#i just know it's bad this time bc i have been going non-verbal and disconnecting from reality

[mikazeliscious]

[xrystals]

The saga of disconnecting with high school-era friends has been going on for a while.

In April another friend invited me to his birthday party. A "friend" who never reaches out, who even at the time I felt was so distant and thought it was weird to be inviting me .

I went, and of course it was an awful time LOL

First of all, the way I was invited was so weird. For the sake of clarity , birthday "friend" will be referred to as C.

A mutual friend asked me if I was going to C's birthday party. I was confused bc that's the first I heard of it.

A couple days later another mutual friend asked me if I was going to the party. I felt weird bc I wasn't even invited yet?

A week+ later , C did reach out and actually invited me. The vibes were really weird, a bit apprehensive and obligatory. Instead of being like, you know, excited? He was more like "uh I guess i have to invite you" . Oh , okay.

So at that point I was kinda over it. Why's everything about this so weird?? The vibes were ... Awful lol

That being said, how did I end up going?

Basically , I had the time and money . I wanted to see some other mutual friends, and even if the vibes are weird , why not go and have fun with some other friends?

Well... I should have listened to my intuition.

It was all around a very bad time . Got too high and was non verbal and anti social. Got too high on other stuff and had a bad comedown (crying in public). Got cursed by a tarot card reader (or was she just making an astute observation?). Went for 4/20 but couldn't smoke in our hotel room. Missed my flight home. Slept on the floor in the airport lobby.

Wow.

So yeah , that sucked LOL

It's weird but the way my life is now, it's hard to relate to people from my past maybe?

Or maybe hard to relate to people at all ? 🤔

[simtrospective]

SCRAPPED STORY CHALLENGE by @bugsims

01. Post a few screenshots from a scrapped scene / edit / story! 02. Share why you scrapped this specific thing. 03. Tag five friends, and watch the fun play out!

Thank you to @gilded-ghosts for the tag.

Because I wrote so much that you might prefer to skip, let me do 03. outside the cut. I tag...

@ladykendalsims - @jet-plane-sims - @boogey-studios - @pinkmonsimblr - @dynastiasimss

The above pictures (plus the related tray files) are all I have left of an idea that was half-formed to begin with and which never got off the ground at all.

01.

Depending on if you’re a follower of mine + how long you’ve been following me, you may have seen a few of these shots before but I’ll explain them anyway:

Set 1: The characters Charlie, Hick, and Craig, in their original states on the left and their enhanced, final states on the right;

Set 2: A few WIP pictures of the performance space/club/thing I built;

Set 3: A bunch of test shots I took to see how the characters looked interacting, what they did naturally, and how they looked when I ~directed them. I used these pics to try and find my editing style for the story. I didn’t find the style I wanted. Clearly.

02.

I scrapped this idea because it never came together; I didn’t connect with the characters; I didn’t care about the storyline; I’m not done with my new save so I couldn’t ~comfortably start telling this story when the rest of the world was/is disordered; and on and on. The point is, I wasn’t feeling any of this. Oh! And I hate the whole vibe and time period and aesthetic irl; what on earth was I thinking writing about it?!

So. What was this going to be?

[[Under the cut because this is... so, so long. So long.]]

Charlie, Hick, and Craig were

going

to live in Del Sol Valley in my new save, in the Pinnacles neighborhood, which I was

going

to turn into a Laurel Canyon-style neighborhood. An entire community of would-be songwriters/musicians were

going

to live in the two smaller lots and commune with one another and be the New Guard colliding with the Old Guard; the huge mansion lot was

going

to house an aging former film-current soap actor confronting his mortality and also hating the living shit out of these hippies whose existence he took as a personal affront--I digress. Back to the “story.”

Charlie, Hick, and Craig met after each arrived in DSV separately and they vibed and they moved in together, all in a matter of, like, a week’s time. Charlie and Hick vibed especially. So much in common! Such poor little rich [kids]! Both came from pampered environments in which their family money and respective fathers’ connections allowed them to skate through life and to play at being musicians because--despite crying oppression at the hands of upper class WASP-dom--they'll always have safety nets to ensure they’ll always be okay. Charlotte Grant graduated from her all-girls prep school and put on a floppy hat and became Charlie Grant; Richard Hickey (lololol) ripped up his acceptance letter to Britechester and grew his hair out and hitchhiked and told people to call him “Hick.” They’ve lived parallel lives and “recognize” one another as soon as they meet. They have an electric connection, but neither will verbalize that. Above all, they... really want to sleep together.

