刑警队的就不能消停一天？再这样下去，哪天真的地震了，整个楼里的人都不知道跑啦……” 张龙和王朝从地板上爬起来，就见白玉堂手上端着杯咖啡，靠在办公桌边似笑非笑地看着他俩。just fine. It's easy. Okay then.

Oh and also. Tao rans name? 陶然 the fact its the same ran as huran/turan/mengran so many "suddenly" words that come up at the beginning of a sentence, and tao ran's name Also comes up at the beginning of sentences, keeps throwing me off when I listen.

[stayxlix]

AYY MOOTERS ON MOOTERS THEY KNOW HOW TO MOOT! TUTTER PULLING TO THE PARTY IN MY CRAZY PINK WIG!!!! BEST WRITER? BEST WRITER? BEEN A FAN SINCE PART ONE!

I was getting beaten to lunacy, depression, delusion, confusion even. I got the 1st grade knowledge beat out of me with this one, i couldnt count for a sec. My vision got all blurry, thought this was chapter 17 for a minute there👹

Bitch, out the gate you be coming in HARD. You know how to set the mood, I get scared for their asses! It feels like being on drugs or something (though i aint never been on drugs, but this is how i imagine it feels like👀) I visualize like I ain't ever visualized before, put on some music reading this at night, DAYUM🛐‼️

I reread this tasty ass story atleast once every week. It's tradition at this point.

1."The physical contact was grounding—you were grounding. A lifeline anchoring Felix to the reality he so desperately needed to return to." This fucked me up😪 So beautifully written!

2. "How he'd transformed from someone potentially willing to end your life, to someone committed to protecting it at all costs." Had to pause, take a breather, and look out my window to reflect on who I am as a person, then keep reading. Absolutely Precious.

3. "Some day," he dropped his voice, "When all of this is over, I'm going to carry you back into that palace." His lips found the curve of your jaw, trailing a heated path down. "I'm going to take my time with you, princess," he nipped at the sensitive skin on your neck, causing your core to flutter with anticipation. "And then," he whispered, "I'm going to lay the world at your feet." I was hyperventilating baby I couldn't breath for shit reading this 👀

4. "Minho sighed in annoyance, as if holding a conversation with you was some sort of burden. “I didn’t want to discuss it with the others,” he snapped." TIRED, TIRED OF THE WAY HE TREATS ME. (Jk lol I get his stress but chill out, damn.)

5. "You were always mine," Felix breathed, "before we met, before all of this, you were never their princess," he leaned in, pressing his lips to your forehead. "You were always mine.” I had to stop reading and get some water, my throat dried out.

6.“You can’t,” Felix emphasized. A distant look clouded his eyes, a flash of whatever it was that had crossed his features after the nightmare seemed to resurface. “You grew up with servants to meet your needs while the rest of us bled for every scrap of food and warmth. You can’t understand, y/n. And even if you could, it won't change who I am or what I've done. The blood on my hands will never wash away.” This is where the problem occurs. Cuz what are you implying? You ate this part so much you gotta be locked away like that one song. 🗣 IM LOCKED UP THEY WONT OUT, THEY WONT LET ME OUT IM LOCKED UP🗣

7. "Go collect your friend," the man waved a hand at the door, "I will shelter you for the night. You're young, exhausted, and it looks like you've been through quite a lot." I LOVE HIM ALREADY DAMMIT

8. You knew this would not last forever with him. Nothing ever does. And you wondered if you will ever be able to accept that, even when you no longer have a choice. But in that moment, Felix was there. You extended a hand, and he was warm. He was real, and he felt more like home than anything ever had. You loved him too, and it was a feeling you did not dare let go." MY HEART! RIPPED OUT MY CHEST! I CANT BREATH! IM SOBBING!IM DEVASTATED.

IM FEELING LIKE IM ON THE LAST BITE OF MAC AND CHEESE ON THANKSGIVING, IM GUTTED, I DONT WANT IT TO BE OVER!!

But as always, let me calm down and get a lil sensitive. I love you my pookie bear❤️✨️

Your adding some good into my world with this story that i really need. Its like the same day everyday for me, then out of the blue, you pop up and you give me something to look forward to.

Like most people, there's lots of things I need to be distracted from, and you do just that for awhile❤️ I appreciate this lil story more then you could know, and I always get SO happy seeing you posted a new chapter. I can tell how much passion and effort you put into this story, and I applaud you for that🫶❤️ Take your time, take care of yourself, and feel no pressure on when you need to put a new chapter out, YOU should always come first❤️ -👹

hihi my spicy little👹💕once again, i truly have no words for how thoughtful and sweet all of this is. im so grateful to have you with me on this journey (since part one, day ONE) and im so glad its been able to keep your interest after all these months.<3

"got the 1st grade knowledge beat out of me" literally had me CACKLING please!!😭✋ your excitement and the photos you send (which are hilarious too btw) always have me grinning from ear to ear. i swear my favorite part of reading feedback from you is that i will NEVER be able to predict whats coming next.😂 seriously though, im so glad youve been able to immerse yourself in the story like this (if we're being honest i definitely lose touch with reality a little bit when i get lost in writing it lol) but im so touched that it could evoke such a response in you too. (ps "i reread this tasty ass story atleast once every week. It's tradition at this point" might just be one of my favorite compliments ive EVER received about my writing. this is literally one of the nicest things you can tell someone who writes imo🥹).

MY HEART! RIPPED OUT MY CHEST! I CANT BREATH! IM SOBBING!IM DEVASTATED

(okay but why is this literally me reading any of your asks) this was also one of the most fun parts of the chapter to write omg. i love writing the end of a chapter so much that sometimes its the first thing i do.🤭

the detailed journey through each little part of the story that you go through in your asks always leaves me on cloud nine.!!! i love this so so much, i swear it does not get any better than when someone quotes the story back to me.<33 so thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to share your thoughts on these specific moments. i loved reading every. single. one.💕

Had to pause, take a breather, and look out my window to reflect on who I am as a person I was hyperventilating baby I couldn't breath for shit reading this 👀 I had to stop reading and get some water, my throat dried out.

(also btw if it makes you feel any better i had a similar reaction to ALL of these after i typed them out. felix really does things to me, i probably need an intervention or some shit but here we are.🥹)

knowing that this story adds a touch of goodness to your world means more to me than i can ever express. :( im sorry to hear that you’ve got some challenges to face, but like you said i know we all do from time to time, so im just forever grateful that my writing can provide a little distraction for you in the midst of the everyday chaos.<3 (ps. if things ever get too rough, you know where to find me!!❤️)

okay okay i’m cutting myself off here, but i really do appreciate the little reminders to take my time and prioritize self-care too.<3 the way you express yourself is so unique, please never change. i love that you’re as insane and unhinged about this story as i am.🥹 as always thank you so much for the continued support, it is more appreciated than you could ever know.🤗💕

[tigerbears]

EDIT: HAVE SINCE FOUND A BETA-READER! (who is a friend of mine) CURRENTLY GIVEN UP ON FINDING MORE! (though if you're interested feel free to reply to this post/ask in asks)

Searching for Beta readers for my Undertale/Deltarune fics?

So far I've just been asking my friends for beta reading but deciding to search for more wider beta readers in the fandom.

(Decided to do so after reading this guide)

I've currently got 2-3 2-4 beta readers working on the fic, though most of them are just basically people who read it earlier. The one who's been the best at beta-reading I think wont be able to keep up with my one chapter every two weeks schedule, (and I'm actually considering making that just the "minimum goal" and just having a more loose schedule) so sending this off to find more betareaders.

Here's some relevant info if your interested.

The current fic I'm working on is a Snowgrave fic, so expect it to be dark and full of some angst. I've so far got 5-6 9-10 chapters written, at various stages of drafts/betareading. Also some CW/TW so far for this fic: Anxiety, trauma, guilt, grief, gaslighting, panic attacks, emotional/psychological manipulation and abuse, physical abuse (Thorn Ring), mind control, and suicidal ideation (Crossed out the last one as it was only in older drafts. May return later though.) While reading let me know if I need to add more. Expect the rating to be in the "Teen And Up Audiences" range on AO3, or at least that's what I'm aiming for.

This snowgrave fic is going to be Suselle centric, at least for the first section. (What? Need some stuff to lighten the mood so it ain't 90% angst darkness. Maybe 55-60% angst/Darkness, and 40-45% hurt/comfort, and some gay Suselle things)

I have plans for less angstey/more fluffy fics in the future, so dont worry if you want you can just get in contact for when I have less... dark fics... For these fics, two examples I have are 1: "A kind of ambitious post-pacifist Undertale fic I've always wanted to write that I'm waiting until I get some experience for" 2: "A few Deltarune prequel fics set before Dess's disappearance, the main one being about Noelle realizing she's trans because I love the headcanon and wanted to do my own take." (EDIT: Think if I'm ever writing this, I think I'm going to make this fic broader/not just Noelle centric. Probably going to start with Kris coming out as enby to Azzy.) Generally for my fics I'm aiming around the "General Audiances/Teen And Up Audiances" rating on AO3.