Craig grew up working class and has no safety net; he just wants a little adventure before he gets a real job/grows up/gets married (his gf back home is off to college; they’re long-distance; it’s... not going to work). He’s a good guitar player and he’s a good songwriter and that’s it but maybe it’ll be more? What do they say about the lottery? Can’t win if you don’t play? Charlie and Hick want to be famous ~rule the world. Hick plays guitar well and tries to write songs but they’re shitty. Charlie is passively learning the keyboard and writes songs that are not... bad...? Some are... good?

Charlie and Hick--can you tell they eclipse Craig, yet?--have weird sexual chemistry and tension: they tease, they flirt, they taunt, they enjoy one another’s attention but they never so much as hug. They both have cruel streaks as only disconnected, spoiled, emotionally stunted bluebloods can: the torture of their relationship/non-relationship gets them off more than anything else could and that thrill drives much of their behaviors: bringing wanton strangers home for one night stands, each hoping the other is watching/overhearing, fighting about little things, acting like inappropriately close siblings, acting like strangers. Craig suffers their whims; Charlie and Hick aren’t just united in their toxicity and their dreams of fame, but in how they make Craig into a third wheel or a--well, punching bag is too strong a term. Charlie and Hick think they’re teasing their bff but you know how it is to be teased allllll the tiiiiiiime and how it can make your head spin when people who can’t get along with one another join forces--without even having to discuss it--to turn on you. Their relationship gets patched up, you’re hurting, they insist it’s not a big deal and even that you even liked it. We’re all friends. We’re all best friends omg.

But sometimes they have fun together. They have a lot of fun together. Sometimes it all is everything each dreamed it would be. DSV is a wonderland and their careers are happening and life is happening and they’re best friends. They’re soulmates for life.

The three work on music, perform at clubs. Craig is starting to come into his own as a man. I hate the term coming-of-age but in the background of the Charlie & Hick Show, Craig is maturing. He has to, because C&H are fuck-ups. They jeopardize scheduled performances. They don’t know how to talk to club owners. They’re not interested in paying their dues. They are unable (or unwilling) to promote themselves without being obnoxious attention whores. They don’t practice or help write songs. They don’t take care of the house. Hick is late with his rent. Charlie thinks she can flirt her way out of everything. Craig is also the only one of them who works; he has a day job at a print shop, gives guitar lessons on the side, and makes sure the three get gigs and don’t get evicted. The only thing C&H put consistent effort toward is making the social scene or finding a party or scoring drugs or getting laid. As the group’s local star(s) rise, their fates start to change course which increases the interpersonal tension. Hick’s fun-loving nature is starting to turn into a legit substance abuse problem and he’s picking fights with the wrong people and socially devolving, his arrogance and issues and general laziness rendering him unable to relate to others; Charlie is getting a lot of attention from older men In the Business, who have the money and connections to make her a solo star, which she is shrewdly considering; and Craig’s resentment toward his “friends” and disillusionment with the superficiality of DSV is making him rethink his motivation for coming west in the first place.

Oh, and Charlie and Hick--again, as their paths change and as their weird tension remains unresolved--continue to take their bullshit out on Craig and now it’s not funny anymore, it’s not cute, it’s not exciting, and neither is it when Hick ruins a show by being too stoned to perform and neither is it when Charlie brings unsavory characters home who trash the three’s equipment and neither is it when C&H steal Craig’s songs and perform without him at a gig they didn’t tell him about.

What I intended was that the story would at first seem to be The Charlie and Hick Show, all about them, as if we’re supposed to root for them, but ideally, through my ~deft hand 🙄 the reader 🙄🙄 was supposed to be like, Um... hold on-- until it eventually was quite obvious that these two--though human; though in situations we could understand and empathize with--were captured at a point in their lives when they were Super Toxic Assholes, and what you were watching all along was Craig as Hero.

So I had ideas, but I didn’t know how to fit them together and I didn’t want a really long story and I couldn’t--I just couldn’t figure it out. I do know that the end was going to be Craig screwing them like they’d been screwing him, a final middle finger with consequences. I know that he and Hick were going to have words and Hick was going to try and fight him (such a loser) and Charlie was going to throw a Hail Mary of like... trying to seduce (lol) Craig into staying omg I always had a thing for you/we’d be such a great team/I always thought we could ~be something ~together uwu bullshit like that. Was this true? Was this true in her own mind? I think I was going to set the story up so that if you reread, yeah, it could be true, but she’s so flirty and manipulative and socially savvy and used to getting what she wants that who knows what her real feelings ever are? Ultimately that would’ve been irrelevant bc Craig never looked at her that way and hates her and Hick now; good going guys. It’s worth noting, I guess, that when I put the group on a test lot, Charlie was super into Craig immediately, went right to him, stood close to him, was eager to make romantic overtures; she went 0 to 60 in an instant and as so far as is possible in this game they had chemistry, but Craig was not feeling the romance. And no one was feeling Hick.