I just want some general beta reading for the fics I write. (just generally on everything). However, one thing I'm going to be looking for in later fics is anyone under the non-binary umbrella willing to do sensitivity reading. I plan for the Post pacifist UT & DR prequel fics to go into Kris, Frisk, and Chara's enby gender identities. (Examples: Asriel helping Chara realize their enby in my UT fics, and Kris coming out as non-binary at the start of my "Noelle realizes she's trans pre-canon Deltarune fic which would have at least one subplot about Noelle realizing she's trans" fic.) While I am trans, I'm not non-binary, so I'd want some sensitivity readers go over that and point out if I've messed up anything when it comes to Enby rep.

Feel free to include your first reactions while reading the fic! (from the friends who've beta read in the past, seeing their reactions were honestly the best part lol)

Let me know if you would/would not want to be credited!

Current scheduled: currently I'm just writing a back catalog of chapters for the snowgrave fic. Don't really have a schedule but I at the fastest I plan to release chapters at a pace of one chapter every two weeks. Once I've gotten the first three to five chapters beta-read by all my readers I'll likely start sending off chapters at that pace at least. I don't want to compromise my writing quality with deadlines. My only real goal is to finish/at least release the first few chapters before Deltarune Chapters 3-4 gets released.

If you want to have a snippet of my past writing, I've so far posted one fic on AO3 about Noelle coming out as trans to Berdly. (Though I honestly think I've done a lot more unpublished fic writing so I do think I've improved quite a bit since this fic)

Anyway, if your interested feel free to send an ask/message me on tumblr! (from there we can talk more about specifics/communication/ect)

EDIT: It's been a week and I've yet to get a response. Crossed out messages bc I've since closed them. If you're still interested in betareading use the asks.

[commanderquinn]

Good Space Chapter 1: Flower

! i dont! keep these posts! updated! like i do! ao3!

that means you're going to find typos and shit (and possibly minor detail changes) that don't match the ao3 version! that's because im not going to bother fixing the tumblr posts until i finish good space as a whole. im only uploading them here as a backup tbh

—

master list / ao3 chapter link

—

She’s the one good thing about trips to medical in the Avenger’s Tower.

Every other day, at her direct insistence, her lab is the only place in the entire wing that he’s willing to go to. It smells warm and safe, nothing like the antiseptic that makes him want to break a limb. For the first two weeks, he tries to tell her that she doesn’t have to do this. He’s been looking after the link from his arm to his brain for years. There’s never been a problem with it that he couldn’t handle, and he’ll come back if anything ever feels off. No matter how much Steve hovers, she doesn’t need to waste her time on this.

By the start of the third week, he can’t bring himself to suggest that anymore.

—

psa: there’s some gross ass (sometimes detailed) nazi medical shit all through this fic, so if lobotomy talk of any kind is a no for you, skim over any brain talk. your best bet is just to skip the lab scenes where you can ❤️

fic title is a song by skrillex! we needed bouncy shit that vague hinted at plot. the chapter title is a moby song to lay out the v i b e s 👾 im always going to list these, so y’all have a song to listen to while reading

all i can think that needs to be said for canon clarity (ill make it all clear over time dw) is post-WS buckaroo got picked up by steve and sam to be taken for a shower and therapy. no civil war, no age of ultron. we're taking parts of it and doing other shit, you'll see. fury’s publicly alive and director again, shield got flushed out because mmmmm i said so i guess. no red room here. its not about nat, the lack of consent history hanging between them isnt something i want with this. i want to focus on other parts of their trauma bond. alsomaybeishipnatwithsomeoneinthis.

im sorry, but i never started wanda content on my end, and AI jarvis is comfy nostalgia i want to play in, so likely not a lot for her here. yes, we will be having shuri bully bucky, ofc, she’s the pin that holds this whole plot together (what else is new)

oh and i treat bucky’s arm as more of an atompunk feel rather than “the nazi’s had bleeding edge limb tech in ww2 that only affects bucky’s arm, definitely not anything else”

other than that, we’re firmly in good ‘ol stark tech magic and too many open wiki pages for all my plot device needs

also my grammar aint the good. i write these mf's in my spare time while baked af, you're gonna have to give a bitch a break babes 👾

—

Febuary 17th, 2018

"That's not what I'm asking about."

Tony throws up his hands from the other side of the conference table, then lets them smack back down against the polished surface dramatically. "Illuminate me then, Rogers. I'm running out of ways to explain that she's the best I've got to offer for this."

Steve pushes a hand through his hair with a frustrated huff. "I'm not a brain surgeon." 

"No shit, that's what she's here for."

"I meant that I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at."

"Now I know you're worried if you're willing to," Tony clutches at the front of his shirt in mock horror, "swear in public." Pepper smacks his shoulder without even looking up from her tablet. The sight would make Steve smile under normal circumstances. 

"You can hand me any resume you want, Tony. I'm telling you that I won't be able to see a difference. I know you're giving me a team who can do the work; I'm asking if they can do it while it's Bucky."

"Are you worried about his safety or theirs?" Pepper asks, finally looking over. Her tone isn't judgemental. If anything, it's veering towards the gentleness it has when she's talking Tony down.

"I'm not worried about theirs. I will be there every time. Even if he has a bad day, I'll make sure that—look. Nothing's going to happen. It's just...." Steve flips open the folder he's been carrying for a week. The edges of it are starting to wear down at this point. Sighing, he slides his summary notes to their side of the table. "He still doesn't... he doesn't talk about the previous escapes. No matter what his therapist tries. He just can't bring himself to do it. But it's not hard to get a clear picture of what used to happen. He does this every time. He builds himself a strong house, then a fallback point, and then he goes to work trying to fix all the damage alone, which he'll never be able to do. No one could. And there's not going to be a goon squad rolling in to drag him back anymore, so he's just going to—"

"Yeah, yeah, push him to help him; I grasped the concept the first hundred times," Tony cuts in. If he weren't so damn anxious, Steve might honestly feel bad about being so far up everyone's ass over this. "You've got me on board. So, what's the concern here? Will she quit the first time he bites her head off? That's a pretty chauvinist perspective, especially coming from you."

"She's had to put up with Tony long enough to befriend him; that should be proof enough." Pepper smiles as the nightmare himself points toward her in silent agreement.

Steve raises his hands amicably. "I'm not trying to insult anyone's professionalism. I'm sure she's had more than her fair share of problem patients to get where she is today. I'm... I'm more asking if—Christ. I'm sorry in advance, alright? But... Tony, I need you to look me in the eye and tell me that you'd have trusted her to get you home."

A stiff, all-consuming silence falls over the spare meeting room. Pepper and Steve waiting on bated breath; Tony frozen as he looks back at him with an expressionless face. 

Steve despises himself for doing this to him. The knowledge of what happened in that cave is something the man is unimaginably protective over. It took years—and a night of blackout drinking on Tony's end—for the story to even slip out of him. Talking about Yinsen is the only time Steve's seen him cry that he can remember. It was just one overflow, barely even two tears that got scrubbed off his cheeks within the first minute, but it was there. It's the only way Steve knows to get his point across.

Tony looks down at the table and adjusts his posture. His head shifts and his lips purse in that signature move of his, the one that comes up when he's forced to be a person. With feelings. Pepper's arm moves, no doubt taking his hand under the table. 

He looks back up, meeting Steve's eyes as his posture relaxes. "I wish they could have met. I think Yin would have gotten a kick out of her fashion taste. I think she'd have gotten an even bigger one out of putting him in it."

It's the most ringing endorsement he's ever heard the man give. More importantly, Steve knows just how much weight sits behind the guarded words.

—

"I've got their personnel files if you want them. They all volunteered them to you willingly."

"I'm alright."

"Do you want their names ahead of time?"

"No."

"Not even their first ones?"

"They can tell them to me."

"Okay."

"...."

"...."

"...What are they?"

"The ones that'll be behind the glass are Hannah and Wyatt." Of course Steve knows to start there, where his nerves will fixate the most. Asshole. "You probably won't even talk to the two of them today, but your main doctor for this will definitely offer to let you. Her name is Ava. She's going to check in with you for confirmation on a lot of things before she does them. I shadowed her for over a week, asshole. It's not about you; she does it for everyone."

Bucky grunts. "I wouldn't have jumped on her for it."

"No, you'd have sat there brooding like a petulant jackass instead, probably making her feel bad." Steve pauses for a long moment, fiddling with the paper coffee cup in his hands. "You should read Hannah's file, Buck."

"Why?" He shouldn't ask. He can hear the motive sitting in his best friend's voice. It's a fucking trap, and he fucking knows it, but he also can't stop himself.

"Her last name is Schuster."

He absolutely despises the way the situation makes his gut clench. They're dead. They're all dead, and the ones in their place have been declawed for much longer than he's been off ice. He's probably not even going to talk to the woman, at least not today. He might catch the sight of a name on a coat, however. Or on a chart.

He wanted to do this without letting old habits in. He wanted to at least start this feeling like a person, not a weapon. But he gets why the dickhead is trying to baby-step him into it.

Bucky holds out his hand. Steve silently passes him the tablet he keeps. Neither of them says a word as he reads the SHEILD file to himself, line by line. Taking in a stranger's entire professional life. Her family, her known associates, every residence she's ever held. It takes a moment of hovering his finger over the subfolder with her medical records to talk himself down from opening it. Nothing is lingering in those shadows; Steve wouldn't allow it. That's not a line he needs to cross anymore. 

He hands it back when he's done. "The other two?"

"Nothing I could think of. Ava's seen your hard limit list—you remember I told you I was gonna give it to one of your—?"

"I remember. It's okay. That's why you have it."

"Yeah." Steve takes another long pause. "You remember that she knows—"

"I know."

"Good. The others don't. She says they don't need to for any of it, and it's never going on record again." He looks over out of the corner of his eye. "She's going to bring it up today."

"I had a hunch."

"I just wanted to make sure it didn't surprise you."

"I know."

"Good." Steve picks up his coffee to drain the last of it in one swig. He tosses the empty cup into a trashcan by the wall a few tables over before looking back at him. He extends his now-empty hand. "Ready?"

"Not in the fucking least." Bucky raises his hand to lock with his best friends momentarily. "Let's go."

There's no wing in this tower—and he's been through all of them by now—that he dislikes more than medical. The place makes his skin feel like a thousand goddamn spiders are crawling all over him, and the smell of it, fuck. It sits in his head like a fog while it burns up the inside of his nose, making him want to break anything touching any part of him. He'd make Steve be here with him no matter what; that's a given. But the fact that there's going to be a doctor poking at him today while he's trying to power through it all makes the guy's presence non-negotiable. Bucky needs the safety net for the good of everyone in that room.

Steve doesn't try for talking to distract him, mercifully enough. There are times when it helps. Today isn't going to be one of them. He doesn't even have to bring it up for Steve to know, and the reminder that he's understood helps his nerves. It's been an incredibly long time since he had an incident. He's proud of every last one of those days. He won't be upset with himself—well. He'll try not to be upset with himself if that streak ends. But he really, really wants that day not to be today.

Bucky treats it like a mission. He's braced and ready for the antiseptic when they first get through the entrance. He doesn't flinch or huff through his nose at the invasion, not even as they make their way to the specialized divisions. He's walked these hallways before; he's walked every single one in the tower. It was the only way he could get himself to sleep during his first week here. Aside from a few trips to the emergency intake, he hasn't had to force himself back. 

He's definitely never bothered with meeting the specialists themselves. It took long enough to convince himself not to memorize the names of every staff member in the tower. He doesn't need to do that anymore. That's what his therapist and the Star Spangled Spandex keep insisting, anyways.

The door Steve goes for sticks out against the sleek hallway long before they reach it. It's painted, and not just a solid color; it's covered with a garden scene done by several different hands, going by the skill variation. Bucky runs his thumb over one of the hundreds of flowers as they walk past it to feel how thick the tiny acrylic mountains are. One of the petals cracks under the light pressure of the move, making him frown. The mural's not sealed at all, despite being long dried. Not the kind of thing maintenance usually overlooks.

An absolute shock of color hits Bucky's eyes when he gets his first look at the neurosurgeon's office. The walls he can spot from this side of the entryway are lined with tie-dye hanging cloths, and the floor is covered in fluffed-up, vibrant rugs. There's not a hint of SHIELD regulation left in the architecture, with all the walls that aren't glass holding even more heavy paint globs. Some of the murals are more flowers, but a majority of them are space themed. 

The stench of antiseptic fades the farther into the room Bucky goes. By the time the door shuts behind him, it's entirely replaced with the warm aroma of apples and cinnamon. A long, curved desk is off to one corner, pushed against the glass wall overlooking the city and covered in picture frames. An arrangement of chairs piled with pillows matching the rest of the decor sits in the center. Each one of them is fucking massive.

The room itself is separated in half by a thick glass wall. He can spot two doctors sitting behind an array of equipment on the other, equally decorated side behind the glass. There isn't any creative paint in there from what he can spot. If it weren't for that, he could almost forget that he's standing in a medical lab. 

Almost.

"Hi there," comes a voice to his right. 

The woman it belongs to almost blends in with the office once Bucky turns his head to look at her. The lab coat that comes down to her knees is a solid blue rather than tye-dye, but it's covered in stitched designs. Most of them are shaped like bees. Bucky barely stops his eyebrows from raising at the sight of the outfit underneath. Loose cloth pants hanging low on her hips, with even more bees on them, and a hand-knit top that would have been called obscene during most of the decades he woke up in. The bun she's pulled her hair into must have been done this morning; more than a few bundles are hanging down haphazardly. Bucky hasn't met a lot of brain surgeons that he knows of, but he doesn't remember any of them having glasses as thick as hers. He's pretty sure that good vision is something most of them need for the job. Not that he's nervous.

She walks over with a warm smile, already extending a hand to him. She's a short, round little thing. Barely five feet, if his guess is accurate. It always is. "I'm Dr. Ryder. You can call me Ava. I'm told you're my newest patient."

He accepts the shake with a nod and tries not to think about how sweaty his hand might feel to her. Wiping it against his pants would have been too weird. "James."

"But you prefer Bucky, right?"

"Yes, ma'am. Ava," he corrects himself quickly.

"Oooh, someone's stepped on some toes in the new century." Her smile takes on a teasing edge. "I'm originally from Canada; you won't find me taking offense. Ingrained cultural manners are a bitch to hold back."

"Careful, they're the only manners he's got," Steve warns, already heading for one of the chairs. 

"Ignore him. I'm house-trained," Bucky assures her. Taking his hand back, he hikes a thumb over his shoulder, needing something to stall with. "You sure you don't want someone to give your door a few clear coats? It'd be a shame to see all that work chip off."

Ava waves dismissively. "We redo it a lot; it's a relaxation project around here. It'll look different pretty soon." She points toward the glass wall separating the two halves of the office. "I've got the rest of the team working on a project to give us some space, but I can bring them in for a minute if you'd like to meet them?"

"I'm... I'm alright for now, thanks. I can meet them—whenever."

She doesn't insist further or comment on the blatant nerves in his voice. Her hand waves at the arranged chairs as she moves to sit in one. "Take your pick of the lineup, then. Typically I'd offer to take you to the corner of the roof that we've claimed for ourselves as an alternative. But, I need to keep you in environmental controls for sanitation, at least for the initial visit."

Bucky nods a few times as he sits in the one next to Steve's. His ass sinks nearly a foot into nothing but pillows, and his spine goes rigid. "Here's fine." 

He'd have said no anyways, not that he'll mention that. Too many open sight lines with his anxiety on edge. He'll be revisiting the roof before his next appointment to familiarize himself, though, that's for sure. His last trip up there was long before she was even hired. The mental image of bead strings and tye-dye throw blankets on patio furniture flits through his head. If she decorates the same way everywhere, he's guessing it won't be all that hard to find the space. 

Ava pulls up a tablet from the coffee table to rest in the middle of her folded legs. He's guessing she's into yoga in her spare time. One of her eyebrows arches at them in amusement. "You know, I've never actually seen someone fill one of these before now." 

"The benefits of dosed living," Steve quips, his tone a little too positive. It makes Bucky's foot start to bounce silently against the floor on instinct.

If she notices, the doctor doesn't mention it as she focuses on Bucky. "Steve tells me you prefer when doctors keep things direct with you."

Bucky shifts his eyes over to the man in question, who busies himself with one of the pillows, picking at the hanging fringe. Fucker's going to be hearing about this later, that's for damn sure. 

He looks back at Ava. Time to get it over with, he encourages himself. "Yeah, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. I know Steve's already told you, but I want you to hear it from my mouth. I have The Soldier's activation memorized."

He can't stop the gut instinct to swallow over hearing the words, but he nods. "I'm okay with it."

"It's not in any of my notes; it never will be. My team understands that there is a specific trigger in place; they need to in order to do their job. But they have no indication of what it is. I'll never write the words out or speak them where they can be picked up. Steve helped me with the pronunciation and the order when he first gave me your records, but you have my word that I won't be repeating them."

"You should," Bucky insists immediately. "If anything happens, you should, and you shouldn't hesitate about it."

"She knows, Buck," Steve assures him with a murmur. "I took her through the worst case drill. She's got a panic button on her."

"Steve tells me that my reaction time is fast enough for working on your case safely." Ava's head tilts to the side slightly. "Your comfort is the priority here. We can always run through a silent drill together if you'd like the reassurance."

He thinks about it. Honest to god, he lets himself sit in the idea of putting Steve's training to the test for more than a few moments. Neither of them push him for an answer. "I might take you up on that at some point."

She nods, the hair hanging closest to her face bouncing slightly. "Whenever you want. That offer is permanent. I'm taking this case on because I want to help undo what's been done; I'm not here to let it be continued, not even in research." Her eyes shift to Steve, with a bitter defiance building in them. "I trust that'll be clarified to the director if our work here ever reaches his ears, captain."