Anyway, Craig was going to move on with his life and Charlie and Hick were going to learn nothing and blame him, ~the end.

And then, as I continued to play my save and maybe tell more stories, there would be Easter eggs, references to Charlie, Hick, and Craig older/in the future and where they went in life in the background of other, unrelated stories: Hick’s substance abuse problems and rehab stints and going by Richard again and his eventual moderate fame and eventual sobriety and attempted comeback and his bad relationships with his exes and children; Charlie’s legit fame + marriage to a producer + eventual fade away + moderate comeback + solid second or third marriage and bff relationship with her children 🙄🙄🙄 and her palatial house on the coast and now she exclusively wears white and ivory and pampers her dogs and eats raw (but drinks wine) because it “cured” her undiagnosed, unnamed “autoimmune disorder,” which she wrote a book about resulting in a semi-comeback but as a Famous Person and not a musician. Craig going to college and becoming a high school English teacher who plays in a local band on the weekends and who has a good marriage (not to the long distance gf) and nice kids, one of whom would eventually have her own story where she pursued musicianship with her dad, which got him back into his first passion but it was a qt father-daughter project and not An Attempt to Be Famous.

So. Idk. That’s what this all would’ve been. But it wasn’t, and it won’t be!

[ariasune]

Long Post

lance is definitely immature bc he’s a teen and he has selfish moments but arguably the whole team does so giving specifically him shit for it is annoying. everyone’s desires are amplified by being away from home and having a huge responsibility that makes it hard for them to act on it, so I think that intensifies really selfish moments when you just want what you want, just One thing out of everything else they’re going through. but none of that is more selfish than not considering allura’s trauma even once because you’re half galra so all of a sudden you’re sensitive to them being hated. none of that is more selfish than prioritizing the fact that you’re a good person over survivors. but keep pegging lance as the self-centered one. l m a o

Honestly, stepping in here to say that Keith doesn’t– not consider Allura’s trauma? Prior to the half-Galra reveal he prods at her views on the Galra after Ulaz’s sacrifice - for Ulaz’s sake, and Allura very very justifiably and accurately points out that Ulaz’s secret society has had 10k years to get their shit together so fuck ‘em, and Keith accepts that (because she’s right, js, fuck ‘em).

But, after the reveal? Keith- doesn’t rise to ANY of Allura’s reactions to him. He looks away, he takes it, quietly. The most he does is tell Hunk to knock it off, and states that it’s bad enough Allura hates him– but Keith doesn’t? Demand? Anything? Of? Her?

When she’s telling him about her trauma, he’s hurt, but he doesn’t interrupt, he doesn’t talk over her, he doesn’t– like I’m sorry but I don’t think Keith is being selfish regarding Allura’s trauma? He’s sensitive to her hating him over something he can’t help, but like, he still has issues with Galra himself (see his reaction to the Galra soldier he meets)– he doesn’t even react to Hunk reminding Allura that Keith was involved with a mission too. Keith ducks his head, and does his part, for the team, as always.

Like Lance isn’t self-centered, but- uh- neither is Keith? He’s not prioritizing his feelings over Allura’s trauma?

he didn’t really accept what allura said in episode 6, he just stopped talking and it cut to another scene. his only comment being it’s bad enough that allura hates him is again focusing on his feelings. you’re giving him way too much credit based on ~speculation~ from body language rather than what was said, which was either defenses for ulaz or his own sensitivity. he’s said absolutely nothing re how allura must feel. we’ve seen way more emotion from him about ulaz than about allura losing her people because of the galra. sorry but he was whack in s2 and the most selfish. all of them are corny for not giving allura’s trauma a thought but he was the most sensitive for obvious reasons. silence toward allura when he’s been more vocal about the marmora is not fighting for her and it is prioritizing his feelings

Regarding E6, it cut to another scene, thus implying the discussion they were involved in is over, and that therefore, Keith has ceased arguing and pushing a counterpoint, which he as a character has never been shy to do and is even a defining character trait - he’s very clear in his expression of disagreement whether verbally, or via expressions (see: most discussions with Lance). There is then a prolonged considering silence that follows. It’s acceptance of her point, and absorption of her logic. From a narrative perspective, Allura concludes the conversation because she’s right: there may be good Galra, but they have failed to counteract for 10, 000 of expansion, annexing, exploitation and oppression.