Steve nods, finally looking up from where he's moved on to picking at the pillow's stitches. "There's no more mud in that water. Fury understands how far over the line we went."

Ava doesn't look convinced in the least. Bucky doesn't blame her, not with the scattered memories of his role in all of it sitting in his head. When she looks back at him, the distrust leaves her eyes. "I'd like to get a better idea of what we'll be working with. I know that's probably going to be one of the most difficult parts of this, so we can try to get through it now if you'd like. Or we can wait until you're feeling more comfortable. It's entirely up to you."

Shifting slightly to straighten out his shoulders, Bucky nods. "I'm ready now."

It's an outright lie, but that doesn't really matter anymore. There's never going to be a time when he is ready. He still needs to do this.

"I'm going to need to adjust your head a few times today," she tells him with a relaxed, melodic tone as she stands up. She lifts a black briefcase from the coffee table and brings it over to rest on the arm of his chair, where he can easily see it being handled. "Is there anywhere you'd prefer me putting my hands? Or anywhere specific you want me to avoid?"

Bucky sees Steve shift his head slightly in his peripheral and wants to roll his eyes. Asshole. He'd have made a joke at the most; he wouldn't have been insulted. Probably. "I can't think of anywhere to steer you away from. You're good to do whatever you need to do."

She doesn't take him into the other section of the room like he thought she would. She doesn't even make him stand back up. All it takes to get the nightmare he's been dreading for years started is Ava pulling a wired, plastic wreath from the briefcase to put over the top of his head. She doesn't push a cold faceplate over his eye and against his temples; no bite guard gets shoved in his mouth. There's no frigid metal probing into the top of his neck to make his teeth buzz until he wants to rip them out of his jaw. The air around him isn't humid and suffocating like it was in that bunker. He can't hear the hum of electric coils or the squeak of leather boots on linoleum. 

He's not in Siberia. He's in New York. This isn't a HYDRA agent strapping him down. This is a hippie, who definitely smoked pot this morning, putting a sensor on his head that barely has any weight. 

"Here, hold this for me," she tells him from behind his chair, offering her tablet over his shoulder. He takes it silently, bringing it to rest in both hands. A digital scan of his brain is already being mapped out on the screen. It's the first time he's seen the anchor that wraps around his brainstem since the X-rays HYDRA used to leave up like trophies. "We can get a look at this thing together."

Bucky takes a deep breath in. It's… not a pretty sight. Whatever they put in him isn't registering in the bright blue lights of the rest of his brain. They're all dark spots, primarily lines branching out from the anchor that might as well be a black hole. 

"You see that?" Ava leans forward to run her nail up the path of one of the lines. It starts at the anchor, and it's attached to another point further up, but that junction is the source of even more lines that go all over. There's a fucking mechanical spider web in his brain. "That's your motor cortex, and those links are tethered to your arm, starting there. That—the one right there—is what's making your cybernetics work."

"What's the rest of it?" There's a fucking lot of it, whatever it is. A lot more than he remembers being put in. 

"Considering the intent of the Nazis that had you, the end goal was probably total control." Her finger moves, tapping several things that look way too fucking important as she keeps talking. "All of those there are connected to your essential functions: breathing, heart rate, consciousness. From there, they branched out into trying for control over your limbs. Jesus." She leans further over his shoulder and pinches at the screen to zoom in. "It looks like they were already building into your entire cognitive process."

"What does that mean?" Steve asks, worry rising in his tone. 

"It means they were reckless on top of being cruel. And fucking stupid—pardon my French."

"You're talking to soldiers, doc," Bucky reminds her quietly, his brows drawn in as his eyes trace the black spots in his grey matter. 

"Right. In that case, fuck every last one of them and the horses they rode... into whichever circle of hell they're burning in, I guess." Bucky's lips twitch slightly as she zooms back out. "They were venturing into parts of the brain that haven't been studied enough for human testing, even by today's standards. Blindly poking just to see what worked; my guess is because they knew that you could survive it. You see that big scary thing under your hippocampus?"

Bucky nods as she taps at the anchor. "Yeah. Yeah, that was… that was the first part. That got put in, I mean." He clears his throat when it starts to scratch. "I'm. I'm pretty sure it was the first part." 

"Do you want to know why you don't feel sure?" she asks gently. Her voice has dropped to something much softer. It makes him sit back in the overly comfortable chair incrementally. 

"Yeah," he tells her quietly, honestly. He wouldn't have a year ago. 

Ava circles her finger around the center of his brain, where one of the more prominent lines from the anchor holds several thinner, black branches. "That's your limbic system. It controls emotion, memory, behavioral habits, that kind of thing. They fried it at some point trying to get to your memories, I assume. My team has the photograph from your HYDRA file, the one with the X-ray from your initial brain surgery. I've studied it with my own eyes. That serum in your bloodstream is the only thing that brought you back from being a vegetable. The salvaged notes from the initial facility they kept you in mention months of unresponsiveness and varying levels of brain activity. 

"There's a reason you can't remember who you were then, Bucky. They wiped you clean because they knew you, out of all their test subjects, could recover from it. There wasn't enough left of your mind to hold memories, much less any kind of higher will." He hears her clothes shuffle behind him and sees Steve turn his head to look back at her from the corner of his eye. "I'm more than willing to testify to that in any court on Earth, captain. So we're clear."

"Understood," Steve replies, his voice thick. "I appreciate that."

Fuck, so does Bucky. Too bad he can't get his throat to open back up at the moment. 

"Now, let's talk about the hard part." He hears Ava sigh. "From what I can see, there's no way we can remove any of this. Not by any standard that I'm willing to entertain, at least."

Bucky shakes his head and tries clearing his throat again. It doesn't feel anywhere near as successful this time around. "That's fine. I don't—I don't think I'd… I wouldn't be ready for that. I just want to know it's not…."

"Capable of being controlled remotely?" she offers when he trails off. 

"Yeah. Aside from the code. I don't—that's not a problem. They're dead. Anyone else that had it, I mean." Christ, his foot's going to bounce straight out of his boot, right through the leather. 

"I can't make any kind of assurances at this stage when it comes to that. But you have my word that it will be my team's primary focus." Her hand pulls back, and he feels four of her fingertips lightly rest on his shoulder. "I'd prefer to check that connection point they left over your spinal cord before you leave today, but the rest of what we need for diagnostics can wait until another time."

Bucky pulls in a heavy breath through his nose. "Yeah. I'm ready to do that."

"I need to get a few things for it and check in with my team." She taps at the side of the wreath lightly. "You don't have to keep looking at the scan, but you should leave this on while I'm gone so we can get some basic readings."

"You're the boss, doc." He tries not to make it look like he's in a hurry to get the thing out of his hand when he dumps the tablet on his leg. 

"I'll be back in just a bit," she tells them, calmly shuffling off into the other half of the office. The glass door hisses loudly as she goes through it, confirming it's a sterile lab. The wall frosts over shortly after with the privacy screen activating.

Neither of them says a word for the first few minutes.

"Well," Steve finally offers up, his voice still as thick as when he thanked the doctor. "There's the confirmation you've been waiting for."

"That's not what that was—"

"Alright, you know what? Fuck you very much, Buck—"

"Fuck me? Fuck me? Yeah, I guess that's how it works now, what with you making alll the fucking calls—"

Steve's finger comes sailing into his face. "This affects more than just—" He stops with a short, muted groan and yanks his hand back to shove through his hair. After a moment, he lets it fall to his thigh in a clenched fist. "You want to sit here blaming yourself for it all, fine. I've got no right to tell you to stop when I'm still doing the exact same thing. But I'm pulling you through this whether," his voice goes high and mocking as he turns to glare a hole into the side of Bucky's head, "yooou like it or not. I let you fall once; I'm not fucking doing it again, asshole."

Bucky stares down a lava lamp sitting on the coffee table for a long, silent moment, his face pinched. He counts the number of wiggling blobs floating from the top to the bottom. He takes in their shared color and picks as close to a stupid paint name for it as possible. One by one, his photographic memory goes down the list of stupid colors from that stupid swatch wall at the stupid art supply store that Steve takes him to when he can't sleep at three in fucking the morning. He decides on fuchsia because it sounds extra stupid. There're twelve in total, they're fuchsia, and his best friend is as stupid as the name of their color.

The anger eventually eases up. "You're the asshole."

Steve sits back in his chair with a sigh. "Love you, too."

It takes a long minute of grinding his teeth for Bucky to force out the question that won't stop echoing in his head. "She doesn't know about the others?"

"She knows there were other attempts, but no, I didn't tell her any of them were successful. I left my notes in her file on what's been held back from her, along with the things she knows that her team doesn't. You can tell her whatever you want; that's up to you. I really think you should read through all of their files."

"Yeah?" Bucky snaps mockingly. "I really think you should kiss my ass."

Steve reaches out to grab one of the magazines from a stack on the coffee table. His posture is resigned and absolutely screaming I know better than you right now, idiot. "You should grow the fuck up."