Post that scene, Keith’s pro-Galran commentary with all characters - including post-reveal - stops. Before it, he’s supportive of Ulaz, and after, he leaves Shiro out to dry. Keith’s suspicious with the Blade of Marmora (as-is most of the team), ranging to flat-out aggressive when he meets with them. He’s prepared to rescue a Galra Soldier, verbally implicating that they - the Paladins of Voltron - are morally better than the Galra by doing so, but also to disarm and threaten the person he rescues on sight. I’d say that Keith pretty clearly accepts what Allura says at the time, and rapidly practices her viewpoint, even after e8.

He’s simply not vocal about the Marmora. He doesn’t defend them- Shiro does. He doesn’t even parley with them to their faces- he’s aggressive, demanding, and suspicious from e8 until after his conversation with Allura. Even when taking over Thace’s role in the mission, Keith is angry, condescending and disrespectful to the Blade of Marmora, which is prominent given they are under the impression that both as a Galra, and specifically as a Blade Galra, they should be able to command and order Keith around. Except Keith is not Galra, nor sees himself as Galra.

With Hunk, who pushes the discussion the most, Keith denies and detaches himself from Galra heritage. Understandable, given Keith’s views on the Galra, and how removed they are from Keith’s identity: he’s raised human, he’s human-passing, he has no idea he has any Galra heritage for a long time, and upon reveal, does not know how, or how much, he benefits in no way from the Empire’s exploitation, and in fact, is at a disadvantage for it as a human and Paladin. It’s hardly unusual for biraciality to exist under oppressive regimes, often for distasteful reasons but not always, and not uncommon for people to detach themselves from that heritage under similar circumstances.

Keith also does explicitly discuss how Allura must feel, which is that she hates him, for the reasons Hunk reiterates (Hunk realizes midtalk that Keith has accurately read the situation, Keith waits patiently for Hunk to empathize with Allura) – that they massacred her people, and destroyed her family. His frustration with that is solidly directed at the fact that Keith does not feel Galra (contextually, the discussion is Keith denying being Galra, and Hunk insisting that he is, in fact, part Galra), and is upset with both Hunk - and Allura - for seeing him as Galra, asking Hunk to knock it off, but does not remotely do the same with Allura, undoubtedly because of the trauma he is clearly aware of. Which again, this all fits with the fact that Keith is raised human, human-passing, has never been raised Galra, and the only benefit he gains FROM being Galra is being able to log into the racist Galra computer system, something he explicitly uses to attack the Galran Empire…which by the by, is the one time Keith remotely accepts himself as biracial Galra.

And again, in any case, his reaction to her being silence, and withdrawal is not giving him too much credit. Again, it’s indicative of acceptance, and Keith’s subsequent practicing of anti-Galra behaviour (his detachment from his Galran blood, his aggression and prejudice towards the rescued Galran Soldier, his aggression towards The Blade of Marmora) is agreement. He’s not walking up to her, and empathizing with her openly, something I’m very sure she doesn’t want either given her current feelings towards him, but he is detached and disconnected from Hunk fairly neutrally defending him (again, it’s pretty neutral, because Keith was there on the mission).

Otherwise, during Allura’s confrontation, Keith’s expression is hurt, but he still doesn’t react defensively. He agrees with her. The Galra are terrible people, and Keith is a terrible person. Keith’s biracial, and he freakin’ hates himself for it.

I think you’re overspeculating from Keith’s body language, reading it out of context from his actions, biracial-coding and autistic-coding. He’s minimizing himself physically, disengaging, being non-intrusive, non-threatening, not defending himself or the Blade of Marmora, and practices anti-Galra prejudice himself, both on his own, and in front of Allura. From all accounts, post E6, Keith agrees with Allura, and supports her feelings, albeit from the complex position of his friends identifying him as Galra, against both his history, social status in the universe, and preferences.

Also, again whilst Allura’s feelings are understandable, they are not justifiable. She’s being prejudiced, and it arises from intense trauma, and the Galran Empire being a lethally oppressive, exploitative, racially-identified organization– and she is more than reasonable in her feelings of distrust and anger towards Galran allies like Ulaz, and the Blade of Marmora, but she is still not correct in how she treats a biracial friend for something both outside his control, and outside his experiences, history and knowledge.

like if it’s to the point where you have to analyze keith’s facial expressions because he didn’t say jack shit about allura or stand up for / think about her feelings even once I think we can conclude his priorities aren’t where they should be and that’s been the case ever since he saw ulaz’s blade. once his personal feelings & character became involved he hesitates, he gets vocal over it, and he’s not sticking up for his teammate