—

There's no way the notes from HYDRA cover all his surgeries, not with this much framework built up inside his brain.

Steve warned her to expect something like this. The bastards passed Bucky around like a science experiment over the decades. Whenever a station was compromised, all of its records were destroyed to safeguard HYDRA's critical secrets, the work and confirmed existence of the Winter Soldier being one of them. Only a handful were raided by SHEILD efficiently enough to prevent further loss of his medical history. What remains is the scattered works of solitary minds spanned across decades. 

In Ava's opinion, not one of those minds should have been granted the mercy of seeing daylight again after their senseless, abhorrent, despicable crimes against the sergeant. Never in her life has she been a violent woman, but given a blunt object and five minutes with the lot of them, she'd have been very tempted to rebalance nature with ruthless gusto. 

A hand nudges at her arm, pulling her from her distraction with a quick inhale. "Sorry, repeat that?"

Wyatt's eyebrows pull in sympathetically. "Y'can hand this part off to one of us, boss."

"You can hand it off to him," Hannah interrupts briskly, her eyes never moving from where they're pressed against a microscope. 

"Y'can hand it off to me," Wyatt rapidly corrects with a warm smile. He drums his stylus against his arm and leans against the lab's center console. The movable hologram program Tony gifted them is already building detail into one of the darkest acts in human history. Right there, in front of one of the most gentle souls Ava's ever met. The contrast makes her stomach drop. "I mean it; y'know me, I got a real sweet touch. Betch'a the sergeant wouldn't even know I'd been there til it was over."

"Don't make me say it, Combs." Hannah almost sounds bored. The former marine is in a good mood today.

Wyatt doesn't even bother with throwing a quip back at her. He's usually wise enough to know when he's in a losing battle. Reaching out, he gives Ava's shoulder a supportive bump. "You said so yourself; he's alright with meetin' us."

Ava shakes her head, bringing her hand up to rub at the bridge of her nose. Her eyes are stinging hard enough to make them water. She shouldn't have pulled an all-nighter before this; it definitely isn't helping her frustration. "He's okay with it; that doesn't mean he's ready for it. You should see the way he's practically vibrating in that chair. There's not one part of this he isn't forcing himself through. I want to try to limit contact until he feels like he's in control of the space around him."

"That won't take long," Hannah comments quietly, reaching for another slide. "There are certain habits infiltrators don't lose."

"Speakin' from your own experience on that one?" Wyatt asks, curiosity creeping into his tone. Their eternal beacon of southern sunshine has yet to give up chasing details about her, unlike everyone else who visits their little medical corner. 

"Infiltrator is not the classification I would have given myself. I was never very subtle in my old line of work."

"Yeah, 'cause subtle's definitely the word I'd pick for your blunt ass now." Wyatt rolls his eyes and extends his hand to rapidly spin the projection of Bucky's brain with the flick of a stubby finger. "Either'a you looked at these trenches much yet? There's different cablin' in every major section. None of it's got a set standard, far as I can tell."

"I don't think he ever had the same doctor for more than two surgeries." Ava leans heavily against the console with a sigh, trying not to let herself venture into the mindset of a terrified soldier. She has to stay detached, or this will eat her alive before they're even halfway done. The enlarged hologram already hurts to look at in more ways than one. "Steve confirmed that HYDRA intermittently lost sections of his records through the years. All of this could be fractured by the decades; we won't know until Paige starts getting a read on the programming behind that main port."

"How do you want us to handle data transfer?" Hannah asks.

"Let's keep this off our internal server as much as we can help it. Tony sectioned off a virtual instance that we can burn when needed, but the only time you should be using that is for his scans. Put everything else on an isolated hard copy here in the lab, wherever you can do it without hindering the work. I want the equipment analysis kept as off-record as possible. I don't want this being recreated. By anyone."

"Definitely agreein' with you on that one, boss." Wyatt pokes his finger into the projection's left frontal lobe, halting its slowing spin. "I know we said extraction ain't the goal here, but I'm gonna be runnin' some sims on that when I've got the time. I don't like the idea of leavin' any'a this shit in, even if we do get it identified and nuked."

Ava nods and reaches up to give his shoulder a warm squeeze. "Let me know what initial paths you route; we can build from there. I doubt he'll be ready for any extensive work for years to come, but the least we can do is present him with some options." She takes a deep breath through her nose as she looks over the port connection on the hologram. "Alright, I'll be back after I finish his consultation."

"Good luck, boss," Wyatt encourages with a smile. "Tell the sergeant we said hi."

She waves her hand over her shoulder with a hum and braces herself to face her latest patient again. 

The sergeant himself is sitting just as stiffly as he was when she left, but the captain has moved on to relaxing with a magazine in his hands. They both look up at the sound of the door opening, with a laid-back smile on Steve's face and a forced one on Bucky's. She almost wants to tell him that he doesn't have to make an attempt. 

"Sorry for the wait; needed a quick check-in with the brain trust." And to not want to throw something heavy through Tony's fancy glass walls. "They wanted me to pass along their hello's. Dr. Combs, in particular, is very excited to meet you."

Bucky huffs a silent laugh through his nose as she returns to stand at the side of his chair. She doesn't try to move behind him for the moment. "Yeah, I'm sure I'm real—"

"Buck," Steve cuts in softly with a side eye in his best friend's direction.

"Fascinating?" Bucky's eyes lift to Ava's at her teasing guess, and his responding nod is sheepish. She smiles at the attempted manners. "Your case is as interesting as it is horrific, that's for sure. Lucky for you, we're a morbid bunch, so you can go for the gallows humor whenever you want." She taps at Bucky's arm with the pad of her index finger, trying to warm him up to repeat physical contact. "However, I'm pretty sure Wyatt is looking forward to asking for your autograph above everything."

The sergeant's eyebrows rocket toward his hairline. "What's he looking for? Love, The Winter Soldier?"

"Bucky." Steve doesn't even look over this time; he just drops one side of the magazine to pinch the bridge of his nose. 

The sight of an exasperated Captain America sitting in her office makes Ava snort loudly. She doesn't miss the way it makes Bucky's lips raise at the corners. "He comes from a long line of history buffs who believe accurate preservation is the best tool to prevent it from repeating. The guy grew up with battle models and field testimonials from every major war. I'm guessing he had some Howling Commando envy as a kid, though he won't own up to that on his end."

"He knows I was one of them for all of five minutes, right?"

"None of us were Howlies for long," Steve forcefully insists, one foot coming over to kick Buckys. "But that doesn't change the good we did while we were."

"It also won't stop him from chewing your ear off about it if you let him." Ava crosses her arms over her chest in amusement. "My advice is to stop him early. Definitely before he starts asking what you remember about the maps. You've got a real Milo Thatch working on your brain now." Bucky looks up at her in confusion. "Haven't gotten around to Disney movies yet? Milo's a character from Atlantis, one of my personal favorites. He and Wyatt share a certain level of academic excitement."

"I'll add it to the watch list." A small smile comes up, making her wonder what his cheeks look like when he really lets it go. "And keep the point of no return in mind."

She stops herself from gushing about the beauty of the art behind the movie, wanting to honor his headfirst approach. "You ready to get the last part of today's visit over with?"

His shoulders rise with another resigned intake, making her want to be ferociously violent toward the closest available Nazi. "I'm ready when you are, doc."

"My go-to hardware specialist built a prototype connector based on the scans Tony got during your initial intake. It's only the first iteration for the sake of data extraction, so be sure to speak up if anything feels off. Anything at all, even if it's just minor discomfort. She can work on changing it for the next build. I'm sure Steve can attest to Paige's efficiency at her job by now."

The slightest hint of a blush comes over the captain's cheeks at the teasing mention of his numerous visits to the engineering department. "Ms. Findley—"

"Does she ask you to call her that?" Bucky jumps on his best friend with immediately. Ava would feel bad about chumming the waters, but the banter is making him relax against the chair. 

Steve shuts his mouth momentarily. The blush gets a shade darker before he opens it again. "Paige is a very dedicated worker. And a lovely conversationalist. How do you two know each other? Through Tony?"

Now Ava really does feel bad. She puts a hand on her hip and tries to keep her smile from growing. "No, I'm the one who introduced them. She's been my best friend for about fifteen years now."

Steve freezes, and Bucky's grin takes over the lower half of his face. The sergeant sits all the way back, with shoulders that are perfectly at ease. "Oh, good. If I think of anything later, I can just have Stevie drop it off for me. I'd hate to forget between appointments."

Ava pulls the wireless reader and its port connector from the briefcase on Bucky's chair. She steps up behind him and tries not to let her eyes linger on how his smile lights up his face or how it warms her chest to see. Her free hand comes to rest on his left shoulder, leaving the exit door in his right peripherals. "This shouldn't take more than a few minutes at most. Ready?"

"Hit me." It almost doesn't sound forced. 

She lifts his hair and runs her thumb over the port once to brace him for the new sensations before lining up the connector. As she'd explicitly requested of Paige, the mechanism doesn't snap into place when she locks it in, meaning there's no responding vibration to move through his skull. The notes from Bucky's therapist that were passed along didn't mention it, but they hardly mention anything at all. There's a lot he's holding back, there has to be, and she's been trying to preempt as much of it as she can. 

Bucky's nails dig into the arm of the chair, and he inhales sharply. After a moment, his fingers start to relax one by one. Ava watches them all, her eyes moving between his hands and neck repeatedly, while the reader begins its data harvest. She gives him long enough to get a few steady breaths in. 

"Have you started any animated movie binges?" she prods, wanting to stall for time to get a closer look at his implant. With him letting her hold up his hair like this, it might be her only chance for the foreseeable future. 

"Sam's gotten me to sit through a few of his picks," he replies tensely. 

"Mmm. I'm guessing Mister Feathers is a Pixar fan." 

"I know that's an animation studio, but that's the extent of my expertise on the subject. Are they the ones who made Lilo and Stitch?"

"He did not make you watch that one first."

"He did, but that's technically not my first animated movie. We had them back in the 30s, you know."

"Some of us still call it animation's golden age," Steve mutters in the most crotchety old artist fashion, his eyes back on the magazine in his lap.

"Take a look around this room, Rogers," Ava sasses. "Do I look like someone who'd argue with you about its significance?"

"Point taken." 

Her eyebrows pull in while she looks over just how much of Bucky's spinal cord is exposed to outside influence. She knows how far the port runs thanks to the scans, but now she's getting an eyeful of movable hatching and flesh that will never get the proper chance to heal. 

"How are you handling the daily care of this?" she asks, running her finger around one edge of the port.

"I do it," Bucky tells her simply.

Her eyes lock on the back of his head in disbelief. "You do… what, exactly?"

"I've got a morning routine for it. Clear the excess buildup, sterilize the whole area, work the skin, that kind of thing."

"You understand that this has direct access to your brainstem, right?"

"I know." He shifts his weight in the chair. "I'm careful."

"I have several medical degrees, one of which is entirely focused on the human brain, and even I would hesitate to approach this on my own body. If anything that can give you so much as a hundred-degree fever touches this, you're dead, Bucky." She lets the hand not holding up his hair come to rest on his shoulder. "I'm not trying to scare you with this, but as your doctor, I need to make sure you understand the severity here. I don't want you doing this yourself anymore; I want you to come to my office for it."

"That's not necessary—"

"What time do you want him here in the mornings?" Steve asks, ignoring Bucky entirely. 

"I don't need to come here in the mornings—"

"It doesn't have to be every morning," Ava offers, wanting to give him a compromise. She's definitely not letting him go back to doing it himself. "I can set up a stable cleaning routine every other day whenever you have the time to come in."

"I have it handled, really—"

"I wouldn't push it past three days, though."

"Every other morning," Steve agrees. "That's perfect. JARVIS can keep an eye on the schedules for him."

"I've got working fucking eyeballs," Bucky almost shouts, making Ava and Steve finally let up. 

She squeezes her hand on his shoulder, half in apology, half in sympathy. "Yes, you do. But they happen to be in the front of your head. My eyes can see the back of your neck without a mirror, and they've got a decade's worth of disgustingly thorough medical training behind them. You came here because you're ready for this to get done. Now you actually have to let me do it."

Bucky lifts a hand as if he's about to argue but then lowers it with a soft sigh. "Yeah... yeah, alright. But I'm not always going to be here in the mornings—"

"She said it doesn't have to be the mornings," Steve cuts in again.

"You know what I mean, jackass. I'm not always going to be here consistently. I have, you know, a job that you try to boss me around on—"

"We can make sure you've got a trained medic to help—"

"No, Grant."

The words are said softly, and it takes a moment for Ava to even remember that it's the captain's middle name, but something happens in the wake of them. Steve's relentless push stops on a dime, and the fight leaves Bucky's shoulders. The two of them relax marginally, and Steve nods once. "Okay. So, we establish the routine here. Get it ironed out; get you practiced with it. Then I'll clear you for doing it yourself on missions. But if you miss even one while you're here, so help me—"

"I got it, I got it."

Steve watches Bucky with a tightly held expression for another long moment. Then he looks up at Ava with a nod. "He'll be here, and I'll make sure he's not cleared for another mission until you two have a stable routine for taking care of this."

Ava gives Bucky's shoulder another light squeeze. "I promise it'll be quick every time. I'll work with Paige on making you a field kit. In the long run, this shouldn't interrupt your normal day-to-day much at all."

"Appreciate the effort, doc." Bucky gives a soft grunt. "Sorry for the. Y'know. Pushback."

"I think the world owes you a little more than patience as backpay, Sergeant. I'm happy to help where I can."

—

Febuary 19th 2018

"I can handle it if you want me to."

"No. No, I... I can do it."

"You're sure?"

"You think I can't?"

"I think you look like you're about to throw up on my shoes."

"I don't like the idea of... starting off like that."

"That's why I'm offering to do it."

"No. It should be me. There are things you won't be able to explain."

"You can always fill in the blanks when she shows up for Soldat training."

"What a great alternative first impression! Hello, ma'am, not only am I a complete jackass, but I also delegate my role as—"

"You're not delegating; you're assigning the right person to the job. And this takes away the need for you to be a jackass."

"Leaving you to be a confrontational bitch in someone's eyes?"

"What's the issue there?"

"That's not what you are, Nat."

"Says who?"

Steve reaches out to smack the side of her arm. "That's one of my closest friends you're ragging on."

"She can take it." Natasha looks over at him, a bored hike to one brow. "Let's stay focused on what the doctor can take. This won't be like the therapists. We can't put him through multiple doctors on this. We'll only get one or two tries before he draws the hard limit."

He nods, turning his eyes back to the closed elevator doors. "Right. Right, it's for a good reason. I can do it."

"You don't have to. I can handle it."

"I know. But it should be me." He knocks the side of his boot against hers. "Thank you."

"Always. Let me know how it goes."

Natasha's off the elevator before the doors are even finished opening, leaving Steve to collect himself alone. He pushes off the back railing with a heavy sigh. No part of this is going to be easy to stomach. He's accepted that. He exits the elevator with a resigned set to his shoulders.

The medical wing is dark this late into the day. JARVIS already confirmed that the doctor is still in the building. From the AI's reports, she pulls late nights like this regularly. It bodes well for what he'll have to ask of her and her team.

He stops to admire the heavy paint on the outside of the lab's door. There's days worth of work here, clearly a labor of love. It takes until he's admiring the fourth flower of his perusal to notice that it's not all the same artist. He scans it a bit quicker after that, trying to take a guess as to how many different hands took part. His best guess is four.

Accepting that he's been inadvertently stalling, Steve pushes it open roughly. He probably should have expected the onslaught of color in the room from seeing the door. It still hits him hard enough to make him do a double-take through his exaggerated annoyance. The doctor sitting on the other side of a very large desk nearly jumps out of her chair.

"Christ Al-fucking-mighty," she swears, one hand coming up to brace against her chest. Steve gets nailed with a furious glare. "Knock much?"

Well, that's one test passed. "Are you Dr. Ryder?"

"I am. Who the hell wants to—oh." Recognition dawns on her face as Steve gets close enough to be illuminated by her desk light. The fury in her shifts toward indignance. "I happen to hold a lot of respect for you, at least during normal business hours. So, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and let you have a moment to explain yourself, captain."

He almost starts with an apology, but he catches himself in time. "I've been told you're one of the best neurosurgeons we're in contact with—"

"No, you've been told I am the best." She crosses her arms over her chest and leans back in her chair. Her head inclines toward him. "You can continue."

Steve's reservations about her being able to handle Bucky are leaving rapidly. It almost makes him smile. He holds it together with his best captain voice. "I need your expertise on a consultation. A private consultation. Completely off SHEILD books."

"Am I being roped into the organization's second overhaul?" There's bitterness lingering in her tone. The kind Steve remembers feeling on his own end for months leading up to Fury's near-assassination.

"No. When I say private, I mean private. This isn't under SHIELD purview. I'll be expecting discretion if you think you're up to the case, so we're clear."

The doctor's eyebrows sail up, and her head moves back far enough to hit her chair. "I'll be expecting you to hand over some details before I agree to a damn thing. As a follow-up, you can provide me with an explanation as to why this needed to be done an hour before midnight, with no forewarning and definitely no respect. Otherwise, you can turn your happy ass back around and go find the other neurosurgeons you didn't feel like harassing first."

Damn. He really should have gotten Natasha to do this; she's faster with proper comebacks. "You'll be given information as you need to know it. First, I need to make sure that—"

"First, you can fuck off." Her head shifts to one side as he pauses. "I don't respond well to authority, captain. I'm sure whatever's going on is very important if it's got America's Sweetheart making an ass of himself in the middle of my office on a Monday night. But that's not really my problem. It could be, were I given a reason to care about it."