I’m not speculating from body language, you are? you wrote entire paragraphs from keith going silent and glancing downward lmao. him being autistic is a headcanon, so don’t bring that into this. it also doesn’t matter that he’s biracial - people who are mixed with white still have to analyze how close they are to whiteness, colorism, and acknowledge if they’re white-passing or not. so that’s not a get out of jail free card. also being passing doesn’t invalidate any identities you have, that’s harmful rhetoric

your whole response is bullshit. allura is not prejudiced. you clearly do not know how prejudice or racism works. throw out as many identities as you want - biracial, maybe autistic - but using that to shield people from their wrongdoings is identity politics and flawed representation politics

I do not care how horrible keith feels about being galra, just like I don’t care when white people throw themselves a pity party about how sad they are to be white and have ancestors that are slave drivers. I do not and will not ever care. it may be outside of his control, but it is not outside of his history especially with his mom being a part of galra resistance. it’s not outside of his knowledge anymore. it may be outside of his experience, but even later generations must always remain aware and accountable of how they benefit from violent history. otherwise you have situations like evolved racism because white people were never held responsible for our slavery or genocide

when your people do violent shit, you carry that weight with you just like its survivors always will. we will never, ever be free from that weight. why the fuck should you be? get off of my post with your ignorant ass

I use Keith's actions, words, facial expressions, and the narrative editing to construct a full context, which concludes he gives Allura space, understanding and even agreement. He empathizes with her feelings, and supports her opinion of the Galra both when he's around her, and to others, whilst performing his duties as a Paladin. I think therefore we can conclude his priorities are precisely where they should be: supporting Allura, and fighting the war against the Galra.

You speculate from the silence and body language that Keith is failing to support her, but fail to contextualize any other part of it. You're overspeculating in one area, and pushing a narrative. Further, he is autistic encoded, and lack of canon confirmation does not deny that he is written in such a way that he behaves and thinks and communicates like a person with autism. I am bringing that into it, because how his support of Allura is expressed is done so through that encoding. It's relevant, because autistic communication styles are vilified frequently, particularly as selfish, malicious or insufficiently empathetic.

Your reading of Keith’s body language has everything to do with autism, and ableism.

Now, he doesn't defend himself personally, either in regard to his feelings or character, but instead validly denies that he is Galra. Which is fair. As said, he is biracial but not Galra-passing, not Galra-raised, not of Galra-culture, not a beneficiary in anyway to the oppression of the Alteans, or privilege of the Galra, and not aligned in anyway politically, ideologically, or racially with the Galra.

This isn't identity politics. Keith's communication of support ties into autism, and your rejection of it ties into the treatment of autistic people as less human. Keith's biraciality ties into this because Allura's prejudice is a statement of Galra being biologically oppressive and treacherous, rather than culturally oppressive and treacherous.

Her feelings towards the Blade of Marmora are deeply valid. The members of The Blade of Marmora are full Galra, or at minimum, Galra-passing, they benefit from Galra privilege as members of the Empire, and ruling class, they have thought a great deal about how Zarkon is a tyrant, but were involved in the expansion of the Empire through at least tacit agreement. Their first known act of rebellion was freeing Shiro, then rescuing the Paladins in s1, then helping with the final battle in s2. They are piss-poor allies, both ideologically and practically.

Allura can and does point this out, but when she constructs a biological argument around it, which shows with how she deals with Keith, who is not Galra-passing, not privileged, not culturally, historically, politically or ideologically Galra… she's being blinded by her feelings of loss, and anger, and irrationally prejudiced.

This isn't identity politics. This is called context, and analysis.

See, the thing is, Keith isn't Galra. That's the whole thing. In the analogue you have, he is not a white person having a pity-party, he is a PoC, who is being laterally aggressed by Allura for not being PoC enough, and non-laterally aggressed by the Galra, including the Blade of Marmora for not being Galra.

And again, let's remember, Keith does not benefit from the violent history of the Galra. They aren't his people, even the Blade of Marmora aren't his people — if Keith had agreed to their hierarchy, been treated fairly or even humanely by them, argued on their behalf, accepted them as his people, defended himself against Allura’s biologically driven prejudice… if any of that had taken place, there would be some argument that Keith is not supporting Allura.

Plus the fact he allows Allura her anger and grief is as much accountability as can be expected from Keith — he accepts, indefinitely, and permanently, that she sees him as Galra, and that the Galra destroyed Altea.

Your argument is flawed because your projecting the fandom's colourism against Allura, and favouritism towards Keith onto Keith as a character. As requested, I have moved my reply off your post.