"Does rectifying war crimes warrant your valuable attention, doctor?" The words feel awful leaving his mouth; she doesn't deserve to get barked at like this. But he needs an honest indication of how she'll react to a bad day.

Ava watches him with a slightly open mouth for more than a few tense moments. Then recognition dawns for a second time, and her eyes roll dramatically. "Oh, for god's sweet sake. You could have just asked if I have experience with PTSD patients. Hell, you were clearly sent by Tony, and I met the man at a veteran's benefit, so you could have asked him. Barnes' presence on the Avenger's roster isn't exactly a secret these days."

Steve holds himself still, then shifts his weight to one foot. "You met at a veteran's benefit?"

She nods slowly, with a bit of mockery behind the motion. "Yes. Almost a decade ago. He funds most of my work with the VA."

That hadn't been included in her resume. He didn't want to invade her privacy by pulling her file until she agreed to it. Steve feels heat rise to his cheeks. Then the anger starts to surface. "You know, I'm not one hundred percent sure I was supposed to know that."

"You think?" The words are bone dry, and her posture is still defensive, but there's a smile working its way up from the corners of her lips.

"Look, I...." Steve raises a hand to the back of his neck sheepishly. "I apologize. I promise it's not about doubting your professionalism—"

"It's about protecting family, yeah, I get it." Her arms don't unfold from her chest. But her eyebrows do come back down.

"He's very important to me. I want to make sure he's in good hands, that's all."

"Well?"

Steve's brows draw in. "I wasn't trying to dump the case on you right now—"

"No, idiot." Her eyes roll again, with much less aggression. "I'm asking if I passed."

"Oh." He nods, his cheeks still feeling far too hot. "With flying colors, so far. There's still a lot more to cover before we get Bucky involved, but. Yes, ma'am. I think you'll handle him just fine."

With a sigh, her arms finally lower. She extends a hand out in his direction. "Ava Ryder. It's very nice to meet you, Captain Rogers."

He takes her hand with a firm shake, inclining his head apologetically. "It's very nice to meet you, as well, doctor. You can call me Steve."

"You can call me Ava. So can James whenever I'm finally graced with his presence."

Yeah. She'll do just fine. "He prefers Bucky. And I'm sure he'll provide you with a much more agreeable first impression. All that can wait until you don't look like you're going to fall asleep on your keyboard, though.

Ava smiles warmly at him, falling back against her chair as she takes back her hand. "I'm looking forward to it. You can send me the details on the case at a reasonable hour to make up for scaring the shit out of me."

"Yes, ma'am." He tips his head respectfully, already backing up from her desk. "Sorry for the scare. And for being so disrespectful. He really is—"

"Important to you." She waves her hand dismissively before reaching up to push at her glasses. "I get it, don't worry. I'd be twice as much of a wreck in your shoes. You're doing fine."

Sometimes, on the rarest of occasions, there are benefits to having the worst moments of his life in the history books. "I appreciate that, thank you. You have a good rest of your night, ma'am. I'll send—I'll have JARVIS send you his file—"

"Captain Rogers is unaware of how to forward SHEILD files, doctor," the AI cuts in gleefully.

"I had my suspicions, JARVIS; thanks." She waves her hand again, this time in goodbye, as she looks back at her computer screen. "Please don't trip on my carpet and bust your ass on the way out of my office."

Steve pointedly turns on his heel, glad for the excuse to hide his burning face. He all but races to the door. "I'll be in contact, doc."

"Mhmm."

When he pulls open the painted door, he's almost unsurprised to find Natasha leaning against the other side of the hallway. She doesn't move at all, but one side of her mouth lifts in a smirk.

Steve lets the door shut softly behind him before cocking his head to the side. "Very cute. You two in on it together?"

"No, but sniffing out Tony's bait didn't take long. You'd have noticed, too, if you weren't so far up Bucky's ass." Her head tilts in the opposite direction as his. "Feel better?"

He straightens up with a nod. The motion feels confident. "Much."

—author's end notes, yoinked straight from ao3—

“what’s paige like?” well. to put it simply. she is every last ounce of karma that steve has earned by lovingly terrorizing his best friend 😌

i feel like the overall theme got covered enough with this to tell if the plot is for you or not. flirting starts next, but isn't super blatant until chap 4. i am in zero rush and will have no problem with dedicating an entire chap to cuddling tbh, this is a comfort project im in for the long haul. check back later for * to get full smut taste, current (possibly changing) map has it in chap 9. OR you can check back for kinktober, i have all 31 days outlined for these idiots. i need starfield to be good so i can do smut for that too, bethesda pls

keep in mind this will get sci-fi weird at times, and loosely ref/revolve around greek myth tropes bc iiiii like ‘em ❤️ im a fandom ancient who takes no issue with cleaning out the dickhead comments 😌 also i might edit shit. im still not clear on what ao3 will email about a bookmark (god willing its not edits that dont include a new chapter) but just in case i figured id warn for anyone who doesn't want email spam

im gonna try to keep ava and paige as vague as possible, aside from a few scattered physical details so i have SOMETHING to write. my favorite bucky fic in existence is a reader!fic (safe with me is Ungodly levels of good, and i dont just say that as a fellow west wing addict. i constantly forget that his apartment in it isn't actually canon and there're no m&ms hiding for eternity somewhere) so you wont get any judgment from me on replacing both of them right down to their names, that’s how im writing them!! it just feels unfair to tag it a reader fic with them being given SUCH a heavy “presence" i guess

main pov's (the undated ones) will always flip between bucky and ava. the dated ones are other characters pov's OOOOOOR its a flashback in which case it could be the two of them, but ill always try to make it clear whose headspace is focused up front, so i dont think ive set up a hurdle there

thanks for reading ❤️ i love and appreciate feedback immensely ❤️ feeds the brain chemicals 😌 no worries abt spoilers, i feel like anyone looking there knows what theyre risking lmao

[teitpp]

Fic Author who tracked her stats by week this year regarding commenting behavior.

Seeing a drop off in comments in the middle of a work, especially for wips where i've been able to maintain regular, predictable updates, was a pretty consistent trend for the fics i posted this year (which is not a huge dataset, mind you, but this is what ive observed)

bookmarks also consistently fall off over time - My guess was that this is from people using bookmarks to designate fics on their "too read" list or as a "saving for when it is finished" type of marker. dont base your fic reception on it.

I've found a couple ways to sustain my motivation amd confidence in the midst of a comment desert...

1. (only for if you have a healthy relationship with your stats page) along with counting bookmark and comment behavior, i tracked my hits for each update this year (checked hit count 1 week after posting a chapter and subtracted the new total from the previous weeks - that gave me a way to quantify hits-per-update). Hits-per-update for all my fics stayed pretty consistent despite dips in commenting. knowing that reassured me and helped offset the lack of motivational feedback.

2. reminded myself of reasons I might forget to comment on a fic i love. this doesnt really address the reader engagement/motivation piece you're craving but it does help offset the anxiety of "oh no what if they hate the chapter".

3. you cant necessarily rely on comments for the type of motivation youre seeking for wips. but it is 100% understandable to want/need that boost to help you keep writing. my best advice is to seek out one of your regular readers or fandom friend and see if you can set up an arrangement - either where they read your chapters before theyre posted and send you motivational feedback directly, or comment on the chapter on AO3. This doesnt have to be an agreement that this person be a beta - just a cheerleader. It will feel different than the rush of a surprise comment. but it will be a more dependable motivational boost

What's your advice if you're serially writing/posting a fic, and people who used to comment stop commenting, and also bookmarks decrease? I know no one is supposed to be doing it for the reception, but the reception is engaging/inspiring/motivating, and how do you help keep yourself on track/ true to your own story even if it seems to be veering out of popularity? obv the point is to stay true to your own vision, but sometimes it's hard not to get side tracked/influenced by others reactions. TY!

I had a situation similar to this once. In my case, I'd gone on hiatus for over a year and never stopped thinking about the fic, and I finally decided to just finish it.

I wrote and posted 6 chapters over 2 days and just posted as I went so that I could reach the end before anything could stop me. I got to the point where I just had to finish the story, and so I made sure I got it done before looking at the reaction to it.

You have no way of knowing whether the dip in response is because of the direction you took your story or your readers being made up largely of a group who are busier at this time of year. Trying to interpret that kind of thing is about as easy as looking into a crystal ball and reliably predicting the future.

If you love your story and you have an end point you're aiming for, focus on that. Stop posting it, if you want. That often makes it easier. Then you can just focus on your own vision and your own desired ending and it will be easier to stop second guessing and thinking about pleasing an audience who you don't know (and don't really know what they want).

Fic authors? How do you manage to move forward when you're in a situation like this? Have you got some ideas? And if you don't have any or if you're a reader, feel free to cheer anon on in the notes.

[luckyduckwrites]

The Sins of the Past Chapter 1-12: The Blue Spirit

Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Katara/Original Female Character, Avatar Roku & Original Female Character, Avatar Aang & Original Female Character, Sokka & Original Female Character, Toph & Original Female Character

Characters: Original Female Character(s), Aang (Avatar), The Gaang (Avatar), Katara (Avatar), Zuko (Avatar), Sokka (Avatar), Toph Beifong, Roku (Avatar)

Additional Tags: Precious Aang (Avatar), Bisexual Katara (Avatar), Protective Sokka (Avatar), Firebending & Firebenders, Firebender Original Character, POV First Person, POV Female Character, Original Character-centric, Toph Beifong is a Menace, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Disabled Character, Childhood Trauma, Slow Romance, Slow To Update, Friends to Lovers, Canon Lesbian Character

Summary:

My name is Ryuza. My father was Avatar Roku, but he died when I was 4. A few years after his death, Fire Nation soldiers burned our house down. I dont know if my mother and sister were able to get away, but my left arm got caught in the wreckage. I would have died if one of the soldiers hadn't helped me, but I had to lose my arm due to the damage. He helped me escape, and I ran to the Earth Kingdom, finding refuge in Omashu. I met Aang, an airbender, and he brought me to stay with him in the Air Temples. He tried to run away after finding out he was the Avatar, so I went with him and got trapped in an iceberg for 100 years. What's happened since we were gone?

**AO3 & Wattpad links in masterpost pinned to the top of the blog**

I've lost track of how long ago Zhao drugged me, but it couldn't have been very long. I feel hungrier than I did when I was drugged, but I also haven't been eating much in the last few weeks, so that's not surprising. I wake up, but my eyes still refuse to open, and I can feel my body being chained up against a wall. My wrist is bound in chains and left dangling in the air, and my other arm has metal shaped around the short limb, and it's being pulled painfully into the air. Both my ankles are also bound together with metal chains.

My entire body feels sore, and it feels like my left arm has been broken. When did that happen? Zhao must've done that while the venom kept me asleep. At least I wasn't awake for that. I hear the door creak open, and loud footsteps approach me. I can only hope the person isn't Zhao. Suddenly, I hear the sound of sword being unsheathed, and I briefly question if Zhao decided to finally kill me after all, but the person just slices through my chains.

They sling me over their shoulder, and I hear them mutter, "Spirits, she's light. Has Zhao even been feeding her?"

I want to be able to move, just to even be able to open my eyes to catch a glimpse of my savior, but I know that voice. The Prince of the Fire Nation himself rescued me from Zhao. Why would he do that? I can only imagine he did it to use me as leverage against Aang, but I'm hoping I'll be better off with Zuko than with Zhao. He keeps walking until he makes it to another room, and I hear the door creak open, and him slicing through somebody else's chains.

I hear Aang's voice ask frantically, "Who are you? What's going on? Why do you have Ryuza? Why isn't she moving? Is she okay? Are you here to rescue me?" I don't hear a response from Zuko, only the creaking of the door opening wider, and Aang saying, "I'll take that as a 'yes'."

Why does Aang not recognize Zuko? Is he in disguise? Why is he freeing Aang? I doubt he's had a change of heart so quickly. Just a couple weeks ago he tried to kidnap me and Aang at my father's Temple on Crescent Island and had no qualms about telling Zhao who I was and dooming me to all this suffering.

All of a sudden, Aang exclaims, "My frogs! Come back! And stop thawing out! Wait! My friends need to suck on those frogs!"

I'm sorry, what? Why would Sokka and Katara need to suck on frozen frogs? I must've missed out on quite a bit in the last few weeks. Not like I'll be able to ask about what I missed. I wish they at least knew I was awake. The next thing I know we're in a place that smells awful, I'm assuming a sewer system underneath the stronghold.

We eventually exit from the sewers and I can feel that we're going up, Zuko likely climbing a wall as a soldier shouts, "There, on the wall!"

We're suddenly falling to the ground, and I can't brace myself at all, landing directly on the arrow that's still embedded in my left shoulder, driving it deeper into my arm. I can't even cry out in pain, only able to whimper and start tearing up. I feel smaller arms picking me up and holding me, likely Aang.

He asks, "Are you okay, Ryuza?" After I'm unable to respond, he says, "We'll get you out of here, Ryu. I promise."

Zhao shouts, "The Avatar and prisoner have escaped! Close all the gates immediately!"

Aang starts running while holding me, saying to Zuko, "Stay close to me!"

I can't make out what's going on, but I can feel a gust of air blowing past me. I'm guessing Aang blew a guard away. I'm shifted into just one of Aang's arms as he uses something to lift himself into the air, crash-landing on ground that's higher up than the ground. Maybe the top of a wall? I really wish I could just see what's going on.

It sounds like soldiers are getting closer, but Aang and Zuko fight them off before they can get close enough.

Aang picks up something with his other arm, saying to Zuko, "Take this. Jump on my back!"

I feel a counter-balancing weight on Aang's back, likely Zuko complying with what Aang said. How strong is this kid? He's only 12 and he's able to carry a 16-year old in one arm and another one on his back! Must be an Airbender thing. It feels like we're moving like we're on stilts, but I still don't know what's going on.

Aang says, "Give me the next one!"

I feel fire getting too close and assume that Zuko betrayed Aang by firebending at him, but I'm not sure. Maybe it's the soldiers? That's more likely, since we're falling yet again, but Aang airbends an airbubble underneath me this time so I don't get hurt any further. It sounds alike Zuko unsheathes his sword and the heat from fire gets redirected. I guess he's still on our side?

Zhao shouts, "Hold your fire! The Avatar and the girl must be captured alive!"

I'm proven wrong as Zuko holds his swords to mine and Aang's throats. Just pick a side already!

Zhao says through gritted teeth, "Open the gate."

Spirits, how I wish I could see his face right now.

A man asks Zhao, "Admiral, what are you doing?"

Zhao shouts, "Let them out, now!"

Wait, when did he become an Admiral? How? We start moving backward out of the fortress until I hear an arrow being shot. It must've hit Zuko, since his swords are no longer in front of Aang and I, luckily not slicing into me before he falls, and I hear a soft thud as he hits the ground.

Zhao shouts, "Quick! Recover the Avatar and the girl!"

I hear soldiers' footsteps stomping closer and closer, but Aang just stays out for a solid minute until I feel a weight in his other arm, and he runs into the woods. Did he seriously grab Zuko? I mean, yeah he helped us escape, but what else has he ever done for us? He tried to capture us multiple times and just held his swords to our throats!

Maybe he still doesn't know it's Zuko, though. He does seem to be in disguise, since nobody seems to recognize him. Even Zhao, who recognized him immediately in my father Temple. After a couple minutes of running through the woods, Aang stops, setting Zuko and I down on the ground. Based on the light I can see through my eyelids, the sun is starting to set.

After a few hours of resting, I hear Aang's voice, likely speaking to Zuko, "You know what the worst part of being born over a hundred years ago? I miss all the friends Ryuza and I used to hang out with. Before the war started, we used to hang out with my friend Kuzon."

I have fond memories of Kuzon. He was such a troublemaker. He and Aang would usually be the ones to get into trouble, and I'd have to be the one to get them out. Those were some good times, and the only times I'd tolerate going back 'home'. I wonder if he's even still alive.

Aang continues, "He was one of the best friends I ever had, as well as Ryuza, and they were both from the Fire Nation, just like you. If we knew each other back then, do you think we could have been friends, too?"

He gets his answer when a large ball of fire is launched at him. Aang quickly scoops me up into his arm and jumps into the trees as far as he can go from Zuko as possible. He makes a stop at what I can only assume is a stream, since I can hear water splashing as he wades through the water.

He grabs some cold things and stuffs them into his shirt. Is this where he got those frozen frogs? Again, why does he need those? He carries me for a couple more minutes before setting me down against Appa's soft, fluffy tail. Finally, I'm home with my friends.

I hear Aang say, "Suck on these. They'll make you feel better." I feel Aang collapse next to me, and he whispers, "It's good to see you here, Ryu."

I want to respond to him, tell him how thankful I am that he finally saved me, but I'm barely able to to open my mouth.

I hear Sokka's voice with his mouth full, "Aang, how was your trip? Did you make any new friends?"

Aang responds sadly, "No, I don't think I did."

Katara asks, "I'm afraid to know the answer, but did you find Ryuza?"

Aang responds, "I did, actually."

It sounds like Sokka and Katara scramble over to me, both of them exclaiming in unison, "You did?!"

They both rush in to hug me, and I whimper as an arm squeezes my broken arm and another bumps into the arrow in my other arm.

Katara asks, "Oh my gosh, what happened to her?"

Aang responds, "I don't know, really."

I'm only able to whisper out one word, but it sounds more like a grunt, "Zhao."

The siblings let go of me, and Katara growls, "Zhao. That bastard! Spirits, I can't believe he did this!"

Sokka mutters, "Actually, I can totally believe it. He is not a kind man. Remember how he chained us up at the Temple when he took her?"

I start feeling faint after the arrow is painfully pulled out from my arm, and I feel something wrapping around my broken arm, likely gauze. I pass out, exhausted from the day I had. At least I'm finally home. I just wish Crystal could've made it out with me.